The Viall Files - E497 Going Deeper - Love Is Blind Recap with Michelle Collins

Episode Date: November 3, 2022

Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files, Going Deeper Edition! Today we are joined by comedian, podcaster, and host, Michelle Collins! We’re back again to recap episodes 8 through 10 as we break down how our lovely couples are doing as we lead up to their highly anticipated wedding days! Before we get to Love Is Blind, we kick things off with some Pop Culture News! We rate celebrity Halloween costumes, react to Heidi Klum’s realistic worm outfit, talk about Prince Harry’s upcoming memoir, and talk about a Reddit post about splitting rent when you’re in different financial situations. We then get to the episodes! We dive into Raven and SK, talking about their rent argument, Raven growing on everyone during the season, a “romantic” back alley gondola ride, and the shock wedding twist ending in heartbreak. We then debate if every couple is a bit toxic, Michelle gives her hot takes on Alexa and Brennan, and talks about Alexa’s dad being hot as hell. We also talk about how the bachelor parties could’ve used a bigger budget, how the show only needs one success story, and Bartise’s crude comments at dinner. We get into the Nerf Gun fight with Cole, Zanab needing way more support from her partner, and if the women chose boys over men. We talk about the couples ignoring obvious red flags, how there should be a breakup before the wedding, Nancy sticking wholeheartedly to her decision, and an update on Colleen being a ballerina. We then bring on our Texting Office Hours callers. Our first caller needs advice after her guy friend and ex-boyfriend moved into a place together. After her friend asks our caller to visit, she wonders what the best way to approach this situation is. Our second caller wonders how to break a toxic cycle and change a situationship back into a friends with benefits relationship.  “You’re being understanding like you’re his GF, but you’re not his GF.”  If you are interested in running a book club in your city, send an email to: [e-mail]  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  If you would like to get some advice on Office Hours send an email to [e-mail] with “Office Hours” in the subject line!  Be sure to check out my sports radio show Fandemonium, Wednesdays @ 3PT / 6 ET  on Amazon's Amp app.  Click the link to download Amp using my code NICKVIALL https://apps.apple.com/us/app/amp-host-live-radio-shows/id1586403838 To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com Support a Local Bookstore: https://bookshop.org/books/don-t-text-your-ex-happy-birthday-and-other-advice-on-love-sex-and-dating-9798212185622/9781419755491 THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Betterhelp: When you want to be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. Visit http://www.BetterHelp.com/VIALLFILES today to get 10% off your first month. Helix Sleep: Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to http://www.HelixSleep.com/viall. With Helix, better sleep starts now. Episode Socials:  @viallfiles @nickviall @michcoll See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

what's going on everybody welcome back to another episode of the volfiles going deeper edition i'm your host nick joined by ali and amanda How are you ladies doing? Good. It was a good episode. Very fun. Yes. Michelle is so vibrant. I feel energized. Yeah. Michelle Collins, our guest. That's what they're talking about. Yeah. We get into a lot, but how are you doing? Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. What? What's going on, Amanda? No, no, no, no no no no no no just like uh sorry it says it could could i be more boring and nondescript wait i'm concerned what's going on no no i'm okay i I just I feel like nobody on Going Deeper cares about my relationship status. We would love to hear if you want to.

No, just like I think I think I'm just like at a point where I'm feeling like a little bit like restless in my relationship. Like a little bit like not not the end of the world by any means. But like it's it's hard. He's away for like four weeks. So it's like been doing a pseudo long distance thing and i think it's just like adjusting and also in that adjustment being like hmm larger reflections that was very nondescript well i don't want him to listen to this and be like and as first of all as if he would fucking take the time to listen to something i made just kidding just kidding um but like there's first of all, as if he would fucking take the time to listen to something I made, just kidding, just kidding. But like,

there's no, first of all, zero percent chance he listens to this, but like, I don't know. It's still like, you want to be like polite to people. We've just been having like, we've just been fighting recently is what it is.

I feel like Amanda might be on the dating market soon. It's not. This is an outside point of view. I'm getting this from no information other than just sensing some disruption in the force

for you disruption it's not not broken you know there's I feel like there's a chance

of that there's also a chance like we figured out this is just like a weird little moment of turbulence and the plane stabilizes yeah

if I may yes it is your show and you will whether you may or may not. It is called The Vile Files. You could say no. No, please.

May away. No, please. I think you have a really good relationship with a really great guy that has a lot of potential and definitely it would be easy, I think, for you to say

maybe right guy, wrong time, things like that. At the end of the day, though, I feel like you might say maybe right guy, wrong time, things like that. At the end of the day, though, I feel like you might come to find out that it was just good guy, but not the one. That's the thing that I think is really hard to suss out. Okay. This is not even the tea, but like, I do think there's a little bit of this like kind of question about being like, are you considering the future like that's what really my big question for him it's not what does the future hold for us how like but is that something

you're considering and i don't feel like i have a lot of clarity on that at present we can only be dating um like hooking up or dating dating dating since like beginning of april yeah spring spring it's a long time six months and you have no idea what he's thinking or feeling about the future. Yeah, as it relates to the relationship, no clue. What's the problem? It's not ideal. What's the problem? Yeah.

Well, otherwise, what's the point? There's no common goal. I just think, yeah, but I just feel like you, yeah, you are someone who's very intentional and like future-based and you've talked about like at some point, not now, but like you yeah you are someone who's very intentional and like future base and you've talked about like at some point not now but like you would love to move back to like the east coast and like raise your kids there so i just feel like but like you think far ahead you you have that in mind and that was one of the reasons i like uh when we first met like one of the he was talking to one of my friends and he was like yeah i've always like kind of wanted to settle down in

boston chicago and i was like it was like it was a plus for him at the beginning yeah but the reason that I'm like it's not the end of the world is like I'm 25 I still don't know I don't even know if I see a future with him I just know that I'm like wondering and I don't know that he is and the thing the reason that I'm like you know I don't know that this is like the end of the world is that I do think there's a lot of value in like, I think there's relationships where you're building something for the future. And I think there's relationships where you're taking care of each other in the present. And obviously, like when you're building stuff for the future, it goes without saying, you're also trying to take care of each other in the moment. But I think it's fair to say that like there's some relationships where you might not think that like long term it's feasible, but like you can add a ton of value and care to each other's life in the present.

And so it's like worthwhile in that way. And so I think it's just hard. I think being long distance where you can't add that same amount of care is like kind of the thing where it's like, okay, well like what is this built on then? You did a lot of talking and none of it is wrong, but you are not talking about your problem

because that all might be true but that doesn't really address the problem you just don't know you don't even know which one it is that's your problem i yeah no you don't know if it's this is if this is relationship is more about just focusing on the present and then being like a a temporary relationship that you guys will reflect on in the past or maybe you like are doing that now and building to the future. You just don't know and that's what's eating you up and it's that confusion that's frustrating you.

And yeah, you went in this whole like, you know, two minute tangent of how either could be ideal and that could be true. I won't argue that, but you don't know. And after dating someone for six months. But then I'm like,

maybe that is my answer. Like maybe if like the future stuff hasn't six months but then i'm like maybe that is my like maybe if like the future stuff hasn't come up then it's like that's your answer girl sure but you're also avoiding having the conversation yeah i yeah he i yeah i think we don't uh necessarily you should know after dating if you're in a committed relationship you're saying i love you you're spending a crazy amount of time with each other you're committed you should have an idea of each other's like purpose for this relationship i think he comes from the perspective like when it has come up in the past he's just like spoken about really valuing like present interactions and i think from him he's like how would we even have that conversation?

When like, I don't know, like I'm still getting to know you. I, is the sense that I get from him. Yeah. But there's a cop out to a certain extent. Like you're not like you're a smart person.

You know what I'm saying? Like, and you don't have your answer and that is, and you can assume his answer. And maybe that is your answer. If he, if you, but you,

it sounds like, and I know this because we've talked you if you but you it sounds like and i know this because we've talked about this but you've avoided holding him to the fire and asking very specific questions to get very specific answers yeah i have and i might keep doing it that's your journey no i just like i just want to be conscious of not like shitting on him or shitting on him or making it sound like he's doing something wrong. I think you're doing something wrong. Okay, there we go. I just want to be clear that it's like-

He might be too, but you're not asking the questions for some reason. Maybe it's because you're afraid of the answers. I think I'm asking the questions. But I think I'm not actually asking the questions in the middle of a paragraph of me talking and then not actually making him answer the question. Yeah, you're venting and you're kind of putting it out there and a really considerate person would probably try to have this conversation, but he seems to avoid wanting to have this conversation.

And you're right, there are some answers in there. But you could just do yourself the favor of getting the clarity that seems like you want and just asking a very specific question and demanding a very specific answer. And you're not asking him if he wants to marry you today. You're just asking him, do you see this going anywhere? Do you see yourself settling down three to five years because you can you should be able to answer that question in six months in a relationship yeah i see it i don't know it could change tomorrow but i see it that's why i'm dating you otherwise like you know other people do want like temporary girlfriends and boyfriends you don't though not with him that's

not how you ever saw him yeah i guess you were talking about boston with kids well i just mean it's nice not knowing that there's like these landmines that are gonna go off i think a lot of that has to do with the fact that like my ex it was a big thing that like he didn't want kids and it was like at one point i was like i'm fucking 21 like i don't want kids anytime you're just go shitting with yourself i am and let me tell you i have a great lawyer book club update. If you want to join a Don't Text Your Ex Happy Birthday book club, which is kind of a book club, but also kind of just like a community place to go to support each other in relationships and dating. Basically

kind of just like create a little network in your city. They're popping up. They are Facebook groups. You can search it on Facebook as DTYEHB-YourCity. I'm going to go through the cities that currently are up and running. That's not to say there won't be more. There's other ones in progress. But as of now, you should be able to find Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco, Phoenix, Dallas, Columbus, Boston, Sacramento, Denver, New York City, Toronto, and Philadelphia. So just search for the DTYEHBbookclub-anyofthosecities. Request to join the Facebook group. They're all being managed by some lovely people. So do that or go to our Vile Files Instagram.

We'll have swipe up links on our Instagram stories and look for that. I hope you all joined. I hope you're all enjoying the book. Thanks for everyone who's read the book, reviewed it. I can't thank you guys enough. If you haven't checked out Don't Text Your Ex, Happy Birthday, I don't know what you're waiting for, but it's still available. Go to vilefiles.com for all the appropriate

links, audiobooks, Amazon, indie bookstores, international, all that fun stuff. If you have purchased it on Amazon, please leave a review. A verified review is always helpful for those people who bought it on Amazon. And that's all I have to say about that. Our final episode is next week on Going Deeper.

Just want to preemptive thank you to everyone who's been with us. A lot of you have listened to every episode we've ever had. I can't say enough about how appreciative I am for everyone who's listened. If you're new to the show, it's great. It means a lot that you guys have been with us and supported the show, have told friends about this show. It's you guys who have helped grow the show and we appreciate it. And so next week will be a big week and excited to bring it to you. So next week will be a big week and excited to bring it to you. Let's get to Michelle Collins.

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Life is hard and, you know, there's not, there's a million ways to do life well, and there's a million ways to do life poorly. And sometimes we just want to get, we just want to work through things. We want to talk through things. And BetterHelp is there to help people do that. If you've ever struggled with your thoughts and concerns, and you just feel like you've either exhausted your friends or family, or honestly, maybe you're just getting bad advice, BetterHelp is there. Online therapy made simple and easy.

The hard part sometimes about starting therapy is just knowing where to go and finding the right therapist. BetterHelp is making that easier than ever before. BetterHelp has connected over 3 million people with licensed therapists, and they have so many different therapists. So many therapists are signing up for BetterHelp every day. And the best part about that is they can find the right therapist for you, because so much about therapy is finding the right person. So whether you're stuck in a rut, having relationship problems, money problems, just overall stress, maybe health problems, maybe family dynamics, it really doesn't matter. BetterHelp is there for you. You can do it out of the convenience of your home, a tablet, your phone, your computer. You can do it face-to-face. You can do audio only if you want

to have that privacy. Whatever you're most comfortable with, BetterHelp makes it easy for you. So as the world's largest therapy service, BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100% online. Plus, it's affordable. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a therapist. If things aren't clicking, you can easily switch to a new therapist anytime. It couldn't be simpler. No waiting rooms, no traffic, no endless searching for the right therapist. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash vile files. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash V-I-A-L-L-F-I-L-E-S.

Helix Sleep. Hey, I can't say enough about my Helix mattress. It's the best mattress in the world. I hate leaving my bed. I love returning to my bed. I don't know what else to say. I'll be a Helix Sleep customer for life because their mattresses are incredible. Helix Sleep is a premium mattress brand that provides tailored mattresses based on your unique sleep preferences. Helix lineup includes 14 unique mattresses, including a collection of luxury models and mattresses for big and tall sleepers, and even mattresses made for kids. I'm a side sleeper myself, but you might be a stomach sleeper, a back sleeper. You might like firm. You might like soft. You might like something in the middle.

You might like to feel cool. There's all these different options. Helix has the right one for you. Plus, Helix mattresses are American-made and come with a 10 to 15-year warranty depending on the model. And remember, you get to try it for 100 nights risk-free, even if you don't love it, and I know you will. It's a Helix Sleep mattress, but you do get to try it for 100 nights. You can return it. You won't, but you can. And if you don't want to take my word for it, Helix Sleeps has been awarded number one mattress pick by GQ and Wire Magazine. It's even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleeping medicine as a go-to solution for improving your sleep. Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helixsleep.com slash V-I-A-L-L with Helix.

Better sleep starts now. Michelle, how's it going? Nikki. So good to have you. Nikki, you're the first person I'm seeing in Los Angeles. How long has it been since you've been here? Probably five years. Where have you been? I've been all over, babe. I was in lockdown in New York City, left, went to London. I was in

Amsterdam, Italy. I've done all kinds of things. How long are you in Europe for? I was in Europe, honestly, since, I don't know, I've been in London for like, oh, six months probably total in the past year. Wow. Yeah. Just skirting the visa regulations. Did you?

Yeah, like a day before I'm like, all right, I gotta go. Bye. Did you like the food in London? You know, I have to tell you, I don't love the food in London. But what I do like about it is the convenience because so many people are drunk there. They make it very easy to get food. So if you want a sandwich, if you want a coffee, like, no problem. Amsterdam is the opposite where if you're hungry in Amsterdam, you have to sit down for an hour and get a meal.

Like you can't go in and grab like a wrap. You know what I mean? It's very frustrating for a lady on the go as myself. So, yeah. Is the food better in Amsterdam though? No, no. Not at all. Just longer. It's no better. No better no better well i'm excited to have you here i've wanted you on the

show since i started it and it only took 497 episodes to get you here uh worth the wait i feel it too and it's great to see you it is worth the wait and for the i don't know if people remember that michelle announced me as The Bachelor. I did. I remember. And I was very excited. Yeah. Do you remember?

I do remember. And then I remember when I found out I was The Bachelor and like nine people in the world knew and I was at Cacone's with my then agent, like kind of secretly telling him. And then I ran into you. I remember.

Who was at the time hosting, what was it called? After Paradise. After Paradise. And I was just like And then I ran into you, who was at the time hosting, what was it called? After Paradise. After Paradise. And I was just like, I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't tell you. And like,

I knew, because I knew you didn't even know. And here we are. Full circle. That was honestly, working on that show was for me, one of the greatest television gigs I've had. After Paradise.

It was fun. I loved it. Silly and fun. Yeah. It was great. They let me be funny. That's all I ask. People who are like,

yeah, do your thing. Great. It was awesome. Yeah. It was great. They let me be funny. That's all I ask people who are like, yeah, do your thing. Great. It was awesome. Yeah. Well, congratulations. The great Sean Lowe.

You keep in touch with him? No. Yeah. Same. Great guy. Great guy. He is, but no,

we don't talk. Anyway. And then turns out you tweeted or posted something about love is blind and how you've been obsessed with the show. And as something I had no idea where you obsessed with the show. And as something, I had no idea where you were in the world. And I DMD, I said,

is there any chance you're going to be in LA next week? And you said fortuitously, Oh my God, I'm literally coming there next week. You summoned me into this flat Brown town. And here I am. And I landed yesterday and you said, can you do a, uh, the day? And I said, I. And here I am. And here you are. And I landed yesterday. And you said, can you do the day? And I said, I'm landing the night before.

So here we are. And I'm in the Valley for you. Well, you know what the Valley is known for? And this is definitely on brand. The best home goods. If you want to go to a good home goods. I have one by my house. Did you just say porn?

Yeah, it is known. The Valley is known for porn. That's where they shoot them, at the home goods. On all those fake velveteen chaises. Get a pillow. Porn is about to set. That's where they shoot them, at the HomeGoods. On all those fake velveteen chaises. Get a pillow! That's why everything's half off. That's exactly right. Like, now, is this stain, can I get an extra 10%? They're like, that's part of

their charm when you go in. But yeah, Zelza Avenue. Are you near Zelza? No. The HomeGoods off of Ventura? Oh, yeah, that's an okay one. The Zelza one, people, and I will never forget the name of that avenue. If you need plates, you need sofas. I'm not paid by them. I should be.

Fabulous. Okay. Happy to be back. Happy to have you here. Thanks, Nikki. Well, we have a lot to get into. Obviously, love is blind. But before we do, do we have any?

Yeah. Should we start with Celebrity Halloween? Yes, please. Yes. Okay. So, obviously, Heidi wormed her way into everyone's hearts and minds boo i felt bad i felt bad about it when i was saying it i didn't come to the valley for that i'm just gonna tell you right now i drove an hour i'm not a big fun person whatever um but yeah so

i mean i can run through some standouts. I think Heidi Klum's incredibly realistic. Worm one comes to mind first and foremost. When did she get her start at being the person who's going to own Halloween? It was when she was with Seal because I remember she always had that party, which I've never scored an invite to. Nor have I. But that, y'all, that worm is one of the funniest things. I have to say, you think, how can she top it? Because every year she shows up and it must cost thousands. It is arguably one of the funniest things i have to say like you think how can she top it because every year she shows up and it must cost thousands it is arguably one of the funniest

things i've ever seen and did you see when she took the the worm part off what she looked like i did not see that you really should look because she put on like she had like a very slinky sexy lingerie the body obviously still perfect which is. But then has the worm face on like a big – you have to – it's incredible. Like a sticky toffee pudding. I don't even know what it looks like, but it's fabulous. It's on the internet, yeah? Yeah, yeah. You have two computers.

You can do it faster. Look up worm slinky lingerie Heidi. And it's all the HomeGoods photos comes out. Worm slinky. Look up human centipede Heidi. See what happens. Okay. You see it?

Oh my God. Yes. No, but you have to zoom in on the face because the face. How did she even walk in it, Nick? I don't know. I think she got carried. Sweet. She did the worm.

That's cute. Around. Wait, scroll. No, you have to scroll up to the face. It doesn't matter if you don't have the face in it. Oh, that's terrifying. That's haunting my dreams i love it oh my god heidi victoria's secret fashion show you know i just love it it's a new look um were

there any other like standout costumes that you guys saw i can also do you have your give us a top five or ten to pick from we had well there were two marge simpsons i saw that which was kind of fun cardi b and lizzo both went as march simpson okay he had i saw lizzo's yes great cardi b's was um very similar she was in a corset as opposed to um like a midi fashion nova sequin dress which is what lizzo was wearing let's be real oh my cardi cardi sexy cardi cardi is like hot march cardi is porn March okay she's at the home good yellow stains on every zebra printed

there was also Kendall Jenner's costume which was a sexy toy story I was into it you liked that sorry let me see that

pull it up I mean she clearly looks good she would look good in a paper bag though sure it's Kendall Jenner but like what do you mean you don't know I did not like it no no no I didn't see let me see that pull it up I mean she clearly looks good she would look good in a paper bag though sure it's Kendall Jenner but like what do you mean

you don't know I did not like it no no no I didn't see I actually thought that she went more I didn't know how sexy she took it

I thought she went more like Woody from Toys R Us like just with the apron on she kind of looked like didn't Woody have like a cowboy girlfriend in the movie

no it's Jessie that's what that's who she is yeah oh okay she looked just like that but she has a slightly different outfit on her Instagram like they all do like their official photo shoots first

and then she wore kind of a sexier version like out i think but the amount of time and money and effort that the kardashians put into like their photo shoots just for instagram for halloween blows my mind if i could just keep it real at this point in my life like i enjoy a little bit of halloween parties but like also and and like it's really about the gram you know dress up take a photo honestly if you if any we went to two halloween parties yeah and if natalie at any point said i don't feel like going out after we got the picture done i was good to go 100 i could have stayed home i don't like i just want the photo I just want the credit Yeah Tell me I look good

Tell me we look cute You know Have a couple troll comments Call it a day Yeah And I don't have to like Go out I agree with you

And explain my costume To half the people You know I was in London By the way I thought you guys looked great She looked stunning She looked great

She looked as good As any of the models That you're pulling up She looked great I'm just an accessory Which is fine honestly i think it's great i mean yeah it was a little bit it was like sloppy roger rabbit it was like minimal effort i put it together i it's like divorced roger i put it together in 90 seconds off amazon i bought a bunny onesie i bought red pants and i bought suspenders and a bow tie you're on so many lists

now like who's the guy with the bunny onesie? Like all the creepy, like, well, I won't start getting furry emails. Do you want to join our club? I was in London when they don't celebrate Halloween, or at least not in the same way that we do with the same vigor that Americans do. But I was invited to a party Saturday night. So I went into town and their Halloween shops are not professional. It's like where they normally sell cigarettes and vapes. They get like angel angel wings like you have to go into one of those kind of stores so i went into two to find giant pumpkins that like show up nothing the brits are just i mean if you know they're just not into it but i went to get cat ears because i wanted my costume

i was going to do cat ears and then like my liner all black and then i was going to be ariana extra grande and i thought that was very funny and then i couldn't find any cat ears and then like my liner all black. And then I was going to be Ariana extra grande. And I thought that was very funny. And then I couldn't find any cat ears anywhere in London sold out. Went out that night and just everyone looked a mess. I think when you don't take it as seriously and no offense to you, but when you get like kind of a crappy costume, it actually makes it scarier than like these super high end ones. Like when it's just bad enough that's when the nightmares kick in you're not sure if it's a costume or like they're just walking like i hate that yeah i do think it's a good night to go out though because you have an instant conversation

starter with everyone and it's like an immediate vibe check like it's very the way people handle halloween and address it says a lot about it is a good conversation it also makes a lot of maniacs so easy to i was my mom asked me over the weekend. She was like, well, what's the, like, what's the dress code? How formal is it? I'm like, it's just costumes. There is no level of formality, which is great because you don't have to think through like, oh, what are you wearing? It's just, I'm like, a costume is a costume.

It really doesn't matter. Except for speaking of that, Kim Kardashian did share a very funny story on her Instagram about showing up at her good friend... Tracee Ellis Ross. Yes, it was Tracee Ellis Ross's birthday dinner, and she showed up in full costume. Tracee's just in her off-the-shoulder red dress. Yeah. Kim is full.

But, you know... That's an amazing costume. Yeah. Yeah. You don't think so? I don't know. You know what? I think that I'm just really cynical lately.

And, for example, I see, like, a lot of adult men dressing up like very realistic Paddington bears. I really don't like that. Like there is something about that to me that does read as like keep a hundred feet away from schools for me. You know, you get to a certain age where when you take it that seriously, it's just like a little bit like she's a mom, she has kids, dress your kids up, go put something kind of cute on. Like you saw Ryan Gosling went out with like a little bit like she's a mom she has kids dress your kids up go put something kind of cute on like you saw ryan gosling went out with like a skull mask on and just to take the kids trick-or-treating that's sweet but that to me is a little bit like i don't know i don't like it well i like the mystique i had trick-or-treating was last night yeah uh and as a homeowner it felt

like it was like you know nelly and i were giving out candy it felt like very homey like adulting and and it was great but in my neighborhood i think it is a lot of it seems to be a lot of like one and two year old maybe three year old very young very cute however i feel like trick-or-treating was more about the parents because a lot of the trick-or-treaters were kids who like had no idea what they were doing you know most of them didn't even know how to ask for candy you know i was just like handing out handfuls and the parents parents were decked out. It was like having that first birthday party parents throw with their friends, and the kid has no idea what's going on.

I'm not a Halloween person. I always feel like Halloween is an excuse for people who throughout the year are a little bit flat to be really nuts, to get wasted, to be like, this is actually the person I want to be all year, but I can only do this tonight. And so as a person who is kind of funny, I'm like, you guys have fun. It's like that New Year's thing. I love New Year's actually, but have fun, get wasted. I'm going to watch the new White Lotus episode and have a good time on my own. You know? When it comes to choosing a wireless plan, you're forced to compromise.

But what if you didn't have to? What if you could get reliable service without a contract and save money? Introducing Total by Verizon, a new no-contract, no-credit-check carrier for you and your family with plans starting at just $30 per month on America's most reliable 5G network. Sacrifice nothing, experience everything. Total by Verizon is available at totalbyverizon.com and at retailers nationwide. Based on first place rankings

and RootMetrics first half 2022 5G assessments of 125 metros. Experiences vary, not an endorsement. Is part of it the pressure though? Like feeling like a funny person on Halloween has to like really pull out all the stops? 100%. Experiences vary, not an endorsement. and that's the museum in LA, for those who don't know. And you had to dress up like your favorite character from a painting. So I was the woman in Sunday at the park with George, the Seurat painting, who has like the big bustled ass with the monkey and the umbrella. I went to costume shops in LA.

It's the first time in my life I did pointillism makeup on my face. Oh, wow. I went out, and that for me was like really exciting. Well, I think it is so generous of hosts to kind of give you a focus or a theme of the party to like create the brainstorm because when it's everything that is at your disposal,

it's a lot to try to consider. You like that? I don't know. Like we got invited to a 1994 party this year. Very specific. They're ripping off our 2004 party.

My 24th birthday party was 2004. And we just like opted not to go because I was like, I don't know. I don't, you know. What did you go as? You didn't go?

We didn't go. 94. Is that Forrest Gump, I think? It's a good year for movies. Yeah. Pulp Fiction, Forrest Gump. Yeah. It's a really like.

Everything. Dumb and Dumber maybe. Dumb and Dumber's around there and it might be 93. I don't know. But there's a, it is an amazing years for movies. Shawshank Redemption came out that year.

I would have gone as Brooks. Noose around the neck, puttering, where am I? A big dead crow running your shoulder bucket of beers yeah little hat oh my god i can do the bathroom all the time i could just say who took me under a huge tree like looking for morgan forget it talking about hope. That's so stupid. There are timeouts in football, and there's a permanent timeout for Tom Brady and Giselle's marriage.

The divorce has been finalized. They are dividing up the properties. Emphasis on the properties. They've got many. They have ones in New York, Miami, all over the place. And an insider was quoted as saying that the reason that they broke up was because Tom was willing to, Tom wanted to make improvements, but he wasn't listening to her. Like Giselle felt like she just like was, he was not hearing what she was saying, which I think is a very relatable relationship issue. He was willing to make improvements on his timeline.

You know, it was all like, yeah, it's a lot of talk. It's like, yeah, I'm willing, of course. Like, it's like Tom knew, that's what it sounds like. It's like everyone knows they need, like it's 50-50. And everyone knows they need to do their part. But knowing you need to do your part and doing your part are two very different things. You know what I'm saying?

It's just like, I'll do everything I need to do, except I won't do that. You know, it's a meatloaf song. It's just like, that's exactly how it goes. Yeah. Something like that. I just can't believe

he's taken an entire shit on his career. I just feel like it's really... Well, isn't that what broke him up? I feel like there's a lot that's kind of not being said about really why they got divorced. Do you think there's more than just football? You can see it when you look at photos of him now

in his eyes. You can see that he is going somewhere. He has like a pain. Am I wrong to say it? Because he's a gorgeous guy. Tom Brady is hot. I mean, forget it. And like now you look at him and it's like he looks a little haunted. Haunted is exactly the perfect word. Thank you. Yes, he really does.

The football thing, I just think she realized, you know what, something's gotten to him and it's not me and I can't bring him back. And that was the end. My unofficial opinion. I also think it's that thing of him being absent from family life. He doesn't know how much he is missing. I think part of maybe her saying, I don't feel listened to, is her trying to describe all of the sacrifices that she's made, what it actually takes on a daily basis to keep their family together the way she has for so many years in support of his career and him being reductive about it or not really

caring about like the nuances. And I think once you, I think have that, uh, poison resentment in the relationship, it becomes really hard to come back from. Yes. Poisoned resentment. Yeah. Let's dig into that. Yes, poisoned resentment. Yeah. Let's dig into that because that is really powerful. Yeah, I agree. It's such a bummer. And it's really, and granted, of course, we have no idea what's happening behind closed doors,

but it really seemed like if he just stuck with retirement, it would have been okay. Or just like, yeah, prioritized his family and his wife. Prince Harry announces the name of his memoir. It's called Spare. He also shows us the cover. That'll sell. Oh my God, it will. Oh my God, it's going to sell.

Does he need money? Yes. This is a great question. I'd like to dig deeper. He does. Should we go to Montecito after this? Because it's my first time in LA. I want to see the house.

Absolutely. She has a podcast. He's running a memoir. This is very like reality TV playbook. This is what I don't understand. Security. That's what they talked about in the whole Oprah interview. They've been cut off completely.

And like they, yes. And they have like direct threats against them. Think about it. Like the amount of hatred toward Megan and then now Harry for leaving, they have to have a home. They have to have security. That's all on them now.

And Harry was talking about that with Oprah. He was like, we are, I am finding these jobs and I am now, like, I think he's running, like,

a mental health organization. He and Oprah produce this whole thing. They have Archwell Audio because he's like, I'm trying to provide for my family. I respect it. I respect it. It's,

it's interesting to me. The whole, It's fascinating. The whole arc, which is not yet done, obviously, but it's like, they the whole it's fascinating the whole arc which is not yet done obviously but it's like they got out of there and i totally understandable reasons i get it i could see why he also needed someone to pull him out like and that's why it works but then i don't know to then come to la like she's not acting anymore fine but to put so much of their business

out there and especially given the level that we're dealing with with him, he's arguably one of the most famous people on the planet. I mean, you can't argue with that. I don't know. I'm just, I don't really like any of the royal family. I think they're all kind of horrible, but it is a bit nailed by the, it's a little cringe for me. I have to be honest. Like her going right now on her podcast with the um first lady of canada comparing their lives to each other and this just happened i think yesterday or something i was reading about it

yes hello you listened to her episode you listen i've heard it she's a huge royal family oh yeah well this is i by the way i was in london when the queen died we can talk about that but i've heard that people actually love the podcast so she's good at it it's a good podcast yeah and and she's open i respect it i don't know how to put it at it. It's a good podcast. Yeah. And she's open. I respect it. I don't know how to put it. I'm just, there's a part of me that, and I'm a nobody, like I keep certain things about my personal life, you know, just like whatever family things out of the spotlight. Cause I don't want to put every single part of, you know, my family's pain and things like that out in the open. And it seems like, and they're who they are and they're all

about it. So it's just a curious decision is what i'll say about it not what i would do what do we think it's what's going to be in the book i hope he addresses his nazi costume i think he's saying nostrils i was like me too nasty nasty yeah famously yeah yeah when oh what 15 years ago maybe at least he wore well the two things that were like the moments were when he wore his Nazi costume with the armband. I think he's addressed it before. He's apologized for it, but I wonder if he would like talk about the experience

a little bit more or like kind of go in depth as opposed to just like the immediate reactive PR mandatory. I just wanted to talk about the naked hot tub. Do you remember that? No. There was the Yes. No, he

wasn't it in Vegas and then he did like a strip poker situation like yeah and then there was a photo of him that got leaked. Yes. Naked in the hot tub.

Nick. Come on. I was in a hot tub last night. Where are you? Nude? I have a hot tub. Do you? God, this life in the Valley

has really changed you. You own a house now. Yeah. Have a hot tub yeah you're different it wasn't vegas and it was in private so okay i mean one last thing we can cover on the topic of abodes is there is a story on started out on reddit but it's kind of caught on to the whole internet buzzfeed article etc this is a conflict between a woman and her now ex-boyfriend where she was in grad school um and was working, making a lot, a lot, a lot of money, living in a very swanky high

rise building in New York where rent was 500K a month. Now, he was living in this building alone. 500K? No way. A year. 500,000 a month? Sorry. Sorry.

5K. What is this? Eddie Murphy wouldn't drop that. We were talking about how she was good at math last episode. Being good at math is not the same thing as being good at reading. Yes. 5K a month is cheap in New York, actually. I take it back.

5K is normal. Yeah. But 500K. Well. 50K, I would believe that. Me too. Yeah. So he's paying 5K a month.

He's living in Manhattan doing his thing. And basically they make the decision to move in together and he says like you don't have to pay any rent it's totally fine um like you're in grad school like live with me and then once you start working we can figure out a way of like splitting rent proportionate to income that feels fair love that they were doing that then i guess after a conversation with some of his friends they were calling his girlfriend a gold digger and saying she was using him. I had no idea. And so out of the blue, he says, you should pay half rent.

I am, I'm seething. I'm seething. And a lot of, yeah, a lot of people are pissed about it. At him. Yes. Yeah. him yes well and i think it like it does lead into a really a kind of nuanced discussion about like in finances like how do you decide how to split the rent obviously this is egregiously wrong i mean there's a talk about in my book in chapter nine uh i was just gonna say that i was like why

are we talking about this it's in nick's book chapter nine that's chapter eight yeah no i think it's it's a really interesting, he's totally wrong. I think. Completely. I think it has to do with like managing expectations. And she was saying like, if we were going to share rent together,

like I would want to live in Brooklyn. And it was his apartment, right? Yes. And he'd been living there on his own before. The whole time. Yeah. Let me say to maybe have her pay utilities,

to bring in groceries, you know, obviously she should pay something, okay? It's not like a free ride. But I had a friend years ago who was dating a guy who owned his house. She was also in grad school. She moved in and he charged her rent to pay to him to then go towards the mortgage for getting even the rent. Well, let me tell you why that's just a mistake on his part.

Because depending on what state you are, if she's paying rent and the relationship doesn't work out depending how long they're together didn't by the way it didn't work out it did not work yeah well depending on her level of pettiness and how good her lawyer is if you're paying rent on something and you're in some sort of relationship for a long period of time a good lawyer could probably get you equity in that house uh she was not petty at all huge mistake 100 and i have to say that when i found out that this animal was charging her i rocketeered around the earth six times i was like why are you good first of all he was a very wealthy guy not that and again like i understand i think that you should pay your pay for something obviously

give what you can but oh i really lost so i actually hate that and she should dump him my opinion yeah i don't know i mean i'm not gonna get into like my financial situation but it was more like yeah we were when we started dating we had very different financial situations and i had bought a house and i was like i wanted you here sure you know and certainly she you know we had the appropriate conversations and she you know offered to do things and i was like that doesn't make sense given our situation type of thing and maybe things will change but like i don't you know like it doesn't certainly it doesn't make sense to split it that's for sure my god you know like i bought a house i have a mortgage like you you add value by being here

no you know and and so it was like that's so nice and it was like conversations like that that's not to say that she doesn't i don't there aren't expectations that we both have and you know she again she adds value in other ways too but like to just to just uh just to split down the middle like are how how un how unsophisticated are you to not be able to have like a nuanced conversation about like your finances and everyone's situation, especially if it's your place and they're moving in there and you make more

and you want to maintain your quality of life and they're there to like help uplift that quality of life because you want them to move in. That was your idea or at least part of your idea. It's wild. And you don't want to move into their place. You don't want to downgrade. And they can't afford what you can afford.

So why the fuck are you adding stress to a relationship that doesn't otherwise need stress just because you're buddies? Because you can't stand up to your buddies? Your bros? And there's a part two to this, which is that when she was like, well, I can't be in this situation.

I cannot afford that much rent. She was talking to her mom, and her mom basically generously offered to help her out and was like, the maximum I can afford be in this situation. I cannot afford that much rent. She was talking to her mom and her mom basically like generously offered to help her out and was like, the maximum I can afford is $800.

So at this point, she's looking for her own place. And then her boyfriend came back and was like, well, you can pay $800 a month to live here.

But this is after they've had this like weird. It's hard to come back from that. Yeah. Also like good luck finding a place in New York for $800 a month. That's not actually like by the canadian border like it's not happening

yeah here's what i learned if i'm her i'm gonna be like i don't know because here's what i learned about you is like one like you're easily influenced by your friends two you don't like you don't uh you're not a man of your word so so to speak. We had an arrangement. We had an understanding. You changed it. And the understanding was things might change, but only if our situations change. Our situation hasn't changed, but your decision has. So what's going to stop you from changing your mind in the future? Where are we at here?

How old are these people? 20-something, I remember. That's a good question. I don't know if they... I bet you'd be surprised. I bet they're 30-ish. They're like 56. 56 it was an anonymous like like am I the asshole reddit post I'm not sure if it says but is this not kind of similar to when Raven and SK were having the conversation that's what I'm saying she literally said I I like my apartment I want to stay in my apartment

and even though you're moving to California I think you should pay half of my rent. It wasn't even a new spot that they'd picked out together. Am I nuts for saying that Raven really grew on me? Oh my God. During the wedding? Raven grew on me. Well, are we gonna go into the show? Yeah, let's get into it.

You don't have a transition like that and not start talking about Love is Blind. Actually, fuck you because that was in my notes as like a seamless transition. That's why I saved i saved this for last also the people were 26 and 24 thank you i think i'm like i hope i hope my i don't parent the way i employ because i clearly like hit them against each other and but can i say i love how they speak to you and you're lucky that's true i can see. That's a good dynamic. I like it. Yeah, Raven grew on me.

Raven, listen, when she did the jumping jacks in the pod, I was like, this is. I was done with her. Am I on planet? What planet am I living on that this is okay to do? Now how things have changed. My mother calls him. I'm forcing my mom to watch the show, by the way. She hates it, but she's like in it.

She calls him barista. When barista was telling her about Bartice. When barista. She's's his name barista i'm like sure sure when barista was telling her and you know you're on his side oh my gosh well you know i've also that's funny i've changed my tune on him obviously as well she has changed totally now she's like more mellow she's not as full of herself as i thought that she was i I mean, even if she's confident, she's like missing that asshole gene that she had kind of at the beginning. And I mean, I don't know if we're ready to talk about that wedding yet, but I was so on her side. It's actually like, it even surprised me. Yeah. There's no order. We're just talking. Oh my God. It was so good. Raven. So, cause yeah, it's very similar to you. Like at first it was like a Raven superficial,

so kids yeah it's very similar to you like at first it was like a raven superficial like very like gross like it's like and she's so pretty that you're like also as a woman watching her i'm like oh she thinks she's so pretty you know you have that feeling of like oh and as a guy there's some manics i'm like oh god like you know just you know kind of you know gave gave you the gold digger vibe gave you the whole like i'm just in it for this i'm in it for that but as the season wore on i saw a woman who recognized that she a is just might be see herself as different than others which is hard to like just have that realization to like own that like it's lonely yeah it feels a little lonely and and you're not sure how you're accepted also more importantly what i respected about raven is she was very clear with her expectations she knew what she wanted she knew what she didn't want she's also

willing to compromise right like to me like the wedding right that she that was that had very much like very nigerian traditions and to me it was just like you know the math wasn't adding like raven who is seems like someone who's it's her way of the highway energy is how she kind of put that out early on but that's not what it is it's just certain things she knows what she wants and she's very clear that she knows how to value things that are important to her and she also knows how to like give up like things that don't matter her like i'll go along with this you know what i'm saying like she she knows what's important to her which in a lot of in a lot of relationships a lot of people a lot of people in general don't know so she was able to say like well this is important

to you let's do this like it's a you know i don't i don't really care one way or the other like i don't have a lot of traditions you know i'm not close with like i don't have a large family and things like that and so like well i just think raven is eventually going to really find her person and i'm curious if her and sk are still together i mean i cannot see a reality in which they're still together first of all i don't i have to say this i was shocked at how much she warmed to him because honestly i found him to be quite flat as a person like he was not you know she she's quite he's a nice guy i actually liked him i was really rooting for them let me start by

saying that and i love his mother and i just i mean his mom's man his mom is incredible i loved everything the traditions at the wedding i enjoyed watching everything i really felt honestly not to sound cheesy but it really made me love the show so much more that they opened up people's eyes to these new backgrounds and traditions and and religions and listen should we get in we'll get into alex in a minute because i'm not ready to talk about her yet i'm not ready to talk about her yet but i found him to be a nice guy he's obviously what business school right studying for his mba i think he'll be very successful i just didn't see a spark between them even on that gondola ride we're through the a back condo alleys of dallas

that was that was that was wild come on the gondola i'm going where are they there's like they were in a man-made pond and then like an apartment complex like you know the ark you know there's one of those like like apartment compounds with all these buildings and then like an apartment complex like you know the ark you know there's one of those like like apartment compounds with all these buildings and then they like they dig out like a big deep hole and pour water into it that's what they were there's a guy barbecuing in his backyard i'm going okay it was romantic but you know they were like sweet to each other so i enjoyed seeing that i actually like seeing that side of her too of like being soft and you know and letting him like woo her and everything because she felt a bit her walls were up for me at the beginning a lot i felt and i mean just for

for what happened and i hope i'm not spoiling it nick i'll let you tell it but i have to say that watching it with my heart so open and so happy for them and seeing the dress and the mom and the family and then i my my bottom fell out when the twist happened with their wedding not because because his his his speech was was it ended up being so cruel cruel i agree it was cruel it was cruel how do you give a speech like that he said i love you i don't know how many times and then after he said no like you don't need to say i love you again i i don't it it felt really cruel i was shocked because it was so nice he's nice it was so nice it was cruel god i i get first of all i watched it at like three o'clock

in the morning so picture me you know we willie winky, blankie to the chin, like laptop on my stomach, like watching this. The way that I gasped when he said no, genuinely like someone punched me and I don't react to reality TV like that anymore. I'm so burnt out. And it really pulled the rug out from under me. I was shocked. Yeah. Especially because it felt like their whole relationship, he had been the rock and the one who was kind of advancing them towards marriage. So I think that's where there was almost this feeling of betrayal. Because it's valid to say, I'm going to grad school in California. We don't have a plan.

We have a lot of stuff to figure out before we get married. Like, that's a valid thing to say in isolation. But with his behavior, it's like, what? But his whole logic was, I'm a complicated guy. I like complicated things. This is us. We're different than everyone else like he embraced that right and that ended up being the reason not to want to get married which

to your point amanda makes total sense but like he gave this beautiful thoughtful sincere speech that like at no point were you like he might say no oh. Oh my God. When he said I do not, I'm telling you, I'm reliving it now like a war memory. I couldn't believe it. Your eyes are glazing over. Really? Now I'm having a you moment. I'm going, wow. And I have to give her a compliment because I thought that she handled herself about as ladylike and kind.

And the mom coming in and them crying together. I was the best. I was crying. I was crying. Raven really, the biggest turn for me. Yeah. Yeah. But listen, let's be real.

You think that these two had a long, okay, let's now get all this wedding talk out of the way. Did you see a long-term relationship out of this couple? For me, all, everything aside, I did not. I don't think that he was uh exciting enough for her well i guess it depends on how you rate them you know and like compared to the other couples they were the second most boring do you want to know well yeah well they're uh alexa and brennan i love brennan. They're the least toxic couple. Well, hold on a minute.

I don't know if I agree with that. You think they're the least toxic? I think they're all toxic. I would say Raven and SK were, for me, the least toxic. What's toxic about Alexa if you're ready? Okay. I don't know if I'll ever be ready, Nick. I don't know.

Now, again, I've always said about dating shows, I have so much to say about her, so I have to forgive me in advance. But I've always said with The Bachelor, it bothered me that they never had anyone who was curvier on the show and that it was always the same looking LA extras, no offense, gorgeous men, obviously. Everyone's gorgeous on the show. But I appreciated with her, especially on a show that's about blindness and not knowing what someone looks like, that they finally got a girl. She's a beautiful girl, by the way, but that she's curvy. And this guy, who I actually find quite hot, who's obsessed with her. That, for me, was one of the greatest things to see on TV. Now, let me add, she and I share the similar, let's call it culture,

not faith necessarily, but we're both from similar family backgrounds, except she's rich. I'm not. Not the point. And I just want to put that out there. My mom was like, did you see the house? I go, I did. They have a beautiful house. I mean that house. Oh my God. But watching the way that she, she to me, and this is someone who like for me is representing me. You know, I'm looking at her through that lens. I find her to be one of the trashiest people I've ever seen on television. She kills me. She, listen, first of all, I'm sorry. Cause I feel like I was not expecting this turn. She kills me. She, listen. First of all, I'm sorry, because I feel like you agreed with me a little. I was not expecting this turn.

Really? I was not. When she at one point, and her hottest shit father, let's talk about him. He's hot. I call him Richard Schmeier. Richard Schmeier.

He does look like Richard here. He's the worst Richard here. And the hot stepmother, the, of course, shock of the year converted. You didn't have to tell me. You didn't even have to announce it. I knew when my eyes opened up and i saw her who everything on her face is from the frankenstein factory she's so gorge right looks younger than alexa okay so you have this cup i'm obsessed with the father i like want to actually see their sex tape are they at a home goods here

i need to go see them i want to watch these two like it or not i'm into it anyway when she gave her grandfather and her father the middle finger, at one point she goes, they said something funny and she went like that to them. And I'm thinking, I'm sorry. No, that is very ugly. It's not something I would ever, and I don't even like my grandfather, that I would ever, ever consider doing is throwing my grandfather a middle finger, even as a joke. And by the way, obsessed with Brennan. And I love that he loves her so much. So know that like, I'm rooting for her in the long run. But what I will also say is like she's someone who, one of the worst things, thinks that she's funny and has built this persona for herself that she's a funny person when actually she's not funny. She just laughs at nothing and then has these friends who are also not that funny, but they make each other laugh about nothing.

Nick, you know I'm right. I'm sorry. Yeah. That's my take. I'm done. Yeah. That's my take. I'm done. I never thought she was funny. I think she thinks she's the funniest one of her friends. What did you think about when she went like full like mama bear opinionated at the bachelorette party?

And she was like, you are fabulous. I can't believe he doesn't see that. Listen, you know what I actually love about the show is that all of them get along. I love at the party where they're friends, like there's no competitiveness, that Zanab and Colleen are friendly. Like that to me is, that's why I love the show. I think it's like next level. It's evolved from your usual reality stuff, right? But at that, I don't mind. I actually like Alexa, even though I'm reading her to filth because I care about her, because I want her to represent our peoples in a way that I'm not like

cringing every second. Right. Cause I'm also Jewish. And I think there is like the existing stereotype of like the Jewish American princess. Am I wrong? And I think there are ways that the part that seemed true. She played to that. I think there were moments. Yeah. I think, I think, and it's something where like, I'm very sensitive of that. Like, I feel like just as a Jew when money stuff comes up, like I try to, Oh, I can't breathe. I'm like sensitive of that like I feel like just as a Jew when money stuff comes up like I try to oh I'm dizzy I'm dizzy I can't breathe I'm like oh my god especially now in this day and age that we're living in to have that like represent it's like listen we my family eats out of the garbage okay we're raccoon people that's a joke too but you know what I mean it's like we're not I didn't get raised in a house like that I don't know you I don't know I definitely

did and it's, it makes me cringe. And then her attitude. So you must've really hated the conversation that her dad had with Brennan and about like maintaining her lifestyle. Yeah. Fashion Nova Wednesday dresses. Yeah.

You probably threw up in your mouth a little bit. I didn't love it. I mean, I actually think that because I'm attracted to the father, I let him get away with more is the truth. Because I'm like, you know, I mean, he's really hot as shit. Nick, I'm sorry. I've talked a long time.

I apologize. Got fired up. Brennan is hot, though. I love Brennan. Isn't he? Like, he got, you don't think so. You don't think so? When he let his hair kind of fall a little bit and he got a little style.

He is hotter than you would expect. And I thought last night night while watching if he could just he he needs he needs a glow up he needs to like go on queer eye and and get like some style maybe from alexa i don't know but he needs to lose the whole like cowboy you know like brendan at some point maybe he does it now but at some point he was walking around with a phone case on his belt. Oh yeah. A jawbone. 100%.

A jawbone. Like it definitely is some sort of Bluetooth. Yes. He's got his face and his frame. He's good looking. He's got a lot of potential. If you put a really nice suit on him and gave him some swag and gave him some like he would, he's a smoke.

He's a smoke show. Controversial. Controversial. If she were smart, she would give him a glow down. With a man like that, don't glow him up too much. You don't want all of a sudden, no, you know what I'm saying? Don't glow him up too much.

That's my advice. Well, that is interesting because Alexa definitely wears the pants in that relationship. Yeah, that's not a good look for him right there. Oh, I think he looks good there. I think he looks good there. I think he's hot.

I just think we need to trim the hair. A hair when it's like. Yeah, but he's got so much potential if they if they put him in a hot suit and like shaved his head it'd be over for me like i'd be like i would i would actually like you want to like a buzz cut he would look hot i mean i find him to be the hottest of the guys by far and let me just say that his love for her and her curves and everything else for me is pornography like it is the closest thing on Netflix I have to porn anyway it's so quiet in this room that I actually think I need to leave I'm sorry I just think that's

so quiet in here we're processing I need to go I feel weird well I do feel like there's been so many times where I've had conversations with like straight male friends where they've been like this I this idea of like an influencer like very very very petite and small like version of beauty is not accurate to like what men find attractive so i think it was it was like exposing the truth that exists like he's not guys because i know i never met that again like i was saying i feel like this was mostly in chicago and boston so maybe does not apply in los angeles um but like when i've been talking to straight male friends like a lot of times the sentiment of I don't want someone to be as skinny or petite as this like influencer beauty ideal that's being like sold to us as like, you should look like that. Like that's not realistic at all.

And so I think this was nice because it was a representation of something that exists really prevalently already. Like he is not the anomaly. Like it's not like, oh, they finally found a guy who likes curvy women. It's like there's plenty. Thank God. Meanwhile, I'm crying watching it. I'm like so happy for her. That's why I love Boston.

I go to Boston. I'm a 10. I need Love is Blind in that case next season to put on more curvy girls. And let's really test out this theory and see what happens. And like curvy men like a hundred percent agree like i think part of the reason that it's so easy i don't love that i'll be honest like a bigger guy curvy when you said that my first thought was what is that i couldn't like moves like hips and when a man has a nice hourglass figure and if you're out there curvy man we love you

I didn't know what that was I was like is that a thing I was going to say like men who live in larger bodies sure okay love it some men have hips back to what I was saying last week the physical conversations

around Nancy and Zedub. Very weird. Bizarre. Nancy is actually fit. This is what I don't get with Nancy. You know she's a fit. She's accomplished.

Nancy kills me because Nancy is like trying to get this man to love her. She's the most put together person there, right? By a mile. She owns property. I'm going, what are you up his ass for? Get out there. She can dance. She can dougie.

Do you see her at the bachelorette party? Yes. She was just like, she had moves. Oh my God. Her laugh annoys me. That's the one bad thing with Nancy. Her laugh grates for me. But otherwise I like her.

I want you to do like a breakdown list of like scores of like who has which qualities. What does the laugh deduct? It's why I have social problems. I'm fascinated. This is just real. We're on season three of Love is Blind. It's been relatively, i would say relatively to like hugely successful very i understand that when you have like a season one of a reality tv show even

if it's on a netflix platform you're not really sure how it's going to be and i imagine the budget might be you know minimal yeah but what the fuck with these bachelor and bachelorette parties like you couldn't like what i really wanted to see was a full out bash. And I wanted, I wanted like a one night of temptation Island. Like I really wanted them to, I wanted them all to be like in these huge parties. They had these really pathetic parties where the,

the five girls and the five guys were when it was like them hanging out of the pool by themselves. Like this is the most pathetic bachelorette party of all time. And they eventually went to like a strip club or whatever, i really wanted like some blowout not some cheap and they went to a rodeo and like i really half chasing yes i wanted some like real i wanted them on a yacht and i wanted them to like to bring in like like just like models that they could like cheat with like the maury povich thing yes you know 100%. I wanted Cole to get drunk because he's always fucking drunk. And I wanted him to make potentially some terrible, horrible decisions.

Like, why couldn't we make this happen? I know. Why couldn't, there's not a budget for that after like a couple of hugely successful seasons? Maybe honestly, my only thought is that it would complicate things too much. Like if Cole would like make out with the stripper that night, that's an extra three episodes. You know what I mean? Like it's almost too much excitement for the show. Maybe. I also wonder if they weren't confident enough in the couples yet. Were they like, of course they probably want some successful couples who have a good marriage. And so like, there's just like Brennan and Alexa are the one, like the one couple

that's on really solid footing. So I wonder if it had been like more like rock solid good to go. They probably would have like pulled out all the big stops. I guess. But like, you know, like The Bachelor, Love is Blind. I think you only really need one success story. Do you really need? We don't have anyone from last season. They all got divorced.

I know. But on Love is Blind? Yeah. Are we going to lose hope? I'm not basing my hope on love, on the success of the people from Love is Blind. And they still have, I think they can get three or four seasons

out of their original couple that's still married from season one, right? Aren't they still together? Who is that even? Is it like Lauren and Cam? Oh, yes. They're so cute. All more to the point

that we don't even remember who they are. No, they're sweet. It's not, you know what I'm saying? So like, I bet. Lauren and Cam. I bet. What's your prediction? what the other three couples is it three or four i think it's three it's matt and colleen cole and zaynab wouldn't surprise me if they all three end up together and then wait and then bartice and nancy because we have a cliffhanger with that

bartice and nancy are definitely saying yes boy. Only because they're not going to have back-to-back no's. Okay. I don't agree with you. I don't agree with you. I think- Nancy might say no. I think barista- No.

Nancy is never saying no. She said yes. She said no. She said no. She said no. She said no. She said no. She said no.

She said no. She said no. She said no. She said no. She said no. She said no. No matter what. That was the cliffhanger.

He's totally saying yes. Bartice is totally saying yes. Why do you think he's saying yes? Honestly, I think he's easily manipulated. Okay. I think he has a low self-esteem aboutanger. He's totally saying yes. Batiste is totally saying yes. Why do you think he's saying yes? Honestly, I think he's easily manipulated. Okay. I think he has a low self-esteem about himself. That's true. And I don't think, you know, like, he's obviously, him and Cole have gotten a lot of criticism.

Look at, like, Batiste's dad. Did you, I'm assuming you liked him. Yeah, yeah. Right? And, like, we have to remind ourselves when we watch The Bachelor, Love is Blind, and we go hometowns, and we see the parents, and we always, parents and we always like love the parents even when like the people we don't like and we think they're pieces of shit you're like well their parents are nice well keep in mind like bortiz is a 25 year old you know youthful guy who's throwing this really toxic

kind of controlled environment and he's not set up for success this is not to make any excuses for like some of the crazy shit he says or like how he projects his insecurity but i think how i like label bartiz is someone who's constantly just trying to prove to i don't know who or what that he is like special or like he is like i think he's enough enough or and so i think he really wants to prove something maybe even to himself and i think he's i think the producers can get him to say yes um well first of all I my whole thing with Bartisa makes me laugh is that he clearly was such a dorky kid like he obviously was a dork you can tell even when you meet his friends you're like I get it totally I

mean and no judgments but why I'm saying that is it's so obvious that he doesn't want to be that guy anymore and that now he's trying to be hot, Mr. Mean to Women, like ladies man. When that motherfucker said, I DM'd you yesterday about this, but Nancy was chewing food and they were, I don't know, I don't know what the fuck they were talking about. And he goes, completely unnecessary,

to his fiance, I mean, like, I understand, like, make a joke. I understand the joke, but he didn't do it for a joke. He did it like i understand like make a joke i understand the joke but he didn't do it for a joke he did it it was like in it he did it to like project like he was some cool hot macho guy and he said so i'm not gonna say this how i not normally say this uh swallow then open your mouth oh my god i remember that and it was just so grotesque because obviously like open your mouth and swallow him needing to say to his now fiance that normally what he tells women when they're on their knees about to suck his dick you know

like he says open your mouth but that's what that's literally what he was saying yeah he was literally saying i usually tell women to open their mouths and swallow. But for you, I'm going to be a gentleman here. He was trying to be funny, and he was trying to be goofy, but it came from a place of trying. He wants to sound cool so bad. I know. Kind of like you were saying, that he will say these off-putting things in the spirit of just trying not to be a dork. And I believe that he doesn't believe that Nancy's hot enough for him.

He never has. Let's be honest. Which is insane. When she was at the bachelorette party, she looked like a babe. She's like a Salma Hayek-y kind of a look. I'll say this. They make no sense to me as a couple. First of all, she, to me, feels like his mom.

Like, I don't, there's big mom-son energy there that I just, some people like that. I think it's weird a little bit. Do you think they're more or less compatible than Cole in? Oh, wow. Because to me, I've never seen, I've never seen a more incompatible couple.

Poison, poison, poison for each other. Wait, did, cause you know, here's another one who I kind of changed my tune on is Cole. Cause I started the show really disliking Cole and my dislike for Zanab has grown so now I like feel

for him I'm like god to imagine being stuck with this sourpuss the entire season and trying to have fun with her and she's so annoying she lost me when he pulled out the nerf gun and she lost her shit that was wild and you know like Cole's the problem with Cole is he's like I think I said this last he's the bad breaker from seinfeld he like will name call like when he started calling her like bipolar like immediate l like you're immediately you're the asshole you know like there's no defending that like you're the person who every time you get a little bicker you do the whole like you just say name you're just calling you call someone a name and like you're just that's a he's immature he's a child he's immature he's a child he's a small

person when you name call like that just because you can't find the words you suck nevertheless zen up like what the fuck the guy's just trying to have some fun and goofing around and you are you you like he has a point you do seem to complain about you know like you know that's the thing we're not always getting the context and like to me that net nerf gun moment proved to me that he is that cole is not crazy in his frustration of her taking exception because like that's the thing like she was painting this picture of if you like if you want to just be a boy and just goof around all the time there's plenty of women who can do that and that's a fair criticism for someone who's dating someone who's completely, totally immature.

And yes, he might do that. But like complaining about someone who just like wants to goof around is not the same thing as like wanting someone who's mature. You can be mature and be playful and goof around and be a clown all the time. Those are two separate things. And she seems to like want to,

she want, that's why they're so incompatible. They both just want to change the other person into someone that they're not. I feel, and I don't know if you were going to say this, so you can agree or disagree. I feel like because of her very horrible,

sad family life, which I have sympathy for her about, losing her parents at a young age, can't, you know, I don't know how to even put this, but I just feel like she has a well of sadness that is very evident when you're watching her. And I think that the way that she sort of computes that sadness is by being just like that kind of a girl. She doesn't know how to let go a little bit. I feel for her, so I actually really, I feel for her. So I don't

want to like come down on her too hard. But what were you going to say? Well, I was going to say that. Yeah. And even looking at before the Nerf gun moment, like the context was that he's trying to cook for her because she's always cooking and he's trying to listen to her and do more around the house. And she comes in and starts criticizing him. And I imagine for her, what's going through her mind is she's like, you fucking kidding me? You don't even know how to cook chicken. But for him, like, I feel like that was probably a little bit vulnerable like trying to do his best and that's and then it's when she like comes in it's like well i guess i have to do it that then he goes to the nerf gun so it's like i think it's he's responding

with immaturity in moments of like i think attempting to be vulnerable or mature and then getting shut down and he reverts back to like boy self totally and it's very relatable i mean i think a common i think that fight i think my guess is will be very triggering for everyone right i think there's a lot of women relate to zen in that moment of like just fucking like grow up and just like can you just help and like just i don't want to parent you and then there's a lot of men and i've been in these relationships where it's just like, like, stop picking me apart. Just stop, please. Just like, throw me a compliment, say, say something nice about me. And a lot of men have been in those relationships too. And it's not to say that Cole hasn't been an asshole to Zen up. So like,

you know, we, we, we've made that clear, but like, I'm just saying in relatable context, like, I think these are very relatable situations for both men and women in these relationships. And I think they're both equally at fault to our point. Because yeah, the cooking part is just like, let them cook. It's not going to be as good as you. And just say thanks and say, you know, that was really nice. And like, there's a reason why I'm the chef in our family.

And Natalie is my sous chef. She- Sous chef. I can't talk. And Natalie is my sous chef. Sous chef. I can't talk. I can't say my name. Sous chef. That's a nightmare. Sous chef. There is something called sous.

It's like that dough. I know this from Top Chef. So anyway. I'm the cooker in the family. And she cooks some things, but I'm the chef. That's nice. And it's fine. We know it.

I like to cook. I have a certain way of doing things. She lets me do it. She helps with other things. Sometimes she has a meal she makes and it's great. But ultimately, I like it. I enjoy it. And I'm not going to complain about her not cooking.

And when she wants to do something, just open my fucking mouth and enjoy it. I don't understand the constant badgering. That, badgering, like, couples need to see. That's how she communicates, because she's unhappy. So that's what I'm saying. Like, she's dealing with something that doesn't even have anything to do with him. And because he's not the band-aid that I think she thought getting into a relationship

would be for her, of, like, filling this horrible void that she, unfortunately, was put in this position of having, you know what I mean? That I think that she really comes down hard on him because of it and it's also probably so triggering to not feel like taken care of and sufficient because i think she's had to become really self-sufficient like dealing with that kind of loss and so now it's like her marriage is the opportunity where she finally gets a goddamn teammate like she finally gets someone to share the load with and to walk in and be like,

this guy, are you fucking kidding? He can't even cook chicken. It's probably really triggering. Why did Nancy and Zena decide to get engaged to boys? They knew that they were boys. When they were in the pod, they were talking about age. I'm sure their lack of maturity came up in the pods. You know what I'm saying?

Because, I'm just going to throw this out there, I think when you're in the pods, and we saw this with Colleen, you're just so desperate to have anybody say, I love you, will you marry me? I don't think they cared if it was a 21-year-old or a 58-year-old. They just wanted to get the validation that my personality is charming, is good, you connect with me. That's the whole show. The show is how can I validate myself? And was it worth it at the end getting my heart ripped out of my body? Yeah. I've never seen so many people like, wait, Vertice does this a lot, you know, like, and I wonder honestly, if it's the, if, if it's the cast or it's the show kind

of like, do you guys love each other? Because they're always weirdly saying, but I still love you. After like every fight or every conversation, but I love you. And then Bartiz does this a lot. He says, I love you. And then he'll add like another word, like a lot.

It's just like, he's always trying to convince himself. Every time Bartiz says, I love you, he adds a few other words that make me think that he's audibly trying to convince himself. Every time Bertie says, I love you, he adds a few other words that make me think that he's audibly trying to really convince himself because he doesn't love her at all. Who do you think is actually in love? Girls. Who do you think?

I mean, yeah, Brennan. Brennan. Head over heels. Do you think Alexa loves Brennan? I do, although she's so like i don't know she's so over her i'm like she's so like yeah i fucking love you it's just like oh my god like do you have what's going on in the head do you think that do you think she it's just like a hard candy shell that she has and she just has to like let go of that and maybe there's like a nice you know like

it's a sweet girl in there yeah it's just like a front she puts on because like, that's how she, that's how she's connected with people or Matt and Colleen are just like, I mean, it's like Matt and Colleen are like the, the Genevieve and Aaron of this situation where you're like, are they fighting because they love each other? Are they just so not compatible?

I'm sorry. Matt is someone who should not be allowed on television. He gets so pissed. His thin little lips get even thinner and he gets so angry at her. And it's, I'm sorry, it's inappropriate. Yeah. I'm always careful about- You can edit this out. No. I mean, you're not alone in this opinion. I know.

It's just, I know how reality TV works and I know the power of a good soundtrack and I see what you're seeing. It's just, I do think in these hyper escalated situations, people do have a right to get mad. He clearly has, he's a man who needs a lot of therapy. Thank you. He's definitely a man who's not ready to be in this type of atmosphere. That's for sure. Thank you. What I found, like this this the episode eight opened up with

you know the last week we went through seven that cliffhanger when i thought it was like the funniest line that no one really seems to be talking about where he was like it's 2 30 in the morning on a wednesday where could she be at this thought that was hilarious at the club but going to the club but it comes out that he was invited nothing happened it was nothing yeah it sounded like well it was also unclear but it just felt like they were drunk and had missed like i don't know like they didn't hear certain things and he made it seem like yeah it made it seem like that's he was black out drunk yeah and you know how people can look black out drunk and not look she was like i i facetimed you and told you

like x y and z and that was never part of the conversation. That's problematic. Yeah. Am I right? Am I right? Yeah, you got it exactly right. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, very reactive. Yeah, there's definitely some major red flags. He worries me is what I'll say. And I also think that, look, I mean, Nick, you can maybe speak to this because you've done these shows, right? Not the same one. But sometimes I do feel like people go on the show because they're so desperate for companionship and

to find love that they're willing to over I mean this is also just regular dating without television cameras around let's be honest it's just dating maybe that they're just willing to overlook so so so many red flags and all these horrible things to have like the happy ending story and it's hard to watch yeah you know what the show needs to do to uh give itself some more credibility with that a couple one of these couples needs to break up before the wedding. Oh, would be great. Because to your point, it just looks like no matter what happens, they're just trying to be on TV till the end.

And there's no like, there's no moment where they're like, I can't actually do this. This is nuts. I realize I've got like, it does. There's no real world where none of these couples haven't got, not one of these couples have gotten to the point that to say, I already have my answer. Yeah. I can't do that. And I understand you have a show. So like have six couples and have one breakup. I don't know what you need to do, but like that would offer validity to the show to that. Like some of these people are actually trying to figure out whether they want to be

together or not, because all we are is this like now, now with some of your fights and they have these like, and they all like, oh, we're fine. We're now, we know we can work through problems. That's how they're selling it to us. But like some, one of these couples already knows they hate each other, you know, and maybe multiple of them. And it would just offer some validity if they just showed one of these couples breaking up prior to putting on the wedding dress. Can I say one thing? There's a show in England that if you have a VPN, you can watch. So it takes a little bit of legal this and that.

But there's an American version of it, which is good but not as good. Married at First Sight UK. So the American one is kind of run of the mill. I mean, I watch it. It's cute. The British one is absolutely psychotic. And a lot of the couples do break up before the final decision. In fact, that's kind of the whole premise of the shows. Every week they decide if they want to stay together or not. But the people that they bring

on are like these chubby, like self-tan, just these animals. I mean, it's so funny. It's literally one of the best shows on television. And they keep all of the couples in the same apartment complex. So sometimes there's cheating going on between the couples or there's, it is genuinely, America needs to learn how to do reality like the Brits because the Brits have absolutely no bottom. They're like, whatever you want to do, go for it. You know what I mean? It's very refreshing and it's a lot of fun. That's my little tip. Yeah. Like I said, bachelorette party, there should be a scandal. I 100% agree.

Someone should be fucking somebody. At least a kiss. Yeah. I want some good old fashioned cheating. Also, how did Zinnab and Cole end up with the absolute worst apartment out of everyone?

Oh, they did have a shitty apartment. They're like on ground floor, like in the parking lot. The gondola's in the back. literally they have the worst apartment out of everyone. I think Cole did this for fun. For sure. Yeah. Fame. Yeah. lot the gondola is in the back literally they have the worst apartment out of everyone i think

cole did this for for fun for sure fame yeah for fame for attention clearly had something to get some sort of tragic breakup and this is like some sort of rebellion thing he's doing and he definitely yeah there's just no way i feel like in 10 years he will maybe not be ready to settle down no like the 26 the real estate energy like all the like the nerf gun they're like are you bipolar like all that stuff i'm like that's gonna take a while to like mature up does he not give you hayden energy bachelor hayden sure i mean yeah but he just gives like they give you frat immature, probably the golden boy in their family. Their mother loves them.

And also, he's really cute. You have one conversation with Cole at a bar, you're like, oh my God, he's charming. He's funny. He's smart. He's hot. Yeah. Great first impression. Totally.

Yeah. And it's gotten him really far in life. Well, welcome to America. Yeah. Isn't that the same? It's everybody. Yeah. life well yeah welcome to america yeah isn't that everybody yeah i feel like with both cole and zenub and then also with bartice and nancy like the men are using this language of like can we grow attraction like we're working on the attraction like it's this thing to overcome

and i don't think i could be with a partner who used language like that about me you can imagine someone saying that i'm working on the attraction to you. Well, you know, a lot of the experts say, because like, you know, if you go on a first date and you're not immediately like, I want to like jump this person, they go, no, go on like two, three dates, the attraction can grow. So that is something that is like terminology that is used because obviously when, you know, you have a mental connection with someone, it changes everything. But I agree. I think if a guy said that to me i would be like what i'd be like you know what don't even waste your time you know i'm so like just do me the personal favor don't waste your time we're good well that is i thought about that because you know this is this keep it inside it's literally the question of the show so in

fairness like it's it's the premise of the show. And I do find it interesting. It kind of showed like in real life dating, like Nancy and Zeneb are kind of the same, specifically Nancy. And I think Nancy is a lot, like there's a lot of women like Nancy out there where Nancy is someone who she's like, I went through this like courting process with you in the pods.

And that was like this emotional thing for me. And I made this crazy decision to pick you. So nothing else matters. You know, like I've just, I'm going to be loyal now. I picked you, we picked each other, like old fashioned, old school dating. And you see that with a lot of women out there. Like, and I think part, and again, this is not blaming anyone for putting up with bad behavior, but I think there's a reason why people who decide to just romanticize a decision, they romanticize what we

went through and we fought for this and I picked you or you picked me. And there's a lot of unnecessarily and unearned loyalty in like relationships out there and that people will give people. And Nancy is one of those people who does that. And I think it's a very common thing in a lot of relationships where it's just like- Where is it coming from? Where is this coming from?

Like, why does this person deserve this loyalty you're so freely giving them? Just because like you made some like silly promise together. But that's why she, to me, is an idiot because watching her like beg him for appreciation when actually he should be like kissing her feet is very frustrating to watch so out of his league it's not even funny yes it's frustrating she has her shit together she's super sweet she you know i mean the poop thing in the bathtub which i know was an earlier episode was a little bit much for me and i'm someone who i missed that what was that

what when she was in the bathtub with bartice and she was earlier episode, was a little bit much for me, and I'm someone who talks about it. I missed that. What was that? What? When she was in the bathtub with Bartice, and she was like, has she clogged someone's toilet? Do you never remember this? I miss that. She clogged the toilet, but what did that have to do with the... I probably blacked out. You didn't mean there was talking. Oh, no, no, no. No, Nancy did not shit in the tub. I was like, where is... She took a huge dump

in the tub, and I thought, girl, you're better than that. Don't do that. Wait, with Bartice? No. No, no, but they were sitting in like a romance like a couples tub and then she told a story of how she clogged a toilet and how she had to like use her hands to like declog it. Sometimes it happens I mean you gotta do what you gotta do fine but like. You don't tell that

story. You don't tell the story. You just don't tell that story like that I'm sorry and I'm someone who's like crass It is just as criminal as saying I'm not a physically attracted to you I agree. Don't say it That is not as criminal. No I agree not a physically attracted to you. I agree. Don't say it. That is not as criminal. No, I agree with Nick. No, I'm sorry.

What a shame story. Talking about you scooping your own shit out of a toilet while you're having a romantic moment in a bubble fucking bath. It is not the time. With her annoying laugh. With her annoying laugh also. This is not the time. Bubble fucking bath. That is a crime.

That is a crime of romance. I'm glad you're on my side about this one, Nick. Thank you. Sorry. Just don't. And I get everyone my side about this one, Nick. Thank you. Sorry. Like, just don't. And I get everyone poops, but like, no. Nick hates poop.

Don't expect me to want to like have the same feeling pre-story than post-story. Thank you. That's on you. You're going to tell that story. I'm going to think differently of you. I'm sorry. Okay. But as someone who sometimes tells some stories that I'm like, Ooh, that was a lot for pretty early on into knowing a person.

Like, I think it was because I think she had a false sense of complacency. Are you talking about you or me? I'm talking about me. In a romantic setting you tell stories like that? Cause I'll tell you weird stories on a podcast. It's like, whatever,

think whatever you want of me. We're friends. I'll say crazy shit on first dates. We're friends? Or like, not even in like romance, like when I'm meeting people, like at parties, like. That's different.

Although it depends on what. They're in a bath together. In a bath. And they're about to have a sexy time. But the point is. And Nancy wants to fuck. But the point is. A lot, a lot, a lot.

But they weren't just like staring lovingly into each other's eyes in the bath, like holding hands. She was on his lap. You're wrong. But she was on his lap. She was literally looking at him. She's like, and it's so funny. They were joking before it came out. No, he was not into it.

Nothing will ruin a good hard-on like a toxic thought, you know? And I will say, I empathize. I hate when good hard-ons are ruined. Like, you just made me feel sad. You know, like, you want to ruin a good hard-on? Plant a seed of doubt or confusion, like, stress.

Why did I just picture Meryl Streep in doubt when you said that? I don't know. You want to ruin a good hard-on? Picture Meryl Streep in doubt. Then I'll get right rid of it. It's like,

you want to ruin a good hard-on, so you get on your knees and swallow. The single time I empathized with Bartice this season when he was just like, I don't know if I'm ready to, like, fuck all the time.

She wants to, like, hook up, and I just have a lot on my mind, which I understood, you know? you want you know like if nothing will ruin a guy wanting to have sex and like him being worried about shit but you know what she knew that she had to get on that before the wedding because time was a ticking you know what i mean time was a dick and she saw that okay when is the wedding in 10 weeks however long how many weeks are they together i just want to get laid at least. Yes.

She's not stupid. And he's hot. Listen, I'm not like, I don't like him, but he's, you know, I feel like Bertie's has hope.

I look at his dad and I see Bertie's guy who was a dark, you know, got, got good looking. Still is a dark, but he's not comfortable with who he is yet. Exactly. But he's only 25

and I think this is a guy who maybe at 30 to 35 can become comfortable with who he is as a person and stop saying and doing weird fucking shit. Let's hope. Let's hope.

Cole, I'm less optimistic about. I think he will always kind of be a spoiled brat. He'll get away with everything. That's the problem. Yeah. Yeah.

I wonder why. I wonder what the difference is there. Why Cole will stay that way and why Bartice the problem. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder why. I wonder what the difference is there. Why Cole will stay that way and why Bartice won't. Yeah. This was great. Are we missing anything? No, I think the one

we covered the least was like Matt and Colleen, but I don't know that there was a ton to say. You know what surprised me about her? I'll just say one thing. She always was saying how she's a ballet dancer

and I hate to say it, but like I didn't see it. I was like she's, I just couldn't see it. And then when you saw her dancing, always was saying how she's a ballet dancer. And I hate to say it, but like, I didn't see it. I was like, she's, I just couldn't see it. And then when you saw her dancing, I was like, oh, she's good. So that's nice. Yeah. Someone sent me a photo or sent a file of her. Like she.

She was good. She dances for the Dallas Ballet. Does she? Legitimate. That's amazing. Or she has, at least. And that's on admitting that we were wrong. No.

We were talking shit about her ballet career. We were. Everyone else like had a regular job and hers was ballet dancer. And that's on admitting that we were wrong. No. We were talking shit about her ballet career. We were. Everyone else, like, had a regular job and hers was ballet dancer. And it was like, that's a job. She probably doesn't

make a lot of money. But she also seems like she doesn't make a living off of it. This is not to discredit her ballet, or maybe she doesn't currently. I don't know.

How do we get to a negative place? I was saying something nice about her. I'm saying she was good. Her teacher looked professional. I was like, okay, she's really a ballet dancer. That's all. Predictions?

So for me, I 100% I do not see Bartice saying yes to her. I think that he's been sort of nauseated from her by the beginning. I think that he felt stuck with her from day one, felt kind of frankly embarrassed by her. Like even at that pool party where he was talking to Raven, you could see that he had a hunchback and her name was nancy like he just did not love her so i think he's saying no um colin's an ab there's absolutely no way on the fucking planet these two get married and then matt and colleen honestly she's for me kind of a wild card i'm not sure i think he's all in because again i think that he's like obsessed and I don't know how she's going to respond.

And then Brandon and Alex. Oh, are getting married. Obviously. Like, yeah, you kind of convinced me of our teas, but that he's going to say no,

he is not saying yes to her. And if he did, he's a liar. Or as the Australians would say, a lawyer. If he said, I don't think he's in love. I just,

I think it would be, yeah, I think it will, he'll lie to himself and try to convince himself. And I don't think it will be because he's truly in love. All right. I'm not saying anything. I'm excited for you to see it.

Yeah. All right. Well, let's do some texting office hours. How's it going? Hi, I'm Grace. I'm 28. Hi, Grace. How can it going? Hi, I'm Grace. I'm 28. Hi, Grace. How can we help?

So my ex and my best friend, both straight males, are moving in together and I fully plan on visiting, potentially staying over. And in order to do that, there needs to be a conversation between me and my ex because we have not maintained a relationship at all over the last two years. So I just need your help figuring out how to start this conversation, where to start that. Interesting. So your ex and your male best friend. Well, what do you mean? Like, tell me more about this male best friend. Okay. So I left college with like a really close group of friends. There's five of us. Two of them are married. One was my like female college roommate and her husband now. And then there's another guy in the group of friends. And then my other straight friend, the other guy is gay. But so Frank, Frank is my straight male best friend. We're very, very close. Absolutely no interest in ever being together. I'm tall, he's short. So there's like, whatever. But, you know, there's obviously a lot more details around my relationship that ended at this point almost two years ago and why they're even friends still.

You don't even know why they're friends. know why they're friends. No, I do. So we broke up two years ago and this was my group of friends that he, my boyfriend at the time got very close with. But despite wanting nothing to do with me post breakup, he remained, maintained a relationship with all of my friends and specifically this one that they're now moving to a whole new city together. Interesting. And not your city? No, it's about two hours from where I live. And it's far from. It's about two hours from where I live. It's about an hour from where the straight friend lives and my ex. It's like three hours from his hometown. Did you start? It sounds like he ended the relationship. I did. You ended it. Okay. But he wants nothing to do with you.

he wants nothing to do with you. He, yeah, I ended it. It was really tough on him, the breakup, despite having almost no emotions for the five years we were together. Turns out when I broke up with him, he then decided to expose all of his emotions. It was really tough on him and I, not intentionally, but I did move on pretty quickly. And again, despite it being two years later, I'm pretty sure just last week he went on his first date since we broke up. So it was definitely tougher on him than it was on me at the time of the breakup. But like the last year and a half of the relationship was tougher on me because I was preparing to break up with him. Gotcha. For a whole year and a half. We were together for like five.

We lived together for the first three. And then I moved away about a year and a half before we broke up. And it was that distance that eventually led to the breakup. Yeah. And how much are you hanging out with the guy friend? Like, I mean, what's your big concern here? Other than obviously it sounds awkward, but like practically what's, what are you, what are the situations you're afraid of happening? I just want to be respectful. He blocked, my ex blocked me on everything. So I, we, his birthday was last week.

You'll be very proud. I did not text him happy birthday. But I've seen him maybe four times in the last two years. And he's like super avoidant of me, won't make eye contact. Even if I speak directly to him in a group setting like he won't acknowledge me and like I probably will be sleeping on their couch if I go visit like I will be in his space but I want to be respectful of that do you know that for sure yeah my friend is like very adamant about me coming to visit um because they're it's a two-bedroom apartment it's where they're going to be living. And I mean, he'll probably be there.

He'll probably hang out with us. Like if it's the whole group of us, like if we go to dinner, and I know that that'll make him very uncomfortable. I feel less uncomfortable about it. So you've had a conversation with Frank, the friend about this. Yeah. So just this weekend, everyone except for my ex, we were all together for Halloween. And I've asked them over the last couple couple months, when we were making these plans, I've asked them to kind of, like, mediate a conversation and just be like, hey, Grace is coming to visit. Like, she will be there. And they're like, no, it'll be fine. He'll be okay. But, like, I know him and I know that he won't, like, if I walk in the door without any notice,

he'll end his life. Like, this will not be, he'll completely spiral and it'll be bad. But I want to just like prepare him that like, I'm, I'm coming to visit. Well, I mean, that's the bad thing. Well, I'm just a little confused by like, he knows you're friends with these people. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. I mean, then that poses the question, maybe is he holding on for hope? That's he's not, he's not doing that. Is he? I don't think so.'s not doing that is he i don't think so i he doesn't i don't think so wait i guess i'm only saying he this guy chose and i'm showing maybe they're friends but he chose to say you know you can be good friends and not good roommates right all the time yeah like it's a huge like life lesson most people learn the hard way but yeah he's choosing

to how old is this guy he just turned 30 last Okay. So he should be old enough to have learned this lesson already, but he's choosing to move in with this friend who a friend, he knows his friends with you. Yes. I don't know if it's really your job to like, why, like, okay. Why are you worried about it? Okay. So the, one of the reasons we broke up is that like, I did 100% of the emotional work in the relationship and I recognize that this is me continuing to do that probably. I wouldn't say probably. I just 100%. Okay, fair. But even like we never really had like a full closure breakup conversation.

Like it ended when I was living in a different state. And even when he like came back a couple months later and wanted to talk, I was like, no, like this is one, I'm kind of in another relationship. Like this is my boundary. I'm no longer taking care of you emotionally. But now that I know I'm going to be around him, I guess that that's that coming back up. Yeah. Can I ask a question? Please. so listening to this story uh i have sympathy for you my thing would be if i went to visit my friend and i could afford to because i like you i'm very sensitive to people and i also i'm sure you feel bad about what happened and you don't want to be the bad person or the enemy whatever i wouldn't stay there i would not sleep on that couch i mean

find a radisson you know, find a Ramada Inn. Yeah, Holiday Inn Express. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And go for a couple nights. Because honestly, even though I agree, I find it very odd that they are living together, and I'm 100% on your side with that. I also just feel like that's the price now that you have to pay is not staying there. Fair, fair.

And that's an option. And if we go as a group That'll probably happen Yeah, because you don't need to sleep on their couch How old are you again? I'm 28, but I'm a PhD student So I'm not doing well financially Fair enough That's beautiful

That's fine How much is a holiday in Express, a holiday in express they're expensive though let's find out it's really hard to find accommodation under 100 or maybe go when the guy's out of town like have your best friend say hey he's going to visit his parents this weekend and then you go you know I just wouldn't time it

for me like I would not feel comfortable sleeping over in that house not because of any threat or anything just on an emotional level, I'm sensitive. Well, I agree with Michelle. To Michelle's point, that if you are going to have any consideration to his feelings, that's where you start having consideration,

is to like, maybe I don't need to sleep on the couch. And I don't know your financial situation or whatnot, but like, you know, or maybe you just pick a weekend to visit when he's out of town. You know, there's ways to try to avoid things. But more importantly, at the end of the day, he is an adult. And maybe what you guys need is a good old-fashioned awkward moment. Maybe you just need to show up when he's there

and let him throw whatever fit he may or may not throw and just fucking deal with it. Because if he still handles it in the way that you fear he might, then he's not in a place where he needs to be. And while it's not your job to get them there, it's also, you're not your job to tiptoe around this guy anymore. Like he's your ex.

You've been broken up for a long enough period of time that like, quite frankly, you should be more or less indifferent about him. And you're not, not in the way. I mean, I think I am, but I guess you're right.

I am indifferent enough to be around him and like even if we went to dinner but like i don't think you're like trying to like get back or anything like that but i think you should just not care you know not because okay you don't like you you care because you're a nice person but it's it's just not your it's literally not your job to care for someone who can acknowledge that they probably cared too much in the relationship and did the emotional heavy lifting. So that's his journey. And if he needs to get therapy to get over you, then so be it. Not your job to tell him.

And it's like he'll figure it out. But maybe you showing up and him having this type of reaction you fear he might have might be the wake-up call he needs to realize I'm not over her. And honestly, I should be. Because how long has it been? Yeah. It's been how long? Two years. It's been two years, right? And that's not normal, right? And it's not your job to figure out. So if you want to avoid the awkward situation, to Michelle's point, there's like a couple,

you can just be creative. Because right now you're doing this thing that people do where it's just like well i shouldn't have to not sleep on my friend's couch i'm gonna sleep on my friend's couch and i'm gonna do this and you're kind of being stubborn about it and then you're choosing to like right you know be understanding in a way that like you would normally if he was your boyfriend but he's not your boyfriend so now just avoid the awkward situation or don't like i'm fine with you not avoiding it and just having him like deal with his own problems it's definitely not your job to reach out and give him a heads up in fact like you sending some sort of text to him it'd be no different than you sending the birthday text you know like it's it's not your job unless

you show up at the apartment and like he walks out of his bedroom and you're like and you thought you fucking blocked me like i'm back you know what i mean like you like think about it and he did the right thing to block you by the way not you're a lovely person i'm just saying 100 yes yes yes just for his own needs or whatever but um it's just like the ghost of christmas past or something i don't know yeah also maybe his friends are right you haven't talked to him in two years we like maybe he will be fine yeah yeah yeah you're right and also prepare yourself for the possibility he doesn't have the reaction that you have and that bothers you or your ego that's something just be prepared for that i mean be prepared for him to be totally

chill. And you're just like a little like, why does this bother me? Okay, I could see that happening. Yeah, almost certainly. I love that. Well, like, like I said, I just found out he went on his first date. And I like called my mom. And I was like, I'm so happy he went on his first date, like, and she was like, maybe he can finally look at you like, because after the breakup, he like, called my mom and like, had deep conversations. Yeah. But you're, you're also way too emotionally invested in this breakup that happened two years ago. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it's been two years. I mean, I love that you're calling, but you are calling. Yeah. Okay. You're right. I get why, but i think it's important for you to recognize regardless of why you are that you are still emotionally invested you still care you shouldn't be calling your mom

about him for anything that's right okay certainly not right away like maybe in the future like you run into mom oh by the way you know but not a phone call like this prompted a phone call two years after you broke up you know yeah and they're they're okay so there's no text happening okay no no make my life easier i like it i'm down yeah i don't know if i don't know if i think there's a part of you disappointed can i ask an annoying question that you can edit out you can edit this out i just i'm curious what sign are you astrologically i'm a leo interesting not what i was expecting yeah okay what were you expecting i'm a cancer i'm a cancerian and i thought you were going to be a cancer because we're also very at least i'm always very conscious of like how are we feeling you know I just got dumped by cancer

so oh how did that feel for you oh you you just got broken up with yeah so even though I did move on really quickly like it was I mean that was an element of the story you left out and I feel like that might just also be playing a role and you like getting a little bit more invested in the prior to the acts it's something to do maybe i maybe because i understand what he went through so much more now yeah yeah i'm glad i asked that now see thank god for me all right uh yeah so we have our answer you definitely do not reach out to the ex if you want to be i'm down if you definitely want to be mindful of his feelings you can stay at a hotel or find a weekend he's not there or honestly i'm a big believer in just saying fuck it face the music

see how he reacts and if he acts badly then you can adjust given his reaction and maybe not stay in the house in the future but like yeah also this is not hard to just have your friend run it by him i mean if mean, if they are roommates, he should give them the old-fashioned heads up. It's not just his place. It's your ex's place too. And like, you know, like, you should be like, hey, I'm having so-and-so over.

You know, like, you should make sure he runs it by them. They owe him that. Because you don't have to do that. You can go somewhere else. And it would be a really prick move of your friend and his roommate to say, it's my place. I can have you over whenever you want. He's just going to have to deal with it.

That's not a good roommate. Certainly not a good friend either. Yeah. And so maybe the only thing you should get involved in is tell your friend to be a better friend to his friend, your ex. I agree. Yeah. Thank you. And that should cease your involvement.

She seems nice. Perfect. You can see you're a nice person. Yeah. All right. Thanks. You're welcome. He didn't think I was nice when I dumped him, but thank you.

No, she seems nice. I can tell. Yeah, he'll live. He'll get over it. He'll be fine. I hope so. He will. And he's He'll get over it. He'll be fine. I hope so. He will. And he's probably better off than you are giving him credit for.

I don't know if he is. Maybe not. I hope so. All right. Yeah. He just got a great job, which is why he's moving. So I hope the time is changing. Send him my info, actually.

I love emotionally detached men. If you're together for five years, he won't tell you that he loves you. So just know that wow perfect you're you're you're not over it oh no i'm okay you got your answer and i'm sorry about your breakup yeah fuck cancers yeah i'm sorry i'm sorry about your breakup you're gonna be fine it sounds like i'm okay yeah i think you're gonna be just fine yeah my skin cleared up so so that's good. You look great. There you go.

Thanks. All right, well, take care. Thank you for calling. Yeah, thanks so much. All right, take care. Bye-bye. Bye. How's it going?

Good, how are you? Good. What's your name? Noah, and I'm 30. How can we help, Noah? So got a little issue. I got married quickly after I got divorced and then fell into kind of a situationship friends with benefits scenario with a high school friend um that

actually dated my best friend in high school wait hold on this that was so much that was yeah so much in that sentence let me get my yarn out. She understood the assignment. Yeah. She really understood the assignment there. So wait, you got divorced. Yep. Then got married quickly. No, had a situation. Had a situation. So I was in a six-year relationship, got married, found out my husband was cheating on me three

months later. Wow. Okay. By multiple, I got messages from multiple women on Instagram it's all good it was for the best he ended up having a kid with his mistress lady

they got pregnant two months after we split that always happens what is it with the fertility of the mistresses you know what I love about you right now is because this story you told because I genuinely believe that you're like, you're fine about it. And you chose to look at that like happening is like a, like a thank God it wasn't me situation. And like your't want to be that woman who was like super bitter after like, my story is probably like lifetime movie worthy,

but I'm trying to use it to help other women kind of move past that. The reality is shitty things happen to us sometimes. And we can either like be like, I can't believe this happened to me or we can just accept it and move on. I know that's sometimes easier said than done, but you are living proof that like, I can't believe this happened to me, or we can just accept it and move on. I know that's sometimes easier said than done, but you are living proof that like, it's possible to just be like, I'm not going to let this get me down. Yeah, good for you. Anyway, so then you get it ended up in a situation ship. So yeah, so I was, I had been in relationships pretty much all of my twenties and got on the dating apps for pretty much the first time since I was like probably 19 or 20.

And like one of the first people I bumped into was somebody I knew from high school who actually was like the high school sweetheart of my best friend. So that was an interesting scenario. I ran it by my best friend. She's been married for forever. And she was cool with it. But yes, so started there. And we were kind of going pretty solid for a good while. I, you know, when you're in a situationship like that, and having sex with somebody so regularly, it's hard to not let feelings get involved, right? And why was it a situation?

I mean, so I wasn't ready to hop into a relationship. He works as a fireman, and so he has weird hours. All right, another twist thrown our way. Don't throw that. Don't just say that. And he works as the hottest profession in the country. It's fine. Yeah on have you ever seen him i have a type i have like linebacker fireman is like my type so it was what a weird type what a weird type to have

what a strange woman you are yeah so um so we just started, so he was busy. He's like, I want to focus on my career. He was moving out of, uh, like basically like the state version of fire and wanting to go into municipal. And he was like, I really want to focus on my career. And I was like, that's fine. I'm just not to diminish firefighters. I know they're heroes, but what do you, why, why is he incapable of focusing on a career

and having relationships with people? I know firefighters. I'm unaware of something that's so demanding that they can't form. Cal Fire is like, obviously we have a lot of huge fires and probably my old roommate's boyfriend was same and they're gone for like months at a time at

some points so they're they're like when we had those huge fires a few years back like um my old roommate's boyfriend was you know doing he was gone for like three months okay just hopping from fire so he's one of those okay yeah so he was moving over to Cal Fire over to, he's trying to get into, you know, a city because better pay, less hours, all the things. It's interesting. At the time it was fine. Forget the relationship stuff. I'm enjoying this educational story about firemen.

I never knew all this. Anyway, go on. Sorry. It's all good. Yeah, no. So I was totally good with it in the beginning because I was like, well, I just got out of a six-year relationship. I don't really feel like hopping into anything,

but my ex was pretty abusive. So my body shut down and we were never intimate because I was basically just getting sick from it all the time. And so I was finally like, oh my gosh, I can explore. I wanted to have my fuck boy stage. I wanted to be able to do time. And so I was finally like, oh my gosh, I can explore. I can, I wanted to have my fuck boy stage. Like I wanted to be able to do that. And I was like, all right, well, I found somebody I trust, found somebody like our chemistry was fricking off the rails from the very beginning. Just like amazing. Like I had never been with somebody like that until this point. And so at the time it was great. Like we were, we were gelling, like things were great. And then, you know, I think we both started getting feelings

his, from what it seems like from what I hear, cause like we have this routine where he'll come over, we'll have sex and then we'll talk for like an hour and then we'll be like, okay, we'll see you later. And then he'll leave. But it's always like really intimate, like talking about our lives kind of thing. So like it kind of formed this like odd, very personal relationship and not just like, Hey, I'm coming over and then I'm leaving. So from what I gathered, his last girlfriend really fucked him up. And, and I think he's a little bit scared of commitment. And I think it doesn't seem like he's fucking around. He doesn't seem like he's sleeping with a bunch of people because we'll get into this weird cycle where... So he freaked out, called it off, and I was like, totally respect that.

Fine. And I was sad about it because I was really starting. The situation ship, so to speak the situationship yep and then about a month later he came back and he's like i don't know like you guys have the text messages it's basically the same thing every time all right so what do you want to like what do you care like what do you want help with like what potential texts are you trying to help? Yeah. So I guess after you guys are reading these messages, how would you suggest moving forward? And do you suggest I call it off and just say, hey, you either date me or you don't? I'm not somebody who likes to throw in an ultimatum. But at this point, it's like,

we've done the circles enough for him to know whether or not he wants to be with me or not or just call it off and be done but i have a feeling he's gonna do a dramatic reading a month i would love to do a dramatic reading i have i have so much to say i'm sorry yeah i'm sorry yeah she's blue you're blue all right i'll be here i'll be blue okay ready this started on uh in september 6th yes 6th, 8.37 a.m. Interesting time. Yeah. He wrote. The crack of dawn.

Yeah. Wakes up. He had a dream. You confuse me. How? You text me a bunch of stuff and then not talk to me for three weeks. Laughing emoji face. Laughing.

I'm sorry. You know you can text me too. I usually do. It's nice when you go after it. Okay. You have a point. Ha ha. But it's also only been a week since I

texted you. LOL. To be honest, it was a little bit of a week. But if that's what you want, I can get more consistent. And as you say, go after it because it's never like I don't want it from you. Sometimes it feels that way. This is a genuine question. You feel like I don't want it from you? Yeah, sometimes it feels that way. You just wish we'd be more vocal and speak up. Just wish you'd be more vocal and speak up. Just wish you'd be more vocal and speak up. Every time I did, you backed off. You know, I wanted more sex from you for a long time, which is why we always ended up in this dumb cycle of on again, off again, on again, off again. So the reason I act the way I do is just to keep my distance so you don't feel pressured that I'm

feeling that way again. And also to keep any feelings out of the scenario. Keep it in the it's just sex category out of respect for you because you know i know that's what you wanted it's not that i don't want it i'm so great it literally it's the opposite it's just trying to keep that boundary of the situation that makes more sense but you really what you don't really tell me that that makes sense to hear i'm guessing you have meetings all day. Is what I said still what you want? What do you want? I'm pretty much free after 1.30. I'm enjoying the no strings thing, but I don't want to keep going if it's fucking with you. I'm fine. It's not fucking with me. I don't really have any feelings outside of the no strings at this time. I'm happy to text you more as long as you know it's not a feelings thing.

Just didn't want you to feel like things have changed. It just doesn't sit with me well that there's a possibility you have to fight feelings and i'm over here in a different place on it i feel guilty i don't want to want to put you through it doesn't he's not making sense it doesn't sit well with me that there's a possibility that you have to fight feeling oh okay i'm breaking up i want to break up i feel guilty i don't want to put you through something making you feel like you have to hold yourself back. Maybe we shouldn't then. LOL.

I'm literally fine, which is why I don't tell you this stuff. Because now while you're in your head, I'm at that point and can catch feelings. I'm not some watery pushover. I was just giving you a historical standpoint. I love historical. Like, you know, Queen Elizabeth I. I added that. Of why I act the way I do. I know what historical standpoint. I love historical. Like, you know, Queen Elizabeth I, I added that, of why I act the way I do.

I know what it is and have realistic expectations. Okay, okay. Stop being a baby. You shouldn't have said that. Sorry, I just don't like being the dick in the situation. Been there too many times, so I'm trying to cover my bases and make sure you're okay. This whole conversation started with him wanting more from you.

It's like he's pulling away from you because that is his attachment theory. And then you're like, I don't know your deal either, but it's like reading these texts going around in circles. I'm just like, either you two deserve each other

or you should never speak to each other. I can't decide which side I'm on yet. But it's a bit, it's like giving me a headache. And I say this with love toward you. I think you're both lying to each other. That's what I'm saying. You're both playing games you're both lying to each other. That's what I'm sure. You're both playing games.

You both care about each other. I definitely am. You both care about each other and you're both trying to pretend that you don't care because you don't want to confuse the other person because you both want to keep having sex. That's it. Thank you.

Yeah. And so. So I have a book. I'm reading it by the way, right now it's very, very good. I am actually as well reading it or audio book listening to it, but I don't feel like I'm taking in it as well.

So I wanted to make a book club, but that's on another note. Well, I appreciate you reading it. Is it good? Do you like it? I do. It's been really insightful so far. Casual sex is still sex. The Great Nick Vile right here.

Page 131. You want to start your club there. I think you're both lying to each other. Yeah. And so maybe first you have to decide what you really want you've been like situationships and this sounds like you know while most situationships aren't ever really mutual and they they they certainly don't end mutually but sometimes they start mutually and it sounds like this one had a mutual start of like we're just gonna fuck around and be fuck buddies i would call it more of a fuck buddy situation than a situationship i don't think situationships are ever good to have

so like once once you start calling it a situationship it's because it's a situation that you don't know how to deal with which is why it's a situationship before you guys were just like agreed upon fuck buddies but now you're both developing feelings because you're human beings you both enjoy each other's company and you're having a hard time admitting that because you're afraid of how that complicates things and instead of just dealing with that and being mature about it, you're both pretending the other person cares more than the other person because you don't want to be vulnerable. So since you're the one reading the book and calling the podcast and listening and me more in touch with your feelings, maybe you should be the person that says, you know what,

let's stop playing games. And first, I just want to say, I care about you as a person. I just want to put that out there. We've both been hurt by other people. So let's make a promise to each other to not do that. Even if that means having awkward and tough conversations, not over fucking texts, because you're kind of mean to him over texts a little bit. And I know he's annoying.

I know he's annoying. I know he's annoying, but I'm just saying is if a guy who's clearly doesn't know how to express himself, and I'm not making excuses for him by being a poor communicator, but he's just not good at communicating, and it sounds like he has some baggage from past relationships, and texting this kind of stuff is always a great way to misinterpret what you're trying to say and misunderstand how you guys are communicating. he like you calling him big baby he probably took that much harder than he even wanted to admit right because he's obviously clearly feeling vulnerable and he just wants some answers and he does he doesn't want to hurt your feelings but also he doesn't want his feelings hurt but he's having a hard time saying that so i think you should just sit him down in person and not have

sex that night and have a conversation maybe take him out to dinner and slow it down a little bit i mean having sex they've had to take him out to dinner i don it down a little bit i mean having sex like they've had take him out to dinner i don't know just meet go for a walk i don't care what it is i just think you should like it should be uh like a formal like not a formal setting but it should be in person and you should guys give each other the respect you does each other deserve like the point of i say dinner is like you want to have a conversation you guys are trying to communicate through these like at 830 a.m. where you're starting the day over like a one off.

Like, you know, you should really be like talk to the guy and just be a little vulnerable and to say, I care about you as a person. This has gone too far. We need to have a talk about what's going on because clearly this like reacting and then, you know, getting bored and coming back to each other's lives is not sustainable. And so either we can decide to end it here, but like through like a face-to-face conversation, or maybe just put it out there and say, I care about you and I think you care about me and maybe let's just give it a shot. And I know we've been hurt before in the past and let's just, and we can't promise

one another that we won't hurt, like someone might not hurt each other here, but we can promise to be faithful, to communicate, to be open, to be willing to have the tough conversations, even if in the short run we hurt each other's feelings, but we will always respect each other. We will be upfront. And if that's, and if we can promise that to each other, do we want to try? Because there is a lot of good here, you know, like we like each other. So like, but what we're doing now is just making a good situation hard on each other. And it probably we're doing now is just making a good situation hard on each other and it probably just needs to come from you but you need to be willing you need to know from him that he's willing to do the work you know it sounds like i could probably maybe

benefit from some therapy and things like that he can't he probably can't do this on his own and you're not his therapist or his mentor so while you should maybe like lead the conversation and like start this like he's gonna have to figure out how to like manage these conversations on his own and how to deal with this maturely. You can guide him through it and like hold them accountable for having like mature conversations, but you need, he needs to do the work on his own. Yeah. I, I tried, actually, I have had that conversation with him. This was probably last year sometime. And he was like, not for me.

And then he disappeared and then then he came back so i think i just need to if that's the case then you can't let him back that's right yeah because once you draw to have that conversation one more time and then just say all right if that's not what you want then i'm done and like don't contact me again yeah it's like we had a good time i respect you but like ultimately like this this has run its course and I'm shooting my shot here and it's totally fine if you don't want to, but like this is only hurting both of us. And I respect you too much to allow both of us to like turn this into a toxic

situation where both of us like feel like hurt and, and let on and resentful towards one another. I think that's fair. Great advice. Can I just say, Nick, you're great. No, really, really good. I just, I'm very impressed. I. I think that's fair. Great advice. Can I just say, Nick, you're great. No, really, really good. I'm just

very impressed. I appreciate it, Michelle. Yeah, that's what I think you should do. Cool. Okay. Alright. Well, I got a text from him this morning, which so... What did it say? What you think exactly what it says. Just tell me. He wanted to come over.

I would have been like, you big baby, you big baby ass baby. Well, luckily I'm traveling for work. So I was like, I can't, sorry. I think you should say, hey, it's great to hear from you. I would really love to talk to you. I'm back in town on a certain date. Let's get together. But you're not coming over.

But I want to talk to you. Let's grab dinner? Yeah, I'm going to be like, let's grab dinner. Uh, but you're not coming over, but I want to talk to you. Let's grab dinner. Yeah. I can be like, let's grab dinner. Okay. This is great advice. But read those books by the way.

And Nick's book. I'm serious. I think it'll give you a little insight. Set some boundaries, enforce those boundaries, be kind, be calm. And,

uh, shoot your shot. Okay. Fascinated to find out how this works out. So let us know. Good luck. I will. I'll follow back around. All right. Take shot. Okay. Fascinated to find out how this works out, so let us know. Good luck. I will. I'll follow back around.

All right, take care. Bye. Thank you. Bye. Michelle, this has been lovely. Nick and Co., I had so much fun. Thank you for welcoming me into your beautiful town of Los Angeles.

Can I plug my thing? Yes. I just took my show independent for the time being, so thank you for clapping. So if any of your listeners we also give advice lots of it uh you can uh follow me on instagram at mish call m-i-c-h-c-o-l-l but i also have you're gonna hate this a patreon which i know is as bad as a kickstarter but it's why is it bad it's just annoying but it's you can listen to my show i mean i gotta eat a lot

patreon.com slash mish call but we also have a podcast called Midnight Snack that is free as well. It's a great show. Yeah, it's fun. You have to come on it. Have you ever done it? Nope. Oh, that's not gonna, that's gonna change.

Okay, well. Oh, that's not gonna change. I'll hold you to that. Can you imagine? No, we need you on there. Check out all the things Michelle is doing. She's been, she's been doing great things for a long time. A fucking long time.

Can you imagine? But don't you think I'm looking younger and younger? Wait, all the lights go out. The show's done. I will say you look great. You look the same. I think so,

right? Okay, thanks. You look exactly, and I, and I haven't seen you in a long time. I know. So,

what a desperate way to end the show, but it felt right. I'm happy I said it. Thanks, Nick. Thanks again for having me. Michelle, it's a pleasure.

You're a treat. You're such a treat. Thanks so much for finally coming on my show. Congratulations on everything, by the way. Likewise. Yeah. Yeah.

Don't forget to send those questions at asknick at castmedia.com. Cast with a K. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week.