The Viall Files - E494 Going Deeper - Love Is Blind Recap with Laura Rugetti

Episode Date: October 27, 2022

Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files, Going Deeper Edition! Today we are joined by celebrity hairstylist, Laura Rugetti. We’re here to switch things up a bit and dive into recapping Season 3 of Love Is Blind, breaking down all the drama and crazy moments in this new season! Before breaking down Love Is Blind, we get into some pop culture news. We first remember Leslie Jordan and all he brought to the world, then we get the latest updates on James Corden’s feud with a NY restaurant, we then break down a mysterious IG post from Bridget Moynahan throwing shade to Tom Brady’s marriage. Then we get to the recap, debating if Love Is Blind feels more authentic than The Bachelor, Bartise flirting with Raven after meeting everyone else, and the men acting like they deserve a medal for dating someone they were immediately physically attracted to. Then we talk about the men being obsessed with ballerina dancers, the Andrew eyedrop controversy, and Raven refusing to eat in the style of SK’s family tradition. We also talk about Cole’s ‘I don’t like you when you’re mad’ comment, Brennon and Alexa bonding over having different upbringings, Zanab needing to have more confidence, Colleen seeming like she chases FBoys, the fight between Matt and Colleen, Bartiste fishing for compliments, and an intense conversation typically not aired on TV. We then bring on two texting office hour callers! Our first caller has trouble dealing with the fallout of a breakup with a FBoy, bringing a friend on with her to get advice from Nick on how to navigate moving on. After revealing an emotional letter she sent him, she learns to find the fun in dating again and how to approach dates from a positive mindset. We then bring on our second caller who wants to shoot her shot with a guy she went on one date with two years ago, now that she’s single. Now she has to decide if the most convenient option isn’t always the best.  “He only gives compliments to receive them back!” If you are interested in running a book club in your city, send an email to: [e-mail]  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  If you would like to get some advice on Office Hours send an email to [e-mail] with “Office Hours” in the subject line!  Be sure to check out my sports radio show Fandemonium, Wednesdays @ 3PT / 6 ET  on Amazon's Amp app.  Click the link to download Amp using my code NICKVIALL https://apps.apple.com/us/app/amp-host-live-radio-shows/id1586403838 To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com Support a Local Bookstore: https://bookshop.org/books/don-t-text-your-ex-happy-birthday-and-other-advice-on-love-sex-and-dating-9798212185622/9781419755491 THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Betterhelp: When you want to be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. Visit http://www.BetterHelp.com/VIALLFILES today to get 10% off your first month. Match: If you Do You — you already know the best relationships show up when you show up for yourself first. There’s never been a better time to try Match. Download the Match app today.  Episode Socials:  @viallfiles @nickviall @laurarugetti See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

what's going on everybody welcome back to another exciting episode of the vol files going deeper edition i'm your host nick joined by amined by Amanda. Allie is dead. No, again. She's sick. She's sick. She's sick. She's sick. Do you say when I'm not there, do you say something like, I'm dead? Probably. Yeah. I feel like Allie always comments on it after the fact. She's always like, excuse you, which is fair. And now I'm like, hmm, should I be getting mad? Yeah. She she's sick we wish her well we're sending her good energy do we know what she has she just said her like it was like stuff which i think is the worst i that is my least favorite like of all the different like kinds

of sick to be stomach like throw up is oh i find it so unbearable like i will take like a terrible fever and like body aches over nausea and stuff i used to throw up a lot during track and field so if i if i can get a good throw up in and be fine then i'd prefer that over like a sinus infection but yeah because there is like the relief after the fact i'm not afraid to throw up i've gotten used to it i have this weird thing amazing streak where i like didn't throw up for you're one of those well it's not there anymore but i like i had a really good thing going and so and but because of that it was like really scary when it did happen because it's like so unfamiliar and bad well

we wish ellie well we have a dynamite episode for you obviously we're talking love is blind we uh got some other topics. It's a long episode. I mean, like, so we try to recap seven episodes for you, all while doing our standard two texting office hours. We got some doozy texting office hours, a whole love letter. We read a whole love letter.

A post-breakup post-breakup love letter. Oof. Yeah. Have you ever written a letter? Yeah. Do you remember any of the lines in it? I remember finding it years later and really feeling ashamed of myself. In what way?

I was just like, you are such a wuss. You know, like I just, the state of mind that we're in when we are, when we write a letter post breakup, when we're so vulnerable and so we're just pathetic we are most pathetic yeah we're also feeling like poets and writers you know like we're using language that's so dramatic oh my god uh but anyways it's a long episode bear with us uh keep listening i mean you know i know you're gonna listen it's a great episode there's a lot to cover we're doing this for you before we get into the episode i mean there's such an unfortunate thing to talk about but we just uh i guess what to say just how i mean all this this kanye stuff

gross yeah i i don't i hope it goes saying, I think the scary part about it is that, you know, I was talking to some of my Jewish friends over the past couple of days and these times I always want to get the perspective of the people most impacted, it's nothing new. It's the same bullshit rhetoric that was used back during, you know, World War II and the Holocaust or even before that, like this type of hatred, these tropes that are being thrown around. And it's scary to see how quickly they catch on. I was talking to a Jewish friend today and he was saying how this morning, the hashtag Jew was the fourth most trending topic on Twitter. And he looked and it was just filled with anti-Semitic remarks. Yeah, I've also found that because I've been in a lot of places that have been pretty liberal, pretty progressive, where there's like, you know, Jews are 0.2% of the world's population, like a really, really small group. And I've been fortunate to have Jewish community present and

be in places where there's like a much larger than that proportion amount of Jewish people. And I think sometimes in those spaces, though, there can be this false perception of like anti-Semitism being really distant or not super relevant when in actuality it's so present and there's moments like this when i think it becomes there's like kind of a spotlight on it yeah but i think the thing that like whenever i go to service it like most of the services that i go to like it just like worship spaces like there's pretty intense security like there's a lot of like there's pretty intense security like there's a lot of i don't know i just say it really feels like something that is has been so present so present since like charlottesville and i think it's i was and i was talking to my friend earlier today he made a good point it's just like and this

particular friend you know has a relative who's a Holocaust survivor. And which is, I think that's lost on us. I think sometimes we want to believe that it was hundreds of years ago. Like something that atrocious or so... Like barbaric. Barbaric happened in a time in modern civilization. And again, it's really scary when you put in those contexts it's also like i think i always thought about hitler as like this terrible dictator man obviously terrible but

like he was democratically elected yeah like that is something that i don't think people put together on the political spectrum of like where things can lead to and i think when there's the conversation about like well why do these little things matter like why do like small like like offensive like imagery that's anti-semitic or like these little like small things like why does that matter and it's like because in this overarching life cycle of like what hateful rhetoric grows into it's really significant and that's true of like all kinds of like bigotry and hatred oh into, it's really significant. And that's true of all kinds of bigotry and hatred. Yeah, and it's really scary to see some of the signs on the 405 in LA this weekend

with some anti-Semitic remarks. I don't know what's going on with Kanye. And his comments about the conspiracy theories around George Floyd's death and trying to create new conspiracy theories or bring up old conspiracy theories around George Floyd's death and trying to, you know, create new conspiracy theories or bring up old conspiracy theories and the, how offensive that is to the black community. You know, I don't, I don't know what's going on with him, but hatred of all kind is, it's disgusting to see. And to anyone infected by that, uh, all Jewish

people, all minority groups, people of of color if this has impacted you in any way uh we stand with you and uh we're sorry that uh you have i mean that it's sorry you have to experience this once again um i you know i don't know if i have the right words but totally well i feel like sometimes it's like there's an element of it's important to not wait until there's like kind of a comfortable more like like it feels so good to provide comfort to people. But I think in situations like this where there's like not necessarily something comforting to say like the ability to sit in kind of the discomfort with people. And it's just one of those things where I just think that it's scary how much these things can take off. I think sometimes we want to believe that we live in a society despite, you know, racism and bigotry still clearly occurring. I think sometimes we want to pretend that, you know, maybe it's in these certain pockets and groups. And I think social media has done a lot to, you know, reignite some of these hate groups in these conversations. I think it's really important that we stand up for it and put a stop to it before it really turns into something that becomes really problematic.

And not that it's not already problematic. I hope I'm saying the right things. And like this, I'm not the originator of this phrase. This is very much something that is out there and helpful. But like when people make offensive jokes, ask someone to explain it. Say, what do you mean? Can you explain that joke to me? Like jokes, I feel like tend to be a real kind of access point or like even if you're

not friends with people who are in a white nationalist group, they might say some, you know, make some comments and say some things that are supposed to be funny that have underlying like really bad, messed up ideology, ask them to explain it. Force them to say, it's funny because Jews like money. Whatever the stereotype it is, make them say it out loud. Make them hear what they're doing. Yeah, that's a good note.

Anyway, how do we end that? I don't know. I don't know. I feel like all Jewish holidays are like, our existence was questioned, we prevailed, now we eat. And so in my mind, I'm like, now we eat. Well, as always, I think we just encourage people to continue to expand your horizons and get to know people who you might see as different. I don't know. It's a beautiful world out there if you get to know people. We have, again, a great episode for you. It's long, so we're going to get right into it.

And Laura Rigetti is our guest, hairstylist to the stars, also Love Is Blind fan. She helps us break down Love Is Blind, all the pop culture topics, texting office hours. Also available, again, don't forget to order Don't Text Your Ex Happy Birthday. Can't thank people enough for all the support and their comments and how they recommend it to their friends and people who are reading it. And, reminder, we are launching our

Don't Text Your Ex Happy Birthday book clubs. These are meant to be community spaces where people can discuss some of the stuff in the book and also have some friends to work through the clusterfuck that is modern dating um and just get connected with people who are looking to grow uh and encourage one another's growth so if you are interested in running one of the book clubs in your city please send an email to dtyehbbookclub at gmail.com

with the subject line of your city and starting a book club because we very much want this to be everybody. It's going to be run by the people for the people. So if you want to be one of those people. And look to the Vile Files Instagram for information. We'll be putting it on there in terms of ones that are popping up

because I know we've gotten a lot of emails already for it and Again, if you want to get part of be a part of it Don't forget to get don't take strikes have your birthday go to vile files calm for all the available links You're gonna love it. Trust me. Anyways, let's get to Laura and Love is blind And now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. Stressful times these days, and sometimes we just need to talk to someone and get our anxiety out. Maybe we are trying to solve all these problems in our head, and maybe we just don't have the right mindset to work through our issues. That's where BetterHelp and therapy comes in.

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choose to do anything or anyone, choose you first because dating someone who knows what they want and won't settle for less, well, that's sexy as hell. Laura, what's going on? Hi, guys. Welcome. Thank you for having going on? Hi, guys. Welcome. Thank you for having me today. Thanks for coming. And if I sound a little congested, I'm actually allergic to my guinea pig that I just bought yesterday. So I'm so sorry if I sound this way.

You did not know you were allergic to a guinea pig? No. My daughter wanted a guinea pig, and then I picked it up, and then it just started happening. So what are we going to do? Are you just going to stay away from a guinea pig? I feel like my body will just become immune to it. You know, we'll just have to figure it out.

Is that a thing? Yeah. Right? Yeah. I feel like you can grow out of allergies sometimes. I don't know if, but I don't know if contact is. It's okay.

His name's Hammy. Hammy. He's really, really cute. Well, hamsters, don't they usually stay in, I was about to say jar.

Cages. Clearly not. Unhinged. Don't put your hamster in a jar. Unless it's a really big jar. True. Life-size jar. Anyway, you put them in a cage?

Well, actually, my daughter has a purse for Hammy. We dress him in cute little outfits. Obviously, yeah. So that's kind of like has been in a purse and a cute little guinea pig purse. Well, I'm glad you are away from the Hammy. Yes, thank you. yeah so that's kind of like has been in a purse and a cute little guinea pig purse well i am uh i'm glad you are away from the hammy yes thank you hopefully the the congestion will clear up but you sound you sound fine thank you you'll just tell people you have a deviated septum that's perfect there you go uh well we have a lot to get into so i know you're all very excited

about love is blind we'll get into that seven episodes to to break down so if you have if you're not caught up all that love is blind uh go go watch it real fast and then come back but uh what amanda what do we have to get into before we really get into love is blind well we do have the celebrity death leslie i know we were we were sitting here We were sitting here recording, and I went on my phone, and I saw a tweet from Billy Eichner talking about it. I was devastated. It's so sad. Did you ever get a chance to meet him?

I never met him, but I have a lot of clients that were really good friends with him. Such a lovely man. So much I've heard about him. He's so funny. Yeah. For those of you who don't know, Laura is a hairstylist for the Stars. I am. I'm a hairdresser to the stars, the celebs. Do you have any favorites or least favorites? I actually love all my clients. I just came back from tour with Noah Cyrus. She's one of my favorites. I love her. Okay. So Noah Cyrus. She's great. Well, I was

going to ask with like the celebrity death, is there one, do you remember where you are for all of them? Like, is that something that you tend to clock? I remember where I was for Kobe. Do you remember where you were for Kobe? Yes, I was. I was actually driving from Vegas. Really?

Yeah. I was on an improv break. Oh God. Yeah. Weird time to find out. Yeah. Is there like, is there like is there i was my question was like is there one celebrity death that like is most formative like a memory that's just very

vivid for you well what's more vivid is the time that i was uh sitting in a movie theater i don't know what movie we were about to start and uh someone said that adam sandler had died oh my god and i guess i'm gullible enough to be like, oh. And then here's the thing about certain large celebrities. If you Google Adam Sandler, one of the, like Google Adam Sandler. Adam Sandler dead. How died? How quickly does that come up?

Well, I feel like TikTok too makes these crazy things too. It's not coming up so fast. Do you want me to lie? too. It's not coming up so far. Do you want me to lie? No. It's not. That's actually a funny thing to do for all the celebrities. Type into Google and see what the suggestions are. It's Adam Sandler movies, Adam Sandler outfits, Adam Sandler day, Adam Sandler Boston.

Adam Sandler what? Someone in the theater tried to spit a rumor that Adam Sandler died. And I Googled and something came up about him dying. And I was like, during the whole movie, I had thought Adam Sandler had died tragically. And I was devastated, only to find out, thankfully, he had not. I had the pleasure of meeting him once a few years later. And I couldn't stop thinking, I'm like, I thought you were for a solid two and a half hours really mourning your death yeah and that was that was devastating so uh that one really stuck with me more than anything just because I I really believed it and

I don't know what about you Robin Williams that was like the hardest one for me I'm a big fan of him so yeah a lot of these are comedians right like i feel that was really sad totally leslie it's such a such such a tragedy i was such a huge fan of his and uh uh i was always hoping to have him on the podcast but unfortunately that didn't happen but what a joyful man what a joyful man um kind of going in the opposite direction. James Corden, we touched on it last week, got some flack for his treatment of servers at a restaurant. He addressed it on Monday on his late night show. And he's kind of is downplaying it. Like he is saying, I didn't get out of my seat. I didn't call anyone names or use derogatory language. I've been walking around and thinking that I hadn't done anything wrong. But the truth is I had. I made a rude comment and it was wrong. It was an unnecessary comment. It was ungracious to the server.

Do we know what the rude comment was? I don't know. See, that's the thing, though, with being a celeb, right? Don't you want to portray yourself as being nice? Because the fans are what make you famous right yeah so i mean if you treat people badly i mean nowadays with social media you can't get away with anything so if you're mean to someone it's out you know what i mean and so i think nowadays people really have to start treating people a little nicer yeah i mean i to your point i don't get like everyone has a bad day like yes of course everyone's been like

oh fuck yeah i'm sorry i overreacted like that happens yeah but it seems like james has a bit of a reputation he does have a reputation i can't i'm not going to confirm it because i've never met him before but i have i have heard it before so james he the comment i think they're referring to is the one where he was like i'm going to go to the kitchen and cook this myself and he was like it was sarcastic and it was ungracious. But my thing is that like you're a comedian, you know what's funny and you know what's not. I find it so like frustrating when people are like, oh, it was just like a joke or it was just like a sarcastic thing. And it's like you're like you've done this for years and years and years. You're an expert on comedic jokes and timing. Also, it's just a weird moment with waitstaff in a kitchen to be, again, a comedian. We talked about this last week. I'm asking them nicely so they don't spit on my food.

I'm always super apologetic. Same. Again, as a slightly picky eater who has sent things back, I have no problem doing that. But when I do, I'm always just like, I am so sorry you fucked up. No, I don't say that you fucked up, but I'm always just like, I am so sorry for the inconvenience. This is a me thing. I was made incorrectly.

Can I please get it without mayo? I do the same thing. I go, I'm going to pay for this. Yeah. It's my fault. I'm so picky. But if you don't mind i'm gonna try this yeah totally so i don't know anyways james corden i guess he's sorry ish you know maybe he learned a lesson maybe i don't know i feel like james is gonna be james yeah does he

get to go back to the restaurant do we know yes i think there i think the he's going to apologize in person and then it will all be mended over. Well, the restaurant probably is going to become more, you know. He's also- Balthazar? Isn't that like a famous restaurant? Where is that? It's in New York.

It's in Soho. Oh, I ate there actually. You did? It was good. It was really good. It's so funny. My friend just texted me actually and was like, did you know we ate at this restaurant? Yeah, it was really good.

What are we talking here? Is it like super super fancy is it one of those like michelin stars like um i don't know is it hearty i like a hearty dish i feel like it's hearty um we ate outside it was very nice okay it was a beautiful day would you recommend i would recommend okay i think i got um what did i get oh i got a hamburger it was great you got a hamburger i did okay yeah when you say hearty do you mean like not a fancy restaurant where they give you like I got, what did I get? Oh, I got a hamburger. It was great. You got a hamburger? I did. Okay. When you say hearty, do you mean like not a fancy restaurant

where they give you like one single scallop and like a piece of a micro green? And they come and then they tell you about the like the 50,000 ingredients

that came to like make this bite. Oh no, it wasn't like that at all. Okay. Yeah. It was very. I know a lot of people

love that for the foodies out there. Wonderful. Just not for me. Trying to eat. I'm just trying to eat. Yeah. I'm just trying to get nour that for the foodies out there. Wonderful. Just not for me. Trying to eat. I'm just trying to eat. Yeah. I'm just trying to get nourished. I want to enjoy it. I think also, but regardless of whether he's allowed back at Balthazar or not, I would never show my face there again if I were James Corden.

Unless I was there to be really, really kind and polite to everyone. There's so many other restaurants to go to. Why would you go back to this one? Well, now I'm invested if he goes back because maybe it's that good. How was your burger? I thought it was a great burger. Because I judge a place by its burger. I do too. It had everything. It had all the condiments on it. It was great.

Was the meat to bun ratio? I don't like when the meat is too big for the bun. Exactly. I'm weird about that. The meat to bun ratio is the most important aspect of a hamburger. Yeah. It was perfect. Okay. Good to know.

Additionally, in kind of pop news, Bridget Moynihan, who's Tom Brady's ex-girlfriend. Is she speaking up? Mother of his first child. Well, she posted a little, a cryptic little picture on Instagram. picture on Instagram. This is amid Tom Brady Giselle Bundchen crumbling relationship

and like divorce kicking off and really ramping up. She's trying to get back in? Well, she posted not everything is meant to be mended. Not all relationships

are meant to last a lifetime. Sometimes we have to learn to get comfortable with the gifts that are offered through the ruptures and the endings instead of stories

of repair and reconciliation. She just randomly posted this somewhere? She posted this on Instagram. Were they married? No, I don't think they were fully married. That's not an accident. That's not, yeah, no. No, it seems very pointed.

Do you think she cares for Giselle? Or do you think she's put up with her for all these years? Maybe. Well, they co-parent right true though they have tom's oldest son is her child and they seem to be of i feel like they seem like a nice blended family parenting family yeah that's what i feel if i'm giselle i'm tweeting her i'm texting her and be like what the fuck yeah like why are you doing this yeah like we our kids are siblings like like why put the drama you put it out there that's like the number one rule like what a weird time to like post a motivational quote you know yeah do you

think it was just like a was it a was it her quote or was it like was it a retweet or reshare of some sort of like of like a movie but she saw it on someone's Instagram. So there's a person credited and an at on her post. Oh, it is? Okay. Like in the graphic of it. So I think she saw it, was like, yes, this resonates, and then found a way to create a version of it to post on her own account. I don't know.

I think for me it's just i find it so cringe when there's like kind of this like no like passive aggressive i find it very cringe too yeah have you ever posted anything like kind of passive aggressive like sure i have clearly directed at someone i'm sure i have i mean i think i have i mean actually i know i have but like not when it comes like family based stuff like that. I, you know, I kind of stay away from that family. Yeah. But I've definitely, I'm sure I have, but not, not, not that close to home. No.

Yeah. Not that personal. Yeah. It's a pretty intense. Also, I didn't not to star drama either. Cause that's, that's really starting some shit. Yeah. She's stirring the pot.

Hoking the bear. Um, do you think she wants back in? Maybe she might want back in. She's stirring the pot. Hoking the bear. Do you think she wants back in? Maybe she might want back in. That's a good question. Is she dating anyone? I, oh, look it up.

But I don't know. She plays the other woman really well. Sex and the City. You know what I'm saying? Oh. Dating? Oh, I think she's married.

Then it's even. Okay. Yeah, she's married. Wow. Andrew Frankel. He's a businessman. Andrew Frankel. He's the businessman. Andrew Frankel.

Do you think her being married makes it juicier? I feel like it makes it juicier because the obvious explanation is like, oh, maybe she wants back in, but she's married, so you would think she doesn't want back in, and yet she still felt the need. Why does she still feel the need? Maybe she just wanted to be like do you think she's think she's helping maybe maybe it's just you know maybe she just wanted to put it out there for a clout yeah i wonder if she like considers herself a real like jen aniston of the situation

and she's like angelina jolie i must fall like i think i wonder how much she views herself as like this is her story and giselle has been her antagonist for all these years where for all of us, we're like, yes, they dated. There was a kid involved at the beginning, but like, it's been Tom and Giselle for so long.

Like that's the epic couple that like, I feel like most people have forgotten about her. So she's done a good job of reminding us she's out there. Yeah. Meanwhile, the Buccaneers are three and four. Oh, wow.

Tommy is having a hard time on the field. Maybe you shouldn't have retired or come out of retirement again. Final thing was just there was a ton of talk about Olivia Wilde's former nanny accusing her of getting rid of her pet dog to spend more time with Harry Styles. It was very like. The nanny accused Olivia of getting rid of a dog. I'm so confused. Okay, wait. Did you guys hear about the salad situation?

I heard about it. About how she made the special salad, and then he got mad because she made the special salad, and then he... Did you hear that? Jason Sudeikis got mad? Yeah, I didn't really follow... I didn't get that.

What kind of salad is this? How good is a salad? I don't know. I think... What kind of dressing was it? I think anything with... Yeah, I don't know. I want to know.

I only love olive oil. Oh, you're that kind of person? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. I like more of like a ranch. Yeah, so does my girlfriend. Like, you know, ranchy hearty salad. I'm not a.

I like to actually squeeze five packets of dressing with my salad. Oh, yeah. That's not me. We wouldn't eat the same salad. No. Do you like health nut? No. You don't like health nut?

No? What's health nut? You've never heard of health nut? Oh, that's a thing? I same salad. No. Do you like health nut? No. You don't like health nut? No? You've never heard of health nut? Oh, that's a thing? You've never heard of health nut? I thought you asked me if I was a health nut. Salad? No. I don't.

Do you know what health nut is? I don't know salad very well. What? Have you ever eaten at health nut? No. Oh my gosh. No. You guys.

Is it a place? Yes, it's a really great salad place. Oh, well that's why. Okay, you don't like salad. If someone says we're going to a salad place, I'd be like, no. Okay. You're like, get me a burger. Yeah. Okay. So it seems like with the, so the quote that Sudeikis allegedly said to the nanny was she made this salad and she made her special dressing and she's leaving with her salad to have dinner with Harry. And she has a special salad dressing she makes for us and

she's taken it to have it with him now. So I think think it's it's kind of like the whole thing of like this is our thing and now you're sharing it with this other person so did the nanny like is there any sexual tension with the nanny or is this this is the nanny who like observed this relationship and she's just like talking it seems like she just kind of went nuclear like she's like absolutely exposing so much of their private life. And Jason and Olivia finally came together as United Front. To say like, yeah, to say all of this is like ridiculous and this is so inappropriate of her.

Do you think someone's paying the nanny right now to get all this information? Do you think she's just being offered all this money to just keep slurring out all these things? She's probably just doing it on her own. Well, I also think. I think the desire for clout has never been higher. Yeah. I also think there's an element of, within my brief experience, like rubbing

shoulders with the industry. I think people can treat assistants or nannies in ways that are kind of dehumanizing, not in an intentionally cruel way, but just always kind of not addressing them or considering them kind of like, oh, they're just an assistant.

There's this way of engaging sometimes with support staff that I think can probably feel really degrading over the long term, even if it's not specific bad behavior from people. So I wonder if there's also kind of this, I have the power now. After doing all this stuff for you, I'm never being treated,

feeling like I'm on an equal plane. Do you think there's a little James Corden like sentiment, you know, to that end where maybe Olivia and Jason weren't as delightful all the time to the nanny? You never know. You never know. Or felt dismissed or maybe they were wonderfully pleasant and they just hired the wrong nanny. And I think. How old is this nanny? Let me look it up.

Maybe they're resentful. She's anonymous right now. She's anonymous? Yeah. Oh, so she's anonymous. That means that she's not looking for clout. She really wants to get it out there. Interesting.

Yeah. Well, I also think, did you do any babysitting? I was the best babysitter. Kids love me. Yeah. And it's a very hard job. It's a really hard job. And also I like I like my best friend's a teacher. And, you know, a lot of teachers, they don't even after they don't really even want kids of their own because they're like,

I have all these children. It's a hard it's a hard job. It really is. And I think there's also it's one of those workplaces where there's so many lines that in any other job wouldn't get crossed because you're working in someone's home and it's with child care. And so and I think also in a lot of situations when it works out really well, you feel like a part of the family. But that means that there's all these blurred lines. And I think it's ripe for areas of like misinterpretation or people kind of not being on the same page about something. Does Olivia Wilde love the press? Because she presents herself as someone who would want to be above the drama, and yet she seems to be very always in the middle of the drama.

Well, it feels like that's been recently, though. It's recent. But it's a lot. I never really used to see her. Well, I don't know. I feel like she kind of stayed away from it in the beginning, right? Yeah. Like, I didn't really see her that much.

And then now, just recently, I have. I think it started with her getting served court papers, which was obviously not her fault at all. And maybe not even Jason's fault, but if anyone's to blame, it would be him. But I think it was really just the, it seems like whatever happened. It's like whatever happened fan base yeah like however she entered that relationship with harry was messy and seems to be the root of everything where it's like that's the issue with like shia and florence and like the movie that's the marriage like all of that stuff seems to come from this one kind of complicated and potentially a little bit sketchy relationship

timeline dating a superstar musician has got to be a challenge yeah and also after because there's nothing more passionate than a music fan base i've learned especially like harry styles fans like the directioners the tumblr generation are like they have a level of fandom that runs so deep and is so unparalleled like i think before like stan became like a word that everybody threw around like directioners are the original stans in my opinion more than fans oh okay that's an amazing point which is also uh midnight new album came out have you listened what do you think yeah yeah lavender iender Haze. I love Taylor Swift. So good.

Yeah. Have you always loved her? I've always, I mean, she has the best songs. I mean, how can you not love them? Anti-hero is good.

You know? Yeah. Did you like Midnight? Staring at the sun, but never look in the mirror. I liked her breakup album. Was it 1989? Oh,

1989. 1989 was a good one. Yeah, that was really good. But like the one where she was like, I'm back. And it was like all those. Oh,

Reputation. Gigi Hadid was in, was, was in her video. I think you're really good. But the one where she was like, I'm back. And it was like all those. Oh, Reputation? And Gigi Hadid was in her video. I think you're talking, Reputation? Was it Reputation? Okay, Reputation. Uh-huh. But I feel like. 1989 was real good.

Yeah, that's like all bangers. Yeah. No skips. That's like just fun to jam out to. To just jam. Every song is a jam. To jam an album. Yeah, 100%.

I feel like Midnight has gotten some mixed reviews. Does it? It's more chill, for sure. I have a good question. Who has more followers on Instagram? Oh, Taylor. Are you sure? Than Harry? Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't bet my life on it.

Okay, so Taylor Swift has 229 million followers. Oh my gosh. Is that the whole world? Just kidding. 229. And does anybody want to guess how many Harry has? I think he only has... I think he has 200... No. I think he's...

Well, I mean, I think... I think he's below 100 mil. What do you think? What if you had to... What's your number? I'm going to say below 100 mil. But that's not the number. No, it isn't.

You have to like say a number. 87 million. 87 million? I'm at 201 million. 47.'s not a number. No, it isn't. You have to say a number. 87 million. 87 million? I'm at 201 million. 47. What? 47 million. Oh my gosh.

Taylor's 219. Wow. I am very... I'm in shock. Yeah. She has more than... Well, she's just been around longer. Imagine Harry Styles being this famous for another 15 years, 20 years, right?

I mean, I don't know. Taylor's been, I don't know how Taylor Swift is. I think she's around. I think she's actually, well, 1989. Yeah. Oh, she's born in 89? I was born in 86. She's 32.

Yeah. Okay. And she's been a star since? Since probably like, I think she got. Yeah, something. Yeah, so 15. I mean, Harry's been a star for a while but like so 10 years yeah if if harry is like this level of and i assume he will be because

it's harry styles but like give it 10 more years then he'll have 220 million yeah taylor's been in the game for a little bit longer i think part of the reason it's also surprising is that taylor swift has like long been a controversial figure. Like I remember even in high school, middle school. Was she? Yeah. I just think she was a figure who a lot of people felt proud to be like, I don't like her. Sure. Do you know what? Everyone else loves you. I'm going to – I haven't seen Star Wars or I haven't seen the Titanic. It's just like this – you're doing it because everyone else – you want to be different.

And there's – She's a very dedicated artist as well. I feel like – I don't know if I know, but she stays in a cabin and does all of her writing for months, right? Or something like that. Have you heard about that? Yeah. yeah well i know that she also writes her own stuff which is all of her own stuff she's like very dedicated very talented very talented yeah i do feel like she's one of those people that almost everyone has an opinion on yeah and with harry styles i think he's less he's more beloved universally like i don't think there's many people who are like i actually don't like harry styles in the same way that people are kind of proud to be like,

yeah, I do. Yeah, maybe you're right. She doesn't do it for me. True. Not yet, though. Give it time. Give it time. Yeah.

Should we get into Love is Blind? Let's get into Love is Blind. Man, well, I'm enjoying season three. Great characters, I think. How do we want to do this? There's a lot to cover. Where do we want to start with this? Yeah, I mean. How do we want to do this? This is, there's a lot to cover. Where do we want to start with this? Yeah, I mean.

Do we like the, I love the casting. I think they've done a good job with these characters. What, you know, here's what I've noticed. I feel like, I don't know if it's the way the show is edited or it seems like we get more authentic conversations with Love is Blind than we do bachelor 100% totally you know like it's II I don't know if they're just willing to air stuff and I think part of it too what I love is about love is blind

compared to the bachelor and I said this last season is they seem to be willing to just show the way they air it it looks more authentic because they show everyone's good and bad sides yeah and i think the bachelor doesn't as much i think they they have their heroes and their villains and yeah they'll and and and in different seasons they will flip it sometimes or they love a good redemption story they also love a fall from grace they love a fall from grace but in that respective season there's usually a very kind of hard-hitting storyline that might have some nuance and some like peaks and valleys but for the most part you know who your heroes and your villains are totally and it's more of a story where this you know i think you're seeing a little bit less of that in Paradise.

And I think you're getting a little bit more authentic conversations. But with Love is Blind, I think you really get some, they seem to be willing to talk and say things. And I'm just like, wow. Like, how did they get you to admit to that? Yeah. Is anything coming to mind specifically? Well, when Bertice was talking to Nancy. coming to mind specifically when bertie's was talking to um nancy and it was like it was the first time they all got together after seeing everyone's what they look like and they clearly

all got sauced and clearly bertie's was drunk yes nevertheless he was just like yeah so i'm like i'm trying to two women and uh raven's more my type but i love you but like she's way more my type like it's the the outward like i noticed that too because even i thought i was feeling so uncomfortable cole and wait the ballet colleen do you remember when colleen when he was like that's like her he was saying that's more his type as well. But he said it to the other girl. What was her name? Zainab. Thank you.

And I'm like, oh my, I would feel so as a, I'm just, if someone told me, wow, I'm more attracted to this person, I would feel so bad about myself. Yes. Because like, that's really hard to hear. I think also with like, Bartice, it was like, nobody asked. Literally nobody asked how you feel about like if you think Raven is like more your type and like it was so clear that it was an ego thing for me because he was like you know you'd imagine us together like we both work out we both get attention like he seemed

very fixated on this idea that like he was of a certain caliber of hot no Batiste he there's a lot of insecurities with bertie's i mean they did a great job casting because it seems like a lot a lot of people on this show have a lot of insecurities we all have insecurities he's also 25 sure but bertie's is someone who who fishes for validation a lot you know he's always when he even when he compliments he's complimenting to hopefully receive something back yes you know or it's just like he when he was talking to he was talking to raven and he's like in there in the pool and he was just like he's like yeah it's just it's uh it's not weird for like it's it wouldn't it's not weird for us right right it's not weird like is is it weird for you is it because he was so trying to get raven to say how hot he was and he wanted raven to act like oh man i don't know i'm just a little

uncomfortable with how hot you were he was very much trying to fish for that compliment i'm yes i feel very confident in saying that he likes to feel the compliments like all the time yeah and he he he often gives compliments only to receive them back is kind of my read on Bertie's. He has, there's a lot of icks with Bertie's. There's a lot of icks, which I found was so, I felt kind of betrayed because at first him and Nancy were off to such a good start. They seemed so goofy and happy and like they were really willing to be like silly versions of themselves around each other. And then it was like he sees Raven and all of a sudden, like the cracks start showing. Yeah. So the overall theme, and we talked a little bit about this before we started Amanda, but, you know, so love is blind. You got this premise of this show

with our, you know, is love blind? Can you fall in love without knowing what they look like? And then once you know what they look like, can you build a relationship even if they're, you know, not your ideal type? So I get that's the premise of the show. Right. But I don't understand why these men seem to, it's one, like, hey, I have a type. I don't know. Do you have a physical type? I do have a type.

I don't like tall men. I like shorter men. Okay. You're like a short king. Not short, but like, you know, not, I don't know. I just have always liked men that are a little bit taller than me. Like five? Like 5'8".

Are you single? No, my boyfriend is 5'8". Okay. That's right. All right. Yeah. Well, I'm just saying that for the short kings out there, I was a slide. I know.

I'm fully taken by my hot younger boyfriend. And so do you have a type? Kind of. Kind of. I think with like men, I have a type. I think with like men I have a type. Okay. So it's common for people to have types. We understand that.

But the men on the show seem like it's like I get the assignment, so to speak. But it's like the way they talk so openly about their lack of physical attraction for some of these women that they have gotten engaged to, they act like they deserve a medal or like some sort of pat on the back for being willing to like explore these relationships where they otherwise would be drawn to a more physical attraction. And it's just like so off-putting.

They're like, Cole will talk to a wall about his lack of interest in Zeneb. Yeah, and how Colleen and him, like how Colleen's really his 10. Yeah. And am I blind? That's so terrible. Everyone has a personal preference. But he is talking about these two as if one one is objectively beautiful and the other one he's just really taking one for the team and like i don't it's so subjective it's so like i i personally

like i i find myself more drawn to zen up i i'm more drawn to zen i'm as well i actually think that i'm i find her more attractive it's just like, I just wrote down is cold blind. I don't understand like what is he. Also, did I miss something? Is there a perceived male like fetish for like ballerina dancers? Because the way they started talking about her being a ballerina dancer or where they were framing it, is it like all men are into ballerina dancers?

And that was news to me. Is that? I know, I don't know. Is is that a thing i think kind of well i feel like dancers as a whole are sometimes like i was an ice skater and some guy told me that that was a that's a thing like a thing there's like oh i really like ice skaters i think with any i think with any kind of dancer there's already like a like oh you can dance like that's automatically hot and then i think with any I think with any kind of dancer there's already like a like oh you can dance like that's automatically hot and then I think with ballet dancing there's this added mystique of like one I think in the pods well I feel like Colleen was really trying to sell it in the pods

like that was she was bringing it up a lot to be honest if someone told me they're a ballerina dancer I think that would be a negative for me really Really? But why a negative? I just think it would be. Okay. What do you think? It would be a superficial response, but nevertheless, it wouldn't be something that would draw me in. I would be like, interesting. And maybe I'd still fall in love, but it definitely wouldn't be a, I need to learn more. It wouldn't excite me.

That's for sure. learn more like it wouldn't excite me that's for sure i feel like there's something about maybe one the intensity of ballet dancing where it feels like it's and maybe this is me just thinking about like the black swan i'm just gonna say that but like yeah there's this like i feel like there's this hardcore element of like to be a ballet dancer to actually make it to become a professional is so hard you beat all these crazy odds you're doing really intensive training so there's like one maybe that like oh you're hardcore in that way and there's also like you're a delicate like statue who's like has like these long arms and legs and like twirls on your tippy toes and like i think there's maybe also this that's just like almost like dull like yeah i guess i don't know so should

we just go through each of the contestants and just kind of give our thoughts about them uh do we i mean it's amazing how many people don't we don't see i mean i got the list of the full cast maybe we start with um andrew because he was a rather prominent character but he's you know he's he's made a like one appearance since then but what did we think of uh the eye drops oh my did you think it was i know that was ridiculous yeah i as being someone who's been part of that world i didn't think it was as outrageous as i'm sure most people did yeah it was definitely one of those i don't want to see how the sausage is made moments yeah like keep that to yourself like i don't want to see that how your tears are made yeah like well it

wasn't his choice to air that i'm sure he wasn't thrilled curious if he said something well he asked he was like are we rolling i mean like on social or something oh yeah oh he probably set that all up he probably was like oh i'm gonna be a meme now and i'm gonna put his eye drops in he wore suits i think he's watched the movie stupid crazy love like one too many times because he's in the pot and he always suited up he was always in like a three-piece is that normal i think most people in love is blindest wore like regular clothes he was clearly like trying to play this character like ryan gosling's character of always wearing suits to like every which if you watch stupid crazy love i like i love that movie and i love his character but when you start like looking at ryan gosling's

character who we all love in the movie we're like this guy's the biggest douchebag in the world he shows up by himself to the same bar every night wearing suits he has no friends and he goes home with random women every night like if you saw that guy yeah like if this was bad if you went to the same bar like every once in a while and every time you went there you'd be like the same fucking guy he's always wearing suits he's always by himself and it's just like you would just be like who the fuck is this guy he probably just liked that bar and liked to wear a suit anyway andrew um yeah classic very high at himself i mean like i love the fact that he's adventurous and like he clearly is did he say his sexual experience in bali or something yeah

but it's like made that's what made him like more sexual i don't i think he like read 50 shades of gray okay and like is trying to he was very much trying to i mean the eye drops if nothing else told me that everything you saw from andrew is very much curated and crafted in the image of what he hoped to portray whether that's who and really is, I don't really know. Right. But it's no matter what you're trying to do, we don't want to see you trying to do it on reality TV. Because I think there's this weird double standards

where it's like, even though we know this is so orchestrated, it's an experiment, anything but the real world, we still don't want to be reminded of that or confronted with it. Was it Nancy he was talking to? I think it was Nancy he was talking to. I think it was Nancy, yeah. And he was giving some speech, and he said some sort of quote,

and you could tell he was admiring his own quote when he got done saying it. And I was like, yeah, I really hate this guy. Yeah, that was like a – I had to actually fast forward that part. I was getting uncomfortable. Who should we go to next? Yeah, Nancy. Overall, I really enjoyed Nancy. Yeah.

Family's great. Loved the brother interaction. Her mom's a badass. Yes. Her mom is scary in the best possible way. Her mom's great. Yeah. I also, I thought it it was one thing that i appreciated

about it was it kind of reminded me of when after tino's hometown never was like oh my god like his family was so mean to her like i thought nancy's mom did a really good job of being very like stand her ground like don't f with us while also not being hostile yeah it was a bit of a like a good balance a balance and i love that she was just like saying how she was a bit of a. Like a good balance. A balance. And I love that she was just like saying how she was. She's a Bond. She owns her own like. What is that?

Bond. Bondsman. Nancy's a smart girl. Okay. Oh yeah. You know the one thing I love about Nancy is that you know she's bubbly and she's cute and she also has brains. Right.

And the one thing I didn't like though was when Raven was like. She's like the girl who I saw in high school at like a Target. I would like walk away. And I'm like, okay, you're so jealous of her. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's such a bitchy comment. Well, that's jealousy. As a woman, you're jealous. Yeah. Raven. Like Raven. No, you don't have what Nancy has. Raven's hard to like. Yeah. I think raven's beautiful i think that she presents herself nicely but there are just things that she does like when she was eating with the parents for the first time yeah i was like i was so just try it i was so embarrassed in rome like don't say to the don't say to him are you gonna swallow are you gonna chew that or just swallow that yeah in

front of the mom like they just made you this cuisine like this beautiful food and and now you're talking like can i use a fork like they're telling you to use your fingers with it so do it yeah how hard is it i could not have agreed more like i i yelled out just use your hands use your hands just like ask for a fork it was just like if i was meeting my some my boyfriend's parents for their time and they ate with their feet, I would say, okay, let me eat with my feet because I want to impress them and show, you know, that's no sense. Right. And it felt like it also wasn't the first time where like, I would eat with my feet. I would.

But hands for sure. Listen, if I love the person, I'll do anything. I get what you're saying. But like, you're right. I mean, if you're you walk into a house that clearly they've talked about their culture. They've talked about the importance of it to them. And they've talked about how their culture obviously has some uniquenesses maybe to what she might be used to. And you say you want to embrace it.

And all you have to do is just wash your hands and just pick up. Like she's never eaten. It's like she, Raven's acting like she's never had salsa. You know, like. Like chips and just pick up. Like she's never eaten. It's like she, Raven's acting like she's never had salsa. You know, like. Like chips and salsa. Yeah.

You know, like you eat, we eat with our hands. Like, yeah, there's so many foods we touch with her. So many, like go to a wedding. You're constantly grabbing food

with your hand and putting it in your mouth. Yeah, like popcorn. You're telling me you're going to whip out a fork for that? Yeah. Oh God, is she the person that person did she use a fork with her pizza

oh my god is she one i hope not i hated that uh fork moment for her yeah really really and also the face she made when she first took a bite oh and she went like this yeah and the mom and it's and the mom is like looking to her like seeing if she likes it. I thought, oh my God, SK's mom was so kind. They were so sweet. I don't know. That for me, I'm like,

I would never have treated the mom like that. She's hard to... Even if I didn't like it, I'd be like, oh my gosh, this is the best meal I've ever had. Yes. Not like, it's okay. What did we think of her when she was talking to bertice in the pods and

she was just like working out like easy to like is there a way to justify that you know maybe they're in the pods for a long time we don't know how long they're in the pods maybe she just wants to get her like squats and i don't know or or or does it just speak to like just maybe how you know it's weird because like i i respect raven in the sense that she seems comfortable in her own skin it's like she's kind of gives you the this is who i am take it or leave it i like that i i do like that with people like she's she's not going out of her way to constantly she's real be like she there's a realness to her there's no fakeness but that realness is someone who pretty much kind of says, I'm just really selfish. It's really about me.

You know, she said to SK when he was like, hey, I'm going to school and I'm going to live like a student. And she and she was flat out said, again, I appreciate the honesty from her, but she's just like, I'm just not interested in sacrificing my quality of life. And it's like, OK, so i guess you know what maybe she's had a lot of bad men in her life and she's like i'm gonna just be honest this is what i want and this is what i'm gonna get so yeah again like from a communication standpoint solid it's just a personal preference. But nevertheless, she is someone who is unflexible. But selfish is the right. I feel like selfish is a word. Yes. You have to give or take

in a relationship. You know what I mean? It's not all about about you. Yeah. It's not your show. Because I really respect that she came on the show in the first place, because I think she's someone who, like as many of the men have commented on, receives a ton of attention, is very conventionally beautiful and stunning. And so I respect that she went on this show and was like, I would like to take, even though I have a huge, probably, advantage in this area, I want to take that off the table and just connect with someone. I'm sure that was really stretching her comfort zone, etc. I'm sure that was like really stretching her like comfort zone, et cetera. And also, and then when Bertice was trying to like do the thing of like, oh, wow, like you're basically being like you're hot. And I think he was totally testing to be like, is there a chance that we'd flip?

Like, not that he necessarily was knew that he wanted to, but I think he wanted to know if it was on the table. And she was really good about shutting it down and being like i came on this for this xyz reason yeah and so she wasn't flattered by bertie's like comments about her looks right yeah and so i respect her because i think she really sticks to her convictions i think she's a really disciplined person it's clear that she's very you know with like the way she does like pilates and whatnot like she's she's someone who is very hard working and committed to the stuff she wants to be committed to i think it's when you see any attempts at compromise or someone else's input coming in and her not navigating that always with a lot of openness. Listen, I would rather be around someone who owns their selfishness rather than someone who pretends to be something they're not. At least you know what you're getting from Raven. True. I prefer a real person rather than a who pretends to be something they're not. At least you know what you're getting from Raven. True.

I prefer a real person rather than a fake person. Yeah. So there is that. If Zenith had more self-confidence, I actually really think she's beautiful. I'm just saying I think she's beautiful, but I don't think she knows how beautiful she is. Yeah, it's a very frustrating thing this whole season watching it.

She is talking about herself and then subsequently other people and the show even but it stems from her it does it's stemming from her how she sees herself and i'm watching this the whole time being like am i on drugs like what like no i felt the same way what why are we talking about this woman as if she is she's like like somehow like not she's a very attractive i think she's one of the most attractive people on the show but i don't think she i think that she honestly she needs more self-love for herself like honestly zeneb if you're watching you're beautiful and you need to love yourself and know that well i think part of it also has to do with the interaction she's having with cole where i think there's been times where like had she received a little bit of reassurance,

she would have gone in a very different direction, but she doesn't even not receive reassurance. She receives like actively kind of shitty comments. Cole's such a douche. Like it started with the makeup. Like the first night she was there, she took off her makeup and she'd already like made a joke about it.

Like she'd commented on it. It was clearly something she was thinking about and maybe nervous about. And then Cole was like, you look so different or something like like said something to her that is not where's cole from i just want to know where is he from like what state i would i want to guess texas okay so that's a total guess well i think they're all from they all live in dallas now oh they live in dallas but he just seemed he's very my favorite thing was like oh my god he's like i'm gonna i going to go surfing.

He probably doesn't even know how to surf. I don't really like Cole. I'm sorry. No, I wanted to like Cole. I did too, but I don't. Yeah. I think he's one of those guys that just. For me, it was the, well, yeah, he wouldn't shut up.

It's like he would just. He does not shut up. He wouldn't shut up about how much he wasn't attracted to Zeneb. I shut up about how how much he wasn't attracted to zenub i just it made me frustrated like zenub's cuter than him i wanted he he made a comment that really stuck with me oh is it that i don't like you when you're mad yes oh i don't like that he said to zenub i don't like you when you're mad very manipulative so manipulative and so immature yeah it's just like well first of all he kind of acts like a like a 19 year old she has the right to be frustrated or upset and to say like you could tell like he also said it to her when you could tell she was feeling vulnerable she was

upset with him about how he spoke to her and how he made her feel. So then he gets defensive and his response to that is not to say, I'm sorry, I hurt your feelings or, or even he didn't even offer a bad apology. You know, the bad apology being like, I'm sorry, you're upset with me. You know, like, which is not even an apology, but even that's like at least an attempt at empathy. Right. You know, but he goes in a very kind of like matter-of-fact way, I hate it when you're mad. I don't like you when you're mad. I don't like you when you're mad.

Which is, you could tell, now I don't know how Machiavellian he is, and I think oftentimes when we say manipulative things, I don't think we're consciously like, you know, evil geniuses trying to manipulate people. I think we all say manipulative things in relationships and we all can be being passive aggressive is a form of manipulation. Like you're not saying exactly how you feel. You're you're saying something else and you're trying to get them to do something without having to say it. That's, you know, in a way manipulative. But the way he that you could tell uh like emotionally neglectful a

little bit emotionally neglectful certainly immature yeah you know and i thought it was so one of the fights that they had that they mentioned was they were like oh we're fighting about the difference between good and great and it's like when you hear it like that it sounds silly but then when zen of explains it she was like i said we had a great night and cole responded yeah it was good i get what she's i'm team zen up there yeah me too like for sure there's never anything that like makes her feel good like he's not saying like you know yeah he always goes out of his way to make her feel like she needs to do more to win him over he's never like reassuring her and all she all she wants

she makes it pretty clear she says that she just wants some reassurance and some validation. You know, a little bit of like, hey. And Bertice does this a lot too, where it's like, I don't know if they're airing it this way or what, but you just hear these guys constantly complain. And then it's all of a sudden they're, no, but I'm in love with you. Like, but no, I'm committed to this, but I'm in love with you. But no, I'm committed to this. But I'm in love. And they're just saying it to themselves.

It's like they're trying to convince themselves. And I don't know. They keep referring to this experiment. And obviously they think there's disingenuous people on these shows. But yeah, I feel like it's, it feels like more of the guys seem in more for clout than the women. A hundred percent. At least that's how it comes across. Maybe the women are better at hiding that.

In any of your past relationships like mine or like the one thing I would always love was when someone reassured me how much they were into me and how pretty I was and like made me feel like, God, this guy's really into me. You know what I mean? And so, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's so relatable, I think. And I feel like that's, and it's not totally gendered because I think there's also like. No, it's everyone. Yeah. And it's so easy, I think, to end up in this standoff where like one person needs reassurance and the other person just feels unappreciated. And then the person who needs reassurance is like, please, like, can you just like give me something here? Like with Zainab, like with with her like not wanting to get in the water because she didn't want to like mess

up her hair and her outfit like it was you could tell it was the standoff where cole's like she's not being fun so like i don't feel positively towards her so i'm not complimenting her when she's like she clearly needs some reassurance for her to feel more comfortable and then she'll be more like fun and go with the flow and yeah it's a it's a definitely a chicken versus the egg kind of snowball situation but it and and zenob i do i don't think cole's created this insecurity i think it's clear that this she's brought this with her no she brought it with her uh he just made it worse and the flame he fanned he made that flame a lot higher. He's adding logs to the fire. He's adding so many logs. And he just keeps piling on.

And then instead of trying to empathize with her, he's getting defensive and saying things like, I don't like you when you're mad. So it's very controlling and very manipulative. You know what I would wish? I wish she will say, God, that guy's so much hotter than you to him. That's what I would love.

Do you think that would really? I would love for them to be like in a rush and be like, oh my God, that guy is so much hotter than you to him that's what i would love do you think that would really i would love them for them to be like at a restaurant be like oh my god that guy is so much hotter than you just to make him feel sure yeah i'd be like oh my god see that's my 10 you know when i was trying to describe it before oh yeah that's my 10 you're my my question is do you do you ever want to hear someone rate another person on a scale of one to no no i i feel like can we as a society graduate i would lie i mean i'm just saying like i'm not gonna make my like listen if there's brad pitt in front of me and then like is it you know what i mean like obviously yes brad pitt's hot i know to me you know but i'm just saying i'm not gonna make my boyfriend feel like my boyfriend's really hot though.

But I'm just saying, I'm not going to make him feel. I'm fine. I get what you're saying. I'm fine with like. Oh, you're a real person. With your friends, talk all you want, like give the numbers, whatever in close spaces. But like, you shouldn't be like about other people to people, you know, you know, in a dating situation, like you shouldn't be talking about other women

to a date. And if you're a woman, you shouldn't be doing that about men. I'm not so bent out of shape about a group of women getting together and rating men. That's whatever. I don't want to hear my boyfriend telling me that he thinks someone else is attractive. I just don't want to hear it. I get what you're saying. Yeah. I, you know, it's in, I'm someone who like in a relationship, I want to have the type of relationship with someone who we can graduate to the point where we're secure enough, where we can acknowledge that there are other attractive people.

That's fine. That's a far cry between meeting someone in a science experiment barely knowing them and then off the bat cole like demanding it's just like whatever there's other people who are attractive like why why is it a crime to say that it's like it's not a fucking crime to say that but like your desire and need to have to say that and ram it down her throat is the problem it's not that like there are other people who are attractive out there it's just that you won't shut the fuck up about it also they just started dating yeah right you don't like you've got to graduate to that right now your priority yeah exactly like

this is your growing time this isn't your yeah because i feel like so often the defense is like but i'm with you babe like i like i chose you i chose you and they don't you're the chosen one and they don't really have that in the same way when it comes to attraction because they didn't choose this partner based off of looks. So there's not that built-in security of knowing that like your partner like walked up to you, sought you out on that physical standpoint. You only have like the emotional connection to like certainty to go off of. And as much, and men are no different than women here. As much as we want to be with someone that we're attracted to we want to be with someone who thinks who is obsessed with us you know we want to be with

someone who has the hots for us too i want so like same so like the fact that cole's so willing to talk this way knowing full well that he like to your point earlier like you want him you want her to say oh i want her to make him feel insecure yeah like so badly he would right because you know he wants he wants to feel sexy just like she wants to feel sexy well we all just want we want to feel validated that way we want to be we want to feel desired and men want to feel desired just like women do and the fact that he can't empathize with zenob in that way is immature at best and a red flag. Can I say one thing? When Brennan meets Alexa's parents for the first time, can I tell you my

favorite thing out of that whole episode was when they were like about religion, because that's a big thing, right? So like men and women, like, you know, it's hard for them to like say, I thought he said it so perfectly about how he would be willing to, when he was willing to. Convert? Convert. Yeah. And I thought that was like so sweet because that's a big deal. You know what I mean?

I think that's like, I don't know. I like that. No, I really like Alexa and Brennan. They're so culturally, you can tell how different they are. Yes. Like so much. Like so different. But he's, Brenan's so willing to

but to convert to like he has an open-mindedness for someone who would who comes across as someone who might not be that open-minded and like they there's they have very different upbringings very different it's kind of it's this fat like they're a very fascinating couple to watch and i've really enjoyed them they They seem to be, unfortunately, I feel like we don't get to see it as much as them as other couples. And I think it's because they're the least toxic. Yeah, they're not toxic.

They're actually quite normal. Yeah. I like to watch them though. They're figuring it out. Their bumps in the roads have been like, you know, when they were talking about culture and upbringing where it's like, well, it's different, you know, like a lot of that. But I loved that though. And I love been like you know when they were talking about culture and upbringing where it's like well it's different you know like a lot of that i loved that though and i love like you

know i've been i've heard i've been in many like my three best friends are israeli and i feel like you know a lot of times religion is one of the biggest things right whether whoever cares about whatever but um i think for him to say that was a really like, like that means that he really wants to invest in her. So I'm just saying. Yeah. And I think he's been providing so much reassurance when you think about like, what are we looking for from like Cole or Bartice or like these other men? It's like, and SK does a great job too of like just showing in little ways that you are in this, like in the long haul. Like I don't think Brennan has ever used conditional when talking about their life together, unless it's something where they're going to decide. But then you had, I don't know if it was Bartice or Cole, and I'm sure it was both of them,

have started being like, well, if we get married, if we do that, even though like you proposed. And I get that it's like, it's up in the air, but you're not saying if we get married in the context of like a, should we get married or not? It's, you're not saying if we get married in the context of like a should we get married or not it's you're having a totally different conversation and just kind of like planting this little seed of like and this isn't happening for sure totally yeah i i all i did think when when when sk met raven's friends i thought that was a really interesting conversation how they observed how sk only says yes yes and they And they were like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And I was like, you know what? I didn't pick up on that the way they did. And I thought that was very observant of her friends. And it seemed like their read on the situation was Raven has

all the power and control in this relationship. And it seemed like as much as raven is raven and and used to it i got a sense that they what they were saying about their friend is she needs someone to she needs one to control her not control her but like to who who's at least her equal okay who she feels like she can't push around because she raven will push raven needs someone who pushes back. And it doesn't seem like SK does all that much pushing back. Sometimes though, I will say, sometimes you need, she might need someone like that though

because someone that's too powerful. You get what I'm saying? Like sometimes when you have a strong woman, if the man is stronger, it's not going to work. It's a control thing, right? Sometimes she might need someone that is a yes man and that will just maybe her friends don't think so well i don't think your friends know yeah well i'm also curious

like how much this how much raven would identify this headspace as being like really unusual because i think even when she was meeting sk's mom like at first yeah there was a terrible cringe fork moment there was the face she first made but then then as she went on, I think she warmed up a little bit. And I had this moment of being like, hmm, I think maybe because she's so confident and stunning, I forget that she's a human who can have insecurity and that this could be like this aloofness that I'm sometimes is coming off as like kind of cold or kind of rigid or kind of selfish could be like the manifestation of her just being really, really guarded right now? Well, I mean, as someone who can be aloof, like I don't, I don't pick up her selfishness from her aloofness or her rigidness or coldness. I just pick up her

selfishness on some of the things she says about her unwilling to be flexible in certain areas of her life. Yeah. I, I'm less judgmental about her coldness because she's self-aware about it. I love that she was just like, listen, I'm not that affectionate of a person. And I think that's hard for someone to say because I think as a society, we often judge those type of people. So I gave her a lot of props for actually owning that

because at least she's just being upfront with like, hey, I'm just, my love language isn't physical touch kind of thing. I think she wants to be. Yeah, and I found it to be a little bit endearing to i you yeah the way she said i think she wants it yeah the way she said it was almost like hey i hate you know i don't think she's just you know i do this kind of thing i don't think she's ever had someone that made her feel like that yeah what do you make about her and sk's dynamic like because they they're being honest i don't like i i to be honest with you, I feel bad for him.

I feel like she treats him not great, to be honest. Like, even when she went into his place and she was like, what's this? And he had these beautiful, you know, things in his place that he, you know, what was that thing to get the… Oh, yeah, it was like, it had spiritual significance. Spiritual significance. And it was something that, you know, from his culture and like for her to just say like, at all these you know what i mean i don't know i didn't like that she doesn't yeah she doesn't do a good job of of accepting him though yeah or like making him feel good and like loved like i don't like she's a little bit of the call in the in that relationship yeah and

he's a little bit i like her way more than cold though cool i don't know like you really hate i honestly if he came in here I would love to tell him off. Yes. What would you say? I would say you're a one. Yeah. You're a one. You're a one.

We haven't talked a lot about Colleen. Messy. Messy. Colleen. Yeah. Messy, messy, messy. I don't. Yeah, I don't. Oh. I don't get it. I think Colleen is. I just, messy, messy. I don't, yeah, I don't.

Oh. I don't get it. I think Colleen is. I just don't get it. I don't know. I don't think she knows who she is yet. Yeah. I think she's, you know, I think there comes a time in life, you know, I truly believe

you can't be in a relationship unless you find yourself first. Totally. I've been divorced. I'm, listen, I met my, are we going into personal? Sure. Okay, fine. Okay, so I got married when I was 23. I'm 36. been divorced i'm listen i i met my are we going into personal sure okay fine okay so um i got married when i was 23 i'm 36 but i was not the person that i was at 23 right i don't know who i

was but now this ripe age of 36 um i feel like i found myself and i i'm ready to be in a great relationship because i know who i am now do you go what i'm saying that happens all the time and i'm just saying as life experience whether you're with a man or a woman, I feel like a great relationship, you really, it comes within yourself first. And I don't think Colleen knows who she is yet. Colleen seems to be the type of person who often chases physical appearance as well.

She strikes me as that. She strikes me as someone who seeks validation from people she perceives as prizes based off of their physical appearance. Interesting. Yeah. I wonder, I wasn't picking up on that super strong, but I think it makes a lot of sense. Like being a ballerina, I think there's so, and granted, I only know the tip of the iceberg about like the dance world, but from friends who I've talked to about it, it's like, there's so much of this, like similar to modeling, like you're it it's like there's so much of this like similar to modeling like you're replaceable like there's a

million girls who want this spot you are utterly replaceable and there's this like very big physical component of like not just like what are you capable of but like this is a performance role like what do you look like and so i wonder if kind of being in an environment where like the way people look and carry themselves is like very significant if that just infuses do you think she's lying do you really think she's a ballet dancer honestly yeah i mean no no but i mean really think about it i think she's been a ballet dancer you guys think about it look at the title ballet dancer okay cool you're a ballet dancer is that do you just go to your your local place and ballet dance or are you like like on, like, do you know,

are you a teacher? It's reality TV. At some point, she definitely was a ballet dancer. Okay, so like. But she probably, you're right. She probably isn't currently dancing. What do you do?

No, not you. I'm asking, like, what is, is that her job? Yeah, but like, that's the thing. Some of them have more of a job and some of them have, you know, I guess most of them just have jobs.

ICU, teacher job. No, they all have jobs. A ballet dancer, that's like me saying. So she's performing. That would, all have jobs. A ballet dancer, that's like me saying. So she's performing. You're right. That would suggest that she's currently performing. So you're currently, she's on tour performing as a ballet dancer.

Or maybe. Or not. Or maybe she just does it all day at her studio next to her house all day. Just twirls. Maybe. Yeah, I wonder. Do you see what I'm saying now? Yeah, I get what you're saying.

It's a very, it's just a very interesting. Like if there was a teacher next to it, I would say Do you see what I'm saying now? Yeah, I get what you're saying. It's a very... It's just a very interesting... If there was a teacher next to it, I was like, oh, cute. I'm so used to watching Bachelor in Paradise now where they're changing these crayons like senior digital PR shows. Do you guys see how I just caught that?

Wow. Yeah. I just want to show you. She's a ballet dancer on the weekends. She was a ballet dancer. She was. Maybe it... She has balleted.

She has balleted. Yeah. In high school. And I'm sure she maybe does shows every now and then. But yeah, it felt like a real branding thing where I think she's used to getting a lot of like, ooh, you're a ballet dancer? How interesting. But my read on her.

But that means that Colleen is saying ballet dancer because it's a sexual thing. Like, I'm flexible. Yeah, she did say that. saying ballet dancer because it's a sexual thing. Like, I'm flexible. Yeah, she did say that. I'm just saying. It's a thing. I think she's been chasing really attractive men her whole life and gotten rejected often. I think she gets rejected often.

Like, men that she perceives... I'm not just saying that because of look-wise. I'm just saying as a person. I'm sorry. I'm not into Colleen. No, no, no. I'm thinking about it. She's an attractive person. I'm saying, like like she's going after guys that she sees as super attractive whatever her type is and i think she's often trying to and she she aims high you know good for her she's she's setting high goals so to speak but i think she and but she's doing it because she wants she finds validation in that and if she can get the arm arm candy so to speak I don't even know that it's like the hot like the hotness

of people that she's going after so much as the way that it seems like she feels really dependent on them so early on yeah like it's felt like when she was talking about rejection you know because she got rejected in the pods and then finally Matt, when they had their first fight and she was like, I just like anything, I just can't lose him. Like she just like was really she became incredibly concerned. And there was a lot of like it was just kind of like the opposite of like, I feel self-sufficient. Like, I know I will be okay no matter what like it was very felt like that was more her not wanting to leave the show hmm yeah i think so too because i honestly like i i look at matt and colleen and i see colleen again if the real world like matt it colleen is going after the coals in the real life. And even people who were common society might perceive as slightly prettier than Cole. I think she's been chasing a lot of those men.

And I think someone like Matt is the type of person who's been chasing Colleen. So yeah, what did we think of the fight between Colleen and Matt? In the group setting, it was discovered through conversations that Cole and Colleen had a talk and they both basically talked. They both acknowledged to one another on some version that they were attracted to each other.

And in the real world that they would maybe date. Or like approach each other out of bondage. They would approach each other. Okay. And Matt was just like, we're engaged. Like, what the fuck? Now, keep in mind, remember that Matt was like ghosted by his 10-year fiancée. Oh, so there's some, there's PTSD in there.

Yeah, he's got some PTSD. He's got things he needs to work on. And also, when Colleen and Matt are first getting along, I thought one of the most like sweet, pretty moments was when he was like, I would walk up to you at a bar. Like, I would approach you in the real world. Like, I remember being like, aw. So I feel like it also probably sucked to have that language that you thought was like a connecting thing that made you feel special, like used with someone else.

Here is my problem with Matt, how he reacted. In a reality TV space, I think we have to be careful about criticizing people getting angry with music and things like that. I know we want to be mindful about criticizing people getting angry with music and things like that. I know we want to be mindful of watching these behaviors. And yes, I know it can be scary when men get angry because there's obviously, unfortunately, a lot of examples of toxic men getting physical. And we have to be mindful of that. You know, and there was an intensity with this fight, I think. Obviously, the music played a role. As soon as they got angry, you hear this music.

But at the end of the day, you know, Matt got very angry and it was uncomfortable to watch, but, you know, he didn't ultimately, you know, say anything to her to want to hurt her. He was very clearly hurt and he expressed that by, you know, say anything to her to want to hurt her. He was very clearly hurt. And he expressed that by, you know, he was, he swore. And, but ultimately, it just ended. And it was really uncomfortable. But my big problem was, is the next day, it's like, I would understand that this would be a non-negotiable format. Hey, I've been cheated on. I have this thing.

I'm not okay with it. Yeah. But then the next day he was just like, oh, well, we made up. And then to me, that just told me that Matt's a reactive guy. That if something is not a non-negotiable for you and you have some like wiggle room, then you need to be able to control those emotions a little bit more in the in the moment you know like you don't get to just always pack like we've seen him pack his bags twice now like it ended with the cliffhanger of him packing his bags again for the second time

which what an amazing line which this is the real world it's wednesday and it's 2 a.m like that was amazing but i just think he's a very reactive guy who you know granted he's beennesday and it's 2 a.m like that was amazing but i just think he's a very reactive guy who you know granted he's been hurt and that sucks and i empathize with that but he has to be able to control his emotions better in the moment he needs therapy uh yeah he definitely has to work through this him him being cheated on he's not on the right show right now he needs to work on himself he needs to work on himself he needs to work on himself first and then come back to this show in like a year yeah um but yeah i just think him being okay with it the very next day told me that he is reactive to a point where i think he

needs to to work on that because it's it can look scary and it can look uh yeah it can look scary. And it can look, yeah, it can look scary. You know, he has the right to get mad and he has the right to feel. But personally, like for me, I don't know, like if your boyfriend, if you found out that, and again, like I recognize that there are other attractive guys out there that my girlfriend's attracted to. I get it. You know, I don't want to hear it all the time. I get it. If I found out that Natalie, or let's say you, you found out that your boyfriend met a person,

you thought, he thought they were attractive and you found out that he kind of said something to the effect, because the comment was, you know, in another life I would, you know, if I was, if I didn't have a girlfriend, I would, I have a girlfriend, but you know, Hey, you know, it's too bad. I have a boyfriend. I've had women say that to me. It's, Oh, it's too bad. You have a girlfriend.

Oh no. I would be irritated. I would be, I would listen. You don't say that to any, no. But would you, would you lose your shit would you break up would you storm out would you if i found out that my hot 31 year old boyfriend said um to another woman um that in another lifetime like if i didn't have a or if i didn't have a girlfriend i would definitely go for you uh yeah i would flip out like don't talk to another

girl like that absolutely not i would be annoyed i would be frustrated i. Like, don't talk to another girl like that. Absolutely not. I would be annoyed. I would be frustrated. I would say, I don't really appreciate that. Like, and I say that as someone who has also been cheated on, you know. But I wouldn't act like he did. I wouldn't act like he did. I wouldn't. But I still would be reactive. I'd be like, that's terrible.

I'm just dead. Sorry. Yeah, it would make me feel like shit. You know? I'm a really real person. Like, if I feel like I'm not getting attention i go i need more attention today thank you yeah i think i just like i think it would make me feel more insecure than it would make me feel angry i think insecure as well yeah i i i just didn't get the anger and again he has so much of

it but and he has the right to feel that way. A lot of people would get angry. I just, I would be more annoyed than I would be angry. Yeah. Because there is a part of me that would be, the realistic part of me would be like, I mean, I get it. And I think we're all capable of saying shit that in the moment we don't think is all that big of a deal. But then if our partner did it we would

lose our shit you know like i said they honestly haven't been how long have they been dating i mean for real like what was like the long what's like the like i think seven days in the pod not very long no and that's the thing we're hearing them all say that we're hearing them think out loud in this kind of very crazy environment and that's thing. I give all these people grace. Like all these people are probably deprived of sleep. They are all stressed out. They have the pressure of getting, Matt who was dating someone for 10 years who got cheated on is now facing a decision

to get married to someone he's known for less than a month. I can only imagine that pressure he must be facing on am I about to make the biggest mistake of my life even if he's doing it for the clout i don't know i will say though when it came to colleen uh i'll do anything i'll do anything it to me that felt more like wanting to stay on the show than begging for matt not to leave her i think colleen is um it's she wants to stay on the show it's's a cloud thing. Yeah, because it ended with her,

it ended with her being at the, is she also, is she at the clubs with Cole? Hmm. It was unclear. Yeah. She just didn't come home. I think she's just out.

I don't think she's out with Cole. I think she's out doing her ballet moves. Twirling. She's twirling in the club. Yeah, and she doesn't want to be tied down like matt matt wants matt wants a wife he wants a wife he wants a very traditional wife who cooks dinner who loves him and and i think he's no postmates no postmates, he wants... And I think Colleen is just... Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Colleen is not into...

Colleen needs to feel validated by who she's with. And I don't think Matt validates her. Yeah, like Colleen needs a guy who like cooks dinner for her while she's like out. I don't even think cooks... Yeah, she needs someone who like hung out like in the morning if she's really hung over. She needs a man that'll make her, you know, a peanut butter and jelly in the morning. No, I know. I think she needs a man that'll make her you know a peanut butter and jelly in the morning no i know i think i think she needs a man that she thinks other women want to have sex with oh god that's toxic but yeah but then i feel like that's enabling like yeah i'm not saying it's right i'm just saying but you are right though there's a

toxic thing about her yeah like a very comparative very yeah She, maybe that's the best way of saying it. Forgetting about like attractive. She, I think, is attracted to men that other women want. Yes. And Matt is not the type of guy who walks into a bar and heads turn. No. And she will feel validated by landing. She only is going after fuckboys because she wants the fuckboy to pick her so she feels special.

Well, I think she's so insecure that she just wants that. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think there can be two nurturing people in a relationship? Like when we're saying like, oh, she's the one, like Matt's the one who expects like her to take care of all these things. Like, do you think in most relationships there's like one person who's a little bit more like caretaky and those kinds of like. I think often it's not the same and i think it's often not equitable i think ideally you want two people who you don't

want to have one person who's only the empathetic person who's always like i feel like me and my my man are the same yeah but it's so nice though because when you have someone when you guys both are like annoyed with it like the respect factor of each other, like we're never, I don't know. It's been nice. Yeah. I think you need a balance. I mean,

but I often think it's not the case. I think there is often the case where one person leans on the other person for comfort and stability. And there's always one person who is just like, totally, it'll be okay. And like, I get Nancy and Zen of,

I think are usually those people. And I think they often go, I think they extend too much, you know, because I think they have their insecurities. Well, actually, Nancy, honestly, Nancy doesn't seem all that insecure. Oh my God, Nancy has like a million children in the world. Oh, that's right.

I forgot about that. Yes, remember she sold her eggs or something? Yeah. She has a few. I don't know if about a million. No, she said there could be like a lot. Really? She said there could be a lot. I really like Nancy. Like 400. Great genes.

Yeah, I would love more Nancys in the world. And I think, and her brother made a comment that I thought was so spot on where when Bartice was like, yeah, she's great. Like, and I like who I am when I'm with her. Her brother was like, yeah, everybody does. Like she brings out the best in people. I love that. She's so warm and vibrant and like positive.

She has her shit together. She has her shit together she's so smart oh my god also let's talk about the finance of it all like of how they were like the conversations about money that happened he immediately bertie's liked her more when he found out that she had money oh and like the houses you could see the wheels turning about him being like oh she just her value just like went up 10 points yeah 100 i is bartiz like he seems like he he he means well but i just i don't like bartiz he's not my favorite not my fave yeah he just he's kind of a there's a certain energy about him that just is i think he's a fake i don't i don't think he's i think he doesn't know who he

is no he doesn't and i think i i think his lack of self-confidence comes across as disingenuous. 100%. Yeah. He reads phony because I think he's, oh, we didn't even get into the whole, I just thought it was really interesting that the show's talking about abortion. I know that was another thing where I'm like, we're not in ABC anymore. Yeah. I mean, it was a big conversation.

Here's what I liked about it. Regardless of where you stand on this point of view is that they were, they both felt strongly about it. And I liked that they allowed each other to be heard without judgment. And there were conversations. I, I, I liked that the show did that. I'm glad that they showed a couple having this conversation that didn't turn into an explosion that ended with, thank you for hearing me out. Your opinion's important to me. I want to think more on this, giving your points of view on this.

And the fact that they were both able to do that to a certain degree I thought was uplifting at a time where that often isn't happening. What I didn't like is that Bertie's putting Nancy on blast in front of her whole family. Like he brought up the abortion conversation in front of his family knowing obviously how his family feels about it and then put Nancy on blast. Like he did it in a way where he was like, oh, I just love that we can talk about these things, but completely threw her under the bus. You don't do that. And put her on blast.

And Nancy handled herself wonderfully. Well, Nancy can handle anything. Yeah, she stood her ground and very poised and talked about, hey, you know, and you could tell she felt uncomfortable. It's just really interesting, but I really, I did not like how Bert threw nancy into the bus during that conversation and and basically pitted his entire family against nancy totally it felt a bit covert i think we should

really normalize those conversations it felt like bertice wanted his family to like back him up almost in a way. Right. Like he was calling in extra troops for this battle. Yeah. And being like, and kind of playing a game of chicken with her about being like, yeah.

So like tell my family about how you feel about this kind of thing. Yeah. I didn't like that. Whether, yeah, I didn't like that at all. I found Bartiz's take confusing. Where's what?

Where he was like, you get one mistake. I was like, I have really strong opinions about this. I respect that there's people who have different opinions than me. But you're right. Is it a moral issue or is it not? And if it's a moral issue, you don't get a freebie. If you think it's a moral issue and if you're comparing it to, say, murder, okay. If that's where your head's

at no one's saying you get one pass when it comes to murder and bertice is just like i'll give you one but after that no like yeah you're losing me bertice that did not line up can i say one thing you can cut it out if you want and you can use it if you want thank god for planned parenthood because when i was 16 i'd have an abortion because i used a condom and there was a little holy in there so thank you planned parenthood wouldn't be where I am today. And I think people have every right to not make that same choice for themselves. Like it is very much where like if someone does not believe that an abortion would be the right choice for them, they have every right to do that. But when you start, you know, morally judging other people and shaming them for a belief that they don't share with yours, but then start saying how you can get a hall pass on something that you deem to be morally apprehensible, you start losing me.

I don't think anyone should be shamed for anything. I think everyone is entitled to their opinions. I'm my person and that's, you know. And I think that's one of the great, one of the reasons I think this is such, like, it's such a hard topic to discuss. Is because it's, we use, like, it's become this huge, like, polarizing moral issue. But in actual, I think people's beliefs are very different than their practices around this issue. Where people who might have really strong philosophical ideas of it have a really different reaction when their 14-year-old daughter becomes pregnant.

Or when they get someone pregnant. Yes. Exactly. Yeah. So. It was, if nothing else, I thought it was very interesting that Love is Blind chose to air that. I don't think anyone should be judged for anything

yeah okay should we text it office hours are you ready for texting office hours and as

lots of lots to cover we'll if we didn't talk about your favorite topic we're sorry there were seven freaking episodes

comment comment and we'll hit it next time we'll hit it next time more next week it's time for texting office hours how's it going good how are you good what's your names my name's katie and i

am 23 and i'm sarah and i'm 29 all right uh how can i help ladies so i wrote in for katie because she was recently broken up with over the phone and then ended up writing him a letter put it in the mail and then later that day saw that he was on hinge and started freaking out so now we kind of just need advice what to do from here okay wow all right sorry for your loss how long are loss. How long are you dating him? Thank you. How long are you dating him? We have been dating for about three months. Okay. So it's early. It's fresh.

It's fresh. Yes. Yes. But still. It's fresh. Yeah. I'm not, you know. Three months.

What did you like about him? He was very mature. So he was the first older guy that kind of dated he's only 25 but i liked that he was more established um we had a lot in common um i don't know i had just kind of recovered from being cheated on and this was the first guy that i had gotten with since kind of recovering from that. All right. Yeah. And how long ago before you were cheated on, before you met this other guy? I think like seven months.

Okay. Still pretty fresh. It's fresh, but still. And were you doing a lot of dating in between or was this the guy, the first guy you really gave any attention to? It was the first guy I've really given any attention to. And we met off of Hinge and I actually kind of ignored him for a really long time because I got on the apps and I was like I don't really want to meet anybody right now and he had pursued me at the beginning of June when we matched and he was like hey let's go out on an actual date and I was just kind of like no no like I really don't feel it and then at the beginning

of I guess well end of July, beginning of August is when I was like feeling better about myself. And I was like, okay, I'll actually go on a date with you. And we went on this great first date. And then ever since then we had been seeing each other pretty consistently, um, two to three times a week. And he was really like putting in a really great effort to actually date me and take me on dates it wasn't what i was used to dating younger guys where it was like okay we'll go on one date and then we'll just like hang out or whatever he was actually very thoughtful which made me grow like a lot fonder sure of him like a lot quicker so then it was going really, really well. We were pretty exclusive, boyfriend,

girlfriend. And he went back home to the Midwest where I also have family in the state that he's from. And he, everything's going fine. No red flags, still texting, communicating, making plans to see each other. And he gets back from this long weekend visiting his family. And I can tell things when he gets back to the state that we live in now, that things are just kind of off communication wise. Usually we were going to make plans to see each other later that week. And I don't see really any red flags yet. And he just calls me up out of nowhere and breaks up with me and says, hey, there's potential for me to move back home in a couple months. I don't want a serious relationship. I don't know if that's really true that there was any red flags when he got back, though,

because he was like barely responding to her for that whole week. So she was kind of freaking out, like something's happening. He's pulling away. And then she got she got the hey can i call you text like he was still responding to me but like the time was like every like four to six hours and it was also yeah and then you wrote him a letter yeah because do you do you have like a written letter an email a written letter a written letter and I sent it to his house

because you probably don't have a photograph of this letter do you I sent we sent it to you we have the letter we're

look for the letter did you check his socials on Instagram hold on maybe I have it so this letter is the draft that may not be

exactly what she sent, but it was my edited version, what I thought she should send. It should be at the end. It's pretty long. But basically, I ended the phone call. It was like a three-minute breakup phone call where he was like, you're a great girl, yada, yada, yada. Really like you, really had a great time getting to know you um I just feel like I'm not ready for a serious relationship and I was so

shocked that I basically said well thanks for letting me know I understand um and hung up have a great Friday so two days later she was like I have a lot more to say. Well, good for you for writing that. No, this is very generous of you. Thank you. It's anonymous. It's anonymous. It's fine. It's also so relatable.

Yeah. Like that's the advice you always get to like write them a letter. And I feel like everybody or most people have written at least one post breakup letter in their lifetime. Oh, my God. I've never received a letter. Imagine finding it 10 years later that's i've done that i've that was that was brutal for me i'm like oh my god post breakup letters and grandparents are single-handedly keeping the american postal system relevant they're the most

the reason i wrote the letter is because he is a very deep and introspective person. And I know that he does like to take his time to think. And he's not like a very heated. And I don't think it would necessarily freak him out. I think she wrote the letter because she thought that was her best chance of getting him to give her another chance. Sure. Of course. Writing it down rather make a text or a call or whatever. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that too.

I mean, it's the natural reaction. It sounds like you liked the guy. You were all signs were pointing North, you know, like it's only been three months. So like, you know,

I always say, you know, just be careful. There's still, you still had a lot to learn about this guy and and what we've learned about him in the past couple months is that maybe you know he's not as a good of a communicator as you thought he was he's gonna and i will say your your book i have been listening to i listened to it on the way up to her house and chapter two put a lot

into perspective okay about boys and that whole thing and he definitely has that vibe and I think he probably thinking back on it now respected me probably enough to not try to string me along if he was if he is potentially moving but he's like okay might as well just have fun for the next two months if i'm going home so i'm gonna get back on hinge and okay probably yeah yeah you know he's he like i said in the book you know fuck boys love the ideas of relationships like in theory they're just but they're eventually going to get married it's just and everything in between is this kind of a you know more of a convenience thing or you know yeah for sure because she's like he's a great guy

because she did meet him um yeah i'm sure he's a swell guy. Yeah, he's a great guy, but in two to four years. Yeah. Alright, here we go. Okay. I've written some words after reflecting on our conversation for the past few days. I ask that you indulge me in this one letter as I can't bear these thoughts without

having a way to express them to you. And truthfully, a call or text would be too difficult right now. I'm honestly still in shock about how something I thought was going so well could end so quickly, leaving me with little to no insight into how you're really feeling. This isn't a pleading love letter to get you back or me trying to take a shot at you. I just care too much about you to have you disappear from my life so abruptly without hearing what I have to say. So here's, this is what I've been feeling. Number one, I know your family will always be your first priority and a huge part of your identity in

day-to-day life, no matter where you are. I loved that about you because I'm the same way. I expected you would return to state feeling homesick after seeing them, which I empathize with and completely understand. However, I knew something had changed between us as soon as we spoke. I could feel the uncertainty in your voice and how you became distant the following week. Number two, your drive and routine are probably the second most important thing to you. I highly respect what you're wanting to achieve over the next few years. Over the short time I've known you, I can honestly say you've inspired me to work harder and be better about working towards my own goals. And I thank you for that. The ambition that you have is truly unmatched, and I would never want to get in the way of that because it makes you, you. Number three, you want to feel in control of potential changes

because if you don't, the uncertainty of everything throws numbers one and two completely off. You aren't sure where life is going to take you over the next year, and I think I'm right to assume I was an unfortunate casualty of the situation. With all the changes you may need to make to reach your life goals, it's easy for me to assume that you thought you were being chivalrous by breaking things off with me. So here are my thoughts. You had an amazing time being back with your family and friends in blank. You had a great talk with your family about how to achieve your goals and the possibility that doing so might be easier back home, especially if your brother and sister

don't end up coming to state. I get it. It would be cheaper for everyone involved. Your family unit is there and connections are already established. It's the perfect plan, but it left you with a lot to consider about your life here. So you had to get on a plane and contemplate the value of everything you've been working towards out here. It's a lot to contemplate when reflecting on the life you've made for yourself miles away in blank for the past two years, a life that you've expressed to me you've grown to love. I'm sure you were wondering if it would have all been for nothing if you moved back home. I would be feeling just as conflicted if it were me with so much to consider. I think I know you well enough to know that the idea of keeping up with your busy routine, considering making major life changes, and on

top of that giving 100% to your girlfriend suddenly seemed like too much. I assume the easiest solution was to remove the newest addition to the equation, to mourn our relationship now and start moving on before things become more complicated. I don't know if you thought I would try to convince you not to go or to try long distance or any of the million other scenarios. I'm sure ran through your head, but I do know better than to stand in the way of what's best for you, and I would never want to repeat what happened in your last relationship either. However, I thought we were far enough along that you would have at least tried to have a conversation with me and take feelings we have for each other into consideration. Nine weeks is a very short amount of time to have strong feelings for someone, I know, but I really

enjoyed having fun with you. I really appreciate all the parallels in our lives and the things we have in common, especially how important family is to us both. A lot about our relationship was special to me and felt like something that is rare to find. At the end of the day, I want you to go and pursue this dream job and crush your five-year plan. I want you to be happy and fulfilled, surrounded by everyone you love so, so much. But I can't deny I was looking forward to more time together. My heart is broken because I guess I did not realize how much I've grown to like you over the short amount of time. All this is to say, if there's any part of you that still wants more time together too, all I'm asking is for you to think about that. In the meantime, I want to make it clear that I will continue to live my life and make peace with whatever

your decision ultimately is as quickly as possible. I will support and encourage you in whatever way I can. If you're willing, I would love to have a conversation with you when things are more settled. You may not think I get it, but I do. I miss you. I mean, ultimately, I think that was a great letter. You definitely said. Yeah. Well done. I really loved the first half because the first half, what I was thinking about when Amanda was reading it was, these letters like have the impact you want it to have when you wanted to have it but what's the beauty of this letter assuming he reads it because you know those guys he'll remember that part because in that letter you did a really good job of letting him know that you kind of saw him and that you complimented him and you gave him a lot of credit for the

things that you liked about him that's it's gonna fall on deaf ears right right now but it will sit with him and if he's in his fuckboy era which he probably is you know it's 25 his career focused those are his priorities right now it sounds like i could see him reaching back out in the future that's almost guaranteed unless unless there's another girl in the equation that back home that you don't know and that's possible my feeling yeah that that's entirely possible like the abruptness goes home, meet someone, old flame. That's possible too. I'm a strong believer.

If you're listening or reading the book, you'll get to that part of like when to ask why and when not to. You're in the when not to ask why category. So the why doesn't really matter, you know? So all the energy that you start figuring out, like, you know, I know it's fun to do with each other and your friends and your debate so all the energy that you start figuring out like you know i know it's fun to do with each other and your friends and your debate and all the scenarios i know it can be fun

and i'm someone who spent i'll go down a rabbit hole with this stuff i've i've done a lot but like it personally doesn't do you any good for your mental health katie in terms of like trying to figure out was there another girl or was this a it doesn't really matter you know at the end of the day well he didn't do it perfectly he did give you a definitive answer and that was he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you you know for whatever the reason you know and so what i loved about this letter though is that this letter is going to remind him of and in a time which was is certainly going to happen when he's feeling a little less than and he's feeling a little less validated about like someone who really loves him. He's going to reach back out to me or call it.

Even if he doesn't like you can have, that's a small victory. The second half of the letter, you plead a little bit more than I wanted you to, you know, that was me deleting five paragraphs that were 10 times worse. Yeah. Like the,

the step one of let's see if, you know, I love it. Your analytical brain, like here's this guy's probably analytical. You're getting on his level. Like, you know,

like let's just map it out together, man. Like I hear you. Nick would not stand for any of the shit that you just said. She literally had a paragraph in there that said, if there's any part of you that still wants to just hang out and have fun. Oh, disgusting.

Oh, no, no. Disgusting. Criminal. If you just honestly, you know, like if you just get bored and you just want to use me and I'll just,

you know, that's what it said. I was like, I'll accept anything. I'll literally accept anything. Like, just, just this,

like, let me know, like, let me know. Let me know where I should show up. Let me know what I should wear or not wear. It really doesn't matter. I just want to be around you. I know better now.

That's why I emailed Nick. We are in a much better mental state this week than last. You look great. I have been there. But it's good to have a friend like this and just keep reading the book. Have you hit chapter 10 yet? No, I'm only on chapter. Oh, skip to chapter 10. Okay.

I mean, the book is essentially a bunch of essays. It's written to like go through a relationship, but chapter 10 is about getting over them okay okay that was skip to chapter 10 and then go back but you you don't need to like read chapter six to read chapter 10 well did he respond no so so then there was the hinge the hinge too so he my friend that's just your another one of my friends saw him on hinge not even like 24 hours after the breakup after i've already sent the letter yeah i mean again technically he's he's told you he's not looking for a serious relationship right now. Yeah.

So him getting back on Hinge technically makes very much a lot of sense. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't shocking. It was not a shock. I just think that her messaging him on Hinge kind of deletes any chance of him replying to the letter. You messaged him on Hinge? chance of him replying to the letter you messaged him on hinge she messed she she got a hinge and then wrote to him on his profile because he was the first one that popped up on when i remade

the hinge profile because i was like let's just go take a look what'd you write do i have that too you have that also you should i think you should i think you should. I think you do. But I replied to one of his... What was in the original email that I sent? I said something along the lines of I replied to one of the photos because I ignored him for a good two months when he was actively trying to... Because his Hinge profile looks a little fuckboyish. It is. So the first email that I sent has exactly what

she said on hand. It's not a screenshot. It's just in the email. And then in another email, I sent you his hinge profile. I do want to see what this guy looks like. I felt it was important information. You're a great friend and friend of the show.

Okay. It says so 48 hours after the breakup call he when he popped up on your hinge you responded saying lmao dot dot dot now i remember why i had to talk myself into going on a first date with you going on a date with you in the first place dot dot dot silly me okay yeah i mean what else did he see that i don't know because you have to like match with the person for them to see so i'm assuming yes but also wait so if he didn't match with you he wouldn't have saw it no he would see it in his likes but he never replied to it he never replied to it yeah yeah i mean listen whatevs. Yeah. I mean, listen, whatevs. It wasn't your best moment.

Like, fuck it. You know, definitely don't do that in the future. You know, I think, I think honestly he would laugh because I mean, yeah,

the relationship was so short that we haven't really gotten to see each other in that kind of banter, I guess. I think it just, yeah, I mean mean this guy's this guy's not gonna settle down for the next ten years he's hot he's hot and he's he's a total fuckboy and that's fine thank you thank you you just made me feel okay now the problem is next she's on hinge still and the only people that she likes look exactly like this and they're age 25 that's the thing listen like yeah read chapter two a couple times like you are you're gonna marry a

fuck boy someday and i don't even like we're all like, I, I really believe that we're all in a, in a hookup culture. We're all a bunch of fuck boys. Women are fuck boys too. At the end of the day, if you're having sex and hookup culture and you like someone a little less than they like you, you're the fuck boy in that situation. Right. And so the more times you get people to like you, and if you're a hottie, people are going to like stroke your ego, he took a three-month time out from like probably telling himself that he just wants to fuck around and be a fuckboy and focus on his career. But he met you. You played a little hard to get.

And he just like, I like you a lot. And it just, and honestly, I kind of give this guy props, you know, because like I'm not trying to say props, you know, because like, I'm not trying to say he's a hero by any means, but like the alternative is he could have really strung this along and he could have like dragged it out and he could have been like, ah, but she's hot. And like, I want to hang out with her, but I want to do these other things. And like, you could have been confused and frustrated and annoyed and, you know, a lot,

a lot of these things. So he probably did you the courtesy of being abrupt and being short and giving you the opportunity to be like, fuck you and shit like that. So, yeah, I mean. That's a case scenario, honestly. Yeah, that's what she said to me immediately because, yeah, I just need to come to terms with that. I've gotten over it a little bit more and I'm like a little bit more pissed off rather than sad. But I respect the decision because I know he could have easily just strung me along or asked something different of me completely rather than being totally serious. And I think he respects me a little

bit enough to not do that to me necessarily but i think what you need to focus on right now is living really well yes and and just enjoy your best life really try to you know not mute him save yourself from any like i want i don't want any more of these hinge hiccups of like you letting him know you still give a shit you know i think you operate with the level of indifference and when you you know don't give him the satisfaction that you care if he does reach out to you you're thriving you know you're you're like you're you ask oh really how's it going good to hear from you like you're like oh silly me sorry about really how's it going good to hear from you like you're like oh silly me sorry about that weird hinge thing i was just kind of upset you know i wouldn't

even acknowledge it honestly you guys will never have to acknowledge it in the future yeah i mean and listen like i'm not a big believer in like exes coming back and you giving them the time of day but because again like if this guy comes back in six months it's because he's bored you know and you probably were again to stroke your ego you i would be shocked if he doesn't follow up in the future you know unless there's another girl in the picture but even then this guy's not settling down anytime soon most likely and when things are a little slow and he's a little bored he'll go on the gram he'll look you up and he'll see some picture. He'll think you look good and he'll be like, I wonder what she's up to.

And then he'll like toy with it for a couple of days and then he'll find like some message, something in your stories to reply to and try to act like he's just like checking in and blah, blah, blah. And hopes that you take the bait. Don't take the bait. Okay. I'll try my hardest not to. Don't. Well, just ask yourself how much you want to be used or not. Yeah. No. I mean, you did date him, right? It was short, but you did date him. It sounds like you expressed some pretty serious words. It sounds like for three months, it was short but you did date him it sounds like you you expressed some pretty serious words it sounds like for three months it was a pretty intense relationship so don't minimize

that with like being his fuck buddy all of a sudden out of convenience just because you want a little bit of validation yeah you're right so if you want to entertain him reaching back out then i would a i would go back to the same woman who blew him off, which is like, if he reaches out, don't be rude. Just be kind of more or less busy or like generally like, well, it's funny you're reaching out. Like, you know, and if he, if he keeps talking, if you get to a place where he really comes, if he comes correct, he's like, Hey, listen, I got your letter. I didn't know what to say, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, really been thinking about it and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. You really need to like put them to the fire and ask them like, what's changed

and just keep it real with them. Like, listen, like, I just think that like right now you, you don't like, you're not ready to settle down. You're just not. I don't think you're ready. I think you want to be ready. I think someday you will be ready. I think someday a woman's going to be super happy to have you. I just don't know if I'm really interested in being someone you like figure that out with, you know? And I think you want to be ready more than you are ready. Well, that'll drive them nuts. Yeah. That's a really good thing to say.

For sure. Yeah. Anything along those lines. I think you like the idea more than you are. And like, and say that to about him, he'll lose it. It'd be great.

Perfect. Right back down. Yes. I have to record it on my phone. But in the meantime, yeah, it sounds like you're doing well. Just, just get over it, you know know get back out there start dating but don't don't force it and just be single for a while like you're 23

you're you're also go be a fuck boy too you know like go and you don't have to like fuck to be a fuck boy but like play the field you know like have some fun maybe just get a variety of different types of guys and just have an adventurous mindset rather than i'm looking for a husband mindset and i think if you have more adventurous mindset you will at least have some fun and yeah because i think you run the risk of trapping the fuckboy right now. Yeah. Because I think a lot of fuckboys would be into you. Yeah, I don't see a track.

And I like the fuckboy vibe. She loves the ex-athlete 24-year-old with 10 six-pack picks. You're going to marry a fuckboy. You're going to marry a former fuck boy. Some fuck boy will meet you and he will say, you're the person I want to not be a fuck boy for. And I don't know when that's going to happen, but just know that and you're smiling, but it comes with a lot of risk and a lot of potential disappointment along the way. So you're going to have to get really good at standing in your power and saying no and setting boundaries and being up front, which again, will only make a fuckboy more crazy about you. But you really have to be honest with

yourself about what you're going for and not go for validation because like yeah i think like sometimes what she's doing is like trying to be like cool girlish like she wants to make sure that they keep liking her instead of saying what she wants sometimes she'll tell me that and i'm like that's not what you actually want you're just saying that yeah i don't know i maybe in the next six months for fun try to saying whatever the fuck you know what do you have to lose you know i don't know i'm just i guess just the anxiety of it just kind of freaks me out and i'm just not used to it and i just have to you just gotta get better at it it's practice you just need to be chill yeah just just try it out just try truly speaking your mind okay and not to like quote my own book but there's

that line where it says like if you can't be like if you're afraid to be yourself like the people who want to love you can't find you you know what i'm saying like your guys are going to fall in love with the idea of you they're going to love they're going to fall in love with a virgin that you're not really so just try to be your best your most authentic self early on and then you'll finally find a that's that's how you're going to get the fuck boy to really keep you so to speak because the fuck boy who does want to like give up everything for you or that freedom is because he truly truly feels like he knows you and if i'm nitpicking here maybe there's a part of maybe you weren't your most authentic authentic self at this guy and maybe you were trying to be

someone you thought he wanted and maybe over time that read a little inauthentic to him i don't know that's not something for you to sit there and analyze and ask him and like go down a rabbit hole. I'm not saying that to like have you like, oh, did I do that? But like, there's a possibility if you know, if you can admit to doing that, there is a chance that at the end of the day,

it just didn't feel authentic to him. And I trust me when guys just want someone that they, like they want the girl who's like fuck you this is who i am they really do they want to sleep with the women who you know make it really easy to sleep with you know so but they they will they will give up everything for the woman who makes them chase and, and then stands in their power and, and sets some boundaries and expectations. Yeah.

So, but, uh, yeah, my pleasure. This is a, this was a fun one. Thanks for letting us read your letter.

I think, uh, I think you're going to be just fine though. And, uh, be wary when he reaches out again in the future. But in the meantime, mute him, say goodbye, have a little ceremony, just let it go. And when, and thoughts are going to pop in your head because they naturally do. And when you're alone in your thoughts, you're going to, you're going to start asking those why questions. But anytime you ask yourself why or what happened,

challenge yourself to just say, Katie, stop it. Stop it. Get off of it. You mentally do that because otherwise you'll go down rabbit holes. And you'll have your good days and bad days. But honestly, try to check yourself and it'll get easier and easier.

Yeah. I'm honestly feeling pretty good. Last week was pretty bad, but today's a new week, new day. So yeah, just going to move forward from here on out. But I'll keep you guys updated. I'll send you guys a follow up if you ever... All right. We definitely want to follow up.

So definitely check in. Either your state of mind. If he reaches back out, we definitely want to follow up definitely check in either your state of mind if he reaches back out we certainly want to know but I would love to hear updates from Katie on your pursuit for your fuckboy thank you

thank you guys so much take care ladies all right how's it going hi what's your name my name is jasmine and i am 23 years old hi jasmine hi i am trying to decide if i should shoot my shot with a guy that i haven't seen in two years okay and why are you deciding if you want to shoot your shot with a guy that I haven't seen in two years. Okay. And why are you deciding if you want to shoot your shot with a guy you haven't seen in two years? Okay. So I just got out of a relationship like five months ago. I got broken up with, with this guy I was dating for about three years and we were pretty serious. But two years ago,

we had broken up again or for the first time, I guess. And when we were broken up, I went on a date with this guy. And, you know, it was a great first date. And he tried to, like, you know, go on a second date. But I was kind of distant because I was starting to talk to my ex again. And then we got back together and I haven't talked to him since. ex again and then we got back together and I haven't talked to him since but recently since my breakup I think I don't know if he like sensed it or maybe saw on my Instagram that I deleted pictures with my ex and he's been like you know messaging me on Instagram or replying to my story so I'm debating you know like I was debating if I should text him to go out for drinks and I ended

up doing it but then I was kind of confused by his response. I'm like, I don't know if I should follow up to shoot my shot again. What did you leave it? Did you send in those texts? I did. So you're in the time where you broke up with, you just broke up with your boyfriend, right? And you're in this time, you're like, you know what?

I want to get out there. I want to date. I want to make myself feel good. Right. Yeah. And you know what? I think any opportunity like that, to date i want to make myself feel good right yeah and you know what i think any opportunity like that you take it okay good to know yeah i'm definitely in that stage where i'm like i think i'm ready to start going on dates you know i haven't really gone on dates in like years so i feel you know so when was the last time like 41 minutes

ago so when where do we have you shooting your shot? That's what I want to get to. I messaged him maybe like a week or two ago. Um, yeah, you're down for grabbing drinks or something. Oh, that. Okay.

So yeah, he was sending, so you guys have been messaging a lot lately. Yeah. I didn't send like all of them. Cause I'll, I just sent the most like important that I could think of. Do you guys send photos?

So on October 2nd, I don't know what you guys are talking about. He wrote, maybe I'll come next time. Just hit me up. Oh, yeah. So he replied to one of my stories of going to karaoke with my friends. So he plays drums and all of that. So he replied and was like, oh, is that you singing? And I was like, yeah. And then he was like, there's just a drum kit sitting there. And I was just like, yeah, you know, you should. And then I think that's why I said you should come next time or something. Okay. Yeah. You should come next time. Okay. I will. He hearted that. And then earlier this month you wrote, hey, are you down to grab drinks or something soon and catch up? Nice. Love that. Simple. Yes. But I'm very confused by his response, to be honest. Well, he wrote, yeah. Yeah. When you're free. Okay. I mean, I don't know. Why are you confused? He said, yeah. Okay. Because basically, if you look, I don't know if I sent a picture of the time stamps so then you wrote i'm usually free on mondays wednesdays fridays and sometimes saturdays when

are you free i love that you're just getting getting trying to schedule he just writes whenever but i'll let you know when i'm working on an air on an airbnb things in life are a bit hectic right now. Oh. He sent those. So basically, when I sent my schedule, and he said whenever, like within a minute of sending that, and then maybe like 30 minutes later, he was like, oh, but I'm, my life is hectic. And I was like, that's weird. But he would send it like, like 30 minutes later. And then I was just like, okay, do I follow up and like be like, you know, make a plan and be like, hey, like, let's hang out this day or do I just wait? I don't know. I was kind of confused by his response.

Was he hurt after the last time you dated? You guys went on a date? Like, and he asked you out? So I actually sent screenshots of that. I don't know if you guys have it. But basically, when I was kind of rekindling things with my ex he was like dating you know we were just casually dating you know just like he was dating other people I was dating other people so we had he had sent like a whole message about saying like oh I just got into a relationship and like I enjoyed spending time

with you and I kind of said the same thing and that's how we ended it like two years ago so I think I sent those messages um so I don't think he was hurt by it we kind of both like left that respectfully and we're just like okay cool I know we're supposed to go on a hike but in a in so this is two years this is November 2020 yeah let me see I know we're supposed to go on a hike but in the time since we last spoke to each other i've gotten into a relationship i don't want to just ghost you and leave you in the dark about these kinds of things i think it's rude i think it's you're really pretty and lovely girl and i'm glad i've spent time with you i hope things work out uh you got god on your side so nothing will stop you okay well

great yeah and you write a nice message back to how did it pick back up so basically i posted on my story like after i got broken up with you know and you know post breakup you're just like whatever going to it anyway so i posted that if anyone was down to like travel somewhere soon with me and he had replied to my story and he was like when I'm down for whenever and I was like oh that's weird that was the first time talking to him in two years so I was like oh you know whenever I don't mind I'm kind of down to just go anywhere right now I work from home so everything's super flexible so he ended up planning like this whole you know like san diego trip or lake tahoe and kind of wrote this

whole like paragraph about like oh we should go here you're here and i was just kind of like um i'm busy so i was kind of just like scared to be honest to like see him for the first time like going on a trip so then he but he seriously planned this trip with you he was yeah he was saying like ask for this day off and here are the airbnbs and i was just like uh i don't know i'll let you know but also i was kind of like going somewhere with my family that weekend anyway so it wouldn't have worked out here's what i think you should do i think this guy's definitely potentially in his fuck boy era so there's that to watch out for. If you're just like looking for someone to like have a drink with,

I think there's nothing wrong to Laura's point. Like go out, go on some dates. I wouldn't emotionally invest more in this guy, you know, to Laura's point, I think you should be adventurous. I think you should maybe get on some apps and go on a bunch of days with some random people like you know obviously i want you to be excited but just

go out and date and start to get to know other people it's i think there's a level of like ease here you knew you had a spark with this guy in the past and so like your interest in him my guess is is is much based off of convenience yes you know yeah because it's like oh i i hate looking i don't want to go on the apps you know maybe you're saying all these things you know it's hard to meet people in public but how about the guy who we had a thing with and and maybe there was a misconnection and that might be possible but just don't get too wrapped up in that storyline so what i would do with this guy because you guys are both kind of who knows maybe he's literally doing the same thing you did

which is he you know psyching himself out all of a sudden like he was chasing you you pulled away that was fun all of a sudden you're like hey let's let's go out for drinks. He's like, Oh wait, you like me? I hate you. You know, like something like that. So I, instead of giving the let's grab a drink, here's my whole schedule. I'm free these days. Pick a day. Let's plan something. And again, depending on how, like, just know, like this is kind of trapping fuck boy energy, you know, but I would just randomly one day say hey i have this thing tomorrow or i want to go to this restaurant let's go here it's pitch him something that you want to do that you're inviting him to do even if it's just to go to a place and get a sandwich that you want to go to hey yeah i'm going hiking do you want to go to. Hey, I'm going hiking.

Do you want to come with me? Make it more out of less of a plan. Because Quan, honestly, once you started planning something, it sounded like he got a little freaked out. I agree. Yeah, that's what I kind of thought, yeah. Which means that he's definitely, to me, he's probably in his fuckboy era.

So just know that. But hey, listen, everyone's a fuckboy until they meet someone they don't want to be a fuckboy with. So find out if he wants, you know. But just go in cautious. And if you do get him to go out with you, just remember that a lot of it is based off of the convenience of talking to him. It's totally convenient, though, because when I broke up with my ex, the first thing I did was like, oh, who did I date in high school that I want to call? You know what I mean?

Who do I have a relationship with already that's just so convenient? I didn't want to go on the apps. I didn't want to make it like that. But I think that what's going to hurt you even just trying? I mean, it's not going to hurt anybody. Just do it. Just say, hey, meet me at the dinner tomorrow night at 6 p.m. And if he says no, then bye, see you later. How long ago did you, how long ago these messages when he said, my life's busy right now?

Like a week ago, I want to say. Week to two weeks. Is there any place you'd want to go? Do you have anything? I do have like a couple of places in mind, like to get drinks that I've wanted to try or just like maybe I thought about even doing because he replied to my story when I went karaoke with my friends. So I thought of even just planning a karaoke day and be like, hey, we're going. It's too much. If you want to plan a karaoke date with your friends, do that.

But I don't want you to plan a karaoke date with your friends so you can get a guy to hang out with you. Right. Also, karaoke is embarrassing in front of a new guy. I don't know. I know. I don't want you to hear my voice. That's why, you know, you got a pregame before. I don't know. Yeah. So I think you should keep it simple and casual. And it's just more, hey, there's this place I want to try to get a drink. You down to get something tonight? I would maybe text him right now. It's early. Oh, I think to try to get a drink. You down to get something tonight? Maybe text him right now. It's early. Oh, I think you should do it right now, actually. Do it right this second.

What do you have to lose? Exactly. It's actually better to know now if he's into you. If a casual like, hey, let's get drinks tonight doesn't like, if he's not like, I can't tonight, how about tomorrow? Then you're wasting your time. Say, meet me at this place at 6 p.m. tonight. Then you know to move

on. And if he wants to in the future, like, ask you out, then say yes, you know, knowing that you're saying yes to a fuckboy. Yeah, he is a fuckboy. Yeah. Okay, good to know, because I didn't really think about that. Now I'm like, okay, well, at least

that's, like, in the back of my mind. But you don't want a relationship. You just got out of one. You just need to enjoy your time right now. Yeah because I didn't really think about that. Now I'm like, okay, well, at least that's like in the back of my mind. But you don't want a relationship. You just got out of one. You just need to enjoy your time right now. Listen, you're young. You're beautiful. You just got to live right now. Go take a vacation.

Go to Miami. That's where I went. Oh, I've actually been wanting to go. Oh, Miami was a great place to go after a breakup. Yeah, and I… And not saying anything like I was like hooking up. You know, I'm just saying it was just so nice. nice he's like i had a lot of fun on the beaches i went to miami have a breakup but i went with my buddy and it was a time when i had no money and like miami was a

very different experience than it probably was for you well i'm just saying i think going anywhere like fun places after a breakup just to like even with girlfriends if you can just go dance and have fun that's all so hit this guy up and see send the text and then let us know what he ends up saying I agree okay so just say like down a meet up for drinks tonight and then

I don't even give him the question I would say drinks tonight at 6 yeah I would say hey there's this place I've always, hey, there's this place. I've always wanted to try. There's this place I want to try. We should go tonight. Yeah, love that.

Okay. Say, we should go tonight. Don't say, just say, we should, you know, I feel like just be a little more strong. There's this place I want to try. We should go tonight.

Yeah. Okay. That's all you say. I'll do that. Okay. And he should reply back, yes, or can tonight, how about another day?

And if he gives you the, oh, I can't tonight and nothing else, he's not all that interested. Yeah. Okay. But when he gets bored, he will reach out again. Also, men like to, I feel like with my ex, this guy guy was dating, he used to wait six hours to reply because he felt like that was the right thing to do. Sure. So I just want to say,

like sometimes they think that. Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing. We don't really, I think you're wasting time trying to overanalyze

like his decision to reply back when he replied back. What we do know is, is he didn't take you up on your offer. And that's all that really matters right but we don't know if you psyched him out by making a plan or he's just not interested clearly he's been messaging you so there's something there i just think he's in his fuck boy era and he likes having a lot of like you know pots going so to speak he's got a you

know he's building up his roster and you're part of that roster in a way in a very kind of casual way so hang out with him just knowing that's the type of energy he's most likely bringing and if you like him if you have fun ask questions you know get to know him and and set some boundaries for yourself of what you're willing to do with a guy who, you know, it seems very, she's just kind of shopping around right now. Yeah, I bet. But I,

at least I'm kind of on the same boat as him, I guess. So yeah. Plan a trip with your girlfriend. Yes. All right. I'm going to do that. Miami,

add it to my list. Miami, Vegas, New York. Yes. I just went to Cabo. So that's a good one. There you go.

All right. Well, keep us posted. Okay. Sounds good. Thank you so much for your help. No, thank you. Take care. Good luck.

You too. All right. Bye. Laura, thanks so much for coming. Thank you for having me. This was so fun. So much fun. Great talking.

Well, I'm in such a long episode. We had a lot to get through. Yeah. A lot to cover. We had seven episodes of Love is Blind. Totally. Plus, you know, Tom Brady. We had a lot to get through. Yeah. A lot to cover. We had seven episodes of Love is Blind. Totally. Plus, you know, Tom Brady.

There's a lot. There's a lot. But it was so fun and such a cozy space. Such a cozy space. Yeah. I'm glad you like it. I really like it.

Can you please let my audience know where they can find you, follow you, all that fun stuff? On Instagram, you can follow me at Laura Rigetti. And,

like, what's my TikTok? Oh, Laura Rigetti. Sorry. Hey,'s my TikTok? Oh, Laura Rigetti. Sorry. Hey, I used to be VileNicholas28 on Twitter until it's been changed. Finally, huge for the team.

Laura, thanks so much again. I appreciate it. Go follow Laura. Go buy Don't Text Your Ex Happy Birthday, VileFiles.com for all the available links. You heard it here. It's just helping people. Can I have the available links. You've heard it here. It's just helping people. Can I have this one?

Yeah, you can take it. Do I have to buy it or can I take it? No, you have to buy it. I'm just kidding. No. Go ahead and take that one. Okay, thanks. But you have to tell me what you think.

Okay, I will read this though. Yeah, read it. I needed a good read. I mean, you're in a loving relationship. But maybe you'll find something beneficial for me. I know. I like all books. Great. Thanks for listening, guys. read. I mean, you're in a loving relationship, but maybe you'll find something beneficial for them. I like all books. Great.

Thanks for listening, guys. Don't forget to send in those questions at asknickatcastme.com. Cast with a K. We'll be back next week. Thanks for listening, I guess. Thanks for listening. Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming. Bye, everybody.