The Viall Files - E620 Going Deeper with Sai De Silva - Special Forces, Real Housewives, and Spongebob

Episode Date: August 3, 2023

Welcome back to The Viall Files: Going Deeper Edition! At the beginning of the episode, we discuss the season two cast of Special Forces, including our very own, Nick Viall! We also dive into the recent developments in Ariana Grande’s new relationship, more toy movies from Mattel, and Harry Styles’ “Olivia” tattoo. Then, we are joined by new RHONY housewife, Sai De Silva to talk about joining the franchise, how to keep the spark alive, and her content creation career. We also ask her about her castmates, emotional affairs, and friendship pet peeves. We then have a Texting Office Hours caller who is always the one to initiate dates with the guy she’s seeing, and she’s wondering if she’s just not getting the hint.  “What if your husband thumbs-upped your nude?”  Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes. Join us for our new LIVE show on Thursdays at 9PM ET/6PM PT on Amp, available in the Apple app store. Android User? Listen here: https://www.onamp.com/  To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com   If you would like to get some texting advice on Office Hours send an email to [e-mail] with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! To advertise on the show, contact [e-mail] or visit https://www.advertisecast.com/TheViallFiles  THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Shopify - Sign up for a $1-a-month trial period at http://www.Shopify.com/viall. Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @scoutthecity @alison.vandam @liffordthebigreddog @dereklanerussell @genevievegoodman

What's going on everybody? Welcome back to another episode of the Vow Files Going Deeper edition. I'm your host, Nick, joined by the household of Genevieve, Amanda, and Derek today. What's going on? Whenever you extend the A, I'm like, he needs a sound. I got stuck. I need a sound. Allie is under the weather today, not feeling her best. We love her. We miss her. We wish her a speedy, speedy recovery.

Obvious. Obviously. What's cracking? What's going on, everyone? Seems like you might have a little bit of an update. I do. What's going on with you? It was recently announced. Thank you, Genevieve.

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for the opportunity to talk about myself, obviously. The cast of Special Forces Season 2 has just been announced. And yes, yours truly is a part of that cast along with tom sandoval yeah yeah that's right i i have alluded to the fact that i have recently gotten to know tom sandoval a little bit it was a what well what do you guys think of the cast star studded or yes fun combo so here the cast is myself tyler cameron Some of you might know him as the heartthrob

of Bachelor Nation. Two Bachelor Nation people, myself and Tyler. Tom Sandoval of Vanderpump Rules. Black China was there. Des Bryant of the NFL Dallas Cowboys. That was exciting for me to see Des Bryant. Bodie Miller

Olympic gold medalist downhill skier. Skier? Yeah, skier. Is that the word you were looking for? Yeah, I was going to say figure skater. Downhill. Bodie is awesome. Jack Osborne. You might know him as Ozzy Osborne's son.

Jack. A Nepo baby. A Nepo baby. So you're a fan. A huge fan. Automatic fan. Automatic fan of Nepo babies. Robert Ori, legendary basketball player. Big shot Robert Ori as he's often known. Tara Reid from, you might know her from Van Wilder, American Pie. Tara was A-list in her heyday, I would say. Wouldn't you say, Derek?

Yeah. American Pie changed the landscape of cinema for sure. Yeah. Thank you. I feel like we got an insight into you in film school, the conversations you were having in the hallway. Does any movie? No, it actually did. And the thing with American Pie is

so many of those actors were just so... Yeah. They were so popular for so long. I don't know. Within the comedy space. Iconically. I haven't seen American Pie. It's a list of many films. Do you think that... You've never seen American Pie? No. I know. I haven't seen American Pie. It's a list of many films. Do you think that? You've never seen American Pie?

No, I know. I haven't either. Oh my God. Eugene Levy? Well, let's table that for a second. We also had Kelly Rizzo. She was married to Bob Saget. Obviously, we lost him.

It was really great to get to know Kelly. Jojo Siwa, obviously obviously who we just had on the show uh no secret that uh huge fan of jojo uh you know i didn't know anything about her before we met but really just uh a huge fan obviously of having having gone through this experience with her brian austin green was there as well who was also friend of the show i'm literally thinking about our bunks and our and where each person slept without giving too much away like how were what was the energy surrounding tom sandoval uh tom was definitely very nervous you could tell going in i think there was a little

bit of buzz um because when we all met we're not where you you're really not supposed to talk at first but obviously people broke that rule. Some people knew of him. Some people knew about him. I have so much to say. I don't know how much I can give away. Tom is an interesting guy. I'll say that much. A unique individual. Do you think this show was a good context for him post-Scandival? It made sense to me that he went on the show, right? Because the premise of the show is not really about that. I mean, it was truly the most incredible experience of my life.

It was insane. You know, I don't, and I, I'm not going to give a ton away. We'll talk about it on the show as it airs. I'm curious how they'll portray all of us, obviously, because, you know, so much of the show is going to be based off of what they had us do. I spent a lot of time with Tom. I mean, there was one time I was in a Jeep, just Tom and I, and we're constantly mic'd and there's cameras everywhere. So everything we do is filmed. There's

a lot of GoPros everywhere and just stationary cameras. And I had the podcast episode that I wanted to have with Tom on this in a Jeep. I don't know what they're going to air, so I don't want to spoil it. It wasn't about sticking to your grudges. It was about teamwork and it was about working together. And it was about overlooking whatever judgment you might have on someone. You were forced to get along. It was a real simulation of special forces training. I don't know how else to describe it.

It was the most, it was insane. I guess my big follow-up question is in terms of tom sandoval coming on this show depending on what they air on special forces do you feel more likely like it's more likely that we would have him on do you feel like i throw it out there afterwards i don't want to force the issue because i know they're filming maybe Maybe. I think the chance is increased. Well, on the topic of Vanderpump filming again, have you seen that clip on TikTok of, you know, Ariana very famously was like, do you have any last words for me? And then it seems like on set she has been holding the line and absolutely ignoring him. Ironically, it seems like Rachel, it sounds like she's not on this season,

that there were some rumors about negotiations and there were some, first she was going to be back on, then she was holding a hard line. Now it sounds like she's just not. And maybe because they just didn't pay her enough. I wonder if she'll make an appearance at the very end, though. Maybe. They'll save it for the finale. Maybe she was just like, if you offer me fuck you money,

I'll come on. But short of that, it's just like, what's the point? Say what you want about Rachel. But maybe she finally was just like, this is my life there's like i can't possibly go back because maybe she drew that line between what would be good for the show and her brand versus like what's good for her as a human being if you're tom sandoval do you want rachel back on the show he he snuck in pictures of him and rachel and he showed them to the cast for what that's worth. To special forces. Like a soldier at war with a picture of his wife.

Yeah. Like he took, like you weren't allowed to sneak things in. I would have loved to have sneak snuck in a picture of Natalie and I, and I guess I could have tried. I just didn't. But like he went out of his way to like bring in like endearing photos of him and Raquel and slash Rachel and show them around.

And he, he came across as a guy who cared about her. I, and I'm just saying that objectively up to honestly, you know, the, the conversations with the cast were kind of like, Oh,

fuck me. You might as well go for it. You know, there seemed to be some real reluctance about what the percent, like what would the public allow them to be together but he came across to me as a guy who say what you want at least in that moment and you could debate whether tom can care about anyone but himself but he if i didn't know anything about him he came across as someone who still had feelings and cared about Rachel, which is interesting

because apparently he's out there dating someone new. But, you know, not too long ago, he seemed emotionally invested in Rachel and in an environment where he wasn't incentivized to portray that narrative. Am I making sense? No, you totally are. But that's the thing about affairs where it's not only obviously to the person you were in a relationship with, so egregiously disrespectful, huge betrayal, but it's also hard because it's like you are starting a relationship where we're seeing it with Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater right now, where it's like you're starting, if you were on a public platform, everybody is rooting against you. and also like it would freak me the fuck out starting a relationship with someone who ended their last one because they cheated on their partner like yeah you are like

set up as such an underdog in any kind of affair like to relationship pipeline that you've been on because of all those things and like yeah like what are you making of the way that like, Ethan Slater is trying to like, take time to figure out the co parenting situation? Like, do we feel like it's salvageable? Or there's anything he can do with Lily James? Like, what are you making of Ethan Slater's kind of attempts to like, I guess, take a little bit of space from Ariana to give that relationship the best chance to work, but also to kind of figure out co-parenting with his ex, Lily. I think this is PR damage control, honestly. I think Ariana got a little carried away because she's Ariana Grande and she got drunk on power. And I don't think she anticipated this backfiring the way it has. And now it's PR damage control. I mean, I think she'll eventually get over this Ethan guy.

I mean, she doesn't... Look, I'm a huge Ariana Grande fan as a performer. She does not have the best track record when it comes to dating. She seems to like guys in relationships. She's either dating guys, like, right after serious relationships. There's been a lot of overlap.

Mac Miller seemed to, there were rumors about him having someone. Pete Davidson was dating Kazzy David. Someone on TikTok came out. She said that Ariana stole her boyfriend from her in 2011. Okay. This dates back, you know. There are a lot of people like that.

There are people who do that. So I think this is a PR move on behalf of both their teams. For the people who are like that, how do you humanize them? Obviously, it's horrible. It's wrong. Nobody is defending that choice. But what do you think is going on in their psychology such that they keep gravitating

towards people who are taken? I think it's some sort of need of validation. In Ariana's case, I think it would be the worst kind. Let's say you take Raquel, for example. Raquel, Rachel slash Rachel, she's been beat up in the media so much that there's almost a bit of people have mocked her intelligence. You know, there's been some harsh criticisms. There's been some harsh guesses about like why she does what she's done. A lot of mocking, yada, yada. And so this is all to say, like, there could be this like, well, she just needs a win and she just needs Grande, who's truly been the most famous, one of the most beautiful, one of the most talented, has been famous for much of her life, has all these followers, has an army of fans, and to still need that fix of validation. It's almost like, is validation so effortless for her? And the attention that she gets that the only way she can feel alive

through validation is to get someone who's already committed to someone else still pick her. And if that's the case, that, that,

boy. Boy. Not, not great. Not great. No. And it may speak to her character too.

I think this situation is causing people to bring up the donut incident, which was like 10 or something years ago did you guys know about this so long ago we're pissed at her because she was working in a donut shop you know as a celebrity like lana del rey was at the waffle house and she licked a donut

put it back in the display case with all the other donuts and then says i hate america and it's causing people to bring up the rumors that she was very disliked and victorious. She just may be a difficult person. That was almost a career killer back in the day for her. Almost, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Ariana Grande licked a donut and then said, I hate America and then put it back?

Yep. Yeah, like disgusted with people that eat donuts. As if Americans are the only ones who eat donuts. I know. And then like what what and she put it back because the assumption was someone would want a donut licked by ariana grande or all right maybe it was like she was ruining all of the donuts so that no one could have them there's a decent chance she hasn't had anyone from her inner circle like check her and sometime like there is a chance that she has surrounded herself

with people who are just simply afraid to say that's not cool and it makes me think like selena gomez she was on a wizards of waverly place podcast she has friendships from the industry from 10 years ago her and taylor swift super tight taylor Swift, same deal. Gigi Hadid, the Haim sisters, you know, yada, yada, yada. And I don't really know that Ariana has kept in touch with those celebrities from those past shows in her past. So it makes me think that perhaps when you find a man in a relationship, you know, you've got to think to yourself, gosh, this is going to alienate me from my friends. They're probably not going to approve. But maybe she just doesn't have those people to alienate herself from. So it feels like a zero consequence situation. Maybe if you feel like you're an outsider and like, again, I don't think this is warranted.

But if you from your perception, you're like, I've been excluded, like I get left out, like people never like let me be a part of it. Then you're probably like, well, fuck all of you guys yeah I'm gonna date your fucking boyfriends and us against the world relationship sounds like a great thing totally okay have we seen the Harry Styles leg tattoo

that says Olivia obviously yeah we have I mean it's clearly Olivia Wilde right yeah I mean people are saying there was a One Direction song way back when called Olivia. I mean, I have a tattoo of a rose on my body, and it definitely is not in reference to The Bachelor. So there is that. But when I got it, I was okay with at least some people assuming that it might be.

Harry is single now, but like, that might be a conversation. Who's he dating? Did you see Lovely Bones with Timothee Chalamet? Oh my God, I remember that. It came out last year. No, I don't know. He is dating the lead actress from that,

or maybe it's not called The Lovely Bones. Okay, because there is a movie called The Lovely Bones, but it's from like 2009. Chalamet. It is that cannibal movie though. not called The Lovely Bones. Okay, because there is a movie called The Lovely Bones, but it's from like 2009. Chalamet. It is that cannibal movie though. Yeah. Bones and all. Ah.

Her name is Taylor Russell. Has that been confirmed? They've been seen together a lot. Gotcha. That's just a tough conversation to have. I mean, him and Olivia was never confirmed,

to be fair. But getting a tattoo of the name of your ex. Yeah, like if you're dating someone and they have their ex's name tattooed on them like do you say go get it lasered right i'm like yeah that's a tough that's a toughie yeah he just has so many that he might be feeling like you know just add it to the collection sure yeah but it changed to like olive or something like and maybe he's just like, listen, I got.

Well, you know, he was recently seen hanging out with Olivia Wilde. They were seen exiting the same gym at similar times. OK, was the situation. But they seem amicable. I'm sure she's. I doubt he got the tattoo as a reminder of like tote inside out when she wears it. See that again? So she has merch from Harry's Love on Tour.

As do I. Yes, yes. One of them, he has a tote bag. Okay. And she's turned it inside out because people can see that it's very clearly that tote, but she's turned it inside out. She still wants to use the tote, but she doesn't want to... That's...

Just get a new tote. Get a new tote, girl. There's so many totes in the world. It's totes like it's one thing if it's a purse and and while harry's merch is nice it's not like it's not like irreplaceable yeah yeah and like with a purse i get it like some purses have very specific like layouts where there's pockets and places you exactly need a tote is a tote it's just a big sack why that sack olivia yeah why that sack have you seen okay so obviously there's been so much buzz about the barbie movie everyone's loving it mattel has plans to make some more toy-based films and i wanted to run by some of the ones

that they have on the docket see what you guys think barney how do we feel about a mattel live action barney well there was wasn't that documentary recently the dark guys think barney how do we feel about i'm gonna tell live action barney well there was wasn't that documentary recently the dark side of barney or something there was yeah there's also do you remember tantric yoga guy yeah the guy who used to play barney is like now like a tantric sex expert ew he makes people come ew consensually oh no it's weird this is this is what makes me sad, though. I know we're only one into this list, but I feel like there's now all these previous toy movie erasure movements happening. No one's talking about Barbie Fairy Topia with the Barbie movie.

There are a lot of Barbie. Polly Pocket's on this list. There was a Polly Pocket movie. American Girl. So many American Girl doll movies. It's also Lena dunham is attached to polly pocket which feels interesting yeah i'm not familiar with polly pocket oh my god like i am just tired of these remakes and a lack of original ideas of which there used to be

again so many amazing original movies out there with original storylines. I went to go see Oppenheimer the other day and they showed like 19 previews. And I swear to God, every single one of them was either like a part two or a part five or like a remake from a different story. And then, and now when they remake it, they're not even remaking it. Like they, even the Snow White movie with Disney, there's a controversy about that they're changing the name they're changing the storyline it's not even snow white anymore it's like they call it snow white but nothing about the story is snow white and it's like just come up with a new movie just have a different have a ever be a hero in something else but like is she gonna wake herself up well they they did they've been pretty vocal on the red

carpets they're taking out her love interest in that movie like she's not gonna be saved by the prince which is like so frustrating because like women should be able to have both in a movie like a storyline that's like individual to them and like empowering but also like why can't she have a love interest too and if you want a badass heroine who kicks ass amazing love love those great but that's not snow white like and also to your point like there is something nice Badass heroine who kicks ass. Amazing. Love those movies. Yeah. Great. But that's not Snow White. And also, to your point, there is something nice about being saved by someone. And fairy tales help kids conceptualize real life situations.

And now they're just changing the storyline. It's like, I don't know. The lack of originality. So to all these, I don't know, like the lack of originality. So to all these, I don't know. I just know who know the game. Yes. Are we lacking that much originality?

But it's the stars who are signing on to do this, too, which is surprising to me. Like Daniel Kaluuya is going to be a producer behind Barney. Do you know who he is? Yeah. Phenomenal actor in Get Out. Yes. Oscar award winning actor. Phenomenal actor in Get Out. Yes. Oscar award winning actor. Phenomenal. And then Hot Wheels J.J. Abrams is going

to be the man behind it. What? I mean that kind of tracks. Tom Hanks? What are you doing? Who are these movies for? Because I am so passionate about Uno and I don't want an Uno movie. I will go hard on Uno. I don't want to watch a film. I love that you're so passionate about Uno though. I haven't played uno movie yeah i will i will go hard on you i don't

want to watch a film passionate about uno though i haven't played in a while is it your favorite reverse yes skip yeah it gets what's more annoying being skipped or being reversed on uh skip skip is personal yeah it's very personal it's like straight to the heart. The FOMO element of the skip is hard. You have that one card to play. Exactly. Yeah. But God. I mean. But a movie?

Thomas and Friends. Phenomenal TV show. I love that show. Thomas the Tank Engine. Oh yeah. Anyway. Boys love trains. And some girls do too.

But I feel like it is consistent. Little boys love trains. I lost my toe when I was younger because I dropped the heaviest Thomas the Tank Engine tin can between i dropped it on my toe you don't have a toe anymore sorry my toenail oh wait don't tell derrick derrick's nails anyway i feel you on this losing a toenail is humbling like the regrowth process i was my like like halloween in sydney 2015 and I accidentally kicked off my toenail with like these crazy shoes I was wearing it took so long to regrow and I was in a fucking beach place

it was horrible that's worst case scenario I don't know I wish we need more rom-coms out there we need more comedies we need more original storylines when things pick back up that's what we need I know this isn't a Bachelor episode, but there have been a lot of Bachelor breakup rumors out there

I've been recently made aware of. As far as the Victoria and Greg of it all, they're still together, direct from source. Wow. Just putting that out there. Anyway, well, we have a fantastic episode for you. Cy DeSilva is with us from Real Housewives of New York. They have a whole new reboot, new

cast. It was such a pleasure getting to talk to Cy. I'm sure you will enjoy our conversation. Thank you guys for listening. Please send in those questions at asknick at thevilefiles.com for all things Ask Nick, texting office hours. We have a great texting office hours for you in this episode. Also, if you haven't checked out our recap of The

Bachelorette and reality recap, Susie Evans is with us for our realitycap episode that dropped on Tuesday, so be sure to check that out as well. We dropped an update special on Classic last Friday for y'all to listen to. If you haven't checked that out yet, go ahead and do so. And tomorrow, we have an update special on Vile Files Plus. I think it's our 12th update special that we've dropped behind Vile Files Plus. So for all of those of you who love to hear all those updates from all the calls that we have in the Vow Files,

it's free to sign up. Check it out. You will not regret it. Plus, we are finally recapping season one of Vanderpump. We have episodes one through three out and episodes four through six coming out later today.

So be sure to check that out. Again, go to VowFiles.com to sign up for Vow Files Plus. In addition to the Vanderpump recaps or update specials, we have weekly pop culture roundups, as well as episodes of Better Date Than Never, and also some legacy content from back in the day. You will certainly enjoy listening to, so be sure to check that all out. All right, it's time to get to Cy.

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Well, that's a move. Did you go back to school and get your degree? That is a move. Did you relocate for a fresh start? That is literally a move. Did you relocate for a fresh start? That is literally a move. Maybe you moved into a houseboat instead of a house house,

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Hello, how are you? So good. More importantly, how are you? We're excited to be talking with you, get to know you. You got The Real Housewives of New York. You got your first two episodes out. We've been watching it. You know, so it's been fun. So how you been? How you been enjoying this experience?

It's crazy. It's definitely a little journey that I'm new to. I had no idea what this would entail. But here I am. I'm enjoying the ride and I'm having a good time. I'm curious. Obviously, as a franchise, this has been out there for so long. You know, there's so many kind of iterations of Housewives.

And then, you know, Housewives of New York is kind of, I don't know, one of the more legendary ones in the past. Like, how familiar were you of the franchise? Were you a fan of the show before you became a Housewives yourself? And like, how did you get involved in it? it you know what's it been like i mean of course i we all i think i'm i'm definitely a bravo person i've been around the franchise or known of the franchise for quite some time i've watched roni up until probably when around heather left and then i kind of fell off but i also watch other housewives like i love Atlanta. I love Miami. Those are really, really entertaining and funny. I like this comic relief aspect to it. So I kind

of resonate with people who just don't take life too seriously and love to have a good time. And then I got approached just because Bravo reached out. They were looking for a very dynamic, inspirational group of women. And I happened to fit that bill. So they approached me and asked me if I would be interested. What's the casting process like? Is it just a quick phone call and ask if you're interested? Or was there a period of time where you were unsure? Or were you pretty much dead set on doing it as soon as you got the call? No, I was like, am I being scammed? I was like, what is this? What are you talking about? Be a part of the housewives. I don't even know what you're talking about.

So at first I didn't, I didn't understand it. And then once I got on the call with the casting directors, they kind of explained that they would be interested in having me interview for the show. And they told me that they're doing a reboot. So I was like, okay, this is very interesting. This is the first time in franchise history that you would actually be starting all over again. You would get six brand new women and you would represent New York City. I was like, I think I'm really interested in this. So I interviewed for it. And here I am. Obviously, so much about housewives is kind of seeing their lives, their family lives, obviously, for the ones who are in relationships and married, which you are, they're part of the show. What were those conversations like with your husband in terms about

him being involved in their role? Because obviously there's you and bringing kind of your world into it, but how do you have those conversations with the other people who kind of be indirectly affected? I definitely had a conversation with my daughter. She's 11 and she really is into acting. Acting is her thing. So when I told her about this, she was beyond thrilled. She was like, do you think that this is going to catapult my career? And I was like, okay, all right here. And then as far as my husband, at first, he was very skeptical about it. He was like, look, you've built this community doing what you do for the last 9 years. Is this something that you really think that you would want to do since you've already have such a solid platform? And I explained to him, we went through the pros and the cons.

I have a very private life when it comes to my husband. Those are things that really never see social media. So this is going to be something that's completely different, right? I'm opening up this box. I'm opening up my world for anyone to scrutinize my marriage. So it is a lot. But after I explained it to him, he's someone who's not on social media whatsoever. So he'll never see comments. And he's like, sure, if this is what you want to do, I'll support it. Love that for you. The fact that he's completely off.

Completely. Doesn't even have a Facebook. Wow. That's great. What boundaries, if any, did you guys discuss in terms of what was off limits in terms of maybe bringing your relationship? Obviously, you've already been pretty open about what makes a relationship work. You've talked about the amount of sex you guys have, which bravo, we love that. But also, that can be vulnerable to put out there. You know, as I've learned, unfortunately, you can put things out there with the best of intentions and like someone will find a way to use it against you or throwing your face down the road. Like what conversations with your husband in terms of boundaries, if at all, did you

guys set in terms of like, hey, you know, I'm fine with this, but maybe let's not talk about that. You know, I don't think that we had to actually set those boundaries. We've been together for 14 years. It's unspoken. I'm never going to bring cameras in my bedroom for sexy time and then kick you out. That's none of your business. Bravo's probably bummed to hear that. Yeah. Yeah. I won't even start that. That's not us. And I'm also not overly affectionate in public. So I doubt that I would allow cameras to ever be anywhere near that. There are certain things that we just would never speak about. It's natural. We just know one another. There are family things that no one would ever hear of because those are just very, very personal things that they're just, those are our boundaries.

Well, it's been early in the season. I been enjoying watching it unfortunately it feels like i'm curious what you think and i know it's early but like y'all seem to just like each other too much you know you know like i'm waiting for like some like just ridiculous cattiness where it's just like just fighting for no reason but like so far it's like you guys really seem to like, you know, which is obviously nice, you know, but like you all seem to be really getting along. I mean, I think that's really funny because aren't we supposed to like each other?

This is the thing. I think we're bringing back that lighthearted, fun, rony that it was in the past without anything being too dark. Also, I just want to say, give us a chance. We're only three episodes in. We need a moment. I don't think we could just go hot off the press here. Give us a moment to spend some time with one another. I wanted to check because I know it sounds so silly, right? Because obviously, we love

people who get along. We love camaraderie we love women you're getting along but it is housewives you know like so like i hate to be like are you guys gonna start like hating on each other and being mean for no reason but like thank you for reassuring us that that maybe there's a chance for any reason like we're fighting over cheese we are we do have tension within the group there are certain things that that do happen when you spend time, too much time with family, siblings. It is what it is. You end up fighting. That comes very natural, but it's a slow progression and we want you to see this journey. There's so much more to it. Yes, there's definitely going to be tension, but there's also going to be a lot of laughs. There's going to be vulnerability, people opening up and talking

about things. We want you to be in this world of our friendship. It's not all kumbaya and we're going to be singing by the fire, but it is a very entertaining show. Can you give us any tea into why maybe you and Brynn might have? So like, are you are you friends with Brynn or not friends with Brynn at this point? We're fine. But I think Brynn and I just kind of, you know, had something that we need to hash out and discuss. Because apparently if you piss her off, she will sleep with your dad. Yeah, I know. She'll date your dad.

She'll date your dad. If you make her mad, she'll date your dad. Who has the best little one-liner and who do you think has the most cringe one-liner of the group? I think I have really good one-liners. I think my confessionals have great one-liners, but that's for I have really good one-liners. I think my confessionals have great one-liners, but that's for people who have a very witty, sarcastic sense of humor. I have a very dry sense of humor. Cringy one-liners, I haven't gotten that far. I don't think we've gotten... Again, we're so early. I haven't seen any cringiness quite yet. Are you really a bad

apple or are you just... Was that just for the show? No, I think bad apple means cringiness quite yet. Are you really a bad apple or are you just, was that just for the show? No, I think bad apple means like she's a baddie. Okay. You know, you know what a baddie is, right? I think so. I don't know. Yeah, a baddie is a good thing. Yeah, right?

Okay. Yeah, that's a good thing. I'm a bad apple. She's a baddie. She's a baddie of the group, you know? What do you think is like the most iconic tagline ever for a real housewife from any franchise i feel like taglines can become very cringy even when i was kind of finding a tagline it made me cringe like all of it i just

i thought that maybe we could like get away from the tagline because it's just so hard to talk about yourself in this one little tagline. And it's kind of like, do you make it funny? Do you make it ridiculous? What is it? I agree with you, Sai. Just to try to like come up with some one liner that's supposed to be like spicy.

Yeah, Nick, if you were going to do it. I have no idea. No, I agree with Sai. It's like, I feel like it's a lose-lose. It's a lot of pressure. Then you're stuck with this tagline. Like people are going to remember this tagline forever. So like Brynn, I feel like Brynn's going to be like,

maybe I shouldn't have said I'll sleep with your dad because she probably was clearly joking. Now everyone's like, don't introduce her to your dad. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So, I mean, she, right. I mean, Brynn is fun TV. She's a fun girl. She loves to have a lot of laughs. But you're right. Maybe a few years from now when she's married and has kids and with like, you know, it's Housewives, it's reality TV.

And it seems like all of your peers are very much on social media. They're kind of getting in the game. But earlier in their season, they almost kind of been, I don't know, throwing just the smallest amount of shade your way for like, oh, of course, you know, size, bringing the clothes and trying things on.

But like, at least you're owning it. Cause I feel like they're just like social media influencers, but don't want the title of it. They want something that they deem is a little bit more prestigious. Do you think that's... I don't know. What's your take on that? Because I feel like you're at least owning it where they're trying to act above it, but they're just doing the same shit that you're doing. Well, I mean, this is a legitimate job to me. I'm not here to explain what my job is. I've been doing this for

9 years. I've been doing it since I was blogging like a blogger as an OG. And I think a lot of people don't understand that this is a very lucrative career in being in media, whether that be podcasting, social media. It is very lucrative for the people who do take it very serious. So at the end of the day, whether they mock me or throw shade at me, they all know that I'm very well off and I'm perfectly content with my career and where I am. I think it just gets a lot of bad rap and it really shouldn't. I think there's a lot of unknown behind the job. So when people hear that you're an influencer, they automatically wave you off. There's no respect for it whatsoever. And they think, oh, poor little girl. She just married rich and she's just taking selfies of herself when it's so much more than

that. Yeah. Well, good for you for owning it. Are there any of your peers who you feel like you've had to confront about this topic or feel like kind of passive aggressively don't give you the respect that you deserve? No, I don't think so at all. If anything, I've given them a lot of advice about what to do with their social media. Definitely someone was like, can I sit down with you and pick your brain about it? You know, I've put together like content creation sheets for us all to do together. Like I am a girl's girl. I very much so love helping. And they're very well aware that this is a very lucrative job. They know. So maybe it might look a little bit different on camera, but face-to-face, come on. They know I have a good job.

We love that. And your husband, I heard, is he a stay-at-home dad? Is that his role? Because very progressive. So you're the baddie boss earner in the family and he is taking care of the kids, or is that accurate? That is accurate. My husband worked for quite some time and then he lived in Canada for a little bit and he decided to sell his company and wanted to spend time with our kids. We don't have a nanny. And he took on that role while I get to live out my dream career. And that's how our relationship and our dynamic works. It's ideal. I love it. He's happy. I'm happy. It's great. That's incredible. It's incredible, but also a bit uncommon. And we will hear from a lot...

We talk a lot about relationships and dating on the show. And so oftentimes we'll hear a lot of successful women will complain about... They feel like men will be intimidated by their success or their earning power and things like that. What is a quality in your husband or just an aspect of your relationship for the ladies out there who might be listening, who feel like they've struggled kind of finding maybe a guy like your husband? What is a quality that your husband has or something that they should be looking for in terms of not falling for someone who ultimately makes you feel judged for being successful? Well, first of all, my husband is extremely, extremely supportive. You need someone who's

going to be in your corner and support you. He loves to see the good in things. And so he has this thing, like I'm really into manifestation. He's really not into it, but he thinks that I can manifest everything, but he doesn't think he can manifest anything. So usually when I'm going after a goal, he is under the assumption that no matter what, I'm going to conquer that goal. He's very much so my wingman. He's there to cheer me on. There's no power struggle whatsoever. I think that's what happens a lot in a relationship that there is a little bit of a power struggle, especially when the woman is making a little bit more money. It's almost like a man can't deal with that. And I think because my husband has had his time,

and he was on the top of his game, and he worked at a time when I did not. And he helped me a lot with getting my career started and just as in the support. He's happy to pass the the support, he's happy to pass the torch on, you know, he's happy to see me thrive. It's not a competition, you know, in marriage, it's we're a team at the end of the day. And he is he's my partner. And we're we're teammates, you know, like, when it's time for him to pick up the kids, then so be it. If we need to kind of tag team and he's like, Yo, I need a break from doing this, this and this, then so be Then so be it. Then it's my turn. But at the end of the day, you need a partner and you need a teammate. And that's how we run our marriage for myself. Yeah, we love that answer. Another thing

that we often get asked about when people who are in relationships for a period of time, they talk about kind of keeping the spark alive, keeping connected, things like that. You and your husband have been together for 14 years. What works in your relationships of how do you guys stay connected? How do you guys find that time? Because obviously life can come at you, kids, stress, whatever. You got this new show. Obviously that can be a distraction. How do you two make sure that you're always prioritizing each other and kind of find your way back to each other? And like I said, stay connected. We just have a lot of sex. I think that really works out. All right. You know what? At the end of the day, you get very busy. It is what it is. That's

something that you can't really help, but we keep our sense of humor alive. We're a couple who loves to joke around and we really thoroughly enjoy one another's company. And I travel a lot. And when I come home, I feel like that makes the relationship a little bit spicier. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. So for a while, we actually lived apart. When I had our daughter, I lived in New York and he lived in Canada because of his company and he would just commute back and forth. It was amazing because he would do one week on in New York, one week off. And it was just like, when he came in town, I wanted to get dressed up. I wanted to do my makeup. I wanted to go on dates and it kept things very spicy. And then as soon as we... I'd be like, you're getting on my nerves. He would leave.

And then we would do it all over again. And we've gotten so used to just that role. So when he finally did move in when our second was born, we just knew when we needed space and then we knew when we were great together. But at the same time, you got to stay intimate. When you're intimate, you stay connected. How do you guys initiate? Because I also hear, I'm engaged, but I don't have a bunch of kids and married in life. And so we have less distraction in our relationship, but you always hear... Let's say for the people who are listening, we have less distraction in our relationship, but you always hear, you know, it's like for the people, let's say for the people who listening, we're like, they're like,

oh, that's great, Cy. But like, you know, it's just hard to initiate. Or I feel like I always have to initiate, like, how do you guys keep it, you know, where it's not one person feeling like they're initiating it or how do you guys initiate the sex? I mean, how do you guys keep it going? Because I feel like there's a lot of people who might be listening and say, well, I would love to do that, but it's not as easy. How would you answer that? I don't know. It depends on how naughty you are. There are times when I get smacked on the ass from my husband and I know like, okay, it's go time. It just depends. It depends. If the kids aren't in the house and we want to do some afternoon sex, I happen to be home. I sometimes will initiate and do things that kept our relationship spicy

when I was young. What is your go-to... Psy's feeling it. She's ready to go down. Not go down. I mean, nevermind. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Yeah, right. Maybe. Do you have a go-to move? Do you have size guaranteed to get you action move for when you're in the mood and you want to get some from your partner? Oh, oral sex goes a long way. I mean, that's just like a given at any given time. Like, no, who's going to turn you down? My husband is not going to turn that down, whether that be in the kitchen or on the couch or wherever we are. He's not going to turn that down. He's going to, he's going to embrace

that very much so. He's going to invite me on in. And that, that usually does the trick all the time. We don't have any issues there. Also, have a few drinks, listen to music, laugh, have fun. Just enjoy one another's company. Just remember what brought you there in the first place. Marriage takes work at the end of the day. You just have to put in a little work. And when you guys were long distance, did you guys do anything to keep connected while you were gone?

Or you just enjoyed missing each other? Was there sexting going on? How did you guys keep the flames going? We still do sexting. Sexting happens all the time. I'm gone for about three weeks out of the year during fashion month. So sexting still happens. I don't really... I'm not into the Zoom sex or anything like that. I think that was in my 20s when I thought that that was cool. Okay. But now it's like the hot and heavy breathing over the phone is just not for me. We do love some sexting. Every now and then I send him videos or photos. I think that's really great. Give him something to hang on to

until I return home. Those are always nice little pop-in video. You just got to make sure that your kids have your phone. Yeah. I think that's great. I've talked to like a handful of, of, of married people, or I guess more married women. And like, I kind of suggested that they were like, like, what could I do? And I'm just like, have you ever sent your husband a nude? You know, like just surprise them, like go to the bathroom or you're out to dinner. And, and, and they're like, no, I would never. And I'm like, try it. I'm like every, it's awesome. Right. It kind of keeps it spicy and just like, oh, my God, my wife sent me. And like, I just think if you are in a committed relationship, especially if you're married and you're not throwing each other nudes now and then you're doing it wrong. I don't. What do you say? Yeah, this is this is your best. You should be throwing him nudes.

I was on set the other day and I was in my dressing room and I had a cute little bra and panty on and it was a moment. the other day and I was in my dressing room and I had a cute little bra and panty on and it was a moment. And I was like, hey, thinking of you. You got to do these things to keep the relationship very spicy. Go take a trip to Agent Provocateur and get yourself a whole get up and go home and surprise him. Those are always very fun moments. Not that your husband ever would, but what would you do if your husband thumbs up one of your nudes? Like, what would be a fireable offense in terms of a type of response? What? Are you kidding? That's all I would get is a thumbs up. That would never happen. Okay. Just making sure.

That would never, ever happen. If I'm getting a thumbs up, that means that my kids must be in my husband's phone or something. It must be like, ew, disgusting mom. I guess it's a thumbs up. You know what I mean? That would be mortifying. How generous of your kids to still throw you a thumbs up if they're like, ew, mom. But I guess you tried.

I would be so mortified. But yes, there are some times where my son has, you know, my husband's phone. So I always am like, hey, are you alone? Or do you have your phone? I always have to do like a test text first, unless the kids are at school. Okay.

But you gotta make it fun. You gotta be spicy and you gotta do these things. This is your partner. Why not have fun with your partner? Is there anyone of your castmates who you think could use this advice more than others? Like, is there anyone who's a little more tightly wound when it comes to dating

and kind of putting themselves out there and being vulnerable and kind of mixing it up? Not dating, but I do have one cast member who's like not really going there with her husband. So I think maybe she needs to get her pipes cleaned just a bit. Oh, well, I'm assuming that's... Giselle. Giselle. Yeah.

Yeah, Giselle. Giselle. Giselle. Pipes cleaned. Yeah. What a graphic description. I mean, don't we all need to get our... I mean, women, we need to get our pipes cleaned. There's nothing wrong with that. It's okay. It's all right. Just move those cobwebs out of the way. And it's totally fine. Sex is natural.

Everyone has sex. How did you get those kids, right? It's like, we're having sex. It's fine. It's totally fine. It's completely natural to do. We would love for her. I don't know if she is or if she isn't.

I don't know what's going on. I can't sex shame anyone's relationship. That's not up to me. But if she needs any pointers i'm here for her yeah all right we love that are you came tab was any pop culture drama out there like we are have you kept have you have you been paying attention this ariana grande drama she's involved herself in yeah you described i'm so confused by it because isn't that a little the redhead guy like her co-star right what's his name spongebob and slater yeah ethan slater he played spongebob yeah spongebob yeah spongebob got he's married isn't he that's yeah

he well he was filed for divorce yeah very recently separated file for divorce so it seems like well his wife recently came out and and and i guess blamed her she well she, she called Ariana not a girl's girl, which is the worst thing. I thought she said it wasn't true. I thought she said that's completely fabricated. It's not true. Well, I'm his wife. I think you're thinking of the actor who played SpongeBob in the TV show. His wife came out and said, they're not talking about me.

They're talking about the other SpongeBob. Oh, my God. There's too many SpongeBob. I know. I think that's what you might be thinking about because Broadway Spongebob's wife. So we have TV show Spongebob, Broadway Spongebob, Broadway Spongebob's wife came out and said, Ariana's not a girl's girl. I'm completely blindsided.

My family is just collateral damage. Yeah. And so, and Ethan and Ariana's team have come out and denied it and said they didn't start dating until they were separated. But it's my theory that Ariana and Ethan met each other. And then like, I don't know what was going on, maybe some sort of emotional cheating. And then like, they were like, okay, well, then we'll break up and then kind of publicly put out our relationship. But it sure sounds like according to ethan's wife that everything seemed fine in loveland until ethan met ariana and so like i'm so confused by it i wouldn't even think that he was her type you know it's well we're i guess the question is is her type married man because she seems to a bit have a like unfortunately there's a bit of a history here with Ariana and guys with girlfriends or wives. Maybe because she spends so much time with them. They're her castmates.

I don't know. I don't know what's going on. But I do get a lot of my gossip from TikTok. So sometimes it can be a little bit all over the place. Like, for example, I'm down some Britney Spears hole that she's not Britney Spears and it's really AI that we're really seeing. So it just depends. Do you think it's not really Britney Spears? I really was like, oh my God, Britney's missing the other day. I really had to call my best friend

and say, no, I really think Britney's missing because AI can't get teeth right. So it always looks like her teeth are missing from the bottom. It's a conspiracy theory, but I've fell down this rabbit hole and I'm thinking to myself, no, I think Britney's missing. And then a friend of mine, she got slapped in public the other day. And then I was like, maybe she's not missing. Okay. Yeah. Who's the most girl's girl in your group? Who's the least? Uba and I are very girl's girl. Uba's great. So lovely. She loves everyone. I think Jenna is the least. Jenna's not really into big girl groups. Really? Who's the most likely to

go after someone who's in a relationship? Brynn? No. I don't know. She's the one who says she's going to date your dad. I know, but she is just joking at the end of the day, I hope. I don't think that anyone...

You're a sweetie, Sai. I love how... Are you too nice to be a housewife? Apparently not. I think people think that I'm actually pretty mean on the show. I'm not. I'm just being honest. I'm a very honest person. No, I don't want her to get that rap. She is very flirtatious though. She is very, very flirtatious. With anyone, even if they're in a relationship? I don't know if it's anyone and if they're in a relationship. I just have seen her be very flirtatious in general with people everywhere. She'll flirt with anything. She'll flirt with a wall if she can. She's a flirty girl. Okay. That's impressive. Yeah. That's a feat.

Flirty girl. Yeah. In discussing emotional. Yeah. Yeah. That's a feat. Yeah. Like in discussing emotional affairs, like with physical cheating, there's for a lot of people, like a very clear indicator of like when a line is crossed, but like emotionally there can be kind of like murky water. Like, I'm curious for you, like, how would you define an emotional affair? Like at what point would you say like this crosses the line, like this is unacceptable, like a standard you hold yourself to and you know, your husband holds himself to. As soon as you start texting these flirtatious text messages back to someone else who's not your wife or husband, that's it. What are you doing here? Because this is going to lead to more. And the fact that you are flirting with someone over text messages is

insane to me when you're married. I think that's a huge thing for me. In person, I get it. You're not dead. If you want to look at somebody, go for it. But if you go up to them and actually get their phone number, that's not cool. We're done there too. I think you just have to have those boundaries and just know at the end of the day. You know what's right from wrong. Come on. We all do. Who in your cast would you, who would you trust with the secret the most? Uwe. Who would you trust the least? Bryn. Okay. All right. Question. Do you think, all right, so you have a friend and you know they're being unfaithful to their partner, but they're like, they're your bestie. What is a friend to you? Do you confront the friend and say, hey, you tell them or I will, or do you keep their secret?

But she's my bestie, right? She's your bestie. Maybe you've become friends with their partner through, obviously, mutual friends. And let's even say they're not even your favorite. Just personality conflict, but you respect them as a human. And they're generally nice to your friend. They treat them with respect. They tell bad jokes. They're bad joke tellers, but they treat your friend with respect. But your friend is cheating on them, but they're your bestie. How do you handle it? That's none of my goddamn business. I'm going to tell my best friend, I think this is really screwed up, but this is your decision. And if they find out, that's all on you.

But at the end of the day, you're my best friend. That's not my business for me to be getting into your marriage life and telling your stories to your husband. All I can do is offer... I said, that's not my business at the end of the day to go and tell her secrets to her husband if she's my best friend. The only thing I can do is give her my opinion and how I feel about the fact that she is cheating on her husband. I had this actually... This happened to me before. Did it? Really? I knew a couple. A friend of mine and I shared an Uber after a club and she was really intoxicated.

And she was telling me how her husband makes her sick right now. And she basically slept with someone else. Not basically. She did. She did. She was like, that's why I've been screwing so-and-so. And my mouth was on the floor. And I wanted to just get out of the Uber and run away and say, I never heard this.

So we ended up getting back home. I dropped her off and then I got home. I didn't say a word. And then the next day or like a week later, I ended up seeing her. She did not remember that she confessed whatsoever. So therefore, I just kept it to myself. I didn't say anything. It's not my business. Okay. All right. All right. It's a tough call. It's a tough call. I was just going to ask if you have any like friendship pet peeves or things that you like, just really, you don't vibe with in friendships. I don't like bragging. I don't like when people brag about things. I think that's annoying and

kind of just tasteful. I don't like when people complain too much. I get it. We all have our bad days, but I think the constant nagging, constant complaining, like especially ever been on a trip with a friend and then they just don't, they complain the entire trip. Like that's not for me. That actually gets really tiring and old or like friends who are just never grateful about anything. Like they don't appreciate anything. They're never grateful about anything like that. I can't surround myself by negative energy. And so that's a big no-no to me. If you're that kind of friend, I don't even think we're going to make it long. What has been the most exciting experience you've enjoyed since being a part of the Real Housewives family? That's a really good question. I mean, I've gotten a lot of hate.

What's the hate about? What kind of hate are you getting, Sai? That's not very enjoyable people don't understand my jokes i thought i was funny some people don't think i'm funny they're like my jokes don't land very well i was like that's too bad i think you're funny but also like too bad what i learned on reality tv different worlds that we were on but like i have learned because i i can be a dry sarcastic dick at times. I think I'm fucking hilarious. But I have learned that, unfortunately, dry humor without the ability to edit your own show can often be used against you. You know, because like if they slap a different soundtrack on it.

It's very true. Yeah, I've I've had my very true. My dry sense of humor used against me at times. I have very dry sense of humor and I'm just, I don't know. I kind of like that satire, like banter back and forth. I like very witty conversations. So sometimes people don't understand it or sometimes people think I'm being mean and I'm really not. I don't take things too seriously. I'm not here to... You're not one of those, I don't care what people think. It hurts your feelings to be thought of as potentially mean?

No, no. It doesn't hurt my feelings. No. It doesn't hurt my feelings. I just found it interesting. I found it interesting that a lot of people thought that I was so serious. I was so serious about bringing toilet paper to Erin's house or so serious that I was called Erin a high-low chick because she put caviar on Pringles. I mean, you are living a high-low lifestyle, right? Pringles are like $2.99. Caviar is $100. Isn't that a high-low? I kind of love that saying. It's just a joke. Yeah. Did you make that up? A high-low lifestyle? I've never heard that. Because I live a high-low lifestyle. I came from nothing. Now I'm up. And every now and then,

I'm going to mix my Dior bags with some Zara pants. I live a high-low lifestyle. That's relatable, isn't it? I think so. The fact that Erin did it and I called her high-low, everyone's like, clutches pearls. You know what it is? You know what I think it is, Sai? Again, I think it's y'all getting along too much and the audience is just trying to find something to complain. You know what I'm saying? Because I think ultimately, we all watch Housewives to pick sides and decide who we agree with or who we disagree with. I think we're just trying to find something to just argue about because that's what we love to do when we watch Housewives.

So true. I don't get it. I mean, it's also entertaining in other aspects. People are laughing. Some people who have sense of humor are laughing. There are other things that you can get from the show. There's a reason why we have so many views like it's it's a good show but just give us a moment again we're only three episodes in you know there's 14 episodes here just give us a second as these three episodes have aired has there been anything where like seeing the final cut you've wanted to like reach out to a castmate and be like hey just so you know like yeah we're good because that happens a lot right like post filming you're just like what the yeah like they edited that really out of and i and that and i just think i i don't feel the same after it's like rehashing these feelings i might have been irritable at the moment and maybe i've yelled or

said something at that moment but i do feel the need to kind of reach out and be like i'm sorry i did that i was sorry for what i said i. I was really hungry. It is what it is. So there are those moments. But for the most part, I try not to live it with regrets. It happened. That's how I felt at that moment. But there's no... We can't take it back. We can't retract all of it. So just keep it moving. YOLO. Awesome. Sai, well, we could talk with you for hours. We really appreciate you taking the time. It's been a ton of fun getting to know you. We wish you an absolute ton of success on the show with hopefully many more seasons to come.

We're excited to watch you. The rest is season one and the rest of your cast. Thank you very much for taking the time. Please let our audience know where they can follow you, plug away any projects that you're working on. Absolutely. Everyone can follow me on Scout the City on Instagram. My TikTok is Cy DeSilva. And definitely look out. I have a podcast coming soon called Harder Than We Thought that will be coming out right around the corner.

All right. Thank you so much. Thank you, Cy. Good luck the rest of the way. Bye. Bye-bye. Thank you. Bye, guys. All right. Well, that was fun talking with Cy. Now it's time for texting office hours. Hold on to your kilts, dearies. Peacock original The Traitors is back with a new season of strategy, betrayal, sabotage, and murder. This killer season features an all-new celebrity cast that Vulture hailed as reality royalty, living in a Scottish castle for the ultimate murder mystery competition.

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a murder mystery with clothes to die for and Vox adding that it should be your new reality TV obsession. We are certainly obsessed. Stream every episode of Traders Now only on Peacock. Ladies and gentlemen. What are you doing? What do you mean?

Just keep it simple. I'm making the promo. Just keep it simple. Just say, hey, we're the Brav Bros. Two guys that talk about Bravo. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we're the Brav Bros. No. Oh. Dude. Stop with the voice. Just keep it simple. I've seen promos on TV, dude.

This is how you get the fans engaged. This is how you get listeners. We're trying to get listeners here. If we just say, oh, we're two dudes that talk about Bravo, people are going to get tired of it already. We need some oomph. All right, then fine. Let's try to do it with your voice. Bravo, bros.

Good job. How's it going? Good. How are you? Good. What's your name? My name is Liz, and I'm 28 years old. How can we help, Liz?

I'm initiating all these dates with a guy and I'm not sure that I'm getting the hint or not. Okay. Like the hint that maybe he's just not into you type of thing. Yeah. How long have you been... So tell me about this guy that you've been hanging out with. How long have you been hanging out with him? So we started going on dates like early May and we went on like six dates, I would say all through mid June. And then a little bit of background, like I had told him that I was going to be busy during the summer because I was doing a bunch of traveling. And then now I'm back and I want

to hang out with him. And he just moved to the city that I'm currently in. Previously, he was like an hour away and driving to see me. So now that I'm back and he's actually moved here, like as of a couple of weeks ago, I have been initiating these conversations so that we can make plans and he doesn't seem that interested. And so I'm not sure if I should continue to text him and ask him to make these plans or not. So did all your dates happen before you like took this like summer sabbatical with him? Yes. And you went on six dates and then you were like, I'm going to be busy. And then you kind of peaced out. No, I had told him that I had, so I had like a celebration of life to go to. And then to, which was on the East Coast.

And I was traveling for work. And then I had a music festival to go to. And so I kind of warned him. And I was like, hey, I'm not sure if I'm going to be available for about like, well, I didn't really say that. But somehow it came up in conversation, like summer plans. And I was basically like, I'm i'm gonna be mia for a while and then yeah i just he said that he would miss me and all this stuff and we've been texting he has texted me a little bit since so all right so i'm just not quite sure backtracking here to like

when you guys were hanging out like how was that going and like did you like go off the grid i mean what expect because like six dates is a decent amount of dates so i guess what i'm saying is six six days is a decent amount where if you were going out of town for a period of time i would think that if you felt good about this relationship in these six dates you were going on you would have said more than just be like oh by the way i'm just like leaving town for a period of time. Like, did you set any expectations? Did you tell him how much you liked them or disliked them? Like, where did things stand when you left? And like, did you guys keep in touch when you're out of town? And like, how much checking in did you guys did you do with him?

We checked in while I was out of town. It happened to be my birthday while I was traveling. It was for a work trip. I invited him to my birthday celebration with my friends. And I did warn him. I was like, by the way, this is going to be a lot of people. So no pressure. And he didn't want to go, which is totally fine. So that was about halfway through me being MIA. And then he did reach out to me after my birthday weekend. He reached out to me on the, my birthday. And then I was going camping. And so I was, I messaged him and I was like, Hey, I want to see you next week. Like, let's go get dinner. And he said, I'm down. And then he was telling me that he is actually moving to where I am within a week. And so I kind of, I gave him some time to like do his moving stuff. And then I checked in with him after the move, trying to make plans for last week. And we were supposed to hang out on Thursday.

And then I messaged him the day of, and I said, I'm available after this time. And then he didn't text me back until way later. And after the time that we were supposed to hang out and said, sorry, that time was too late. I had to go to work. And then I just disliked the message. And then I haven't said anything since. So I feel like we've been trying to make plans, or at least I've been trying to make plans. And he was haven't said anything since. So I feel like we've been trying to make plans, or at least I've been trying to make plans. And he was checking in with me a little bit. We texted a few times and had a conversation. He was asking me what I was doing and how things were going. So I feel like I've been checking in. I don't really... I don't know.

Clearly, you have been reaching out. But it's kind of a weird thing to, you didn't do anything wrong, but it's like, yeah, you almost like took a break in the middle as, as things were ramping up. But like, now that you have the benefit of hindsight, looking back, what's your most honest assessment of what you thought his interest level was before you left town? Like, did you feel like he was super into you or do you, did you feel like it was just like mutually fine? Okay. That is another thing. I am finding him pretty hard to read. I don't know. I would say that he was into me. So the last time that we

hung out, we had a more deeper, a more deep conversation, right? That was the first time we talked about like our past relationships and like kind of what we want for the future. And we were both pretty much on the same page. And it was, I was really stoked that we had that conversation because I, because I had been wanting to have that, but we have never talked about like being exclusive or like being in a relationship and like timing for that. Have you guys hooked up?

Yes. Yeah. We've hooked up a few times and like, and we've also hung out and not hooked up. So I care less about the times you hung out and didn't hooked up, but you've hooked up multiple times. And why after six dates and several hookups, did you not feel compelled to get some clarity about like what this was before you went out of town? I did, but I didn't know how to bring it up. How did you not, how did you not bring it up? Well, I think when he was asking me about my past relationships, that was the deeper conversation that I guess I had been looking for, but I didn't, I didn't feel the need. What do you mean you didn't feel the need?

You did because like we're on the phone. Right. I guess another aspect of this is his move to the city has been long overdue. Like when we first started dating, he was going to move out here. And so I think in the back of my head, I was like, I don't want to bring too many like big life changes at once. You know, like I know he's moving to the city. I also moved here like six months ago. So I was like, I don't want to put too much pressure when I know he's probably got a lot of things going on. So I think I was being overly considerate of his situation. I think a mistake, you made me think about something. I think a mistake a lot of people do in your shoes early in dating, like don't try to fit into someone's life. Like if you find yourself

trying to be like, well, how do I fit in their busy kind of like life and like you're making excuses for them and like, oh, well, and like, I love that you're empathizing and being considerate, but like the way you're talking is being like, you're trying to fit into his life rather than early on, you know, you don't want to be selfish, but like right now you're on a, you want to find someone who can fit into yours and then see if you like them enough to be willing to do the same for them, you know? But like before you figure out whether you want to fit into their life, you have to make sure that, you know, it's, it's vice versa.

And yeah, moving is busy and things like that, but you're already finding ways to not bug him. If you're so worried about inconveniencing someone or stressing them out, because you're implying that you don't want to stress them out. So if you're early on, you're hanging out, you're going on dates, you're having sex, and you're worried about stressing them out because you want quality time. Maybe not your person. Am I making any sense? I just feel like if this early on, if you think you asking for quality time is something that will stress them out, then that's a red flag. You're implying that your presence could be a negative or that you hanging out with them could be a negative or that you reaching out to them could be a negative. And I know, listen, we can get insecure about and we like someone, we get nervous, but that's essentially what you're saying. I just think that it never

goes the way we want. You're not really being considerate. I think you're just being afraid of rejection and you're selling it as consideration. Yeah, i can see that so how do i how do i move forward from this spot like if i want to continue hanging out with him do i just go for it because i mean yeah well jen what amanda what would you guys do i feel like there's like two routes there's either the like just really stick it out logistically and like wait until you see him and then in person because i i don't know i think it's kind of hard i have total respect for people who like kind of have these conversations via text for my personal style like i wouldn't know you know it's like nick how nick always says like you people read

text how they interpret them so like for me personally i don't think i would want to address this via text so i would like kind of really do anything I can to like make it logistical. Like if he cancels immediate, like kind of scheduling follow up question, like just like make it happen. And then in person be like, say, you know, like especially if you're like a drink deep or like things are like playful and you're vibing, just being like, hey, I'm going to be honest, like I don't know how into this you are. Just like checking in because like to be like, you know, it kind of seems like this is like

low priority. And I just like want to make sure we're on the same page here and that like I'm not waiting for you. I feel like you either go that direct route or I think you could just be like, OK, but you know what? I'm not going to sideline myself like this guy is clearly like not worth taking myself off the market for. I'm like really try to invest, go on some fun first date, like see how things feel.

I think so often it's just like when you have the it's such a cliche that's annoying, but frustratingly true of like the second you become more carefree and like show less interest, they tend to like follow up a little bit more. But I think like the thing to watch out for is to just make sure that like you don't feel resentful of this person or don't feel like you're kind of owed something from him, because right now it kind of feels like you're making sacrifices in hopes that it will all pan out. You're investing in him. And I think that can be just like a really hard thing. It's so easy to end up bitter in that situation because you're like, you know, being considerate, doing things that might not be your first preference of how you'd want to interface with someone and in hopes that it will eventually pay off. you'd want to like interface with someone and in hopes that it will eventually pay off. So I think just like making sure that you are not behaving in a way that is like inconvenient to you or that

is like emotional labor to you is a really good way of like kind of just keeping tabs on not getting invested in someone who's proven that like they're a little stable in the way that you might want them to be. Since you've been hanging out with him, have you been essentially taking yourself off the market? Not really. So he and I started dating at the same time me and another guy went on a few dates. And like, I liked that guy. I think he's a good person, but like, I didn't want to continue really seeing him. And then I, I am not taking myself off the market. I've decided that I'm going to continue to go on first dates and feel other people out and just try and do some new things. But I will say that he is the

person that I have the most interest in. Well, that's great. And it's also great that you're still going out there and dating. And just a general rule, I think it's really important for people to follow. Because we always make these excuses of why it's not the right time to define something or state our expectations and we don't want to sound crazy and we say shit like that, but like, fine. If you don't think it's the right time, fair enough, but never take yourself off the market. Like don't do the thing where it's just like, you kind of fully commit to them. They have all your energy, all your attention, but you're like, well, I just don't want to,

I don't want to inconvenience them. I want to push them. It doesn't sound like you're doing that, so that's great, but just make sure you're holding yourself accountable to that and not kind of taking yourself off the market. If you haven't defined a relationship, even if you're in a situation, you are single, so you need to act single. Honestly, the best thing you do with this guy, I think,

is just stop reaching out to him for now. It sounds like you've put yourself out there enough. Maybe just pull back a little bit. You're already out there dating. It's not like you have to get back out there. See if he reaches out to you. He's now living in your same city. And maybe you can reset type of thing. So you don't reach out to him. Even if it takes him a couple of weeks, my guess is unless he meets someone that he jumps in a relationship with, he'll reach back out because he probably is you know busy with work busy with the new move you know likes you but like you know probably isn't like over the moon excited about you yet you know and so eventually

he'll reach out probably past the point where it just like it's going to annoy you you can give him a hard time or you can like check in and you or you can like reset expectations be like to be honest i just like i'm surprised to hear from you just say something like that and you can be like what do you mean just like well you know just you didn't seem all that interested because if he asks you back out you can kind of hit him with like well i just i just got the impression that like this wasn't a thing and then you can kind of see what he has to say about that. But I think maybe now stop reaching out. It sounds like you feel like you've reached out too much and like your gut knows.

So if you feel that way, then yeah, there's some truth to it because you feel like you have reached out too much without him kind of reciprocating interest. So if that's your gut, then there's truth to it. And if you feel that way, that's all that really matters. So just stop reaching out and see how he responds to that. Okay. I can do that. Yeah. I think my intention behind reaching out the last time, he told me that he was free a certain day and I was free that day, but I ended up telling him that I'm not. And I like rescheduled for a day that was definitely more convenient for me. Was that like a game playing thing situation where you just deliberately did that or?

It was a multitude of things, but I did like, I wasn't going to go out of my way to like change my plans or not change my plans, but make modifications to my plans and stress myself out to like get back to the city and hang out with him that day. set expectations conversation and like talk about, you know, bring it up and kind of just ask like what he is looking for, because I'm still not very clear on that. So, and I've been going back and forth about whether or not I wanted to text him again. I was thinking that I would say something like, are you busy or am I just not getting it? Well, I mean, listen, the answer is probably somewhere in the middle. Again, like he has been busy. There's a bunch of reasons that you have described. And those are only what you're aware of, of why the relationship with you might not be a top priority for his. That's not the end of the world. You know, unfortunately, nowadays, these

relationships generally start slower than normal. You know, hookup culture, things kind of go at these weird paces. And then when you throw in sex, it feels like things move fast, but emotionally you're not there. You took some time apart. You guys lost that kind of momentum. And you're not a big priority for him right now. It's not the end of the world. I mean, it's not ideal. You wish you were, but I don't think you necessarily need to overthink it.

So you've made yourself available. You've reached out a couple times, either a distant lineup with him or what, but I think you just pull back a little bit and just see how he responds to that. If you ever listen to the show, never ask what he wants. You want to set expectations with him. Next time he reaches out, you just say, hey, listen, I know we had a great time hanging out. I had a lot of fun with you. I felt like we had a lot of momentum, but obviously maybe because I was gone, we lost that. But I am looking for someone who I can build momentum with. And as I'm just not sure if that's you, always state what you know about yourself and then state what you observe about them. Don't ask them what they think. Because by you stating what you observe

about them, if nothing else will make him feel defensive, it just doesn't seem like you're ready for it right now. I'm just getting a vibe from you. And so he can either agree or he can disagree. But that's you having power by putting yourself in a position of telling him what you're observing about him. You're taking that authority figure, like, hey, I'm the teacher and I'm going to give you notes about like what I'm seeing in you. And you can respond as opposed to, you know, if you're thinking power dynamics, the student asks the question of the teacher, hey, teacher, what are we? What should we do? When's recess? Yada, yada. And so when you're thinking about like maintaining your power in a relationship, think about like, do I want to be

the teacher or do I want to be the student? You know, I'm oversimplifying because obviously, and you ultimately, you want that power dynamic to be equal in a relationship, but early on the power dynamic always kinds of shift. I'm sure at times you felt more in control and now you feel less in control. So when you feel less in control, play the role of the teacher, you know? So you're the one who's, you know, stating the rules, you're stating the expectations, you're letting them know what you want, you're, you're stating your observations about them and seeing how they respond. You don't ask their permission, you don't ask questions, you let, you know, does that make sense? Totally. And yeah, it does. And

if they, if they feel in kind, so to speak, they'll respond appropriately. And he might just say, you're right. I'm not really, you know, I have been busy. I'm just not looking for a relationship right now. And then you'll get your answer. Or he can say some different version. Oh, like, you know what? I've just been really wrapped up, but I am excited to still see you. You know, you can say, great. Well, when you have the time, let me know kind of thing. And just always come from a place of confidence and knowing what you want and knowing that you don't need him. Yeah, it's really helpful for me to remember. Like when I was dating, it was really helpful to be like I had to reframe sometimes, like kind of like record scratch and be like, wait, I one of the top things on my list about someone I date is someone who makes me feel wanted, who who like chooses to be with me, who like like that is a non-negotiable for me. Like I am not convincing people. I'm not debating them into liking me like they see value in me and like they fuck with it and they like want to keep it going. And I think I found myself a lot of times like in dating, like losing sight of that every now and then. So I think if you can try to like if you catch yourself kind of like in the like, you know, trying to read tea leaves of like, but he texted me at this time on my birthday. And so the like, you know, trying to read tea leaves of like, but he texted me at this time on my birthday.

And so like, you know, stuff like that, just kind of like reframing and just being like, remember, like you want someone who makes you feel wanted. And like you can help facilitate that. You can give some nudges. But at the end of the day, like that's that like is a non-negotiable. So right now, go date other people. My guess is like you have been remaining single and going on and dating, but my guess is internally, you've been prioritizing and thinking about him a little bit more than he deserves, is my guess. I'm sure that's the case.

Yeah, we've all done that. But when you feel that, just pull back a little bit. And then when you want clarity, it's better just to state what you're thinking and feeling rather than asking them what they're thinking and feeling. You never get your power by like asking, you know, how do they feel about you? It's both scary, but it comes across very confident just to put out what you want. You know, because most people don't have the guts to do that. You know, most people don't have the guts to be like, this is how I feel. Take it or leave it. But when you do that,

it never backfires. And never backfiring doesn't always mean you get the answer you want. It just never, it will never make someone who was going to be interested in you become less interested in you by you demonstrating confidence in yourself and knowing what you want. Like it's just never happened. All right. I guess I'm going to ask for, or not ask, but I'm going to tell him what I want the next time he reaches out. The next time he reaches out. Yeah. Just think check-in. Oh, I'm surprised to hear from you.

I just, you seemed really busy, you know? And if he, and you don't necessarily, if he does, let's get together, you can say, oh, I'm kind of surprised. I mean, you don't have to push the issue. You can bring this up on the date. That's entirely up to you, but just kind of surprised. I mean, you don't have to push the issue. You can bring this up on the date. That's entirely up to you. But just kind of give them a little bit of a hard time that you're, it's like, oh, you just, you know, just thought maybe, you know, this thing has run its course.

Just be playful, but don't sound needy or desperate for information from him. Just think teacher. You know, if you were the teacher, what would you, and he was a student. The whole idea is like, you're in a position of whole idea is like you're in a position of power. And when you're in a position of power, you act completely different. You just do. What would I do if he were the student and I were the teacher? How would I speak to them?

Like coaching him. Yeah. How would I coach them if they worked for me? And I'm not saying don't act like their boss, but you know what I'm saying? You just want to have that mentality because it's very easy when we like someone and when we're nervous and we're afraid they don't like us for us to kind of go into that like you know submissive role that kind of student that employee like oh don't fire me did i do something wrong you know type of energy you want to flip it and like you know think about what would i say if i were in this role

and i think it'll serve you much better. All right. Well, keep us posted. But yeah, so I think don't reach out to him for now. You've done that. You made it clear. He'll eventually reach out when he and when he does, then then try a different approach. Okay. All right. I can do that. I'll keep you guys posted. Please do. Is there do you feel like you have an example from like either dating or like a relationship of like when you kind of like coached someone up or like when there was like a behavior that you kind of identified where it's like oh i would really appreciate this and like we're able to kind of like bring them through it what do you mean because i think for me it was like i think

good nights were a big thing with my boyfriend where i kind of was like hey like like you know i could have like either passively at the beginning of the relationship sat festering being like why the fuck didn't he wish me good night like I thought this was common decency when it's like no it's not everybody has a different attitude on that sure and so it was the kind of thing where I was just like had to remind him a few times of like hey this is important to me and then he like totally got the picture like well I think just that saying this is important to me yeah and that's a powerful statement this matters to me i would like you to give a shit you know some version you don't have to say it like that at first but that comes across as much better than like why don't you do this like you never do this like and first of all it's like well you never asked and i didn't know

because now you're responding to someone who's like already criticizing you before you even had a chance to do something about it. Have you ever been unattracted to someone who's been like, I want this, I like this, this matters to me? That's why we like people who are just confident in their opinion, whatever their opinion is. When people kind of own who they are, everyone finds it attractive.

Even if you don't agree with what they like or dislike, you know, it's just an attractive quality to just say, I value this. I know that. And can you work on that? And it's like such a it applies not only the beginning of relationships, but like down the line. Like I remember I have this one friend named Kat. She's so badass. She just is like Texan, like take no bullshit. And she was talking about how like in relationships, she's like at a certain point, like all relationships have a point where you're like, hey, I'm getting on the plane and I really want you to come with me. But that baggage can't come.

So you got to either leave the baggage or not get on the plane. And it's totally your call. But like, that's how it's working. Or, you know, at least the baggage isn't my problem. I like the metaphor. Sometimes it's not that easy to just be like, drop your baggage off at the door not baggage isn't like oh you have a complicated family situation but baggage isn't like you like have friends who are like bad influences on you and who like you spend a little bit too much time like something like that well i mean that could be a little you know friends can be complicated that could be nuanced but i'm just saying like

stating what you want at the risk of someone disagreeing with you and maybe not liking you people are attracted to that it all comes back to like cool girl syndrome. I feel like as a woman, sometimes I am like I have been poisoned with this like deep internalized feeling of like, oh, being like easy breezy, uncommunicative, even though it makes no sense. Like you're saying, like it's so much more simple. Just be like, hey, this is what I want. No big deal if you're not into that. But like asking for something feels inherently unchill in a way that is so counterproductive. Men love, love a chill girl, but that is entirely different than what you're describing as a cool girl. Being chill has everything to do with how you react to anything. To me as a guy,

to anything. To me as a guy, whether I identify someone as a chill girl or not, it's how they respond to situations. It's not how accommodating they are. It's not their willingness to do whatever I want when I want. That to me is not a chill person. That's a pushover. That is someone who doesn't have any opinions of themselves or confident in setting their expectations. That, to me, is not a chill person. That's the opposite. That's unattractive. But yeah. So people often mistake chillness with being accommodating and trying to fit in.

Chill is not fitting into someone's life. That's just not having an identity. Being chill is being disappointed in something. And then, you know, instead of reacting, it's not being reactive. It's thinking about what happened. It's empathizing. It's putting yourself in their shoes. Even if you disagree with them, having a better understanding of their point of view and saying, all right, cool. Like, like let's have a conversation about it. Like I'm disappointed, but like, you know, I'm interested in that's chill. Like just fucking talking that. Oh my God. Every guy obsessed with, oh, that's the, it's the golden

goose of like a partner, but that is not the same as being a pushover and doing whatever the fuck your partner wants and like operating on their schedule and never saying, no, I don't want to do that. Or having expectations of them, of making sacrifices for you and doing things that you want to do. That is not chill. That is just being a pushover and not having any identity. And guys aren't attracted to that. They just aren't. And I think knowing the differences would probably be a turning point for many of you listening who are mistaking chillness for not speaking up or setting your expectations with the people that you're dating and not being afraid for them not to like you or not agree with you

on some instances. I also think I had a really groundbreaking conversation with my brother when I was like, it was a while ago, and I was like, I just want him to ask me about my day more in reference to some person I was dating. My brother was like, yeah, sometimes my girlfriend says that to me too, but it's like, you can just talk about my day more like in reference to some person I was dating my brother was like yeah like sometimes my girlfriend says that to me too but it's like you can just talk about her day and like this thing about being like I feel like in so many of my female friendships there's this like just like deeply ingrained like curiosity and love and interest where people will be like how are you like you know like it is a love language to like ask follow-up questions be like I remember you

mentioned this thing like how is it? And like hearing from my brother that it was like, he just like doesn't operate that way. And I know he's attentive and caring and like really does give a shit. He's just like, oh, I thought you would talk about it if you cared about it.

But I also think it's right to say, because I know I can work on that. I think most men can. Totally, of like asking questions. And to say, hey, listen, like I would really appreciate it if like when I tell you a story, if you could like show an interest and ask me follow up questions, totally appropriate.

Like, that's fair. And that, again, is not not being chill by doing that. That is stating an expectation. Totally. Not being chill would be like, what the fuck? You never fucking do this. Like, that would be not chill. And Femi, as like, it's not unchill.

You're doing him the kindness. He hasn't yet learned how to ask important questions. And so you're starting these important conversations on his behalf to help everyone out with their shortcomings with the hope that eventually you will both evolve and he will understand the ways that you would appreciate proactive communication down the line. Yeah, I would agree. Well, anyway, it's time to wrap it up. We want to thank Cy for taking the time as well as our caller don't forget to send in all those questions at asknick

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