The Viall Files - E623 Going Deeper with Bobby Berk Plus Pregnancy News from Nick and Natalie

Episode Date: August 10, 2023

Welcome back to The Viall Files: Going Deeper Edition! At the beginning of the episode, we are joined by our Pop Culture Correspondent (and mother-to-be) Natalie Joy to share some exciting news about her pregnancy. We also touch on some pop culture news such as Vanderpump Rules Season 11 and celebrity sightings at the Tour. Then, we are joined by Bobby Berk to talk about interior design, his marriage, and various jobs he’s been fired from before his career took off. We then have a Texting Office Hours caller who was submitted by her daughter to talk about an upcoming date.  “Chaos around you creates chaos in your mind.”  Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes. Join us for our new LIVE show on Thursdays at 9PM ET/6PM PT on Amp, available in the Apple app store. Android User? Listen here: https://www.onamp.com/  To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com  If you would like to get some texting advice on Office Hours send an email to [e-mail] with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! To advertise on the show, contact [e-mail] or visit https://www.advertisecast.com/TheViallFiles  THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: HelloFresh - Go to https://www.HelloFresh.com/50viall and use code 50viall for 50% off plus free shipping! HelloFresh: America’s #1 Meal Kit Drizly - Drizly is the most convenient way to buy beer, wine, and spirits, with delivery to your door when you want it. Download the Drizly app or go to https://www.Drizly.com   Rocket Money - Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions – and manage your money the easy way – by going to https://www.RocketMoney.com/VIALL  Lume Deodorant - As a special offer for listeners, new customers GET $5 OFF a Lume Starter Pack with code VIALL at LumeDeodorant.com. That equates to over 40% off your Starter Pack when you visit https://www.LumeDeodorant.com and use code VIALL. Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @bobby @alison.vandam @dereklanerussell @genevievegoodman

you're crazy what's going on everybody welcome back to another episode of the vile files i'm your host nick joined by the household of ali gene, Genevieve and Derek. Amanda is across the globe watching soccer still. Down under. Down under. Don't worry. She got her return flight just in time for my birthday.

Have we heard from her? What games has she gone to? I texted her and it popped up green. So I think she might be off the grid. I think she's traveling around the whole. Well, Australia is both a country and a continent. That's true. So obviously, I don't know.

Is that a little known fact? Little known fact is that Thanksgiving is on a Thursday. Obviously. Obviously, a little known fact. Easter is on a Sunday. Well, if just to give it away, our pop culture correspondent is joining us today. The one and the only Natalie Joy returns to the Vow Files. She's back.

She's pregnant. She's pregnant. Yeah. Did you hear? Yeah. Did you hear? Did you hear? Oh my God, did you hear?

Did you hear? It was like all over. It was pretty much the first time we tried this can be a very sensitive topic because so many women struggle with getting pregnant that i do just want to like give a disclaimer and show some love to like the women who do struggle i've been very close to that my sister did ivf for years and finally had a baby they gave the baby a 5% chance the entire pregnancy of surviving outside of the womb. So it was a very tough pregnancy that I was very close to. So those women who do go through that, they're close to my heart. I've heard so many of

those stories as well. So when we were just like, you know, maybe we just see what happens. I honestly was more like, well, we're not, it's not going to happen what happens. I honestly was more like, well, it's not going to happen right away. I think part of me, I always wanted to be a dad for so long. I had had so many friends that like it took some time and, you know, just it's not as always easy for people or just anyone. Like we were lucky. Yeah.

Had you nailed down the wedding date before you found out? Like, was that just an amazing coincidence that the timing kind of works out? Actually, we're like, oh my God, should we move it up and like do it this fall while I'm not showing? Should we push it back and just have like a one-year-old at our wedding? Should we just shock on it? Should we just go to Vegas and elope? We definitely tossed around a lot of ideas, but I didn't want to feel rushed and moving it up. And then I have some pretty sick family members and I didn't want to risk pushing it back.

So we kind of just kept it and we were like, we'll just have a baby at our wedding. This seems like perfect timing. That's so amazing. Hopefully it's perfect timing. It'll be a few months after. We'll have a baby at our wedding. It'll be amazing. We'll then go on a honeymoon

and have a baby. Is the baby going to go with? I'm sure. We'll have to bring a mom. On the honeymoon? What about Jeff? Is Jeff coming? I'm available.

Are we still doing the honeymoon afterwards? Yes. We are. Yes. We'll be bringing along my mom or a nanny or Cindy or Allie or somebody to watch the whole thing. I've been a nanny at a wedding Allie or somebody to watch. I've been a nanny at a wedding before.

How did you reveal it? Did you show them the test? We like to cook dinner. We cook a lot of the same stuff over and over. And we have some really high quality meals that we make, like meals that everyone would love. And so Natalie gets home and she's like, you know what we should do?

We should film us making kale salad. i was like okay sure you know we could put that on the ground and i just want you to know how into it he got and i was like this is in my head i'm like this is only about you opening this fucking drawer and seeing these tests you're gonna do it let's do it right he's like take two yeah the kale is not cool and i was just like shocked that she was like weirdly not as i'm like this was your idea and she's just kind of standing there watching me and as i'm like filming this content and then i opened the drawer and the positive pregnancy tests were in there and i was just like kind of in shock and now i was filming it and then i became self-aware that i was being filmed and then like i had this whole like i'm doing this wrong and i like stopped the video and i was like

so that's going because i stood there just kind of looked at it kind of like in the shock kind of like like is this real is this real are you pregnant you know like it was i was definitely caught off guard and like a frozen in a sense. It felt, it was a very surreal thing. And then I looked at the camera and I'm like, I'm supposed to be having a different reaction, but I was just like processing everything. It was just, it felt really surreal. It was really crazy. It was just such a surreal thing.

Yeah. So we kind of stood there and then, yeah. Who did, did we, did we tell anyone that night? I think we like talked about telling our parents maybe so yeah anyways we found out we were pregnant and then the first couple days natalie was doing the um well it's weird because like if you get pregnant at first obviously so early for first-time parents it's like we're pregnant and then you're like as the dad like nothing really has changed other than you know you're pregnant and then you're like as the dad like nothing really has changed other than you

know you're pregnant and then for natalie you know she found out really early right you found out three weeks if that so you know she obviously wasn't experiencing any symptoms and certainly not showing or anything like that so the first couple days of knowing natalie was the best though because she would text me and she'd be like oh my god it's kicking yeah oh my god she's like am I nauseous I'm like I don't know like am I showing I don't know again you know the first two days we were very excited but like didn't feel pregnant yeah you know and certainly I didn't but Natalie did it and so yeah it was like I don't know like I feel like I'm like do I have morning sickness like am I showing dos? And, you know, we were having fun with it. And, you know, and then three days later or something like that, it just like hit her. And

then it was like, yeah, fuck, she was pregnant. And yeah, you've been experiencing a ton of morning sickness. Yeah. That lasts all day, all night, all the time. It never ends. It's been honestly hell. I thinky schumer had like the documentary about her pregnancy it was really difficult too you should like talk to her oh my god like amy was she sick the whole time yes yeah it was really difficult well but she had hyper mesis gravidarum what is that? She was hospitalized a ton. They filmed this documentary because she was pregnant

during one of her stand-up tours. And she'd be at the hospital tweeting at the stadium. I know I'm in the hospital. I'm sure you saw my Instagram story, but I will be there tonight going from the hospital to the stand-up shows,

from the stand-up show back to the hospital. She was still performing? Yes. In the hospital? Well, in the hospital. No, front-lighting. And to the hospital. She was still performing. Oh my God. Yes. In the hospital. Yeah. Well, in the hospital. No, front light. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And in the hospital. Live streaming. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Thankfully you're not that sick. No, I'm definitely not hospitalized. Yeah.

I definitely like been constantly nauseous, constantly queasy mixed with like you have to eat enough because you want to like obviously give your baby nutrients, but nothing tastes good. Everything tastes like a little off or like maybe a little old, a little sour, a little moldy, you know? It's great. And I love food. I love eating. I typically am a person who eats a lot and I have never been more pissed off in my life but we're getting through it would you say it's getting a little better yeah it's getting a little better i'm not like sick all throughout the day anymore like in the mornings and maybe a little bit at night how would you say it's affected our relationship it's definitely brought us closer i mean

there's been pockets of of beautiful, obviously, like going to the doctor, getting ultrasounds, seeing our baby. And I think like we went at five weeks, which typically I don't think doctors will see you until you're seven weeks. So when we went at five weeks, my doctor was like, I don't see anything. And also your gestational sac is rippled which is a sign for miscarriage but she also emphasized how early super early like yeah i don't want to scare you at all this is so early we can't see anything so like she she she didn't scare us some doctors will do that some doctors will like oh you know this is possible but then nick left for special forces and i was alone like I was just like waiting

for something terrible to happen. Yeah, that was kind of nerve wracking. And the whole time I was filming, I was like hoping I wasn't going to get a call. You know, some of the people on the show who have kids and families, they were able to arrange like talking to their kids and things like that.

On the other hand, I was like hoping Natalie wouldn't call because it was like call if there's a problem. That part was nerve wracking. Yeah. Like hoping someone wouldn't call because it was like call if there's a problem that part was nerve-wracking yeah like hoping someone wouldn't come up to me and be like hey Natalie's on the phone and there was a part of of the show right that I can't give away I had a chance in a way to speak to Natalie and at first I was a little worried but then it ended up being like a really cool thing and then when I got back from special, the first thing I opened my phone to was the heartbeat. Yeah.

Seven weeks. I went back and she saw the baby. There was a heartbeat. She was like, your sack is perfectly formed. Everything's perfect. Seeing the heartbeat was very cool. That was,

yeah, surreal. And congrats on the sack. That's so awesome. And the sack's looking good. It's not rippled anymore. No, no ripple.

Thank God. A good ripple-less sack. Just a smooth sack. Everything else to hear that. Yeah. No, it's great. It's a really smooth sack. Yeah.

It's too bad that you haven't been feeling well. That sucks. But something that Amy said in this documentary that was really sweet, she was like, pregnancy is obviously difficult. Mine was especially difficult. And I was worried that when the baby came, I would resent him for how much hell he put me through. And the second he was born,

I was just like, so grateful. And I was like, this is such a gift that I had to work so hard for. And I just like, cannot feel more gratitude towards this little tiny baby. Like, I'm just so grateful that he's here.

Despite maybe, maybe I was, no, I was just so grateful that he's here despite what happened. I was just planning on grounding them. From day one. Just when they know what a grounding means and that staying in your room isn't fun, then you're grounded. At some point, they'll be like

four years old and sit him down and be like, here's the thing, you're grounded. Nick has been so lovely. He obviously works non-stop, but then he also comes home and he cooks and then he cleans and he grocery shops and he also is like holding my hair back while i'm puking and like blowing cold air on my neck and like scratching my back like it's he's been very top tier i enjoy it yeah taking care of the people i love it's such a process we hear about like pregnancy like you know even people like when you're younger you just hear like nine months

and all this like very like you hear about the process and the subjective stuff but then like you have to kind of go through the human element the emotional element like you have to live through it it's not just like a b c and d yeah it was just weird it was weird knowing we were pregnant the first few weeks and not like feeling like anything changed because it was like the biggest. It felt like the biggest moment of our lives. And they say that like women, as soon as they see two lines on a pregnancy test, they like feel pregnant. Like, oh, my gosh, this baby. And then it takes the father like until they see the baby in real life.

Yeah. But it was weird because I wanted to the baby in real life. Yeah. But it was weird because I wanted to feel pregnant right away, so to speak. And it was like, I didn't. So seeing the heartbeat was really cool. But yeah, it's been incredible. I feel like Nick might be the type of person to get sympathy cramps when you're giving birth. Me? Yeah.

I really wanted to feel pregnant we'll just have to get them those like simulators yeah not literally but just like knowing that we are having a kid you know i'm kidding congratulations thank you that's so exciting are you guys gonna find out the gender? Are you going to be surprised? We were talking about nursery design with Bobby and like what gender colors mean or if you do neutral. We already know the gender. Oh, we do. We're not revealing that yet. We have told some friends, but I've told some friends the wrong gender just to like, well,

sometimes you have to weed out the moles, you know? Yeah. So every once in a while, I'll just just like gotta know who you can trust and you don't trust and like you know i'll apologize in the future but i was just you know i'm just excited to tell our baby that this is what nick used the gender for to weed out yeah i like that because yeah because you never know all of a sudden it gets around and be like oh i heard you're having a and i'm like then you know who it came from. Then you know who it came from. But if you've told multiple people the wrong gender, how are you going to know who said it?

Well, there's a couple people. The people I told the wrong name to, they're, you know, I just, there's... I wonder if they have a big mouth. But then what are they going to say to you when you post what it actually is? Oh, we were joking. Yeah, that'd be fine. You know? The doctor read it wrong.

The doctor saw a little something. So if you know, maybe you don't know. Are we some of those people? Yeah, I'm a little worried that we're... Well, I guess we'll find out. I guess we'll find out. That's how you make sure that people

who know... I might redact my offer to watch the kid at the wedding so well this depends are you a mole are you a mole we found out at uh was that 10 weeks i think whenever we did the genetic test and i just needed i was so sick i needed something that like got me to the next. Because I was just hating the world. There was a couple weeks in there where it was a lot of emotional

I was trying to bring the mood up. I don't know if it's a thing. I definitely asked my therapist about it, but I was like is first trimester depression a thing? Because obviously there's postpartum depression. First trimester you're so sick Because obviously there's postpartum depression. Like first trimester, you're so sick.

You can like barely get out of bed. For some people. Some people have it amazing. But you can barely get out of bed. You can't eat much. You like, you're just sad. You're like, I cried all the time. I'm like, how are people not depressed? How is this not a thing?

What did she say? And she just basically was like, well, I mean, like, yeah. How could you not be depressed when all those things are happening in your life and then when we first found out you know we were hearing how like it's very genetic especially from the mom so we called natalie's mom she's like i didn't get sick with any of my kids and we were like amazing and then like two days later not natalie but yeah anyway so we found out the gender i'm gonna start designing the nursery soon yeah very exciting stuff it is cool seeing the ultrasound and they move around yeah because like our baby looks like a bit of an alien right now but also it has a head that's good it's got

arms got legs so our ultrasound photo that we posted along with our announcement was obviously like full profile it was the best ultrasound photo we had gotten and we zoomed in to like crop out the personal information that is on the screen and i saw a couple comments saying that this is like a google stock image. And I was like, our baby is so perfect that you think it's from Google. Honestly, what a great compliment. Yeah. I was like, thank you. Are you going to post your kid on the Internet?

You know, I don't know. Are you going to put an emoji over their head? I don't think I'm going to do the emoji over their head. I feel like that's a bit like. I like understand where people are coming from because it's like, it's like then they know what your child looks like. And I definitely have intruder syndrome. I always think someone's trying to break in. I always think we are getting robbed and kidnapped.

I feel like we might go out of our way to not give close-ups or the back of the baby kind of thing. Like a Kylie Jenner approach. How does she do it? See their little feet, see the back of the head. Now she's showing Air's face, but when he was little yeah i it was very vague i don't really know yet but it is kind of fun we're already kind of talking about like parenting styles and like how we want to raise our kid and like you know stuff like that has been fun we find ourselves like we just went to hawaii wedding. And so, especially me,

like I I'm paying away more attention to like dads and parents. And when we travel, like how people are interacting with their kids and you know, things that we want to do. Or when I watch movies now, like scenes with parents, I pay way more attention to, uh, and like try to pick up things. I'm like, Oh, that that's a really that's how i like how they did that or i like how like that's a really good lesson or a will you know there's been a lot of like our kids will never do that or we'll we'll never allow our kids to do that or like what be annoying yeah for sure don't baby talk them get those pacifiers out by year one or else they get too dependent on them we spent a lot

of time talking about how we want our our children to treat other people well that's the thing it's like you have kids like boundaries and kids like rules or else they're gonna keep pushing trying to find one so it's the parents who just like let them get away with anything where i'm like yeah no wonder they need to feel that kind of structure. They need to be told no. Yeah. Nick loves the word no, so I'm sure you will have so much fun. I think as early as they understand the idea of working towards something and wanting something, I think we have very privileged lives.

I think we're very lucky. Hopefully that continues. And I just don't want to have a spoiled kid. I get that you know and i want to be able to give my kid the things i can and obviously i want to spoil them with love and things like that but i appreciate the work ethic i have that i got from my parents and yeah i would is at an early age chores and allowances and things like that but like the idea of if you want something, you have to work towards it. And I was always raised... My parents gave me the things I needed.

It's like, we're going to take care of you. We'll close on your back. We'll sign you up for the classes and things like that. But when it came to wanting fancier shoes or video games or baseball cards and things like that, other than like birthdays and holidays, I had to buy those things on my own through the money that I would earn. And I, yeah, I want them to value the things they want to work towards. I want them to value their stuff. Then you start making different choices once you work towards something. A lot of times when I was a kid, I'd be like, oh, I want this, you know? And my parents were like, well, if you want it, you have to work towards it. And then I would save up the money. And then once I had the money,

I would have, I'd be like, well, do I want to, do I really want this, you know? Or do I want something else? Do I want to save it? You know, because I put that work into it. And yeah, I want my kid to have that same mentality. I'm just excited to be a dad. You know, I think at this point I've always said I wanted to be a dad you know i think at this point i've always said i wanted to be a dad and i was always like you know if i'm ever lucky enough to be a dad so the fact that i'm finally really close you know it's it's very exciting and surreal and amazing yeah i feel like i was put on this earth to be a mother and so i just can't believe that my time is here. I can't wait.

I'm excited. We kind of joked about a lot of things. It's like this would be our last time just us. Oh, my God. I sobbed not too long ago because I saw a TikTok that was this pregnant woman, and she's so excited for this new chapter, but mourning the loss of it being like just me and him.

And I started sobbing. I was like, oh, my gosh, that's going to be us. It's weird to think like like this time next year we'll be like flying with a baby or like when we go to the lake house, we'll have a child. It's weird to think about knowing that next like the next time we do X Y, or Z, assuming that it might be like next year or something like that. You know, when we talk about next year, it's, it's weird to think that it won't be just Natalie and I, cause it's been Natalie and I, you know, for three years now. Might have to change, but soon enough, that little baby will be sitting right here. Y'all be interviewing. Tiny little headphones. Tiny little headphones. That'd be great. That'd be

great. Did you guys see that, rachel still in arizona i sent you that tiktok in our group chat she was at i think it was like a massage and vanderpump type of yes raquel formerly known as rachel slash raquel levis um was videoed in arizona checking out from an appointment looked like a massage place or something like that but i saw she asked for some face wash yeah Yeah, she wanted that. She wanted that wash added to her tab. I say good for her.

You know? Or not filming. So she's not going to be on Vanderpump? Doesn't appear so. And it seems like a lot of the cast have mentioned

that they think it's pretty much... Confident that she will not return. And in your opinion, do you think that's more because she wasn't given the paycheck

that she would have liked or because she is taking the mature step to remove herself from the situation? Maybe both. You always need to ask, you know, hey, what are you willing to pay me? I mean, everyone has a price. And if they were willing to offer her some serious money, I mean, how could you criticize her for taking it i don't know what that amount is to her but you know if they were truly gonna let's say offer some life-changing money you kind of have to take it but so you know what i'm saying so i think it was a combination of her

seeing of like hey can i get x y or? That's a very complicated decision for the show. Do they seemingly reward Raquel slash Rachel for this whole thing? And what does that look like? How would that affect the rest of the cast? Would that upset them? And then precedent matters when it comes to this type of stuff and negotiation. So, I mean, if they're going to pay that to Raquel, what do you think Ariana's going to do? You think Ariana shows up if she finds out that Raquel is making twice as much as her? And so, there was probably a lot of back and forth there. Or just like, even if it was a

dollar more, could the show work if Raquel was the highest paid? Because I'm assuming Lala and Ariana would take exception to that truth. At the same time, I could see her being offered quite a bit of money and offered a raise and her deciding that's still not the best situation for her. And I give her credit.

I mean, she seems like she's actually trying to move on with her life. And, you know, hopefully she is. I hate that for the show because I would love to see her on the show. But love that for her personally. Well, Tom's already out with another woman. So do we know if it's his girlfriend, though? No, we do not. But I saw something that said he confirmed that it was his girlfriend, that he was in a gym in Texas.

And someone was like next to him on a treadmill being like, oh, that was a while ago, Texas. Because he's known that girl since before he went and filmed Special Forces. Right? But he did not bring a photo of her. He did not bring a photo of her. That's what doesn't add up either. Dating. You know, I don't know.

Yeah, but this new gal pal is what people are talking. T-I-I, potential musician. But I guess they were introduced through Billy Lee. Wait, who? No, the girl is... I thought her name was Carly Holt. That was back in May. Well, that's who I saw recently. Yeah, this is T. T-I-I.

Unless it's Ty. I guess it could be Ty. T-I-I sounds like Ty. Anyway, so this is his new girlfriend? New gal pal. Gal pal. The mystery woman identified. Is that the one that he was seen singing on the street when he was singing Adele? Singing on the street?

I saw them walking on the street with the paparazzi. He was stopped by TMZ and they were like, oh, if you had a song with Adele, what would it be? And he started singing that song. Oh, what was the song? It was like some 80s song. I don't know. He like wanted to rendition some song with Adele.

But the woman that was walking with him seemed very cringed out and kind of walked away. I wonder if that was her. Can I ask a very real question? Please. Do you think Rachel not being on the show, in Tom's eyes, makes her less appealing to date? You know him best Nick what do you think I don't know no I but here like I said I told you like he brought

a photo of her and came across in that bubble as someone who cared about Raquel and the person who showed me the picture, I would have said no to, you know? Totally, that makes sense. But I don't know Tom that well, you know?

And so, yeah, I would usually say no because in my experience of being, like I wouldn't want someone necessarily that I work with constantly, certainly on a TV show. And I wouldn't want always my relationships to be portrayed and focused on TV. But Vanderpump, so much of the show is it's just, you know, couple swapping. Maybe Tom is just used to that. And knowing that it was off limits, I don't know, maybe, maybe possible.

I did think it was interesting. I saw Ariana and Katie have been doing a lot of TikToks with there's something about her shop. And I think they did a tasting with a bunch of Vanderpump people. And I thought it was interesting that Tom Schwartz was there and filming TikToks with them. And I was like, feels like Katie and Tom have somewhat figured out a new normal. But then Ariana was asked about it and she was like, I'm not friends with Tom Schwartz.

He was at the tasting. Sure. But like. We'll have to watch that episode and see what happens. But I'll be crazy. Like, now, how much are they going to talk about Rachel? You know? And can you imagine so much of the season could be talking about Rachel and she won't even be there?

And how do they avoid talking about it? I mean, look at Selling Sunset. Everyone still talked about Christine after she left. talking about it. I mean, look at Selling Sunset. Everyone still talked about Christine after she left. I would suspect the first episode or two

will be a very heavy talking about Rachel and the drama and then maybe, hopefully, they find a different storyline. The fact that Rachel

isn't going to be on it creates a huge challenge, I think, for season 11, Vanderpump. You know? Because they can't sit there and have the whole season

talking about someone who's not there. And I think if Rachel was there, that would be a very low-hanging, organic storyline that they could lean on. They're always gonna come up with more, but now they're gonna, I'm assuming, have to try to move on it fairly early,

and I wonder what it's going to be. And it usually is the case when it comes to reality TV, it's usually when one villain leaves, and this is like very common on The Bachelor, everyone gets excited and they're like, no more drama. And then like the next day, there's a new villain, you know? So they always are going to need a storyline.

They're always going to need heroes and villains. And so the big question is, is like, who's it going to be? And I don't think the producers have any loyalty to really anyone. And it will be interesting to see, like, now that Rachel, I mean, Tom's still there, you know, I guess Tom could be your still your villain, so to speak. But how long can they lean on that? You know, I don't know. I mean, I feel like that's going to get sorted out at the beginning of the season because they were all in Tahoe. You can't really make it this looming, who's going to speak to Tom? Is Tom going to be back in the group when they were all on that trip together? Yeah, they're hanging out.

I just saw a photo of the whole cast, and everyone was in the photo. Ariana was in back. Tom was knelt down smiling like i've seen photos of james and tom hanging out like they're clearly civil at a minimum and they're spending time together so they're they're not like in two different it's not two different shows but isn't there a spinoff now then they announced the spinoff with uh kax and Brittany now that we're recapping Vanderpump from season one and now that I'm getting

more into it is horrific is what Tom Sandoval did I'm not taking a Howie Mandel approach to not understanding what was so wrong about what Tom did but I find it laughable

that Jax has been able to go out there and talk about it from a position of righteousness and criticize in any way Tom Sandoval for his behavior and act like that was so long ago for him. He's cheated on everyone he's been with, including his now wife. He's cheated on everyone he's been with, including his now wife. Season one was him impregnating a sex worker, gaslighting his entire friend group. He's a very convincing liar. One of the most convincing liars I have ever witnessed. What Tom did was terrible.

But Jack's head, that's all he's ever done is cheat on people. He made some comment about how he would never work in the restaurant or bar industry again when it came to his relationships or something like that and but apparently this new show is going to be focused around i think they're both working yeah well that's what jack said he's like well i said that my relationship is excluded from that well yeah she'll be working there and i'm like nothing nothing says disaster like trying to justify a boundary you're not gonna follow there is zero chance i think that now that jacks is back on reality tv i think there's zero chance he won't fuck up i think it's in his nature and i also it is laughable that anyone listened to jacks criticize tom about

his behavior and came from a place of judgment considering yeah it's just shocking that anyone listened to Jax criticize Tom about his behavior and came from a place of judgment, considering, yeah, it's just shocking that anyone could want to associate themselves. How can they, how can you give Tom Sandoval all this shit and act like Jax has learned? I like, I just, the more I watch Vanderpump from season one or two, the more I'm just like, this is a horrible person. Well, I'm sure in 10 years, nine years, everyone will. Yeah, but that was when it started. Again, he's cheated on every girlfriend I think he's ever had, including his current partner. Yeah, it's like from the inception, he was having these behaviors.

The more I've watched Vanderpump, the more I'm just like, this is... Tom and Jack's are two peas in a pod. I don't think they get along Anyway It's a good plug if you want to listen to our recaps for watching Vanderpump from season one Vile Files Plus baby Kevin Costner took his daughter to the Aeros Tour

That he did Channing Tatum was also there He had a shirt that said it's me hi I'm the daddy it's me He had a little heart around his eye I love seeing dads and like guys I hope I'm a hot dad I'm sure you will be Prove. He had a little heart around his eye. I love seeing dads and guys. I hope I'm a hot dad. I'm sure you will be. Prove it by taking your kid to the Eros tour.

Yeah. Hello. When was the last time she went on tour before this? Five years ago. Five years ago? Yeah, 2018 with Reputation. Loverfest was supposed to be in 2020. So I could have a five-year-old next time Taylor.

Well, it's because of the pandemic. She doesn't usually go five years. She's still gonna be filming next year late next year I don't think I'm gonna take a baby to a Taylor Swift

concert well you say you wanna be a hot dad yes do you even really mean that okay maybe not that would look really bad that I'm

only there and then I'm gonna be one of those parents you know you see at a concert and it's like one in the morning and the kids you know they have the stroller.

I won't be doing that. But also they might not like Taylor Swift. That's not possible. They might not. They might not be a fan. Nick's like not in this household. Can you run blood work on that? Can you figure it out? Genetic test on that. Alright, well it's time I think to get

to Bobby. Also, just as a reminder Vile Files Plus for where Vanderpump recaps, but also Vile Files Plus for all of the replays of Better Date Than Never, Update Plus, Pop Off, Pop Extra, whatever the fuck you want to call it. We don't know. And we'll also have another Better Date tonight, 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific, on the AMP app.

Be sure to check that out. It's about time to talk about interior design. I talked with Bobby about designing a baby room and a lake house and, you know, designing on a budget, you know, colors. It was a lot of fun talking with Bobby. He's a very insightful man. I learned a lot.

Some of his quotes, I was like, I wrote them down for myself. I was like, you are wise. Oh, I mean, it's such a fun texting office hour. Oh, yeah. Mother-daughter duo. Mother-daughter, mother going out and dating. Kind of reminded me of your mom.

Really? Yeah. I'm trying to work on this. Trying to do this thing with Natalie's mom. He's trying to set her up on a... I'm trying to, yeah. I'm trying to do a thing. She's not really in love with the idea, I don't think.

You don't think so? Maybe she'll turn. It's a great idea. It is a great idea. Yeah. But we'll see. We'll stay tuned. Alright, well, we're having a baby. Very exciting. I love you. Period. Slay. Love you. Alright. Alright, Bobby Burke, everybody. Fall is right around the corner and HelloFresh is here to help you plan for the busy season ahead with tasty dishes delivered to your door. Simply choose

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Are you okay? I'm okay. I'm okay. I always hate it when people ask me, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay? I was until you asked me. You're like, now that you got me thinking, actually, no, it's not.

It's not fine. How are you, though? I'm okay. Great. I'm excited to talk with you. Me too. You are very well known for your expertise in interior design. You have a book coming out.

I do. When you wanted to share the name of your book. Yeah. My book is called Right at Home, How Good Design is Good for the Mind. And it's all about the intersection of mental health and design. I love that. Yeah. I love that. I had two very kind of monumental things happen in my life recently.

One, I bought my mom a lake house, which was my grandfather's lake house. It was like he built it back in the day. We just moved in. We're designing things. I also, I'm going to be a dad. Congrats. Yeah, thanks. We announced that yesterday. And so we'll be designing a baby room.

I was just wondering if maybe we can kind of like, I could just use you during this time to talk about maybe just some tips and tricks of how to design my new house and my new baby's room. But I am curious, you talked about the intersection of mental health and design.

I don't know, I'm probably going to pronounce this incorrectly, but is it feng shui? Feng shui. Feng shui. But isn't that kind of the same premise in a sense? A bit, yeah. But where does that intersection happen? Because obviously the vibe of a place, the feel, can play such an impact on your mental health i remember when i was filming the bachelor uh once it was like middle of the season we were in ireland

and there was these really tiny rooms and these bright red walls and i thought i was going to go insane it just kind of like spoke to like you can really drive yourself crazy or you can feel calm really depending on the vibe of a place, obviously like a spa and things like that. So very excited to talk with you as I'm sure many of the people listening to kind of get some tips and tricks from the expert himself. It's funny. You should bring up the red. It's there's a story I talk about in the book. It's one of the first moments when I was growing up that I kind of started to think about design and the way it makes you feel when I was like five or six, my mom had decorated my room and all red, like red curtains, red beds, red, red rug, red rug, um, red pillows. And what was going on in

her life? She just, you know, boys like red, red fire trucks. I'm going to decorate my little boy's room red. But I was like, well, this does not make me feel good. Like I didn't know what the word anxiety was then, but I'm like, this, this, this makes me feel anxious. Like I do, this is not calming. So I saved up all my little $20 checks from my birthday one year. And I went out and I bought like blue bedding and blue curtains. And I'm just like, I know blue just makes me feel better. And I didn't know why I didn't know how to articulate it, but that's some of the things we talk about in the book is like color theory and light and plants and you know figuring out what your style is because a lot of times people think that oh i can't have a nice home unless i have the money i can't have a nice home because i don't have taste i don't know what my design aesthetic

is and one of the things we talk about is let's normalize not asking people what their design aesthetic is it's more like what makes you happy their design aesthetic is. It's more like, what makes you happy? What is, what is a design aesthetic? They're, you know, like mid-century modern or farmhouse, you know, like things like that. People think that they need to be put in a box. Renaissance, neoclassical. It's funny because one of the, one of the very first episodes, actually the first episode we filmed a queer, I asked Tom, um, what's your design aesthetic? And I think he said like French industrial. And I was like, do you know what that is? And he's like, no. I'm like, well, why'd you say that? He's like, I saw it in a magazine once. And so I'm like, I learned right

then and there. I'm like, it's all about figuring out the things that make you happy when it comes to design. And, you know, think about the things that aren't related to design. You know, what's your favorite TV show? We had a hero once on Queer Eye. I was like, you know, what's your favorite TV show? He's like, Mad Men. I'm like, all right, well, Mad Men is very mid-century, very 50s. And I'm like, what's your dream vacation? And he's like, Cuba. And I'm like, well, also very much stuck in the 50s, very mid-century. So I did his house with mid-century modern furniture and did this cool photograph mural of Havana. And he walks in, he's like, oh my God, this is, this is me. This feels like me. How did you get inside my head? And I'm like, I just asked you about the

things that you loved. That's what you should put in your home. You shouldn't worry about the trends that are out there. You shouldn't worry about what a designer tells you to do. You need to fill your home with the things that make you happy because your home is like your phone charger. It should be fully charging you at night. And if you don't get fully charged at night by the things that are in your home and you aren't fully Zen and relaxed, you're not going to make it through the next day. Just like your phone won't make it through the next day if it's not fully charged. Interesting. So how, how does one, cause like when you say that not being the person with taste or design ability, I'm hearing just buy a bunch of stuff i like and throw it in

my house how do you go from you know what you know being like oh i watch mad men i like the cuban aesthetic or whatever to go buying a bunch of like knickknacks at like uh knacks you know home that you know what is it uh home goods or something but like how would someone who doesn't have taste or or maybe they think they have taste like how do you take that concept and apply it to design well taste is taste is relative you know so again it goes back to the things that make you happy you know there might be a piece of art that you look at and you're like, this just makes me happy. I might look at it and think it's the ugliest fucking thing I've ever seen.

Can I say that? But you would be right. Yeah, you can swear. Yeah. But, um, but, but if it makes you happy, it's, it's your home. And, and so I tell people like, you know what, think about what your favorite clothes are. If your favorite article clothing is like this cool, you know, vintage leather jacket, you're

probably going to like some leather accents in your house if it's your favorite is you love chunky sweaters and heavy knit things like you're probably going to like some chunky knit pillows or throws you know if your favorite article clothing is this worn out like plaid flannel shirt you'll probably like some accents of that in your home so think about those and then build from that interesting have you designed any baby rooms no actually because i kind of like depending on the gender like do you just go all pink or all blue or do you just oh yeah like well this won't even be my call this will obviously be natalie's call so i mean pink and blue those are colors that were decided by some old white guy in a boardroom probably back in the 40s or 50s of how can we sell more toys oh hey let's tell everybody that certain colors are only for certain genders

and so that way if they have a boy and a girl they they can't give the boy pink toys of course they're gotta buy in blue or red so i i wouldn't to me this is my opinion i i wouldn't decorate a baby's room based on the color of gender because i think colors having gender labels there's just something to sell more product i like that yeah i don't know if i want a pink or a blue yeah yeah like. Yeah. Like what's your favorite color? I think yellow is great for a baby's room. I think yellow is very happy. Yellow mimics sunshine, which our species loves.

It's brightness. Like, like what kind of, what shade of yellow? You say yellow. I'm thinking. Hello. Um,

there's a lot of, there's a lot of great yellows um but i think for a baby's room more maybe a bit of a pastel color would you call the couches uh i would call this maybe an an ecru let's point to different things in the room and you say what color it is i'm just like the home depot color app you just point me me at things. But are there colors, just talking about mental health and vibe, like what's pro-mental health color? And then what's maybe like, unless you have a unique taste,

maybe this could raise some. You know, blues. Blues are very soothing. Yellows. Yellows are very soothing. They're very relaxing. It sounds weird, but if you look at the colors of like halls in like mental health institutions they're often yellows greens blues because those are relaxing

soothing colors they don't use a lot of bright primary colors because those are not relaxing colors so greens blues yellows colors from nature often will be the colors that we we most connect to yeah what are some of the red flags colors red red orange red yeah yeah red orange um kind of anything with a red hue it's not going to be really relaxing. Although I don't mind a burgundy-ish. I had an accent wall once in an apartment that was like a burnt red brown-ish, and I quite liked it. You know, I think in small doses, anything is fine. And it goes back to, like I said, if you like it, if it makes you feel good. like it, if it makes you feel good. I mean, if fire engine red, you walk in and you're like,

yeah, I just really like this. Then that's your color. But you know, if, if you have issues with focus or anxiety, like, you know, the book talks about the colors that will help with that more. Those are colors that help with focus. Cause yellow is it's the color of the sun. It's supposed to wake you up. And so your mind automatically, it helps you focus more. Well, what if I want my baby to sleep? Black. All black. All black.

All black. Don't put them in a yellow room. With a side of rum. So I was kind of fascinated. I have here that you worked at Restoration Hardware. I did. And Bed, Bath & Beyond. I did.

I actually got fired from Restoration Hardware the day that the original Queer Eye was filming in the store. Really? Yeah. I'm like, big mistake. Huge. They were filming in the store? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I was. You were working there? Yeah, I was. And this was the OG? This was the OG. Yeah, it was Tom Felicia in there filming. Wow. Yeah, this was, it would have been in 2004.

What'd you do for Restoration Hardware? I was a design manager. So I was in charge of merchandising, making would have been in 2004. What'd you do for restoration hardware? I was a design manager. So I was in charge of merchandising, making sure the store looked good. And the night before I was in the store until one o'clock in the morning, making sure the store was perfect for filming. And me and my team forgot to clock out. And so the next day when I went in, you know, they were already filming and I went down the clock in and I saw that the GM just assumed we left at 8 PM like we were supposed to and clocked us all out at 8 p.m and so i was like well that's not right

we all left at one so i went in and i fixed everyone's time for them including mine and fixing your own time was very much against the rules and there was another manager who like wanted my job and she ratted me out yeah yeah yeah we had just let somebody else go for for dishonestly changing their time and so it was kind of a thing right then oh and so she had to let me go our gm but like when i got cast on queer i like her and i have stayed in contact for years like it wasn't like a i fired you you're an asshole it was a i fire you over technicality um but she reached out and she's like aren't you glad i fired you because i might still be there do you think that might have been true that you could have still been there maybe yeah how did

you fall into this whole thing that you're doing now this whole experience of being the you know public figure and expert in design and a lovable you know person from queer eye i mean i really did like you said kind of fall into it you know i left high school at 15 i left home at 15 so i have no formal education in design i have no formal education in anything um and i you know i went from working in restaurants and retail and i so my i started retail management was what my experience was in. And I was lucky enough to start getting some jobs at some furniture retail.

And I liked it. I actually enjoyed that. So that was the Bombay company, great indoors, and then restoration hardware. And then after that, I went to Bed Bath & Beyond. Horrible.

Aren't they bankrupt now? They are, but now Overstock.com just bought their intellectual property and rebranded as Bed Bath & Beyond. So Bed Bath & Beyond is back, baby. They're back. They're back, but just online. And then Overstock is not. Overstock is, yeah, that brand, they've gotten rid of it, and now they are the new Bed Bath & Beyond. Interesting.

Yes. So Bed Bath & Beyond went bankrupt, but Overstock, successful, bought Bed Bath & Beyond and said, we hate our name. And we went and- I get it because I think some people that aren't familiar with Overstock might just think of it as like a closeout because I mean, that's originally what they were. Like they bought closeout merchandise and you, cause Overstock stuff um but they've morphed into yeah that's true i feel like overstock.com used to be a place where you'd go and like get a pretty good deal yeah and you still can it's like an ad for over i feel like you get less of a deal now now i feel like you're just i mean i feel like that's just the whole world at this point you get less of a deal than you used to wow so it really is just... It doesn't exist anymore.

You type in Oversock, it just goes to Bed Bath & Beyond. Yeah, to Bed Bath & Beyond. But they don't have any physical stores. They're back, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why Bed Bath & Beyond shut down. Because of their stores. I think they shut down because of just horrible, horrible mismanagement.

Well, they were firing great employees like Bobby. You're right. Also my role. I've never worked for a company that treated their people worse. And, and I think they deserve to go bankrupt. Period. Yeah. I used to literally cry walking to work.

Really? Well, is that the worst job you ever had? Cause you also, you also worked at a. I used to work, I used to work the graveyard shift at a gas station called Get and Go. Yeah. So no, that one. You love Get and Go go where are you from like come and go is also yeah they know they rebranded that's come and go and it's like k-u-m

and go i don't and get in who are these people was spelt g-i-t literally yeah not yeah not c-o-m k-u-m they're like oh we don't want people to hear come and go so we'll write it it's a silent k yeah um and go yeah i mean they're midwest works for me yeah maybe the midwest people are just not thinking that way they're too wholesome no we are you can't say it without thinking it just come and go yeah exactly like the drive from minnesota to iowa many a come and go it sounds like every fuck boy's dream just come and go there are a lot of rest there are a lot of rest stops and you worked the graveyard show it did it did so it was i had a lot of friends who actually would literally come in at night no pun intended um and just sit

there in the corner and hang because they were always afraid I was going to get robbed and shot. Oh, wow. What was the worst job you guys ever had? Other than this one. They're like this one. The one that made me lose hair was like an event planner in Chicago during the pandemic. That was too stressful. But how were their events during the pandemic?

Boats. That was the workaround. Boats. You could have like 10 people on aats. That was the workaround. Boats. You could have like 10 people on a boat. That's a great question, Bobby. How were their events during the pandemic? Because it was like outside. But like the people I worked for would just like lie.

They said we had more boats than we did. Our boats were like leaking into Lake Michigan. Like it was like shady shit. What were they leaking? Oil, gas. People. We lost one wow it's like that um remember that instagram uh gays against covid or something or gays gays over covid there was an instagram that somebody created just to call gays out for like not following protocol like going to bars and one there was um there's this

big gay festival in puerto vallarta every year and all the gays still went and they were all on a party boat and the party boat thing and they were like it's karma you went down there like you see all these gays jumping off this boat it's sinking oh my god are they? Are the gays okay? I mean, the gays are okay. They all survive? We're survivors. A sinking boat can't get us. What's her name? These gays, they're survivors.

They really know how to do stuff. Is that a quote? I love how I get it. These gays are trying to kill me. She doesn't say they're survivors. They say Jennifer Coolidge. Jennifer Coolidge. They're trying to kill her. No, but there's one point she's like these gays when she's when she's pro you do it they're just they're survivors you know and for some reason they

always love me and then they try to kill her yeah these gays they're high class gay we were talking earlier before about people that we've had like, um, fangirl moments over. Jennifer is one of the few that I've like fangirled. Oh, you've met Jennifer. Yeah.

Yeah. It was the evening before party before the Emmys. And like, I saw her from afar and kind of having a meltdown. And then she looked at me and was a fan of mine too. And she was like, I love you. I'm like,

I love you. I'm like, we had a whole moment. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Is that one of the cooler kind of you know being on your show you must have had many celebrities uh come up to you and say they love your work uh which i'm sure at some point was surreal maybe you're used to it now

but in the beginning yeah it was what was the most is other than jennifer has there been some other pretty cool ones um tina fey and maya rudolph and like amy poehler yeah like yeah they're just amazing so yeah we were walking it was during like 2018 emmys or something and we were downstairs we had just presented we're walking through this hall and we hear wait wait wait come back and we look back and it's tina fey and maya rudolph that's great what's uh what are some what are things that as a designer design pet peeves things that you walk into a room and you're just like holy shit who did this uh too much clutter clutter you know chaos around you creates chaos in your mind you know there might be some people they'd

be like i thrive in chaos and i'm like i think you just try to tell yourself that you thrive in chaos so that way you are fine with your place being a mess but or also some people shit kind of remind me of a caller we had yesterday it was like a relationship problem but like she was used to her pain you know she was like used to this emotional state that she had got herself in and and that was like her new normal and and it was almost like she was almost proud of her ability to endure that kind of state of mind. So I think that's similar to that where people say they thrive in situations where maybe they're just gotten used to it and they don't know how better it could be. Yeah. And that's what the book is about.

It's teaching you how to see those signs, teaching you how to take control of your space. You know, a lot of times a messy space is a bit overwhelming and people can't decide or can't bring themselves to really dive in. So it talks about, you know, start with your junk drawer. We've all got that junk drawer that's filled with crap that we'll never need again, but we can't seem to let go of it. You know, start by cleaning that out. That gives you a sense of accomplishment, releases those endorphins and helps you move on to the closet or to the bedroom or can i ask a polarizing design question a polarizing design question karate chopped pillows um when you like when you and you do that yeah i know some people are like stand by it other people are like, stop it. So why would you stand?

What's the point for the people who do it? It's just, you know, give a crease. Like, did you freak out when you came in and you saw that they were? I don't think that's going to hold a crease. That they were just filled with something. Oh, yeah. Those aren't like nice pillows. How do you like our studio?

I mean, it's if it makes you happy. If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad, right? Is that what Sheryl Crow says? Yeah. Well, we're starting over. Yikes. No, I mean, I like the green. I love green. It's like the same color as his car.

Any tips or tricks? Almost, yeah. It is almost the same color as my car. If you could give us one bit of advice for a studio, what would it be? I mean, things that you would be on camera. Not the ceilings. Because he looks at the ceiling. I think it's fine.

I think it's fine. Yeah. I think it's good. I think it's great. I don't think he likes it at all. No. Give us a note. Let's see.

Bobby's like, only one? I think we should get rid of this second rug. Allie, I didn't ask you. I like a layered rug, actually. Thank you. Yeah, I do like a layered rug. I mean, I don't think there's nothing that stands. I mean, that book that's on the top, it's bigger than the one in the middle.

So that kind of bothers me. OK. You know, visually. There we go. But other than that, I mean, I don't see anything. I didn't walk in and be like oh and i have walked into some podcasts and i'm like oh that's you know like the miami sound machine exploded all over you i still don't know why we have a hunks and heroes book well natalie she bring that i was just buying a bunch of books when I moved in. And then I think I just, I ordered it.

Oh, so your answer to your question is, yeah, but I know I don't know why. I know. I know. I know. I bought it. I don't know.

And I bought a bunch of books, but it's like here. Maybe it was on sale. He's got Ryan Reynolds on the cover. I'm a big fan. Canadian goat. Are you Canadian? No,

no. I did though. Have a sweatshirt on earlier that said Canadian as fuck. And I was like, let me take that off because every time I wear it, people are like, Oh, you're Canadian. I was like,

no, just my Canadian crew got it for me when I was filming there. Well, you're tall and white. So are you. I'm like, are you Canadian too? I could be often mistaken as canadian well you're

you're nice you're pleasant oh you betcha yeah are you no no sorry not sorry no sorry well i could tell by your compliments of my studio yeah no i don't i don't think i say sorry enough to be canadian okay they do say it a lot they do yeah my last show i filmed up there i'm like all right that's that word is banned from set because you guys say sorry for absolutely nothing they'll walk into a room and they're like oh sorry i'm like for what like for what what are you sorry about it dilutes it when you actually are sorry that's true yeah what is a shop designing on a budget favorite places for you to shop if you're designing i would do flea markets goodwill um my friends and i we actually used to do decor swap parties

to where things that we would be bored with in our home we'd gather them all up and we'd go to a friend's house and we trade yeah i love that if you have no money to change your house up but you you want to do different things, do a decor swap with your friends. You guys all will get cool stuff, but not have to pay for any of it. Facebook Marketplace? You do have to have friends. But Facebook Marketplace, I feel like everything is a scam.

Oh, see, the majority of my stuff is Facebook Marketplace. No? Oh, you've lucked out. Yeah. When I go to a flea market i i feel overwhelmed yeah because it's just the smells no it's just there's so much stuff you know it's just like it's like for the first 15 seconds everything looks cool and it's like smelling perfume or cologne it's just like after and then my brain can't distinguish between like i don't know what would look good or

is this is cool or is this like i just haven't seen it before and then how do you how do you have is it is it just like innate a skill that you would have to just be like i have a vision for this i can see this versus i find something and it's like i mean i guess it's cool and i'll buy it and i'll be like i don't know the fuck I should put this or where it goes or like, what the fuck did I just buy this for? You know, I think it goes back to if it, if it makes you happy, like, A, is it useful or is it something that makes you smile? Is it something that, you know, brings up a warm, fuzzy memory?

You know, those are the things that you should put in, you know, and if you don't know exactly where you're going to put it, try it in different places, you know, move it around the house until you find that perfect spot for it. You know, it's, it's not a design is not a science, you know, it's, it's, it's very personal. It's an art form. Yeah. It's an art form. An artist's objective. Uh, when you are designing at home, home, is it all you or do you and your husband kind of... So it used to just be all me. And then somewhere along the line, he got opinions. How inconvenient for you.

So inconvenient. And then now he thinks it's him, but it's actually me just giving him three choices of things I would have already chosen and letting him choose. What is the secret to your relationship? Never pooping in front of each other. Okay.

Do you use separate bathrooms? Absolutely. I feel like you guys have separate poop bathrooms. Yeah. We've been together. We have to call it poop bathrooms. But you guys go to your individual ones when you need to do it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Everyone's like, Natalie's got the bathroom. She likes that one out in the hall. The other one. You know a lot about his wife's pooping habits. More so than him.

She has the... He texts me. He's like, where is Natalie? She has a bathroom in our main bathroom. She has a bathroom in the main bathroom? Our master bathroom has one of those toilet closets. Yeah. main bathroom i she's a bathroom in the main bathroom our master bathroom has like you know one of those toilet closets yeah and i've been i've been exiled into the that's the community now i mean we've been together for 20 years and it's just like 20 years yeah yeah 20 years in

may next year congratulations thank you yeah so other than not pooping in the same bathroom um i mean i think the key to the success of my marriage is my husband, not me. What do you mean by that? He's very understanding. He's very chill, you know, and I think it's a lot of times people will marry somebody that's very much just like them because they're like, oh, they're a lot of fun. But, you know, him and I are very opposite. And I think that's one of the keys to our success is, you know, we compliment each other very well. So I, I'm curious about that because lately I've talked a lot about just now like opposite personalities, but I'm assuming they do a lot of stuff without their spouses and it it is important to still have you know me time and but we do everything yeah you know we really really do like i would never just be like hey i'm going out with my friends have a good night like i just i can't imagine doing that i'd just be like do you want to go and if you

didn't then maybe i would but, again, I have a lot of friends who they're like, yeah, no, I make sure that at least a few nights a week, I just go out with my friends and I'm like, oh, this is not, this is not, I know. I'm like, this is not going to last. Yeah. I'm like, if you don't enjoy spending time with each other, like that's, that's a problem. Like if you have to get your, your time with other people, right that's that's a problem like if you have to get your your time with other people like that's a problem like you should really be able to to be with your spouse like all the time but i think so many people do i used to do that i mean at least i think i've said this the first person i've been with where we really enjoyed spending time together we liked watching

the same stuff we like going to the same restaurants. We have very similar interests when it comes to our social lives. Again, very different personalities. We have a lot of differences. So there's a lot of complimenting, but compatibility in terms of enjoying being around your partner, I think is weirdly not prioritized enough

in relationships and i like when i was in my 20s i referred to myself as a love martyr it was like the more i honestly like disliked my partner like the more i gave my credit credit to myself for like that you're gonna say i love a card i love them yeah the more i disliked her the more i just bought her things well it was more like it was like you you're learned you you learn that like you gotta make relationships work you gotta fight for love so it would be like well i love her but like i just don't really enjoy hanging out but and like i would give myself more credit yeah and that's not the person you should be exactly but i would give myself credit for you know we there's so many people in relationships that you know you do

have to every relationship takes a lot of work and it's hard. And a lot of people aren't just willing to put the work in and you, you do like, we've had good times and we've had bad times, but you know, a lot of people I think will also just give up when the bad times happen. There is that too. Yeah. You know, you can't do that. What's the hardest patch you've had to get through? I think back in, there was 2008, we broke up for like six months. Um, he was in med school. We were living on the Upper East Side in New York. Um, so he was always at the hospital or if he was home, he was passed out or studying and we were living on the Upper East Side.

So by the time I'd get home at night, like I couldn't afford to go back downtown. And so I was miserable. I was in my, you know, I was like 24 and in a committed relationship with none of the benefits of a relationship. So eventually I left him and I, and I moved out and then I realized it was just the Upper East Side. I hated and not him. We moved and got back together and it was fine. well i mean is quality time a level yeah yeah you know he had to to realize that you don't get to have a boyfriend if you are putting nothing into the relationship you know and and i understood he was you know as becoming a doctor was his a dream of his so you know we had to meet in the middle like some people would have been like oh well you're not giving me the time i want so we're not getting back together so i had to meet in the middle and sacrifice you know a little bit of So I had to meet in the middle and sacrifice, you know, a little bit of the pros of a relationship. But in the end, you know, it worked out.

It was worth it. I love that. Well, since you've been in a relationship for 20 years, you probably have a lot of wisdom to offer with just your experience. Is our caller here? I believe one of them or both of them here. Yes. Are we have two? A mother daughter duo.

Oh, OK. Are they fighting over the same man? A mother-daughter duo. Oh, okay. Are they fighting over the same man? No, the daughter is trying to help us give her mother relationship advice. Okay. So mom is dating.

Yeah. Okay. Well, should we try to help them out, Bobby? Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Genevieve, how much money

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As she should. Yeah. As a special offer to our listeners, new customers get $5 off a Lume Starter Pack with code VIALL at LumeDeodorant.com. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack when you visit LumeDeodorant.com and use code VIALL. Again, that's LumeDeodorant.com and use code VIALL. How's it going? Hi, I'm Anna. I'm 59. I'm Ellie. I'm'm 28 how can we help so my mom is 59 and hasn't been on a date in over a year uh this guy she met online like months ago is flying to see her

and she's freaking out okay a year's not that long of being off the market. I don't think so. Yeah. Why? So tell us about this guy. No, no. I just haven't been on a date in a year. I haven't been in a relationship in 15 years since I got divorced. Okay. No relationship in 15 years. But you have been on dates. Yeah.

I tried last year and it was an epic fail. Just one in particular was an epic fail or like multiple ones? Yeah. Did you go on dates? Yeah, I tried last year and it was an epic fail. Just one in particular was an epic fail or like multiple ones? Yeah. Did you go on many or? Yeah. Great question. I went on about four dates. I went on Noel's advice. Noel's been my advisor. And so I went online, I went on a few dates and I went on coffee dates and then a couple of dinner dates. And yeah, I was I was so nervous. I was not comfortable. And I just finally gave up because I just didn't find anyone that I even resonated remotely with. So you said you were you were nervous and uncomfortable. Was it because of

those guys? I mean, I assume guys. Yes, definitely. Okay, so it was them. It wasn't you, it sounds like. So it wasn't so much the dating. Well, they were kind of weird. So like I said, it was them, not you. What was the weirdest one?

Well, one was he was actually interesting, but he actually fixes grandfather clocks. That's his profession. He sounds charming. Yeah, that sounds really. Sounds old. Yeah, he sounds very exciting. Yeah, that's the thing. It was very, very vibrant.

Was it like watching a clock tick? Was he on time for the date? Yes. He was. Very on time. No, his watch was broken. But he acted old, you know, and he just like, even the walk was just like asking one foot permission to move the other.

And I'm like, no, I don't want to be anybody's nurse. Thank you. All right. So, I mean, it sounds like you're just, the dating experience thus far has been this, you haven't found very exciting guys. I mean, you seem very young and vibrant and you're beautiful.

Like you haven't yet found that match yet. So who's this guy that you've been texting, you met online? How'd you meet him on a dating website? Well, during that time, I actually met him. He lives in Austin. Tech City. And he's an EMT.

And then he decided he was going to become a flight attendant. And so he took the test. He told me, I'm gonna become a flight attendant, and then I'm gonna come see you. This was a year ago. And then he ghosted. Uh all of a sudden, a month ago, he's like, well, then he showed up like, OK, I told you I'm going to do this thing. I'm in the middle of the program. I'm about to graduate and then I'll come see you. And then disappeared. I guess he was studying hard about a month ago, he's like, hey, stranger.

I'm like, so I ignored that first test text. And then the second time he's like, hey, stranger, do you remember me? And I'm like, hey, J.D. Now it's just like, hey, you know, I get a hey, I got I sent the hey back, you know, just like he's like, where are you these days? I said, I'm in Philly. he's like, where are you these days? And I said, I'm in Philly. He's like, can you give me your schedule for the next month? Um, I want to make sure I come see you and get this relationship started.

And I'm like, have you, have you sent the schedule? Have you FaceTime with this guy or is this all just, we FaceTime. So he is real. Oh yeah. Yeah. No, we FaceTime. We met. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't one of like, send me money. I live Oh, yeah, yeah. No, we FaceTime. We met. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't one of like, send me money.

I live in, you know. So I gave him like two windows. I said, you know, I'm going to be here, here. And then he said, OK, I'm coming over the twenty twenty first. And then I get a text saying, you know, if you want to stay in my hotel, you can. And I say, well, dinner will be great because i'm like i'm already turned off by that yeah he goes yeah well do me a favor and send me your itinerary for the next month like august and then i'll try to arrange my schedule where i can have layovers in those cities

so you can stay with me at the hotel if you like when i'm here's something that doesn't add up to me um when you're a brand new flight attendant you don't get to arrange your schedule at all you go where you're told oh you know what i mean yeah yeah it's a bit of a it's been a year so i don't know if they're how old is jd flexible he's 57 57 and he just became huh interesting yeah and they accepted him which is like yeah which is it's yeah it's odd to me yeah have you done a background check on this guy no um i would yeah i mean i do that i've i've learned my lesson years ago i do on a lot of anybody ellie what what dating tips have you given mom really not very good ones i just encourage her to go out there and meet people and she's like we'll download an app for like 30 minutes and then be like i can't do it and just like deletes it immediately and then

six months go by and then she's like i want to meet someone and i'm like well you either go out and like socialize, which is not something that's comes naturally to either of us. So I said, I just keep encouraging her to get on the apps and just just try to meet people and go on dinner dates and just get out there. But it doesn't work. You seem like a pretty active person. You're going to Mexico City. You're traveling. Like, are you meeting when you try who you traveling with well no i travel by well i travel with my dog okay and my and i have a hand pan i i'm an actor i do voiceovers i'm a sound healer what's a sound healer the bowls

oh i um with a hand pan i actually use my voice to align people's energy centers and help them regain their health. Wow. That's really cool. Ana's the coolest person I've ever met in my life. Oh, my gosh. And you travel a lot on your own. I do. I go, you know, I've been going, you know, I drive cross country by myself with my dog to go see Noel and the babies. cross country by myself with my dog to go see noel and the babies i've been back and forth from nashville to philadelphia three times in the past year and a half i'm i'm busy i play pickleball are you not meeting men when you play pickleball no that's great i just think it's so cute yeah

who are you playing pickleball with well i play I play with a lot of couples. I know a lot of people, but I don't know any single man. Do all your couple friends know that you are interested in meeting somebody and would like a relationship and would love some referrals? And they're like, no, we wouldn't introduce you to them. We wouldn't introduce you to him. They're like, oh, I have someone. And then they're like, no, he's too boring. He's too this. Well, I think they should let you be the judge of that. You know, I think you should

tell your friends, like, as long as they're not an asshole, Hey, I'll go, I'll grab coffee with them. You know, cause you never know that some guy might be boring to them, but that's because maybe they're putting out boring energy themselves. Maybe it would be somebody right for you, you know? That is true. I mean, here's the thing about dating. It's just like, as I, you do have to like shift through dirt to find gold, so to speak. You know, my, my husband, we've been together for 20 years and my friends, you literally used to say he was boring and they didn't like him because he didn't talk, but he was just really shy and he was in med school and he was very focused on his career. But you know, with me, he's a very different person. So don't always just be like, if, if, you know,

if you're interested in somebody, don't necessarily take the advice of a friend of, Oh, they're boring. Cause you know what? The friend might be the boring one. They might actually be perfect for you. Yeah. It's just in, in dating apps, they're just such a, I'm becoming less and less pro dating app. They're just, your wife probably doesn't like you on them yeah yeah you know I'm still doing them but I'm becoming less and less

pro-dating app no but just for people in general I just they're kind of cesspools for for people who I don't think who are well-intentioned in dating agreed unfortunately that's why I think that even if it's really great to meet people through friends,

even if they're like, oh, we don't think this is the right guy for you. As long as they don't think he's the wrong guy for you because he's not a good person, you know, they're like, oh, he's a good person. I think he might be a little boring. Find out for yourself. You know, you might spark something in him

that gets rid of that boringness and brings out vibrancy and and life you know so if they if ultimately he's a good person try it so you you said you faced time with this person and it was lovely you said yes what was lovely yeah we had a beautiful conversation he was interesting he was funny um he told me about all the work he does and he's he's really you know he's an emt he saves people's lives and um he's very athletic um which i i like yeah has he sent you a picture of him in his new uniform not in his new uniform i just i always assume the worst in people. I assume everyone's a scam. And the reason why I want to cancel,

there's been new developments. Oh, well, bring us up to speed. So you want to cancel? I want to cancel. Okay, tell us why. And Noel's trying to convince me not to. I mean, just in these text messages, there's a couple red flags. Like he, the ghosting red flag,

the, you can, like, I've never met a guy who's offered to have uh someone he's never met stay in their hotel room who didn't want to just have sex well that's clearly what exactly yeah yeah you can stay with me in my hotel if you want i promise i'll put a pillow in between like it's like yeah i won murder you. I think that a first date should always absolutely be in public. You should never let somebody know where you live or even what neighborhood you live in after until multiple dates. And I mean, this person sounds like they live a long way from you. There's, you know, so it's not a relationship that you could really necessarily get into.

And there's just a lot of red flags. So what's the new development? Like what? Other than you hearing a story about the page. Well, this is going to seal the deal. Well, he sent her a topless photo of him in bed. Like with no shirt on, like super awkward. Do you have this photo?

So I do. I rest my case. Okay. So I'm like, okay, that's the end of this. I was advocating for this guy. Oh, my. Wait, is he in bed or in a car? He looks like Mr. Clean.

No, no, no, no, no. He's handsome. Listen, I don't think he's your person. Yeah. You know? Okay. Right?

But, you know, listen, you've mentioned that you went on some dates a year ago and they weren't great. As we talked about, I don't know what, and overall,

what is your goal from dating? Are you just trying to have something to do and meet interesting people? Are you hoping to meet someone and get into some type of relationship? At 59 years old, you're a mother, you're a grandmother. Are you even interested in getting married? Are you just looking for a companion to play pickleball your, when it comes to dating, what's your goal? Yeah. So I wish I could just skip the dating part. I just find someone that I could be friends with, that I could have maybe a relationship with. I have zero intentions of getting married. I mean, hell would have to freeze over for me to get married again.

I did it once. I learned my lesson. It was like, I to get married again. I did it once. I learned my lesson. It was like, I'm a quick learner. I did it once. Well, I don't have to do it again. I wouldn't say that. You know, you learned your lesson that marrying the wrong person is not great. Yeah, correct.

But but I'm not. That's not my goal. Yeah, marriage is unnecessary. If it becomes the consequence of a wonderful relationship, then yes, of course. What a positive outset. But that's not like my intention is not. I'm not I'm not looking for someone to marry. I'm not looking for someone to take care of me.

I'm looking for a companion that can carry their weight, that can be supportive. that can be supportive. One of the things that I- Supportive how? Just being there when I have to, I have to make so many decisions for my family, for myself. Some days I wish somebody would just make a decision of where I'm going to go to dinner.

Okay. Right? Somebody to say, we're going to dinner, just get dressed, I'll take you. I know you like Mexican food. I know you like Mexican food. I know you like Italian food. I know you like French food. And just take me to a place where I don't want somebody asking me, well, where do you want to go? Like, please don't make me think. But I would want someone to just really. just really, how shall I put it?

Have that male energy that is, let's say I need to climb up on the roof and pick something in my roof. I don't have to do it myself. Because I find myself just doing all the male stuff that I don't want to be doing. So good taste in restaurants. You're looking for somebody to take you out to restaurants and fix stuff around your house.

All right. No, and be a good friend and play pickleball and have great conversation. So you're looking for a friend, a male companion. Mostly a friend. And how, like, where would you rank

romantic intimacy on your list of priorities? Oh, it would definitely be a priority. Okay, because I was going to say, to me, it sounds like you need a gay best friend. Oh, I have one. No, I don't need one. Because I'm like, we love to just tell you

where we're going to go to dinner and we love to fix things around your house. But the intimacy part, though, is usually where we draw the line. So if that is important, then yeah, you do need a straight guy. That is important. When it comes to dating, dating everyone i don't care if you're 59 or you're 22 most people the vast majority of people don't like dating it's not fun they wish

they could just have someone show up and be compatible with and have chemistry with and that would be great but it's just not how it works these days you're you know if you want to meet someone chances are you're gonna have to put yourself out there a little bit you're gonna have to be willing to meet people that you know you might not hit it off with immediately you might have to go through some dates where the vibe at the dinner table isn't just you know it's they's, they're not your person, you know, you're going to have to. Right. So when it comes to JD, I don't think this guy's your person. That being said, you had a nice FaceTime with, you had a nice chat and like anything, like dating

takes practice, you know? And so you haven't, you're not an activator, you're not out there. You're, you know, I mean, shit, everyone at an adult life gets comfortable with their lifestyle and comfortable in their own skin and i'm imagine at 59 years old you have carved out yourself a nice life you got your nice friends you got a community you got your daughter and so i'm assuming you're very much set in your ways which is is great but on some level if you want to meet someone you might have to just push your comfort zone a little bit. So while I don't think JD's your guy, I kind of agree with your daughter where it's like, you know, go on safe public space. Maybe it's not even a whole dinner date.

Maybe it's like, listen, I'm busy. Let's grab coffee, afternoon date. Keep it real simple. You have a nice out. Yeah. If it goes well, then you're like, Hey, let's grab some lunch or let's do dinner. But yeah, always keep it. Like you're saying is small amount of time yeah three meet at like three or four o'clock so that like if the date if the conversation goes well coffee or a drink or

whatever it could roll into a dinner or things like that and but i guess what i'm saying is what's the harm in going out with this guy and already telling yourself, this is not going to be my person, but just kind of getting good at, you know, you're going to have to have some of these conversations with these strangers that most of these men, five, 10 minutes in the day, you're going to think to yourself, this isn't my guy. But it takes practice to kind of ask these questions and get to know them. and i always say when it comes to dating instead of thinking about you know is this going to be the person i'm going to spend the rest of my life with or play pickleball just be naturally curious like just be interested in

get in making friends and eventually maybe you find you might strike up some you you might meet somebody through the person that you went on a date with that didn't work. But if you never put yourself out there, you're not going to find that. Yeah, I just think that you know, it's like I feel like you're trying to meet someone and maybe have a FaceTime chat or two and then decide

through a few internet interactions whether they're going to be your person. And in the meantime, it's pretty easy. Well, not necessarily. I just get freaked out when somebody sends me a shirtless photo. Yeah. I mean, that was a little too forward, I think.

It's a little too forward, but I think men are pretty good. And I think you would agree with me are really good at straight men are really good at turning off women without even trying. You know, it's like it comes very naturally to us. It's a gift. It's a gift. It's a gift. Did you say anything to him when he sent said photo?

No, that is where I left it. She's like, OK, don't do any. I said, I'm canceling. She's like, do not until we have this advice session with you you should have said never do that again yeah just be honest with him you know yeah that was a little much yeah burn it but yeah but that's what i'm saying though i think dating it takes practice to have that banter the comfort level of pushing back or teasing them friendly or just being like, oh, that's not for me. You know, I think he his comfort level of dating is probably strong.

Yeah, he's out there. He's my guess is he's extremely active on the app. You know? Yeah. I don't think this guy is looking for a relationship. And I mean, it doesn't seem he lives in another city. It's not really somebody that you have a friend with either. He's not going to be able to call you up and be like, hey, let's go to dinner.

It's going to be, hey, I'm in town. Meet me at my hotel. That's the vibe I'm getting from him. When he asked if you want to stay in his hotel room and you're just like, you didn't even respond to it, which is great. I said dinner. I said dinner sounds great. But after that, that's when he sent this shirtless selfie? He said, i said dinner sounds

great um do you have plans what are the what are the plans he said i don't have any plans yet which yet save the thing he lands the 21st at 2 p.m um and then um he said you're gonna fall for for me and sent me that photo. Ew. Exactly. You should have responded, ew. See? Yeah, ew. See? Yeah, no, he seems a little skeevy. He's probably pretty charming. Yeah.

They always are until they try to cut your skin off and wear it. That's true. Hello. Ew. One puts the lotion on its skin or else one gets the hose. All jokes aside, I'm I agree with your daughter in the sense that what other than being murdered i'm just kidding uh what's the arm you know but like here's what i think you should do i think you should set some expectations and boundaries with them and just say to say, hey, listen, you could say, oh, I'm old fashioned. I like to take things slow. He clearly doesn't like to take things slow. So I think you should put out there things that you're comfortable with. Hey, I'm more

of a slow burn type of gal. I prefer a simple... For first dates, I like coffee dates in the park. It's your home turf. So you should be able to pick the place and you should say, I'm a slow burn. I like to take it slow. How about we meet here? He says he lands at 2. So meet at 5pm and just say, if you want to get together, here's where we should meet. But I like to take things slow. And you'll find out pretty quickly if he's still interested in meeting you, because it wouldn't shock me if you know mr shirtless selfie who's already inviting you to his hotel room might he might opt out you know you've putting your up for an extent you know so it's always good to put up for an expectations about what you're comfortable with that immediately starts weeding out the wrong

people you know people you know they'll tell you who they are so to speak he's telling you who he is someone who's in town. He's looking to meet up with a friend. If you're down, have some fun. Now, he's still, you know, he might be forward and still down. You know, he might be like, okay, well, I tried, you know, but sure, I'll still meet you for coffee. And clearly as someone who likes a challenge.

So you saying, well, I move slowly. I could easily see him still showing up and be like, all saying, well, I move slowly, I could easily see him still showing up and be like, all right, well, you move slowly, but not with me. But you know what I'm saying? So like, I think you can,

I think you go and have an out, you know, have some girlfriends like ready to meet up with you later or just like have an out story. But I think if you are willing,

I think it could be good practice. I do think if you want to meet someone, you're going to have to get a little bit out of your comfort zone in your shell as everyone does. And I think it's harder as we get older to get out of our comfort zone. You know, we carve out these very nice,

comfortable lives. But, you know, unless you want to get set up with one of your friends, guys which i do agree with bobby you know so the right person's always going to bring out great things in you and you're the same with them you know and i just think for someone who's been off the market you know as long as you have by kind of you do you know and that's you taking yourself off the market i think you could take some practice reps you know You didn't get good at pickleball the first time you stepped on the court. So everything takes a little practice. I think

dating as well. And I think the better you are at something, the more likely you are to be yourself, the more comfortable you're going to get. So it's highly, your perfect person is going to show up at your door and you're going to fall in love. You're going to have to kind of get to know someone. And people get nervous on dates. It's hard to be yourself on a first date, you know? And so going on a date with someone like JD, while he might not be your person, it might set you up for someone else who's a nice person who also might be a little nervous too when you meet them. And maybe you being more comfortable could help take that maybe boring guy and help him get out of his skin and realize, not literally, and that might be a nice person to date. So I think you just have to push yourself to get out there a little bit more.

Take your dog's advice and just be a little bit more outgoing. Go at your own pace, but challenge yourself not to just be so easily. Because I think if you give an, especially on dating apps, if you give a straight guy enough cracks at the bat, they'll turn you off. Which is why I always say like, stop texting on dating apps because it's just eventually, it's eventually, it's just a matter of time before they give you the ick. You don't know these people. You don't know they're human. They're humor. And so it's just so easy to be like, no, no, not for me. So my general bit of advice is to

get out of your comfort zone. All right. You're going to go on the date and then you're going to give us an update and we want to hear all about JD. Okay. All right. Well, thank you for calling. This is great. I appreciate it. It's always nice to hear people dating in all different age ranges where we have more and more single people out there than ever before. I think it's just hard to put yourself out there. And I think it's great that you're doing that. And you're only 59 years old. You're beautiful. You have, you know, you have a lot of great years and exciting years ahead of you. And hopefully you're lucky enough to find someone to enjoy that with. And I think if you want to, you will, it's just, you just have to be

a little patient and a little more open-minded all right well can't wait to hear about your date thank you all right take care all right bye-bye bye everybody i know before we started a call you you don't celebrate valentine's day or other holidays with your partner and i'd love to know how's that work i mean it works perfect for us neither of us are into those um i guess you could say we're not really romantic people but we are like we have maybe you're just not gifts people when it comes to love languages yeah absolutely not and i mean i've we never really i never really celebrated birthdays much growing up either i mean we we did but it wasn't like we would go along we

weren't those families where you're like oh it's your birth week or it's your birth month and like everything is about your fucking birthday i have some friends like that i love you but it drives me nuts i'm like you get a day i like you bobby that's it you get a day and the rest of the year i'm still gonna treat you like a queen but don't force me to do all these things for this week because it's your birthday the birthday weekend it was at first it was weekend then it was week now it's a month it's like a month like yeah have the whole year you know um so yeah i mean we just really go out of our way to do things that are special for each other all the time and so we we just feel like

being forced that pressure of oh it's valentine's we've got to go out to dinner we've got to get a gift like it's it's bullshit. Yeah. Natalie, Natalie's your wife. Yeah. Fiance. Fiance. Yeah.

Natalie, don't, don't make him. Yeah. That's bad. No, no, it's wonderful.

She doesn't do, but she, she does like her birthday. I'm curmunchy when it comes to, I'm a grump. I'm not fun. I like at all. But to your point,

I can be quiet and boring, but I'd like to think that my friends would want to set me up with someone. If I were back in the day, that's, I've never asked my question. Did they? Well, I hated being,

I would never go. I would never let myself be set up. It's like, I want to be wanted as we all do. I don't even want to go to your party. Just, I want the invitation. I don't want to be set up, but I do want to think that you would set me up, you know? I do. I do. I feel't even want to go to your party. Just, I want the invitation. I don't want to be set up, but I do want to think that you would set me up,

you know? I do. I do. I feel the same way. Bobby knows. Thanks for coming, buddy. Bobby,

buddy, Bobby, buddy, buddy. Please let my audience know where they can find you. When you, when's your book come out? Can they preorder it?

Yeah, you can preorder it now. It's called right at home. How does, how good design is good for the mind? Um, you get a Barnes and Noble, Amazon,

my website, bobbyburke.com. Um, and then my Instagram and tech talks just at Bobby. Amazing. Just check. Just, yeah.

How did you get that? Wow. I just, I asked for it and they gave it to me. That's, that's pretty cool. All right. Well,

thanks for listening guys. Don't forget to send in those questions at ask Nick at the vile files.com. Don't forget. We're live tonight at 9 p.m. Eastern for another episode of Better Date Than Never. Be sure to check out all our amazing episodes that we've dropped this week, plus Vile Files Plus. We'll see you back on Monday. Bye.