The Viall Files - E73 Ask Nick - Prenup Panic

Episode Date: December 30, 2019

Nick is here to answer fan questions to get you through the middle of the holidays. We talk to a Vino who doesn’t want to get a prenup, a woman who is being stalked online, someone who wants her husband to sleep in bed, and a woman who is confused as to why she got ghosted after sex. Remember, the simplest explanation is often the right one! Send your sex and dating questions to [e-mail]. THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: HIDRATESPARK: https://hidratespark.com CODE: VIALL ROOT INSURANCE: https://www.joinroot.com/ ROTHYS: https://rothys.com/viall JADE BLACK: https://www.jadeblack.co CODE: VIALL-10 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

what is up everybody hope you had a wonderful christmas now we're in the law yeah the uh holiday season some people have to go back to work some people do it's tough yeah like you got that vacation mode and you're just like i don't want to work and then you do yeah i feel like i had a job once uh where they gave you that whole week off i had a job once you know i i had a lot of jobs yeah where they give you the week off. Diligent worker. That's. Yeah, they kind of just shut down. They were just like, you're not going to really work, people. And then I've had other jobs. Well, in my sales jobs, I would always go back to work.

It's tough. Whenever I was in sales, I never really used my vacations. Really? Not as much, yeah. yeah why you were just like well if you're not selling you're not making money oh that's true you know i you know i had a you're on salary but it's just yeah i i had to get better at taking vacation and then when you take vacation you're still working yeah so all you people you know driving to work right now not feeling it well for those who have to go driving to work right now, not feeling it.

Well, for those who have to go back to work, we're here. We're here for you. Cause we know you're not really going to be working. Just hang out with us. Text your friends. Be like,

Oh my God, are you working too? Listen to this podcast. It'd be great. So thank you for my Christmas gift. You're welcome. Nick got me a computer. You did.

I did. I felt like it was like I was on the Oprah show. You get a computer. You get a computer. did i did i felt like it was like i was on the oprah show you get a computer you get a computer well you've been a a wonderful producer and you use your computer for work and you mentioned that you need a new computer so i felt like it was an appropriate gift for someone who was working very hard i took it to the apple store they're like this is an amazing gift the workers but i just i just said, give them the same one I got. Yeah. I like really, I think I might get the, there's a new 16 inch. Great.

Or wait. I'm always the type of person that wants to wait till the next best thing comes out. But you, like, did you already? Yes, yes, I did. I did. Because you had a certain number of days. But don't you think that's a problem of always thinking the next best thing is coming out? Well, in life, sure.

Especially when at the Apple store, I bought my iPhone two days before best thing is coming out. Well, in life, sure. Especially at the Apple store. I bought my iPhone two days before the new one came out. I mean, that was bad on your part. I mean, whatever. It's still like new. And I think it's a little different with computers. Yeah, I think so too. Anyways.

But even boyfriends, you can always be waiting for the next best thing. That is true. Great segue, rochelle uh i feel like guys more think that way guys definitely think that way yeah well she's hot we're like this is fine yeah women are just like he's alive he's fine he likes me he likes me this is all that matters guys not so much not so much anyways uh we have another great episode of ask nick we always appreciate you listening.

Hopefully to get you through the Christmas hangover right into New Year's Eve. The taint of the holidays. The taint of the holidays, if you will. Yeah. We're here for you. Come back on Wednesdays. Wells Adams joins us to talk about and help us ring in the new year. We are here on New Year's Day.

We are. We don't's Day. We are. We don't take breaks. We don't take vacations. Quite like me and sales. Right, yeah. I don't really have vacation days to take, but I guess I could. You need to start living your life.

Nah, it's overrated. I'm here. I live my life through the audience. That's sad. That's pathetic. Anyways, Wells Adams helps us bring in the new year. So hang out with us on Wednesdays. We're here for you.

Until then, enjoy. That's Nick. Question time with Nick. Let's ask Nick your sexy questions. How's it going? right hey i'm meredith cavalier and i'm 28 from virginia all right meredith 28 how are you i'm great i just thought first of all you might want to fire your assistant for not doing a better vetting process because I'm a big Caitlin Bristow vino. That's fine.

Oh, no. Are you talking – he should fire me? That's what you're saying. Yeah, that would be Rochelle. Well, no, did you not listen to the Caitlin episode? I mean, we're like team KB and NV right now. Yeah, I actually like it it i appreciate it a lot actually i actually i'm wearing a duet crunchy look nice i would normally wear one like every day but

you know work anyways out of respect for the show i guess right right well I listened to your podcast with her and I didn't listen to but I didn't listen to her live show with you so does that say you like my show better or her anyways how can we help you Meredith okay so I just have a little little relationship question. I've been in a relationship with my man friend for almost three years. Man friend. And we talk about marriage a little bit, but we're kind of in a situation where our finances don't match up completely. So he's talking about wanting, you know, if we ever do get married, definitely get a prenup.

Okay. I read this email. I'm kind of, I'm on the fence about it. And I, you know, I understand where he's coming from financially, you know, in the future, but also I'm trying to not really go into a marriage on a business transaction where I'd rather maybe, you know, wait for kids and get a postnup. I read your email. So let me paraphrase and correct me if I'm wrong just to, and I thought these were specific details in your email. So let me know if I understand it correctly. But right now, you seem to be in a position in your career where you're making some pretty good money and you are smart with how you spend it and you've saved up and you're doing just fine. He, on the other hand, is very career motivated. He's in a position where he maybe just got promoted,

but he might have some debt right now, but he has big aspirations for his future and things are lining up for him to make a lot of money going forward. Would that be correct? Right. Yeah. And so now you guys talk about marriage and he is definitely wants to do a prenup and you're like, uh, uh, is, is, is this a sure thing that he's going to be making a lot of money in the near future? Um, I mean, it's, he's a, he started a, it's at a startup, a marketing agency. Okay.

And he's like, I mean, the number two guy. So it could either fall on its face or it could be a home run kind of thing. Right, yeah. Rochelle, what do you think? I have an opinion. I'm curious what you think. Well, I want to know more

like what her thought process is behind it, behind not wanting it i mean i'm not i'm not against like you know a financial agreement i would just i just don't really see with how much you know he's got student debt and I don't. And really, you know, he tells me the prenup is, you know, going to save me from, you know, potentially having to bear his student debt.

What's like in your gut, like what's making you think that a prenup is not something you want to do? I just, like, I mean, gut like what's making you think that a prenup is not something you want to do i just like i mean i just think that i've wanted to get married my whole life and especially with him like i want to say it's a done deal i just don't i don't want to be planning a wedding and then also you know meeting with attorneys it feels meeting with attorneys. It feels unromantic. It feels unromantic for something that can maybe be done after the wedding. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if you can do it after the wedding. I'm not a lawyer and I don't know anything about prenups per se,

but I think the whole idea is figuring out the legality of your finances before uh you get married in the sense because if you don't do that once you get married there's uh laws or you know things that go into effect based off the fact that you are married you know like if you do it after i just looked it up if you do it after the wedding it's called a post-nuptial agreement you kind of you can go back it's a prenup and a post-nup so you can go back and do that. It's a prenup and a postnup. So you can go back and kind of say, I forfeit whatever rights that we have as a married couple, but we are going to agree to do this.

I agree. It's very unromantic. Are you saying you would be okay with this if it was after your marriage? That you would like... Yeah. Really? Why? I mean, because I think that's going to be a huge part of our lives and are you well i wouldn't i wouldn't be i wouldn't be opposed to it like when we're you know about to have kids and when we have to figure out you know am i going

to be staying home taking care of kids while he's at work making more money that i'm I going to be staying home, taking care of kids while he's at work, making more money that I'm not going to be able to recover if we, you know, if anything does happen? I mean, the, you are married and you are like, why do you have to get a prenup in general? Can't, are you okay with the possibility of just being like, I don't want to get a prenup? You're my husband i don't i would i would 100 not want one either way but if that's gonna be his you know stickler thing to get married like if he's it's his whole life revolves around not getting married unless he has a prenup then well then you know i'm gonna compromise a little bit i'd be compromising a little bit and signing a pre-dub prenup or might be two different things um i mean i don't i mean

everything else in this relationship is just great wonderful i think so okay i mean yeah you know as good as it can be um what about like when you described to him how uncomfortable you are with the idea of getting a prenup does he listen does he is he open to having a conversation i think right right now i mean i i've worked in law i work in like law offices okay And I've done research on it, and I've kind of come around to it a little bit. But I also told him, if this is something that you want, it's coming out of your pocket. You're going to meet with the attorneys and pay for it.

I'm going to meet with the attorneys, and you're going to pay for it. Just out of curiosity, have you discussed, if you get a prenup, what exactly he's asking for in terms of, yeah, he's selling you on the idea that, hey, listen, I have debt and you don't, so in the near future, this is actually protecting you. But there's a reason why he wants to sign this prenup,

and as he described to you, like, what if, let's say, you guys get married and have kids and his marketing company hits a home run and he's worth 50 million dollars in 10 years from now how much he expects you to get of that if you sign a prenup have you have you discussed that does he have a a bullet point bullet like a bullet points laid out of like what's that look like or does he want all of it he wants his equity he wants his equity he does so he's saying i want a prenup so that if we get divorced and it doesn't work out you can't get half of the equity i have in this company right basically he's he's saying he's doing 100 of the work he wants 100 of that

equity whatever he gets i mean i mean you could argue that you know while he's doing 100 of the work you are you know he's 50 of that relationship you know and then again what if you guys have a family it's all fine now when you guys are two single people with no kids but now then you start a family you know and then choices are made about who's staying home and who's working yeah etc etc i mean and i always i always imagine like a prenup if i got a prenup i'd want like a clause in there to say like you know void this after five years, you know, or once we start having kids,

because, but I mean, not really void it. I guess you can make amendments to it, but I just wouldn't. Yeah, listen, it's definitely. If he cheats, I want everything. Sure. I mean, listen,

it's unfamiliar territory for me. I never imagined asking for one or being asked no i mean just off the top of my head the only time i like i could think where it makes sense is if you're worth a stupid amount of money right if you're like a billionaire or let's say even worth like you're 50 million dollars and you meet someone and it's like hey i think she loves me for me and like or i think he loves me for me let's say the worth like your $50 million and you meet someone and it's like, Hey, I think she loves me for me. And like, or, or I think he loves me for me. Let's say the woman's worth $50 million. It makes sense to me that the person who has all the money would be like, yeah, listen, I trust you, but I need something, you know, like I, you know, I, I, I can't just get married one day.

And if you leave me next week, you get half. You know, like that makes sense to me to like involve some lawyers. But in this situation, it's just a lot of potential legalities and lawyers and a lot of unromantic conversations about something you don't even know is going to happen. But he is hedging his bet that your relationship won't work, you know,

which gotta... I don't think that's what it is. You don't? Betting that your relationship won't work. You know, which got to... I don't think that's what it is. You don't? Betting that the relationship won't work? It's hedging your bet on the possibility it won't. I think he kind of is. His parents are divorced. He's 100%.

He's hedging his bet. I'm not saying he's saying it's going to not work, but he's being obviously very realistic about the possibility that it can't. Hey. Right. Which I appreciate. I mean, that's statistically, that's a smart thing to do. Right.

But, you know, there's the idea of don't get married, I guess, if he's not. There's something about marriage and if it is unromantic. But listen, I would say if this is, you know, hold your ground. I mean, don't compromise too much at the risk of saying, I just want to get married and have kids and I really love him. But like, you know, this is an opportunity to see how he's going to compromise in a life with him. You know, if you're going to get married and have kids and make very serious choices, this

is obviously a test. And so fine, if you are willing, obviously, to have a conversation about the possibility of signing a prenup, see how flexible he is, you know, without getting it combative, you know, you certainly are going to have to get a lawyer involved, right? Like, and he's like, to your point, he's going to have to pay for it if that's what he wants to do. Fine. But you still need a lawyer to represent you and then your, on your behalf. And then like things like, you know, a statute of limitations, like five years, like you get more or it's, it's reneged or you start having kids and things change.

you get more or it's, it's reneged or you start having kids and things change. Because listen, I guess if you want to play fair, he's just saying, all right, we're going to get married now. We're 28. We don't plan on having kids say four years. I don't know. I'm just throwing things out. And if we get married and like shit happens in the first two and a half years, we just realized we hate each other. Like, why do you get half? We don't have a family together, et cetera, et cetera. All right, fine. You know, like if he wants to do that, but you start having a family together and you know, you're raising a family and you're staying home and, and I don't know if you are, but like you're whatever, you know, things change and you become a family. Like, yeah, I'm sorry. You deserve some of that equity, you know, you're

or don't get divorced, you know, or make it work, you're, or don't get divorced, you know, or make it work, you know, or don't get married. If you are thinking there's a good chance that like you have this such an easy out, you know, because that's what I said. I was like, I don't, I don't need to marry you if that's, if you're so worried about it. But I mean, also, you don't, he doesn't have to share, if we're married, he doesn't have to share if we're married he doesn't have to share his money with me necessarily yeah you just have to tell me about it i'm not a lawyer but to play lawyer just to play the other side on your behalf right like he's just like well i want all of my equity well you know if you have an asset you know like his equity in his company and you guys get married

and have kids and you do things like buy a house or in the future like put money aside for your kids to go to college like people borrow against that all the time they use that as a way to like you know get loans etc etc and he has all those cards and you don't have any of them you know like it really changes how you guys make decisions right so like to say that you you know so much might be put into that equity it might be a place for him to like hide money in a sense in a you know like if things all of a sudden you're married things aren't going so well he can see that he can read the tea leaves all of a sudden his company is like paying him a little bit less cash and giving him a little bit more equity of which he owns all of, you know, I'm just saying those are vehicles in which people can then start hiding money, et cetera, et cetera.

And like, you know, it can get real tricky and you have no protections. And again, you'll have, if you guys, if you guys do this, you'll have a lawyer, like I'm sure bringing this up and, and, and fighting on your behalf, but I don't think it's as simple as he might be suggesting. And to your point, if you really want to get married, there's something about wanting to get married of making sacrifices and planning for the future. And if that's not what he wants, then maybe he doesn't want to get married. Maybe he wants a full-time girlfriend to hopefully stay with him for the rest of his life and maybe have kids, not get married i guess i'm of a different opinion i i just think it it does feel unromantic but it could be a great way to establish like trust and intimacy before you begin a marriage and if you have faith that you will be together then i guess it isn't that scary like Like to me, I'm like, I think you have to default to the person who wants it.

I'm not saying it's wrong or right, but I, and I can see what you're saying. There's other ways to do that with money than getting lawyers involved in a prenup. And, uh, you know, are you saying prenup or prenup? What is prenup? Keep hearing prenup. Probably prenup. I don't know. It's how much I haven't talked about it. Probably prenup. I don't know. That's how much I haven't talked about it.

Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I've seen. I'm surprised that's your opinion. Why? I'm not. Why?

Because you got money. Sure. But I want to. I still have a romantic at heart that I hope I meet someone that I want to be like, you know what? This is going to, we're going to make this work. Yeah.

I've, I've seen my friends do other things with finances I thought were really cool. I mean, I have one friend couple that's married and they have kids. I think they, and they established this before they had kids, but both working professionals made their money and they, I thought this was kind of cool what they did. It was all right. We make good money. We have our family account, our marriage account of which we, they decided up front,

like what percentage goes into that. And then they have their own personal accounts, right? And it's a certain percentage. And they have agreed that if you want to, your personal account, if you want to spend all of this on Skittles, it's your right, right? If you want to spend, personal account, if you want to spend all of this on Skittles,

it's your right, right? If you want to spend, I'm just saying something absurd, like that is their money. That's the first thing your mind goes to, to spend. It's just like, I just want all the Skittles in the world. Then that is your right. But like that is your money. And then you have that freedom to do what you want with it.

And you can shop and buy purses or you can go to sporting events. You can do whatever you want. And this is our money as a family that we are putting away for our kids' future and houses or et cetera, et cetera. Like that's a way to have some freedom with your finances but at the same time be married and things like that. And like they made some money. They have the freedom to do that. like that i mean and like this they're they made some money they have the freedom to do that my parents would be like with it that we don't have the money to set money aside right for like we have fucking 11 kids to raise so every everything's a little bit different but you know what my my friend did so they didn't they signed a prenup and then so she charged him she charges him for

taking care of the kids then yeah she's like if i'm not getting any of the money then i deserve to be paid for this because it's your kids to you that's a good idea to that point rochelle i mean you can if you're gonna do a prenup you can negotiate anything yeah you really can't on the table yeah so the question is is like how i don't that's you know god damn it you don't know and that's the thing i get i get where she's coming from she's like yeah i guess i can do that i can get a lawyer and i can get real i can real nitpicky but like i want to get married and and i want to get married and i don't want to get divorced you know yeah and i want the and the the it but maybe just change the way you're looking at it. Instead of looking at it as a thing about divorce, just look at it as a way of, no?

I mean, I don't know. I think this is definitely a matter of personal preference. I'm sure there's a lot of people listening being like, no fucking way would I even consider this. And other people being, hey. It's not that big of a deal. It's not that big of a deal. It's certainly not a traditional mindset.

And if you kind of grew up thinking, you know, that's so unromantic. The reality is, I mean, I was telling my parents over Thanksgiving and, you know, I love my family. Sometimes we, you know, as all people can be, we can be a little Debbie Downers. We can complain about our lives that we have or what we don't have. And I was just like, guys, we are like so lucky as a family in all aspects of health, relationships per se, you know, general like well-being, the fact that my parents are still together. I mean, I go on a date with a woman and she's like oh your parents are together i would guess that one out of five times the person like they're like it's like a big deal now it's as much as like to have your parents together to go on a date with someone

but like oh your parents are together oh yeah you too it's like whoa let's take a moment you know it's not very common that like two people go on a date and both of their parents are still together. I mean, they say it's like above 50%, but I feel like it's much higher now, you know? And so the reality is people are getting divorced. So I get the premise that like this is not 1940 anymore. Well, it is death to do you part. It's like, you know, so I get it, but I don't know. It's definitely, I support you not being okay

with it um he is definitely hedging his bet you know maybe he's a very analytical person maybe he's that's just the way his brain works and he's just like hey i love you but hey let's be real here you know i don't know but uh you definitely what my advice i guess is you have to have a line that you aren't willing to cross right that's that's my advice is you got to figure out what that line is you got to figure out okay i'm doing the research and i'm okay okay with discussing this but there's some things i'm just not okay with and i don't know what that is for you but you got to figure what that is and you need to be able to feel like he's meeting you halfway. It's just a feeling, right? You need to be able to feel like you are getting some concessions with him that aren't necessarily involving lawyers, right? And I don't know what

that is, but I think you need to feel that he's giving you something so you can feel that element of romance in the relationship and trust because you clearly aren't necessarily comfortable with it. And if you do go through with it, you can't feel like you sold out or you can't feel like you have this prenup. Is it prenup, prenup? Prenup, it stands for prenup tool. Prenup hanging over your head, you know?

And it's just like a thing that you become, you build this resentment. And then imagine all of a sudden things aren't, you fight a little bit. You're in your third year, fourth year of your marriage. You have your first kid. It's a little tense as any marriage would be, right? All of a sudden he makes some money, equity goes up. And then that pressure you're going to feel of, what did I do? What did I, oh my God. And then is he just going to bail on me now that he has all this money he can you know it's it can create as much as like it can create trust and security in terms of like an understanding it also can create a lot of like oh shit you know

and that all depends on how good your lawyer was at the beginning versus his and all of a sudden you're literally making sure because because that's the reality. If he wants a prenup and you go along with it, like the truth is in that moment, figuring it out, you better hope that you have a better lawyer than his. And this is someone you're like, well, I hope I won because like, I love you until death do us part.

But like, just in case, you know, like I might hate you in 10 years. You know, I don't uh it's messy figure out what that line is you need you need to figure you need to feel like he is meeting you halfway with these feelings um and you know i understand the equity point but it's just about a feeling you need to find out what that line is that you're not willing to cross and you need him you need him he needs to meet you there. And don't let it ruin your wedding. It could.

I mean, let's be real. How's it going? Good. Nice to meet y'all. My name is Kim, and I'm 35 years old. Hi, Kim, 35. Nice to meet you. I like your outfit.

Thank you. Cute. Thunder's on. So I am kind of in a precarious situation. And it's very convoluted, but I'll try to be super succinct with it. And there's been a lot of new stuff that's developed. So I kind of just want help with dissecting what's going on maybe and see what you guys have to say about it. But it's just really bizarre. So I met this guy like whenever I was doing my residency program, probably like six years ago and we dated very briefly um I ended things because I felt like he wasn't putting in the effort and so um after that I didn't hear from him for a while and then I um got like a Facebook message from him that he had sent probably six months to a year after we had ended things and it was just something like,

oh, I looked through all these people with your name. I finally found you and just want to let you know that I had been thinking about you. So he had put in some effort after that. Right. But I didn't get that message for like six months to a year after he had sent it. So it was kind of a moot point. you're on facebook yeah yeah so i i didn't get that message for a while um and so you know we just kind of caught up just see how how we were doing or whatever and then that just kind of passed and then recently here probably within the year he actually sent me a Facebook friend request. And then he friended me on Instagram or whatever. So we just kind of

connected there. And long story short, we've just been trying to catch up. I actually had a medical conference out in San Diego where he was like back in June. And so we just met up for dinner or whatever. And then we've just been talking on Instagram since then. Well, so what's been happening is I've been getting these random Instagram messages from like a person who has no picture, no followers, nothing, not following anybody. And it's,

it's just one of those things where initially it was pictures of him or like video of him, maybe out at a club or something, dancing with a girl, but you know, we're not exclusive. So it's not anything that I'm really bothered by. And so I actually sent them a message. I was like, thanks.

Why are you sending me these pics or videos? And they didn't answer. And then they just kept sending me more, more pictures. And then being this anonymous account. Yeah. Like I have no clue who it was so um and then after a while they started sending me like actual texts like through instagram like messages yeah and it would say something like god knows what you did and will punish you for your sins or like crazy stuff like that right oh my god and um and like on my phone i go ahead i mean you've been hanging out with this guy off and on he finds you now you're

talking and you're getting this rant it's as if you're married to him or you're having an affair but like you're being warned yeah and yet you're just famous is he like a big deal? No, no. So I don't even know what the deal is. At this point, are you even dating? Are you just like kind of talking via the internet? I'm kind of talking. Have you hung out? And we're just seeing where things were going. And so that's what-

You've hung out. You're hanging out at this point. So I met him in San Diego whenever I was there for a medical conference. And then he actually came to visit me a couple, by this time, probably like a month ago. And so that's when all the crazy stuff started is I started getting like these God will punish you for your sins. Okay. Wow. Sins.

Yikes. And you're getting videos of him dancing with people. So that was like before. Yeah, and so now it's more like her just sending and then unsending me messages so I can't really see what they are. And so then I'll have to like get on and then snapshot or take a screenshot of it really quickly

so I can save it. So it's like the most bizarre situation. And then, so that was all amusing. And, you know, at the time I was thinking, well, should I be snarky or just like sincere and just ask for what's going on? So after the whole fins thing, I asked her like, oh, so like, you know, my fins,

I try to be like kind to everybody um I I try to be nice to everyone so if I did something to upset you then please let me know and then they just you know obviously they're a little off the rocker so they were just like you know what you did um and then just like send all these other things. And like at one point in time, they sent like maybe like a WhatsApp text message from like babe, which I guess is supposed to be him and this person like shortly after his visit here. And it was just like him talking to the person and it's, oh,

I miss you. Like I was in Dallas, but I was here to, to, you know, meet up with a male friend or whatever, which, um, you know, I don't, I confronted him about it. I never said that. So wait, so time out. Yeah. Have you told him this story? Like, is he aware of what's going on? Yeah. So he was aware from the beginning. After the pictures, I even said, hey, is there a reason why this person is sending me these pictures?

And he had no clue why they would send those pictures or the videos or whatever. Does he know who this person is? So the working theory was that it was his ex. And now that's no longer a working theory anymore. So I don't know who it is. So we that it was his ex and now that's no longer still working theory anymore so i don't know who it is so we thought it was his ex and um like at one point in time in one of the messages that they sent me and then unsent me they they referenced his ex and um they supposedly he reached out to his ex also, and his ex had been contacted by this random person also.

And there's a picture of us that, it's just like an innocent picture of us just like looking at the camera. And I guess they're trying to provoke these people because they sent it to his ex and it said something like, hashtag my love, hashtag my girl, which I'm very certain that he never said that. So it's just really bizarre that they've gone through all this trouble and have all this time to do this because it's really crazy. That is bizarre. But I guess I think in these situations, it's always important to focus on what we do know, not what we don't know. What we do know is that you started getting these messages around the time that you started talking to this guy. And you do know that this person, whoever they are, is messaging you about him for whatever reason. is messaging you about him for whatever reason.

And it's probably safe to assume that unless you have a friend who's just fucking, well, no, wait, this person sent you videos of him. Yeah. So they have access to him. Yeah, I think those videos were maybe on his Instagram story or something that is public. So it's just kind of interesting. He posted the picture of you that this person sent to his ex? Or how did they get that picture?

So after we took the picture, I sent him a picture through text, right? But he, like after the whole fake text, that WhatsApp thing, he posted a picture of us on his story and it was just like, On his story. Tagged me, yeah, tagged me and said like,

thank you for showing me around Dallas or whatever. So I don't know if they got it by hacking his phone or by um using that story picture i got a question for you how concerned does he act about this situation how concerned is he yeah um so i guess initially he just thought it was annoying but he's like changed his number and all that stuff because they were sending him stuff too. So, um, initially it's, it was amusing. Um, but then it got kind of crazy because he would get like email confirmation, um, from whoever it is, like scheduling him appointments with me.

Cause like I said, I'm a physician. So they would, he would get like, he would get like email confirmations and phone confirmations, like from my health system to schedule appointments with me. And then he got confirmations of me scheduling appointments where I did my residency training. But it was like my name plus his last name, which is like kind of humorous, but kind of bizarre. And then also got confirmation for touring my apartment. So that's when I had to put out like a police report obviously because that's a little crazy um they just because i mean because i don't know who it is they they just said

to keep a lookout for are you even vicious person are you dating this guy now so like what's going on as far as this relationship no so no so we were just a lot to do. Yes, exactly. So we were just seeing how things were and, you know, we're not even in the same state. So, you know, he, he didn't want to go into anything serious. I just wanted to see where things went. So we're not even dating. Um, so it's really bizarre uh and the person after that like i reported them on instagram and that automatically blocked them but then they created a new account and was still sending me pictures and like they they you know how you can forward a picture so they were forwarded forwarding like a picture of like a female performer um and i guess they were trying to show me that he had liked their their post or something and i'm just like i don't care and you know it's like and you know

the scene in dumb and dumber where like the the um the undercover cop is like rambling and jim carey is like i don't care like i don care. So I don't understand why this person. That's like my life in a conversation. I'm kidding. Listen, I, I, it is weird. Obviously we don't have answers of how to figure this out. I mean, the big question is, is do you really like this guy? I mean, is it really worth it because

the whether this is fair to him or not it all started with him you know and i asked those questions like how concerned is he about this because like it is super weird and it did start with him and i'm just wondering not to like put false blame on him but like it did it he it did start with him you know and it also started with him kind of finding you on the internet there's a connection with the internet being oh the glue and i'm not trying to get a conspiracy theory here but like oh you know he did go out of his way to find you he found you that way people do weird things um so like listen if you were telling me the story and it's just like, I've been dating

this guy for like eight months, everything's great. And he's the greatest guy in the world. And there are zero red flags, but there's a situation I would tell a different story. I mean, I would give a different response. You think a Facebook message is a red flag? No, I'm just saying like, listen, this is a super weird story. There's not a lot to go on. Right. We don't know why you're getting these random messages via the internet, Instagram, Facebook, whatever. It's super bizarre for someone you're not even in a relationship with. I'm saying you don't know much about him.

You do know that he looked you up via the internet, which is not weird. It is, to Rochelle's point, normal. But he seems willing to really go out of his way to do like a deep vibe to find you and that that's a kind of aggressive not that you're not worth it or whatever I'm just saying that's a I don't mean aggressive in a bad way I just like what what's the upside here like do you do you really like him? Because I think that you need to figure that out because like, is there anything else that feels off or weird about this whole situation about him?

I mean, so we dated initially for like two or three months. Um, and he lost his phone. That's why he had to reach out that way to me. But, um, you know,

he, what, what he had lost his phone or something so he didn't have my number so then that's why he had to like look me up on facebook or something he ghosted you or you broke up after you dated so so so just so it first sounds weird i just want to make sure i don't think it is weird as it might sound he you dated you stopped dating time passed he at some point got a new phone like i don't i lose numbers like that i mean if it's someone like two years ago i might not have wait let her say what happened to the end of your relationship so initially um like we were dating and i felt like i was putting in more

effort and i didn't put in the effort then he would not you know we would not go anywhere yeah and so after I told him that like I didn't hear from him and then like the six to one year later that's when he had messaged me on on Facebook saying that he had like tried to find me or whatever yeah I'm just saying like there are two people dated it didn't work out okay like right and then he didn't he for whatever reason wanted to reach back out he didn't have your number anymore that's believable that's fine okay okay it's possible i could have lost a number yeah none of that's totally weird i'm simply saying this is super weird and it seems like a lot of effort and like you're now you filed a police report for a guy that you're like about, and he is the, like he is the center of this,

whether it's his fault or not, he is at the center of this. So the question is, is like, how much do you really like them to like, uh, figure out what's going on here? Yeah.

So honestly, I feel like he probably just needs a friend right now. Cause he seems actually really overwhelmed and like stressed out by the whole situation is what he's saying to me um so i i think i'm beyond the point of like trying to pursue this but i guess my other question is like at this point in time do i like if i go on a date with someone do do I tell them about this? Cause this seems like a pretty big deal. You know, it's like a weird situation to be in. I think when it comes to this guy in this relationship,

you should communicate, right? You shouldn't be afraid to, and especially with him, I don't know why, but like, I think it's particularly important for you to be very clear about your intentions, whether this is a friendship or romantic relationship or no relationship at all, right? I don't think you should hope that he's okay with something. I think if you don't want to date him romantically, I think he needs to be clear about that. I'd be curious how this whole, what happens after that, to be honest. I'm curious too.

And that's the thing, there's something there. i think there's something in your gut i don't know that's telling you something but don't leave any gray for this guy you know uh i think that's really important so if you want to be his friend i think he it needs to be very clearly stated that that's what you're interested in and that's all you're interested in i think it's totally okay also to not be his friend you're not his yeah yeah you don't need to be his friend uh right probably not yeah yeah i he'll find other friends i mean you're both adults you know you've dated once he seems overwhelmed people do fucking weird things man and i just think again he's the one he's the he this all started with him and it's super weird and you know uh what is that uh law like the most simplest explanation

is often the right one alcavians or something i've never heard that you never heard that it's a basically the easiest and most simplest explanation is often the true one, the right one. And so you can get into all these theories about, you know, it's basically like questions that is based off of that. It's like, oh, yeah, we could all sit here for 20 minutes and think of a bunch of different scenarios to figure out what's going on. Right. But all we do know, this all started with him. Occam's razor. Yeah.

Never heard of that. Occam's razor. Yeah. Right. And so I. Occam's Razor. Yeah. Never heard of that. Occam's Razor. Yeah. Right. And so I just think there's something there. We can't explain it, but it has to do with him somehow. That much I'm confident in. Yeah.

And surprisingly, he can't figure out who it is. Not your problem, you know? And I think you don't want to date him. I think that's important. You seem pretty confident about that you seem some uh what uh you feel this burden of being his friend because maybe he deep down you sense that he's kind of a lonely troubled person not that he's but you know you want to be there for him etc etc and you weirdly and unjustifiably feel like you are afraid to date someone else without you know i think that's an important piece.

That's sad. You know, well, that's fine. But like, you're a good person, but you don't, you shouldn't feel bad.

You should make it clear. You should be very clear in communicating that with him because there's a weird kind of, you got yourself in this weird situation where you're a little bit stuck for no reason. And there's a lot of drama for like, you're not in a relationship and there's this, you're filing police bit stuck for no reason and there's a lot of drama. You're not in a relationship and you're filing police reports.

Right. So I think Rochelle and I are in agreement. I think you should just shut this down. Oh yeah, shut it down. If you don't want to and you want to be his friend, you need to be very clear about this relationship. You're a hot doctor. You don't need to deal with this. You are a babe.

You are a babe you are a doctor uh you know maybe that caregiver in you is wanting to like take care of them but don't that take care of your patients not guys in your life i appreciate it thank you all right thanks for calling in all right take care thank you all right all right bye-bye that needs to be uh shared far and wide to all the all the doctors up there and the nurses what a weird story there's definitely some mental illness when you talk about sin like on that's the person reaching out sure yeah severe and i don't like it might not be for there's again there only, the only content is this guy.

Do you get weird messages like that? I mean, not like that. No. Certainly not about a certain person that I've hung out. Oh, good. That's good. But I've gotten weird messages, but nothing like, nothing like that. But it's, there's something with this guy.

There's something going on there. That's a good point. And then when she mentioned that she's like, well, is it okay if i start dating other guys to like what do you mean why why wouldn't it be okay you know right i mean there's a reason why she feels reluctant to communicate with him yeah i don't know what that is but there's a reason why and it all started with him yeah so gotta be wary of those Facebook messages from guys in your past. Yeah. Ghosts of relationships past. I mean, in Facebook too.

I know. It's like, come on. Anyways. Don't take care of your patients. A lot of people get in affairs starting on Facebook messages. Because no one else. They're certain their boyfriend or girlfriend isn starting on Facebook messages. Because no one else. They're certain their boyfriend or girlfriend isn't on there too. Or just like people like just reach out to people from their past.

They're like sad. They're bored. Yeah. They're bored. Hi. How's it going? Hi. I'm Caitlin.

I'm 26. Hi, Caitlin, 26. Hi. Next file. Let's go. go what's that how can we help so um my husband never sleeps in bed with me he pretty much almost every night falls asleep on the couch either playing video games or watching youtube or whatever and um comes to bed sometimes like late like 5 a.m. if he wakes up but most of the time he just stays on first and like it's he'll have my lunch ready for me or like a protein shake or something so I wake up and like that's nice and

all but I I kind of feel a little rejected when I wake up in the morning all alone in bed. We've been married for two and a half years and kind of been a problem throughout the whole time. And tell him what happened when you didn't have a couch. Oh, yeah. We got a new couch like a year ago and we got rid of our old one and we didn't have a couch for like a week and he still would fall asleep on the floor downstairs and not in bed so wow yeah and uh how's everything else how's the sex life i mean it's fine like it would definitely been a couple years now so it's not like every day like it used to be usually on weekends

well but it's like you have a little bit but you have a sex life we have one okay a little bit she said just what does that mean i i don't know i mean mean, I'm just... It's not as much as I would like. Okay, so you would like it more. Okay. But you do have one. I mean, it's drastic. You do have one. It's fairly drastic to fall asleep on a floor. So I'm just wondering if, like...

I would feel like at that point, no one's fucking. But you still have a sex life. It's just that... What is it? Like an afternoon delight situation? He likes it in the morning. Okay. When do you like it?

I like it at night, but I can deal with it in the morning, because I'll take it anytime, basically. But if he's coming to bed, sometimes I can tell it's because he woke up wanting some. So, yeah. And I'm assuming you have communicated this frustration with him. Yeah, yeah. He definitely knows that it upsets me,

but I don't like waking up alone. But he kind of acts like there's nothing he can do about it. That's not true. It's just kind of how it is. What job does he have? Yeah, so he works weird hours. He gets off at like 10.30, but actually his shift has changed. Now he gets off at 9.30, but it's still a problem.

Where does he work? He's on inventory management at like a warehouse. They do all online staff and kitchen stuff. So he gets off at 9, 9, 10 nine so he goes into work later yeah yeah okay yeah so he goes into work at like noonish and what he likes to come home and kind of decompress with video games and youtube videos yeah yeah youtube videos who knows what he's watching um and then he so wait and he normally like what time what's when when does he usually fall asleep versus like is he just a night owl

like he just goes to bed at four in the morning and wakes up at 10 yeah he definitely like stays up late uh i would guess he probably doesn't fall asleep for like three or four most nights yeah i mean that's that is interesting because like okay if he has a job or he's working a different shift and it's just like he's just he's operating at different hours and so i get the idea that he's coming home at 9 30 10 maybe you're going to bed around 11 12 and he's just like well i'm up you know so like i don't like i'm gonna watch you know whether it's video games and youtube and he just just like, well, I'm up, you know? So like, I don't, like, I'm going to watch, you know, whether it's video games and YouTube and he just, but he can still go to bed at four, three, like if it's three or four, he can still get into bed and like, you know, wrap that leg around your calf

and, you know, that little like half spoon with the leg kind of thing. And just kind of that little touch, you know, that everyone needs, everyone likes, you know, just a little, just a little rub, caress, you know? So he can, yeah. Like I get that he doesn't want to go to bed at the same time as you, but that's this, he can, he can definitely get into,

he can definitely not fall asleep on the floor. You know, that's like, that's being adult. I would say to like bring that conversation up because like he knows it bothers me and it's still happening and has happened for like two and a half years so uh yeah like my mom works crazy hours she's a nurse practitioner but she still sleeps in a bed with my dad um i think you need to uh be a little harder on him in a sense that you, it's like you have, you,

you're giving me the vibe that like, yeah, I mean, yeah, I've, I've told him, but he's like, okay with it.

And so I can just kind of, I'm very understanding. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Very understanding. I told him, but like, you know,

it's like, he didn't really want to, so I just dropped it. Like, I, I think you need to like, be like, Hey, listen, husband, I love you. This really bothers me. You know, I want to lie next to you. And I don't want to just feel like anytime we like lie next to each other, it's because you want to get off.

And so like, I get it. I get that you don't want to like go to bed with me, but like you are an adult husband and you can like not fall asleep on the floor and you can come in and you can spoon me a little bit and you can give me some affection other than with your dick. And then we can just be happier. And you know what? I know that you don't want to do this. I get that because you're in your comfort room, but I want this. And as your wife, I want you to make this very small and reasonable sacrifice to give me the love that I want. And I think you need to just be like, this is not a, I'm not requesting. Yeah. You know? I'm getting like college boy vibes from what she's saying. I mean, you're still pretty young.

I mean, when did you guys meet? We met when i was 20 and he was 21 yeah we got married when i was 24 and he was 25 and now we're like 27 28 i think sometimes a challenge when young couples meet at that age it's that you you there's some like stunted maturing as a couple like because let's say you guys didn't get um married at that young age let's say he was out there dating and he was single when he's 23 24 25 and let's say he then was 28 and then started dating a 26 year old girl who also had been single and he pulled this shit she'd be like what the fuck are you doing you know yeah i would be gone i would be gone immediately but you are like you know and to criticize but you're like you've

been dating this guy and it's fine i guess he does this and is it that weird and you just kind of go along with it and it's like well and when we were dating like he was with roommates we didn't live together until we got married so if we were hanging out at night it was in his bedroom yeah so like we didn't have this problem until we had a house yeah so she needs a i'm not a cool chick t-shirt yeah because you being understanding is hurting him more than helping yeah you are you are enabling them and you have set this precedent of like being cool and like just kind of letting them know where you're upset but like listen if it does i mean if it really bothers you it's fine you can sleep on the floor it's really cool um you know like you really you need to he's being

silly i'm giving you a hard time don't take it personally you need to really i feel like it's safe to say that things that really bother you hold on inside much longer than you should and you're not good at really letting him know. No, I really, like, I'm really unhappy about this and I really want you to do this and I'm really need you to do this and please make it.

I need you to know that you're willing to make an effort for me because I know you can do this. I would like to tell him that he's an adult. I feel like that probably would not go over well. I don't think you should be condescending. No, I'm saying that to him, but like,

yes, you don't be condescending. No, I'm saying that to him. But like, yes, you don't be condescending. Don't don't belittle him. Don't criticize him. This is like I I I want you to do this for me, please. I'm asking you and I'm letting you know this is very important to me. This isn't like a small suggestion. I'm not mildly frustrated.

I really want you to do this. This would make me very, very happy. happy in fact nothing would make me happier I don't care what you buy me or whatever this is more than anything what I want in this marriage I think you should like put it out there and then find out if that's if when when you state it like that what he's willing to do and you know it's a small effort on his part to be like i'm getting sleepy it's 3 a.m i'm gonna go to bed or or could he play for two hours and go to bed at you know midnight and then do stuff in the morning i don't even think we have to go that far as like giving him a curfew if the guy wants to play video games till three or four in the morning that's fine

but he needs to just not fall asleep on the couch if he wants to roll in the bed and then like every night she kind of like feels him get into bed and he like caresses her back and just lets him know he's there. And it's not just to get laid at five in the morning. You know, like she shouldn't feel that way. It should be a regular thing that he gets in bed every night,

regardless of the time. Yeah. And because he's an adult. Yeah. And you seem like you got your shit together. Gorgeous hair, great outfit. Looks like you got your shit together gorgeous hair great outfit looks like you got a great job you deserve someone you know you deserve a man you're just yes you've you met him when he was a boy and we haven't really we haven't made him a man yet um so yeah you gotta

you gotta not be worried about being so understanding. Yeah. I just don't want to push too much. I think you're far away from being nagging. You're a long way away. I've met some of those people you're doing here. You've got a long way to go. That's the thing about getting married young is, like, I do worry that I'm going to turn into, like, a naggy wife real fast that I don't want to do at all.

I don't know what else frustrates you about your relationship. I'm sure there are many as every relationship has them. This sounds like you've picked your battle and this battle is a very reasonable thing. This is reasonable. This is reasonable to want to like feel like you have a partner and that you sleep with and you have that romance. When you guys are 65, 70, you get separate bedrooms, fine.

Like all our grandparents used to do. That's fine. But that is a total reasonable request. Again, you don't need to give them a curfew. I need you in bed by 1.30. No, you don't have to do that. That's a little naggy and a little like you're not his mom. But I want you to do this for me and show me affection.

That is reasonable. There's a big difference between nagging him about why he doesn't comb his hair or why he wears baggy jeans. You don't like the way he dresses. All these little things you can nitpick about like, Hey, you married the guy. This is who he is. But you can expect him to show you a level of affection and love. That's seems that's, this seems really reasonable. And again, like you, you know, I've been in relationships where the person wanted my love and affection. And I was like, well, that sounds great. And I want to give you my love and affection, but you are kind of constantly a bitch to me and you belittle me and you

berate me and yell at me. And I'll be honest right now, I don't feel like giving you a hug. You know, I, that doesn't sound like I'm getting this from you. You sound like a very warm, loving person and you just want a hug. And you're just like, you know, at night. Right. So I think you don't worry it's like it's so funny like the wrong people who are worried about nagging yes and if i just be like i got the you know i'm dating someone i'm just like could you just shut up you know don't

say that uh i don't but it's just like so yes you have a long way to go before. I think you have to worry about that. Don't, don't, uh, you, you, you, what you need to do is be able to express what is important to you in a very calm and, and way and, and see if he's willing to do these things for you. And the, uh, it's not an excuse to be like, I just can't, he is an adult, you know, and just don't be like, you know what? Of course you can. You don't want to, you know, be good at I just can't. He is an adult. You know, just be like, and just don't be like, you know what? Of course you can. You don't want to. You know?

Be good at pointing out to him when he says, well, I don't know if I can. Say, that's not true. You don't want to. You know? You gotta call him out on things that he's saying I don't, he's pretending he can't do when he's really saying I don't want to.

So, make sure you are mindful of that, but get your hug girl. Okay. Get those snuggles in. Get that little like leg spoon. Oh, good leg spoon. I missed that.

All right. Best of luck. All right. Take care. Bye. It's always the wrong ones. It's always the wrong ones. It's always the wrong ones. Why can't we just find the balance with, you know?

Yeah. It's a lot how we're raised. Yeah. And I do think sometimes it's a challenge when you're younger and you meet someone. Oh, yeah. I'm thinking back. This young couple, they set these boundaries, I guess. They set these standards early on.

Yeah. Probably early on, she was like, they're in college. It's fine. It's cool. It's fine. Yeah. She loves him a lot, I'm sure. She does.

And she doesn't want to be a nag. And she's so probably self-conscious about like, oh, we got married so young. Man, they're going to put up with me for, you know. But yes, these are reasonable requests i'm like i have such a fear of being like a mom wife and like what do you mean like i don't want to take care of someone i'm with or like be like you know your underwear has you know track stains on it like i don't i run the other way if i see any guy who like I think every guy needs a little reminder to not be a slob really difference between that and being their mom yeah I just don't want to you know it's

funny when I grew up I always gave my parents credit you know how some husbands uh call their wives mom in front of their kids and my parents were like to each other like don't ever fucking do that really yeah it was like it was like they they they were fine with they didn't have to let each other know but like we noticed other couple like families doing it my parents were like gross you know it's just like no i'm not don't call me fucking mom like i'm not i'm you know it's that mentality. But yeah, I think guys, men are men and women are women. We have strengths and weaknesses. And I think some guys, you know, we want a woman. Like there's a reason why like we want a woman's touch in our life, so to speak, you know?

Do you think you need that though? For sure. Oh. Like where I live. I do this every time i move in somewhere i like the first week i'll get really like decorating and i'm pretty good like i if i if i want to put the effort in like there's a half my place like looks really nicely decorated and then i just kind of stop right and if i really wanted to like really finish it i could

i could figure it out i have the touch but i don't have that like woman's touch to really uh make it a really homey environment and i yes i think i i would like a yes i could definitely i don't know why that just like even the term woman's touch bothers me for some reason because i'm like guys like figure it out like i feel like we've coddled men so much now they don't have like there's a flip side to that coin right i mean again we're speaking in generalities i know there are some women who traditionally might be more considered masculine than other men and some and vice versa just based off of tradition but there's a reason why you know like when when why feminine like when when a woman's considered

demure why you know why like interesting i don't know like there's nothing wrong with that i mean just because you say you want a woman's touch it's a general term but there's a there are lots of things that women are better at than i am and there's a general like interest that they have that i don't you know like there are women who are love sports but there are also a lot more women who love the real housewives and there are men who love the real housewives and don't like sports but like interesting i don't know i don't know either i don't know why this it's not a it's not a it's not an absolute but yeah um yeah like i could listen i could use a woman in my life.

What do you want me to say? How's it going? Hi. Hi. What's your name? I'm Julia. I'm 22 years old. Hi,

Julia. 22. How can we help? Well, I kind of went through a situation um i met a guy i don't know really where to begin but um basically i met this guy and everything was like going really great um and we were like i would assume dating. And I love how that starts. Yes.

Yes. If only it was that simple. Go ahead. I'm sorry. I can definitely get into the details of that. But basically, I almost like I basically got ghosted after we tried to have sex. But long story short, I went up to him and a few months ago on my birthday and I had introduced myself and I asked him, you know, if he was single and if he wanted my number and he like was very receptive to it. So it wasn't like we met on like a app or anything where the intentions are clear, I guess.

It doesn't really matter. But you met him out at a party and you liked him and you put yourself out there. Yeah, exactly. Awesome. Good for you. Yeah. And which was totally out of the norm for me. Nothing wrong with that.

You should not regret that. He was working and whatever. So we started exchanging. We exchanged numbers, and I texted him. Time out for a second. You said he was working. Is he a bartender? So it was actually, without giving too much information about him, he was working at like a cider

bar up in Northern California. And anyways. I only ask, is he in a position where he might get hit on often and meet lots of women? Very, very frequently. Okay. But I think we're missing the... I'm just trying to get some... Okay.

And how old is he um like 26 okay but i i feel like that's going to be important but go ahead okay okay no yeah that probably is important um yeah he's i mean just to paint the picture a little bit. He's like super tall, handsome, very like athletic looking, I guess. Very personable. Whatever. So very attractive. Oh, no, don't laugh at me. No, no, it's just funny. Who cares? Every guy's ever been cast on The Bachelor.

Go ahead. Hey, you're on my side here i am we are on your side we are so basically um i in the past um i don't go for guys that are very like nice you know i i can recognize. And he just seemed like a complete dream. Like, it was literally like a Hallmark movie. Like, we would, he was taking me out on all these dates. Something like a Lifetime movie where it starts good. Yeah.

It was real dark. Real bad. All right, I'm sorry. We're having fun. No, you're okay. It seems like a dream. Yeah. You're talking to him.

You put yourself out there. You exchange numbers but you never but you didn't have uh sex no sexy time no sexy so when did it get weird again what's the problem like because otherwise it sounds like you put yourself out there for a guy who seemed like a dream he turned out to be a fuck boy yeah so um well there was like one incident that was kind of weird we had um we had went to his house that was being built and whatever we were having a picnic and his sister-in-law kept calling him and was like oh we want to meet her we want to meet her and i was like okay like yeah

i'll meet him and he's like well you should know like her friends are there and they, um, and they can be a little bit aggressive. Like basically tells me that one of the girls, um, has like, she's married and she has tried to have sex with him. And, and he's like, I'm not into that. You know, um, you're married. I'm not into that, whatever. And he's like, just beware. So then I go and the girl just completely railroads me and is hammering me with questions about my work about my education. Like, oh, you're really young to be doing that. And just very aggressive. And I felt like I held my own. And everybody kind of saw that she was, you know, coming at me full force and whatever. I was very confident and I am a very confident person, so it didn't bother me. But then it later came out that he told me that

she tried to sleep with him or whatever, and he didn't. That aside, I just feel like it's kind of a fishy situation that he's always over there. Anyways, so then we go and i have a work um conference up in sacramento area and he he came and stayed with me three of the nights we didn't do anything and i just thought like he was being like a gentleman like like did you try to move to like were you hoping i was like you were hoping he'd make a move? Well, yeah. Yes. I was just saying the night at my hotel room with me. I just, listen, we don't know.

Like you might be, you know, there's a lot of people who are just like, you know, I just like to sleep next to a guy for a good three months. Three months? I'm just saying. I don't assume. But you wanted, you were hoping to get. She wanted it. You wanted it.

Okay. Well, yeah, because that's like, like that's the direction that I thought things were going into i was like okay like yeah it's been three months like okay i invite you to come stay with me stayed three of the nights and like in bed with you and no like are you making out are you even going to like second base is he going up your shirt are you going down his pants what's going on okay so i was trying to be super respectful and not like push his boundaries. Cause I was like, okay, if a guy likes to go slow, whatever, that's okay. You know? And, um, but he wasn't like, like I would like change in front of him and he like, I

feel like that's pretty like, okay. You like, obviously I don't care if you see me or touch me. Like how, hello, I'm here. So wait, you're going to the extent where you're like I guess I'm just gonna get naked in front of him and see if he reacts to me to see didn't react well like well we were getting ready to go out so then we go out but like he wouldn't try anything when we would come back you know to the hotel room and like I was even like let's get some like tequila like you know you're trying get them drunk? You know what I'm saying?

Yes, we know. I just imagine the story told from a guy's point of view and reverse that. Be like, I was getting naked, and we started drinking tequila. Anyway, go ahead. Yeah, so anyways, I'm like, okay, whatever. That's fine. He's just a gentleman, which I was kind of being a little bit naive. But then, whatever. that's fine he's just a gentleman which I was kind of being a little bit naive um but then whatever my work conference ends we have a day um in between I'm like okay I'm not gonna bother

him I'm gonna let him kind of approach me because it's kind of weird um and then he invited me to go hang out with all of his friends out in Sacramento because I was up in that area and um so we go out or whatever and we're drinking obviously alcohol is involved and I think that at that point I was a little bit probably more drunk than I should have been but I was like okay like I now I have the courage or whatever to do what I'm gonna do so I whatever got undressed and i was like ready to like make my move like my grand gesture and i did and then you know things fell flat and um no no they fell flat oh you fell flat you hooked up and he wasn't oh they fell oh he couldn't get a hard on well i'd just be what specific i don't like i don't fell flat. Oh, he couldn't get a hard on. Well, I'll just be more specific.

I don't, like, I don't fell flat. I don't know. Is that a metaphor? I don't know. So you got naked. You tried to, he couldn't get an erection. Yeah. Like, well, it would be there and then he'd be like, it was there.

And then it like went away. And I was like, okay. Like, and he's like, it's not you. I promise. And I'm like, I was like, I know it's not me. You know, it's some, you know, not in like and he's like it's not you I promise and I'm like I was like I know it's not me you know it's some you know not in like an oh it's true very yeah I was very understanding I was just like hey like it's cool this happens sometimes we've been drinking it's all right so I know like where are we now and what's the situation and what's your where are

we now and what's your question I guess I just want to know what the like what the f happened like where three days after that whole thing happened he's like you're so great you were so understanding and i was like wondering when we're gonna go and make our next plans and things and then he's like he's like listen i didn't mention but i got out of something recently and um i mean you're not going to mention that in the last three months. Anyways. And he was like, I think that things are going to get too serious with you if we continue down this path. And he is like, I should have mentioned it sooner, but I didn't. And I was like, OK, I just was like, I like I'm going to respect you.

But like, I'm just like wondering, like, what the fuck? Like, what did I just was like I'm gonna respect you but like I'm just like wondering like what the fuck like what did I do to like have that happen you didn't do anything so here's what's going on you're a hot chick who got rejected and the guy didn't like get an erection and you're really fucked up about it because you're not used to this

rejected you think she got rejected yeah listen my guess is he just doesn't like you um there might be a lot of things going on it might be very true he got out of a relationship but he was obviously willing to hang out with you he was willing to like spend the night with you i don't know like some guys do things maybe you are very different than his ex maybe he is fucking the the the married woman. And that was the relationship he was speaking of.

And maybe he's just like really into her, but like she's married. I don't know. Maybe he also just isn't that into you. No, but what if he hasn't had sex since the last girlfriend? No, and it felt weird and he got, he couldn't get up and he got embarrassed.

And then he was like, I'm out. This feels so weird compared to my last relationship. I mean, that's probably what I'm sure all your girlfriends would say to you. Come on, that could be a thing. You know, maybe, sure. What did we learn like the last Octum's razor or whatever? But the most likely, he just isn't that into you. Like, listen, there are, I'm not a, we've talked about, I'm not some

saint. I'm not saying your way. I don't, I've had a one night stand before, but I am like, I won't just have sex with any girl. There are plenty of traditionally beautiful women that many people be like, she is a total babe that I'm just not interested in having sex with her. I've had women who like, you know, in certain situations, I haven't made a move on them and they're kind of like, I know they're wondering why I have it and so they make a move on me

and I kind of reluctantly go with it but I'm just not into it. You know, I'm just not into it for whatever reason. Like, she's just not doing it for me

and she is an absolute bombshell but I'm just not into it. Like, people have certain preferences. I'm sure there's plenty of guys out there that all your girlfriends think are a total babe. You're just like, ah, doesn't do it for me.

You don't think he just got embarrassed? He couldn't get it out? No, he's 26 years old. Like, I mean, sure. Maybe he had a little, you know, tequila dick and that's possible. But like, if it was just tequila dick, he would look, why didn't he have sex with her

the other times why did he end it you know yeah there's a there's a lot going on here that all adds up to he's just not that into you oh god yeah no i mean hey that very well should be it and i mean at the end of the day that that is what it comes down to because whatever but okay what i like what i sorry what i will say is that like he like after it like happened we had like a long discussion about it in the morning and he was like like i should have tried things sooner i was just like i'm not very like i'm not very aggressive with those kind of things like i don't like he's like, I don't like to make the first move. And he has proven to be that kind of person. To you.

But I mean, towards me. What I'm saying is like, you don't really know this guy. You've spent enough time with him, I'm sure. But you don't know what he's like with other women. You're not his best friend. You haven't heard all of his stories. This is how he is with you. I've said a lot of shit to women because i don't want to be a

dick or whatever and like again this sounds like a guy who's probably a pretty decent guy who probably looks at you and thinks what a beautiful woman she's also really nice in fact why don't i like you i you know like you seem like girlfriend material you're like you're great i want to like you i want to do things you i just don't and i don't know why that happens all the time it happens with men and women and i think unfortunately for you you're in this on you know and i don't feel bad on being sarcastic you're a beautiful woman who's used to like attention from guys and not used to rejection and there's a lot of people like you who spend a lot of time trying to come up with all these like scenarios and

like conspiracy theories of what's going on. At the end of the day, there is someone who's just not into you and that's okay. And it's going to be fine. And you're going to spend a lot of energy trying to figure out and making excuses for him. And he's scared and he just got out of a relationship in a different scenario. Or it was the whiskey or the tequila. He just, he's not into you.

Because if he was, you would see a different version of this guy. He wouldn't be making excuses. He would try to find solutions. He would like, if it was the whiskey dick one time, he would the next day call you up and make plans and do something else. If it was really something about a best relationship, he was just trying to get over, but he really liked you. He would say, like, I haven't been honest with you and this is what's going on, but I do really like you, but that's why I've been a little weird, but I do really like you.

So I want to keep things going. You know, he didn't do that. He, he, he said it, but he ultimately ended it with you. That was an excuse.

Like that wasn't trying to get you to really understand him. That was an excuse to try to soften the blow of, I just don't like you. Cop out. It's not, sure. I mean, or just, just don't like you cop out it's not sure i mean or just yeah the truth is like it's he's not a douchebag and it's not a cop out he's just he probably sounds like a nice enough guy who didn't want to be a dick and was trying to find out a nice way and yeah he should have told you before but the truth is that's probably not the reason and the reason

why he didn't tell you before is because it's not the real reason he just told you because he didn't want to be a dick and he knows that he hung out with you and and introduced you and took you home and he was probably again trite he probably thought you were a total he checked all the boxes he just wasn't that into you you know and that's okay yeah and you're just gonna have to meet someone else don't regret hitting on the guy don't regret putting yourself out there don't regret making the first move these are Yeah. And you're just going to have to meet someone else. Don't regret hitting on the guy. Don't regret putting yourself out there. Don't regret making the first move. These are all great things. You're a babe.

You're going to find a bunch of guys. You're going to try to hook up with you. I'm sure you're going to go through life feeling like, why do all these guys like me and all the ones I really like, I can't get because you know what? That's everyone. You're not the only one. Everyone feels that way.

If it was that easy, you know, you wouldn't, that's why people like the chase. You know, like you're pre, you're not the only one everyone feels that way if it was that easy you know you wouldn't that's why people like the chase you know like you're pre you're you're made to be attracted to the people who it's not as easy for you that's why you find them so attractive you know and so you're going to be fine but he simply just isn't that into you it's that i mean that's what i needed to hear but it's not it's not a knock about you at all any way a knock about you some people just aren't into people yeah and we waste so much energy and time trying to figure it out yeah and you talk to your friends and you go up to rochelle and you tell the story and she's like well he's clearly into you he He's totally scared. You should definitely like wait it out and figure, you know, like, and you listen, because

like, I get it. Like your girlfriends look at you and go, how could any guy not be into you? Of course, it's not you. Like the truth is you're just a person and you're a great person and some people are attracted to other people. And just because you're a nice person who's good looking doesn't mean you're entitled to everyone being obsessed with you. You know?

Trust me. I have to remind myself of this. Every day of the year. Every day. Every damn day. That's everyone, right? Our egos kind of take over. And he's just, I can can assure you he's not into

you that's it it's that simple and he thinks you're great and he thinks he thinks you're neat and he thinks you're just he just you know he's into different he's into different people do you regret calling in or is this okay no it's actually like because everybody has done i love you by the way but everybody has done what you've done and says like oh my god like you have your shit together like how could he not like be whatever i'm like dude but there's so much more to it than that like i don't know i gotta like everyone who like has you know checked all the boxes i just i don't want to you know i just and trust me i don't know you but i'm sure you're just like that with guys in your life you know you're just like i don't know i don't

know i don't i don't want him i don't not interested you know i want him i don't know why i want him but i just do you know because we met on my birthday and probably because he doesn't pay any attention to me but uh but yes it's your old yeah you're you're it's yeah that's your answer no that's that's just what the doctor ordered i need to hear that he's just not that into you so i am not a prescription and nick scription yeah great not good not good uh i didn't hate it okay all right well thank you for calling best of luck uh i know i say this a lot you're gonna be fine uh get out there and get yours but let let this go and he's definitely not scared and his dick probably worked for someone else oh no um oh god

but you're doing everything right you really are i love that you're making moves here i love that you're not afraid to put yourself out there. And don't let this little minor hiccup of rejection change your confidence in yourself. Yeah. I love that. Keep doing it. All right. Take care.

Bye. Thank you. Bye. Bye. But we've been taught to think if they can't get it up, it's never about us. It's definitely about you. What? Nick, you shouldn't say that really not not definitely always um everyone's different but

oh my god we've literally everyone's always like it's not you listen this is not a black and white thing but like she told a story here of like she did she he slept over three nights he wasn't making moves and like then she put herself out there yeah and again like i'm not saying it was necessarily her like he maybe like again he sounds like probably maybe a good guy he's he's self-conscious about the fact that he's not objectifying her and the fact that here's just a girl who wants to have sex i'm just gonna fuck her right and so he maybe has uh morals and uh and um and he's just like i don't really want to i've been in that situation i've been in a situation where i mean i won't even like you guys really want me to tell this story but i've been in a situation where someone was really trying to have sex and i really didn't want to have sex and like i couldn't get aroused i was just stressed the fuck out i was sorry full of anxiety yeah that's not okay and it was it's different but anyways it's what do you mean it's

different it was just weird i'm sorry but it was like and so i i just felt uncomfortable because there's guys you know you're you know the the society teaches us or we're told that like when a girl wants to get have sex guys put out yeah and you know that's because guys always want to have sex we always want to have sex we just want holes to you know and you just want what you know the whole is oh if the guy just has a hole he'll fuck anything kind of thing that kind of that, that dirty, you know, people talk about. We just want holes. We just want holes to fuck, you know,

like, and I, you know, some guys, some guys are like that. Some guys aren't. And when we're in a situation where we feel that pressure,

we get anxiety and in stress and more than anything, stress does cause guys to be impotent. So there's that. Yeah. But I'm, what I'm saying is there's a situation where he just doesn't like her.

Yeah. And if he probably had his way, he wouldn't have gotten in a situation where he wouldn't have been naked with the girl who was trying to have sex with him. He seems like he was kind of trying to avoid that. He does seem like that. Yeah. So it's more than just it's you or her. But just same reason why when girls don't get...

If you aren't into a guy do you get turned on as easily no right and it's the same thing yeah so yeah wow tough uh i mean we're not getting into the details of like sometimes you're having sex with someone and like he can't like come or whatever he can't like finish. That's not always you. There's a lot of layers there. This is not talking about whether like getting every woman listening to this being like, oh my God, it has been me. No, like she was trying to force a situation

that wasn't going her way and she wasn't paying attention to the details. Yeah. We so often don't. Well, what a fun, I really enjoyed myself today. I enjoyed it as well. Layers. That last one was fun.

I sometimes really have fun with the simple ones. Yeah. In a sense of like, you know, we've certainly have had the, he's just not into you calls before, but like, it's always interesting hearing about this because I thought this was going to go a different direction. You know, she painted it as this fuck boy. Right.

You know, bartending. And that wasn't the case. No, not at all. Because I remember I asked her, like, oh, I feel like this is going to be important. And I said, no, it's not. And she, yes, you're right. And she was like, oh, no, it's going to be important.

Like, she was expecting me to be like, oh, he's just some fuck boy. And I'm like, sounds like a pretty nice guy. But, yeah, i don't know um anyways guys as always we have a lot of fun with you guys listening and calling in so sending your questions to ask nick at ask nick at cast media.com did i say that right yeah cast with a k to get your nick scriptions like the doctor ordered yeah anything any final thoughts Rochelle anything you want to share

no just be careful on the internet guys yeah be careful on the internet there are some weirdos out there there really are and trust your gut that's the thing about that I will say is like and we've had this kind of before like sometimes we get ourselves into situations trust your gut. That's the thing about that. I will say is like, um, and we've had this kind of before, like sometimes we get ourselves into situations and then what we do is we'll,

it feels off. Yeah. And instead of like saying, I'm going to trust my gut and I'm going to back away. Yeah. We keep doing it. Why? Because then we have to kind of admit,

admit ourselves that we've kind of gotten ourselves in a sticky situation. It's like being in a bad bet. You know, you keep putting money down because you have to admit to yourself, like, how did I get myself in a situation? It's embarrassing. People feel embarrassed, like, to like, ugh.

Especially a doctor. I mean, she's not a dumb lady. How did I get fooled or catfished? And I'm not saying that's what's going on here, but there's something weird going on. And usually, there are simple explanations. Yeah.

And, yeah, so, when feel, trust your gut, when things feel off, don't, don't try to find reasons to justify

how you got tricked. Smart people get tricked all the time. Smart people do get tricked, man. All the time. So, yeah,

don't, don't trust the internet. Anyways, thanks guys for listening. We really appreciate you guys following along. We will see you on Wednesday. Have a great day.