The Viall Files - E420 Going Deeper - Erika Priscilla, Selling Sunset & Texting Office Hours

Episode Date: May 11, 2022

Welcome back to The Viall Files, Going Deeper edition! Today we are joined by TikToker and Comedian, Erika Priscilla, as well as her fiancé, Scott! On this episode we dive deep into the shocking reunion of Selling Sunset, where we react to the tears (real and fake), talking about how public breakups don’t always need a public explanation, and when is it too soon to call someone the love of your life. We also get back into some Bachelor Drama and react to Tayshia’s reaction to a social media comment, and talk about the pros and cons of reading what people have to say about you online. We then bring on two callers to our Office Hours segment! Our first caller struggles after a drunken hookup. Despite ending well, our caller wonders what to do after being left on read after sending a very direct and honest text. Our next caller wonders how to deal with a boy with very convenient excuses for being unavailable for dates. Now she’s stuck debating if windsurfing is a viable excuse and maybe if her being too direct may have given this guy the ick.  “The disrespect he gave is the closure.” Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  If you would like to get some advice on Office Hours send an email to [e-mail] with “ Office Hours” in the subject line!  Pre-Order Nick’s Book: https://www.abramsbooks.com/product/dont-text-your-ex-happy-birthday_9781419755491/ Check out our new "Introvert" merch at http://www.viallfiles.com today! THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Brooklinen: Go to http://www.Brooklinen.com and use promo code VIALL to get $20 off your purchase of $100 or more. Vizzy: To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to http://www.VizzyHardSeltzer.com/VIALL  Seed: Visit http://www.Seed.com/VIALL and use code VIALL to redeem 20% off your first month of Seed's DS-01™ Daily Synbiotic. ZocDoc: Go to http://www.Zocdoc.com/VIALL and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today.  Episode Socials:  @viallfiles @nickviall @erikaxoriscilla  @scottysdaysoff See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're crazy what's going on everybody welcome back to another exciting episode of the vile files going deeper edition and uh we decided on this Going Deeper to do our intro with our guests. Sometimes we do them after we record. We just decided to wing it. Okay, yeah. And you hear one of our guests, Erica Priscilla.

Yes. How are you? I'm great. How are you? I'm wonderful. And her fiance, Scott. Yes. Scott, I just call you Scott. That's it.

Scott, that's it. I don't even have a last name. You don't. Just Scott. The driver's license just, Scott. I just call you Scott. That's it. I don't even have a last name. You don't. Just Scott. The driver's license just says Scott. Will you be taking Priscilla's last name? If she wants me to. How do you feel about that? I don't want it. I feel good.

Honestly, if she had an issue with it, then we would talk about it from there. I used to care about that shit yeah i don't yeah that's why i don't know whatever she felt comfortable i like his last name it goes better with my name erica carizzi sounds nice that's a good one but it just put my last name out there and i imagine no i'm joking you both have nice last names thank you um well priscilla is actually my middle name. My last name is not so cute. Not so cute. Burrito.

Burrito. There's no U. That's the normal response. There's no U, but yeah. Burrito immediately. Essentially Burrito. Yes. Again, I don't love my last name,

and yet I am now stuck with it. Do you want Natalie to take your last name? She wants to. Although I guess she goes by Natalie Joy, so it wouldn't be a huge... You know what I mean? No one would know. I think I have no problem. We actually talked about this last week. I have...

She's on the gram. She's got a TikTok. She's got a public persona at this point. I don't expect her to change it publicly. like if we got married like I I wouldn't be like like the day after be like all right let's upgrade that Instagram like take that bio you know like I I would advocate for her to do a what she wants

and I would be like I don't, Natalie Joyce sounds a little better. Yeah, there's a ring to it. So I feel like... Yeah, it doesn't matter. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Whatever you feel comfortable with. How early into meeting someone do you do the thing where you test out your name with their last name?

Maybe within four hours. I would say so. Four hours? Yeah. Maybe? That was... I learned that women do that like in college. I just learned it now.

I just learned it. Oh my God. I would do that all the time. I thought it was only me. That's when I became self-conscious. It's got to make sense. It's got to fit.

Yeah. And you like, you do it like, you're like, I know I shouldn't be doing this, but. Wedding hashtags too. Like if they have a name

that like sounds close to something. That's, I like it. You raised it, Alex. Yeah. Beautiful. There are certain last names where like sounds close to something that's i like it you raised it alex yeah there are certain last names it's just easy it's just like i already had it in my mind i'm always just like why are you doodling my first name and your first name and my last name together it's like that's weird we need to make sure it makes sense do you guys watch selling sunset i do yes did you watch the reunion i I sure did. Thoughts? Yeah. Thoughts. Happy for Chrishell.

Jason crying. Yeah, that was rough. That was a little emotional. He believed it. Here's the thing. I didn't believe Brett. It's just a discussion that's going out. I didn't believe Brett. Like when Brett just started crying. Oh, maybe it's just because I can't really tell them a difference. Yeah, well, they're twins. He's just crying a lot. going out i didn't believe brett like when brett just started crying oh they were both oh maybe

it's just because i can't really tell them a difference yeah well they're twins so he's just crying a lot i i don't know when he was like i need a second i get it but i would also argue like why would you just pretend you know i don't know why now you're swaying me yeah now you're rewatching it's it's It's a discussion people are having. We're just here to bring up these discussions that people are paying attention to. Like, you know, whether

their relationship was real. We had Mary here on an episode and she very much advocated for the authenticity of that relationship. She really got behind it. I remember when it first came out, though, this was before the season,

everyone was not buying it. Like, no one was buying their relationship. Suddenly they were traveling in Europe, and then they posted that photo of them on the boat, like, embracing. Yeah, a little awkward. That's why I think people were like, we're all awkward. And I feel like people when it came

to the reunion when discussing their breakup it sometimes it's just like you talk about getting back together. You talk about all this love. I think he referred to Chris Shell as the love of his life. He did. I feel like they dated

for a matter of months. I know. See I don't know i thought it was like five months so you say there were parts for me and again like i i consider chris shell a friend i don't know anything about him but uh i'm gonna take my friend's word yeah but i'm just objectively wondering you know and again everyone handles things differently but like i guess the stakes of which they talk about the relationship and and then they talk about how it's like they kind of talk about it well could they could he wants to have kids want to have kids and you know he says he wants to be a good father and then but she needs to know now

uh and then chrishell is in a new relationship I don't know how if they're family planning if they're talking about having kids Chrishell said that G Flip she said that they're living their best rock star life so it didn't sound like G Flip was wanting a kid well it's also new

I'm sure for Chrishell so I'm sure she's just trying to enjoy it and maybe I mean if someone said they were in a six-month relationship wouldn't you call that new too right but I'm saying exploring a different and they work together like they were they had so much of a foundation built up from working together and running each other it's like business that's what I mean it's like they weren't just together for five months. They knew each other. I guess they became friends.

Also, Chris Sheller said she was like, I have taken the pressure off of myself because she was so dedicated to having kids. That's why they broke up. But she said at the reunion, she's like, I took the pressure off myself. I'm opening up to possibilities of adoption. Like maybe I don't have to like carry my own kids.

So that opens the door not only to other options, but also for her time table as well right she could adopt in five years when maybe she couldn't get pregnant exactly yeah well i hope she's happy that's really all that matters that's rough though because like now she's rethinking it but that was like what caused them to break up i know so poor jason's right wait yeah he's like wait oh if you're rethinking it, maybe we can. Well, yeah. From his point of view, he'd be like, well, I can lead a rock star life.

I've seen him out at the clubs. He's like, I do. Jason's learning the drums. He's like, that's what I was trying to do. I have been practicing. He does like an Australian accent. A huge way down. No, I get he's definitely thinking about this and being like

what the fuck, kind of, but I mean, I don't know how much time has happened between what aired and their actual breakup and the reunion, so I don't know, maybe she's just changed her mind. You can change your mind, you're allowed

to just move on. Of course, yeah. And listen, we also all give reasons for why we broke up with someone. Right. And at the end of the day, sometimes those are just like, well, they might be reasons,

but also excuses because maybe at the end of the day, it's just like, it just doesn't feel right. Yeah. Sometimes we have a hard time explaining, let alone to the people we're breaking up with,

let alone like an entire like audience that feels like justifiable because we always feel like we have to explain ourselves. Right. Especially like when you're in a public relationship, you're not only in a relationship

with your partner, you're in a relationship with your audience. Right. Like they're a part of that relationship. Yeah. And so fans of the relationship will feel a sense of like justification demanding answers as to

why that relationship no longer exists so I can totally empathize with the Chrishell and Jason from that end of feeling like especially Chrishell of like I have to give this reason right to you and the audience and even to Jason we always want to have a reason but sometimes it's just like i don't know or it just just don't work out in the relationship with you yeah normally saying that though you know we try to all the time on this show we don't need a reason we can just things just don't work out sometimes i completely agree like you were saying that i agree with you fully like because then they're dealing with people saying,

oh, so it's just like it meant nothing if you feel nothing. They have to give excuses to make it seem like it was. They love to, their lack of not wanting to accept something being over, they'll turn that into an accusation of you not giving me the closure that I deserve. And then there's rumors. They didn't give me closure. I never got the closure from them. They just moved on, et cetera, et cetera.

And we will make our exes look a certain way because we don't want to accept their decision to no longer be with us. And how many of us have done that? I mean, I've done that with people who broke up with me or have taken the side of friends being like yeah fuck them they didn't appreciate like we always want to be right of course our friends but yeah we don't we don't have to justify ending a relationship to the like we have the freedom to leave brooklinen the internet's favorite sheets well they're my favorite sheets i know that much it truly is the world's best sheets uh when you consider all the variables to consider one they're the most comfortable sheets i've ever slept on they also have duvet comforters they have robes hand towels bath towels and again the lounge wear is the softest lounge wear. Like sweatpants,

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the disrespect is the closure like the thing that closes the relationship that shifts the vibes that make it so that way like you lose the attachment and like love you have for this person like that is the closure like as much as you want like it's like well packaged explanation of what's happened yeah like you're not gonna get that and nick always says too he's like everyone always says like oh i need closure from this person you don't get it from the other person you get it from of what's happening, you're not going to get that. And Nick always says too, he's like, everyone always says like, oh, I need closure from this person. You don't get it from the other person.

You get it from yourself and from moving on. You don't need closure. You want access to them. I'll give you closure. Imaginary person. I was like, what's happening?

End the engagement now. I'll give you closure. Erica cheated on you. I'll just be like. Erica cheated on you. I'll just be like, let's just pretend the person you're ex, because there's always this fear of like, well, could they be dating someone or in a relationship?

I'm like, let's just assume no. They just don't want to be with you. So I'll give you closure. The idea of anything but you sounds better to them. Yeah. That's rough. Even being alone, you know.

Do you want to be with that person? No. The answer should be no. The answer should be no. Easy answer. You should be able to. It's like taking a hit. You know, like you want to find like there's got to be something.

There's got to be another person. Just like you said, there's got to be. Did I do something wrong? Exactly. You just need a reason. Because even when you are saying okay I'm not feeling it let's say we break up it's just not working out it's just it's so hard your mind will just go a million times an hour just thinking of why is it me is it the way I look is it the way

yeah so it's it's hard see what it see what I love what we did here yeah we questioned the authenticity of a relationship that we wanted to believe was real. We still were like, is it though? We questioned it. And now we get to this very believable and understanding solution. Of course they are. They must be because we, they're truthful people. And even though the holes that we poked in it, now we have explained as you don't have

to have a reason, but it understands why we give reasons. you don't have to have a reason but it understands why we give reasons so like it makes sense why she's in the relationship she's in and no longer with jason even though those things there seems to be a disconnect it's also reality tv too so it's like they need a storyline so it's like you need you need a reason that's why i always try to believe like you need a reason people are like asking about bachelor stuff and about Bachelor stuff is this happening it is a show let's not forget please do not forget

it is a TV show it's not a documentary people watch reality TV like it's a documentary and they get mad those cameras are set up before we walk in I'm a really boring person like if you

need a story line don't want me to like add some like flavor yeah yeah um speaking of

oh sorry I was gonna segue speaking of flavor well I was just gonna say it's on uh Chris it's selling sunset related hold that segue

Ali get ready speaking of flavor cool range we still hate it we of flavor cool range we still hate it we still hate it no no shut the fuck up um well i was just gonna say in response to both like the tiktok that we posted of mary like discussing her reaction to chrishell not being at the reunion and just like in general or sorry christine excuse me um there's been like a lot of this like there's been this like back and forth debate of like people like condemning her behavior but then other people being like but you wouldn't have a show without

this exactly that is also need the drama the truth well no that's 100 the true all that happens in the bathroom too and also where i and i still want to get christine on this show whenever she decides she wants to speak her truth and the side uh of christine that i will always have empathy for because i had been in that position and for all you bachelor fans out there who just lost their mind anytime i suggested that shanae from last season like i wasn't ready to just like condemn as like a truly disgusting human being because of things we saw on TV is that like the, like in reality TV households or like office, like there's this like group mentality against an individual. And, and maybe the group is overly like is right. Maybe they are justified in their frustrations

for certainly like the original frustration but like that mob mentality does exist and then you start like piling on and you feel and like sometimes you overstep you know right and then when you reach that point where like if you're that one person who's who like you get in this fight or flight situation you fight back sometimes and and yeah and then it becomes like and people understand what and like we usually expect people in those situations weirdly enough to like fall on the sword and to just it just admit it just admit you were wrong right but like it's not that easy to do and and when people like cross that line of going beyond saying you hurt me or you did this and they start

they start giving the same medicine that maybe you you this and they start they start giving the same medicine that maybe you you started and they start they start throwing stones and they start judging your character and saying things like it's natural to fight back right and and and i do think we what we're seeing on selling santa to a certain degree has been uh even some of our fan favorites maybe kind of going beyond the point of defending themselves and maybe piling on a little bit i don't you know i don't know but like i do think it's you know again we always hear there's two sides to every story right and and and you you've heard a lot of the selling sunset cast try to like almost like out loud like you know we used to be friends with her and we used to really enjoy it's just different now and that all might be true

but maybe this environment that you guys are a part of has played a role in her like this is how this world affected her like reactionary some of her behavior it could have been there from the start but then some of it is also reactionary to what you're treating her it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy yes and so i would really love to hear from christine in terms of how she has felt in these situations and i and you know it was interesting here in the reunion that she at least texts some like some of them yeah apologies or some like a different side which would you know it like they didn't they decided not to accept it because it wasn't a person i understand to a certain level but like that like that acceptance of what she at least what we saw she texted or heard what she

texted to me would explain that like yeah to me that looks like a person who like yeah they clearly know that they're doing shit too but in the moment they're fighting back yeah you know they're defending themselves and maybe poorly so but like it's not like they're just completely delusional and crazy and just like have a horrible soul and just like trying to hurt people so i uh so anyways christine you're welcome to come on and talk some shit. Yeah, I was just going to say, I don't know if she's told her side, really. I don't think she really has.

So. And it sounds like maybe, it's like she's off, she doesn't work there, but she's not off the show. No. She's too valuable. No, she can't.

That's her brand. Like the show is her brand. Yeah. Also, I don't know how the cast feels, but I don't think they want her off the show. Oh. Because if she want her off the show.

Because if she's not on the show, what do they have? Someone's going to be the bad guy. Yeah. You have to get the drama somehow. Right. And that self-fulfilling prophecy, it's like in Bachelor World,

they just smell blood. Yeah, it's like we need a common enemy. Who's the weakest link? Oh my God, enemy the weakest leg who's annoyed us the most no one's no one's saying this out loud but we could see no one's acknowledging it but you're just kind of like yeah one once one person points everyone else is like oh my god you're right like you Like you're eating the buffet and someone just goes for seconds before people get there first. And everyone's like, that was some fucked up shit. Did you see what she just did?

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You def took a detour from the road you were on of wanting to be married and starting a family. It's not for everyone, so it's good that you realize your career is more important before you got married. Can you imagine how much more difficult that would have made things? Hands up emoji. Like support.

Hands up emoji. Like, which, I don't, that was like felt aggressive. That's a lot. Yeah. Oh, of course. That's a lot. It's a lot. It's coming from a fan.

She could have stopped the first sentence. The big question is, is not like how it was received because like, yeah, there's some like, almost comes across as passive aggressive potentially. But do you think her intent was to be passive aggressive? Yes. You do. That's the hard problem with these comics. Like Erica said, she could have

stopped with the first line. Like I don't think I think that was just too much. Like she went into detail. Way too much. It was just like, Tisha's online. It's like everyone knows what's happening yeah you know so there there was no reason to add everything else i feel like you realize your career is more important like you don't know that that's what i was saying did she say that no i'm getting angry get taisha in here is this on your page did they comment on this

no but like yeah do you think i i get the impression that while she listen lots of times people have come up to me and i think they are trying to be nice but i'm like what the fuck you could have said a different way you know like back in the day when i was on the bachelor like when i when i went from like villain to like more popular a common thing because people wanted to relate to me, they would say you know, I like you. I'm like, great. But like, I'm the only one of my friends that likes you.

Everyone fucking hates you, but I am your fan. And their mind, I get it, they want to connect with me. They're showing me some loyalty that they've been in my corner that they will defend you to the naysayers no matter what you do i'm thinking like you really didn't need to fucking say that right uh fuck you maybe word vomit yeah when you're

typing something and i'm like cool you can edit and all i'm saying is to when i read this message that's what i'm reading, right? Someone who like, actually, maybe like, maybe someone who has got out of a relationship herself, who put a lot of value in like what it meant for her to be married in a relationship and the value she derived from that only to pivot and then really focus on her career. And maybe she's a huge fan of Tayshia and she is loving what she is interpreting from Tayshia, even though that's not what Tayshia is trying to demonstrate to her audience. Right. I can see that.

Like that's how I'm reading it. I can see that. I think the line that like really makes it passive aggressive for me is that it's not for everyone. Like this, like it's not for everyone. Cause I think if you took that out, if you were like,

Hey, like good for you. Like you don't have to be on this cookie-cutter path of managing kids. Prioritize your career. Do what you want. But it's not for everyone. What do we always say?

Or at least what I always say. We read things in the mood we're in, not in the mood they send. Of course. We don't read texts and how we send them. So she could be in a mood of, I... I feel like Nick is like a second-grade teacher. He's like, what do we always say?

Let's go sentence by sentence. How do we feel? Use context clues. Almost, almost, but not. He's like, praise hand emojis. Keep going. Should I change the way I say that? No, it's great. It's a great line. It's a great line.

I'd love to hear what she... You could read it where she could just be, again, maybe she's someone who that's where she got her value and she is giving herself permission to say, you know, it's not for everyone. Like I used to act like it was for everyone and I always feel like it wasn't for me. And it's like, you know how we're like,

our families will be like, so I ain't in a relationship yet. And it makes you feel like you need to be in a relationship even though you're like, I don't know know i'm kind of enjoying fucking around right and so maybe it's her like pro like projecting her giving herself permission that it's not for everyone you know what i'm saying and so we could easily read it as passive aggressive or condescending i'm just saying like it's just always interesting in how we interpret it. Do we think she was at the same time while responding to this fan of hers, take this

opportunity to shed some light on her relationship with Zach from her point of view? Oh, I mean, definitely. Like she mentioned, like find someone supportive of me and stuff like that was all intentional. What do we think of of that approach i mean did we get much information regarding their breakup zach has been wide as a mouse he's always kind of been quiet though he's never wanted the life that taisha had that's at least what we've again he's been quiet so we can only assume but i don't know too much she certainly she's said she's made some comments which would therefore be more than zach but i think both of them have been relatively

respectful of the other person i think for the most part there hasn't been any you know like like notable notable yeah notable comments but this does seem to be people are and that's maybe why people are fixated on it because there hasn't been a lot of information out there so they're trying to glean for information. But we can only interpret it as

a dig at Zach. Can we not? I mean that's I think you say it. Right. Of course. I need someone supportive while... And would she say, they're chasing dreams while I'm doing the same, right? And then we're cheering each other on,

so maybe he wasn't, right? Well, I mean, again, from her point of view, I mean, it's... When accusations like that are, I think, are tricky because they're so subjective to, like, how we feel about certain situations, you know, like by all accounts, Zach has been again, quiet again,

the expectation when it comes to going on the bachelor, like a trope of the show is the right reasons, right? Are you here for the right reasons? You're here to find love. Are you really here to find love? Are you, are you here to be famous? And the past several years with the launch of social media and people going out and having some success there's been a level of acceptance for for some of us to go out there it's just like hey we all we all know it just own up and say it and like depending on the season or the editing we kind of decide when we want to make it a thing and when we not want to not make it

a thing right but i'm just saying from zach's point of view it wouldn't it be understandable if he was like but like i not to sound corny but like i came here for love right and and since we got together uh like every week you're doing this thing which i want to, but like, could we maybe just slow things down and focus on our relationship, which would also be justifiable. So wouldn't it, couldn't it also just be two people who maybe had different expectations and different priorities, which is a very common thing when you meet on bachelor and you don't talk about things like expectations and, and, and, and the day-to-day life, like what those expectations look like in daily behavior

you don't talk about any of that shit you take a massive leap of faith which is hoping some of the more minute things that really make a relationship go on a daily basis, you just hope that it works out and maybe it's just two people who weren't

compatible I don't know it was an interesting she said some light on a relationship we haven't got a lot of light on and now the next question is will more like some because sometimes when you open up that you break the seal you peel back a layer more unfolds will zach be prompted to like respond either directly or indirectly will more information come to light from

this fans what I perceive to be awkward support of Tayshia I feel like what that fan did would be the equivalent of what they'll go up to Ben Higgins and say I never thought you were boring.

Yeah. By the way. You know, and it's just a weird thing some fans do to try to connect with certain people. And in my opinion, that's what that friend fan was doing with Tasha. Speaking of responding,

we got. Office hours. All right. Do you know what office hours is? No. All right. So we started this new segment. We have mediation.

We have office hours. We had a mediation lined So we started this new segment. We have mediation. We have office hours. We had a mediation lined up. Duty called. Like literally duty called. He's in the armed forces and duty called. Wow. So we also have office hours where people will call in with a text conversation they are in the midst of. And they do not know how to craft with confidence their next message.

I like that. Love. So we are here. Fun. We also try to get them to pull the trigger and send the text. Love that. Which they did last week after they got off the call and secured a date. Oh, fun.

Congratulations. Great track record. Let's bring them on. Let's bring them on. How's it going? Hi, I'm Emily. Great track record. How's it going? Hi, I'm Emily. I'm 22. Hi, Emily. Yeah, and I need some advice.

All right. So bring us up to speed with how you got. Who are you texting with? What's the relationship? And how did this conversation get started? So he is my guy friend. I moved to a new city about a year ago. Well, we all did. And we can call him Alex. And so we're in the same friend group, but we don't really have like a super close separate relationship. So we do see each

other a lot, but always in a group setting. And like when I met him a year ago or so, I had was interested in like hooking up with him, but I kind of just wanted to establish friendships. So I kind of just like forgot about it. And then I guess I don't really know what happened. Something came over me and last weekend I drunkenly made a move and it worked and we ended up hooking up um and the next morning things were like normal and natural and we were like joking around and we were like cuddling and then he drove me home and then we kissed goodbye which which was like weird, but not didn't feel weird. And then the next like a few hours later, I guess I was kind of talking to like my friends about it and thinking about it.

And I was like, you know, I would do it again, like sober and see if there's anything there. And the the experience kind of indicated to me that he would do it again. Like there wasn't anything that he like signs he gave me that he was like, this was a huge mistake. And I, this is really awkward and weird. So I texted him and was like, what are you doing tonight? And he had a friend visiting. So he was like, we're just laying low and we're covering.

And I was like, I want to just be straightforward. So I texted him back and was like okay cool well if you want to have sex later let me know and I think that we could do a better job did you say sex yeah yeah she said so true if you want to have sex later let me know I think we could do a better job okay you said I'm so un'm so unwell. It's been a rough morning. What are you up to tonight? You write back. He says his friend and him are keeping it pretty low key.

He's still recovering. You wrote so true. You got right to the point. If you want to have sex later. How quickly in unison did you send them? Because you go so true and then you said if you want to have sex then you sent that and then you wrote later immediately immediately okay let me know let me know i think we could do a better job wow straight to the point okay

i'll let you know where we end up later. Oh, God. I know. That's where we're at. How long ago was this? Was this yesterday? Last weekend. So not this past weekend, the weekend before. There's been no contact?

No contact whatsoever. So I didn't respond. And then he never reached out. And then normally we see each other every weekend. So I was like, all right, I'm going to see him in a group setting. He went to visit his family this weekend. And that's a coincidence, right? You're not giving your dad that. He ran away.

I got to get out of town. It was planned. It was for Mother's Day. I knew I had to come. So I have not talked to him since. And I've talked to like his friends and roommates. But yeah, that's where I'm at. Interesting.

What are your thoughts? I have thoughts. I mean, I think you did. I think you did great. The whole situation. I think you did great. I don't think you should. I'm happy you didn't text him after.

Like, so where'd you end up? Because then, you know, then I would feel more like i would have that gut you know feeling also but i think where you ended it um was fine like if he didn't respond that's fine you don't know if he got drunk or if they didn't go anywhere like you don't know maybe he's nervous exactly he doesn't know how to respond maybe his friend always gives him shit for like ditching him for a girl right exactly right exactly and i think it's just a coinkydink that you did not see him this weekend. But I think that because you guys are already seeing each other always in group settings, I don't think it'll be weird.

It's I always think like if you don't make it weird, it's not going to be weird. Like if he wants to make it weird, then that's fine. But I say you just go about it. Go with the flow. I would not continue maybe to like reach out again in that like in that manner just because I feel like he didn't respond to that. So I just wouldn't push that. But I wouldn't feel weird about like seeing him again or whatever. You guys tried.

You kissed the next morning while you were both sober like it was fine and it is what it is when i'm looking at this i i do think a couple things too like tell me what you think about this scott i i think is as as foreign as it is for women to start like saying you know what fuck it i'm gonna shoot my shot i'm gonna go out there like i like sex like hey fuck it like if you want to have sex again let me know like fuck yeah great guys i think we're often like sometimes wish who we don't know what to say so you want to be like i just want to say i want to have sex is that okay exactly like can i be that kind of crew you know guys want to want to do that weirdly enough, I think it's also sometimes weird for us to hear it, you know, because it's also weird to say it. So when he says, wow, straight to the point, I think he's really being honest by like being

caught off guard. And I think sometimes guys can also get in their head about like, and I think they can have maybe, you know, thoughts about like just being uncomfortable with it being different, not because it's wrong or anything like that. They're just like not used to someone saying that. And they're a little caught off guard. And then he, and so like the fact that he just changes the subject, I think it's just more about like him.

It could easily mean he doesn't know how to respond. So he's just changing like the subject by saying, well, we'll let you know where we end up. And then there's no communication. Technically it's your turn to respond and you don't. Right. So when you don't immediately,

he's just like, well, this would be an awkward conversation to pick back up for anyone. And just kind of like last week with your, your date in our last car last week, it was, they, they,

you know, they didn't know how to respond. So they didn't. So I feel like the guy in all those situations just, just didn't, this is all to say is that I agree with Erica and Scott is that like, I think, I think this situation is totally fine

and incredibly salvageable. Um, and so like, I think, I think the next text to him, it could be just assume you're starting a new conversation, completely restarted knowing that this is here, but don't be embarrassed by the fact that like, you're going to start a new conversation, but all he has to do is look up and you see your, do you want to have sex later? Let me know. Text. I think it's totally fine. You've had sex. For sure. You've seen each other naked. And also you said like, if you want to have sex, you didn't say like, I can't wait to eat your ass from the back. Like it was like, you said sex. It wasn't like, you are going crazy, you know? So don't feel embarrassed that you said the word sex. I think, yeah, just own it was like you said sex it wasn't like it's not great you are going crazy you know so don't feel embarrassed that you said the word sex i think yeah just own it like you're you're

the one who's just like yeah it's fucking sex yeah it's a shit and like don't i mean and the fact if if he decides he doesn't have sex with you like it doesn't have to be necessarily a rejection maybe it's a guy who's just like i don't know i'm not super into like casual hookup sex and it's a guy who's just like, I don't know, I'm not super into like casual hookup sex. And it's not, and there are plenty of men out there who aren't like, who like, yeah, they might hook up once, but like, what does it mean? It can get complicated when you start having regular sex with one person without an emotional attachment. Maybe it's just like, I don't know. That's something I just would rather avoid. So it may not be about rejecting you. It just might be like, he might be rejecting the situation or maybe he's

over you know like overthinking about with friends being involved so like if you're worried about your ego there's plenty of things that you can like make it not about you being rejected yeah yeah i wouldn't take it as a rejection at all i think your next tax is uh do you want to have sex imagine she just doubles down i think we need to understand kind of what your intention is like what do you want to have sex? Imagine she just doubles down. I think we need to understand kind of what your intention is. Like, what do you want out of this? You know?

I would want to have casual sex and I would want him to respond in that way. And, you know, I wish, I almost wish he responded in a more like definite way so that I could be like, okay, he definitely doesn't want to like ever again. But now I'm like, okay, I don't think he does, but like, who knows?

Well, that's best case scenario, but like, I don't know. No, yeah, and then what's worst case scenario? Like what? No, no, I think that's fine, that's what she wants. Right, right. Worst case scenario would be him being saying no. And are you fine with being like, how friendly are you with this guy?

Like, is it like... Are you crushing on him though? Like, do you want to have casual sex, but like you're open to maybe exploring something more serious with him? Or is it really just sex? Because if it really is just sex, I say every time you guys see each other,

if it happens, it happens. Like how it happened the first time you know so i i just kind of want to know if you're crushing on him like if you really do have intentions of maybe exploring something more serious would you like the casual sex to lead into a relationship like eventually um no okay okay i don't think i want that at all i mean it's like i do like him as a person, but I'm not interested in anything more. You don't have to at all.

Yeah. Finn, I think you've said what you wanted. I think, honestly, you have a couple options. If you want to maintain a relationship of any kind with this guy and break off awkwardness, you could text him literally anything about something else other than sex and just leave it there. You're both adults. You've had sex already. Don't make a thing of it.

Also, there's an option of just not responding and wait until you run into him again. You've already hooked up. And I think to Erica's point, there's a good chance he like he might in your perfect world is like having a regular hookup. I, I, he gets, it's possible. He's like uncomfortable with these conversations. There's maybe a little immaturity from him and he's maybe fine with hooking up, but not wanting to talk about the attacks hooking up. Right. So he's just in the moment.

just in the moment but if that is the case then you have to ask yourself after the second or third time like how realistic is it to like keep hooking up with someone who doesn't want to communicate at all about what it is you're doing so just in the future if you do get a chance to hook up with this guy be mindful of someone who's like avoiding having an adult conversation that needs to be had about like if two people are having sex you should talk about what some of your boundaries are i don't care if you're in a relationship or not like if it's a regular thing it's like the right thing to do is just like have some conversation around it right other than that i think you're almost certainly going to probably hook up at some point again yeah i agree it may maybe it just he's not a texter official consensus leave on red yeah i vote for leave on red and then see how it

is the next time you guys see each other and then go from there if you want to mention it like you be like hey oh that was kind of weird like you know you get if you really want yeah you can play it off but i i vote for no if you want to like engage just him in general just ask him like what's going on this weekend something like kind of casual and and see where he goes from there okay but just not about the sex let the sex go let that come when it comes you know okay right no that you guys took that i uh all right well thank you yes we hope we helped yeah yeah yeah you got you did you did thank you guys so much all right let us know how it goes.

All right. I will. Thank you. Nice meeting you. Bye. Bye. See you. Bye.

How's it going? Hi, it's Ashley. I'm 29. Hi, Ashley. How can I help? So I recently got back on the dating apps and I've been single for two years and having a lot of fun. Great. But I'm starting to think I'm maybe interested in a relationship. So I recently got back on the dating apps and I've been single for two years and having a lot of fun.

But I'm starting to think I'm maybe interested in a relationship. So I'm a little bit more, I mean, I'm not focused on that, but I'm like a little excited to maybe meet someone. So this person I started talking to pretty much right when I got on the apps and we talked for about a week. Then he said, hey, you want to go golf? I said, yeah, for sure. We set up a date and we chatted pretty consistently. I'm not a big texter. So normally I would be very annoyed with someone texting me to the extent that he did, but it was fun with him. And I was really excited. We got together, we went golfing. It was a great time. We had a lot of fun. And at the end of the date, he asked me what I was up to later in the

week. He wanted to get together again. I said, shoot me a text. We'll figure something out. The next morning, he followed up. We made plans for a couple days later on the Saturday. And we kept texting back and forth and things were good. Then on Friday, Friday, kind of early evening, I think it was about 6 PM. He canceled. And so he, it's kind of a really odd reason to cancel, but, um, he's learning how to windsurf and it's not windy every day of the week. And he has an instructor who's only, uh, he's at the mercy of the round yeah he's at the mercy exactly convenient isn't it so he he texts me what an amazing building excuse though if you were like that machiavellian just tell them you're studying windsurfing i'm picking up wind and that means at

any moment you can get out of literally anything yeah the wind picked up i gotta go yeah but it's not when you're here no out out like i prepaid for the classes on the water it's windy i know i know like there's no flags flying anywhere but on the water i swear it's very windy uh anyways go ahead that was exactly how i read the situation i was thinking this is so convenient. So anyways, yeah, he had to cancel. It was the night before. So I think I said something like, Ooh, night before cancellation, pretty ballsy, um, just teasing. And then he responded back saying, you know, his instructor is only around so long. And when he says, when he says it's going to be windy, he's got to head out. So, um, I just left it at something like have fun, whatever. And you have the text.

But I guess my thing is he knew after. So Sunday I was going to be busy. And then Monday I'm in Vancouver right now for work. So I'm not around. And then I'm going to San Diego for a couple of weeks vacation. So he knows I'm not going to be around. And initially when he planned that date right away, I was like, this is a good sign. He wants to make sure he can hang out with me before I go. Um, those are all good signs and

all the, everything else prior to that was great. So my initial reaction when I read this text was he's not interested anymore, right? Cause if someone's interested, they're going to figure it out. He knows I have plans on Sunday, but he might say, um, let's grab coffee or let's do this or whatever. So my initial, my typical reaction would just be to, to send that message and let it be and not talk to him again. But, um, because I've been dating around for two years and I'm kind of interested in something more serious and I really liked him. What I want to get out of this text that I'm going to send, which is going to be my comfort

zone is, um, just clarity. Basically, this is going to sound a little sociopathic. I still want to stay in control if I can. It's not sociopathic. It's just an honest feeling. I understand. We appreciate your honesty. I think we need to stop trying to assign labels to either ourselves or people for showing emotion and just being honest.

For like, I'm angry. I'm sad. I want revenge. These are normal things. and just being honest for like, I'm angry, I'm sad, I want revenge. Like, these are like... Normal things. These are normal things we all feel and we're trying to assign like labels. Narcissist!

Sociopath! I'm a gaslighting son of a bitch! It's all my fault. Yeah, so, no, it's okay. You felt rejected, a little frustrated, a little led on, a little misled. I want to read the text messages that we're referring to. He says, we're going to bring B4-4 back into the mainstream, and there's nothing anyone can do to stop us.

Why would you guys finish that whole puzzle in one day? And then he writes in parentheses, I have no concept of puzzle time. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Remember that one time I was talking about economic models and you were talking about modeling models? Good times, crying emoji face. I particularly like the reading materials.

You should do it. Is he drunk? Okay we have 10 things yeah they're all jokes and none of them are the way that they were read this all felt normal to you yeah because we have 100 conversations going on at once i mean it was a lot but it was he's like answering but it's making sense yeah okay yeah different things with each bubble. Got it. And then three hours later... Three hours later, he sends it the screenshot of the weather, followed by, unfortunately,

I need to cancel our Greta date tomorrow. The wind will be blowing and I gotta get good before my guy leaves. Ha ha. Rain check? Question mark. And then you say, ha ha ha. hahaha what can i say i hear what i want to hear whoa night before cancellation ballsy move okie dokie and then he responds when someone reads it out oh my god hahaha yes i know i'm sorry when the wind is gonna be good basically just tells me it's go time because his friend i'm assuming because the wind yeah he's his instructor and

then saturday morning you say duty calls have fun and what's else what else has been going on that's it that's where we're at yeah so that was saturday Obviously, it's been like about two days. And nothing. No, I assumed I was going to hear something immediately. Yeah, when he was done windsurfing. When he was done windsurfing. Yeah, and when he was windsurfing, he's out of service and he's gone for a day. So I thought, okay, by Sunday at the latest, but then nothing Sunday. Well, because I think the instinct is if he canceled,

then he should be the one to follow up with a replan. Yeah, I think he did say rain check, though, and maybe because you didn't respond to that, you kind of were just like, okay, have fun, instead of being like, yeah. He knows I'm away as well. Still, he should be checking in at least. How many dates have you been on with this guy?

Only one. So expectations are low, but I liked it. Have you hooked up? No. How many dates have you been on with this guy? Only one. Expectations are low, but I liked it. Have you hooked up? No. Knowing that you only went on one date and you can only talk so much, if I'm him, I probably would have read your text

as to be a little strong in terms of a rejection. Not that you didn't have a right to be frustrated, but I probably would have been like, oh, geez, fuck. Like, OK, like just kind of I would have. Here's the thing. If he canceled anyone who cancels sort of them being actual sociopath, there's a little bit of guilt. Right. There's a little like, oh, fuck, like I got to cancel. Like I really I don't even want to do this thing but i do feel bad right so like so if he feels bad at all and and then he's like says you know and if i'm nitpicking him i'm saying rain check why don't you just say how about tomorrow how about like make the plan make the plan so like exactly

you know like i like definitely that would be my response but I'm nitpicking him. But for you, when you say, when you kind of come back a little bit more kind of like, fuck you, buddy. I'm just more like, Jesus. Like, all right. I didn't say that. I didn't say that. No, I know you didn't say that. I'm saying I could see how you could take that that way.

Yeah. Where he's just like, man, I barely know you. We went on one date and you're giving me shit because i want to one windsurf what is it like i'm just saying like i've had those types of thought thinking well if she doesn't want me windsurfing now when is she ever gonna want me to winds like it's just you know there's a little bit i think we want i think both i think in most situations you want to feel like you're dating someone at least at first can be kind of carefree and casual

and not sweating the small stuff if i'm being honest i might be a little kind of like i might roll my eyes at your response yeah and if i had little information to go on i might be less motivated i could go from excited about our first date to being like, I don't know. I'll get around to it when I get around to it. Like he might be thinking I'm not like done with her, but like maybe I don't want to see her until she's back in town or until, you know what I'm saying?

Like I, if I put myself in his shoes with the information I'm getting, I could see myself like going from exciting about our date and planning a date to like, I need to think about this for a while. I need to sit on this. I need to like wonder, you know, because now he's working with new information because we, you know, he, he is going to judge your response to you disappointing him. And, and that is a big like indicator of how people are like when, how, like we all know consciously or subconsciously in a relationship that we're going to disappoint

the people we're in relationships with. And, and nothing makes a situation harder is to feel like you always like, anytime you disappoint your partner, you're going to get punished for it. Like I've been in those relationships. It's not fun. Like, and I think we all like, we've all been in those relationships for a certain degree and we have a little hesitation so like he could be wildly overthinking this and making it a bigger deal on his end just like you might have made it a slightly bigger deal than it actually was him can't like because like maybe you have been blown off or ghosted the night before and for a bullshit reason. I just think even though in this moment you were justified to feel the way you did,

it might have helped you out to give him the benefit of the doubt for someone you knew little about. You assumed the worst. Which is like a self-protective instinct. It's so natural. So natural. And I'm reading these texts and I'm like,

oh, but you said okie dokie with an exclamation point. Like, that's not what I thought. No, okie dokie sounded like to him. He read that as okie dokie. No, but the thing is, what do we always say? You read it in a different,

so like for Amanda, that's very like, that's positive. But for Nick, it's negative. And it's hard because so like for amanda that's very like that's positive but for nick it's negative and it's hard because also think of you don't know him that well but also like let's just be real like when you did send that you were frustrated so i'm sure that really is how you felt when you were like okie doke like i would do the same thing like fuck you like you're you're ditching me like have fun like i would do the same thing you know so i would almost expect we're talking to someone that did send it so you know so if you really were like a little frustrated and were a little annoyed then he could have easily received it as that and and it was justified

and you know text office hours no one's necessarily doing anything wrong unless they're saying something inappropriate that's the point of texas office hours we're one's necessarily doing anything wrong unless they're saying something inappropriate. That's the point of Texas office hours. We're talking about like Texas office hours. Texas office hours. Hook them. We're in Texas. Texting office hours is that like we text with a lot of assumptions

and very little communication like information, not body language. We're just all with words that are wildly misinterpreted. like there's no judgment on on either his or your side we're just i would do the same we're nitpicking here but to erica also comes off angry but i for sure was disappointed and when i said ballsy like i kind of felt like i was busting his balls a bit but i didn't feel like i was being no mean i don't in a normal situation yeah if i in a normal situation, I expect people... A night before a cancellation, whether it's a friend, family, anyone, to me, that's a time thing.

I only have so much time and I make time for people. So it is an issue. I could have pretended and tried to play it cooler, but to me, no one wants to be canceled on. You make time for things.

That's one of those things that you could have tabled and you could have remembered I do not like, you know, no one wants to be canceled on. You make time for things. You don't just have it open. But that's one of those things that you could have tabled. You could have remembered that he did this. And given that it's someone you don't know anything about, that you're like, hey, I've limited information. Now I had a really good first date. That's good. I just got rescheduled the night before. Not so good.

Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, neither of them defined who he was or how he would be as a partner they're both information neither of which like made you want to like marry him or like say that he's the worst person in the world so you could have tabled both got more information and then like you know what you could have like like for at date five you could have been like you know that one time like you canceled on me and you found more rapport but like now that i know you better like yeah it kind of bugged me like how do you feel about like canceling the night before you could have just had a conversation about it rather than like yeah

saying that and also like keep in mind when you're saying like and just from a texting standpoint i think it's important to bring up like even though you meant okie dokie to be fun when you're feeling defensive any any of us right if someone makes makes you if they like criticize you or or you know critique you or accuse you that's our nature to immediately go wait no i'm defensive so the next thing they say especially we do this all the time in fights well i didn't mean it that way it's like well i'm already defensive so right now if i'm in a defensive state of mind my guard is up so my response is i'm gonna i'm gonna assume i need to defend myself so when he reads okie dokie your text right before was whoa whoa night before cancellation ballsy move that's gonna put him on the defensive well also i think he was already on it because he

sent the screenshot like he was already trying to be like i have evidence like this is real he anticipated your disappointment sent you the weather then canceled and you're and he went outside with a flag and he's like i'm telling you it's real and then you confirmed his his just that the fact that you might be disappointed with a text that sounds like you are disappointed which again justified to do so the okie dokie is like so childish it's just not

saving it I think that's the point the important thing to bring out in this is that your intention of sending the okie dokie was to like to like cool off what you were sending I'm not trying to make a big deal okie dokie was to like to like cool off what you were sending it was like i'm not trying to make a big deal okie dokie like i'm chill it's cool i'm letting you know i'm a little annoyed but also like no big deal like that's how you meant it and he i'm i'm willing

to bet bet saw okie dokie is like a kind of passive aggressive like fuck you yeah i i feel strongly about this is that i i think he could have easily had a real just as fun as you had with him on the first date been just as excited he could have had this unique hobby of his windsurfing that yeah that came up and he just spent this a whole bunch of money on it and you did this small thing and you didn't do a bit like i think this is also by the way completely salvageable for sure absolutely right but i think what i don't want to be mean about his hobby i love that no listen i think he went from there's a good chance he went from like nice and feeling really kind of nice and warm about you from like an interest like you and then you cooled off that interest a little bit

right but you didn't like kill it you're just now he's just like i don't know like women talk about the ick all the time right and i'm saying as a guy this could have easily given him the ick of like like i'm getting sent to the dog house yeah i'm like i'm like fuck i just like really i've been on one date and i'm getting shit he also could have just canceled and like not said rain check either which would have been even worse you know what i mean like he clearly was i think still showing you that he had interest although we couldn't pick and be like well he should have given like he knows how long you're gonna be there he he should have you know am i okay he could am i having a stroke am i having a stroke he could have you know offered to do something on sunday or whatever knowing that you're there so i get that part but i think

that it's important that he canceled and he did say rain check meaning he did want to continue so nothing happened between that part i think it was just your response to him that kind of led to him not responding and kind of backing off a little bit yeah so he could have tried to reschedule with that text but also he could have said rain check hoping you would say yes again he sent the weather first he anticipated disappointment right like and can i can i ask a question if you weren't going away right like yeah now for the next three weeks like would you have been maybe even more okay with him rescheduling because you have time you wanted to get in like another day and then being able to go on that while you're away like talking to him about the day or how long are you going away for

um i mean i'll pop back for a couple days but he's away when i or how long are you going away for um I mean I'll pop back for a couple days but he's away when I'm back so I'm away for three weeks he and I cross over for about two days but it's going to be a crazy two days for me so I'm not probably going to see him that 100% made it worse and I think also what I'm really concerned about in general right now is I have enjoyed dating so much and I haven't been interested in people, which has given me the upper hand for the past two years with basically everyone I've dated. And I'm scared that now I'm showing that disappointment. I'm acting like desperate instead of having that carefree, like when I'm dating 10 people and you cancel, it's like, cool, who cares? Like, see you later. So I'm now I'm kind of like,

especially with this conversation, I'm like, oh, I'm giving off terrible energy. Well, that's the shitty part about liking someone. We talk so much about like keeping your power, not giving it away, but there's something intoxicating about meeting someone who you want to like give that power to and feel that vulnerability because it's exciting. And at the same time, like it's a, it's a really tough so you you you've you've you've drafted a potential response that you want to send yeah i didn't think too hard on it okay okay good well no it's fine it's fine there's no there's no okie dokies from what i hear no i'm just i haven't seen it no judgment none none at all. Very normal situation. I have, again, it's always easier when you're not emotionally invested.

I've wanted to send stuff like this before. You want to write, hey, I was kind of bummed not to hear from you again. Can I ask if you just lost interest or what's up? I definitely do not think you should send that. Like, at all okay uh one and most importantly is that i think i well if you're if you're still interested i think you this is completely salvageable easily and like to assume he's lost interest or to call it out is like you don't even know insecure well it's just unnecessary and like it could potentially

like put words in his mouth and then and and make him not interested even though in this very moment he could still very well be again interested he what i i doubt he's not interested he just might not be as interested but there is a difference between not interested and dying to go out with you again. Also, even if he's not interested, like you don't need feedback from this guy. You know what I'm saying? Like you went on one date, like you don't need to get,

his opinion about why he's not interested in you isn't all that valid. It's information you don't really need to know. Like one, like some person you went on one date with is going to give you like a bunch of like feedback on why they didn't like you. Do any any of us need this information like you're not fucking compatible you know what i'm saying like right can you imagine if we like surveyed every fucking first date we went on and be like so like what was it about me and like i don't know if we need

to be walking around with that type of criticism so like yeah you just don't need that on your heart you don't need you don't need his fucking two cents yeah if he's no longer interested in you like you went on one date with this guy so that's why for those reasons i don't think you should send this text i think okay if you're interested in going out with him again i also think the fact that you are out of town for three weeks like this like if you're interested in this type of thing like you could have like you could go you could have some text conversations with them. You could build this rapport. FaceTime. FaceTime over text. Phone calls.

I'd rather wait. That's a personal choice. I don't want to pen pal for three weeks. I got stuff. You don't want to do that, right? Busy, busy girl. It's normal. Don't you want to do one FaceTime? What about Word with friends?

I'm going to be doing a, I don't know, I just think that I also don't want to there's no reason for me to try to jump back in that because I have people I know exactly what you should send then I know exactly what you should send your next text should be

hey, how was windsurfing? ask him about his hobby that he gives a shit in show an interest and the thing that he shows an interest in also without like making a big deal about it it will like surprise him and think that like maybe you were in fact like okie dokie maybe he was reading he was like getting a little like you're just like oh i can think he was wrong yeah yeah let's do that let's manipulate the shit yeah exactly exactly no but i i you will surprise him catch him off guard and like maybe just you know more than anything you showing an interest in the thing he shows an interest in will be exciting for him to hear it will like basically like counter the what you last text.

And then your next follow-up to that is I know we're busy, but I'd still love to reschedule that date when I'm back in town and see what he says. Yes. Exactly. I agree. Then you can at least hear how he's responding back to that. If he's just like, oh, it was good, and then that was it,

then maybe you know. But if he's like, oh, yeah, i can't wait to reschedule it i agree and and given that like you don't maybe want to make it sound natural your first text is to ask him how it was give him an opportunity to respond to that okay okay and then hit him with the let's plan a date for when i'm back yeah i'd love still excited for that rain track. Well, you never actually confirmed that you were excited at all. So you should let him know. That's right. If you say still excited, then it's like... Oh, you missed the bar there. I'm sorry. I put an exclamation

on the okie dokie. Obviously, I was excited. Let's also gaslight him. I only okie dokie when I'm excited. That's the only time I do. Let's make him believe that you actually responded. Yeah, just emphasize okie dokie. Alright, so let's draft this first message. Let's put a little humor in it.

I feel like the how is windsurfing definitely going to be the question that ends it. Maybe like a hi-ya. I don't know what people think. Hi-ya! There's no bad ideas in brainstorming, you guys. Maybe a hi-ya. A little okie dokie-ish. It might be.

It might be. No A's at the end of any greetings. Why can't we just do like, hey, comma, how was windsurfing, question mark. How was the wind blowing on Saturday? Was bright. Hi. Hey. Hey. Send a GIF.

I'm trying to think. I just think basic is good like a neutral greeting it's only been like a couple days do you usually start with hey when you text him like what's your usual opener I've never texted him first I've never texted anyone

just in general stop that's weird I know I know. I know I'm not going to probably get to do this again, but that's a whole other question. It should never be that one-sided. But I think that works with guys.

The less, the more the more we're learning here. I'm telling you, the more we're learning. The second that Nick sent the, well, we worked on it together after I thought my thing was dead, that man responded in like 30 seconds yeah and i want to hear how the date goes though because they might still go on the date but i don't know i feel like that's always been my game thus far but obviously i'm still single so i'm willing to learn yeah i

i would be open to like like yeah text text, text, text if you want. If you feel something. Cause you feel good when he reaches out first, like if it's the same way, you know, so. You have acknowledged a sense of like that power matters to you. It matters to all of us. And you, and like,

I think Amanda talked about this earlier. I think some women can derive power. You talked about this, I think last, uh, uh, ask Nick, but like the feeling of being in control that you are being chased, right? So then you can

decide when you respond and knowing they're on edge because they're chasing you, there's a little bit of power there and maybe you're just comfortable with that. And like changing your behavior, is this something you're trying to avoid just because it's what it's in your playbook. But I do think, I think when we are all one sided with this, we're like, it's what it's in your playbook but i do think i think when we are all one-sided with this we're like it's like anything if we have like this like i only do this well then there's a bunch of that that you're not doing that is like closing the door on other people because like there might be guys plenty of guys out there that it's a two-way street but like i don't know like i'm fucking she didn't respond i don't like or like it would she should respond in this moment and she's not responding or like i don't know i

feel like i'm always bugging her i'm always reaching out she never initiates a conversation i don't want to be bugging this person yeah it's not the same these days for guys in chasing i don't think guys feel as comfortable like aggressively chasing someone they really like the same way they did 10 or 15 years ago at the risk of being called creepy and i just think it's a little different out there so i do think we we have to be stopped we have to stop being so black and white when it comes to like i only do this i never do that and it it also like alleviates all the pressure too of like you're doing this by your playbook and like how you want to respond or he should text me first or whatever.

If you're just casual and just, you know, there's less pressure and it's better. It feels better, you know? Yeah. You could say if you're trying to like make it lighthearted is refer to one of your many inside jokes and be like, you know what I was thinking? Blah, blah, blah, blah about our inside joke. Also, how was windsurfing? Hope you had fun. Oh, true.

Oh, yeah. A hundred percent. Or like something popped up that reminded me of this. Yeah, if there's an inside joke, you can stop and pick up. Yeah, and then how was windsurfing? Hope you guys had fun. Totally.

Do we like that better than just simply how was windsurfing? Yes, I do. I think so. Yeah, because then it's like really reopening the conversation. Yeah, it's why you thought about him. Yeah. The inside joke is like something that brought Yeah. It's why you thought about him. It was like the inside joke is like something that brought up the idea of why you thought about him. Maybe like you go on one date, it's very easy for you guys, for people to lose momentum.

Personal things come up, work comes up. You guys aren't a priority in each other's lives yet. It's more normal than not normal to like lose momentum this early. So now you're like letting him know why, even though the reality is you actively chose to kill the momentum, like you're letting him know is more like organic and you were just busy, but now you thought about him. Also, how's windsurfing?

I'm really interested in what you have to do. And then he responds and then you hit him with, I'd like to plan that second date. Will you keep us updated? I'm very invested. Yeah, I will. I'm going to send this right after. And it's weird that I'm scared to do that.

But it shows maybe how much of a baby I am. Yeah, you're just scared of him not responding. I think he's going to respond so fast. Yeah, I think. He's going to be ready for that sing-along. He's like, well, I've been in the hospital for two days because I broke both of my legs. Actually, winds are being wind terrible.

I was blown away. My first big wind. All right, well, we're dying to find out. Yeah, I'm invested. I was blown away. My first big win. All right. Well, we're dying to find out. Yeah, I'm invested. Thank you so much. I know. I'm excited.

Okay, thanks. I love this podcast, Generally Ask Nick. But also, I know you're looking for feedback on TechSnick. And obviously, I think it's a great idea. All right. Well, thank you very much. And I love listening to it. So I really enjoy listening to other people.

We appreciate it. Thank you so much. Nice meeting you. Good luck. Bye. We've done the Lord's people. We appreciate it. Thank you so much. Nice meeting you. We've done the Lord's work. We have. I'm pretty confident.

I feel like we're going to be three for three for shooting shots and getting dates. I will be really disappointed if he doesn't respond because I think we're 100% right. He should respond. I think everything was perfect until the response that he received, you know? Yeah. Because obviously if it was something she did on a date

and they were losing interest, like he wanted to see her again, you know? So I think something happened with the way he received the text. That's awesome. He sent the weather. Yeah. Poor guy.

He was like, before she gets there. He's like, babe's going to be mad. I need to let her know that it's Wendy. Let me screenshot that. He He was like, before she gets there. He's like, babe's going to be mad. I need to let her know that it's windy out. Let me screenshot that. He wasn't like, I got to go on with my motorcycle club

to the bar. He's like, I'm going windsurfing. Right. This might be like, my bar is far too low, but it was still like the night before.

This wasn't like 30 minutes before. Yes. Could be worse. It was 24 hours before. There could have been multiple other things. For other people

who have been in situations where we have gotten frustrated, it's easy to... From her point of view, I can understand why it's like we're seeing her talking and she's just like, oh, I never thought of it that way

or considered it. But we have been screwed over by people. We've been ghosted by people. We've gone on dates with people who've gotten excited about us and then the next day, like completely shifted how they've seen us before.

So like, it can, it's, I understand where she's coming from. It's kind of hard to let down your guard. And the text messages that she drafted that I said was a terrible idea, I've drafted these messages.

Oh, for sure. It's making it too serious to me. You know? Yeah. And I want people to know that you hurt my feelings and it's fine. Just give me some feedback

because I can take it. Right. I can fucking take it. Tell me the truth. Tell me. What do you think about me? Just tell me. I'm totally fine.

And the other person's like, oh, I had no idea you were even thinking about this. I didn't see it at all. So awkward. Wow. I wonder if i mean he's definitely gonna respond he's gonna respond have you ever had like your friends

people you know like acquaintances text and they don't text you back and you want to like ever text them and be like what the fuck like i know i know you saw something yeah are you mad at me yep i've been there yeah for sure been there especially recently it for sure. Been there, especially recently. It's not all about us. What makes your relationship work? What makes my relationship work? I think laughing and communication, honestly. From my side, we are just best friends. I know it sounds corny, but I consider her my best friend, no matter how long I've known anyone else.

I see him as an extension of my family. And I saw that pretty early in our relationship. And family is really important to most people, everyone, especially to me. So it was really important for me to find someone that could get along with my family, who fits right in and is an extension of of my family that's essentially what you're looking for in a relationship so yeah but definitely communication i think and and and the extension of yourself because what i kind of took from that and only because like i feel like i've experienced it in my current relationship i used to be someone who prided myself in my younger uh i suppose less compatible slightly more toxic relationship uh of like i wanted to i can fight for this i can fight

for love i can make this work and uh love conquers all and love is supposed to be hard and etc etc and those all those all are true at times in relationships. It's like, you have to get through things. But what I've learned and what I think is really important is like, when you guys talk about being best friends, it's like, it's effortless. It's easy. More often than not, you enjoy doing things together than not. And I'm assuming you guys have also your things that you enjoy as individuals, but. But that is something like while you do, it's not like you saw, I think, I think some couples have to figure out how they can, things they can do together. Cause it's like, I don't know.

Hey, like let's, we need to do things together. So let's, let's try to make it work. But what, when they really are happy is when they're doing things that they enjoy that are not with their partner. And I've been in those types of relationships and it feels like, what are we doing wrong? Why don't we love each other? I love you. Like you do care about someone, but like being around them is just like hard. Yeah. Yeah. And, and it's something I've learned to like, it's a breath of fresh air to really enjoy being around the person that we love. Because like, I don't know, I think weirdly enough,

that takes time to figure out. Like the honeymoon phase, the spark, the excitement, the nervousness early in relationships. So easy. In fact, it's a very uncomfortable thing and we derive a lot of value from like being uncomfortable and excited. Oh, I'm nervous.

I get butterflies. These are all like moments of like, not like a uncomfortable and excited. Oh, I'm nervous. I get butterflies. These are all like moments of like, not like a normal resting state. And yet we put so much value in feeling that way about the people early on. But in a relationship, we want to feel like content and comfortable and safe and not nervous and not anxious.

100%. And so like it takes time to figure that out with people that we are dating. All the more reason is to like, you know, just like let's just give each other some space and peace. We love you guys. No, we love you guys. You guys are also easy to be around.

Appreciate that. I appreciate that. And you know, and it's so funny because I always say that. Like we always, I will openly admit that. funny because i always say that like we always i will openly admit that i'm like i feel like we're just that couple that just gets along with everyone and we want to be that couple we want to get along with everyone you know we don't want to oh maybe that group but like everyone yeah you guys are really fun to hang out with thank you yeah it was a good time that was a good time good time was a good time. Good time. Yeah. We felt normal around you guys.

I love that. Maybe it's because we're from Jersey. Yeah. Also, Scott was the one who was like, no, Harry Styles, he fucks. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. I don't know about him.

I'm like, man, let me tell you. I went to him before all the hype, and I'm telling you, he deserves the hype. We're a full-on Harry Styles fan account. Love that. Oh, yeah. We like to believe that Harry Styles would love to answer relationship questions on this podcast. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I believe that. He even listens to the podcast. He's like, he's going in next. We have confirmed that I did, in fact, see him running. Wait, really? In here, LA? California?

Yeah, because I saw him. It's going to be the story. I was running he's like i love telling this story i was running like a year this is this is like a year and a half ago i was running and i got to a stop sign i was like i run through them and then a car came up and like this old mercedes-benz and i i was sweating my shirt off and I locked eyes with this guy. He noticed me. I love that that detail was like I was looking good. It was slow motion.

He can't forget. He can't forget. I locked eyes with this person but I was in a pretty good pace so I didn't stop but I was just, is that Harry Styles? Oh my God. And then I was like, no, like, no, that's crazy.

But I was like, it must have been. I would have freaked out. And then I DM'd him when I got home. And I was like, hey, was that you I locked eyes with? Anyways, big fan. Never responded. So I just kind of, whatever. So it wasn't him.

I told this story on a podcast a couple episodes ago. And days earlier, from today, he was seen in that exact same Mercedes-Benz driving around the city. And what are the chances it wasn't him? It's him. I think it was him. It was Harry. I'm sure you've changed since that locking of the eyes. Did we lock eyes?

He's like, I've been running that same route in hopes. He's like, just to see if that Mercedes pulls up. Is he a Basher fan? Did he like my body? Was it my gait? I know he runs. Was he a fan of my body? Yeah. I swear.

He's just like standing in front of an ice cream shop. Do I have a chance? If Harry Styles told me I had a nice body, I don't know whether he's on or not. That's on my resume. That's a notch on my belt. For sure. That's on my resume. Yeah.

Some man love. That's all you need. I don't know. I'd like to think it's true. Anyways, Erica, Scott, what an absolute joy. Yes. Thank you so much for having us. We had so much fun.

Next time, you'll have to recap a Bachelor episode. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I'll have to start. When episode uh oh yeah okay yes okay i'll have to start yeah or not no i'll start back up i feel like i'll start back up people are loving my commentary when i was really watching it a couple seasons ago so you might get back into it like crazy i feel like tune back in yeah yeah for us for us I'll do it for you yeah it's a favor 100% please let my audience know

where they can follow you digest all the amazing hilarious content you're putting out there I'm on TikTok and Instagram and it's at Erica X Priscilla

and I'll be I will be featured in all of those an extension yeah an extension an extension I'm Scotty's days off if you want to come see me

but Erica's the main attraction for sure he's always on there you're pretty good I appreciate that you're pretty good it's amazing yeah you know at first you're like

I don't know I don't know if I need to pay attention to this man then he hits you right exactly captivated captivated I appreciate it

thank you so much I'm a big fan thank you guys for listening if you are tuning in for the first time to listen to Erica and Scott, welcome. We have our Ask Nicks on Monday where we give

more relationship situationship advice. We hit people with the hard truth of their situation and hopefully make them feel more empowered. That's really our goal. We want everyone to feel a little bit more in control. A little less helpless. A lot of people feel that way after listening.

I don't know if that's for you. I feel it right now. But I think maybe give us a listen. And then a lot of pop culture, reality TV on Tuesdays and going deeper with always an amazing guest on Wednesdays. Next week is the big... He DM'd me back that he was excited. Oh, let's hear it. Josh Peck. Sweet. Next week is the big... He DM'd me back that he was excited.

Let's hear it. Josh Peck. Sweet. Love that. We're going to dare him to say something he's never said before. If he cancels, you can be like, okie dokie. That's the mission point. Okie dokie.

He's done a lot of podcasts. I've heard some of his podcasts. I feel like I have to come up with I need him to say something new different yeah for sure it's a challenge

an opportunity and he's got a new movie he's in we can talk about oh that's cool oh sweet shout out to Josh he's recording with

Christopher Nolan wow look at him hi Mr. Peck killing it one career is going one way the the other...

Yeah. No. Not so much. We'll have to talk about that. What is it? I just said it. Also, we'll have to talk about it. Cut that out.

See you next week. See you. Bye. Hey guys, thanks for watching. But before you go, make sure you like, subscribe, and ring that bell so you don't miss any future videos like our Monday's Ask Nick for your favorite relationship stories and advice and our Tuesday Bachelor Recaps. See you next time.