The Viall Files - E599 Boob Jobs, iPhone Updates, and Bachelor Bios with Eilise Guilfoyle Part 2

Episode Date: June 20, 2023

Welcome back to The Viall Files: Freestyle Edition! Today we are joined by friend of show Eilise Guilfoyle and our Pop Culture Correspondent Natalie Joy to break down the second half of the Bachelor Bios for the upcoming season of The Bachelorette.  “His favorite local eatery is Walmart.”  Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes. Join us for our new LIVE show on Thursdays at 9PM ET/6PM PT on Amp, available in the Apple app store. Android User? Listen here: https://www.onamp.com/  To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com If you would like to get some texting advice on Office Hours send an email to [e-mail] with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! To advertise on the show, contact [e-mail] or visit https://www.advertisecast.com/TheViallFiles  THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: ShipStation - Get a 60-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/viall Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring the show!  Aura - For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online, all for FREE when you visit https://www.aura.com/viall  Sundays For Dogs - We worked out a special deal for our dog-loving listeners. Get 35% off your first order of Sundays. Go to https://www.SundaysForDogs.com/VIALL or use code VIALL at checkout. Paramount Plus - Reality ain’t so bad. Paramount Plus. Streaming now.  Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @itseiliseguilfoyle @nnataliejjoy @alison.vandam @liffordthebigreddog @dereklanerussell

what's going on everybody welcome back to another exciting episode of the vile files freestyle edition and part two of the bachelorette men bios we're just kicking in here talking about life whatever you know the households here derrick alley and amanda you've done that pop culture different ways today correspondent you know i'm just keeping it i'm pure chaos what's going on in my brain like god only knows we have a pop culture correspondent here natalie joy is with us you can make some noise and uh becoming just a real series regular elise gilfoyle something the only yeah i'm on tan yeah pretty close pretty similar yeah i hope you enjoyed part one it was a wacky episode i think we had fun yeah we're still here literally five minutes later for us it's been a week for you but uh you know we got to separate these things anyways uh what do we want to what do we got to

get into anything we need to you know fresh up on on the world get into before we freshen up i don't know let our audience know what's on our mind. You know, any problems, any insecurities that we have. I don't know. Spill. Well, there was an interesting discussion between Hoda and Jenna this morning about when couples go out to eat and share food, do you share your utensils

with one another? Like, are you feeding your partner from your fork? And I'm curious where people in the room fall on that. Like, where there's only one fork? Or like, hey, take a bite of this, babe. Yeah. So I think presumably

if you're going to be like, hey, try this food. Like, do you make them a bite and then give it to them on their fork? And then do you hand off the fork or do you put it in their mouth? Nick,

I feel like when we're at home, we share a lot. Everything. So like, is it disgusting that Natalie and I will share a drink? No, we've talked about the communal cup.

We have a communal cup. It's one big Yeti and it's full of water. And you guys just drink that during the day. Yeah. No, like for dinner. Yeah. We make one and we just share it wrong with that.

Cause like, I'm usually standing behind like the kitchen bar and like, she sits like, you know, once in a while I was at the dining room table and like, you know, be present and shit. Because like, I'm usually standing behind like the kitchen bar and like she sits. Like, you know, once in a while I'll sit at the dining room table and like, you know, be present and shit. But like,

but even when we're sitting at the dining room table, we have one cup. We only have one cup. Ever. When we're in public, Nick will be like, oh, try this and cut me a bite

and then put it on my plate and then I use my food. When we make steak, we cook one steak and share it. And usually I kind of like carve it for both of us type of thing because we just like we don't like cut my meat yeah kind of i already cut up my food for

me and that's good that's good i don't feed her well i think it's pretty standard i would think at a restaurant if you're like oh try this and then i i feel like i reach over and then they'll reach over same with like my girlfriends you go and like be like have a sip of my drink and then I feel like I reach over and then they'll reach over. Same with my girlfriends. You go and be like, have a sip of my drink, and then you just reach over with your own fork and do that. I'm personally not ladying the tramping with my fork over into his mouth, but that's because I'm not personally a sociopath, but that's me. I am personally a sociopath because I would like to control the bite that you have of like my big salad girl. And I feel like salads are so stigmatized.

Everyone's like it's a disgusting health food. Nobody would opt for them. It is like a sandwich without like weighed down like texture. You know, it's fresh. It's light. But it's really essential to have a bite that has like all the good things going. So I'll make like a golden bite. It will have the goat cheese.

It will have the apple. It will have the perfect amount of dressing. We'll throw a crouton in. And then I'll either pass the floor. I do love a golden bite. It does. And it's a form of love. Like you can tell when someone shafts you on the bite.

You're like, oh. Interesting. So that's romaine. So that's strictly lettuce. And I've had that before. Not a lick of anything else. And I always give Natalie the best cuts of meat when we have the steak. She does. Not always, but you do a lick of anything else. I always give Natalie the best cuts of meat when we have the steak.

Not always, but you do a majority of the time. But he will announce when he's not giving it to me. He'll be like, this is a great bite. And then eat it. I'm like, perfect. This is so good. She gives him so many great bites of the steak. He also gives Jeff the great bites as well. No, I give him the ends.

That's not true. I've never given him a best bite. Does it make Jeff beg? Jeff sits like a gentleman and just looks at you. He doesn't make a peep. He is silent. He just looks at you and he's so good that you're like, you know what? You deserve this. I'm always like, you would never know what

this tastes like. How glorious is it? He immediately swallows it. I'm like, if you would have chewed that up, you would know that like this is amazing he's doing it oyster style i the other oh my god i yesterday went to happy hour with genevieve she's from bachelor everyone knows her loves her um and her friend and we were sitting there and they were talking about like aphrodisiac like foods you know yeah and they were talking about oysters and i was like oyster reminds me of like swallowing a cum load i'm so sorry but it does it does it not like that like act now that you say it right i don't know what is swallowing a cum load does it yeah

is there a gulp in there oh it's just like a you're like poking at a penis with a fork first and then you have to poke at it like a a fork first and then putting a tiny bit of like lemon a little bit of lemon a little bit of hot sauce no but it's like I hate oysters same

same you just want to swallow it as fast as you can because you don't want it to like sit in your mouth for a long time

and it just and it's more it's like business because you're just like I have to keep swallowing or else there's too much in my mouth

that's going to come out have any of you ever gagged up have you ever thrown up on a dick like I have to keep swallowing or else there's too much in my mouth. Have you ever gagged up? Have you ever thrown up on a dick? No. I have. And I immediately just kept going.

I was like, oh my God. And that should be the clip for the episode. That is so hardcore. That is really hardcore. If I announce that I just yacked on a penis, I will never never recover so i'm just gonna act like it didn't happen the fact that why didn't this not gentleman uh notice i think it was just he was like that's real she's like it was unit he was like that's real wet no that was bad that was a bad moment of my life. Yak smells. Oysters? The fact that people eat that like willingly and they go to a place for that and they think

that that is like the height of, and I'm like, I don't think it tastes good. I think we all can agree it doesn't. Everyone's lying. Who likes it? I've eaten oysters. I can't eat oysters, but I'm a cocktail, I like a cocktail sauce. So I'm just like smothering it with cocktail sauce. And lemon.

So then you're like, do I actually like oysters? Or am I just putting a bunch of stuff on? That's what I'm saying. I don't know if I like oysters. I've just figured out a way to eat oysters without throwing up. No, see, like my friends are obsessed with oysters. We will go to happy hour and Steph and Diego will be like, you want to split a dozen? Oh, no, I want my own dozen.

Like they like love oysters. There's something about it where it's like, you want to split a dozen? Oh, no, I want my own dozen. Like they like love oysters. There's something about it where it's like. All this talk of happy hour. I'm like, what time is it? Pretty good. It's Friday. Should we ask Armando? Yeah, please.

He's probably over at Just Tires. Helping people out. Should we bring him to islands down the street? Paying for more meters. I will say, I think it was like Just Tires or it was AutoZone. And I was trying to buy a windshield wiper for my car. And when I was there, one of the guys was like, oh, I'll help you like fit it to see if it works. Yes. He like tried to fit it. He was like, OK, so this is the size. And it was just like there was something about it that they were like originally they

were on sale and then they weren't. It was like a whole thing. So I didn't end up getting one. But then a few days later, I looked down at my car and one of my windshield wipers was just gone. And he hadn't replaced it properly. So he was doing a really nice thing for me. So I'm like, well, I'm not going to try to get you in trouble or like this is a me problem because like this man was trying to help me. But now I just have like only one windshield wiper on my car and it's bad for morale. Is it on the passenger side or your side? It's on my side. Okay, that's good. did armando see you just go pay for your parking again and

he was like he's like who is she what is that girl doing um amanda's card did you venmo her no no she wouldn't let me i wouldn't let her for two dollars she wouldn't let me but it's kind of a little crazy that you can't go to your bank and get a card that same day. Yeah. Like Bank of America was like, we'll send it to you. I'm like, I need it now. I have a dog bitten card. It's not a good look for me.

Yeah. Have you tried using the tap functionality? The tap works. Like tap works. So that's and I have Apple Pay. So like it hasn't really been an issue and it should be at my home tomorrow. But it's still like you forget the things that you need to swipe for yeah no they're out there it's okay you'll tap out i'm in the market it'll be well yeah it'll be fine have you ever had a boob job no god

yeah i asked for them to be hanging to the floor i asked for my nipples to be pointing down and like no i haven't had one are you gonna get one oh for sure after i have children i for sure would get one i'm too scared i think of like breastfeeding whatever i know it's like not an issue but like it scares me it's not how does that work i'm always confused yeah i don't know i'm actually really curious i don't know but i know people who have boob jobs they're not like disconnecting your mouth jugs nally has performed a uh the surgery multiple times augmentation could you think you could do one on your own i mean i know like legally that like can't if we're like on an island there's no rules uh the surgeon has sadly left us and elise is like i need to find yourself stranded and she's just like i need

a boob job today or i will die could you perform said yes it wouldn't be like amazing yeah i wouldn't i don't know if i would go to you for it but maybe if i'm on an island at that point i don't know if that would be my concern but i'm just wondering about natalie's like you know she assists in all these surgeries and on some level like whether she would or could or is licensed to do i'm just like wondering if you know you do something i have yeah a lot of 10 000 hours like could you so could you do them i feel like how long does it take oh my god 15 minutes if that a breast augmentation takes 15 minutes once once you're down if it's a good surgeon really anytime i like see what are what are your like

options the doctors for a breast augmentation? Like, you know, like if you go in, you know, like if you're like shopping for a TV, it's like, you know, high def. Can you see what the venti looks like? Yeah. Like what are like. Well, obviously sizes. You can do like silicone or saline. What's the difference?

Silicone is like that, like. Joey or gushy? Yeah. It's like a juggly more. And saline is like a waterbed. Saline are the ones that can pop thoughushy? Yeah, it's like a juggly more. Like a waterbed. And saline is like a waterbed. Saline are the ones that can pop though, right? Yeah.

That's scary. So are they less expensive? Is one more? I would say saline is less expensive. Yeah. Okay. What looks more natural? Nowadays, they both can look pretty natural.

But you can also do like under the muscle or above the muscle. What's the difference? Oh. Under the muscle, it looks more natural because you have the breast muscle. You can put it under that breast muscle and it looks more natural because you have like breast tissue and the breast muscle over it. So it's like kind of covered by it doesn't just look like a little rock in there. But it's a lot like harder of a recovery because you've moved your muscle around.

So now you're like in so much pain. So a lot of some people will opt for it over the muscle. So you're not like in pain and you have a shorter recovery. Huh? Yeah. And is that a 15 minute procedure as well? Or like a 25 minute procedure? Might be like a little longer because you got to go under the muscle.

But it's still like not you just like make it and sit. Some do it under the breast. Some do it around the under the muscle. But it's still like not, you just like make it and sit. Some do it under the breast. Some do it around the, under the nipple. Under the nipple is definitely like, if you could get that, get that for sure. That's ideal. The more people that I meet who I never knew had them is what made me be like, oh, they can look so natural.

So many people in LA have them and got them when they were like 20. Yeah. Everyone thinks my boobs are fake. Yeah. I mean, what a gift. What an absolute gift. Don't you have to get them redone like every decade? Yeah, no, blessed. Blessed. Yeah. You have to like do them every are fake. Yeah. I mean, what a gift. What an absolute gift. Don't you have to get them redone like every decade?

Yeah. No, blessed. Blessed. Yeah. You have to like do them every 10 years. Yeah. There's maintenance required. Okay.

You just want to get them checked. They can rupture. They can like, you just want to like make sure everything's like working right. And they rupture mostly because of like overzealous men or? Oh. Ooh. No, just kind of like. Running into the wall.

Do you think they're just like squeezing? They're like, oh. I don't know. I just don like what how would one yes have you have you performed a surgery on on ruptured and what was the story um i i don't remember her exact story but some of them is just like the type of implant is just an older if they got a you know 10 years ago it's just like an older implant so it didn't just a leaky bag yeah a leaky bag yeah some like form scar tissue around it's just like sometimes you just heal a little funky you have to like pop scar tissue it's the craziest sound i remember my the surgeon i worked for we'd have um women come in like for their checkups you know like after they get a boob job and um they would be like it's so tight and he'd feel it and it would be really tight it's because like scar tissue is kind of starting so he would like he would like push down on it and

it would pop and then it would be like a looser grabbing my girl yeah I know but then like if you have a surgery to remove scar tissue then yeah like I had a I had a bunch of scar tissue in my lip and so they had to like open up my lip from the backside have a surgery to remove scar tissue, then, yeah. Like, I had a bunch of scar tissue in my lip. And so they had to, like, open up my lip from the backside and scrape out all the scar tissue. But then they were like, we can't do too much of, like, it's inherently going to scar again. And they're like, if you do too much, you'll have, like, a divot. It's a whole, like. Why did you have scar tissue on your lip?

Because I pass out with needles. And so I got shots before I went to college. And I completely face planted and busted up my whole face and like my teeth moved and I bit through the back of my lip so I had like this huge lump on my lip and so I did like steroid shots and then like a surgery like while I was awake and then like

I was like squeezing the nurse's hand and the doctor was like such a dick he was like it doesn't hurt that bad I was like you wanna test it? There are like some places on your body that if you are numbed, shot, any poked with like a needle is so fucking painful. Your toes, your like ears,

if you have to do any sort of ear thing, your nose, it's just like, is this like that the weirdest pain that it is, it hurts so bad. Did you know that you can actually rip someone's ear off very easily? Did you know that you can bite off your own finger like you can a carrot? I knew that. They said that. hurts so bad. Did you know that you can actually rip someone's ear off very easily? Did you know that you can bite off your own finger like you can a carrot? I knew that.

Yes, they said that. You don't because your brain won't let you, but someone else can because it has the consistency of a carrot. This ear situation. This ear thing, we were talking about the carrot thing and then someone had said that about your ear.

It's actually, like, really fleshy and easy to actually rip right off. Do you want ears? I got floppy ears. Do I want my ears? See, you're always fucking grabbing my ears, and that's what I'm saying. You got to be more careful. You're going to rip his ear right off.

I like his ear lobe, the part at the bottom. Yeah. And I just like to rub on it. She's always just fucking cranking on it. Nick does. He's got big old ears ears and they're just the cutest crank on nick's ears i go to town you know that your ears just keep growing so him as an old man love yeah love just love and he's always like what what am i i know you can fucking hear me bitch them bitches are big you know like they used to call me dumbo in middle school honey are you okay that'll hurt you they used to call me Dumbo in middle school. Honey, are you okay? That'll hurt you.

They used to call me Ellie. They called me Bridget. That's so weird. They called me Sweet Ellie at Gox.net. That's a callback, folks. Listen to episode one of Bachelor Bios. Last week's freestyle, in case you were wondering. iPhone update?

Oh my gosh, yes. There's a new iPhone update. You can leave FaceTime voicemails. FaceTime. It's bad for me when I'm drunk. Oh, I hate that. Can you imagine? No, I love that. It's sort of like,

why the fuck didn't you answer me, bitch? Like, listen, Jeff wanted to say hi. It's like the cutest thing. That's true. I do think people will get in trouble because it's one thing if you leave a voicemail

when you're drunk, but if you send a video, like the videos you could have of people being like, answer the call yeah there's like someone making out the background i miss you also can you re-record can you re-record if you fuck up because like i'm or can they record your voicemail they could probably save it right certainly screen record it sure you're fucked everyone's fucked yeah i don't like any i don't

need any footage of me when i'm drunk. No. She's not cute. Delete that footage. They also have a new journal app that creates personalized suggestions to inspire writing. These suggestions are curated from information on your iPhone, like photos, location, music, and workouts. Like what's your childhood trauma kind of thing? Like I need more places to write my target target laundry list, my like password and my like random list of batteries.

That's less exciting. What else? Why also, why on the new like text update, like with the unsend, why do they give the person a notification that you unsent it? Like it defeats the whole fucking purpose of like my bad. Is it edited? They also show you what they edited. Cause are you guys getting that because my phone

isn't updated so i get my friends and it's so funny because i have like a passive-aggressive friend who sent me like this whole long thing like she being like hey would you mind blah blah and then i saw edited too and it was the exact same thing but at the end she added a heart and like uh it's like so me yeah uh and i'm like but i get both messages i get the edited updated you can see both still so it's pointless wait that's so but I get both messages. I get the edited. Even if it's updated, you can see both still. So it's pointless. Wait, that's so weird. You might as well just send the little star that we used to. Because I told her that I could see both

and she was mortified. It was like, oh my god, wait, really? No, it's just a heart and a heart handed version. I'm confused. What's the difference between edited and unsent? So if I send a message and let's say I'm like, oh, there's a typo. I can go in and edit it and then on your screen it will like show what I

edited to like that final version but it will say edited under and then I can you can click that and then you can see the history of the draft versus with unsending it's like sucking it back out. But it'll say Amanda unsent a message. You can't see the message. It'll give you a notification. Yeah but why does it even do that? It says like I clearly

did not mean to send that. It does on instagram too yeah on instagram also i thought that you could not read or like you could do unread but it still shows people that you read it did you guys know that no y'all listen when i was first dming with nick when we first met i was like trying to be so like cute and like my tongue's too long and i remember we were we were dming on instagram and i said something and then i was like oh my god that's like i can think of something way better so i was like the first day yeah i unsent it and sent something else and he responded with i liked your first message better and I was like oh I would literally cliff jump what first message so crazy I unsent it I'm telling you it doesn't or if you don't want to

show the person that you've read it like you can do unread or whatever yeah which I feel like if you get I it's very confusing with like general messages requests whatever so for a while I was just reading all these messages and then I would click unread, unread. So I didn't have to respond to anyone. Sorry. And then it actually says read to all of them. That just like reminds you to like respond. It's just for your own inbox.

Yeah, the unread is completely useless. People have been going around thinking like they're not like leaving people unread and that is not happening. Do you know what we need more than anything is a schedule send message for texts because the day i learned about that on email it changed my life that you can schedule send an email and like you can use it to like remind yourself of stuff like if you get a subscription you can schedule send an email for the day and be like cancel the subscription

immediately bitch and i just feel like with texting sometimes like i always think to respond to people at times that are like inconvenient where it's like i don't want to text this person at 1 a.m like even if it's a friend like they might be sleeping or like i don't want my or like i'll think of something like very benign to send my mom but i'm like i don't want to wake you up or make you think this is an emergency i feel like that's my like number one update wish list do you guys have any schedule text or updates it'll send it out at the time that you schedule that's what i would like yeah in my ideal world that seems like why don't they that seems like something they can do yeah i'm putting it out there there was a group message feature where if you haven't been checking your group message you can like tap a button it'll bring you back up to the first message oh that's

cool you don't have to kind of like see where you've missed out i don't get any i don't need any group text messaging updates like i hate the group someone who's in several with you for a group chat than you nick yeah i don't i do not read group text messages so you're one of those people that it'll say like 177 messages and you just won't click no no it'll be like the group message and then you'll be looking through it and all of a sudden it says nick fayal removed himself from the group chat you irish exit group chats sometimes in the family when i don't and then obviously i have the work ones the work ones i i participate in um but personal group text message stuff i want nothing to do with you're like tell me the plan tell me when and where i need to be there texting etiquette like you'll be like eight people in the group and then you have like two or three like

mainstays and they just start talk texting about something about something else mainstays you know to the group and all of a sudden you're getting all these notifications about like you know who's bringing the casserole or something over like their hang that's me like there's no etiquette you and i would be like what are you doing do you want to hang out like loved your outfit i saw it the other day it was so cute and everyone's exciting and if someone is not good at like kind of cleaning their inbox so to speak like you're just like creating a nightmare for me. Fair. Another fix that's coming is ducking for autocorrect. That sounds like a sex sling term.

Finally, they're changing where you can say fucking. Oh, yeah, that's nice. It will learn and let you use curse words. So that's thrilling. It's about time. There's also kind of more you can better customize people's thrilling. It's about time. There's also kind of more, you can better customize people's contacts. So that way when they call, instead of it just being like a photo, the whole screen can be. Anyone with an Android right now is like, next, next, next.

15 seconds. 15 seconds. 15 seconds. Yeah. If you have an Android, that's your problem. I'm so sorry. No, literally. Why?

Red flag. Why? If I text you and it's green, I'm pissed. I think it's because I do value group messages and I like, or even if I'm like organizing something, it's really nice to have everyone in it to where you can respond to stuff. Because even when someone is green, they're like, no, no, no, just include me in the group message. But then you can't do the hearts or whatever because it says like so and so hearted this.

And I'm like, you just aren't going to be in the group message then. Yeah. And you can't do the hearts or whatever because it says like so and so hearted this and i'm like you just aren't going to be in the group message then yeah and you can't name the group chat that's the worst part yeah i know they say androids are like technically better phones or whatever i don't want to hear and android keeps trying to do all these like cool and i swear the commercials are very cool they keep doing these sleek new designs every time i'm like yes still gonna have an iphone because i'm not a loser yeah i when i was matchmaking there was a client who was like i don't want to date anyone with an android because it came up on the first date she like i set her up with and she was like it just it says something about their personality like i think she's getting like anarchist vibes that person's gonna be single

forever i don't like disagree no like they're they're they i mean i get is like an anecdotal like weird, whatever. But like this person was being serious. Yeah, I really don't actually care. I'm just saying. For a matchmaker. And they're confusing non-negotiables and pet peeves. I'm just saying.

You're trash. They were serious about it. I don't care at all. You're trash. I won't respond to you. Yeah. Don't care and I really don't care. It could be like a work thing.

You know, maybe they're just thrifty. They just want to pay for their. What did she say it said about said about them she's just like it just means that they like go against the grain and are like kind of like going like anarchists like or individually like they're too like controversial i think kind of controversial but like just like that they're like you know like anti-institution or like that's so funny that's also just like a misinformed interpretation because like at least back in the day i was aware that if like you know, like anti-institution or like, that's so funny. That's also just like a misinformed interpretation because like, at least back in the day, I was aware that if like, you know,

computer programmers, for example, guys who are like really in the tech would be more drawn to the Android because it was an open platform versus a closed platform, et cetera, et cetera. Maybe it's a company phone. And maybe they're just like, hey, I'd prefer, you know, but at the end of the day, they're paying for my cell phone bill and like thrifty. I'll take it. Yeah.

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has been leaked online. All for free when you visit aura.com slash V-I-A-L-L. That's aura.com slash V-I-A-L-L to sign up for a 14-day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones today. All right. Well, I think it's time to get back into the bios. We have the premiere of charity season next week. Before we get into the bios of part two, just a couple housekeeping notes thursday going deeper is our 600th episode of the wow wow that's amazing that's a lot of words a lot of voices uh it's

going to be a special surprise who we're going to be talking to so either way get excited uh well we do love this group maybe you're saying that you're saying that and yet we're not invited for a six-week episode well how many episodes can we have with Elise in the past two weeks a lot your episode 599 and 597 which is huge

that's been my goal yeah that was huge you booked it and of the 600 episodes that we've done, how many... This is your fifth? Yeah, I feel maybe. My fifth.

Yeah, I think my fifth. Yeah. Wow. Fifth or sixth? Okay, I'm literally... Start being red. Justin Long, watch your back. At least...

No, I mean, like, she surpassed Justin Long. Yeah, so take... I know he's... I know it's been neck and neck with us Justin now I've done more I'm putting this rivalry to bed yeah I win

him and I have been like at it for a while we thank you guys I mean 600 that's wonderful and we're still one of the fastest growing podcasts out there which says a lot about y'all and us you know so thanks because we've been around for a long time and yet we're still growing so thank you to you all for listening

supporting the show uh what a great time to go ahead and like give us a five-star review on spotify or apple itunes if you're feeling generous anyways let's let's get back into it. We left off, I think, with Joe? John Henry. John Henry? Well, we had John. We're starting with John Henry. Oh, we only have one pretty boy, Joey. The rest are just kind of a bunch of guys

who, if they were below 5'10", we wouldn't have sex with. Well, Joe, I feel like we said it was kind of cute, right? I wouldn't. Joey is the only guy. I think this is a new test that I think people, like, would't have sex with. Well, Joe, I feel like we said it was kind of cute. I wouldn't. Joey is the only guy. I think this is a new like test that I think people like, would you have sex for all like the tall men out there? You got to ask yourself. But if if if he was below 5'10", would I still sleep with him?

Or I think if you saw them on a dating app where their height is there and they have that face, would you want to go out with them like in the first place john henry all right he's handsome and he's an underwater welder okay this is a crazy career love which one is is is it him that's like uh all tatted we don't add it up boy there's like one that like everyone's raving about that he's like covered in tats i think it is him natalie because i think i saw a photo i think they cut it offaving about that he's like covered in tats. I think it is him, Natalie, because I think I saw a photo. I think they cut it off on his arm. He's an underwater welder. That's hardcore.

No, that's like. Oh, yeah, he does have tats. That's hot. Yeah. OK. How do we know? Can we see Virginia Beach, Virginia? Virginia Bay.

Virginia girl here. OK. Because he has kind of very boy next door. He has a very kind, gentle face. I think he's really cute. He's very cute. He is cute. And he a very kind gentle he's really cute he's very cute he is cute and he's got tattoos and he's an underwater welder so what do they need that kind of stuff for like ships and stuff yeah that and he probably makes like welding just welding above water is

a good living wow you can make his instagram is he's got a great instagram it's not cringe it's not like it's not like i swear he's got a good photo. It's not cringe. It's not like, I swear he's got a good photo. Let me just keep looking. No, this isn't his best photo. But you know. He is a dad who's going to break some arms, as evidenced by the way he's holding this little boy. At least he's holding that boy and not a fish.

Like every other picture. That always hurts. All right. Okay, cute, John Okay. John Henry. Underwater. John Henry is ready for a love deeper than the ocean

while he's extremely passionate about his work as an underwater welder. John Henry has yet to find the spark of everlasting love. John Henry is looking. Is his real name

John Henry? Is that a middle name? Or is it like a first? It's probably a first middle, but he goes by John Henry. Mama calls him John Henry. Yeah. The ladies probably love a John Henry. He introduced himself as John Henry.

John Henry, yeah. His dream is to take his future wife diving. So hopefully, Charity is ready for some aquatic exploration. When he's not working, John Henry loves hitting the gym and jamming out to ASAP Rocky. Oh no! Oh no! ASAP Rocky!

It's cut off. AP courses. Oh no! It was on a second line. That was so sweet. It was like really... ASAP Rocky. That was a moment. That was really moment. A-S-A-P. That was a moment. That was really sweet. Well, John Henry says he can be a bit shy at first.

Once he opens up, he's all. And we can't wait to see if he and Charity hit it off. Fun facts, shamelessly loves pumpkin spiced lattes. They're good. They're good. If he loved them, he would have called them a PSL. John Henry prefers ornament grasses. Ornamental grasses over flowers.

Okay. What's an ornamental, what's ornamental grasses? Ornamental grasses. It's just like the decorative grass. Shrubbery that's like carved into a shape. I love that. Yeah.

I don't know. You should give him like a little bush plant instead of like flowers, I guess. He's only seen 20 movies in his whole life what are those 20 movies yeah how is that and why is literally possible yeah what is he doing underwater childhood because i feel like most people in childhood alone see way more than that grass so why was he never watching movies as a kid listen he was he is underwater in the water yeah that is a crazy fact it's like he does jam out to asap rocky listen we gotta get him to watch a few more

movies asap rocky i'm cool yeah okay well uh cutie good looking john henry's my favorite john henry yeah i say he's my favorite and and joey yeah do we think he goes far i think he's final john henry yeah and joey yeah head to head yeah yeah it's not just a looks competition some of those like hotties like i know i feel like adrian is adrian could be up there all right. He does have the Virginia thing going and like the 20 movies gives like brought up in a rural area where you can't do anything. So maybe if charity is like from the super small town, Columbus, Georgia, giving like where I grew up. OK, we've got Josh.

OK. Harvard. That's it. He's just a Harvard grad. Oh, God. I haven't figured it out yet. Harvard. That's it.

He's just a Harvard grad student. He hasn't figured it out yet. Well, the Harvard grads do not have a good history of not talking about Harvard. It's like Andy in The Office. Yeah. You know, he went to- Cornell. Cornell. Well, and then we had, what's his name?

Was it Bennett? Bennett. Bennett. Yeah. Who didn't know math. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, the reveal reveal what is it about going to Harvard where you have to have these fucking collars on your sweaters afterwards I feel like it's such a specific kind of like pretentious rich person aesthetic again it's the Van Puse he gave up a lucrative career on Wall Street in a grad

program at Harvard to work for a non a nonprofit building international affordable housing. Okay, that's cool. Wow. Red flag. What? Why?

He's a good person. I'm a cynic. How old is this guy? Don't trust him. 30. He helps other people. Absolutely not. Disgusting.

Well, this is not the same, but I just think people who start non-for-profit foundations like under the age of like 45 are just doing it for the clout. Well, I always wonder what you can if he so he worked for a nonprofit, though, so he didn't start it. Yeah, he could actually be building Internet. I mean, yeah, listen, I think that's a great thing. He says he's happiest when knowing i've made someone else's day better okay that's sweet yeah i think he's either like the biggest sweetheart or an absolute monster yeah i know in between that feels like everybody i've known too many people who like

have the great resumes and they're just fucking pricks he helped raise his two younger brothers okay that's a that's a love that's that. Hopes he has four kids one day. When he isn't busy making the world a better place at his work, he loves playing board games and grabbing a drink at a speakeasy.

This feels like kids. Four buzzwords from a dating app. We were like, speakeasy, board game. Foundation, not for profit. Love to go to a speakeasy. Like he's trying to like search engine optimization.

He literally did chat GBT of like how to be an ideal man. He's like restaurants i feel like he camped in 27 national parks before he was six so he didn't remember any of them right his favorite holiday is easter that's a huge red flag that's why what i'm wondering is do they write these like themselves who would be like i i mean i like easter is it my favorite holiday yeah listen like you know i i as a a Christian, I understand it's the most important holiday because Jesus has risen.

I understand. But like just from a honesty standpoint, it is so not the most fun or enjoyable or like family oriented or like less of the traditions. Like there's no vibe for Easter. I would like to go back to he wants to have four kids that's like putting a lot of pressure on his wife like four yeah jesus you want like how you want me to pump out four fucking kids well i think people also when you ask you're like how many kids would you like i think you can say i want to have you know this many kids but it doesn't

need to be like you know then you might meet someone and it changes i think it is absolutely bold as fuck for a male to say like he can be like yeah like i like would love i if maybe i am lucky i would love to have but have a large family have a large but to be like let me give you a number of I'm not really doing anything you know what I'm saying like I'm not doing jack shit but let me tell you how many kids I want my partner like he's asking do you want to have four kids on the second date yeah I mean I just never

know with these setups too they might be like yeah he could be like I want to have a big family or but like if he is the type of person that's the flip side of the nice guy that we think he would be the type of person to be the flip side of the nice guy that we think, he would be the type of person to be like, give me four. Obviously, we're being giant pricks here when calling about all these bios. Every single one.

For sure. He also says he hopes to have four kids. Oh, there was hopes. I can't read that. Oh, okay. Sorry. Sorry. I take it back.

He's going to make you wake up early on a sunset hike. He's going to make you wake up. And fucking so he can get those four. He's not going to have those sunset hikes when he has four kids. Favorite holiday is Easter. I want to know why. Maybe there's like

some family thing that they do. Yeah, maybe it's like the one day a year him and all of his fam get together. Maybe he wants to take his four kids

to an Easter egg hunt. Maybe he likes ham. Maybe he wants to go to Honey Baked Ham in Roanoke, Virginia on Colonial Avenue. Yes. All right.

Dude, your dad is going to be so proud of you. Listen, ham spokesperson till I die. Caleb? Caleb with a K. How many Caleb's are there? 17. Well, he's Caleb with a K. Norcross, Georgia.

Not only is his name, is his last initial K, the name Caleb is spelled with a K. Wow. He's a... Construction salesman is spelled with a K. Wow. He's a construction salesman. I love a blue collar job. I love a construction man. I love like get nitty gritty.

I love a welder, an engineer, a plumber. Love. We need all those. We're engaged to a pop culture. I was literally just going to say that.

I'm not saying like I love a podcast host. I love seeing these type of people on this show listen like you were also a salesman yeah i was you know so like i did manual labor in college i did a lot of construction first job was mowing lawns i feel like a lot of these people probably do have jobs like this and until they like if we really think back to who's like popped off in bachelor Nation I'm sure they all had like they're all gonna

Cameron was in construction his intro package for Hannah Brown season was him being like dancing I was nearly a dance minor in college and he like ripped off his shirt and was dancing around his construction site yeah a minor not even a dance major and he was almost a dance minor

well this former division one football player, spent many years bettering himself as ready to take the next step to find true love as a loyal, caring, and consistent partner. Caleb K. will go the extra mile to appreciate his partner's passions. What is Caleb passionate about? Well, pushing himself to be the best. With a blueprint and blue belt with a blue belt in Jiu Jitsu. Sorry, that's not as good as black, is it?

Nope. Good call out. Where's the follow through, Caleb? Aim higher, ladies. Caleb is excited to put his competitive edge to the test. Fellow Auburn Tiger alum or eagle? Oh, Caleb. So did he. Fellow Auburn Tiger alum. Or Eagle. Oh, Caleb. Okay.

Wait, so did he play for Auburn? Or he just went to Auburn. It says he's a Division I football player. Yeah. Go to Caleb K. Auburn Football. That would be cool. Or he played at a different school and then he went there. He's like the best and I literally have no idea who he is.

Yeah, Auburn. He was on the team in 2019. Offensive line. Offensive line? Okay, fucking Caleb. Can we get a zoom in? This guy's Auburn. He was on the team in 2019. Offensive line. Offensive line? Okay, fucking Caleb. Can we get a zoom in? This guy's a monster.

He's 6'4". He's probably lost some weight because you have to keep on weight as an offensive lineman, but he's listed as 6'4", 300 pounds. His photo looks so different than his. Wow. Yeah, he's trimmed down. See, that's why these,

like even that photo, his football photo, he's way more handsome in that photo Than his bachelor fucking photo Oh my gosh I love Caleb Kim Yay Shout out Caleb Kim Caleb love you more eagle

I immediately want to be nicer to him now that I know He played for the Auburn Tigers Like wait we love him Nick has an eagle tattooed on his body For Auburn Wait he's personally offended by mayonnaise Fuck you I love Caleb tigers like wait we love him love him nick has an eagle tattooed on his body for auburn yeah yeah wait he's personally offended by mayonnaise oh fuck you i love caleb i thought you were saying fuck you no fuck you caleb i was like oh god that was enough

say the wrong thing to nick spoken to let's get caleb on the show yeah offended by mayonnaise he's offended by mayonnaise uh hopes to visit south korea and learn more about his heritage what a sweet angel baby love him love him love him love him love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love

love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love, we love hard. No, the stamp of approval must come. Our hearts are on our sleeve. It's so big. Khalid. Khalid, 28, tech recruiter, Dearborn, Michigan. Okay. Khalid is a sweet soul who is really ready to find the one. He comes from a big Muslim family and has seven siblings. Okay, we love a large family.

So hopefully charity is ready for some lively family dinners. Interesting that, like, I mean, they just don't acknowledge like anything other than Christian on this show. So often I find it to be unique that we are like highlighting and, and, and supporting a Muslim family. Yeah. Charity, it seems like has some strong Christian roots, but curious how that might play out on the television set.

I'd love for them to talk about something like that. Television set. Yeah. On that program called the bachelorette. I'm just saying like, you know, yeah, I know yeah i i think that would be an interesting conversation to have jammy nasiza love that i was waiting on nick to say sza and we have sza that he's running to at the gymnasium on the television it was on a different line it was on a different line i do always wonder if they live near they must all like because so

many of these things are like they love going home and having dinner with their eight siblings and they're like 30 and i'm like i have a big family but i feel like a lot of these people live near they stay near where they grow up which is interesting like i always wonder how that would shake out with like when you decide where to live when they have these big family things and you know because that could be a little tricky. A hundred percent. Michigan versus Georgia. He likes reading gaming magazines like hunting? Okay. Gaming?

No. Like a video game. A gamer? He's a gamer. Okay. Don't most people just like stream on Twitch or something? Like magazines is kind of an interesting medium. Well we share the same desire for the teleport superpower. What would we share? The same desire for the teleport superpower.

That would be mine. Okay. He would like to have his own farm someday. What would be on that farm, Khalid? Maybe apples. He could collaborate.

Animal farm? Love. We love an animal farm. Some crops. Crops. Some corn. Yeah. Hopefully crops and corn

and animals. Some lambs. We just list different things that could be on a farm for the entire rest of the episode candles people keep going

15 seconds and it's like some lambs we're all like half asleep maybe cows wood farm Michael is a yacht captain

oh that and say less no I'm choosing Michael add a cart sorry gonna need that immediately buy now not add to cart buy now on amazon immediately he is ready to set sail on his journey for love

the yacht captain considers himself a romantic who puts time into the little things okay often showering his partner with sentimental gifts well Well, I do love a gift, so that is good in my book. He believes if a woman feels safe and taken care of, the energy will be reciprocated. Although he grew up an only child, this Chicago-based charmer

is also very family-oriented and wants to have a big family someday. When he's not working on his yacht, he's spending time with his beloved grandfather on the off season. Will he find a first mate in charity? Our compass is pointing to yes.

I'm going to be honest. I feel like we didn't get much about him in that little paragraph. Yeah, just 14 different boat like jokes. Relationship with grandfather. Love. He likes his grandpa. Okay, that's sweet. I really like that.

I know we haven't really been commenting on their fluffy little like he's passionate and wants a partner who's consistent or whatever else. But I do think the whole like when a woman feels safe and taken care of, like the energy will be reciprocated. I love that. That's really good sentence. Like when people want reassurance from their partners, it's like can be received with so much negativity. And it shows me that he's very comfortable doing that. I was trying to see if I'd worked with him in the past. So I just typed in captain and these are all the.

He's not one of them. Why do you have so many contacts? Because I ran a boating company. You ran a boating company? You lived a thousand lives. Oh, my captains. Also, isn't it kind of weird that he lives in Chicago and is a yacht captain? No, that's where my boat company was.

I say my. I was just like, you know, head of operations. But... My boat. So we would send people out on Lake Michigan. The bitches would want to go on the river, which is shit because of the lock system you spend so much time just waiting that sentence the bitches want to go on the river but it's shit because of the lock system what does any of that no so we'll do like a bare boat charter out in chicago so we'd like hire him and put him with the boat and then they like take it out on the lake, go out to the playpen, tie up with other boats. Wow.

Don't step aboard. I don't know what you ladies think about this, but Micah collects cologne. What does that mean? I don't know. I want you to have one scent that you wear that I love. And every time I smell that, I think of you. I'm not a new day, a different scent.

Don't keep me on my toes that way no i had a scent for like 15 years then you bought me a new scent wow you change it and this will be the scent and we're done with that no but then she told me to go back to the old scent because that's what you wore when we met so it like took me back to like nostalgia it was just like when you like better um emotions aside I feel like maybe the Le Labo, but the Dior is a Dior. Dolce & Gabbana. Dolce & Gabbana one really takes me back.

Michael can't date you if you like mushrooms on your pizza. I'll give up mushrooms for Michael, honestly. I don't like mushrooms. Are they just trying to be funny, or can we take someone seriously when they have these pet peeves listed as non-negotiables? I feel like it's a thousand percent like him having banter with a producer and be like

oh deal breaker you know yeah and then it doesn't translate well in writing if not he's like terrible like that's insane I mean it's the same thing with the mayonnaise like me and you you know it's not we can date no I know that's what I'm saying you guys can you guys can date he loves his rainwater shower head I

do love a rain wrap i love a rain i love a rainwater rainwater head shower it'll i'll get there no one day okay i mean they're definitely not great to share uh no because it's just it's just on one there yeah yeah i have one i could actually move if you guys want me to kind of slip over. I was actually, could you? Would you mind scooting the fuck over? Yeah, yeah. Sundays for dogs, guys.

This is not only something great to put in your pet's body, but like genuinely they will love to eat it. Point in case we were here late the other night turning around another great episode for you. And Sundays for Dogs had sent over some bags of food to the office. And Amanda had the idea of why don't we just keep some here for Kiki in case this ever happens. I poured Kiki her food into a cup. She was so in love with how it tasted that she there was one piece of the food that was stuck to the bottom of the cup. And she walked around the office with the cup in her mouth

over her snout. She couldn't see because she just wanted to get that last piece of sundaes for dogs. And I even noticed when I poured it for her, it comes in a bag. So you automatically think, it's going to be this like dry kibble. But it was so fresh. and it was it's kind of almost this like hybrid of really fresh ingredients that don't need to be stored in the fridge or the freezer. So it can just sit here and wait for her. She was obsessed. A thousand percent. And speaking of percentages, Sunday contains 90 percent meat, 10 percent vegetables and zero percent synthetic nutrients. So it really is like all the freshness, high quality that you want with the convenience of something that's shelf stable. Listen, if you love your dog as much as I love Jeff and as much as Allie loves Kiki, you want to give him the best quality food.

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See, reality ain't so bad. Your great reality escape starts now. Paramount Plus, stream now. Nick. Without a K. Oh my. He's different. HR executive. Looks like he's got pretty eyes. An HR executive would be

to me a pretty boring job. I also agree. Like, you just fucking snitch on people all day. But he's an executive. He's an army vet who's humble, loyal, and ready to find love. Army vet. I love an army vet. Okay, we love that. Thank you for your service.

I'm going to jump ahead. I'm so sorry because all I see is Mick's favorite local eatery is Walmart. His favorite local eatery. Eatery. I don't know if he knows what eatery means. So sorry. Well, he did serve in the army and maybe he's just used to like, you know,

not gourmet meals being served. But do they have hot food at Walmart? Or is he just like picking up some groceries and eating it in the parking lot? The ones in Georgia definitely don't have hot food. Yeah, is there like a I can't remember if this is a Costco, but is there a Walmart that has like that

kind of situation? Not that I'm aware of. Yeah, because even some Targets will have them. Like there will be like little like hot dogs. Unless Walmart has very much upgraded, but like not to my knowledge. Not the ones in Virginia. They do have like slippers and stuff. Nick without a K also loves to cook and said that if he could cook a dream meal for any four people, he'd pick Keanu Reeves, Bill Burr, Taylor Swift and obviously Charity.

Okay, wait. That's kind of a cool group. That's a cool group. I would love to be at that dinner. That's a dream blunt rotation. Yeah, Keanu Reeves, Taylor Swift, Maybe he just means he wants to get groceries at Walmart and then cook it. I feel like Taylor Swift is probably like, can I get the fuck out of here? Do I need

to be here? You're going to have a hard time keeping Taylor around around i feel like taylor and charity would vibe no for sure i guess i just meant with the but with the other two with the others yeah i feel like bill burr is a cool hang probably yeah well bill burr and keanu might he's also maybe too much terrified of tigers which like why because when i mean by what i mean by that is like duh like if i'm if i'm stuck in a room with a tiger i'm terrified but like what what made him terrified of tigers like did he have an incident maybe maybe we'll learn about that on a long one you know did he was he like the six-year-old who climbed over the fence at the zoo type of situation i think they do probably ask them like

what's the thing you're afraid of and that one guy said wasps and then they just make like nick's so scared of wasps and you're like okay i didn't say that but i literally just said like i don't like love them not a wasp fan like i'm scared of butterflies but like fine are you scared of butterflies yeah why um it comes from a childhood core memory of spongebob squarepants okay where um they had the caterpillar in sandy's um you know igloo whatever the fuck and it grew up to be a butterfly and then the butterfly took over the bikini bottom and it did like a real close-up of that butterfly's face terrifying and then i was in like fourth grade maybe and we were doing the whole like let's have caterpillars watch the caterpillars grow and

I had to stay back because I talked a lot and I got in trouble and so my teacher was like you have to stay back in class so I stayed back and someone did not shut that and all the butterflies got out and it was like they were circling me and I was under the table like sobbing that's like silence of the lamps isn't that

is there a butterfly no No, moths. Hello, Clarice. Right? Moths are creepy. Yeah. That would be my fun fact. Moths are vampire butterflies I think. Yeah. Okay. Next. Okay. Nick without a K. He does, five years from now, Nick wants to live in Shanghai. I will say

that's kind of a big. Very specific. Yeah, thing for a partner to get on board with. No. Don't want to do that. Say hi. I don't know. I mean, I'd visit.

I don't know if I want to live. Maybe. Oh, boy. This one. Peter. And he's a pilot. Oh, God. Take data.

They're doing that. Airline pilot. And he's in New York. And he's in New York. Does he know Bachelor Peter? Peter is... They must know each other because they're both pilots and their names are peter peter is ready to find his co-pilot obviously this commercial aviator has has traveled the world with his dream job and it still hasn't found the love of his life

well duh you're like going to random cities for 12 hours and getting back on a flight red flag describes himself as life of the party yeah absolutely the fuck here's my immediate thing is like his whole vibe and also pilots in general i've heard not to i mean categorize everyone because i'm sure there's amazing pilots but uh from what i know from like flight attendant people is like pilots are going around and a lot of times they're a little sleazy a little popping into different cities kind of and they definitely had chlamydia for sure for sure he's sure yeah on, you can quote us, Peter has chlamydia. But he self-describes- Every time he flies to Mexico, he goes to one of those pharmacies that you see in every

corner? Yeah. Yeah. That's his spot. They know his name. But then describing yourself as the life of the party, I feel like he also could maybe have a villain situation. I believe that as well.

Well, he's never play, he never loses at Mario Kart ever, he wants you to know red flag yeah he loves to play pickleball he is a rich kid cliche he's a rich clit yeah honestly you rich clit the vanderpump reunion like you rich you rich clit poo poo heads rich clit it's giving like Accutane

like that was like me in college oh my god when your lips are so fucked yeah my whole skin was like peeling off I can't relate it was never on it

but I do remember what's he look like again biggest flex was like having a boyfriend while I was on Accutane for like two years like okay I'm literally amazing

okay sweet Ellie yeah okay sweet Ellie cox.net okay sorry me at least they're in our own conversation another episode going on so sorry next is okay the three guys all look the same oh 25 yeah software sales rep tampa i'm gonna be honest. Why are they all selling software?

What is that? Who are you? One of my best friends is from Tampa, though, and he's so fun. So anytime I meet someone from Tampa, I'm like, are you also fun and nice? I actually also have a friend from Tampa who's very kind and nice. Laid back, like very beach people. Someone thinks Sean is really someone special. What did they say?

Last season, what was the one phrase they had all the time? The full package. The full package, yeah. We haven't had any of that. None of that. That was more for the women. I think we had one package so far. We had one package?

It might have even been in the first episode. Well, Sean is really someone special, according to whoever wrote this, with gorgeous blue eyes, a great career, and an adorable French bulldog. This guy has it all. What's his career again?

Software sales rep. But he does, he has bought a house. Okay. He's a homeowner. How old is he? 25. Okay.

Sean loves golfing and boat rides with his friends, so he's got money. That's fun. He is self, admittedly, a bad texter. He's a fuckboy.

He's making too much money at too young of an age And he's taking All these ladies To his new house And having some sex And then he's like I'm sorry

I'm just a bad texter Terrible texter He just gave himself away Any 25 year old guy Who identifies As a bad texter Is definitely a fuckboy Yeah

Takes pride in his Great head of hair That will not last long He's like At Adrian Let me see that hair Let me see that hair Yeah Is it headed back there there it looks like it could it looks a little like don't don't don't don't do that to him don't do that to him he takes pride in it it's like i don't

know it looks like it's falling off on the sun right there it's some broken ends you know i don't know i could see this guy rolling in first night, having a couple drinks and being like kind of there for like a good old time. And I don't, I don't know. I actually don't know if I like him. I'm telling you, self-identified bad texter equals fuckboy. He is giving like, talks about fantasy suites first night. Yeah.

Yeah. And gets sent home for that. Yeah. I feel like having blonde hair was very, a big part of his personality. For sure. That was childhood. Yeah. And he likes to dip his chocolate chip cookies in whole milk nothing wrong with that next what is whole milk like just thick i do love a chocolate yeah whole milk i didn't grow up with milk so i'm uh i'm in the dark you

didn't my sister i was born lactose intolerant oh my sister always told me that because she didn't want me to drink the milk in the house she told me that milk was cow's blood with no red blood cells. Why did she want all the milk to herself? That's a better question. You know, that is a great question. But it worked. I was scared of it. Well, milk is just basically mucous membrane.

Yum. Slurp it up. Got milk? Whoa. Hey, Spencer. What is this look he gave the camera? He looks like he's about to ask you for money. What if the camera got-

He's going to come up and ask you to pay his meter. What did the photographer say to this guy to elicit this face? Maybe that's his go-to smile. Give us sexy. He's done this in a mirror before. I can't even do it. What is he doing? I just realized he farted at the tiniest bit

and he's trying to play it cool. I don't trust those shirts that aren't quite a collar but aren't quite nothing. Medical sales director. It's a button down. Where's the collar? Nick, I do have a question.

Do they run these photos by you and be like, so you don't get to be like, hey, these are my top three that I like? Oh my God, no. They'll probably pick your worst. That's my worst nightmare.

Really? Oh yeah. Again, mine is historically horrific can we pull up next i don't really know if i know what that looks like it's not derrick derrick said he looks like someone in a stock photo which is so true spencer would be the type of person when you buy a frame at target he comes with it yeah yeah that's the guy images right there oh my gosh it's so like 90s vibes too did Did they, did that shirt?

What's the story? Can you please give us a backstory? Banana Republic. I went through this whole like button down. I used to shop a lot of Banana Republic. And that's a, that is a stance. Hands in pockets. Give us power.

Yeah. And had you, so you had never done a beard before? No, I had. You had i had yeah and you just were like i look better do you get spray tans now no you just look so pale now oh in that photo i forced him to be in this i tan very easily and very well and i also lose it very quickly okay yeah so you just had lost it right before that who's driving're getting out of that. Who's driving? These are all the photos on your Bachelor wikipedia. That's paradise.

Look at those jeans. Those are distressed jeans. He got this inbound. Giving abracrombie. Pre-abracrombie. We're being mean to other people, not me. You get a taste of this doesn't make you feel better though

that you've gotten better with age i do think that particular year is my ugliest year of all time i really honestly think that but you were casted on a tv show i was that says something about your ugliest time i really think that was the ugliest year of my life that is a win i'm sorry you feel that way though that's like a win i don't know i just feel like that was at the moment of time do you feel it in the moment or is this after the fact in the moment i do in the moment i do in the moment when i got cast i remember thinking god this was like three years ago you know you thought you were hotter three years ago or like two or three years ago yeah and like i had just moved i was like really career driven i was living in chicago i wasn't had just moved. I was like really career driven.

I was living in Chicago. I wasn't working out as much. It was like that, you know, it was just like. Was there any ever shirtless scenes of you on Andy season? Not until Fantasy Suite Week. There was a moment. I was in pretty decent shape. Yeah.

Like I wasn't. I feel like it's healthy to go through phases. You can always flag like. For sure. Yeah. You gotta humble yourself. I'm like, I have to figure out what's making me attractive because this ain't it. I was like, I gotta step it up.

I went through a good phase, bad phase. Spencer. Our whole like, we got, how did we get to this conversation? Well, we saw a picture of Spencer. Oh, God. No. Oh, no. It just might be a bad photo.

It might be. Truly. I mean, no one looked, everyone looks better than I looked on that photo. I will say that. I could see him being so handsome once he's moving. He could be a hottie. He's a single dad. Just a weird face.

Oh my gosh. Not his face is weird. He's making a weird face. Also, when you go in for like these photo shoots and stuff, and they have, specifically I think for the women too, but for these guys, I'm sure they put like a little like powder or they do something weird. Sometimes they do stuff with your hair that you never do with your own hair. And so they might do this to this guy, this like weird stringy thing.

He might be like, okay, if it looks cool and then it looks trash. Where is Moorpark, California, Derek? It's like out where the horses are. Yeah, it's like north of LA. Cute. It's not that far from here, yeah? He dreams of running for political office one day to help his community. I don't know if going on the Bachelorette is going to be good for that.

Well, Ben Higgins tried it. Ben Higgins ran for office? Ben Higgins could run for president. So did Derek Peth, right? Did he? Oh, yeah. Actually, it's not as bad of an idea as you think. Yeah.

Love that he's a dad. He's a dad. He's a dad. He's a dad. He's a dad. Oh, I missed that. His ideal date would be going on a hike through the orange groves outside of hometown Moorpark.

You just see Chris in the background picking oranges. He's like, wow, lots of, yeah. Did we mention he's an amazing dad? Hope you like dad jokes, Charity. That sounds like a threat.

Yeah. All of those last sentences are like, are you gonna be his, his but like they're always very threatening there's something ominous about them they leave you uneasy they're putting pressure on charity okay all right all right spencer here's tanner oh he's cute is he i think he's cute i think that's not a great photo but i do think he's got some potential now that natalie's seen my bachelorette photo, she's far more up.

Oh, my God. Everyone's hot. Whoa. She's like doing the math. Mortgage lender. Mortgage lender. Pitberg. Are we saying?

But then it says he's a fitness instructor. She's like, which is it? Wait, what? That's what he does on the side, Elise. Weekends. Well. Teach his blotties. Okay.

I go to him. Yeah. See you there. Ladies. We'll be there. Yeah. Which one is it? But no, in Natalie's defense,

because a friend of mine worked in marketing during the day and then taught hot yoga at night. Or he was a mortgage lender, lost his job, and became a personal trainer. You are so cynical. While growing up, Tanner and his family rescued over 50 dogs. I saw that. And he hopes to rescue more with his future wife.

Wow, 50 dogs? Like at one time. They could foster. Does he live on a farm? It says anywhere with a golden retriever is Tanner's happy place, which personally is a red flag because it's like giving the same thing as the guys who describe themselves as a golden retriever. That plus like the photo is kind of giving me that energy. But who knows? I also think the bullet point Tanner loves giving high fives. Oh, yeah.

If I'm ever anywhere like in public and you know, there's always those like drunk guys where they're like, yeah, like that. Nothing makes me want to punch you in the fucking face more. Yeah. You know, like I don't want to, I don't know where you were just jacking off in the bathroom. You sick fuck. Like, I don't want to, I don't want to high five't know where you were just jacking off in the bathroom you sick fuck I don't want to high five you

she's not wrong I will literally just look at them and then they're like alright bye bye buddy don't do that to me so Tanner I'm so sorry

but that's in it his number one enemy is a messy kitchen for that reason remove from cart now he loves a messy kitchen his number one I actually think

that's a big green flag his number one enemy is a messy kitchen because it's like any man I've met who's actually good at cooking is very specific about like cleaning

and like resetting at the end. Like, you know, they're disciplined. Yeah. I like that. Sure. Oh, yeah.

How old is he? Because if he likes a clean kitchen. Okay. 30. Oh, 30. That makes sense. Yeah.

30, 30. 30, 30. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Okay. Taylor. Taylor. Taylor, 30. That makes sense. That's nice. 30, 30. Dirty, 30. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Okay, Taylor. Taylor. Taylor. Dude. He's a lone officer.

He was in the military. You could just put a cup of coffee on the top of his head. You could put so many stacks of books and he would walk like a princess. It is flat as a board. It's got to be that haircut. It's like, dude. Come on. He was in the military.

32. Loan officer. Gotta be. Oh, Taylor's got class clown energy. I don't like that. Oh no. Wait until those fun facts. Goofball. God. What is a renaissance period? Self-described goofball.

He takes forever to fold his laundry. What like that? Who's like speedy at folding laundry? No, I think that means like he does the laundry and then it sits in a heap. He never puts it away. I relate to that. Oh, and then he's just wearing wrinkly t-shirts all the time. Well, you know, as a single

guy, I definitely lived off of my dryer. I'm going to show his face while I read this next line. Taylor likes music you can bump and grind to. I'm out. Yeah. So you're going to say no.

Not what you'd expect from this face. Yeah. Not a bump and grind and haircut. Did he use the words bump and grind? Does anyone know

what the Renaissance periodization diet is? It's just chicken legs. It's just meat. It's just like a bunch of ham. Chicken and rice. It follows the Renaissance. Can diet is? It's just chicken legs. Meat. It's just chicken and rice. It's a bunch of ham. Can we Google that? It's chicken legs.

It's what you get at a Renaissance fair. Oh. The Renaissance fair menu. So it says he follows that. The RP diet templates lay out a list of recommended food for each macro, as well as low carb veggie options. This allows the client freedom to choose their favorite foods to help prevent boredom slash burnout when it comes to dieting and eating the same things over and over.

Oh god what a bore. Taylor. Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. It does say that he goes above and beyond with gestures. He may not. Even though he may not always go above and beyond with romantic. So what's the good in this? How do you not get in there?

He will surprise his partner with breakfast in bed or a cup of coffee before she wakes up. So that's his way of saying the little things. I don't do flowers and cards, but I will get in there.

I'm so sorry. He has a mini schnauzer. What kind of dog is that? Ugly. Aren't those the ugly ones? Let's Google. Miniature schnauzer. You don't need all the schnauzer people coming for you. Ugly. Aren't those the ugly ones? Let's Google. Miniature Schnauzer. You don't need all the Schnauzer people coming for you.

Ugly. Aw. That, come on. Oh, I think it's cute. Do y'all? Look at this. I mean, this is a baby one. Well, puppy of anything is cute. Josh is very cute, but when he grows up to look like, I don't know.

I know a lot of people with Schnauzers, and they're like their whole personality. I've seen uglier dogs. Oh, my. a statue i was worried wow i was really that one looks really plastic like something about the cheeks aren't right okay and his name's alfred that's a cute dog name um okay two paws up all right taylor warwick i didn't even know there was a name until today. At last, we go from Taylor to Warwick? Is this the last guy? No, Tanner. Okay, he's giving Urban Outfitters employee

bald disease. In high school, he worked at Abercrombie & Fitch with his shirt off. In college, he worked at Urban Outfitters. He stood outside and modeled and posed with people. 27, construction manager. There you go, Natalie. Nashville, Tennessee. Urban Outfitters. Yeah. Hollister, he stood outside and like modeled and posed with people. Braid the perfume on people. 27.

Construction manager. There you go, Natalie. Okay. Nashville, Tennessee. Just from Nashville. Okay. Pulling off the jewelry. A rule follower.

Adorably awkward. Oh, but he describes himself as adorably awkward. While he may be a bit of an overthinker, once Warwick is comfortable, he's got a lot of love to give. Very close with his family and his mom's Japanese roots are extremely important to him.

He's been to Japan multiple times and even understands Japanese. Does he understand or does he speak it? That's what I thought was the weirdest sentence. I think it's definitely understand. He even understands it, kind of. It's like he can actively listen in a wonderful way. And sometimes that's enough. I feel like I have so many friends who like they can understand all their relatives, but

like not necessarily participate in conversation. Which like that's fine. Like I don't speak. His dream date is grabbing a romantic dinner and then going to see a play. But then it says charity. Take notes. So she's supposed to take you to dinner. Take notes.

That's what he wrote. He is excited for the chance to phone them. He likes Legos. I've heard enough. Yeah. If that's, I'm sorry, I've heard enough. I, yeah, I once went out with a man that did have a, like a display case. Very hot, normal looking dude, display case of Lego.

Wow. What was in there? Like different sort of creatures he had made oh he's not even building structures no you saw that like when he went over to fuck uh whoa she's a virgin i was over there and i i had known his brother too so it was like a hang and reading the bible i was reading the bible and i was like oh no oh no okay and then you know i wasn't sure if like you guys were like out to dinner and drinks the lights are dim and the only light is his display case of legos no that's really scary yeah it was really but it's crazy that that's a i mean no hate but a full

hate because it was very weird for me no hate but every inch of hate for me personally major hate allowed but i think the fact that he's a construction manager makes me feel more okay with his lego love yeah but is that not just bringing work home it is bring don't you're like baby stop he's like building firefight like firefighters baby stop with the lego maybe it's 2 a.m come to bed no i have to finish this foundation must be laid stops working oh my god it's 2 a.m. Come to bed. No, I have to finish this floor. The foundation must be laid. Never stops working. Oh, my God.

It's just him building Lego. God. Xavier, our final. Okay. This is the last one. Final one. Xavier. What a nice smile.

What a sweetheart. 27, a biomedical student. Is that what that says? Yes. Okay. Harborough, North Carolina. Oh, scientist. I'm so sorry. Not a student student he's a scientist oh that's i'll shut the fuck up and take a back seat okay scientist from like career standpoint could be a nice little match six foot eight six foot six so sorry uh natalie we're gonna

want to read the words in the screen natalie and I can't say we're an eight student. Is this man that we're just making up stuff? Xavier is one tall glass of water. This six foot six inch scientific researcher has also got the smarts and charisma to match. In a relationship, Xavier will shower his partner with compliments because he genuinely wants to see his future wife happy. Xavier, please check her love languages before assuming that's what you want. Xavier's parents, who have been happily married for 30 years, embody the type of relationship he wants to find. Xavier says he most admires his mom and wants to find a partner who can give their children the kind of love he received as a kid. Could charity be the one? It's time to put their chemistry

to the test. Yes, chemistry. Joy's knitting. What a cutie. That's an awesome hobby. This guy has front-runner energy. He's from the South, like charity.

Okay, but if we're going to judge San Diego boy for his first date being a picnic on a cliff, he says his ideal first date is skydiving. He went to the right place. I got to tell you, other than the Bachelor franchise,

I don't know where that is viable. He built his own computer for playing video games? That's not that hard. I don't know anything about Charity, but if I had to guess, I would think that she would be into like a cerebral type of thing.

Yeah. And he's clearly smart. Yeah, although I will say it's not that hard to build. It's like it's an endeavor, don't get me wrong, but it's not like you're like, ooh, a wunderkind genius for building your own computer. Like my boyfriend built his computer.

My brother has built a computer. Like it's not. Yeah. Papa. Okay. Per. Your brother. Yeah.

Men who remind me of my brother. And he built it to play video games. So like loser, basically. He didn't build it to like do research on international. Or help like other. I actually, I'm going to defend him

and say it'd be weird if he built it for anything else. Like, you know what I mean? Like what other thing would you want a really high power

computer for? Porn. Jaber says he most admires his mom and wants to find a partner who can give their children to the kind of love

he received as a kid. I cannot wait for his mom to like grill charity at hometowns like really he's six six he's smart he's scientist from the south watch out he's got a lot he's got a great smile he's got it's coming yeah yeah i think he's gonna go far okay Most likely to have a girlfriend show up. What are these called? Like your... I think life of the party guy for me. The...

Sean, was it? Yeah. No, that was the pilot. Self-described bad texter? Yeah. From Tampa? Bad texter from Tampa? It was one of the white San Diego guys with the name Sean.

It was Peter. It was the pilot. Yes. Oh, yeah. Because he's been going to all these different cities, flying in, flying out. Yeah. I like John Henry, the underwater welder. I have good vibes about John Henry.

Yeah, I like him and the guy from Auburn, obviously. I love the underwater. I like Joey, tennis player from Hawaii. Oh, yes, yes. Who was the one with the two names? Was that the underwater? John Henry was the underwater welder. Yeah, I like him. And Xavier is great. Also, that pays really well,

doesn't it? The underwater welder. It's gotta be. Oh, well, for the audiences, Derek said yes because you die super young. For what? Wishing John Henry the best. Yeah. Because it would be It's dangerous. Yeah. The death rate is around 15 percent making

it 1 000 times more dangerous than working as a police officer you probably do you probably get paid so well damn yeah i would be really scared i hope john henry does well so we can quit this like dangerous profession that he has i know get out john hen Well, maybe this is his out. He might start selling us. Yeah. I feel like Joey is still Mr. Dreamboat. That's Hawaii tennis player? Yeah. Tennis pro. And our first one, Aaron.

Aaron and Xavier, too, I think. Aaron B., Adrian, Xavier, John Henry, Joey. Looking up for them. All right. Okay. Well, it has been a pleasure, Elise. Xavier John Henry Joey looking up for them alright okay well it has been a pleasure Elise please

come back soon I will we feel so honored to have you twice thanks for having me back to back weeks where can the people find you

it's my blessing I'm at it's Elise Guilfoyle on everything yeah figure out how to spell that I-T-S-E-I-L-I-S-E GG-U-I-L-F-O-Y-L-E. So imagine normal Elise, E-L-I-S-E,

but you add an extra I at the beginning. Cheers. Oh, I'm lost. That's my nightmare. Yeah. Though it's an absolute disaster. Yeah. You didn't want to just go sweet Ellie?

Yeah. Just look me up Ellie everywhere. Cox.net. Cox.net. Cox.net. Cox.net. Cox.net. Well, we have our 600th episode this Thursday. Get excited because it's going to be awesome. Don't forget to send in your questions at AskNick at TheVileFiles.com for all things Ask Nick.

Be sure to check out Vile Files Plus if you haven't already. We have some great updates for you. We have two bonus updates every month in addition to the one we give you for free. Also, Vile Files Plus is free to sign up. It's free for seven days, so check it out. Sign up. We have episodes of Better Day Than Never up there. We have our Pop Culture

Pop-Off Roundup where we just talk about all your latest and greatest pop culture topics that we did not get to on Freestyle or Going Deeper. And don't forget, obviously, we're back next week with some Bachelorette. What is this? Really keeping people on their toes. Well, that's what we're trying to do.

You got to give them the old razzle dazzle. This industry is about razzle and it's about dazzle. Otherwise, you don't want them falling asleep. The Bachelorette. gotta give them the old razzle dazzle yeah this industry is about and it's about dazzle you know i do remember one time i had um like a public speaking someone come into like for like a school assembly and they were like no it was for my bat mitzvah and they made me meet with this man and he was like to keep the audience off the edge of their seat like just throw in some random pauses because they'll, people will perk up and pay attention. So his suggestion

was that I, perk, stop mid-sentence so that way it like gets, it did. I was, yeah, I was on the edge of my seat.

Yeah. Have you ever like, I'm gonna head out. I'm gonna head out. All right. Thanks for listening, everybody. We love you.

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