The Viall Files - E549 Going Deeper with Lala Kent - F*ckboy Eras, Motherhood, and Burning Bridges

Episode Date: March 2, 2023

Welcome back to The Viall Files: Going Deeper Edition! Today we are joined by Vanderpump Rules’ Lala Kent to talk about all things Season 10, drama with castmates, and her ongoing relationship with Randall. Where does she stand in her custody battle, what advice does she have for other women, and which castmates have been the most helpful or harmful? We get all of the answers. We then have a Texting Office Hours caller who found out that the guy she slept with actually has a girlfriend and a child, and isn’t sure if or how to reach out and let her know.  “There are going to be times when your voice is all you have. Don’t let them take it from you.” If you are interested in running a book club in your city, send an email to: [e-mail]  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes. Join us for our new LIVE show on Thursdays at 9PM ET/6PM PT on Amp, available in the Apple app store. Android User? Listen here: https://www.onamp.com/ To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com If you would like to get some texting advice on Office Hours send an email to [e-mail] with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! To advertise on the show, contact [e-mail] or visit https://www.advertisecast.com/TheViallFiles THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: IQBar: Get twenty percent off all IQBar products, plus get FREE shipping. Text FILES to 64000. Drizly: Drizly is the most convenient way to buy beer, wine and spirits, with delivery to your doorstep in under 60 minutes. Download the Drizly app or go to https://www.Drizly.com Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @lalakent @alison.vandam @liffordthebigreddog 

what's going on everybody welcome back to another episode of the vile files going deeper edition i'm your host nick joined by have you guys come up with like your, I mean, you know, Allie's over it, but like what's your guys' group name? Derek, Allie, and Amanda. What are you guys? The crew, like the Avengers, you know? It's like, I don't know.

It's like Nick and the, like if we were a band name. I think it's going to emerge the next time Alec, Derek, Allie, Alec, Alec, Derek and I. Get drunk. Yeah. Or, you know, just get loose in some capacity. When is that happening? Alec Derrick Alec Alec Alec Derrick and I get drunk yeah or you know just get loose in some capacity

when is that happening when are we going to Islands guys guys I have been wanting to go to Islands I know since we moved here is that the place

across the street yes what is Islands again it's my family's not my family's restaurant but a restaurant my family and I would go to

because there's one in my hometown okay it's like you know it's like surfing but but there's burgers. Like it reminds me, it gives me the same aura as Chili's. I was going to ask you Chili's.

Yeah. And I truly believe nothing bad can happen to you while inside of a Chili's. And I'd like to assume the same about islands. You get stomach problems. Well, I have thrown up Taco Bell and still went back. So I feel like every town needs its one ideally chain restaurant that is like sit down but not fancy where you can go and leave your problems at the door. And it's like, yeah, to go and get a tropical drink in the middle of winter. You're on island time.

Exactly. I mean, we can have lunch there tomorrow, maybe. Really? Yeah. Can I get a drink? I'm doing Pilates with Natalie, by the way way at 11 and we can do after. Are you doing Reformer? I don't know. She asked me to go and I said, sure.

Fun. Anyway, we have a great show. Lala Ken is with us. Boy, she's wonderful. Opened up. Talked a lot about the show, drama, her experience. I found it to be inspirational. I hope you do too. Before we get to Lala, don't forget,

Better Date Than Never is tonight. We're talking kinks, we're going to get weird, we're going to be intoxicated reading people's comments. It is one of the few places I have seen strangers be very, very honest and open

about the kind of stuff that usually we keep close to the belt. Yeah. So if you are just looking for a wild and wacky time, come and join us live 9 p.m. Eastern on Better Date Than Never.

You just download the AMP app. The show details will be in our show details. So if you're interested in joining, check it out. I'll be posting it on our social tonight as well. Kathy Kelly will be with us this week to help us break down The Bachelor. We'll see if Zach can avoid being an ass for three weeks in a row. I wouldn't say he was an ass actually at all. I think that's the wrong word to use. Go home. I think you're stupid. I think you're stupid.

If you thought I was an ass that would have been nice to know. Yeah. If I didn't know that until now. You want time with me? Fuck you. Who are you? Anyway. Yeah. We thought Zach had a chance to be a likable bachelor.

Maybe he can recover. Yeah. Maybe he can recover. We all make mistakes. We love a comeback. I haven't had a chance to interview Zach yet, but I'm more interested in interviewing him now. Do you think he would come on now?

I don't know. Clayton. I'll say this about Clayton. Clayton always was willing to take his punches and be accountable for his choices. And we all can make mistakes, and I'll always respect Clayton for being that type of guy. If he, if Zach doesn't want to come on, if we let

him on, then I will think less of him. I will. What? I just don't know if he'd want to be in, like, the same room as the man who's like. I've been made fun of and criticized so many times and done. I just I don't like to me. It was always an opportunity to be like, yeah, you know, I'm a human being. I make mistakes.

I fucked up. Let me talk about things I'm not proud of. Let me talk about things I would have done differently, yada, yada, yada. But like, let me give you an opportunity to show me who I am and not judge me for an edited TV show. I mean, I was, I was never afraid of that, you know? And so I don't, I don't know what type of guy Zach is. Zach should be watching this back and just as upset with himself as we are with him. He should be just as like frustrated with how he treated Jess and how he treated Greer as everyone else is.

You know, because we do make mistakes. And so we'll just see what type of guy Zach is. Absolutely. We also have Georgia Hazarate from... Did I say that right?

Kind of. Kind of. Sure. I thought it was like Maserati. I don't know. He just did it in a very spicy way. From Perfect Match.

Yeah, you got very breathy with that. We'll probably get into some more Perfect Match all the rest of the episodes that dropped are with that. We'll probably get into some more Perfect Match. All the rest of the episodes that dropped are all out. We'll talk to her about all the drama, get some of her opinions on other things going down. It's been a really heavy reality TV. I mean, we love it.

You know, we love the TV. Yeah. Anyway, by the way, don't forget, ViFi Plus is around the corner dropping next Friday, March 10th, for all the bonus content you guys have all been asking for we only i mean we do you know what three four three shows a week usually and you guys are still asking for more and this is the place you guys can get more whether it's episodes of better date than never that you don't have the ability to listen to live because you're busy

maybe you live in canada or across the world i don't know maybe you have an android phone also more updates uh in addition to the one a month that we do in the vile files we you're going to be getting far more updates of the people's stories so any ask nick listener you're going to want to be on vile files plus plus we're going to be recapping some of your favorite tv shows and movies other reality tv shows that we don't have time to talk to plus we're going to do weekly roundups of all your favorite pop culture topics and much much more we're open to suggestions but look it. And it's super easy to sign up. We'll get to more and more details as we get closer. But you can listen to the Vow Files and Vow Files Plus on the same feed. So if you listen to an Apple iTunes or Spotify or whatever, it's the same place. Super easy and convenient.

All right. What's going on in the world? Okay. So Chris Rock is doing a standup special and it's going to be live on Netflix. Live? Yes. It's going to be like live streamed. It will also be available after the fact. And when you tune in, like let's say you tune in like 10 minutes late, you can rewind to the beginning, but there will be exclusive pre and post show broadcast

from the Comedy Store. Man, that's bold. Good for him. That's brave. And this is his first special since 2018 when he did Tambourine. And so it's called Selective Outrage. And so I wanted everyone's take on the slap. Will it be addressed? Should it be addressed?

How should it be addressed? This is his moment. Like, that's why he's. Yeah, there's no way it's not addressed. But how do we think he's going to address it? Do you think he's going to come out swinging? No pun intended. Yeah.

Yeah. In his own way. Yes. Yeah. swinging no pun intended yeah i yeah in his own way yes yeah i think i think he'll come out swinging and then he'll he'll probably he'll show grace at the end but the punch will be see i feel like he'll start with like a little appetizer warm-up and then he might just kind of start throwing it in and he'll be like oh well that slapped or like something like he'll slowly like and then it'll be like the meat of it and then he'll end up but then he'll move on i don't think it'll consume the whole thing i also feel like he does he do it in the beginning or the end keeps people interested maybe the beginning but

if it's live and he wants people to keep watching maybe i don't know and all very interesting stuff but i'm excited it's been uh basically a year now since it's happened. Time flies. Yeah. Time flies when you're having fun. Another topic I wanted to cover that I just think is like wholesome and uplifting is Dave Grohl from Foo Fighters. Love Foo Fighters. So in LA, for those of you who are not with us, we've been having some absolute monsoons. Lots of rain, lots of bad weather. We have a really large unhoused population for whom this presents an even larger issue. A lot of times when we do experience bad weather like this,

homeless shelters or other resources for unhoused folks are absolutely overridden. And Dave took it upon himself to pitch in, do what he could. And he spent 16 hours barbecuing with his. He brought his own giant smoker and barbecued for a bunch of folks at Hope Mission in L.A. Good for him. And I was going to if you were going to feed a ton of people in crisis, less about the logistics, more about like people who need comforting. What meal would you make them? Meatballs. Come on. Come on.

And they would be enjoyed damn it they would be appreciated the first thing that came to mind was a paloma so that's probably not a meal um probably like tacos or something mexican yeah that's easy to make tacos and chips yeah yeah i try to make my dad's chili and i would fuck it up, but I would try it. Damn it. There we go. Well, speaking of food, I don't know if you guys saw this tweet, but it's a photo of a man on an airplane and he has brought for the listeners. He's brought an enormous rack of ribs.

There are French fries. This is him on a damn plane. Is this his picture? No chance is the guy next to me eating a full rack of ribs plus sides of this giant. It looks like he's in the middle seat and the person in the window took the photo. So I agree. And I'm curious for you guys, what is the line of like the food you are politely able to consume on an airplane? I even felt bad one time bringing on, I was like leaving Northwestern after finals and was running super late and I grabbed like chicken nuggets from McDonald's and I felt like those smelled too much yes no any type of fast food is disgusting I mean listen I've done it but actively rude to other people I've done it before and then I experienced

someone else doing it and I never want to do it again to what are you supposed to eat on a plane cereal it's reliable yeah you get those little travel cereal things, and it comes in like a cup, and you get like a milk, and you pour it in there. It's not bothering anyone. It doesn't smell. Like, who doesn't like cereal?

That's not a meal. Like, what if I'm hungry? You grew up eating cereal for breakfast. You're flying. You just have to give that up for the consideration of others. If it's a hot, stinky bag of fast food, again, I've done it. But I've had it been done to me.

And there is nothing worse than being surrounded and pushed around by people. And then this person next to you opens up this bag of greasy, fried... At least that's a one-step process. You're talking about like opening adding liquid having silverware that's a little bit of work on your end for sure but it's not affecting anyone that's some loud chewing that's true give me loud chewing over this fucking bucket of trash this is an extreme example here's my hot take on the matter. I think you are only allowed to assault one of the five senses. So if you're going to bring a really fucking stinky meal, it better not touch anyone.

It better be really clean and it better be easy to eat. You should smell good and you should look good too. And you should. And yeah, exactly. Like because eating ribs, it's like that's intimate. Watching someone like go to town on meat on the bone. Yeah. And also there's nothing worse than seeing someone like come down the plane, you know,

aisle, you know, they're going to sit next to you. And like they decided to just like not give a shit about their hygiene today because they were traveling. You can tell these people. These people. You know who they are. And you're just like, you're just like, you're a disgusting person and you're sitting next to me and like our bodies are going to touch and you're just like you're a disgusting person and you're sitting next to me and like our bodies are gonna touch and you're gross i i extend i think a lot of empathy to travelers i will okay well not

not based on behavior i really don't like it when people behave badly because it's like nobody wants to be fucking herded like cattle into this like tiny little box in the sky where we're then gonna have to like where there's one bathroom for every like 100 people here so like don't be a dick but also like i love it when people show up like looking like busted at the airport as someone who shows up looking busted at the airport but like no do you guys have i need to know you showered today i need to know you showered but no because i gotta shower off the plane i gotta shower off you guys have standard traveling clothes you wear the same stuff every time oh yeah what are yours what's your go-to standard well last year when i felt like i was flying somewhere new literally every single weekend it was like a routine you were jet setting yeah i was what were your go-to clothes for colder weather it was black leggings

a black vile files tank top with a black sweatshirt that says strong women strong world and sneakers in hotter weather it was a black romper with high white socks platform sneakers and a white like men's button down that i had the sleeves rolled up on except for then i like showed up to lax like two days in a row and i was like oh god do you wear a bra to the airport yes okay okay planes are the only thing flying when amanda's traveling i showed the airport we're gonna have a plan today let them loose i show up dirty with my nipples out like i just mean like i don't i'm sorry if it's a long travel day especially when i was flying from boston to australia like that's a 24 hour travel day I can have underwire on it's less comfortable for me to just be like

but don't smell I don't smell at the airport I agree that smell is like a big can we also just like stop sitting up immediately when the plane lands yes thank you sit the fuck down where are you going to go

what you're going to cut one person and they like stand in the aisle and then you can't stand and they bend over like this yeah you're just like they give you vicarious neck pain just looking at them yeah just sit the fuck down you got five more minutes your phone just started working again yeah i can text people yeah check those emails yeah oh hold on to your kilts. Dearies Peacock. Original. The traders is back with a new season of strategy, betrayal, sabotage, and murder.

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What do you mean? Just keep it simple. I'm making the promo. Just keep it simple. Just say, hey, we're the Brav Bros. Two guys that talk about Bravo. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we're the Brav Bros. No.

Oh. Dude, stop with the voice. Just keep it simple. I've seen promos on TV, dude. This is how you get the fans engaged. This is how you get listeners. We're trying to get listeners here. If we just say, oh, we're two dudes that talk about Bravo, people are going to get tired

of it already. We need some oomph. All right, then fine. Let's try to do it with your voice. Bravo, bros. Good job. Anyways, what else? Hey, didn't SK say something? Yep, he said a whole bunch of nothing.

SK said some shit. Some antics. Yeah, it was basically the whole, like, well, you didn't say that, like, we were in a committed relationship. You know, and it's just like the kind of thing where I took her to Cabo because I wasn't sure we were in a committed relationship. You know, and it's just like the kind of thing I took her to Cabo because I wasn't sure we were in a committed relationship.

Even though I had just gone and stayed with your mom. You knew how she felt about you. That's all that matters. Right. I don't know who interviewed SK, but they didn't ask the right questions. Or he just dodged it. Maybe. How did you think Raven would have perceived your actions when you were doing them?

The Cabo trip happened around May at a time when I really felt Raven and I, we had not exclusively made that completely committed relationship to be in a marriage bound, serious relationship. He decided for her how she should feel rather than consider how she felt. how she should feel rather than consider how she felt. Also, technicalities don't do jack shit for hurt and betrayal. Just because you have some fine print that you think exempts you from this, your actions had some really fucking serious consequences. Was there any comment about, regardless of what I felt, I hurt a person I claim to care about, and for that, I'm sorry? I'm not here to really pick and choose what,

or go back and forth about who did what we all make mistakes that's something i deeply want to apologize for and take accountability for if i saw this man in a dark alleyway only one of us wants to apologize for the fact that the world makes mistakes and they came alone he will help you beat his ass so it sounded like he's apologizing for the world that we all make mistakes yeah yeah he's like i'm sorry that we all make mistakes and that's something i'm sorry for yeah i'm sorry that i'm a person unfortunately i'm not jesus christ even jesus yeah yeah me and jesus and i'm sorry that jesus and i make mistakes. What are you going to do? Oops. All right.

What else? Okay. So have you seen, there's a big like kind of like TikTok reels trend where people are showing their room before and after, like before they've cleaned it and after they've cleaned it. And I got to say, I'm here for this level of like realness on the internet. It is so cool and humanizing to see like a while ago there was uh

julia fox's house tour where it was like oh she lives in like a normal ass apartment and she has like her kids toys and shit in places you know because it's like that's what it means to be a real love human being and so drew barrymore who first of all before i show this video just initial reactions to drew barrymore thoughts pre-existing opinions feelings love love best movie yeah she seems like a sweetheart yeah she have you seen that video of her crying when she finds out there's a window huh i have never related to a person more so it's this video of her i can actually recreate it perfectly because i've never read like felt more like oh my god i would do the same thing so basically she's doing like a renovation. And there's like, I think it's a brick wall.

And she's like, I just I feel like there's a window. Like, I don't she's like, she's like, I think there's a window there. I think there's a window there. They are going through the demolition. They knock back the walls. They find a window. And she was like, I knew there was a window. She gets so she cries.

She becomes so emotional. She was like, I knew it was there. I knew there was a window. She gets so, she cries. She becomes so emotional. She was like, I knew it was there. I knew there was a window. So was the emotion from her like just, like that her instincts were correct? And I think like- That's the reason you would cry happy tears. I think it's just about like-

That I could be right? That behind this- That you were right. You think I'm a horrible person. No, I think it's hard to trust your gut i think if you're someone who has scars uh from betrayals and lies and i think drew beriber has been this incredibly vulnerable person in the public spotlight and and i think when you are hurt by people you love you can doubt yourself and if nothing else i wonder if that was

her instinct is that that she had an instinct about something. It turned out to be true. And I think if you have been hurt by the people you love, sometimes it's very easy to doubt yourself. We'll get into that this episode with Lala. And I wonder if that's where the tears came from. Drew, if you're out there and you hear this, let me know if I got it right.

And it's also like how there can be like this like portal to beauty and light and the natural world and like unexpected dingy like very closed off claustrophobic places so these are some of the stills from her house tour video before the before of before she's cleaned and like we see we see some clutter we see some realness she's a messy person i'm a messy person identify as messy not dirty there's a difference yeah at what point does messy become dirty standing water in the sink yeah you know scent yeah i think if something smells that's messy oh sorry dirty like who did you text yeah like all right that sounds like a really long email.

No, something when it's like. Yeah, smell. Yeah. That's a great. If it's biodegradable. Yep. Food. Food is always dirty. If insects and animals will be attracted to it.

Totally. A few people did reach out to support my crumbs statement. My like, like the flex in the bed. A few brave souls validated that. I'm glad you are finding your people. That was a community in this day and age is so important. Listen, there's no one's alone in this world. And I think TikTok also has illuminated that because I've seen so many videos that I relate

to. And then you go to the comments and it's like, OK, so none of us had a unique experience. Yes. OK, wait. The one that got me the most of that, and I would love to hear everyone else's after, was there was a video of this. It was like POV. You're breaking up with me, but I'm picking a scab on my scalp.

And I have one scab on my scalp that I find every... I mean, I'm definitely a scab picker. I love a scab. But there is like a specific... The tone that you switch to. And I have one scab on my scalp. I love a scab. But there is like a specific... The tone that you switch to. And I have one scab on my scalp. I know, I do. And I didn't even know what it was until I saw that video.

I was like, there's this thing that I find. And at first I would panic and be like, do I have lice? And I don't have lice. But I realized it was a scab. And I i was like no fucking way that somebody else also has scabs on their scalp that they pick what were your internet revelation videos of like no way am i not you're not alone yeah it's hard for me to answer that question just because being on the bachelor you you know what i'm saying you don't feel like you have many secrets in that department i don't know another example of one was like when it was like someone like kind of

like shaking the gas nozzle to get all the gas out of the thing. Yeah. After you finish paying, I was like, I do that. What do you do, Ali? Or like the one that was like POV, you're 11 and your parents have just left for dinner. And it's like you with the laptop, like playing karaoke songs on YouTube and like singing into the abyss. And I was like, me. I don't know. I hate that I can't answer this question. You felt related to the Turkey Club TikTok I sent you the other day. I did. Oh, yeah.

The Turkey Club sandwich. You felt seen. I felt seen. Yep. That was your Drew Barrymore window moment. Yeah. That people who eat turkey sandwiches are like reliable. They're the salt of the earth people who through thick and thin will have your back.

On the other side of things, what do we think is the biggest red flag sandwich? And there's an easy answer and it's not right. I think a lot of people might say tuna. And I just want to say

it's not tuna. No, you're brave. It might be stinky. No, you're brave. But I feel like a lot of I feel like a lot of like quiet, lovely nerds that I know eat tuna.

I had a tuna sandwich last night. I think if you eat a sandwich, you're just a solid person in general. In this day and age. I don't like sandwich people. I just feel like people don't talk about sandwiches very much anymore. It just feels like it's not as present in culture. No. Not in my life.

I think it's a timeless classic. Not mine. I could survive off of sandwiches. More big sandwich people. Yeah. You guys are's a timeless classic. Not mine. I could survive off of sandwiches. More big sandwich people. Yeah. You guys are really, yeah. So is Derek. What a good sandwich.

But I'm like a bowl. I'm like most sandwiches could be a salad. You do like a bowl. I love a bowl. I'm not a bowl guy. I'm like, I can change him. No. As you say that.

No one can change me. Haven't you guys figured that out? And you know what? You can't really change anyone. A big theme of the interview. haven't you guys figured that out and you know you can't really change anyone a big theme of the interview y'all i am here to spread the good word about a product i feel so genuinely passionate about truly amped game respects game like you know i appreciate things where i'm like this was intentionally designed you thought through all of the considerations that i have in my own brain

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That's D-R-I-Z-L-Y dot com. Drizzly dot com. Should we get to Lala? Let's get to Lala. All right, don't forget, better days than never, tonight at 9 p.m. Eastern. Check it out. Lala Kent.

Let's go. Lala, welcome. Thanks for having me. How are you? I feel fantastic. How's your heart? My heart is pure. Heart is pure?

Yeah. Oh, wow. How is that? I've been really looking forward to talking with you. Really? Yeah. I was watching Vanderpump. I don't know much about you, so I've been kind of doing some deep dives.

And I really like you, like as a human being. I appreciate that, especially because you've been deep diving. And I assume that means like media or the show or things that have been written and you still mess with me. I like that. written and you still mess with me. I like that. I like people who, at least I feel like, really value loyalty and friendships and, you know, truly are kind of ride or die people. And people I don't necessarily want to get on their bad side. I like, I really enjoy them. That makes me so happy that you're a little bit scared of me.

I'm not necessarily scared of you. You said you don't want to be on my bad side. So why? That's fair. But I just, I think you really, I got the impression that you spend a lot of time in your head thinking about what friendship means to you. That's so crazy that you're bringing that up because I think about that all the time. And for me, when I'm thinking about friendship, just relationships in general, I like to think about how if the roles are reversed and I know I say crazy things, I know I do crazy things. And when people forgive me, I appreciate that and we can move forward and kind of get to common ground again. So I try to do that in my friendships. And I don't go into friendships with blind loyalty. Just because we're friends, I'm not going to co-sign on everything you do all the time. And I hope that my friends don't do that for me. I couldn't agree more.

True or false. I think most people think they are loyal, but most people are not. I agree with that. When I first moved to LA, I feel like I was kind of in this zone of, you know, I was with a lot of people who I grew up with and I was like, people talk about this city as like, you know, it's a dog eat dog world and like, no one's going to be loyal. No one is going to have your back. It's all about what can I get from you? And I didn't see it that way until probably the past year and a half where I'm like, wow, people really just want something from you. And once you can't offer them anything, they're out the door. Yeah. Yeah. People, I find like in, like when people think of friendships, I think a lot of people. Well, I don't think I don't think most people think about what actually friendship means to them. Like, how would they act in various situations, especially when it's just like, I don't want this to affect my brand. I don't want this to affect how I'm perceived. People are quick to dismiss you. Yeah. And it is different out here because most people are in the entertainment world and it gets friendships get difficult, especially in the environment that

I'm in, because this isn't a competition reality show. These people that I'm on TV with who were supposed to make a show that's very entertaining. These people are actually my friends as well. And so when things happen and you want to either hold them accountable or you have to take criticism, it gets difficult because there's things where you don't talk about it on camera. And there's repercussions behind the scenes if you don't talk about it on camera. So it's like a sticky place to be in i assume you well i don't do you feel that way as far as what well you've done reality tv it's strange where everything is kind of a free-for-all even therapy sessions are being filmed and i'm like i understand actual therapy oh yeah there's been many people on my show who have done therapy sessions you know and they talk about the dynamics in the friend group

yes i enjoy therapy and i go but like i don't allow a friend to come in the room so why would i allow a camera crew to come in the room like there aren't real therapy then at that point right but as an audience member you do feel like oh they're really they're really upset at katie or they're really affected by jacks taylor and it's like it's like performative therapy at that point exactly yes but you're sitting there watching and at the same time you're seeing what your friends say about you yeah and then you're off camera and you're like, well, I still want to have fun with you, but it's just a strange dynamic. The friend space that I have in LA

were also on TV. Yeah, I know. It's bizarre. Where are you and Tom now with your friendship? Which one? Schwartz. Schwartz, yeah.

I've been dragging him pretty hard lately. I got to stop doing that. Certainly like the weakness. i really enjoyed that comment or you like what did you say to him like he smells weakness or are you i said i don't associate with weakness i i feel like when i was watching it i was like i have very similar qualities to lala but don't you think that goes back to you want to be around a friend group who elevates you? Yeah, but that comment and I kind of loved it, but it reminded me of me when I get when I if someone hurts me, right?

It takes a lot for for me to I'm a pretty even keel guy. You seem that way. I'm not a reactive person, but I'm human. person but I'm human and if you if you hurt me I have an uncanny ability I don't like to respond with like fuck you or or just like if I'm gonna cut you I'm gonna cut deep right I'm gonna know what you're insecure about and I'm gonna like I'm gonna hit you hard there and I feel like you have that ability um to sense people's weakness. Yes. And hit them where it hurts.

And I think when you said that to Tom, I think you sense that that is something that he feels inside. And you said it to him because you knew it would cut him. You know, that's a really interesting perspective because I don't know. That was just my observation on him. I don't know if he's insecure about being a weak person. I don't even think he is. But you observe that. You know what I'm saying?

I observe that your actions are that of a weak person. You know, it takes a strong person to sit down in a relationship and say, these things aren't working. What do we have to do to fix it what can i do to contribute to like elevating this relationship i think it takes a strong person to say you know what like this person isn't great i'm not gonna kick it with them he just gives me that vibe of like if we were in the jungle he would be the gazelle and i would be the lion yeah nothing pisses me off more um when people or friends say things like well it's not really my business or my problem and i you know

like i'm not really involved i just wanted to play pickleball and blah blah blah blah and it's just like you know you know what you did you know how i was gonna to receive it and and it's a cop out again when i when i talk about friendships it's like in that moment who like friendship is about loyalty sometimes you have to pick sides sometimes you have to look at a situation and think who is right who is wrong who am i going to fuck with like who am I going to back up? And Tom in that moment, to me, wasn't really worried about literally anyone but himself. He was worried about not being bored and wanting to play pickleball. Which it's just so funny because he's always with Tom Sandoval. I can think of a million things you could do if you didn't want to be bored.

And like you said, there are going to be times in life where you do have to choose. And for me, I made it very clear my stance on things. And he can say that he felt that me saying that was ego driven. But you know, I was so broken. There was no ego for the first time I think ever in my life. I wasn't driven by my ego. Yeah. It was, um, it was really, I really felt for you in that moment when you were talking to Lisa and I could tell she was trying to come from a place of love, but you know, clearly you went through a lot with your ex and I know what it's like to be cheated on. I know what it's like to be lied to by the people I love the most. It's a very scary feeling to like wake up and realize or even question like, who are you, you know, to the people that you truly love. And that makes you feel alone and vulnerable and

stupid. And, and, and, and then you do worry about what people might have to say. You know, I'm thankful as I've gotten older, kind of like, you know, you mentioned, like, I've learned not to feel sorry for myself for my choices. Like, when I was younger and shit happened to me, my ego would take over. And I would kind of go in this kind of, why me? How could this happen to me? I can't believe this happened to me. Like, oh my, oh my God, like this. And now it's just more like, I make, I take big swings. I love that. I risk a lot of stuff. I want to have an exciting and bold life.

And if you take big swings, you're going to miss once in a while. And I don't need people to feel sorry for me. But that being said, when people weaponize my pain against me. I'm coming for you. Yeah. And so I was curious, do you think your harshness with Tom had to do with maybe some of his comments around or whether it was Tom Swartz or Sandy, you know, whatever the fuck his last name is. When he made that comment about like you should have known or or, you know, just kind of the mocking you for your choice to, you know, date Randall or and get engaged to Randall. you for your choice to you know date Randall or and get engaged to Randall like how did that make you feel was that triggering for you and is that part of the reason where you kind of wanted to

come for him or either of them I mean I didn't know that Sandoval made that comment until I watched it and I think it was coming from two places the first one was I thought that I was in a very happy relationship that I was going to be in for the rest of my life. And I never want Ocean to feel like she wasn't brought to this earth out of love. And that was like, okay, you can come for me and we can talk about my stupid decisions. But Ocean was the best decision that i ever made in my entire life so i felt like he was almost coming for her rather than coming for me and i also think i took it on and was really triggered because i think about that all the time. Like, what did I bring my daughter

into? Like how? Sorry. She had no say in the matter. She was just an innocent little being. So I think that triggered me that it's like I feel guilty all the time, know because i i'm out i i get to go and live my life and be happy the only person that suffers from this is my kid being punted back and forth between two homes she's never gonna know what it feels like to have all of her stuff in one place have the same person pick her up from school that like ripped in me yeah i'm sorry okay um i'm a big believer that um you know like listen life is hard you know i don't care who you are i don't care how privileged you are and i think that's allowed me to do what i do because again like as someone who takes big swings like you just realize like it just should happen it should happen to all of us and it's how we respond and, and how we move forward. And, um,

I really appreciate you sharing that about your daughter, but I also believe, you know, again, we can, we can all be better people for, for the adversity that we face. There must be a lot of things that you are proud of as a mother, um mother and things that you have done for your daughter and your willingness and your ability to survive this just really shitty experience. Like to navigate what you had to navigate on a public platform and the fact that you haven't been leading with your ego, you know, despite what people might say, is an incredible accomplishment in and of itself. And then to focus on yourself and your mental health and your daughter. What are things that you are most proud of in your ability to overcome this adversity and deal with it and then be better for it? And how are you better for this experience happening to you? And what are you committed to as a mother and your daughter?

And how do you feel like overall, despite the things that you know that you won't ever have? And when you kind of think about that past life, it's easy to get down to the dumps. But what are you most proud of as a mother and as someone who's overcome this adversity? Well, I have to first say that, you know, even Ocean's been punted back and forth since she was seven months old. And that kid, even at two years old, is like you can just tell that she's well adjusted. She never has the same bottles and she still goes down like she's just like a kid who is down for change and bounces back. And I know kids are resilient, but I just know later on in her life, this could be something that was actually a positive. I think the thing I'm most proud of is when I knew that I was obviously being mistreated, I left.

Now, looking back, I can see how unhappy and depressed I was. And had I stayed in the relationship like planned, Ocean would not have grown up in a happy home. She would have seen two parents who really didn't like each other that much. Like, that's just what it is. I'm proud of the fact that i left she's gonna see that i chose me for her you know without me being healthy and happy my daughter will suffer from that yeah and also not being quiet i know so many people are telling me like you got to move on you've got to get over it. But

just with the things that I know, I just, I want my daughter to know there are going to be times where your voice is all you have. Do not let anyone take that from you. That's so true. There are a million people out there who are in toxic relationships, unhappy relationships, a lot more people who have kids and even if they don't have kids, maybe it's, you know, we make promises to ourself. You know, we meet someone, we like to play house. We like to fantasize with the people we love. And it's just like, oh, we're going to spend, we're going to buy this house and we're going to get married. And then you have kids. And it's just, it's so disheartening to wake up one day and realize all the things you talked about and all the promises you made

to each other or to yourself aren't as real as you wanted to believe they are. And most people will continue to lie to themselves because, you know, out of fear of what reality means, you know, what are people going to say? How is this going to look? I don't want to be single again. I don't want to go back out and date and things like that. But what would you say to anyone listening in your, who are maybe similar situations? They're just unhappy. They feel it's, it's, they're not being treated right. Maybe they are people with, you know, women with kids who are like, I got to stay in it for the family. I got the family unit. What would you say to them to give them the courage to move forward? And can you give them some sort of optimism of what life

can be despite it not being what they hoped it would be? I understand how scary it is to leave a relationship. And sometimes you don't leave until you're actually forced to leave, which is the situation that I was in. You know, I wanted to leave for a really long time and I just didn't have it in me. I wasn't brave enough. So it was almost like just one day I had no other option, but to leave, it was right in front of me. I'm a girl's girl right now. So I want to focus on the women. Um, women possess a strength that you really don't realize you have it until you're basically forced out of something and i was like flapping in the breeze when i left i didn't know what my future held i was making moves out of survival and And I just want my girls to know that you will be okay when you

leave. Everything is going to work out just fine. And I get it with the kids. You go into having to share your child. Where's the money going to come from? I would say even if you're in a happy relationship, you've got to have a plan B always. You've got to have a side hustle. If you're a stay-at-home mom, talk to your partner about putting money for you into a bank account because there may come a day where the rain is heavy and you're going to have to use your plan B. So I know that that sounds like no way to live, but I was taught from a young age to always have a plan B. And I never thought I'd have to use my plan B to live. But I was taught from a young age to always have a plan B. And I never thought I'd have to use my plan B to like escape. I thought it would be used to kind of like support my family because I didn't really know what his business was like.

And I saw my dad's business go from thriving to like non-existent. So I just knew like I got to have something. But I think it's really important to know that you're gonna be fine it's as simple as that you tap into something when you're in survival mode and your relationship is toxic and you make the jump you will fly I promise yeah and I'm sure people might be listening be like well I don't know I don't want to be in love and have a plan b and it's all just matter how you frame it you don't have to call it a plan B. You can just call it your project. You can call it your side hustle.

Your side hustle. Your passion project. I think if nothing else, in relationships, I think there is a fine line and there's a balance between being all in and being like, you're my ride or die and I can't live without you. And that all sounds romantic. I think it's far more romantic to not need someone

and still want to be with them. That's exactly what it is. I want you. I don it's far more romantic to not need someone and still want to be with them. That's exactly what it is. I want you. I don't need you. And yes, love is a beautiful thing that we think about and we want it to last forever. But at the end of the day, like we can't control other people. Things happen. You don't have to call it, like you said, a plan B, but I just think it's about about being smart i don't plan on my house burning down one day but i'm sure people whose homes have burned down they also didn't plan on it yeah things happen you still believe in love yeah i believe in love um that's great i just think i'm a little bit more aware i don't think love is going to come as easy to me this time because

i feel like everything is a red flag. Yeah. What does love mean to you right now? Like you, let's say you go out there, you start dating, you meet a guy, you're connecting with him. You're like, let's see some potential here. Like what are conversations? Yeah. Like what are conversations as you start dating and go out there that you, maybe not on the first or second or third date, you know, whenever you feel like the right time is, but what are conversations you know you need to have with a potential partner that you weren't willing to have in the past?

Because in the past, I think, you know, when we're younger, it's just like, it's easier to ignore red flags. Love's hard enough to find. You go out there, go on like 15 bad fucking dates, you're like, who are these fucking people, you know? Right. And then you meet someone you're connected with and you're just like, I don't want to fuck

this up. I don't want to rock the boat. I don't want to see what's behind the curtain. Yeah. You know, you mentioned, I think on the show, how like, how Randall made you, I was like, I was just, this guy just loved me, you know? And it was just, I felt so loved by him. And I, it's such a great feeling.

And I think when we feel that it's just very easy to like, look the other way. What are some things now as you go out feel that, it's just very easy to look the other way. What are some things now as you go out there and date that you're not gonna look the other way this time? And what are some questions you wanna ask people you're dating to protect yourself and to build that connection? Not necessarily to question their intentions, but to just make sure that they're the right person for you

and they're on your level and they can fuck with you and they can meet you, rise to your level and they can fuck with you and they can like meet you, you know, rise to your level, so to speak. Well, the first thing I always do when I meet someone that I feel like I'm enjoying their time is I pull a background check on them. Just full on. Yeah. Like a real background check. Like a very, yes. Heavy duty worldwide background check i'm a little scarred i'm leading with my trauma into you know those relationships which is why we're gonna we're gonna just really make sure we get the right people yeah i don't i don't i don't know what a therapist would say to that but she would say we should we should do some heavy duty work

yeah i mean listen there's a level of trust you might have but like it's it's one thing to do it on your partner that you've been dating for a long time but these are strangers if i met you one time and i enjoyed you i'm not pulling a background check quite yet yeah once we're into the like we're hanging out every week i like you i want to spend more time with you we have to pull the background are you letting them know early on i let them know first time we kick it just so you know if this goes well i pull a background check on everybody what's the craziest thing that's popped up in a background check you know there haven't been a lot of crazy things. I think the biggest red flag was this guy who had like tens of thousands of dollars

in unpaid parking tickets and then like driving without insurance. And he was like 40. Oh. And to me, that just shows like you are not responsible or reliable. Yeah. Big red flag. Also, you're a liar. If that's you, he's a liar. That person's a liar. You can't have that level of, you can't have that many fuck ups and still

be going out and doing what you're doing without having to lie. Correct. You know what I'm saying? Like he's getting pulled over, things are happening and he's not owning his issues and the only way to keep surviving is to lie. Correct. So huge red flag there. Once the background is clear and clean. What's step two? It's a test. Yeah, my biggest question is what do you want in life?

Because I find if you talk too much just in my experience and what i'm worried i could attract again is someone who kind of latches on to what i'm saying and they try to paint the picture of what i want so i try to keep myself very surfaced and have them just kind of roll and talk and um I flag things you know that I I like that yeah you get what I mean yeah because I think you know again when it's so fun to romanticize yeah people you like it's so fun to talk about the future but when you do that you you can you can give yourself away about the things you're looking for and things you want. And people, unfortunately, can use that against you. Right. Yeah, that's a good thought. I think we don't spend enough of time dating when we meet someone, talking about what we need and want in the moment, in the present. We spend a lot of time talking about what we want in the future and the idea of things.

And I think that's easier for people to bullshit and fake right because people can make promises all the time oh i want that too oh my god same me like eventually but like they don't have to actually show you in that moment because you're all talking about the future right i want to get married someday i want a house i want to picket fence i want this i want to travel i want this but like no no no one has to like show up in that moment to show that they really want that right and i feel like narcissism is an epidemic and they basically just latch on and like create the illusion for you that they're exactly what you're looking for and then they gain control and i'm now aware of things. And that's why I really just keep it very at the top. I'm not telling you my deepest, darkest wants and needs. I want you to do most of the talking so that I can flag things that just aren't sitting right. things that just aren't sitting right. And I also have found, you know, most people, like you said,

they romanticize things. The love bombing is a very real thing. If I'm talking to a dude and he's blowing me up constantly, calling a lot, wanting to say this, that, and the other, red flag. Like you're making this, life is intense. The dude who's telling me you know i want to take things slow this is what i'm looking for right now this is what i see in the future i'm like this is the dude also how do you have time to text me 22 times in a row don't you work red flag why are you calling me in the middle of the day don't you have a job not in la so there's i feel like because i'm just kind of wrapped up in working and providing for ocean and just babying you know our little mother-daughter bond there's not a whole lot of room for me to go out and date and look for love.

I feel like when the time comes, I'm going to know. Right now, I'm just enjoying the company of men. Okay, so you're actively dating. You're kind of in, you're back in your fuckboy era a little bit. Oh, I'm fully there. I know. It's like when I don't have my kid, you guys, I'm like a woman in the night.

Putting on my trench coat with my lingerie. It's just like, what am I doing? Pop off queen. Yeah, there was a famous trailer quote, I couldn't sleep in the bed because it was so wet. So it sounds like you're having a very fulfilling and gratifying time. I never thought I would go back into like a quote unquote, my own quote, ho phase. go back into like a quote-unquote my own quote hoe phase but again life just throws things at you and you you just roll with it when life offers you a second hoe phase you take it you take it right i should feel lucky yeah i just think uh whenever we die i just know that i uh it won't only be the happy moments that flash before my eyes and I have

found that some of the most painful moments that I have survived and lived through are currently like some of my best memories I don't go back and relive that pain and laugh about it because I'm like a masochist it's just more I think about how I did feel and how lost and empty and how broken I felt in that moment and realize how I feel now. And then I think about all the process and the work I did to get to where I am at. And the thing about painful experiences is that at least you feel like you, you feel alive, you know, it's a crazy feeling to like live through heartbreak and pain and sadness and come out on the other end and, and almost kind of not miss that feeling, but like connect with that feeling, if I'm making any sense.

You're making so much sense. Yeah, because it's a rush in a way, especially that rush that you survived it. And when I will like look back and reminisce about past moments, I often smile the most about thinking about my most painful experiences. And I wonder if how you feel about that, if you're at that point yet, or you see the kind of the light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to that. I feel that exact same way. It's, you know, like when you can, you have a perfume or like a song that it takes you

back to when you've had a moment like that. That for me is pretty i know it does sound like we're kind of fucked up in the head being like that's exhilarating but it is because it takes me back like there's this perfume that i put on this morning where i'm like i put this on at my deepest darkest moment before i was going to my book signing it had been five days since i found everything out and i'm putting it on now. It's taking me back to that moment and it's like, look at where I am. Like, look at how in just a little over a year, like we could have completely sunk to the bottom of the ocean or we could swim.

And you really do take a moment to appreciate that sadness or that heartbreak and go, I've come so far. And without that moment, I wouldn't be where I am right now. And that's why I try. And I'm not saying I always conquer this, but I try to preach to people. By the way, you're going to learn I'm great at preaching, horrific at practicing. So you're a human being. Correct. But not allowing yourself to live in regret because when you do that, you don't appreciate where you are now. And without those teeny tiny moments of messing up or dealing with heartbreak, you wouldn't be where you are now. And I think you have to appreciate that and show yourself compassion rather than sinking into it and saying, I wish I wouldn't have done that. Because I mean, we could roll the tape on how many things I could regret. That would not be fun for

me. It's not a very productive exercise to live in it. No. It's good to acknowledge it. Well, I think you're probably a sociopath if you don't acknowledge it and learn from no regrets man it's like yeah no i got so many you know i have so many but i'm not gonna dwell on that yeah because i've done that before and it takes you into the abyss well you know you're not leading with your ego when you don't feel sorry for yourself you know because i think you can be sad and hurt and broken and just recognize the pain that you feel but not feel self-pity and i've been some and in the past i've felt like i i've had to go through the whole pity

phase first which is all ego it's just like how the fuck you know you're a loser your ego just like totally like you're a lot like hint who you know who does you should know better you know, you're a loser. Your ego is just like, you know, like you're a lot like Kent, who, you know, who does, you should know better, you know, like that kind of energy or your Nick, you know, and your ego is just like, you're a fucking loser. You know, people are talking about you, you know, and you're getting your head and you feel like, how could this happen to me? And like, you know, I have felt like to me when I was experiencing that, I was never, I was never healing, you know, I was just feeling sorry for myself. And that's why sometimes for people, they can take years to get over something

because they spent the first 6, 12, 18 months just feeling sorry for themselves. And until they're done feeling sorry for themselves, they're not really doing the work. They're not healing. They're not just recognizing this was a mistake. What can I learn? Where are some of the red flags, it's just more like poor me. I want people to feel sorry for me. And then when people don't feel sorry for you, you get mad at

them. You, you know, just like I need, you know, and I'm, and that was me in my twenties a lot. And I, and that's why I had a really hard time getting over shit just because I was just feeling sorry for myself. And as an adulthood, when I had things that didn't go my way, I just remember feeling very good about, I was just like, I really don't, I don't feel bad for myself. I don't feel self-pity. And that to me was just like, I just skipped, you know, so many rounds of like, you know, I just skipped a whole process of things I had to go through in the the past and i was like that much faster on the path to healing and then making this like terrible experience at least productive i could at least learn from it you know because i wasn't like

sitting around you know every conversation i'd have with someone in the past when i felt sorry for myself i was just basically waiting for their pity. Totally. You know, and now I just like, I don't need to have that conversation. I'm not worried about that. I'm not afraid of them knowing the truth. I'm not worried about what they're going to say. I'm just more talking about like what I'm doing to move forward. What I'm I, I, yeah, that sucked. I, this is my decision. I wish I would have done something differently. I didn't, but here's what I learned from it. Here's what I'm gonna do going forward. Right. because we can live in the what ifs all day. If you would have done this, well, that's great.

I didn't. And this is where we are now. So like, let's focus on the now. Until they invent time travel. It's like useless. It's completely useless. And I, you wouldn't know it from like the outside world, because I do think just with the field that I'm in, I have to lead with an ego in order to protect myself.

I can be vulnerable and talk about how I'm feeling, but I always have to keep that shield up. Because if I allow the outside world to say what they're saying and have it penetrate me, it will put me in a hole. and have it penetrate me, it will put me in a hole. So I have to step into some sort of character before I go out there and talk. Even though I'm being open and honest, I'm still guarded because I don't need the aftermath, which we all know what that is. Like you could be telling, even the scene with Lisa,

it was like a very vulnerable moment for me and what people were saying was like okay if i go down the rabbit's hole and read all of this i'm gonna believe it and then the day's shot and tomorrow's probably gonna be shot too so with the ego i feel like that just comes with my line of work. But during sobriety, like the biggest thing is getting rid of the ego. If you want to stay sober, you got to put the ego aside. I think about ego all the time. We talk about it on the show.

And I feel like I'm criticizing ego a lot, but I still think I have a big ego and I'm thankful for my ego. My ego is why I have everything I have. It's why I take big swings. I think the ego, it's like a superpower we have to just have? Right. It's why I take big swings. I think the ego, it's like a superpower we have to just learn to control.

Our ego allows us to swing big and go for what we want. It's why we chase things where other people tell themselves, like, I don't know if I could ever do that. And some people are like, I don't know, why not me? Fuck it.

Right. But I think our ego serves us well when we're thinking about the future and it really holds us back when we dwell on the past. past absolutely i'm sure there are moments where i've like really felt sorry for myself but recently when people tell me like i'm so sorry that this happened to you or people will read my book and be like i'm so sorry that you went through that and i'm like why i'm fucking killing it like i'm not sorry that I went through it.

Like, every single thing was a complete learning experience. I mean, the death of my dad, you know, and me really leaning on the bottle. Six months later, I got sober. You know, like, every single thing that's happened in my life has led to something so great that I can't be mad at it. Even a horrific relationship. I got Ocean Kent out of that. I'm fucking winning. Right?

I love that. Yeah. Absolutely. I have to fuel my own ego because for me, no one else is going to do that for me. No one else is going to toot my horn, lift me up. So if I don't do that for myself, then I'm really screwed. And like, I don't know. What's the ideal life these days? There's no such thing. Happiness. Every time I get to make a birthday wish, I hope it comes true now that I'm telling

you what it is. I just want to be happy. So whether that means I'm living in a box or I go back to Utah or I'm living in a mansion on the hill, I don't really give a shit. I just want to be happy and feel free. We have a lot of single parents on this show, people who are stuck in like co-parenting situations. Obviously you're in that. How do you deal with that? You know, especially with someone who did a lot of fucking bad, wicked shit, you know, but he's the father to your daughter first of all how much do you care how much do you allow it to be your problem do you think randall is using this experience to even try to be a better person if for no other reason to be a better father you know do you

think he will use his experience and it's you have a daughter it's not even like you have a son you know like someday ocean's gonna grow up and be a beautiful woman and out in the dating world and she is going to be dating men and how do you feel do you even care is it like are you parenting against randall or do you see hope if for no other reason through your daughter that he is holding himself accountable and trying to be at least a good father to ocean i I think because he's being watched closely, he's portraying that. But I lived in that house for a long time and no. You don't think there's a good person inside there? No.

And I don't think there's any changing. But I can only do what I can control. So there's a very large barrier between what happens at my home and what happens over there. I have learned through all of this and through a therapist who specializes in these types of cases that a child only needs one healthy parent. And that's why I, at the very beginning, it was really difficult to deal with him. I'm pretty unfazed by him now. So I just try to maintain a large distance so that that toxic energy doesn't come into my home. And when Ocean comes to my home, I can just tell that whatever we're doing, my kid is happy, you know, and she's with me the majority of the time, which is great.

And as long as I keep that distance and we just do our thing and at the Kent house, you know, we're thriving and happy and healthy, my kid's going to be fine. So whatever he does over there and whatever he wants to portray, I can't control that. It's not my problem. As Ocean gets older, if I see things, I'm a mama bear. I don't roll over and die. We'll have a discussion then. But as of right now, I've learned that things that I can control are the only things I'm going to worry about. I love that. So you're not stressing yourself out about the future will happen when it happens and when there's something to deal with it, that's when you deal with it. But right now we're just focused on the good things with ocean and what you can control. I love that.

Yeah. And I have a really profound relationship with the universe. And I just know that if I lean in on that, ocean will always be okay. There's just certain things where when you want to control something and you feel like you can't, I think it's really important that you have a higher power that you can rely on. And I don't care what that is. And it doesn't have to, it's not a religious thing I'm talking about. Strictly something to punt your issues or your stressors to when it becomes too much. And that's what I do. I did it last night. I was like, I'm talking myself into a hole about my daughter. Like we have to do something. and i did my little thing with my sage and palo santo and i punted it to the universe and said this is what i want please take control and i slept like a baby that's great i know it sounds strange it depends on who i talk to about this some people are like

she's insane and other people are like i do the same thing i'm with you i just like whatever you whatever people need to self-soothe i grew up very religious i'm not as religious anymore you know whatever you know it's but it's just like whatever you're able to do to kind of send yourself fill your cup right you know whatever you call it you know it's just like life is all about perspective it just is you know again like shitty things happen to all of us every person is going to wake up one day at some point and go how the fuck i never thought this would happen to me right it's like it's just gonna i don't know how i don't know what's gonna happen to you listening but like some shit's gonna happen and if you haven't experienced yet congratulations but it's

coming it's around the corner i love that you say that because there's so many people who say like, this person has it all figured out. Nah. I'm like, no. We're our day. Like if I think that after the dust has settled and this is the only thing I'm going to have to face, there's something coming in my future that I'm going to have to deal with again.

Yeah. And it's just a matter of how are you going to view it? Are you going to look at it as like the worst case in the world or the end of the world? Or are you just going to look at it and be like, all right, it's going to fucking deal. And here we go. And how do I, how do I reframe my perspective? How do I see it as something other than just feeling sorry for myself? You know, what's the opportunity here? you know how do I recharge my battery I always say you have two options you can sink or you can swim yeah I'm curious like thinking of your friends and castmates who do you feel like most closely aligns with that perspective

and those like that kind of that specific flavor of wisdom I don't really know that any of my cast members I I spoke to Sheena about it the other day. She was talking about something and I said, we got to do a callback to the universe. Like you got to get it on your side. And I think she thought I was crazy. And I was like, you have to be open to it. If you would like to do this, we can do it. And she was actually super open to it.

So I can only go off of my own experience and it could be something that I completely made up in my head. But I just think the series of events, you can't attribute it to anything else except the universe. What are the chances of me getting out of a relationship with a beautiful baby and then like a really bad LA Times article coming out? like fucking universe dude what was that like reading that it was like i didn't even know who that person was i was like oh my god i like slept next to you it was a very strange thing and even now when i drop ocean off i feel like i'm dropping her off to a complete

stranger i feel like i fell asleep for almost six years of my life woke up with a baby who i just love and adore and they're like oh and by the way you have to take her to some stranger they call it her dad she has a dad you're gonna take her there and it's's like, what? Who? I don't understand. What is this? No. How? I mean, you were betrayed on the highest level. And most people who experience that level of betrayal, trust is something they lose. Trust in themselves, trust in other people. Where are you when it comes to trust? Where are you and your ability to trust yourself to make the right decisions for yourself? Where are you and how you trust other people? Have you tackled that already? Because it sounds like you're someone who has a pretty good, like healthy beat on life and someone who's focused on the present and the future and not dwelling on the past. And where are you at? And if you are in a healthy place, where, what are some ways that you have gotten to the place where you're like, you still willing to trust you're still willing to love your will you're still willing to be vulnerable and open yourself up because that's not easy for a lot of people a lot of people when they experience that level of betrayal really close themselves off to anyone else and and i can't

trust anyone i can only trust me you know fuck everyone Like, how do you still open yourself up to friendships and family and the possibility of love again? I can't say that I have conquered trusting people or even myself fully. I don't want to say that I have baggage. I think I'm just more aware now. And I've now seen that like evil can make its way into your life without you even knowing. So I'm hypersensitive to anybody new. And I really feel like the only people I can trust is like my mom and Jessica, my assistant. But I just have to believe that not everyone is bad. I have to take my experience and instead of seeing red flags in every single thing someone says, it's going to take a lot of time. I know that right now I'm not able to go out and find a partner.

I think it's going to take some work. So even though the trust in myself and in other people isn't there i i know that it will be there again it's not gone this is not going to break me to where i can't you know allow people into my space but i do look at myself going damn with a lot of these background checks that you're like i like them oh picker is still off. Our pickers are always going to be a little off. But you get that background check. I know. Thank God.

And you're in the season of burning bridges, you said, which I kind of loved. I would just love to like, what are burning bridge situations for you? You know, like, who are you burning bridges with? Like, give me a scenario in which you scenario in which you're done fucking with people. I think the Toms are my biggest burning of the bridge. Are you done with them? Yeah. I feel like, and they would probably completely disagree with me,

but I feel like I have always checked in, built them up. Tom Schwartz, I don't want to clump him in with sandoval because i feel like i do that a lot and i don't want to do that tom schwartz really is like a kind person i just feel like he doesn't like conflict and that gets annoying it gets very annoying yeah and it shows that like you're you're just weak like and i and i didn't take a jab at his marriage. I took a jab at him in the marriage. The marriage was beautiful and could have lasted a long time,

but you in it made that not happen. Yeah, I don't know Tom Schwartz at all. I've never met him. I think you would like him. He's very chill. I'm sure he's a lovely guy. I bet he's a really cool hang. From the little bit I've watched,

he reminds me of, you know, like very affable and likable. And like the person, like he's like the opposite of, you know, the person everyone likes in a room because he's like the cool hang. But like,

because, and it's because he hates conflict so much is my guess. It's like, like I have friends like that. I don't have any really close friends like that. I have a lot of acquaintances like that because to me, those people aren't loyal, right? I know those people when it comes down to it,

when they're faced with it, they'll just step away. They'll say things like, well, it's not really my issue or I don't wanna rock the boat. But if you actually look at their lives, they're constantly contradicting themselves and things like that. They also expect more from others than they're willing to give people. You know, I feel like if Tom, and I don't know him at all, so I'm just guessing, but I feel like he would have a lot of expectations of the type of loyalty people

should give him in certain situations, but then tell other people at identical situations, it's not really my problem. I don't, I didn't, you know, I just wanted to play pickleball. I didn't really want to step up. I didn't really, I don't, I don't want to burn any bridges because I just want everyone to like me.

I just want everyone to like be cool with me. And I just like, to me, when I think about loyalty and friendships, like those aren't the people I really want to associate myself with. Yeah, and neither do I Tom Sandoval is a different situation I just there's things that he's pointed out about me that I've really tried to like hone in and fix and even when I do he's still nowhere to be found like what do you mean like he would tell me that i i was never around and i never

texted and it's because like i isolate myself from the group and so i tried to like change that by reaching out more often what are you guys up to and rarely would i even get a response and even i don't even care if we don't like each other but when you hear that like my life has kind of taken a turn and i have a child i just feel that it's common even if you don't fuck with someone you at least ask how they're doing like not once has he ever just said like hey i just want to see if you're okay yeah i mean most people like friendship for most people especially in la is based off of convenience Is it convenient for me to be your friend? Right. Is it fun for me to be your friend? You know, but when it becomes inconvenient, that's when you really know who your true friends are.

If you don't add to my life or my soul is sucked dry when I'm around you, like, let's just call it a day. I don't care if I end up with just my family around me. I just want to be around people who make me feel happy and it's lighthearted. I can't deal with the heaviness. Like, I've had to deal with a lot of heaviness. I still got to deal with a lot of heaviness. Take me to the light when I'm around you. Act like you give a shit. We don't got to get deep into things. But a simple, hey, how you doing? I know life is crazy for you right now. Like, it took you a million years to open a freaking bar. And once you finally opened it, like, I sent you a text

acknowledging that you should be proud of yourselves because it looks great and I don't even get a response I'm good on you now and you're not going to sit here and gaslight me and make me think that I'm the problem because you've pointed out when I'm the problem and I've really done everything to try and fix it no we've all been the problem some of us take accountability acknowledge it and some of us don't yeah the problem is when you, I just can't keep my mouth closed. I really love to throw shade. So I know that I'm going to step into the reunion and there's going to be a whole, you know, history book of things that I've said, whether it's on a podcast or whatever. Watch what happens live.

That's going to come up and he's going to say, see, that's what, I know you feel this way, and that's why we don't mess with you. And it's like, well, I said those things for a reason. Yeah, but I feel like you're the type of person who's willing, what I like about you,

I feel like you have no problem, like if we were like friends, you know, and I had an issue with you, I feel like I could come to you, and just be like, this was fucked up, you did this, and I feel like you would hear me out with you, I feel like I could come to you and just be like, this was fucked up. You did this.

And I feel like you would hear me out. Yes, I would. I love communication a lot. It's my most favorite thing. Yeah. And I feel like you would work through that with people. And again, because to me,

friendship isn't about not having conflict. That's friendship. Otherwise, you're just an acquaintance. You're just a person I hang out with. There's plenty of people I see in the world who I give that whole like, hey, what's up, man? It's great to see you, whatever.

And it's just like, they're just not, they're not my friends. They're people I know that I sometimes have fun with. But I really enjoy friendships like that because there's something that's very just lighthearted about a surface level friend. And there are times where I'm like, I really enjoy this person. Then we start hanging out more and it's like, oh, now you're asking me for things. Now you got an issue with what I said the other night. Like, let's go back to the surface. You need those types of

friends. Yeah. They're just not really your friends. But sometimes that's what I want. Yeah. It's like friendship is a spectrum. Yeah. You like people on that one end of the spectrum that are a little more like. Yeah. It's definitely a spectrum.

You need like you're going out people who are like we're just pre-gaming. We're getting an Uber home and like see you next weekend. Totally. And then you need like your I'm on the floor of the bathroom. Let's cry friends. Yeah. I got your got your back you know i'm here for you you know you fucked up but like we're still a friend we're still friends we're still friends yeah but i think you're dogging on like the acquaintances and i really i thoroughly enjoy. I'm just more like, you're my acquaintance. I like it.

I value it. I'm just quick to remind. I have no problem letting people know that they're not as close with me as they might think they are. Do you say it like that? It's more of a vibe. Oh, totally. Yeah. And it's based off of like again like i i will give

you as much as you give me i just don't think people understand what it means to really be there for people when they need you because i think most people find friendship to be about convenience and i i find friendship to be about inconvenience and being there for people when they really need you like those are the people i want in my life oh and like everything else it's like yeah you're a fun hang you're cool like it's great you're making me really really think about this now because i don't care if we're the closest friends in the world don't ask me to help you move i'll pitch in on movers for you but i'm not moving you don't ask me to help you plan a party i'll pitch in on movers for you, but I'm not moving you. Don't ask me to help you plan a party. I'll pitch in on a party planner,

but I ain't like hanging balloons and doing a balloon arch or getting flowers. Yeah, but that's not friendship. Yeah, I agree with you. Well, then I'm not a good friend. It's a different language thing. Like those are all like acts of service. Yeah, you do your thing.

Yeah. And you have your way of helping, but like, yeah, because you know, that's not an income because the people the people who help the people like oh also picking up you at the airport there are people in la who have made a career being willing to pick people up at the airport yes it's like the how do i become friends with famous people i just do favors for them oh you know you've never you don't you don't know these people no come on it's the favor people in la it's just like it's the people who are

willing to do you favors well clearly no one wants so whether it's like planning a party or whatever like people who it's never it's not selfless is what i'm saying. Just because someone's willing to help you out in that type of situation, to me, that doesn't... They're like, cool. It was mutually beneficial. You didn't really step up. I appreciate it, but like...

Dude, you'd be a tough one to be friends with. I know you drove 500 hours to pick me up here, but I feel like you gained more from this because I'm me i can see how that comes across um it's okay we've learned that you give no one credit and i'm a bad friend i'm not gonna help you no i just i just think like you know i when you really think about friendships i think it's there's just a lot of things people can do to almost pretend to be your friend and when you really need people when you're at your worst when you are in it and you are

vulnerable and you are even a liability to people you know like on some level you were a liability to people when this all came out you were associated with this like horrible person a liability to people when this all came out you were associated with this like horrible person right you know and everyone had to decide how they wanted to associate with lala and shit like that how you know and some people chose one path and some people that in that moment that's that's when you know who your people are it's not who's willing to pick you up at the airport or who's willing to help you move right Right. Or shit like that. You know what's hard for me in friendships is I have such a close relationship with my mom and family and like childhood friends that I almost look past a lot of things in friendships because I feel so fulfilled with the emotional support that I get from my family that I'm like, I don't really need you to do those things. Like my mom will hear me on the phone with certain people and she'll say like, they didn't ask about you at all. And I'm like,

great. Cause all I do is talk about myself to you. I'm thrilled that they didn't ask me one time how I'm doing. So I, I don't really look at friendships the way most people do, especially in LA, because when you move here, you're usually a transplant and your friends become your family. You need them. I have an amazing support system of like blood. So you don't really need to offer me the things that you would need to offer to another friend because I feel fulfilled. It's awesome. We do. That's awesome.

We're so happy for you and your mom. Good luck finding a boyfriend. I think you're going to be just fine in the boyfriend department. I hope this fuckboy era goes on for a while. Me too. Yeah, it's fun. I think we have our texting office hours caller here. And then maybe after that, we can do a quick speed round of some of the season 10 Vanderpump little tidbits. Perfect. Sure.

And then, I don't know, did you hear that Tom Brady might do stand-up comedy? Did you hear that? What a snooze. Yeah. But I also am curious if there's any crazy thing that you're kind of like, I think I could be good at this and no one sees it coming kind of energy. I think it would be stand up comedy. It would be stand up comedy.

Yes. Okay. Any chance that you and Tom are showcasing the mics together? I mean, this is so shady, but I felt like even his retirement video was super boring that I which is like that's riveting. Right. Like you're retiring and you're like a great. And I was like, OK, bye. Like, you know, I can't imagine he could make me laugh. Yeah, I don't know if Tom Brady could make me laugh.

He just seems so boring i also think the quote of people in his inner circle are trying really hard to convince him not to do it is incredibly telling like no like man please don't stop yeah that is anything just listen to and he's putting off his like tv deal with fox which is like a quarter of a billion dollars he's like not right now wait what is it with fox like commentating on games yeah so he that's what he should do they gave him like a 10-year contract it's like two like a quarter of a billion dollars worth to like just call football games and he's like let me try comedy first he's like what's the deal with what's the deal with sidewalks?

Yeah, that's a better, like, the question is, like, why didn't he try to integrate the stand-up into the football commentating? Right, like, that's the question. Yeah, why don't you give me a little jokester being like, yeah. People love a bit of flair. Yeah. All right. That's actually brilliant.

That's the move he should make. That's what he should do. All right, let's do some texting office hours. How's it going? Good. What's your name? My name is Alicia. I'm 27, and I slept with someone who I didn't know had a girlfriend, and now I'm wondering if it's my responsibility to out him as a cheater. Okay. What's your gut tell you like what do you think

pros and cons like what is the thought process you've been working through i actually don't want to tell her um my gut was telling me that it just not to get involved or i didn't care that much about it but when i mentioned it to my friend my friend was like i would totally tell her and to be fair i guess if it was me i I would want to know, but I, for some reason feel very strongly about not. Why? Like sell me on not telling her. I feel like, and I guess this isn't a good style. I don't know if I care enough about the situation or the guy. But I guess even better yet, he has a child with her and they live together. I learned how this all go down.

Give us the story, like the backstory. I was just going out with some friends on the weekend that we hit it off at the bar, ended up hanging out the rest of the night. We ended up hooking up. And then the next morning, my friend's boyfriend knew him, I guess. And so the friend's boyfriend was like, oh, no, he lives with his girlfriend and has a child together. Like I had no idea. And those are the texts we have is kind of you acknowledging that with him if we want to do a quick reading i'm him i want to be him kind of okay yeah okay so then you start let me know when you get home home smiley face this is at 507 a.m oh everyone's aware of the time stamps he got you know he's getting you with the i'm a gentleman

kind of energy the red flag let me know when you get home baby yeah nice hopefully you had a good time i did oh god i did exclamation point i'm glad we both decided to come out This guy is a douche You are epic Alicia I really like the small time that I had with you tonight Enjoy and love I really did too You were a great surprise tonight Then at 2.32pm

That same day Hope you made it home safe to your family Explains why I wouldn't have liked your place And this is a reply To his original let me know when you get home Message just for context Oh so you're calling him out Yeah you're calling him out

Let me change my tone Hope you made it home to your family Explains why I wouldn't have liked your place I've been thinking About you all day Are you mad I don't think about you all day. Are you mad? I don't think he totally picked up on what you were trying to say.

I don't think he did quite either. You should have told me. Yeah, not a great look, LOL. I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say. I hate men. And that was it? I fucking hate men so much.

That was it. How long ago was this? Looking back, last weekend. Okay. So just a few days ago. Okay, so here's how I feel about it. Because I've been in this situation, right? The women who decided to step up and tell me

literally saved my life. There were many women who said and still say, I don't want to tell you things because I don't want to get involved. And I'm going to be real. Those women I look at as bottom feeders, you got to tell her. I think you tell him, you have two options here. You can tell her that you're a scumbag and you creep around on her or i'll go ahead and do it for you those women women who who step up and they tell the truth and they use their voice and they save other chicks from horrific situations and they have a baby like those women are the women i look up to. The ones that are like, not my problem.

I'm like, you are everything that's wrong with this world. I'm not judging you right now, but I will be if you don't say something. I mean, she's not wrong. It's how would you feel? How would you feel if you had a baby and you and your man was out doing this and and a girl was like, I slept with him, but not my problem. You'd want to know. I mean, again, I would want to know.

But here's the thing. Because you're thinking about it the wrong way. You're thinking about it whether it's your problem or not. And it's not your problem. It isn't. What it is is an opportunity for you. It's an opportunity, to Lala's point,

to help someone out in need. Literally, you're helping out a stranger you're paying it forward so to speak you're protecting someone who other people aren't protecting and for and there's almost guaranteed that her someone who she's friends with knows about this and isn't telling her so not only is she being cheated on by her boyfriend or fiance, she's being lied to by people she considers friends. And you're not giving this person an opportunity to know who's really there for her.

So this person you don't know is trusting people she shouldn't be trusting. And when she finds out, it's going to be really shitty for her and it's going to be a really tough experience. But to Lala's point, you're going to give her an opportunity to clean house. And you're going to give her an opportunity. Whatever she decides to do from there, that's not your problem.

But you are giving her an opportunity to decide for herself, who can she trust and who she can't. Because right now, she doesn't even know. She doesn't even have an opportunity to figure out who she could... In some way, she's in danger. She is operating under the premise that she has people in her circle that care about her. And she doesn't. Because when you guys were reading that, you said you didn't know if he picked up on it. And I wasn't sure quite if he did either.

Do I confirm that he has a girlfriend? And that's what I wish I followed up with. No, he's a liar. He's a liar. This guy's a liar. Yeah. And he already said he was picking up on it. He said, I'm sorry.

I didn't know what to say. Yeah. I know a lot of things you could say. It was great getting to know you. I actually have to get home to my girlfriend and child yeah um you putting your dick in me didn't need to happen this guy's a scumbag and his baby mama and girlfriend need to know and nick's right it's not your problem how she handles it after and i can only speak from my experience being on the

other side and i have such an appreciation for women who owed me nothing stepping up and letting me know the person that i was sleeping next to like i will be forever grateful for them and that girl is going to appreciate you and this is not my place to assume anything but also in my head i'm assuming he probably does this all the time and that she probably knows but again the the first part probably the second part probably not and you'll find out if you tell her and she's she knows and she sticks around then you get to go about your merry way yeah not your issue you thinking about that right now is trying to convince yourself that you don't have to tell him. Yeah.

She probably already knows. Yeah. There's no way she can't know. So, like, then, so I don't want to stick my nose in something that, you know, I'm just involving myself in drama. Like, you didn't know any better. You did nothing wrong. You were, you're a victim in this, too. I don't want it to get messy so i'm like

i don't know what drama or something may come of it but but there's a way there's a way for it to not be messy if you know who she is you just sent her a message that's like i just wanted you to be aware of this i had no idea but i felt like i owed it to you just as another female and include the screenshots because it has his literal phone number in it. So it's not like you could have made that up or doctored it. Because he'll lie. Because he's going to lie. And I think just like

maybe a goal with this message is like trying to make sure that you really kind of say your piece and everything that you need to know, kind of answer the questions that she might have in that first initial reach out out so that way it doesn't become like an ongoing situation that you are dragged into and becomes like a big part of your world for the next however much time yeah i mean will it get a little messy sure whatever

but like to lala's point you just send her a message you send her the screenshots you offer her uh the opportunity to ask any questions of you that she might have and then you just once you have that conversation you're done you're like you're not he's not you don't know this guy you don't know her you're just done you're just but you did the right thing and now you can move forward the only way this becomes dramatic for you is if you insert yourself in their drama if you like keep following them to see if they broke up or they stay together to like check in with your friend who knows him and like want to get the tea and follow up like once you tell her it's literally not your problem anymore

you know whether she stays with them or not like all all you all you need to do is just share the truth with her and she can you know whether she you know maybe she is just share the truth with her. And she can, you know, whether she, you know, maybe she is on a break. Maybe it doesn't really know. It doesn't really matter. But it's definitely an opportunity for you. Should we start crafting the text? It seems like you're on board to reach out to her. Yes, I will.

One more just shady part of it, too, is when we shared it, when got my number and um like he called me afterwards because we were meeting up for like you know nightcaps or whatever it said the name of a girl and I was like oh well who is this person or something and he like stuttered about it and honestly at the time I didn't think anything of it and he was like maybe someone who had my number you know afterwards or something and then when I you know go back to look at i can see on facebook and that was her name i was like oh got it oh so he may be paying for the phone bill yeah this guy's a scrub yeah so you know who she is you've looked her up yes on on facebook i i know who she is gotcha so we should miss message her now? Maybe? Yeah, let's write that message. Oh, she's scared. Look at her. She's nervous.

I am scared. You're doing the right thing. And you'll feel so good once it's done. Like, it's really uncomfortable. It's shitty. You had no idea you were walking into this circumstance. It fucking sucks. You thought you were having a fun hookup, and now you're in this situation, and you didn't choose that, and it's so unfair,

but it is what it is and like you know the right thing and you're capable of doing the right thing and I think once you do it you'll feel so much better so you're like the hero in this situation you get that right yeah I don't know why I don't feel like it you well you were used you know and you probably like but

yeah you you did nothing wrong here there's nothing you could have done differently up into this point and now you're kind of nothing you could have done differently up until this point. And now you're kind of at a crossroad. And to a lot of this point, you can be the hero. Or you can be the bottom feeder. Or you can be like everyone else

who decides it's not their problem. I'm sure you've seen those videos or reports of the times where someone was being attacked and all the innocent bystanders that said, well, I just thought someone else was going to call 911-1-1 or it just wasn't really i didn't want to like this is you right now and so do you want to be that one person who said no i saw something fucked up and i decided to do something about it because like i i could yeah and you can so i think we definitely feel like we should include the screenshots, right? Yeah. Just for like some evidence. How do we think the message should start?

It's just like, hey, first off, I just want to say like, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to be sending. I'm so sorry to be sending this. I had sex with, I would just hit it, go right in hard. Because my instinct is like to include details, be like on Saturday night, I was at blank bar and I met a guy like I and like I don't I don't know why I like where you're going with it. I think details and I think putting his name in there like I think just like on just I wanted to let you know that on Saturday I was out at blank and I met blank Bob Bob and he asked to go home with me. We hooked up and only afterward did i hear i would let him and then i don't say hooked up like if you had sex let him know you had sex

because like you say hooked up it could be like well i you know she just like touched my dick and also maybe include screenshots of like the call log just to really kind of like give because i don't know just like if I got this message and I really didn't and it was out of the blue I'd be like wait no like you know I would just be wanting to find any way to find a hole in it and so I think just like providing all of the details so that way as she is like trying to process and make sense of this horrific thing at least like the story itself is like kind of irrefutable or like not possible to ignore. Yeah.

The, the call log might not be a bad idea since it does like straight up say her name. I like that idea. Start the message with like, Hey, I'm so sorry to be sending this message. Last, last,

whatever, whatever Saturday or whatever. I was out at blank. And I met blank. and I met blank and long story short we had sex I just hit her straight with it yeah yeah I had no idea who he was and I later found out through a mutual friend that he was in a relationship with you. Okay. Like I know I had no idea who he was and later found out. Through a mutual friend. He had a girlfriend?

Yeah. Through a mutual friend. Yeah. And I think you should try to relate to her in this message. I think at the end say something like I didn't know if I should tell you or not. But I just thought if i were in your shoes i would want someone to tell me again i'm so sorry you don't deserve this here are some screenshots i think the part where you relate to her should be at the bottom like the the send-off

yeah because you want to leave on a relatable high note yeah like you're not getting any joy out of this it's literally girl code 100 helpful yeah and maybe you can say i'm sick to my stomach about this i can only imagine how you might feel totally like nick says lead with your vulnerabilities and then say you know i'm here if you have any questions yeah like this is everything these are all like the main details but i'm here if you have any other questions and then say like here are you know screenshots to just you know in case he tries to deny anything yeah okay um hey first off i wanted to say I'm so sorry to be sending this, but I wanted to let you know that last Saturday I was out at blank and I met blank.

Long story short, we went home together and slept together. Did I just say had sex? Had sex. Yeah. She needs to really hear the truth because she's going to want to not believe it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

she's going to want to not believe it. Yeah. Yeah. I had no idea who he was and later found out through a mutual that he was with you. Again, I don't know why I'm holding on that he may not be. He may not be the girlfriend. And maybe then she'll be like, great. She'll say, we're not even together. And you're going to say, oh, my gosh, that makes me feel so much better.

Yeah. Right. You want you. We want that. We hope that happens. But so much better. Yeah. We want that. We hope that happens. Yeah, that is true. I really didn't want to get involved and honestly stick to my stomach about it, but I kept thinking if I was you, I'd want to know. Again, so sorry.

You don't deserve this. Not, I don't want to get involved. I didn't want to get involved. I didn't want to get involved and honestly stick to my stomach about it, but I kept thinking i were you i would want to know great again so sorry you don't deserve this do with this what you will but i want to at least give you the information you don't need to do with this what you will yeah take that out yeah like i'm so sorry you don't deserve this but i wanted to make sure you had okay yeah i wanted you to have the opportunity to decide for yourself based off the truth yeah all right already this is already i think it's good how it is why i feel so resistant to

it because it's fucking terrifying and like the whole situation is so gross it's so so so gross and like also it's gross in a way you had no idea about so your brain is probably like can i just wipe my hands clean can i just pretend it didn't happen can i just like if only i hadn't found out and it's like it sucks that you stumbled into it also you might be you might be saving other women like you in the future that he's inevitably going to do the same thing with and you know all the things that you're going through it you know and you're experiencing it sucks right you hate this like he's gonna he's not gonna stop and what i've learned is just people people don't like to get involved because of what it how it affects their life and i'm telling you as someone who was this girl people women like you I cannot express this enough, saved me. So even though you're resistant,

I feel like you have to send it and you have to know that she is going to be so grateful. And this guy could be out here banging chicks without a condom on, spreading shit to her. They could have another baby someday. The list goes on and on of the repercussions that his actions that she's going to have to pay for. And you have the power to change it all. You should feel so empowered right now. Like you send this and I'm proud of you.

Well, I do support my woman and are on the woman's side always. There you go. Have we sent it? Did we send it? Hit send. All right. Sent. And I need to screenshot the phone log too.

You're a hero. We're so proud of you. You're a hero. This was the right thing to do. I hope you go out into the day and know that you are a bad bitch. But if she doesn't

read it in a day. No, I definitely needed the encouragement. Yeah, DM her on Instagram. But you knew yourself and you knew that you wanted to do this and you knew you were having trouble with it. So you put yourself in a situation where you hoped to get there. And that is awesome. You should feel so, so happy. You didn't have to reach out to us. You didn't have to talk to us.

So good for you. Like you knew deep down what the right thing to do and you just needed to push because it's, you know, tough. And you put yourself in a position where you'd get that push. So like, go off queen.

Go off queen. I love it. Well, we, we certainly need an update. Yes. Um, so as far as drama goes,

we will. Yeah, no, I need to know too. You guys have to fill me in. We need to know. If she doesn't respond, you have to make sure she gets the message. That's the only thing you have left to do is the follow through to know that she saw that message. Because like, I don't know how many people use Facebook Messenger. Yeah.

She might. We'll see. Good job, girl. We're proud of you. She uses it, so. Yeah, we're proud of you. Good job. Go treat yourself today.

You did a good thing. None of this was your fault, but you did something you didn't have to do, and to Lala's point, I really think you were a hero today, so go ahead and feel good about yourself. I appreciate the help. All right. Bye, babe. Take care. All right, bye. Bye-bye. Thank you. point i really think you were a hero today so go ahead go and feel good about yourself i appreciate the help all right bye babe take care all right bye thank you men no offense i'll get to that point where i'm like people people are capable of anything

right now we're stuck in just men i hear you just shaking my head this happens everybody i know i've been there in the past i know i i'm well aware that women do some not great things as well but i'm only talking about my own experience you know so i hope my experience I feel like we did... We gave the good push today. Yeah. Yeah. We did a good thing.

Feels good. It's going to feel good like going home from work today. You know, being like, I like my job. I mean, someone's going to have a bad day, but eventually it'll get better. It's going to get...

Her life is going to be great. Yeah. So, quickly, I'm curious about your decision, I guess, very topical in sharing with Raquel that you and James had hooked up at the beginning of their relationship. Like, what was your thought process like for that?

And why, I guess, like, why now? Had I been in a better headspace back when it happened, I probably would have told her back then. But I was very deep in my alcoholism and obviously I can't change that so cut to where we are today and when I told her I just felt like my life was so yucky and there was so much that was just coming to the surface that I wanted everything out of my closet it was like if Raquel and I are going to move forward, I don't want to move forward based on a foundation that's rocky. And this one thing that I've kept from her is I don't like the thought of a relationship being built on lies. My relationship crumbled because it was built on lies.

So I know the timing seemed strange, but when is the right time to tell someone that you slept with their boyfriend when they were together? A decision that I never would have made had I not been drinking. So I just wanted to get it off my chest. I wanted to open my closet and have it be pristine. Totally. And then in kind of thinking about how things have developed with Raquel and Schwartz, it seems like, you know, kind of everyone is not a fan of this development. Do you feel like one of them is more in the wrong for the way that it's transpiring and the way it's impacting everyone? I feel like Raquel is in the wrong because you'll see throughout the season how it plays out and just conversations that were had between Raquel and Katie. But I think the biggest person to blame, and I love that Ariana said this, that why is no one ever mad at Schwartz?

And it's so true. And I feel like people just expect this behavior from him. And, you know, kind of like the puppy dog, I'm nervous, hands in the mouth. I feel like he's mostly to blame. But yeah, I just want to have fun guy. He's just like, why do we have to cool the vibe? Yeah, like it was just a make out. Why is it a big deal?

It's like, how am I having to explain this to a grown man? Well, and you had even said in an interview, too, you were saying, you know, every time a situation like this happens, it feels like, why is it the woman who has to take the brunt of it? And after what you went through, you're like, like no we should be applying blame to him as well right i feel like women take the brunt of every single thing that a man does you know i even placed blame on raquel a few seasons ago for the way she didn't stick up for me for james's actions and it's like, why was I upset at her? She had no control

over this dude. Yeah. So I definitely have been in that spot where I directly look at the chick and go, this is on you. And I can only speak from my experiences, but I'm just, I guess now that I've been placed in the situation where I'm taking blame for a dude. I just need the roles to switch. Totally. For these last ones, these are just like out of all your castmates, who would you pick for this? Like kind of like superlative. So all your castmates, who would you want to plan a bachelorette party for you? Oh, probably Katie because she knows me and I don't think that there would be like dick straws and penis balloons.

I feel like it would be like my type of bachelorette party. Totally. Who is the funniest person of all your castmates? Oh, the funniest person of all my... Katie makes me laugh really hard. Her sense of humor is like similar to mine. Very dry. A little mean. Okay. Who do you think is most different from the way that they're perceived by the public? Like knowing them as like a person one on one without cameras, like that version of them is most different than the version people who watch the show. I think Sheena, when I'm with her and cameras are down, I'm like,

you need to let people see this version of you. I think she's very sensitive. So she kind of puts on this. It's very it's she comes like and I don't mean this in a negative way, but she becomes like a caricature. And I tell her this all the time. You should like smoke a lot of weed before every scene because you are just you're so funny, but you don't allow people to see that side of you and then i think tom sandoval and ariana are the most different on camera than off how so they are nervous to show anything that's a little wrong and you'll see this season it's like the twilight zone but i don't think that they're as honest as a lot of my cast members with what they're going through. They're like vulnerable. Yeah.

I think they're afraid of what the outside world may think and live in the comments section. And I just think that's an unhealthy space to live in. If I lived in the comments section, I'd be in a hole. So I avoid it at all costs. So yeah, the two of them are really different. Who did you have the worst, just first impression of? Like nothing about your relationship now, just like when you first met them, the vibes were off.

Katie. I could not stand her. She could not stand me. And then who did you feel like you became fastest friends with or like instantly gravitated towards like on an energetic level, just like the second you met them had a good feeling? Sheena, because she's very welcoming and kind. And I just, she's like a bright light. Who would help you bury, if you had to bury a body, who would you ask? Katie Maloney.

Katie Maloney's burying that body deep and she's not saying a word. I feel like I get those vibes. It's fun because it's like a lot of these people we've had on the show. So it's like, we don't know them obviously as well as you do but like even the brief encounters I'm like yeah I can see that oh yeah Katie Maloney is like dealing with the mob oh yeah and she has a scene this season where it's I can't wait to watch I'm so glad that I left the table when she had this moment because I can see it from like the viewers perspective and I just heard she was like so badass. Okay last one which is of all of your castmates who would you

age is not a thing here this is like assuming completely different timelines who would you want to marry Ocean? So if Ocean was like a grown person? It's more like we're not imprinting.

Who would you trust to marry your kid like if you could put their personality in another person's body for the future oh yeah like a mini like if someone else had a kid yeah and it was like and they incorporated their exact persona a clone a clone i would like ocean to marry probably max todd lisa v Vanderpump's son. I would never want her to marry any of the dudes on Vanderpump Rules. That would be a really horrifying thing. I'd have an intervention with her. Where did they find the bar manager,

the center manager? He's a trip. He's like Gaston, right? From Beauty and the Beast? Yeah. Maybe he's a swell guy, but is he supposed to give you a constant ick I'm not engaging in that he's so sweet and everyone's like why does no one want to marry Peter and I'm like really I that's all I'm going to say. I really like Peter.

There was a moment when Raquel started crying where he hugged her and I was like, oh, he really cares. Like just he was very tender and authentic. When he like knelt down at the table and hugged her? Oh, about pageants. You've gotten the ick and you can't go back is what it sounds like. Yeah. When she was crying about pageants? And there was one point where I just.

That was a lot for me. I had a hard time empathizing with Raquel in that moment. I'm like, you know, maybe at 27 it's time to... Hang up the crown? Maybe it's time. Hang up the sash? Follow your dreams, but like... I feel the same way.

Her confessional was really sad, though. I, you know, feeling like everyone else had it together and she was planning on marrying James and then it fell apart. Like, that tugged at my heartstrings. But actual scene about pageants, I was like, I don't connect at all. I don't know if that was editing,

but I was just like, I don't get it. She's like, yeah, I placed number 15. She said top 15. Top 15. Which means 15. Oh, no. Either way, if you ain't coming in first, you lost. Top 15.

Let's not even talk about it. Yeah. Do you have any closing statements? Any last tidbits you want to leave us with? Yeah, final thoughts. As we consume the rest of season 10, things we should keep in mind? I just want to say that I had the best time with you guys. Thank you for creating a safe space for me

to purge. Well, thank you for being vulnerable and inspirational and a badass boss and encouraging someone to be a hero and do the right thing. I've really enjoyed this conversation. I enjoy your company. I think you're great.

Thank you. And congratulations on overcoming adversity and it sounds like you have an incredibly exciting and bright future ahead. Thank you for saying that. I appreciate you guys.

All right. Well, thanks for listening, guys. Don't forget to send all those questions at asknickatthevilefiles.com. Don't forget tonight, better date than never. What are we,

are we talking kinks? Kink. Great. Every week we do this show, I get less and less comfortable, but here we go. Are we talking kinks? Kink. Great. Every week we do this show, I get less and less comfortable. But here we go. That's your fault. I don't know how to relate to these things.

You find a way. All right. You've had some experiences of people mentioning it. Yeah. That's true. That's true. You'll have some stuff to share. Thank God you know a lot about my sex life.

Anyways, 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific. Live on Amp tonight. you know a lot about my sex life anyways 9 p.m eastern 6 p.m pacific uh live on app tonight if you're not doing anything come join us uh next week is wild tune in bye