The Viall Files - E481 Going Deeper With Billy Eichner - Bros, His Dating Life & Movie Drama Press

Episode Date: September 29, 2022

Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files, Going Deeper Edition! Today we are joined by the amazing Billy Eichner! On this episode we welcome on Billy as he breaks down his new upcoming movie, Bros! We get into it with talking about how being single for a long time changes how you approach dating, dating when you’re young versus when you know what you want, and how some marriages only work when you sleep in different beds. We also get into things with Billy, talking about getting banned off of Tinder twice, making a movie inspired by events from your life, and the process of making the upcoming moving Bros and making a gay comedy that’s universal. We also break down some pop culture topics, talking about the Don’t Worry Darling Drama, who you would make a fake fight with for fame plus red flags and green flags in dating. We then welcome on our Texting Office Hours callers! Our first caller is falling for her brother’s friend but after he shows some interest, our caller wonders if she could do better. Our second caller deals with constantly comparing the current guy she’s seeing to her ex. But after feeling some inconsistencies from this guy, she wonders if she should reach out or move on.  “I did really like him, but part of me just wanted to win.”  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  If you would like to get some advice on Office Hours send an email to [e-mail] with “Office Hours” in the subject line!  Be sure to check out my sports radio show Fandemonium, Wednesdays @ 3PT / 6 ET  on Amazon's Amp app.  Click the link to download Amp using my code NICKVIALL https://apps.apple.com/us/app/amp-host-live-radio-shows/id1586403838 Pre-Order Nick’s Book: https://www.abramsbooks.com/product/dont-text-your-ex-happy-birthday_9781419755491/ Check out our new "Introvert" merch at http://www.viallfiles.com today! THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Betterhelp: When you want to be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. Visit http://www.BetterHelp.com/VIALLFILES today to get 10% off your first month. Episode Socials:  @viallfiles @nickviall @billyeichner See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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What's going on everybody welcome back to another another exciting amazing perfect sparky sparky episode of the vile files i'm your host nick uh joined by amanda ally died i'm just kidding our producer just going bad boy no ally is supporting her sister and preparing for her sister's wedding. And we support love on the show. We love love. And therefore we allowed her to miss this momentous episode of The Vow Files. Momentous in the fact that Billy Eichner is our guest. Billy is someone that I didn't even tell him that because I didn't want to make him feel awkward. But he was on my wish list of guests that I would love to have when I started The Vow Files way back when

in the beginning of time. Iconic man. Wonderful, wonderful man. What a great interview too. I was pretty nervous. I was. I got nervous as I was being told he's almost here. But he made it so easy. He's obviously a natural, easy to talk to. Very candid. And very candid and open about his own experiences with love and dating. He's got a new amazing movie, Bros, coming out. It's truly great. If you like the movie Bridesmaid or Forgetting Sarah Marshall or any of the Jed Epitow movies, you will love Bros. It's relatable for everyone. Obviously, Billy and I will talk more about it, but it's a great rom-com in a world that doesn't have enough rom-coms in theaters. So be sure to check that out. That is so true. I feel like when I was a kid, there were all of these iconic rom-coms coming

out and it feels like we're kind of stagnating as a culture. Yeah. No, I know. What was the first rom-com you saw where you were like, that's a rom-com? Like this is... No, my friends used to make fun of me and serendipity. I went to it with my parents. I was going through... It was during my first relationship. We were still together. It was a period in which I was questioning how I felt about her. And it's a great movie. It's a terrible movie, I think, for love and dating because it's so unrealistic. These people who hold on to like the idea of someone for

a decade and then end up together like that really sets you up for disappointment. But I truly love the movie Serendipity with John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale. It's a great movie. I saw it with my parents. It like it moved me. It changed me. I don't know why. There is something so magical about it. Yeah. It's like, yeah, the first one we were like, this is a love story. Because I feel like the rom-coms for me hit so much harder than the pure romance movies

because it feels like a little bit more grounded. Also, did you see Crazy Stupid Love? That's amazing. That was like the movie that I was like, geez, like,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That just feels, that's wholesome too, though, because it's got some family values to it. And what I like about Stupid Crazy Love is that Crazy Stupid Love. I always get it wrong.

Dyslexic. Can I blame dyslexic on that too? I probably can. I think it's one of the healthier rom-coms out there. It's why I like Forgetting Sarah Marshall so much because it was like, I think there's healthy rom-coms and then I think there's like relatively toxic rom-coms like Serendipity. Well, like Notebook's not a rom-com. It's then I think there's relatively toxic rom-coms like Serendipity.

Well, Notebook's not a rom-com. It's more of a romance novel, but terribly toxic. You'll know this if you read my book, Don't Text Your Ex Happy Birthday, available for pre-order now and out next Tuesday, and is now currently the number one dating book new release on Amazon. So no big deal there, but clearly get on board. And it's not even a pre-order at this point. If you get it now, you will have it as soon as anyone else. So get the book, go to vilefiles.com. It's available

in audio book, but I do think the book itself, real sexy and operates as a manual. It's a great to refer back to. It's a page turner. You can go in and out at any time. I do narrate the audio book. And if you have any questions about the book go listen to the ask nick episode on monday we have a bunch of callers who share their stories but have also read and reviewed the book anyway i was saying but there's like what i like about stupid crazy love is that like there's like healthy there's teachable healthy moments rather than like what i talk about in the book is how so many rom-coms like sex in the city or the notebook which again is not a rom-com they teach you in that book that it doesn't matter how toxic

a situation is, love will conquer all. And that's just not realistic. And when we hold onto that idea that like, it doesn't matter how bad it gets or how shitty it gets or how terrible the situation. And the problem is, is in those movies, they always end up with the person. And so that teaches you subconsciously that it doesn't matter how bad or how toxic or how sad you feel or how confused or what they do. It'll all work out as long as you can get them to love you. And that's where I see the difference between those toxic and those healthy rom-coms. Bros being a healthy one, there's a lot of like teachable relatable moments and i do think like now that i think about it rom-coms are so guilty or shed a lot of light on the whole like playing

hard to get aloofness because i feel like in so many rom-coms it's like like a girl being like no i won't date you yeah i do think when we talk about like where does this like like refusal to show any kind of vulnerability come from i think like because like in like emma stone's like you you don't get to you don't get to date me and ryan gossens like oh i don't get to date her she's a challenge yeah but those are just that's this relatable like ego things you know like that still show that but i do think when it comes rom-coms there are healthy ones and there's toxic ones and that could be a fun exercise maybe we'll do that maybe we'll do comes to rom-coms, there are healthy ones and there's toxic ones. And that could be a fun exercise. Maybe we'll do that.

Maybe we'll do like a rom-com review to determine like which ones are healthy rom-coms and which ones are toxic ones. But generally, yeah. DM the Biophiles Instagram with the rom-coms you want us to review. Yeah. Serendipity. Great movie. Fairly toxic.

It like has all the wrong lessons in terms of like love and relationships. Unreasonable expectations. Things like that. And the crazy stupid love or stupid crazy love. I don't know. You got it right that time. wrong lessons in terms of like love and relationships unreasonable expectations things like that and the crazy stupid love or stupid crazy love i don't know you got it right that time rose uh forgetting sarah marshall very fun the proposal i really feel like i was in the golden age of rom-coms do you remember that with sandra bullock and ryan reynolds i don't know if that one holds i'm a huge ryan reynolds fan you know just because people say i'm the walmart version of them so my narcissism

obviously like makes me like ryan reynolds you got mail that fucking holds up that's a great movie have you have you haven't seen it I haven't seen it I haven't seen most I haven't seen friends though so it's not even like an age thing it's just like a me living under a rock morning glory also great it's with uh who's in the notebook uh, oh. Not Ryan Gosling, but who plays? Rachel McAdams. It's with her and then Harrison Ford. One of Harrison Ford's best roles. And I'm a huge Harrison Ford.

Like, I love Harrison Ford movies. Big 40. That's what my car is named because it's a Ford. So its first name is Harrison. Great. Sorry. You name your car? Yeah.

I think it's important to name your car. Really? Yeah, because you got to. What if you lease it? What do you mean if I lease it what if you lease a car what is what do you mean do you even know what a lease is that's of course i don't know you looked at me like like what do you mean what if i lease it like you because you give back a lease after three years i don't know what it's like it's like it's like a long form like it's like it's like adopting a dog.

I didn't know. See, my understanding was that when you lease a car, it's like you just pay it off over time. No, leasing a car is like renting a car for three years. Oh. So you don't know what leasing is. So I don't know what leasing is. And I feel like there's maybe more people out there. Yeah.

Do you feel like, I hope this doesn't come as condescending, but I hope that you guys consider me not only as a friend, a boss, but like as a mentor. But should we be like doing some like basic like business 101? Like maybe things I take for granted that I know that maybe I could steal upon you as you like enter in life? I think it's less business because I'm like, I'm on the Roth IRA. Like I tell all my friends to invest. It's like general human stuff, like anything car related. Okay. Like etiquette things like the types of things that you kind of like confront as an adult although meatball gate i was like i don't know if i would turn to you for like holiday etiquette yeah i'm not saying i know everything you know i listen i learned through my mistakes but yeah i for actually for like for like yeah

for certain business things i feel like if ali were here she'd be like would you go with me to buy a car she probably would ask me she would i'd be like, would you go with me to buy a car? She probably would ask me. She would. I'd be honored. And I would totally, oh, I'd love to do that. Open invite for either of you to invite me to go. To bargain.

Oh, my God. Like, we're walking off the lot. Heckling. You'd be like, no, we're leaving. And Allie would be like, no, I want that one. No, we're leaving. Well, Nowley's in the market. She wants to get a new car.

And she's like very focused on what she wants. And I'm like,, no, I want that one. No, we're leaving. Natalie's in the market. She wants to get a new car and she's like very focused on what she wants. And I'm like, stop fucking telling them that you only want it in this, in that, in this. Like, I mean, like, they got you. The less they know, the better you are. Yeah, most negotiations, I feel like you would be a good,

you would have a lot of wisdom. Well, you always want to bring someone who's negotiating your behalf who doesn't give a shit about the outcome as much as you do. That's what you should have relationship negotiators. What? Okay. Say more about this. I feel like I just came up with an idea. I don't know. Okay. Okay. Like, like the terms of like the DTR conversation or just like, I mean, we kind of do it on the show a little bit, but like, do, do you really, you know, like, in fact, I would say some of our texting office hours today, we kind of. We were a little gatekeep protective.

Yeah. We're cock blocking. Yeah. Billy, especially. Billy did not hold back on the ones that he did not think were worth it. On their behalf. Yeah. Relationship negotiator.

In the early stages of when you think you really like someone. Yeah. And you feel like the hopeful person. You feel like they have more of the power, that's when you bring in the relationship negotiator for you. Get that power dynamic, more equal footing. Yeah. My client asked for a simple one night a week date. Mess it over? Yeah. We are talking like we did cocaine. Wait, can I tell you something? I went to my favorite dive bar in chicago i don't want to

say the name because it is run by this like brothers no you don't know it you definitely don't know it it is run by this like senile old woman there are rats in the basement no bartender has ever lasted more than a year no but i do know that that was really close to where my ex lived i so part of the part of the appeal is this bar is that there's an upstairs area where it is just, there is like crap on all the tables, like, like piled up, like books and things and antiques. And the bartenders always have to be like, and just so you know, it's all for sale. So we went upstairs and my friend picked up this dish and was like, oh my God, frosted glass. And then she picks it and it smudges. And we were like, oh my God, there's so much cocaine on this dish.

Yeah. So Billy. Billy. Yes. Billy Eichner is our guest. I guess it's time to get to Billy. But again, truly, please pre-order Don't Text Your Ex Happy Birthday. Here's how I'd best describe it. It's a book for the stuck. If you feel stuck at any aspect of your life, this book will help you feel less stuck. It gets you unstuck. I know we've all felt stuck with situations in life and people we're dealing with, whether it's relationships of any kind, truly any kind, certainly romantic ones, covers all aspects of the dating kind of life cycle. But really, it's more about trying to get unstuck. Because if you're anything like me,

we can kind of get fixated on things that we want. We'll tell ourselves, we'll obsess over them. They'll make us feel like less of ourselves, a little more powerless. This book is all about helping you get more control of your life, making you feel more powerful about your choices, avoid disappointment in the long and short run. And it actually speaks to dating in the modern day. Cause like, I love my mom. My mom is the wisest person I know has so much good insight, but there are certain elements of like app dating app culture that she just cannot speak to and this feels like one of the first books that is like really coming from a place of like expertise because you listen you hear so much stuff on the podcast like so many people call in so you have a real like high level knowledge of what's going on in the dating

landscape and like it's modern like it's applicable it in the dating landscape. And like it's modern, like it's applicable. It's very relevant. I genuinely, I read it. I listened to you talk for hours and hours all week and I still got something out of it. Well, I appreciate it, Amanda. I've been listening to you guys for years, literally years in your story. Some of your stories are in this book. Some of my stories are in this book. Some of my friends' stories are in this book. I'm really proud of it. I think it's really good. I'm just going to say it. I think it's good. And I hope you guys give it a shot. And I hope you recommend it to your friends. Give it to your friends who might be in need of some tough love, but a lot of empathy along the way. Just go to vilefiles.com, pre-order the book. We always encourage you to support indie bookstores. So bookshop.org

and I think IndieBound. There's every link possible under vilefiles.com, including Amazon, including Barnes and Noble, including all your audio book options. But if you want to support indie bookstores and local bookstores across the country, it's the same price whether you get on Amazon or anywhere else, but you procure it from a local bookstore. So we always encourage that. But truly, it would mean a lot if you give this book a chance. I truly think it will be worth your time. And I bet you will find at least one or two things in there that will make life a little bit easier and will be worth your time. And I bet you will find at least one or two things in there that will make life a little bit easier and will be worth the $24.99 that the book costs. I truly promise.

It will help you feel unstuck about something in your life. I guarantee it. Anyway, I'm going to shut up. Let's get to Billy. Hope you enjoy. Now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. Therapy is awesome. It has helped me survive.

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can do it strictly over the phone if you want that privacy, or if you want to talk to them and see their face you can do that too a lot of options a lot of flexibility the most important part is they're helping you take care of your health like never before uh billy welcome to the show i just want to say congratulations thank you incredible accomplishment bros it's an amazing movie thank you super funny it's got to be such a great feeling it is it's exciting it's also a great feeling. It is. It's exciting. It's also a little nerve wracking. It opens this Friday. Yeah. It opens tomorrow. It opens tomorrow. Yeah. September 30th all over North America. And I'm so proud of it. You know, we've had a lot of early screenings of it, advanced screenings all over North America. And it's just amazing to sit there with an audience full of hundreds

of people and everyone's laughing out loud so much at the movie, you know, which is all we ever wanted. And I don't think we get that experience very much anymore. They don't release a lot of comedies, especially comedies for adults. Yeah. You know, we get comedies for families and those are lovely. But this is an R rated Judd Apatow movie. And people really love it. And I'm so proud and I'm so excited for everyone to finally get a chance to see it. Were you attending some of the screeners? Oh, yeah. That must have been a pretty cool experience. Yeah, I sit in the back so people don't know that I'm there because I want to see a real reaction from people. But it's amazing. I mean, it really is. And even I forgot because of COVID and everything else, how much fun it is to go to a movie theater and see a comedy.

Yeah. And laugh. And laugh with other people, with your friends, on a date, even by yourself. I love going to the movies by myself. It's a great escape from our very hectic, chaotic, stressful world. I couldn't agree more. Yeah. It's laughing with other people in the theater is it's it's it's a lost art exactly it's it's so fun and it makes you feel good you know it's a hopeful thing to do it's not i watch a lot of stuff at home the way we all do but it's not the same to watch a comedy at home you know it really is a this like exciting joyful communal experience and I'm so excited for this movie to be playing everywhere. And I hope that people have as much fun as these audiences have been having at them in these advanced screenings. Yeah. One of my favorite things about it is the movie, other than it

being just really funny, is that just how relatable it was to anyone. I'm a straight guy, but watching it, you guys talk about topics that anyone can relate to. And I thought that was just, A, just great and fun. But was that something that was a focus while you were writing it? Or was that a challenge to do? Or how did you guys go about it, trying to make this movie, knowing that it was its first game movie produced by a major production company? Yeah, major studio.

Major studio. And then wanting, obviously, the masses to come and enjoy the movie. Yeah, major studio. Major studio. And then wanting, obviously, the masses to come and enjoy the movie. Yeah, well, you know, I didn't have to make it alone, luckily. And I made it with two straight men. And those guys, Judd Apatow and Nick Stoller, have literally made some of the funniest movies

of the past 25 years. I mean, Bridesmaids and Knocked Up and 40-Year-Old Virgin and Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Superbad and 40 year old virgin and forgetting Sarah Marshall and super bad and trained wreck. And the list goes on and on. Surely some of the best and truly some of the best and ones that everyone can relate to. And look, I'm a gay person. I went to all those movies and I sat there and laughed and related to what was happening, just, you know, even though the couples were straight. So, you know, there's no reason it shouldn't work in the reverse. And

I'm so glad that you thought it was relatable. And that's the reaction we've been getting. And what I think is exciting about it for straight audiences especially is to see what is very similar about our relationships and the way we're dating and texting and sexting and all that. And also sometimes the way that it's different because two men together is a little different. And that's what makes it new and fresh and exciting. And but I got to make it with Judd and Nick, those guys know how to make a relatable comedy. And you know, when we were writing it, I kept turning to them and saying, Do you guys understand what's going on here? And, and they were like, Yeah, and, and I'm so grateful, because they just kept encouraging me to be as honest as possible. Because you don't sit down to write a

gay movie you sit down to write a hilarious movie and that was our goal and i'm very grateful yeah well to that to your point though like regardless of your sexual orientation we all relate to that feeling of feeling less than or worried or confused yeah and like we've all been fuckboyed before regardless you know so it really doesn't matter who you're having sex with or who you're going after. We all have the same insecurities when it comes to love and relationships. A hundred percent. I mean, and dating, as we all know, in the age of iPhones, you know, I'm a single guy. Like, you know, a lot of my friends are single still.

My gay friends, my straight friends, some have now gotten divorced and are single again. You know, we all know how that goes. And, you know, dating in this age of iPhones and texting and sexting and DMing on Instagram, we're not face to face. So it's all drive. We're all driving each other insane. It's allowed us all to be so passive aggressive. And this is what you see happen in bros.

Like my character is being driven crazy by this guy that he meets. We eventually do get together and then drive each other crazy when we're together and not texting. But the whatever, whenever scene. Yeah, just exactly. Like we're all so noncommittal. Like we all do want a relationship. We want to connect to be with the other person. But no one wants to get hurt.

Everyone wants to seem cooler than the other person. No one wants to make the first move. to get hurt. Everyone wants to seem cooler than the other person. No one wants to make the first move. And you watch our characters play this cat and mouse game, which I know whether you're straight, gay, LGBTQ, whatever you are, you are going to relate to. Yeah, absolutely. How much from your own personal experiences did you use when writing this movie? A lot. Yeah. I mean, you know, I've been single a lot and I certainly pulled things from my life, from, you know, I've been single a lot. And I certainly pulled things from my life from, you know, dating experiences I've had also my friends experiences, my straight friends, my gay friends. And I think I really wanted to keep it real. I think when you watch this movie,

it's very unapologetic. It's very bold. We're not walking on eggshells around anything. And that's what makes it fun, you know, and hopefully, again, that honesty is what makes it a special experience. Absolutely. You mentioned you're single. You talk about dating a lot in your personal life. Obviously, we talk a lot about relationships and dating. What's something that like, I know you talked with Seth Meyers about you got kicked off at Tinder.

I got kicked off at Tinder twice. Twice. Not once. Twice. Now, when I say that, people are like, oh, God, what god what's he doing so let me explain i didn't do anything wrong you know i'm in the public eye sometimes people know who i am and i think other people on tinder reported my account because they thought it was fictional they thought it was billy eichner they're like why is billy eichner on here and i'm like well because bill Billy Eichner is lonely and horny like everybody else.

And so my account got reported and then they blocked me thinking it wasn't me. This has happened twice. And not only that, but to make it worse, they sent me a care package to make me feel better. Tinder did with like a mug that said world's greatest single. And it was very depressing. It only made it worse. So now I'm not on Tinder, but I'm still on all the other apps. Well, not all of them.

It's on all of them, baby. No, I'm not on all of them. Farmers only. Christian Mingle. Is that still around? But what is dating like for you nowadays? You're a celebrity. You're good looking.

You're tall. Great head of hair. You have everything going for you. What do you struggle with the most? Because that's the thing that I think often people forget. Regardless of who you are, or more importantly, regardless of who you think the person maybe you're trying to pursue is going through,

we all have our insecurities and doubts and fears. Of course. And I'd love to hear, maybe, we all like to hear famous people are just like us. What are things that you struggle with or that's been a challenge for you in the dating space? Oh boy, we're gonna be here a long time. You know what I struggle with at this point in my life because I'm not a youngster anymore? You know, I've gone a really long time being single

and now I actually don't want to be single anymore as an old man. But it's tough when you've been single a long time. You get really used to being by yourself. And I like being by myself, actually, which is part of the reason that i'm single but i would also like another person you know i like human contact human connection beyond just like one night stands and hookups and all that you know i'm at a point in my life where i want that but i'm so used to not having the person around you know and also if you go a really long time so some of it is just intimacy yeah right you know, and also if you go a really long time, so some of it is just intimacy, right? You know, like really letting a person in your life, like, I mean, really letting them in

your life is a whole new thing for me, actually, even though I'm a middle-aged man. And then the other thing is if you go a really long time without someone, what are you even looking for? What feeling are you looking for? Because at this point, I want to be just like completely swept off my feet. You know, I've waited so long for it that now it has to be like the most powerful feeling. And everything always has to be perfect. And the sex has to be amazing. And I put so much pressure on it to be amazing. And I think I put too much pressure on it.

I could not relate to you more than that. I turned 42 on Wednesday. Oh, yeah. Happy birthday. Thanks. I just turned 44. That's right. You have the same birthday as my brother.

Oh, awesome. I do have 10 siblings, though. Yeah, Virgos. And so many siblings. It's a lot. Yeah. Are any of them gay? Two.

Oh, wow. I have a sister who's gay and a brother who's bisexual. Oh, wow. Well, good for them. Yeah. Happy pride. Yeah. Shout out. I was going to say, you got 10. Happy bride. Yeah. For a full-fledged family.

Shout out. I was going to say, you got 10. A couple of them have to be gay. Statistically. Statistically. Exactly. Oh, I said I could not relate to you more

just because that's what I struggled with before Natalie and I started dating. That feeling of, I remember having actual thoughts. I was single for a very long time, comfortable being single. I was good with it. In my 20s, I was like, I got to have somebody. Like I was, I was good with it. Like in my twenties, I was like, I gotta have somebody.

And then you kind of get comfortable with it. Totally. And then I remember having this feeling of like, I'm not sure I know how I'm supposed to feel to pick somebody, you know, because I remember being 19 and 20 and going, oh, I feel things and like, we must, we should date, you know? Yeah, totally. And now, and then you get heartbroken, you get fucked over a few times and then you disappoint people. And now it's just like,

you're so pragmatic about everything. Yep. And then it's just like, do I just pick someone and try it out? And I think there is a lot of truth to like, you know, you obviously wanna have qualities, but I think for people like you and I or people, you know, middle-aged

or who are even in their late twenties, if you've been through it a little bit, you sometimes have to just try to get to know someone and put yourself out there because that feeling of like getting swept off your feet. I don't know if even that's the feeling we really want to have because we've done that before. Right. Also, that can be very like volatile. Yeah. You know, like that can be very unpredictable if it gets hyper emotional and like too powerful too soon no you're exactly right and it's like my therapist said you know i have a lot to say first of all number one i only started to see a therapist i'm four i just turned 44 the

first time i've ever seen a therapist was about a year ago um actually coming off the bro shoot actually we shot bros and then something about the experience I said, I should see a therapist. I started during the pandemic and it was like, I advocate for therapy on my show all the time. I think I should just do it. And it's been great for me. I just actually read a statistic today that during lockdown, way more people started to see mental health professionals, which is a great thing. What's something about therapy that you've really carried with you that's really been beneficial? Yeah, I was just going to say, piggybacking on what you just said, this whole thing about not getting caught in your head about, oh, am I feeling enough for the person? And just

taking it one day at a time, like one date at a time, you know, like we're not getting married tomorrow. We don't have to, maybe we never will. Who knows? But just, just taking it one day at a time. I'm not in AA, but a lot of my friends are. And in sobriety, I know they talk about this a lot, one day at a time. And I actually think that applies to relationships as well, because you end up putting too much pressure on yourself, you know? And so that's been a very helpful thing. I said to my therapist once, okay, like, all right, well, he was telling me that sometimes the more, the closer you get to someone, especially with men, he said, he said, sometimes a man will come to me straight or gay and say, I don't know what happened. We had great sex for three years. Then we got engaged and I couldn't get hard, basically. Really? Yeah. That's a common thing because there's something about knowing you're

going to that next level of commitment, which can sometimes sort of blunt your sex drive a little bit. It takes away the excitement behind it, the newness or whatever it is. Exactly. And I said to him, great. Well, what do people do about that? And he said, relax, just relax, you know, and then just go like moment to moment. And you're you're getting caught in your head. You're thinking three months ahead about all the time, you know, and you can't do that. You got to stay in the moment with the person if you like them. You know, I'm not saying to settle, but if you like the person, then I think that's important. And you know, this was the bros started when we started working on it with the idea of and this is something that happened to me in real life. So speaking of the movie being drawn from my real life, you know, I was very happily single. And I actually like like my character in the movie really prided myself on being self reliant and strong. You know, when I meet my love interests, Aaron and the movie played by Luke McFarlane, we're both almost in a competition

to see who's more emotionally unavailable. No one wants to be the weak, vulnerable one, you know? And I was like that. And then around, I don't know, like when I was 35, 36, I was out one day with my friends at some party or something. And I met this guy and fell for him so hard and he was really funny and handsome and like smart and quick just very intelligent guy he was a writer he blew me

away and overnight i was obsessed with this person and when you've gone such a long time being single then all of a sudden this person who you think you know you love or really like or something shows up it really can fuck you up like that can really get under your skin and mess you up and i remember we were shooting billy on the street and i remember thinking and i was so focused on billy on the street when we shot i mean i was hyper focused it was my whole world was like making sure that show was as funny as possible right and then all of a sudden i was shooting it in new york and i remember turning to my assistant at the time and saying i can't shoot like i i was in my head about this guy like and i was obsessed with him for like a year and a half it was crazy and so that was the inspiration for bros what happens

when two guys like that who really pride themselves on not needing someone unexpectedly meet someone they really like? But how do they deal with that? You know, and that was the inspiration for Bros. And it's totally based on what happened to me. That's incredible. Anything happen with the guy? We had a very passive aggressive relationship for about a year. We did hook up occasionally, but we were never on the same page.

Classic situation. He never wanted what I wanted. I think he liked the attention. Okay. He's kind of a mess. a year we did hook up occasionally but we were never on the same page classic situation he never wanted what i wanted i think he liked the attention okay he's kind of a mess so the relationship and bros that i end up having is is fictional that's that did not happen in real life but just based off yes where i was when bros begins that's where i was with this guy what was the thing that broke you out of the situationship that like ended it for you that kind of made you be like, whoa, this can't keep happening. I'm a very persistent person, you know, as anyone who's watched really on the street knows. And I it's so rare for me to connect.

And of course, now, years later, I look back and I think about the guy and I'm like, what was I thinking? Like he was a mess, you know, part of me just, I did really like him. But part of me just wanted to win. Yeah, your ego. It was my ego. And I couldn't believe that I could finally feel, have such strong feelings for someone which I hadn't had since college, you know,

when I was a baby. And it's fun, too. And it's fun. Yeah, it is. But I couldn't believe that we could spend so much time together and I could be feeling these things and he didn't feel them back. Or he didn't think he felt them back or whatever. You know, I couldn't believe that.

And I was constantly trying to make it happen. And I did that on and off for about a year and a half. And then I remember I hadn't seen him in a while. He lives in New York and I had moved to L.A. I came back to New York. Of course, I reached out to him. We had dinner and I'm like giving him advice on his career and like these pep talks that he wanted. And then we walked back to his apartment and I went to kiss him. We kissed briefly. I said, let's go upstairs. And he said,

I can't do that. And then for some reason it clicked for me there. And I just said, okay, that's it. It's over. And I remember being in the cab going home from them from that moment and just saying, that's it. It's over. I tried and it's not happening i remember being in the cab going home from them from that moment and just saying that's it it's over i tried and it's not happening for some reason it took me to that moment and then it was over that's great though great it was a year and a half i know you have to go through it but i'm guessing that experience will like really help you going forward right because you will well it inspired my movie so i got that out of your movie and then even in your dating life like i think what you told again going back to relatability like most most of the people who listen to this podcast are women probably are mostly dating men

and you just told a story that everyone i mean everyone calls in and and talks about the situationship that idea of like i don't know what I like about them, but I feel kind of triggered by them and they don't like me. That makes me like them more and I don't even know what it is. And finally accepting that you're not getting the same in return, right?

Because you're giving this person all this energy and time and you're just like, wait, what am I getting back? I know, but in the moment, our connection felt so electric, you know, and i couldn't believe that he didn't want to just like jump into bed with me and we did hook up a few times but again

i i could feel he wasn't feeling the same way but i will say to your point a really great thing did come out of it besides the fact that it inspired a major motion picture that's opening tomorrow but that it was a reminder to me, not even a reminder, a real wake up call that after years of kind of keeping a relationship at a distance and saying, I don't want that, I don't need that, I'm not going to be that person, that I actually, if it was the right person, would want that. Like I needed that wake up call because I was completely ignoring that part of my life. Yeah, I think it's sometimes, like you said, like when people can get in lulls or maybe they haven't met someone, just knowing that there's people out there that you can get excited about is

a good feeling because sometimes we can get done ourselves, but like, there's no one out there for me. There's no one to be excited about. And just feeling that excitement is like a breath of fresh air and just kind of keeps you vigorated to get back out there and keep trying. Yeah, that's true. And, you know, looking at it from a distance, even though it truly drove me insane at the time, I don't know if I would want to go through it again. But there was there was something fun about it, even though it was driving me crazy. Like, again, when we have a great chemistry, there was an electric thing happening there. and that's rare. So it didn't become what I wanted it to become, but it was exciting and sexy in the moment, even as it's driving you crazy. Sounds like you're in a great place right now, both professionally and this with my therapist the other day. Someone said to me, I did an interview with the New York Times a few days ago about bros, and they said, what will

success look like to you? How are you defining success for the movie? You know, that's always a hard question. I don't know. I guess in terms of the movie, I want as many people to see it as possible. I really love the movie. I'm very proud of it. It's not just that I made a movie and that's cool. I actually love the movie. So of course, I want people to see it. It is very cool for LGBTQ folks in Hollywood. It's the first gay romcom ever released, having getting this wide of a release in movie theaters from a major studio. So I want people to get out and support it. And I think they're going to love it. So I guess I just want the people who are going to see it to love it. I don't know what else can I do in terms of life in general? What does success look like? I'm pretty

lucky. I mean, I was a real outside the box type of guy. I'm a very unlikely movie star. I don't think I'm a movie star. But you know what I mean? Like, I was openly gay from the beginning of my career going back 20 years when Hollywood was not as accepting as it is right now, especially in comedy. That was a real straight man's game. And normally gay guys were like the butt of the joke if they were mentioned at all. So I'm really I feel successful in that way. You know, I've never needed to be the most famous person. I don't need to be the richest person. I'm very happy where I'm at career-wise. What about relationships? Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm out there and I'm looking, you know, like everyone else.

And I'm probably, you know, I'm probably in a good place now to be in a relationship because for so long I was so career obsessed. And it's a challenging career, this one. All careers are challenging, but you know, Hollywood, it's weird. It's hard to turn the brain off a little bit yeah and and it's you have to face an enormous amount of rejection and especially if you're a little different you know if you're not you know brad pitt or jake gyllenhaal or something then you're really fighting all the time to get work and work

that you're proud of and and all that stuff so that took up a lot of my energy for many years but now i'm really happy with where I'm at and I'm probably in a place where I could date someone. Yeah, I think I can. Yeah, that's great. I might need, I've read about marriages or relationships where they have two bedrooms. That would work for me.

I hear a lot about two bathrooms. I think that would work. Oh, two, definitely two bathrooms. I mean, you know, if you're privileged enough to be able to afford that yes i think two two bet two bathrooms for sure and even a bet not that i don't want to sleep with the person most nights or not that i want to sleep with other people but sometimes i might just want to sleep alone in my own bed and i hope the other person isn't insulted by that i think we we could probably make that work. That's fine. It's 2022. There are a lot of crazier things happening than that. Much crazier things. There's eight people sleeping in a bed, you know?

Billy on the Street, obviously you recently released an episode with Paul Rudd. I think you also released something with Jack Black today from Hollywood. What celebrity surprised you the most? I think, you know, you mentioned Paul Rudd was a perfect fit because I think people underestimate the improvisation that kind of comes with it, right? It's not easy for everyone. What celebrity surprised you the most with their willingness to like, play into the bit and own it and really kind of go for it? Well, there's a handful that have been really incredible in terms of how fearless they are. We've had a lot of very famous people on Billy on the Street, but it's not like an acting gig. You're showing up. None of it's scripted. We're on the streets of New York. I

don't know who I'm going to talk to. We are really just going moment to moment. The camera crew is chasing after me. I go up to whoever I want to go. I don't even think about it too much before I go up to the person. I just go, go, go. And when we have a celebrity guest, they have to follow me and jump in. And a lot of these people are very famous. You know, they're not used to going up to a non-famous person. You know, God knows what they're going to say. So in my experience, the people who are the most fearless have been the ones that are either comedians or comic actors. Paul Rudd, Amy Poehler, Will Ferrell has done it a couple of times and has been incredible. Those are the ones that really just aren't afraid to get in there and talk to people. Seth Meyers, John Oliver, Seth Rogen, you know, because I think comedy in general forces you to be fearless.

Yeah. You know, also a lot of those people have an improv background or more experience with improv than a more dramatic actor might have. Although one of the best billy on the streets ever is with julianne moore who of course she's a genius and can do anything if you haven't seen it yeah we took julianne moore to times square and you know in times square they have all those fake spider-mans and batmans walking around so tourists can get photos with them so we took julianne moore to times square and had her perform monologues from her past movies for tips her real monologues from like boogie nights yeah and she got in the thick of it and

by the way julianne moore obviously hugely famous but you kind of she's been around a very long time and you kind of forget how famous she is you know i mean tourists were swarming her and she was in the middle of times square like fully giving 110 delivering various old monologues from these very dramatic movies she did, you know. That's incredible. And it was it's so funny. She committed so hard to it. And it's just it's incredible to watch. That was the first thing I want to Google.

You've got to go watch it. It's really you just I mean, we all love her. But then you watch it and you're like, shit i respect you she is good have you asked or have had barbara stress and on the show because i know you're a big fan yes i'm a big strizer shocker yeah um but uh no i mean barbara streisand at this point like she barely leaves her house in malibu i'm a fan enough to know that you know she just turned 80 barbara happy birthday yeah happy birthday barbara strice if you think she listened to the to this podcast you never know never know by the way i bet she watches like the bachelor though because she i

think she watches a lot of tv i'm always surprised to hear oh yeah who watches because i've been on the bachelor and just did the bachelorette and it's amazing who comes out of the woodwork all of some of my most like pretentious snobby friends text me and they're like, don't tell anyone, but I just saw you on The Bachelorette. I watch every week and I'm like, I know you do. No, it used to be this guilty pleasure and now it's become less of that. It's a cultural institution. You want to hear a sweet story, actually? I do. My dad, who I had an older dad for someone my age. I mean, if he was alive now, he'd be like 90, right?

So he died a little over 10 years ago. He was 80. But when he was retired in his 70s, single, my mom died years ago. So he was a single man, retired, straight, as far as I know. And in his 70s, he loved the entire bachelor franchise he would watch it every single week i would i would cash and be like dad you're watching the bachelorette he loved it i think it made him feel young or something like just envisioning your dad listening to like a bachelor recap podcast like having hot takes and like i mean passionate

literally like he was this old jewish new york guy and he loved it. I think maybe at that age, he was living vicariously through all these like young, sexy couples and their drama. But it was it was very sweet and it was very surprising. But it does speak to like, you know, what those shows kind of do for people. It's love and love is relatable to everyone. Yeah. And just like bros is. Yeah, exactly. Should we play the game now?

Yeah, I was going to very quickly ask if you were on The Bachelor, what would your limo entrance be? Oh, there you go. Oh God, give me some options. I don't know. I have to think about that. What would my limo entrance be? I don't know.

I'd probably be shouting something. It'd be the loudest entrance they've ever had uh all right we have a fun you like you like games we have a fun uh red red no i love a red flag green flag game a man is gonna ask us some questions i think we have to pick red flag or green flag and then also if we've also done any of these things that are you're asking yes i think you should divulge so this is like a first date scenario. Someone does this behavior. Is it a red flag, green flag?

Great. Okay, so first one is they say they don't have any social media. I think that's a green flag. I think that's good. I think it's kind of red. Really? I think it appears as green, but with the, it's like, I'm hot, like none.

They're completely off. It's a little weird. Yeah, I'm just like, who are you hiding from yeah but are you married in our world where everyone is so obsessed with it i kind of respect the choice to be private and i think it's kind of sexy and actually gives people a mystique that literally no one has if they're if they're private and like have less than like 500 followers and then green flag. Okay. I mean, I don't judge it if they have one. Obviously, I do.

But I kind of think it's cool and sexy if they don't. Very renaissance. Yeah. Okay, they bring their pet on the first date. No, absolutely not. Red flag. Every red flag. And I'm calling the police. That's insane.

Absolutely insane. Okay, they try to flirt with you by saying your first name a lot in conversation like so billy what are you gonna do billy like that's a little strange i mean it depends on you know on the tone i guess i think they're nervous if they're doing that yeah yeah no one ever says billy um no one ever says my you know to say your first name a lot is weird piggybacking off of that how how soon is too soon for a date to start giving you like a nickname, like baby or? Oh, no, absolutely not. No, that can't happen.

No. I need to be with someone for three years before they start calling me baby. Three years for Billy. Or honey. I know. It's just too, if it happens too soon, it's so fake, you know? I start to feel claustrophobic and it's just too much. Well, yeah, it makes you think you do this a lot.

Yeah, I mean, we're not at that point yet. Why are you calling me baby? I've given you nothing, no reason to. They order for you. That still happens? People order food for you? The only time I do that is if I go to Din Tai Fung. Have you been to Din Tai Fung?

Billy, you got to go. Do you like Chinese food? Of course I do. I if I go to Din Tai Fung. Have you been to Din Tai Fung? Billy, you gotta go. Do you like Chinese food? Of course I do. I'm a Jew from New York City. It's the best soup dumplings. The first one's a Michelin star in Hong Kong. There's one at the Century City Mall. There's one at the Americana.

Me, you, and your bisexual brother. We should go there. I would love to take you. I love taking people to Din Tai Fung for the first time. It's an experience. I've never been. That would be really fun. Now that you say it, okay.

Like if you're at a restaurant, it's a certain type of cuisine or something, and the other person's an expert. Okay. I always ask permission. It's like, is it okay? I've been here. I want you to try these foods. All right.

That's okay then. That's the only time I've ever done that. Okay. Okay. So official green flag. Also, if the person's hot, they can do anything. I don't care. I totally agree.

They got an accent. It's over. Exactly. Bring a kitten I don't care. They got an accent, it's over. Exactly. Bring a kitten, order for me. Call me baby. I don't care. Okay. On the date, their mom calls and they take it.

I think that's okay. I mean, it's your mom. Green flag? I think it's okay. I think it's fine. Just curious to context. I'm not turned on. Yeah.

But I'm like, ooh, what'd your mom say? What's the tea with mom? Talks to mom every day. I think that turned on. Yeah. But I'm like, ooh, what'd your mom say? What's the tea with mom? I talk to mom every day. I think that's cute. I think that's okay. I mean, I did that for like six months going through a breakup once. Oh, that's sweet. Every morning on the way to work, my mom really, it's like my mom was sad.

My heart was broken. Loved that I called. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's cute. Yeah. I feel like especially like Jewish moms. It's like, are you gonna do not talk to them every day i mean

every day is a lot but i used to call my dad every day he was old and alone or you know i needed to check up on him talk bachelor yeah exactly okay talk about whether or not they want to have kids in the future on the first date not necessarily in a super like do you want to have kids but like talk about their own aspirations and opinions on it interesting this ties into bros if you see it i i think a conversation about kids is interesting on maybe date number two or three yeah date number one it just feels unsexy to me yeah and also like you can kind of tell if it's like really bubbling up inside like they really want to get it out. Yeah.

I mean, also, I'm a gay man. So to be on a first date and have the other guy be like, let's talk about surrogates. Not hot. Not hot. I mean, we appreciate surrogates. Okay. They show up with a big fancy watch. Like one of the flashy big ones.

Too flashy isn't good. I don't like the big. Yeah. The faces that are too large. To me, it's like the equivalent of like it's like peacock car yeah you know i love it's like what are we making that for i love a huge fur coat though i'm just kidding pretty iconic fake fur of course yeah fake for sure they give opinions on your facial hair like they're like oh you'd look really hot with a beard not on the first day it's a little weird unless i mean unless they're complimenting what you have i think that's okay but to say like hmm have you ever considered changing your face

is weird ever since growing facial hair i've become insecure about my face really yeah well i've i've always been from wisconsin but like i've always been complimented for my looks and then i go on the bachelor mixed reviews uh at first and then uh it's a tough crowd on the back it is um and then i grew some facial hair and everyone's like oh my god glow up you look amazing and i was just like i've i've literally had nightmares about like accidentally shaving and like been insecure about it oh every i feel like everyone has some facial hair now yeah you know when we were growing up it was like edgy and now literally everyone has it it's like you're if you're 18 you you have to at least try yeah

i feel like it's just like part of the look yeah two more left one which is if your things are heating up and you're like hey grab a condom and they're like i guess red flag green it's the reddest flag of all time you came up with this question nick grab a condom wow yeah i think this is a there's a bit of a gay straight divide on this oh is there probably yeah but i'm certainly all for condoms it depends on you know who you're with and all of that i just had a couple experiences where i was like going for the condom and I got a, you use those? And I was like grabbing two, you know?

Really? Yeah. It was like more of a, wow, you don't. Okay. Well, I guess. Interesting. I don't really. Yeah.

I mean, I'm all for it. I will say it's been a minute since anyone asked. Oh. I don't know. It's different though in the gay world yeah it's like i'm not using a dental dam okay last one you're leaving the restaurant there's a club promoter and your date like the club promoter recognizes them gives them a hug it's clear that they would like take care of them red flag or a green flag if they know the club

promoter i don't i know i think that's not a red flag for me but again that might be a little different in the gay world i don't know like nightlife going out is like a big part of our lives and we do it into our like into like middle age like gay guys never stop going out to like clubs you know what i mean so it's not as like seedy as it might be if like i don't know if i go if like a 50 year old straight man going to like Vegas and talking to the club promoter, I mean, that's a little greasy to me. It happens on L.A., though. I get L.A. L.A. is a very particular place. It's not a red flag to me at all.

OK, beautiful. And then to talk a little bit of pop culture, I'm sure you've heard it's been unavoidable. The Don't Worry Darling drama. Yes. There's been some speculation that that's kind of a ruse to drive up publicity before the movie. If you were going to try and create a fake scandal for bros, who would you want involved in it? And what would the scandal be about? Oh, my God.

I'm so jealous of the Don't Worry Darling press. I mean. It's an envelope. I wish the cast of bros, we all love each other, right? Like, we had such a good time and I'm like, God damn it, we should have hated each other and spit on each other and like destroyed each other because this is what people want to talk about.

We were too happy. What would I want to do? I don't know. Probably something with Harry Styles. I mean, it helps to have Harry Styles. He's like the most famous person in the world right now. And I don't know, I would love to have a feud. Would you let Harry spit on you for bros? i'd let him spit on me for just about anything

i'd let him spit on me for uh the woman king or any movie that's coming out the avatar release minions you know i that's who i because universal pictures made bros and they also made minions i want to feud with a minion yeah yeah i want to i want to get spit on by a minion if any of them are gay that would help are there gay minions yeah it's a good question aren't they two minions have gender those fucking minions are horny i know they are those minions can't stop fucking this is why i'm not allowed places this type of conversation would you go on a first date with a minion? What if you go to a date and the guy shows up and he's one of the minions?

Red flag, green flag. I'm curious. You know, at least mix it up. Some of them only have one eye. That's hot. Yeah. Right? They all have little ways of showing their personality.

They show up, your date shows up wearing a minion costume being like, I just came from a super fan Minion party. Sorry, I didn't have time to change. Red flag or green flag. I just say, fuck me right now. That's all I want. Are there any fandoms? Speaking of the rise of Gru, all right.

Are there any fandoms that you either feel very repelled by or that you like identify with that would be a real point of connection? Like Harry Potter stansans like all those things oh no if I say anything negative about any fandom I'll be like you know this is baited I'll be driven off of social media

that was a cheap question Amanda I did not approve that question I'm so sorry I love all fandoms I will be punished I love any and all fandoms they are strong fandoms run strong run very deep sorry was I not supposed to curse on this no you can I love any and all fandoms. They are strong. Fandoms run strong. Run very deep. Sorry, was I not supposed to curse on this?

No, you can fuck shit balls. It's fine. Okay, great. Fuck shit balls. Preferably in that order. There we go. I don't even know what that means. Are we ready for texting office hours? Great.

Billy, you ready to give some people some texting advice? Yes, let's do it. Let's do it. How's it going? Hey, how are you? Good. What's your name? My name is Mackenzie. I am 23. How can we help Mackenzie? So I essentially want to let my brother's best friend know that I'm interested in him. Okay. So to give you a little bit of a backstory, my brother is just a few years

younger than me. What's a few? Two. Okay. A year and a half. So we were pretty close in age. So growing up in high school and going to school together, we had a lot of friends around each other all the time. So I saw his friends a lot. He saw my friends a lot. So essentially he has this really good friend since about he was in middle school. And I always told people that he was my favorite friend of my brother's because he was always just really consistent, great guy to my brother and a great friend. So it wasn't until recently, until we got into college, that he became more attractive

to me. One, because he physically became more attractive, but also he has done really well in school and is really involved in sports and just has a lot going for him. And I've never really been actually interested in him until this past weekend when he came back into town from school. He goes to school out of state, pretty far away, actually like over five hours. And so he came into town this past weekend and we all went out to the bars together. And then towards the end of the night,

we decided to walk back to my house, which was a pretty far walk, but it was definitely doable. So we all take off, my brother's with me, so it's super casual, nothing crazy. We all come back to my house. He stays for a little bit and then he ends up going home pretty late in the night. And so after he left, I texted him just to make sure he got home okay, since it was so early in the morning. And then we've kind of been texting ever since, which was only like a day or two ago. So it hasn't been really crazy since. But on our walk home, it was really just us two. And we kind of caught up on what my goals in life are, what

his goals in life are, just because we know each other pretty well already. But we kind of caught up about why he's in school when he's coming back, which is actually probably not even for like another year and a half. So he won't even live back where I'm from until then, which kind of sucks because I don't know how I feel about long distance. Maybe it's interesting. So in my text, I did this past weekend, I did notice that he mentioned something about green flags. And he kind of hinted towards maybe that something that I was interested in was a green flag to him. And so I'm not sure if he's like gaining interest in me. And he's just scared to acknowledge that because of my brother, or if he just like was just making conversation, but it definitely sparked my

interest more. And so I kind of want to respond back to him and just let him know that a door is open if he wants to come through. Do you want to do a dramatic reading, Billy? Oh, wow. Sure. Let's do it. I got to get to the... It goes seven and then six. Got it. Start with, did you make it home? Oh, got it. Yeah, I see. All right. Who do you want to be? Do you want to be her or him?

I'll be her. Okay. You start. Okay. Did you want to be? Do you want to be her or him? I'll be her. Okay, you start. Okay. Did you make it home? Good morning. Yes, we made it back. All right. I enjoyed talking to you and hanging out with you y'all last night.

I'm so happy we got to hang out. I really enjoyed it too. Do you head back today? Like react? Yeah, just for reference. You hearted his message. He liked yours. That's not good.

Men are withholding with the love react. Yeah. Are they? Yes with the love react. Yeah. Are they? Yes. Wow. Yes. Okay. Yes, whenever I'm done with church and lunch with the fam,

I'll be heading south. Heading south by Zach Bryan? I hoped you got that reference. It's only an iconic song. No biggie. Zach Bryan listeners are green flags. I'm interested to know what else you find to be green flags. It's a short list. Wow. Not since succession have I seen this type of dialogue. Let's see.

Lay it on me. Shares my religious beliefs. Brutally honest. Exercise, fitness, smile. Yeah, I can get behind all of that. I don't like this guy. I'm going to leave that right now. behind all of that i don't like this guy i'm gonna do that right now you know what i uh do wait you know what i don't get behind wait you know what i don't get behind what's that traffic and no reception you can do better is what all i'm saying i stand by you in that but that's what comes with driving eight hours okay uh haha my phone is about to be living comfortably in the ditch by the highway i get irritated if i can't't watch my Ryan Gosling chick flicks while I drive. Are you watching The Notebook? Then he sends a screenshot with two hours and three minutes left to watch in The Notebook.

Okay, but the other thing he watched was Dahmer. Dahmer. So let's make note of that. Also, for reference, The Notebook runtime, two hours and four minutes. Yeah, this motherfucker started the movie. Yeah. Screenshotted it yeah and then screenshotted it and sent it to you i don't like this i don't know um are we are we still gonna i think we're done i think he takes himself very seriously do you would you agree or disagree um just because if i didn't

know him i would i would agree with you but I know him for several years now and I disagree. Okay. So you want to shoot your shot? Yes. Maybe not like, hey, let's literally start dating immediately. But more so let him know that I would be interested in at least getting to know him more romantically than just as my brother's friend. Okay. Do you have any idea what your brother feels about this?

So funny story. I think he thinks that I actually like one of his other friends, but I don't. I've told him that several times, but he has mentioned in the past, if you ever want to date one of my friends, you should go for it. And so I think if,

cause he knows that like the friends that he's friends with are good people that he would like bless that essentially. Okay. So what do we think? What should she send? I mean, you should absolutely shoot your shot. It sounds like he likes you.

It sounds like he's interested. I mean, he's trying to impress you. Yeah, he's definitely flirting with you. Yeah. The notebook is that he's trying to impress you. Yeah, that's a dead giveaway. You also have a bit of power over him. You're a little older.

You're his brother's sister. So my guess is you probably have to make the first move anyways. Right. Did he already go back to school yes so he went back like that's why he was driving back home yesterday or going back to school yesterday i think you should text him and you should tell him that uh hey uh i think we should have a facetime date because you can't see you can't see him in person and just say hey like and just put it out there and that way it's like a FaceTime date because I don't think we should FaceTime. That's like weird. But you're and then to see what he says. I would also encourage you to keep your options open.

That's all I'm going to say. You're young. You're very pretty and seem lovely. And I just don't I don't know who this person is and I don't trust him. What? But to Billy's point, he's going to school six hours away. Six hours away. We're going to take a plane. Like, Billy's point, he's going to school six hours away. Six hours away. We're going to take a plane?

Like what's your best case for this guy? So he also has just gotten out of a long-term relationship. Oh boy. Well, not recently, but at least like a few months ago. And she was like his high school girlfriend, you know, that whole saga. And so my thought process was like,

well, he's in college, he's now single, he lives far away, like he's probably doing his thing, you know, so I might not want to like totally interfere with that. But then also just giving him the option, like, hey, you know, when you get back home, or if you're like interested in this, if this is something you want to like start taking seriously, I mean, I'm at least open to having a conversation with you, not like I said that we need to get married tomorrow, but that it could at least be an open door. Because I see it seems more realistic as a potential hookup to be like, I banged my brother's friend. But I don't know if that's something that you might be down for,

because it does seem like there's a lot going against trying to build a relationship with someone who's, you know, is not there. But I mean, still, I would if you want to shoot your shot, I'd go FaceTime date and see. Realist. How old is this guy? How old is he? He's only 20. He's 22.

So he's not too much younger than me. He's older for his age. You need to get out and see the world. Don't limit yourself to this weirdo who's not even there. First of all, he's in college. He's going to go and do his thing and be with whoever. And I don't know.

I just want better for you. I don't know. Billy wants better for you. I don't think Billy's wrong. Yeah. I think if you want to try it, try it. I think there's a lot more reasons why this might not work than work.

More specifically, just because, you know, he lives so far away and I get like, you're also like at the mercy of this being like just an exciting crush because there's a level of excitement of it being your brother's friend. It just is. And it's your brother's close friends. Yeah, they're pretty close. They've been friends for a really long time. So I'm just saying, just consider how messy it could get

if it doesn't work out. And most relationships don't. Just not to be a bummer there. No, I would appreciate, yeah, I appreciate the honesty. I would love for you, like if this was a situation where you could actually go on a date and pursue it, but like you're pursuing someone you know, like you're going to shoot a shot with someone you know

you're going to have to start a long distance relationship with. Yeah. But if you're trying to flirt via text, you can be like, send me a playlist. I feel like that's a fun move. I was thinking about that since we were talking about music. And I just recently saw that on Spotify, you can specifically merge playlists together and see what your interests are and kind of have like a little 50 50 thing. So I was thinking about doing something like that. But that's also just like something I feel like we would do as being friends for so long but I don't know all right I say maybe start the playlist like title it something maybe vaguely flirty send it to him have the song that you reference in the text be the only song on it so far and then you're talking you're going back and forth and then you can flirt from there. You can build. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Maybe I'll just see what the vibes are right now. And then if he moves back in a year and a half or two years and things are different, he's more not in the college team, then maybe it would work out from there. We'll see. Well, I'm just curious. Why are you so interested in... You're young. You have everything in front of you like why are you thinking so like

i'm gonna like trying to plan like a husband to meet and like to start dating in two years like why aren't you living a little bit more in the moment i guess is my question maybe maybe i'm not necessarily trying to pin him down right now but more so like give him notice that like not when he's ready because i don't necessarily want to wait on him or like, not that it has to all fall in his hands, but more so just letting him know like, I don't know, maybe I'm just trying to be flirty. If you want to be flirty, go be flirty and just have fun. But like the way you're talking, it sounds like you're doing a lot of planning for something that it just might not be totally worth your time. I guarantee you in two years, you're going to be thinking about other things. Yes.

And other people. Right. That makes sense. Yeah. So I think verdict is don't shoot shot, but keep the banter going. Yeah. But if you want to shoot your shot. Fuck us.

Yeah, fuck us and do the FaceTime thing. No, I think I listen to you guys so often that I feel, I know in my heart that you're right and that I agree with you. It'll take me sleeping tonight to wake up and be like, okay, yeah, yeah. All right. All right. Well, thank you so much. Stop daydreaming. Thank you so much for calling. Thank you guys. All right. Good luck. Let us know what you end up doing.

Yeah, I will. I'll follow up. All right. Take care. Okay. Bye. How's it going? Hey, how's it going? I'm good. How are you? Good. What's your name? My name is Sarah. Bye. All right. Bye. How's it going? Hey, how's it going? I'm good. How are you? Good.

What's your name? My name is Sarah. I am age 27. How can we help, Sarah? So I am looking for help on learning how to be a little bit more upfront with my intentions and what I want out of a guy I've been seeing. Okay. And who's the specific guy you're seeing?

It's someone I've only been seeing him for about three months. So pretty short amount of time relatively. But I can give some context. Sure. Cool. So I met him, like I said, about three months ago at a bar. I'd just gotten out of going through a pretty bad breakup. So I was still in my anti-men phase, unfortunately.

But it was pretty nice. We found out we had a lot in common. So kind of just kept it casual for a while. And I was good with casual, I was good with slow, it kind of felt right at the time. And then it just kind of got to the point about, you know, a couple weeks ago, where I realized like, okay, like, I do feel, you know, ready to do something more. And I want something more. And I want to pursue, you know, what that could be with him around the same time that I came to that realization. I don't want to say he pulled away, but there was definitely a shift. And I think he started to become less consistent. I'm in less of a pursuer, just noticed some of the vibes felt

a little bit off. So now I'm at the point where I would go a few days without hearing from him. And I'm thinking, Oh, like maybe he's just going to ghost. He's done. He's out. And then he texts me and he's like, Hey, how's it going? Or he initiates something. So I'm not really one to sit around and wait for anyone. But in the past where I've maybe been a little bit timid when it comes to being just very straightforward with what I want, I want to be clear with my expectations. And if that's not what he wants, so be it. I'm just not the most upfront person. So I need a little bit of encouragement there. Okay. Well, I'm curious. I love that you want to be upfront, but I'm also curious as to why you know that this is someone that you really want to pursue. Because I think

there's being upfront. And then I think there's also giving yourself a little patience and grace to allow you to get to know someone before you start getting really anxious and start worrying about how they feel about you. It's you echoing some friends of mine who have given me recent advice. I think whether for good or bad reasons, I do compare him sometimes to my last relationship where it was a very different circumstance, but I knew pretty much from day one where his head was at and I I knew what he wanted. And he made it very clear that he was interested in me. Whereas this one is a slower start. But I think at this point, you know, to answer your question about why him, I feel just comfortable around him. And I think for a while being in that more man hating phase, it took me a minute to warm up to

the idea of dating anyone. So I'm not necessarily looking for a commitment from him, but I am someone who definitely needs more consistent communication. So it's finding a way to not become overbearing, but still make sure that I'm feeling as if there's equal interest there. Yeah. And did things really... You sent in some texts, did things really leave off after that last text? Did he respond to that? No, there's been nothing since then. And that that i think that last text i sent you guys was from last thursday and basically where it ended i suggested that we go to a baseball game this week because i'm back in town and i gave him my availability and i said you know he can do that what he wishes but i won't respond i've already done my part so

i guess maybe part two of my question is if at a certain point if he takes the silent route that's my answer and i know that yeah but well yeah just for context yeah you reached out to him you said maybe part two of my question is if at a certain point if he takes the silent route that's my answer and i know that yeah but well yeah just for context yeah you reached out to him you said you had some tickets for the cubs game and he kind of joked yo trying to use your company tickets again last minute lol that could be fun hopefully he doesn't porn us this time he writes let me figure out what my next week looks is looking like and then you reply either that or we could just get tickets and plan ahead exclamation point i feel like that freaked him out yeah but whenever anytime someone says let me figure out what my next week is looking like who are you the president yeah how much do you

have going on i couldn't agree more with you i consider myself to be a pretty busy guy yeah but i know what's happening next week yes and when it comes the dates it's like it's not that complicated better options or not also if you really really want to see the person, you're going to make yourself free or you're going to suggest a day or a night. And this is exactly why. I mean, it does sound like a scene out of Bros. This is literally what happens. This is how we drive each other completely insane. But if you want to see someone, you're going to find the time. This is like a cat and mouse game. And I don't I don't trust it. It doesn't mean it's never going to happen. But even if it did, think about who it would be happening with. He's like an operator.

You know, here's what I would do if I were you. You've asked a question, so you don't need to be doing any following up. It wouldn't shock me if he reaches out again, just like he has in the past, like whenever he gets like bored or, you know, doesn't like, he has a gap in his schedule, he'll, you'll pop in his head and he'll reach out and give you the whole, what are you up to kind of thing. And then if you want to go out with him, like go out with him, right?

Like meet up with him. I wouldn't plan anything. And then when you go out with him, I want you to focus your energy on, do I really like this guy? And ask him a lot of questions about things that you like. I do think the fact that he reminds you of your ex-boyfriend is actually a red flag, not a green flag. He's more the opposite of my ex-boyfriend.

That still could be... I'm just saying you're comparing it too much to your ex. And so you have that in your head and that's normal. And I totally empathize with that, but just know that it might mean that you're not totally ready to like decide if you really want to invest in someone. I think it's great that you're out there dating, but like, just give yourself some space. I think that can give you permission to take things slow and not getting your head about like worrying about whether you should like him or not, but spend that whole time getting to know him and focusing on if you like him. And if at the end of the day, you decide, fuck it, I still like this guy a little bit. Then you can say at the end of the day, lay him with, hey, listen, this has gone really well. Like, how are you feeling about this? I, you know,

I'm not trying to like go crazy here, but like, I do like where this is going, but you seem a little inconsistent and just call it out and just call him out for being inconsistent and see what he says. And his answer should make sense. Like if he gives you the like, oh, well, like work in this, like to Billy's point, like you can be busy at work and reply to a text. Yeah, exactly. I think at the end of the first date, you should say, let's have a baby and see what he says. See what he says. I don't think that would be in the book, which I got. I had to put that out there. I don't think that would be in the book, which I got this weekend. I had to put that out there. I don't think Nick would recommend that.

Well, first read the book if you're going on a date with him. But that's what I would do. But I think it's awesome that you're out there dating, but it seems to me like, and it's totally normal, you probably still have a little healing to do from the last relationship, and that's normal. So try not to put so much pressure on yourself of trying to replace the last. Because that's very... I mean, I relate to that feeling. You just, you want to replace not only the, like the way you felt about someone, but the time you spent with them. And you're going to want to like someone more than you actually do. Like you're susceptible right now because like it just, it sucks. As soon as you break up with someone, that free time you have to fill is, it sucks.

And you're going to want to fill it as fast as possible. And you're going to want to convince yourself you like people. And I would just be careful. And when someone gives you a reason to not like them, because these are reasons not to like him, not reasons to like him. Because you're being so generous. Like the phrasing of feels like we could both use something to look forward to

is such a gracious way of kind of acknowledging that like he was supposed to reschedule and never followed up about it. So like you're doing more than your half and he's not. Yeah. Men are terrible. I even like drafted up a text before I reached out here just to see like how it would feel. And to your point, Nick, I honestly read the text back and I was like, this seems not even necessary, but I want him to initiate something so I could just have it in person. And it'd be like, what are you looking for? Because I'm down, but if you're not, that's fine. Then I'm probably out. Yeah. That's you trying to do a little bit of his half that

he should be doing because he's not doing it. But it's normal. I mean, I totally empathize with your state of mind right now. I've been there before, that's for sure. So yeah, I would just hold off. I wouldn't send anything to him. I wouldn't text him at all. And then if he does reach out, play a little harder to get. I wouldn't be like, you know, do the, I don't know if tonight works out for me, but how about Friday? Because if he, I'm certain if he reaches out to you and he doesn't know you well enough to like make you a priority, but if he reaches out to you and he doesn't know you well enough to like make you a priority but if he reaches out to you it's because he's bored and he's just like and that's fine doesn't know you well enough but you should be willing to find out that you're not available like oh i can't tonight but i'm free friday or sunday and if he's willing to go out of his way to make a plan in advance then i would go out with him and if he's not willing to do that then this guy is truly just using him using you for his spare time like i don't want to be an option yeah no i would

i would call him on the phone frantically and say where are you why haven't you texted me back scream it scream it as loud as you can and then i want to hear like glass shattering in the back yeah i'll open a window yeah exactly uh all right does we have a plan okay i think so well keep us posted on what happens we're uh i want to find out uh how this plays out okay yeah thanks all right thanks so much and i appreciate you getting the book that means a lot i can't wait to read i hope you enjoy it sure i will all right take care all right bye guys bye bye Billy, this has been so much fun. Thank you for having me. What a pleasure. It's an honor to have you on the show.

Oh, please. Please, everyone, go check out Bros. It's an amazing movie. It comes out tomorrow in theaters everywhere. We literally deal with so many things we just talked about. Yeah, true. With these young ladies. Super relatable.

Whoever you are, you will love it. You will laugh. You will feel seen. You will feel called out a little bit. Yes, in the best way. In the best way. Anything else you want to plug while you're here? No, just get all your friends together. Go see Bros. It's going to be a party in the movie theater this weekend. So come be a part of it.

All right. Check out Bros. Don't forget to pre-order my book. Don't text your ex, happy birthday. Go to vilefiles.com to check it out. Send your questions at asknickatcastme.com. Cast with a K. Until next time, see you later.