The Viall Files - E723 GD with Luann de Lesseps + Bach WTA, Scheana’s Orgy with John Mayer, and River’s First (Swear) Word

Episode Date: March 21, 2024

Welcome back to The Viall Files: Going Deeper Edition! To start things out, the household gets together to break down Women Tell All and talk about recent headlines - such as Scheana hooking up with John Mayer and if you should swear around your kids. Then, we talk to Countess Luann de Lesseps about her music career, cabarets, RHONY, Ultimate Girls Trip, and the “Reality Reckoning.” We dive into other reality stars’ music and give our power rankings, and play a few rounds of “Marry F Kill” in honor of Luann’s new song. We also have a Texting Office Hours caller who was planning on moving across the country with her boyfriend, only to find out that he has a child that he’s not allowed to see. She isn’t sure how to move forward in their relationship.  “The platform we were given is a lottery ticket.”  Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes. Listen To Disrespectfully now! Listen on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/disrespectfully/id1516710301 Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0J6DW1KeDX6SpoVEuQpl7z?si=c35995a56b8d4038 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCh8MqSsiGkfJcWhkan0D0w To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com  If you would like to get some texting advice on Office Hours send an email to [e-mail] with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! To advertise on the show, contact [e-mail] or visit https://www.advertisecast.com/TheViallFiles  THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Vuori - Vuori is an investment in your happiness. For our listeners they are offering 20% off your first purchase. Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at vuori.com/viall Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any U.S. orders over $75 and free returns.  Hinge.com - On Hinge, there are no rules, timers or games. If you’re feeling inspired, give Hinge a try. Download Hinge today and find someone worth deleting the app for. Firstleaf - Join Firstleaf today, a wine club that really gets you. Go to https://www.TryFirstleaf.com/VIALL to get your first box of wines.  Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall  @countessluann @nnataliejjoy @ciaracrobinson @alison.vandam @dereklanerussell @leahgsilberstein @justinkaphillips  Timestamps: 00:00 - Intro 04:03 - Women Tell All Recap 19:03 - Travis Kelce 27:12 - The Valley35:34 - Cheesecake Factory 40:46 - Love is Blind 47:44 - Luann Interview Starts 56:38 - Bethany’s Reality Reckoning 01:12:31 - Reality Star Remixes 01:28:53 - Being Classy 01:38:31 - Texting Office Hours 02:03:10 - FMK 02:04:35 - Outro 

Don't you love an extra $100 in your pocket? Have a TurboTax expert file your taxes for you by March 31st to get $100 back instantly. Because no matter what moves you made last year, TurboTax makes them count. That means getting $100 back and 100% accurate taxes. Only from Intuit TurboTax. Must file by 331, credit only applicable to federal filing fees with TurboTax full service offer can be modified or terminated at any time. What's going on everybody? Welcome back to another exciting episode of the Vile Files Going Deeper edition.

I'm your host Nick, joined by the household. We got sweet, sweet boy Justin, Leia, Allie, Sierra, and the love of my life, Nellie Joy. Why is Justin the only one who gets a sweet, sweet boy? Justin. Why is it not Justin, Leia, Allie? I think it's strategic. So you always say how you struggle with knowing what name to say next

or like how to pronounce it. You think I'm just warming up. So it's smart to say sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, boy Justin. It gets installed until you know what you're saying. Yeah. I'm waiting for him to go sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet boy, Ali.

I probably will someday. I don't know. Well, first of all, I tried to give Ali a nickname, Old Faithful. She hated that. She did hate that. I just like, I envisioned myself as like Mount Rushmore, just like old fat dusty, rusty, rusty, rusty. The horse.

And Leia's what? Nothing to you? I can't. I'm gonna call her Scooter from now on after that thirst trap photo. Me? Oh no. Wait, that's a good one. That's actually really good. Scooter. I'll take it. Have you seen this photo? Oh my God, show her the photo.

Oh my God. Justin, do you still have it? We were discussing posts on Monday's Ask Nick of various thirst traps that we may or may not have posted. And this was the first one Leia served up as. Is this a thirst trap? To be fair, it was my decision to do that one. Yeah, Justin told me. I'm finding it, I'm finding it.

Can you put it up, please? It's a good photo. That is a great photo. It's a great photo. This is my thirst trap. And it's like the comments, please more. Looks amazing. No, keep them coming. It's a cute little dump to be fair.

That's a nice photo. That's a cute dump. That's a very nice photo. It is the scooter one that is. Why are we doing this? Why? What's happening? the scooter one that is. Why are we doing this? Why is this happening? The scooter one is rough.

It's giving it the photo. We need to frame that. Can we please frame that and put it in the office? That is rough. We should place your book with it. Right up there with Ali. Yes, I want this framed. I want Ali's, how old are you in that photo?

Your forehead shot? The goth one. Seven. Your forehead shot. No, no, no. The forehead photo. Just a picture of Ali's, how old are you in that photo? Your forehead shot? We both won. Seven. Your forehead shot. Seven. No, no, no. The forehead photo. Just a picture of Ali's forehead.

Yeah, I was in first grade, so I was seven. Yeah. Anyway, we have a great episode for you today. Oh my God. The iconic Count Luanne. What's Luanne's last name? Della Seps. No, Countess.

Countess. Countess. She married the Count. She married the Count. Count will be a man. Super fun episode, we Seps. No, Countess. It's Countess. She married the Count. She married the Count. The Count would be a man. Super fun episode. We had a great time. Countess.

What a hoot. Luanne De La Seps. Great outfit. Yeah. We were dancing. Yeah. We were dancing. We were listening to music.

We were feeling Giovanni. We were feeling Giovanni. Get ready to have some fun because we did. Yeah. Luanne. We also ranked some other, we scoured the internet for some of the greatest hits ever created by reality TV stars.

That was fun. That was a dime. I kinda wish we did Paris Sultan. I thought about this retrospectively. She would have won. Her music is like, good. But that was kind of the point. We also, I wanted to keep going,

but Ellie put the kaposh on it. The kaposh on it. The kaposh. She said 45 minutes. Old Faithful. Old Faithful put the kaposh. Correct. Yeah.

Okay. Anyways, it's a really great episode. We obviously didn't talk about women tell all on Reality Recap. I guess we'll talk about it today. We didn't really miss much. You know what my favorite part of the episode was? It was just a reminder of like how excited I am that we are, we have dived deep in Bravo world. It was right after, and we'll

get into this, right after I was you know on the old X or Twitter or whatever you want to call it. And I haven't watched this week's episode of Vanderpump in preparation for next Tuesday's reality recap. But the internet did serve up a little clip from that episode of Sheena very proudly talking about her orgy with John Mayer. And then meanwhile, I'm watching Women Tell All and Jesse is just like, so one of the craziest things that happened this season was when Sydney told Maria allegedly, did you say shut the fuck up? As if this was the craziest shit that's ever happened on The Bachelor Show of all time.

Meanwhile, Sheena's like, yeah, I had a fucking orgy with John Mayer. And Brox was like, yeah, babe. And that's on Bravo. And I'm just like, like just, you know. Two very different shows. Two very different shows. Takeaways from Talal, Sheena, did you have anything? Sheena.

Sheena. Did you just call me Sheena? Oh my God. I looked at Sierra too, I was like, yeah. Sierra's new nickname. Scooter, Ali's Old Faithful. No. What did I do to you guys?

Sierra, Sierra, look at me. I'm so sorry. I'm gonna have to sit with this for a second. I need a moment to process. You go hard on her, so I'm like, excuse me. We're not the same. She goes hard on herself, we're just commenting. I mean, I went hard on her this week, it's fine.

What did I like? Okay, so I did think it was interesting. Everybody was coming for Maria in the beginning. It was Sydney and Leah. Leah, Jess. And then I thought it was interesting how you could tell that the crowd really loved Maria, and then all of a sudden it was like

Apology tour. Did you guys notice that these girls were like, oh shit. She's popular fuck Not winning this like it was so it was so much because they were just like no you know you know you and then as soon As Leah ran off crying and came back it was all of a sudden like I'm so sorry I really wish I would have gotten the chance to get to know you. And I don't know, it just like, I don't know, it just runs me the wrong way. I don't like the fakeness of it all. Some would say it was a Maria total.

Well. No, no. I'm pretty sure Maria's gonna- On her bachelorette train. I think this was the, this was the Maria's the bachelorette debut episode. I mean, they were holding up signs that said Maria for president.

Genuinely. Yeah. I was like, were holding up signs that said Maria for president. Genuinely. Yeah. I was like, there's more signs for Maria in the crowd than there was for Joey. Well, Jessie was just like, when it opened up, and Maria's here, it's like, okay, we expected that. Like, it is the fucking women tell all. She's not on the season.

I'll tell you what I love about the first opening of the show is when, like, I think her name is Lauren. She's like licking cream or something, and then Autumn is like holding up a sausage, and it's like, are we supposed to remember these things about you guys? I'm so confused. Oh, I forgot all about Jess.

I mean, I forgot all about her. It's amazing how quickly you forget about these people. And then Sydney did like the cheer thing, like to call back to her. I did a rewind. I was like, what is she doing? I'm like, are we really supposed to remember your tiny little like moments? No, it's like, babe, we forgot about that.

And thank God. And then you decided to be like, no, wait. I'm gonna bring a sausage to the women tell all and hold it up when they announce my name. How long were you holding onto that, babe? It's giving like campaigning for a bachelor in paradise to they're like look I already have my opener. Well, that's what that's what he's gonna be their open. Well, that's what tell all Has really been about is this like the it's a tryout for paradise, but I don't even know if paradise is happening

I've heard rumors that It's on pause Why would it be on pause? Why would they do that? Well, it was an epic fail last season. I think it wasn't interesting, it wasn't good. We hated it. None of the couples survived. Like everyone hated it.

None of the couples survived. That's not that, I mean, this was a terrible track record, but there was really no compelling characters. It was aired following the Golden Bachelor. Golden Bachelor was obviously super popular, a hit ratings, like, you know, almost ABC saving ratings for The Golden Bachelor. Yeah.

And the lead in to, you know, Paradise, and just an epic fucking fail. So, which is really disappointing because many people thought that Paradise, just a couple years ago, was their best show. And it's a shame to see the demise of Paradise. I do think this cast would have been better. Maybe they'll bring it back. I don't know.

I don't think that anything's officially been announced. I think it's still being decided. But I think they're trying to figure out how to prioritize, you know, Golded and Paradise and things like that. So- Have they started filming Golden Bachelorette? I don't think so. I don't know.

We don't even know who it is yet. But they're teasing it might be one of the three women, right, that keep returning? Stacey, Susan, Leslie. We know. Sandra, Lesley. I know. Sandra. Lesley. I thought it was, I thought Leslie was like a top contender because everyone here is like, Minneapolis is so popping.

We have Love is Blind and Golden Bachelorette. Oh, okay. Insider. I mean, Leslie makes the most sense. Yeah. You know, so I think they're still trying to cast men. I think it's going to be a real challenge for them to find. A bunch of successful men, 50 and up,

that wanna live in a house. Not even successful. It's so funny, a guy my mom was going on a couple dates with and they still remained friends, but she was like, I don't think I'm really interested in him. He sent her a screenshot of someone from Golden Bachelorette reaching out, trying to cast him. And I was like, could you imagine if he went on this show

then became Golden Bachelorette and then they casted you through Golden Bachelorette and you were just like dating the same fucking guy. Hey. That'd be a good storyline. Right? We could have just done this in Alabama. I'm most like, pitch it.

Honestly, send him a good idea. So we'll see. Yeah, I mean, yeah, there's new, there's new sheriffs in town over at the Warner Brothers running the show. The people who made Paradise as great as it was, don't really have, aren't there anymore. And so the people who made Paradise last season, it was their first time making Paradise. Oh, right. You know.

And it showed. We will see. We do have to talk about the card, the stupid card. Oh, Leia's card, throwing it in the fire. No, no, no, no, not, well that too. Kelsey's card. No, Kelsey's card. Oh my God. The big reveal.

Oh my God. Why are they trying to, why do they want us to hate Kelsey? You called it so hard too. You're like, this is not gonna be that big of a deal, and then it was just like, I just want to confirm how much I love you. Well, it's like, don't make it so obvious that the producers are producing.

Because only a monster would write a card saying, we need to talk. And then say, I just wanna say, I miss you, ha, like, what the fuck? How did they get Kelsey on board for that and why Kelsey? She got some extra time with him. Yeah, they probably were just like, hey, you wanna go talk to Joey?

You know, we sent him a card, we made you look like a psycho. We wanna give him a heart attack. Yeah, and he looked like, again, Joey's gonna pick Kelsey. It's like that face was just like, are you fucking leaving? Like when you know who you're gonna pick on that show's like that face was just like, are you fucking leaving?

When you know who you're gonna pick on that show, your greatest fear is that person might leave because then you're just like, what the fuck? I'm glad that he stood up for himself though. He was just like, you know that my biggest fear is that I'm gonna fall in love with someone and then they're gonna leave and then you write me a card that says

we need to talk with no other context. Like if anyone says that to me, sorry, I'm shitting myself currently. Like as soon as I read that text, like period, I'm not okay. Don't get mad. We need to talk. Or call me when you can. That's the worst. Yeah. I'm not okay.

And clearly she didn't write that. I don't know why they're trying to get you to hate Kelsey. She felt bad after too. Of course she did. I was just scared. She's like, I'm not getting picked. She saw the card. She's like, what did they make me sound like you to hate Kelsey. She felt bad after too. Of course she did. She's scared, she's like, I'm not getting picked. She saw the card, she's like, what did they make me sound like? Holy fucking shit. Homeboy's like in tears. Like he's just like, fuck.

Like I'm like, nobody deserved that. She walked in, she's like, so what did it say? Yeah. Can you actually read it back to me? Just jog my memory, please. Because there is zero chance. Kelsey was just like, hey guys, can you just send Joey a note and just keep it real vague, cryptic even?

Honestly, I really want to- Make him think that I'm going to go home. Yeah. All it was was, I miss you. I missed you today. Just really wanted to confirm our feelings for each other. What? And they probably were literally like, I don't know,

just go say you missed him or something. And they're, it'll be really cute, you know? Well, they made her write it and I feel like I caught this on my own, but when she wrote, we need to talk, there was like a comma instead of a period. So I thought there was gonna be more and then they showed the note and I was like,

no, no, that was. Or she was like, we need to talk, I'm missing. They're like, no, stop right there. Do over. Don't go any further. That's enough. Yeah, just a real, real mean of the producers. Stop right there Yeah, just a real real mean the producers But I do think that that he's gonna choose Kelsey. I'm like he all the feels all the feels looking at her Yeah, which I mean if if we are right with our predictions Maria is gonna be the bachelor at Kelsey wins I am shocked that daisy daisy that daisy's not the bachelorette, Kelsey Wins, I am shocked that Daisy's not the Bachelorette.

Should I go find her? I would love to. We got all the good ones here. I do think Marie will be very entertaining. She's obviously a great choice, but Daisy just has a great story. And the rap video, honest to God, that video might have ruined her chances. I'm not kidding. I remember having dinner with one of,

who used to be the showrunner of the show. And they were no longer the showrunner of the show, but we were catching up. This is before I was named the Bachelor. It was after Caitlin's season when Ben was the Bachelor. And I think Ben again was always gonna be the Bachelor, but I got done with Caitlin's season and I was just like taking the summer off.

It was summer of Nick. I didn't go back to work right away. Summer of Nick. Okay. Hot boy summer I guess. I was all kind of like fucked up from the show I started working out and shit and I was posting fucking thirst traps and they were like that ruined your chances. Stop. The thirst traps did? Yeah they're just like posting like I'm working out and kind of like, you know, arguably do she fuck boy type of shit. And so like when a video comes out of Daisy is singing where she's in a song where he's like, suck on my nuts and lick on my balls. They might have been like, like, I don't know. How about Maria? Like, honestly, to God, I mean, it might've always been Maria.

She's clearly super popular, but it's possible. It is possible. I feel like Maria's following is what secures her spot. Yeah. Because everybody loves her. Yeah. Well, we'll see, we'll see if we're right. Next week's finale.

I mean, Lexi did get like her own little segment, so I'm like, there is a chance. I don't know why I'm so team Lexi. I love Lexi. I do, I love Lexi. Lexi would've been a great option for sure. I just, so I'm like, there is a chance. I don't know why I'm so team Lexi. I love Lexi. Lexi would have been a great option for sure. I think this is a season where they actually have two or three really solid options.

And the people have spoken, I guess, with the signs and everything. But they keep saying that this ending is gonna be like, oh my god. And if Kelsey wins and Daisy doesn't, usually, that tells me, if we're right, if Maria's the Bachelorette and Kelsey wins,

that tells me that this finale isn't as great as they're claiming. I'm just playing devil's advocate because I haven't really watched until this season, in years, but I'm like, don't they say that every year? They do, but I have been, even people on the show, like in private, were like, this is fucking, it's an amazing ending, it's like it never happened before,

and I was like, okay, we'll see. I think if Maria is the next Bachelorette, then my prediction would be that maybe Daisy does something bad in the finale. That's kind of what it felt like, too, when she was crying in the preview for it, and she was like, it's not supposed to feel like this. Maybe she breaks up with Joey.

That's my thought. Why would that necessarily be bad? Yeah. It's not bad. That would be like, just something that doesn't typically happen on The Bachelor. Yeah. I only feel like that would be a little bit empowering.

She's like, you know what? Like a Claire moment. Like this isn't for me, yeah. It depends how she leaves. Yeah, not if she does it like Claire. I guess. Yeah, I get it. If she's like, fuck you, stupid idiot.

Right, if she's like, actually, I'm not feeling it. No man would ever if she breaks Joey's heart and like Everyone loves Joey Joey's a great bachelor Joey loves Kelsey Yeah, if he was like gonna pick her yeah, and his heart wouldn't be broken if she's like bye He'd be like it depends it depends what happens my thought though is that if Maria is an ex-bachelor then? What did Daisy do in the fall? She is an ex-Bachelor, then what did Daisy do in the past? Well, if she's an ex-Bachelor, then holy hell. That's right. It's just like.

There's a lot of work that needs to be done. You never know, you never know. It's 2024. My favorite theory online before we kind of saw Kelsey come out as the front runner, someone, I think it was a TikTok, she was like, my theory for why it's different than it's ever happened before

is that Daisy is the final pick and he gives her a final Daisy instead of a final rose. That actually would have been kind of great. This has never happened. I will say the opening scene of the first episode where it was like ocean eyes and it was like the overview of the car, they use that for Rachel. So it was like Rachel shot of her driving away, but in the opening scene with ocean eyes, it made it seem like someone leaves him. Maybe I noticed that, but I was like, I don't know. Well, I do know like the internet's making

a huge fucking deal about it being obvious that I think maybe the last rose ceremony that Joey in fact gave Kelsey the first rose and not Daisy. And I'm like, how? Like that happens on every rose ceremony. Oh, are you talking about like a couple weeks ago? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I saw that.

That's not, guys, spoiler, that happens like all the fucking time. I was gonna say. Also, who cares? I think he like threw, they were trying to throw us off too by giving Daisy the rose first and then give it like, is it between Kelsey and Rachel?

Like we weren't. 100%, yeah. You know what I mean like Maybe Kelsey's his second choice. They definitely don't show the roses in order They don't even show limo exits or entrances in order like I don't show any of that in order I mean, that's not news to me. You didn't know that Editing who knew? The show is edited, but I do think they are trying way too hard to make us think he doesn't pick Kelsey.

Yeah. Yeah. We need to talk. Oh my God. Natalie, I heard you saying something earlier about Paradise. I was. I was talking about Paradise because Taylor and Travis

are on vacation in the Bahamas. And I kind of love that. Where? In the Bahamas. The Bahamas. Which island? Bimini? It wasn't an island I recognized. What hotel? What hotel room? Kind of love that where in the Bahamas But Hamas the Bahamas yeah, I I saw Rachel Kirkconnell Post in the Bahamas and I was like this is stunning like I've never been it looks so beautiful. I want to go Let's go. So like, is she with Taylor and Travis?

Rachel? Yeah. Oh, should we ask? I don't know. Don't you have her number? I do, yeah, I can ask her. I think she's there for the food festival, you know her and Matt are very much into food these days.

They are, yes. I think Matt's very into food and she's like, I guess, all right, here we go. Yeah, so good for them. The honeymoon phase is going strong. They are. He also is, Travis is trying to limit his cussing on their podcast, New Heights.

Okay, how's that working out for him? I don't think very well. Yeah, I think he fails 10 minutes later and dropped a couple of bombs. Jason, let the people know what the fuck we got. I'm sorry. Trying to reel it back on of bombs. Jason, let the people know what the fuck we got. I'm sorry. Trying to reel it back on the bombs. And I feel like, would you, I have a terrible sailor's mouth.

I- Do you think yours is worse than mine? At times, bitch. Okay. Fuck you. But like, are we gonna stop cussing when River can like hear? That's something we're gonna have to work on that. And we probably need to honestly start now because we do swear a lot.

Did your mom ever comment on my swearing? No, she's never commented on mine either. And the other day I was like, I have said fuck a lot in front of my mother. And I feel like I would have never done this a couple years ago. Is it my fault? Maybe. Maybe you're a bad influence. I don't know, but I also think like... Oh, also just big announcement. Today, Natalie's mom flew back home.

No. Oh. We want to shout out to her. She was very helpful. Oh, you should be. She'll be back. I honestly probably in a couple weeks. You guys are like sooner than later, actually. I'm like, she actually missed her flight. She's coming back. She's on her way back. I told her the wrong thing. I honestly probably have a couple of weeks. You guys are like sooner than later actually. I'm like, she actually missed her flight.

She's coming back, she's on her way back. I told her the wrong thing. I just wanna give a shout out to Natalie cause this is the first time Natalie has left our daughter with a babysitter who's also a friend, but still not the same as mom. Yeah, not the same as mom. It's a big deal.

I have quite the fear of her building a bond with someone that's not one of us or grandma. It's like the idea of her loving her babysitter and then being like, I don't know, it's sad. And they change so much. We haven't put her down since she was born. She's getting so expressive and she's laughing and smiling at you

and I'm like, oh, am I gonna miss? Is she gonna laugh and smile at the babysitter? Probably, yeah. And like hate that. Like, like, and I'm honestly, I think I would be worse if it was a stranger that we hired off the street but she is Nick's friend. Shout out to Shug. Hey actually, yeah, our babysitter Shug, Sugar Lynn, who for the OG VioFile listeners, Shug's been on the show before. She you know so she probably you know honestly will pop back in and say hi but yeah Shug was like hey I can do this and we're like okay amazing. Yeah and she's really sweet and she is great and River just needs to be like rocked and like her diaper changed and fed. But it is yeah that's my fear is like she's gonna she's gonna bond with someone.

And then she's like, mom, I want the nanny. Do we care if our daughter swears? Well, like when? Well, that's what I'm saying. First word. Do we care if she swears? It might be. Do we care if she swears at all?

As long as we teach her not to swear around like society. Be like, hey, babeses like you can only at home Once you step out this door Like fuck shit balls No, I think we do that trend that everyone's doing words like if you need to like let some steam off and you're angry like you Can go to the bathroom, but you only like when you're you can only be by yourself. She's gonna say motherfucker Because I get mad. I'm always like, motherfucker! You are, yeah, you are.

I don't know, my sister cusses a lot in front of my niece and I think for a long time she just knew that she couldn't say those words and she's, mommy's an adult so mommy can. But you know that means that as soon as she goes and plays with her friends, she will be fucking saying that shit. But I have a video of Scarlett playing with her toys,

and she didn't know that I was videoing her, and she's just playing, and she drops something, and she goes, oh, damn it. Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to say damn it. It's so cute. So I don't know. I don't know. I probably won't reel back on the cussing, but...

I do know that I'm more concerned about other things in terms of teaching River rather than making sure she doesn't say a couple made up words. Speaking of made up words, boy, I'm really these ladies on the tell all. It's just like throwing out the word gaslighting, having no fucking clue what it means. And honestly, it honestly looked like Lay was a little nervous to say it. She was like, y'all are gaslighting, I think. And then when they're at the house, point blank period, now it made me never want to say that again.

They make it all uncool when they say it until all. What does it even mean, point blank period? I don't know. We've said it before. I got to learn it from you. I definitely. I think it's just end of sentence, point blank. No response.

It was cool at first. Conversation over. A little cringy. I never wanna use it again after hearing it until I'll. Point blank period? Point blank period. Well now it's just turned into period. What do you say?

I do say period. And I'm coming to the conclusion that it is annoying. And to everyone listening, I apologize. I don't think it's annoying. I think it's different when it's written. Like, you know? Cause like I'll comment on someone's thing and be like, period.

But I think saying it in response to someone is annoying now. When I start saying it, you know it's not cool. Yeah, I would agree. I feel like definitely since you started saying it, I've wanted to start saying it less. For sure. I don't think it's as bad as saying, that's crazy. I love that's crazy.

Cause that's crazy to me is like, I have nothing to say, but that's crazy. No, that's crazy is shut the fuck up, I don't care anymore. Yeah, exactly., that's crazy. I love that's crazy. Because that's crazy to me is like, I have nothing to say, but like, that's crazy. No, that's crazy is shut the fuck up. I don't care anymore. Yeah, exactly. It's so crazy. That's when someone's showing you too many photos on their camera roll.

That's crazy. And you're like, that's crazy. Oh, a vacation in Hawaii, that's crazy. You have your dog on its back, that's crazy. That's so crazy. Your lunch today, that's crazy. You're talking about it. That's so crazy. Your lunch today, that's crazy. That's crazy. I love that one.

And if you don't get that memo of that's crazy and to stop talking, you need to learn. You learn a few. Isn't it though? Oh my God, I have more. Not me. Yeah, you learned a few. Yeah, no, when I'm telling my like long 20 minute stories,

and I was like, that's crazy. You're like, you think that's crazy? Listen to this. And then it's like, he didn't even finish his first story and we're onto something else. And I'm like, why don't, I'm so, I tell Nick all the time, I'm like, the whiplash I have from this story.

I've gone on such a roller coaster. I have no idea where we are. Especially when I'm dabbling in substances. Yeah, I Don't think you should say substance sounds like heroin By the way when we believe it in the last episode everyone was like No, because then it's like harder for them make it a headline. And it's just like. Nick Vile is on some sort of drugs. We don't know.

I do not care if the household, when I say household, I mean, everyone listening speculates, whatever. I don't have a ball. It's me saying there was leftovers that made people speculate. They were like, of what? But it's like the nefarious image of Nick in the backyard doing something and Natalie's just holding your baby at the window like think of River. Look at your father.

Should we start rolling up dollar bills on our counter and just leave him there? Why? Interesting. I don't think so. It gets the people talking. No, just a little. Are they doing that in the valley? The segues. They're doing everything. I think anyone who sits at that desk is obsessed with a good segue.

Yeah. It's a news reporter. Do you remember when you brought something up one time and I immediately segued and you're like, huh? This is a pop episode. You read your headline and a second later, Leia starts a new headline. Speaking of, like, holy shit, we just started talking. What about my headline?

You know, we can just talk about a new topic. We don't always do the segue. It's like, we talk about a new topic, our audience will be like, what the fuck? Our brains are just like, the whole time, like, how do I segue? How do I segue? Well, she went to a new valley more than Sheena

and Vanderpump. Well, we're not going to recap, obviously. That's reserved for R&R. Well, Sheena was on the episode of The Valley, so they really go hand in hand. Yeah, it was the premiere of The Valley, we're excited to talk about it in Reality Recap, along with, and obviously Reality Recap's

gonna be a big episode, because a lot of it will be the Bachelor finale. So, we hope that it is riveting. But what is riveting is that Sheena wanted to keep us guessing. She could have just said John Mayer. The body is a wonderland. She pretty much did. This is a game of like-

God, who do you think it is? Do you, John Legend possibly? It's like, what is that game in the newspaper? Wurple? Suduko. Suduko. Is that the, no, is that the crossword number? You need a crossword.

Yes, I do need a crossword. Isn't that the same thing, Loki? Thank you very much. Loki, the same thing. Is that the, no, is that the number? The crossword? You need a crossword. Yes, I do need a crossword. It's not the same thing. Thank you very much. Lookie, the same thing. It is, they're literally right on top of each other.

So it is. Maybe the New York Times crossword next week will be Sheena had a orgy with, Sheena's body is a wonderland. They actually had a, they had on Jeopardy, Scandival was one of the answers. Hell yeah. They should make a pop culture Jeopardy.

Has anyone checked in on John Mayer today? Cause he's gotta be like, fuck. Yeah, like what is his comment section like? He's like, I knew I should have brought out that NDA. Damn it. He's like, I just forgot to print it out. But this also isn't the first time that she's spoken about him.

So it's like, there actually was some big reveal, but she said before that she and the girl she was living with would have orgies with him like frequently. Yeah. How did she say this? I was reading an article about this episode and then it was like this isn't the first time that Shay has mentioned her long term relationship with Mare. And then also when she- Isn't it weird that Sheena is now being referred to as Shay when that's her ex-fucking-husband's name? That's her nickname?

No. No, that's like in newspapers when they're not newspapers. Magazines and they're like, like I said. No, I get that. Sure. She changed her last name to Honey Davies. What? Honey?

Yeah, they added Honey to their last name. Do you guys not remember this from the wedding? No. Yeah. No. They changed their last name to Honey Davies, and it's neither one of their last names, but they added it to. Where did Honey come from?

So, Sheena Marie Honey Davies. Where did Honey come from? No idea. So, why are we still calling her Sheena Shay? But, yeah, and even then, Brock's last name legally is Davies. And her Bravo website says Sheena Shay, like her profile. I mean, listen, and everyone has a past, you know, like that happens.

Maybe she just hasn't legally changed her last name, so it's still Shay from her previous marriage. Or that just might be her stage name. Sheena Marie. That is true. Or her SAG name, probably. I'm sure she's a member of SAG. So she said on a 2020 podcast appearance that her relationship with John Mayer

turned into a throuple with Stacey Adams, AKA Stacey the bartender from the Hills. I was living with Stacey at the time. We hung out for about six months. We'd go to his house. It just became kind of the three of us. We had this little throuple going on. But then there was like me and another her.

Everyone always had attention. She admitted that she was jealous of the other girl because John liked her more by the end of the alleged romance I was like wait I brought you into this and now you're getting more attention than oh my god classic she not be like holy shit I was talking why can't this trouble be about me Jesus Christ I, it is just, I feel, I mean, I do feel bad. I'm not like. She really can't ever be the main character. I will say I did see a clip of Sheena talking about everyone saying that like she can't, she's making every moment about her. And she was like, when is there a moment that's about me? She was like, my wedding was about Katie.

And that is true because it was like the Tom Schwartz and Raquel kissing, and it was this whole thing, and that is true. That's like Ariana saying, this is about Tom Sandoval, or, you know, like, yeah, these stories all include other people. And it's also kind of a choice, too, that I'm like, yeah, Katie was there,

but you didn't have to be in it as invested in Katie as you could have been in your wedding. You could have been like, you know what, honestly, I don't care if she shows up, I'm just gonna focus on that. She's not invited anyways. You know? You know? But then Lala kept leaving to hang out with Katie,

like it definitely was still, but she had like 100 people there for her. No, I hear you there. It's just, when you're on, when you are a married woman and you have a child, like again, everyone has a past, but like, what do you think Brock is just like? That's my lady. That's, yeah, I got to, okay.

Yeah, that is definitely weird that like, you have talked about it before. She says it with such pride. You're married, you have a kid, and like, you're still. I'll just say it was an A-list star. Okay, fine, I was John fucking Merrill. Good as gold. And then we also have Sandoval.

I saw a clip of him referring to himself, comparing himself. He loves a good comparison nowadays. The new comparison is Scott Peterson convicted of murdering his wife. According to Tom, allegedly. Tom says allegedly. There has been recent things in the news about he's fighting it or something or new evidence has come forward. That Scott Peterson's fighting it?

Yeah. Oh. Who knows? You know, but yeah, probably not the time for Tom. It's like Tom allegedly. And then Swartz just, oh, God bless him. Swartz looked like he was having a full on like, I don't know how I got here moment. Look, Tom don't know how I got here moment.

Look, Tom can't help, like now Tom is in a side by side next to Scott Peterson. You did this. Again, this is not the sophisticated guy that some people claim he is. I think Sheena and Tom Sandoval will end up together someday. I'm calling it out. Hot take. Maybe not in a couple years.

She'll have to break up with Brock first. But I'm thinking like seven to 10. Okay. They're gonna have that wedding packed, you know? Well, she does tell him that. She doesn't think they're gonna be together forever, right? Was that in the preview for the show? It does suggest that, you know, who knows?

It could be one of those like we need to talk things. Reality conversation. Yeah. Or hypothetical. But speaking of hypothetical and reality, what about Brittany and Jax, who are actually separated at the moment and well then Jax was recorded Saying how he fucking hates Katie Katie had a nice little moment. I watch what happens live haven't seen that yet We will talk about on a reality recap

But fuck you Jax for talking shit on Katie Katie is the only fucking good friend The only one with boundaries the only one one who seems to stand her ground, and Jax calls that no fun. I believe he's the most miserable human being to exist. Is what he said. Well, Jax would know. Yeah. He is getting called out for his male pattern baldness

online as well, that's tough. Oh no, not his MPB. Well also, which again, they're doing amazing work when it comes to plastic surgery and hair. He did get a nose job. He's got apparently three. His comes to plastic surgery and hair. He did get a nose job. He's got apparently three. His best friend's a plastic surgeon on the show.

So maybe, honestly, maybe he's gonna fly to Turkey on the Valley and get a hair transplant. Where did we hear that that's the best place to get a hair transplant? It's like all over the internet. Yeah. Plastic surgery is a really big thing in Turkey. Yeah.

It's something all men have to deal with, no shame. But I know Jax is bothered by it. When are you gonna deal with that, just so I can put it in my notes? Well, when I need to. Makes like most men deal with it. Most men, could never be me, but most men. Just take some biotin, you'll be good.

Biotin? Biotin. Biotin, okay. It'll grow everywhere though, so. Oh my god. Do you know from experience? I do be taking some biotin. Okay. It'll grow everywhere though, so. Oh my God. Oh my God. Do you know from experience? I do be taking some biotin.

Okay, well. You don't look like a hairy, that hairy of a man. Yeah, it's contained. Justin's like, you can't see. He said it's contained. It's like his belly button's full of hair. I actually don't have that much hair, yeah. But where it is, it grows.

We'll leave it there. Okay, so what is it? Connie West went to Cheesecake Factory and I think that is news in itself that he is eating at Cheesecake Factory, that anyone is still eating at Cheesecake Factory. I love Cheesecake Factory. They're brown bread.

I was gonna say, I like the brown bread, but that's about it. You can buy that too now. Yeah, at the grocery store. If you're at Cheesecake Factory, that means you don't have taste. I will say their menu has a weird collection of food. Their menu is massive.

Like they randomly have orange chicken on top of like- Yeah, it's massive. Listen, if your menu is that big, like sorry, you're not- We do nothing good. Like you're not good, yeah. We do nothing good. I agree with that most of the time, but cheesecake is great.

I will say, their fried mac and cheese balls- Well sure, it's called fucking cheesecake factory. Are good. Yeah. It's for sure just like popped in a microwave and served. You microwave your cheesecake No, but I think his

He aims to embarrass his wife. Oh my god. That is his he dresses her No, that's what I'm saying. And I think he dresses her in things that will embarrass her Honestly good for her though Like she embraces it does she or is she like being held captive? And she needs help. Is it emotional abuse? Those tights. That is a captive situation.

If you've ever been a four year old in a tap class, you know you don't wanna be in tights against your will. What if she wrote in lipstick, help on her ass. So next time she got pantsed by Kanye. People would be like fashion. Like, there's a statement. Fashion, fashion, fashion. It was the see-through bodysuit where she had to walk with her phone over her Little hello cat because it was literally like everything is completely see-through. Did y'all see that?

Just like the tiniest dental floss of a strap holding on just a Completely black sheer body suit in like New York in the winter. And her phone is just strategically here the whole time. He's doing that to embarrass her. Like it's giving cumulation. It's a jerk. It's just every headline about Kanye West is about what she's wearing. Like could you imagine him trying to do that

to Kim Kardashian? Never. He did dress her. No I know, but he would never have dressed her like that. Not nude through the streets like it's Game of Thrones. Oh yeah. Point. Point. Northwest did release an album. She released it. Well I don't think it's come out Thrones. Oh yeah. Point. Point.

Northwest did release an album. She released it? Well I don't think it's come out yet, but she's going to. Elementary school dropout. That's what it's called? No. No, it's iconic. I can't wait.

I feel like it'll be good. Yeah, Raleigh will be. It will be. Do you remember that interview where it was like Kim doing a Vogue or Vanity House tour and then North's like paintings were on the counter And she goes, so this is North's paintings. She's in her emo era. Or like, she's really emo right now. Wasn't there one where it was like really fucking good?

And everyone was like, you're like six-year-old did not mean that. Yeah. It's like, carcel. Are we going to do our Rivers class projects? And be like, oh, great job. No, we're not. No, I actually heard that when your child shows you something that they've done, like artwork or whatever it is,

and they're like, look, I painted this. You ask them, how do they feel about it? How do you think you did? And it's like, I don't think it was that good. Or then you respond to that, but if you're like, oh my gosh, great job, honey, that's awesome. The best thing ever. You can make them self're like, oh my gosh, great job, honey, that's awesome. Like, it's the best thing ever. You can make them self-conscious, potentially.

Yeah, yeah, but if they don't think it's that good, you know, you're supposed to ask them. But you asking that is, I feel like, a clear indication. It's like when I used to get my hair cut as a child, or try on an outfit, my mom's like, do you like it? Yeah. It's always a telltale. Yeah, I can imagine a three-year-old reverberating, like, huh, mommy, mommy, look what I drew. And we're like, well, how do you feel about it? Yeah. It's always a telltale. Yeah. Yeah, can you imagine a three year old river

being like, oh mommy, mommy, look what I drew. And we're like, well, how do you feel about it? She's like, fuck, what do you mean how I feel about it? I made it for you. It's like feelings, what the fuck is that? And you probably will say fuck. The way you do it is, if she's bad, you go, do you want to take classes?

Like you suggest the classes, that's what my parents did. If she's bad, what? Yeah, it's like, do you like doing art? And if she the classes, that's what my parents did. If she's bad, what? Yeah, like do you like doing art? And if she likes doing the art, you're like, well, let's put you in classes. How old were you when you figured that out? Well, I think I was good at art. Okay.

But. I was good at art. Yeah. Yeah, I never was. Yeah. Or math. Okay. Natalie was, nevermind.

No, no, what? Yeah, finish the statement. Please, put me on blast. Let us sit on the joke. Put me on blast. No, I can What? Finish the statement. Please, put me on blast. Let us sit on the joke. Put me on blast. I can't do that to her. I love you too much. I was counting my fingers?

Yeah. Okay, who the... Okay, Paul. Paul! Who else counts with their fingers? What else are they there for? I count my fingers when I do the time. I'm like one to two, two to three, three to four.

Because I think the 12 and the 11 throw it off for me. I don't know. I'm with you. She was like, I think we got six ounces. Because she was pumping. And it was not six ounces. It was four plus one. It was five plus four.

And then she started going like this. OK, sometimes people's brain doesn't work. How it should. Nellie and I are a perfect balance. Because when it comes to some things, super smart me. When it comes to other things, it's like brain is broken. And so like I will be teaching River English. We can't fucking talk or spell. He said, how do you spell sheik? S-H-E-K. I'm like, check. Check. Check. And science, and Nick will do history,

because he'll put me in a sleeper hole. And math. And math, yeah. And together, she'll learn. We'll thrive. We'll thrive. All right, before we get to Luann, we do have to discuss this love is blind drama.

You know, this seems to happen every season with the popular seasons of Love is Blind. It's like, they come out, they start saying nice things at first, and then all of a sudden it just takes one person to say one thing, and then it's like World War III. We have Clay's friend slash groomsman has entered the chat. Groomersman? Clay's friend slash groomsman has entered the chat.

I told y'all you couldn't talk. Groomersman? Don't worry, I'm gonna have AI talk for me in the future. Yeah, you will. His groomsman said that she had a sugar daddy. She said, I'm Clay's best friend and we've both been living out in Charlotte for years now. AD finances are in fact funny.

She has a sugar daddy that is funding her life, brought her a car and an apartment. She's not a realtor. Ask her to show us one house She sold or a picture she took with someone in front of the house. She's just sold them Oh, that's where can you imagine being love is blind? But no show us a fucking picture of being in front of a house like with a sold sign. It has to say sold What if she just started I mean we all just be a realtor who hasn't sold the house. What if she just started? I mean, we all know, like, listen, realtor, financial advisor, these are professions

that, you know, a personal trainer, they could mean a lot of different things. Independent contractor. Yeah, there are, you know, so I get it, maybe they're calling that out, but at the same time, maybe AD is just entering her real estate era. It was just kind of random.

She never claimed to be the most successful real estate agent of all time. She just said she's in real estate. Usually the couple takes a picture of the person who buys the house. That is why Clay's brother should have been in tank top. They fucked, they were like, she can't show us a picture of her selling a house.

Fuck it, he's not marrying her. She has a sugar daddy, she doesn't need a wife. Yeah, why are we hating on her having a sugar daddy? I agree. She got a car and an apartment for free. Sounds like a baller. Sounds like she's making great decisions in life. Why are they fighting?

When AD was on here, she generally had a lot of nice things to say, you know, obviously she was rightfully upset about the finale, but post finale, they seemed to be... I don't feel like she threw him under the bus at all. Not at all, she was quite nice. Yeah. Well, I think this is just Clay's friend trying to get a little 15 men.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Because Clay didn't say, you know, like. Yeah, why is he even answering that? Yeah, Clay's not gonna say that. Yeah. Laura Sam Pippen and Marcus Jordan broke up again. Well, chocker.

Breaking news. That's just another insider saying it, so who knows. But I do like the fact that they're so dramatic about it and there was like Irreconcilable differences. It's like you guys need a very like less than a year relax We Are yeah. All right. Well, it's time to get the win again That's sending her questions at SNCC of the vile files that come for all things tech is texting office hours We'll be back on Monday for Explosive Asnick

and then we have a big reality recap for you on Tuesday. Obviously, Bachelor finale, we'll get into the Valley reality recap, Summer House, and probably some more stuff. CPR. Yeah, it's gonna be wild. Tune in, we'll be here. So it is time for the Countess.

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We like to think that we met on Hinge. We do. That's what we tell people. Sounds better than the DMs. It does sound better. But you know who has a- Success story? Who actually met on Hinge?

Yeah. Yeah. My sister- A lot of people actually, millions. Yeah, so many people. My best friend and her husband met on Hinge. My sister and her husband met on Hinge. Really?

Yeah, my sister. So she's a twin and my brother got married already. I was married and she was like, I'm downloading Hinge. I need to find someone. She downloaded Hinge and she met somebody pretty soon after and he actually had downloaded Hinge the week before he moved to LA and met her a week later. How many people did he have to go through?

Barely any. Love that. He was on it for one week before meeting her. Well, they didn't even say it is the app to be deleted. And deleted, did he ever. Boy, did he do. Hinge is the dating app designed to be deleted. Why?

Hinge gives you a sense of someone's personality and lets you share your own. You get to know your potential dates through their unique answers to prompts, plus get a sense of someone's dating intentions and what they are looking for. Do you remember the prompts? So one of them was what something,

the most spontaneous thing that you've ever done. And so my sister's was bungee jumping. That's such a good conversation starter. She's like, it was just a good conversation piece. Her husband has a bad back. So he was like in awe of the bungee jumping experience. He could not be bungee jumping. No, he can never go bungee jumping.

So he, I mean, he had so many questions. Yes, so many questions. He immediately had to ask her. Yeah, I don't know if he was immediately like, well, I have a bad back, but like. He was like, great, you got that out of your system. Now I don't have to do that with you. Great, now we don't have to do that together.

But no, it was a great conversation starter at their first date. All because of Hinge's prompts. All because of the prompts. So stop saying hi or what up and start letting Hinge get the conversation started for you. On Hinge, there are no rules, timers, or games. If you're feeling inspired, give Hinge a try.

Download Hinge today and find someone worth deleting the app for. Looanne, welcome. Thank you. How are you? Welcome to the Vilephiles. Thank you. It's great to be here.

It's great to have you. Thank you. What you been up to? Oh, well, you know, just getting ready for my tour, Mary F. Kill. Your tour? Yes, yes. And Mary F. Kill is your new song? It is.

It's going to drop March 22nd. March 22nd. The day of my show at the Wilter here in Los Angeles. Then I'm off to Sacramento, Modesto, London. Oh, London. You're performing in London. Yeah, I'm doing San Francisco, but I'm sold out and playing bimbos. Yeah. Anyway, I have a ton of dates coming up. Super excited. You know, listen, Mary F. Kill came about through my fans,

because whenever I do a show, I do a Q&A with the audience, and I always get asked, Mary F. Kill countess, who would you marry, who would you F, and who would you kill? Now we're not killing anybody, we're just getting rid of a person. We're play killing. Exactly. Pretend kill. We're pretend killing.

So, you know. It's like who do we not like, you know the game. Yeah, no, I know the game. You know the game. Yeah, no, I've been asked it, you know, when you're on The Bachelor. Yeah, right. A lot. Right. Or like The Housewives are so, you know, known to be playing games all the time,

right? And it's usually a shit show, Bob's led to hell. But actually, but actually, but Mary F kills my new favorite game. And it actually the inspiration comes from my fans and as does all my music that I write, you know, money, chic, it all comes from inspiration of, girls around me, Housewives, Dorinda and Giovanni. They were all in my Christmas song. Bruce Roberts is my producer on this. We're remixing it with Tracy Young, who's incredible. I'm super excited for people to hear it. It's very catchy. It's dance club mix and super fun. And, you know, the show is about who would we marry?

Who do we want to eff and who do we want to get rid of in our lives? And, you know, how I put together the show is basically I do the music I love and my fans are really young because they grew up with me. Like when they were, you know, 10, 12, mommy was watching Howl's Wives exactly. Justin's saying. So, they know the music that I know because their moms are listening to it.

So, you know, there's not a song I pick. Normally that my fans don't know. So they sing along with me. And so I pick a song and then I go, okay, well, how am I going to get into the song now with the story? Because Cabaret is about storytelling and it's about my personal life. What is cabaret? I honestly don't know. I'm explaining to you right now, Nick. I get a visual? Yeah, cabaret is, I get a lot of things on Instagram that kind of shows what I do, but

it's a personal story really, cabaret. And it's why did I pick that song, you know, and what is the story that led me to that song. And then what I do is that's how I build the show. First the song, then it's the story, and then it's the dress from Giovanni. Which dress am I going to wear to really compliment what that song is about? You know what I mean? So it's very, you know, I really work hard on Cabaret and I've been doing it since 2018. Like rehearsal and practice? Oh yeah, my director, my director, Richard J. Alexander has worked with Bette Midler, yeah, Kristin Chenoweth, Barbara Streisand, you know, and he came to my show and he always

said to me, he goes, Countess, I came here not expecting very much from you, but you fucking blew my mind. First of all, you're funny, can sing and you wear dress like no woman I've ever seen and he became my director her. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What are you wearing today? This looks this is Giovanni Wonderful. Thank you. Isn't it cool? It's so cool. I know I love it I wish I could pull something like that off. You could just wear that I think you'd wear that Mm-hmm. I could wear it but sequences it would look amazing on you. You have to be, can you wear that? I think you could wear that. I could wear it, but sequences. It would look amazing on you. You have to be like powerful to wear sequences.

You know what, Brock would probably wear that. Yeah. Yeah. Beeline Giovanni. Beeline Giovanni. I love it. Wow. Well, that's so cool.

And obviously you've always been passionate about performing and music for quite some time now. Listen, growing up up I was singing. So how Cabaret started for me back in 2018 was a friend of mine said, a really old friend, he goes, Lou, you know, you love to sing for your friends. You love to tell jokes, that's true. And you love to host parties.

You should be doing Cabaret. And I was like, oh. And then I got married and divorced. I was busy with life. But I did put together the show from that very moment. I was like, yeah, you're right. And so it's kind of my love affair with music and a lot of stories because I have a lot of stories, you know, when you get this age, best decade of life, by the way, something to look forward to, you know.

Getting older. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, for me, this is the best decade because I feel free. What's your best story? Oh my God. Do you have a good, do you have a good Housewives story? I mean, obviously a lot of people who listen to this show are... Big Housewives fans, right. Well, you know, I talk about Ultimate Girls Trip, right? And I, and I get on Kelly. What they got back on is promoting, like what caused you or what was the motivation

to dive back into Bravo and doing Ultimate Girls Trip? Was it more, hey, I just wanna be back on TV, I wanna hang out with the girls. Was it about ultimately promoting your cabaret and music career? Not really, I mean, I don't really even talk about cabaret on this trip, or maybe I did, I don't think so. It's kinda getting you back

on the scene. I don't think I even talked about cabaret. It's people talking about like, ooh, Louann, like, you know. Listen, darling, who doesn't want to go to St. Burt's for a week with your girlfriends and get paid? I mean, come on. It's not a bad gig. And you know. I'm not asking you to explain yourself.

Well, you kind of did. I was like, why'd you go, you know? You kind of did ask me why. But that's one of the reasons because, listen, it's a great paid vacation. And you know, who doesn't want to go and hang out with your girlfriends for a week? So that everything you hoped it would be? It was and more actually.

I got lucky again with a pirate, kind of like a pirate. You know, I'm always in trouble with guys on the show because I'm single. You're a free spirit. But good trouble. But good trouble. You know, there's always a pirate involved. And so it was great, you know, to catch up with the girls. Two of the girls, like Kelly Ben-Symoné hadn't been on the show in 10 years. Kristen Taichman was a wild card, which

I didn't see coming. Tinsley Mortimer, you know, couldn't make it because she was getting married. So it was great because we break the fourth wall. We talk about things that people would like to know about that, you know, you don't get to talk about while you're filming. So it's very, do you know what I mean by the fourth wall? I do. We can talk about everything and et cetera. I wish honestly, I wish every reality TV show and the legacy, like Bravo, NBC, ABC, whatever, I wish they would lean into the fourth wall more.

I think when reality TV first came on the scene, when you were an original housewife, I totally understand from a creative standpoint, this whole keeping it in-house and letting it play out and wanting to make sure that we were only filming when the gals were all together because we didn't want to miss anything. like only, you know, allowing the, you know, and wanting to make sure that we were only filming or, you know, when the gals were all together because we didn't want to miss anything.

But now that social media has blown up, you know, there's so many pot, you know, so many on air talent have their own podcasts, they're on their social media. It is so hard for these networks to control, you know, who says what where. They seem still so much trying to fight that and just be like, oh no, don't say that here.

And I wish they would just say, all right, this is the new world we're living in, let's lean in. Because I think it makes it more of an interesting show. It's like so and so, you go on your Instagram and maybe you mouth off about someone of your friends and then they respond back and you know When you do when the ladies get together then I want to hear about like, yeah, you know

scary island To do that sometimes and like when they do do that, I think the audience embraces it more and I think it totally keeps the storylines going You know, listen, I think you know as there's a new cast for New York, right? Yes. Yeah. What do you, how do you feel about that? Listen, you know, we've been at it for, you know, we had 13 seasons basically. And you know, I think that they could have kind of added some girls to our existing franchise,

but you know, they made a choice to do Legacy and to do with the new cast. And I think what that was all about was like, let's see what happens, you know, with these two different formats, you know, and it just never happens. So that's why I was happy to do the Ultimate Girls trip because Legacy never happened. So, so the fans were so happy. And is it done? Like are we like, is it, I I you know, I

Kind of think so. I don't do Bethany fuck that up. No, it has nothing to do with Bethany Zero, she's been gone for a while. And you know, yeah Do you want to get into Bethany now I said bless bye Exactly. Yeah. Yeah,, I mean you must be, even if you don't want to pay attention to Bethany. No. The algorithm seems to. Force it.

Force it, you know. Everyone's, oh Bethany's telling me. There she is again. And I, as a fan of the show, I've always, I've said this multiple times on this show, I always like, she is a legend in the reality TV space. Absolutely. She's a good reality star.

Yeah. And I've always kind of respected, you know, what she's done. But in the past year, it's gotten kind of weird. Weird. And kind of sad. Yeah. Pulling a purr fish with her bare hands. I don't know what was that about.

Yeah. So when it, you know, as someone who's been on reality TV, just as quite honestly, as long as she has, you were in it in the beginning, you've seen all the behind the scenes, you've hung out with Andy Cohen. We don't really hang out that way. It's a very professional relationship.

But you get what I'm saying. I'm not saying you guys are besties, but what is your read on this, not just Bethany, but the whole thing. Leah McSweeney or whatever. Yeah. I know that you haven't been in every room and you can't speak to everyone's own experience,

but your experience, for me, who has also been on reality TV, my big thing is we're all adults and we're all accountable for our actions. That's right. And, you know, if we have our own problems, I mean, you, you've been very open about your own substance abuse problems and recovering from drinking and things like that.

Did you ever feel like that was being taken advantage of? Or do you say, hey, I'm an adult, I'm accountable, these are my choices, and I chose to go on the show knowing that I might have a problem? Exactly. Well, you know, listen, I've spent a couple seasons like Ultimate Girls Trip, the first one where we went Beverly Hills in Atlanta, Jersey, and you know, all the ladies got together for the first ever Ultimate Girls Trip. You know, I wasn't drinking at all. And Kyle said to me, you're not drinking. I said, no, I don't drink. She was like, really?

She just couldn't believe it. Yeah. And she said, you know what? You're so much fun. And luckily, I don't need to drink to have fun. Now, this last Ultimate Girls trip, I said to the girls, I drink on occasion now, and this is an occasion. And I had a great time. Now, if you watched me for 13 years, which I think a lot of you have, you would never say I had a drinking problem, correct? Right. I got caught in a really bad position in Palm Beach and taken advantage of because I was

staying at the hotel. By whom? By the hotel. The manager called the police on me because I was in the wrong room. I was drunk, that's for sure. But I didn't drive, I didn't hurt anybody. I was in the wrong room and they called the police I mean it was messed up. So anyway, but I took it and I thought if I could put myself in that position

Then I need to do something about that. I take Responsibility for my behavior, right if I couldn't handle my shit in front of a police officer I'm like, okay now we need to straighten this act out, right? So I didn't blame anybody and I'm not blaming anybody because guess what? It was a great wake-up call for me because life is about learning from the shit you do and growing if you don't learn and grow And you stay the same then good luck You know what I mean? You have to be able to look at what you do take. Yeah take it take responsibility I did and I straightened out my act, you know

I'm in a much different place than I was then. I just came off a divorce, the husband got caught cheating on me, blah, blah, blah. I mean, it was just a bad spot. And listen, alcohol's been around for years as a way of self-medicating, and I was self-medicating. You know, and I had to figure that out, and I did. And unfortunately, we have a culture

and a society in our country. We've all been like, hey man, do you want to do a shot? Like, no, like, oh, you pussy, things like that. Exactly. That is unfortunately our culture. It's not exclusive to Bravo producers. Right. So back to the Housewives and this whole thing with Andy is that nobody forces you to drink.

In fact, Bravo was very supportive of me not drinking. They were stocking the fridge with options for me. They asked me what I wanted to drink if I wasn't drinking. I gave them my list of things. You know, on the contrary, they've been very supportive of me and sobriety when I was sober and they were supportive of my choice to drink if I felt like it on this trip because I'm a grown woman, I'm an adult, and I take responsibility for my actions. So they're not baby steps.

So I don't go along, exactly. So I don't go along with this thing like, you know, the pressure was on and I take responsibility for my actions. So I don't go along with this thing like the pressure was on and I was forced. That's just not true. And it's not in Andy's character. So I don't believe most of it. I mean, I believe that sure it was difficult for Leah, absolutely. And I'm not throwing that away or disregarding that. I understand her because it's not easy, but then you don't put yourself in that spot, right? Yeah What are your thoughts with? The actual whole of the reality reckoning like do you feel like Bethany is kind of biting the hand that feeds you are you do?

You think that there's some legitimacy to it? Listen, I love what she's trying to do to get you know residuals for reality stars and protect it protects I'm gonna protect. No no it's always about Bethany Yeah, I don't think she gives a flying fuck Or their mental I think they call it some sort of syndrome where you go in to save the day But it's really about you, so let's say Or save your complex exactly that's exactly it well Yeah, it's just like even looking at your two your guys's history yeah like she yeah what a good friend

yeah she what she called you man I think that's no that was Carol that's Carol yeah I'm sorry I don't care sorry Bethany same thing they were on the same but like you know and you know she not anymore she told she did and Bethany doesn't have any friends she did inform you that like you know, she did tell you. Not anymore. She did. Bethany doesn't have any friends. She did inform you that like, you know, Tom was stepping out on you, but like even then, like she just, she decided that that was something that should be put on camera. That's right.

Without getting your permission and whether that was something that you wanted on camera. No, in fact, she told all the other housewives and I didn't even know. Producers, they were all like, oh wow, this is gonna be, listen. Of course they're gonna be excited, she's a good reality star. She's an excellent reality star.

But is she a good friend? No, because it's about her. And the crocodile tears of, I'm so sorry, it's about him, it's about Tom. And this has been our history. When was the last time you talked to Bethany? I can't even remember, it's been so long. You never run into her?

It's the craziest thing. I never run into her. It's the craziest thing I never run into Tom and I never run into Bethany. You just don't go to that hotel. No Well, you know I go anywhere I want last time I was at the Regency was with Lourdes with Madonna's daughter She came to my show in New York. Oh snaps Okay, I love Lourdes, but I feel like I feel like New Yorkers always running into people. So that's actually yeah Yeah, but you know, you know, yeah, I feel like New Yorkers always running into people, so that's actually a... Yeah, but you know, yeah, definitely not. In fact, anyway, it's a longer story, but I think it was out that she had somebody

at the Regency take that picture, that was all set up. That was, yeah, it was all set up. I believe that. Yeah. I truly do. Yeah, she had a friend staying there, she said, when he comes in there with that girl, call me and take a picture.

Do you, like, Bethany has been very loud about the fact that she's like, we made Andy Cohen. I didn't mean, I like, I'm Bethany Frankel. I would have been famous no matter what, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I, for like, for example, I have worked incredibly hard since being on TV to build this show and try to make something of my time on the show. Right. Like Cabaret for me and this for you. Exactly. But I wouldn't have been here whether I like it or not for my time on The Bachelor. Right. And because at the end of the day, well do I think I have talent? Sure. Do I think I have work ethic? Sure. But I'm not fucking Justin

Timberlake or maybe that's a bad example right now He's not the most invoked, but you know what I'm saying? Yeah, like you know people like us like I think we have talent we have great work ethic and we put ourselves out there But like the the platform that we were giving by these shows Is is a lottery ticket that I think you know people like yourself and people like me we did something with it Yeah, yeah you know, people like yourself and people like me, we did something with it. Yeah. Yeah. Is there any air conditioning? Sorry. It is.

Unfortunately, it was like, we want lighting or we want air conditioning. Oh, you can't have both. We wanted you to look good. Okay. I'm starting to melt, but it's okay. It's a great outfit. Thank you. So, yeah, I, you know, I'm totally with you on that.

I mean, and I feel like there's a lot of disgruntled housewives out there. And I think once one person jumps in, then they all start jumping in. And I think that's what's going on with Andy. And listen, the spotlight that we have because of the shows we've done is huge. You can't, you just can't get that right? And I always say that, you know, my fans, I could trip and fall on the stage and they would say, wow, and get back up and they would say, that was so elegant, Countess. You know, they're so supportive. The Bravo fans, you know, BravoCon was off the hook. You know, our fan base is just incredible. And I love that, you know, they keep on Bravo all day.

They're just watching all of the Bravo shows, which is so much fun. And, you know, I see nothing wrong with that. That's what you choose to do. Like I, you know, I'm a big TV fan. I watched, you know, a lot of scripted shows though, personally, because I'm working reality. So I watch more scripted, but, you know, we've been given, you know, a position and we've been given an opportunity to make something more

of our time on television. You obviously work your ass off. I work my ass off. It's clear, you know, like you're fucking doing rehearsals, you're touring, that is a fucking grind. Yeah, it's a lot of work. You know, making music, put yourself out there. Yeah, but I love it.

It's a vulnerable thing to do. And quite frankly, a lot of people, and you know a lot of your peers just Don't have either the talent or the drive to continue to make you know make this experience their own and they I you know I feel like they've been so just like reliant quite honestly on The teat of Bravo right and when the and when Bravo says we don't need you anymore Then it's all of a sudden like, look what you made me do. You know?

And there's zero accountability. I always say that. I've never seen a reality TV character go on any type of interview or on their social media and said, you know what, to be honest, I was kind of a piece of shit in that moment, but I got a good at it. You know? So like, you know,, please like please like hold me accountable. No one's ever said that right, you know It's always I got a bad at it and I you know, and right sometimes we get good at it

Sometimes you know, i'm sure you've seen your own show and i'm like, oh shit. That could have gone worse for me. Yeah We've all been there. You know,. I never fucking hear that from anyone. Yeah, no. Or I could have said that, why didn't I say that? Why did I do that? Why didn't I say? There's a lot of second guessing, of course, as you're watching yourself back. But I feel like it's a teaching opportunity in a way. It's like, who gets to do that? Right? Who gets to have this living moment where you go, oh my God, I got to fix that part of myself. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Because most people, you know, they just move on and they're not really looking at that moment and going like, how can I be better or do better or how can I, you know, how come I'm so amazing? And, you know, hopefully for most people,

it's tricky. You know, we make it look easy. You know, the housewives is very tricky. You know, it's like walking the high rope. If you look too far to the right or too far to the left, you're going to fall off the high wire. So I always say my family prepared me. I love that you're fanning me because it is hot in here. I'm not currently warm and I learned in the fourth grade from Mrs. Bauman. Mrs. Bauman, okay. Because it was a hot summer day and we got in from recess and we were all like, you know, taking our homework and fanning us and Mrs. Bauman was like, do you realize that you are creating more heat by the physical action of fanning? So I don't, I disagree. When you're

hot and you get wind on your face if you go gentle but I'm just saying I think even better if I do it for you oh okay I'm down for that do you not want me to yeah no go ahead is this affecting her shot no no great love it Nick uh where were we housewives is why I'm being fan do you have any grapes too? Do you have to say? Is this distracting? Does this feel good? It feels amazing. It really does. Thank you. Housewives is like walking a tightrope or... Yeah, exactly.

It's game of thrones. It's tricky and I'm sure you have the same experience. You don't want to break anybody's heart. You want to make them feel bad about themselves, right? Because you didn't pick them. I mean, it's a tricky road. Yeah. Right. For sure. Even on this show, it's like, we want to talk about the shows we love and the characters we're watching. We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But at the same time, it's just like, you know, call it what it

is when it comes to like, for example, our reality recap show, which is like us just like, you know, talking about our favorite TV shows. We're talking, you know, I'm a, I use, always use the sports analogy. I'm a huge sports fan. Monday morning quarterback. Sports fans love to watch their favorite teams. And then throughout the week, they're just like, this player did this, and this player was awesome,

and this player sucked, and I hate this player, and I love this player, because they're just fucking fans. And then if I meet any of these players, regardless if they play for a different team or not, they're just like, oh my God, because we fucking fans. You know? And then if I meet any of these players, regardless if they play for a different team or not, they're just like, oh my God, because we are fans, but like it's fun for us to pick apart our favorite teams. And whether you are a football fan,

or a Housewives fan, or a reality TV fans, fans consume it the same way. I mean, it's like if you are lucky enough to be a reality TV star fan, like I am, and a football fan, the pettiness that is men watching football and arguing online is incredible. I'm sure. It is so fun. Well, can you imagine what the petty housewives banter is on online?

No, I can. Yeah. I'm sure you know. I do. Yeah. All right. A lot of judgment, you know. But it's easy to, you know, sit and judge other people. And, you know, and that's fun. Look at, you know, shows that, you know, fashion and let's pick apart the Emmys. Let's pick apart, you know, the Grammys.

Let's pick apart, you know, the Oscars. It's, you know, it's what we do. It makes me think of that quote about the man in the arena kind of thing where it's just like at the end of the day, all the spectators can have their opinions and their judgments. It doesn't really matter at the end of the day because you're the one that's actually out there in the arena, you know, doing the thing where I'm like, those that can't do, comment. Right.

Well, that's so that and that's a scary thing, you know, but I'm somebody who, unless you're, unless you're a little scared, you're really not living because that's when you really break through, you know, people need to attack their fear instead of running away from their fears. You know, um, my first cabaret show I did in New York at 54 below, and the pressure was on not only it was my first show, it was being filmed for the show. Right. And it's you alone. No pressure there, right?

And so... But it's kind of like how I do my best. That's why I think not everybody's cut out for reality because you have to be really quick and off the cuff, right? Because you don't know what's coming down the pike, you don't know what's coming out of their mouths. You know, I don't know what to expect from my fans in the audience. If they're going to love my cabaret show or not, you know, it's a scary thing.

Very vulnerable. It's very vulnerable, but I am, you know, um, and, and I think that is a good thing and people shy away from that. Um, and being vulnerable, I think it shows a lot of strength. Yeah, truly. Uh, as a maker of music, um, a writer of music, a producer of strength. Yeah, truly as a maker of music. Yeah a writer of music a producer of music I know you are gonna graciously tease your new song. Oh, you don't want to get there quite yet Okay, what I'd love to do is

Well, I just heard your bop money what it was But there's also you know many of your of your peers, and our peers rather, reality TV people have, you know, put out songs of their own. Some also, equally a bop, others, meh. And I'd love for us to maybe review some of them and get your expert opinion on some of these songs. And then we'll rank a top five songs of reality TV stars, if you will. Let's do it.

Let's do it. Well, recently, let's just start with, let's just call back to reality recap of Daisy's music. So right now, the Bachelor is going on. We have this young woman is a fan favorite on the current season. Okay. And it was recently discovered that she, it wasn't her song, it was like a featured, you know, like when like a guest appearance. Yeah, like when The Weeknd has Ariana Grande on. Okay. She's like the Ariana Grande. I love her name, Daisy Kent. Daisy Kent. Yeah,

it's cute. Very superhero- Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, this is Her song, okay He said lick on my sack and suck on my nuts in case you didn't hear that yeah Not bad. I like it. Okay. I like it. I do love this, you know, what do we want to call this?

Kind of underground kind of... Yeah. No, I got to say, I know we had some fun with lick on my sack and suck on my nuts. I prefer not to hear that. It's a ridiculous lyric out of the mouth of that man. Right. Really any man. Who is the man?

Her brother or something? Is it her brother? I hope not. Jesus. Abe's with the dollar sign with the S? Also an ambitious young just trying to make his mark on the world. We don't really know who he is other than we presume a friend. He has testicles.

We know that. He has nuts. For presume a friend. He has testicles. We know that. He has nuts. For sure. We know he has testicles. It's not a bad song. The song is not bad. I just wish they could have left that there. It's just a little too vulgar for me. It really just kind of... It's a knee-jerk.

It's jarring and then you have her Disney princess voice come in. Exactly. If you're listening to it while getting ready for it, you're just like, oh my god. I wish she came in sooner. She's a little late to the party. I'm like, is it his song or is it her song? I believe it's his song. So she was guessing.

Oh, she's guessing on his. Got it. Oh, I thought it was her song. I don't believe so. But either way, I do think we could lose the nuts. Yes. And a little bit more daisy. You know, I'll give you a little background. So in Chic, I did, and this is, you know, 10 years ago.

Yeah. It was Jem's Jet Cigarettes. And I didn't want to promote because I know young women watch my show and they listen to my music. So I changed it from Jem's jet cigarettes to Jem's jet silhouettes. There we go. You know, to make it more chic, c'est la vie. And Abe should have been like, hey, I do not want to teach other young men to, you know, tell because again, this seems like he's talking to her.

You know, because the other thing about TV in reality is that you have some sort of responsibility to kind of uphold the law in a certain way, meaning in class and manners and you're inspiring young people. So I think you have to keep that in mind. Now, some people are better at it than others. And I haven't always been perfect. I fell into a bush for God's sake on tequila. That's classic. Classic. Did you get any injuries from that?

But I did it very well, and I didn't hurt myself. And I laughed it off because- Just your pride. Because, just my pride. And everybody's like, but why did you stay in the bush? And why were you living in the bush? Because listen, if I stood up, I think I would have fallen over again.

I'm just like, leave me here, I'm so happy in the bush. You were so happy. I was so happy. All right, what's our next song? Mike the Situations. Okay, Mike the Situations from Jersey Shore. He has a song.

How old is this? Yeah, when did this debut? 13 years ago. 13 years ago, okay. I didn't even hear about this. I didn't know he had a song. This is very boy band cover. Is he a DJ now?

Situation? DJ, Pauly D. Pauly D. Oh, that's Pauly D, sorry, yeah. But I would be willing to gather Mike has DJed at some point. I don't know. I don't know.

Okay, anyway, let's hear his bop. I already hate it. Me too. Produced by Pauly D. It's too chaotic. Yeah, it's, one of, we're, one of the, one of the police cars coming. Yeah.

This is an automatic number five. Okay, I've heard enough. Okay, yeah. I mean, immediate, you know, no. All right, what else we got? All right, so I don't think that's gonna make our top five. Should we do Good As Gold by Sheena? Okay, we got Sheena,

female as Sheena. Yeah. Yeah, this one made a comeback. Thank God to Ariana, which she seems to fail to appreciate these days. This sounds like the intro of one of an episode. It probably has been, but I'm like, it reminds me of like a Chuck E. Cheese commercial. Yeah. Yeah.

When your kids are getting together. Yeah, right. Oh my God, it's so like... And what is Pandora's Box? You always want to keep Pandora in the box. It's so... who is it? Katy Perry. It's a little Katy Perry, isn't it?

Da da da da da And there's rainbows and ice cream Yeah. Kidz Bop could really do that. It really do that. Yeah, it's like... It's very boppy. It's like a kiddie song. 12 year olds. Yeah, it's like a teenage bop song.

All right. It's cute. It's a teenagey boppy. Let's play one of Luann's. Oh gosh, which one? Do we have a pick? Kim Jovani's my fave. Okay, let's hear this one.

Really? How funny, not funny. You don't want to hear Kim Kardashian's next? We're not done. And Andy's featured in this video. This is a very... It's a very... It's a very... It's a very... It's a very... It's a very... It's a very... Okay, let's hear this one. Really? How funny, not funny. You don't want to hear Kim Kardashian tonight?

We're not done. And Andy's featured in this video. This is a very... it is? He is? Oh my god. Andy's the Daisy Kent of the song. That's Marie Hill, who is on a lot of shows on Hulu right now with Bridget Everett. Somebody Somewhere. I absolutely love the creative. I love her.

Look at it. Yeah I got Lisa Rinna and and that was shot in the Giovanni boutique on Robertson next to the Ivy which no longer exists, but let me tell you I have this video will last a lifetime Right truly. We're in the store. Just having a run of the place. It was amazing. And what does feeling Giovanni mean? Feeling Giovanni. Look at her outfit. So, really how feeling Giovanni came about was my first show of Cabaret, the one I was talking about, No Pressure.

Dorinda said to me, I've got this, you know, designer called Giovanni, and there's no real Giovanni, it's just the name of the brand. And she said, oh, she introduced me to them. And the thing is, I go into Giovanni, like I put on this pantsuit that I'm wearing right now, I put on any dress and it fits me perfectly. There's no altering. I'm off the rack, right?

And so, when I did my cabaret show, Oh no, please keep going. Yeah, Dorindo was in the audience and she was like, she was kind of mad at the fact that I, you know, had this new relationship with Giovanni. Now it's like saying, I introduced you to a friend and now you guys are friends and that's upsetting to me. You know what I mean?

So it was like, and she, you know, she was drinking and we were all having, they were all watching me, et cetera. And she just couldn't help herself. So she was like, Giovanni, Giovanni. And that's how Giovanni happened. It's very vote. I raised my cabernet. This party.

Look at that dress. I feel certain bars. The crowd would lose their nuts. Oh, yeah. Well, my songs are all over. There's their minds. I have nuts on my mind. And we'll go love yourself and let it show. It's all about loving yourself.

Hell yeah. Yeah. It's really... This is... I'm not bullshitting you. This is a good song. This is catchy. It is number one. Honey. Oh yeah. And this is a big club. Yeah. Look at Lisa Rinna go. Look at Lisa Rinna. I love it. And Cynthia is just gorgeous. All right. Keep it cool and you'll be fine.

Hell yeah. One day at a time. I could go out in the song. You go dance. It could come out having never heard of it. And I wouldn't lose a beat. The other two songs that we previewed, it would be like, oh. What, Money and Chic?

Were you listening to Money? Or you mean the other two? Oh, no. I'm just saying the other two that we demoed. Got you. Yeah, it doesn't quite fit the Level. It's not Giovanni. It's not Giovanni. It's not Giovanni. All right, what else we got? Do we got oh, there's a Kim Kardashian song. Oh, there is? I didn't even know. Wow.

When was that done? Four years ago? How was this? This was only four years ago? It can't be. It can't be. It was May 2011. Okay. I honestly am shocked. This is not, I It can't be. Wait, 2011. Okay. I honestly am shocked this is not, I haven't heard it, so maybe it's amazing. Well, maybe she wanted to bury it, let's say. Well, that's what I'm saying. I'm kind of shocked that it's not scrubbed from the internet because it is.

It is. There was a music video. It's gone. Oh, it was scrubbed? This is the re-upload. Just because Kim, so much of what she does pops. And when it doesn't pop. Yeah, it needs to go away.

It needs to go away. Disaster, hey? If I had her money power influence, I would scrub fucking shit that it was like, you know what, it didn't land. I certainly have tried and failed at many things. So no disrespect to Kim. But let's hear this song that,

Jam Kardashian, Kim Kardashian. Jam, is that Jam Records maybe? no. It's the name of the song Oh jam is the song. Okay. Got it. How am I doing here? You're doing great. Thank you. It's helping me so much You have no idea It's kind of like a Mike situation like we're yeah, it's a little jarring to hear If you told me this was a sheena Shay production, I'd believe you. I was going to say this is if Sheena Shay and Mike's song had a baby. This is the product of it.

Okay, sorry Kim. Yeah, we know why you scrubbed it. It's fine. What else we got? We have one more. This is Pauly D. Pauly D. Oh, don't hate this.

Well, this is a DJ. This is like a mix. Yeah. Yeah, this is very club. I don't mind it either It's not bad though. I like to be Yeah, it doesn't it It sounds the same, right? But that's what I'm saying.

This is that beat and he's just a DJ and he's mixed it. Is that all we got? That's all there is? Because we have now, I mean, Melissa Gorga from... Oh, I love Melissa. Can we hear that? Thank you. Because then I also want to hear... Money Can't Buy You Class.

You need to. And then we want to debut Mary Fuck Hill. Shockingly, I mean, well, a lot of bachelor alums try to break, there was a, there was a genre around my time where a lot of bachelor alums tried to become country music stars. Oh. Not a bad idea because, you know. Can we actually find, Ali, while we're listening to this, can we find like a Luke Pell production or? Is Luke the Ferris wheel or was Luke Hannah Brown season? No, Luke was on JoJo season.

Okay. Jed would have music, right? Maybe. Sure. Please. Fuck. Let's hear that. Do you want to hear Melissa's real thoughts? Let's please. Yes, please. Yes. This is on display, right? Yes. This is on display, right? Yes Oh shit

She's so hot truly I was just thinking the same thing yeah, when this come out 11 years ago Yeah, same around the same time frame, right? Not bad There's a pretty good song. Okay. Okay. It's not bad. It's pretty good. I like Melissa. She's a great girl. She was on the first

Ultimate Girls trip. She just actually opened a store in Huntington. She has that Envy store, you know, and I was doing a show right across the street at the Paramount Yeah, so funny. So anyway, we ran into each other quickly, but she was heading back to a soccer practice or something But we're friends while we're looking for more country songs. Let's play money can't buy you this one You know, I wrote this is that I wrote a book on manners and etiquette when I first came back from Europe, because I lived in Europe for 10 years.

I lived in Milan, then I lived in Switzerland. And, um, and when I came back, the kids said to me, mom, I mean, the kids in the cafeteria, they're just, food is falling out of their mouths. They're like reaching over the table. They're so, and you know, you see, so anyway, I was, I was, it inspired me to write a book on how to live with elegance and flair through my own learning because you have to learn these things also. You have to learn.

So anyway, so I shared in this book, et cetera, and when I went to a producer to write a song, he goes, what do you want to sing about? I go, well, I don't know. I just wrote this book and he starts opening the pages and he says, Money Can't Buy You Class and elegance is learned. And if you think you're great, nobody else, you know, all these lines. And he's like, oh, this is good. And together we wrote money.

All right. Here it is for those of you who haven't heard it. I know many of you have, but. And, and, and ultra records. This is a big label. Oh my God, my son was so embarrassed when I did the song because there's a lot of naked men in it. I mean, not naked, but shirtless. How do you stay in shape?

I mean, you have the best bod ever. You know, little, little working out here and there and that crazy. Has this been remixed? Yeah. Blessed. Yes. You know, a little working out here and there and that crazy. Just genetic? Has this been remixed? Yeah. Blessed. Yes. It has.

James Kennedy remixed it. Did he? Yeah. Do we? I would like to hear that. James Kennedy among other DJs, you know. Was that a little like auto-tune in there? Oh, sure.

Sure. Money rich and manners poor never got the boys too far. Money talks but I just walk when I can't stand it This could be like a run rate. Yeah Runway, so I'm your class So it's it's about you know money can't buy a class. I don't care how much money you have It's if you're not respectful of people that shows a lot about who you are I've never met a super rich woman that men needed to date.

Yeah. I'm hanging on. Give a fuck. Right. Exactly. And me neither. I mean, I've had my share of, you know, millionaires who are just, no, I don't care how much money you got.

How has this not gone viral on TikTok? I'm sure it has. I'm sure it has. TikTok people like, let's start the trend. Before shut has. Has it? TikTok, people. And entitled to the grandeur. Start the trend. Before shut down. Isn't grandeur a good word? Yes.

Grandeur. Grandeur. Excellent song. All right, are we ready for, I know Luanne is keeping this under lock and key, so she's gonna play it on her phone. I'm gonna play a little snippet of my new song. So the audio quality might be slightly different

than what we're hearing, but just bear with us. Because this is a special treat for the audience. Because this is really the debut. It's not out yet. It's going to be out March 22nd. But this is a bit of a tease. This Friday.

You got it. Epic. I love this song. That's so much. Like now, why don't we say fuck? Like is it- Because guess what? We gotta keep it classy, darling. Gotta keep it classy, yes. Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy.

Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy.

Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy. Gotta keep it classy. I love this song. That's so much fun. Like now, why don't we say fuck? Like is it- Because guess what? We gotta keep it classy, darling.

Gotta keep it classy, yes. Money can't buy love. We know what effing means, don't we? Yes, we do. Without having to say it, right? Yeah. Do you try not to swear? You know, I do.

Because it just shows a level of, I think, I don't know, vulgarity that, you know, we can all be vulgar in the bedroom with our partners, with our, you know... Say more, Luanne. Do you know what I mean? Sure. I know, right? And the voice goes right along with it, doesn't it? She's like, you know.

You know. But it's unnecessary. It's like the obnoxious chewing of gum. There's. But it's unnecessary. It's like the obnoxious chewing of gum. There's a way of chewing gum. I, well, I feel like honestly, Luanne, if you hung out with me, you would probably tell me that I could take a Luanne seminar. A Countess class on tips? Yes.

Class on tips. What are the top five most obnoxious bad habits that you see roaming around society these days, whether it's from the kids or the adults or? Well. I do feel like we are society who's like, paid a lot less attention to things like manners in class and things like that. Without that, what do we have?

Without the handshake and people's word. How's my handshake? I actually think I'm afraid of handshakes. What is left? Let's see. Yeah, well, without that, what do we have? Without the handshake and people's word. How's my handshake? I actually think of it for your handshake. What is left? Let's see. Yeah, perfect. Not too strong, not too soft. Just let them know you're there.

Just right, darling. But like you don't have to. You don't have to arm wrestle. But I would say probably people's necessity to be on their phones all the time. That really is irksome. And then the phone goes on the table. And it goes. And then as soon as it beeps or rings the phones picked up and the conversations lacking because

The attention is not there anymore. You know what I mean? I just and I talk about that and I think it's money or chic You know self texting on a date if you make a lady wait, she'll take a pass You know It's it's about and it goes back to respect, like respect for another person. And I'm sitting in front of you and you're going to be on your phone. Come on. That chewing gum, people who stopped dead in the street in New York to pick up a call. Okay. Again, back to the cell phone and they stop and then you're walking and

you almost run into them. I think people that berate other people in public. Sure, yeah, rude to waiters. Oh my God, rude to people. Have you ever seen a housewife berate someone in public? Yes, time and time again. We need names. No! No, I am.

I know the class. Well, listen, I mean, it's no secret that Ramona treats the staff. I was gonna say it. It's no secret. I love Ramona, but she's always had issues with that. How's Bethany with staff work? I can't imagine, darling.

She once filmed herself giving old makeup to employees at TJ Maxx. Right. Thinking that was a favor. Would you ever do that? She would say, and I want to put this down on record, she would say, how dare you ask the driver to call you Mrs. Delisavez? I lived in Europe for 12 years, married to a French aristocrat. We never were called by our first names.

But people don't understand that. It just made me look like a snob. And of course she blew that up to make me look like a snob. It was just what I was used to. I wasn't being rude, you know, and also, you know, don't we live in a time where we are allowed to ask people to be called what we want to be called. Exactly. Exactly. Anyway, now people call me Luanne, but I'm talking about 12 years ago. Do you prefer Countess or Luanne? I call you Countess. Yeah, you know, people love saying Countess more

than I take it. I call myself Luann unless I need a reservation at a hotel. Then that comes in handy. You know, it's almost time for texting office hours. So we're going to give someone advice. Okay. Before we do, I got to ask, do you remember meeting me in like 2014? Where? In Chicago at RPM Italian.

I'm guessing. Oh. It might have been during the era of. Yeah, I think we were filming in Chicago. I don't know. Was that with Bethany? No, no. It was, I was fresh off my very first season of.

Of The Bachelor? Of The Bachelorette. Wow. And I was at RPM Italian actually having dinner with. Did I flirt heavily with you? Probably. You were very, yeah, you gave me a lot of attention. Yeah.

Well, I love men. I do. I make no secret about that. I was super single then. That was totally fine. I was actually, I was breaking up my friends. I was at the dinner with a married couple and telling them they should get divorced. They have since got divorced.

You told them? Good for you. Well, they were telling me about their relationship. You guys are a bunch of heroin addicts who are just making each other worse people. And then, yeah, you wanted to meet me. I was like fresh off the show. Oh, wow. You were very kind. Yes. Yeah. And then you wanted me to take you to Stout Bar. And I was like...

That would make sense. And I said, countess, I don't think you want to go to to Stout Bar, and I was like, Ah, that would make sense. And I said, Countess, I don't think you wanna go to this bar. Oh no? It was very Chicago-y. You would have stuck out like a sore thumb. I love local places though. And I love Chicago.

It's great. But it was a moment for me. I mean, I definitely told everyone about it. You did? Well, yeah. How cute. Because it was probably my very first like, Run in with the Countess.

Or just like a celebrity, honestly. Right. Really? Well, I was fresh off the show. Right, right. And yeah, it was... How did you get on that show? My friends thought it would be a gag.

Yeah. Wow. And where were you living then? Chicago. Oh, you were in Chicago, okay. I didn't know if you were based in Chicago or if you were just there. I had a... We took a selfie. I don't have it anymore. Oh, God, I wish you had it. So do I. Yeah, for sure. That would be fun. I definitely wish we had it.

But yeah. Are you sure? Why? Why don't you have it? I think it's, I mean this was 10 years ago. I know, but I still have pictures from 10 years ago. Yeah, I think, you know, unfortunately, I lost. You got lost in the mix. Lost in the mix. I certainly did not delete it. That's for sure. Okay, good. He's still talking about it today. Yeah. I love it.

It was a defining moment in my reality TV career. You made me feel special. No. Because it was like, hey, Luanne notices you. She'd like to meet you because like, you know, she knows you're on the show and blah blah blah. So you made me feel like I was a somebody. Well, because you are a somebody. And this was long before I became a fan of reality TV.

Right. And this was long before I became a fan. Did you even know who I was? How did you know who I was though? Yeah, no. Because I had girlfriends in the past. Oh, there you go. And this was a time where...

The show was huge that morning. The show was fucking huge. You didn't have to watch the show to know who all the New York housewives were. Right, exactly. It was a big deal. Yeah, then it was a big deal, yeah. I very much knew who you were

without knowing anything about the show. Well, then it was only New York and the OC and maybe Jersey at that point. It wasn't this whole franchise, do you know what I mean? It was just a few shows at that point. Yeah. And you know, you gotta think about it.

Sex and the City went away, and so did Desperate Housewives at that time. So we kind of filled that void, you know? Truly. All right, well it's time for Texting Office Hours, and when we come back after Texting Office Hours, we're gonna play some fun games of Fuck, Mary, Care, Kill. Fuck, Ask, Mary, Care. Fuck, Mary.E. Fuck Mary K.I.R.

Well, you want to hear a funny thing? So it's actually F. Mary K.I.L.E. But I didn't realize that because musically also it sounds better Mary F. K.I.L.E. I'd say I don't think most people even know the difference. You know what I mean? But I named it by accident and now I got the dot-com We'll find out who she would F Mary or kill when it comes to the new New York housewives Oh, I feel like you know some some of them are loved yep, and some of them are like. Thank you next Yeah, you know like maybe we could shake it up a little shake it up a little bit anyways

We'll do that after texting office hours Firstly Maybe we could shake it up a little bit. Anyways, we'll do that after texting office hours. First Leaf. Well, listen, we don't refer to ourselves as really smart drinkers, just the fact that we like our wine. OK. I know. You know, I've always used to- Speak for yourself. I always used to pick out wine when it came to the label.

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Ladies and gentlemen. What are you doing? What do you mean? I'm making it simple. I'm making the promo. Just keep it simple. Just say, hey, we're the Braav Bros, two guys that talk about Bravo. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we're the Braav Bros.

No. Oh. Dude, stop with the voice. Just keep it simple. I've seen promos on TV, dude. This is how you get the fans engaged. This is how you get listeners. We're trying to get listeners here.

If we just say, oh, we're two dudes that talk about Bravo, people are gonna get tired of it already. We need some oomph. All right, then fine. Let's try to do it with your voice. Bravo, bros. Good job. How's it going?

Hi. Hi there. Thank you so much for taking my call. I'm beyond thrilled to be speaking to you. What is your name? Yeah. What's your name? Listen to- What's the name?

Every single Ask Nick episode. Name is Maria. I'm 30 years old and I'm from La Crosse, Wisconsin. Oh, all right. Hello, Wisconsin. You said 38. You cut out for a second there. 30. 30? Okay. She doesn't look 38. That's why I asked. I thought I was just like, I was about to like ask her a skincare routine. How can we help Maria?

Yes. So last night, so this is very fresh situation. I've been dating my boyfriend. We'll call him Daniel. Is this an active situation? Do we have that? We haven't played that in a while. It is.

It is pretty active. Is there an active situation button? We have an active situation. All right. Let's it's letting the people know that this is very timely. All right. Okay. Please continue Maria. All right. Okay. Please continue, Maria.

Last night. Yes. Last night, we were having a discussion just about goals in the future. We're planning on moving to somewhere warm because Wisconsin is Wisconsin and just taking those next steps to plan to move. And he's just, I'm obsessed with him, in love with him. He's such a good human. But he decided to lay a atomic bomb on me last night. This is your boyfriend? Yes. How long?

Thank you, thank you. How long you been going out? Yes, boyfriend, eight months. Eight months, okay. So relatively new. Yes, and- He dropped a bomb. He dropped, okay, so relatively new. Yes, and... He dropped a bomb. He dropped a massive, oh my God,

I'm still like trembling about it. Oh my God, we're trembling, what is the bomb? Lay it on us. He has, he's got a kid. That you just found out about. Oh, so... He knows he knew about this. Wait, wait, so let me get, like, here's my guess.

You were like, hey, babes, it's super cold up in here. It's now we're in the month of March. So as a former Wisconsinite, I can assure you when it gets to March, you're like, fuck this cold. Like after like, you're like, that's five or six months of bullshit, right? So like every March, you're just like, holy fucking shit. I'm done with this. You know, I got out around 30, so I hear you.

Like, your whole life, you're just like, there's gotta be a better life than this. You know, anyways, so you go to your very new-ish boyfriend, super excited, you're like, hey, let's talk about our future hopes and dreams. You're like, maybe put some of that. Yeah, but it sounds like they were already talking about it. Sure, but it got serious.

And then all of a sudden he's like, yeah, great plan, but by the way, I have a fucking kid. That I have to, you know, rear. What did he say exactly? Well that's the thing, he can't rear this child because the bomb was so big, I didn't want to hear any follow-up info of what the situation is with the kid, but he told me it's a massive traumatic situation he does not see the kid he's not allowed to see the kid for legal reasons. Oh my god. Okay. That makes moving easier. I didn't want to know about

that because I was just I was dying from the initial shock. Okay but we do know Maria that you do want to know even though you don't want to know. Like you want to know. You definitely want to know. I don't want to but I have to. You have to know. You need to know who you're dealing with. Yeah. I mean is it is it is the so the this baby is in existence right? He has she doesn't want him to see the child right? And did he say he doesn't want to to move be because they say didn't want to move or he's just telling you that he has a child Yeah, where did this come from? Where did I don't understand what the problem is here? What is the problem that he didn't tell you about a kid? well a

When we talked about like having kids potentially one day Never he never told me ever when he had the opportunity My kids like eight years old by now How old is he just laid it on me? Yeah, how does he he's 30 also 30 also 30 all right so at 22 he an unexpected early in life right And you still to be clear don't know why he is legally unallowed to see his own child. Yeah, that is the cliffhanger right there.

That's the problem for me. So like, when you say legally can't see his child, like restraining order or getting arrested, like hey, like what are we talking here? Or she just has full custody and he's just more like, he's decided that means he can't see his kid. Well maybe he was unsupportive as well. Does he have a good career? Yes, he works in sales, does really well, very smart, very articulate, sweet, comes from a good family, good human for sure. A good human would have been honest with you. So question, when this conversation was happening,

it was like, oh, by the way, I have a kid, and oh, by the way, I can't see this kid, you just what, you were like, don't tell me anymore? Did you just, literally, okay. Yeah. Oh wow. It was just too much, just the fact that you have an eight-year-old kid somewhere, and-

He kept it from you. You kept it for me, and I have never I I don't even know if I want kids so And if I was to get married this is not about whether he wants to be a father This is everything to do about like there's nothing to do with you, darling. Are you yeah? It's nothing to do with you Yeah, I was like I couldn't even look at him. Right. I was like are you? Right. He was willing to tell me more, he was crying, he still wants to do this but he's like I couldn't hold this from you anymore and I have to tell you. Well it sounds like you love him and he loves you. Yes. The upside here is that he did tell you. Yeah. You know like you didn't like you didn't get like a dark DM from some random person Hey, I got a secret about Tom all right. Sorry You did that on purpose Nick It's not about Tom That like he could have continued and perpetuated the secret you know forever right him telling you

even now I Think we could at least see a positive I think I think so too, and I think there's a world where like like let's say he had herpes or something You know that's and I only say that because like you know herpes unfortunately as we you know? That's, and I only say that because like, you know, herpes, unfortunately, as we now know, is prevalent in our society. It's something people have to deal with. It's something that people deal with in relationships. And yet it's one of those things,

for the people who struggle with it, I know people are like, where are you going with this, Nick? It's just more like, when do I tell the person, like, hopefully right away, but sometimes people don't. And then when they don't the first time, then it's always like, well, I didn't tell them when I should, that one, it's like everyone knows the moment and when you're supposed to like,

tell whatever secrets you have to, you know, so that's not weird going forward in this relationship. Like it's not a first date, it's not necessarily a second date, third date might even be early, but at some point it's like, hey, if you're gonna date, these people need to know this about you. And he opted not to tell you in that moment. And it's almost like it got weirder and weirder and weirder

and he just like, you know what I'm saying? So not to make an excuse for the guy, it's still fucked up and wrong, but I don't think it's potentially, because we don't know the truth, right? Like that's why you need to know. Because now you're dealing with all these hypotheticals. but I don't think it's potentially, because we don't know the truth, right? Like that's why you need to know. Because now you're dealing with all these hypotheticals.

This is the only thing you need to know. You're dealing with worst case scenario, you're dealing with whatever, but you need to know what the truth is so then you can decide for yourself, are we dealing with a situation where he really is the guy I thought he was, he might have made mistakes in the past, but he really is this person who despite him,

it really is fucked up, he hid this from me, no doubt. There are no excuses, but I can explain it to myself where he's not a monster, because again, we've all been there one way or the other where we had a moment where we should have told the truth and we didn't, and then it became harder and harder to tell the truth not to make it okay. But there's a difference between understanding someone's

like where they're coming from and then being like you're a fucking monster. Is it an isolated situation or is there more to uncover? Cause you're trying to understand how could you do this? Right? That's your big, you went to bed being like, who are you? How could you keep this from me? And we're trying to figure out how we could. Maybe, maybe, maybe he was just, you know, waiting to see how he felt about you also. Like, maybe he was like, gauging like, you know, I'm really falling for this girl. And

we're actually now we're thinking about moving together together etc. So it sounds like that he adores you obviously, right? So that's a good thing. And maybe he just couldn't figure out how to tell you and I like that he was crying and he was remorseful. You know, life is about forgiveness. You have to forgive people. We all make mistakes, you know, but you have to know why the why and the and the where and the what and all that stuff. I mean, you have to know that because, you know, why doesn't he see the child? Right? Why doesn't she want to, you know, who knows what that the answer to that is? That's that's where the I think where you really have to judge after that, what your your next move is. But that's so important for this.

Yeah, there's so many questions. I mean, how does he feel about it? Does he have an interest in trying to be a father? All while respecting the wishes and laws of which he might have to abide by, I don't know. But you don't even know the details. So you basically said, I don't wanna hear anymore. Was this don't even know the details. How did, like, so you basically said, I don't wanna hear anymore.

Was this in person? Was this over the phone? Was this over text? This was in person at my house last night. Okay, and did he spend the night? Did he leave? He didn't spend the night. How did we wake up?

Like, what was the vibe in the morning? Did you just ignore him? When did you write us? Did you immediately write us in an active situation? I cried the entire night. Okay. And then he consoled me and we went to bed and I told him I still love you.

I don't know how to go forward from here. I'm very shocked still and I wanna know more about the situation. This changes everything. I don't see you the same. I still love you. I'm willing to work through I don't see you the same, I still love you, I'm willing to work through this, and he said the same, and yeah, we went to bed and, you know, we were intimate, so like, whatever. Wait, you still had sex?

Ah! Okay. And why? I'm just curious. I'm just curious. How was it? No. I mean, sure. Yeah. I mean- I don't know if that was makeup sex that doesn't really count Why did you decide to have sex with him? Even knowing that like it creeped you out. Yeah that he kind of creeped you out Was it like he must be great in bed Yeah, you must love the sex because it was like before I found out the truth

And I have and I can never see you again. I need to have one last. I wanna ride this dick, yeah. Yeah, that's how I connect and like feel secure, you know? So I still loved him in that moment. And I was like, all right, like, yeah, the love is still there and I still, I don't know. That's good. I think you should give him a chance to explain himself and then go from there.

Is he at work right now? Yes. How did we say goodbye to work? Has he reached out at all this morning? What does your gut tell you? How illegal is he, so to speak? How scary might the truth be? Or do you feel like it's not gonna be as bad as you're?

fearing I Feel like he probably knocked up a random crazy bee and she May he said he alluded to that she got very violent towards him so I'm assuming something domestic violence and Something got out of control and it went to court and I don't know, went terribly for him. Okay. As it often might for a 22 year old guy who maybe at that point had no money or

emotional connection to this person and therefore potentially, you know, I don't. Maybe she just wanted to have a baby and not just needed the sperm. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, listen, I think You got it. First of all, you have to find out the truth. Yeah, you just do That is a must right? You know this right? You can't live in denial here. I know I'm gonna Duke once I hear it, but I will you don't know that I don't know Listen don't you've the hard part of this reality is how he,

his failure to communicate the truth when he should've. That's the real hurt. Right. I agree, yes. So, and you can't go back in time and hindsight's 20-20, but I'd be willing to bet if on your third date he was like, hey listen, I gotta tell you something. I mean, you would've gotten all this anxiety because you really liked him. And I'm like, I have a kid. And you'd be like, bet if on your third date, he was like, hey listen, I gotta tell you something. You would've gotten all this anxiety

because you really liked him. And I'd be like, I have a kid. And you'd be like, oh okay, fine. But I also never really had a kid. And honestly, it was a pretty ugly past. And I'm happy to answer your questions. It's kind of embarrassing for me. You would've heard him out.

Yes. Right? Well, we don't know what the truth is. Maybe he did some terrible shit. I don't know. I'm guessing he wasn't like, oh, and oh, by the way, I was in jail for five years. Yeah, you have to find out what that whole court thing

is all about. Like, was he the abuser? I mean, you know, you don't know that. Right. You know, it might be a little bit of both, you know? Like, who knows? You know, so. Right, right.

You need to, yeah, so you need to know what you're working with. But right now, it seems like there's like a 90% chance you know the worst of it. And the worst of it is he didn't tell you the truth. Yes, yes. That's what stinks the most. So we already know that truth.

So now you need to find out exactly what you're dealing with because there is a decent chance that your fears are greater than the reality of what the situation is. Exactly. You know, because like, we don't know the truth and we're like, I don't know, did he fucking kill someone? They're like, who knows, like how bad is it? You know, or it could easily be like Luann suggested,

he knocked up some, or you suggested, he knocked up a girl he barely knew, he didn't know what to do. He was scared. He didn't have the resources. It was a toxic situation. They both probably had regrets. She did her thing, he did his, and he was probably maybe just happy

to get out of that situation. And now has times passed. You know, shit, he could be feeling a lot of emotional guilt, a lot of questions. Fuck, as a new father, he could be feeling a lot of emotional guilt, a lot of questions, fuck, as a new father, I could not imagine knowing that I have a kid out there that I have no relationship with, and like how that could fuck someone up.

So like he might need some emotional support, he might need someone, like this could be a cry for help, I don't fucking know, but you need to find out so that you can know, and I do think this is salvageable. That doesn't mean you let them off the hook. I think maybe some couples therapy could be in the works of like, wow, we got here. Because he broke your trust.

I mean, trust is the most important thing in a relationship. You have to be able to trust somebody, especially if you're thinking about moving with them and moving to another state. Yeah. And you need to find out, the next question is, because a lot of people, he is guilty of the, I didn't wanna tell you,

cause I didn't wanna upset you, which is a bullshit lie. He didn't wanna tell you, because he didn't want you to judge him. So what else has he been afraid to tell you out of fear of you not accepting who he really is? Right. And you need to dig deep, because there's probably sad to say a couple

more. Right? No, you'll get to the bottom of it, Maria. You look like a smart lady. If I love him as much as I do and... This is more than manageable. We don't know the full extent of the truth. So it's hard. I don't think we can sit here and say, you know, but I'm saying the betrayal of trust This is fixable. It's it is explainable It's not it's not necessarily easy to accept and yes, you'll have to put in the work You'll have to build back this trust

You'll have to decide for yourself whether this relationship or who we or the person you've got to know Is there enough there to do some work because clearly he has some work to do to do, and therefore as a couple you have some work to do, and you just have to decide for yourself whether you're willing to make that investment. You know? But I don't think this is immediately a fireable offense with what we know now. It's fucked up for sure.

But potentially, you know, it's not like, you know, all the words that we like throwing around sociopath, narcissist, monster, blah, blah, blah. Like there's not a person in this room who hasn't been like afraid to tell someone a secret out of fear of not being accepted and then didn't tell them when they told what they should have told them and then like, oh, fuck, you know, now, now I fucked up. I was guilty of that on a couple things, actually. So but not to this degree. You know, so I'll own that. And I don't know, I just get caught up on the details of like, oh, like, how can I build a future with this person here? He has a kid. He's

got to pay child support for that kid. Like, I don't know, that annoys me a lot. But like you said, it's not a fireball offense, but I just got to decide if this is worth continuing, which is a big part of me. Uh, here in, in, in sometimes in my worst moments in a relationship, you know, and some, you know, I've been through a lot, but I, does he make you feel loved? Oh, a thousand percent, yes. So if you feel his love and you think that's sincere, again, you're probably questioning that a bit,

rightfully so, but if you feel his love, genuinely, not like he decided to be in a relationship with you, but you genuinely feel like this guy, he makes you feel loved. You can say what you want about any relationship, but when you're just like, I don't know, they make me feel like they love me, a lot of people can say that.

There's a lot of relationships out there that exist to this day where it's just like, I mean, we're together, we're best friends, there's a lot of respect, but like, day in, day out, I don't know, I guess, I assume he loves me, I assume she loves me, we're together, but I don't know. I guess. I assume he loves me. I assume she loves me. We're together. But I don't know if I feel it. So the fact that you do, I think there's something there. Yeah. I mean, listen, he told you and then you slept together. So, yeah.

That's because it's that good dick, you know what I'm saying? So next steps, find out the truth, darling. Yeah. And then call us back and let us know for sure. Let us know how you make out. Yeah, and then call us back and let us know for sure. Let us know how you make out. Yeah Okay, I'd be I'd be happy to for sure them get more information but I just hope my um my jealousy of his past or my frustration of his past doesn't get in the way too much because don't let Get in the way. Yeah, that's you. Everyone has a past everybody has a past You know a little annoying that he has to pay child support

and realizing, well, that's money you're never gonna see. But at least, seems like if he's paying it, that's a green flag. Someone who like will, you know, man up and do their responsibilities. And like, again, not a lot of people do that. So, I think we reserve the right to hold our judgment and it's specifically for you,

whether this is a relationship it's safe for you to be in, but I do think it's salvageable. I think you have a lot of green flags here despite this major red flag. You just need to have the guts to find out the truth. And then you have to have the guts to dig for more. You know, you can't just, unfortunately you no longer can take his word. You have to keep prying.

Because he right now, especially giving your reaction to this, he's probably feeling regret this morning. Oh fuck, I shouldn't have told her. You know, shit like that. So back to, he's gonna go back to the guy being like, well, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to be upset. Right now, you're, and again, you did nothing wrong, because you had a natural reaction to it,

but your reaction, unfortunately, has almost justified him not telling you. Yeah, absolutely. So, you gotta pry. I'm like, just tell me whatever it is. I thought he was gonna tell me some childhood trauma or whatever. I was like, I can deal with that, but. Well, this tell me whatever it is. Like I thought he was gonna tell me some childhood trauma or whatever. I was like, I can deal with that.

Well, this is childhood trauma probably. Yeah, a whole kid. I was like, oh yeah. Yeah. Give it some time. Digest, digest, digest and talk more. Yeah. Okay.

It'll come to you. You'll know what to do. Better than he told you now that three years in your relationship or again This I'm not trying to downplay how much this sucks And maybe you might need to break up with his ass, but you you just need to find out more You need to have the guts to do that and

There's a good chance that while though you you both have a lot to work to do and there a lot of healing to do that It is it's doable if you think it's worth it that while you both have a lot to work to do and a lot of healing to do that it is, it's doable if you think it's worth it. Okay. And don't let your friends, you know. And don't let jealousy of the other woman and a child get in the way. It's not about them, it's about you and him. So hard for me.

Well, that's ego. That's ego. That's ego. You don't want to be there. You want to be in your gut. You want to be feeling here. You don't want to be up here going, you know, that's when you get in your head and that's this is a dangerous place to be. Yeah. Let's keep it real. Like right now, if you went back to memory lane and you thought about some of your most like nastiest, weirdest, most embarrassing moments, if he got to watch that,

like on some sort of mirror ball, how do you, you know what I'm saying? We all have a past. Yeah. His past isn't the problem, it's his lack of transparency and his willingness to hide it from you, that's the problem. Right.

Okay, okay. But if we love each other and that love is real and genuine and he's a good human and despite what happened, that's worth continuing. You just have to verify what you feel right now. You feel his love, you need to verify it by be willing to ask these questions, by not being afraid to hear things

that you don't wanna hear. You need to dig deep because at the end of the day, if you do really love each other and you feel his love, you can't wake up every day asking yourself, can I trust this person? Like Luanne said, you need to build back this trust and the only way to do that is to actually find out all there is to find out, let this be,

and maybe share, hit him with something, hey, here's something you're gonna hit about me. You need more details. You need more details in order to make a decision for yourself. You're only eight months in. It's honestly not that long of a time. And lead with your heart during. Think with your heart, not with your head.

That's true. That's true. My heart tells me that he's good. He's a gem. All right. Well don't be afraid to find out because if he really is, then he will verify that. Yes, and you'll know, and you'll know what to do. Okay.

I trust you're gonna make the right choice. Please give us an update. Thank you. Alright. I definitely will, I definitely will. Alright. Thank you so much. You're welcome.

Good luck. Yeah, have a good day, leave with your heart. Right, when you get off the phone, text him and say, hey, thank you for finally telling me., have a good day. Lead with your heart. When you get off the phone, text them and say, hey, thank you for finally telling me. We have a lot to talk about. I'm sorry for the way I reacted because obviously I was caught off guard,

but when you get home, let's sit down, let's get into it, and let's figure this out. There you go. Some version of that, okay? Okay. Without ego. Yeah. Without ego. No jealousy. That's a big? Okay. Without ego. Yeah. Without ego.

No jealousy. That's a big for me. No jealousy. Again, you got a pass. I know. I'm such a hypocrite that way. It's okay, we all are. All right, good luck.

Thanks, Maria. So let us know. I will, I will. I'll email back and again, thank you so much. Thanks, Maria. You're welcome. I admire you both and your show is just, I'm obsessed. I listen to every single episode. We love you for that All right, take care. Thank you. All right. Bye. Bye

Alright Louann, we know you have to go but we promised the audience a little quick game of fuck Mary Kale So I gotta see Justin. Let's. Should we do for the new cast? The new cast. Okay, so the first set is Aaron, Jessel and Uba. Aaron, Jessel and Uba. Okay, let's see. I'm going to F Uba. And not F.

I'm going to marry Aaron. Okay. And I guess I'm gonna have to kill Jessel. I don't really know Jessel, so sorry Jessel. It's not personal, but you're dead to her. And then the second set is Jenna, Sy, and Brynn. Oh, I'm definitely gonna fuck Brynn. Oh, sorry. Did I say fuck?

Yeah, you also said definitely. Yeah. I'm going to marry Jenna Lyons, and I'm gonna get rid of Psy. Okay, all right. There you go. That's it, perfect. Luanne, can't thank you enough for coming.

Congratulations on an illustrious career. Oh, thank you, thank you, Deacon. You too. And good luck with your new song. Thank you, very happy. May it be the bop of the summer. May it be the bop of the summer and I hope everybody comes out to see the cabaret

and to see my performance live because that's my open for the show. Is there a website people can go to? Yes, it's CountessLuan.com for dates and all info on upcoming cabaret shows. I'm going to Europe this year so I'm really excited. She's going to Europe, babes. Yes. All right. Well, we can't thank Luan enough for coming on and appreciate you guys listening. Don't forget to send in your questions at asknick at TheValFiles.com for all things texting office hours. Ask Nick. You know the drill. I guess. Bye. Thank you, Nick. Thank you, Luanne. Bye everybody. Good to see you again. Yeah. Happy being. you