The Viall Files - E5 Brad Goreski

Episode Date: January 30, 2019

This week I'm joined by the hilarious stylist-to-the-stars Brad Goreski. We talk about non-traditional relationships, I learn about sex underwear, and Brad lets us know what he would wear if he was a woman on The Bachelor. Hint: there's a lot of plunging necklines.Brad thinks Colton looks like a good kisser. Do I agree? You'll have to listen to find out!Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're crazy. Hey guys. Hey guys. I said, Hey guys again. Damn it. I'm trying not to say, Hey guys, what are you supposed to say? Well, whatever I want.

It's my podcast. Um, but I'm trying to say like, what's up or whatever. Cause Hey guys is you can stop the music. Now we're shut. Um, yeah,

I'm trying like, Hey guys is like an Instagram ad. Oh, right. Hey guys. Hey guys. Um, smile more. What are the alternatives?

There's, there's what's up. You could just start talking. That's cool. I like that. Just get right into it. Yeah. Like just catch everyone off guard. It's kind of what we're, we're doing now.

Guys, welcome to another episode of the Viall Files. Very excited about my guest host today. We'll get into it for a second with him. But before we begin, I do want to say thank you guys for, again, your feedback on last week's episode. Thank you for your questions. Thanks for your comments, your follows. Again, we appreciate your reviews. I'm trying to get to 10,000 comments on iTunes as soon as possible. It's a lofty goal. I'm trying to think of something I can maybe do if people... Take off your shirt, Nick. Yeah, I was just going to...

Yeah, sex sales. I mean, like a whole episode? Yeah, do an episode shirtless. If I get that... Hey guys, if Nick takes off his shirt, will you do 10,000 comments? It might be a little inappropriate for my guest host next week if we get there that fast. Well, you should have held me off then. He has to say Brad.

I'll come back. You'll just move into the studio. I'll do something. I don't know. I've just been like for a month like, I love your podcast. Your podcast is amazing. Oh my God. Thank you for sharing that with us.

Brad 007. Brad 007. Brad 12345. 1234567. But what's really cool and I'm really excited. We have some feedback. A lot of our listeners last week who listened to last week's episode. Thank you.

Had some strong opinions about one topic in particular, and that was blowjobs. had some strong opinions about one topic in particular, and that was blowjobs. A handful of you women, mostly, were very, and I appreciate it, were very defensive for the love for the blowjob. If you didn't, Brad, you don't know this, but my guest host last week, Liz Lowe's a lovely person, great guest host, and Sam here um, as married women were like, eh, not really into the blowjob. And it was basically to get a blowjob from Liz or Sam, you must plan a trip to Spain, um, or win some sort of bet. My goodness. Um, and it really seemed to Rochelle was team blowjob, which we really appreciated. Um, I had some fears as a, as a single man, you know, seemed to, Rochelle was team blowjob, which we really appreciated. I had some fears as a single man, you know, hoping to, you know, be wifed up someday. Do I have to give up the blowjob in order to get married?

And it turns out, thankfully, maybe not. Rochelle, do we have some feedback that maybe we could share? You're like, most of the comments were from women who want to blow me. Which all comes back to take off your shirt. That's not what I, no, it was more like I'm married and, you know, Rochelle, please. Well, a lot of people wrote in and they said that they love giving blowjobs. They've been in long-term relationships. Victoria's been in a relationship for five years and she says she physically likes the taste,

the smell, and the feel. Wow. Really re-encouraging news. But she said the only time she doesn't like it is when he hasn't trimmed in a while and it feels like she's flossing. Fair. So hygiene is important.

Yeah. Brad, how long is your relationship? Well, we're 17 and a half years now. Okay. Yeah. Brad, how long is your relationship? Well, we're 17 and a half years now. Okay. Yeah. Oh, by the way, I should probably introduce Brad at this point. This is Brad. Quite honestly, I should have asked you before we started.

How do you properly pronounce your last name? Goreski. That's what I thought. Are you Polish? A little bit? I mean, I am a little too. It's debatable. My grandmother, well, it's not debatable. My grandmother said to stop saying that we're Polish because we're Viennese. That sounds more exotic anyway.

Our name was Gorecki until my great-grandparents immigrated to Canada and they changed it to Goreski. My last name was D.V. Tallis and then they butchered it and now it's Vial and no one can pronounce it correctly. D.V. I feel like people could say D.V. Tallis and then they butchered it and now it's Viall and no one can pronounce it correctly. I feel like people could say D.V. Tallis better. Yeah. Well, they can't say Viall. My mom's last name is Parker. I would have loved

to have been Nick Parker. That's good. It's like a superhero. Right? Yeah. We all have our crosses to bear, huh? I have to listen to people call me Brad Gorski all the time. I think my name's been said like a thousand times on TV or somewhere, but Gorski seems to be what sticks with me.

Brad, you are my first male guest co-host. Wow. Thanks. It's only episode five, so it's not that big of a deal. How many comments are we at now? This is really good. But I thought you'd be a little bit back. So actually, I never talked about this with Brad. The first time I ever saw Brad in person was at Sirius XM radio in New York.

Oh, that's right. And I didn't say anything to him. I was super nervous. I was the bachelor of the time on a press tour. And I was about to go into Howard Stern, very excited about that, because Howard Stern had found out I was in the building and I wasn't scheduled to interview with him. And I got to meet Howard Stern, but in the waiting room was Brad. And I was just like, he had these rose pants on. And I was just like, that's, that's Brad. And like, cause my, when I was growing up in Wisconsin, my, my girlfriend was a huge fan of the show you're on with, with, with Rachel. Yeah. And you were the star of the show, if I must say. And I was like, Brad was my, my fashion muse. I was like 22 and I'm like,

I want to dress like that guy. He's so cool. And my girlfriend loved you. And I'm sitting in this room like, Oh, this is, this is Brad. And I just like, do I say anything? I'm like, Oh, I don't know. Like I didn't, I didn't say anything. And I just, he had rose pants on. Then I got to know Brad and I met him on one of our mutual friends' podcasts. Then Brad took me shopping and improved my wardrobe. I dressed up for Brad today.

Yeah, you look good. I like that sweatshirt. Thank you. Yeah, it's good. Does it fit well? Very well. Are those from Topshop? Did you go back?

I did. You're haunting the halls of Topshop now. I tried to get your discount. They're like, eh. Dude, you should have just told me. It's fine. Don't worry about it. All right.

Well, next time. But thank you. Anyways, so Brad, he's funny. He's interesting. I think he can bring some great perspectives to this show. And so we'll get right into it. So anyways, that's my quick intro of Brad. But as we were saying, blowjobs.

Do you have a point of view, Brad, on you have been in a relationship for what now? What you said, 17, 20 years? You've been married for how long? 17 and a half. I've been married for just over one year. We got married December 26th of 2017. And a lot of questions we get are about keeping the relationship fresh.

You've been married for almost, or in a relationship for the better part of almost two decades. Yeah. How do you keep it fresh? Are blowjobs a part of the diet? Well, we don't fight. So there's that. Okay.

So you don't at all? Not really. It's, we're, I don't know. We were very, we're super duper compatible. So it's like, it's just like not a lot of work for us. What makes you compatible? Like, what is it? I mean, that's one thing to say.

We have the same sense of humor. We have the same likes. I have like so much respect for him and for who he is as a person and how he is with his family. And, you know, he just treats everyone around him so great. And I've learned a lot from him and, and we continue to try to be better for each other. And I think that's really important in a relationship. Like I, I do, and he, I think he does, but I know I do everything for us and for our relationship. So, um, I don't know. He's, he's, uh, we keep it fresh by here's the, the,

the one thing he said to me when I met Gary, I was 23 years old and I didn't understand what he meant at the time, but he's 10 years older than me and was established, and I was not when I met him. And he said to me, if this relationship is going to work, you need to have your own life, like an independent life outside of me. And I didn't know what that meant

because in my mind, everything was a movie, and it's like, we're going to be together forever and we're attached at the hip and you complete me and all that stuff, which it, you know, over time is, I mean, I guess in some cases it's true, but I was also, I'd moved from Canada and came here and I knew nobody.

So I really did have the opportunity to build my own life. And I have, you know, a very rich life with Gary, but also outside of him as well. And so he was right in that respect, because I have a, you know, I have a separate, not a separate life, a life that he's like super aware of, but I have a very rich life that's my own, you know? That's a great point. I mean, I think you said two things that resonated with me in terms of respecting each other. I find, you know, whether it's in my past relationships or questions I get,

that it's one thing to like someone or be attracted to them, be infatuated with someone. But I don't know, I think there's a lot of people in relationships that don't necessarily respect one another. And I don't that in a i mean it doesn't sound great obviously but you really should want to admire someone because in a long-term relationship you know people say like that the physical aspect might you know die down a little bit or whatever but if you feel like you can learn from your partner and respect them and you have are interested in what they have to say

that is actually sustainable and i i think there's a lot of people in relationships that are that jump into relationships and are considering things like engagement or even marriage and deep down maybe they don't necessarily respect each other's or certainly don't respect each other's opinions you know you'd be in relationships and you're constantly people like oh whatever like you know sometimes when you're in relationships it you're constantly people like, oh, whatever. Like, you know, sometimes when you're in relationships, it's always like you are, if you're arguing, people do this all the time. It's just like, you never want to be in the relationship where you're arguing a lot. And then the person has a point of view and you're just, you're just like not listening. You're disagreeing. And then some outside person, a friend will literally say the same thing. You'd be like, oh, that's really good. Yeah, that's, that's a really good point of view. And view and you're dating him she's like i fucking said that to you like an hour ago but i think so many people just aren't they don't respect the opinion of the person they're dating if they're really honest with themselves i know i've been in those relationships where like like can we like do you want to listen do we want a conversation or you just want to disagree so i think it's

the fact that you can say that. And I think it does play a big role in sustaining a relationship and keeping that spark going. Because I think from what I hear and what I see, and I know relationships I've had in the past, there wasn't a lot of respect for the opinion of the other people. So I think that's really cool. And then the separate lives. I love that. I mean, when I was, I think that comes with maturity, right? Like you said, when Gary said to me when you were 23, yeah, when you're first in love,

it's just like, I want to be together all the time. And like, do you, well, like, and people will get butthurt. It's just like, well, do you, what shows do you like to watch? It's like, well, I like X, Y, and Z. It's like, oh, well, I don't like that. That's okay. That's fine. In fact, liking different TV shows is a really easy way to like do things on your own and have your own time

maybe you have friends that you both like hanging out and maybe you have friends where you're just like listen they're cool i know you love them not my favorite hang right also okay because like you do need to like you need your own time especially in a relationship that's going to be together forever and having the comfort like I think as you get older and as you mature and I'm sure like you said as you get older you realize that as it's okay and it doesn't necessarily speak in a negative way to your relationship like when I was younger I remember it's almost like they feel like well do like do we not love each other because we sometimes get sick of each other or enjoy spending time away from it? Yeah, of course. It's totally fine. And I think early in early relationships, there's a lack of maturity in that or that belief

that you have to constantly want to be with each other or the notebook love stories. It's like, oh, we're just going to like literally fall. Like, are you asleep yet? Because let's fall asleep together. And if you're like, do you, should we wake up at the same time? Because let's fall asleep together. And if you're like, should we wake up at the same time? That's not love. But people feel like, I think a lot of people do a lot. I don't know. I think that's two really great points. I never thought about it, but hearing you say that,

it makes a lot of sense why that plays a huge role in your and Gary's success. We spend a lot of our jobs, we spend a lot of time together, but we've also spent a lot of time apart. He worked in London for two years and was home for like half the year and away for half the year.

And I travel a lot for work and I spent a lot of time on airplanes I spent, and I still do spend a lot of time on airplanes and in New York and in other places in the world. And it's, you know, those are things that I think are important and have, even when he lived, you know, in London, like, I don't think we've ever FaceTimed. Like, we're just not that couple. We're not the people that like FaceTime each other and like text all the time and talk on the phone. And like, we're just like, not those people, you know? So it's, I don't know. There's just like a level of, I don't know. I just want him to go out and have, you know, go out and have fun. Like while he was

there, there's nothing that I find less appealing than someone being like, what are you doing now? What are you doing now? What are you doing now? Where are you right now? But don't you miss him? I understand the trust part of it. Oh, tons. Yeah. I mean, the first three weeks were super fun.

I'm not going to say I was like, this is like really good being in the house by myself and like, just like, you know, but yeah, I mean, it's a really long time to be away from somebody and somebody that's having like such a huge, you know, is doing, he was producing a TV show and he had written a TV show called Vicious with Ian McKellen and Derek Jacoby. So he was over there like having this crazy experience.

And, you know, it was like, it was tough in a way. I went over, obviously, and like hung out and saw it, but it was tough because I wanted to be there, you know, to support him. But then I just, you know, stayed here and worked away at my stuff and we joined up. Yeah, I think that's great. And I think the best takeaway from that is,

again, there's various degrees, right? Like people can truly love spending most of their time together. Or some people they'll be like, I have a friend, her, her husband is an auditor. And like every week during the week, he works in Pittsburgh and comes back to New York for the weekends. And they realize it's not necessarily sustainable, but they also acknowledge that it has its benefits. Yeah, totally. The important part is like, whatever your relationship is or what do you have, like, necessarily sustainable but they also acknowledge that there it has its benefits yeah totally the

important part is like whatever your relationship is or what do you have like don't make something that isn't necessarily a problem a problem because you think it should be a problem right doesn't mean anything and if yeah if if there's make you know like see the benefits of it like okay fine we we get to miss each other right well we can't do this forever but it's kind of nice to like have our own experiences and it's nice to like keep that spark of like we can't do this forever, but it's kind of nice to like have our own experiences and it's nice to like keep that spark of like, I can't wait to see you. You know, I can't, you know, and again, you don't want to do that forever, but like, I think a lot of times couples will think they should do something a certain way because this is how it's supposed to be done.

If we're in a serious relationship, we should spend X number of time together. We should have this much sex or we should whatever. Like, I don't know, like, life shit happens in life and things come up and each situation is an opportunity to be like, all right, well, how does this affect us? And how does this affect our relationship? And how can we, what do we do about it? You know, like, how we just handle it because we love each other and we want to make it work. And then within that, you'll find like an opportunity to miss each other, get some new hobbies on your own. I don't know. Yeah. But you also have to allow the person that you're with to, to grow and to continue. It doesn't matter how old you are. If you're just because like in your twenties and your thirties and your forties and your fifties, like you have to allow the people you are. If you're just because like in your 20s and your 30s and your 40s and your 50s, like you

have to allow the people or the person that you're with to continue to have life experiences. You know, you have to allow them to continue to, you know, he's a writer. He's a super creative person. I'm not going to tell him, you know, you can't go and have this experience because I don't want you to live away from that. Like that, that's just like, not me at all. Let me ask you a question about sort of the expectation of what you're supposed to be in a relationship. This is kind of like a sticky point for me. So, you know, you're with someone for a long time and then you're expected to get married, right? Everyone's always like, when are you going to get married? And then you get married. And the

question is always, when are you going to have children? Right. And I'm curious about your take on this because you're in a same sex relationship. I always think the question is always very prying and kind of rude because you never know where people are in their journey. Right. Like I didn't want to have children. And then something changed for me. Like we had kind of a hard time with my mother. She got like, she, it was really difficult. And we kind of bonded together as a family because she was sick. And I realized I wanted to have a family, but I never had that like biological urge to have children. And then I had a miscarriage with twins. So I always found it very difficult. Like that question was really

prying because you don't know where people are. How do you feel about that question? And because obviously it's, it's a different, it's a different road for you. Yeah. And that expectation. I mean, people ask, I mean, thank God we are, you know, we have the, the right to get married and we have the ability to have children if we want to. So I, for me personally, those questions are about progress and those questions are about, you know, equal rights. And so it's less of a, it's more something for me to celebrate because it's not something that I ever thought that I would be able to do. And so I didn't grow up with the idea that I would ever be able to get married to somebody. I always knew I wanted to be in a relationship and I knew that I was gay, but I didn't know that I would ever find somebody that I would want to

marry, let alone be able to do it. When you're at home and they ask you when you're getting married, when you're having children, what does it do to you? I don't mind it. Like I want to get married and I want to have kids. I think at this point, as I've gotten older and I'm single, I sometimes almost the reverse get offended, not offended, but like it bugs me that people are like, well, you clearly don't want to have kids. It's like, well, because if you did, you would at this point where like, you know, you're, you know, and so I certainly don't mind the question. I actually have a question for you. I mean, in a, in a dating world, did you, when you were dating, did you, were you defensive then when, before you got married and a guy was like, Hey, do you want to have kids? Was that a sensitive subject for you then? It was never a sensitive subject, but it was a very, it was uncommon that people didn't want to have kids. I'm 35 now. And it was always sort of

expected that you were going to get married and have children. And I didn't want to get married and I didn't want to have children. And people were always sort of saying to me, oh, you're going to change your mind. And it's interesting because I did change my mind. And my husband, actually, even up until the point when we were engaged, I would say to him, just so you know, I don't want children. And he did. And it was sort of, he sort of took a leap of faith that I was going to change my mind, which is kind of a major leap of faith to take when you're marrying someone. That's a big leap. He sort of bet on me.

He wanted to be with me. Or he bet on himself. He's like, she's definitely going to want to have my baby. You know, I am good enough that this girl is going to want to do it. She'll figure it out. Yeah, but I think when you're in your 20s, like you so rarely have that conversation. You're like going out, having fun. And like I dated a couple people seriously and we had it a couple times.

But, you know, I just, I'm not a baby person in general. I don't generally like children. I like, I love my own child. I love my sister's children, but like, I'm just not a kid person. So it wasn't something that I really wanted until I decided that family, like you were saying, I love family. I like the idea of being around family, but yeah, I mean, women are supposed to have children. That's sort of the, the idea of women, right? Yeah. I just want a lot of dogs. That's not my place to say it. I just want more dogs. No, I mean stereotypically, right?

Like, yeah, women have children, right? Yeah, but when I date, I mean, it's certainly something that comes up pretty early. I actually get that question more from women. It's just like, again, the assumption being, well, if you're older, do, do you, do you want kids? You know, maybe you, maybe like, this is the life. I mean, this is the life I've chosen in a way, but like, I haven't like, you know, I

am single, but it's like, that's because I've taken risks and whatever, but I haven't like, like the, again, the assumption with me sometimes with women I meet is, are you just someone who likes to date and not doesn't want to settle down and doesn't want to have kids. So that usually for me, that comes up a lot. Like it's so usually me being interrogated because they just want to like check in. So it's like, Hey, like, are you a project or like you're, or you're just like, you know, like sometimes with me with the stereotypes or whatever, like, you know, especially with, you know, the reality TV experience, I like to address any

perceived stereotypes about me as soon as possible, as long as it's about me. What are the stereotypes? Well, again, whether it's like the, you know, the TV questions, whatever, like, and that's the, when I'm, when I'm dating, when I talk to people, it's, are you asking this question? Cause you want to get to know me? Are you asking this question because you're trying to, you know, you're a fan of the show or something, or you're trying to get the, like, you're just, um, so it's, I'll answer anything. If I feel, I feel like the questions are genuine about like trying to get to know me and not just trying to like curious about things I've experienced. Um, and so that's just a gut feeling. Um,

and if I liked the person, I would truly want them to, I want them to ask questions because I want them to get to know me. And I'm, I'm at that point, I'm an open book. Sometimes I'm just like, Hey, like, I'll just tell you everything. They're like, I was not ready for that. So yeah, I don't, I don't mind it. And I guess now that, I mean, I'm thinking out loud here, it's almost always me getting asked before I'm asking.

I don't remember the last time I had to be like, hey, do you want to have kids? I'm pretty sure they're always asking me by second drink. It's just like, well, that was a good drink. Just before I waste any more of my time. Is there a shot here that we could have kids if this works out? Oh my God. Dating seems like such a nightmare.

It's awesome. I can't, I can't. Brad, if you don't know, this is a stylist for the stars. Indeed. Indeed.

So we're going to talk a little bit about fashion. I felt like that would just make, make sense. Yeah, sure. And specifically fashion in relationships. Sure. As someone who's into fashion and deals with fashion every day and every day, is it one of those things where when you get home, you're just like, fuck it. I'm just going to like put on the most basic things and not give a shit.

And like, sorry, Gary, just deal with this because I am fashioned the fuck out. Or are you still, still into it? Or is it a sense of pride? Do you guys like been together? Like this because I am fashioned the fuck out. Or are you still, still into it? Or is it a sense of pride? Do you guys like been together? Like, because I think the stereotype too is like, sometimes people in relationships just give up, you know? It's like, ah, well, I locked this down. It's a sweatpants. I mean, I've, I've, I've heard women say, and I've, I've heard men say too. It's like, well, what's the point? I'm married. And I've heard men say too, it's like, well, what's the point? I'm married.

No, I'm not. We're not like that at all. I, well, I, I do have my, I mean, there are definitely days. I mean, I get into sweats when I come home. I'm a human being. I, but I'm not an animal. Yeah. It's like, I'm not getting into like silk pajamas and you know, that's not my jam. Like I'm happy to be in like sweats and a hoodie and a pair of Ugg slippers walking around the house

as is Gary. But, you know, I, both of us take pride in looking good for each other. And, you know, we went out to dinner on Thursday night and he like wore a suit and like, I got, you know, dressed up like we like to look, we like to look nice. It's, it's, um, there's like no giving up in our relationship. Like there's, there's, we're just not those people. I've, I've never, I've been through also so many bad fashion trend phases in my relationship with him that were potential.

On you or on him? Both. But mostly me. I mean, it's like your job to kind of push the limits sometimes. Yeah, I might have pushed them a little too hard. On him or on yourself? Me. Can you describe the worst one? I mean, I've posted so many of them on my Instagram, but

there's one that we that comes up a lot, which was, um, uh, we went on a cruise of, I think we were on the QE too. We were doing a trans Atlantic crossing. It's hard to say trans Atlantic crossing. And, um, he basically, I, I was into Gucci. Tom Ford did a Western collection and I had my hair dyed blonde oh there we go I love that

I love that outfit that was Tom Brown but the outfit I wore on the cruise was from Tom Ford's western collection for Gucci so I had a bandana around my neck these are all great looks and I had a whiteana around my neck. These are all great. And I had a white shirt on and bootcut jeans and suede Dolce & Gabbana boots and a Gucci logo belt. Like that was just to like

walk on the ship. It was bad. So when you say there's no giving up, do you have you guys set specific expectations? Or is it just like an organic? we're always trying? I want to look nice. I want to look good for him. You know, so I, you know, I work out and I want him to, and he does like he's, you know, he's still, I mean, he's the best. He says like almost 18 years into it, he's like still says the nicest things to me. Are you guys comfortable with critical feedback? Constructive feedback with each other? Yeah. It's like, hey babe, have I gained weight? Yeah. That's never a good question.

No, I'm just saying. Okay, you don't. No, we don't ask those questions but we, he said to me a little while ago about my it was very early on in our relationship where I was indulging a lot.

He mentioned something and I, you know, keeping, I've kept a very close, I, I personally feel like it's, it's very important in a relationship to feel your best. And I think if you start letting yourself go, and obviously there are a lot of conditions that affect people and work, kids, you know, health, all kinds of things. I'm lucky that I'm healthy and I'm not lucky that I don't have kids, but I don't have kids. So I'm able to be lucky. I'm able to go to the gym every single day and I'm able to eat really well. And you know, it's, it's something that I do for myself, but I also do it because, um, I want to look good for my husband.

Do you guys know there was this article in the daily mail and interestingly, men are statistically more likely to let themselves go in relationships. I, I believe that. Yeah. Do you, I thought it was like sort of the stereotype that women sort of get married and then they cut their hair and then they gain weight. I think, but men actually. I would have guessed. I feel like men the day after the wedding, let it go. Just like let their gut out? Like it's just like.

The whole time they literally just freeze. Literally the next day. Yeah. I've been like sucking it over. I'm literally never wearing a suit again. But do you think that it's more pressure in the gay community to keep it sort of like right and tight because it's two men and there's like, because I think straight

men haven't caught on yet. You know what I mean? And this is definitely like a broad generalization. I feel like in LA they have. Straight men? Yeah. Really? Yeah. I'm trying every day. I'm just like, this could be the day. Could meet her. I mean, look at Nick. I'm trying every day. I'm just like, this could be the day. I could meet her. I just gotta dress up. You never know. You are particularly well-dressed.

Like you, I mean, you are. You are very fashion forward. Very true. Yes. Very true. Very pleased by this. This hasn't been always the case. I've had some fashion fails on The Bachelor. That turtleneck wasn't my idea, but also like, yeah, anyways. Did you juicy kiss her after this? We'll get into that in my idea, but also like, yeah. Anyways.

Did you juicy kiss her after this? We'll get into that in a second. But my fantasy suite date on Andy season was, it was, we can't find a picture. It was in Dominican Republic. You wore a turtleneck in the Dominican Republic? No, that was on the season of The Bachelor. I remember, and this is one of those things where like you ask the producers, like, hey, does this look good?

And they're always like, I love the producers, but like, and people ask questions, well, producers will always do on the bachelor. If you ask them a question and if it's a good idea or a bad idea, it's, Oh, they're always like, great. It's like, Hey, do you think I should, um, what do you think if I just walk up to her and like lick her face? What do you think? Dude, hot man.

Like that would be really awesome you know like they will do that um but like so i remember everybody loves their face i had these like coral pants and we're dominican republic and there you can see the top of that henley it was a great henley with like fluorescent i got an american eagle which is like you know like high school for high school kids and i was like 33 at the time and really just i haven't lived that one down at the time i was already the villain of that season so it was just it's a it's hard to watch that was a that was a fashion fail for me I when we when we did that last podcast scrubbing in scrubbing in yeah podcast guys check it out um you were talking about underwear we were talking about underwear

I thought it was really interesting it made me self-conscious about my underwear choices. I don't upkeep underwear, I feel like, as much as I should. What's the should upkeep? Underwear is important. Maybe I should clarify. Washing. No, but I'll do laundry. I'm like, man, I've had this underwear for like five months.

Five months? That seems like a normal life. I've had this underwear for like five months. Like I feel like... Five months? That seems like a normal life. Is it? I don't know. Like it's five months. I feel like... And underwear for men is relatively inexpensive. Yeah, but you have to have like... There are different tiers of underwear. Like there are underwear... Well, that's what I was interested in. Underwear you work out in.

Okay. Right? Like I have my favorite... I just have underwear, Brad. No, no, no. You have to have underwear that you like work out in. Okay. Because if you like run and stuff, you know, you have to have the that you like work out in okay because if you like run and stuff you know you have to have the one like ones that are

keep it together not that tight but a little yeah I think Nick's working with some substantial you want to bounce

around a little bit we got some information last week about Nick that is actually first of all they kept in thinking I was like we weren't thinking

farting slip about my dick and I was Michelle were we thinking I was not Liz kept calling it out she was like oh and I was like I wasn't even thinking about it Nick you slip about my dick. Michelle, were we thinking? I was not. No, Liz kept calling it out. She's like, oh, that's. And I was like, I wasn't even thinking about it. Nick, you talked about your dick the entire episode.

I never talked about my dick. BDE. Yeah, it was BDE. Yeah. No, we're aware. Go back and listen. We got the memo. Yeah.

Go back and listen. I said something about. Brad, sorry. Based on Nick's enormous dick. Yeah. First of all. It depends what kind of date he's trying to get. You want your underwear to be at the gym.

Give us underwear. So workout underwear. Then there's just kind of like your everyday, you know, they're comfortable. I also have underwear. I know I like to travel in cause you're sitting for a long time. And then there's also like sex,

like there's all, you want the, you want the fresh ones to be your, you don't want to. I feel like Brad needs to take me underwear shopping. I had. Gladly. I, I, so like I, I, I just have underwear, but I do have like some of my favorite underwear

and some of my favorite underwear is Ellen underwear. Every time I've been on Ellen. Ellen DeGeneres underwear. She gives you underwear and it's phenomenal underwear in terms of the fabric. And it's comfortable. I think I look, I guess, fine in it. Brett has this, look at this. So anyways.

I don't know if that's like the way to like. Hold on. So like I. Sealed the deal. I had a, I was out with this, I was, you know, dating this girl, whatever. And you put on your Ellen underwear. I was wearing my Ellen underwear. And so anyways, we were at my place and we seized the moment, awkward pause, we have sex.

Whatever. We're done. Finally, we put our underwear back on and she's just like, what the fuck is that? And I was like, what? And I had my Ellen DeGeneres and it was, but it was the Ellis Ellen DeGeneres underwear on the head. It wasn't like some of our underwears, just like black with Ellen's name on it.

No, this particular underwear had these little Ellen faces all over like those. It was those underwear. Oh my God. And I was like, what are you? I'm thinking like, this is my good underwear.

So note, note to everyone out there. While Ellen DeGeneres has some great underwear, it turns out might not be the biggest turn on. Guys, we'll be auctioning those off for the HRC today. I love them. They're really comfortable. Those are actually the style

that I wear minus the Ellen faces on them. They're great underwear. Yeah. Ellen heart eyes right after you've consummated the date or the experience. That's not a good experience. Yeah. Turns out it's kind of status though. I'm,

I am certain she like told all her friends. It was like, uh, yeah, I'm sure she did. Uh, yeah. Yeah.

You know, it's not hot guy who wears Ellen underwear. Did you go on another date with her? Yeah. How many? Uh, enough. How many months did you guys date for?

I mean, not, I mean, I haven't really dated anyone for too long you wore them with January Jones didn't you yep 1000% nervously sipping his coffee

I did not maybe I'll tell you later you might know who that person is I'm sure I feel like I will know. I mean, I love Ellen and I'm flattered if I ever get an opportunity to go on. But in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, yes, new pair of underwear.

Yeah, well, I'll get you a few pairs because they're on sale for $17 and 60 cents. So yeah, I think I need... It was kind of a moment where I it wasn't like too long ago but I need a up so you can do your every like an everyday Calvin but then for like date night you can do like a Dolce & Gabbana or

Tom Ford underwear or like who else does really good ones maybe a Versace underwear if you're like in Miami. We're talking about some sizable investing here. What should I spend on sex underwear?

Well, I mean the sky's kind of the limit if you want to get laid, no? What's high and what's low though? What's an affordable pair and then what's like? It turns out, well I didn't impress her. I still did get laid. It was just after the fact. $200 I think is expensive for a pair of underwear.

Never. I'm sorry. $200 on underwear? Yeah. Why not? I don't know. I mean that, maybe, maybe that's where my life has gone wrong. Well, a pair of Calvin's is like 30, right?

So like maybe a hundred dollars. What about for the audience who's in the like, you know, the average range? What's a good pair of sex underwear? I wear a lot of H&M. The Calvins?

Is that what you're recommending? Yeah, Calvins are like the best. I think Calvins are the best. Okay. Yeah. Cool. For sure. So maybe I'll get some Calvins.

Black, but you get different colors. Black, gray, and white. Is black the sexiest? Yes. Okay. The worst is when you spend money on sex underwear and then you have to throw it away

before you've had sex in them. Does that happen to anyone else? Why do you have to throw it away? Did you shit yourself? What's going on? Because you keep wearing them thinking you're going to have sex in them and then you end up not.

Tonight's the night. It's going to happen. What's happening to you and your underwear that you have to throw them away? Rochelle lives. No kidding. Blowjobs, throwing away underwear. Rochelle's no kidding blowjobs throwing away underwear like

Rochelle's like a party girl my kind of girl let's go I'm gonna go out sometime did you share any of your tips? no yeah do we have any tips?

I think you just have it's really it's all about being in the moment, Brad. Would you agree? Just wanting to be good, you know? That's most of it. Just taking the time. That's where I've lost it.

It's the desire. It's a symphony. A symphony? It truly is. Wait, what are we talking about? Underwear and blowjobs. Blowjobs. But what's this?

I truly don't understand what the symphony is. Although now that I'm thinking about it, I can really see that wearing this underwear and hoping for a blowjob are two not great combinations. You've got to like, you respond to the sounds and the movements that you're getting back. The oboes. The oboes.

The skin flute. Oh, I get it. The elbows. The elbows. The skin flute. Oh. I get it. It's a wind instrument. Exactly. Brad, you should take some vitamins. You probably are. You look great.

I just started taking some that, yeah. Brad is my fashion and my just aging muse. He's older than me. He looks fantastic. You do seem ageless is what's happening my just aging muse. He's older than me. He looks fantastic. You do seem ageless is what's happening. Bless my parents. That's what I always say. Bless your parents?

Yeah. I only wish I'd started wearing sunscreen like 10 years earlier. It's the key. Sunscreen and retin-A. I could be better at that. No one talked about sunscreen. My mom was a sunscreen Nazi. I grew up in Canada.

It's like we don't, we like just get sunburned because we're so happy to be out in the sunshine. It's warm. It's 35 degrees. Yeah, literally. It's super cold. Get on your shorts. Let's just get into a little Bachelor talk. This is Brad. Brad is first episode of watching ever The Bachelor, which is fine

because Brad seems to have some strong opinions about Colton. Well, let's just hear it, Brad. What do you got? What do you got for us? I like Colton's. I find Colton's kisses very juicy. Ooh.

Why? I find them, the rhythm and cadence of them is very similar. I feel like if you did one of those sound wave things and compared them woman to woman that it would sound pretty much exactly the same. So is juicy mean good or is juicy just means juicy?

He looks like he's close to a face sucker, which I enjoy. It's a very present kiss. It's not a sloppy mouth open just rubbing it around your mouth. It's very purposeful. Yeah, yeah. He looks like a good kisser. Is he really

a virgin? To the best of my knowledge, I mean, it's just a weird thing to lie about. I guess it is. He's had to spend more time defending his virginity. I would just find it to be... If it's a lie, at some Well, he's had to spend more time defending his virginity. I would just find it to be, if it's a lie, at some point he's like, well, that was a fucking terrible idea.

Like this is really not. I'm totally fine with him being a virgin. Yeah, I just, I assume he definitely is. He's, he's, I like, I like his, his, his kissing technique. Oh, you like it. That's what I was about to ask you. You like it. No, I do like it.

I feel like it would be very pleasurable. You do? Mm-hmm. Okay. With all the moisture and sucking, you feel like this is something that... Yeah, I feel like they might dial up the sound a little bit for the kissing.

Oh, they definitely do. I always find it fascinating because I... It's very, very present. Loud. Yeah. As someone who's been on the show and kissed, I didn't really pay attention to the kissing, but it is something that

a lot of people like to talk about. Did you zone out ever? Were you just like, oh, this is another girl I have to kiss. Let's go for it. Or were you totally engaged to all of them? As the bachelor? Yeah. No, I mean, listen, there's definitely people that you're not necessarily as excited to kiss

as some of the other ones i mean it's i mean who's meant to like kiss 20 people in one night rochelle and then she goes on they have to get in the underwear for something i mean so like you're definitely more attracted to other other and then also by three o'clock in the morning and some of them like have been drinking white wine on it and there is nothing worse than bad white wine breath. That is like,

it's like a burp. I'm just like, oh my God. And they're like, let's make out. And it's like, okay, fine. I do,

what I think might make me go back for more is I love when the girls pretend that they're happy for one of the other contestants. It's literally like, I don't know. I don't remember her name, but when, is it Kaylin? When she, Kaylin or Caitlin?

What's her name? The beauty queen is Kaylin. The one that went shopping? Yes. Oh my God. And she's like, I'm so happy for her. She came back with all of these bags. And it was just like, I just thought it was so great for her and I don't wish

it was me or anything. She like just like unravels. That's the best part about it. You're not covering it up well. You're like you're not okay with it at all. Well that's what's great about this show though. You're having a meltdown. Who's the girl who ended up going home? Can we scroll?

Who's like wildly self-righteous. Courtney. Courtney. Yeah. I mean like. Courtney was the cancer in the house. I always get a kick out of like the people who go on the show think, you know, they pretend to be okay with shit they should not be okay with.

It's just like there's a way to do it and there's a way to not and just be polite. And that's why I love Demi so much is that her utter annoyance with like all the other women. She's like with the way she calls the other women, dude, I fucking love. Okay, dude. All right. All right. And she's just like, and again, like Demi is certainly assertive and I don't necessarily think Colton's that into her, but I do appreciate her authenticity of like, I'm just like, I like this guy. And like, you don't have to do what I'm doing, but like, do what you want to do. I'm going to do what I want to do. And if you're somehow want more time, then you're going to have to step up because I'm not

going to make time for you. And if you're going to make time for someone, don't make time to lecture me about the time I'm making. Right. Which is like, it happens all the time, but like it blows my mind that, I was not a fan of Courtney. She was wildly self-righteous. Just like, I've just, I love when she asked Demi how old she is and they're the same age. I love that like fake calm thing people do

when they fight, when people are like, you know, the other person's getting riled up and they're like, I see. I see. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. other person's getting riled up and they're like, I see that you're getting upset. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like such a fake tactic. Manipulation. But it's like outright stupid person manipulation.

Like there's better ways to manipulate someone than be like, I see you're getting upset. Unless you're trying to, unless you're doing it like it's obvious, where you're just like, I'm going to do this just to make you mad. Then it's like fine. But if you actually think that you are she thinks she's smart yeah and like coming across as a more calm and collective person like you're not you're like you're you could tell courtney's lose was losing her mind just be like ah like like she she wants more time with colton and she can't get it she's

like because she's like the girls are like well get time she's like well i've tried well in her world she's tried because i'm i am certain that courtney in her life has been very used to men approaching her and this concept of making going out of her way to like get attention from the guy she wants is something that's very foreign to her. I am certain of that. She's like, I mean, I have tried, I've changed my position. I've looked at him for three straight seconds. And I only look at guys for like only a second and a half.

So I'm really, I'm really going out of my way here. So I am certain that's, that's Courtney in her life. Right. And so like, I have's, that's Courtney, uh, in her life. Right. And so like, I have tried. Courtney's like, dude, I like her like, dude, dude, dude, I fucking love it. I love the way she says, dude, I would be wild on that show. What would you do? Everything. Like literally anything to make the bachelor obsessed with me. Anything. I would be... At the risk of everyone else hating you.

Doesn't matter. I would be... I'm a Leo. I would just be gunning so hard for it. I would show up on dates, find a way, and be like, Hey! Oh, it's so weird. They're shopping at that shop,

and I'd come out of the changing room, and I'd be like, Oh my god, you guys are here. This is so weird. I put a few things in there for you to try on. I just need to talk to him for a second. He'd be a fake mannequin. Yeah. Like I would be like psycho weirdo on the show, like doing whatever it took.

I do give Colton credit though, because like they showed him like, because again, like Demi is, I love her approach. Colton's just like, yeah, I'm not really into PDA. And Demi jumps on him. And he literally sets her down. Because she's so small and he's a pretty big dude. He's like, I don't know.

Well, he needs to be sitting down at a dinner table with the microphone turned up full blast so that you can hear the sound of his mouth opening and closing while you're kissing. Like he can't do just a normal PDA because he, you know, he's got to have the juicy kiss going on. Right. That's the thing.

Thoughts on the beauty queen rivalry that for the time being, it sounds like maybe that that fire has been flamed, but I hope not. I hope not too. I love a rivalry. I also feel like I might be the guy or the yeah the guy who was you know they get picked up in a Bentley and like the mirror like tilts

down you just see my eyes in it and I'm like driving them like Colton can I just get a few minutes with you do you mind here just like I will get you to your random location in Singapore but I just need a second here I have a few things I want to get off my chest

are you implying that you're a kidnapper in this situation no I just like I'm that person that you know we all have like one person that we run into at the gym every single day or like in the grocery store but I would be popping up everywhere

yeah hi it's me again Colton But I would be popping up everywhere. Sucker. Yeah. Hi, it's me again. Hey. Colton, get over here. I've got something I need to tell you. When Demi is like, so I need something to tell you. Because everyone's always like, everyone has their story and they're waiting for the right time to say it.

And like the ideal time to tell your story is on your one-on-one. Right. And there's those moments of like, well, I might get sent home because like i'm in this drama so like there's always that like awkward like profession of like your story like in and on like a group date but my favorite part of that was i feel like in that moment colton was like oh okay this all makes sense now like okay like okay fine all right i get this all right all right i wasn't i wasn't really sure like why you were the way you were but like okay fine all right like you have to okay all right like prison rules um is that okay to say i don't know yeah i can't wait to dm

demi dms me fuck you yeah um no i really like demi and um i i think she's great tv i do think unfortunately for demi uh i think things could get rough for demi going forward what do you mean well see demi is the classic uh by all standards and the show has evolved because i think it's gotten a little more dynamic with what you call a villain and the drama in the house. But Demi is the obvious classic villain, the villain, like by villains standards of like, that's how I was vilified. It's like the person who like does what you would normally do when you like someone make time, not be intimidated by your peers and say, I like this person, I'm getting them flowers. Or I like this person. I'm like, I'm going to like, try to talk to him as much as I can. Like, and if you guys are going to sit by, I'll talk

to him again. I literally will talk to him as much as I can, whatever. And so Demi has done that. But what has helped Demi up into this point are people like Tracy with her like googly eyes and being 31 and crying on the floor because she can't get time or Courtney who also like self-righteously is like telling Demi how to be mature and asking how old she is when she's only 23. And she's, she's had these other women play the other side. And so classically, I'm sure like people are like, have been hating on Demi, but there's plenty of people who are like, fuck, I love this. Like, again, like, I like that she's doing this. I like that she's assertive. like that she's assertive she she these other like tracy and courtney have given another point of view of they have made it look almost okay for demi to take her time but all of a sudden courtney and tracy have just now been sent home and they

cut to like demi being like i finally got my way well sometimes in bachelor world when you get your way it's like the worst thing that can happen because again they're gonna get like who knows what happens with with kaylin and hannah i i hope that drama hasn't died down um but they're gonna like especially this early on they're gonna get it somewhere right and so it's one thing for demi to be assertive with her time when it's uh when it's tracy or courtney having a problem with but now, what if when she starts rubbing Cassie the wrong way or the other Hannah, who's like the front runner, who's like calm and collected, a fan favorite, when she starts pissing those women off

and she starts getting in the way of those women, Demi won't be everyone's fan. She's going to get more eyes because Cassie will be more collected. Hannah will be more collected. Hannah will be more collected. Colton likes both of them. And so as viewers, it's just going to look like Demi is just trying to force it. And because I don't think Colton is that into her. I think Tracy and Courtney evened out Demi and she's going to have right now.

I don't know who else is going to even out Demi. Does that make sense? Yeah, no, it does. So like I wouldn't be shocked if things if the villain is Demi really comes out, not necessarily that it's fair that she's actually a villain in real life and she'll still be entertaining, but I think it's going to get a little bit rough for her and the next few weeks. This is like exactly how I talk about drag race. Like I'm like her runway look was not plastic plastic fantastic. That did not look that great. I was not obsessed with the earring.

Her lip sync was definitely better, but she was not funny in snatch. Do you have any fashion opinions about the women of this season? I was going to say, cut to Brad's Drag Race podcast coming next week. Obsessed. So good. Do you have any fashion do's and don'ts on this season so far? You know,

watching the episode, it's literally like, it's like, honestly, like what you would wear on a date. Like little black dress and like a heel and like maybe showing a little bit of skin and then like during the day you're in like something cute and playful, like a little

romper or like, you know, I feel like the style on the show is like so, I don't really, like it's not like there's anybody that, you know, like you watch like a Housewives and you're like, you know, Erika Jayne has like the best style, you know? Like there's no, like, there's no, for me,

like style standout, but everybody looks like. It's, well, it's a good conservative audience. And so like, and again, like Andy's season, not that that looked good, but people are ready to jump on you for your fashion choices. Cut to me on the bachelor.

I'm like, honey, I would be serving. Like we were like Singapore. I'd be having like trunks coming. Like I'd be in like big hats and like gowns. And like, I'd give you an,

like an illusion gown on my date and just like sitting side saddles so you could see all up the side of my body, just like teasing the shit out of you before the juicy kiss. Like my toe always pointed and like hair blowing out of a fan underneath me. And I'd just be like the most gorgeous goddess that you'd ever seen.

Like I'd basically like be the most beautiful like drag you'd ever seen. Like I basically like be the most beautiful, like drag queen on The Bachelor. It would be a story. They would like, you would be like. I hope casting's listening. If things don't work out with you and Gary, would you? Be The Bachelor?

I'd be so, I would give you so much on that show. Like the other girls would be like running, you know, and they're like little rompers for like the day trip out. And I would just be like showing up in like a full like jumpsuit with like a plunging neckline and just like boobs up to here. A plunging neckline. Diamonds and like maybe like a thigh high and just like body for days and like more hair than

you've ever seen they would look at you with disgust and you just go yeah i wouldn't even look i would just i wouldn't even see them i would just like walk like straight towards like colton and just like stand and look him in the face and then just like flick my hair a little bit like that and let him get a whiff of my perfume and like I would win he would go home right before hometown he would go home on night one not about home

he would make it to week six he would make it to at least week six for sure I must be super real about this night one

Brad goes home I don't know I think week six at least what about Colton's fashion though like so the girls are paying for their own fashion right what about Colton oh yeah yeah like so the girls are responsible that's that's the reality right Erica Jane has all the money all the resources all the everything girls are paying for their own fashion bringing their own clothing I think the bachelor gets yeah the leads get their own stylist, bringing their own clothing. I think The Bachelor gets... Yeah, the leads get their own stylist. I mean, listen, it's...

So what could Colton... I think he looks great. I mean, again, it's a conservative audience. And so, again, like I wore a turtleneck and like the internet blew up. It's like, it's not the place to like take fashion risks at the risk of middle America just... But why not?

Fine, I wore the turtleneck, you know, like I went for it. You're such a risk taker. at the risk of middle America just... But why not? Fine. I wore the turtleneck, you know, like I went for it. You're such a risk taker. I mean, like, there's like a meme. It's kind of like, it's just like me going like, because it was really hot and it was in Finland and it was like 80 degrees because of the fireplace. And like, I'm having on this date with Raven

and like, I'm just going like this. So like, you know, anytime I'm like, I like, you know, Have you worn a turtleneck since? Well, I left that turtleneck at my parents house Brad I bought a turtleneck with yes I have did you wear that one yeah that was the three

did you end up buying the tricolor it was just the one color it was like the mid it wasn't as that was like a heavy sweater do people call you brave now for wearing it? Brave. So what would you change about Colton's fashion? I mean, I think he's dressing great.

It's always about tailoring for me. Oh, it is? But he's also like, he looks like he's a big guy. Yeah. Like he looks gigantic. It's always just about tailoring. Yeah. 28,000 likes.

Tanner. Thanks, Tanner. Final thoughts on The Bachelor. Do you think you'll now continue to watch it as someone who's popped his Bachelor cherry? Maybe. Yeah, I can't say I'll say no. Monday nights, right?

Monday nights. Let me see if I have a slot. Sunday is Atlanta. Wednesday is New Jersey. So Monday, Monday yeah and Friday is Drag Race so I'm good okay great

I can put something in on Monday nights well let's get into some fan Q&A shall we Brad let's do it hi Nate hi how are you

this is Brad what's your name Elizabeth hi Elizabeth hi Elizabeth what question do you have for us is that a guitar in the background

yeah yeah it's a guitar that looks like a very aesthetically well done up apartment it looks nice you have a map maps anyways I'm sorry what's your question yeah my question is um well backstory I'm. I've been going out with this guy. He's 37. We met online. We've been going out for like two months now, but we've only been on six dates. And he's cool. He's a nice guy.

He's very gentlemanly. But he hasn't made a move. He hasn't held my hand, kissed me. Six dates? He just seems really reserved. And I don't... We're going out tonight he wants to go two-stepping i live in texas um yeah but um i don't know i don't know if i should say something

or what to do um interesting i have a few questions um how do you feel about making the move yourself? Like, I mean, I don't know, like, is this, is this like a Texas thing, like Southern charm reserve, like traditional, like the guy always makes the first move or. I don't think I've ever been out with a guy where I've had to make the first move. I mean, I could do it maybe, but I don't know if I would ever, like, I don't know if I can do it. Are there, are you like, I mean, six states is kind of a lot for no handholding. Oh, you don't want to know what I do on a first date. Maybe I'm just a whore, but like, you know, but like,

and I've been in a relationship for 17 and a half years. Like I'm like, girl, you got to move on. I'm just going Like, I'm like, girl, you got to move on. I'm just going to, I'm going to cut to the chase. Move on. Okay.

Well, maybe, but I think that's, I mean, I would be very, very like, but you like them. You're having a good time with them.

Minus the lack of physical. I don't know if we have a lot in common. Okay. That's a concern. That feels a little strange to me. Do you like two-stepping? It's a fun hobby. I'm not really into country music, but it's fun to dance.

What do you like about this guy? I like that he's older and younger and reserved, and he just seems like he has his shit together. Okay. I think having your shit... Oh, I'm sorry. I'm cutting you off. I'll shut up. No, And I think having your, Oh, I'm sorry. I'm cutting you off. I'll shut up.

No, you're fine. No, he's just different. And I guess I tend to go out with guys that are a couple of years younger and he seems mature, respectful, interesting.

So you like him cause he's different and he's different because he's older and has his shit together. Yeah, I guess so. Okay. Um, so my, my two, my thoughts are, I mean, I generally agree with Brad or this is not your guy. Um, but to be more specific and maybe this can, might be helpful to you in the long run. And this kind of a recurring theme I think with,

with questions is a difference. Good. But like have higher expectations other than just different. Um, you know, if you want to date an older guy, that's great. And it's great that someone has their shit together, but having their shit together is like a minimum requirement for like dating. Um, so yes, I think you should want to have things in common. I mean, you weren't listening to us when we've, we started this episode, but having like things and enjoying each other is good. And I think it's good to be open-minded if he wants a two-step and he likes country. I don't think you have to like, like country just to date someone,

but I think there, I think there should be a level of excitement about when you're dating someone you've been on six dates, like by, by date six, if you're not like, I really think this could go somewhere and I'm really excited and you enjoy talking about them to your friends and you can go on and on about how you're excited. And it seems like the perfect Scott, perfect guy, even though he's like, no one's perfect, but six dates is a lot of dates to go on. I mean, at this point, you should be like,

I think having conversations about maybe defining the relationship and you're still trying to figure out if like you even can stand being around them. As far as the physical aspect, I mean, minus the fact that I think Brad and I agree that maybe you're just not that into him and like you're giving him more opportunities than you otherwise would. It might be fun in the future. Maybe not this guy. Go out with him tonight, throw him up against the wall, put your hand around his neck and see what happens. Like, I mean, like it's something new. I mean, you just, you said you like different. I don't know. It might feel fun. I mean,

I'm not saying you want a guy who makes, you want a guy who makes a move, but here's an opportunity to try something different and see if you get excited about it. I don't know. I think, Nick, why don't we start with, maybe you just grab his hand and try to hold it. You're like, throw him up against the wall. But like, maybe see that and then see what the response is

from him. And then maybe that can open up the conversation to just be like, I think you're a great guy. This is, the dates have been really fun, but I, you know, that's if you want to take it. That I think you're a great guy. This is, the dates have been really fun, but I, you know, that's if you want to take it. That is if you want to take it to something more physical. Brad is right.

I mean, there could be situations, I've had this in the past, where there seems to be like when you're dating someone early on, there's always like this like window of like chemistry. And usually there's like this organic moment where like, you know, ideally, maybe the guy makes the first move, but ideally like men and women, there's like, you just kind of sense it right. In terms of like that 90, 10, when you watch that movie hitch or whatever, like, you know, there's usually signals as a guy that you're hoping for.

Right. And sometimes I feel like, and I've had this where like, you can't find that window, but you know, you like the person and it turns in all of a sudden it becomes this awkwardness where you're like, Oh, like I can't find it. And who knows? And maybe you're just don't have chemistry. So maybe you guys have just like, and maybe he's in his head. I don't, I don't know what I'm saying. Something needs to be done to break that ice.

And maybe it's as simple as like putting your, like hold his hand and just see like how he responds. Well, you're going to have to touch when you two-step now. Yeah. Isn't that how you do well you're gonna have to touch when you two-step no yeah isn't that how you do yeah do you touch people when you two-step yeah i'm gonna take your guys i'm gonna hold his hand and i'm gonna see where it goes and if that goes well then maybe i'll push him up against the wall and kiss him i do i think like have a little fun. But also. That's my kind of girl. At this point, I think like at this point, I think you're getting that point of figuring out how much more time do you invest with this guy? Yeah.

Right. And he might be a great guy and he might have his shit together. He also just might to you be kind of boring. Yeah. Might just be friends. I mean, not that I usually turn past dates into friendships, but maybe he could be. You don't seem that excited about him, I'll be honest. You don't.

You're like, it seems like he's something to do on a Saturday night, not something that you're like looking forward to doing. Well, I feel like kind of past the point, like maybe there's no saving this. It's like kind of, I don't know. He might've run out of time with me.

What are the chances that she holds his hand and then all of a sudden she unleashes Pandora's box and he turns into this like sexual dynamo and he's just like, all right, you're ready for it. And he's just like, all right, you're ready for it. It is Saturday night. Um, uh,

yeah. Also sometimes it's like the, in the beginning of dating, if that, if there's not that thing there where you're like, I'm dying to see this person or that you guys have been even, you haven't done anything like super sexual, but there's still that like, yeah, I can't wait to kiss him.

I can't wait for him to hold my hand. I love the way that he touches my hair. I love the, you know, if there's not that feeling of that person touching you and something physically happening to you, then it's like, I mean, the beginning stages of dating are the most exciting if the chemistry is right. So if you're like, kind of like, I don't know if he wants to hold my hand or not. I'd be like, thank you next. Like I got to move on. Like you're beautiful. You seem like such a nice person. You seem like super open. And I

mean, it's the start of a new year i feel like he gets one more shot and then after that it's like it's time to girl spring's coming up hello like forget hibernating for the winter like get out there spring's coming up it's the best time of the year yeah i mean you are in texas but it seems a little yeah um see how tonight goes tonight should be like take some risks tonight maybe it's just holding hand but don't let the same thing happen over and over again so you might be the one who like and maybe he's just nervous maybe he's just holding back i don't know but you can't keep doing what you're doing that's for sure yeah think of that jennifer lopez song waiting for

tonight that's what you should feel like. I'm going to sing that under my breath. I do think that's a better alternative than just putting them on the spot and asking them. Cause that will only make it more uncomfortable and awkward. So hold his hand, make, make, try to make it easy for him to make the move.

And if it, and if he doesn't, then I mean, thank you next. Probably. Thank you. Next. Good luck tonight. I hope you get lucky. for him to make the move. And if he doesn't, then, I mean, thank you, Nex, probably. Thank you, Nex. Good luck tonight. I hope you get lucky.

Thank you, guys. You have really good skin, by the way. I want to know your beauty secrets. You have really good skin. What do you do for your skin? I use this stuff that has essential oils in it

by doTERRA. Oh, my God. Stop using doTERRA and by doTERRA. I don't. Oh my God. Stop using doTERRA and start using natural habits. There you go. I need to get yours. Yeah. Not USD organic certified. I'll tell you right now.

It's called therapeutic grade. It's made up anyways. You and Tanya together also. Oh, thank you so much. I appreciate that. Aren't our dance videos. Great.

I'm seeing her on Monday. Both of y'all. Thank you. What's up, Joanne? How are you? I am good. I'm Nick. This is my friend, Brad. Hi. Hey, Brad. Hey, Nick. How can we help? What's your question?

So my question is, I'm a survivor of breast cancer twice. I was diagnosed in 2015 and again in 2017. Wow. And I was just wondering, like, any words of wisdom for getting into the dating game after that? And kind of just your thoughts on that from a guy's perspective, I guess. Did you have a mastectomy? No, I opted for a lumpectomy over a mastectomy just because I didn't have enough information on that. I had two surgeries. I did chemo. I did radiation. I still do a follow-up treatment, things like that.

I mean, listen, I don't know. I don't know what it's like to be in your position. So I'm going to try to answer this question in terms of from a confidence standpoint. And maybe that's what you're speaking of, of, you know, we all have insecurities when it comes to dating. And so I don't know, I mean, I can't, I'm not in your shoes and I don't know what it's like, but if you do have insecurities about your experience, I would challenge you to, uh, not necessarily not be, you own your insecurities. It's fine, you know, but don't, don't, uh, don't let them overtake you in your dating. I don't think you should be worried about guys, um, having an issue with it. Um, I don't, I think, listen, when it comes, like, I get a lot of questions about like, oh, if I have a kid, I'm going to single moms or something like this is very different, but,

um, don't let, like, don't think that there there's plenty of guys who are going to be totally fine with your situation. If you want to call it a situation, there might be guys who aren't, you know, and that's fine. Um, but I would encourage you to just be proud of the fact that you have been a survivor. You have a great story to tell. It's probably very empowering. You've probably learned a lot from it. And there's probably a lot of people out there who would find that very attractive about you and certainly not anything that they would not be like a turnoff. I can't speak for everyone.

And if those people aren't into it, then fuck them. They're not for you anyways um I just think you should go in there with a sense of try to be confident about it try to be very proud of where you are in your life and try to be and be proud of the fact that you are a survivor um I would be I would be very attracted to someone who's faced real life and death situations and and rose to the top and that probably someone, if I'm in a relationship or I'm seeking a partner, probably something that can make me a better version of myself and probably someone who can help me grow. They're probably someone who doesn't sweat the small stuff because they've had to sweat the big stuff. And that's kind of someone that I personally

would want in my life to, especially if I'm like, you know, freaking out about shit that doesn't matter to have someone remind me, Hey, calm down, babe. It's cool. So I just think there's a lot of great things that you can bring to relationship as a cancer survivor. And I don't think it's anything that you should project as an insecurity, even if you are insecure about it, that's okay. And then maybe as you get to know your partner and you tell your story, be open about emitting insecurities you might have about it. But I wouldn't lead with those insecurities, especially on the first date and be proud of it. But don't feel like you have to explain yourself kind of thing. That would, that would kind of be my thoughts, Brad.

I agree with Nick, but you know, also not only being a survivor once, but being a survivor twice, I'm like, girl, get out there and live your life. Like, you know, get out there, like go and, and experience things, meet people, look at it as just like, you know, an adventure and a fun, you know, getting out there and, and, uh, and, and living life. I mean, you are, that's, I'm like, Nick, I haven't, um, experienced anything like this, like you have experienced, but, um, you know, I can only imagine how challenging it is and how wearing it is and how scary it is. Um, but you've made it, you know, so get out there, get out there. There, there are a lot of wonderful people out there who would be lucky to get to be in a relationship with you or get to know you. So channel all of that and, and get out there in the world and, and live your life.

You know, totally. You're, You're blessed. You are very blessed. As hard as dating can be, it certainly is nothing compared to what I'm sure you have gone through. So like, fuck it. You know, like go out and have some, like I said. Totally. Just go ahead.

Live your life, you know? And again, with dating, I just think too many people worry about, like we all have our insecurities. And again, a lot of people have the weirdest insecurities that we can't even like, we'll see someone and we'll be like, how are you even insecure about that? Like you have a legitimate, like life experience, but like own it, just be who you are, you know, and let, let other people get to know you. But like, I try not to think about it, you know, go live your life and try not to, you know, again,

it's a part of who you are. It's not who you are, you know, it's something you've experienced. And hopefully you'll, you'll eventually you will find someone who wants to hear your story and show genuine interest in it. There's a lot of people out there I'm sure would be very happy to have a relationship with someone like that. And I mean, I, I would, I would be fascinated, I mean, not like, but it's, it's a,

it's certainly an incredible story. So very few people have incredible stories. So, you know, go for it. Thank you. Anything else? I think that's it. All right. Well, get out there and let us know. I can't wait to, uh, I want to, I want you to call back and be like, I, I just own this it. All right. Well, get out there and let us know. I can't wait to, I want you to call back and be like, I just own this guy. Man, we just had something.

All right. Thanks so much. Bye. All right. Take care. All right. Bye. Hey, Jenna.

Thanks for calling in. This is Brad. Hi. Hi. How can we help? I just had a question about long distance relationships, I guess. Okay. My boyfriend and I have been together five years.

He's moving across the country in a few months. I don't want to go. It's not a place that I want to go to. And I'm not just going to, I've already moved for someone before. I don't really want to do it again if I know it's not somewhere I want to be he only has to be there for two years

but is two years too long to be in a long distance relationship where yes no it's not too long oh okay no you're fine well are you willing to come and visit? Oh, yeah, of course.

Oh, well, you're fine then. Yeah. Okay. There are lots of fun things you can do to make a... My husband lived in... I live in LA and he lived in London for two years, for half of the year, both years. And there are like so many great things you can

do to stay, you know, it makes you get creative, send little gifts, you know, you can, you can obviously come here and visit and hang out and make it like a mini vacation. And, you know, there's so many things you can do when he moves. This is something I did when he moves, like, put like a little note, like a handwritten note, like inside his luggage. So when he's unpacking, he like finds like a little card from you or something that says like, you know, this is the beginning of like a new thing for you. I'm so excited to come and see you in a few weeks, months, whatever it's going to be. But like all of those little things will add up to,

they're just as important as being face to face with somebody. So like take the time to like kind of do little nice things and yeah, don't stress about it. Like let it kind of unfold the way it's going to. And who knows, maybe you'll come wherever he's moving and visit and be like, it's kind of cute here. I'm going to stay here for like a month or we're like vibing or whatever, but just stay open. And, and, and you just, you have to put a little bit more extra effort into it.

But other than that, if it's a strong foundation you guys have, there's nothing that can shake it really. Are you guys, you're engaged, married, dating, where are you at in the relationship?

Uh, just dating. Okay. You, for five years? Yeah. Like, what do you want out of this relationship minus the moving? I mean, it's good.

It's good? We've never been able to compromise on a place to live. Like, we don't live together now. Okay. But like you said, good. Like you added a question mark at the end. It's good.

It's great. We just, we have a hard time compromising on location. Okay. I mean, that's to Brad's point. It's certainly, you can't,

nothing you can't overcome. Brad was like in a very committed, like it sounds when you guys made that decision, you guys, everything about the relationship was great. Yeah. And so when Gary moved, it was like, we'll just make this work. Totally.

We also just moved into a new house too. So I was like, oh, like he was there for a week and then left for six months. So it was kind of like, you know, I like set up the house and he came home. But I guess all I'm saying into like, I think Brad's right. But like you guys were in a very set situation. You knew he was coming back. And so, you know, she's just, it seems like there's eventually,

I think you guys need to be able to like be on the same page of wherever you're going to live. Like, I think it's doable for two years, it's three years, but if there's no like end in sight, if there's no, if this is going to be an ongoing thing, then that might be something that you like, don't like keep going, you know? I mean, is this someone you want to get engaged to? Like I think these are like, what do you want to, like, what, what do you want out of this relationship? And so do you want to, do you want it to work? Yeah, I do.

I mean, it was never a question if he went like, are we going to break up? Yeah. It was just like, okay, how are we going to work? Yeah. Then I totally agree with Brad. Just like, it's an opportunity to miss each other, to do exciting things, to travel together in a different way. You just have to both be willing to do that. You know?

Are there compromises in other areas of your relationship? Yeah. Okay. Because part of like, I'm kind of obsessed with the situation that you guys have been together for five years and don't live together, which I think is great. But there's also something and I get it and I understand it. But there's also something really great. There's a for me at least and I'm speaking as somebody who like met my partner and like moved to another country and also moved in with him immediately. So I'm coming from like the opposite end of it. But there's also something really nice about the the feeling of

being in a space with the person that you love. So there's a whole I feel like for you and I'm just speaking from my experience that once you guys kind of's a whole, I feel like for you, and I'm just speaking from my experience that once you guys kind of make the compromise, should you stay together to like either he comes live with you or you go and live with him, that there's, you're lucky because there's a whole other aspect of your relationship that you get to discover, which I think is kind of a beautiful thing. So be open, be open to that as much as possible, because you're, you're, if, if I had in the early stage of my relationship been like, I can't move in with this person, I'm not moving. I kind of just like went with the flow and was like, all right, let's see, let's give this a shot. And it's 17 and a half years later. And

it's like, you know, a great thing to be in a space with somebody that you love. You know, Jennifer Lawrence said in a Vanity Fair article, which is one of the reasons why I love her so much is that you can either like get in a relationship with somebody because there's like this crazy, like animal passion, or you can be, and I'm paraphrasing, or you can get into a relationship with somebody because you can, you feel I'm paraphrasing, or you can get into a relationship with somebody because you can, you feel comfortable sitting on the couch and watching reality TV with them. Like that's literally like, I mean, there's obviously passion there because it's been a long time, but like being in the space with your best friend is like a beautiful thing,

creating a home with somebody you love. I'm sure you are aware of that, but I'm obsessed with your, I love that you guys are living separate from each other. It's so good. Well, that's really nice. Cause a lot of people think it's weird. If it works for you, who cares? People move in together because they feel like they're supposed to after a year and a half or because it fiscally makes sense. It's like, oh, we've been dating for a year and our rents, like our leases are up. So I guess we're moving in. It's like, ah, yeah, maybe. But like also maybe not. I mean, that was like the doom of two of my relationships in my twenties. Like we should move in. I'm like, okay, but we'll probably break up in three months because we're not ready. But then you have to move

out, which is worse than moving in. You have to do what's comfortable in your relationship for your relationship, but also be very careful about a sense of ambivalence. Like, you know, if you feel ambivalent at all, at any point in a relationship, that's, that's not a good feeling. Like what, to your point, like, you know, my husband and I are very comfortable with each other. You know, we love sitting on the couch together, but if you have questions, like big question marks in a relationship, I would always look into those. Right. Because there shouldn't be huge question marks in a relationship. Well, that was kind of my point. Like, I think the long distance thing can work as long as you're on the same page of like, again, it's there's always like an end game.

Like, what is our plan? Fine, we we can do this but it's not sustainable like we'll eventually eventually i'm assuming you want to eventually get married i don't may or engaged like this is your person like this is your person and if so you'll eventually move in together when you guys are ready and ideally most the time live in the same city um there should you should feel i would say like before he does this you should feel comfortable about what you guys both want. And I think that's important. And as long as you guys are both on the same page there, then you can make it work. I want to know so much more. So many details. I want to know so much more because also the, if yours, if your situation is that you don't live together in the same spot, then it's also kind of less of an

issue if he's further away, aside from the convenience. Yeah, you're good, girl. You're fine. You're like, it's like as an outsider, I'm just like seeing the whole thing. And I'm like, you're set up for success. Like, it's totally fine. The way that you guys have managed your relationship so far has, you know, now is like, you know, now you guys don't have to worry about compromising because he's going to be in a different city. So there's no compromise. It kind of takes the heat off of that part of the relationship.

And it's just, oh, you live across the country. I'm going to come visit you when I can. And when I miss you and you can come back here or we'll meet somewhere in the middle of the country. and look, it was a big adventure. It's fun. I love women who define their relationships in different terms. It's fantastic. Or people, sorry, not just women. Just. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck them. Who cares what they think? I love, I love that situation. This is so good. Well, hopefully that was helpful. All the best to you and let us know how it goes. All right. Well, thanks. Hopefully that was helpful. All the best to you.

And let us know how it goes. All right. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Hi. Okay. So my name's Carrie.

Hi. Hi. So my question is, do political differences constitute in a valid deal breaker relationship? The quick answer. Or am I being too picky? No, I mean, the quick answer is, you're like, it's my husband of 15 years. No, I'm just kidding.

It's entirely up to you, right? Like, politics are a big deal for a lot of people. I have some friends who, like, two questions in, it's like, who would you vote for? And it's a deal breaker. And if you're that passionate about politics, then, then yes. I mean, me personally, I am someone who, you know, kind of a point of, of this show is very interested in other people's points of view. If I were to rename this podcast, I'd probably rename it the other side in terms of, I come from

a very conservative upbringing. I've become a lot more progressive in my views. I still hold on to some of my conservative roots. And we'll get into it in later episodes. My family has gotten more progressive. My parents are still very traditional, but have evolved as parents. And so people, and I tease my parents about how conservative they were growing up and come talking to politics. My point is, is that if I, for everyone doesn't have to be hard and fast. I think if you are going to date someone who has different points of view, especially politically or just in life, is you have to make sure that you're dating someone who is interested in your point of view.

And you have to be both willing to learn from each other, right? Like there are plenty, you have to have an understanding that when it comes to voting, for example, not that this is a political show at all, but people vote for different reasons. Right. And you may, so ask why, you know, maybe it's a fiscal thing. And again, again, we can get to hold people when they start voting. It's like, well, you're wrong. You voted for him, but that's not what's wrong. I'm not here to like debate that, but people do vote for different reasons. They have different motivations. What is irritating you, you about one thing may not be something they even considered. A lot of times

people vote for when, especially early on in life, families that they were raised in. So I think it's just important to have an understanding and challenge yourself to ask questions before you get like emotionally upset just by hearing someone has a different political point of view as you. But at the end of the day, if you are passionate about it, then that's what you're passionate about. And if you're like, if you're two people who just aren't willing to budge and aren't interested in learning from each other, then it probably won't work. And you might as well just be honest with yourself about that than trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. I would challenge you just in life to be open-minded about other points of view and hopefully you guys can learn from each other.

And who knows, maybe you will let him, maybe he will learn from you. Maybe you can learn from each other. Maybe you guys, when it comes to politics, won't vote a straight ticket, so to speak. Maybe in a local level, you will find a representative with a specific ideology that you agree with, but on the government, the presidential might be different. So it's entirely up to you, but like on the government, like a presidential might be different. So it's, it's entirely up to you, but I would challenge you to maybe not immediately have it be so black and white. Oh, you voted for this person. No, you voted for this person. Yes. Because you might be, you might be like cutting out a lot of people that, um, you might really get along with, and maybe their points of view will change.

And maybe they will evolve, especially if you introduce different ways of thinking into their life. I've had, when I was younger, a lot of arguments with girlfriends when I thought a certain way. And it's changed over time with people who I've been introduced into my life.

And especially when it comes to like homosexuality and people who are gay or just like, or just, you know, I grew up very conservative. And so I've always been open-minded to that, but I've also probably have said things that I look back and be like, well, that was really fucking ignorant. And it's just educating yourself. And so I'm totally okay with you being straight by the way. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. you being straight, by the way. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. So yes, like I, I, I, as someone who grew up a certain way and I still am proud to have been raised the way I was, I, you know, like I have also evolved a lot and I, I'm, I'm proud of that. And I'm proud of the way my parents have allowed themselves to evolve. And, and so give people an opportunity if they're willing to learn, but if they're not, then don't, don't force it would be my answer.

Right. Well, thank you so much. Girl, keep it cute. If it's not cute, then get over it. Move on. You've got animal print going on and some like blonde, like little wavy waves going and a strong eye and like a nude lip. Like honey, you're making me a nude lip. Like, honey. Oh my God, you're making me feel so great. Girl, you look good.

And you're just in the car. Like if he's not like loving all of your stuff, then ditch him. Who cares? You look too good for that nonsense. I'm happy being single and sticking by what I believe in. Yes, honey. Yes. Yeah.

There it is. Love that. Have a great day. Good luck. Hello. What's going on? How are you? Oh, you know, just living the dream.

How about you? Same. Literally. We have such good lighting in here, though, so it is kind of a dream. Yeah. That's great. Yeah, I'm trying to, like, stand by the window,

so I've got good lighting, too. There it is. You're in it. Yeah, you look great what is what is your name and how can we help uh my name is Ellen hi Ellen um so this look hi uh so the question that I had is basically this is it's gonna sound like not genuine just because I'm so excited to talk to you guys and this is kind of a sad question um but it's basically like when you're feeling really lonely and like mentally, like, like overloaded, maybe and just I don't know. Okay, so like through my day, basically, like I have a two year old that I nanny in the morning, eight to two. And then I go and I work with the YMCA, like after school care program. So I've got like six year olds that I'm talking to. So it's like, yes, I have someone I'm talking to,

but she's on a two year old level. Then I have six and seven year that I'm talking to. So it's like, yes, I have someone I'm talking to, but she's on a two year old level. Then I have six and seven year olds I'm talking to on a six and seven year old level. And then I go home and I like barely get to catch up with my boyfriend because we both get home so late. My best friend lives across the country. She has like opposite schedules me. So I'm wondering like, what are some like mental things that you do? Like when you're feeling like, oh, no one's here for me and blah, blah, blah, whatever.

And, and stuff like that. Like, where do you, what that you do, like when you're feeling like, Oh, no one's here for me and blah, blah, blah, whatever. And, and stuff like that. Like, where do you, what do you do? What are your, your mental checks and stuff like that? I mean, when I feel down on myself or I feel lonely or I feel depressed, I'm usually, I realize I'm self-loathing. That's just me. You know, I, you know, we usually the, the, when I feel most down, it's when I feel lonely, you know, as a single person, like, and also as I get older, like I'm not, I'm, I'm totally fine with like staying in on a Friday or Saturday night, but sometimes on a Friday, Saturday night, it's just

like, well, I wish I had something to fucking do, man. Like, and so you can come over anytime. Thank you, Brad. Um, but like, you know, sometimes it's just nice to have those moments. And for me personally, if I feel lonely, I can get like into a rabbit hole. And so for me, I consciously realized that when I feel the most down or the most depressed, it's just because I just, I'm feeling sorry for myself. And then I try to just try to have a level head about, not to sound like, oh, I'm so blessed or whatever, but I just tried to, you know, uh, have perspective of, uh, of like how, how I am lucky. And then if I do feel lonely, then I just like get up off my ass and do something, or I try to do something about it. Like, again, this is just for me, but I, I, I tend to, um, we'll try it. It'll, it'll be a kind of a snowball thing.

I'll feel down about something and I'll just let that perpetuate and become a bigger thing and I'll dwell. And then it just, then it creates anxiety and like, like that's like a thing that happens to me like every day. And so I try to like take a mental time out and, and, and just do something different. And I always talk about like selfless acts too. Like, again, for me, when I feel the most depressed or I feel the most down, it's when and just do something different. And I always talk about like selfless acts too. Like again, for me, when I feel the most depressed or I feel the most down,

it's when I'm being the most selfish with my thoughts. What do I need to do? What do I want to do? What don't I have? How could my life be better? Am I worried about like, you know, making more money this or less or things? I realized for me,

it's always something that has to do with me. And. It's just, I realized for me, it's always something that has to do with me. And so when I try not to think about me, I tend to be in a better place. Um, that's just me. Uh, but I am kind of a selfish person sometimes. Um, and so I, I tried, I try not to do that. I just try to change what I'm doing. Uh, and that helps me. So if, you know, whatever you're doing, just, and if it's your, you miss your best friend, it's okay to miss your best friend. You know, calm up FaceTiming.

Try to do the things that make you feel good. And if it's, again, selfless acts, like sometimes you do things for other and expect nothing in return for yourself. You tend to realize like, I feel pretty fine now. So maybe try that. I say expand your circle a little bit. Like as scary as it can be.

Like I, I find it like I'm fine being alone and I can be an isolator. I get worried when I'm in like a room full of people and I feel lonely. Like if I'm like out at an event or I'm out at a party and I'm looking around and I'm like, I am not connecting with a single person here. I start, like I start, that's when I start panicking and freaking out. But what I've been challenging myself to do lately, and, and I, I, I'm feel very lucky because I have great people in my life. It's just expanding in every aspect of my life, in my work life, in my social life, like challenging myself to do things that I would never, I know this is going to sound so LA, but I discovered this yoga class and I haven't done

yoga. I hadn't done yoga in like a really long time. And I went into this yoga class on my birthday on August 15th and I've been going like two or three times a week ever since. And it's like changed my life because not only has it made me also focus on the inner parts of my wellbeing, my spiritual wellbeing, as well as my physical wellbeing, but it's also made me connect with people. How weird is it to see the same people every single day that you don't interact with? Like that's like gym culture in LA. Like I see the people every single day and I don't talk to them, but now I have a whole other air. I know so many people now from that one class. So like going to the gym is like, I I'm, I'm interacting on a human level with people

that I see every single day. You know, it can be as simple as that. It's not like I'm hanging out. Well, some of them are hanging out with, but like it, that's a way for me that I kind of like expanded my circle a little bit. And so like, go take a class or, you know, go, go do something of interest, volunteer somewhere, like do something where there's a common, an immediate common thread that binds you with other human beings. And then you'll create like some sort of community. Like I'm obsessed with my yoga community. It's like, it's really like transformed. And like last, I was going through kind of a weird phase where I felt all of those things you were feeling. And I'm in a relationship for 17 and a half years.

And I have friends and I have a loving family. And I was still feeling a little bit lost. And this one extra piece in the puzzle of my life has enhanced it in so many different ways. So my challenge to you would be to like in the space where you have time, where there is nobody try connecting with other people, you know? I think it's also important to think about just cause she called and she's super brave about it. The kind of stuff you can help yourself with and the kind of stuff you need other people

to help you with. Yes. So be cognizant of what hole you can pull yourself out of and then be brave enough to go to a doctor and get help. Or even to your friends too, if it's, you know, just people who are interested. I mean, I always say like everyone has their problems and people are, people like hearing sometimes about other people's problems because it is, don't feel less alone. So there's probably people who are willing to listen. I do love what Brad said in terms of expanding your comfort zone too, because, you know, and I am a creature of habit, but our routines get boring sometimes. Sometimes our routines get stale and we do get in our,

our ruts. Like I do it all the time. I feel like I'm in a lot of ruts sometimes. And it's just doing the same fucking thing over and over again. You know, like maybe to say hi to the stranger in the elevator you've seen 30 times, but never had the ball to be like, have a great day. You know, like just like, um, but yeah, but like mixing it up, uh, I think helps a lot too, because you're inviting new things into your life. Um, and, and who knows what could happen and that it stimulates the brain, you become less bored. And if if if you if that's not working then yeah maybe you do have to talk to someone maybe it is just a friend but just don't be afraid other like we're we're all like we're all a little fucked up and we all like we i don't know yeah every everyone gets lonely and everyone feels depressed some more than others

uh but don't don't ever feel like you're the only one out there who... And you're not alone, ever. Ever. Ever. Even when you feel alone, you're not. I also tried therapy last year, too, and I was like... It's amazing. I couldn't do it. Really? Yeah, talking about myself for like an hour was like torture. So interesting people's

point of view on therapy, right? It works for some people and it doesn't work for others. Well, there's also a bigger backstory to that, too. We'll dive into that others. Well, there's also a bigger backstory to that too. Brad teeing up being a return guest. But there's no stigma around therapy. Know that. There's not. I was in it for so many years when I was a child. So there's also that. Awesome. Well, hopefully it was helpful. No. Yeah. Thank you so much. I really just wanted like other people's like ideas on,

on what to do. Cause I have some, like an idea of what it was that I wanted, but it's always nice to pick other people's brains, especially yours. Mix it up. Try things new. There's no wrong way. I think too. And just, just, um, try just not to sit in your, um, house alone and your state of mind. Seriously, because we do that, right? I do that. We perpetuate our feelings and we almost like, we make it worse sometimes.

I know I do. Also, you have the prettiest eyes. So people need to see those eyes. Take those baby. Oh, thank you. Take those baby. These are my windows to my soul. Yes, honey.

Take those baby blues out there. All right. Thank you so much, guys. Bye. See you later. I have a question about the first call. Yeah. You know how she was,

do you remember the girl who said she was two-stepping, right? I remember when I was first dating, like, or not first dating until, pretty much until I met my husband, my sort of MO was to try to make every guy work, right right like i would date guys and they wouldn't be right they'd sort of be wrong for whatever reason i i sort of believe we date the person all these people until we find the right person right but instead of just saying this guy was wrong i'd just date them and be like oh yeah they're fine you know what i mean and i kind of felt like that's

what she was doing she was all the time she was on the sixth date with the wrong guy. Honey, listen, I was the guy that was cutting to the chase because if I waited like two months and six days to find out we weren't compatible in bed, I would be like, I can't. But that's way better, right? And she was saying, well, you know, yeah, it's kind of wrong because of this. And's kind of we heard her saying this over and it's kind of it's not working it's not this but i see that a lot too and it's just like and i think some people don't like listen a lot of people don't like to date right and so they'll want a relationship hop i feel like it's like they'll get out of a relationship and they'll and if they go out with someone they're like okay i'm, I'm physically attracted. They seem like a nice person.

They have it. Like literally, it's like, and she was kind of saying that. It's just like, he's nice. He has his shit together. Yeah. Checks all the boxes. It's the check of all the boxes. So fucking what?

Like, are you compatible? Are you interested? Does he make you laugh? Maybe he's a juicy kisser. Maybe, but I think. It's the juicy kisser. I do feel like being a single person that women, we get told a lot that we're too picky. Ew.

Really? Be picky. I get told I'm too picky too. And like, I know that I can be. What does that mean? That like the reason you're single is because you're, you're automatically letting these people go because you have one red flag.

I think you can be too picky. Right. But there's a huge difference between, um, finding something that's wrong with someone that you, if, and I like not to, I don't like to list build, but if in your mind, it's very easy to be like, man, I love spending time with them. They make me feel great, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But they do this, like, then maybe you're finding ways to, uh, take a good thing and be too picky. But a lot of situations you hear, like again, it's like, he's alive.

He can breathe. Like he holds the door open for me. Like minimum requirements. Like, but I think all they're just trying to do is meet a nice guy who, and again, I said this in other shows, like I think too many people are worried if people like them and not worried enough if they

are you attracted to them? Do you like them? Do they have qualities that you really enjoy spending time with? Can you gush about them to your friends? Especially early on. They also need to be respectful and be a nice guy and treat you right too, but it's both. I do think a lot of people are spending too much time just trying to find decent people. I'd be curious to know, what's your checklist at this point? I'm really interested in what they have to say. Obviously,

there's a physical connection. Like that, that matters to me. I want to, like, I keep saying to simplify, I want to want to have sex with you all the time. I want that desire. And I want to afterwards be totally interested in what you have to say. You know. I want that desire. And I want to afterwards be totally interested in what you have to say. You know, I want, you know, like, I want to like, just be, I want to like, I want to have a conversation with you and I want to like have talks and I want you We would never work out now. That's fine. But you don't, you don't want to talk? I'm like on, like onto the next.

Wait, you don't have conversations with Gary yeah but I mean like we're not dating anymore like if we I'm talking about in relationships what I'm looking for isn't that what Sam's

like asking yeah I'm asking what the checklist of the relationship is and Brad is telling you the reality oh or in my dating life I mean listen

yeah but like laying there afterwards and being like not being on your phone like there are some people in my date like listen I mean, listen, like... Laying there afterwards and being like... Not being on your phone. There are some people in my dating... Listen, I haven't been in a relationship in a long time. But my needs are being met. What do you want to talk about after sex?

It depends on who... I'm not talking about immediately after. I'm not like, all right, I have a list of like... Hopes and dreams? Hopes and dreams. No, I'm not like all right I have a list of like uh hopes and dreams no I'm not right I'm just saying in general when I'm trying to meet someone I'm just like I just really like to go to the Galapagos Islands I'd be like I gotta go oh my god I forgot yeah yeah no and generally maybe that's my problem like as soon as nick is single

all right can we get into a new conversation like um no did you just see your own face yeah my friend did that aggressive in college he was hooking up with his girlfriend and like this is apparently when we didn't care they're now married though and i had to like hear my friend's like face or his oh face and it was like it was really weird and i was like i hope i don't sound like we just heard yours i was exaggerating i don't ever i've literally never done that we need to find out who do we know call january someone called oh my god can we stop um and anyways but no i want to like in in a relationship relationship, I want to, my list is connecting with someone on both like a, a level that I can have a conversation with that again, like that I'm just, I'm interested in what they have to say.

And they, they're, they're good at connecting with me and they give me feedback and it's not critical, but it's constructive, you know, I don't know. And we just, we vibe. And there's also a physical connection where I want to constantly rip her clothes off and she wants to rip mine off. Like that's generally, it comes down to that. So it's not the list build. I don't really care about what shows like she wants, like I'm fine with that being very different and I'm fine with, I like to do things on my own, but I just want to be able to like, I want to love spending time with them and I want to love to listen to what they have to say.

And some people are more interested in what they have to say. Some people I'm more interested in what they have to say and some people I'm not. Regardless of their gender. But people I'm dating I want to hang out with and enjoy with their company. And then when we're done on a later date, have wild sex and not have a conversation afterwards. I'm nervous for the next girl you date.

I am too. I feel like you're like, why? I didn't say I want to like talk right afterwards. No, that's exactly what you said. No, you asked what am I looking for? You said I want to have sex with them and still want to talk to them afterwards. It's a later time.

Like I didn't say immediately afterwards. But how many people have you had sex with that you never wanted to like you didn't want to speak to after? It's happened. Like ever? I mean it wasn't like get out but it was like sometimes there are people you just want to you're physically attracted

to. Yeah I feel like a lot of that's just biology though. Right. Sometimes you just want to hit it and quit it. That's happened. Yeah. Sure. That's okay. It's fine. Yeah. You're like a lot of that's just biology, though. Right. Sometimes you just want to hit it and quit it. That's happened. Yeah, sure. I think that's okay. It's fine. Yeah. You're like, oh, well, you know, it's getting late.

I'm like, oh, I've got, oh my God, I've got yoga. For everyone listening who now wants to date Nick, are you on any dating apps? No. You're not? No, no. Raya. He's definitely on Raya. You sure are.

You can find Nick on Raya, guys. Why are we trying to... Well, we're giving your viewers a lot of... Our audience members a lot of information. I have a lot of anxiety right now. Where are my oils? We need essential oils.

I have a lot of anxiety right now. Where are my oils? We need essential oils. We're having sex. I'm asking about political views. I feel like it's all coming out now. It is. Yeah.

Literally? Not literally. I hope not. If this is it. it is yeah literally not literally I hope not I don't know the bathroom if this is it that's all it takes well Brad I feel like this

this is a great way to end this show maybe not for me until next week and hopefully I come off better come off better come on better

come just maybe time to go underwear shopping yay thanks for coming on buddy it's been fun my pleasure anytime see you guys