The Viall Files - E47 Ask Nick - Sugar Daddy Baddies

Episode Date: September 30, 2019

We have another great episode of Ask Nick where listeners call in to ask Nick questions about their love lives. Nick takes a strong stance on ghosting that might surprise you. We talk to an 18 year-old dating an older musician, a waitress interested in a divorced customer, someone who wants to fight for her relationship, and a woman who is with a terrible kisser. Stop reinvesting in a bad bet! Send your sex and dating questions to [e-mail]. THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: CALMING COMFORT: https://www.calmingcomfortblanket.com/ CODE: VIALL MODERN FERTILITY: https://modernfertility.com/viall BRUMATE: https://www.brumate.com CODE: VIALL See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What is up everybody? Happy Monday for all of you who are trying to get over your Sunday scaries. We are here for you. Sunday scaries? You never heard of that? What does that mean? I dated a girl once who taught me about Sunday Scaries. I don't like that. She was my best friend's cousin. You dated your best friend's cousin? Yeah. Anyways, it's this phenomenon that on Sunday night,

after a great weekend, you stress about the upcoming week. And right around like 3 to 4 p.m on a sunday you have the anxiety of like fucking monday and tuesday and it's called the sunday scaries oh that's kind of cute and she she told me about it i'm like i never i'm like okay i thought it was like a thing she made up and this but like i like my followers have mentioned i i've seen tweets and messages and and comments that reference Sunday Scaries. I wonder if it's a Midwest thing. Maybe.

So anyways, we're here for you. And again, you may not be listening to this on a Monday. Yeah. Maybe we are just helping you get through this mundaneness of your life. Ooh. Wow. Or maybe you're here because you have a specific problemaneness of your life. Ooh. Wow. Or maybe you're here because you have a specific problem we're hoping we're answering. We answered some good problems today.

I feel like we're doing... These were some fun ones. There were some fun ones. A lot of stuff about age differences. A lot of stuff about age differences. Which I picked out right away because, you know, Nick is dating. You picked out right away because I'm dating. Rochelle thought I could offer some perspective.

Some perspective, that's what I mean. On age gaps. Yeah. I tried my best. You did a good job. You know what's funny? With all this talk about Dancing with the Stars, I went back and I watched some of your dances.

How'd I do? I was actually shocked. I was actually shocked how good you were. Here's why I was disappointed in my experience with Dancing with the Stars is because I think everyone just assumed I'd be terrible, which is common. They did?

Yeah, I mean like, you know, whatever. The bachelor. White guy, you know, like how good can you possibly be? But I have rhythm and I can dance. But yet I was so nervous. Did you take dance classes growing up? No, I just always was a kid who knew how to shake his hips. And I knew I would surprise a lot of people.

And it sounds like I did. And overall, I did pretty well. But I was so stressed and I was so nervous. You were. And it really showed through. I think people really saw that the first couple of weeks of just how terrified I was. Was everyone else stressed and nervous too?

Well, not necessarily. The disadvantage I think I had in my season is that like I've never been like a performer that way. I was an athlete, but like a lot of the people are professional athletes and dancers and they all had this experience of performing in crowds. And I really had never really done that. And I think there was advantages. Like Nancy Kerrigan was on my season.

Dancing with the Stars, please. She was a fucking Olympian. Right. That makes sense. And so I had to learn that. I always say if I could do it again, I absolutely would for that reason. I would just have a lot more fun.

Yes, yes. After I was eliminated, I had to come back and do it again, I absolutely would for that reason. I would just have a lot more fun. Yes, yes. After I was eliminated, I had to come back and do some dances and we did dances over. And at that point, you could tell I was just way more chill and it really showed through. And I think people perform better. I think subsequently, Hannah, I've seen clips of Hannah's dances. So good.

She's doing really well. And I think part of that is her beauty pageant experience. I really think lends to like performing on stage in front of crowds. I think she's very used to that. But also she's like a trained dancer. Totally. I mean, but even like I think just that, I think she'll

continue to do very well. I wouldn't be surprised if she won. I think, you know, she's got the great story, right? Everyone's rooting for her. She didn't find love so maybe she can find a golden trophy ball or whatever and i think she will like just look like she's having fun and i think it took me a few weeks to look like i was having fun and not look like i was my pants yeah um anyways was that like hard on your relationship with vanessa to be like so stressed out no i i

will say uh vanessa was truly great with Dancing with the Stars. She was. She really was. I saw the one where you went and grabbed her from the audience. Yeah. That's a, what an outfit. Show off your boobies. I mean, damn.

Are you going to wear that tonight? Anyways, like Rochelle said, really, I think we, these are some entertaining questions. Yeah. Anyways, like Rochelle said, really, I think we, these are some entertaining questions. Yeah. I always get excited when we have some callers. And at first I'm like, oh, this is going to be basic. And then we really get into the weeds. Oh, there's always something.

The first caller, something got revealed midway through. Yeah, but even the, which caller? The ghosted one. The ghosted one. The ghosted one. I'm like, oh, ghosted. Yeah. Okay. But.

But we got some meat out of that. We got some meat. That might have been my favorite one. Really? Yeah. Mostly because of the shit I came up with. I always really enjoy it when you're sitting over there and you go. And I'm like, yes.

I'm a very dramatic listener. It's good. It's good. Anyways, I hope like, yes. I'm a very dramatic listener. It's good. It's good. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it. Uh, don't forget to sending your questions at asknickatcastmedia.com. You're 10 percenters out there. We need you. We want to hear from you men. Uh, you women out there, get your men to listen. We always appreciate it once again, when you share this podcast on your social, we really appreciate it. I hope you guys are enjoying listening to us. Thanks for always tuning in, giving us five stars on iTunes.

I'll shut up now. Yeah, let's get to it. Let's get to it. All right, Sarah, how are you? I'm good, Nick. How are you? I'm great. How old are you? I'm good, Nick. How are you? I'm great. How old are you? I'm 18. How can we help you, Sarah?

So I've been seeing the sky for the last five weeks or so. And it initially began as a hookup. But then things began to definitely grow a lot more intimate and definitely straying away from the casual side to the point where we've established that we're not seeing anyone else. But things aren't exactly progressing in terms of like a relationship as we don't go out and we haven't met each other's friends. And I can't really tell if this is happening because he wants to keep things casual or if it's because we have a really big 15 year age gap. So things look taboo. He's 15 years older than you

yeah he's 33 33. okay all right she's 18. and she's 18. okay uh i felt like you might have some good thoughts on this how long how long has she been uh how long have you been 18 sarah um since last, almost 19. Okay. When did you guys meet? You meet how long ago? We've been seeing each other for five weeks. Okay.

How did you guys meet? On Tinder. On Tinder. Okay. And then, wow. Well, I mean, off the bat, right? Like before we get into trying to figure out what's going on in your relationship, I mean, I do get a lot of questions with age gaps. I mean, you know, I'm older and I'll be honest, I have dated plenty of younger women. And I mean, have I gone on dates with girls that are 15 years younger than

me? I don't think maybe that, not quite, but maybe close, but it's different. Like there's 18. I mean, you like you're 18, less than a year ago, you were a minor. She's calling us from a dorm room. Yeah. Well, the dorm room, fine. But like, even if it was a dorm room and you were 22, you know, I mean, usually in college, you, you know, maybe you live your first year or two in a dorm and then you get to like a place with friends or whatever, but you know, sometimes you live in a dorm all four years besides the

point. There's just a lot of growth in these early years. Um, and as someone who in his age, it, it's, it's a, it's a fine line between like, she's really young, but we get along versus kind of inappropriate and creepy. I don't know. Yeah. Like, it's just, it's impossible with such a big age gap. It's, there's a lot of challenges, right? And it can vary. You know, everyone matures differently. So like, I don't want to put you in a bubble and say you're like everyone else. And

I've been talking to you for about two minutes. You seem wonderfully mature. So like I, you know, who knows? And he could be somewhat immature for his age. I mean, 33, I've met a lot of immature 33, 33, 33 year old men. What does he do for a living? He's a musician. He's a what? Musician. He's a musician. Okay. This is making more sense. Has he dated other, uh, his last girlfriend? How old was she? Um, I'm not exactly sure how old she was but he's always been like a relationship relationship guy like long term I'm assuming closer to his age closer to his age um listen it's a I mean interestingly enough I don't know uh I I have a lot of friends who have

friends with musicians and those one things I've heard from some of my uh of friends who have friends with musicians. And those one things I've heard from some of my women friends who have dated musicians is that they tend to stop growing. They tend to stop maturing. I'm being somewhat facetious and joking a little bit. But they certainly lead a different lifestyle than say if he was an engineer. I don't know. But that being said, there's certainly landmines here like listen I guess technically it's fine there's

there's you just you just started your adult life literally you're literally just started your adult life there's there's really no argument against that. And no matter what kind of life you've lived, and maybe you've lived a fuller life and you had to deal with some shit that maybe I didn't say I had to deal with at 15 that you matured quickly, you still have so much life to live. And dating someone who's this much older than you is going to provide challenges, even if he's willing to want to do all the things that you should want to do as an 18 year old woman. Right. And that is to explore life. I mean, so much about being a young adult is to do that, just to explore life, you know, obviously focus on school, which I hope is your biggest priority. If it's not, it should be.

And worrying about that. And exploring, again, life. And life includes other people, friends, experiences. Sometimes the people we date provide an outlet to have experiences. I mean, I don't know how kind, how successful of a musician he is. Is he traveling? Is he, I mean, does he have, I mean, you don't, I don't need a name or anything, but is he like, is he just playing at local establishments or does he have somewhat of a successful music career? He's relatively successful. Okay. So that's exciting. I'm

assuming for you. And I'm assuming that's going to open up a lot of exciting experiences for you and give you access to things. And that's exciting. I would just listen. My advice to you is to tread carefully with this. Try not to get caught up in what is obviously a very exciting situation for you. And he's probably, again, giving you a lot of access to things. I mean, 18, it's, it's tricky. I would feel really uncomfortable. Um, and listen, I've met a lot of 21 year old, 22 year old, um, young women who are very mature and, and very cool. And I have great conversations with, um, you know, for me, sometimes the challenge is, uh, the, there are just different stages of, of, of lives, you know, who knows as a musician,

maybe he has no interest in wanting to have kids anytime soon. You know, maybe he's just like, I don't want kids. Um, so yeah, it's just, man, you're, you're 18. So I would just tread lightly. Getting into your actual relationship, I mean, do you feel like there's an even playing field? Like in terms of the communication, I mean, you called wondering about, you know, not inviting people, like not being introduced to each other's friends and families or like events

that you're kind of hoping that as a couple, you guys have, right? Like, and it sounds like maybe you want to do that. Is that correct? I mean, yes. It's just kind of confusing in terms of the signals that I get when it's just the two of us, whereas that like contrast with the inability to do those things and it's hard to tell if that's really because this is just something that's casual or if it's because it's so taboo looking he might be embarrassed of what his friends would think uh yeah i mean let's

keep it real like if i i would be self-conscious i would would be embarrassed. I mean, you're 18. Like a year ago, he could go to jail for doing what he's doing with you. I mean, you know, listen, like, and you, again, no matter how mature you are for your age, you're still very young. And you are, again, are just in the beginning of your adult life. And three years from now, you will only be 21. But that is three years of life experiences you don't have now. And then when you're like every year you have right now is so significant, right? Like it really just is. And that's why kind of like, you know, once you get into like 23,

24, 25, 26, you're, you're kind of growth and maturity. You know, it's it like, you're always going to be maturing and growing, but it's less drastic, so to speak. I mean, that's why it becomes, the age gap becomes a little less weird when you're, you know, if you're a 24 year old woman and you're dating a guy 15 years older than you, that's definitely less weird, you know, maybe because like you, maybe because you did have very different life experiences and you did, you know, who knows? There's always going to be challenges.

It's almost impossible not to like have confrontation where it's like you're going to be self-conscious. But leaving, like my first, the first time I dated a girl who was any type of age gap, I was 27 at the time and she was 21. And we dated for two and a half years and a great girl and we had a great relationship and we met I was very self conscious because every girl that I dated up in that point was you know within a year and a half two years of my age how times have changed okay I date people my age too rochelle okay anywho i was very self-conscious about that and a lot of it had to do with where we were in our lives right she was in college i was working right and i was also i was just self-conscious about like i i didn't want her to like there was things that I didn't want to do anymore that I

know she wanted to do. Right. Like kind of go out, go to college parties, go to parties in people's basements where there's fire hazards. And it sounds like terrible to me, but it was a lot of fun when I was like in college, you know, it's like, why is everyone crammed in this basement and paying $5 to be here? I don't understand. But that's all part about living and experiencing and doing those things. You should want to do those things. You should do those things that you look back five or six years from now and think were stupid, but you should, you're going to look back and think fondly of them. And sometimes when you date someone really older than you, they will like convince you that it's already done. You're like, you know what? I don't want to do that because I'm mature and I'm dating an older

guy and whatever, you know, and you will miss out sometimes on those experiences, trying to pretend to be older than you really are. You shouldn't feel bad about being young and experiencing life and doing things. And so when we, I remember when I first started dating her, I was like, we, I took her out. And the first thing I noticed when I introduced her to my friends right away is this, how like mature she was and how much she hung and like with them. And it was like, I didn't really notice a difference, right. In terms of like my last girlfriend versus how she interacted with my friends. So I, we started dating and it was just a big, for me, it was really important for like, I was just like, you need to like, I had like, I had to be okay with not trying to like, you know, mold her into like, you know, if you want

to go out with your friends and do these things, I, once in a while I had to be willing to do things I might not want to do. And more importantly, I had to like not judge her and criticize for her wanting to do things that I was overdoing at this point in my life. I wanted her, because had we worked out, what I was really afraid of is her like being 25, 26 and not having done those things and then wanting to do those things. And then that being a problem in our relationship. Another part that I know we struggle with now, I have a really easy ability to be condescending in general sometimes, you know, something I certainly work on, but sometimes it's almost impossible not to be condescending when there is such a big age gap.

Like the person's not trying to be condescending, but it feels so condescending because like they just experienced, they do have way more perspective than you. They have all these things. And then sometimes they do try to be helpful and they try to like, I mean, if you, if you were friends with someone that you just, whether you're dating or not, and you had someone in your life and they experienced something where they had a lesson to be learned. And then they, they tried to like someone they care about to talk about that. And you didn't want to hear it. It's really hard to do that in a way that's not condescending. I mean, it's really, it's, you really got to be mindful, like, or how do I say

this word? And so you will, sometimes that will come up in these relationships. And I'm, so I'm bringing these up. These are just little like pitfalls that you, you're, you could easily have when you date someone who has a, when there's a big age discrepancy and specifically in your situation where it's not just so much the age discrepancy and specifically in your situation where it's not just so much the age discrepancy, it's, it's, you're at different parts of your life. And I think that's as big as anything. If you were like, if you're a young woman who's 28 and you're dating someone who's like in their early forties, that's in, in, in some situations that might not be a big deal. That might be a woman who is wanting to have kids and settled

in her career, whatever that is, and meets a guy who also, you know, is ready to have kids. And like, those are two people who like are, are dating and they're kind of in the same part of their life. They're just different age, you know? So, and they're kind of like on the same page. It's, it's hard to imagine you two being very much on the same page in terms of where you are in your lives uh you know hanging out in your dorm room and and doing things like that i mean you shouldn't want to give those experiences up just because your boyfriend doesn't want to do that can i ask a question? Yeah. Why did you have your age range set so high on Tinder? Interesting question.

Frankly, in the dorm, a lot of girls were looking for sugar daddies because that's a thing that happens a lot in New Orleans. Oh, my gosh. So, wait, you 18-year-old women are saying, we want sugar daddies. Oh, my. And he also had his age set down to 18, which is interesting.

Sure, but I will say that I think sometimes those, I'm guessing here that those age ranges are just kind of preset from like 18 to whatever. And some people don't even adjust them. Is that fair to say? Are you guys actively deciding? Sounds like active i mean i know that a lot of people here just keep it from like 18 to 35 okay so the sugar daddy thing is i don't know about the adjustment what like the preset is okay i mean i set mine

to reach so were you looking for a sugar daddy? I mean, obviously I'm not like actively, but. But sure. Okay. Okay. When you say sugar daddy, I'm honestly curious. What are your expectations of that? Like expectations of that like when you like when you're like oh when you're an 18 year old woman saying i want to maybe find a sugar daddy times have changed since i was yeah what are your expectations what are you hoping to find well a lot of people well in the dorm at least the idea is that your sugar daddy would be like platonic and kind of literally act as a father figure. Platonic is the key word there.

Sarah, I'm going to be honest with you. That's a little fucked up. Interesting. Is this a thing that young women are talking about? It is. Why? Probably a discussion about it once a week. So, and how much do they pay like a month?

Yeah. So again, what is the expectation that they're giving you money that you're there or you're like, you're like a buddy to take you to the movies and like fit the bill or like buy you shoes. No, people are looking for money. Like a lot of people go on seeking arrangements and they have like a net

worth expectation of at least 500 K. What? 500 K. Okay. This is is bizarre this is a world Sarah this is I can't honestly it so back to is was that your hope in in this situation no okay so that happens um but she said she wasn't not looking for that. You weren't not looking for it. Listen, Sarah, I don't know you. I want to hope that you think you're worth more than that and that you don't need some guy to do that. I don't think you'll feel very good about yourself five years from now or six, seven years or two years from now. It might seem fun and exciting, but it's a slippery slope.

So try not to do that. And maybe tell your friends not to do that either. Also like, all right. Uh, yeah. What, what, yeah, it's, it's a, it's a messy situation, but if in the situation where I'm assuming you have feelings for this guy and you're excited about this guy, um, he is probably self-conscious. If he's not self-conscious, that's a bigger red flag for me. That he's definitely self-conscious. We discussed that. Yeah.

And you should respect that too, right? In the sense that, you know, I don't know, like maybe you are very mature and you like, without knowing your age and like and he knows that you're obviously legal. But other than that, if you didn't tell him he's 18, he might be like, I don't know, she's surprisingly mature and all these things. The fact that he knows that, I think you want to be aware of it and respect that. Listen, I don't think this is going to be a long-term thing for you. And I don't think it should. to be a long-term thing for you and I don't think it

should. It might be fun and exciting. Just tread carefully. In any relationship, regardless of the age gap, if you feel something is wrong, you should communicate it. So if he's not introducing new friends and family, there's a reason for that because that would be a normal thing to do over time in a relationship. You don't have to rush those things, but if you date for a few months, it would be normal to finally meet some people. And if not, there's a reason for it and that you should pay attention to that. Like that's a reason why. So in the meantime, you've having fun with this guy, as long as he's respectful to you and all these things, and he's treating you like an adult and he's treating you like an adult and

he's treating you like a person and he doesn't, you know, that's fine. But I would just be very careful. And, um, you know, I don't want to condescend you and say you're too young. You're an adult. You have the right to make decisions, but just know that, um, don't be afraid to be 18 is my advice to you. That's beautiful. Um, I love that. You like, you can't be afraid to be 18 is my advice to you. That's beautiful. I love that. You can't be 18 again. You're in this really weird period in your life where you just want to be older. You want to be 21, I'm guessing.

And as soon as you become 21, as someone who's getting older, after 23, you immediately stop wanting to age. There's nothing exciting about turning 24 there's certainly nothing exciting about 25 you'll probably freak out when you turn 25 and after there it just gets exponentially worse and worse no it doesn't the truth is when you get old in your mindset right it doesn't actually get worse i mean what i'm saying is actually my 30s are great And because you have maturity and money and perspective and you look back and laugh about the stupid shit you did, but that stupid shit is fun and exciting. So just don't be afraid to enjoy being 18 and 19 and 20 and enjoy college and, and be poor. And like, don't find a guy to pay for your shit.

Like once in a while you have an exciting time, fine. But like just be a regular 18 year old person, you know? And once in a while have an exciting time and get access to like some crazy vaccine or backstage thing. Fine. You know, you're a beautiful woman. I'm sure you'll have a lot of opportunities, but like just enjoy being 18 and then enjoy being 19. Like don't, you know, don't burn out, so to speak. Um, you will like, don't regret being 18, um, kind of thing. So, uh, I'm not telling you to break up with this guy, but tread carefully. He's probably

not your forever. Um, you know, and don't get, you know, be, be a strong individual here. Like know that like, um, cause right now I'm guessing he has a lot of the power and you're kind of wondering what he feels about things and you're going to kind of go along with it because he's told you he's feels uncomfortable. So you want to respect that. But you know, if I were you, I would be also uncomfortable as well. Um, so tread carefully, um, you know, if I were you, I would be also uncomfortable as well. So tread carefully, you know, make sure you're being respected and don't be afraid to be 18. Those are my final thoughts for you. All right.

Well, thank you. All right. Take care. Best of luck. What the fuck? That took a turn. What is going on with the youth of America? I mean, but should we try to not be judgmental? I don't know. We could be a little judgmental. I don't know.

Like, yeah, I guess. Listen, you know, not to condescend, but hey, when you're 18, you're like, especially now, like being 18 is not what it was in 1960. Guess not. You know, i don't even mean that i think is it 18 it's like it doesn't does it surprise me that young 18 year old women are talking about this other friend and it sounds like dangerous and exciting and whatever part two i feel like this would be a great you talk about crazy shit when you're young and I'm betting Sarah will look back and then a few years and be like, that was some fucked up shit we joked about. Young people do that. Yeah. They joke about things all the time and sometimes they, you know, and nowadays in 2019, we have access to almost to follow through with these

things we kind of joke about. Yeah. You know, I think it's a lot easier with dating apps, what they are, to meet. You have more access to people, you know, around the world and in general. Yeah. And so, listen, obviously, I date women in their 20s, right? Yeah. And, you know, I'm self-conscious about that and certain situations, you know, and lots of times I'll meet someone who's young and it's just like, you know, and like lots of times I'll, I'll meet someone who's young and it's just like, you know, damn it. And I'm, you know, I'll, I'll be willing to talk to

them. But a lot of it again is about stages in our lives. Well, what, like, where are you in your life? Cause you don't, you don't, we don't want, we want the same things tonight and we want the same things this weekend, but I don't know if we want the same things in the next two years. Right. And so I think that's really important to not force it. I mean, as two adults, you know, you have the right to make your own decisions as far as a sugar daddy thing.

I mean, get it if you can get it. I mean, it's a slippery slope, you know, slippery slope. You start taking payments for, you know,

well, like, like Sarah was like, well, you know, we hope it's platonic, but Hey, if we have to fuck them, you know, like, what does that mean? We hope it's platonic. It's a very slippery slope that I just think, yeah, we're always in a rush to grow up until we start getting a little older and then we want to stop. Yeah. You know,

that's the funny thing about life is we don't have that perspective when we young, when you're young. So I, there, when i look back on my life i just wish i would have enjoyed being young more yeah i love that advice live the live the period that you're in at the moment you can't go back you can't go back you really you really can't um the guy with the birthday tomorrow but uh yeah uh you know i have my age range set to 27. I'm 33. Okay. And I've had a couple guys be like, oh, I'm into older women.

They tell me that on Tinder. But you get how that is from just the stereotypes of how men and women date. I know. It's just so funny. To a 27-year-old guy, six years older. Older woman. Is a stretch I'm like yeah

I got matching nightstands but you get one it's all perspective yeah you know like imagine you walk into a bar and you could easily

meet a 22 year old guy who is like a full beard and you might be like that's a 30 year old guy right right right and you meet him and then in a conversation

for an hour you're like he's funny he's like maybe he also like is you know out of college and he's like an auditor you know has like a real job yeah you know and then all of a sudden you find out he's 23 bye-bye yeah but it would like it would blow your mind but like in that moment you might have gone home with him no what if he didn't tell you what What if he lied? I feel like I can spot a 23-year-old. Most of the time, but not all the time. Oh, man. Slippery slope, guys.

You wouldn't have sex with a 23-year-old? I never say never. That's my motto. I feel like you would, and that's fine. That's okay. You have my blessing. Wow. The podfather's blessing.

How's it going? Good. How are you? I'm good. What's your name? My name is Laura. I'm 26. Laura 26. How are you doing, Laura 26? I'm good. I'm a little confused about my current situation. So I thought I'd give you guys a try. We may unconfuse it. We may leave you way more confused. I'm not making any promises,

but we'll see what we can do. I don't know if I helped out our last caller. I think you did. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Laura. Usually you guys give pretty good advice. So let's, let's, let's, let's hope. Usually you guys give pretty good advice.

So let's, let's, let's, let's hope. Um, so I have a pretty big crush on an older guy. Um, he comes into the restaurant that I work at. I used to work there full time. Um, but I recently started a new career, so I'm only there a couple nights a week now, but he comes in pretty regularly, both on his own and with his two kids. Okay. How old is Mr. Older Guy?

He is in his early 50s. Oh! Okay. Yeah. He doesn't look it, though. You know, I believe that. Oh, God. So, wait, wait, you're 26, that's 14. He's 24 years old in you. Yeah. He's literally double

my age. Okay. All right. All right. Um, yeah. So I've been serving him for about two years. I've always kind of had a crush on him, but I was in a relationship. So obviously I never, um, acted on it you've been serving him you were like he was coming with you'd come with his kids and you were his server yeah I mean he came on in on his own a lot too but yeah um so have you gotten to know him single and have been a lot more open to things and following through on things. So since becoming single, I've kind of messaged him a couple of times. If I hadn't seen him at the bar in like a week or so, I'd message him and be like, hey, I haven't seen my favorite guy at the bar in a while.

And we would just kind of casually talk like that. And then last week, he came in on his own without his kids. And I just happened to be finishing up my shift. So I sat with him and we had a couple of drinks and we had really great conversations. Yeah. And I felt like we had a lot of chemistry. Like he did touch my arm a couple of times. He was very complimentary, but like not in a creepy way.

We had a lot of surprising little things in common that I wasn't expecting because of the age difference. Um, and while we were talking, the guy who was bartending, my colleague, he is an attractive guy around my age who also is recently single. Um, so the older guy I was sitting with kind of asked me like, Hey, is something going on between you guys? Like, I know you guys hang out outside of work. What's the deal there? And I told him like, Nope, we're just really good friends. Like sure. We're super flirtatious, but we've always been that way. Like that's just our friendship. So he went home that night and he texted me a little bit later saying,

thank you so much for such great conversation. Like it was really great chatting with you. You're really awesome. And like the next guy is going to come along in no time for you. So I was kind of excited about that. The 50 year old. Yeah, the 50 year old. Yeah.

Okay. You don't think that's a weird text? It was the first time he had ever initiated text with me like I had always been the first person to initiate conversation so I was kind of excited that he had reached out and then two days later out of the blue he texted me again just kind of asking about my weekend and letting me know that he was watching the movie I had recommended to him that night when we talked so again I was kind of excited about it, but also not sure if I was reading into it a little too much because maybe

he's just being like the friendly dad that I've been serving for two years. No friendly dad. Right. Pardon. I'm just, I'm, I'm taking it all in. I'm taking it all in. But like, so I just want to make sure I'm following it. Like he's been reaching out. There's some back and forth, but he's in, within his text, he kind of said something to the effect of like, you're, you're going to find a great guy. Like almost coming across as like, it's not going to be him.

He said like, you're really awesome. Like your conversation was really great like he constantly is always telling me that i'm a catch and stuff like that anytime we talk so wait how did he get your phone number um so when i started my new job i started doing uh mortgages and so i gave him my business card and we had just kind of been talking as like in a professional sense, sort of a couple of times. Yeah. And showing him some houses. Showing him the property value.

Is this, is he like a pretty successful guy? Yeah. I actually have no idea what he does for a living. I, yeah. I don't think this is a sugar daddy situation. Good. He does well for himself, I think. And I know he travels for business a lot, but I don't know what he does.

Who knows? It doesn't really matter. Yeah. I mean. This is like kind of a cute situation. There was another part to the story that left me kind of confused. It was just the most recent thing that happened. So that bartender that I was telling you about that I'm friends with him and I went in for a drink a

couple of nights ago, we went in to grab a beer. Um, and of course, as we walked in the older guy and his two kids were sitting there. Um, so we went and we chatted with them for a little bit. And then my friend and I sat and like had our couple beers, the older guy and his kids left. And I messaged him a little bit later being like, nice seeing you and the kids. And then he sent me this really long message saying that, not that it's any of his business or his place to say anything,

but it seemed to him like the guy was with what wanted to be more than friends with me from the way he was like looking at me and responding to me. He goes like, I know you told me you guys are just friends, but it kind of seems to me like maybe he wants more. So that message really confused me because I couldn't tell. He texted you that?

Yeah, he texted me that. He's like the Phantom of the Opera. Sorry, I just saw that musical watching you from the wings sorry that's what my friend said one of my friends said the same thing I don't I don't like that text I'll be honest yeah um it's you know I it's there's so many variables here so I can't sit here and be like, this is exactly what's going on. Uh, kind of referencing, um, you know, just age discrepancy in dating. Um, it's, this is a huge age gap, but like, listen, you're a 26 year old woman. You have a job. I

don't know. Like, I mean, do you, you want to settle down at some point sooner than later, maybe ish, you know, you're not in a rush, but like you're ready kind of thing. Right. Certainly he's significantly older and he's had kids, but you know, uh, maybe he's still open to having more kids, you know, I don't know. So there's variables there. Yeah. You don't know how he, you know, just guessing, you know, as someone who has two kids and who's like in his early 50s, it's probably safe to say he's physically attracted to you. It's probably safe to say he enjoys your company. It's probably safe to say that he's trying to also figure out

what exactly your intentions are or what he should do about it. Maybe he feels a little weird and he kind of senses that you like him, but it's just like, is she too young for me? I don't, you know, does he have an ex-wife? And then the picture and he's like self-conscious, like, oh God, what is my ex-wife going to think about me dating a 26 year old? He could be thinking about, well, if I date this 26 year old, does she want kids? I'm done having kids. Maybe like, for all you know, like he doesn't even have the ability to have kids anymore like he could have had a vasectomy you know certainly that can be reversed but like at 51 with two kids you know you are in a different stage in your life you know this is not a guy in his early 40s who's never really settled down

before you know and now like we so we talk about age differences and the, and for me, again, when you talk about age differences, it really is about the biggest challenges people have is where are you in the stages of your life, right? He could easily be totally down to getting married again and having kids soon, but he could easily not be. So those are just like general things that you should consider when figuring out what you want in your life, you know? So don't lie to yourself about those situations. If this is like a guy that you think is sexy and hot and you're kind of into a guy, you've never been with an older man and as a 26 year old woman, you just want to like have some fun with situation, fucking go it you know like just don't yeah

don't be don't be naive about what it is and what it isn't and i i don't know what it is what it isn't but don't be afraid to ask the questions and if you do start hanging out with this guy in a romantic capacity and you start getting on the same page i i think it would be important for you to get to those questions pretty quickly. You know, like you start, let's say you like go on an actual romantic date. You're like, you stop playing games with each other and you're like, hey, I'd like to take you on a date. Let's say he says that, or maybe you even say that and you guys agree to go on a date, right?

And you start kissing and making out. But on date two, I don't think it's too soon to be like, what did, get to know him? Where is he in his life? Ask about his kids, you know, ask about his, his, was he married? Is he divorced? Does he want to get married again? Does he want to have kids and whatever, like, and, and really be honest with yourself about how honest he is with his answers. Those that's, that's important because don't tell yourself you want to get married and still not have kids and get yourself in a dating situation where that person isn't really ready. That's the same thing I say to myself. It's like, I can go out with a younger woman and, and, and meet, and we have a great time. But like, if, if she's not wanting to settle down and have kids, then it's not, there's no point for

us to really keep doing what we're doing if, we're if we're hanging out so sit you know where are you staging your life as far as this specific situation you know the my guess is he's you know the confusion is coming from the fact that you're both kind of confused and how to play this out you know getting down to his text I think it's kind of a little weird uh for him to like it's one thing to tease you about like, oh, this guy, he likes you. That's fine. Yeah. But like the very formal, like, it's not my place to say.

Weird. Well, I don't know. Sure. It is. It could be your place. You can, I'm jealous and I think you're cute and I think that guy likes you. That's, that would be, that would be way more normal than be like, than like, he's like teetering between being this weirdly like father, friend and older advisory person versus like, also like kind of want to maybe have sex with you. Um, that's what really confused me. Yeah. So like, and my guess is he's probably confused, but that doesn't make it okay. As a

50 year old guy, he should, you know, like 50, you know, you can be immature in 50, don't get me wrong. But as a 50 year old man, you shouldn't get as jealous and insecure as easily as you were as a 22 year old guy. As a 50 year old guy, you should understand that women can have platonic male friends. As a 50 year old guy, you should understand that a woman can have platonic good looking male friends. As a 50 year old guy, you should understand that a woman can have platonic good looking male friends. You know, even if like that's maybe you had sex with this other co-worker before and now you're friends at, I guarantee you, he's been in a situation like that before. He's a 50 year old guy. I'm sure I'm missing. He's had some life experiences. And if not,

then that like, you don't want to be the, you don't want to be the woman to teach a 50 year old guy the things he should have learned in his late 20s and early 30s. Yeah. So, I mean, I guess final takeaways is I can't tell you exactly what's going on with this guy other than the fact that he's probably confused. My advice to you is take a shot. Figure out what you want with this guy. You're attracted to him. So if you want to keep talking to him, put yourself out there and see you're like, you're not asking him to get

married, but like, Hey, I want to like, maybe you just hook up with this guy. You know, if it's all you want to do is have sex with the older guy and have this fun experience, go for it. You know, maybe it turns into something. Maybe it doesn't. That's kind of what I was leaning towards. Yeah. But like just having a good time and a new experience. I don't necessarily really want to marry this one. Shoot your shot. My advice to you, and I think sometimes the mistake women will make when they're dating an older guy is they, you know, maybe naturally don't feel like they have as much power or control because there's an intimidating thing, an intimidation thing about experiences, take charge, right? Know what you want and tell, like state your demands, not in a demanding way, but just like, I want to go out with you. Don't, don't wait for him. Like, you know, take charge of the situation. I want to, you know,

if, if, if you're hanging out with a guy and you want to meet his friends, I want to meet your kids. He has the right to say no or not, but like, don't be afraid to state what you want. Um, in a situation where you're dating someone who is significantly older and you feel a little intimidated by them, uh, don't be intimidated, uh, act as if almost, um, and don't keep waiting around for them to make the move because like, you know, older men can be just as confused and self-conscious and then they start like going back and forth. So stop wasting your time and just put it out there. Hey, listen, I've had a crush on you for a while. Let's grab a drink and then make him say no. If he's like, hey, listen, I don't want to date someone that much

younger than me. And then if he says that, then, then shut it down, you know, then just be his friend because what he could easily be like, Oh, I don't know. I feel comfortable. And then still text you and flirt with you. That's not okay. Because he maybe wants to keep you close and he doesn't know what to do. Make him make a decision and hold them to it. Right. And if you do go on a date, if he says says yes and you fool around and like you start getting you start dating then start getting to know him and figuring out is this something you even want to waste your time and thinking is this someone i could actually date or is this someone i'm going to fool around with and have some fun and you know it'll be a fun memory you have years

from now yeah like yeah you know four years from now like, yeah, I fucked a guy who was 51 with two kids. It was wild. You know, are his daughters your age? Pardon? Are his daughters your age? No, he has two sons. They're, um, 11 and 14. Oh, okay. So, you know, so they're younger. Yeah. Listen, take charge of the situation. Like my, that's my biggest takeaway. This call is if you're going to date a guy who's older and you've, you know, there's

an obvious like intimidation factor and you're a little confused. I've noticed that women tend to wait for the guy to make the decision because he's just like, well, you know, I don't know if I want this. And he can, he easily, it seems to be easier for guys to state what they want and what they don't want, especially when they're dating younger women. Wow. And women will be like, oh, well, you know, I understand. And like, you know, and it's fine. Oh man. Speaking the truth, Nick. Just say no. You know, I, I want to do this. I want to get, Hey, listen, I think you're hot and you have two kids and I don't really, you know, we're not going to, but like, I kind of want to have sex with you. Say that, fuck it. You know, just say what you want, you know? Um,

and quite honestly, it'll drive him nuts, but don't be afraid to state what you want. Stop waiting for him to make the decisions. Uh, you'll, you'll get what you want a lot quicker. Okay. All right. Awesome. Yeah. Thank you. No problem. All problem all right best of luck let us know how it goes okay thanks guys bye yeah I mean I think that in the first two calls it really it comes down to it's not so much age difference it really comes down to where you are in your lives and interesting enough these two callers it was the opposite ends of the spectrum. It wasn't like I'm dating a guy who's 12 years older than me, you know, 26 year old woman. Like that's like, she could literally date anyone at any age. Right. But that like where that person is in their life. Like there's a lot of guys who are 45s who have 45, who have never settled down,

or maybe they got married early and it didn't work out. And then they never, but they still want to have kids. And they just, they're very like anxious to meet someone and they want to have kids. So if, if, if she met a, you know, 46 year, even a 51 year old guy who just, it never settled down, that could work. It's still a big age gap, but like, it's not also hard to believe that this 51 year old guy who has two sons easily might have already had a vasectomy or whatever, maybe not. sons easily might have already had a vasectomy or whatever, maybe not. Or if he hasn't had a vasectomy, he's like, I had two kids. I'm good. Yeah. You know, and doesn't want to have more kids. Those are, those are kind of non-starters

if she wants to sit alone and have kids. Yeah. If I'm a 51 year old guy and I have two sons and I like my first marriage didn't work out, I don't know if I want to have more kids. Right. I mean, I can't say that because I'm not, I don't have, I'm not that point in my life, but I can easily see that situation play out where I'm like, I want to meet someone. But like, if she wants to have two or three kids, I'm not her guy because I have two sons. So that's, they're not in the same. They're totally different. Totally different. We don't know. Right. But there's a good chance they're in a very different situation. Our first caller, I mean, clearly 30, you know, the fact that he's a musician is a little like, uh, telling, well, no, it's a variable where like, he literally might be

like an 18 year old guy, you know, like, um, he just might literally still want to go to college parties for all we know. Um, and he might have no interest in growing up anytime soon, but that's a different situation where I feel like he's going to stop her from being 18. Just, it's just, it's so easy. You're so impressionable when you're younger and rightfully so. I mean, you don't have, you have left, that's not meant to be condescending. It's just like, you literally have less experiences. And so when you meet someone who's older and they're like, well, that's stupid or that's cool. We listen to those people. I know I did. And that stopped you from doing stupid shit that you look back and go, that was fun and stupid. Yeah. And that's part of life. Um, so I like when you say that if you're

going to date someone older, you have to take back some of the power. You totally do. That's so important and so hard to do. But yeah, it's key. It's key. I mean, yeah, if you're going to date someone who's older, you have to, because any relationship, regardless if there's an age gap, is about having, the best relationship is, right,

is where there's an equal amount of power distribution, yeah hard to do but that's the goal is that you both feel like the power shifts pretty evenly and sometimes you are feel like you have control but it's not one-sided and there's variables in any relationship that sometimes change that maybe it's a money dynamic someone you know you know makes all the money and like and holds it over the person they're dating, which isn't right. But that can happen. Or maybe there's an age gap. So if you're, you know, if you're going to date someone who's older, you really got to and you want to feel like, oh, I'm mature and I can date someone older. Well, you have to be able to speak up for yourself and you have to be able to state what you want.

You can't sit around and wait for that person to call the shots. And if they say, well, I'm uncomfortable with this or I'm comfortable with that, they have the right to say that, but you have the right to say, well, I want that. Yeah. And if you say that, then that may, that, that might be telling for you that that maybe age gap is a problem, even though you find them attractive and they're fun to hang out with the sometimes an age gap can you know be just that like you're just at two different places in your life and you want different things so they just become someone you enjoyed their experience you enjoy time with them and maybe you had some sex and that's all fine and well but they just might not be your person yeah but like

laura here she even said like she just wants to hang out with the guy and have a little sex well they can get to the sex you know how's it going it is good what's your name i'm jenna and i'm 24 hi jenna 24 and i'm from austin texas austin texas hi nick how are you this is Rochelle. Happy birthday, Nick. Oh, she knew. Thanks so much. I got him a balloon. Even though time is just a construct. Totally. Thanks for following my Instagram. How can I help you? Okay. So I recently got ghosted. And so I'm just kind of trying to get some closure on that situation. And so we're not talking about I went on a couple of dates and got ghosted. And so I'm just kind of trying to get some closure on that situation. And so we're

not talking about, I went on a couple of dates and got ghosted. I was in a relationship for over two years and got ghosted. There was no breakup. Another super ghost. Sucks. That sucks. How old is he? He's 23. Oh, he's younger than you. Younger than me. Yeah. Okay.

A little bit over a year younger. I mean, like, not that that's an excuse, but we're already kind of getting to, we're already getting some answers. Yeah. Um, you dated for two years. Right. Um, and. We did, we did have an off and on period over the past year and so i would like to

preface with i'd say we dated for a solid year and then we worked on it for a year okay i understood yeah that's common and then one day you reached out to him and he just like blocked you? So, uh, I am blocked now, but I wasn't blocked for about three weeks. I know the poor guy just gave up. Um, poor guy. So, uh, you're a nice, you're a nice person. Yeah, no. So what happened was, so actually, I mean, we had plenty of our problems throughout this year and I ended up going to therapy just because, I mean, we had plenty of our problems throughout this year. And I ended up going to therapy just because, I mean, I have my own issues. It's 2019. Probably everyone needs a little therapy.

And so I left one of my therapy sessions and I actually sent him some notes that I had gone over with my therapist that I'd like to talk to him about just regarding our relationship and some expectations, communication notes, et cetera. And so I sent it to him on a Wednesday and he was like, great. I can't wait to go over this with you. Like, I'm glad you went. I'm glad you got something out of it. And he's like, I'd love to. I said, are you type A? Oh yeah. 100% control freak. All right. Yeah. Go ahead. I'm sorry. He's like, he's great. Wednesday night.

Oh, my gosh, babe. I have a headache. I can't come over. You know, let's hang out tomorrow night and talk about everything. I'm like, okay, great. Thursday night. Oh, my gosh, babe. Work was so stressful. I have to work late.

Like, I'm going to come over tomorrow night. I know we need to talk, whatever. Friday, go. Okay. I'm like, I'm, and I'm a communicator. So, I mean, we communicate all the time and I knew on Thursday night, we left it kind of shaky. Um, we didn't say like a normal good night message, but I'm talking, I never heard from him on Friday. And I was obviously reaching out. And then you kept kind of intermittently reaching out for three weeks and finally noticed you got blocked. Yeah, correct. Okay.

We have a little bit, there's a couple things that happen over the three-week period. So he would respond rarely to very choice messages. So I got about like three or four messages from him. But he wouldn't necessarily acknowledge the situation at hand? They had nothing to do with our relationship or the situation. I was more like, oh, really excited to see the Joker on October 4th. Like completely random messages. His friends posted a couple of things on social media and tagged me.

One of his best friends posted a picture and said, he's out buying a ring and my name, my tag. And so very weird stuff going on yeah um I'm gonna assume immature jokes or what have you but I mean dead serious I was dating this guy like met my entire family I moved here for him but you've broken in your email you said you've broken up a bunch of times right and gotten back together yeah so after the first year um i broke up with him at 2 a.m angry immature mistake not necessarily started a roller coaster not necessarily however it was something i regretted immediately which started a chain of this whole off and on breakup pattern. Yeah. But trust your gut. I mean, but this is what I found most interesting about your email

is you ended it saying whatever happened to fighting for who you want. And that's like a, that's like a mental place I used to be into. Like we got to fight for each other until the death. My... I think that's something we do when you're younger. My first girlfriend, we talked about this on this podcast. I met her when I was 18. We dated off and on for seven years.

She broke up with me many times in the middle. I ended it at the end. I broke up with her once in the middle and every other time she broke up with me. And every time she broke up with me, I literally had this like, I'll just make it work somehow. There's a way it was like, it was literally like a video game. I was like, I don't, I never lose. It was, it's fucked up. But like there was, and it was all in my head justified by this. I fight for what I love. It was the kind of rom-com and there's something to be said to that, but there's a little bit of

delusion in that in terms of we're convincing ourselves of what we want and we have a hard time letting go of the things we got so used to. Um, well let's, let's get into you in a second. As far as this situation is like he, you know, ghosting, cheating, you're not necessarily the same, but they're both very wrong in a sense. And that the thing about ghosting and cheating is that, you know, with someone ghosts you, and if someone cheats on you, they might have the reasons why they did it. Right. If you get cheated on, they might be like, well, did it. Right. If you get cheated on, they might be like, well, I was emotionally like starved. And then I slept with someone else because I wasn't winning out. When I cheated on you, it's just like, oh, you sent me fucking notes.

If you're a psychologist, I don't want to talk to you. So I ghosted you. They might have their reasons, but it's never okay. Right. Because you can choose not to cheat on someone. You can choose not to ghost someone. You might be in a difficult situation. You might not be getting what you want out of a relationship, but he chose to ghost you. And so you have to hold him accountable for his actions. And his actions are someone who's a very poor communicator and not willing as a man, maybe only a 23 year old man, but a man nonetheless, who doesn't have the ability to like just end it if that's what he wants to do in a very clean and maybe difficult couple conversations, but like something that, you know, you deserve as someone he at some point at least loved, right? And he chose not to do that. And so regardless of his reasons, you need to hold him accountable for that. And by accountable, I mean, you need to start focusing on that action and not about like all the other things that happened before that

of why I moved to Austin for him. He treated you that way. That's a big deal, right? So if you were to get back together, if he were to show back up, if he were to like call you up and say, well, I'm sorry. And here's why I did that. And you were just hard to talk to, et cetera, et cetera, which all might in the moment seem like, oh yeah, I guess I can be really like controlling and I can see why I pushed you away. And that technically might all be true, but it still doesn't make it okay. Right. And so he, you need to hold him accountable for

that. What I'm saying is I don't think this is your guy. And unless you want someone who's a poor communicator and that's not going to change overnight, he might realize he was wrong, but he needs to grow up. And I'm not saying he, he doesn't deserve someone, but he might need to take some time for himself for a while, like a year or two and become a man who can understand. We had a caller a couple weeks ago who did something like this. And it wasn't until like a year or two later, he really realized what he did was wrong. And that, you know, he really understood that, but he had to do that after he left that situation. And he had to realize that for himself. He didn't realize because he like, and I'm not saying this is what he's going to do,

but if he comes back anytime soon, it's because he's panicked. It's because he misses you or he feels lonely or he's insecure or he tried to date someone and couldn't or who knows, whatever. But if he comes back anytime soon, it's not for the quote unquote right reasons, right? It's just not, right?

He's not going to realize that he doesn't want to treat anyone that way, regardless of what happened. Right. And he's willing to do that now. Right. So that's my takeaway for that. So you can either take that or not. But like back to you is like, there might be some reasons why he ghosted, not to make it okay. Oh, there are. Right? And that's fine. So right now, that's what I'm saying is those are two different situations, right?

Don't make the mistake of realizing that certainly in this relationship, in every relationship you have, there's things that you probably are to blame for the relationship ending. But that doesn't make right well his actions an excuse you can say you're not for me and I don't deserve to be treated that way and hold him accountable and at the same time look in the mirror and say for my next relationship what could I do better how could I be less of a pain in the ass or something? How could I not push the person away from dating? What might be a little heavy? Like, Hey, I got some notes from my therapist we need to work on. I'm going to be honest. It's a little heavy. If I got sent some notes from my therapist, I'd be like, wow. Like that's, that's a lot. I mean, that's a lot for

anyone in the 23 year old guy. That's, that's pretty heavy. You know, I commend you for getting therapy and I commend you for working on yourself, but like, you know, uh, if, especially if he's not that good at communicating, you know, just going to space it out. Right. So maybe I'm not saying that's wrong, but it just might be a little heavy. It might not be for everyone. So you get what I'm saying though, is that you can work on yourself, right? And you can work on your communication skills, and you can understand that I'm happy who I am, and I'm, be a type A, be a, you know, but if you know that you're a control freak, know that you need to learn how to turn it on and off, right? And that's not something you're going to do for this relationship. That's something you're gonna do for your next relationship. I would let go to all the thoughts of why I moved here for him. All the, all the crap about like, well, what his

friends are saying about buying rings. That is all frankly bullshit. That's all things that we do for ourselves to like try to justify hanging on to something that you shouldn't hang on to. The fact that you got ghosted is a blow to the ego. It's again, I kind of equate it to cheating because it's not necessarily cheating. It's a huge blow to the ego. I've never heard someone equate those two. Think about it. When you get cheated on, what it ultimately is, it's such a blow to the ego. It's this, why could someone do this to me? You, you could, you could have sex or make out with someone else and you could take away that trust. Ghosting is not much different. They, you dated someone for a period of time, a year, three months, whatever

you were intimate. You said, I love you. You move for them and they just fucking disappear. How is that really any better than fucking someone else? Like you literally like your, your quote unquote best friend you go to and you can't even get ahold of them. They won't acknowledge your feelings. That's, that's pretty bad. I mean,

it's pretty much like, I don't know how that's any worse than cheating. I would feel pretty much the same. Right. And so when this, I actually, I just thought they went hand in hand to where I want, like when I was reaching out one of my

messages was like hey if there's someone else that's going to make a whole lot more sense to me than if you just come back again and you decided to just ignore me so I kind of felt the same about it because I was curious my advice to you is don't try to make sense of it take the actions for what it is

he ghosted on you or he cheated on you it doesn't really matter you know what I'm saying You don't need a fucking reason. Your ego needs a reason. You, you, you're trying to justify it because your ego saying, I need to understand why this happened to me. I need to figure out why there was a reason. So then I can tell myself that I'm not a total loser or a piece of shit that are, and as a control person, you're trying to figure out how can I control the situation to justify it to myself? The truth is you need to work on the idea of, I don't need a reason. He chose to do this, right? It doesn't matter how shitty you were. You might be the world's worst girlfriend, right? You truly might. I don't, I'm not saying

you are, but let's imagine in this argument, you're a shitty fucking girlfriend. And as a result, he ghosted you. It's still not okay for him to ghost you. He could sit down with you and have a tough conversation. Be like, listen, you kind of suck. You're mean to me. You push me away. You're giving me notes constantly. You hit me. So I don't know. You know what I'm saying? Like he could still have that conversation. You know, if someone who's cheated on, like he, he doesn't have, he could break up with you and say, I don't want to date someone who does this to me. And then they can go fuck someone else. You know, he doesn't have to ghost you. So stop trying to make sense of it. Just hold them accountable for what he did. And then after you remove yourself and say goodbye to that relationship, then you look in the mirror and say, what could I do better in my next

relationship? How could I work on those things? because right now you're trying to you're wasting a lot of time trying to justify a relationship that is seemingly over and trying to make sense of something that happened to you that you didn't deserve to have happen to you only for your ego right and that ultimately is a giant waste of your time because it's not going to accomplish anything you know it's just going to make your ego feel a little bit better right and you're going to run the risk of understand like the risk of making your ego feel better is then to justify his actions so that if he does get bored and he does come back in the short term you'll that's what people do. And when you

take someone back for whether it's cheating or ghosting or treating you poorly, you're doing it because you've been able to justify it to yourself to make yourself feel better about how they treated you. And it makes it easier for you to take back the person who was doing something shitty to you. Right? So stop, stop justifying it. Stop making sense of it. Think to yourself, wow, I don't want you looking. Why would you want to look for a ring for me? You fucking ghosted me. That's for pretty fucking bizarre. That's a panic move. But in a weird thing, it makes you feel good when you hear that. Right. I know it sounds crazy, but when you hear it, it makes you feel good because,

you know, that makes you feel good about the ghosting. Listen, people get ghosted. People get cheated on. It happens to everyone. It is not a reflection of you. And I'm sure, and everyone could be a better boyfriend or girlfriend, right? So just accept that. Totally. Look in the mirror and say, I could be a better girlfriend. That's okay. It doesn't make you bad. It doesn't make you shitty. We can all be better partners. And so be thankful for this learning opportunity and focus on what you can do for your next boyfriend, but hold them accountable and say goodbye to this relationship. Say goodbye. Accept the fact that you're,

I've never been to Austin, Texas, but everyone tells me it's a pretty- So many hot people there. Everyone tells me it's a cool city. So just be happy you moved. And you know what? You can move back to wherever you came from. You're young, life's short.

You're full of opportunities. Like who gives a shit if you move for a guy like it doesn't matter like stop reinvesting in a bad bet oh you know yeah i'm writing that down so fair yeah and i know it's sometimes hard to hear but like when he calls you get back together with him just remember i would be like shaking my head. Picture Nick shaking his head. No, I think after this, I'm going to have to say, even if I wanted to, which I think I'm in a better place since he blocked. I know I'm in a better place since he blocked me because I was like,

oh God, you don't even want to read what I have to say anymore. At the very least, he has his read receipts on, so I could watch him just send a message, read the message. If you get back to guy with them or you talk to them, just imagine you wearing a T-shirt that says, I don't respect myself. Oh, God. We should sell those.

Because that's what... That we can buy for our friends. That's ultimately what you're wearing, and that's what people will be thinking about you. Oh, no. No, yeah. So just remember that. I'm with you. Yeah, and it is. ultimately what you're wearing and that's what people will be thinking about you oh no no yeah so just remember that yeah and it is it's all compartmentalizing i'm just saying like this guy did something really douchey and he might just be a douche and before i just didn't see it

or i didn't want to yeah we all do douchey things you know i'm not trying to shit on this guy he's probably just a young immature guy who's not good at communicating. And you might not just be his person. Right. And hopefully he learns from this, but you can't be there. He has to learn from it on his own after he's lost you. Right. After you're already gone and he still has a choice to look back and say, regardless of I can't get her back or not, I still don't want to do that to my next partner. regardless of I can't get her back or not, I still don't want to do that to my next partner. Now that's on him and that's his own journey, but he did this to you and that should be for you unforgivable. I mean, you can forgive him, but you can't, you know, he's willing to do that for you. And it sounds like there's been a lot of other problems and you're trying to just, you're trying

to fix something that clearly is broken because you have a hard time letting go and as someone who's a control freak and I can relate to it. I can relate. You're just like, well, I can control the situation. There's enough duct tape to go around. I can fix it. I can just slap it on. I can fix it. Yeah, no.

It totally became about proving like, look, we're going to make it. I don't know who I'm even proving that to at this point. Your ego. So let go. Say goodbye. No, seriously. You know, all these like cliche things that I think are fine. Write him a letter that you don't expect him to read, but you're writing it to yourself. Say goodbye. Literally just say goodbye to him. Give yourself the closure. Maybe someday, like a caller before, he might reach out to you and say, I'm sorry sorry I didn't deserve to treat you that way and that will probably feel good when you eventually get that from you but you don't need it to move on you can give your you can give yourself the closure and

that closure is we had a bad relationship there's so many things about the relationship I wasn't happy you had a goddamn list that you want him to work on like let's be honest like after you dated for a year you were working out for a year then you had a whole list of things. That doesn't sound like a, a, a, like the kind of relationship that you really want. Right. It sounds like a guy you fell in love with and you really liked and it was exciting and you're having a hard time letting go, but let go. Let go. Yeah. All right. Totally. Thanks for calling. You're right. All right. Well, hopefully that was helpful. Thanks for having me. Thanks for calling in.

It was the kick in the ass I needed today. Have a good day. Bye. Bye. Yeah. I never thought about that before, but cheating and ghosting. Yeah. Wow.

What's the difference? Wow. I guess ghosting on someone you went on like two dates with is different yeah but I mean ghost that's the thing like I mean sometimes cheating is subject you know people like what emotionally cheating or you know yeah um certainly that can be subjective right and then I listen if you go on two dates and like I if you're on a date and people just don't call each other, I don't consider that ghosting. I call it mutual ghosting. Sure, whatever.

I know you don't think it is. I mean, call it that. Yeah, I just find it, I just call it like, we just weren't that interested. Or maybe some person is interested, but they don't know how the other person feels. You're like, I'll let them call me and they don't call. You're like, all right, well, now I have my answer.

That's normal. Now, if I go on two dates with a young woman and she is like, I want to go out. And I'm like, and maybe I'm kind of a puss. And I'm like, yeah, sure. Let's get together sometime. And then four days later, she's like, let's go out again. And she keeps asking, go out. I think it's like the right thing to do is be like, hey, listen, I just want to be upfront. For sure. You know, you don't ignore someone. And that's a little bit of ghosting, but we're talking about a, in a relationship where you have a committed relationship and you've exchanged feelings and words of affirmation and sex and like you're, and you become like ghosting, like you're, there's a trust thing and that trust is broken.

And ultimately that's what cheating is. And if that trust is broken by like not being available, if you're in a relationship, you owe that person, ideally some kind of closure if you want out. Yeah. That's a, I agree. Cause think about it. When I, to get ghosted and to get cheated on in that situation,

that how does it feel real? Any different? I don't, I don't know. And I think you just need to hold those people accountable. And like I said, I think we often make that mistake of at the, for the sake of making ourselves, our egos feel better about what happened to us. We then justify the actions of the people for what they did to us. And then those situations where they come back, it's much

easiest for, to forgive them because we've, we've tried to understand it for our own egos and then we forgive people who shouldn't be forgiven. Oh. Yeah. Wow. Fuck. So good. Just thought of that. Okay.

How's it going? Good. How are y'all? Good. What's your name? I'm Tori. I am 26 years old. Hi, Tori, 26 years old. Very cute top.

Yeah. Thank you. I actually do quite like it. How can we help Tori? Okay. So I just, I don't know, guys, this is just really hard. I really like this guy I'm dating we've been dating about three months and he is just an awful kisser like it's so bad so bad I mean can you describe it for us yeah oh gosh yeah I I think in my email I said like it's like an animal who's been without food for months because it's just like so aggressive and like so intense. And he even asked me like when we first when he first kissed me. Also, sorry if I'm like my dog's here.

So if you ever feel like a little. That's her. But anyways, he kissed me and then he was like, so do you like tongue? And I was like, I mean, I'm okay without it. Like, that's really not my thing. And it was like, I said, I love tongue because he loves to make out. No, I said I didn't really like it, but he like loves it. I like it like here and there, but not like a lot.

Well, it sounds like you were saying it. You didn't love it because you were trying to just let him know maybe he loved it too much, right? Oh, no. This is like before. Before you ever kissed? Like this was like we kissed. We didn't make out. And then we made out and it was like he totally didn't even listen to what I was saying.

I mean, be honest, I've never asked a woman if she loved tongue. I mean, it's weird. It's a weird question. It's a weird question. That's a red,

it's what we call a red flag. Yes. All the red flags. Um, yeah. Okay. My question is like, how do you nicely say like hey i like you but don't kiss me everything else is great i don't know how you're still around three months that's a long that's a

lot i know i'm like trying to give him the benefit of the doubt what do you like about him let's get into the you trying to give him the benefit of the doubt what do you like about him i just think he's very kind he's been very persistent and pursuing the other ways and like we have a really good like friendship connection but kind and pursuing is nice but like I mean that's like a bare minimum I know I it. Like, it's like a broken record with our callers, but like, he likes me and he makes me feel wanted and he's not a total dick. Like, I feel like I've said that exact thing so many times. It is not a fucking, like, you did not find your knight in shining armor. Like, maybe he is. I'm just saying, but I asked you what you like about him.

The first two things he said to me is, he's nice. And he goes after me. Like, well, shit, man. Like, that's, how else would you, that's like a, he's alive. He wears shirts. You know, like, what else? I mean, you know, I mean, I'm giving you a hard time, but what else do you be specific? What are some things that you make them think? This is my, what a great, what a great guy. Yeah. How does he make you feel?

He makes me feel very like he, when we're together, it's very intentional, very much like I'm the only girl he sees and he just makes me feel like I get little butterflies like even when it's just nice like little things here and there and what do you like about his personality like this I hate saying the word oh he's so sweet but like that's the only word I feel like sweet is good. I'm not discounting sweet, but you know, I, I know there's a lot of dick guys out there, but there's a plenty of guys who like want to be nice to the women. They like, yeah. Um, what do you like about his personality? Oh, he's so funny and so blunt. And like, for me, maybe this is my issue is is I it takes a lot for me to be like communication

and he pushes me on that a lot so he's a good communicator he forced me to come out of my comfort zone in that way um so that's well this is good news potentially for you if he is as good of a communicator as you think he might be this is the type of person who you might have a chance to communicate this problem with. Now, he also might not be as good of a communicator as you suggest, seeing as that you told him you don't love Kong, uh, Tong, or Kong.

That's a farting slip, whatever. And he decided to shove it down your throat. So, you know, he might not be the best active listener, you know? Have you guys gone further than making out? Yeah. And how's that? Yeah, so you've had sex. I mean, literally, it's just, it's not that, it's so bad.

It's not that great. No, why are you? And I feel like that's so shallow to like end something because. No. Why is that shallow? No, no, no. I don't know. I mean, I don't know.

I find sex with my partner to be not great. It needs a bad kisser. Kissing seems the tip of the iceberg here. That seems like a very reasonable thing. I understand that we all get older and like, you know, sex is going to die down. But like when we are 26 and wanting sex, you should want to enjoy that. Right now, sex can always improve in relationships. So like, I'm not saying you should break up with this guy. But you need to be able to communicate with the great communicator about the fact that you don't necessarily enjoy it. Now we've talked a lot about this podcast is that

sometimes we have this disconnect with men and women. And the problem often is like, um, guys aren't necessarily the best listeners. We, we is in general, we'll learn to have sex in all the wrong places like porn and our buddies. And, and a lot of us aren't lucky enough to have female friends who have sat us down and taken the time to be like, Hey man, like actually, no, that's not how you do it. This is how you do it. And maybe no one ever really told him, or maybe he wasn't interested enough to learn. Right. Yeah. Whatever the reason is, he's not good at it. And he can either choose to want to be good or, or not. Let me ask you this. When he, when you're having sex, does he ask you about what gets you off?

No. Does, does he ever ask if you have orgasm when you have sex? No. Does, does he ever ask if you have orgasm when you have sex? No. Like there's like no communication. We talk about everything else besides like, so like what do you like in like sex or other physical aspects? But I'm talking about when you're actually having sex, he's never checked in. Be like, did you orgasm? Never? No. That's not. It's inexperience maybe. I mean, it could be inexperience. Again, it could,

it could be a lot of things. He might just be selfish in that regard. It might be just the fact that he, again, I, I'm not trying to pat myself on the shoulder. I don't relate to this mindset because I want to feel like the women I'm having sex with enjoy it. And as big of an ego as I have, I don't have a big enough to ego that my presence is enough for them to orgasm. And it seems like a lot of guys out there feel like if I like put my dick inside of you, it's going to rock your world. And that's just not the case. And maybe it's because I've been lucky enough to have women in my life who have been so good at communicating with me. And like, whether it's women I've dated or women who are friends who like, who we openly talk about sex, he, you know, so he's either, he either doesn't

care and he, you know, he's not a good communicator or he hasn't been told. So you are in the unfortunate situation of, um, of, of trying to help them out. Now, how do we do this? It's tough, but like, you'd have to try to do it in a very non-threatening way because it's not going to be in any guy. It's going to feel emasculating, especially for the woman he likes and he's having intimate relationships with, but it's something you have to try to have a great way to start. You know, I don't know if like, cause this almost sounds like accusing, but like, I think it's okay for you to express to him to be like, I wouldn't lead with this, but maybe this is something you have in your back pocket,

but like, you've never asked if I've orgasmed him. That should be, you know, if he cares about you, he should be surprised. He may like that of that realization you know what i haven't and that could be a total honest mistake on his part of like wow i've never asked you if you've orgasmed him orgasm you know like i don't even i can't talk so like yeah i mean and so before you get to that point you you know, just, just be like, Hey, um, I mean, there's, again, there's really no easy way to do it. I think I would definitely do it. Uh, not naked. I would definitely do it. Not when you're about to make out, I would definitely do it like in a, um, like in a very kind of, I don't know, like chill setting, not maybe public, but it's like, Hey, I want to have a tough conversation with you. Like, I want to talk about our sex life. Um, and just be honest and just,

just be like, listen, I, I first compliment them. Like if you're going to criticize them and get into this shower with compliments of like, I really like you and you make me feel great and tell him all the things he's doing great. And then kind of drop the bomb about like, but kind of here, you know, there's a but there and just say, Hey, listen, I, I, I love being with you, but I want to enjoy it with you. And there's nothing we're doing that can't be fixed, but I do. And then I think it's okay for you to say, I want you to want to get me off. I want you to care. And right now it feels like you don't really, because you don't ask. And, and you can say, listen, just so you know, there isn't a guy out there who is so magical that he can get any woman off without like checking in. You know, some guys might be, men and women might be better in bed than others,

but the ones who are good in bed are the ones who check in. That doesn't mean they always have to ask and have to have a conversation, but they are paying attention. You know, the guys who are good in bed are paying attention to their partners when they're having sex. They're, they're, they're looking at their body language. They're, they things. Their mindset is, I want this person to experience this. And they're not thinking, me doing whatever I want to get me off is simultaneously getting them off, right? And he clearly, for whatever reason, is thinking that. And maybe because he just doesn't know any better,

and he just always assumed that's enough. But you just need to let him know it's not enough. And how he handles that will really tell you how good of a communicator he is or isn't because like listen this is a tough conversation but it's not the end of the world and if you are going to marry this guy or settle down with him you're going to have tougher conversations other than like he's a bad at making out and he doesn't give a shit if you come or not you know also don't you think she shouldn't feel bad about breaking up with a guy because you definitely shouldn't not you definitely shouldn't feel bad about that it is not shallow but i also think she liked you you like them right and so yeah i don't get the sense that you want to break

out with them but you feel bad about breaking up with them that's not it right no it's just like i hate like i've been so avoiding even like hanging out with him because i just want to avoid even kissing him which is so bad because that's not that that's not bad but to rochelle's point like then that's like i'd get out of there then get rid rid of it. Right. I mean, again, figure out whether you want to be with them. If you can make a list of all the things you really like about them. And if you think like, minus the sex stuff, you really enjoy them and he makes you feel good and he is funny and you like spending time with them, then try to fix the parts of your relationship, whatever they are that aren't working. And you do that by communicating and you say he's a good at communicating. So like, if you think it can be fixed, do it. If you're not willing to talk about it, then, then end it. And that's okay. It is totally okay to Rochelle's

point to say, how old is this guy, by the way? He is 28. Okay. So like, he's not like super old, but like, you know, it's fixable. It's totally fixable. Right. Um, but if you're not willing to have the conversation, it's not going to get better. Right. There's no, like, there's no, like, you know, you, you can't go to a friend or have a buddy talk to him. You have to be able to talk to him.

And if you're not willing to have that conversation, then you should get out. Right. If you're, if it's got to the point where you don't want to like kiss them it's so bad or have sex with them well that's not a relationship so yeah and you shouldn't feel bad about breaking up with them because your sexual chemistry is terrible you should not feel bad you shouldn't feel shallow. That is a very justifiable thing. Yeah. He is not interested in getting you off. That's, that's not, I don't, what, what is, how, how is that nice? Oh, that's very true. Oh, and again, that if, I mean, and that also shows like he's, if he's not a listener,

then and he's not listening to what I'm saying, like, boy, bye. You did, you did say that if my mom and my mom and dad didn't teach me that it was respectful to open the car doors for women or like be chivalrous and I just didn't do that or like you know and that was why I didn't do it that doesn't make it okay I mean it sucks that my parents didn't do that but there's other ways to learn things just because your parents didn't teach you everything you know what I'm saying like if I was an asshole to my girlfriends just because because like no one told me, and again, where I'm saying this because like maybe no one told him about how to like be good in bed,

he's 28 years old and that's not necessarily, and even it's also not your problem that he hasn't learned. You can make it your problem and talk to him. That's up to you. Yeah. But you, it is not like that's a choice you are welcome to make, but it's not your burden. Yeah. You know, but you do need to decide which one is it, right? Stop doing what you're doing. It's not going to magically change. So either break up with them or have a tough conversation. If you want to be a great person, I would have the conversation with them regardless. Okay. He might hate you. He might be an asshole. He might think you're a total bitch. I don't know that you'll learn about that person regardless, but you might save his life. Literally, you know, if it's not me, it'll be somebody else. Yeah. You could just

simply say, you know, like every guy needs to check in with the woman they're with to find out what they like and what they don't like. Every woman likes things differently. So maybe you are a rock star with your last girlfriend. That doesn't mean you're a rock star with your next girlfriend. And if you're not asking what they like, if you're not checking in, if you're not figuring out what they, what gets them off, then you're not going to be good to that partner. And just setting that expectation,

people kiss differently. And kissing is a dance, right? It really is like a, it's communicating. It's kind of going back and forth. It's kind of like a yin and a yang. I mean, that's the fun part about kissing. It's kind of like, it's not fucking diving in and just asking the person to like catch what you're throwing at him,

you know? And that's what he's, he's doing. It's a, it's a, it's soft toss back and forth, you know? It's a little dance,

you know? All about the dancing. And he's not, he's not willing to do that. You know, he's just, so. Yeah. Look out for those future women, man women man decide what you want um figure it out do that don't feel guilty

regardless and if you want to be a hero um try to help them out regardless if you want to be in the relationship or not okay that's good advice not all heroes wear capes. Oh, no. I mean, truly. I think you should absolutely have this conversation with them regardless. Regardless. Listen, tough conversations are good to practice having tough conversations. Yeah, get those reps in. Here's an opportunity to have not an impossible but tough conversation with someone who should be respecting your opinion and your needs.

And so feel free to try to have the conversation. Post a DM tonight. Ooh, yeah, give us an update. Give us an update. Yeah, and just, again, start with complimenting him, make him feel like he's not a total piece of shit before you completely destroy his, his ego.

Destroy all confidence. Oh no. Yep. And again, just kind of say it by like, listen, there's a surprisingly, a lot of guys think they're enough and And no guy is enough in that regard.

There ain't no magic dick. There ain't no magic dick. Nicely put, Rochelle. All right. Thank you so much. Good luck. All right. Take care.

Bye. Bye. Yeah. Oh, I wouldn't have lasted three days. Are you kidding me? Do you think more women feel guilty about being shallow than men? Oh, yeah. Okay.

I don't know. I would agree. I can't imagine feeling bad about that. Like that's like just part of a relationship. Totally. But do you think that's normal or do you think that's unique to her? Oh, yeah. That is probably normal.

Especially when you're young, you don't know what good kissing actually is or good sex actually is. Yeah, but she's 26. She's not that young. I know, but I'm saying when you're young and you don't know, you're like, oh, this is fine. Sure. I never orgasmed and that's fine.

It should always feel pretty good, people. And if it doesn't feel pretty good and you don't enjoy it, then it's not fine. It's real simple. You imagine, like, I don't know why I hate this so much. What's wrong with me? Is this an acquired taste like my first beer? Oh, no. No,

it should never, you know, sex is not, I guess for women, I guess, you know, you're losing your virginity. I understand that,

you know, but making out, making out should be, making out should be good. Always pretty good. Always fairly enjoyable. Um, foreplay should always be fairly enjoyable even from the start,

you know? And if it's not, that that means that and that's okay Mm-hmm. That means there's improvement that needs to be had. Yeah should never settle with I mean, I uh, I was with this guy just just awful just really awful I gave him a couple shots too because I'm a benevolent person Yes, and he got kind of mad at me and I was like, okay, I'm out. But now he has a new girlfriend and I'm just wondering like, is she

experiencing what I experienced and I feel bad. It's very tough. I mean, if some girl told me this at any stage of my life, you immediately get defensive. It's impossible not to. How you

handle being defensive is, is going to vary and that's very telling for people, but you're going to feel defensive. It's impossible not to. Um, and you know, as a 28 year old guy, he's not a young man. So like he's, he thinks, I mean, 28 year old guy, he thinks he's pretty old. Yeah. When I was 28, I felt like a pretty much an adult. And so if I would hear that, it would be hard to hear. But someone needs to tell him. He doesn't ask if she ever orgasms. Oh, yeah.

I've never. Not asked. I mean, I don't like ask every time, but like if I'm hanging out with someone, because I know that some people fake it I'm just like I set expectations pretty early I'm like you know again I like to communicate so when we're talking about sex

I'll ask have you ever faked an orgasm with a oh you try to get it out in the open early yeah have you ever faked an orgasm with a guy and they're like yeah I'm like well don't ever with me oh and it's more like listen if i it's but it's not like a threat it's more like uh i understand like listen you may not always orgasm yeah i just tell me when you don't yeah that's fine and if you just tell me and if you then tell me how you just let me know

and if you know what I'm saying? It's just more like, it's, it's, it's, it's trying to set that situation up where it is okay to, you know, even guys, guys will feel pressure about like, Oh yeah. I think women always expect guys to always climax. Yeah. Always. And if they don't, guys will feel bad. And then the women will be like, well, is it me? And like, so I think both parties should always feel like it's okay that they don't. So then they don't feel the pressure to fake it. And then they don't feel the pressure to like, and then if you're faking it, in fairness to the guys out there, they think they're the man because like, well, she's clearly having an orgasm.

She wouldn't fake it with me. So yeah, setting the expectation early that like, you know, but every guy should at least check in. If you're not checking in, then you don't give a shit. Yeah. Check in or check out. There you go. People.

What a great episode. What a great episode. You know? You were proud of the advice you gave. I can feel it. Was it? I don't know. I think I always kind of come into these things and be like, I don't know.

Yeah. What are our big takeaways here? Age gaps. Yes. It's more about where, yeah, do you guys want the same things? Yeah. You can't lie about the stages of your life that you're in. Yeah. Do you guys want the same things? Yeah. You can't lie about the stages of your life that you're in. Yeah. Also, making sure you take back the power.

Take back your power. That's your main message, and I love it. Always. But yeah, if you're a young person and you're like, I'm mature enough to date another person, that might be true. But you also need to be mature enough to state what you want and not be submissive with your expectations of the relationship. And stop reinvesting in a bad bet. I liked that quote.

Stop reinvesting in bad bets. Don't have a sugar daddy. Don't have a sugar daddy. Ever. Or do if you want. No. No. No.

It's not. No, no, no, it's not. No. Listen, I understand prostitution is the, is the, uh, is the oldest profession. And I'm not,

like, listen, whatever. I'm not criticizing, but then that, then that, that's what you're doing. You know,

like this whole like game of like, uh, uh, we're not like young women out there, 18, 19, 20, like struggle in life a little bit.

Don't be afraid to be 18 and 19 and work a tough job and eat ramen and eat ramen and not fly on private jets with your musician, 30 year old boyfriend. And if you get to do that once or twice, fine. But like, don't make choices that you're going to look back and realize that maybe you weren't respecting yourself. Yeah. And yeah, should we get t-shirts and say I don't respect myself?

I mean, definitely. Already getting them made. Copy print. Anytime you're in a situation where you feel like you just put the shirt on and you walk around. Or I'm going to give it to my friends. I'm like, listen, I'm tired of hearing you complain about this. I don't respect myself.

Not today. All right. Well, as always, people, thanks for listening. Once again, ask Nick at castmedia.com. We haven't had a couple of male callers in a few episodes. What the fuck, 10 percenters. And women out there, I feel like young men would find these conversations interesting.

Yeah. So spread the fucking word. Wow. Spread the fucking word. Wow. I mean, spread the fucking word people. We're, we're, we're,

we're, we're talking about guys all the time. I feel like we need to get it out there. I think, you know, anyways, um, thanks for listening.

Don't forget to rate us five stars. Well, we'll see you on Wednesday. Another great episode lined up for you. Have a great couple days. Bye bye. See you on Wednesday. Another great episode lined up for you. Have a great couple days. Bye-bye.