The Viall Files - E450 Going Deeper - The One That Got Away, Chris Evans plus JLO & Ben Married

Episode Date: July 20, 2022

Welcome back to The Viall Files, Going Deeper edition! Today we are joined by star of The One That Got Away, Jeff Perla. On this episode we welcome on Jeff to dive into his experience on the show, get the tea on who he left the show with, and how the producers dug up people from his past. We also talk about if it’s worth it to explore missed connections, the contestants Jeff loved and hated the most on the show, and doing body shots for a dollar at brunch. We also talk about coming out when you’re an adult, and how sometimes reopening a connection can bring a lot of emotional weight. We also dive into some pop culture topics such as Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez getting married after years of being apart, Chris Evans announcing that he’s ready for love and will be putting all his energy into it, and the Tristan Thompson -Khloe Kardashian situation with people commenting on her dating choices. We then welcome on TWO Texting Office Hours Callers. Our first caller wants to formulate a text to help find a reason for her to travel to see a guy that lives far away from her. Knowing that they’ve hit it off in the past, she learns to be direct and learn that it’s better to ask for what you want rather than chase. Our next caller wonders what to do when someone she’s been hooking up with begins to ask very strange personal questions regarding her and the future. Now she wonders if she should play the game and send a semi-snarky text or move on from this hookup.  “Don’t chase a man during Summer.” Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  If you would like to get some advice on Office Hours send an email to [e-mail] with “Office Hours” in the subject line!  Be sure to check out my sports radio show Fandemonium, Wednesdays @ 3PT / 6 ET  on Amazon's Amp app.  Click the link to download Amp using my code NICKVIALL https://apps.apple.com/us/app/amp-host-live-radio-shows/id1586403838 Pre-Order Nick’s Book: https://www.abramsbooks.com/product/dont-text-your-ex-happy-birthday_9781419755491/ Check out our new "Introvert" merch at http://www.viallfiles.com today! THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Chime: Get started with Chime today. Applying for a free account takes less than 2 minutes. Get started at http://www.Chime.com/viall Episode Socials:  @viallfiles @nickviall @jeffperla @MessyBestiePV  #TheOneThatGotAway @PrimeVideo  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

what's going on everybody welcome back to another exciting episode of the vile files going deeper edition welcome hey thanks for listening uh Allie and Amanda are with me. Jeff Perla is our guest today from the new hit show, The One Who Got Away. The One That Got Away. The One That Got Away. One who? One that got away. It's such a small difference.

The one that got away. But I find it endearing when you say the wrong word. Also, we have some meaty discussions about Chris Evans J-Lo and Ben Affleck's marriage and uh Chloe surrogacy talk Chloe surrogacy leave Chloe alone really

Chris Evans touched my heart yeah yeah he did he's now on your Mount Rushmore of guests he's on my Mount Rushmore of guests

who do you is it just him and Harry Styles right now or do we have I don't feel like the need to like fill it out

okay without yeah you want to save real estate you got two more I don't want to like I just want to be like do we have? I don't feel like the need to like fill it out. Okay. Without. No, you want to save real estate. You got two more. I don't want to like, I just want to be like, oh, pick someone that I don't like.

No. You don't want to take someone off the mountain. That's hard. After hearing Chris talk about wanting to find love, I'd love to talk to him about his, his, his love life and like more important, like how he,

I think he, he probably has some thoughtful things. He would never share with me, but I would be curious. But we get into that. Europe was fun. Yeah. What was?

I liked, we liked Paris much better than London. How many days? And this was nothing against London. The people in both cities truly delighted.

Really enjoyed people from Paris and enjoyed the people from London. The cabbies in London, delightful. The food, no, I'm sorry. Not so much with the food in London. London to me felt like another cool city, like a New York that was more spread out like in LA,

but where Paris truly felt like a mythical place. Yeah, like a snow globe. Right? It didn't feel like another city. It felt like a really unique, special place. The food in Paris is much better than the food in London. What did you eat when you were in London? Just like a lot of different meats?

Yeah, like there's steak in London, not for me. Did you do fish and chips? No, we should have because, have because Natalie doesn't like fish. I bet their fish and chips would have been fine because I regretted that. Yeah, it just wasn't. We did some shopping in both. The shopping is good in London too, but it was really good in Paris. What was your big purchase?

I bought a suit for Wells and Sarah's wedding. Ooh. Yeah. I got these pants and I got this shirt. I got these pants in London. I got this shirt but these pants in london i got this shirt and uh when is their wedding is one of my favorite stores and it's a paris brand so i bought some things at the couples are you good about throwing out clothing when you get new clothing oh okay i'm definitely not a hoarder for sure i definitely like to get rid of things i could always be better because i'm also like i have a tight rotation you know you do yeah you wear very similar you re-wear he's a big re-wearer

you have your favorites yeah really lovely time in paris is there a highlight or like special moment that stands out the most well we had dinner at giraffe which was highly recommended by a lot of people and uh we met my our friend Alexa is staying in Paris and she met a guy named Elliot. And we hung out with the two of them all the days and it was great to have like a tour guide. And he got us into Draft, which was a dinner outside the Eiffel Tower,

really good food. And then we found this other like little cafe outside of our hotel that had the best fucking chicken ever i'm gonna so miss it just so but i i found the advice i got from alexa when it came to like dealing with people in paris was just say walk in and just say bonjour bonjour bonjour whatever it is bonjour and just like attempt that's it that's all you that's all you need to do is to say hello or hi. Greet them in France and then be like, yeah, I don't know.

That's all I know. And then everyone was so nice. But you got to extend the olive branch. It's like you had it like. You can't be the entitled American. You can't walk in and just say, what's up? You know, just say bonjour. English.

And act confused when they try to talk to you in France. And then everyone was super delightful. That's really pleasant people. And the people in London were really sweet. I'm scared of the French. They were very kind. Okay. Good to know.

Yeah. I'm intimidated by them. They seem so like chic. I really enjoy their company. Okay. Yeah. A ringing endorsement for the French. Yeah.

I had a nice time. A lot of engagement expectations. A lot of ring emojis on your posts. But you've always said you wanted to propose in a place that you could easily revisit for anniversaries. Yeah. I'm definitely not a let's take a trip. Yeah. It's not my style. But Nick,

to take your serious girlfriend after your Instagram caption for the New Year's big things this year, and then to take your girlfriend to Paris, I do think it's pretty warranted. I'm not upset or frustrated with people who suggested. Sure. I'm like, I'm not mad at it. And I anticipated. Did you acknowledge it with Natalie at all? No, you said there was a slip up with like

her nails or something. Or was that a different occasion? She was like, what? Yeah. It was, that was kind of funny. We were definitely

on the same page leading up to the trip. Like, but prior to us leaving, there was, we were doing some traveling and I don't remember this conversation, but she made a joke. If I'm going to propose whenever I'm going to propose just to make sure that her, her nails look nice.

And so when we were talking about leading, like leaving for our two week kind of trip of everything, because was i was i was flying to wisconsin ahead of her she had to go visit her dad and then and so i was like oh well on that day when you pack just like get your nails done or something just like take the day and she goes huh i was like what and for like a good 10 minutes i was like what are you talking about you're like you know what don't get them done yeah then it became this rough them up. No, we were very much on the same page. But yeah, I anticipated people might. Assume.

Have some expectations. Yeah, I'm just on a like flies. And I gotta say, it just seems like everyone's in fucking Europe

on Instagram. Everyone's in Europe. Big Europe summer. I don't know. It doesn't feel like, it's not for me, I guess.

He's gonna do it the Prince Harry way. Making a chicken down on one knee. Except for it's gonna be taco night or meatballs. Nellie doesn't like meatballs as me, I guess. He's going to do it the Prince Harry way, making a chicken down on one knee. Except for it's going to be taco night or meatballs. Natalie doesn't like meatballs as much as I do. Taco night. It's just in a meatball.

It's in a taco. Anything new with you ladies? I tried out an aerial class this weekend. I'm the most sore I've ever been. Will you do it again? Yes. A thousand times yes. Because it's so.

What was the highlight? Why? Why do you want to do it again? Yes. A thousand times yes. Because it's so... What was the highlight? Why? Why do you want to do it again? Because it's like there's something like flying, like be in the air. And I think it's challenging. Like I played a bunch of sports growing up. I feel like it's been a while since I've... What was your main sport?

Volleyball. That was like my... I almost played D3 volleyball at UChicago. That was the only reason I saw Northwestern was because they were doing a recruiting thing there. My parents made me. But it was very, it was just exciting to do something new that I'd never done before. That was like, and I was just like, it was very artful and it felt like an event as opposed to like, I've tried a bunch of different like Pilates, bar. So I feel like it's one of those workouts where you're like, you kind of forget it's a

workout because it's more of like an activity than anything. It requires so much strength. Oh my God, yeah. It's insane. We had to do circus training when I was at Northwestern. That was part of our curriculum. It really burns. Circus training. Part of our theater education was we had a unit for circus training.

We went to a different place called the Actors Gym. And it was like, yeah, we had to do full circus and i was really good at the trapeze and i had like long nails at the time and the woman who ran the program was so serious about it because she like grew up in the circus and she was watching me do the trapeze and she was like those nails would never fly in the circus and i was like well good because i'm not in one like i was like i'm not trying to be a trapeze artist sucks for me in the circus uh well we have a great episode for you uh so we'll get to it don't forget to send those questions for all things vile files whether it's ask nick or texting office hours at ask

nick at cast media.com cast okay you know the drill let's get to jeff let's get to jeff and for all you sports fans out there if you you're interested in hearing me and my wonderful co-host, Lindsay McCormick, talk all things sports, join us today or every Wednesday at 6 p.m. Eastern on the live AMP app. Go into our bio. We'll put it on there. Especially all Packer fans, as we get ready for training camp,

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Jeff, welcome. How are you? I'm great. How are you? I'm great, man. How are you feeling after you're popping your reality TV cherry? I gotta say, I was thrilled to watch it because I was so nervous to watch my mannerisms or how I talk or if I kissed awkwardly. I felt like that was something that always happens on The Bachelor that I was very mindful of to not kiss awkwardly. Not kiss awkwardly. Did you close your eyes? Because that's something that people often get criticized for in The Bachelors, which I defend because I think more people kiss with their eyes open than they realize.

I don't think I've ever come across eye-open kissers. I think everyone's done it. I don't think everyone always closes their eyes. Well, that's the great paradox is that if you know someone else's eyes are open, your eyes are open. Right. That would be so creepy to watch. But you don't look at, you don't go. If your eyes are open kissing someone, then where are you looking?

You're looking at them, right? I don't, I don't know. But I think more people do it than they realize. And they're just not being filmed doing it. I guess, yeah. I did practice filming kissing. You did practice. You filmed.

I wanted to make sure my neck wasn't sticking out. I was like, let's do a little practice run of what I look like. I mean, you looked good. Maybe I should have done stuff like that. Did you ask for like a volunteer, like a co-star to film these tapes with? Listen, when you're gay, there's always volunteers. There's a plethora of people who are down relatable so the one who uh got away i am fascinated about this this concept um did you believe in this idea the one who got away like how did you end up on this show let's start there yeah so the casting company was like reaching out multiple times about like every possibility it seemed like for two years and

i just kept saying every possibility like any dating show that was coming out they're like jeff we want you jeff we want you and i was like no no like i just never wanted to be like trash on television like that didn't interest me how did this How did this company get a hold of your name? I guess when you post your butt on Instagram a lot, they find you. Okay. All right. So that's the secret sauce.

Yes. Post your butt. And that's how they'll find you. So they reached out and they said, we think you'd be great because you could just like see if you have a connection with a missed connection. And I thought the concept was like really interesting. So I went through the casting process, took like six months and

I ended up going on. Gotcha. So it wasn't like that you had this like thought in your mind of people from your past. Prior? No. No. And how did, how did they find these people? Because some of the people on the show, I just assumed that when you went on the show, you made a list of a bunch of people. You're like, I don't know. I wouldn't mind seeing what this person's up to. But some of the people who came through the portal,

people didn't remember. Yeah. I mean, I did give them a list, but you were also on the list and you didn't show up. So they didn't really follow the list. You know what I so it ended up being people that like my mom referred my sister referred oh like they called my best friends like they asked who they thought about like the people who like one person was like yeah i slid into your dms a while back how did they find that person yeah i don't know about that one they have a whole team though they go in deep they dove they dove real i mean they found someone from my confirmation uh-huh i love that that was

great it was something yeah and you but you seem like you you didn't end up with that gentleman no i did not you found love though how long was the filming process we filmed for like last summer and it was kind of like I had no idea. Like I feel like, for example, The Bachelor, right? You know that you kind of like it's kind of repetitive. I walked into this process. I had no idea how eliminations were going, where I was sleeping, how many people there were, when the portal was open or closed. And so I would just be like sometimes sleeping. My lights would turn on. They'd be like, Jeff, come on. We're going when the portal was open or closed and so i would just be like sometimes

sleeping my lights would turn on they'd be like jeff come on we're going to the portal i'm like fuck how long did filming take though like six weeks six weeks and how many how many people did you meet like seven or eight i believe so how did you and alex what was it about alex that made you and remind the audience how you originally met alex before the show yeah so alex was is my best friend from new york so we do pretty much everything together he's your best friend yeah yeah so he has like the keys to my apartment and i left him with the keys when i went to film to like water my plants and like take care of like my Airbnb situation while I was gone for a couple weeks and then all of a sudden when I saw him it was like a whole bunch of emotions because I was like happy to see him but I'm also like who the fuck's watching my apartment right now so did he

like he came to like profess his love and shoot a shot pretty much but to be honest i did meet him on a dating app like three years ago and then he became friends we hooked up for like two months it was great and then he started becoming friends with like all my friends it was a lot of pressure on like you know 25 year old jeff and i was like we're just gonna be good friends because this is too much for me and then he found that you were going on this one that got away and then he was like no wait i'm the one who got away swooped in and he swooped in and do you feel like this is like the start of something really special like do you think i mean i won't say the star it's been a year at this point like i feel like i'm like yeah i guess the year's been done for so you're still together yeah like i feel like we're in a good

spot like i feel like stable for the first time in my life like i feel like we're both on the same page talk about everything so i'm not like worried about what he's doing i could do whatever i want like it's just like a good relationship and then there was some drama with posts people posting their relationships i mean i wouldn't say drama i would just say like some came off more authentic than others right what do you mean by that who did who didn't come off authentic i just feel like there was two of us that came off the show and relationships and the ones you and uh alissa alissa who i gotta say that was a reality TV shocker. Yeah, she was great. I don't think anyone anticipated Alyssa being the only one else to end up in a relationship

is the way things started for her. You know, I think when you know what you want, you just, you go out there and find it until you find it. Do you, but you don't think, you think that relationship isn't as authentic? No, I love her. But. All I'm going to say is that the other ones who are not in relationships who decided to post that they are working on things or maybe whatever oh everyone

else pretty much so everyone else and and then what did they post you gotta look on instagram but basically it was just it felt unauthentic to me. That's all I'm going to say. Did you say something on Instagram? No, I chose to not respond to the group chat. I just let everyone do their talking. They heard it here first. Sure, yeah.

So Jeff doesn't think. And what don't you think is inauthentic? They're working on themselves? No, I'm just saying, like, I think is you know is inauthentic they're working on themselves no i'm just saying like i think if you're gonna talk about like where you stand in a relationship right and then all of a sudden you can't tell your friends who you've been on this experience with like what's going on you can't give a solid answer then like how do you expect other people to understand what that answer is what if it was maybe they just didn't find their person on the show then say that who we love transparency who is your who is your least favorite person

on the show that's tough to say because i feel like i to be honest i would say in the beginning i was like definitely alissa and i was like stay away from her because she was so much in the beginning that I was like, I didn't know if she was an actress. I was like, how did they find this girl? And then she ended up being like my best friend on the show towards the end. Okay. So she really came around. But who didn't? Until episode two.

Who are your least favorite people? Who came on for me or like the other? Oh, no, your castmates. The other leads. I just feel like you click with some and then you don't click with the others. I will say my bestie leaving was Alyssa. And then I would say my second would be Nigel. And then.

Your second bestie. Yeah. Yeah. The other three were great. Yeah, we were other three were ranking them in their own capacity have you kept in touch with any of the other men that you dated on the show all of them you're friends with all of them that's nice new york's a small circle so i feel like half of them came from new york so i see them out they come to brunch one of them still like works at my drag brunch because the one was the drag queen. So they still perform at my brunch and it's great. And tell me more about this brunch.

On Sundays at Amor Loco, I host a drag brunch. So I hire the drag queens. We take lots of shots. Very cool. I let people do body shots off me for a dollar and we call it a day. It's a great gig. And have they always been taking body shots off you for a dollar, and we call it a day. It's a great gig. And have they always been taking body shots off you for a dollar, or is this post-reality TV? Pretty much if they ask, I'll let them do it. Would you let people do body shots off you for a dollar? Probably not. Okay.

Five dollars? I don't know what my price would be. Okay. Think about it. I just feel like it'd be a little sticky. Yeah, it's not my thing but like i think it's great it's like i think you're garbage for doing it like just say the word trash go for it just say it's trash that's all i'm saying i wouldn't do it but it's

yeah i'm not i'm not here to judge any any body shot taking yeah it's great wait it's a body shot where they pour it into your belly button oh for even like some of like like sometimes in the midst of brunch we'll do like a game but sometimes you can have a real shot flies and i'll put the real shot glass in the guy's fly and then i make people like have to take a shot out of the guy's fly oh wow so pretty much you guys should come to this brunch. This is in New York? Yeah. Where can people listening in New York, if they want to come support your brunch? Amor Loco. Amor Loco. On Sundays.

Sundays, one to three. One to three. Could we start a Monday late sometimes so Amanda can go to this brunch and then fly back really drunk? Do you believe in the one that got away concept? I thought it was super interesting. And the only reason I'm going to say yes is because all of us have a different storyline, right? Like mine was my best friend who I never looked at like that.

But after having like such deep, serious conversations with just the two of us and not our whole friend group involved, it can make you look at people in a different light that you never gave them a chance. And then Alyssa, for example, I mean, who we all were in high school is not who we are now, right? So I mean, you might have a connection with that person if you give them a second chance. What advice would you give to people from a one-and-got-away standpoint? So like, do you think there needs to be... Well, your situation is interesting because it was like, it was your friend, but do you think the one who got away applies to like exes? That's a tough one. And I feel like I'd have to say probably not depending on how you broke up,

because like if somebody cheated on me, I probably wouldn't go back to you because i just would never trust you again but if we broke up because like they were moving to la and i wanted to stay in new york but then i ended up coming to la and we were both in the same city at the same time maybe so it's like a misconnection i would say it's about misconnection do you guys have it well you're in love do you have any uh ones who got away like not necessarily like people in your and like that you wonder like what what if you know yeah because i feel like there's always like the like right person wrong time mentality i don't know if i have any that come to mind because i every reason that i feel like things have ended are still reasons now so like with the locations and stuff that makes sense but even if you are in a relationship

i think you still think back on somebody in your life totally who like you wish you gave that extra chance to because like now you don't think about as much because you're in a relationship but i think you could be in a relationship now and still think about someone. Throughout my single life, a couple of women who I... It usually started with me having a crush on them. And then me pursuing the crush. And then we got together at some point. And I remember really wanting to like them.

And great people, wonderful people, beautiful. But like, for whatever reason, it just felt like I just, and there were, there were a couple of these women where like, we, we tried like a couple times to go on dates and like, it just felt like it just wasn't, it wasn't a vibe. Like, I really wanted to like them because I thought they're like, you know, like on paper, so to speak, you know, can't force a connection. And it just, it just wasn't there. But like, other than that, you know, like I'm also like, like the one who got away, I've always, I've been reluctant to like embrace. Cause I think sometimes people will fantasize about some person and then fill in the gaps with what they don't know about them. And they always fill in the gaps with like good things, you know, like how they might treat them. No one's like filling the gaps with like, you know what, they probably, they're probably flaky, you know. They might not brush their teeth. Yeah, they're probably sloppy. Yeah. You know, it's always, they fill in the gaps with like really romantic things so like

sometimes the the one who got away concept i think is it can be a little uh a potential like pitfall i i think it's maybe with friendship a little bit more authentic when there's actually like some kind of connection even if it's not in a romantic lens like through a romantic lens i think that's a little bit more like okay well at least you're developing your relationship and getting to know them better especially if it's a scenario where they were dating someone at the time and so you knew it would never progress beyond that but I could see that as being kind of like a garden where love could grow eventually well one of the things I loved was the people who came on I already knew like I wasn't necessarily talking about like oh what do you do for work or like how is your like i know all these things about these people it was more

just we come from the same town or we both live in new york or whatever our situation was as to how we know each other so it's more just kind of like picking up off that base we already had it wasn't just like uh what's your favorite color? You know? Yeah. There was like, you guys had a baseline. Were you nervous with some more than others? I would say the thing

that surprised me most was that, like for example, I came out when I was 21. So some of those people who came on, I knew as straight Jeff. So when I saw these people, it kind of brought back those like closeted, nervous,

awkward emotions that I had when I was with them because I haven't seen them in all those years. So I was surprised. I think that's one thing I wasn't prepared for is the emotions it brings back by seeing people from a time frame in your life that you were maybe like insecure or whatever it was. And so that was the trickiest part for me. I can only imagine like if I met someone back from high school, like, you know, if I was on the show, like, did you feel like you had to like bring them up to speed with who you have become? Like you almost were like, oh, just like, like you know like remind them because like if you meet someone from high school you might worry that they remember you as the same person from high

school and like i i would remind i would think to myself that you could i could see people wanting to with that feeling you described to like want to like yeah i guess like really bring people up to speed but did you not feel any of that pressure? I don't think I felt that pressure because I felt like the dates were more so like interactive or something was happening that you kind of just got to get to know each other from the activity you're doing. I didn't feel like I needed to be like, hey, by the way, like I don't go to a club and have tequila in a water bottle anymore. I'm more mature than that now. You know what I mean? Like we're like past all those things. Well, on the topic of exes and ones who got away, should we talk about

I just feel like it's so apparent the wedding between J.A. Lowe and Ben Affleck. That is a one that got away. Yeah, 20 years later. I feel like that's a real success story for ones that got away. Not to be a cynic, but my first

thought, they've both been married multiple times. They both have kids. And I've never been married. But as I've gotten older, and I want to get married and all that fun stuff, but I got to say, as I've gotten older, I've become a little bit more cynical about marriage.

And so I find, like, to me, it's kind of like, I'm surprised they got married. Do you think it's more like once you get to a certain age, why are you getting married? I think it's cool that they still believe in marriage. I'm the cynic in this. I'm just more like from a pragmatic standpoint, like what is it about getting married that they feel like they needed to take that step? Like they've both have had a handful of marriages that didn't work out. It would have made sense to me if they were both like, this is great what we have. Like we're in love. We have like and and we have our like a blended family yeah it's it's all like they both financially thriving yeah you know like they're but like what what is marriage doing for that relationship maybe she was sick of her last name she changed that real quick i was shocked i was shocked yeah j. Jennifer Affleck. Jarring.

It just doesn't sound right. It doesn't sound right yet. And also, was Jennifer Garner also Jennifer Affleck? Oof. Ooh, maybe at one point, right? I don't know. I don't know. She could change her name.

Him and the Jennifer's. No, I mean, I couldn't be happier for them. And I hope they prove to the world that marriage can be after how many times in a beautiful thing. But they are my hopeful inspiration because, you know, as this world, dating world evolves and we become enlightened daters, like the historical importance of marriages has become less significant for people. It's especially from a non-religious standpoint. It's, especially from a non-religious standpoint, it's like a legal document. Yeah.

You know? And you don't even save that much on taxes. Everyone's like, oh, it's a tax. It's like you really don't save much. It's not really worth

when people say that. I'm just really flying the wall. I want to know, like, why, like, was Ben just, did Ben surprise her where he could just

get down on one knee? Did they talk about it? Was J-Lo like... Well, they got the marriage license on knee? Did they talk about it? Was J-Lo like? Well, they got the marriage license on the 16th. Can we still call her J-Lo now? Yeah. Or is it J? She has to be J-Lo.

Or is it J? J-F. J-F? J-Lek. J-Lek? J-Lek. J-Lek. J-F.

But congratulations to them. Yeah. I'm here for it. I wonder if part of the getting married is like especially because it was a relationship that was so intense when it existed in its first iteration if there's almost the sense of like we finally did it like that thing that we never got to before being marriage and like getting engaged and all of that like i wonder if there's a little bit of like we just want to like fulfill this thing because it's been such a long time coming

maybe i mean yeah maybe it was more monumental for them. I'm really curious what the reasoning was. She texted her ex happy birthday is what I will say. She did. She did. Yeah. But even like Kim Kardashian in their last season on Hulu was saying she was like, yeah, I'd like to get married

like one more time, like kind of hinting at Pete. But that would be her fourth marriage. Well, this is J-Lo's fourth. Yeah. I would just be pissed as like an attendee if I had to go to a friend's wedding four fucking times in a decade

and be like, I got to give you a gift again. Yeah, I already got you a fucking Le Creuset Dutch oven. I'd be like, you don't get to just keep having weddings because you want me to. Like, that's horrible.

I don't know, but like if you're J-Lo, one of the perks of being J-Lo is people being more than happy to attend keep having weddings because you want me to like that's horrible i don't know but like if you're j-lo one of the perks of being j-lo is people being more than happy to attend as many weddings as yes we're all waiting for our invite j-lo's like you know what don't come i think it's cool that they did like a vegas thing though it didn't feel like it was over the top i actually love that they did a Vegas. Yeah. Very fun. Yeah, I would really be curious who broached the subject. Was it Ben or J-Lo? What do we think?

Well, they got engaged back in April. Did they? Yeah, with a green ring. What do you think of that? My guess is going to say Ben. I feel like Ben probably was getting back to her together with her and said if we're gonna do this i want to marry you we're not just dating to date because what's been been doing the

past couple years prior to dating jlo um being sad superman movie uh i'm not sure but uh maybe what else we got amanda what else do we have? We got Chris Evans. I mean, what a sweet man. I mean, first off, I didn't even know he talked like that. Great question. I thought he might have been a little stoned. Yeah, for sure. That made me uncomfortable.

What? What made you uncomfortable? His voice. Oh, I thought it was. He's like, that's a great question. I thought it was so sweet and endearing. It made me love Chris Evans. He became the Mount Rushmore of, like,

guests I'd want to have on this show. Right up there with Harry Styles. I was going to say. I love, like, the little video montages people make. Like, he's helped, like, a lot of women at award shows, like, go up the stairs if they have, like, a long dress. Or he helped, like, Betty White up the stairs. Like, it's very cute.

That's cute. I feel like I really believed his answer. And like I believed like this, whoever asked the question he was doing, it sounds like, you know, one of those like interview sessions where he's sitting and it's like he probably does like 15 interviews in a row. And it was like,

I think he was like triggered in a good way by this question. And he knew that he was giving triggered in a good way by this question and he he knew that he was giving this person a very generous answer but it felt like he was waiting to answer this question and knew that whenever he answered this question the way he did obviously it would become the news that it would it would be but i i like i heard this vulnerability in his voice like and i really it really made me feel for him. And like, you don't, wouldn't think to necessarily feel for Chris Evans, but I can only imagine how, how hard it might be for him to be challenged with trying to like figure out who his person should be. Because like, not in a cocky way, he must, he knows that how desirable he is to so many people. That must make it incredibly scary to wonder

who you can trust that loves you for you. Because like he must know that whoever he gives an opportunity to date or fall in love with, even if it's like a peer, and like say the Hollywood or acting community, I would imagine that like he has a lot of trust issues around like who he could trust and maybe he doesn't want to date another actor you know like maybe there's a lot of people like in hollywood it's just like yeah i don't know if i want to date someone in this space

i feel like everybody wants to date their equal or someone who will like push them a little better you know i mean like maybe he's meant to be with like a real estate girl you know so that's what i'm saying if you're chris evans he maybe wants to right but like how do you trust that that real estate person woman can hold them accountable and isn't just saying what she thinks that chris ever wants her to say like i i i'm certain that there must be some of those doubts of of truly being able to trust that because of how he is perceived in that world i mean i you know i don't know what his like how he's picking his partner who he chooses to spend his time with or what his type is and and is is it someone outside of the industry

or inside of the industry but i really i really imagine the struggle i really i really think it's a sincere struggle that he has. Well, something I think we talk a lot about on the show is this idea of like when you really want partnership, like how, to what extent you can kind of seek it out for yourself versus you need to be open to it and let it find you. And so I'm curious for both of you, if you were going to be, all three of you,

if you were going to be laser focused on finding your person, what would that mean for you? I think for me, I tried to do that and completely failed at it prior to going on the show. What were you doing? I just felt like, I think like we all have the worst thing in our hands at all times, which is your phone. And like the next best thing is right around the corner at all times. Like I could go on a great date with somebody, go home, just like pull up Grindr before bed. And then the hottest guy messages me and I'm like, oh, he's hotter than this one.

And so you're just constantly playing this like kind of like jumping frogger type game that you just like keep hopping around until before you know it five years later, you're like, what the fuck am I doing? I'm turning 30 and I'm still single, you know? In times where you've been like looking for a long-term partnership as opposed to now when you absolutely have it what did that process look like well that's the thing i don't know i would

be curious to ask chris like how he's going about being laser focused in that right because the question that was posed to him is in your personal life what are things that you're laser focused in that, right? Because the question that was posed to him is in your personal life, what are the things that you're laser focused about? Like you are at work, you know, like being laser focused in his acting career. I'm, I could, I can imagine a lot of things that he, that he does to be laser focused, the studying, the building a character in his mind, et cetera, et cetera, like doing that type of work. Yeah, like the workouts, like it's a lifestyle thing. Sure, you know, the physical aspect of taking care of his body, being, you know, that laser focus. But like when it comes to kind of almost to Jeff's point, like in a relationship, like it's such a balance, right? Like sometimes the laser focus is like checking yourself to not like give in to all the options that you have.

And like really seeing it through with someone you're going on a date with. I think laser focus is like in finding a relationship is like a combination of having the right amount of patience and self-discipline to like say no to temptation. But also say yes to really seeing it through with people. Yeah, like open-mindedness, but not in a highest bear mentality. It's like having that balance Yeah, like open-mindedness, but not in a highest bear mentality. It's like having that balance of the right open-mindedness and the right discipline

and combine at the same time. It's really hard. I'd really be curious how Chris Evans is going about that laser focus. And maybe it's just him putting it out there. Sometimes just putting it out there and saying, this is, I want this for myself, I think is a great place for people to start. Yeah, because it's totally, he could have been like avoiding it before because obviously he has so many other things

going on in his life. Yeah. So for some people, laser focus means being like, fuck, I'm going to do the thing where I engage and like try. Like Blake yesterday was just like, no focus on relationships. He was. He's laser focus on relationships. He was. He's laser focused on saving animals.

Yeah. So. Sometimes you can turn it off. If you get out of a bad one, you're like, I want nothing to do with this again. Yeah. No, but like, you know, listening to him speak, it really sounded like how he's like, what, 38, late 30s? 41. Right.

Yeah. So he's at the time in his life where like, he's obviously has all the success one could imagine having career wise, probably in a good place where he's like, probably just having a family is a, still like a staple feeling for people to want to have. And I feel like Chris Evan, like still like has his roots, you know, where I feel like he's, I don't know. I don't know the guy at all, but I feel like I would imagine if I got to know Chris Evans, that like hanging out with him for a week, let's say if I were to shadow Chris Evans, let's say I would like be a reporter and do like, I bet I would, I, he would show me more about him from like who he was from. Like, I bet, i bet i would meet friends

from back in the day like you know what i'm saying i feel like he still has the hometown vibe it's so true like who he was and who he is and i'm sure he's become a different person but i still think he hasn't lost that and i still think that stare very much today bleeds into his like his everyday life and i think it's very much true of everywhere like i'm sure people who have hometowns from all over the place like still relate to that but i think i growing up in boston i think there is very much this just like like deep loyalty to your people and i think you can see that and i think it's like this moment of him being like i want someone to be loyal to in this way yeah it's beautiful yeah speaking of loyalty the antithesis of loyalty tristan thompson chloe surrogacy news

so just to be clear that came out of nowhere it came out of nowhere just to be clear this was so the surrogacy happened in november the birth of Tristan's baby from third party December. From him slinging his dick around? Yes. I would like to see what it looks like. His dick? Yeah. Is it Google-able?

It's got to be good if he's getting this many people pregnant, right? How are you not using protection? If you're having an affair and you're dating one of the most public like just like famous followed people in the whole wide world how are you not wrapping it up also and i'm not advocating this as a safe form of protection but like pulling out but like my point is he's clearly not yeah yeah because it's hard enough to it's so many people have a hard enough time trying to get pregnant in relationships where there's no goalie and they're just and he just can't not get people pregnant gets it every time clearly like this is you know what i'm saying i'm not advocating as a

safe form of protection i'm just saying he's clearly not doing that either. His seeds of life are... His seeds of life are very full of life. They're full of life. Yeah. So I guess what the big question is... It's like, well, people are slamming her. Do you think that's fair?

Well, even last week I said, I don't think it's... Let Chloe live her life. She's, you know, what? In her 30s? She might be totally content because i think you know i think when you're younger right you have your life in front of you and as we all have we've all been in their early 20s before and i don't know like and where you ladies are in your

life i don't know but like you you know when you, when you start dating out of college or like you, you know, you, you, no one imagines getting married or no one imagines getting divorced or broken up with or cheated on or all these things. And then life happens to you. Right. And then as life happens, you start accepting that like these things are going to happen to you. Your priorities change.

So for Chloe, like she has her beautiful daughter and she maybe has had these relationships, but right now it would make sense to me if right now Chloe's priority is building her family. She's always wanted siblings. And not about like finding a man, a man that fits into this certain, like, you know, that the convenience of being 19 and 20 and thinking i'm going to find my life partner and then we're going to have a family and we're going to be happy after after is very nice and everyone wishes that for themselves but it's not always the case for everyone but she gave him a second chance and took it very very slow yeah fine i'm just saying whatever but right now chloe's priority i think, is having this family. And if you're going to have, she clearly has the means and the finances to have a child with anyone she wants.

And she doesn't have to physically get pregnant. So it's literally about what seed of life. If you don't know what we're talking about, listen to yesterday's episode. But whose sperm do you want? listen to yesterday's episode uh but whose sperm do you want and why not have your daughter have a sibling that is their full sibling you know like i have no problem with it like her priority is the family it's not about love like why she she should she get it for the seed from a random some random person yeah because and there are plenty of like half siblings step siblings who are super close not to take anything away from half siblings but if you have the means to a hundred percent and it is kind of

like it's the guarantee of like because your siblings are the one people who really know the crazy like the one people who understand and have that same level of emotional attachment involvement so it is kind of by all accounts he's a good father. And maybe that's a bigger prayer for her, for her kids, than her own personal life. You could argue it's a selfless act on the part of Khloe Kardashian. So before people are criticizing her love choices, why don't you just let the woman live? Be grateful you're not living it. Yes. Amen.

Let her spend her money the way she chooses. Yeah. So I say more power to her. They live a bizarre life. Interesting, to say the least. As long as they're happy, I'm happy for them. Our caller is here. Oh, texting office hours.

All right. You ready for this, Jeff? I'm excited. I don't even know what we're doing. Let's roll with it. All right. We are giving people texting advice. You'll figure it out.

How's it going? Hi, I'm Jordan. I'm 25. Hi, Jordan. How's it going? Hi, I'm Jordan. I'm 25. Hi, Jordan. How can we help? I need help constructing a text to this guy I met a little while ago. We don't live in the same hometowns. We live pretty far away.

And I'm at the point where I'd like to see him in person. And so the best way to- Have you ever seen him in person? Yeah. Okay. You've met in person? Yes. How far are we? Is he a plane right away? A car right

away? It's either it's eight hours. Oh, wow. Okay. Oh, an eight hour drive. Yeah. It's far enough. Right. It could go either way. It's a quick, it's a, it's a puddle jump. Right. Exactly. You know, like if you're in Milwaukee, Minneapolis, it's like, okay. All right, anyway. And you met on a dating app? Yeah. So walk me through like what happened when you first started talking. So he was in my hometown for a wedding and we ended up matching.

And one night we decided we'd go get some drinks. So went out about two and a half laters. We had a really good time, easy conversation, went our separate ways. Didn't really think it'd go anywhere since we don't live near each other. But we kept in communication for now seven weeks, snapping, texting, we FaceTimed. Do you remember who kept, so after the wedding weekend, who kept so after the wedding weekend do you remember who sent the first message after he returned home yeah he did okay okay and so um we've yeah we've kept that communication it's been about seven or actually it's been a little over seven weeks now and so i'm kind of

at the point where for me to keep investing, I need that like face-to-face in-person thing. And he has a very time-consuming job, so it's easier for me to travel. So I don't know how to be like, hey, do you mind if I come like eight hours away and come see you? Because that's kind of where I'm at. So that's what you want to do here is like you just want to like see the guy again i yeah because i mean you can get so much with texting and facetime whatever but to really see

where this could go and progress maybe into something i think i need more of that in person sure but to be clear you're so just to sum up you hung out this with this guy. He was up front all the time. He went back home. You guys kept in contact. There was some, like, romantic, friendly banter. But, like, you haven't seen him since that weekend. And you just kind of want to see the guy again. Right. And hang out with him to assess if there's something more. But, like, right now you're just like, why do we keep texting one another?

Right. And he has never brought up the idea of seeing you again not really so I after a week of us talking I kind of did what you did and I just put it out there I said here's what I'm looking for um on his profile he put he didn't know yet and so I was like I know you put that but here's what I'm looking for if that's not what you want that's fine I'm just not going to keep investing and his dating profile he has I don't know what I want yet yeah that's what he put interesting so I wanted to like make it very known this is what I'm looking for so that way if we were only a weekend I didn't want to over invest and he had said that he wasn't he said I'm not not looking for a relationship but since his work is so time consuming and we live far away, it kind of complicates things, but he's really loved getting to know me.

So it's kind of a half-assed answer. I don't really know where to take that. I don't mind his answer in that context. Because from his point of view, he was in town for a wedding decided to go on a dating app dating app and figured out i'll see if i can meet a girl here and maybe to maybe for him met surprisingly met like somebody he really enjoyed that he's like i don't know i'll keep talking to her but after one nice weekend it doesn't necessarily mean he's like, oh, I want to be in a relationship. So after a week you checked in and not really much changed after a week.

Now, if you're going to keep talking, I agree with you. You guys should... Someone needs to make a move. I'm all for being you. These texts you sent, attorney guy, I love uh what give us some context in terms of what are what are we like what is this like right after you guys met no so the first one i had sent it's been a week and that's how i said here's what i'm looking for

and his response is there the second one was him initiating a facetime and because he's not the best texting responder so he kind of acknowledged that and offered facetime okay and then the third text was me hinting at coming to see him but he never responded to it but he's still been snapping me and what's he's snapping communicating um well like it'll be a one time we have a couple times he's helped me organize his office with new photos or um things he's doing on the weekends or things at night and then we'll message and whatever all right can i just ask why don't you just suggest i'd love to come see you like i so that's i spent on my mind to just spit it out sort of thing basically but i sometimes i know he moves slow and i think i'm at a respectful point where it's been seven weeks

and it's probably like it's not uncommon to ask this but i don't want him to be like okay here's this girl who's like can i come see you and drive all this way and hope you give me time and whatever if he's maybe not having the same vibe and i don't want to think because he moves slow i don't really i guess so i don't want him to like run off you said you have a lot to say jeff i mean i would just say to start um this guy kind of just sounds like he's playing the game. I'm not going to lie. Like, he doesn't sound like the nicest guy. I mean, let me start off by asking this question.

I hope you don't mind. Did you hook up with him after the first time you hung out? No. Okay. You didn't? No. So this is just strictly, like, like emotional texting just had a couple drinks yes so i mean in my situation if i'm continuously talking to somebody what i would probably end

up doing is maybe this comes off a little mentally ill here but i would be like hey like i'm going to a friend's wedding like do you want to come like almost invite him somewhere so it's less like I'm coming to you or like why are you not coming to me? Be like, hey, I actually have a plus one to go to something. I think you'd be a great person to come with me. it's less aggressive because it's like, oh, this sounds like a fun blank, whether that's like a getaway weekend or a wedding or whatever it is that I think he might respond well to that because he seems like he loves to socialize, meet new people. So maybe that would be a good next step. Do you have a wedding coming up? I don't. That's why I tried finding like a more excuse of like a girl's trip. I could get away for a couple hours one night.

I still could do that. No, I mean, I think if you had a wedding coming up, that would work. What about like a concert or something? I also don't think there's anything wrong. Like you've been texting with this guy for how long now? Seven weeks. Seven weeks. You didn't even hook up.

So like there's clearly like some there's a mutual interest there yeah and my point of saying that is like it doesn't i don't think that like i feel like in people in your position they're always weird worried about like and you can hear it in your voice like well like he's i you know he says he moves slow and he doesn't know what he's looking for you don't want to sound too pushy and there's always this fear from people who are excited about someone and wanting to produce someone is sounding crazy i don't want to sound crazy i don't want to sound like like oh like is it crazy for me to come visit you like is that how like you're what you're worried right probably yeah and i'm here to say like you're not sounding crazy for wanting to like

visit and get to god you get to know someone in person that you've been investing seven weeks of your life texting with. It's actually more crazy to keep doing this. Right. And not like get any further answers, right? And so like he can always say no, but I think a little bit of assertiveness about saying, I'd love to, you know that long you're going to be talking about? I'd love to come and get to know you more i mean what's done is done but i i

would have done that before you started like checking in about like his relationship plans after like oh after two dates you know what i'm saying because like it's not shocking to me he like honestly i think he got a pretty decent answer for a guy you went on two dates with and not have and live long distance because he, you know, what's he gonna say, you know? In worst cases, no. But even if he was like, oh my God, yes. Like, I love you. Like that could have set up a whole different set of red flags, you know, cause he doesn't know much about you either. So to your point is you're just trying to find more information. And the easiest and most efficient way of doing that is like plan a

weekend trip to go visit him. Doing that will get your answer. Because if that, if he's avoidant to that, then like, he's not worth your time like if if the idea of you going out of your way to drive eight hours and book your own hotel room which you would absolutely book your own hotel room even if you want to hook up with them book your own hotel room and then the first night you sleep in that hotel room the second night you can fuck but like the first night like you you set some like boundaries and and and don't let him like pay don't sleep at his place nothing even if it goes great to be like nope going back to my hotel room but before you even get that if that scares him off then it's not worth your time i'd also go with a girlfriend or a friend because at least i think

if you're there and you're alone in your room, you might get a little more crazy because you're going to be like texting him nonstop that it might be better to have somebody else there who can like occupy your time need be so you're not up his ass. No, I think you know if I kind of disagree, you're going to go to see him. I'm fine going off exploring on my own too. Like that's not. Yeah, you could be independent, but not I don't think you need to pretend that you're not going to see him I mean the text I think you should send I mean let's send it now

and it's like let's write it hey exclamation mark you know that long weekend I was talking about I was thinking about like I've really like you just say I've really like, you just say, I think it was a go with the whole,

like I really enjoyed. No, I think you'd love to say, I'd love to see you again. I was thinking about coming. Like how, like, I'd say I have some time off on these dates and say,

I was thinking of coming to visit. Yeah. I would love to see you again. And I was thinking coming up for a weekend like what do you think like yeah totally yeah and then you could worry about planning it after yeah i like that what do you think yeah yeah yeah and no laughing crying emojis no emojis yes hello Read it back to me. I have, hey, I'd love to see you again.

And I was thinking about coming your way for a weekend. What do you think? Yes. Perfect. Perfect. Send it. Ready? Three, two, one.

Send. Did you do it? All right. Yeah. Yeah. Did you do it? All right. Yeah.

Yeah. And listen, if he, if he like, if he's kind of cryptic and like noncommittal about it, like that's your answer. No one needs to chase a man in the summer. That's for sure. You tell him, Jeff. Good point. So then if he is cryptic and whatever, do you give anything of like, for me to keep investing, I need this?

Or do you just leave it and go? I think you just cut him off because like you your presence is a gift like you like having someone to like talk through your day with who's interested and cares about you like that's a value add like you are providing value in his life and like if he's not going to meet you with like the kind of value you're looking for then like you know it's like it's it's not free for you and you're not at the point in this relationship that you neither of you like owe it to one another to explain yourselves like true so i think you just feel like we're looking for different like you know and you can be very civil about it be like yeah just like you know we're looking for different things so i don't know that

it's the best use of time to keep chatting i would be be surprised if he is cryptic about it. Now, more likely, he'll probably say yes, and then you go. And then depending on how that weekend goes, I think if you go up there, your mindset should be to get to know him. Right. Right. It'll be easy to get caught up in it because you're going to be playing house a little bit potentially and living in a city and you're going to hook up potentially. But then after that weekend ends, that's when you have to reassess about, was it just like, because you just sent him a message saying, I want to see you. Non-committal, you're not throwing any expectations his way he can easily say yes and get some like fun free sex out of this and so that is the risk

that you're taking but like you just want to get to know the guy and you don't have to like sleep with him obviously right maybe you just choose to like say hey like, like if you, if you have a nice time, I would end the weekend by like, I'd like to do this again. And then maybe after you guys do that three or four times, then you're in a position to then say, I've really enjoyed these five or six weekends. I know enough now to say that like, you're worth me investing in a long distance relationship. Do you feel the same way? But you start by saying how you feel about him and then let him respond. But you're not even there yet.

Right? Right. So we'll see what he says. Perfect. Well, thank you guys. I appreciate it. Let us know what happens. He's not going to respond right away. He was a slow text never do slow texter okay please let us know

let us very invested okay i will thanks guys take care thank you how's it going hey it's chelsea i'm 30 years old live in the bay area and i've been live in the Bay Area. And I've been, gosh, in the dating life, it seems like forever. I've been talking to this one guy not for very long. And I'm just at a point where I just don't know if it's worth texting again and trying to see if it goes somewhere or just kind of leaving it. We went on two great dates. We had good conversation. He was really engaging, We went on two great dates. We had good conversation. He was really engaging, asking me questions over text messaging, really just coming on really strong at first, which I'm not really used to, but also was kind of hesitant towards.

And after the first date, which actually I did what you did. I did a FaceTime before we even went to dinner to make sure we even vibed. We both, after the first date, decided we wanted to see each other again. We had to go away for a business trip. And he ended up actually calling me and FaceTiming me while on the business trip, texting me every day, just checking in with me, seeing how I'm doing. Came back. We decided to do a date in my town because he doesn't live near me.

It was about an hour north of me. And he came down here. We had a great time. He asked all the great questions, ended up having sex. And after that, it just kind of, his effort just fell through. And he went away for a little bit. And I'm not the kind of girl that's going to be like, hey, house trip going 24-7. We just started talking. So didn't see the need to. And then I'm going on my trip. I was going

on a 10 day trip to Bermuda and I wanted to really enjoy my time there. So I felt, you know, screw it. I might as well just text him, see where we're stand. And he responded back. But of course, as you probably probably can see it was just less effort okay which is for first i'm seeing i don't know which ones you're seeing it looks like how's your trip going was first yes so i texted him this was right before my trip and i said how's your trip going so it was like the end of his trip this is after sex this was after sex. This was after sex. Yeah. A week after, about a week after sex. Gotcha. And you asked how his trip's going.

He wrote super fun. It's been a blast. How are you? And then I have a drafted text. Yeah. I drafted a text. Wasn't sure if I liked it. Changed it.

So you'll see in the next part, I actually changed what I said to more minimal. I love that you screenshotted this. Yeah. Well, now you get to see the backstory of what girls do. You showed your work. Really generous of you. It's like you knew you were going to come on. So you were going to send, I've been really good. Oh, glad to hear. Where is your last destination before coming home? I mean, that would have been fine. Yeah.

You know what? To be honest, you're just so in your head, and I hate texting. I'm the kind of girl that don't text me through the week. Just call me once a day. Let's just see how your day goes, and that's it. I personally hate texting. You sound like my kind of girl. Well, hey, you can find my number through Nick if you want it.

I got it right here, but I don't think the parts would attract. Exactly. Jeff is also in love. Yes. Yes, I do know. I do know. I watch you guys all the time and I do know everything. I love it. Alright, so

I mean he's still The thing that's, okay, the phrase that is coming to my mind and I think So, I mean, he's still, so. The thing that's, okay, the phrase that is coming to my mind, and I think everyone is going to shoot me down and say, hell no. But I feel like some jokingly calling him out and being like, I didn't know you were a hit it and quit it kind of guy. Like kind of just be like, honestly, because like that's what he's doing right now. And I think just like being like, let's call a spade a spade it just it really i don't hate it it just really depends on what she wants no like the rapport and his sense of

humor it just really well he's definitely he's got a sense of humor he's pretty sarcastic we've been pretty blunt with each other okay already you know he's called me out on things and i've called him out on things um just kind of have that chemistry with each other uh i mean i've already said to him you know because we had sex and i was like don't worry we don't like don't stress about me being all weird which i wasn't why did you say that uh because he mentioned before about a few times that he had gone on some dates with some girls and how they either frantically kept texting him, calling him, and then one girl was stalking him. So I just felt the need to throw that playful thing of like, don't worry, I'm not going to do that to you. But how did that conversation even come up? Yeah, this is where it gets interesting.

So it was actually before we had sex. He even asked me the question, what would you do if you got pregnant? What? Yes. And especially with times right now. What a weird dating question. Exactly. While we're at my apartment like before we go to dinner and

knowing we're probably gonna have sex and I just kind of froze I was like well you know with everything going on in the world it's kind of a weird question to ask me yeah yeah it was just like I was like recent events like yeah yeah and, I said, I am in my 30s. So, of course, you know, I want kids. But no, I don't want your baby. So don't worry. Yeah. I'm not trying to trap you.

How did he respond to that? He was like, well, you kind of hesitated. Are you sure? And I said, listen, look me in the eye. I do not want your babies. I kind of hate this guy. Yeah. It was an interesting question. i've never been asked that before um what would you do yeah and for him to be like you hesitated it's like yeah because you asked an insane fucking question my guy

i was taken back by your bizarre fucking question yeah i was like i was like excuse me i mean he's done he's done strong things like that since we first started talking he also had asked hey i found this great place in the north bay you know i don't want to ruin the chance for us to continue talking like is it cool is it okay that i moved there you know i want us to continue and my response was yeah get the damn place i i we're not. I can't control you. What do you like about this guy? Honestly, now you're making me think maybe I shouldn't.

I just liked the honesty and the rawness about him. I always have been going on these dates where these guys don't ask me questions. They're too nervous. I come off as a pretty strong, independent person. And a lot of men just kind of like, whoa, okay, she doesn't need me type of attitude. And he wasn't intimidated by it. And I also set my intentions pretty straight with him at first. And most guys, of course, run for the hill. And all I said to him was, you know, I'm not here to waste my time. I, you know, if you don't feel

the same connection with me, let me know and we'll move on that's that's all i'm asking of you and he was like yeah no i completely agree how often how early do you say that um pretty much around the second date i don't really waste time anymore i guess which i guess is bad but i mean i love that you're setting kind of clear expectations i you know like listen i think there's i i would i would all i would only say to you is like maybe be open to like you know i would i don't want you to have this like two date rule that like you like throw this out there after every second date not every two dates are the same, you know? And so- I agree.

I definitely feel it out. This guy was like the second date. It felt appropriate. Cause like I said, he was coming on real strong. Okay. I wouldn't, I don't want to say love bombing. That's just putting a label on something. But there was just a lot of strong comments

coming out of him that I just felt the need to just say, hey, this is where I'm at in my dating life. Well, I don't know if it's going to work, but the more you talk, the more I'm on board with Amanda's suggestion. Yeah. Like I kind of, if he is this sarcastic guy, and you guys have built a relationship off of this kind of like snarky back and forth, then he seems like he might-

You know what you could text him? I'm pregnant. And the baby is yours. Can you imagine? You're a dad. I thought we'd get a response in three minutes. I'm pregnant. Definitely would get a response on that one.

Here's what I don't like. I never thought I never took you as a hit it or quit it guy. I would more like it is just call him, hey, Mr. Hit it and quit it guy i i would more like it is like just say just call him hey mr hit it and quit it or something like just you know like i'd rather have you just be even more like like give him a little just like be like now that you've hit it is this you quitting it or something yeah like i never thought sounds like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i don't want you to sound hurt i want you to sound i want you to sound like you're fucking with him. Yeah, because I'm definitely not hurt by it. I'm just more of like, tell me what it is.

Yeah. I don't like this gray area. You just went ahead and quit it. Great. Good job. Clap to you. Let's move on type of thing versus this middle ground, which is always, I think, where women and even men have that difficulty

of where to navigate, of where to go next. Well, what would you say your goal at the end of this is? Do you want to go on another date with him? Is that the goal? I would be open to going on another date with him just to see if that really is the situation. The truth is, I don't really know him. Right. If you say if I say I knew him by second dates, then something's wrong with me. But I would like to see if, yeah, there is another connection part there that I'm not aware of. But if he is ends up being the hit it and quit it type of guy, then I'm not wasting any more of my time and can give that energy to somebody else. any more of my time and can give that energy to somebody else.

So how can we draft this text that includes this hit it and quit it kind of joke while still coming across as like the whole idea we're agreeing is that we're, we're saying this to a guy who would like rise to the challenge, so to speak, that you would be, he would find it kind of humorous and it would, he would almost like, like the sass you're

throwing his way like do we pair it with plans like what is the yeah like yeah hey mr hit it and quit it what are you up to this weekend yeah i love that i actually think that's perfect i kind of like that okay so what did you what is it hey. Hit it and quit it. What are you up to this weekend? I think that's good. I think that's good. See, we work as a team. I love it. Both sarcastic and to the point.

I think he'll appreciate it. Yeah. It'll get a response. That much I'm certain of. It'll get a response and something that i'll have to definitely follow up and let you know what the what the verdict is i just yeah i'm just i'd love for you at some point in the day be like can i ask you a question why the fuck did you ask me that question about getting pregnant that was unhinged i really should i really should because at that moment don't ask it like that

just be like i'm really curious it was it's it's a random question yeah like it really is do you always ask women you on dates with that question like so you don't have to answer this but like were you having was there some form of protection birth control etc involved so that's before he asked before he even had sex we had it before we had sex and i already had said to him you know he had asked me you know where are you at in protecting yourself and i said you know this is what i do yeah and he was like okay awesome respect it you know i'm also about protection and i said great because that's how i am and we're just hanging out on my couch, watching the UFC fight. And then all of a sudden that kind of popped out of his mouth.

And I just, while watching UFC. Yeah. We're watching the fight. He was like, I'm going to start a fight. Yeah. Literally.

I mean, sounds kind of hot. Yeah. I would like for you to get more information about that question. Definitely will. And I honestly think that like, if think that assuming you guys go back out, I think that you sending this will guarantee you a second date. And if he plays coy, you got your answer.

But if you go back out, I think if you approach it almost like a first date, ask him a ton of questions, see if he responds in kind but like put him on the spot like you're almost kind of like sessing him out no i definitely will i'm definitely feeling like i need to know the background of that story what the need for that question i don't know you've heard me talk about this i'm sure but like if you're going to have sex that early on you're having sex in hookup culture it 100% changes the dynamic of a relationship yeah like the curiosity of what's like to have sex with you is out the door right so like now you have to invite a new curiosity that's going to keep people like interested in wanting to get to know you is like it's like

that's the downside of of hookup culture you know, is that it does take that out. So like really keeping him on his toes and piquing his curiosity through like, you know, your questions and letting him know that you're still trying to figure him out. with that kind of like, it's, it's your way of kind of take gaining that power, whatever power you think you might have lost by hooking up with him, you're gaining it back by like letting him know. I would love for you to let him know without saying it, that you're still figuring him out. Yeah. And that you haven't decided about him without being like, I haven't decided about you. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's the truth. Yeah. yeah but like give that vibe off to him keep us posted all right well thanks guys thanks so much for your advice and uh have a great rest of your day all right best of luck take care bye what a guy what a guy what a guy yeah what would you do if

you got pregnant i one time had someone say it was in the middle of hooking up and he said, no moments of pleasure are worth bringing a child into this world. What? That is so creepy. That is unacceptable. What? And you continued? No, because he like pulled out for that exact reason. Just stopped.

Was done. Like refused to continue. No moments of pleasure. Like he had like a come to Jesus moment. Yeah. He had a come to Jesus moment. He just blue balled himself. Yeah, literally.

Oh my God. You're like, all right, good to know Robert Frost. And I literally, I was so done. I was like, let's just, I was at that point, I was just like, I'm so ready to be done. And we were like, just, you know, packing up our lives, putting clothes back on, being ready to go.

And we were drinking wine. And so I reached for the wine thing and my finger like hit the stem a little bit so it kind of went like that and he goes you might want to sober up and i was like you can leave now thank you so much in his defense this was uh we've all heard about post nut clarity and he was but he didn't nut. Exactly. He wasn't thinking clearly and he's just saying this crazy ass shit. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it's coming.

Wow. Seeds of life. Seeds of life. Jeff, thank you so much for coming. Thank you. It's been fun. Please let the people know where they can follow you and if you haven't seen uh jeff's love story unfold you can check it out on amazon prime the one who got away yes uh

you could follow me at at jeff perla on pretty much everything uh tiktok instagram all the all the things all right and maybe check out uh the one who One Who Got Away. If you love, if you love love. Is it the one that got away? The one that got away. The one who got away. It's so. They'll find it. They'll find it.

I'm sorry. It's good. Attention to detail. It's also going to be available on freebie on July 29th. You can get it on two platforms. What's freebie?

It is their sister kind of site, streaming site that is free. So you don't have to have a Prime subscription to watch. Oh, lovely. So if you don't have a budget, you can watch there.

Like me. Thanks for listening, guys. Don't forget to send in your questions for all things The Vile Files at asknickatcastme.com. Cast with a K. We are back next week. You'll find out.

You'll find out. You'll find out. Bye.