The Viall Files - E598 Ask Nick - His Ex-Wife Filed a Restraining Order Against Me

Episode Date: June 19, 2023

Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! We’re back to answer your burning questions about the world of dating and relationships. Before getting to our callers, we discuss the new 7 Love Languages. We then share the breakup song of the week.  Our first caller is dating the man of her dreams, but has an ex-wife from hell. After multiple restraining orders from his ex, and outbursts from his teenage son, she isn’t sure if the relationship is worth it. Our second caller is extremely motivated and turned off by her partner’s lack of ambition. Our final caller is being pursued hard by a guy who never follows through. After hooking up with him once, he constantly reemerges in her life, often by sending very dated salacious pictures.  “Your nude has dust on it.”  Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  Join us for our new LIVE show on Thursdays at 9PM ET/6PM PT on Amp, available in the Apple app store and https://www.onamp.com for Android listeners. To Order Nick’s Book Go To: https://www.viallfiles.com  If you would like to get some texting advice on Office Hours send an email to [e-mail] with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line!  To advertise on the show, contact [e-mail] or visit https://www.advertisecast.com/TheViallFiles  THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp -  The Viall Files is sponsored by BetterHelp. Find more balance with BetterHelp. Visit https://www.BetterHelp.com/VIALL today to get 10% off your first month. June’s Journey - Escape reality and immerse yourself in June’s Journey. Download the free game today. Vuori - Enjoy 20% off your first purchase and free shipping on any US order over $75 with free returns by visiting https://www.Vuori.com/VIALL. Kosas - Don’t choose between great makeup and taking care of your skin. Get 15% off your first purchase of $50 or more when you go to https://www.Kosas.com/VIALL. Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @alison.vandam @liffordthebigreddog @dereklanerussell

What's going on everybody? Welcome back to another exciting episode of the Vile Files Ask Nick edition. I'm your host Nick, joined by the household of Allie, Amanda, and Derek. I hope you're all having a great morning, afternoon, or night. However, you are listening to us. Whenever you are listening to us, we appreciate it. We love you. What's going on, guys?

What's new? What's cracking? Guys, I think I got bit by something in the night. Oh. I don't know what it is. Probably. Spider? Yeah. So I might have superpowers. I found out there bit by something in the night. Oh. I don't know what it is. Probably. Spider? Yeah.

So I might have superpowers. I found out there's poisonous spiders in California. Well, great. Thanks for that. What do you mean you found out? I guess I rarely didn't know. Did you just Google? No, someone told me.

Someone fear mongered? Someone said they found this poisonous spider. Did it look like this? That just looks like a normal spider I guess they would kill a small dog. That just looks like a normal spider bite. But it was a spider? I'm not an expert on insect bites but I suspect. What if it crawled into my mouth? Probably. What if it's inside

of me right now? Maybe. Well it's dead now then. Ugh. Yeah. Okay. I saw this thing online and it was basically being like the seven love styles. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. First of all, there are five and it's languages. But Truity, which is this organization that does a lot of like personality tests, like Enneagram, other such things from their data basically came out with the seven modern love styles.

This is their kind of IP? Yeah. It's based on their own research. Okay. So that's what they say. So Truity thinks there are seven love styles. And do they talk about what the difference between a style and a language? Maybe the love languages are copyrighted.

You think that phrase, love languages? Maybe. But that's what I'm asking. Is this something they're adding to? Are they saying, no, there's not five, there's seven and we can't call it languages. We're calling it styles. Or are the seven love styles separate than the five love languages? And do they work in concert with one another?

How with the five love languages being such a universal concept nowadays, how does this article address that? Because I'm assuming they do. They do. So Dr. Gary Chapman, popularized by his 1992 book, The Five Love Languages, is sort of like the father

of this line of thinking. And so they say, Dr. Chapman's original theory was developed more than three decades ago based on his in-person work with married Christian couples. Trudy wondered if there was more to learn from larger scale modern day research. So they are challenging the five lump languages, basically. the same, others have shifted significantly in the decades following the development of Chapman's original theory. So they are challenging the five lump languages, basically.

I would say this is like in dialogue with. Expanding upon. I don't think it's negating it per se, but it's saying that since. They are attempting to improve. They say, I raise you seven love styles. First, activity. People with the activity love style feel special and valued when their partner takes an interest in their hobbies and interests and makes an effort to enjoy activities together. Tom Sandoval.

I want to go hang gliding on mushrooms. Yeah. Activity. So activity, appreciation. People with the appreciation love style feel special and valued when their partner gives them praise and compliments. Words are more important than deeds for this type, but it's not just about pretty words. People who prefer this love style want to feel their partner is paying attention to their personal qualities and the little triumphs of their lives and is grateful and appreciative of them. Next, emotional. People with the emotional love style feel loved when their partner is able to connect with them and support them through tough emotions.

feel loved when their partner is able to connect with them and support them through tough emotions. While on some level, it's about spending quality time together. The emotional love style is specifically focused on emotional as opposed to physical connection. This type feels loved when they are receiving caring support during emotionally challenging or vulnerable times. Then financial. People with a financial love style feel loved and valued when their partner shows generosity with finances in order to bring them joy. Treats and surprises are certainly a part of this love style, but it is not limited to receiving gifts. Why are you laughing?

I just am like, please see seekingarrangement.com. I'm your sugar daddy here. I gotta say, the names of their style are really boring and basic. But I think it's more all-encompassing. I think they're trying to make them accessible. Yeah, because with the five love languages, when you say, oh, my... It's also a little bit confusing with the five love languages, how you receive versus what you give out. And then with love languages, it's like gifts.

That sounds very self-centered and shallow. More than finances. I guess maybe not. Words of affirmation and acts of service to me. Like it took me someone explaining. It's also hard to figure out. It feels like they share a lot from each other with, you know, verbal versus emotional. Or what was that one?

Like what was the second category? Appreciation. Appreciation versus emotional. I feel like those kind of would share a lot of the same attributes but i think emotion focuses let's finish before we critique okay because i think it's an interesting topic i just have questions financial okay so rather it describes a larger desire for a partner who is willing to use their financial resources in a variety of ways to help and delight their significant other it's basically saying like yes there's the gifts thing but it's also really hot when like your partner leads the charge saying like, yes, there's the gifts thing, but it's also really hot

when like your partner leads the charge on like setting up your kid's college fund or like makes decisions based on like kind of does some larger scale financial orchestration

in service of the relationship. What's your price dot com? Intellectual people with the intellectual love style love to connect through the mind. They feel loved when their partner values their intelligence, respects their opinion and takes part in thoughtful discussions of important issues.

While the intellectual love style includes a desire to spend quality time together, it focuses more specifically on a meeting of the minds and valuing each other's intelligence. Physical. People with the physical love style feel cared for and supported when they are being touched and held by their partner. They love the sensate experiences of I've never seen that word before. Sensate. Sensate. They love the sensate experience of physical intimacy. This is not just code word for sex at Nick telling people to run their fingertips over each other's bodies. It includes everything from erotic touch to hugs, hand-holding, foot rubs, snuggles, and quick morning kisses. And then finally, practical. People with a practical love style feel special and valued when their partner takes care of the chores, pitches in

with the household, and offers practical everyday help to lighten the load. Rather than just helping out with chores, practical love style is about going, quote, above and beyond with practical help and doing things that are unexpected and specifically for the benefit of your partner. I have to say something I appreciate about this is I think if I had a bone to pick with the five love languages, pick it. Quality time to me is too vague because people's definition of quality time for some people, like quality time is informed by like a sense of like emotionally connecting for some people quality time is like you're in the same room and you might be scrolling on your phones but you're just like there with each other

moving through the day and like i just think it's like a very broad category versus i kind of in seeing the way this breaks it down like for me quality time for some people quality time could fall more into like the emotional love style for some people could fall more into the intellectual love style for others yet. Activity love style. It's a fine article. I think it's a little useless and silly. In the sense that I see what they're doing.

They're not even wrong per se. I don't think this list is really adding a great deal of value. That's fair. The premise would be that for some people, that the five love languages does not capture their needs in terms of being able to articulate how they give or receive love. That somewhere in these five love languages, they're just like, you know, but like, I just don't feel like I can really express myself and communicate like through this like quick test of how I give and receive love. And all this is really doing is this like giving it a different name, adding a couple

more categories, giving a little bit more specificity to quality time. And essentially that's where they're getting the extra two, really. That's all they're doing because finances basically gives. But I like the practical one because I don't feel like the five love languages really touches on that. And I feel like that's a very important thing. Practical is acts of service. Yeah. I guess I just feel like feel like I appreciate the specificity of practical because I think with acts of service, like for some people, it is like, I know your car needs to get the oil changed. I'll do it for you. And then for other people, it can be these like much larger acts

of service. Sounds like I'm going to build you a house. Yeah, I'm going to roof it myself. I think acts of service are literally just that. It's those people who think of themselves as acts of service people, especially people who give love through acts of service. It's those practical things. It is very much like getting you the glass of water at night or taking your car and pumping it with gas so you have a full tank of gas or just going out of your way to do the literal little things, these acts of service for your partner to show them love. Or just to know that your partner is willing to do those things for you, makes you feel loved. And these are all very practical things.

You guys have heard me say on the show that when it comes to acts of service, I think sometimes we have to be careful not calling them the bare minimum or the little things because for the people who show love through acts of service, they can feel like those things are minimized because we just become used to them, this practical thing. But as I understand it, I think all this list does is take quality time and separate into three different categories and that's how you get your extra two because right practical is if let's finance is gifts practical is acts of service yeah physical and physical are pretty much the same physical is you know physical touch what about appreciation uh words of affirmation words of affirmation then yeah activity would be a quality time is intellectual quality time though because i think words of affirmation then yeah activity would be a quality time

is intellectual quality time though because I think words of affirmation for I think emotional I think you can make a case for like appreciation and emotional both kind of being components of words of affirmation but you could also involve emotional and intellectual into quality time yeah intellectual

comes is more of a compatibility trait I disagree I think there's times when i'll have like a really long conversation with like my partner or we'll like just kind of like go down the rabbit hole and i'm like oh my god you're so smart and hot and it's like and it's really cool to feel like realigned in that way you know because it's like easy to like talk a lot without having like necessarily like a super deep conversation no i hear you and know because it's like easy to like talk a lot without having like necessarily like a super deep conversation i hear you and i think it's like especially especially like when it's like you're talking because he's super into space so it's like it's not just like we're gabbing

about how we're feeling it's like he's talking about like theories of the universe that break my brain and so it's like it is something about like the way he like pushes my intellectual boundaries that i'm like these are that feels like very cool i mean i hear you on that i think people are i think there are certain people who are attracted to having a more of a cerebral connection with their partner and other people it's like nice to have but like not they don't they don't need to like yeah it's just like rabbit holes with their partner they have like friends and colleagues to do that with. And like sometimes like going down your rabbit hole with your partner gets and get exhausting, you know, at times. The thing that I will like the hell I will die on is that

food needs to be its own love language. I could give a TED talk on this. I think it is such a significant part of like everyday life. And there's a ways to connect on it. I think both as couples, because you spend so much time together. So there's kind of this expectation that you're eating together, preparing meals together. I also think for so many people, it has to do with like cultural significance. There's a sense of like identity in their food. It's like it does definitely like get into the kind of like practical acts of service thing. But it is like it's distinct, Like feeding someone is its own thing. I think food's more of a compatibility thing.

But when your partner cooks for you and when they order off the menu for you, like it is like, I think it is. Oh, well, I would say that's an act of service. But it's- Could be also quality time. People who like to cook feel like they show love through the food that they make for their partner, right?

And then eating it is the quality time they make for their partner, right? And then eating it is the quality of time they spend together and conversate over. I agree with you that from a food standpoint, as someone who's dated a vegetarian, and I'm very much not, that I felt literally disconnected. And now I'm dating someone where we have very similar dietary habits. And honestly, that's a fucking dream come true. Because thinking about what you guys are going to eat every day is just a straight-out relationship. Especially if you are so off there. So I get you on that. But yeah, I don't know.

I feel like the five love languages is not a broke thing. I have also seen some discourse about there being a sixth love language. So not changing or replacing any of the five terminology. That's a problem I have also seen some discourse about there being a sixth love language, so like not kind of changing or replacing any of the five terminology. That's the problem I have with this list. It's not reinventing the wheel. It's trying to, though. And it's kind of like, okay. As opposed to... I don't think it's trying to. I think it's...

It's like discovering this planet that we didn't realize existed with a sixth love language in addition to the ones we already have. Then my ears are perked. Okay. So do you want any guesses as to what the sixth one is? No, go ahead.

Okay. So it's feeling known. Feeling known, the sixth love language is all about fully appreciating and accepting your partner for who they are. This shows that the other person truly gets you, including your dreams, quirks, and everything in between. Doesn't that just come as a result of being with someone for a while and understanding their love languages i don't know i

you mean there's something there i feel like that is a love language you deploy a lot with me that like means the world it's like when you like when you're like oh no she yeah of course you know she didn't wear that top yesterday she wore the other one or like oh like you know like there's very things i think because we've like shared so much time and space together over the past few years best in a beautiful way where it's like you just like you know like i know your intermittent fasting schedule you know what kind of stuff i like in my coffee like it's just like kind of like knowing each other i feel like that comes as a result of spending time with each other i like that better than the seven love style. Some might argue that's like the very definition of love. Love everything about your

partner, both the good and the bad. To know that your partner knows your insecurities and your bad habits and your quirks and you still feel loved by them. But then that's hard, too, because you can't utilize that love language until later on in a relationship. That's a good point. I mean, you could go on a first date with someone and cuddle and get your physical needs met. Or they could, you know, spend quality time with you. I agree with you there that all the five love languages and incorporating them to their desired effect will allow you to get to that place of the six love language is kind of a destination that the five will bring you to over time. But you could on a second date be like, I ordered you a drink while you like I ordered

you a mezcal cocktail because you mentioned on our first date that that was something you really like. And then she's like, I was just in a mood. I hate mezcal. You don't know me at all. Okay. And that doesn't fall anywhere? Well, I think some people could say

it's an act of service, but I think it's like... Act of service would require you paying attention to your partner's needs. Also gifts, you know? Yeah. This is just a question I'm thinking of right now for the first time, which is to what extent do you think it is reasonable to kind of expect your partner to learn your schedule slash calendar? And I say this as someone who has definitely a little wackadoo. Yeah, your schedule is different than most. Yeah, there's a lot of improvs on weeknights. But like I was thinking about it in terms of feeling known where it's like I have some friends where it's just really sweet because they'll be like,

oh, call me when you get back from like this thing tonight. Like they know exactly what I have that night. And I really appreciate that they like really just like have this. They were paying so much attention and like know the rhythms of my week. Other people, not to name names, my boyfriend, like he's like he's like fucking shocked every I do the same. I do really like the same thing every week. And like he's like he's like fucking shocked every I do the same I do really like the same thing every week and like he'll text me like you want to grab dinner tonight and it's like I have improv from seven to nine just like I do every single Monday like I have from every single Monday since we started dating yeah I can see how it gets annoying but is that but I'm curious where

I'm like it's it doesn't actually bother me that much you know and I and I realize that I have a lot to be fair like it would be a big schedule to memorize you know and i and i realize that i have a lot to be fair like it would be a big schedule to memorize on his back so and there's other stuff like you know other ways that he's considerate and is paying attention but like do you think that's like it's one of those like if he wanted to he would kind of things a relationship is an investment and if you're going to be in a relationship you want to feel like the person you're in a relationship with is in some ways invested in you and to show that they're invested to be in a relationship, you want to feel like the person you're in a relationship with is in some ways invested in you. And to show that they're invested in you, part of that would be to understand your routine, your schedule, what you're allergic to.

Like, hey, I can't eat peanuts. I'll die. Shit like that. Feeling prioritized. You could go on and on. But love languages are a path to how you can make your partner feel prioritized or vice versa. I feel like Dr. What's his name? I don't know.

I feel like he did a good thing. Dr. Chapman. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, Dr. Chapman. I think he's he got it. I think he has it. Activities.

Yeah. Tom Sandoval finally feels seen. See, she just doesn't know my love language. Skinny dipping. That's my interest i like i would fucking bungee jumping well in case it seems like ariana is absolutely thriving but on the off chance her broken heart is wanting a little bit of company we do have a breakup song of the week it's called about you by the 1975 oh my god Healy. I know. I also kind of picked topical-ish-esque.

I don't know. Relative. Several months breakup. I don't know. We don't. Who knows? Who knows what to say? Time's a construct.

So the person who submitted this said, This song is absolutely beautiful and encapsulates what it's like to slowly move on from a relationship you once thought was endgame. The whole song follows the words, Do you think I've forgotten about you? Almost like a person painfully reminding themselves over and over again all the things they loved about their partner. This is Until the Bridge, where the lyrics are, and I'm going to throw it over to Allie to read the lyrics because Lord knows. Well, now there's something about you that now I can't remember. It's the same damn thing that made my heart surrender. And I miss you on a train.

I miss you in the morning. I never know what to think about. I think about you. I've never felt more gifted than when I've just been assigned this task. Can you read this for me? It's like specific. It's like, it's lyrics. I don't want to butcher it.

You know, there's a specific. It's supposed to sound smooth. Yeah. Purposeful. It's all those children's books I've butcher it. You know, there's a specific. It's supposed to sound smooth. Yeah. Purposeful. It's all those children's books I've been reading. And not like a woman panicking. Oh, jumping. You know, I would.

I got my B's and D's confused like through fifth grade, like on vocabulary. I know. Sweet lady. I know. I just had very like I still have very intense learning. I'm so sorry. That sounds very difficult. Ben became Deb real fast.

Well, we have a great show lined up for you today. Don't forget to send in all those questions at asknickatthevilefiles.com for all things Ask Nick, vile files related, texting office hours, mediation calls, sweat in the wedding.

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you know, whatever we can do. Save it for your group chat. Save it for your group chat. There you go. All right, let's get to our callers. Question time with Nick.

Let's ask Nick your sexy questions. How's it going? It's going great. My name's Samantha and I'm 27 and I'm dating a guy that I love that has an ex from hell. All right. Do they have kids? Yeah, they have one son who's 15. Okay.

Shouldn't that make it a little easier? No, it doesn't. He hates me, to be honest. Okay. Shouldn't that make it a little easier? No, it doesn't. He hates me, to be honest. I've only met the kid maybe five times. And just based on what his mom has said live to him about, he just does not want me around.

How old is your boyfriend? 41. How long have you been dating for? Going on about six months. How old is the ex-wife? She's 40. We know why she hates you what conversations have you had with your boyfriend about this i mean we've had quite a few but the thing is he's also like literally talked to her because they have a son that goes back and

forth but she cannot have one conversation with him without bringing me up. He wants nothing to do with her. It seems like, but she just, she just doesn't stop. She's got three restraining orders on me now that's often dropped because she just doesn't show up and she just wants to cause issues. And I think in her head that she thinks by doing this, we're going to break up. She is his baggage as far as you're concerned. You know, you, you have to accept that if you're concerned. You know, you,

you have to accept that if you want to be with him, she kind of comes with him at this point. Is it worth it for me? So here's like, I guess where I'm at is he's a great guy. He's a lot of what I've been looking for for so long, which is what, so he's just super respectful.

He's good at communicating communicating and this might sound a little weird but he reminds me a lot of my dad in the sense that like he works hard i've always like these first off i've had like the worst relationships in the past but i've just always done these guys who big drinkers which i'm a drinker fine but they always want to go to the bar do this that and the other my dad it comes from a family of drinkers and i'm a drinker fine but they always want to go to the bar do this that and the other my dad it comes from a family of drinkers and like my dad can just go to work come home he'll like work on things very productive and have a couple beers the house and like same with him and we just get along we like the same things all that fun stuff okay

with restraining orders huh so she's actually gotten restrainer orders against you is that like on your record how does that work no so it would if it was counted against me but so she went for the first one who she included her son on who actually she got him to like fly basically um and neither of them showed up so it got completely dropped to smith she tried to get another one just for herself which she didn't need considering she was a part of the first one what did she what did the kid lie about what was the lie like i he said that i offered him sleeping pills which was a lie i make his dad drink i'm a crazy whore just all these things. Apparently she's

got in trouble for that in the past, which has never happened. I've seen this kid three times for maybe five times, five minutes, excuse me. When I first met him in the last few times, I saw him for maybe an hour, a couple hours, went to Topgolf, went to a comedy show. And after that is when she just got pissed off, lost her mind, and she filed the first one. Well, do you think it's worth it? I mean, at the end of the day, what does he say or what is he willing to do about this, if anything? He's been talking to lawyers, trying to get it to stop because she's even coming after him for everything. So they were together for 20, probably years. And they got divorced in 2016.

They broke up for probably a year and a half. Apparently, she cheated on him, came out and told him, and then left for like a year and a half. But he was still validating her at some point, like still wanting her back at that point, is what I've been told. And then now they broke up only probably a few months before him and I started talking. And this is probably the first time in her life that like, he's not giving her the time of day. And so I think she's just losing her shit. Now, my question is like, do you think it's going to stop eventually? Is this kid always going to hate me? That's my problem is like, I do really want to be with him so a couple i mean the kid's 15

right in three years he'll be an adult so that's good news for you yeah you know and so you know any co-parenting or things like that though it'll be kind of more on a a want not a need type of situation obviously i'm assuming your boyfriend will want to have a relationship with his son but the kid will be an adult and as he gets out of mom's house and control, I don't know if, you know, hopefully he goes off to college. I don't know.

He, hopefully the kids are motivated and wants to do things and get out of the nest. It wouldn't, you know, it might make it harder if he, he doesn't, you know, maybe,

maybe mom doesn't want to lose another man in her life. So she convinces him not to go to school or move out and coddles them. And I don't know. But the good news is, yeah, the good news is, is there's a chance that when he turns 18, as far as he, you know, the more he becomes an adult, the more he'll be able to see things for himself. And obviously he's going to be protective of his mom and shit like that the kid is less of a concern if you've only been dating this guy for six months he has no reason to think that you're sticking around

for any long period of time and if you do he'll adjust so the kid's not really the concern I mean other than the fact that the kid seems to be willing to make up lies according to you about very disrespectful. I don't even know if my boyfriend is comfortable having him around at this point because he is just following in his mother's footsteps so badly.

Well, that's between your boyfriend and him. Yeah, it sounds it just seems like you don't have a lot of insight on, on your boyfriend's handling of all this. Does your boyfriend, has he acknowledged that this is an untenable situation for you and not sustainable? I mean, you've literally had, you know, multiple restraining orders threatened against you for simply just dating the guy. You can't be that good in bed yeah so he knows that i've been like clear with him that i've wanted to walk away plenty of times and he he knows that like i even told him tonight that like he came over he's downstairs

right now i was like hey i'm doing this podcast I've asked him like should I leave should I not um he's just so adamant about like us working out and that we get along so well and it'll all like be over at some point and I was at the point where like I was about ready to leave and then I don't know something just happened in my head that I was like, okay, like maybe this is fine. Like he is one of like the better guys that I've dated. Honestly, the best, to be honest, he's amazing. Do you live with him? No, he, which he wants me to move in soon, actually, because my lease ends up.

Well, maybe don't do that. You've only been dating for six months, right? So maybe if you, if you think he So maybe if you think he's worth it, and if you think he's that special, I think that there are ways where you can try to make this work. It's going to require for you guys to maybe, I don't know about slow things down, but maybe not always hang out at his place. Yeah, we don't. Uh, maybe not, maybe not be there when his kids there. I mean, you, you don't have to play house. I'm just saying like, you've only been dating for six months. Like you can have a more casual relationship. I mean, am I casual? I mean, it doesn't have to be casual, like some sort of situationship or hookup, but you don't have to hang out five days a week.

You know, you don't have to live with each other and play house and sleep over at each other's places all the time. And, you know, I don't know if this is going to stop. I don't know this person, but it is raw.

And there is a good chance that she'll eventually get over it. To your point point this is the first time in their relationship where his ex-wife feels powerless and like she doesn't have the control that she once had so people react very poorly often to losing power they're so used to having and they often react kind of in a in a childlike way like she seems to be doing um and that if is if that is the case then there is a good chance that things will die down and if he stands his ground and sticks up for himself and makes it very clear that he wants nothing to do with her and figures out a way to get his son to still respect him and you know his son's 15 so he's going to be acting out

and maybe even blaming his dad for ruining the... It's a very tumultuous time for this kid. So don't take it out on the kid. And as far as she is concerned, yeah. I mean, you would think if she's that bad, why does he need to get a restraining order against her? I've asked him that question. I've asked, like, we've talked to lawyers,

and they basically think it looks bad because he should always have his phone available because they're 15 year olds. And I will say, like, she plays it pretty well. Like she's gotten these restraining orders that I can't be around for, say, two weeks till the actual court date. She'll leave her son with him so that I cannot come around. Yeah. I don't know. It sounds pretty toxic. Kid's not going anywhere. I don't have a good answer for you. Not the first.

Well, I mean, it's, it's a very unique situation. Um, man, well, what is your,

I mean, what does your boyfriend think? I mean, I, he can't possibly just be like, he just saying wait it out yeah he's basically just telling me how much he wants us to work very admin about it that we just get along too well and care so much about me and it'll all be worth it whenever she finally stops but like will she actually stop I don't know what what is your what is your gut tell you it do it do you think he's worth it whenever she finally stops. But like, will she actually stop? I don't know. What, what is your, what does your gut tell you?

Do you think he's worth it? Well, my gut for the longest time was telling me like, no, this is fucking crazy. I need to get the fuck out. What am I doing? I'm too young. Like I was in a three year toxic relationship before this. It was like the worst. I'm like, now I'm dating a pretty damn good guy who has this talking situation that's stressing me out. But then recently, honestly, I don't know how, because this just happened like

a couple of weeks ago, but I'm just like, okay, I can make this work. I can make this work. It's fine. But I don't know what to do. I'm losing all my healthy habits right now. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe the best solution is to say to your boyfriend, listen, like, I don't know what I'm going to do. Because I do love you and I care about you and I want to make this work, but this is nuts. So,

I just need to, like, distance myself for a while. And, you know, like, I'm not really making a decision, but I just need you to figure your shit out.

I need you to figure out how you can create a safe environment for me because I can't, I can't just keep hanging out with you. I'm having fucking restraining orders filed against me, you know, like I don't need that shit, you know?

So I just need to take a step back, you know, call me when you want to hang out, but I need you to figure out your shit because this is nuts. Yeah. So I kind of told him that same thing. It's like, it's like, listen, like I know you want to be with me and make this work, but this is really toxic for me. I've actually brought up, maybe like we should take a step back and just see how that works out. Because, you know, she's out from this way to you by yourself already.

And he's like, well, I don't want her to win. I'm like, it's not about that. It's like about my mental sanity here. Yeah. I don't really care about whether she wins or loses. Like, listen, deal with your shit. I'm not here to tell you what to do or not to do. I have no idea that you guys have a history I can't begin to comprehend. I don't want her to win either, but I'm not worried about you two in your fight. I'm just worried about the fact that this is just not a safe environment for me. in your fight. I'm just worried about the fact that this is just not a safe environment for me. And it's unfair for you to ask me to continue to put myself in clearly a not safe environment while you figure out your shit. I don't know what you have to do. I don't even know what you can do.

I just know that I don't have the answers and I just can't sit here and wait around for your ex-wife to ruin my life. I just got accused of drugging a minor. That's not worth it to me. Until you can make me feel like this is safe for me to be in, I can't be around this. I think that's what you need to do. I also think you need to make sure that you're connected to yourself without factoring in him because I think if I were in this situation like such a big part of me would be like fuck it's so

unfair to him you know like there'd be a part of me that's just like kind of being like but damn like he's been really good to me like he deserves to have a relationship that's a result of his actions like I think that's where my head would go immediately and like not to say that that's not like have maybe it's a relevant point at some point in the conversation. But I think it can be really easy to let that filter everything like to filter everything through that lens of like, oh, well, you know, and to try to like downplay it. So I think it's like really important. Like you can have amnesty. You can have grace for the fact that like he did not know that this situation would end up this way in the slightest and he is going through it.

But like make sure that it's coming after you've honestly assessed how you're feeling. Cause like this, like, you know, just like hearing Nick say, like you got accused of drugging a kid. It's like, it's, I don't know. It's really intense. Yeah. And I just like, I, it's hard because in relationships, like, of course you're doing this for like communion and to find your teammate and your person and the person who will go to bat for you but in dating like you're the only one who's capable of looking out for yourself fully yeah i honestly don't think i've thought about it that way like thinking about how personally like it's affecting me and myself i felt harsh saying this i said this from the other day i was like unfortunately for you like you're gonna have to deal with this and

honestly he's probably gonna have to deal with it with any girl that he dates. Yeah. But that's not a reason for you to stick around. Yeah. And listen, who knows? Maybe this does get resolved and you guys can rekindle what you started. Because, you know, it's not a him problem. It's her.

But until he figures out his shit or gets his ex-wife to leave him alone or calm down, I don't know what he has to do. But to Amanda's point, that's not really your problem. I mean, it's becoming your, she's making your problem. They are making your problem. And so it's like, it's just not a safe environment for you to be in. And also like, you're not, not only is it about you

protecting yourself, in terms of protecting the relationship, like resentment is going to fester like you know like this is adding so much stress to your life like as you said you know like you're in hell right now this is bonkers you had no fucking idea you were signing up for this and like as much as I'm sure like again if I were in this situation like I think there's my ego would for sure feel really fucking good about enduring stuff like I from an ego standpoint would love that I could withstand the enduring stuff. Like I, from an ego standpoint would love that I could withstand the drama and be like, I fucking love you, babe. I know that this is a bad situation, but like we're in this and I have your back and like it's us. And that's

like where my ego would go. And that's not like I'm not saying like that's not allowed, but like I just think that's a really dangerous situation of like you're getting validated on one. Your ego is getting validated on one hand. Meanwhile meanwhile like actual substantive emotional needs and viability for the future is kind of being poisoned even if it's by an external source it's like poison's poison yeah i've already said that to him too is the fact that like i feel like i'm starting to resent you and look at you a different way and it's not because of how you're treating me, but it's your whole situation and the baggage that you carry that is making me feel like awful. And I just can't deal with it.

Yeah. I think you, I do think you need to kind of take charge of how this affects you because right now it seems like you're hoping that he can save the day. And I even kind of imply that it was like his problem to fix and you're kind of waiting around for him to fix it. But like right now, he doesn't have a solution to his problem. You don't have a solution either. And it's not your job to have a solution. So you need to, to Amanda's point, you need to kind of make this decision based off of what you know now, not what you hope that happens in the future off of what you know now not what you hope that happens in the future so what you know now is that this is really toxic and and unsafe for you from my experience

when there's been abusive relationship like you know it's like the trust with yourself that gets destroyed is one of the hardest things to build back and i think it's really important you behave in a way that builds back trust for yourself and like where you know that you're really like showing up for yourself and trusting yourself and trusting your gut and not constantly kind of like debating your instincts. Yeah. And again, you don't have to break up with the guy, but you can start creating a lot more space and you don't need his permission. You know, you're like, hey, babe, I think I should do this. And he's like, no, I think you should stick it out this is not necessarily a a a group decision you're gonna have to say listen and until i know that i feel safe here in this environment i just i can't be here you know i can't be around your kid he he i've been accused of some crazy stuff so you know for now if we're going to see each other it's going to be at my place or out in public when you're not having your you know

your kid around and if your kids if he's responsible for his kid for two weeks then you're that's you have to figure that out but um or just be okay with not seeing him but and then you can kind of reassess then but i think you need to stop waiting for him to to save the day and you need to make decisions for yourself regarding this situation yeah i think you're right because i even asked him the other day i'm like do you do you have a solution for this we're were driving. He just paused. I'm like, so no. And he, he doesn't,

he doesn't. So. No. And I feel for him because he's dealing with crazy, literally fucking crazy. But, but it might take time for him to show his ex wife while you're, while she thinks you're not in the picture or whatever,

that he's willing to stand up for her and just kind of wear her down. Because eventually she probably will give up. Give him advice from me. No matter what you guys decide to do, she and the kid for now shouldn't know anything about his dating life. Okay. I don't know.

It's a tough situation, but I think maybe just kind of take a time out from it. Yeah, I agree. Let things marinate. Hang out. Stay away from the house for a while yeah i mean i wasn't there for a whole month till last saturday so yeah i'm sorry you're dealing with all this and please like let us know how yeah what you decide and like it's always really hard to enforce boundaries like this so like we are all invested in supporting you and like please like let us know how you're doing and we can always hop on for like another pep talk if you need it but i think hopefully

what what did the kid do last saturday um so i was coming to stay so we got there a little late so my plan our plan was just to go there i was gonna stay the night so i let him go 10 minutes before i came just to make sure everything was going to be okay. He's like, yeah, it's fine. I'm sleeping. And so I get there and I guess he heard the truck and he just started freaking out. He came upstairs and there was a little bit of an altercation and his son called the cops on him. All because he was so mad about me being there. And what happened with the cops? So I stayed in the room the whole time. Like I

could hear a little bit of what the son was yelling. His dad was like, where's your mom? Cause she's been gone for a month at this point. I guess the cops came there and there for like an hour or so. They talked to the son, talked to to him eventually they got the son basically to leave and now the son's with his mom yeah i don't know they raised a little monster that matters sounds like dad might have a little monster inside of him as well yeah like family therapy i don't know but yeah the whole the i don, I don't think your boyfriend gets let off the hook with what is now the family dynamic. What was the altercation? Well, according, I was in the room the whole time,

so I could hear a little bit of a scuffle, but apparently my boyfriend walked up and his son came at him. And so he was just holding him back, I guess, because he was just really mad back, I guess, because he was just really mad, swinging. I don't know. But I heard him say stop. And then my boyfriend took him outside. And that's when he started saying all this stuff. Like he just always threatens his dad, like, I'm gonna tell them that you were drinking and driving. I'm gonna tell them you did this like all the time i think the mom like she tells him way more things that like he needs to know she's telling him

private details between me and his dad like just saying all this stuff saying we were going to go off kids he's going to kick him out whenever i move in like all sorts of things i mean i don't you know it's gone i feel for the kid it's a shitty situation i just it's way too toxic i think you just need to get out life's unfair and i'm sorry your boyfriend's going through this i feel more for the kid you know like the kid seems like a little shithead but he's also only a 15 year old boy who seems to be pit have his parents pit them against each other and i'm sure this kid just wants to hug and wants to feel safe it's just it's not going to get resolved anytime soon it's a tornado that's not going to

go away and so for you to stick around would you be saying yes to this tumultuous environment for a lengthy period of time and the first day you were back this happened the first day you were back, this happened. The first day. So why should you think it's safe for you to be there? The only good thing is that his son is in therapy. Like he went to someone yesterday and he's starting with someone new. That's great. God bless. That's not going to, that's great. But I don't want to expect a lot of magic over, you know.

No, because I think that like, you know, you are to expect a lot of magic over you know no because i think that like you know you are who you are because of how you're raised and so unfortunately for him yeah but if mom is mom is who you claimed she is like she can kind of undo that therapy real quick the goodies in therapy i just wouldn't expect miracles for that's going to, anything's going to drastically change anytime soon. Yeah, I agree. Step one, talk with your boyfriend. I would slow things down. I would strongly consider just being like, yeah, I think you are great too. And we do get along, but like, this is nuts.

I can't do this and nothing. I have no reason to think it's going to change anytime soon. Yeah. Oh, I agree. Yeah. Well it's going to change anytime soon. Yeah. Oh, I agree. Yeah. Well, keep us posted on what you decide to do. Sorry if I wasn't more helpful, but I do think you need to, I guess my advice is stop hoping things will change.

Yeah, I agree. I definitely, like you said, like just need to assess the situation, actually how I actually feel because clearly i've been doubting it for a while well let us know how things unfold we are sending you a ton of support and we would love an update soon yeah i will let you know i think i'm gonna have a conversation with him um but then i feel like i'm kind of leaving an opening for him to tell me something and I need to not do that. So yeah, you got to stop waiting for him to decide the future of this relationship

right now. I think you need to take charge of your decisions and do what you think is best for you now with the information that you have now. You've been, you've been plenty patient. You've waited for him to come up with solutions. He clearly doesn't have any. I understand why it might not even be his fault,

but you need to start taking charge of your choices. This relationship based off the information you have now. That's, that's my advice. Okay. Okay. I will do my best to do that. Yeah. Thank you very much. All's my advice. Okay. Okay? I will do my best to do that. Yeah, thank you very much.

All right, take care. Keep us posted for sure. All right, yeah, I definitely will. Okay. I'll let you guys know. All right, bye-bye. This show is brought to you by BetterHelp. Therapy is important.

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June needs your help, detectives. Download June's Journey for free today on iOS or Android. How's it going? Hi, I'm Victoria. I'm 24 and I'm turned off by my partner's lack of ambition okay uh how long you been with your partner it's been now since february so three months oh so it's pretty new it is new okay we've known each other for two years. Okay. Give me some more information about your partner. So my partner, he is living with his parents right now, working with his dad. How old is he? And he's 24 as well.

So he's the same age as me. Okay. Keep going. So I, um, I I'm currently also 24 and I'm working doing sales. So I'm, and I'm a pretty sales. So I'm a pretty ambitious person. I'm the type of person that might have two jobs at a time. Or in my previous job I was doing, I was working with like a Fortune 100 company and doing sales and I had a salary and I've just always strived to do multiple things at once. I have a goal to own an income property.

I want like a duplex or a triplex so that I can have like passive income and eventually maybe own more and more. And one time I had a conversation with him about like, oh, like, don't you wanna be a millionaire one day or you wanna be super financial and like self-sufficient? And he just doesn't have that same ambition. He was just like, no, not really.

And I don't know, it just turned me have that same ambition. He was just like, no, not really. And I don't know, it just turned me off kind of completely, but, but he is a really nice guy. I know when you were on the talk with Chloe, when you had the meeting or the, um, the interview with Chloe, you guys talked about the, it, does he ever like get out of the car and do the gas? And he just does that anytime we're at a gas station. He'll just get out. He'll just look at me and I'll just hand him the card. So he's just an overall nice guy. Actually, today, he even dropped off...

He didn't drop it off, but he delivered edible arrangements to my house today. So he's already... I don't know. He just does things out of his own goodwill to show me how much he cares at the same time. All right. I'm going to ask you some questions. Yeah. When you think about the type of relationship that you want to be in, obviously, you know,

and I've asked this question to other people, but do you want, if you had to pick one, obviously in a relationship, you want a little bit of both, but if you had to pick one, would you want someone to take care of you more or you take care of them? Take care of me more. Okay. How would you like to be taken care of them? Take care of me more. Okay. How would you like to be taken care of? I guess acts of service. Okay.

And financially as well. So financially as well. Why? But it sounds like you, you're, you're, sounds like you're pretty gung ho in the making money department. You seem money motivated. You seem ambitious. Why does it matter to you that your

partner matches that no right or wrong i'm just you know asking this is just this is this is really about this is an early relationship you don't know much about them no one's perfect uh and this is about you trying to figure out what you prioritize the most in a partner. Yeah. Because you can find a lot of people who are money motivated and ambitious and work hard and they can be real shitty partners. Exactly. Now, does it mean that you have to settle with this guy either? Exactly. So, I mean, I guess I just want someone that has the same drive and the same passion as me who would be by my side and working with me. Like if, let's say if I opened businesses and I needed help or if I'm owning different properties and I needed help,

but I guess, you know, I've talked to him about that and he said he would be, you know, by my side and wanting to do any of that. I guess I just want to see the drive and passion in him as well to do more because I am attracted to someone who has that fire and that spark in them okay instead of just me telling them what to do i want to see it in them as well so he's 24 and lives at home do you live at home i do i do you do is that like a new thing these days i think it's just hard to afford life right now i also think with the pandemic that's what i was a lot of people were pushed home and so the stigma i think got like removed like all of like if you're 24 you would have been in college around the same time we were so everyone was sent home from college

and then a lot of people either stayed or decided to save money or couldn't find jobs huh yeah because afford is a relative term you know it's nice to have the comforts of mom and dad's house and the amenities that their house might offer you compared to what you could afford on your own nice to have you know mom and dad have a tendency of being like a a built-in like maid service i don't know what your or his arrangement is, but it might be different for everyone. But yeah, with my situation, it's kind of hard living at home because I don't think my family has the same. That's another thing that's frustrating for me is just my my family. They don't really like have that same driver passion that I do. So it's like if I had my own place, I'd probably have a schedule and a routine of where I'd want

everything clean, like the kitchen deep cleaned the bathroom deep clean like everything but I don't want to be the only one doing it in a house I actually live in a house with like seven other people so it's like a pretty busy house because I grew up very low income so that's another reason why I guess I'm stressed about my current partner because I don't want to be in the same situation i grew up in like yeah so that's frustrating i actually he works for his dad he does they do like carpentry and and his dad owns like his own carpentry business and that's what my dad did as well so that's another like crossover and parallel that stresses me out because you know i saw my my struggle my entire life with my,

my father's position and my mom never worked, which was also another thing that I don't align with that. Like, I wish maybe she picked up working a little bit more, but it was hard. She had four kids and my grandmother was sick and she took care of my grandmother my whole life. But I just, the parallel of the carpentry and then my dad doing carpentry and and not working out I guess that's another thing that worries me Yeah, I mean, you know There's all different types of success levels of success of people who are carpenters You can be a carpenter and have his own general contracting business and be loaded, you know

Or it all kind of depends on how ambitious he is Has he flat-out said he's not really money motivated not really no in terms of the time that you spent with him like whatever his spending habits do his parents give him money so no his parents actually charge him rent okay i don't get charged rent at home but his parents charge him like six hundred dollars and when he told me that i thought that that was absurd for an amount for a family to be charging him. I'm like, I hope they're saving some of it to give you when you eventually move out,

because $600 for one bedroom sounds like a lot. I don't find it absurd. I mean, you know, he's 24. I get charged nothing, so. But you're very fortunate, you know, but you guys are both adult people living at your parents' house and you're making money. So again, you know, but you guys are both adult people living at your parents' house and you're making money. So again, you know, no judgment, but you know, it is, I don't think, I think our parents

giving us a free room and board is a luxury, not a right. A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting though, in different cultures, people stay with their parents for years and years. It's really just the American culture that's super independent and individualistic in a sense as well totally yeah i mean yeah and everyone's everyone's different but i you know you come across as

someone who really values their independence and and it values like not being dependent on other people and you want to you it sounds like it seems like a priority for you to find a partner who matches, uh, that because it sounds like you're very motivated not to have the same circumstances and, and limitations that your parents had. Uh, do you want to, what are your relationship goals? Do you want to get married? Are you, do you want to have kids? Like what, what's that look like? I mean, I would love to get married and have kids one day, but I feel like I wouldn't want to do that unless I know I can fully afford them and them having a good lifestyle and us being able to maybe go on vacations and stuff like that. Cause I haven't

had that my entire life. So did you have a pretty have a pretty, like, were you happy with your childhood? Were you loved? I was loved. Listen, as someone who had 10 brothers and sisters and parents who mom didn't work because she had to raise the kids, dad, I mean, I'm shocked how my parents gave us the quality of life that we got. But we certainly didn't take family trips. And I got him,

you know, my parents shopped at rummage sales and I wouldn't change my trade, my childhood for, for anything. Be careful. You know, I wouldn't, I mean,

I'm not here to tell you what you should prioritize or not, but, uh, I think it's great that you have used this as motivation for you to be hardworking and ambitious. And as someone who is in some ways money motivated, I think it's great that you are as well, but just be careful not to make so many of your decisions as an adult, uh, based off of your childhood. Right. You know, like you have the rest of your life to go to disney world and take trips and travel

wherever you want to go um and it's just a matter of deciding what do you want to spend and invest your money on have you how much have you talked to him about this i've talked to him about it a decent amount and um when it comes to even with his dad's company i've been like so what do you do to try to uh learn about the business structure with like, so what do you do to try to learn about the business structure with your dad? Or what do you do to maybe try to get some more sales and try to like, see if you can get any commissions off of any of the buildings or whatever work that you guys do? Because I mean, I would see it as an opportunity where he could maybe find more leads or, you know, try to find more avenues for income for his dad and

see what it's like on the administrative side, see what it's like as if he was a business owner too. And I don't see him doing any of that, but he said that that's something he'd be interested in, but then I don't see him putting it into practice. I would ask him, what is enough for you when it comes to your career? Because if I asked you that question, I bet you'd give me some answers. I bet you could tell me what's not enough. Yeah.

Right? Yeah, I mean, right now I'm doing life insurance sales and I would say I've been, it's been really slow. I haven't made a single sale in like three weeks. And that's one thing that's also stressing me out and I guess putting more pressure on him because I'm like, you know, if this was to happen, you know, five, 10 years down the line, what would you be doing that would be compensating where I'm having a loss? Yeah. I mean, I think maybe you could learn to like stress out a little bit less. Right. The good news is that you're 24 and you are getting sales experience that's an excellent uh career to have you know if you're good at sales you can make a ton of money

um it's one of those kind of jobs that you can be paid very well and as you rise up kind of the different types of sales opportunities available to you, you're eventually going to have friends who think that you never work, uh, and make a ton of money, but it takes a certain type of gumption to be in sales. As you know, you make a lot of calls and put out a lot of requests and you get rejected a lot and not everyone's cut out for that. a lot and not everyone's cut out for that yeah um and so you are getting really good experience in a very uh tough industry so the type of and you have a very kind of classic kind of entry level sales gig you know like if you decided to ever get into like medical sales or um you know the more expensive the thing that you're selling the more money you can make like i

used to do software sales that's like and when it comes as the sales uh industry that's often thought of as kind of a you know where you want to get to and in those types of you know organizations they're they want they love people who you know uh worked in these types of environments where they show a willingness to, you know, make the calls, get rejected, be creative, find new ways to come up with different solutions. You're meant to struggle at this point in your career in sales, especially, you know? So that's just kind of like on a professional level, don't beat yourself up too much. Yeah, I have been, to be honest.

Try not to. Yeah. Do you like what you do? Do you like the sales aspect of what you do? I do to an extent. It's just been so hard the month of April and like this month of May, I've been kind of losing all momentum and all kind of passion towards it. I did have a lot of passion towards it when I first started, but now, I mean, I haven't seen a good paycheck in a while, so I don't really, there's, there's no way for me

to be happy about it. I'm just getting kind of frustrated with it at this point. Yeah. Well, I mean, you have time to figure it out. You're, you're early in your career. Um, but yeah, I mean, and you might try different sales jobs. Yeah. I am. As far as this guy goes, I don't know. Do you know, knowing what I know now about your career and your frustrations, how much do you think that's weighing on how you feel about him? career and your frustrations, how much do you think that's weighing on how you feel about him? Yeah. I mean, I would say a hundred percent because in the past, like I lived with my ex-boyfriend for like two years and he was making six figures doing tech. So I felt really secure if anything was ever not going well for me, if I wasn't working, he was always there to back me up.

He'd pay for groceries or, or you know pay for rent and everything along those lines so I felt very secure and then I'm just used to I guess dating guys who kind of spoil me financially it's just something I enjoy I don't know I just enjoy getting taken out on dates and like maybe a few gifts here and there but I mean he he's gone out of his way like he delivered you know he got me edible arrangements today which I didn't even ask him for it. He just did it out of his own. He just said he felt like I deserved it. So he still does that in any way he can at this point.

So maybe once he does make more, I'll... Well, does he want to make more or does he want to work for dad forever? Well, exactly. That's the thing. I have a question. Do you think this is and it could totally be a combination or but i i'm kind of curious if this feels more of like a gut reaction and like the ick category of like oh damn i guess he's just like not maybe i'm realizing things

about him where he's not like hot in the way i want him to be or does it feel more like oh I've kind of hit this nerve of like I know parts of my childhood are like really tender that I'm still like working through and dealing with and this seems to have like kind of accidentally stepped on that land mine because it has to do with like finances and security and stability like does it feel kind of more like inner child or more like I don't know, like what's like your inner horny person who's like attracted to people? Your inner child or your inner whore? Inner child or inner lover. Or maybe neither.

I mean, I would say it's maybe a mix of both in a sense, because I did get a little bit of a of an ick when i when he said that he like wasn't sure like what he wanted to do career-wise and i like i got an ick in that sense but then it maybe it was a mix of the inner child coming out being like oh i need to feel secure and stable as well yeah but it it just has any he said he's not super money motivated. Yeah, no, not at all. He was even like,

he was like, oh, I like fuck money. Like money's stupid. I don't know. I made some like comment about money and I'm like, we can't have that mindset because if you're, if you don't like something, you're,

you're not going to get it. You have to change your relationship with money to be able to have a positive relationship, to have a positive outcome. You can't just like hate money because then you're never going to make it. I think it's also it sounds like and maybe it's just X building up and these things can be overcome because it does sound like he is. You know, you say you want acts of service. It sounds like he is doing those things, which is really great. But maybe on this matter, there's just a difference in compatibility, because, you know, if he is really just like fuck money and

you're really really motivated by that he's gonna get frustrated with you if he feels like he can never be enough and then you are gonna get exhausted feeling like you're constantly trying to you know give him a ted talk on financial wellness and trying to inspire him to be more like you so it's like i don't want both of you to reach a point of just like i can never satisfy the other person because we are so different in this area so do you think it's like, I don't want both of you to reach a point of just like, I can never satisfy the other person because we are so different in this area. So do you think it's something where you could just kind of say, you know, in the meantime, it is a newer relationship. He's doing all the other things. I'm going to kind of put this money stuff on the back burner because we're not living together. We're not, you know, having kids at this stage. We're not doing all of this.

I'm going to find out more about him in the meantime, or is like a complete non-negotiable for you? I do want to see how it unfolds over time. And I want to see, you know, how he grows as a person because I've known him for a while and he's been a good friend of mine for a while. And I gave him a chance because I've seen him like go out of his way for me in ways that other guys like never have. So he does do those acts of service that I've always looked for in a partner. Exactly. So because my ex-boyfriend, he would pay for everything all the time, super financially secure. But then if I asked him like, hey, can you like pick up this food for me? I'm hung over like if I was super hung over or something and I need it. I love Bo so much like he wouldn't offer to go pick it up. But like my current

boyfriend would or like if I was like, up, but like my current boyfriend would. Or like if I was like, hey, there's snow on my car. Can you get the snow off my car? He'd be like, why would I do that? I got a garage so that I would never have to get snow off my car ever again. But if I asked my current boyfriend to do that, he'd be like, oh, it would already be done before I'd even, I wouldn't even have to ask.

You know what I mean? So I don't want someone who just swipes a card and is like, oh, you're taken care of. I don't have to do anything, but I don't want someone who just swipes a card and is like, oh, you're taken care of. I don't have to do anything. But I don't want someone who is not looking to make a lot of money. And I even said to him that like my concerns that I don't want to end up like how I was raised. And he was like, oh, no, you won't. Like, that's not going to I wouldn't let that happen.

But then I'm like, how do you like what are you doing? Like, what are the steps you're taking? I don't see it. I don't know what he's going to do, you know, unless he owns his dad's business. But is he a college grad? No, no, he's not a college grad. I'm not a college grad either. I actually went to college when I was 16 because I was super ambitious, but I never ended up

graduating because I ended up getting married and divorced. That's a whole nother story though. I've lived a lot of lives for being 24. So yeah, you can still go back to school by the way. I know I've thought about it. I just don't know what I would want to do. What I guess I'm not even sure what you want to do.

Like, are you working now because you're 24 and you know, you want to make some money, but like deep down, you know know you want to make some money but like deep down you know you want to get married have kids be a mom and stay at home and raise your kids or are you career motivated where you know that you're always going to want to have a job you're always going to want to make your own money and even if you have kids you want to figure out a way with your partner to be able to maintain your work and your independence and your sense of self, et cetera, et cetera.

So yeah, with this job, the ability to create residual income is what appealed it to me because with the life insurance policies you sell, eventually you can create and build up a monthly income. So I liked that because I could have technically retire in 10 years and then just collect the residuals consistently. And I would want to purchase income properties and have a lot of properties under my name. So I have that as residual income, maybe even purchase businesses. So like long-term I want to own a lot of businesses so I don't ever have to work anymore. And then yeah, I could be a mom and everything along those lines,

but being a mom is not my end all be all. I'd rather, yeah, I'd rather just make a lot of money. I even want to start like a nonprofit organization one day if I could. I'd rather like help people than birth my own spawn into the world. Sure. Well, that's great.

It's great that you know that. So given that, I feel like it's less important that your partner matches that energy because it seems like you have that energy and now you just need someone who compliments you. The fact that you had a partner in the past that was capable of supporting you at any given time is a luxury, but it doesn't sound like it's a requirement based off of your long-term goals from what I'm hearing. Right. you know, make you feel loved because he would never want you to, you know, scrape, grape snow off your car or pump your own gas or just kind of goes out of your way. And he, that's how he takes care of you is to make you feel loved and cared for. And he's going to make a little bit of money here or there, but he's, you know, never going to be, he's never going to

make six figures. He's never going to be the breadwinner. And if he does, it's because he kind of fell into it rather than made it a personal goal of his. Because at 24, if you think he doesn't have a ton of ambition, I wouldn't sit around and expect that to change. It's kind of something that you either have or don't have. Unless something he experienced... I don't expect him to wake up and just all of a sudden his late 20s be money motivated he's gonna have to experience something that's gonna have to

change that but right now it sounds like you know he's living at home for 600 bucks a month that fits within his budget and it sounds like he is a guy who kind of requires, he doesn't require all that much. He is able to live simply, you know? Yeah. Which I admire. Yeah. There's a value in that. I have friends who are more comfortable with a different lifestyle. That doesn't mean they're any less happier than I am, you know?

Like, you know, the only thing about having money is just like not getting stressed out by getting parking tickets, you know? That's what I've always, that's honestly honestly it's just being a little more wasteful you know without like worrying about that's it other than that it's uh that's all it really does uh it's nice you know but it isn't the end all be all so to me me, it sounds like, yeah, this isn't necessarily a fireable offense to him. It sounds like right now you personally are going through kind of a down period in your career, which is making you stressed out a little bit more about money than you otherwise would. And it's probably making you miss the financial support you came to expect from past partners. But talking to you about your

long-term goals, it doesn't seem as important to you as being cared for and loved in other ways. Doesn't mean this is your guy, but it means that maybe you could, you know, staying in this relationship for a while and just continue to get to know him and and see how things go. And as far as your current profession, it's a high turnover job that you have. They hire a lot. Most people try it for six months, quit, say, fuck this, because they don't have the staying power. And the people who make it in your profession, part of why they've made it and they're making so much money is because they had the resiliency to get through what you're going through now. And I'd be willing to bet if you talk to some of the most successful people in your industry, they have a handful of horror stories and tough

years or tough months and things like that. And it's kind of like you have to get to a point where you get this kind of tipping point, you know, shavings make a pile. And like, if you stick with it and you get creative, it's just all of a sudden it's just going to happen. And once it happens, then it's gravy because you're right. Because then you get into that kind of residual earnings and things like that. There's a reason why it's so hard because they don't want that many people to have this type of job that you can make it. There's people in your profession making tons. Millions. Millions. Yeah. But most of them don't. I've been like job searching. I mean, I haven't made anything in three weeks in the month of April. Do you have a, can you get a part-time

job? You're still young, but you get a bartending job. You can sell some life insurance while you bartend. I bet you meet a lot of young, successful, but you know, seriously, you can make a lot of young professional men who don't know what to do. Like in there, a lot of late successful, but seriously, you can make a lot of young professional men who don't know what to do. And there are a lot of single men in their late 20s, early 30s who haven't settled down and they've accumulated a little bit of cash and they don't know what to do with it. And then you're like, you sell them life insurance. Right.

Working a golf cart at a golf course, a lot of rich guys. Yeah. Rich people. I don't think they'd want to... I bet they already have life insurance though. Maybe. But you got to find... You can always get more. Yeah. You need to make they'd want to. I bet they already have life insurance. Maybe. But you got to find. You can always get more. Yeah.

You need to make some money. So you need a part time job. So pick a part time job that gives you the opportunity to network. So bartending or maybe, you know, and if you're going to bartend, don't bartend in a place where college kids hang out. You know, bartend in a place where young professionals or businessmen go or things like that. You know, they're going to want to like talk to you, to know you but like oh this is a part-time job i actually sell life insurance like you want you need any you want any and like yeah you get a lot of no's

people already have some but like you know you can work it you know 100 for somebody if you're really money motivating those that's that's the stuff you're gonna need to do to make it as far as your relationship i think you know stick with it for a while you've only been dating him for a few months it sounds like there's a lot of things you like that you value and the things that you don't like tbd and it sounds like maybe you're stressing out a little bit more than you otherwise would given your current personal situation and you might be projecting a little bit of your childhood onto him a little bit you know the fact that he's in construction and your dad was in construction and play it out get to

know him still really early still a lot to learn about this guy so you may find out he's not your guy but in the meantime it sounds like it's a bit premature to break up with him because if you were crushing it at your work right now i I'm guessing you'd be less concerned. Oh yeah, I agree. And he has a good support system. I would strongly consider getting a part-time job that is also a networking opportunity for your main job. You know, you could certainly make,

you can pay your bills and you even travel a little bit and network and meet a lot of people who might introduce you to people who might in the future need life insurance. You got to play the long game in the job that you have right now. That's really good advice. Okay. Well, keep us posted. Thank you.

Yeah. Okay. All right. Have a good rest of your day, guys. You as well. Take care. Thanks. All right.

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I'm good. How are you? Good. What's your name? My name is Carissa and I'm 23. So this guy keeps on pursuing me hard but never follows through okay what do you mean by hard so you'll find out then but kind of for context the guy that i'm talking about him and i we have like some mutual friends and we kind of like know of each other so going back to the very

beginning he dm'd me completely out of the blue and asked me on a date he suggested grabbing dinner but then he never followed up at that point point, I was kind of like, whatever, like, bizarre, but I don't didn't really care that much about it. So fast forward a week later, I run into him one night out. And I kind of gave him a hard time about it kind of confronted him was kind of like, dude, like, what the heck, like, that's kind of annoying, like on your part, honestly. But long story short, after a few drinks, he ends up at my apartment that night and we hooked up. After that, we texted for a few days and it kind of fizzled out again, was whatever, just kind of thought of it more of as a one night stand.

There was no emotional attachment at all. Before you hooked up with him, did you ask him about why he never followed up with the dinner request? Yes. And it was so bizarre. So he DM'd me on Instagram and he was like, I the dinner request? Yes. And it was so bizarre. So he DM'd me on Instagram and he was like, I delete Instagram during the week. And I was like, that's kind of bullshit, but whatever. So then he gave me my number or he gave me his number and then he was like, just text me. So then he was like texting me all night and was like, I want to come see you

or whatever. So then fast forward to four whole months after we hooked up that one time, didn't talk to each other at all. Four whole months later, he texts me out of the blue and was like, are you in town? I wasn't that night. And then that was just kind of the end of it.

Just whatever. A week later, I text him and I asked if he was going out that night and he was. So then we kind of were texting the whole night about meeting up and he was the one that suggested on meeting up but every single time I would encourage him to he kind of was dancing around the idea kind of just being like should I come try not at one point in the night he asked for my address so I sent it to him and then again he kept on kind of being flaky but then he proceeds to start sending some

spicy texts to me and just saying some random things whatever but then after a little bit of flirting back and forth he sends me a partial nude again i did not ask for this at all he just sent it to me describe the partial nude so it was very okay so he was laying down he didn't have a shirt on it was just kind of like angled to like his abs. Like you could see like he wasn't wearing underwear, but like you couldn't see like his dick. But I was like, I was not asking for that, but whatever. But this is the strangest part of it.

You know, like whenever you save a picture, you then can go in to your pictures and you can see when it was taken. This was taken in 2020. Yeah. I was like, he sent you a three-year-old half nude? A toddler age nude.

Exactly. And I was like, what the hell? Like, again, did not ask for this nude at all. But the fact that it was from three years ago is bizarre. Did you call him out for it?

No, I didn't. I was waiting to see him in person to be like you know what like screw you honestly like you're stupid like i'm not that dumb but whatever to see him in person you just yeah just be like what's with the uh nude from 2020 exactly so after it has dust on it yeah i know seriously but um so again after nude was taken, or after he sent me the nude, I was like, dude, come over if you want to, like, whatever. After that, I heard nothing from him. Wait, instead of calling him out, you invited him over?

I know. Hey, it was like four o'clock in the morning, so it probably wasn't the smartest idea ever. But then- Well, he sent that photo to so many chicks. I know. The mileage that's gotten over the last three years. Yeah.

Probably some miles, honestly. So how does abs look? I'm like, is he has he gained weight? Like, I just wonder if he's like he takes one photo where his abs are just fucking crushing. And he's just like, you know what? I'm just going to run with this for the rest of my life. Honestly, probably like three years ago. He probably has gained some weight from that. Which is fine, but it's, you know.

Exactly. Like, I don't know. Like, do you also just have like a random album, all of your nudes that you're going to like pick from or whatever? But I don't know. You didn't even ask for it either. Exactly. No, I literally did not ask for it at all.

Like, no, I was not. All right. all like no i was all right so what else where are we now so this kind of last part of it all so the following week he texts me first okay that's what he says to me for your schedule tomorrow night i want to see you like okay like that's kind of hot and then he follows it up by i want to fuck you and i want to fuck you hard and i was okay like wow like that's pretty like straightforward like that's cool is that is that hot or I mean I feel like so like you I feel it is hot Ali's nodding yeah like you want a guy to be like yes I want to do x y and z to you like yeah straightforward I mean like in the right context sure but this

my my understanding is this is completely out of the blue You haven't heard from him for well. He's just set up a date though. Well. No this night Between the partial nude and then these texts, so did you respond to that? Yeah, I was like well, so so i ended it at that the next night i texted him then i asked said hey are you gonna like come over like you're very did you leave him sorry to interrupt did you leave him on red for the like i want to fuck you so hard like did you react or anything i was like oh okay like like that's cool there's no version which he could think you're ghosting him or, like, unresponsive.

Oh, no, no, no. Well, the funny thing about it, too, I was the one that ghosted him whenever he asked me on a date. Like, after we had hooked up. Like, because we were talking back and forth for a few days. And then I just kind of ghosted him because I was like, whatever. Like, it was just, like, a one-night thing. Like, I don't really need to, like, follow up with this. And then he was the one that reached out to me again.

When was this? So we hooked up back and like November ish. And then he texted me at the end of April. So the expired nude was in November. No, the, the nude was, he sent it in Aprilil okay so april you he sent the expired nude you had the 4 a.m hookup and then he texted you after that being like let's do it again

clear your night i want to fuck you so no we hugged we the last time we hooked up was actually and sorry if i didn't make it clear. Yeah, our timeline's all over the fucking place. I'm so sorry. We're going to pick it for you. Don't apologize, Carissa. I'm sitting on his lap right now, and we would have no idea. So no, the last time I saw him

and hooked up with him was back in November. Haven't seen him since. Okay, so hooked up in November. She kind of soft ghosted after. Then we get a nude out of the expired nude when in april this is in april okay you don't you and you what you do respond or don't respond to that i did i was like okay like whatever like i'm down to look over he did and he didn't come over yeah he didn't come over but it was four in the morning yes so he sent you a drunk nude from 2020 fell asleep probably maybe but then

but then the following week that's when he texted me and was like clear schedule at the end of April I want to fuck you hard fuck you hard after you eat but you still haven't seen each other since November and then you said cool to that basically sounds good and then what and then he didn't

and then yeah so the next night i kind of was like hey are you coming over he emphasizes those two texts that he sent me from the previous night and i was like you did not like answer my question and he was like am i invited and i was like like sure i guess and then at all. What do you want from this? Why are you here? Why are you like not here? Like with this guy? Not here. I mean, I'm so glad you're here.

But like, why are you? Why are you invested in this? I guess I'm not. I think it's just bizarre. Like, why would a guy say all these very like straightforward things and not follow up? Because in my eyes, I'm like, you look like a pussy. I'll tell you.

Well, I'll tell you why. Because you're not, you know, you're you might be calling him a pussy to us and you might be making fun of them to your friends and rolling your eyes. But you haven't shared any of that information to him. Like, as far as he is concerned, he's just like whipping out these news and saying these crazy things and all you're in and every time he does you're either inviting him over or following up with him and then you know no matter what he does or doesn't do anytime he pops back into your life you're like cool i'm down you're always down and there are no consequences for his actions so there's no

reason for him to change his actions you haven't called him out for the old dusty nude you know like when he hit you up with like oh hey i want to take you to dinner and fuck you hard you could have been like do your abs still like like they did in 2020 oh my god you know you're something. Something to call him out for this behavior. Just call him a fuck boy. He is the most fuck boy. And you're just not,

you're not even calling him out for that. You don't even have to be me. You could at least be playful and challenge the guy. But all you've done is just make yourself super available for just like, you fucking around and like i'm sure you're some of these messages are happening when he's drunk he just doesn't give a shit yeah you know and he just doesn't care you know so it's just like no skin off his back to say some crazy shit because like it's probably fun for him to say this crazy shit for him you're like a you're

like a you're just like kind of something for him to test these crazy things off because you don't say anything you don't you don't you you just let him keep doing it no but the thing is i was like i just want to see you in person just kind of be like okay like screw you i'm not screw you but just kind of like call him out but also i haven't had that person but also whatever yeah just be like nah i'm over it you're kind of wasted my time or just have fun with it you don't even say like i would if you had the guts to follow through on your promises well that's the thing about like whenever the whole like date thing or whatever i saw him out and i basically like yelled at him and i was like dude like that's like kind of like weird. And then. Yelling at him.

It's just more, you got to call him out in the moment. Yeah. You can't, you can't like not say anything and then randomly run into him two months later. That's, you know, and just be like, Hey, you know, like you're not in a relationship with this guy. He's just. No God, no.

He's such a fuck boy. Yeah. And you are trying to make sense of a guy who's not interested in making sense. Mm hmm. Like, I think he's just being kind of impulsive. Yeah. You know, and he doesn't care. Thoughtful.

And you like and you're right now, like the way you're approaching your dating life is you're contextualizing things and you're like being like, this is his history, like in this moment, like, you know, like you're just dating in a way where you're like a little more like thoughtful and informed. And he's just like, like, you know, he's just like doing whatever he feels in the moment. And I think I imagine there's so many ways that you're just kind of like in trying to figure out what's going through his head. You're using all of these like logical things that are standard for you. But for like this dumbass, this lovely, lovely dumbass, it's probably just like not the same

consideration. He sent you a nude he originally took for his quarantine cuties. Like that was not for you. Yeah. Yeah. You got to shame him a little bit. Call him out. I don't know.

In the moment, you have to challenge him, you know, ask him questions like, why are you so weird? Are you acting this way yeah yeah you're like or you know dare him to follow through it's like you're a lot of talk and you don't back it up uh-huh like do you only talk about fucking people or do you actually yeah through yeah that's true yeah but like throw that his way and see how he can respond to that. Is he able to take it in stride or does he get weird? But also if you are, as man acclaims, dating with like thoughtful intention. I just like more thoughtfulness than him. Yeah. I just, I think you're, at the end of the day,

you're just wasting a lot of time on someone who's not worth your time. No, I agree. Definitely. That's why I was like, I didn't really think much of like the beginning of it. Cause I was like, whatever, like, I worth your time. No, I agree. Definitely. That's why I was like, I didn't really think much of like the beginning of it because I was like, whatever. Like, I don't care. Like, it was just like a one night thing. But I was like, wait,

why are you like texting me literally months after? Like, I don't know. It's like so much time has passed. Like, who cares? Because he can, you know, because at the moment it's the most convenient.

He's hoping that you let him up to your apartment to have some sex. True. That's very true. He's just keeping his options open. Yeah. And he just doesn't care. He doesn't care if he ever talks to you again.

And when people are impulsive like this, it's like they're laying little traps for a thoughtful person to be like, hmm, what is the motive behind? If you're kind of applying rationale and logic. He has no thought. He's putting no thought into this. He's very reactive. He's impulsive. Most of this stuff I'm guessing

is out of boredom, you know, out of impulse, out of being drunk. It's four in the morning. Like none of it is meant to make any sense. So stop trying to make sense of it. Okay. Yeah, no, I'm like over it now.

I was like, this is like so odd. how old is he same age as me how old are you again 23 23 yeah i mean yeah 23 old fuck boy i would be careful to like just from my own experience not in any way trying to like label what's going on with you but like i would be careful to say you're over it because it's like i think sometimes like it's like when i say i'm over it it's because I know I'm better than something like I'm better than a situation like this situation is below me and I've identified that and I'm ready to do better but like if someone but then they text me and I feel some kind of way about it you know like you still get the butterflies and so I think it can be kind of easy for like me at least to like end up in this kind of false sense of complacency of being like yeah this guy's a piece of shit like you didn't clap you roast him to your friends like

nick was saying but then still be kind of but like it's like you know people who are like oh yeah i watch reality tv it's garbage it's trash i hate watches like they're still watching every single episode they're still investing time in it and so maybe just like being mindful for yourself of like kind of de-stigmatizing like it's natural your ego's in this loop of course it's going to care a little bit but just like making sure that you're being honest about the ways that it is affecting you so that way it doesn't become a situation where like it does kind of hurt you and even though you like said you're over it to your friends and felt like that for a while like it does kind of fuck with you and then you're embarrassed and you don't want to tell people about it because you knew you're shitty all along and then like you end

up kind of like isolated and without like support not that this is that big of a deal not that things are going to get that bad but just like in general yeah i don't think it's like him that you're hung up on it's just no just all the whole situation so i'm like why would someone say those things like you just don't like like it's more confusing than anything yeah i'm waiting for him to text but you're like what are these random data feels impulsive it's impulsive you know it's not based off of some sort of feeling he has

that's one of the things that's most whack about dating is because like I'm sure from your perspective you're like no way in hell would I send a nude to someone and then ghost like you know or like not exactly that's what I was thinking yeah you're like you're thinking through you're putting yourself in their shoes and you're like there is literally zero scenarios 23 year old men before but like that i think but i think that's what it is it's

like dating wanting to revisit their 20 year old bodies like you can know men are dumbasses and you can still learn it a million times again and again very true again and again maybe just block him yeah yeah or he's not adding any value this guy is not he's not looking for a girlfriend he's not trying to settle down anytime soon he's just a good time in between you know and you clearly to amanda, like, I don't think it's about him, but he is getting in your head. You are trying to make sense of his behavior. And so there's a pattern here. You keep falling into this pattern. So just break the pattern by not allowing him to text you late at night.

The only thing he can give you is herpes. Honestly, probably true. You know, you know, is the sex even that good? Like not really. He has a small above or below average, I would say. So yeah, it's just, there's no upside here, you know, it's just something that is preoccupying your time. You're literally, you're captivated by this math problem that's not even

a math problem. It's just someone typo'd a bunch of numbers and printed it out by mistake. And you're like, oh, complex calculus.

A bunch of data points. There is no line. There's no slope. Are you going to block them? Are you going to block them? No, you're not going to block them. I mean, probably.

Again, I don't even think he really lives in my city anymore. That's not the point. I don't really know. That's not the point. You're not getting the point here. No, I am. No, but I'll block him. Are you sure?

I don't believe you. Yeah. No, I will. I will. I'm over it. I don't really care anymore. Okay. Well, you will know that you're really over it when you block them

true and then delete his number after you block him I will do that no serious I will all right okay all right well keep us posted when that happens and um good luck thanks for the call thank you all right all right take care bye

so I feel like we've had a similar version of this conversation with dating apps for like, how long can you have a photo up there for? It's authentic with nudes. Oh, even less. The expiration date within 24 hours. Well, okay. So let's say you better look like the nude.

Yeah. Okay. So let's say this is not catfishing. Let's say he looks exactly like this 2020 nude. Is it acceptable? Let's say he looks exactly like this 2020 nude. Is it acceptable? Well, either way, if we now know that the iPhone will out you, so like send it at your own risk and be prepared to explain yourself.

Completely unacceptable. Even if you do look the same. If you do look the same, fucking prove it. You're just lazy, I guess. I don't want something that's been sent to dozens of people. It's not hundreds. It's like a casting call as opposed to like, because I guess, I don't know something that's been sent to dozens of people. It's not hundreds. It's like a casting call as opposed to like, cause I guess,

I don't know if, uh, I'll take an old nude. I think you're allowed to initiate with the, an old nude is my perspective. I think it's slightly different when you initiate. Hmm. Yeah.

I've been sent a lot of dick pics. I didn't ask for from like random men on apps. That's a whole nother story. Yeah. Definitely have been sent to so many people. I didn't ask for from like random men on apps. That's a whole nother story. Yeah. Definitely have been sent to so many people. And I'm like, what a way to introduce yourself. We're talking about a romantic connection. Yeah, that's even weirder.

When you know the person, you have to have an accurate daily nude. Oh, come on. There's plenty of women listening to this show who have sent their go-to nude. Old faithful. Yeah. How many times do you want to like, you know, bend over or

pose? I'm just saying for the people who have sent nudes, it's like you know. Bend over? Whatever you want to do for a nude. I would do some clown shit in my nude. I'm like, what position should I be in for a nude? I'm just simply

saying that, like, you know, you gotta get your clothes off or whatever it is and if you have one in the old, like, holster in the chamber, so to speak, and you are trying to, like, sext away or spice things up, I think it's totally acceptable to send something as long as it still looks and represents you.

Yeah. Just going to hold Kiki in front of my naked body. That's not a nude. Oh, I guess that's true. I don't think there's anything wrong with initiating. With an oldie? With an oldie. But a goodie.

But a goodie. But you just might get called out for it. But put your opinions in the comments. Please let us know. I think nudes are like ice cream out of the freezer. Better get them before they melt. Also, Ali, expired nude is brilliant. They are.

You need to trademark that. They're expired. Ali was like, that is an expired nude. It's an expired nude. How dare he say that? Eh, I don't know. It is meat in the sun. There's no such thing.

I can tell you what guys would be like. No guys would be like, guys would be like you know what I need something that's new I'm envisioning like the oldest possible nude that's like a physical there's no such thing as an expired nude now that's a documentary series the history of nudes

yeah I took the first nude I went to a portrait studio the cave paintings I'm sure there were nudes. Oh, fuck yeah. Because they didn't even have clothes. Everyone was nude. Oh my, every photo was a nude back in the cave. And nothing

was a photo because the camera wasn't invented. A Polaroid leave behind, maybe? Yeah. The history of nudes, folks. Does someone take a nude on the Titanic? I don't know. Okay. Thanks for listening, listening guys don't forget tomorrow we're back with elise gilfoyle for part two of the bachelorette bios next week to premiere charity season an update special behind vile files plus drops this friday thanks for listening We'll see you tomorrow.