The Viall Files - E478 Going Deeper With Harry Jowsey - His Break Up, Plus Adam Levine & Love Is Blind

Episode Date: September 22, 2022

Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files, Going Deeper Edition! Today we have a very exciting episode where we welcome on Harry Jowsey of Too Hot To Handle to get the exclusive tell all on his recent breakup with Georgia Hassarati. On this episode we kick things off by recapping the breakup, talking about how moving on is harder when it was an amicable breakup, going cold turkey on reaching out, and how to focus on your ex's best interests by letting them heal. We also get into setting goals with dating, manifesting dating your best friend, how your love language can change over time, and how being upfront about your expectations helps in the long term. We then get into some pop culture topics, recapping the Adam Levine cheating scandal, how people are too focused on getting clout, and the shocking revelations and breakups from Love is Blind’s After the Altar episode. We then welcome on our Texting Office Hours caller, where our caller struggles after she sees the guy she’s dating hanging out with her ex’s best friend. Knowing that the friend doesn’t like her, and feeling awkward on her next date with the guys she’s seeing, she worries that he’ll ignore his attraction in favor of gossip that might’ve been spread about her. Now she wonders if it’s worth it to shoot her shot with a guy that didn’t offer to walk her home after a three hour date together.  “It was such a good breakup, if there is such a thing.”  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  If you would like to get some advice on Office Hours send an email to [e-mail] with “Office Hours” in the subject line!  Be sure to check out my sports radio show Fandemonium, Wednesdays @ 3PT / 6 ET  on Amazon's Amp app.  Click the link to download Amp using my code NICKVIALL https://apps.apple.com/us/app/amp-host-live-radio-shows/id1586403838 Pre-Order Nick’s Book: https://www.abramsbooks.com/product/dont-text-your-ex-happy-birthday_9781419755491/ Check out our new "Introvert" merch at http://www.viallfiles.com today! THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Away Travel: Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases and bags at http://www.AwayTravel.com/viall Episode Socials:  @viallfiles @nickviall @harryjowsey See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on everybody? Welcome back to another exciting episode of The Vile Files Going Deeper Edition. I'm your host Nick, Allie, Amanda. Okay, I got that. Great. How are you ladies doing? Good. I guess. Good, you guess. I guess. It's less so me not being good.

It's more so me being like, God damn it, Allie. You say the same thing every time. People are sick of you. Are you accepted the fact that you're doing improv with Amanda? I haven't.

I'm so excited. Allie and Amanda are taking improv together. We don't know because I have to audition. Oh, that's true. Which to which Amanda told me yesterday and I literally said, I have to audition for prison. Well, it's funny though, because I was like, it's the easiest thing in the world just to make sure you're not like super unselfaware and crazy. And then Nick was like, well, I failed that the first time. I don't think i

really failed it i think the guy i was told but if you fail it you can't do it again for three months no you can do it three times and then you have to take a break no i had to wait three months the website said if you fail you can try again in three months what but then i was told i should not have been failed and that i was a natural i think it's great that you guys are doing it. You're getting out of your comfort zone. I want to die. Yes. And just remember, yes. And we have a great episode for you. Lots going on, obviously, with the Vow Files. We had the Bachelor finale recap with Sheena yesterday. I hope you guys enjoyed that. Wow. What a finale. I know we didn't bring you any of the Bachelor cast this week, but fear not, because we have the exclusive podcast interview with Tino next week and the exclusive podcast interview with Jason following week.

And this week we have the one and the only Harry Jowsey giving us the exclusive on his breakup from his girlfriend, Georgia, who they met from their both being on Too Hot to Handle. They weren't on the same season. But they met when he was interviewing her on the podcast. Anyways, he has a lot to say about that. And we got to know Harry a little bit. Interesting guy. Yeah. Interesting guy.

I really enjoyed him. Totally. Yeah. We also get into, totally. Why did you make fun of me? Well, because I was thinking, I was like, I had other like things racing through my brain but they weren't like coming into words so i feel like it's totally

totally she at least gave you a response i was just like yeah i feel like for some reason ali and i are in this weird stupor right now where we're just like yeah i think uh i think improv groundlings will be good for you guys i'm'm excited. Yeah. We can also... You know that thing, you're like complaining, you always say the same thing. This will give you some more material.

Would have been a lot cheaper for you to just buy me a thesaurus, but glad we're doing this. Got to invest in your people. Got to invest in your people. So yeah, we got Harry. We also get into the whole Adam Levine of it all.

I also feel like we should touch on now the love is blind situation. Yes, we should touch on that. Because Deepti and Kyle broke up. I watched the, was it after the altar? I was weirdly captivated by it. See everyone I talked to that watched it,

we were all like, this is so dull. Compared to season one after the altar. Disappointing. It felt forced, but I'm into the pettiness that is the Shane and Natalie drama. What I will say though, also, can we talk about Sal's girlfriend? That was one of the most energetic entrances I've ever seen. And she was like, I mean, that's a tough environment.

It's a tough environment to be thrown in with a group of people who have all bonded over something you weren't there for. And it seems like everyone who speaks about her speaks very highly. It seems like she has great energy. It seems like everyone who speaks about her speaks very highly. It seems like she has great energy. My jaw was on the floor when at one point they were playing a game and she kicked her whole leg up. Do you know what I'm talking about? Little elfish moves.

Full split in the chair and I was like, wow. I mean, she was going for it. I think that's the feeling I got from this reunion is everyone really knew they were being filmed. That's the energy I got from this reunion is like everyone really knew they were being filmed that's the energy I felt yeah the thing I couldn't stop thinking about was how for so much of it Natalie is really what in all of her sound bites I think she speaks so carefully like she'd never shit talk she's always like well if I were in their shoes I imagine I might like she's really really precise and careful with her words in a way that I admire so much because I feel like it'd be so easy to just like, once you get into it, like kind of get loose-lipped.

And she is so like, yeah. But I think to her detriment, and I don't think it's 100% sincere. Here's what I don't get about the Shane and Natalie of it all. Shane, clearly, we've had him on the podcast. He is a... Open book. Open book. Interesting guy to his own admission.

A bit messy. A bit reactive. Has eight shots of espresso a day. Yeah, yeah. And some of those qualities are things that he probably should work on because it can affect relationships and things like that. But we always talk about how relationships take two people to work. And when they don't work, it usually takes two people you know to work and and when they don't work it usually takes two people as well but

the way natalie talks is if it's all it's all something shane did and the only thing i don't get it's just like to me like i think and i said this on instagram my biggest takeaway of that whole drama was these two couldn't be more incompatible and wrong for one another that's the challenge of like anytime it doesn't work with people i feel like we want to villainize one person and have one winner and one person like one like well also the contestants want to do that fault i think i mean that's all on one or the other and i'm like well maybe they just literally brought out the worst in each other sure but like natalie seems to want to vilify shane yeah and that and it's just like here's what doesn't add up with natalie and you said it it's just like how is someone who comes across so refined so polished and so well spoken

why does she keep going back and keep entertaining a relationship with someone she describes as all these other things it doesn't add up because i think that was shane's main thing on the show was just he felt like there was this perception of like people not humanizing her and kind of just viewing her as this like beacon of like, like just very virtuous. And I think she is virtuous in a lot of ways. But I think he felt like he was the only one who was like viewed as like messy or emotional or just like human and capable of making mistakes where it felt like nobody would believe that Natalie did because she does have so many qualities that result in her being very elegant and very emotionally intelligent in a lot of senses. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying.

After watching this, it kind of comes across as a bit of a front because it's like it doesn't add up. If you're so in touch with your emotions and you're so emotionally mature, why do you keep going back to this clearly toxic and incompatible relationship with Shane? Like, it can't all be Shane's fault as to why you guys keep trying to make...

Like it's a takes two to tango situation. It's like you don't get to just act the innocent. And these text messages, these flirty DMs, I don't know, Shana, she's engaged to someone else. Greek man. know shana she's like engaged with someone else like greek man i just like you're kind of making a big accusation for something you're not really giving a lot of details uh you're not showing any like why didn't she just show us the dms well she said she said he unsent them there was no screenshots before them right yeah i don't know i think it's all very convenient that i do think that's kind of an interesting question though of like is there ever a situation when it's all very convenient. I do think that's kind of an interesting question, though, of like, is there ever a situation

when it's appropriate to unsend Instagram messages for the purpose of your partner not seeing them? Or is it always shady when you unsend Instagram messages? Is there any scenario in which that's not a shady thing to do? Unless there's a typo. I've sent one before where there's an awkward typo if I'm sliding into someone's DMs. I'm like, that's not a good first impression.

Maybe you changed your mind. This girl who claims to have had an affair with Adam Levine, I reached out to her via DM, invited her on the podcast. I was like, I want to hear her story. And after further reflecting on the whole story, I was like, I'm going to go ahead and unsend this because I don't know if I want her on the podcast. Like you want to platform her. Yeah, I'm not so sure. So I unsent it. You know, maybe she screenshotted it. I don't know. You're next. It was a professional DM.

Like it was like, hey, you know, I'm not pregnant, but I'm going to name my kids Sumner. But in a relationship, do you ever think it's acceptable? Sure. I don't know. There's situations for everything. I thought Natalie was going to come on this podcast. We talked on the phone about it a while back. I haven't heard from her. I wasn't sure if it was the right situation. I wanted her to feel comfortable, but it sounds like she didn't want to come on or I haven't heard from her, but I'd love to, I'd still love to have her on, but it just, it doesn't add up. I have some questions for her. It's just like how, you know, like you keep saying all these things about Shane and yet, but you're part of this. It just doesn't make sense. For me, it feels like there's a few missing, like you keep saying all these things about Shane and yet, but you're part of this. It just doesn't make sense.

Yeah, like for me, it feels like there's a few missing like logical steps that I would love insight on. Yeah. And you're making a big accusation by saying that Shana and Shane are in this secret relationship all while she's engaged with someone else. She's moved on. I don't know. It doesn't add up to me. And then the deep D in Kyle. Kyle.

Oh. It felt forced. When they were talking about defining the relationship, they both seemed like. They didn't want to mess with it. They didn't want to take the next step. They both looked like they wanted the other person to explain why they shouldn't do it. Right. Like a game of chicken.

Yeah. Well, and I even felt like the, you know, after the episodes came out and certain news outlets too were like, they're together. And I was like, and then like I was reading into these articles and people were like, they're together. And I was like, what? And then like, I was reading into these articles and people are like, well, and they were just quoting after the final, after the altar. And then they were like, and Deep D posted, you know, a slideshow of photos

from behind the scenes of filming. And I'm like, well, that doesn't confirm a relationship. And then suddenly it's coming out that Kyle's been with a new person since like the summer. And so that's the hard part when you film this stuff so far, like when you film it and then you don't air it for so long. And I understand that they were trying to hype up season three

and they kind of waited. But I'm like, we have two couples that are now divorced. Kyle and Deep D aren't even together anymore. It just was kind of a flop. That made me sad. She just met on Netflix. Yeah. When seeing Nick and Danielle talking and Danielle being like, it's nice because when

you're married to someone, you can say, we're going to plan this trip for a year down the line. And you know who you're going with. Watching that made me so upset. I'm the most sad about Nick and Danielle breaking up. I really liked them together. And I think you see so much insight into a couple when you see them host together. Like, I think that's when you really get to see kind of them like she pulled off that wig like it was her day job balls to the wall with that

so much respect and it was yeah it just like knowing what happens and i think with ayana and jared it was a little bit more i think you could see the the very real things that were keeping them apart but like also seeing those like intimate couple moments of them giggling about him pooping while she's in the shower. You're just like, damn, that was your damn. I was like,

okay. Just because that, that's a high level of intimacy. Sure. Really hot. Like that might be too high. Let's move on to Harry. I was going to add something.

No one needs to hear it. Let's go. All right. Well, well that's our, our, our thoughts on the love is blind of it all. I'm excited for season three. We'll have to figure out how we uh intertwine

it into the show i don't know but we will be discussing it i'm sure i hear it's a fucking mess dallas i hear it's everything's bigger in texas all right well uh again we got some big episodes lined up for you guys coming up i hope you guys really enjoy this one uh we enjoyed talking with harry a delightful person send those questions at at asknickatcastme.com. Please, please, please, please, please, pre-order my book out October 4th. Please pre-order. I can't talk, but turns out I can write. I think, yeah, it's all about relationships and dating. If you are listening to this show because of Harry, we do three shows a week. We have an Ask Nick on Monday where people call in and share their stories and we give them some advice and we have these sex in office hours. But this book, if you're out there dating in the world or you're in relationships and you have any questions

or any struggles or you feel confused or powerless, I wrote a book basically all about my mistakes and share stories from people who call on the show, my stories, and talk about things like hookup culture and fuckboys and situationships and players and defining relationships and getting over people and knowing when, whether to stay or go in relationships. And I'm grateful that the people who have read it have given it some glowing reviews. So it would mean a lot world to me. Just go to vilefiles.com. You can buy the book from Amazon or indie bookstores. You can buy the audio. You can buy signed copies if they're still available. And you can still register, I think, for your self-love day, which is FaceTiming with me and a $100 gift card to treat yourself on whatever it

is you want. So vilefiles.com to pre-order the book. I'm literally begging, literally, I promise you that you will read something in this book that will be worth $25. It will save you $25 of something. I was trying to regurgitate some of Nick's advice to a friend on the phone this morning as I was driving here. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to stop. There's books in the studio. I sent her like a photo of five pages because it's all sectioned really well and her literal response says woof Nick right to the gut so if you want to feel that way is that good you told it like it is it was exactly what she needed to hear it's the hard truth impactful yeah let's see someone wrote I started reading uh Nick's book don't tell your ex happy birthday and it's incredible I never felt like another person has been able to mirror the way

my brain works so accurately. One, starting off with the book title, it's really just more of a cliche, attention grabber, so don't let that deter you if you may be some sort of self-proclaimed individualist. Like she can be at times, apparently.

There's a lot of aha moments. But she writes a glowing review. Just pre-order the book, please. You'll be glad you did, I promise. Harry Jowsey, everybodyorder the book, please. You'll be glad you did. I promise. Harry Jousey, everybody. All right. Away. What more can I say about Away? I'm about to pack for New York and I'm in good shape because I have an Away suitcase. I got a bum outlet on the plane and I was about to be incredibly upset because I needed, I was going to do work on my phone. And then I was like, and then Away has the, you can have a battery pack charger conveniently locked into the suitcase. So I was

able to use my phone for the entire like six hour flight from Boston to LA because Away had me covered. It's amazing what you can put in their Away suitcases. They're 360 spinner wheels, guaranteed the smooth roll ever. Ellieie puts her dog on it. And she balances like a champ. Yeah. We roll through that airport like it's our day job. We do get a lot of looks,

but I think it's a good thing. If you're looking for new luggage, you have to get away. You have to. And also, if you're not looking for new luggage, but if you've... Probably should.

There's something about your luggage that you know... Go take a peek. You could deserve better. On your luggage. This is a really good investment to make in yourself. It really is. The z don't break. Nothing worse than having that zipper that busts in the middle of my suitcase. It seems brand spanking new. I've been beating up on it for two

years and it couldn't be more durable. And they also have a lifetime guarantee. So amazing. You get a hundred day free trial on everything Away makes. A hundred days. It's incredible. Take the product out on the road, live with it, travel with it, even get lost with it for 100 days. If you decide it's not for you, you can return any non-personalized item for a full refund during that period. No ifs, ands, or asterisks. Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases and bags at awaytravel.com slash V-I-A-L-L. That's awaytravel.com slash V-I-A-L-L. Harry. Hi.

How's it going? I'm good. How are you doing? I'm doing well. Is that how we kick it off? Yeah, we just start. It'll sound good when the episode drops. We'll do a whole thing. We'll talk about you behind your back. We'll preview it. Oh, that's good. And then we'll jump right into the episode.

Yeah, I like that. Yeah. That's good. How are you? I've been okay, a bit up and down, but things have been looking forward. I'm excited to be here. We're doing a... You're doing my Spotify live show yesterday when this comes out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm doing your show. Yeah, I'm doing it. Whenever that is. Yeah. Is it tomorrow? I think I'm recording tomorrow yeah it's a live show it's a little fun but we my audience is super vulgar so you have to prepare

yourself oh wonderful yeah yeah no i've been good i'm uh how's your heart sad sad it's been uh for people that well no actually no one knows this first time talking about it but myself and my amazing ex-girlfriend georgia or girl ex now girlfriend georgia we broke up about for damn i was really trying to hold my it was it was a while ago well it's been on and off for a while no it hasn't what am i talking about i'm all over the place sorry i'm a bit of a mess it's okay it's been uh it's been it's been tough we we broke up a little bit a little bit ago and i think things have been a little bit rocky since uh there was a little bit of distance in our relationship she's also

from australia yeah she and the thing is she's so amazing like she's i think when people meet georgia and anyone that has met her have had her in life she's such an amazing glowing like i i call it like bioluminescent have you seen like when people go like the water in the bioluminescence and it's like lights up like blue yeah yeah that's how it happened outside my uh house in venice once yeah that's how she makes i think that's how she makes everyone feel like she's just such an incredible person and we've had such a crazy like five month relationship like uh we met on my podcast and i guess maybe that's why i kind of feel comfortable with talking about it on a podcast you met uh she was a guest

in your podcast yeah okay first time we ever met and she was on season three of too hot to handle and you were you were the og yeah yeah it was a little bit it was a little bit random because she was yeah here visiting a guy that she was seeing and she come on my podcast and i was like damn like she's amazing like she's we we just clicked we were laughing the whole time was she she was dating someone when she came on your podcast well she wasn't she wasn't dating someone she just like i think she was just trying to see if it was going to work out because she's like she uh travels a lot and she's like very spontaneous and like goes with the flow so she uh yeah flew across see this dude and then come on my podcast and like goes with the flow so she uh yeah flew

flew across see this dude and then come on my podcast and i think we just had so much fun and she was going to come to go chill with us and then ever since that point we kind of just got glued to the hip and yeah it's just uh i don't even know where to start with this with this whole situation because it's not about the i think the biggest issue in this whole relationship is it wasn't a bad breakup. And I wanted to get your advice on this because it was such a good breakup. If there is good breakups, like we sat down in the car and I remember looking at her. I'm such a mess when it comes to talking about like any of this stuff, especially with her.

And I realized like I'm the problem in this relationship. and i just have i want to preface all this stuff with i'm really not an easy person to date like any like a handful of my exes are like a google search away and i think that and i and i also i talk about my entire life on podcasts and online yeah you're pretty you seem to be an open book from afar i don't yeah this is my first time meeting you yeah yeah i've certainly seen you around i know a lot of people who know you yeah and yes from afar it seems like you're very I know a lot of people who know you. And yes, from afar, it seems like you're very, at least the impression you give off is you're very open about pretty much everything as it relates to your, especially specifically dating life.

Yeah. And I think that's a bit of an, like, I think that is a red flag in myself. I certainly can empathize and understand why people who date you could struggle with that, just because you don't want to necessarily know everything about your partner's past relationship but why do you specifically think that's a red flag about you or just something that is a challenge in a relationship because i think there's a difference yeah i i think it's i think it is a challenge okay i think it's a massive challenge because you know especially georgia like she's very new to this industry and you've got you come come and meet someone who's like, I just don't have any secrets.

And like I've found that because I started on a show that was all about dating and I'm just super open about that stuff. And I'm just like, I'll tell you guys everything that's going on because I don't want any skeletons in my closet. And I feel like I owe my audience that. Like they give me so much of their life by engaging with me. And I just want to give it back. And I think, yeah, looking at that whole situation is, it's really taxing on someone's like, on someone that you're with, like, no one really deserves someone to just have their, their, there'll be like podcasts or things where people like ask me about my sex life or people that I've been with. And I know, like, I think looking at the relationship, I wouldn't have appreciated at all like hearing about like

my partner be like so open about things like that and I think maybe just because I've been in such a direction for like my entire like the past couple years like I'm gonna tell everyone everything that it is like it it really took me a while to like stop and like look back and be like okay like this is actually a little bit disrespectful to uh to my partner and she doesn't she doesn't deserve people or she doesn't deserve to turn on the radio or like listen to a podcast and where i'm like oh i spoke really well about this relationship and then here like the first 10 minutes of me just like doing like locker room chat yeah you know but is that something you guys fought about a lot no it was to be honest it wasn't because we've been we've been apart for a little bit i

the best thing that's been the best thing that's come out of this is i've been self-reflecting a lot because the worst part is like you don't have anyone to talk to and like update your day and like get excited about and so like i just kind of like sit in my thoughts and i reflect and i'm thinking about like things i could have done better and things that wasn't actually okay. Especially to someone as precious as her. Like she's, she's such an incredible person. There was a couple of moments where she pulled me up. She's like, Hey, like I would appreciate it if this didn't happen.

And I think the issue is I'm like, Oh, well it works for me. So like I get a little bit combative towards towards the relationship and and that because i'm like oh maybe she's trying to change me and i think it was definitely like a a terrible way to to look at any situation especially when it's a normal thing to to not be okay with that type of stuff but that to be honest that was never really an issue like we had a couple conversations and i cut it out um it really come down to the the biggest issue was I just couldn't figure out how to prioritize Georgia. And I think that was such a, that was where things started like really like ripping apart

because I'm learning to, I have a lot on my plate and I think everyone does and it's no excuse, but I've been studying to become an actor for a while now and it takes up so much of my time and especially my spare time because I'm reading books. I want to pay the respect that acting deserves and be good at it. And as well as my job with hosting and podcasts, I'm very sporadic and all over the place. And my schedules, it isn't the easiest to deal with. And again, it probably sounds like like it's an excuse but for me in my head especially in the relationship

when i spend like my evening and morning with georgia like i'm giving her my spare time and i'm giving her like for me it felt like effort but then i for her it felt like leftovers exactly for now i look back and i'm like oh i wasn't putting in like it it doesn't for me it feels like it's i'm giving her what i can but for her it looks like oh you actually don't care and you just want to like me to come over and sleep yeah like do you feel like this is something that other girlfriends would have the same frustrations about because i often feel like if if not that any of us want this to happen but if if we lined up all our exes, they would generally have all the same complaints about us. Right? Terrible idea. Bad visual. Yeah. You know, they would all be like, do they, they do that, right? Like, yes. Yes, I hate that. Oh my God, they're the worst.

Do you feel like that's something that you struggle with? Because it sounds like to me, like, which I think a lot of people have is that, I mean, it's really just a conversation about setting up expectations and respecting boundaries with each other. A lot of couples don't do that early in relationships. They might have some basic ones like, hey, don't fuck other people if we're in a monogamous relationship.

But other than that, they don't really have a lot of upfront conversations about like, I'd really appreciate if you do X, Y, or Z and vice versa. And then you guys decide if you're okay with the expectations that your partner has and the boundaries that they want to set. And it seems like you struggle with that because obviously it seems like you're a pretty free spirit. You seem like a hyper extrovert. I don't know if I'm getting any of this right. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. And that can be obviously very charismatic. You seem like people I know who know you,

I'll say nice things about you and just like you're a joy to be around. But my guess is on a one-on-one situation, trying to get your attention and trying to connect with you, I wonder if that could be a struggle with the people you date. Yeah, for sure. And I think that was also one of the issues because when i would be like when i go to dinner with like

my best friend like i would or my roommate or whatever it would be like it say if i'm going to dinner with georgia i'm like oh i'm gonna kill two birds with one stone i'm gonna see this friend that i haven't seen in a minute and she's like oh well you kind of just like ruined our date because you invited like two people and in my head i, oh, I'm just like eliminating like, well, I'm not eliminating. I'm like seeing as many people as I can, keep everyone happy and keep things moving forward. And I think that was, to be honest, the biggest issue in the relationship,

especially because, yeah, it really isn't fair on anyone, especially someone who's being so patient, especially patient with me. Like I'm just... Hold on to your kilts, de peacock original the traitors is back with a new season of strategy betrayal sabotage and murder this killer season features an all-new celebrity cast that vulture hailed as reality royalty living in a scottish castle for the ultimate murder mystery competition

we're talking fierce competitors reality stars in public figures battling it out for a whopping cash prize. This season's cutthroat missions are next level, just like whatever Alan Cumming pulls out of his brilliantly eccentric wardrobe. One thing is for sure, these 21 players will do anything to avoid a plot in Alan's graveyard. Find out why critics and audiences alike are raving about the Emmy award-winning series. The New York Times is calling it a murder mystery with clothes to die for and Vox adding that it should be your new reality TV obsession. We are certainly obsessed. Stream every episode of Traders Now only on Peacock. Ladies and gentlemen. What are you doing? What do you mean? I'm making it simple. I'm making the promo.

Just keep it simple. Just say, hey, we're the Brav Bros, two guys that talk about Bravo. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we're the Brav Bros. No. Oh. Dude, stop with the voice. Just keep it simple. I've seen promos on TV, dude.

This is how you get the fans engaged. This is how you get listeners. We're trying to get listeners here. If we just say, oh, we're two dudes that talk about Bravo, people are gonna get tired of it already. We need some oomph. All right, then fine. Let's try to do it with your voice. Bravo, bros. Good job. It was really tough on her. And I think that's why I decided to break things off. I sat down, we had one argument over something stupid I did. And the whole day I was like I was reflecting and I was sitting on it and I said said that I was like I just don't want to continue to hurt you

because I feel like it's it's going to get to a point where it's just going to my my issue I think that I'm really jumping all over the place because I think I have so much to say but I also don't want to overstep or hurt or or say anything that that that isn't true. I just, the biggest thing that would happen is it would be like, I think every two days, something, I would do something that would upset it. Whether it's like someone's photo or follow someone I shouldn't or post a TikTok that shouldn't have even been posted at all or like little things like that. And it got to a point where again, being very sporadic and all over the place, I'm trying to continue to, I don't know. I don't know. It's just, it's, I feel like I'm not making any sense at all. No, I feel like you are. I mean, I mean,

I get that you're trying to find the right words, but I mean, it kind of sounds to me, just correct me if I'm wrong. We talk a lot about this on the show. What I'm hearing from you is that like, how old are you? 25. You're 25. Yeah. You're at a very selfish point in your life. There's things you want to do that you want to prioritize. You have personal goals. And it sounds like obviously you love love and you love women and you love connecting with people and you love all the things that come with dating. Yeah. But the challenges of being in a selfish point in your life is that it's hard to prioritize other people. And my next question to you, honestly, would be like, you're single now, do you have any kind of personal goals around, do you think you should remain single for a period

of time? And if you got another girlfriend at any point, what's your purpose? Actually, let me ask you this. What has been your purpose do you think for having a girlfriend the past few years like when you have when you're in a relationship do you have a goal for that relationship yeah i think it's gonna sound really corny but the biggest thing i was manifesting like just having a best friend that i could like on weekends like prioritize like let's go here let's go do that. And in my head, it sounded so cool. And then it finally happened. I'm like, damn, I got my best friend. We have the same music taste.

We laugh at the same things. Everything's like just so perfect with her. And then it come down to like, okay, you actually have to do this shit. I was like, oh, fuck. Like I, again, being like super selfish with my time. And it's crazy you say that because I did put that out. Every week I write like five things that I'm grateful for on my whiteboard in my kitchen and that was like the top thing I was like you have to be grateful because you're being selfish with

your time because again I'm in like a very big building stage and I think she is as well like she's very fresh to all this and she's like really finding her feet but yeah the purpose was like finding a best friend and having that but then I again I didn't realize like it does come with a lot of work and a lot of uh energy and and really trying to think more about just just myself and I think yeah yeah I mean because like well that could be fine too like you know we have like friendships you know you want someone to connect with but when it comes to romantic relationships and like I hound in this all the time, is again, we often don't sit down when you meet someone you like,

oh, this is great. Like, I like you, let's date. And we often don't talk about like, well, what do you want from this relationship? Because like you just said, like you were looking for someone to connect with in the moment with more of a, well, that's all I know is what I want right now.

Yeah. And that is to connect and have a friend. And a lot of other people who are dating, they want that too, but they are, they have a goal in mind. That goal might be stability, like a long-term monogamous relationship, marriage, family, kids, you know, everyone's different, especially nowadays. And it doesn't sound like you guys did a lot of talking about like what you guys wanted out of this relationship long term. Yeah. Or maybe you avoided it because if you don't talk about it, like it's always going to end up with different expectations. Right. Because what you want, there's nothing wrong with what you wanted, but if you guys aren't in line, you know, if she's like, I want someone who makes me feel like a, like a big priority in their life, you hey you have other things going on but i kind of want to feel like number one on a regular basis and that obviously is

that's going to be a struggle for you it seems like at this stage in your life yeah yeah and i and i don't think it's fair especially on her but the thing is like we were talking about kids we're talking about getting married we it was when i went to australia like it was i don't know it kind of happened like really quick because there isn't anyone else that i like i i think about in my life like i just she's such a blessing and such a i don't know like a light beam is what i would just how i feel and i think the hardest part about this breakup is going like cold turkey and that's what i wanted to get your advice on because it it hasn't been a bad breakup. Like we sat down, we had the conversation and she went off to New York and was having

a good time with her friends. I've just been such a mess. Even like, we don't even listen to John Mayer together. And I put John Mayer on and I'm like, fuck, like that could have been such a good memory. John Mayer is good. Like I'd be in my car, I'd be like driving, driving but i would look she used to like laugh at me here and then like in the morning wake up and i'm like damn like she used to like call me gross because i like fart or like whatever and i just had all these like i'd be exactly how a movie is like when you look back at their like

fun parts of a relationship i'd be walking around my house just being a sob and i guess at that point uh when all that kind of was going on I'm like damn like I just really want to tell her like I just I really do miss you and I really miss what we had I started therapy which has been which has been really good but the issue again well the point I'm getting to is we broke up it was really it was a good it was a decent breakup but it's just been such a sad thing and then I relapsed and I hit her up and then we hung out again and we both realized we still love each other like how do you how do you not like how do you stop like how do you go full cold turkey because it's it's really impossible like i especially if if things uh things ended with just so much love and like care for each other uh it's hard it's

not impossible yeah i think it would require you to be a little less selfish um because every like i don't doubt that you care about her and you love her, but it sounds like, and I'm just trying to pick up on the things that you said, is that in a relationship, you couldn't meet each other's needs, right? And I'm sure she didn't meet your needs all the time. Your needs were, I want the freedom

to kind of have friends come and go. I want, like that was your need. It didn't match with her need. Her need sounded like, I want a little bit more privacy. I want a little bit more alone time. I want to connect a little bit more. And like, listen, like two people can have insane chemistry, a love for each other and a lot of respect and still not be compatible long-term.

And that's, I think that's a bummer and it's sad. You get heartbroken. But I think if you truly think that right now, especially right now, that at the end of the day, despite your love for her or for each other, it would be incredibly selfish for you or either of you to keep reaching out to each other. And a lot of people have done that. I mean, we've all done that, right? That's how you go into these like breakups that turn into like, yeah, like we've been broken up like for a year, but like we hang out every day and we have sex and like, but we're

broken up. And then it turns into like this weird fucked up situation. And that's usually because it requires obviously two people who are probably both being a little selfish because, you know, you give into that, you know uh that weakness i talk about a lot of my book too but like think about when you break up right and in your situation a little different but even if you were someone who you're like fuck i i just i want i can do better than this person not better but like i just i want out of this relationship whatever and maybe you've been in a relationship for a long time you're thinking i'm gonna get in the dating apps and like i'm gonna meet some new people and it's gonna be a lot of fun well like and then you get out there

and start dating you're in you're welcome to like 2022 and dating and you're just like fuck you know it's just like fuck boys and i'm everyone's non-committal and like yeah it's like wait women are fuck boys now like what is going on you know and it's just like people are you you start you start negotiating with yourself about what you used to miss, right? And then you romanticize about the good stuff. You conveniently forget the bad stuff. And then you reach out. And it's usually because you're bored or lonely. And I think it requires some like self-discipline

and a little bit of selflessness of the person that you say you love and respect. Because if you love and respect them, then you wouldn't reach out. Because you know that at the end of the person that you say you love and respect, because if you love and respect them, then you wouldn't reach out, because you know that at the end of the day, all it's gonna do is create, first you'll have the initial hit of dopamine of excitement

and you'll embrace, only to realize that you can't get back together because you can't give her what she wants or vice versa. And then it's just like this cycle of hurting each other, even though you don't mean to hurt each other. And it just goes on and on and on. So I think if you truly had a mutual breakup where you're both happy, I think the best thing my advice to do would be to respect that and respect her and actually not reach out even when you really want to. Not even at like 3 a.m.?

No, that's the worst. And you'd only reach out when you really deep down if you ever thought that you can meet her needs as a partner. Yeah. Because other than that, I think it would be incredibly selfish of you. Yeah. I've been very selfish recently, huh? I mean, listen, 25 is a great time in your life to be selfish. Yeah. And I think it's the best time in your life to be selfish. But I think you just have to be honest and upfront about where you're at and again I think it makes a lot of sense for you to like the type of relationship

you desire right now in your life makes total sense like I honestly think given what you want to do with your life and where you're at that's smart but you have to I think be upfront about it with the people you hang out with like if all of us in six months from now I'm following you and you're just like, Hey, I got a new

girlfriend. Harry Giles, he's in love again. I'd be curious of like, what's changed if anything in your life. And if it hasn't changed, I'd be really curious if you've had a conversation with this new love of your life about like what it takes to date you. And if you've set those upfront expectations about like, listen, like what I want on a partner is like that best friend right now. I have a lot of friends. Like I'm not big on like making my girlfriend like the biggest priority of my life, like literally saying that so they can at least receive it and then decide for themselves if they want that. Because most people don't have those conversations. You just say like, I like you, let's date. And then they find out that they're not a priority three months in. And then they

get frustrated and they're like, well, wait, I thought I was going to be a priority. I'm your girlfriend or I'm your boyfriend. And then that's when the, you know, the conflict happens. So I would want for you in your next relationship to at least be upfront with whoever that is about what you're looking for right now in a relationship. And that could change. That could evolve. But like the playing house is like when I call play house, when you talk about like marriage and kids. Oh, really?

It's fun. Yeah. It's fun. Who doesn't like talking about that shit? And you spend every night at each other's houses. You look at each other's pictures. You're like, you're hot. I'm hot.

Like we're going to have beautiful kids. Like what should we name them? You know, like that's fun. Yeah. I've done that shit. I was about 25. Yeah. And yeah, you get caught up in it. Right. And then, but you realize that's not actually what you're looking for right now. So it's just trying to have those conversations. And then, you know, you've opened this podcast talking about how much you love and respect her.

And I think you have to really show that by not giving in to reaching out to her because truly loving and caring about someone is caring about how your actions are going to affect them not just telling them you love them true yeah this is my my two cents yeah so this is the only time i'm ever going to speak about it no yeah i i 100 get that and the word the worst part is like with this whole uh this whole breakup is we've had the most the best communication after we've broken up like like we've spoken i don't know why i'll tell you why because now you finally understand each other's expectations yeah you finally were probably like i don't know if i can give that to you yeah and vice versa and now you're actually operating with information before you're just like we should date yeah you're hot

you're nice you you sparkle you make me feel good inside but like i don't know anything you know you had neither of you knew each other you need neither of you probably really knew like each other's like love languages and i don't mean like oh i like you know but truly understood that like truly i don't mean like yeah i like physical touch or i like quality time but truly understood that. Like truly, I don't mean like, yeah, I like physical touch or I like quality time, but truly. Fuck, you just called me out. I was about to say that. That was the first thing we said to each other

because I'm like, oh, we should talk about love languages. And then she's like, oh, well, she started to explain that physical touch and quality time wasn't. And then that was all we had. And then she's like, oh, actually, maybe they are my top two. And then she went back to Australia and I are my top two and then uh she went back to australia and i went to europe and then we we lost both of those so we we're both like fully like i don't know like what the fuck do we do because i don't i don't know how else to like

show you that i appreciate you so i don't when you're in the moment though like how do you differentiate like hey like i think this is my love language right now but like because i didn't know i thought quality time was like my number one but i find that out too i think you you check in you keep having conversations you i i would like i've had that conversation with my girlfriend where it's just like i mean that could change too because like yeah you're you know you could be dating someone where uh i could get busy with work or uh like i could have like connect with new friends and enjoy friendships you know or she could you know meet a connect with new friends and enjoy friendships, you know, or she could, you know, meet a lot of new friends and enjoy that.

And then you realize, I don't feel like I'm getting the quality time that I need. Even though maybe in the beginning of the relationship, I never thought to mention, like, oh, I want quality time. That can change, right? Because you can go from, like, feeling smothered to feeling like, well, wait, why do I need a hug? You know, like, and so I think, yeah, I think a lot of people will go in early in a relationship and go like, what's your love language? And then you're like, well, I took a test two years ago online and it tells me like, I like gifts. And then we're just like, from the, from, from that

point forward in the relationship, you're always like, so what's your girlfriend's love language? And they're like, oh, she likes gifts. But like, I think that can change. I think it can evolve depending on the relationship or how much time you're spending with each other. And I think not enough people are checking in or just saying, hey, can I like, can we talk? Like I'm feeling, I'm feeling a little insecure about our relationship right now. I don't know. I'm not saying it's your fault. I don't even know. I'm not saying it's anyone's fault, but it's how I feel right now. And I was just wondering if we could talk about it and figure out how we can, I can know. I'm not saying it's anyone's fault, but it's how I feel right now. And I was just wondering if we could talk about it and figure out how I can not feel like this.

And I don't know if a lot of people are doing a ton of that. I know I didn't do a lot of that. Not at all. Yeah. It's a tough conversation. Yeah, it's awkward. And I think any of these conversations have been really difficult because I haven't been very good and i think

that wasn't like one of our strong points as well because we communicate very differently like if she has a problem she has to sit on it let it develop like get the initial emotions out of the way and then write or like speak about what she has to do like whether it's in like 48 hours or like a couple days for me i'm like tell me like i need to know so i can so i can figure it out move on like i want to put it to the side because i think maybe that was also one of our downfalls as well like anytime there was an issue i'm like hey like can i can we talk about it and get it out of the way so that we can go back to being happy because i don't like this feeling and i think me also being very like like let's let's figure it the fuck out is probably like a little bit too much as well

yeah maybe i mean i think that's pretty typical in heterosexual relationships i think i think a lot of men are guilty of trying to be problem solvers i mean i've been like that yeah it's like i like to figure out now i mean i very much relate to that feeling right and a lot of women i've dated you know not always the same yeah like i want to take a moment my therapist told me that if you start fighting uh and you're like in the first 10 minutes if you're just like at each other's throats that you you definitely you you should stop and you should time like take a pause because you both like refer you you both like mentally are back in this kind of child like state of mind yeah and then you stop trying to

like resolve conflict and you start trying to win and that's something i've tried to do which has been a struggle for me because i'm more like you yeah you're just like i want to resolve this but what's helped me and maybe you can try this in the future is when you're in a fight and you you're like how we need to take a time out you it's like you just stop and acknowledge that like i still love you and we'll get through this i'm really mad at you right now i'm sorry or you're mad at me but like and i really you know but like i do love you yeah and we'll get through it and just know that you know just know that it's a priority for me to solve this problem with you damn this is so good um this is great advice i can't wait to never use it the next four years you want to take my book yeah i'll take a few um i learned these all the hard way man

and therapy yeah yeah i'm glad i signed up so so you just recently done started therapy yeah i just the the the with the breakup i just been reflecting a lot and i was like i need for you man i need to talk to someone and i've just been uh one thing i i never would do is like uh i'd never like let my emotions come out i just feel like cool like i have to put is like uh i'd never like let my emotions come out i just feel cool like i have to put this like brave front on for like social media whatever else and then i'm kind of with this recent breakup i'm like why do i why am i making myself do that when i just cry figure it out and like talk to people and talk to my friends and and let them know i'm actually not okay um i'm really glad you're getting therapy i mean just in general yeah but i also like i'm

also glad for georgia yeah because i feel like in general. Yeah. Because I also like, I'm also glad for Georgia. Yeah. Because I feel like the read I have on you is that, like someone like you described, you kind of ball this up. And I bet the person you feel the most comfortable talking about your feelings is whoever your girlfriend is or the person you feel most emotionally connected to. And like you said, you're not with Georgia now. And I'm willing to bet that she's still, if there's, who's the person in this world

that you feel most romantically connected with today? It would probably still be her. And so what you want to do, my guess is, when you feel like that, is reach out to her. Yeah. Which, as we've discovered, you shouldn't do. But I think a lot of people do that, right? We will rely on our exes

and the people we've built these emotional connections with because we don't know who else to talk to. We're afraid to talk to our guys about it, you know? It's like, hey man, I'm sad. So the fact that you're going to therapy I think is great and I think is a selfless act on your part. It's not only for yourself but for her.

Because now you can reach out to your therapist when you want to get things off your chest as opposed to the girl who like also is trying to heal from the breakup herself you know but the challenge is i think you know she like when you when you end a relationship you're trying to heal and then that person reaches out to you and you want to be there for them and you think oh we're going to reconnect and then you just end up like realizing we're still not compatible yeah no it's it's honest i think this has been the toughest one as well just just purely because of that like whole situation i'm like i just want to tell you that i'm upset and i know you're upset as well but it's not fair and then we end up like relapsing and start from the start again what are you uh most insecure about yourself

because you uh come across as an insanely confident person um and but yeah i was at a party uh did i tell you this already no i'm just like where are you going with this i'm excited story time i was in new york and fashion week and i was at this like kind of fancy exclusive party with all these cool people and there is this person that looked just intimidating yeah you know I could tell that everyone was intimidated by them and I just thought to myself I wonder what makes them sad you know and it made me it made me less intimidated by them you know because I looked at them and I just really focused on them and I was just like I imagined them being really sad about something because we all can get

really sad and anyways i'm just curious there's this poor guy at this party just like nicks like staring at him what are you sad about what are you sad about i wanted to walk up to him what makes you sad first question but for someone who i don't think people you you seem like an incredibly happy person yeah uh and i i'm willing to bet people love like i'm the opposite of you in that sense like people like me but also like no one i'm never when someone throws a party no one's ever like let's make sure nick's there never in the history of parties like oh we nick and com i like nick but like i bet when people throw parties you're on the top of that list because you bring a certain level of energy to parties and you bring a certain level of excitement

because you're always like am i right about that yeah so but what makes you sad yeah because i don't think people ever wonder if you're sad yeah i also i probably i probably um play into that a lot as well like on social media because i'm always like, oh, if you're sad, just think about happy things or just stop wasting time being sad. I always like do dumb stuff like that, which is terrible advice. Never take my advice. But I think the thing that really makes me the saddest is just thinking about Georgia with like going – being with someone else.

And I think that's – I know it's very like relative to right now. Another thing that really makes me sad is losing my mom. Like very deep but like just not having her as like a best friend and just not having her like around like she's the most important person in my life you know it makes me really sad um what worries you about yourself i think not um putting in uh all this hard work for it to not like pay off i think that's what really worries me is sacrificing so much like i don't drink i don't go out anymore literally like a granddad i stay in just want to focus on this career and trying to get myself cemented and i think the biggest thing that really worries me about myself is i've done all these like sacrifices and if it doesn't pay off then the fuck have i done i just wasted like my prime time i think you're gonna be fine yeah yeah i mean i don't know how it's gonna work out yeah you know my guess is it's probably

gonna work out differently than you imagine but if you are truly like dedicating your life to being successful i have a feeling you're gonna figure it out thanks yeah it's a good read i like that yeah do you think when you're single that you have more career opportunities? Yes, for sure. I think in reality, reality shows, for sure. But I, yeah, but it's not the direction that I want to go in. And also one thing for me that has been really hard, especially on Georgia, was I don't want to tell anyone anything that I'm doing. especially on Georgia was I don't want to tell anyone anything that I'm doing.

And I think that's really difficult in a relationship because I'm so afraid of people just putting energy into it or telling the wrong person and that dream like evaporating. And I think that was also like one thing that like really hurt her because I'd have some exciting news and I'm like, ah, this is really cool, but I'm going to tell you about it later. And that would really like, that would piss me off so much. And it's not fair on anyone, especially someone that's like... She wanted you to share exciting news with her. Yeah, because I'm very superstitious about...

I'm with you on that. Yeah, I don't want to tell anyone anything until it's done because I don't want anyone to be like... I don't know, because I feel like everyone... There's a lot of over-promise and under-deliver in LA. So I recognize wanting to be the opposite but but that feels maybe like you don't trust her in that moment or yeah i think that was definitely one of the biggest things is you know she's telling me everything about that's going on in her life and i'm just i'm not even giving her

like any you know sense of kind of well she obviously knew everything that was going on but i wasn't telling her like things that i'm working on things that i'm excited about and i think that was also like yeah it was a bit of an issue because you know why am i not being vulnerable with the person i care the most about just because i'm afraid that they're going to put their energy into what's going to happen and it's going to evaporate like silly yeah my guess is from hearing what you talked about is that she probably felt like close with you but also like wasn't able to connect with you the way she wanted to and then it probably was more of a struggle for her to see that you connected with other people the same way you connected with her and you never you know it's

just like well what is making our connection more special yeah other than it's crazy yeah yeah no that's 100 like spot on i think that maybe because i'm the same energy around everyone she's kind of just like oh well it's kind of lame yeah honestly i just think it comes down to where you're at in your life i think you're just in a very selfish point in your life yeah and i don't mean that as a criticism it's just a fact and so i think right now the only real number one is harry yeah. Which is, again, fine. It's just as long as other people are under that same wavelength. Because everything else, I think you got Harry's needs, you know, all your personal goals.

And then it sounds like your friends are really important to you, your connections. And I think it's hard for you to still have a one beat with your girlfriend. It's just more. When do you think is the best time to settle down? Like when is, do you have to be, is there a specific age? When you're willing to make other people a priority. When you're willing to say, when you're willing to make compromises and sacrifices. When doing, like when your partner says, I really need you to do this.

And instead of you feeling like, I don't want you to stifle me. I don't want you to do this. I feel like you're trying to change who I am. There's a level of acceptance of wanting to do that for that person, because the goal isn't for you or her as individuals to get what you want. The goal is to like do what's best for the relationship. Yeah. You think of you two together as a team.

And if it doesn't benefit the team then it's not benefiting you guys as individuals but right now it sounds like that's not what's going on with you in your life yeah so spot on yeah that's really you're really good advice your listeners are very blessed to have you i've uh i'm just a little older than you i fucked up a lot. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I had Hannah Burner said to me, she's like, you're going to be great when you're 30.

I'm like, oh, thanks. No, you're going to be 35. 35? Yeah. I mean, I think you're great now. Yeah. But you seem like you have a really good heart and you seem like you mean well,

but I think, and you're really honest about being selfish. Yeah. You're just not as upfront as you need to be. be yeah yeah looking back i should have just been like but at what point though at what point do you bring it up because like like right away like on the on my podcast when i first met her like guess what i have to be selfish yeah i mean at the point where you meet someone yeah like and you guys are talking about like hey i, I like you, you know, like, yeah, I think there's something here. Yeah. I think in the future, three or four months from now, you meet someone, you're going to meet someone, you're out there, you're good looking, you're

going to meet other good looking people. That's like, you know, hot people dislike being like, fuck, you know, I just feel something. I don't know what it is. It's like, you're all beautiful and you're going to meet someone. And so you're next time you connect with someone, I think, yeah, you need to say, listen, like I know I'm in a really selfish point in my life. It's been a problem in other relationships. I don't know if I'm in a position to prioritize anyone else really, but myself right now. And especially if like what I'm looking for in a companion right now is like, does someone kind of like be there for, be there for me and kind of like at my convenience. And I'm looking for someone who's like, there for me and kind of like at my convenience?

And I'm looking for someone who's like okay with that and someone who also is in a selfish point in their life who has other priorities and other needs and like is looking for me to be there for them at their convenience. And if that's okay with you, let's hang out. That's what I'd want for you. That's my hope for you in the future next girl you meet is to actually have a conversation that sounds something like that. When I turn 30, oh. When I want for you. That's my hope for you in the future, next girl you meet, is to actually have a conversation that sounds something like that. When I turn 30, oh. When I start dating again. I made it also a bit of a rule.

I'm like, cool, like after this, I'm not going to date anyone until I turn 20. I mean, I'm not big on like, until you turn 30, but it sounds like you being, like you purposely being single right now would be like to your benefit. Yeah.

It sounds like it aligns with your other life goals yeah from what i'm hearing yeah yeah for sure yeah how are you going to be able to like enforce that boundary for yourself well again like my intention with breaking up with georgia wasn't to be with anyone else it was just to be by myself and you're going to meet someone but i the thing is like i don't go out like i don't okay of course there's going to be people that are going to pop up and whatever else but my goal isn't to go and like hook up with someone or no no i know that but what i'm saying is it's easy to set that goal when you have no one in mind it's harder to enforce that because like what that goal is ultimately a boundary you've set a boundary for yourself is i'm gonna i'm gonna end this relationship with this amazing person that i

love and respect but i realize i can't give her what she needs and so like you're you decided for yourself i want to i'm gonna focus on my career i'm gonna be single and that's just that's essentially a boundary for yourself and it's really easy to set the boundary much harder to enforce and then only like to enforce it means meaning someone liking them and then decide as much as i'm attracted to you i'm either going to be just clear up front with you or i'm just going to say i i can't give you what you need so like here's what i can give you what you need we can hook up we can flock like like we can like hang out but like i will like i'm not going to be in a relationship.

And then you don't do the boyfriend and girlfriend things that confuse them. You don't talk about future things. You don't introduce them to the person. No one's ever met. I only introduce special people to this friend. And then it's like, well, Harry said he didn't want to date me, but I met his best friends. You don't do that.

And you're calling me out, right? Yeah. Anyone who comes over to my house, I'm like, yeah, my mom's never met anyone before. Because it's one of those things, right? It sounds like you're a person who really cares about people, but it's easy to say you care about people, but also it's harder to really show it in the moment, especially when caring about someone else comes in conflict with your needs in the moment yeah and your needs in the moment might be just wanting to feel some sort of connection and that's the hard part about being single do you get lonely or bored and we give in

to like those feelings and then we want a connection and then we'll like negotiate with ourselves and be like well you know maybe i am ready yeah maybe this is special but nothing's really changed in your life in terms of the goal that you've set for yourself and you're not 30 yet yeah i think is yeah i don't know how i'm gonna voice that now you say like this yeah i just i just i guess i just have to be uh try and be strong on on what's what's going on but again like i'm not really meeting any new people i kind of keep my circle like very small but it obviously you could meet anyone anywhere yeah so i don't know my goal my goal isn't to my goal is to stay on the course and be selfish and this is the biggest sacrifice i've ever had to make for for anything so just yeah respect that

i guess i don't know i think you're gonna be all right yeah yeah i hope so uh have you been following this adam levine story oh did you see his statement today? Yeah. Okay, I saw a very good take on that. Did you see that you saw the TikTok from the girl? And you see the second girl? I'm aware of the second girl, yeah. Yeah, so I saw the second girl and everyone's like,

girl, you're just talking to yourself. Because he even was like, I don't make out with anyone other than my wife. And then she sent like four messages. She put her on private it's super cringe she's just being like super normal but this other girl apparently like she it was just messages they never like hooked up or anything but i read i read this yeah it i i first saw it my first thought was like i should have her on my podcast uh that would be a great episode yeah and then i kind of thought about it more it seems a bit she she took the ad approach of she tried to make herself seem to be the sympathetic character

in this story which i think a lot of people struggled with my only sympathy goes towards adam's wife and their kids their family yeah that's the only person i have sympathy for yeah i don't know her releasing it here's what it doesn't add up for me it's like why did you have to make a tiktok you couldn't just was that the best way to go about this yeah could you shut up a message like hey this yeah and also like someone called i don't i don't think she thought much i i think uh this sumner person girl i think her making this tiktok i think it's another example of her not giving a shit about bahati's feelings yeah right like and i get being caught off guard by adam levine and being a singer and like he certainly has power influence but a year and on

like she claimed that was like a year-long affair of like ongoing things like it didn't dawn on you at any moment i'm i'm i'm fucking up with someone else's family in life and i just feel like this making this tiktok is like another example of her not considering anyone else's feelings but hers in her defense like she claimed that the reason she made this tiktok was because she sent screenshots to friends who she shouldn't have trusted and those friends were going to leak the screenshots to the tabloid so she wanted to like control the narrative but why was she even sending screens yeah yeah like she was screenshotting everything of even him like it was like six minutes ago he sent a message of like when I named my kid after you yeah but then she which was weird but the message was a bit like I thought it

was awkward and interesting that like she wanted everyone know on the TikTok that it was a Victoria's Secret supermodel that the man she was having an affair with. Yeah, I thought that was weird. You know what I'm saying? It was like you could tell. I want people to know that the guy who I had an affair with was also married to a Victoria's Secret supermodel. Just saying. Just saying.

I don't know if that makes me hot. Yeah, I'm not saying that I'm hotter than a Victoria's Secret model. You do the math. But one plus one equals two. Yeah. And then, you know, good for her. She seems to have the paywall. I don't know if it's OnlyFans or some other subscription,

like, you know, make your money. But, like, she definitely, like, had some links available, you know, for people to go like she's obviously clearly monetizing off this tiktok and all while someone else is experiencing i'm sure she doesn't want to deal with this on a national level and certainly adam is number one culprit as it relates to her it is his fault but i'm saying as it relates to like her making the tiktok my issue is her not giving a shit about adam's wife's feelings and i don't know how you can convince me what do you think the appropriate response would have been though for her to

message like hey i've been talking to you uh your husband or i mean probably not fucking a married guy or i don't think they fuck yeah i saw a conspiracy theory that said he literally is saying like he just messaged her. Or do what she was doing with a married person. Yeah. You know, it seems like they met up. No? Because in the DMs, there was a DM from Adam saying,

you're much hotter in person. But maybe that is similar to that. I don't know. I just have a big problem with people, like, this whole, like, new phenomenon on TikTok where people are just, like, Exposing people. Exp exposing things and monetizing it and clearly getting clout from it. And then all acting like they are completely.

Yeah. Like if you tell the truth, you have no role. Like there's no obligation of discernment and deciding like when it's appropriate to share what truths with who. They're just like, well, I told the truth. And how these truths not only. Yeah. Like, yeah, Adam, I don't have, I'm not like all worried.

I'm not really worried about Adam Levine's like in this moment, but like, it's not just Adam Levine that this is affecting, affecting a lot of people. And then I have a problem with her making some cash off of it. Totally. I'm curious because I feel like you were sort of alluding to this when you were talking about how you don't want to share anything until it's finalized. Like, it seems like everything is kind of a liability. Like anything you put in writing, any interactions you have is like a potential thing that could get

you in trouble or people could twist later and so do you think there's anything lost by living really cautiously and not doing anything that could ever possibly down the line manifest in any kind of way like do you think it moving through the world with that really guarded approach do you think there's a cost to that or do you think it's just the way you have to be when you're have a platform yeah it sucks like because you're always like worried about shit like you're always guarded and it'd be good to just like be like not give a fuck and like run around and not really care and there's a bunch of people like that but i think that i don't know there's a you're in a world there's a lot of jealousy and a lot of people kind of want what you have. And I'm sure this girl saw their relationship and she wasn't, it wasn't just some normal married man. Like this is one

of the biggest stars in the world, right? So she probably saw that as like a way to, that she's going to boost herself. But yeah, I think that there's a bunch of ways that you can look at it, but I think, yeah, it sucks to be guarded and, but it's the only way you can be because there's so much jealousy. So yeah.'s tough you gotta be you gotta be smart and safe i struggle with that too like even with the adam thing my big thought was like how he's a sloppy and stupid you know like i'm not saying be smarter but like i'm also i was like you adam gross but also like what the fuck are you doing? Like he's just out there just throwing DMs out there. From his verified account?

It's like the Olivia Wilde video when she, the video that she recorded for Shia LaBeouf. Shia, Shia, Shia. I'm like, that's a phone call. You don't do anything with receipts.

Darling drama. I saw some of it, but I didn't know that she did a video. Yeah, but that's, this is even worse than that. I'm just saying, be smarter.

The situation with that was that, so Shia was originally attached to this project, eventually was recast with Harry Styles. At first it had been, oh, this is just like a scheduling conflict happens in Hollywood all the time. Then Olivia Wilde did an interview where she alludes to kind of firing Shia because of her creative process and wanting to protect people on set because he's known for having a very intensive way of approaching acting. Shia then comes forward and is like, we both know that you didn't fire me, like I walked away. And then he releases the receipts and one of them is a video of her talking to him. Like begging him to come back. Well, yeah, it depends on how you look at it. Some people are like, this is clearly her begging him. Some people are like, this is the kind of schmoozing you have to do as a director. Like a lot of directing is kind of like kissing creative egos.

Yeah, I get that. But she didn't fire him. At that point, for sure. For sure. Wow. Wow, I didn't know that happened. Yeah. That's crazy.

It wasn't like the smartest thing Olivia did. Yeah. Yeah. But I guess the whole point of this conversation is like, you know, you asked Harry about like, hey, do you ever think you're risking anything? Well, we're not defending adam at all for whatever he did dming but we're now living in this world i just ran there's this tiktok uh we'll probably like these i think i sent it but it was like these girls who like when you dm the guys from the bachelor and then they did a tiktok of like partying with the guys from this current season and i don't you know

i didn't really watch the tiktok i don't think anyone's looking all that bad, but it's just like, you can't just go have fun and think YOLO, I'm gonna meet some cute girls at a bar who DM'd us and not be worried about them like filming you while you're not paying attention at two o'clock in the morning after you've had a few drinks. And these guys probably maybe didn't even do anything wrong,

but the optics look like they're just a bunch of fuck boys at a club, you know? And everyone's just out there like filming people, posting on the TikTok, getting their clout. And it's just like, no, like you can't, no one's really safe anymore because everyone has this kind of gotcha mentality of their first thought of like seeing anything is like, oh, you know, yeah, we got you and whatever and it's just like it's hard to criticize anyone for being too cautious and too safe and not want i mean that's how i feel about these you know those things also just have good character and be smart but that's the thing it's like even when you think you're doing the right thing people are trying to get you in compromising moments yeah it's true

yeah it's so fucked up like even even on like in la like you see even other influencers just like filming if someone's a little bit too fucked up or whatever it is it gets a little bit gross that's half the reason why i didn't want to why i stopped going out and stopped drinking as i'm like there's just such a weird culture here like where people just will try and do what they can or or if there is drama they'll involve themselves in it yeah and it's like why do you need to, like, none of this has got anything to do with you. Let them figure their shit out and deal with it.

Why have you got to jump in and make it fucking 10 times worse? Yeah. Yeah, silly. Is there anything, this is kind of a pivot, but I'm just curious because I feel like you're pretty open and loose. Is there anything that you would find? Wow, no one's ever called me open and loose before. No, I feel like not in a bad way at all. I like the descriptor. No, just like. embarrasses you like not really related to interpersonal

stuff more just like that you would genuinely find embarrassing to do i think myself like on tiktok if you looked at any of my tiktoks or like how i used to be on like tv and i'm so cringe like i just i'm such an idiot online like i don't know what it is go back like three I used to be on like TV and shit. I'm so cringe. Like I just, I'm such an idiot online. Like I don't know what it is. Go back like three months ago to anything you post. So cringe. And you're just like, yeah. I see that with like voicemails also.

Like, you know, the answering machine you leave like for someone when they call you and you don't pick up. I was like, really? The first ones you leave are always really embarrassing. And obviously that's such a smaller scale compared to social media. You know what doesn't embarrass me on mine is when i really lean in like when i did the bob ross shirtless painting videos or the roller skating because it's already ridiculous then i like feel okay with it because but it's when i'm like being earnest

that that for me makes me cringe about myself yeah there was actually one one time recently i sent a voice note apologizing to a girl because i liked a comment i didn't know it was on tiktok i was scrolling apparently i liked a comment that wasn't very nice and i sent a voice note and it was the same situation where i was like hey look i didn't know i did it i saw someone posted it i'm so sorry it wasn't my intention at all because i don't want anyone to feel out of place in this industry and then she posted it and was just like trying to get like the views just remember me that there was like china like it was really weird like did tiktoks and like instagram stories and like on twitter and i'm like dude like i was just trying to not be i just didn't want it to feel like you're not welcome and

especially in this space at all and i didn't know i did it and it could have been photoshop but it's really really fucking weird i don't know why i just remembered that but no it's weird it's weird it's people gotta stop fucking doing that i don't know i don't know how we police that or of social media platforms but like yeah like we're we're certainly calling out people who need to be called out but there's it's starting to get out of the control where i think it's more collateral damage even that like west elm caleb situation way back when you know we really were trying to hunt him down. I found his old Pinterest board. Yeah.

I was going deep. Yeah. Because I was trying to get in touch with him. It was just like the fuck boy of New York who got like called out by like a couple of girls. He had saved like a few like knobs and like sync hardware on this Pinterest board. And I was like, hello, Caleb.

I have found you. He made a couple of like Spotify playlists. Yeah. It was sort of like he was like in perpetually in situationships with various women kind of overlapping and he wasn't like technically he wasn't cheating but he was being very misleading and he was whipping out all the same moves wow he would send them like the same playlist and they kind of like put it all together wow that is wild uh you did an interview not too long ago you said that you wanted to be on the bachelor yes i've no i've been saying it ever since i come off toward the handle i said i wanted to be the bachelor like i was like oh it'd be so funny but i don't again purely what do you

think bachelor nation would think of uh harry i'd probably get torn apart no i think it'd be fun yeah it'd be fun well it's interesting i've thought about this because when you told me that he said that on one app because like the bachelor they love their audience is very specific and that is they like it's very it's oversimplified because like you're fascinating like you went on too hot to handle it's a very different show and you're just like i fuck everybody you know that was a question i saw online you said you hooked up with everyone on your season almost yeah did that include the guys no okay no so not everyone lucky for them no but like you were quite beloved for that yeah and that's where i think you could do well because the problem with bachelor nation as we've just talked about is like the pressure of the show makes people want to over edit themselves and

pretend that they're like these respectful kings who like just want to talk about like you know something bad that happened in our lives and they just want to be like grateful to go out with a beautiful woman and in reality they're just normal dudes who like you know have some fuckboy energy as we all yeah do right and then they'll get exposed for like going to a club which is is a harmless thing, but Bachelor Nation will jump all over it because it's such a contradiction to what they see on the show. So if you came on The Bachelorette

and like from the moment you were just like, I'm a reformed fuck boy, you know, and you were just owned all that, it would be a risk because who knows how they're gonna fucking edit that. But I think it would be interesting. I would like to see a Harry Jowseysey like character on the bachelor who just comes in and just owns truly who they are who they have been in an authentic charming way i honestly think they could come across as authentic

and likable but most most people go on or just like you know i'm just like a good guy looking for love you know and just you know i just a lot of people did that on our show as well i'm like why are you guys thinking about it too much just just be just talk just be yourself like who cares half of it's not gonna get cut in anyway like you're not gonna half it's not gonna make the final cut so just say crazy shit and i fully like blew my mind like they're fully just like are you sure like why would you say that in an interview i was like i don't give a fuck like the first episode the first day i was like yeah i got a boyfriend dick like what the fuck is that i was like a little bit above average and the guy's like why would you say that i'm like because who cares like we're already here yeah i was like we're already here who gives a fuck like

the more crate like the more of the bigger version of yourself the more that's going to get put in so like if you're like 90 of people aren't there to fall in love they're there to get some followers and the producers would love to have you on i'd say that i think you would blow people's minds i went by people i mean other cast yeah if he if they like on paradise if they if they casted harry to like come in and then you brought in your energy they wouldn't know the cat other cats would be like bro what are you doing we're grateful to be here like like i'm only here for you're only here for love and harry's is like i thought we're here to like have sex on the beach i don't like do we not well yeah sign me up it could go well yeah uh harry you've been uh fun to chat with uh are you

down to give someone some texting advice with our texting office hours yeah let's do it Are you down to give someone some texting advice with our texting office hours? Yeah, let's do it. How's it going? Hi, I'm Lily and I'm 25. Hi, Lily. How can we help? So just to give you some backstory, I've been on a couple of dates with this guy.

We had originally met a couple months ago for a date and I just wasn't ready to date. I'm really busy with school and work. So I kind of didn't blow him off, but just said I wasn't ready to go on a second date. Flash forward to now, I reached back out because I recently relocated to the area that he lives. And I was just like, hey, if you want to go get drinks, that would be fun. I'm in the area now. If you want to go get drinks, like that would be fun. I'm in the area now. So we've been on about three dates in the past couple of weeks. And the last date was a bit awkward.

It usually isn't awkward, but I showed up to the last date and I walked in. He was sitting at the bar with my ex's best friend. Your ex's best friend. Okay. Your new date was sitting at the bar with your ex's best friend. And you like best friend. Okay. Your new date was sitting at the bar with your ex's best friend and you like walked into like them having a convo? Yep. Okay. What was your first reaction? Yeah. My anxiety was through the roof. I was like, oh no, they made the connection already. They know that I know both of them. But no, I just walked up, I said hi. And we went me and my date sat at another table. And that was that he was just saying, Hey, that was like my friend from

college, I was just talking to him. And I was like, Oh, yeah, like, I actually know him. But I had actually met the friend before I met my ex. So I just kind of gave the backstory of that relationship without saying, Oh, I actually dated one of his best friends. So I just kind of gave the backstory of that relationship without saying, oh, I actually dated one of his best friends. So we kind of like put that conversation to rest. And we went throughout the date. I definitely was thrown off in the beginning, but like kind of recovered and just kept moving forward. And at the end of the day, it lasted about three hours and we said goodbye. He gave me a hug and just, we walked in separate directions.

I live in a city where I probably shouldn't be walking home at night alone. And I think he's aware of that, but I did no kiss goodbye. No texts. When I had you kiss before and other dates. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So that's where I'm at so I didn't offer

to walk you home didn't check in that you got home safe and how and when was this when did this date happen this happened last Thursday okay and you haven't heard from him at all and you want to figure out a type of text to send him to get an update I don't know if I should even reach out I mean I want to he's not a texter. I definitely have made the first moves organizing the dates, asking him to go out. The text that I sent you guys was setting up the last date. Basically, he was saying he was going out of town. And I said, hey, let's get together before you go out of town. So I definitely make the first move most of the time, if not all the time damn

he's pretty dry how did the date go before before the end of the awkward hug and the walk home by yourself like how it and before in the beginning like how did you think the date went it's three hours is a hell of a long time crazy date yeah yeah like yeah i mean i thought it went fine we had hung out like that long before um it definitely felt a little off though all right so something felt off yeah so but my question do you know like if i walked into your situation and you recognize that it gave you anxiety i would give anyone anxiety right how much and you like you mentioned that you recovered but like the truth is you don't really know how you came across to him you might have come across kind of of anxious, kind of not totally there, a little bit aloof,

possibly. I mean, if I were you, that's how I probably would have come across, is I'd be like, where's your head at? Kind of thing. Because if I had, I probably would have been like, what the fuck did you guys talk about? You know, like, now how did things end with your last ex? Are you worried that he was talking shit? Yeah, things didn't go end great.

Okay. So that friend I know does not like me. Okay. Okay. So that friend I know does not like me. Okay. So I'm worried that there was maybe a text exchange during the date or I don't know. Why do you think they don't like you? Why didn't it end great? For reasons that I probably shouldn't say on the podcast. Just unfortunate reasons. He ended up breaking up with me. So I don't feel any obligation to like not go out and date even though we live in the same area. But I know that for the, for sure that the friend does not like me.

Okay. Now, whatever it is that you don't want to share, like, is that something like, if he shared that with the new guy, how do you think he would receive it? I mean, I think any outsider would be able to like see that it wasn't my fault. Sure. But then again, like I know how girls like talk to their girlfriends to kind of downplay the situation and make their friend look better i don't know how guys go ahead and talk about those situations uh they could be like that too yeah yeah yeah it wouldn't shock me if he reached out to this guy either and and um it gave him a very biased opinion

i was gonna say guys get pretty territorial as well. Like, oh, hey, you know, that's my ex. Like, I've had a bunch of moments like that in LA. I'm like, yeah, cool, grow up. I think you should reach out. I think, if for no other reason, I think it will, it's better than the position you feel now because right now you're left with a lot of questions. Now, before you reach out, my question to you is,

and I always ask, what do you like about this guy and why is he worth your energy of worrying? Like, the fact that, you know, he's kind ask, what do you like about this guy? And why is he worth your energy of worrying? The fact that he's kind of ghosted, I get that. That's certainly going to trigger your ego. You're worried about what he might've said to you. And I get why you care, but none of that means you actually like him. So do you care more about finding out what was said about you or the fact that he ghosted you? Or do you care about that you lost someone you actually really were excited to get to know? No, I'm definitely excited to get to know him. We're very similar. We have a lot of fun together. I don't get excited about a lot of people since

my last long-term relationship just because I really liked them and I haven't found anything similar or worth being excited about since. So I definitely, he was the first person in a while that like I was excited about. So we definitely should text him then. What should we text? I think you kind of have to put yourself out there. Okay. You know. Even though I've been the one to like set up the past couple of dates.

Sure. Well, listen, this is just keep in mind, as I always say, like, you know, the person you are saying you like and you want to get to know is a person who clearly isn't super communicative, not a good texter. Or who let you walk home alone at night when you probably like, not a cool thing to do. So you got to take that into account about the person you are getting to know. That is something he showed you. Yeah. That's the one red flag that I'm like, do I even reach out? I would just reach out and see if he's willing to hang out with you again. And then when you hang

out, if he's down, just say, hey, can I just talk? Can I just bring something up? I've been in my head about it. Something that gave me anxiety. When you ran into so-and-so, I'm just going to be honest with you, blah, blah, blah, the date of my ex, we didn't really end very well. And I guess I've been really self-conscious about anything he he might've said to you and just be vulnerable and see if he's listened and see if he's like empathetic and see if he's like, or see if he's critical or judgmental. Cause to be honest with you, this is a great like first test in a relationship to see how he might handle you guys not being on the same page. And if he handles it poorly, then I would, that would make me feel better about not investing on the same page. And if he handles it poorly, then I would,

that would make me feel better about not investing more in this guy. And if he handles it well, where it's just like, yeah, it was kind of weird. I heard this story, but like, I see your side and you know, and he might hear your side and still like, he might say, okay, well, I still really like you. So let's keep getting to know each other. But like, I'm going to process what you just told me, you know? So like, there's a difference between like processing and listening and just like being a dick you know like that dick of like well why would you do that or like you know you'll tell you'll be able to tell if he's taking that the guy's side yeah if he's like being compassionate and empathetic yeah if he's asking a lot of like investigating questions then he's taking the guy's side if he's just like more like oh i really understand that's weird breakups are Like, you know, my ex-girlfriend hates me.

You know, I didn't feel like I did anything wrong. I would reach out. Okay, I will. And then you also can, if you hang out again, maybe you can also ask them about like expectations about like who's reaching out to who, you know? Yeah, how does that get brought up though? Like I've been putting in all the effort,

put in more effort or? Yeah, I mean, what do you think, Harry? I think it's just when you i feel like if you're going to talk about everything that's going on you may as well get it out on that date like when you guys see each other so i would bring it up like at the end of it but like look also one last thing is that i want to like i'm trying to gauge like if you're actually interested in me at all like his texts are pretty dry you know like he's not very good at that stuff well you can make a joke be like you know i'm down to chase you because like you really like to be chased you text like an hr department

yeah just tease him a little bit like you're clearly not a big texter like whatever like this is like a normal yeah i also think in general like stating like kind of like the facts as you understand them and then like your reaction or like the way you're processing them without like kind of making him the aggressor in that situation of like hey like i feel like i i it seems like i'm starting most of the conversations that makes me feel like you're not as interested or not wanting to talk to me as much like i just wanted to see if maybe that first text is something like i respect you playing hard to get but like jesus jesus also i'm free on thursday let's get drinks yeah that's good i like that i kind of like that

that kind of like breaks the ice for like an actual conversation if he's interested in having it yeah i feel like you could yeah i respect that you're playing hard to get but damn it's been a while yeah also i'm free thursday yeah that's because i think the jesus is just kind of like jesus might be a little strong let's just say but it's been a while yeah i would love that i like that yeah I like that. Yeah, I like that too. Do we want to send it now? Yeah.

I don't know. What's the worst that could happen? He doesn't answer. I never chase people. I'm just not used to it. There's nothing right. This is different. Pretend it's us typing the text right now.

You should, if nothing else, you should feel good about yourself that you're doing something different. The fact that it's new and it makes you uncomfortable, like, that's a good thing. It's not a bad thing. It certainly doesn't say less about you. Yeah, and it feels good to be chased because then it's passive. And it's more, like, vulnerable being active because then you can, like, pick apart your own actions. But it's, like, it's also more empowering.

And I think it's very cool that you're putting yourself out there. You're way more in control with what you want. And if you find out he's not as into you, like whatever, it's not the end of the world. You know, again, he didn't walk you home. So you also have to be careful not to think you like him more than you do because you're chasing for the first time. And that is a vulnerable position to be in.

And your ego is like, like kind of beneath the surface being like, don't fuck this up. We don't chase. So like you better fucking close this shit. Like that's what your ego is saying to you right now So I think it's really good for you to check in with yourself on a regular basis Like do I like do I really like them especially as you go out with them another time?

Like you should really be asking yourself. Do I like this guy? how much do I like this guy because There you run the risk if you don't do that if he does respond you go out you run the risk of just making sure that he likes you and he didn't hear any bad news about you and you want to get validated from him that he is excited as you as you are to him and then you won't do any like checking in or you won't get any you won't get to know him at all you won't ask any questions that make you feel like you really learned more about him and whether like not walking home was like a moment of weakness or actual character flaw sure okay i'll send it what are we saying all right because if i don't do it now i probably won't all right uh i respect

you playing hard to get i respect you're playing hard to get but it's been a while or you could say but i don't know if i like it's been a while. We can't go with Jesus. There's no bad ideas in brainstorming though. We might go with that, but let's think of other ideas. I respect you playing hard to get. But damn, I miss you. Too much. I'm thinking of a joke with something that's really hard.

But this is like, okay, this is not it. Brainstorming? No bad ideas in brainstorming. I respect you playing hard to get but like this is fucking cement my guy or something you know what i mean like something like like really hard like a joke you'd be like but but damn i'm getting hungry i get it but then i'm getting hungry dinner on thursday whatever yeah i like that i like that but a girl's gotta eat yeah do you have a restaurant in mind but like how about dinner on thursday yeah i i respect you playing hard to get but a girl's gotta eat how about dinner on thursday

i like that yeah yeah that's good good team effort everybody all right i'm sending it all right and if he doesn't write back the fucker didn't walk you home yeah amen yeah that's what i gotta remember step up my guy yeah and he's not willing to give you the benefit of the doubt sure and your person's gonna make you feel wanted from the beginning like your person is gonna make you feel like they are interested in you that they want to be seeing you and keep chasing go after what you want oh my god like do we just you tell me harry but like you also because you're but like maybe you don't because you're harry but i think there's a plenty of guys out there who are struggling with like who are

just as nervous as women out there just as nervous no i i but like her just is like i don't know if she likes me i don't know if i should reach out i don't know if it's okay to chase like we're just we're at a time in this dating climate like if if you know what you like, just fucking go for it. See if they like you back and just find out sooner rather than later and save yourself all this like wasted energy and time of wondering. If he doesn't respond, do like,

you should still be proud of yourself that you put yourself out there and you shot your shot and you should keep doing it anytime you're interested in because it will like the right person will love that about you. Like if a guy is turned off by a woman chasing him red flag good to know okay maybe that's going to be my new approach to dating yeah it's a huge red flag if you emasculate a man by saying you like him trust me not by having like feelings autonomy actions wants and they're like no no no

i'm supposed to chase you no red flag yeah so all you're doing is like saving yourself time by going after what you want and i feel like it's so easy to have this narrative or like i have this in my brain all the time like oh but like if you're like really stunning and perfect then like everyone will want to chase you and it's like break yourself out of that it's a prison you want to choose not be chosen exactly all right yes you guys are right. Yes. You guys are right. Thank you so much. I needed that boost of confidence. Did you send the text? Did you send it?

Yes, I did. I sent it. No answer yet. I'll have to email an update. All right. Yes. Yeah, let us know. Please email us an update regardless because no matter what, there is going to be an update.

You're going to find some other guy. Anyway, well, congratulations on going after what you want. Let us know. And remember, he didn't want you home. Thank you. All right. Take care. Harry, first, thank you for coming.

You've been a wonderful guest. I appreciate it. Yeah, I hope I haven't been too boring. I'm always excited and fun. And then this is the first time I've ever had to speak about someone that I love and care about and try not to upset anyone. What's the lasting thought you want people to have of this interview and of yourself and of the relationship you are no longer a part of? I think that the biggest thing is I wouldn't want anyone to go and send out hate or to send any sort of judgment her way.

I'm okay to deal with it, but I know that just, yeah, she doesn't deserve any nasty comments or anything like that because it was my fault. It was my decision. her way i'm okay to deal with it but i know that just yeah she doesn't deserve any nasty comments or anything like that because it is it was my fault was my decision and i just wanted to to yeah wrap things up so i wasn't didn't continue to hurt her and i i think yeah lasting thoughts as well as i know i've done a podcast i'm doing a podcast on it we are doing it right now but i'm very open about my life and i know that people that aren't maybe too don't know me too well are probably going to be like oh why is this guy talking about it but i just want people to understand that i'm very open about everything that goes on with my audience so i just please don't judge me for that i feel like you were very

you you could tell you wanted to be respectful and yeah i feel like you did her a solid i hope so yeah because she's she's a little golden goose. She's really special. If you guys ever have the... We just call her a goose, so I don't know if she's really thrilled about that. Golden goose. No, if you guys ever have the pleasure of meeting her,

she lights up every room. She's really special. And hopefully one day I can stop being selfish and we can figure it out when I'm 35 and we can settle down. See, you say that. She's going to listen to it. You're going to tease her.

It's not very nice. Don't do that shit. Okay. Hopefully never. Okay. Can you do me a favor? Can you take one of my books and read it and let me know what you think? I will.

I will. I really want to know what you think. Thank you. Any lasting thoughts for me? Have you got any lasting thoughts for me? Good luck with everything, man. Sick. You know, just i think you your

future is bright and the only thing you have to really i think worry about is uh is in those like those moments of you feeling you need something just make sure that you're not uh sacrificing someone else's feelings in the process yep you know which i think something we should all be mindful of not yeah you know you're not the only one. Work in progress. Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. Thank you so much for this as well.

Am I allowed to take this one? Yeah, you can take that one. Okay. Cool. If you're listening, make sure you pre-order Don't Text Your Ex Happy Birthday out next,

is it October 4th? Mm-hmm. Wow. Very soon. Yeah, it's soon. Are you going to do a book tour? Yeah, we've got a press tour coming up in New York.

But yeah, if you're new because you're listening to Harry, it's a press tour coming up in New York. But yeah, if you're new, because you're listening to Harry, it's a great book on all things relationships and dating. So if you like what you heard this episode, buckle up. I really appreciate you coming on, Harry. It's been a pleasure getting to know you. Don't forget to send in all your questions at asknick at castme.com, cast with a K, for all your texting office hours, all your Ask Nick questions, all Vile Files related calls,

please, please, please, please pre-order my book. It would mean the world. It's coming out soon. I don't know if signed copies are still available, but either way, go to vilefiles.com and you can still register for our self-love day, which is basically FaceTiming with me and getting a $100 gift card to treat yourself.

So if you're into that sort of thing, go to vodfalls.com, pre-order the book, upload your receipt. Either way, I really think you'll enjoy this book. I promise. The people who have advanced copies

have been sending good reviews. But anyway, I'm done talking. Next week, Tino, to get all, finally, the exclusive with Tino. I know he talked on AFR,

but we will have time to really chat with Tino to find out what really happened with him and Rachel, and you won't want to miss that. And Billy Eichner is going to be recapping The Bachelor in Paradise with us, the premiere. And talking about his new movie, Bros. So get ready.y eichner everybody and tino big week ahead harry thank you it's been a pleasure pleasure guys bye