The Viall Files - E711 Ask Nick Update Special Episode - Part 17

Episode Date: February 23, 2024

Welcome back to The Viall Files! Today we have another special “where are they now” update show where we give you updates from our past callers to see what’s happened in their situations and relationships since appearing on the show.  Our first caller originally called in because she thought she was the DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) of her friend group. We see how she’s learned to love herself, and have fun without comparison. Our second caller had first called in because her boyfriend didn't want her mom to buy them a house. They now have a house, are engaged, and have built a healthy mindset when paying her mom back. Our third caller is from our BIGGEST episode yet… our interview with Gypsy Rose. She had originally called in because she couldn't keep up with her husband's sex drive. We check in to make sure she’s set her boundaries and she sheds light on her conversations with her husband. We also have some written updates - Our caller who’s BFF told her he loved her after she gave birth, our caller who wanted to date someone in a relationship, and our caller who was getting ghosted by a guy in the Navy. To catch up on all of these callers original questions please see the show numbers:   Original Episode numbers for callers: Episode Number: 295 Ask Nick - You’re Not Over It Episode Number: 543 Ask Nick - You Are D*ck-ddicted Episode Number: 689 Going Deeper with Gypsy Rose Blanchard and Ryan Anderson - “I Have a Voice Now” Original Episode numbers for written updates: Episode Number: 692 Ask Nick - My Boyfriend Isn’t Toxic Enough Episode Number: 671 Ask Nick - Should I End My Marriage?  Episode Number: 668 Going Deeper with Aly & AJ Plus Special Forces Death Letters, Mysterious Murders, and RHOBH “It sometimes takes a direct communication, to seek out the truth.”  Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://www.viallfiles.supportingcast.fm  Please make  sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com  To advertise on the show, contact [e-mail] or visit https://www.advertisecast.com/TheViallFiles  Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @alison.vandam @dereklanerussell

what's going on everybody welcome back to another exciting update special classic style you know for everyone as a reminder i always want to kick these episodes off to remind you that we have many more updates available to you behind Vile Files Plus. Just oodles of them. I don't know, 20-some episodes of delicious updates that you've been dying to hear. I know you guys love your updates. We love bringing them to you. So, don't forget so many more behind Vile Files Plus. It's free to sign up.

Just go to vilefiles.com. Yada, yada, yada. You know the drill. And check it out. But we do have some amazing updates for you. We have some old school ones. We have some feel good updates, if you will. A throwback from way back. And then we have a very recent update, the one from the Gypsy Rose episode, if you guys don't remember. This lovely young woman was a little caught off guard by her husband's sex drive, kind of out of nowhere. And that, you know,

we uncovered maybe there are some questions about past behavior in the past. We get an update from her and that only just created more and more questions. It's a juicy one. There's just more to the story. So we get an update and so much more. It's a varietal update, if you will. We've closed the loop on some stories. We've gotten more questions on others, but it's jam packed one way or the other. That being said, we have a written update to start. Yes, we do. So this is from our caller, Sarah, who joined us on episode 692 because her best friend told her that he loved her, was in love with her three days after she gave birth to her third baby. Kind of came out of

nowhere. Your advice was basically like, yeah, it's a great story. And you might be romanticizing the idea of, oh, after all these years, my best guy friend has confessed his love to me. But like, practically, is he ready to kind of step into your life and help you raise three kids? You are a mother of three kids, you've just given birth to your third. So I think it was an important call of kind of taking off the rose colored glasses or romanticizing the situation and bringing in a bit of practicality due to the fact that while it's nice that he was expressing his love, what does that actually mean long term as a partner to her and her children? All right, let's let's play a quick clip for our writer-runner just to bring our audience

up to speed of what they're referring to. How's it going? Good. I'm Sarah. I'm 30 years old. My best friend of five years told me that he was in love with me after I just had my third baby. Are you married in a relationship? No. So I had twin girls and me and my friend were still friends. We've never... All the little pieces are... I've never hooked up with my friend. I've never kissed him. I've never anything. We've always just been very normal girl boyfriends. And I was in a toxic relationship. I ended up getting

pregnant with twins. A year later, I move out and end the relationship with my baby daddy. And a year later, I move out, end the relationship with my baby daddy. And I find out I'm pregnant again. So I'm like, okay. I went through the whole pregnancy. My friend came. My guy friend came to visit me when I was 39 weeks pregnant. And prior to that visit, kind of changing the context of our conversation,

like being more flirty. And it was kind of confusing. I was don't really like this is new this is different but like i just kind of went along with it he is you like i do find him attractive i just never like opened up my thoughts to being in a relationship with him or anything other than that. And then my water ended up breaking while he was in town. And it was just this really strange, like overwhelming amount of like emotion. I would say like, I kind of wanted him to be there with me during my labor. I like didn't want him to leave. And he, and it was just kind of weird. I had had kids before. It's a vulnerable time.

And, you know, like I wouldn't take my baby daddy to be there anyway, because we had been fighting. And that was kind of one of the precedents because I was having a home birth. So I didn't have to go anywhere. I'm just at home. And the baby daddy's sick anyway. But my guy friend said, well, I shouldn't be here. And I was like, yeah, right. You shouldn't be here.

But in my head, I'm like, why do I want you here so bad? I want you to hold my hand while I'm giving birth. I'm like, I've never kissed you. Why would I want you to give birth to a baby? So it was a weird wake up call for me, feeling wise. So then I give birth. And about three-ish days later he like calls me like how is everything how do you feel and I'm like you know we just kind of chat and

then he was started texting me like I've been in love with you since after you had your twins I just didn't really tell you and then you got pregnant again I just like didn't know what to say. But seeing you like I have so much respect for you. Like you go through like you're doing all of these things. I'm in love with you. And I never let myself realize that I what kind of love it was. Like I always knew I cared about you. But I'm in love with you. What did you say to him when he said I'm in love with you?

I said I said love like a lot of things. I said I do love you. I do love with you. What did you say to him when he said, I'm in love with you? I said, I said, love's like a lot of things. I said, I do love you. I do care about you. And I can't really deny the fact that when you came down here, things felt way different. And I liked it. Like, I was like, I want to see where this would go. You said that to him? Yeah.

Okay. And then so for like six weeks we talked like every day which was not this not what our relationship was before we checked in with each other when he moved away so this was like a new thing he talked to me like all day every day we were texting and he just continued to say like really like emotional things like about how much he loves my daughters and like how he just wants this family life and like more kids and saying like how he like could see me as his like wife like not even love bombing but just like almost like a really deep unloading of emotion yeah i mean just because someone just kind of

says i love you after a long period of time doesn't mean it's love bombing well no it's been four months now he told me that he thinks I'm still in love with my baby daddy. He doesn't want to do this anymore and he's not ready for a relationship. Oh, wait. I was like, wait, where is it? Yeah.

I was like, wait, I didn't think we were in like a relationship. I thought we were just kind of like exploring feelings and like talking and kind of changing our relationship. So he's kind of reverse course on you? Yeah, like totally flip-flop. And then he's like, I can't do this. I'm not ready to be in a relationship. I don't want to be changing our relationship. So he's kind of reverse course on you? Yeah, like totally flip-flop. And then he's like, I can't do this.

I'm not ready to be in a relationship. I don't want to be in a relationship. I said, okay. I didn't think you were my boyfriend. I was like, whoa, backpedaling. What's going on? I don't think this is love bombing, but I think what he is is maybe a little immature

and a little careless with his feelings for him to say, I'm in love with you and I've been in love with you the whole time. And then four months later say, I'm not ready for relationship. I don't want a relationship. Listen, like you, you have two young twins. You have another newborn baby. Like you have a lot going on. I wouldn't talk anymore. I would just be like, next time he reaches out, just be like, Hey, listen, I'm not trying to be rude, but like you but I care about you. It really messed me up. You saying you were in love with me and then pulling back and just say, call it, name it. I was delusional to think that we could remain friends and go backwards. We can't. But you seem like you have

a good head on your shoulders. You seem like you have a good support system and you have friends. And listen, this guy just needs to grow up a little bit. And then focus on healthy boundaries, healthy rules that you can enforce, hold people accountable. And if people can't follow your healthy boundaries and healthy rules, then you don't have time for them. And that includes friends, families, and potential lovers. And the more you focus on that, and the more you bring that into your life, the easier it will be for you to enforce those boundaries and you will attract the right people. Yeah, that is. Yes. All right. Well, so what's the update? So update is Nick's advice. I took it to heart. It was hard to get out of the fantasy of the idea of falling in love with my best friend. It sucked having him open up with the whole thing and then

to ditch it. But having Nick naming all of his quote boy energy helped. The guy ended up calling me spoiled because my parents were helping me out right now while I can't work, which was a super low blow. And I just said, OK, well, I'm going to just give you space. I didn't even feel like explaining myself because of my little wake up call. And we haven't talked in like two months. So he really fucked off, which was wild. I was really supportive through some big hard times he was going through. And it's just helped me just realize a lot of the crap he did. And I can't be delusional. And if he does reach out again, I'm not interested.

Some things he did and said tainted the relationship. And it's true. I couldn't go back to friends. That was me trying to keep him close. But it does oddly feel like a weird breakup. But very grateful I got a straightforward answer and a male perspective to help me be like, wait, WTF? This is a pattern of mine and I need and want to be better. So this mama is on to bigger and better.

Man energy is all I'm taking in 2024. We love that, you know, clarity. We got some clarity. Well, and it's also like you need man energy. You're a mother of three you don't have time for boys well yeah and like you know this guy clearly wasn't communicating or or being direct with his intentions and then finally when he got called out for it he continued to act like a boy but it gave her the answer that she need and it is a

breakup friends break up situationships break up relationships break up and this guy was somewhere in between all all of that right and it sometimes takes a direct uh communication to seek out the truth and and she got to the bottom of it which is this clearly is not the type of platonic friendship that she hoped and intended for it to be. And now she can move on and stop questioning what his true intentions are. We love clarity. Well, great. I mean, that puts a bow on that. An episode of some bows and open more questions. So a combo.

It was bows and a big can of worms at the end. Well, speaking of which, let's get to our first caller. Question time with Nick. Let's ask nick your sexy questions welcome back kaylee hello how are you i'm doing well how are you good so i originally called in am i doing this right no yeah you're doing, I was going to say you originally called in an episode 295. So a call, a throwback a long time ago. Yes. It was a very unique couple of years ago. Yeah. You called in wondering if you were the duff of your friend group, which I didn't know then. And I forgot all about it until you reminded me. But in your, what is a duff for the audience if they

don't remember? So there's this movie that came out years ago and the Duff stands for designated ugly fat friend. The movie was called The Duff. The movie's called The Duff. Yeah, 6.4 out of 10 on IMDb. 73% round tomatoes. Not that bad. Bella Thorne's in it. Okay.

Oh, yeah. Okay, that's's right ken john is in it and some other notable people wow anyway did 43 million at the box office um so what is a duff so it stands for a designated ugly fat friend and you were wondering if you were that yes i was fully convinced I was. How hot are your friends? You're an attractive person. Like, what are you rolling? Are you rolling around with, like, Victoria's Secret supermodels?

No, they're just, like, they're tall, skinny, like, super pretty. Just, like, a typical, like, hot girl these days. And I feel like I kind of consider myself more of like the girl next door type. That's like, okay. Not the more I talk to them or it's, uh, I'm remembering our conversation, even though it was a long time ago, let's play a quick flashback for our audience, for those who don't remember or who didn't even listen to a show back then. But yeah,

let's play a quick clip on what your call was and the advice we offered you. How's it going? Good. How are you? Great. What's your name? My name's Kaylee. Hi, Kaylee. How can I help? I am the Duff when it comes to my two best friends. You've identified yourself as this person? Yes, I have. Do your friends identify yourself as this person yes i have do your friends identify you as this person they don't they hate me every time i say it okay but all right continue so i go out with my friends okay and one of my best friends is tall and blonde and super skinny rock and bod my other best friend she's like my height we're both five two but she's

super fit looks good in anything and then i wear an outfit similar to theirs i look like the mom of the group and every time we go out somewhere everyone always comes up to them and saying how beautiful they are and like i don't even get acknowledged ever. How long have you been friends with these ladies? A couple months. Okay. Well, how did you meet? We worked together actually. Okay.

Yes. So you've only been friends for a couple months? Yes. Okay. And so what's your question? My question is whenever we go out somewhere, like I'm always the bold one that's always out there dancing having a good time drinking you know just making the most of the night but when I'm out and I don't get

acknowledged by any sort of male human is there something I should like is there a certain way I should be dressing or a different way I should go about myself because it's so awkward when I don't even get looked at okay well when you go out and as you say drink dance and have fun why are you drinking and dancing and having fun that's just like my personality like I'm okay personality so if that's what you want to do then you should do it because you think it's fun right now again i i don't you know either there's no wrong answer if you do it because like that's my thing you know because that's how i get guys because i dance you know that's also fine too but you know you said oh well i go out and i drink and have fun and have a good time and I'm not getting attention. So like just be honest with yourself about why you're doing it.

The guys that live in my area, they're just, they don't want, they want a specific type of girl. I mean, listen, you seem like a very cute girl. You know what I'm saying? Like you're being a little hard on yourself. I don't know what your friends look like. If you're telling me your two friends you've known for two months are like two bombshells that modern society considers traditionally super attractive, then sure, yeah. You're going to be hanging out with people who naturally are going to capture more attention than you.

I don't know what to tell you. What you need to try to do is figure out, can you be your best self around these people? It's really dumb for you to keep doing the thing that you're doing in terms of like, I'm the whatever, what Duff, Durf. Yes, the Duff. It is like, it's not fair to your friends that you call yourself that. It can't make them feel any bad. They didn't do anything to like have you call yourself clearly you're selling yourself short and over time they're just gonna eventually be like we don't they're gonna decide they don't want to hang out with you anymore because you're gonna make them feel bad about themselves for doing nothing figure out how you can feel more confident and maybe that means like

not necessarily hanging out with women who make you feel less confident until you are able to hang out with anyone and have like and newsflash there are men who aren't going to like them there are men who are going to like you and not like you right now maybe because these two friends might be considered more traditionally good looking they might get attention at first right but. But we're talking about attention at a bar. Right. And so if you're in it for attention, you know, if like if your goal is to go out to a bar and get hit on the most, then you should definitely not hang out with two bombshells if that's your goal. Now, if your goal is to go out and have fun and do the things that you think are fun, like drink and dance and have a good time

and, and maybe meet a nice guy that you connect with. Well, then you can easily hang out with your friends, not stress about or fixate on all the attention they're getting. And, and you're definitely going to get hit on. You're a cute girl. Like you're a nice, and if you're out there and you truly are focused on having fun and you're not focused on how much attention they're getting then you people will respond to that energy but the energy it sounds like you're giving off is one of insecurity and maybe you're dancing for attention rather than dancing because it's fun right that makes sense my ultimate goal is to like get a boyfriend like that was okay that's what great but it's just uh a little bit more difficult than i thought it would be

and so that's kind of why i go out to like maybe organically meet someone because the dating apps haven't worked how old are you again what was that how old are you again? 23. Okay, so you're young. Yeah. It might take a couple years, you know. I'm not stressed, but, you know, after my last relationship, I've just kind of been looking for something to, like someone to prove me wrong about all guys. Because right now, none of it. What do you mean? Because, like, you had a toxic ex and he spoke for all men?

So far, every guy I've been on dates with from dating apps, they'll take me to dinner, do all the nice things. And then right before about to leave, every single one of them have always asked me, oh, well, do you want to come back to my place and stay the night? I'm like, three hours ago. That's not happening. And i've yet to go out with someone who hasn't asked me either to come over at like 11 o'clock 12 o'clock at night or

after dinner being like oh well i bought you dinner so you should come over and give me what i want do they say that or they imply that they're implying it okay well so the good news is is you're getting attention you know you're kind of making my point too right and it's not that all guys are shitty it's just like you know communication i don't know and like yeah maybe they're looking for the easy hookup we are in a hookup culture it's not just men men are women are looking to hook up to on first dates that's fine and that's fine that, women are looking to hook up to on first dates. That's fine. And that's fine that you don't want to.

And you just simply say no. Also like maybe don't go out to dinner on first dates, you know? And I'm not saying like, just because a guy buys you dinner, you are anyway required to do anything more. But like, it's just,

you know, it's easier to get to know someone when the expectations are lower, you know, when it's just a more chill cup of coffee or a drink and, you know, it's easier to get to know someone when the expectations are lower, you know, when it's just a more chill cup of coffee or a drink and, you know, and, and maybe just limit, um, the built-in expectation. So, you know, yeah, the downside is, is this process can be exhausting. And as far as going out with these two girls i think you need to work on um not comparing yourself to them and certainly stop calling yourself that around your friends and it's only going to hurt your friendship again with your friend that is only going to make you feel worse about yourself

you know you're doing that as a i don't know some sort of self-pity tactic it's not productive you're not nothing good's coming from it. And trust me, the energy you give off when you do that is one of, like, less than. And people can sense that type of energy. Yeah, don't get into fights and disagreements with guys that you don't need to waste anymore. Like, they've already told you they're not worth your energy, and then you just need to move on. And when it feels exhausting from time to time just put a pause in the dating and i still believe there are guys out there and plenty of guys who who aren't going to try that you just have to weed weed through them all right

and now we're back all right putting your words from what you remember elaborate a little bit more on your big concern and ultimately what was the advice I gave you? So basically, my concern was, I was living with my two best friends at the time. And we were all single. And we would go out, we live outside of Austin, Texas. And so we would always go out downtown, you know, UT's campus is there, lots of frat boys, you know, I thought that was my type back then. And we would go out and we would meet these guys at the bar. And they would always be like, Oh, my gosh, hello. Nice to meet you.

Who are your friends over there? I'm like, cool. So this is how it's going to be. We would go dancing because we like to two step. And I would be the one on the sidelines holding the drinks while my friends dance. I would be the one on the sidelines holding the drinks while my friends danced. And at that time, I was very, I guess I consider I was like at a low point in my life is when I wrote into you and you basically said, from my remembering, even though it was years ago, you said to basically stop comparing myself to my friends because the boys that i'm going after is probably not

the type of man i want in a sense yeah sure yeah from what i remember i can't remember exactly but that sounds about right i mean deal of that yeah i mean you're something you're hanging yeah you're hanging out in a college town kind of college guys and truthfully your your friends uh probably fuck boy magnets i'm guessing your friends probably have a lot of unpleasant stories about all these men who gave them attention over you right they did and at the time i was so jealous of them because i was craving that attention so bad and i just wasn't receiving it and i was like a serial like hinge dater, I guess you could say. I would go on dates all the time. But then I guess my problem was I would get the ick really fast.

And it just nothing really ended up working out. And then are you still friends with these girls? I am. So it's funny because one of them, my best friend, she just got married last month. Oh, there you go. And the other one got, yeah, the other one got married two years ago and she just had a baby last month as well. Oh, congratulations to your friend.

And not, I'm sure I'm going to be cynical here, but I'm going to offer you perspective and let's, you know, don't tell your friends. But statistically, one of them is going to get divorced, you know? So if you're a wee bit jealous that maybe they're a little bit, how old are you? 26. You're only 26. So one of your friends, fuck, they got married at 23, which is, you know, young, not the end. You know, it's not that young.

Who knows what's going to happen? You're only 26. How do you feel now about your dating life? You mentioned you were in a low point when you first called in. Are you in a low point now? Are you more confident in yourself? What's dating been like for you? I am 10 times better where I'm at now than I was a couple years ago. At that point in my life, I wasn't really seeing the whole perspective about my self-worth and what I deserve in a partner. And now I am in a very committed relationship. And I moved in with him in October.

Wow. Great. And I'm trying to get a ring on my finger now. How long have you been dating? April will be two years. Why are you trying to get a ring on your finger? Just so you know that from, from our P for my POV, I hate the sound of that for you. You know, I know, I know. The only reason why I say that is because my boyfriend turns 30 next year.

Oh, my God. And he said he doesn't want to be an old parent. And so he doesn't want to have kids really past 30, which is understandable because his parents are older. So what does that mean for you? Because I... So wait, he's 30. He's about to turn 30. Okay, well, he turns 29 this year.

And the next year he'll be 30. So per his... And when did he say this to you? Since the beginning. All right. So two years ago, when he was 27, he told you, I don't want to be an old parent. I don't want to have kids after 30. Now he's approaching 29.

you, I don't want to be an old parent. I don't want to have kids after 30. Now he's approaching 29. And per what he said, and we all say the dumbest shit throughout our 20s and in our teens, but per what he said, the moment he turns 31, kid or not, he's done. He's going to walk into a doctor's office and he's going to say, cut it off, doc. Just snip, snip, snip. I mean, bisectomy, not the penis. But is that what he said? I mean, that's absurd. You know, like, I don't know why he said what he said. Life comes at you fast. He said that at an age when 30, even though it was three to four years away, felt forever

away for him. We never feel like we're going to turn 30. And then all of a sudden we're like, oh, fuck, I'm turning 30 this year. So just ignore what he said. I guess is my advice in that department. It's the dumbest thing in the world. You know, whatever. I'm sure. I mean, so I'm sure. I mean, hey, I love the fact that he has a desire to be a father sooner than later. That's good news. But other than that, how is the relationship? How connected do you feel? Like, are you do you feel like you're on the same page? Do you guys fight a lot? Do you not fight?

Do you you know, where where are we in terms of the relationship? We don't really fight. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times we've gotten in like an argument. And even then it was over something really stupid. Great. So you don't fight. But do you like, how on the same page do you feel? Do you feel like every time you, you know, are feeling conflict or do you feel like you are communicating any frustrations or differences with him and you don't fight

because you guys talk through them? Or do you not fight because you have a tendency of just being like, eh, it's not a big deal. And then you not communicate that. So in the beginning, there was a little bit of conflict because we did have different communication styles. Sure.

And a couple months ago, we kind of sat down and we kind of needed to talk about one, communication styles, two, what he needs in a relationship that I need to give him and what he needs to give me and vice versa. Because obviously we want to have a successful relationship And we are talking about engagement and marriage.

And so we kind of wanted to have that conversation, even though we should have had it in the beginning. We were just in the honeymoon phase. We just kind of forgot to talk about that stuff. But in the beginning, he was having a hard time expressing his feelings when he would get frustrated. He would kind of just like shut out and not really talk to me. And there was a point where we didn't really talk for three days because he was having such a bad day. And now the second he's having a moment that he just needs time to himself, he'll let me know and I'll just let it be. And it's been like smooth sailing ever since. Right. Now, in terms of like engagements and things like that, what conversations have you guys had? So we want, I know for a fact that we're going to get engaged this year.

I just don't know exactly when, because we both said that we want to start trying to have babies in 2025. So this will be the year of engagement because we want to get married in Vegas because my parents got married in Vegas and his parents got married in Vegas and both of the chapels that they got married in are still there. So we kind of want to keep the tradition going. So

we do talk about it often. So what's the problem? There really is no problem. I'm calling in because you guys always say like when i was listening to the episode with kylie like you guys say to like call in and like always like give an update oh yeah no we appreciate the update for sure yeah yeah kylie's episode inspired me because she like from an outside perspective she just looked like she had like the perfect relationship with Avon or whatever. And then there's the downfall, right?

And it just reminded me of how I was in that position three years ago where I would date somebody and then find out that they were cheating. And it was just traumatic in a sense. And I was like, well, I should write in and let them know that like I followed Nick's advice and my mom's advice yeah there's hope there's hope on the other side yeah there is hope and I love it that's great so I love the hope so you don't you you well I feel like you slightly misrepresented yourself a few minutes ago when you said you're trying to get engaged that came across as almost like your boyfriend doesn't really want to get engaged, but you do. And you're not on the same page,

but it sounds like you guys are on the same page. We are on the same page. I definitely misrepresented myself there. Okay, good. That's all right. Well, we cleared it up. So everything's great. It sounds like. Yes. Yeah. All right. Well, what do you think was the, all right. So for, for the people listening, other than my advice, and it sounds like your mom was helpful too, but from your POV, what was the moment or moments or what really happened that made

you actually change your perspective on dating? You know, like how did you get out of your rut? My mom. out of your rut? My mom. There was a point, December of 2021, and I just ended a bad situationship. And I kind of felt like I was really at rock bottom. Like I felt the most depressed I had in my life. And I went to my mom and I just started bawling my eyes out. I was like, I don't understand why nobody loves me or likes me or I'm not good enough for anyone. And my mom was just like, what are you doing to date?

Are you on dating apps? I'm like, yeah, I'm on dating apps. She goes, delete that. We do not want to have those dating apps on your phone. That is so toxic. And if you want to find your forever person, you need to go And if you want to find like your forever person, you need to go out and you need to find them, I guess, naturally. And she said, just give yourself three to four months, focus on yourself, go to the gym, workout, clear your mind,

like eat healthy, do things that make you happy. And she's like, I promise you someone will come along. And lo and behold, April of 2022, my boyfriend came along and that was just like, that was it for me. Great. And we've been together ever since. The big advice, and I love your mom's advice. We often give it on this show as well as yeah, you, you got out of your head when it came to dating, you stopped prioritizing and more importantly, you stopped thinking that all of your value came from being someone's girlfriend, you know, and that, you know, at your lowest, it sounds like you assumed that all of your value came from being someone's girlfriend because you saw all your other friends be

someone's girlfriend and you missed, you, you wanted validation. And you got out of your head. You put a pause on being someone's girlfriend. You started focusing on you. You got in, you know, whatever you did, you invested in yourself. You did things that made you feel better as a person. You did things that made you feel more confident as a person and more attractive as a person. and more attractive as a person. And you sort of projected that energy outward rather than the energy of desperation, which people sense. When you prioritize being someone else's girlfriend or partner over anything else, that energy comes out of you loud and clear to people. And it's a very unattractive energy. It's a stench of desperation. But on the flip side, that person who doesn't really need it, isn't that interested in it and is more focused on themselves. And, you know, and I don't mean like in a narcissistic, selfish way, but investing in themselves over, you know, prioritizing being someone's girlfriend is someone that is, it's attractive. People don't always do that.

It comes across as your time is limited. It's not for everyone, you know, and then all of a sudden the people around you in your orbit see you as more valuable, you know, harder to get, things like that. And then from a man, from men's standpoint, that, that, that is very attractive. And yeah, all you had to do was do, you know, and it just becomes that much more obvious. So good for you. Yeah, I love. Thanks for sharing that story, because it's tough to do. And to hear people who actually apply that is great, because comparing yourself to your girlfriends is a much harder task than just thinking to yourself, what makes me feel like my best self and doing those things.

Right. So thank you very much for the update. Of course. Thank you. Let us know when he pops the question or maybe when he knocks you up, you know, one or the other. Hopefully it's both. Yeah, we'll see, you know.

All right. Well, I appreciate the update. Yes. Thank you. All right. Y'all have a good one. You too. Take care. No matter what moves you made last year, TurboTax experts make them count.

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guaranteed. Switch to TurboTax. Make your moves. We'll make them count. See guarantee details at TurboTax.com slash guarantees. Experts only available with TurboTax Live. As new parents, Natalie and I like to spend as much time as we can at home with our daughter. We don't like leaving the house, but we also forget things. When we do go to the grocery store or we go to the hardware store or any store, it's easy to forget things. Well, that's where DoorDash comes in. It is saving our life and helping us be better parents

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Oh, like one of those like wet stamp things? Yeah, we use DoorDash for that. No problem because I forgot about it. And that's where DoorDash came in. DoorDash is there to meet all your shopping needs. DoorDash makes shopping a breeze. Choose from a wide range of items from your favorite local stores, from fresh produce to pantry staples to gifts to pet essentials, all in one place. We also got our dog treats from DoorDash. We ran out of dog treats. They're expecting a treat every time I come home. I don't like disappointing them. 20 minutes later,

DoorDash was there to save the day. DoorDash app allows you to customize, substitute, schedule, and track your order as well. That's the nice thing about, you know, you order something on DoorDash and then you forget you need to order more. No problem. You can just update your order on DoorDash. Millions of people trust DoorDash for groceries, pet supplies, gifts, well-being, and more. DoorDash is the all-in-one solution for all your lifestyle needs. So next time you are running low on groceries, wellness essentials, pet needs, drinks, gifts, and more, you can get them delivered right to your door with DoorDash. Shop with DoorDash and enjoy big savings. Use code VIALL24 to get 50% off up to $10 value

on $15 minimum subtotal on your next convenience, grocery, or retail order for eligible users only. Terms apply. All right. We have another writer, Annalie. Yes, we do. So this is from Jane, who joined us on episode 671. The question was, am I delulu for wanting to date someone who's in a relationship?

So for context, Jane at the time had been living in Canada. She went to a wedding in France. She met this guy at the time had been living in canada she went to a wedding in france she met this guy at the wedding in france he was living in the netherlands they hit it off they were maybe a little flirty but they went back to their respective countries she was in a relationship which ended she ended up moving to the netherlands met back up with uh this guy from the wedding but he was then in a new relationship, but they met up and even the girlfriend was making some comments like you guys have like almost this, this like love story that never went into fruition. So she was like, why am I getting these feelings for this

guy now that I'm in the Netherlands? I know he's in a relationship. What do I do? All right, let's play a quick clip before we get to this written update to remind people of the original call. I am calling because I would like to know if I am delusional for wanting to date a guy that currently has a boyfriend. I know that you help people with this type of question before. I don't know if I'm just forgetting your advice or choosing to not listen to it. But last summer, I met a guy, I will call him Tim, at my best friend's wedding in France. And he's the cousin of the groom. I should preface that I was in a relationship during that time. And that relationship with my now ex was, it was very rocky, rocky prior to the wedding.

And we talked about breaking up, but we weren't actually officially broken up yet. So I was not operating as if I had a free pass to do whatever I wanted. And three, we also both live in different continents at the time. So he lived in the Netherlands to be specific. And I just didn't see why we date long distance. So nothing happened. The next day after the wedding, we had lunch and breakfast together before heading out. Everything was fine. We hugged, exchanged contact information, never spoke again. And I thought about reaching out, but I kind of talked myself out of it. And I lost confidence and I didn't hear from him either. Flash forward to now, I actually ended up moving to the Netherlands

because my best friend also lives here. And I found out recently that Tim, so the initial guy from the wedding that I liked, did like me. And he was upset to hear that I was actually talking to somebody else from the wedding. And I know this sounds like a bit of a hindsight 2020 statement, but I was actually bummed to hear that because I did like him too. And I wanted to date him, but a part of it is kind of my fault because I didn't actually reach out when I knew that he did like me because that's when I found out that he was dating someone else and he came out as bi. So now he has a boyfriend. So from a couple of weeks ago, I actually saw him and both the guy that I

tried to date both at the same event. This was organized by our friends that got married. So it was not a coincidence. And when I was actually talking to Tim, like all the feelings came back. And I kind of I don't know, this is where the delusional part of me came in Rose, like, I want to date you. And I selfishly was not thinking of the fact that he had a boyfriend, I was just focused on like, how can I get this guy to date me. And his boyfriend was actually at this event, I was never introduced to him but I heard later that he made a comment to somebody about how when Tim and I were talking it seemed as though like we're like old loves talking again or reconnecting and anyway not to read into that too much because

I don't know what that actually means coming from this guy but I kind of just yeah it put me in a place where now I'm like I want to be able to something. I feel like I've also gained a lot more confidence since moving and just kind of picking my life back up again. So, yeah, I don't know if I'm being really selfish about this or if it's actually valid to say something and express that I have feelings for him. And I did from before as well. So what you have is chemistry with him, you know, and that chemistry is creating feelings. And I did from before as well. chemistry that you guys seem to naturally have. You know, some people naturally have chemistry. Chemistry is great and important, but it's not as reliable, as I always say, as most people give it credit for. Just the way you tell the story, it's like, I saw him and it was a moment. And that moment created a feeling for you. Even you said, in that moment, I knew I immediately wanted to date him. Well, in that moment, you knew that you wanted him. But what you are feeling right now

is based off of this organic and natural chemistry that you have, which is a nice little foundation to start something. But I don't think it's a justifiable reason enough to complicate his life and try to break up a relationship. I think it would be selfish of you to reach out to him right now and drop this information on him. You're only going to make things more complicated for yourself. It's only going to frustrate you. It's a version of lying to yourself about what you should have done. It's you trying to rewrite the past to justify what you want to do in the present. And so since you want to do the right thing, and if the right thing, if you agree with me, is to just let it go, not say anything, not kind of drop this on him and give him another

thing to consider or another thing to maybe think that he made a mistake on, just let him play this relationship out. And then at the time, you you have mutual friends you're going to be in each other's lives um and start dating other people you know and stop telling yourself oh he's perfect and it should have been me and stuff like that just say hey this is a person i have chemistry with but i'm going to have chemistry with a lot more people. So I'm not going to obsess over this one. It will keep us posted on your love life as it moves along. And if things change, let us know. I will. I will definitely know if anything changes, but for now I will take your advice and I will just kind of focus on moving on. All right. Sounds great.

Thank you very much, Nick. All right. And congratulations on your baby. Thank you so much. Have a great day. Have a great day. Jane writes, it's crazy because at the time I called, I knew what Nick was going to say and it was going to be very simple advice. But admittedly, I now realize I called because deep down I wanted Nick to say that me and this guy were meant to be and was seeking validation that I was reading certain signs correctly. After calling, I took Nick's advice to heart. I didn't contact this guy at all. And I had a light bulb moment one day where I realized the real problem I was facing was that I was having a hard time adjusting

to a new country and was trying to find a quote home in someone else. I've heard Nick talking about this in a previous episode a while ago to someone who called in and identified on the call that they were basically just lost trying to find their place in a new location they moved to. I recognized that was my situation and totally dismissed how beautiful but challenging relocating not only to another city and country, but also an entire continent can be. Once I had this realization, I started just being more present. I made more friends, started doing more activities, and overall have been happier with minor bumps along the way. I really appreciate the advice that was given. Again, as simple as it was, it was very effective in more ways than Nick and you all as the household know, because I was able to have a

true reality check into what the real problem was. And I was able to pivot a lot more quickly than I probably would have without the tough love. Appreciate all the help problem was. And I was able to pivot a lot more quickly than I probably would have without the tough love. Appreciate all the help as always. And thank you for investing your time. Love. Great. Yeah. I mean, listen, when we put ourselves in uncomfortable environments or situations or when we stretch our comfort zone, well, we get uncomfortable. And then it's like our body almost reacts. I guess when we put our body through stress, it tries to find comfort. And so I think when it comes to these types of situations, yeah, it makes sense for us to find comforts and things that we are familiar with, especially when we're surrounded by the unfamiliar. So it's good that, you know, that she recognized that.

It's also natural to to in a way like similar to our first written update, like romanticize things or have it be worth it in some way. So I'm sure maybe in her head, at least I would be doing something like it was worth the tough breakup I just had. And it was worth moving from Canada to the Netherlands. And it was worth like waiting for this guy that I met at a wedding because look at what happened and we ended up in love. And it's like, you can almost get caught too much in the fairy tale or trying to make it work out for yourself, but it can work out and be quote unquote worth it even without him. Like, it sounds like she's been happier. She's pushing herself. She's making new friends. Like, I think she'll still look at back at this chapter in the Netherlands as an overall positive for her, regardless of this guy

who is still, it seems like he's still in a relationship. Okay, well, let's get to another caller. Welcome back, Victoria. Hi, Nick. How are you? I'm doing very well. How are you? I'm doing great. So you originally called episode 543, so a little bit ago,

and you called because your mom was willing to financially support you and your boyfriend and help you guys buy a house, correct? Yeah. Yeah. And his pride was... About a year ago now. Yeah. And his pride was resistant to that.

And you called him for some... Very much so. You called him for some advice. I don't remember exactly what I said. I do remember the call. I think it was something along the lines of fuck him. Probably was a little more articulate when it came to that. Generally that.

Let's play a quick clip to remind our audience, for those who don't remember or didn't hear that episode of your original call. How's it going? Hey, I'm Victoria. I'm 26, and my mom wants to buy us a house, I'm Victoria. I'm 26. And my mom wants to buy us a house, but my boyfriend has too much pride. Okay. Yeah.

But still boyfriend. So why can't your mom buy you a house? Well, okay. So it would be, she would buy the house. It would be in her name. And then once we get married, she would gift it to us. So we just moved from Texas to Miami. And the real estate is very different from Texas. And for instance, my boyfriend really wants a house. He's sick of condo living, he hates elevators. And I understand that. But the houses that he can afford himself are in very dicey areas sure i mean i don't want to live in in a unsafe area i'm not going to put myself in a position where i feel like i can get

robbed i guess how big of a problem is this he's like no i refuse i'll break up with you we'll never get no no no where are we at with the how are we at right now is at first she was like maybe him and i will go half but again like he he can't match her on that and like she doesn't want to do a mortgage like she just wants to do cash like that's just the way she is and like she would want to do that for me but also for him as well because this is going to be my husband eventually that's what i feel like that's i feel like that should just be the focus i mean you know all the planning aside you're not married you're just not and until you're you're not even engaged yeah okay and i know i know that yeah

and and that's not to necessarily throw in his face or whatever. It is simply the reality that you two are boyfriend and girlfriend. You have a mom who is in a very favorable financial position to do something generous for her daughter, especially if she does end up getting married. In the meantime, your mom is simply just making a financial and real estate investment. And I'm assuming your mom will work with you on, A, the type of house that you might want to live in. But B, my guess is she might have input on whether she thinks this is a good buy or, you know, if your mom, I don't know why your mom has all this cash lying around but chances are she's not bad with money uh and she knows what she's doing and and so why isn't this this more of a decision between you and your mom knowing that if your boyfriend decides to take the next step and propose and you guys decide to take another next step and get married that you have a house and then you

guys can you know i don't why i agree i i agree basically like he he wants something in like his name like he's he just he's just sick of paying rent and the way he's seeing it is like even even so it's not really mine if your mom's buying it. And I'm trying to explain to him, eventually, it's going to be ours. She's just helping us. And she wants to put us in the best financial position to not to pay her mortgage. Ask each other how each other feels about it and do it without judging. So how does this make you feel?

And give him space to express himself with and listen and don't fucking respond at first make him feel good about his that you believe in his ability to do that and i think that can go a long way with him like not making a big deal about your mom just wants to do something nice for you and once you get over that hurdle and then as far as where you guys live you know you're gonna have to decide you're gonna have to work through that regardless. Yeah, no, for sure. You know? What do you think that 26 and a 28 year old should live?

Like, where do you guys live? I mean, I would have lived on the, in a condo on, in South Beach and I would have had some fun, you know, but not, not, I don't, he's not, I don't know anything about him and it's not crazy. He doesn't want to. You know? Because like... Yeah. You know, I mean,

my guess is you're not going to move that far inland. You might be like a 20-minute Uber ride away. And he might be thinking, I don't know, I don't go out that much. And I'd rather like, I'm going to spend most of my time in the house. So I want to love my house. And if I want to drive 20 minutes to the clubs,

I'll take an Uber. I would lean in as much as you can on trying to really make him feel important and really make him feel like you value him and you believe in him and you're in awe of how hard he works and really just really go for that for maybe like a week or two. And then who knows? It wouldn't shock me. He was like, you know what, babe? Honestly,'s just let's just have your mom do this thing okay and i can see him coming around i usually he'll talk to his father and then his father's like put some sense into

him and then spend the next two or three weeks okay letting him know how much you believe in him and make him feel like a king. Okay. But like a hardworking king who wants to protect his people and really cares about, you know, like, and just, you know, see what happens. I'm just curious. Honestly, that's like an experiment. All right. We're back.

But yeah, in your words, what, what was the advice I gave you and did you take it? Did you not take it? And where are we now? Yeah, I did take your advice. Basically, what you said was, well, this is a decision between your mother and yourself. You and your boyfriend are not married, so you should not be making these types of decisions based upon not being married. And your mother is doing something very nice for you. And then basically from there throughout the time, just gas him up. very nice for you. And then basically from there throughout the time, just gas him up,

give him, just make it feel great. Give him that like good masculinity feeling because he likes he, that's basically kind of what it's coming down from is just his ego. So great news. I mean, we did purchase a condo. It is like a dream. Mom helped.

And yes, mom helped. Okay. I remember you asked last time, like, i don't know why your mom has all this cash like just laying around uh she sold her building in the in the bronx and now she's just putting her money places oh so she made a nice investment back in the day and in some new york property back in the 80s oh wow yeah back in the, she yeah, the warehouse was right next to Yankee Stadium now. So she got very lucky. Oh, hell yeah. All right. Pop off, mom. Yeah. And you and the boyfriend are still think I wrote in my email just like how to approach that because I'm so ignorant. I'm just like, oh, shape.

But I know there's so many things that go into it. Are you talking about engagement rings? Yeah, that's engagement rings, yes. If it's not a priority for you, then who cares? If you were a person or a lady who had a particular preference to rings and great but if you're not a big jewelry girl and you don't care uh then who gives a shit well i do care as long as far as like if it's gonna look good on my finger because i have okay man hands i'm sure

they're fine have you guys gone ring shopping together? Actually, don't even go together. We actually are. Go by yourself. Go with your mom. Go with girls. Go find rings that you like. Yeah, it happened. Yeah, there you go. And then be like, this is what I like.

And then he can go when he's ready. Well, that's our plan. Yeah. What are some things that you did specifically when your mom bought you the condo to make him feel less threatened by your mom's financial support? Well, we do split everything 50-50. So we're treating it like we're renting the place. And then just as just keeping him in the loop of everything, because I know I wasn't giving like we weren't able to give him exact numbers because it was so new into the process. But once my mom realized what her finances were, this is what she'll be charging us every month.

Are you OK with that? If not, then we'll have to do something else. But this is the situation I'm in. I think this is the best thing for us. And do you do that? Does mom own the condo or do you own the condo? Mom owns it. Yeah, mom owns it.

OK, is there any plans on like that turning over to you guys eventually or is it just something that she owns and you are essentially just renting from your mom it's gonna come to me it's just right now it it she's just she just bought it okay um it'll eventually go to me it's at a certain point but it's there's no set numbers or dates or anything like that. Okay. Are you guys tracking how much you guys are paying for rent and things like that? Yeah. I mean, we're paying basically the same that we paid in our crappy old apartment. The only reason I say that is because right now he's renting and you're renting. Your mom owns the building. So if there's no other agreement, then you guys are essentially this tenancy,

your mom. I mean, every renovation that's being done, it's not coming out of our pockets. And so that's something that I think he's like, OK, I'm more appreciative of this situation now and type of thing. So, well, he's learned he's learned to appreciate the generosity of your mom now. I think, yeah, I mean, I said to him, I was like, you're an idiot. You're an idiot. Well, you're an idiot. Did you literally say said to him, I was like, you're an idiot. You're an idiot. Well, you're an idiot. Did you literally say that to him? Oh, yeah. Well, have you also like said nice things to him?

You know, maybe. Oh, for sure. Obviously, yes. But like, we have a joking manner of just like, what is going on your head, man? Man, listen, you know, like every guy wants to provide for the people. I mean, I don't, many men, I don't know, I can't speak for all, want to provide for the people they love and take care of. And, you know, that's not always easy to do.

And when they don't have the opportunity to do that, yes, it can affect, you know, things like their ego. It doesn't make them wrong. I mean, it's sometimes a bit misguided, you know, but how they handle that matters. And he can, you know, he'll have every opportunity to step up. Maybe your mom will always be being you guys money. And, you know, that being said, there's a lot of ways that he can step up and work his

ass off and support you guys. And that's that comes down to whether he wants to do that or not. Hey, he's a big planner. I mean, he's already talking about how like plans for retirement, budgeting, finances, things like that. So he's very like type A for lack of a better term. So I've been like with those types of plans. I'm like, look, I trust you.

I support you. You do you. I'm here to support you for whatever you want to do. So, and I told him like, you can, we can still save up to do that lake house idea that you've always wanted to do. That's not like, that's not an option anymore. Like now we have more money. Well, not only that, you know, we can still save up to do that lake house idea that you've always wanted to do. Like that's not like, that's not an option anymore. Like now we have more money. Well, not only that, you know, yeah, because it sounds like you can invest, you can save a little bit more on that end because, you know, mom's been helpful with your primary

residence. So there you go. Just channeling that energy in other directions. Yeah. So everything else seems pretty good. Yeah. Your advice does work a lot. I will.

I do thank you for that. I mean, I, my therapist the same way also was like, gas him up. Like he just, he clearly wants to be a provider. Just gas him up. Yeah. And yeah. Great. Well, glad to hear everything's happy. Glad you have a nice little place and good luck to the both of you in the future. Thank you. And congratulations congratulations again your baby's beautiful

i just became an aunt first aunt congratulations um so exciting that's wonderful congratulations to you as well i appreciate it well uh look forward to hearing what's next for you and your boyfriend thank you hopefully next update will be engagement hopefully all right we'll see take care all right thank you have a great day. Thank you. Bye-bye. Hold on to your kilts, dearies. Peacock original The Traitors is back with a new season of strategy, betrayal, sabotage, and murder. This killer season features an all-new celebrity cast that Vulture hailed as reality royalty, living in a Scottish castle for the ultimate murder mystery competition. We're talking fierce competitors, reality stars, and public figures battling it out

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Stream every episode of Traders Now only on Peacock. As new parents, Natalie and I like to spend as much time as we can at home with our daughter. We don't like leaving the house, but we also forget things. When we do go to the grocery store or we go to the hardware store or any store, it's easy to forget things. Well, that's where DoorDash comes in. It is saving our life and helping us be better parents because not only can DoorDash meet your obvious needs, like getting the late night food snack that you want or the butter that you forgot to get, but also DoorDash can get

you some, you know, at home essentials. Maybe it's a pair of scissors that you forgot or some masking tape. We're about to send out our wedding invitations and we use DoorDash to get, what are those things you do instead of like licking envelopes? Oh, like one of those like wet stamp things? Yeah, we use DoorDash for that. No problem, because I forgot about it. And that's where DoorDash came in. DoorDash is there to meet all your shopping needs. DoorDash makes shopping a breeze. Choose from a wide range of items from your favorite local stores,

from fresh produce to pantry staples to gifts to pet essentials, all in one place. We also got our dog treats from DoorDash. We ran out of dog treats. They're expecting a treat every time I come home. I don't like disappointing them. 20 minutes later, DoorDash was there to save the day. DoorDash app allows you to customize, substitute, schedule, and track your order as well. That's the nice thing about, you know, you order something on DoorDash and then you forget you need to order more. No problem. You can just update your order on DoorDash. Millions of people trust DoorDash

for groceries, pet supplies, gifts, well-being, and more. DoorDash is the all-in-one solution for all your lifestyle needs. So next time you are running low on groceries, wellness essentials, pet needs, drinks, gifts, and more, you can get them delivered right to your door with DoorDash. Shop with DoorDash and enjoy big savings. Use code VIALL24 to get 50% off up to $10 value on $15 minimum subtotal on your next convenience, grocery, or retail order for eligible users only, terms apply. Okay, well, we have one more writer in here before we get to our juicy final update.

Yes, we do. So this is from Kayla, who was our texting office hours caller on episode 668 with Allie and AJ. She had gone on two dates with a guy who was in the Navy and wanted to basically shoot her shot with for a third date because it kind of like the conversation had fizzled off and she was just like, how do I kind of shoot my shot and go back on a third date with him?

All right, let's play a quick clip for our writer. How's it going? Hi, I'm Kayla. I'm 32 years old and I went on two dates with a guy in the Navy and I want to shoot my shot again for a third date. Why do you feel like

you need our help getting this third date? Basically, yeah. So I matched with a guy on Hinge in September. So he was 32 as well, worked in the Navy. Even at the beginning,

he didn't really seem like a day-to-day texter, but he was good at initiating plans. So he just like made the plan and we went on the date, which I'm fine with. Like I'm not a big texter either. So we only went on the two dates. The first day went well, it was dinner. He paid good conversation. He was tall. I'm tall. So we need tall gentlemen, good looking, but like, didn't know he was good looking. So I feel like that's the best kind of good looking, intelligent, like in values. It ended with a bit of an awkward kiss. And I will say like, I'm maybe kind of standoffish I can be, or I don't help the guy make the kiss easy,

I guess. So if they don't go for it, it can kind of like linger. And I'm just kind of like, what are you doing? But he did, he finished the kiss. It was fine. He followed up after that date and he said he had a really good time. I thought it was okay. So we went to dinner and then we went to a comedy club and he had booked the tickets in advance. He paid again. He came to pick me up. Very sweet. Like gentlemen got out of the car. There was like some awkward silences at the comedy club portion, but it was kind of, it wasn't terrible. Like it was just one of those moments where it's just like, you don't know where the next performer is going to come on so you don't know if you start like a big conversation or not so i don't know if he also felt that but i was thinking back on it there were some awkward

silences so i texted him i waited so that was on the friday i waited over the weekend i didn't hear from him again so he didn't text me after that and then i followed up on the monday and i just said hey just on the journey to work i wanted to say I had a really nice time Friday night. How was the rest of your weekend? Up to five days later. No response to that particular message isn't that big of a deal. This guy seems like he's maybe really just busy with work, even though it sucks. It's like, make time for me if you like me.

Like, fuck work. But based on what you're telling me. But he's also on active duty. Yeah, but I guess that's true. I do think this this relationship isn't totally dead yet though and i only say this based on what you're telling me is that like you had two nice dates you sound like you felt like you maybe were a little awkward not your best self there were some moments you look back and thought i wasn't as relaxed and maybe push them away or x y or z

you know and maybe and chances are i feel like you know i'm sure maybe your friends would be like oh no you were amazing like we all know when we're not our best self i know when i leave a room where i'm like yep nailed that and sometimes it's like they're gonna be talking about me you know so he probably felt what you were feeling and um obviously he backed off a little bit but he also replied he doesn't hate you. Nothing bad happened. And he is busy, right? So there was probably a world in which he might have gone on a third date. And then just time passed.

I guess what I'm saying is he doesn't hate you. He probably didn't actively decide not to see you again. But after you reached out and got busy, he got COVID. He was just more like, I don't know, maybe. Whatever. Yeah, in a way, it's like you He was just more like, I don't know, maybe. Sure. Yeah, in a way, it's like you have nothing to lose if you wanted to ask him out again. Like, I don't know, unless you were like really, really,

I know that sounds ridiculous maybe, but if you were really into this guy and you were like, I'm going to just try again, and if he's not into it, that's going to tell me everything. In a way, wouldn't that give the next version of closure? Yeah. I think the big question is, is the new shot just another like hey i don't think she should send uh right no right how about that date i think it's more of a show hey just checking in or i think you kind of almost

have to put yourself out there a little bit be like yeah listen i had a great first two dates you can even call yourself out a little bit and i don't know like i think it's subtle you could you could you could say i felt a little off or whatever yeah i wasn't uh you could just be like listen i had a really nice time and i've been thinking a lot about our dates and if you are up for it i i think um i'd really like to see you again lessons learned all right thank you don't don't stress yourself out. Yeah. Don't overthink it. Put it away for a couple of weeks, reach back out and then let us know if he replies. Okay. All right. Well, keep us posted. We definitely want an update whenever,

whenever you do reach back out or maybe you decide not to. We'll love to hear about that. So Kayla writes, I'm so sorry for the delayed response. I've been abroad traveling. Thank you again for your great advice when I called. It really helped me self-reflect and gain clarity on what I wanted to do and how to go about it. I ended up taking October to January to travel, focus on work and go on a few other dates. But I did reach out in the new year

because the what if question was creeping in the back of my mind. I've attached an image of what I texted the guy and his response. I don't even know if his response is true, but as soon as I got the reply, I was able to totally let go of the what if and move on. Haven't thought about it much since.

Wish I could get to that stage without feeling like I had to reach out. Thank you again, all the best, everyone in the household. So she had texted, hey stranger, I know we haven't talked in a while. Hope you're doing well. I've been wanting to try this Thai restaurant in Glasgow and would also like to see you again, mostly to witness your struggle with spicy food.

Winky face. If you're up for trying it, let me know. And then he said, hey, thanks for the message. Sorry, I left things up in the air. I actually don't live in Scotland anymore, I'm afraid. Damn. That was that. All right.

He's like, and absolutely no follow-up you know maybe in the future you know and i love that i loved his i loved his response and some might think it's curt or cold but you know i hate it when people leave insincere open-ended things oh maybe in the future sometime when they don't like pleasantries you know he's like i don't live here anymore bye okay all right and that was the nicest fuck you ever that he sent i appreciate it well great we put a bow on that all right well it's time for our last and most anticipated update again uh caller from the gypsy rose episode it's a a tale of twists and turns and um i'm really curious what you all think uh because like we kept going then i thought it was solved

and she's like, oh, there's more and more and more. So we shall see. But it's a doozy. Well, let's get to it. Welcome back, Charlotte. Hey, Nick. Thanks for having me. Well, thanks for calling in again.

You were on one of our biggest episodes of all time the gypsy rose episode so for better or worse everyone heard your plight that was nerve-wracking you were you were wonderful you were wonderful uh and you were very generous with uh your vulnerability and we appreciate that but you were you were having concerns about not being able to keep up with your husband's sex drive. You were, and correct me if I'm wrong in any of this, but it seemed like out of nowhere, all of a sudden your husband was all horned up. Right. Wanting to have sex constantly. You were thrilled with him making you feel desired and all that jazz, but you were having

a hard time keeping up and feeling guilty, turning down sex and things like that. And it sounded like it was getting in your head a little bit. And the more we probed, the more we maybe uncovered that it sounds like maybe there was some past, not maybe direct infidelity, but like some maybe shady business in the past where he was having maybe some conversations with other women that made you feel uncomfortable, et cetera, et cetera. And basically it sounds like we came to the conclusion that maybe there were some underlying issues that you haven't really addressed with him. Does that sound accurate? Right. Let's play a quick clip for our audience in case we didn't

cover everything in that little recap and bring everyone up to speed. How's it going? up to speed. How's it going? Hi, Nick. My name is Charlotte. I'm 35 and I'm scared I cannot keep up with my husband's sex drive. He is 37 years old. And within the last two months, it's been like a complete 180 in regards to his initiating sex, his wanting sex, basically his sex drive, right? That wanting it every single day almost. And he's been wanting to go again after he finishes. And this is completely different than the way it used to be. We've been together for eight years, married for three.

I was always kind of the initiator, you know, I was okay with that, right? At first, I was a little nervous, you know, like, is this going to maintain like this, but it's worked out well for us. It's waxed and waned throughout the years. We have three kids. So obviously during pregnancy and postpartum, things slowed down. But we always get back to a place where I think both of us are comfortable, but within the last two months, it's been great. Have you addressed it with him or have you just gone with the flow? Well, you know, I've gone with the flow because, you know,

like obviously I'm a beneficiary here. I can't complain. But, you know, I've asked him, like, basically, like, babe, this is crazy. Like, this is so unlike you, what's going on? And he kind of just is like, I don't know, maybe it's a change in testosterone. I'm not a hundred percent sure if he even really knows what's going on. The reason why I'm writing it, well, first, because since you're an older gentleman, I was like, maybe Nick knows there's something, some sort of change that happens in your late 30s that could cause this. But if not, i mean like how do i yeah like you said it sounds drastic like it like

you said a flip of a switch that's a hard one you know um all i could say is maybe like compromise see if um you know be very honest and just be like i think this is a little too much for me um right you know do you know how he would react if you would just tell him like, listen, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. Do you think that we can compromise to maybe this many times a week max or, you know, whatnot to kind of have you both happy and find a medium for you guys? Yeah, no, he's very understanding. um so if i communicated that with him i'm sure he would not be like absolutely not like we need i need this but i also like you know like i want to please that's your partner you're supposed to feel comfortable with your partner and he loves you

he will do his best for you and make you happy and you know so it goes both ways it's not one way or the other like you guys are in a marriage so it's it's both ways he expressed it to me that even like you know mastery isn't doing it for him anymore like he just needs the, you know, the vagina. He needs you. I'm like, if he's not getting mine, it's going to go somewhere else. I was, I was thinking that's probably what you were thinking. That's a fear. It's like you're a fear that he might try to get it somewhere else. Yeah.

Yeah. Have you expressed that insecurity to him? I have not. I have not. Well, I think it's okay to do that. I mean, you know, it really is all about communication, you know,

and you have to be able to both, you know, express, you know, happiness to each other, you know, admiration, all the, you know, the compliments. But, you know,

even in marriage, you know, even in eight-year relationships, you know, things change. He's not a mind reader. Yeah, he's not a mind reader. And we have to know what our partners are insecure about. You just need to talk to them.

And like Gypsy said, compromise, you know, and you have the right to say no. I mean, I hate the idea that you're at any point having sex with your husband out of fear for how he might respond. So I want you to always feel comfortable. Okay, good. So just talk to him, see what he has to say, pay attention to his answers, and then give us an update because you know we love a good update. Right, of course. Thank you, guys. Thank you.

All right, well, hopefully this was helpful. It was. It was. No, I just have to communicate. And it's going to be okay. Lead with love, compliment them, make them feel good. Babe, love it. It's good. It's fire. You know, it is. I can't complain.

But I think it's the fact that you have this thought in the back of your head that is messing. It's you're you're just too much. You're thinking too much about it. And so you can't really enjoy it. You think there's something wrong. And so you're like, there's so much sex because there's something wrong. And you can't be like, there's so much sex because we're just like, we just reconnected and we're feeling each other.

It's this thing that's in the back of your head. So you got to remove that from the back of your head. And I think maybe it will be a little different. Talk to your husband tonight, communicate with him, get on the same page and just make sure you feel like you guys understand each other and go from there. All right. So what was the advice that we offered you, uh, in your words and where are we now and what did you do with that? And, and was it helpful or not? Did we ruin your life? You know, all that fun stuff. No. Um, so basically the advice that you gave me was, I need to speak to my husband. I need to be open and honest with him

and tell him that I was feeling triggered basically by this change and that I had some fears that if I couldn't keep up with it, that he might look elsewhere because of what had happened in the past, especially because in the past, when things were a little dicey with that other woman, there was an increase in sex drive. So it was just, I was seeing a pattern and it was triggering and basically just be open and honest, lead with love. And so literally that night I went to him and spoke to him, basically saying what I just said, that I was feeling triggered because what had happened. And he was very kind. He always is when I come to him most of the time, actually, not always, most of the time, with my open, honest feelings about that

part of our life, what happened happened. And he told me I had nothing to worry about, that he's not going to step outside the marriage. He's never stepped outside the marriage, doesn't want to step outside the marriage. So and that I should not ever be nervous about turning him down if I don't want to, you know, have sex, if I'm not feeling up to it that's great how did that make you feel it made me feel good it made me feel good i think you know at the end of the day i had to like kind of sit there and ponder why is it driving me so crazy and i guess it's because i don't understand why it's increased but maybe i never will and i don't need to. And there is no reason, right? It's just, it is what it is. I mean, I'm not a medical professional at all, but I suspect a guess of mine would be

that, you know, as things can fluctuate as women, I'm asking you a question. I'm assuming that there are certain times in your life where you feel a little bit more of a sex drive than other times you don't. Yeah, that's right. Right. Right. Men are very different than women. Yeah, there are some similarities. You know, I've had periods of just, I don't know, just not quite there. And other times, maybe so. Have you been checking in more with him? I mean, it's great that you did. Do you have that conversation. Did that open the gates of just more ongoing communication? Because it's great that you were able to do that. But it was one of, I guess, a red flag a little bit that we almost had to, because when you called in, our first question was like, well, have you talked with your husband about this? And you were like, no, you know, and I'd love in the future for that to be a more natural thing for you, a more common thing for you and your husband when you are feeling, quote unquote, triggered or just a thought pops in your head. Having a comfort level with your husband to just check in before it gets to the point where you're triggered, where you're really ruminating and worrying and getting in your head and things like that so i feel that feels like a lifetime ago that conversation because um we've been on an emotional roller

coaster since then um so a lot has happened oh uh it's been crazy so um wait that was what beginning of january yeah january 5th or something. Yeah, around a week after that, we got into a pretty bad argument. And he actually told me that he wanted a divorce. What? Yeah, yes, yes, yes. What was the argument about? Like, it's so it seems so stupid superficially. But I think, you know, after us discussing a lot had been leading up to it and it was almost a straw that broke the camel's back.

His mother was in town staying with us. And unfortunately, she I do not have a mother in law, daughter in law relationship that I would like. She we just we're not simpatico. I guess we don't see eye to eye. She doesn't really respect our boundaries. She's just very controlling. So she was in town staying with us. And, you know, I have three children. She was in town staying with us. And, you know, I have three children. We just moved into a house back in April of last year. So we're still like, you know, getting things settled.

We specifically moved into a four bedroom house so-old, are going to share a room. So she moved my three-year-old's furniture and clothes into my five-year-old's room. How long was she supposed to stay there for? So she was supposed to be there for three weeks. Why? Didn't make it three weeks. She's just, you know, we want her to spend time with kids she lives out of state she comes and stays with us for ever since we've had kids she'll come and she'll stay with us for like week two three weeks at a time and she's always been very much like

this and you know usually i can just shake it off like chalk it up to her this is who she is you know um but it's never gotten this bad. She's never like made assumptions and done things like this before where she's just like, I'm going to move the kids rooms. So I came home from work, saw that was like, well, that's weird. So I always had problems with her and enforcing boundaries. And, you know, i don't feel like it's my job to have to communicate with her i've always asked my husband to communicate with her on my behalf and he you know hasn't really um so this was kind of like the final straw so our argument i like well even before the argument i a pretty, we had a pretty good conversation about it.

And I was like, did she even ask you if she could do this? Or did she just assume that she could do this? And he was like, my mom knows not to bother me. It didn't even seem to bother him that she had done this. Super strange. So, you know, he's like, look, if you want to move it back when she leaves, I'll help you move it back. It's no big deal. And I was like, I just, I wanted if you want to move it back, when she leaves, I'll help you move it back. It's no big deal. And I was like, I just, I wanted him to just nip it in the bud, like ask her to

please stop. And when she's here with us, just be a grandmother, be present with the grandkids, have fun with the grandkids, you know, don't worry about doing things to the house. Don't worry about like all these weird things that don't matter. Like I want you to just be a grandma, you know? So I was pretty hyped up by the time we had, I had the argument. I had been, you know, obsessing over it because she had done a few other things that really irked me. She rearranged my whole pantry. that really irked me you know she rearranged my whole pantry she rearranged the thing where stuff was in my kitchen um i was just like ready to explode so i can recognize that what i did and the way i communicated it during the argument was really it was wrong and i shouldn't have done it this way but i gave him an ultimatum i told him that either he needs to tell her that

enforce this boundary tell her when she's here she cannot move things around and she is just a grit here to be a grandma and take care of the kids and spend time with kids or if she's in town i'm not around and he didn't like that all he heard was that when my mom's in town, you're not going to be here. And then he, you know, spiraling being like, you don't like my mom. You're putting me between me and my mom. You're making me choose between you and my mom. And then it started coming up with him. He does this when we argue anyways. He starts bringing up past issues he's had with things I've done. How did we go?

He hasn't communicated with me. I know you've recognized that maybe that wasn't the best ultimatum to communicate, but how did you go from being frustrated to immediately saying, I won't even be here? I'm very overwhelmed being a working mom with three kids, I like, unfortunately have been very reactive, you know, I can't, like, I've been very, I was obsessing over it for a week, talking about it with my friends for a week, getting amped up about it. Were you talking with your husband? Yeah. But are you, were you talking with your husband about it?

I, we had one conversation where he told me that he would help me move everything back when she left. Sure, yeah. And I didn't like his, you know. He didn't tell me what I wanted to hear. Sure. Yeah. Well, yeah. So it sounds like you and your husband aren't the best communicators with each other.

And the one thing I heard when you told me that is that there's a difference between agreeing about something and then recognizing in a relationship that something is a priority to your partner. Even if you don't fully agree, recognizing that it's an opportunity to support and step up and support your partner. And you were saying, hey, husband, this bothers me. And he was saying, listen, it's not a big deal. And so I get why that was triggering you because you didn't want to hear that wasn't a big deal. You wanted to hear, I understand that frustrates you. You know, and, you know, it was easier for him to dismiss your needs rather than face his mom. That's just reality.

So I totally get why you're frustrated, but you have to be able in that moment to not overreact, to not get triggered and say, hey, listen, I don't think you're hearing me. I just, I understand. Even if you don't agree with me, I really want your support here. I need, I would like for you to back me up here. It's a big deal to me. How helpful of a parent is he in the house? You know, how present is he? He's okay. I always feel like he could do more.

And he thinks he does more than most. So, you know, we have disagreements there. Compared to who? Who's most? Right. I don't know. You know, we have a few dad friends and I guess he thinks he does more than them. But, you know, at the end of the day, I don't

really know how to compare it. But the problem it sounds like is he doesn't mind mom coming home and being a mom even to him. Oh, he he loves it. He is. I actually know he becomes a man child when she's here if he completely checks out when she's in town it's actually so you know you just have to become very unattracted to him when your mom's here you change your behavior and i don't think you should call him a man child but you have to find ways to articulate that like not only like when your mom comes here she she takes over i don't find it as helpful as you do and quite honestly it makes me feel like she doesn't respect what we have here you don't seem to mind i get it it's your mom but she's not my mom and either way i you don't have to agree with me but i just need your support right right you know and what conversations have

you had with mom-in-law none okay well you you know i understand it would be nice to have your husband step up but he doesn't he's not you know you need to do it you know be like hey betty right like i would really appreciate it if you would ask before you start moving my kids' furniture. You know, like, we love having you. We love you being a grandma. But I can't have you come in here and rearrange things. Now, it might catch her off guard. Maybe she thinks she's being helpful. You know, like, it's not the craziest thing for grandma to come in and think, well, I'm an adult.

These kids can share a room. I'm going to need my own room. I'm here for three weeks. It's not the craziest thing thing and what pisses you off is that she didn't even ask right you know and maybe you said it's like listen it's not even that like obviously it makes sense you have your own room but like can you just like check in with us you know before you like move my kids i would like to talk to my kids and like like hey grandma's here we're gonna move the furniture maybe they can be helpful but, I can't just have you come in here and take over. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Like, I know you're trying to be helpful and we do really appreciate your help. But even though

when you're trying to be helpful, I would really appreciate it if you could check in with me before you rearrange our cabinets or change things that, you know, we've taken the time to do the same way I would before I wouldn't just come into your house and start moving things around and you in the nicest possible way, you got to open those lines of communication with, with mom-in-law. Right. Right. No, I've come to that realization now that it's like, I can't really, it's, it's, it's on me now to be that communicator with her, for sure. I do think you and your husband, you know, there's some communication that needs to be improved, you know? No, 100%.

Where's the sex drive with him now these days? Oh, it's still there. It's still there. But like him, this asking for divorce, that's an aggressive statement. Yes. How serious did it feel like was that just uh i spent a week preparing myself like i was googling like divorce lawyers like i thought this was happening is this just a coincidence that this was on the heels of the sex drive and you worried about if there was something else there do you trust him do you feel like he's being real with you i okay so there's more um so after that argument we spent

a week well he spent a week giving me the silent treatment um all while grandma's there so at that So that fight happened and he got her a ticket home and she like heard us fighting about her. So he bought her a ticket home the next day. So and then after that, he spent a week giving me the silent treatment. And I kept kind of trying to approach him and be like, are you in a like emotional state where we can have a constructive conversation? Because you said some things, you know, you told me you didn't want to be with me anymore. You told me there's no going back from this. You told me you think about starting over and it actually sounds comforting. So like, I need to know where we stand. And he's an overthinker and he gets himself really angry. And every time I would try to have that

constructive conversation, he would amp back up and get really mad. And so it wasn't going anywhere. So for like a week, he kind of didn't speak to me except when I like pushed. So I stopped pushing. And he told me that when he was ready, he would talk to me. So I backed off, but he still wanted to have sex. You know, he actually even came up to me one night and was like, hey, can we have sex, but just sex? And I was just it was like shocking. Made me feel terrible. Told him no, obviously. And then he pushed again, like a week afterwards.

And then during this time, he did not help with any of the childcare. He did not help with any of the housework. He was coming home and I could tell he had been drinking. Like, it was just like, I don't, I didn't even, I couldn't even recognize this person. I don't know who he became. So alarm bells were ringing, red flags going up. So I went through his phone. I went through an Apple, there's like a recently deleted folder. And I saw a text message to a woman's name, asking her to meet him at this bar so yeah um i blocked the number and deleted the contact

um and then i um confronted him about it and he told me that after our he was honest and I believe him after our fight, he was at this bar, met this woman, flirted with her and got her number. So why do you believe him? Because the text was just him saying, meet me at this bar. And she didn't respond.

There was no response. So if there was a response, I would have seen have seen it and i this was like days after when i found it so i you know i believe him he was home every night was he apologetic yes like where are we now i mean because this sounds i don't know sounds yes insane insane right Like grounds for termination. Right. But when I confronted him about that text, we were up until like 4 a.m. that night. Just like one of those crazy, like deep, like crying, apologizing, then maybe fighting.

And then like, it's just, it was like this insane, emotional roller coaster. And it got, we finally, you know, hashed out a lot of stuff that maybe we both had been harboring against each other and ended up ending on a really good note in terms of making sure that the way we treat each other and speak to one another and do the things that matter, like the little things, like when we first wake up in the morning saying hi, giving each other a kiss, giving each other a hug, when we first see each other after work, like making a point, you know, the things that get lost in the busy day-to-day lifestyle that we're living right now um so as of right now we're in a good we're in a very good spot we're in a better spot than we've been in a few years because of this so i guess that was a good thing but i'm also now like i

like i told him this like you have a pattern like you have a pattern when you don't get the validation you want from me, you go and get it from other women. This is kind of what happened in our past. You know, I told him I need to see some proactive behaviors from you that are you showing me that like you're trying to do better like you know like i'm in therapy he's not i would like it if he would go because this is something he could work through yeah i mean i feel like you guys are you could usually really benefit from some couples therapy right right is he open to that no i agree too is he open to that? Yeah, no, I agree too. Is he open to that? Couple therapy? Have you suggested? I have. I have.

And he says yes, but when push comes to shove, he kind of, you know, shucks and jives. So why don't you just book an appointment and say, hey, I booked us a couples therapy session. I would really appreciate it if we went. All these conversations we're having, you know, like we could could use the help neither of us want to keep having these types of conflicts you know listen your kids aren't idiots they clearly notice and feel tension so like even if nothing else for the sake of the kids let's get back on the same page let's reinvest in our relationship and to do that you know maybe we needed more than just muscling through our issues. Right. Right. Cause that's kind of what it feels like. We're like at this point, like we kind of just are like, fake it till you make it maybe, but not really because it's like,

it's genuine. I feel it. Like I feel the love. I see that he is intentional and thoughtful, but it's still, it's like, it's good now. Right. Until when? Every marriage, every relationship has challenges, has its ups and downs. Maybe you guys are just in a valley, you know, but, you know, stay the course. No, you know, don't allow an exhausting night of tears and arguments feel like all of a sudden

everything's better. You know, I think you need to stay on them and just say, hey, listen, I really, I think you need to insist that you need the help and, you know, lead with love and tell them, hey, I want to make this work. This has been a lot for me. This has been very hurtful. I don't want to have animosity with your mom. You know, I think there's a lot of issues that we aren't really solving the problems to.

to because i'm not i don't want to assign blame or i just want us to figure out our issues and the things that we are in conflict and i think we really need the help and and just be very insistent and don't you know and he's going to be resistant but just keep persisting because like there's nothing wrong if you're going to be persistent about anything be persistent about couples therapy because even if you get to the point where he's just like well fuck you i'm gonna get a divorce well like clear you know where he's at you know like a lot of people resist into therapy especially men but if this man really wants to work on those relationships he's he's gonna he's gonna join you even begrudgingly at first so i i it sounds like there's hope and there's a lot of positives here but there's something going on with him and don, don't look the other way.

See this through, uh, trust your gut. Your instincts are on, you know, you, you, you know, I don't like that you had to go through his phone, but your instincts are, are right. And so when you're, when your gut and your body is saying, Hey, something's off, don't ignore it. You know, ask them questions, be like, Hey, I don't know. And just keep insisting that you guys get the help that you guys need. And that's all you really can do. But don't allow him to convince you that everything's fine when deep down, you know, it's not. No. Yeah, you're right. You're right.

With mom, hearing you guys, like, have you, has there been any conversations with her? I mean, if she knew what you guys were fighting about right right i ended up sending her an apology basically just i texted her apologizing for her trip ending the way it did saying that i was acting out of character i've been under a lot of stress um that wasn't really how i feel the kids love her She's always welcome and always wanted. But did you address the actual problem with her? No, I just wanted to, I just, I would like to do that face to face next time she comes. Or stop texting stuff like this and maybe pick up the phone. Pick up the phone. This woman is tough. I don't doubt it, but like, you are you you're tough too and then i mean that

in a positive way you saying i'm sorry essentially this was all my fault is not the solution that's going to get you to where you want to get with her she needs to understand her place she needs to understand that this is not all your fault this is not just you acting out of character that you had a justifiable reason to be frustrated you might have handled your frustrations in not the best way, but it doesn't take away from the fact you had a valid reason to be frustrated with her actions. And you need to be able to communicate that. Hey, yes, I'm sorry that you had to hear that. I am sorry that your trip ended shortly.

But like, can I just talk with you about why I was frustrated? I could have handled it in a better way. And in the future, I would like to have a better relationship with you that I can come to you with these things. But I did find it frustrating that you did this and that's not going to change. And if you come next time and stay with me for three weeks and take over my house, you're going to get the same fucking reaction from me. And don't say it like that.

I think you have to have an adult conversation with this woman because you're both adults. You're not a six-year-old girl. You're not a 16-year-old girl. You know, you're not here to like hopefully impress the mom and dad so that you can date her son. You are his wife. You have kids together. You don't need her permission to do anything. Yeah. You have to talk to her as her equal. Right. Well, she's not answering me she's not responding she didn't respond to my text no i you know i send her pictures of the kids she doesn't respond to those stop you stop stop seeking this woman's validation and approval okay she is there's a

reason she's not responding and that is to make you feel bad and that is a power move on her that is how that's what she probably does with her fucking son every time he disappeared the reason why your your husband gives you the fucking silent treatment for a week you know who you learn that from fucking mom his mom yeah so don't let her fucking bully you around okay okay well i thought i was like being the bigger person like i'm like no being the bigger person my point don'm like, no, being the bigger person, don't be petty. You know, being the bigger person is not saying, all right, well, if you do this, I'm going to do that.

But there's a difference between being petty and being an adult and, and have, you know, and have an adult communication. So you can say, Hey, listen, I really would appreciate a response. And, you know, well, I'm sorry, you know, your trip ended poorly. I would like to, you know, before you come out next time to see your kids, I would like to have a conversation about like just setting expectations. So we're both on the same page and you need to talk to her as if you are in charge. That doesn't mean you're mean, you know, you don't have to be a dick about it.

You are always polite and always nice. But the tone is you are in control. You are in charge. these are your kids it's your house you don't need her permission she needs yours right and if she wants to ignore you good who gives a shit you know right right right right you don't really care she's a painting your fucking ass you know it's actually kind of nice Yeah. So don't let her make you feel guilty about the shit. Okay. Yeah.

I can do that. Yeah. So would you say I should like contact her like now and do that or sometime soon and do that or wait or just like. I mean, right now, I mean, if she's ignoring you, let her ignore you. Yeah. You know. Okay.

Okay. The next time she reaches out and she wants to pretend that because what she's ignoring you, let her ignore you. Yeah. You know? Okay. Okay. The next time she reaches out and she wants to pretend that, because what she's going to do when she reaches out, it's going to be like, I'm ready to talk to you now. I'm ready to forgive you. Right. And you're like, well, no, it's nice to hear from you, but like, I want to set expectations with you. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. All right. Well, I'm sorry you're going through this, but prioritizing, you know, you and your husband need to get on the same page. Mother-in-law is secondary, a secondary problem. Main problem is you and your husband need to get back on the same page. You need to reconnect and you guys need some help. And you need to insist and persist to do that. And you do that with love. Don't get triggered. Don't say mean things. Don't let his petty behavior or silent, stand up for yourself, but do it with love. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. All right. Keep us posted. We will, we will need an update. Okay. Okay. Thank you,

Nick. Congratulations on reverse. Thank you. Thank you so much. All right. Okay. Bye-bye. All right,

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