The Viall Files - E431 Peta Murgatroyd and Discussing The Verdict

Episode Date: June 7, 2022

Welcome back to The Viall Files: Bachelor Gossip Edition! Today on our freestyle episode, we are joined by dancer Peta Murgatroyd, known for being Nick’s dance coach on Dancing with the Stars! On this episode we recount how Peta has dealt with Russia’s invasion of Ukraine and how to support your spouse when they’re stuck in Kyiv. We also talk the latest news from the upcoming season of The Bachelorette, breaking down the best friends messaging, if guys will be exchanged like trading Halloween candy, and how shooting the show on a cruise ship must have been hell. We also recap the conclusion of the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp trial, talking about the major takeaways from everything that’s unfolded, and how we think society will react and change now that Johnny has won the defamation lawsuit. We then welcome on our Texting Office Hours caller who has trouble cutting through the professional demeanor of the guy she’s dating, wondering how to distinguish if he’s being flirty or not. Now she asks for advice on how to break out of this dating purgatory where they’ve been on good dates but doesn’t know how and if they will progress things to the next level.   “People simplify, and they see a liar.” Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  Pre-Order Nick’s Book: https://www.abramsbooks.com/product/dont-text-your-ex-happy-birthday_9781419755491/ Check out our new "Introvert" merch at http://www.viallfiles.com today! THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Manscaped: Get 20% off and free shipping when you use code VIALL at http://www.Manscaped.com  Rakuten: Start all your shopping trips at http://www.Rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today. MUD\WTR: Go to http://www.MudWtr.com/VIALL to support the show and use code VIALL for 15% off. Episode Socials:  @viallfiles @nickviall @petamurgatroyd If you are experiencing domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or go to thehotline.org. All calls are toll-free and confidential. The hotline is available 24/7 in more than 170 languages. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey all you Father's Day gift buyers out there. Think of Manscaped because they are doing amazing things for all the men in your lives. They're helping them trim like never before. No more just ungroomed, unkept areas, whether it's ball deodorant, deodorant, amazing underwear. Manscaped has it all. So to get Manscaped and 20% off, plus free shipping, use code VIALL at manscaped.com. That's 20% off plus free shipping at manscaped.com and use code VIALL. What's going on, everybody?

Welcome back to another exciting episode of The Vile Files Freestyle Edition. I'm your host, Nick, joined by Allie, Amanda, and a very special guest today. The one, the only, Peeta Murgatroy, my Dancing with the Stars partner. I had a Dancing with the Stars dream last night. It was really fucked up. I can't even describe it. I was back on the show. Oh, God. Start describing it right away.

Well, that's it. But also, I was hiding from people. It was like Dancing with the Stars slash Hunger Games. It was a life or death situation. Well, it kind of was anyway. A little bit. With us anyway.

But I wasn't really prepared. It's good to see you, Peter. It's good to see you, too. How have you been? I'm good. Yeah, just, you know. You've had a lot going on with the family recently. Yeah, like too much.

Yeah. It was overwhelming, to say the least. Is that still, obviously the war in Ukraine is still going on. Yes, it is. Max, your husband, for the people who don't know, is from Ukraine. Yes, he was born there. So he was very heavily involved early on. He was in Ukraine when the war broke out.

Yeah. Can you update us on anything? Can you shed some light on what's going on and, and, and Mac's involvement and what's that been like for your family? Oh, I mean, if you want the whole rundown, I mean, I mean a little bit. So I was at home ready to go to bed. It was like 9 PM or something. And I, and I get this call. Well, I called him because I turned the news on and I'm like, oh my God, it's begun. And when I saw those images of, you know, the Russians coming into Ukraine,

I called Max and he was on FaceTime with me and he was just frantic packing his bags. And I'm like, what's going on? Tell me everything. And he's like, I got to go. We got to get out now. And from then on, it's all my, I don't want to be like so dramatic, but like our lives changed in a sense of like the last, those eight, nine days that he was there was like,

I thought he was going to die for sure because he couldn't get out of Kiev. And that was the hardest thing. Those eight days just were so long, so tedious. Eventually, he got out by train. Yeah. Because we didn't, you know, no one really knew, obviously, like what the war would be like, right? Yeah. And he was in a major city. Well, they were trying to get into Kiev. That's where they wanted to get to. And he was two blocks away from like their parliament house, which they wanted to take over. So he was literally there in the center of Kiev. And, you know, at times he would say, don't call me,

don't call me. I have to have all the lights off, windows closed, no TV, no phones, they're coming. And I'm like, okay, all right. I'm just going to sit here and pray or do whatever I need to do light a candle and you know get through this but yeah it was really bad and then he got out and he got out um by train he went to Poland and we've been dealing with that kind of ever since you know you'd think when he came back home you know it's like oh my god Let's get, you know, live back in Malibu together. But it kind of wasn't that easy because after going through something like that, it kind of changes you. And it wasn't just all hunky dory and happy families. You know, I was, you know, we were dealing with a lot together, you know? Yeah. And then he, didn't he go back to help on some level? Yeah. so i think he spent maybe two and

a half weeks three weeks at home and then he went back to poland to help at the border and get housing for people yeah incredible so yeah where does he know he's in malibu okay i was like please just stay home for maybe six weeks, please, for me. Well, we are so glad that he is back and safe. Thank you. And sorry you guys had to go through that. But it was fascinating to follow Max and really incredible. Yeah.

Obviously him, but so many people and the Ukrainian people. You hear so many inspirational stories of them, everyone stepping up and protecting what matters most to them. Yeah, you got to do what you can. We have like a charity organization now, Baranova 27, and we're building houses now for people in Ukraine. So we've got to start the rebuilding process. And yeah, it's going really well and we've got to do everything we can. I was just going to ask, like, do you have any advice or any takeaways of strategies for like coping with a really stressful time being married and having a family to navigate, like how you were able to get through that and like connect with one another

despite all of these insane circumstances? You know, advice is really hard for me to give like that because I don't think we had it perfect or did anything like out of the ordinary, but like we just had to talk through everything. And, you know, when I picked him up from the airport that day, which was insane, the amount of press that were there, I was actually scared because I've never had that amount of press on me walking with me to my car and stuff like that before. But anyhow, I had to like literally take his phone away from him sometimes because of course in his

mind, he's still there. He's still there with his friends fighting. You know what I mean? His friends are on the front lines. So like I had to say, babe, put your phone down for a second. I need you here with us now because he would 24 seven, he'd be up at night texting, see if, you know, and that's fine fine but like yeah I still need something from you too you know what I mean like we've all been through a lot like put it away for a second and then we can get back to it and help and figure out what we're going to do you know but you know um he had a therapy session for the first time in his life you know I said like really booked him straight in I was like you are going okay and you are talking one

way ticket therapy yeah I was like I can't do this on my own no I was like I I don't know what exactly how to say it um and I just want like a professional to deal with this I don't want this to turn into something bigger how did Max respond to Because Max is like, for those of you don't know, is like the ultra macho masculine guy. He was like, book me in. Check me in. Self-surrender. Yeah. He was like, I'll do whatever you want me to do. I was like, great. You're going here at this time. Well, that's great. I'm glad he went. I'm glad he's back. Sorry you guys had to go through that. And sorry you're going through it.

It's still going on. Yeah, I mean, listen, we're one of the lucky ones. I'm not going to sit here and be like, oh my god, poor us. Sure. Well, let's lighten it up. Yeah. Shall we? A lot to talk about today.

We're going to get into the verdict of the trial, the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial. We have some thoughts. PETA also followed it closely, as many in the world did. We have texting office hours coming up. A good one. A doozy. Oh, my God.

These texts belong on LinkedInin let me tell you these are some of the most professional text messages i've ever seen between i love it i love it my assistant let's go do we have bachelor relevant you know it was kind of a slow week we saw some people out and about including you know yourself there was some events this week wango tango mtv awards all good stuff um we got some more footage of you know bachelorette promo teasing there was a little like behind the scenes footage of right after it was announced um rachel was like we're both gonna be the like there's two bachelorettes and gabby was like plural baby which was kind of funny um but then Gabby did uh kind of like questions on her Instagram story and someone asked uh are you and Rachel still

BFFs because the franchise has really been running especially from a marketing perspective it's two best friends one unforgettable season like calling them best friends um and Gabby just posted a screenshot of them filming them like looking shocked about something and she said she's my number one of course with like several hearts so hopefully this experience did nothing but bring them closer together as opposed to dividing them I haven't heard anything

that suggests that they aren't okay but it is a lot of pressure for them because they could easily just like be totally fine with one another. Yeah. You know? But, like, ABC or Warner Brothers or...

ABC usually comes up with the marketing campaigns. ABC definitely didn't go up to them or ask anyone if they're actually best friends. They just, I'm sure, decided that they were. Yeah. 100%. It's like, we're not pitting women against each other. You actually best friends, they just, I'm sure, decided that they were. Yeah. We're not pitting women against each other. You are friends.

But, like, who really knows if they are? I mean, something must happen. Like, there must be some sort of drama during the season between them. Here's what I've heard. I think I've heard it's going to be very different and it's going to have a paradise feel to it. Yeah, because it might be on a cruise ship. It is on a cruise ship.

Really? See? Paradise. Part of it. That's been confirmed. I asked people. Wow. Because it sounds like the producers think it's going to be really interesting,

but very different. And they mentioned a paradise element because it's like they're not pitted against each other at all but if if it doesn't work out like if let's say gabby was like i'm just not feeling it with frank frank could be like rachel what's up you know there's a little r Rachel feel like the second choice? So then she's not as interested in Frank. Well, I don't know. I mean, I guess that's what we'll watch to see who's... But there's a little bit of options, right? And the thing about Paradise, what makes it different is people have options, right?

You don't have a focal point to one person and just be like, well, I guess I'm in love with this person because they're the only one here to fall in love with um and it sounds like they they they said it was held film because they decided to have two bachelorettes like last second so their scheduling wow like was for one bachelorette you know so they had to like jam it all in and then i asked if i'm like what i'm like if it goes really well like if this is like a hit yeah they're like well at least the the people i talk to they hope they never do it again um they're like once is enough just because of like just like legit from a totally logistics uh i think a cruise ship probably wasn't was a challenge well not only the cruise it's the combination of a

cruise ship and two leads like if you're gonna experiment with a cruise ship you should have just done it with a normal season with one a lot happening I feel like cruises are very polarizing like you either are a cruise person who loves them or like you go on it for the first time and you're like I was trapped yeah I gotta get out I could not

leave you have to do cruises the right way I think is the key. You need a window. And I think that's a lot of people's mistake. You need a balcony. Yeah, some sort of exit strategy. You can't feel trapped. Connection to the outside world.

Yeah. Yeah, so we'll see. I think it'll be really entertaining to watch. But no matter how they feel about each other, Rachel and Gabby will be forced to refer to each other as best friends for the rest of their lives. At least for the next six months.

What if they like the same guy? How will that work? I don't think there's going to be... I don't think that's going to happen. I feel like the only way

it could happen is if there's one dude who's like real villain energy and there's a brief moment of miscommunication where like one of them feels

slightly betrayed by the other but I think where we get a little cut where it's like she said that and then it's like

actually a non-issue because they like talk it out instantly but I think you need to have like a real shit stirring gentleman in order for it to be a thing and there like talk it out instantly but I think you need to have like a real shit-stirring gentleman in order for it to be a thing.

And there's gonna be one. Yeah. But I think I think my understanding is in the first episode or first two episodes early on they're very much

gonna be like dividing up the men like you know what I'm saying? Like each will have their basically respective season. It would be like

if two friends go to a bar and after the first night they just decide, they go to a party and be like, who are you into? Like pick teams. And they just kind of decide. That's my understanding. Because obviously I think they really are going out of their way to not pit two women against one another.

It's like when you're little and you would trade Halloween candy with your siblings, and it's like, well, I'll give you the two Jeffs for George. Like, how can we make this work? That was always the best because my brother just likes M&Ms. That's the only candy he likes. Like, truly nothing else. I got all the Reese's, all the Kit Kats. Just not the peanut ones?

No, he likes plain M&M's. That's it? Yes. You have a lot of power in that bargaining. Boy, did I. Too much power. Do you like shopping and getting money back? Yeah.

Obviously. Well, Rakuten is truly a dream come true. Start all your shopping at Rakuten and your cash back adds up. Rakuten has 15 million members who are already saving. They have over 3,500 stores to choose from. All your favorites. You can earn cash back at stores in every single category like fashion, beauty, electronics, home essentials, travel, dining, subscription services, and so much more.

Membership is free and it's really easy to sign up. You too love Rakuten, do you not? Oh, boy, do we. Because it's like all the shopping I'm already doing, I just get rewarded for it. Rakuten deposits your cash back directly into your PayPal account, or they can send you a check. What's the catch?

There's no catch, no, just amazing shopping experience, plus money back in your pocket. Start all your shopping trips at Rakuten.com and get the Rakuten app to start saving today. That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N.com. Gentlemen, Father's Day is around the corner and our friends at Manscaped are here to ensure all your father figures out there are looking like good old attractive people. Manscaped Performance Package 4.0, which includes their signature Lawn Mower 4.0, is the perfect bundle to tackle any and all old man hair from head to toe. The thing about being a guy is you get hair in all the wrong places. Probably, I mean, women probably feel that way

too, but men lose hair on top and gain hair in their ears. And Manscaped has all the equipment, whether it's for their ears or their down under areas to help your guy look groomed and tidy and not be a slob. So get the man in your life a perfect Father's Day gift. Again, their equipment is amazing for all types of trimming you might need. Their weed whacker ear and nose hair trimmer. Their lawnmower 4.0, which is, boy, you could just shave like crazy. They're ball deodorant. They got deodorant that's aluminum-free that even Amanda uses. Their underwear is amazing. Manscaped has just

a bevy of amazing products to help your guy keep it clean, so to speak. So, to get 20% off plus free shipping with code V-I-A-L-L at manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com and use code V-I-A-L-L at manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com and use code V-I-A-L-L. Anything else we need to get to?

Let's see. Do you want to talk about your experience at the MTV Awards? You look great. I presented an award to the D'Amelio family. Are they nice? They seem nice. Lovely people. Yeah, I watched their full show on Hulu.

Really lovely. I've met the sisters a couple times. We met them briefly last year at the award show and then at a party. Very friendly. Very nice. I didn't talk to them all that much

but lovely people. Yeah, you guys looked good. You and Natalie. Natalie always looks good. She does. Honestly, I ran into Natalie at the mall. This was the highlight of my life. I was in Zara with my parents were in town and I was waiting in line for the Zara like try on rooms

fitting rooms. And you know there's a line. You know there's a long line at Zara. There's always a line. There is. What is it about Zara? Zara. Open more changing rooms. Fire for employees. Please. Because they only, well also there's always a line in the front because they only do in-store returns. So you have to go to the store to return things.

But like hire more. I know. Something's got to change. Sometimes you just give up. I don't shop there. I actively don't shop there because of the line. No. Well, I don't shop there all that much, but Natalie will want to go.

And like if I'm, and Zara has a nice little men's selection, but if I were to say, find a shirt, and be like, oh, then I'd look at the line and be like, no, non-starter. That's when you grab and go. You just take it. Don't try on. It sounds like shoplifting.

We're not condoning you. You buy it. I'll get you later Zara it all evens out in the end Dale Moss he did a TED talk he did well it was like

a TED talk kind of event so it was like TED X Drexel U and there was like multiple speakers

but I just loved that his title he was listed on like the kind of brochure thing and it says, Dale Moss, former NFL athlete and ABC's The Bachelorette star. That was like his thing.

That's fine. Yeah. Former NFL athlete who made his transition out of professional sports through the modeling industry as a sports and entertainment host. He played. Yeah.

He did play, right? Oh, yeah. He played. Yeah. He did play, right? Oh, yeah. He played in regular season games, and he had a couple touchdowns. Nice. He played, played. He had some real success in the NFL. He was drafted by the Packers,

so I know a little bit. Oh, wow. And then he went to the Minnesota Vikings. I know this because Packer fans like very tall, athletic receivers who went to small colleges. And there was one time where I didn't know anything about Dale Moss other than this guy seems like he could be amazing. Because he's fast and athletic. And he had a nice little run.

And for whatever reason, it's very competitive. What did he do a TED Talk on? I mean, I don't know. I was trying to find the exact information on the TED Talk because it was not only attended live, but live streamed. And so there was like, I think 40 something people were like lingering on the live stream and the live stream didn't end like when it was supposed to. It just like continued rolling.

So then the 40 something people who were on the live stream saw him getting very close to this woman. And then, of course, the online trolls kept going. So now it's been revealed that he's dating someone new because this live stream

didn't end when it was supposed to. That's insane. Wow. That's also humiliating because I think about I know what I do once I end a Zoom call. I deflate.

Yeah. You take something off. I know. It's going to deflate. You take something off. It's going to go off and your face drops. I feel like that's such an intimate thing for people to see. This is not meant to be a dig at Dale at all.

I'm sure his TED Talk was wonderful. I've always wanted to give a TED Talk. I thought it would be cool because there's so many really impressive people who have given TED Talk was wonderful, but I've always wanted to give a TED Talk. I thought it would be cool because there's so many really impressive people who have given TED Talks, but also a lot of duds have given TED Talks. You know, people who we've later found out to be criminals

or con artists. Again, this has nothing to do with Dale. This is more of an observation at TED Talks in general, but it's a really broad spectrum of who TED lets talk. TED's table is getting bigger

and bigger. Just wide up. It's basically a podcast. Anyone can start a podcast. Anyone can do a TED Talk. Although I'm sure Dale's was riveting and excellent. It was through TED Talk. They were part of a sponsor Talk. Although I'm sure Dale's was riveting and excellent. It was through TED Talk.

They were part of a sponsor partnership. It's like they franchised. It was at a university. Not like the TED Talk TED Talk. But he gave one. There's different tiers. Blake's on a new reality TV show.

That's how he met Giannina. She was on Love is Blind? I don't remember her. Was she one of those people who was on it but wasn't like a focal point? No, do you remember? Did you watch After the Altar for the first season? You know, I watch only parts of I've only watched parts of first season

so she was a main character. Especially after the final altar when Francesca Farago came in and he brought her as a date. I didn't watch that. Oh my God. I didn't watch that. So she was a big...

Okay. Okay. And they're dating. Is she also on this show? Yes. MTV's All-Star Shore. And I saw a clip of it when I was at the MTV Awards. And it just seems like it's like games on a beach.

But they're taking from every... Like Love is Blind, Bachelor, RuPaul's Drag Race, all these reality shows. And then they all go to the beach. How are they taking from RuPaul's Drag Race? Let's listen to my question. You know, well, to me, it's just like, it's like, okay, like I can see competition shows, competition show, drag show. But it's still a reality competition show. Yeah, I'm just very curious. Are they going to lip sync

for their life? I'm intrigued. I'm sure they have other talents. Is this not a critical question? This is a curious one. It sounds like MTV All Stars are doing a good job of making you want to watch. Yeah, they got me. Alright, let's debrief the trial before we get to texting office hours.

Yes. Turns out I was right. I got to roll your eyes. What did you say about it? Well, last week we gave our predictions. Okay. And I said that I think Johnny has a good chance of winning because I thought Amber's last appearance on the stand in cross-examination was particularly bad for her because she got called out multiple times by other witnesses for lying or not telling the truth and she contradicted herself yeah multiple times and my opinion was you know prior to that we had a very insightful lawyer kind of breaking down like how hard it is to win a defamation case

because here are the points you have to cover. And I just said, listen, I think there's a good chance that the jury is going to look at her and say, I think she's a liar. I don't think she's believable. The jury, if they were paying attention, which I'm sure they were very closely, the jury, if they were paying attention, which I'm sure they were very closely, saw her contradict. Like she, one day she never took drugs with Johnny. The next day she took drugs once.

You know, there was even little lies. You saw her lie under oath. And like, you just, I think people, they simplify things and they just saw a liar. Absolutely. And I think at the end of the day, that's why I thought that they were going to lean in Johnny's direction. I was concerned, though, because I'm Team Johnny, right? But there are closing arguments on her side about the First Amendment,

freedom of speech and all of that. That got me. I was like, ooh, maybe that's going to hold up at the end of the day and she can, you know, say whatever she wants to say, write about whatever she wants to write about. So in the end, I thought maybe she will get this. But, you know, when it comes down to when you look at her demeanor and her actions, the way that she speaks, for me, it was just like, I couldn't believe her from her facial expressions like i i couldn't believe anything that came out of her mouth which is interesting and i'm curious what you all think

because like my final thoughts of this case because we had talked about this prior to is like what could this say there was a lot of like leading as this case started as it began it was ongoing we even talked about it the fear that you know given that this was a discussion around domestic violence right yeah and sexual violence and you had the me too movement um could this be a a playbook or a roadmap for people to discredit survivors of domestic violence. And there was that fear. And I got to say, since the trial concluded, I almost am optimistic of the fallout. And what I mean by that is when I was watching the verdict, I just got done recording a i just got done recording a podcast i was at a place where

it was just me in this like all women hovering over a laptop watching the verdict and i just kind of was just observing them and unanimously across the board everyone was i guess essentially team johnny and just it was more it wasn't so much team Johnny, it was not Team Amber. I agree with that. And then it made me think how, you know, with following this trial, you know, whether it's women listening to the show, women I know in life, people I've seen on the internet, it's not as if... It's been, I guess, I guess, uplifting because there's been a lot of like, there's, there's a lot of, uh, us against them

in the world today. Right. And then this seems to be like the one trial where like everyone came together. It wasn't like women were watching this trial and supporting Amber and men were supporting Johnny. You know, it wasn't like a battle of genders and it wasn't like, you know, people seem to try to objectively try to watch this trial. And it seems like a lot of positive awareness came from this trial, which was, uh, men and women can be victims. I haven't seen anything from people who are domestic violence survivors on the internet or people I've talked to or people who written into the show who seem to have a fear that they won't be believed because it seems like, you know, we all believed Amber when like most people, when Amber came out years ago, we believed her. We all believed her. And I think that's where a lot of frustration comes, is that for years, we all believed

that Amber was this victim. And then the trial came, and it was put under a microscope. And then we saw her lie multiple times. And I've seen it. And Amber's team that came after after you know her lawyer did all this press and i thought it was kind of weird because it just seemed like it seemed more like a pr playbook with what they were what she was saying it's like this is a this you know the way they were saying you know this is a loss for like women abroad and i saw a bunch of women come

forward on the internet, women I've talked to said, you don't speak for us, Amber, stop trying to be our spokesperson, people who are victims of domestic violence. It's like Amber's lawyer or Amber, they're the only one saying that no one's gonna believe women now.

But women survivors don't seem to feel that sentiment, right? Because it seems to be a more like, we're still going to believe survivors. We're going to believe victims and we're going to give victims the benefit of the doubt and we're going to listen to their claims and we're going to listen and we're going to believe them. Like we believed Amber.

But if you are a liar and if you do like, you know, come then, then, then you will be called out for it, you know? And I feel like this has been a positive thing almost, where I feel like people have come together in a,

in a, in a world where it's been so divisive about literally everything, weirdly enough, like society has come together to talk about domestic violence in a more like i guess like reasonable way where we're just discussing what is domestic violence who can be a victim how you know who should we believe it's not just like it's not a gender war yeah like that johnny depp could be a victim like a man could be a victim of domestic violence from a woman. I mean, you just don't hear about stuff like that, you know,

let alone a high-profile case and, like, one of the biggest actors ever of all time. But, I mean, I think when it comes down to it too, just lack of evidence on her part. You know, his testimony, for me, hearing him speak, it came from the heart and it was it's all about sharing the truth you know it was it was just she just had lack of evidence at the end of the day for me you know it wasn't enough and listen i mean i think uh at least i'm not like i don't find myself

to be as much team johnny as i am like. Because he definitely has some things he needs to work on, clearly. A troubled man. Said and did some things that aren't great. But is that the proof in terms of him being a domestic violence abuser? To your point, it either wasn't there or... Just because you're a drug addict doesn't mean that he sexually abused her with a bottle. Do you know what I mean? Or just because you said some crazy shit to your

friends, potentially out of frustration, also doesn't mean... And we've all written some bad texts, right? We've all written those hateful texts. Yes, we have. Yeah. His are particularly graphic, but nevertheless. That's who he is.

He's dark, you know. But you're right. That doesn't make you an abuser. Yeah. So, I don't know. I've chosen to see this as potentially like optimistic where, again,

I think the collective are having more thoughtful discussions around domestic violence. I don't feel like there's any talk about people deciding they shouldn't believe victims any longer, you know, or, you know, I think we, there's a high, I feel like there's a heightened awareness around giving, you know, alleged victims their time and hear their stories and, and suss it out. But like, we've talked about this, that's the dark side of any type of domestic violence is that sadly the victim does have to go through,

like they have to relive it through going after their abuser, right? That's an incredibly unfortunate aspect of it. But due process is important. I just can't believe we were privy to see something so intimate like that. I was not expecting it to be like that. That will be interesting if we see more of that

stuff. What if I told you there was a great coffee alternative that was made out of mushrooms instead of coffee beans? I'd say you're talking about Mudwater? Mudwater is the drink for you. With four adaptogenetic mushrooms and some fancy herbs. With one-seventh the caffeine as a cup of coffee,

you get energy without anxiety, jitters, or the coffee crash, as they say. Can confirm. Yeah. Each ingredient was added with purpose, cacao and chai for mood, and a microdose of caffeine. Lion's mane for alertness, turmeric for soreness and cinnamon for antioxidants. Plus much more.

It's not too sweet. It actually has like a really lovely cinnamon cacao flavor. I boil water, mix it all in and then I add oat milk, ice and a little bit more water. So that way it's like this fun little like ice chai situation. And I really think it does wonders in terms of not having a crash with caffeine. Like I do feel energized. It's still like I used to be a coffee drinker and I've started drinking mud water. It still gets me up in the morning, but it's just like, it's a lot less like volatile, like jitter than crash and a lot more just like sustained energy throughout the day. Mud is Whole30 approved, 100% USDA organic,

non-GMO, gluten-free, vegan, and kosher certified. Mud water allows you to build a morning ritual that promotes sustained energy without the crash. Go to mudwater, that's M-U-D-W-T-R dot com slash V-I-A-L-L to support the show and use code V-I-A-L-L for 15% off. I feel like my brain is a little bit like, not broken, but just like all done.

You know, like I feel like I'm finally closing this tab on my computer screen that I'd like kept opening and minimizing and opening and minimizing. And now it's like, I just get to X out of it. And it's like, oh, what a relief. But it's not even an X out because now her lawyer is doing all this press about how she can't even pay it. They're talking about, I think, maybe appealing it.

Like, you know, it's like still under the surface. A few hours ago, a Saudi man proposed marriage to Amber. He sent, my favorite part of this article that I'm reading is that he sent a voice. This was a voice note. So even though it was done in a virtual format, don't worry, he added that personal element. And it says, quote, Amber, since all doors are closing on you, you have no one except me to take care of you. Great start. I've noticed that some people hate and bully you.

Therefore, I decided to marry you. May Allah bless us both. You are a blessing, but people don't appreciate that. I am better than that old man. Is he rich though? Is he going to pay the settlement? There are a handful of very wealthy people. Maybe he's a Saudi prince.

Maybe she's going to get the upper hand and become royalty. I believe there are literally thousands of Saudi princes. Should I go there? Should we all go? A tour? I don't know much about Saudi Arabia. I know there's a lot of takes, but I do believe there is a lot of royalty.

That much I know. Got to find one. Yeah, that's another thing. It just, it doesn't, you know, Amber said she wanted to like live her life and go away and she definitely doesn't seem to be doing that. I know she lost, but it seems to be very PR. Well, yeah, now, I mean, it's like a campaign trail.

Yeah. Like it's like, wow. But that seems, doesn't that take away further take away the authenticity or or no there's just a lot of like things that remain unclear um so yeah so four one out for the trial that is hopefully leaving the media. But again, I think hopefully a lot of my hope for this case is that there will continue to be thoughtful discourse around this topic of domestic violence and a recognition that unfortunately women and men can be victims and that it happens far too often to far too many people.

And when someone comes forward, we need to believe them and listen to them and hear their stories and give them the benefit of the doubt and then go from there. Yeah. Speaking of hearing stories, we do have an office hours text. Let's get to our office hour. How's it going? Hi, how are you?

Good. What's your name? My name is Marina and I'm 24. Hi, Marina. How can we help? I need help drafting a text to someone I want to date. Okay. Tell us about this person.

Okay. So a couple months ago, I met this guy on Hinge. And we didn't really like text starting off. We're not really good with the text. And he went out of town or whatever. And then we went on a date. And then a month kind of went by. We didn't really text that much, but occasionally we did and we'd get to like little flirty messages.

How was the date? Oh, I thought it was great. I, we went like, um, to a nice like Italian restaurant, really loved it.

Whole meal of food on our first date. Yeah. Wine and pasta. Yeah. And it was, it lasted like four hours. Okay. Oh, to a nice like italian restaurant really loved it whole meal of food on our first date yeah wine and pasta yeah and it was it lasted like four hours okay oh that's good how did that that's really good really well he um ended up like pop kissing me at the end of the day i was a little i didn't know that he was gonna do it what's a pop kiss yeah like. Like a pop kiss? Like, like a surprise one? Like a peck? Basically. But he was just like,

no. Yeah. And I was just like, a little nervous kiss. Yeah. Yeah. But it didn't like, you didn't like,

you didn't like grab him. There was no like, I didn't have time. He like ran away? No, no, no. Like,

I like, are you laughing at me or her? You. We're laughing at you. Why? Sorry. Just continue. No, all good.

He just, I just didn't know that he was going to do that because we were in the middle of a conversation and he like just pop kissed me. Okay. Pop kissed. Yeah. Well, super cute. Pop kissed he just pop-kissed me. Okay. Pop-kissed. Well, super cute. Pop-kissed. I think it's a great term. Yeah. A surprise little kiss that you didn't see coming.

And then after he pop-kissed you, would he got an Uber or he left? Well, we were at my car. He walked me to my car. Okay. And we just kind of kept talking. I don't know. It wasn't really talking.

Okay. And then, and then afterwards, no, the tech, the texts you sent, I'm mostly curious about the texts after the first date. When does that start? That's you don't even have that. I deleted them on my end. Oh, what are all these texts marina why i got mad fair enough but so like we ended up okay that's the first day um it was like a month went by

we didn't really text that much and then we'd get into like little spurts of like texts of like so all this all of these are before you your first date after the ones i have last week yes this is last week oh so these these texts were after the date yeah we're we're not there okay but i just want yeah so then yeah okay so then second day um went well, watched live music, and then had dinner. Long date, made out a couple times. I thought the date went really well. Okay. And then after, he didn't really text that much.

He was just being very distant. I'd get a text a day, and then I just stopped texting him. And then I would him like the next week i was like sorry it was like busy and then so since then we've been going on these like we text for a little bit wait a week and then text again who's initiating and then both okay so he'll initiate it sometimes i'll initiate initiate it sometimes. Okay. But it's just been back and forth. So this is the most recent one of the text. So I was out of town, and my friend helped me draft this text of cars

because he's really into cars. And that's where the first thing comes through. And he's like, did you need to send that to me now? I'm just like, yeah. Maybe we just read a few to get a feel for these people. And by these people, I mean you

and him. I feel like it just doesn't go anywhere. Have you read it? I'm reading. I feel like it just kind of stops off. It just starts and then it stops. What page do you want to start on? Let's give them a dramatic read. Friday, May 20th, 10.02pm.

Alright, let's do it. Alright, go ahead. Hey, wondering how your week went. How were the interviews? The next day. Saturday, May 21st, 4.20pm. In the afternoon. Hey, they've gone

very, very well, actually. Hoping to hear back Tuesday. How was your week? Did you mean to send that message about the Ferrari? So wait, what did you send? I don't know. Like as soon as I sent it, he texted me back. But your friend helped you draft a message that he first ignored.

And then after you sent a message asking what is a week he was like oh by the way did you mean to send that well he like texted back and i was like oh no because he goes what are you talking but like a question mark goes what are you talking about you don't do you know do you have that message so something about test driving a friend's ferrari and something about like this is the friend who helped you drive? This is the friend, yeah. That sounds like me as the mechanic. Something about horsepower. So pretty much it said, hey,

I test drove my friend's Ferrari. He tuned it and so originally it's like 700 horsepower and it's like 800, super sick. She said he's a car guy. Were you Googling car terms? I love cars. You love cars. I love luxury cars.

So like, I'm like, I got you girl. She said he's a car guy. So I'm like. I think it was too random. He also drinks deep too. So I'm like, you know, let me show off. You oversold her knowledge of cars. Yeah.

And then he was like, okay. He couldn't hang with the car knowledge. And clearly he's not the car guy you thought he was. Clearly, yeah. I think he was just like, what are you talking about? All right. Okay, so we'll continue. Go ahead, Tito.

Okay. And then four hours later you responded, and you clearly just deliberately waited four hours. Okay, good. I'm glad to hear the interviews went well. And ha- haha, yes, I was in conversation with some people and it reminded me of you. And he like

reacted to that message. That's rough. We need to talk about how dare you not use a love react, sir? How dare you? Yeah. We do a lot of that. I hate a like react. Here's a note for people out there. I think when you're texting someone you just

met yeah in a playful way i think you need to establish parameters around the heart and the like responses and that is like i think playfully if someone gives you a thumbs up i think you call them out and be like what's a good joke you we could call out people who you know you just basically say like am I your brother or like why why are you giving me a thumbs up because I think people can do it a laziness but you're right it can be perceived as really dismissive yeah if yeah it feels like the reaction equivalent of like cool story bro I feel like what I tend to do is just uh a few minutes later strike by liking by reacting to a message to them. What's passive-aggressive?

I think it's showing instead of telling. That's passive-aggressive. I think it's experiential learning. Also known as passive-aggressive. All right. Moving right along. Yeah. I feel like I did this with a friend.

We were like, it was early stages. This was a while back, but we were, it never went anywhere, but we were kind of texting and neither of us knew what it was. And she kind of called me out in a playful way. She was like, I'm going to need you to go ahead and heart things going forward if you actually like them and not thumbs up because that's what my brother does. Or something like that. That's okay. That's cool.

And you do it in a playful way, not like yelling at him. Yeah. But you're right. It was a fuck you to you. Or just to show that he is not an emotive or like, I don't know, he's not like a super enthusiastic, warm texter. Did you mean to show that he is not like an emotive or like, I don't know. He's not like a super enthusiastic, warm texter.

Did you mean to send that? He's going to love the rest of the reactions then. Yeah, he gives you love. Okay, so then Sunday, May 22nd at 1219. He writes, how is your new job coming along? Enjoying it? Going well, learning a lot, but still so much more to learn. Haha, but overall I am enjoying it.

And again, he like reacts. He like reacts. The like reaction bandit. But he does write, that's fantastic. Yes. I'm a bit nervous. My training is almost over. I really hope I exceed expectations and do well.

I'm sure you'll do fantastic. No worries here. I appreciate that. Thank you. What made you want to look for a new job? What do you mean by no worries here? Like he's not worried about her? Like she's being bad? Gotcha.

I just don't enjoy it. Or my boss. And then you write, ha ha, you ha ha'd that. So what position and places have you been looking for? This was a day later. Lots of different places. Just all kinds of finance roles.

You guys are just talking about work. And I don't know if we have time to cover all of the text, but there's a lot of checking in about the status of the interviews. Yeah. That's all you guys talk about are interviews. I'm waiting for something flirty to come up, like something spicy. Okay, the flirtiest thing that i said blah blah interviews tomorrow i said um because he has this final round for interviews tomorrow i said blah blah great news

what's meant to be will be and i said you're quite impressionable and it he like texted back really fast after that, but I meant the text was supposed to go together and say, thank you, we'd be lucky to have you. Okay. Well, thank you, kissy face. Yeah, he did throw in a kissy face. And you also said kick ass today,

presumably on the day of the interview, and that got a heart react. So it's like things were heating up slightly. I'm skipping ahead to... The kissy face is on page 10 for were heating up slightly. I'm skipping ahead to... The kissy face is on page 10 for anyone who's looking. I'm skipping ahead to a dinner you sent him and he writes, damn, that looks yummy.

Yummy. Yummy. That looks yummy in the tummy. And then you write, wanna bite? And he wrote, yes, haha. Question mark confuses me. Like, yes? Yeah. Yeah, Max wouldn't write yummy.

I'm just thinking. Yeah, no. Yeah, he wouldn't write yummy. No. So, I think the main takeaway from these texts is that it's been pretty continuous, but sporadic. Like, there will be, like, a few hours between messages for a little bit. And so, you cut the conversation going, definitely a lot of like and it's not necessarily banter more like life updates yeah yeah so what is it that you want to right now

so I kind of want to like I feel like I have been kind of shooting my shot but i from the little read back i don't seem to be doing well with the texting i just kind of want to shoot my shot and just like say hey i'm kind of like into you but i don't want to be like super too forward is this his lawn is this like he's he's sending you his gardening yeah he's got a nice lawn he's kind of, it seems like he's very professional. Like, I feel like this man could be applying for an MBA program at any given moment. Is that accurate? Yeah. No, he does have his MBA.

How old is he? Oh, God. He's 25. He's 25? Oh, my God. I think we need to use his professionalism. We need to play to that. I think we need to use his professionalism. We need to play to that. I think we need to speak his language.

And I think we say something like kind of like flirty to him, like kind of like a little like teasy, like poking, but using like the format. That's so very, like you call it like it is. You shoot your shot, you're direct, and we see what happens. Be like, am I ever going to get a third round interview with you or something? You know what I mean? Yeah. Something like that.

Yeah. That's good. It's not bad. It's really good. Yeah, it's not bad. It's really good. Yeah, it's not bad. I mean, you do have to,

I think the big point here is you, you sent a litany of text messages trying to drop him hints to get him to ask you out. Yeah.

And each, but each time he's been the one to ask me out. I've never like asked like him on a date. The previous two dates For the previous two. Both, both each time he's been the one to ask me on, never like ask like him on a date. The previous two dates. For the previous two.

Both. Yeah. So there you go. So maybe it's your turn. Because you keep trying to get him to ask you out a third time. And that hasn't happened. I just, yeah.

In dating, I always feel like I, something I have to remind myself is sometimes it feels like there's power in being desired, but there's power in having your desires met. And so it like, that makes me present, prevents me from wanting to like ask someone out. Cause I'm like, please like chase me. But like, I think when you kind of do it by half where you're like just showing a lot of interest in them and they're not picking up on it, then it can feel like, oh, but I've already extended myself. But it's like important to remind yourself, like you haven't asked him out yet. So like, this is not you, like, this is not I've already extended myself. But it's important to remind yourself, you haven't asked him out yet. So this is not a last-ditch effort by any means.

And looking at these texts, it's not like, whoa, you're throwing yourself out there or he's clearly shutting you down. It feels pretty equally cordial and friendly. I wouldn't say that nothing's overtly aware. It's not obvious that you're like, ask me out on a date. So don't feel like you've looked desperate or anything like that. You have all the right to, at this point,

shoot your shot. Why? Yeah, it's been a while. Don't you invite yourself over to help him mulch? I mean, literally. I don't know. I was hanging out with my mom. Do you live close to this guy?

Because he keeps sending you pictures of his lawn and being like, this is my weekend doing this. He does stuff at his house. I feel like I'm coming over and making us dinner. I don't know. It's a third date. I feel like that's not out of the question. You had a whole meal of food

on your first date. Yeah. Do you like to cook? Oh, I love to cook. Maybe I can make your meatballs. you go. Oh my gosh. Maybe I can make your meatballs. There you go. Yeah, only if it's Thanksgiving though. Yeah, only if it's Thanksgiving.

And only if you eat none of the other food. Anybody else, Ross? Why? Yeah, I think he's asked you out on two dates. For whatever reason, he asked you out on a third. Are we in agreement that he could be just as confused as you are because you're doing the same thing there's a lack of communication well you're you're both being passive aggressive and cryptic and you're both not saying well you're not saying what you want we know that which is

you're not asking him on a date that you want and you're waiting for him to do that and he just as easily could have been like i don't know. I've asked her out twice. We had a couple meals. He gave you this peck on the first date, which suggests that he might be more of a timid in nature, not super assertive, which is fine. But like, you know. A lot more assertive the second date. Okay.

In a good way? Oh, yes. In a great way. Sounds like let's go third date. So. In a good way? Oh, yes. In a great way. Sounds like let's go third date. So let's go. Let's wrap it up. So, yeah. I mean,

the worst that could happen is you get full-on rejected, but at least you stop wasting your time texting someone and getting pictures of grass. Yeah.

I don't think she's going to get rejected, though. Especially if he was like, you know, full-on on the second date. I feel like it should continue. So why don't you she's going to get rejected, though. Especially if he was full on on the second date. I feel like it should continue. So why don't you say something along like, I would love to come see your yard work.

Should I cook dinner? Bring ingredients? Bring something? Put my tool belt on? At this point, I think, if she continues down this path, if he sends you another picture of his lawn, then do it. It's like a setup. But I also think

it would be totally fine. I'd be thinking it'd be totally fine for you to text him now, I don't know, or later today and be like... When are you free

for our third date? I think third round interview. Being like, so am I going to get a third round interview? Or just be like, when are you free for our third round interview?

Sure. Well, I don't know. This guy's... Is that going to go over his head? I mean... What if you hit him with a little fun winky face? I'm concerned this guy might lack a sense of humor. Okay, so what if we just say,

when are you free for our third date? Let's do this. No, I... I would love to go on a third date. When are you free? I don't even think you have to say third date. I love that. I would love to go on another date. When are you free? I don't even think you have to say third date. I love that. I would love to go on another date.

When are you free? I want to take you out. Yeah. When can we hang out again? I mean, yeah, just direct. I want to take you out? I think you say, I want to go on another date. She's like, are you going to murder me?

I got a 700 power horsepower. No, how about you? Think of something you want to do, whatever it is. And then you write, hey, I'd love to see you again. Let's go to X. Let's do X, Y. Let's do dinner and bowling. Let's go here.

I've been dying to see this place. I want to take you to this place. There's a, like, Top Gun. Have you seen it say no not a movie not a movie okay but top gun's good movies the movies you can't talk going ones well yeah on our second date i like said is there anything that you have in mind that we should do and i was like oh let's go see a comedy show and he goes well i'd like a setting to where i get to know you more like okay that's great so so dinner and bowling yeah yeah or like a brewery or a wine bar yeah it doesn't have to be

i mean don't overthink it just pick something horse riding i mean a trip to napa hey come with me to napa is there a brewery do you like beer I don't know there's a restaurant it literally could be a restaurant you want to check out there's a restaurant I've heard of this new place there's a restaurant let's go check it out

yeah I've been okay I've been wanting to try out Juniper yeah when are you free yeah yeah when are you free

even like that I'm sending it okay ready three two what time where are you it doesn't matter I even like that. All right, I'm sending it. Okay, ready? Three, two... What time? Where are you? It doesn't matter. Well, if it's 10 o'clock in the morning on the...

No, no, no. I'm on each side. Okay, great. Go ahead and send it. Three, two, one, send. Yay! It's on airplane mode. It's what? It's on airplane mode. I can't. Oh. It's what? It's on airplane mode.

It didn't go through. I'll send it after. Okay, but you press send. And that's what's important. Yeah. Let us know how it goes. We want an update. Yeah.

Good luck. Good for you. I appreciate that. Good for you for shooting your shot because it's hard. But know that you in no way have been any but desperate up until this point. And that text that you just sent is not desperate either. No're saying what you want you're asking a question also on your third date like maybe you think a lot about how what you like about him or make fun of him for using the like react so much i feel like there's a lot of things i like about him i just get so nervous nervous. I'm a big, I talk a lot, but on our dates,

I just get so nervous that I'm okay. No, I know. But I feel like a lot of people go on dates and when they say I've had a good date, they're just talking about the date. They're just talking about the lack of awkward moments and good conversation, which is all nice, but they're not necessarily thinking about what do I like about this person? You know, things they actually said, because they're so nervous about the date going well that like, you're not actually thinking about them.

You're thinking about the actual date. You know what I'm saying? So when you go on the date, like now think about if he wants to go on a date, like what specifically you like, like focus on getting to know him. And I think if you say something nice to him, then he gets more confident. And then I think it's kind of contagious in that way.

So I think if you're really like kind of like, oh, like double dutch, like waiting to kind of like jump in and get into it conversationally. I think like saying something that opens the other person up can be a really good way of then like creating an opening for yourself. Really good advice. I'm just taking it all in too. We're here all week. Alright, well good luck. Let us know how it goes. Thank you. I appreciate it. Alright, take care.

Bye. Nice to meet you all. It was a pleasure. It's so good to see you. Do you want to come back and recap an episode of the upcoming Bachelorette season? Yes, please. We'd love to have you.

I have so many things. We love strong opinions. Thanks for listening, guys. Don't forget to send in your questions, your texting office hours, your Ask Nick calls at asknick at castmedia.com That's cast with a K. Tomorrow we have the Stallone sisters in our Going Deeper

episode. We'll be talking about a ton of things. We'll be talking about mice. For 90 minutes. We've got some texting offers hours updates for you. That's it. Thanks for listening.

Bye. for you that's it thanks for watching but before you go make sure you like subscribe and ring that bell so you don't miss any future videos like our mondays ask nick especially if you're looking for some relationship stories and relationship advice as well as our wednesday interviews with your favorite celebrities and experts see you next time