The Viall Files - E536 Going Deeper with Taylor Lautner and Tay Lautner

Episode Date: February 2, 2023

Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Going Deeper Edition! Before we dive into our interview, we discuss Tom Brady’s breaking news retirement and if Giselle should take him back, along with recent TikTok mascara drama. Then, newlyweds Taylor and Tay Lautner join us to talk about relationships, dating, and marriage. Was it difficult for Tay to deal with Taylor’s famous exes? Who is better at avoiding online hate and reading comments? And which elements of their wedding do they regret? Finally, we end our episode with a Texting Office Hours caller whose ex ghosts her for 2-3 months at a time only to resurface with an expensive gift - most recently, sending her flowers on their anniversary despite not having seen each other in two years.  “Taylor, if you’re listening to this…”  If you are interested in running a book club in your city, send an email to: [e-mail] Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes. Join us for our new LIVE show on Thursdays at 9PM ET/6PM PT on Amp, available in the Apple app store. Android User? Listen here: https://www.onamp.com/ To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com Support a Local Bookstore: https://bookshop.org/books/don-t-text-your-ex-happy-birthday-and-other-advice-on-love-sex-and-dating-9798212185622/9781419755491 If you would like to get some texting advice on Office Hours send an email to [e-mail] with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! To advertise on the show, contact [e-mail] or visit https://www.advertisecast.com/TheViallFiles THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Manscaped: Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code VIALL at http://www.Manscaped.com. Join cupid and shoot your arrow with MANSCAPED this Valentine’s Day. What Do You Meme?: Spice things up this Valentine's day with the game Let's Get Deep from the creators of What Do You Meme? and get 20% off with promo code VIALL at whatdoyoumeme.com/letsgetdeep. Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @taylorlautner@taylautner@[e-mail] @liffordthebigreddog

What's going on everybody welcome back to another episode of the vile files going deeper edition i'm your host nick joined by ellie and amanda ladies how you doing. I'm your host Nick Joined by Ellie and Amanda Ladies, how you doing? Good Great We had a great interview It's like good, very positive vibes Good vibes

Good moods all around The Laudners are in town Tay and Taylor Lautner Obsessed You might know them from the internet Or Taylor from Twilight A little ditty called Twilight Sharkboy

Sharkboy, Lavagirl Hell yeah Yeah Close your eyes Valentine's Day. Dream, dream, dream. We made Nick watch that yesterday. We introduced Nick to the joy of Shark Boy and Lava Girl.

Before we get to the tailors, a couple quick housekeeping notes. Don't forget tonight, AMP, our third installment of Better Date Than Never, our new dating show all about dating, specifically to dating. We're hearing people's stories. We're talking best practices. We like to debate these dating topics because there's so many different opinions around dates. And I think tonight, we're going to get into double standards. What are the double standards that are out there in

the dating space that are either outdated or that we don't agree on? So if you're someone listening and you have some guy friends, we'd love to bring some guys in there to get, you know, their take on, on things that maybe, you know, if we're just being honest, kind of might frustrate us, you know, when it comes to, you know, what might be expected of men, but not expected of women. And in 2023, we're talking equality and everything should be the same. And we're all for that. But then when we're talking equality and everything should be the same and we're all for that. But when we're being realistic when it comes to dating, I think we still have certain expectations and traditions that we like to hold up

regardless of our politics and things like that. So it should be a fun discussion. Be sure to check that out. What else are we getting into? Okay, something we need to talk about that just dropped. Absolute breaking news.

For us, yeah. Tom Brady has decided he's retiring again. And allegedly it's for real this time. thing we need to talk about that just dropped absolute breaking news for tom yeah tom brady has decided he's retiring again again and allegedly it's for real this time did he mention that it's for real this time did he like crack a joke in his message i didn't watch his full message but he kind of selfie styled it on the beach hey guys i'm retiring thank you everyone okay he says good morning guys i'll get right to the point uh i'm retiring for good oh so the for good seems like a nod to he does have a 250 million dollar tv deal with i believe fox to be their color commentator for like their main game so like so he has a reason to retire yeah does he gonna try to get back with

giselle or or or did maybe like we made a big deal about obviously you know when they got divorced it was it seemed like him playing again played a significant role she even made comments about like it's time to put me first blah blah blah I've done my part yada yada yada was it really worth like that extra season nine games or whatever the fuck I mean it was like the million or let's just call it the whole season. Yeah. One more season. Like, whoo. And if you're Tom, do you say you're sorry? Here's a quote from Giselle just prior to them getting divorced, where she said, obviously, I have my concerns.

This is a very violent sport and I have my children and I would like him to be more present. I've definitely had those conversations with him over and over again. But ultimately, I feel that everybody has to make a decision that works for them. He needs to follow his joy, too. So it seems like the way she's setting it up is like this is a reoccurring topic of conversation. But she has a lot of respect for the fact that like this is like I thought it was interesting to use the word joy because it's not just like a professional thing. It also comes to like a core identity and like fulfillment thing and i think that's a lot of thing athletes struggle with when they retire and tom brady for all his greatness everything comes with a cost totally and his

price might be his inability to like be present or be around other people and like what's going to happen you know regardless of whether he sticks to this retirement or not, it will be a monstrous adjustment for him, something he clearly struggled with last time. So how is he going to find that joy and fulfillment in other spaces? It sounds like he's going to call football games for Fox and things like that, but I don't think there's any reconciliation in their future. So I have a question, which is if you're Giselle and Tom comes to you and is like, I fucked up. Like, I'm going to put it bluntly. I know what I did a question, which is if you're Giselle and Tom comes to you and is like, I fucked up. Like I like I'm going to put it bluntly.

I know what I did to you. Like the emotional roller coaster. You've been holding down the fort over the like acknowledges all the sacrifices she has made, the way she stepped up as a parent and as a partner and is like, I am so sorry. And I'm ready to do my half and more to make up for all the time I couldn't. Is there a part of you that entertains it? I mean, there's so many things I don't know. Is there a part of you that entertains it? Well, I mean, there's so many things I don't know.

But the question I'd ask myself is, despite your flaws as a person, do I still love you? Because I think you can be in love with someone and recognize that it's not safe to be with them. And I think you can want to be with someone and recognize that you shouldn't be with someone. You're going to make me cry in the club. That is like so poignant and true. Yeah. So I would first ask myself, do I still love him? You know, maybe after she asked for a divorce, she realized, you know, I was hanging on because of the kids or the family. Or the routine. Or the routine. Because oftentimes scary, big, big, scary decisions we won't do because like it seems like such heavy lifting. And I referenced when I moved to Chicago, I thought about moving to Chicago from Milwaukee

for years. And then once I did it, I was like, that was easy. That took an afternoon. But it seemed like such a big thing to do. But then once I did it, it was not that big of a deal. So maybe, I can only imagine divorce seems like a very scary thing, even if you have all the privilege and the means in the world, like those two did, but now that they've gone through it, is it really worth getting back? So that's the question to ask myself

if I was Giselle first. And if she does, if she answers yes to, do I still love him? Then the question is, can I trust him? Because there was obviously a violation of trust, even if it's not infidelity, like they, it sounds like from an outsider's point of trust, even if it's not infidelity. Like they, it sounds like from an outsider's point of view, they had conversations about next steps in future. And he retired and he reneged on that conversation, which is like, I need to go back.

I need to play. I need to do this. And she was like, she sounds like it was stuck with this. Like, I need to let him find his joy and do this because like, as much as I don't, I'm mad he did this.

It's almost like he had to do this. But how can she trust him in the future that he can be present and that at the end of the day is willing to prioritize her and the family first rather than his own needs for fulfillment and joy? And can he find joy and fulfillment through his family and being a father and being a wife and things like that?

And my guess is it might require therapy for tommy yeah you know i wonder if tommy's you know maybe he's getting some like sports medicine therapy and like how to like visualize the winning touchdown and things like that but has tom really been broken down like has tb12 talked about his parents his relationship with his mom and dad seriously you know or what is he afraid of or why why does he it's like his ability to be the greatest of all time again there is a cost and that cost might be trauma i don't know like maybe he's like he he literally wants to win at all costs it's not fucking normal i can't imagine him having the typical capacity for emotions

because it feels like he especially because like to do what he does you come almost you can't feel and as a patriots fan it's like it's not just like he's like the goat it's like there's these comebacks that feel absolutely like implausible and so to be able to perform in that like extreme kind of pressure it's like how can you possibly be like taking into account and processing emotions when there is that level of like intensity on you and do that so consistently and it's like clearly you found a way to like completely compartmentalize and like become a robot and execute the way you know you can in practice in these like insanely high stakes situations yeah ali if you were giselle would you you take him back? I would probably think about it if that was the main reason

and it went away. Sure. I imagine she's going to have a hard time trusting him. Yeah. It wouldn't be an immediate yes. No. How do you build back trust?

We have a great episode. I do. I know we don't have time really to get into it because we have an episode to get into, but the eyelash trauma going on on TikTok,

if you're not familiar with it. Drama. Drama. What did I say? Trauma? Trauma. Trauma. I mean.

Whatever. Trauma for some people. I think Mikayla is probably having a pretty traumatic time. Yeah. Give us the quick one sentence of what's going on and I have an opinion on it. Yes. An influencer when making a promo, like a paid partnership with L'Oreal's new mascara was accused of very clearly between takes applying false lashes now there's no evidence of that she's denied it in the comments but everybody's saying you put on this mascara and then you applied fake lashes and said look

at what this mascara did like false advertising etc and the debate is like whether so there's what I mean I think most people are like feel very confident that it is false lashes, although there is still false. So, yeah. So the debate is like, well, in all of these commercials, like, you know, like you were using the example before of like a McDonald's commercial where it's like the food that they're taking a bite into is not what shows up in the bag when you get it. It's not edible. They're literally painting the food under cooking it. And so it's more supple and things yeah and in l'oreal's like i uh mascara commercial itself for sure those models are wearing eyelash extensions they listed at the bottom i remember

it being like in little teeny kind of translucent font model is wearing such and such formula of mascara and like false lashes like it's always, dah, dah, dah. Like it's always listed. But if I'm understanding this correctly, the product that she's promoting is actually specifically supposed to give you longer lashes. Yes. Right? And so the analogy I use about fast food, like they're selling,

they're not selling the appearance of the fast food. They're selling the taste of the food. And so whether it looks exactly like that or not, I don't think they're misleading you by like presenting it in its more kind of aesthetically pleasing way as opposed to this it's specifically about the length of the lashes and to get the results that they are to get the results to sell it they are uh falsifying i guess the information so i think i would say that's pretty standard practice though in the skincare industry.

I'm sure most of the before and after photos you see have other enhancement, whether that's extremely fancy. That's kind of fucked up though. There's a lot of snake oil stuff when it comes to the beauty and cosmetic industry. It's recession proof because we're vain as fuck. But we are told that we're asked to spend

sometimes a shit ton of money on things solely based off of these before afters and i i do think that's bullshit uh to like get people to waste money on shit that literally like you're to manipulate you're lying that that's different than like making a cheeseburger look a little juicier on camera than it is out of like it's fucking fast food you know you're not misleading and like that you're getting a greasy good burger or whatever the fuck you know it just might like who wants to buy like like a limp like it just doesn't look as good but we all know it's still gonna taste fucking good and we're gonna have gut rot afterwards like whatevs but like yeah i don't know i think i think there's a distinction there. So when it comes to the beauty stuff, and if they're making claims that it's going to do X, Y, or Z, they shouldn't have to fake the result.

think we are getting into this we don't have access to the executives the people in the c-suite who are making those atrocious advertising decisions that mislead us and manipulate us and delude us into believing that we need these things in order to be worthy like we don't have access to those people and so i think so often we take it out on the people we do who are less involved in the orchestration i think that's an excuse for like if i if someone came to me and said like hey here's some like hair supplements know, and then talk to your audience about like male pattern baldness about like guy, you know, guys get very anxious and very insecure about the possibility of losing their hair. And then so I did like some sort of ad for some pills you could take to like grow your hair out. And I did a and I wore a wig or like I put like something in or one of those like you know hair plugs spray painted my hair whatever the fuck but like it made it seem like like I had these amazing results and then

as a result a bunch of people bought these pills because I made them believe that these were like the real before and afters that like I know I know what's right or wrong and I'm not gonna blame just because some CEO said it's cool to do that i'm not saying that at all i totally agree with you i'm saying let's in addition to having this energy towards michaela the tiktoker with the lash like let's also have this energy towards l'oreal and all the other mascara companies who in their commercials are doing the same shit they just have more resources but they list it that's the difference yeah they have a disclaimer both in magazines and on commercials i've seen them and that's you know with with social media like uh i'm not touching you i'm not touching you Yeah. They have a disclaimer. Both in magazines and on commercials, I've seen them.

And that's, you know, with social media. That feels like, I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you for the listeners. I'm holding my finger incredibly close to Ali's face. It's the same principle of misleading someone. So I hear that it's maybe distinct, but I still think it's an issue and we should combat it. All right. It's Valentine's Day coming up. And ladies out there, if you're looking for the perfect gift for your man, think of Manscaped.

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And get 20% off with promo code VIALL at WhatDoYouMeme.com slash Let's Get Deep. Again, to get 20% off, go to WhatDoYouMeme.com slash Let's Get Deep and use code V I A L L. So let's get deep literally. Well, we have a great episode. Be sure to check it out. Don't forget to send those questions at ask Nick at the vile files.com for all things. Ask Nick, whether it's mediation, texting office hours, we love to hear all your crazy stories. It's anonymous. So you don't have to worry about people knowing you're weird. I'm just kidding. We're all weird. We're all super weird people. And you all make, everyone who writes in makes everyone feel a little less alone.

So we thank you for that. Anything else before we get to the lot, nurse? Let's jump on in. Let's get into it. Tay, Taylor, welcome. Nick. Hi. How's it going?

It's great. Good to be with you guys. I'm clearly doing well. You're crushing life with the office dog. Yep. She's in heaven right now. She's doing great. Good to be with you guys. I'm clearly doing well. You're crushing life with the office dog. Yep. She's in heaven right now. She's doing great. How is life for y'all?

You have a new show out, new podcast. That's exciting. Yes. Yeah, we just launched. Very exciting. Been working on it for a little bit now, so it's exciting to finally have it out there. Maybe we should just start there before we get into you guys a little bit. Like what made you, you know, there's obviously all the podcasts out there in the world.

You guys have your marriage, your relationship. What inspired you guys to create this show? Tell us what it's all about and why is it important to you two? Yeah, I think I really had no intention of ever starting a podcast or doing it um and i kind of woke up one day and was like hey hon i think i'm gonna start a podcast he was like what and i was like yeah you're gonna do it with me she tends to do that a lot she wakes up with these ideas and i'll literally i'm rolling out of bed and she's been awake for two hours and I'm like

ready guess what the brain's going oh yeah oh yeah yeah I saw your cover art and I feel like that kind of exemplifies what you guys just described because it's it's you uh-huh and it looks like an us weekly magazine cover yes or it's like your center stage like you're in the drama or whatever it is and then like taylor's the yeah the storyline yeah picture what was the inspiration of that because it's clever it's attention grabbing but obviously it was deliberate how did you guys come to that decision so at first he was only going to be my like part-time co-host he was going to be the full-time husband part-time co-host that's how she convinced me to do it and i knew secretly that i crammed you and uh i knew that once we filmed the first episode

he was going to be hooked he's so good at talking he he's good like he's just great i knew he's going to be great at it and so we filmed the first episode and he's like i think i actually i think i actually want to be your full-time co-host. And we had obviously done the cover art like a couple months before. I had done that shoot and so I didn't bring Taylor with me to do the podcast shoot because at that time he was just the part-time. So at some point we'll have to... I kind of like it.

It's kind of fun. It is fun. You can always change it. We're in the middle of kind of doing a rebrand ourselves. We've done, this will be our third one. So you can always change it. But it's a talking point. I mean, it was kind of funny that you guys did that.

Yeah. I was terrified of being behind the mic. I'm just not used to that. So like the idea of being the person who has to like keep the conversation going yeah i was i was terrified of why why was that just because i'm used to being on the other side and i think i just prefer that i don't have to like do the research and you know make a great conversation i just feel like the pressure of it is so big so when she brought it up i was like like i'll jump i'll jump in for every now and then.

But like once the idea starts flowing, it's kind of fun to feel kind of heard. I feel like it becomes addicting. Yeah. Do you have any reluctance, specifically you, as someone who has been in the limelight for a while, more, you know, again, as an actor, you know, traditionally, especially speaking, it's more of you know again as an actor you know traditionally especially speaking it's more

of um you get to know the actor through kind of the lens of there's a bit of a distance right like someone like myself reality tv and or the influencer space it's all about like you kind of like open the door into your life and things like that and like just celebrity itself has evolved and changed how have you dealt with like the kind of the different expectations from when like you know the twilight days where it was like people would get to know you when you do your press tours and junkets like that and it would be you'd have your anecdotal stories on your late night tv shows yeah but here as a podcast you know i'm assuming you you realize there's an expectation with your audience to

really and i hope we have an opportunity that today to get to really know you guys and to you bring bring your audience inside your house so to speak or you know inside your conversations how do you deal with that in terms of that kind of vulnerability to expose yourself to people's critiques because like as you know you that's the price of vulnerability is to like you want to say this and they're always going to be people who are just like oh that's so brave like we got to know you but then that always leaves it are open for those people to start picking it apart and how have you dealt with that it took a while the honest answer is it it took a long time because um i mean when when it first happened um you know when like the

the fame first happened all the walls just went up yeah and i didn't it took a while for me to even get social media i was like i don't so much of my life seems stripped away from me and i have no control over it in some sense i I don't like, I want the rest to be private to myself. So it took a while for me even to just like be fine, you know, being on social media, sharing more of my everyday normal life. And then it, you know, life and then it you know honestly it it took taking a step back from the industry for a few years um and taking time for myself and you know time to meet this one and just start that next chapter of life to be like okay i feel i feel ready to you know knock down some of the walls i remember when you started your

Instagram. You were definitely late to the game. I was late to the game for sure. I think it was 2016. Yeah. It feels good. But you're right. You do have to... That's another thing. I had to learn to be okay with the

criticism because that was tough at the beginning. and you just have to like build this thick skin where you're like you're always gonna have haters no matter what you do so what are some things that you guys do in your relationship or you especially even before you met what are some best practices that you guys incorporate to manage your mental health when it comes to social media? Because, you know, you can have all the perspective in the world and have people tell you, well, I don't know you, it doesn't matter. But on some level, there's things you have to do. There's boundaries you have to set with yourself. What are those things that you do to, you know, make it easy on yourself? Kind of like an analogy

I use, you know, with people, I like sweets, right? And I've used this analogy before. So like, it's, it's much easier to go to the grocery store whenever I go. And for that, you know, 20 minutes, I'm there not to buy the shit I want to eat because if anyone brings it home and it's in my freezer, I'm fucked, you know? And so that, you know, and so instead of like doing that, I have the willpower to avoid, you know, doing things. How do you guys do it? You should speak because she's she's way better at it than I am. I'm still learning how to, you know, not look at as many comments and finding a way for it not to affect me as much but she's like pretty

bulletproof with it i don't know how like i know that it's there and i just don't even open the door to looking at it just don't care yeah i think it's just like people are gonna have comments about things and whatever and the only comments i really care about are the people that i'm actually like face-to-facing that i have that personal relationship with yeah um so i honestly just don't even even on i'm trying to i think i'm a little too bad at it because even on my own post like it's like every three posts i'll like like my friends comments that like they comment like i don't even look at my own post comments which i probably should be better at that yeah i'll literally be like oh did you see whoever like commented this i'm like nope missed it completely but i think you're i think you're

like it's nice to be able to see that i tried to but yeah i think once you kind of go there it's it's a challenge and And the compliments from strangers, I think are more dangerous than the criticism because it subconsciously makes you have to believe the criticism. Yeah. When that random fan is like, you're so amazing, relationship goals, you're so hot or whatever.

Right. You're like, all of a sudden down below, it's like, you're the worst, know fuck you and then it kind of like your brain is telling you you can't choose to believe one or the other so you already let them in I know it's tough it's a tough balance

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How did that, when you guys first got to know each other, I know I read that, was it your- My sister. Your sister knew you and kind of mentioned to you, I think I found your wife, kind of romantic type of stuff. Yeah. I love if we could just kind of get into, you know, the dates that followed

you know the month or two into the relationship like how on this show is the host of the show i'm not a big like uh destiny fate one and only it's fun to go back and and feel that love and connection like it's there but I personally just think that this world is full of people we can connect with and have desires with and it's about choosing who you want to be with because you want to make them a priority and so I'm really curious you know despite what your sister said and you know fade and I'm sure you guys had a good couple first dates but what were the things early on what were maybe some defining moments early on in your relationship? But I'd love for you both to answer the question where you thought,

this could really be something. What was something that you guys shared with each other that made you feel more connected emotionally? Because I think there's the physical connection you see in dating. There's that emotional connection. I think when it comes to relationships, it's building that emotional connection that makes you feel safe, that makes you feel like you can really open up. What were some of those defining moments and how did you guys become closer? What pops in my head first is,

so when we first started dating, we had only been like hanging out for like two weeks and then Taylor was going to London to film a show for almost three months. And we like went on a couple dates and we just were kind of like, like the last night before he left, he was like, are we gonna like make this exclusive?

Go steady. Are we gonna like see where this goes? And we were like, yeah, let's do it. So we literally went almost three months just exclusively talking. right before you're about to peace out yeah i i met her i met her like three weeks before i was leaving for three months but there was like a connection strong enough to be like i don't i mean what do you want to do i mean i kind of i was so nervous to answer.

I remember when he. Why? When he asked, he, well, I just didn't know. I had come from like not great relationships. So I thought he was like, I thought he was like playing a mind game with me when he was like, do you want to be exclusive? But like genuinely he was just asking my opinion. He's like, is this a fuck boy who wants to sideline me while he's going to London and do whatever the fuck kind of thing?

Yeah. I was like, uh. She thought I was asking the question seeking freedom. Like she thought I wanted to hear, no, it's fine. Like you can go to London and we can pick up and honestly. Almost like a, hey, I'm doing this. I'm smart enough to like ask to set some expectation. But the expectation I want to set is

this we're just gonna like see other people while we're a world apart then maybe we'll circle back for a cool girl yeah like a chill girl yeah you were wondering if like you know like you were wondering if he was thinking you might be a pick me kind of thing yeah and i think honestly like i don't even think i answered because in my brain I was like, I mean, I do like him. I would like to like keep talking to him, but also we have known each other for three weeks and he's leaving for three

months. So like, that's a big commitment for the two of us. So you just like left him on red, so to speak. No, I think, I think I was,

I think I probably just, we were in the jacuzzi. I probably like threw it back to you. And I was I probably threw it back to you and I was like, well, what do you want to do? Yeah. Knowing me, I probably did that. Yeah, she definitely threw it back at me and wouldn't give me an answer.

And my feelings were hurt, to be honest. Really? I learned that later on that they were actually hurt because I wasn't like, yes, I want to be with you. Yeah. Well, that's a vulnerable question to define the relationship. I think we, I mean, shit, we get a lot of questions all the time.

When should I define it? How should I define it? You're putting yourself out there. Yeah. And I think from men's standpoint, I think we often don't want to acknowledge that we get scared to ask that question. Yeah. Or, you know, our feelings might get hurt if it's not immediately reciprocated.

Yeah. No, and that's what it was. But- So what happened? Or our feelings might get hurt if it's not immediately reciprocated. Yeah. No, and that's what it was. So what happened? As soon as she threw it back at me, she was like, well, what do you want? Because, you know, I'm fine with whatever. And I think I told you. I think I was like. You're literally like, I want to be exclusive.

I was like, great. Sign me up. Let's go. As soon as I said, like, I want to do it. She was like, I wanna be exclusive. I was like, great, sign me up, let's go. As soon as I said, like, I wanna do it. She was like, okay. I love that you did that. Because I don't believe in asking to define. I believe in like, whoever wants to define it

needs to put out what they want. Otherwise it's kind of like, like you said, it's like, what do you, what the fuck do you want? Like you're the one who's bringing it up. Why are you putting this on me, so to speak? Like vulnerability chicken. Yeah, right? But that's the norm.

The norm is always like, what are we? You know, what should we do? And then like you said, once you said, I wanna be with you. Oh, green light, like I'm here. Yeah. Yeah, so then we went, like he left and he started working and then I actually started nursing school at the same time.

So we were both busy, which was nice, but it was really cool to just start a relationship off like that because there was no physical involved. All we could do was talk. And we got to know each other so well and so deep because all we did was talk and I was going through, nursing school is not fun. And so I was going through a rough time trying to figure that out.

Taylor adjusting, being back to work all the time. So it was definitely like. The time difference. I'm in London. She's here. So I'd like call her, FaceTime her bright and early at 6 a.m. before I go to work. And she's getting ready to go to bed. Yeah.

It was great it was a it was a great way to like dive deep right at the beginning and get to know each other so i love to hear stories of couples and how they communicate through kind of awkward topics you know or challenges and early on there's always you know people talk about red flags all the time. And so like, you know, you can have, we all have red flags or the perception of red flags. And then we kind of have to assess them out and be like, is this a red, is this an issue? Or is this like, you know, can we work on this? What was like something early on with both of you that you were like, is this a red flag that I need to be concerned? And then how did you address that with the other person to work through that kind of potential fear

or insecurity creeping up? Because I don't know about you guys, but in a relationship, when I'm falling in love, it's like there's this weird kind of thing where the closer I feel, sometimes the more scared I can become because you realize the more you love someone, the more vulnerable you are. You're really like, okay, well okay well i'm just gonna go in and give you my heart we'll

see where this goes yeah like how did you guys deal with that honestly i don't know if i had too many red flags with you um yeah i mean she, like, the ultimate stamp of approval from my sister, who, it's just me and my sister, we're very close. But, you know, I'm not going to take her word for soon as I started getting to know her I was like wow yeah she's the real deal like whoever ends up with her is a lucky dude so I didn't have many red flags with you navigating is there like a tough question that

you were just like hey there's something I want to know about you and I don't know how to ask it or anything like that I feel this isn't we don't have how to ask it or anything like that? I feel this isn't, we don't have red flags about each other, we just communicate well, but when we first started dating, it was definitely like, obviously like,

my friends start to know, like I didn't tell anyone really, besides like my close group of friends that we were dating, because that's just not me me i'm not gonna go share it but i definitely like had a lot of people like when i i would tell people or it would go through the grapevine i'm from like a small town so people would be like oh i thought he did this oh i heard this about him oh this oh this uh yeah how did you work through that i just i think I very much just took it all with a grain of salt and was like, okay these I know that a lot of people have a lot of opinions and I think I was smart enough to know at the time that

Like what we see of celebrities is like not actually what they are or is like a tenth of like the whole thing so I think I just like took everything with a grain of salt and was like, I'm gonna figure this out on my own, if this is true, if this is true. So yeah, I mean. You just kinda bring it up and ask. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, or just felt out his personality. Because I can't remember, because it was quite a while ago, but I'm sure there was people that were like, oh, I heard this about him that was negative. And I'm like, oh, I don't really because it was quite a while ago, but I'm sure there was people that were like, oh, I heard this about him that was negative. And I'm like, oh, I don't really think that's, he hasn't come across to me like that, but I'll put that in the back of my brain

and keep it for a rainy day when maybe he does. Well, there's back to like you said, if you want to put on a bit of a wall to the public, the downside of that is you let people write your narrative if you don't wanna write it yourself. And then you have to deal with those types of comments that you're referring to. Yeah, for sure.

The toughest thing for me was convincing her I was into her more than a friend. She, for so long- This was before we were dating, obviously. Yes, this was before we were dating. That's part of the story, yeah. Yeah, but we- You're dating, you. Yes, this was before we were dating. That's part of the story. Yeah, but we- Yeah, you're dating.

You're just like, I don't know. Maybe a friend? Hey, buddy. Something seems off. No, this was before we started, but it took like, I'm not, I guess you could say I'm awkward with making moves. I wouldn't say you're awkward. I would say you're just very passive and you're very polite. You're not like a, you're like a very soft shoot your shot.

Yeah, it's like a layup from the free throw line. It's just like a soft little. Just a gentle, not trying to get in anyone's way. Not trying to get in the way here. Preferably in all of you. I'll pick an assist. So yeah, it took a few times hanging out, me getting her number,

texting her all the time, and she this whole time thought that I was just like being nice to my sister's friend okay and yeah well the first time i went over there i had no clue that she wanted to set us up she had only told taylor so i wasn't in on it i had no clue i was just going over there for like game night okay i love games i was ready smart of your sister i feel like yeah take the pressure off. No one likes to know they're being set up.

So I was just going in there thinking I was going to play games. And I had somewhat recently gotten, had just broken up from a- Previous relationship. So I wasn't even really looking. I was just going to play games. My best friend was coming with me.

And then we were just chatting and he's so normal. He's just so kind and he's so attentive to people and I was at his house and he just feels very comfortable. It's not like this whole grandiose, that's not Taylor. He's not like a celebrity that has the 10 people always around them. There's no entourage. that has like the 10 people always around them and- There's no entourage. Was it weird for you though, having seen him on screen

to then see him in person and have a conversation with him? It's such a boring answer, but no. Like I just, I don't even know. Like it was just very normal. I think also because he is who he is, but I even say that we, I've obviously have now met quite a few famous people and i every time i'm like nope athletes athletes do it same for me we and we get excited about

athletes but yeah but no i was not like it's true she is like the chillest person around celebrities like i legitimately get more excited about certain celebrities and she's like could care less who would you fangirl over me i mean celeb uh athletes for sure are like my biggest yeah like who is someone who like kind of caught you off guard where you're just like i'm being weird you know like that was how like oh well i i definitely have that answer it was matthew stafford oh i'm from i thought i did something because you pointed at me i was like oh god i don't even know what you make you make fun of me all the time oh my god and it was very bizarre i i'm from michigan so stafford was the lions quarterback forever then he comes

out here to la and now he's, you know, our new quarterback here. And so I've been worshiping this guy for 15 years. Very long time. And then we're at Soho Malibu and him and his wife Kelly are having dinner. And me and his wife have become Instagram friends. And we've, you know, welcome them to the new hood and, you know, figured I should go up and say hi.

Um, and we're leaving and I go to walk up to introduce myself to that. I had to like, get him to go. I was like, I was like, Kelly knows who you are. Also,

everyone knows. No, I don't want to bug anyone. It's fine. Go up to Kelly. She knows who you are. Like it's, it's going to be fine. Natalie has done that with me she knows who you are like it's it's gonna be fine

natalie has done that with me too i'm just like no yeah fucking go no i don't want to bother i never want to do it and she's like you can do it it's gonna be fine because i had talked we talked about even like meeting or we had the same trainer or something like that so there was conversation yeah for sure but i did as i was approaching i could see and i know this feeling i could see in his eyes that he saw somebody coming up to the table and he literally did like this yeah and was like trying to like hide and like do something i was like oh no i almost flipped a ue right then but i went and kelly looked saw me they both both got up, you know, gave each other hugs. But the whole time I was talking to him, I was so she watched all of this.

And I walk back and she's like, why were you stretching the whole time? The whole time I was talking to him, I was in like a stand up and show. Yeah, I was in this like I was like doing this. And I'm literally talking like moving your hips yeah just like this like like he's talking like just sticking one hip out this hip this hip you know just like wide stance talking really peacocking i really was i've done that i i get fucking awkward a lot bizarre behavior yeah yeah maybe maybe matt was gonna throw the ball you know i'm ready to play yeah i'm an athlete yeah that's great i need to take my jacket off we literally got in the car and i was like did do you know what you're doing and

then i now that he noticed that and now that i actually saw that we clock him every time he does it now because it's apparently something I do. It's a, okay. I've noticed it. The Stafford thing was the first time I did it. So why a stance? You know, just a. Yeah, when I get nervous or uncomfortable talking to somebody, I just start stretching and moving my hips.

Very weird. I rock a little bit. I'm like a little, you know. Tay, you mentioned earlier that you had some challenging relationships in the past, which a lot of us do. I certainly have. And I think for most people, for the people who leave challenging relationships and come into new ones, there's always like, how do I communicate that without sounding like I'm bringing in my baggage? And then communicate that without sounding like i'm bringing in my baggage and then you know on your end it's how do i support that without making her feel like i'm worried about it but at the same

time like i do want to ask you questions that might come up how did you guys you know you talk about communication what are some challenges that you had in your past relationship that you felt like at least at some point i'm sure you brought up to him as a vulnerability or like a trigger or things like that because I think that's something a lot of couples don't do early on is to kind of like recognize like this could be a trigger for me or this is like could you help me out with that how do you guys help each other not trigger the other person from from past experiences yeah i mean it's definitely taken like a lot of work and time and just figuring out like what little things make me tick or taylor tick but i think just like something that took us a while and i'm still learning is

like i've like i have i struggle to like tell my emotions because I don't feel like they're valid because in the past, they hadn't really been wanted to be heard or validated. And Taylor and I, we don't really ever fight because we communicate, but when we're in, obviously everyone has an argument or disagreement. When we're talking about our feelings

or if I did something wrong or he did something wrong and I'm just sitting there silent he's like i want to know like what is wrong and i'm so used to just like sitting there and be like i'm sorry i'm sorry and i feel like when we first started dating you were like stop saying sorry i was like i'm sorry i mean yeah okay like that that's like a real thing i feel like they show that like on tv like once or something but that was like actually a thing yeah for us yeah like i i like i want to hear like if you disagree with me yeah tell me like i don't care what it is i just want you to talk and at the beginning um it's true she yeah she just would you know just listen she's an incredible listener um or she would just you know apologize and i'm like dude this isn't a one-way street like tell me I'm

crazy or I just like want to hear something and we both have gotten I feel like you know so much better at just openly communicating and um it's so hard and definitely still like takes work i don't think it won't ever yeah no it never never stops yeah you know like uh being a part of bachelor nation i have a a handful of like at least the perception of exes or some actual exes and things like that and from time to time things get said or or get brought up and it becomes clickbait and things like that. Obviously, you're a public figure. You've dated some ultra famous people in the spotlight. Natalie jokes, she has this saying,

BN, which is before Natalie, you know? And so like- That's funny. And like she jokes, but there are times where things get caught, get brought up and I can tell it irritates her. It's a frustration. How do you deal with that, Tay?

Because anytime there's like an Us Weekly article, right? About you or it's like, it'll be about anything. And then like on the bottom, they'll like bring up like five different past relationships I've had and links to those past relationships in case if anyone's curious, they can read, but it's embedded in the article and you're just like why do they need to bring the what the fuck yeah that yeah that must at some point like you had to have that must have been a kind of a new experience when you first dealt with that and how how do you deal with that

was it hard for you i mean her confidence it's you know, one of the most, if not the most attractive thing about Tay to me is her like confidence levels and just like self, you know, respect and confidence for herself is unbelievable. And she just continually to this day blows my mind with it. Like I try and learn from her with that um but i mean yeah i don't did it ever bother you i think i think it was definitely an adjustment to like obviously when we first started dating and like went public i'd like look at the tag photos to see like who caught us where that's true and I would see like all the photos and maybe that's when I learned I was like I just don't even want to look because that will like spiral me but I think I wouldn't say I'm an overly confident person because I

definitely don't like have that energy about me but yeah I think I'm just I am who I am and Taylor does a very good job he's so good at validating me and his love for me. He's like words of affirmation. He's so good at it. So I think when exes get brought up or I see stuff, because it's going to happen, it's going to happen for years and years. Our kids are going to see it.

So it's just kind of like, oh, that was BT. Yeah. That was BT. Kind of a joke, like we're taylor swift fans she's written about you she was a diehard swifty how do you will you be going to her upcoming tour like what's like how does that how does that work being a fan of of someone like that knowing that's your ex it's got to be a one surreal and two is it yeah does how does that affect you i mean i i feel like she's the only person no i don't know you got a lot taylor has a history of dating his co-stars i don't know

yeah that was a bad habit but well you know that's where i'm in a safe place too yeah that's how you met people how do you know who to trust that early on, you know? Yeah. I mean. It is true. Like, I didn't really go to college. Like, I, and that was my job. So, like, I was meeting people in the workspace. And, yeah, you know, but. I hope we can go.

Taylor, if you're hearing this, can we come? Yeah, I'll see if we can get us some tickets. I would like to go. Ticker Master didn't crash. I'm, like, an OG T-Swift fan, though. OG. Like, I was trying to find this. Don't you, you have like a photo with her when you're like nine years old or something. When she, I went to one of her first concerts, like, ever.

It was at the tiniest theater. My best friend, like, loved her, and then I did, too. What are your top three songs? Oh, boy. She's like, back to December. You're really, like, laying in here. No, I'm just curious. She's like, oh, tell me're really like laying in here no i'm just curious she's like oh tell me your first song um what are my favorite ones um i definitely there's a couple

of the new album you just started liking her new album uh-huh i was like i was one of the people that was like a little bum when she like speak Speak Now is definitely like that album was the one that I was like, that was probably one of the best albums of all time. Just the lyrics are insane in all of them. We were sharing the couch with one of the muses, no? Is Speak Now, is that the album? Yeah, with the purple dress as the cover. Taylor and I are like, yeah.

I feel like there's been a lot of albums i i can't keep up with wasn't it back to december that she changed the lyrics when you were attending that show yeah here's to the boy from michigan she like swaps i think i've seen that video i wasn't at that show got it got it got it yeah but yeah clever clear assist yeah yeah she definitely like Clever. Clever. Yeah. Yeah, she definitely, like,

I mean, good on another Taylor for, like, you just like dating Taylors. I got a problem. I love myself so much. One of me isn't enough. Must have more. Hey, she probably wouldn't have taken your last name, though, so then there wouldn't have been two of you there you go it's so you're like i have to find a normal girl that will take

my last name by the way i said to her you want to keep your last name because this is going to be confusing and weird and she she was like no i had no intention of ever doing that so i was kind of like yeah this will be fun let's just keep it i. I'm like, I used to be like more conservative and traditional and like now it's like, whatever you want to do, I'm kind of like Taylor. It's just like, if that's something that makes you happy, great. I'm also like.

Yeah, we're married, does it, like we just got our marriage license and we're like, oh, that's, we're officially married now? Okay, cool. I know, doesn't even feel real. Everyone's like, what's married life like? We're like. Is it the same for you guys?

Pretty much. We say husband and wife now. Yeah, that's new. We've marked married on the doctor's office forms before you go in. Yeah, there was no kind of. I mean, that's new, but. Yeah, there was no kind of like,

oh, this is different just because of the vibe. Honestly, when we got engaged, that was more of like a, that felt more real in a way, for lack of a better word. That was more of a shift for us was the engagement. Okay, yeah, sure. Yeah. I want to put you guys on the spot a little bit in a sense that I was thinking about this

over the weekend too, you know? Kind of in this new stage of my relationship it's you know it's like you get engaged or you get married or you you know it's like another it's like a new honeymoon phase you know like it's you know it's just like oh this is exciting and things like that and yeah you know i think for a lot of healthy couples you can go from dating honeymoon phase engagement honeymoon phase wedding marriage honeymoon phase and you know like nally and i like i feel like we have a lot of good quality time together we spend a lot of time together but then it was just like you know i don't know if we date enough like i don't know if we date enough. Like, I don't know if we, like, you know, we've done that, but I don't know, like we go out dinner a lot, you know,

and we'll talk a lot, but like making it a, like saying this is a date and then we're going to, you know, ask the questions. Are there things, and maybe, I don't know if you've talked about this or, and if you haven't, I'd love to almost for you guys to discuss it now, but but like what would be something that you think you guys could you know maybe be a little bit more intentional

with how you guys keep things you know going keep the that excitement going because it's easy to settle in it's like I know it's also nice to get comfortable in a relationship it's nice to not have to worry about if they still like you. But how do you keep building that emotional connection while keeping that excitement and the spark alive in your relationship? What conversations, if anything, have you had?

And I'd love for you guys to just work it through. No, I think that's definitely true. Because we can get better at that too. Because we spend so much time together. I work from home, studios at home. We spend so much time together. So setting aside time to have that intentional. Before Christmas, we did a little weekend trip, just a little staycation.

We love weekend getaways. christmas we did like a little like weekend trip just a little vacation weekend getaways i feel like that is how we do keep that element um because it's true it's like it's just expected that we like go to dinner you know eat together but it doesn't feel like something like special because we do it every day and we just go to the same places and like you know you just get in this groove of life which is great to have but it is important to keep that um that spark and excitement and just remind the person that's definitely something that we could get better at but i do weekend getaways are are very fun yeah i love that uh you mentioned your words she you mentioned taylor's words of affirmation guy it sounds like that's how you like to show love how do you show love

and how do each of you receive love i am acts of service yeah very much i will like i'm an acts of service yeah i will clean clean clean do this do that make this dude like that is my i think that also like is why my chosen nursing is because it's like a doing like i'm doing this for someone so that's definitely like how i show love it is and that's definitely not me so i have to this is something i'm working on is i have to remind myself that's how she yeah shows you know love not the only way but it's a big way yeah and i need to show her that i appreciate that yeah because did you have to communicate that to him so that I appreciate that. Yeah. Because... Did you have to communicate that to him so that you could recognize that?

Because I find that for acts of service people who show love through that, it can be often overlooked. Yeah. You know, it can turn into like a nice, like getting her a glass of water while she's in bed, waking up, starting her car. It's nice at first,

but when you're in a relationship, it's easy to get used to it. It just seems normal. It seems normal. And it's like, yeah, it's like, by the way, I don't do this because I necessarily like it. I like taking care of you.

I like making life easy for you because that makes me happy and that's how I show love. And it's like, I feel like, you know, when you're a words of affirmation guy and you're saying, I love you, you're the best, you're the greatest, but it's like, it's, you know that you're expressing love

and acts of service, I feel like sometimes you get a bad rap. Or we feel underappreciated at times. And I know I have in past relationships. Like, how did you, did you have to communicate that at some point to Taylor? For sure. And I mean, even like like but yeah i definitely have been like hey um can you just like maybe acknowledge that i did this or uh but i mean it goes it goes both ways because i am not

a wordy person and taylor's always like you still love me i'm like yeah i yeah i'm just checking in i'm like i just did all of this stuff. Of course I love you. She's like, I just did the dishes. I did this. I'm like, got it. Okay, so that's what that means. But it definitely goes like both way

because we are like so opposite in how like we show love. Opposite in some ways, similar in others. But like the main ways, that's definitely. That's really interesting. I mean, I know I'm sure on some level you were joking when you say, do you still love me? But like, that's a vulnerable thing to ask your partner. Yeah.

Like what's going on in your head when you're asking Tay that question and you're just kind of, you know, just checking in and make sure like what, you know, and have you always been that vulnerable in your relationships to open up and have you always been that vulnerable uh in your relationships to open up and ask a question like that i mean yes it is mainly a joke i obviously know that she's in love with me and we are fantastic um it it mainly is sometimes i just

want to hear it you know like and i guess it probably does come from um some insecurity like i'd be lying if i said no it doesn't mean anything i just want to hear it um it probably stems from insecurity and from past relationships um do you think career at all plays a role because as someone in your shoes the world an actor, there's these huge peaks and valleys of attention, support and love, and then there can be slow periods. And I'm sure on some level you've gone through periods of like, do people still love me?

You know, those things like that. Do you think that has played a role? You're probably, are you a therapist? I mean, you do do a you do do a lot of this he's been podcasting for a while i know i've been working hard how much am i going to owe you after this session um what insurance do you have out of network no you're you probably you you send it to your insurance You probably, you send it to your insurance. You're probably spot on. He definitely is.

There we go. No, for sure. I mean, even if like something you're like actually struggling with or not, I don't think you necessarily are anymore, but that's definitely like, it's just like what you know. It's like been routine part of Taylor's life for so long. You come out with something, then you're not working on anything. Then it's just like this constantly. And so I think when we are just sitting on the couch, you're like, you still love me?

I did tell him though, when we got married, he was not allowed to say, what did he used to say? You're gonna break up with me or something like that? Something, these little- This is very vulnerable. And I know that he obviously i'm not he knows i'm not like leaving it's coming from a place exactly there's something in there it's coming from somewhere you had your heart you've had your heart broken obviously

before i'm assuming yeah yeah yeah definitely for sure um it but it's yeah it's it that clearly is still in there and it comes out in these stupid little petty you know jokey comments it's not because you know i'm actually concerned about that with her but yeah but it does like i've ever had dreams of her breaking up with you oh my gosh he'll wake up he'll be like i'm so mad at you i'm like bro i'm done with this right now we're halfway through the day and i'm like i still can't really look at you yeah she's like what dream tay yeah i'm so mad at why do you do that to me and he'll bring it up throughout the day i'm like okay we're we're done i have very vivid dreams and they feel really really real sure yeah he's like the one that

twitches and talks in his sleep and i literally have to hit him and wake him up from his nightmares. He's running and screaming in his sleep. I always say trust is a choice in a relationship, especially if you have past relationships and heartbreak and things like that. And it feels exciting and cool to say, I can trust you. But if you've ever been hurt before,

there's this, no matter what, you're reminded that like, you know, the feeling of one day feeling secure and the next not. And that can be a scary feeling is how do you guys deal with those fears pretty openly about, and it sounds like maybe having the dreams is an opportunity for you to check in a little bit. I think that's healthy because the moment you kind of take things for granted, then who knows? Because I'm a big believer that, that's why I don't like the idea of fate or destiny in those ideas because I think the subplot of that saying

implies that it doesn't really matter what we do. It doesn't really matter how we treat each other. It doesn't really matter. Yeah, the choices we make. Like we're destined to be together, you know, as opposed to it's a little scarier of a way to look at it. But if we don't take care of this,

if we don't prioritize this, it could like tomorrow could be the end. It's true. Do you guys kind of have similar vibes around that? I couldn't agree more. I mean, you have to put in the effort or the results aren't just magically going to be pretty. No.

But yeah, I mean. i feel like that's why our relationship works so well is because we're like we know this is gonna like take work and i think that some of that has to do with like your background and like me working as a nurse we've we've both been like struggling with stuff so we've had to like like struggling than just more than our normal day-to-day like we've had that in our relationship so we've've had to like, like struggling than just more than our normal day to day. Like we've had that in our relationship. So we've really had to like, be like, okay, I'm gonna step out of this comfort box

and really like talk about it or work through this. So. Pick each other up. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Before we get to texting office hours,

Allie and Amanda created this fun little game in the spirit of wedding planning and all the people going on in that journey. It's gonna be you soon. You guys recently got married. Weddings, I've recently have learned, can be super expensive. Like regardless of what your budget is,

like sounds like everyone's spending more than they want to or's like two or can afford or whatever and so people you two have gone through it and i think every time you start uh you you you kind of re-evaluate like was that worth it yeah did we have to do this etc etc so we're gonna play a little game and you guys can let us know what was worth it, what could you have done without. This is like a selfish game for me to just try to figure out where we can cut corners, but not cut the romance.

Because it's nice to celebrate your love with the people you love the most. So that's where they fucking get you. It's perfect timing too, because we just got our full wedding video. So we just watched it. Amazing. And literally last night.

Did you cry? I didn't. I think we got emotional during like vows and speeches. Sure. We had like a highlight reel. We still haven't released it. I've been like selfishly holding on to it.

Yeah, I'm ready. I'm like, bro, we've had this five minute highlight reel for yeah i think subconsciously this is not to open a can of worms but daily mail crashed our wedding and took photos and released them the next day motherfuckers yeah and so i was that was the most that was that was really hard for me because it was like such an intimate moment and like they catch us all the time go to the grocery store whatever i don't care but like that moment of like us having our first look i was like the only moment they caught was the first look which you know a pretty emotional moment they didn't like write

it that it was that either so like no one knew and also like no one really picked it up and luckily we had a beautiful bug cover thing that came out the next week but i was like really bummed about that because that was like such an intimate moment yeah so i think subconsciously i'm holding on to it because i'm like i don't want to this is mine i'm keeping it but but now that we have the whole video maybe i will i don't know maybe i'll wake up one day and be like okay he's just like waiting for me i'm just waiting for it whenever she's ready all right let's get to the game ball out or get her done okay so it's whether you think this is something where you should really ball out go all in nice as possible quality or if it's just a get her done it's there love it if you're like take

it off the list that can also be an option great perfect okay so the first one the cake would you get her done that was a get her done yes we almost didn't even have one yeah i was literally like make it cardboard i don't care right you never get to eat the cake no well and we tried to cut it and it was cold out and our cake hadn't been out of the freezer so it was still frozen they served it still frozen because it was so cold outside too so our photos of us trying to cut the cake it's not cutting like we're like shaking pushing it's in their average cost of a wedding cake thousands i guarantee oh easy yeah especially those big ones average i bet a few thousand and then you can go up from there oh maybe not the average u.s wedding cake is 350 that feels well that feels no because that's that's the average like couples

spend around 125 and on the higher end they typically spend upwards of 700 even over a thousand on a wedding cake yeah the cake pricing factors include time ingredients flavor size the level of intricacy the type of frosting customization from like you know piggly wiggly that works for me i've seen so many tick tocks of people buying like sheet cakes or just normal cakes taking off the frosting re-frosting it and it's good to go yeah yeah so we did get one but we we just got it for like the quick photo op we're like okay should we just get one my parents were like you have to have the cake photo and i was like okay so you can also do a hack is you can use cardboard or something, build it, frost it, add a tiny

sliver of actual cake so you can cut something and pull it out. There you go. And in the back kitchen, there's a sheet cake being cut up for guests. Love that. Yeah. Brilliant. Okay. Next one is a wardrobe change for the reception part.

100%. What's it called? out ball yes yeah we both did it we both change yeah yeah you have to you have to be able to like break it down at least if your okay dance floor and it's fun to just you know have another look best i'm all about another fun look yeah and on the topic of breaking it down dance lessons before a first dance oh we did not do that you would have been open to it she brought up the idea and i was just like no i kind of hate those you know when the couple does dance lessons so they was like all right we spent thousands of

dollars on ballroom dancing so like we're gonna put on like a really bad performance for you so that we can show you It's like a Dancing with the Stars 4 He was on Dancing with the Stars let's not drag it But that's kind of the point it's just like no one cares that you guys can kind of ballroom dance now But instead of like having a romantic first dance these couples are out there like doing the waltz And I'm just like I don't want to have to worry in that moment

about choreography i want to just like well you can kind of run it through without it being like say some sweet things to each other soak in the moment i didn't want to have to worry about one two step yeah totally okay next one topical is a live band this is a i'm very curious about this answer i know what'd you guys have we went without so we we just did the dj and with that did you ball out did you get her done did you regret not having the band no no great yeah well no but we did a couple of our friends are musicians and like they sang a couple songs that's true that was that it was a great we were like we'll do the dj and we'll have a couple of our friends sing some songs and it was a great i just feel like i've been to some really cool

weddings with some live bands amazing live bands and i'm they're so good that I imagine they're super expensive. But nevertheless, no matter how good a live band is, you're just like, that almost sounds like the original kind of vibe. And so it's just like, I get the whole, I don't want to pay tens of thousands of dollars for the charm of the live. Because that's what you're paying for. You're paying for the aesthetic. It's kind of like getting a record player versus having a really nice Bluetooth speaker.

You know, when you give like, you're just like, is that DJ really playing music or he just plays play on his iPod? Like, honestly, who gives a shit? It sounds the same. We're loving. Just get on the dance floor and enjoy it. Just get on the dance floor.

Yeah. I'm glad that you said that. Yeah. Because I'm willing to die on that yeah because i that's i'm willing to die on that on that hill so to speak yeah unless there's a band out there that just wants to like show up right great but right until that happens i don't want to pay you yeah no i agree you're doing it for exposure um the flowers ball out all the way that was my number one that was my like absolutely people will say

like flowers die i'm sure you were gonna say that but but the flowers like that was always the one thing that i really wanted was flowers i love flowers regardless i love making arrangements and all that stuff but like looking at our photos like the flowers at our ceremony I Walked down the aisle when we were standing up there I was like looking around like in shock and I knew exactly what they were gonna look like but It like exceeded all of my expectations and it just looks unreal it really Made the day for us. So yeah, I agree that is something to ball out on for us so yeah i agree that is something to ball out on um but be prepared yeah because also thank you for actually like knowing what they look like and embracing the fact that they

were worth it because i feel like every couple who talks about their wedding it's always the groom that goes i don't even know we had flowers i don't even i didn't realize well that was the nice thing about taylor because we like equally planned the wedding that's awesome he was very much involved which was nice did you enjoy that yeah yeah i did thing about Taylor because we like equally planned the wedding. That's awesome. He was very much involved, which was nice. Did you enjoy that? Yeah, yeah, I did. He loves party planning. We like love hosting.

We love like doing things like that. Yeah, yeah. We love curating, you know, a fun evening and stuff. What was your theme of your wedding, if you had one? That's where I'm going to sound. I would say it was like a romantic it was it was like white nudes and dark green um with like kind of like a romantic yet like whimsical i do i do love the new brand and then we we knew that we wanted to do it

um in paso paso robles which is a place that means a lot to us. That's our main weekend getaway. We were talking about weekend getaways. That's where we go a few times a year at least. So we just have a lot of memories from there, and it's kind of like our little escape. So we knew right off the bat that's where we're getting married. So it was also beautiful because we got married in the

middle of the vineyards like up in the mountains and the landscape we didn't have to do too much we just enhanced what it already was if flowers was the number one fallout item for you Taylor like was there something kind of equivalent where you were like

we gotta go all out on this this is really important yeah did you have to fight to have anything that she was like i don't think so the agreeing to sign the bill for the flowers that was tough but i it did mean a lot to me as well but just seeing that number is terrifying. Yeah. Yeah. Does it matter? Like what does it like the season matters?

Cause cause aren't flowers like more expensive, expensive in the winter. Well, it depends on what flowers you're getting. Seasonal flowers, I guess. Well, yeah,

it just, yeah, I loved, like there were certain flowers. My sister just got married this past fall that they wanted, but they couldn't preview because they wouldn't be ready until the fall. it was like a cute moment because my brother-in-law's a landscape architect so like the flowers were like his thing it was like turned it on its head because he was like these colors these certain flowers i love that we'll end on the last one open bar yes we

did but we we just closed it for the dinner portion. Yeah, what we did was when people got there, we had wine. We had like a white. Welcome, rosé and white. Yeah, and then they went up. Get a little sleepy. Yeah, went up, watched the ceremony, and then when they came back for cocktail hour, then we had the bar open.

And then when we went inside for dinner, we closed it. We had like a whole wine pairing thing with dinner. So it was like more wine- based instead of like actual tequila. Did you do any sort of like his and hers cocktails? Yeah, we did. We did the Taze and then a Remy and a Lily that are our dogs. And we only had tequila. We only did tequila and wine.

Yeah, we only had Casamigos. Like they did our. Great. We only had Casamigos. They did our... Great. It was a great... We love the Casamigos family. They're friends of ours. They did... Other than the wine that we had,

which is from the venue that we did it, it was a Casamigos bar. They made three cocktails for us using Casamigos. It was fantastic yeah okay yeah but yeah it was very helpful so artfully balled out on the yeah but it's it's important to find where you it's important to identify the things that matter to you and you are just going to say it's gonna hurt but we're going to you know spend a little more on that because it means a lot to us and then it's important to identify some ways that you can scale back i would say

like non-negotiable you have to have photographer and videographer because our best friends didn't have a videographer and that changes the videos yeah what makes it yeah that's like those are the like especially watching all of our footage back, we're like. I mean, yeah, just recently getting engaged, I could say that that was a note that she gave that I wouldn't have done if she hasn't, but it's been nice to have.

This has been very helpful, guys. Thank you for the wedding planning. Thank you for your tips. All right, it's time for texting office hours how's it going hi um my name's sarah i'm 24 years old and my ex-boyfriend who i have not seen in two years sent me a dozen roses on our anniversary okay and you don't know it is that the roses in the background that I'm looking at nice yeah you don't did they come in a me sir did she put them in the vein I mean those things are expensive I didn't know how much they're nice roses the vase here's what I want to know here my first question is uh when you finally realize

what they were and who are they from what was that first feeling whatever it was fear excitement confusion uh like you know a little bit of validation what was it it was kind of fear maybe yeah i would say kind of fear fear and okay so what were you afraid of were you afraid of your feelings that it was making you feel or no it was it was more just like because i'd kind of we'd had a conversation about me expressing that like this was never going to happen again okay and then when i saw that after not speaking to him for, I guess, three months at that point, two months, three months, I was like, oh, oh my God. Like he's still still trying. And I don't know.

I felt kind of bad. Are you in a relation, a different relationship currently? Or are you single right now? I'm single right now. I've been dating but yeah okay okay but you're not like you're not the fear isn't from a place of like is he like stalking you or anything like that okay yeah it's just more just i want him to move on and be happy and like it's been two years i've been in another relationship since we broke

up mm-hmm and I just like this is kind of an indication that he's not and I don't and I don't know he's trying he's just trying really hard it wasn't just the flowers he must be there's other things he's doing well yeah actually in the summer he came with his family because he lives in Mexico. He came with his family to visit my city. Like it was with his whole family. So I believe that it was a vacation. But also, I think in part because he did live here for a year as well.

So he has other reasons to come here besides just me. But at the time, we weren't really talking. And I think he wanted to see me and talk to me about the whole situation because we actually broke out or broke up when like over a long distance like we never had a conversation in person so I think he kind of wanted to come and talk in person and then had hoped that I would see him while he was visiting but I was away and in another relationship and then also while he was here because he didn't see me he ended up buying me like a 400 bracelet and left it at my work for me with my best friend

give to me did you wear the bracelet i do wear the bracelet it's 400 i would wear it it's a nice bracelet yeah exactly um yeah it's kind of an awkward territory of like hey i didn't ask for it you gave it to me okay i'm gonna wear it but like i also don't owe you anything in a weird way and he did say that like when we talked about the bracelet and everything he did kind of say that at least was an apology you know why did you guys break up um many reasons well mostly because of long distance i would say um and for communication on his part um and covid so kind of a combination of those three things when kobe started i lived there for a few months.

And then I came back to, because I live in Canada, I came back to Canada. So I came back and that kind of effectively made things a little bit like, we didn't know how long it was going to go on for the restrictions and everything. So we were just kind of like, we never really had a conversation about breaking up because he's really bad at communication. And like, we just kind of filtered out our talking at that point. So other than the communication, obviously, well, that's not, not, not a great, not, it's not a great thing to not be good at in a relationship, but COVID and long distance in a, in a fantasy world, if all of a sudden you guys were, you know, 10 miles apart,

uh, and he was doing this, would you entertain it? Would you know 10 miles apart uh and he was doing this would you entertain it would you accept a date from him if he was local good question well that's the thing and like that's kind of the thing i said to him when we spoke back in november when i kind of told him like this isn't really going to happen anymore i was just like him as like who he is as a person like i know him very well we've been on and off i guess for like almost six years now and like i have a lot of love for him and and his values his character like all those things i really appreciate and i love about him but the communication is just such a big issue that it's something that regardless of where he lived he would need to work on that is that words of affirmation a love language of yours um not

necessarily even I mean I feel like I'm just all of them which is, but which I think is his love language. Clearly. Yeah. Yeah. From a communication standpoint, what? Clearly. He's crushing it on that front. What what specifically? Because, you know, it's I think for the people listening, we'd love to know, like, what what were those challenges? How did you try to address it and then how did you finally realize you know i'm not getting what i need in this relationship and whether he improves or changes or not i'm not willing to wait around for that um okay so this sounds kind of crazy but when we would get in fights long distance like not fights even if I was to express something that I was like not happy about over text message he would literally not reply to me for like two weeks like I would send a message being like

hey like I feel like we haven't been I don't know making enough time for each other or whatever um like I don't like the way that you've been doing this blah blah blah and then he would not say anything for like two three weeks and the first time it happened i was like completely devastated because i thought i was ghosted yeah and then people get pissed off for two or three hours yeah i was not expecting weeks to follow that yeah no it's pretty crazy but that's something I think he it's not just me like it's a thing in his life he's really bad at communicating it's something that he's acknowledged and like he never really worked on it while we were together to be honest and like I gave him a lot of opportunity to do so like I was like if if you need like I understand

that it's really difficult for you to communicate. So even if you can just give me some sort of indication that you need time to think- Or that you're alive. That you're alive, yeah. Then that's fine with me and take your time. I'm not a partner who needs to talk to you all the time and he got better but it was never great yeah um and yeah it was horrible yeah it happened probably like three or four times i want to say oh so it was sporadic um well it was just like whenever we had an issue that we had to talk about he would just disappear on you you would just disappear yeah

which sounds crazy that's like emotional torture yeah it was the first couple times it was and then i like realized and then he would send gifts afterwards i'm guessing no no he didn't actually that's the thing like he didn't it was just like i don't know there was always a reason and i there's always like what are these messages you sent in? Because there's a lot of... It's a long message. Yeah. Wait, are you looking at the ones, the WhatsApp? Yes.

Is that what I'm looking at? Yes. If I got sent a text message like this, instant anxiety. Is this from you or to him or the other way around? So first, we had been talking on and off for a few, I guess that was, that was early November.

So we'd been talking on and off for about three months. This was after I'd received the bracelet, which is why I kind of started talking to him again. Cause I was like, well, thanks for the bracelet. And how was your time while you were visiting? So like,

let's, let's see at the end of this money tree. Let's. Was that like coming from a place of curiosity or also kind of like, oh, it would be polite for me now that he's given me this nice gift to check in on him? Well, when he came to visit the city, I'm really close with his family as well. And his cousin is one of my really good friends and she was here too. And so I work at a restaurant. I had made a reservation for his whole family to come sit in like I work at a restaurant I had like made a reservation for

his whole family to come sit like in a nice section at the restaurant where I was working where I work there was never like a animosity between us after our breakup like it was just like I was with someone else I don't even know how he found out but I think his cousin told him um so I just didn't really talk to him at all but like when he was going to be in my city I was kind of like oh like have a good time like I don't I don't even remember so you were genuinely curious maybe is what you're saying yeah for sure like I don't know I cared about him we cared about each other he was a big part of my life I care about his cousin as well and his family so we were just talking already and then I didn't know about the bracelet until I got back from a trip and then I got and then I received it and I was like oh

I didn't know what to do and then I thanked him and then those messages came after about three months later we'd just been talking aimlessly because we enjoy talking to each other and there was really no direction and what was happening because we weren't back together we were both single we were just talking every day. But there was no like I consciously wasn't sending hearts. We never said I love you or anything like that. It was just really like talking about our days. And then all of a sudden

he sent me that first big text. And then we had a back and forth. It's a lot to read. Hey, I've been thinking a lot about this. You know I'm not the best at doing it english is not his first language either so that's you can kind of okay i'm really happy for you because you got your degree and you're working really hard to achieve your next one i think you always wanted to be a nurse so i'm sure you will do it uh great

also i i know it's gonna consume most part of your time and it's the way it's supposed to be but i'm feeling maybe you're not gonna have time to talk and that's the way i was feeling just the last week i just wanted to tell you because i really i'm i'm really confused i didn't know what to do what's he confused about so i think he's he was feeling confused about our talking like the fact that we were talking again okay constantly well because you randomly brought me a bracelet and sent me flowers and like well because i think he was like well that's the thing with the communication like instead of saying what he wanted you know he put it on you and acted like why am i so confused like how did this happen

yeah shut back up in my life uh because he says here later the bracelet was actually my way to apologize for everything i know you don't care about that kind of stuff but it was really the only option i had well no the other option you had was to communicate yeah sorry for disappearing on you for three weeks here's a bracelet yeah does it talk the bracelet does it like does it communicate does it let him know that he's like not like at the clubs because I'm sure it's your partner disappears on you for that period of time you're definitely like you're like are you well yeah are you alive well like i had an ex do that to me once really where before we broke up

and he literally didn't communicate with me and i had to like text his brother and be like uh is he like alive wellness check yeah yeah but yeah um so what do you want to do what's your goal i don't know okay because it's just you don't even know what you want to do i don't really know what i want to do because it's honestly it's more complicated than it seems like the communication i actually would argue the opposite i know i knew you're gonna we love to complicate our own shit but like you know at the end of the day what do you want well okay because i do despite everything and like there's a lot more background as to why he has the communication issues that he has and like

his cousin and i have talked about it as well because she's very aware of it as well and it's like something that is an issue in his life it's not just in his relationships yeah so i don't know why but i give him like a little bit of grace with that. I mean, we, that's part of love and caring about people, even if you're not in a relationship to, we all know, like we're, we're incomplete people. We're not perfect. And, you know, whether it's, you know, we, you need patience in a relationship, even in friendships. And then there's other cases where, you know, I think a lot of us have different types of trauma or different experiences that can cause us to be the way we are.

And oftentimes we get good at masking that trauma and we look like kind of capable people in the world, but in our interpersonal relationships or close relationships, sometimes those imperfections can come out and maybe his did come out in this like you know leaving you alone wondering but it's still like like it might be you know as we often talk it's it's it's an explanation it's not a justification like it helps you understand okay fine yes cousin told me this is why he does what he does. But you still can't be in a relationship

where that happens because, again, it's emotional torture. It's just having confusion in your own relationship sucks. So the question that you have to ask yourself is, do you think he is capable of doing the work? And are you willing to be patient enough to do the work? Because has he done any therapy at all between then and now? You mentioned he's a different country. Culturally, they might have different views on therapy,

and that might be a struggle. But if this is something where you can empathize with why he is the way he is, that's still not an excuse to like take him back. You can only do that if you have at least the confidence that he's willing to do the work. And even then, it's still a major risk on your part, which, hey, we love taking risks for the people we love but you have to be pragmatic and your decision but um yeah that that's what are your thoughts on what i just said like yeah no i agree with you 100 and like i think for me and that's something i said to him when we zoom called after those texts and as well as in the texts is that like i'm not willing to take him back the way he was and the way things were um and i definitely but even the way he's been the way he even

initiated that conversation with me to begin with like the one that you guys have is completely something i would never expect him to do like that is a level of communication that we did not have during our relationship so even him doing that and acknowledging his issues with that and expressing to me as however it was is like a big step for him I think yeah and shows to me that he is trying and like the fact that he's like apologized and tells me like he has regrets about everything because like that was never like he would apologize but it was never expressed like that so so that's a good start i think that's to me hearing that that's a justification for you to have hope rather than delusion because some people we can like dilute ourselves into having hope that we really shouldn't have you know it's like we want to give

the people we love a second and a third and a fourth chance but sometimes there's just like we've talked to enough people on the show to be like i don't really think they're not really giving you anything but like we can steal we can make excuses all day long for people so it sounds like he's giving you a reason to hope but my concern for you is like that's still not there's a certain amount of like like what he did was severe like that's not a like a an annoying thing yeah yeah you know like there's also some potential infidelities in the relationship as well potential or he um he's never owned up to anything but i your your body tells you yes and yeah i don't know if it's so complicated i could go on about it it's just it's the whole thing has been really complicated

it's not complicated well we knew each other for two days before he went back to mexico okay and our whole start of our relationship was over text message and then we started seeing each other every two months and then i lived there and then i didn't and i did and like the communication it's just you don't have the trust that you want to have yeah but like even the fact that he he was the one to initiate all these messages and everything and this whole thing is like showing me that he's yeah but is that not just the same thing as him sending gifts hope just because he like pops back in with a gesture or a gift or communication it can't like negate or erase the

fact that you've spent so much time confused and you don't know if there's been cheating and you don't know these things here's what i would do if i were you in this situation uh because you're it sounds like you're having a hard time being honest with yourself about how you really feel and you keep saying it's complicated it's confusing and you're kind of going back and forth i if i were you i would just say okay i'm just name it i'm literally considering taking him back or starting this up i am considering that because i don't even think you've acknowledged that to yourself but you clearly are you prominently displayed those roses in the background you're wearing the place that you're talking about like

that is you can you're considering it so just name that just acknowledge it stop pretending that you're not uh and just be honest with yourself and then step two would be what do i need in a relationship that i want to have and i'm guessing that's going to be like good communication uh i don't want to be confused and i want to have trust and i want to have honesty. And then write down the things that like you were missing in the relationship you had with him. And it sounds like trust and communication were on those things. And those are big and you have to figure out

how to get those. And again, like you can make excuses for him all day long about whatever trauma or whatever culture, like fine. You know, that's all. Those excuses are just you saying, cool, he's not a sociopath, you know, like he, you know, whatever mistakes he has or the things he says, like it comes, I can explain it.

There's some, maybe some pain there or whatever, but either way, it's not getting fixed unless he wants to fix it and he has to want to fix it and he has to want to do the work and you can't want to do it for him. You can say, Hey, listen, this is what I'm going to need from you. And this is where you're going to have what you're going to need to do. And then you have to stop and see if he's willing to do it because he does have to do it for himself. And then you can take the risk of saying, all right, well, I'll let you in a little slowly, but I think you just have to let them know quite honestly, what you were missing and what it's going to require for you to have trust. Because if you still don't know if there was infidelity, but your gut tells

you that there was, and whatever that infidelity was, you know that you're feeling it in your bones that you don't have it and until you can be 100 certain that uh he was telling the truth or he wasn't then you you can't build trust back up without knowing the truth you know because like if someone lies to you it's about you know it's a violation of that trust but like at least now you fucking know. And now you can work through and see if they recognize that they lied and just own up to it and try to figure out why they lied. What was the justification? What was going on in their body? And things like that. And I think those are things that might be helpful to help you work through this challenge that you're facing. You are very much like in love with his potential and who you believe he can be. And that's awesome. And it's exciting to believe

in someone, but he still has to show you he's worth believing in and he has to do the work. And so you can't do it for him. You can't be his coach. You're not his therapist. You can't guide him. You just have to let him know what was missing and what you need and see if he's receptive to that and see if he's actually willing to do the steps because he can't buy you bracelets and flowers to like get by and get through his shortcomings. I didn't want to add anything. Yeah, all I would say.

Really hit it on there. Yeah, you got a lot of good stuff. This isn't your first rodeo. All I would say is I just a part of me doesn't like the hold that he has on you where you say that, you know, you were fine before, you know, he reached back out before he sent the flowers. Like you weren't thinking about him in your everyday life and you were on that path to like moving on and he all it takes is he can pop in whenever he wants and it throws this you know hurricane back into the situation and you just have to decide like how long do i want to be patient for how how long do i want to to wait and have the patience to see if he can change because all i would say is like a relationship should

it should make you better he should make you a better person he shouldn't hold you back so you a better person he shouldn't hold you back so once you decide what you want he shouldn't be holding you back in any way like i'm sure nick can attest i'm i'm sure nat makes you a better person tay makes me a better person and you if you're not feeling that in the relationship i don't think you know you're in the right it's fun to have a project every now and then but like in a relationship it's not sustainable yeah you know and we've all had our projects in relationships but i think to taylor's point um you need to feel fulfilled and right now i think the it sounds like a big part of your relationship was again, potential. And then, you know, he certainly gave you something to do. He gave you something to

worry about, you know, it's, you certainly weren't bored because even when you were worried or wondering it was, that was stimulation. But yeah, the question is, is like like you know that that god that just just drives you nuts over time and you know you're there's something in your gut that tells you it's not the right fit and there's just something in your kind of curiosity or your heart that just wants to they give him a chance i don't think there's a wrong answer i just think you need to do a better job of just being honest with yourself of what that is and just write it down if you need to stop saying it's confusing because that's just kind of a romantic like that's you romanticizing it's like oh well no one understands how how complicated it is because like our love is so like you know complicated complicated and

like out of this world or whatever but i don't know if i could be with him but it's just like nah it's just like you have to you you want better communication communicate to him what you would need you know and that's not him giving him hope that's just you because this this game you guys are playing it's just something to do but it's not getting you every conversation you have and that's where you know you have good communication, it should, whatever, if you have a conversation, there's a question, there's a goal. Like, what are we even talking about?

What are we fighting about? What are we discussing? And hopefully every conversation you have gets you closer to an answer, you know? Like, if you're talking for an hour, and it's like, so what did we decide? You know, like, and I've been in relationships like that. Like, we all have, where it's like, like, and I've been in relationships like that. We all have,

where it's like, oh, we just talk to talk. And, you know, and then in between those conversations, we say nice things like, I really care about you and you're the greatest and blah, blah, blah.

And like, but like, did it get us anywhere? You know? So when you talk to him, challenge yourself to say the things that you're feeling and communicate what you want from him, challenge yourself to say the things that you're feeling and communicate what you want from him and see how he responds.

Because I'm guessing you have developed a pattern with him of not being totally honest with him about what you want because you know he's a bad communicator and you hate the feeling of communicating your needs with him and then getting stonewalled by him by him just not answering you and then that's a shitty feeling like stonewalled and disappointed too because it's also like it sounds like you're like naturally kind of like taylor was saying like someone who wants to elevate your partner and like make sure you're helping them become the best version of yourself and it seems like that's something that you naturally give freely and i think sometimes like an experience i've had is like realizing that I stopped giving it freely at some point and then realizing I was actually making them rack up a debt.

And then there's this like feeling of like resentment if they don't ever pay it off. Yeah. And so it's like you don't want to put yourself in a situation where this thing that you were like so inherently good at doing. And he literally tried to pay you off. Yeah. He's like, this he's like this is a I'm sorry literally he was like

here's a bracelet and you're like okay yeah I was just like you're like what's up would have been like a little bit better like I love you or everything's fine or like this is how i'm feeling

you know you would have loved to hear that yeah and yeah i think you're really good at making excuses for them too yeah it's because you care about them that's okay but you got you got to be honest with them you got to be honest yourself first. You got to be honest with yourself first about what you want. And don't get caught up in this little, like, you've created this little side romance. And it's fun. It's, you know, getting back with an ex. And just be careful you don't get sucked into, like, you're creating a situationship with an ex type of thing. Because this is taking your emotional energy

yeah and it might be fun for now but it might reach to a point where it just becomes a little toxic uh and then you might cross a line that you don't even realize you're crossing that like then you have to get over him again yeah yeah so do i text him i said definitely text him something well i said thank you for the flowers great okay okay now i think you should communicate what first i think you should take some time and think about what you want yeah that's the first step then, because I haven't responded to his response, really. Write down a response and then read it back and then ask yourself, am I actually saying what I want? Yeah. And there's no rush for you to respond.

You don't compare apples to apples, but he definitely left you on read for a long time. But you guys aren't together, so you don't even owe him a response, technically. So you take as long as you need. on how long you are okay going along with it before you get 100% clarity. And if you don't get that by whatever time you set that clock to, you need to be willing to move on and do what's best for you. Yeah. Okay.

That sounds good. All right. Keep us updated. Keep us posted.'s okay to acknowledge that you are curious don't stop pretending that you're like you saying that you're open to us doesn't it's just just get it out there be honest with yourself because otherwise this is so fucking confusing. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. Thanks guys.

All right. Take care. Nice to meet you. Bye. Bye. Tay Taylor, this has been a ton of fun. Before I let you go, any final thoughts? You know, you got your show, all the podcasts out there.

Why should people listen to yours? Because they should. No. All right. We sold it. And that's it. See you guys. No, I think it's really special.

I think it's really cool that we, our husband and wife, doing something together, talking about a topic that is very hip and in. But a big thing, I believe, is a lot of culture right now is like, woo, mental health but like what what are we doing like what's next like what's the next step you take what how are you talking through it with someone kind of what we were just talking about with her is like if you don't put the we can you know talk about mental health and how each one of us you know is struggling with you know in a different way but if you don't have the sources the tools and the the steps to take forward um then what are we doing like we have to so uh yeah

we're just gonna have a lot of open conversation about our different you know us navigating that as individuals as a couple and have a lot of super fun you know guests uh either you know celebrity guests expert guests we're super excited to talk to some doctors therapists wise people to get because obviously like i love hearing people's stories and you can learn something from every story but i also love learning so i feel like even just listening to a therapist talk give like some of their favorite tools tools or a doctor's like how your brain works or something like that. There's just a lot that can be taken away from that.

So we're, we're just really pumped and excited to just be vulnerable and share and just help people. Honestly, like that's, that's the whole reason, like obviously the whole reason I went into nursing, but that's the whole reason i kind of started lemons by tay my non-profit and now the podcast is just like it's just exciting to see all these little things come

together but how do you guys help each other be successful because i i talk a lot about the things i do in my relationship you know i uh I can be either really quiet and aloof or when I get a thought in my head, I'll just, I won't shut the fuck up. And sometimes I can wait to speak rather than listen. And so Natalie at times when we're at dinner under the table will like just kind of grab my leg a little bit, you know?

And I know that like she's not criticizing me or making me feel bad, but it's just like, okay, shut the fuck up. you know, things like that. Or it's just maybe communicating our needs. How do you guys help each other with any like bad habits and things that you guys saw in each other where it's just like, you know, it's a bad habit? Because it's one thing, you know, in relationships,

you know, we like to like, you know, I do this sometimes, and we love to hear from our partners, no, it's not a big deal, it's fine. But like, you know, we like to like, you know, I do this sometimes and we love to hear from our partners. No, it's not a big deal. It's fine. But like, you know, you're really in love and you feel close

with someone where you're like, hey, there's this thing I do and they're like, yeah, no, I've noticed.

Yeah. Yeah. Let's work through it. Yeah. How, is there anything that you guys do with each other

that you're kind of helping support the other person through a bad habit or a weakness or insecurity or something like that. Yeah.

I think what's been like the biggest game changer is that when one of us bring something up to the other, we know it's not from a judgmental place. And obviously that took time for us to get there. That takes time for couples to get there. But I know when Taylor's like, Hey, like you,

you did this wrong or I think you should do that. Not even you did this wrong, but maybe you should try doing it like this. Cause this can come i think you should do that not even you did this wrong but maybe you should try doing it like this because this can come across as that i'm like oh okay i don't like he doesn't put it in a way i know he's not trying to like judge me or make me feel bad he's genuinely just trying to like help me i think the key is before you can do that you have to build the love and like more importantly the respect yeah because if you don't know that the other person respects you wholeheartedly then you're just going to be

defensive when your partner brings up those things but if you know the respect is there that's something you have to build first then that's what allows you both to be able to like hey i love you but you know you know you do this is there a is there a thing one of you guys do that you're willing to share i would maybe think sometimes you like get in a mood and i'm like i'll just like look at you and i'm like please stop yeah eat this yeah yeah and she's also she's also good at just like calming me like if i'm if i'm anxious like she knows she can tell she knows me better than anyone so sometimes it is as simple as just putting like her hand on my leg and just being like letting me know she knows and sometimes that's all you need yeah just like you know if you're feeling anxious, you're upset, you're worked up, whatever.

Sometimes it is as simple as her just like going like this. And that's her saying, I know you're going through it right now. There's a loneliness with anxiety. Yeah. You know, you kind of feel. So just to know that she's in it with me and like she's got my back, like it automatically takes me from here to here. That's great. Yeah. It's a good feeling

awesome well guys can't thank you enough for coming on and uh sharing a little bit about your relationship congratulations on your new show please let everyone know where they can listen to it yeah you can listen to it everywhere we have it on youtube it's called the name the squeeze the squeeze the squeeze we got an instagram we got youtube YouTube, Apple, Spotify, wherever you... Where can they follow you on Instagram for the squeeze? At the squeeze. At the squeeze. How'd you guys get the squeeze? You know, may know somebody.

Possibly, okay. I'm a movie star. It's been a real pleasure to have you guys. Thank you for having us. Congratulations on your relationship and your show and all the happiness to you guys. It's been a lot of fun. Thank you. Congrats to you and Natalie as well and your show and all the happiness to you guys. It's been a lot of fun. Thank you.

Congrats to you and Natalie as well. We appreciate it. Thanks for listening, guys. Don't forget to send in those questions at asknickatthevilefiles.com. Also tonight, don't forget, we have another episode of Better Date Than Never, our live show on AMP, A-M-P,

all about dating and the do's and don'ts and people's wild stories. We always get into it. It's a ton of fun. Again, it's live. It's interactive. We would like to bring you guys up and chat with us and debate dating, various dating topics.

I think tonight we'll talk a lot about double standards when it comes to dating. We're drinking spicy margs and talking double standards. What double standards are still appropriate? What are outdated? And then we they want to debate that a little bit. It's a lot of fun. So be sure to check that out.

If you haven't, download the AMP app already. It's free. If you have an iPhone, Allie, where can you do it? If you have an Android? You can go to onamp.com if you want to listen.

You won't be able to participate, but if you want to listen and you want to log on via a laptop instead of an Apple iPhone, that's where you can find us. We'll see you tonight, 9 p.m. Eastern,

6 p.m. Pacific. Bye.