The Viall Files - E75 Ask Nick- Demi and Deep Dives

Episode Date: January 6, 2020

Happy Bachelor premiere day! To kick it off, Nick and Demi Burnett go over all of Pilot Pete’s women. Then we take questions from callers. We talk to a paralegal who did a deep dive on her brother��s girlfriend, a woman whose gay best friend ghosted her after coming out, someone struggling with fertility, and a 22 year-old who is confused by a hinge date. Don’t be so confused by guys who are confusing. Send your sex and dating questions to [e-mail]. THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: LIQUID IV: https://liquid-iv.com/ CODE: VIALL REMRISE: https://getremrise.com/viall THIRD LOVE: https://www.thirdlove.com/viall MODERN FERTILITY: https://modernfertility.com/viall/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Happy Bachelor Premiere Day everybody. Best day of the year. Strong disagree from Nick. I mean, I'm thrilled. Very happy for Peter. I quite like Peter. Pilot Pete. Pilot Pete.

Pilot Pete. I think it's going to be a good season, as usual. I've heard some good stuff. How many puns are we going to have to sit through this episode? You know how it would. This episode? Yeah. This one's going to be heavy.

It's, you know, first couple weeks are going to be a lot of windmill pilot puns. Yep. Getting in the cockpit. Good one. Thank you. Hold on. So, you know, first couple of weeks is going to be a lot of windmill pilot puns. Yep. That's par for the... Getting in the cockpit. Good one. Thank you. Well done. Well, good luck, Peter.

And to all the women out there that we will inevitably snark about, it's not about you. Not about you. Don't take it personally. We don't know you. I don't know him. We're just having fun. We're just having fun. Speaking of having fun, we thought before we get into Ask Nick today, we would break

down some of the bios of Peter's women, the women you are going to meet tonight. And to do that, we'd make it more fun. Demi Burnett is going to be joining us coming up after this quick message. So that's going to be a bunch of fun. Also, special announcement. While The Bachelor is airing, we thought we would just give you even more. We got in a nice groove on Mondays with Ask Nick and our Wednesdays episodes, and nothing's changing there.

We figured we'd just drop a dedicated Bachelor recap episode while the show is airing on Tuesdays and have a special guest to help us do that. Coming up tomorrow, my friend January Jones will be joining us to break down episode one of Peter's season. She's also starring in the new show on Netflix called Spinning Out. So check that out. And it's going to be a lot of fun. So hopefully you're excited. Even more Vile Files. Hopefully you are not sick of us quite yet. So it's going to be a ton of fun. That way we get to keep doing what we're doing and give you some dedicated bachelor insight, a little bit of snark and just kind of reviewing all the fun things that these people are doing just to find love. So without further ado,

Demi Burnett, don't forget to send in your questions at asknickatcastme.com. Thanks so much for listening, guys. Hope you're excited. I know I am. And for all the people who play sometimes the Bachelor drinking games. Oh, yes. All the puns out there. Yes. Every time there's a windmill reference, take a shot. Well.

You'll be dead. And you will benefit from our friends from Liquid IV. Oh, true. Yeah. Well, it's what can we say about Liquid IV that we haven't already? Well, let me start. It's like drinking, what, how many three to five bottles of water at once? It's really easy to use. You just take a pack, right? You put it in a water bottle. You mix it up. You hydrate two to three times faster and more efficiently than water alone. Yes. With added bonuses of vitamin C, B3, B5, B6, and B12.

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Start properly hydrating today. Remrise. Remrise. This is a fascinating friend of a show. Yes, helping you fall asleep and stay asleep. They do a great job. Listen, people have all sorts of different troubles falling asleep,

and there's all different ways of trying to do it in a non-invasive way, and Remrise is part of that solution. Nick and I both took the quiz to see what we should take. And we both had very, we both were like very fitful sleepers. Yeah. We're like, wow, you need to calm down, bro. Let's help you get there. It's great. They give you these little packs that you take an hour before you go to bed. And they also kind of give you little pointers that are very helpful, like

putting your phone down, resting, you know, like it is part of falling asleep, which I am, I'm trying to implement part of my goals for this year is to kind of get in the right mindset, body set to go to sleep because too often, you know, we're on our phones, we're watching TV, we should really not do that. So they give you some tips and then you take the pills an hour before and it helps calm and relax you and you get back on track. And I, so I had this bad habit of waking up at 3am and staying awake for hours every single night. Like I couldn't stop it. I took these after two nights in a row, completely sleeping through the night, no problem. It also comes with an app that tracks your sleep. So, and a guided meditation

that can help you sleep. So, do what we did and check out REMRISE today. Go to getremrise.com slash V-I-A-L-L to take their sleep quiz. And when you sign up, you'll get your first week of REMRISE free. Just pay shipping. That's it. You won't find an offer like this anywhere else. Get your first week of REMRISrise for free when you sign up at getremrise.com slash v-i-a-l-l getremrise.com slash v-i-a-l-l all right demi thanks for coming on yep yet again yet again wow how many times have you done this now i have lost count doesn't you're just you're basically part of the show i am well in the spirit of bachelor uh premiere day uh only made sense to do our quick little recap of pete's

women which is it it's not pete's women it's it's 2020 now we should yeah we don't want to say that just the women the contestants competing for p heart. Yes. A quick snapshot review. My only knowledge of these women, I actually did this with the Chatty Broads and I did a quick review. I have since forgotten them, but I thought it'd be great to have you. Yeah, this sounds like a lot of fun.

To help me out and give our thoughts. We're going to just run through Peter's women. That also sounded weird oh my god it's a quick review quick review who do we think is going to be the contenders the pretenders and who is going to regret coming on you know these photos are phenomenal they've done a much better job. Every single girl looks stunning. The photos that I had to deal with, I don't know, all of a sudden, it's like after how many seasons have they had to have to be like, you know what?

I think we're gonna- Do a white background? We're gonna make our contestants actually look attractive and eligible because not so much, like four years ago, it was still- Oh, the terrible blue backgrounds, green backgrounds. not so much. Like four years ago, it was still... Oh, the terrible blue backgrounds, green backgrounds. Not so great. Everyone looks like a model.

Yeah, and they all have like cute poses. Yeah. I'm here for it. How well do you know Peter's women? Not very well. I've heard some stuff on Instagram. I took a look at them. They all look nice.

Have any of them slid into your DMs? Yeah, I've chatted with a couple of them. Chatted with a couple. Okay. We won't call any of them out. Yeah. We don't want to presume

anyone have an inside track. It seems like we have a lot of pageant queens in flight attendants this season. Yeah, I know. That's pretty odd. No, it's not.

All the flight attendants. That is like, it's class, that's Bachelor Casting all the flight attendants like it's class it's that's bachelor casting 101 these pageant queens are coming up like anyone that's in a pageant has like a golden ticket to the back i don't want to hate on the pageant queens lovely group of people i am sure but yeah like all of a sudden like it's so cliche to be like i was in a pageant now i'm looking for love oh my gosh anyways so so we just get cranking right yes yes i'm excited to do that let's go uh is that a leah a leah a leah i don't need for off the bat i can't pronounce

her name a leah is attractive yeah i gotta say the uh first review it seems to be an attractive bunch yeah every single girl looks stunning. Physically stimulating bunch. Oh my gosh, they are. She's 24. She's an orthodontist assistant. Classic bachelor job. Yeah. Definitely a job you can take some time off.

She's from Texas. Ooh, Texas girl. Aaliyah's favorite social media platform is Reddit. Yeah, that's going to change. That is definitely going to change. Oh my God. That is definitely going to change. Oh my gosh, poor girl. Don't get on there. If Aaliyah goes what?

Any top? Well, that's the thing. If she goes home in the bottom third, Reddit people tend to like the people who don't do well. They'll say like, oh, they're normal. They've stayed normal. Well, let's hope she goes home night one. If she goes home night one, that way she can keep her Reddit.

Yeah, she won't have to avoid Reddit. If she's top four, she's going to hate it. Oh, it's going to be rough. Aaliyah's spirit net. Aaliyah. Aaliyah. Do you think Aaliyah's being preemptive? She's already saying it's her favorite.

Maybe she already gets on there and she's trying to get in good with them. Yeah, that's right. She's getting in good. She's like, guys, don't make fun of Aaliyah. Like, we're her favorite platform. Right? We love Aaliyah. Reddit.

Well, she's cute. Yeah, she's Miss Texas. Yeah. She's Miss Texas? Yeah, she's pageant girl. Or she was or is. I don't know. Okay.

Woo. Another name I can't pronounce. I have no idea how to pronounce that one. But her picture. Avalia? Her picture is incredible. How cute. She seems almost too excited to be there but

it's i think it's a cute like toss the head she's a cattle rancher oh that's a very unique job another texas girl let's go all right moving on i'm not anything to say i feel like if we can't pronounce their name maybe we should move on either computer computer. What else we got? Look at cute little Alexa. Alexa, 27, esthetician, Chicago. She's adorable. Cute. I love her hair.

That's awesome. Yeah, what? She seems spunky and fun. Yeah, she looks spunky. She's a total city girl. Oh, since moving to Chicago. It says that she may look like a total city girl, but she grew up total city girl. Oh, since moving to Chicago. It says that she may look like a total city girl, but she grew up on a farm.

Oh. See, I'm glad I have you here to help me read. She's an esthetician, so she can help with your skin. Great. Esthetician, another classic bachelor job. Yes, it is. I had an esthetician on my season.

Yeah. All right, right next what do we got nice over the shoulder look yes what's her name okay courtney courtney looks very mature but very pretty courtney does look mature yeah she looks like she would not put up with anyone's shit she does look a little mean if i'm being honest that's could be just a photo yeah no she uh courtney is a Florida girl through and through. What does it mean to be a through and through Florida girl?

I have no idea, but I will say- I know some people from Florida and I got to say- They love it. They are very- They are troublesome. You think?

I mean, they're fun. Yeah. I wonder what part of Florida- I want to know what a Florida girl through and through means. Maybe she's just proud of Florida. I guess venice florida cosmetologist what's the difference between a cosmetologist and an esthetician esthetician i can barely say that word they do uh skin i think that they could do like does your makeup cosmetologist is hair oh god way off and i could be wrong but i i think that's the general gist of it

another classic oh yeah bachelor job though amazing right deidra deidra deandra deandra fuck these names thank god she is so gorgeous stunning yes she is absolutely stunning. How old is Deandra? 23. Home care coordinator. I want to read her facts. Another lady from Texas. She's looking for someone to be- She hates EDM, thank God. Oh, yeah. EDM is terrible.

No one on The Bachelor likes EDM. She's looking for someone to be as loyal to her as she would be to them. And wants a man who would kill a spider for her. Oh, man. Don't kill the spiders. Just let them outside. Sounds a little cliche.

I was looking for, I was reading as I went along. It was like, that's all she wants. Next. All right. The next one. Another fled. Eunice. Eunice? next all right the next one another flight unis unis how did all these names are i think it's unis yeah she's really cute i love her little another flight attendant i can't wait for the two flight attendants to think they're the only

flight attendant oh gosh what she's 23 again another 23 year old uh bunch uh eunice's favorite holiday is christmas because she loves christmas music well logic well she you know what she's she makes sense uh eunice's signature dance move is the ponytail helicopter oh yeah it's whenever you oh i have a ponytail in sick well this is gonna well, this is going to be hard with all this equipment. But you like whip your hair around in a circle? I feel like that would be

unsafe on a plane. Depends on how long your hair is. That's also not a dance move. I don't think it is either, honestly. But it is fun to do. I don't think Eunice

is going to go far. I liked Eunice. Jade. Jade kind of looks like Jade. Oh, hannah hannah ann well she's a attractive yes very she's like a very unique face like you would never mistake her for anyone else hannah ann how quickly do you think she's gonna drop the ann i don't think that she will she thinks she has do we have to call her hannah ann yeah. I mean, I think so because you had Hannah B and Hannah G. Hannah Ann.

I mean, it's cute. Hannah Ann. It's kind of fun to say. Would you want to date? Yeah. It's like cute at first. Week two of dating. You want to call her Hannah Ann all the time?

I mean, I don't know. Hey, Hannah Ann. I'd probably just call her Han. Han. Hey, Han. Okay. Hannah Ann was born in Knoxville. She's cute.

She's friends with Hannah G. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, I think she'll do well. Will she be as dynamically interesting as Hannah G? I'm pretty sure that like, she will probably be like an it girl you know yeah well she well i'm so yeah she'll just be the pretty quiet girl i mean i don't know i haven't heard her talk well you're really giving us some listen i don't want to put my foot in my mouth and what

if she ends up being the most talkative one on the show well then we'll be wrong and we'll be right there when she's nervous she becomes very talkative. Oh. And of course she's going to be nervous going on TV. I saw her in the preview. She looks spunky. Spunky. Yeah. You know, I saw a preview of her, like, she kept interrupting a bunch of times.

You know. I like the boldness. She's got the type of face that if girls don't like her, they'll be mean. You know, she's very pretty. Yeah. So, like, she's going to have to play nice. Oh yeah. Doesn't want to become a target.

Jade. Jade kind of looks like a Jade. Yeah, she does. I'm digging her hair color. Jade's a babe. 26. Is this the third flight attendant or just the second?

Oh my gosh. I don't know. Uh. What's her biography say? I don't remember. Jade is here for a fresh start. She grew up Mormon. She's still Mormon?

Well, makes sense. Listen, I love an ex-Mormon. Yeah, right? I mean, come on, multiple lives, let's go. No, I feel like ex-Mormons are similar to ex-Catholics. They have a lot to get off their chest, so to speak. Yeah, they have a lot of life to live. You know, pent up.

They've had a lot of restrictions for a while. Yeah. She claims she hosts the best game night in town. I love a good game night. What makes you the best game night host ever? Probably having all the best games. Or your ability to explain the games. I feel like someone who organizes the best game night ever

is a little too hands-on. Like a little Monica Geller. You know, a little bossy. You don't watch Friends? Oh, yeah, a little bit. I didn't know her last name. Okay, Monica from Friends. Yeah, I would have known, yeah. That's not a good look for me bit i didn't know her last name okay monica friends yeah i would have

known yeah okay that's not good look for me i don't know i uh what is her job uh a flight attendant that's right 26 okay um cool let's have a game night jade jasmine so cute yeah she looks fun client relations manager. I'm not sure what that means. Me either, but that sounds like a real job. Sounds like a real job, but it's vague enough that it might not be. Yeah, right?

It's kind of like a phlebotomist. I mean, that is a real job, but it sounds way cooler than... I'll tell you what, she's not here to mess around. Her biggest turnoff is a guy who sits on the couch all day and plays video games.

That's what I do. Her best friends know uh her best friend is a golden retriever okay i mean i guess your best friend's a dog does that mean she's not social i don't know but you're right this is what bothers me jasmine will know that she's met the man of her dreams when he can help her build a table. I built my own dining room table. I built a lot of furniture in my place. You don't need a man to do that. Uh-oh. There we go. Strong, independent women. Maybe Jasmine is not. Maybe she's just not good at assembling furniture. Could be that. She's too busy with client relations.

Yeah, yeah. she's at work all right moving on well let's let's let's see here jenna jenna 22 nursing student uh next she's too young yeah she's a nursing student oh wow, wow. Finished school. Kelsey. Let's bring up Kelsey from Iowa. Very attractive. Professional clothier. What is that? She lives, I mean, where does she live now?

She's from Des Moines. I bet she works for like Trunk Club. She has a fraternal twin. Ooh, a boy or girl. Twin sister. Okay. She enjoys exercising, cooking, traveling, and competing at the Miss USA. Another pageant queen.

Pageant queen. Oh, she's like an onion. She has many layers. Okay, Shrek. Kelsey described her personality as feisty and stubborn. Yes, feisty. Stubborn's an honest critique of yourself. Feisty is like-

I love if someone can admit that they're stubborn. Get her chocolate. Okay. I feel like- Kelsey's cute. I feel like Kelsey's going to go far. Well, let's scroll up. What else we got?

Let's see. We got Kelly, 27, attorney. Ooh, attorney. Katrina. So Kelly's the one that met Peter before the show. Oh. Yeah, that's what Chris said whenever he announced the women. Okay.

So they've hooked up. I mean, I don't know about that. Well, I mean, if Peter, if we know Peter. If we know Peter Kiley, Entertainment Sales Associate, Santa Monica, California. Look at her picture. What did they do? Bring in a fan?

Right? They brought in a fan. They brought in a fan. Wow. Her hair is blowing. That's amazing. Oh, she's in Santa Monica. She's looking for the rom-com kind of love.

Well, you came to the right show. She grew up in Northern California, wine country. Flaky and pessimistic people make Kylie mad. Uh-oh. Kylie's dream vacation would be to go to a safari in Africa. Kylie grew up playing softball and is a batting cage queen. I would love to go on a safari in Africa. I grew up playing softball and is a batting cage queen. I would love to go on a safari. Sounds fun.

I don't like flaky people either, pessimistic. I feel like pessimistic people get a bad rap. Yeah, because you're a pessimistic person. You can be realistic. Yeah, I'm pretty pessimistic too, and sometimes flaky. All right, what else, what else we got? We'd make her mad. Keep going, keep going lauren is so cute she's so pretty she's next to kylie i don't think her picture is a good depiction of what she

looks like because i looked at her instagram and she's really cute and she already has a bunch of followers like 160 000 i'm like what's up with her? What does she do? She's a marketing executive from Glendale. She's been marketing herself. That kind of LA, that LA training. She's doing good. I don't think she's going to go far. Texas is her bucket list? Oh.

Lauren travels all over the world, but has yet to go to the one place on her bucket list. Texas? Wow. Well, come on down, sister. Not well traveled. All right, what else we got? That's so funny, Texas.

No one's, you know, I guess we'll just have to wait to watch, cause I don't know, no one's really, there was a girl named, oh, the Sarah girl, everyone's talking about is like. She's so cute. Their fan favorite, but like, and she's a total babe. Do you think, do you think, how do you think she'll do? Cause I saw a couple of things on social

where everyone's like, she's there like early front runner based solely on our picture. What'd she do? Also from Knoxville. Sarah may be a Southern belle, but she dreams of a life outside of Tennessee. Don't we all? After coming close to an engagement with her last boyfriend, Sarah is single and ready to mingle.

You know, she's super, super adorable, but I'm kind of getting bored reading this biography. Have you been excited about reading any of the other biographies? Some of them were a little bit interesting. She loves listening to electronic music. Oh, no. Does that mean she likes EDM? Oh, no. Are we going to have some drama? That makes it interesting. Some EDM drama? Yeah. Sarah's favorite place to vacation is Florida Keys. She's a, I mean, I got to say, she's very attractive. Yes, she is. What else we got? Victoria. Victoria P. Look at that. There's

some rumors going on about, well, there's two Victorias. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, I've heard about. look at that there's some rumors going on about well there's two victorias well yeah i've heard about there's another victoria they're both attractive yeah look at victoria p victoria f i heard she's into some drama oh yeah i've heard some things i don't know if it's true or not but i guess we'll see i think she's going to be a potster if you will yeah she's like she looks like she looks like a villain and she's very beautiful but she looks like the type of girl who's gonna like give zero fucks and go in and like she's not she's not here to make friends people yeah she's definitely not here i like those people what about victoria p that picture's stunning yeah she's got that like like open, not smiling. Yeah, like perfectly executed.

27. And she's a nurse. Yeah, what else? She's from Louisiana. Could travel anywhere in the world. She would go, she'd go to Italy. Nice. If she could.

Nothing upsets Victoria more than finding raisins in her cookies. I gotta say, I'm right up there with Victoria. Do you see her biggest fear is chicken served on the bone okay that's high maintenance listen i love chicken on the bone that's the only way i'll eat chicken yeah it's very processed if it's not yeah that's her biggest fear well god forbid somebody's gonna bring her a chicken leg i hope she's kidding because if i sat down next to and i went on a date with a young lady and we let's say let's i was like hey we're gonna go get some food and i decided i got there early and i wouldn't i wouldn't be so presumptuous just to order her meal for her but

maybe i was like you know what i love these wings at this restaurant so i'm just gonna waitress comes in hey i'm waiting for my friend can you can I get some wings and I sat down and she showed up and freaked out because she's petrified because she's afraid of them oh my god I couldn't care what she looked like I'd be like all right you I gotta go yeah that's a bit much maybe she's just kidding I hope she's kidding because that's not a real fear. All right. Do we have any front runners, Tammy? I don't really know. I definitely think Hannah Ann is going to do good. Tammy, click on Tammy's. I like this Tammy girl.

You do? Oh, yeah. What do you like about Tammy? Is that she joined the- She's a house flipper? She joined the boys wrestling team in high school. And a house flipper. That's like a potentially real job.

Why are you high on her? Tammy ended her relationship by ghosting him. That's not good. So not a good communicator? Honest. Read the bio uh she okay so she tried to join the boys wrestling team as a junior but was turned away she responded by showing up to every practice and pushing forward on a title i don't know what that's a title nine thank you complain

until they accepted her so she yeah that's amazing they told her no and she said, well, I'm going to keep trying and she did it. Good for you, Tammy. That's awesome. Well, that's the best bio, probably the most interesting bio. Yeah, it is. Do you think if Peter sends her home,

she'll just keep coming back? Oh my gosh, I don't know about that. Hopefully not. That's not a good idea. Savannah, Realtor, Peyton, 23, cute.

Okay. McKenna, 22, fashion blogger. Okay. Okay. 22. Lexi, great red hair. Yes, we love red hair. Stunning red hair from New York.

Ooh, how cool. Wow. Way to mix it up. Yeah. Okay, Lexi. All right, I don't know. So do you think Kelly, the girl who met Peter, is going to go that far? I'm going to guess no.

Because if I know anything about hooking up someone before your bachelor season, if you wanted to date them then, you probably would have. She's very pretty. But I'm going to say she does not make top four um i don't know what i'm not asking what you know i okay well i was saying i don't know my opinion gotcha i think she's definitely go home before top four uh what are my top four uh i think hannah ann's top four i think uh maybe victoria p except for the chicken on the bone thing one of the one of Anna Ann's top four. I think. Maybe Victoria P. Except for the chicken on the bone thing.

One of the Victoria's is top four. Definitely not both, but one of them. They're both attractive. They're both age appropriate. They both look feisty in a way that will grab Peter's attention. Yes. I think the chicken wings fear is a red flag. For sure.

What else we got? Peyton looks like a girl next door i don't know i think mate well if i were to decide the fourth person maybe um go up i can't remember her name lauren maybe she looks really stunning on her insta i'm already confused Confused Yeah Lauren, Peyton, McKenna Me too Go to Madison And then we'll wrap it up She's cute She looks happy Foster parent recruiter? Oh

Oh wow that's really nice She looks nice She loves She shoots She scores She scores Alright Wow madison has stranded she was stranded on an island and could only bring one book it would be the bible okay i'm not not knocking the bible but boy if that's not a bachelor playbook bash madison loves working with foster kids of course

she's a real sweetheart madison would rather rock a cool pair of Jordans than any heel. She played basketball, and she had an unstoppable jump shot. Right. That's pretty cool. I like a jock. Yes, athletic.

I mean, honestly, I can't pick up. I'll have a much better idea after I see episode one. I know. It's hard to make any decisions right now, but it sounds like this girl knows who she is. All right, give me one of the, okay, so we got top four. Hannah Ann, for me, one of the Victorias, probably not Pete because of the chicken.

I'm, Alaya, Alaya, Alaya? Alaya. I'm'm gonna go she's of the flight attendant she's gonna go further than the other flight attendant uh scroll up and then kelsey kelsey's top four wow uh i don't know i'm gonna say hannah ann one of the victorias maybe sarah i think sarah gonna be maybe lauren i like lauren or maybe d'andrea she's so pretty well i'll tell you what we'll know more after tonight won't we know we will won't we know um i'm excited to watch it well demi this has been very fun yeah it has criticizing people we don't know how awesome i just think we were pretty nice i think we were nice too uh a quick little recap of some of the women that peter is uh maybe he's pursuing that you know what he's it's 2020

he's going after them peter's got to prove himself to these women that's right that's exactly there we go well to sum up peter's women they all seem uh attractive yeah uh young and uh have uh jobs that will allow them to be influencers who would you pick who would i pick or yeah just, yeah, just by the looks. Just by the looks? You had to pick one. But just one? Yep. Well, he's got a handful of attractive brunettes. I'm partial to that.

Sarah is a total babe. She's so cute. She looks really tiny, though. How tall do you think she is uh my height maybe shorter um she's very cute medical radiographer that's like a real job yeah i don't even know what that is but it sounds like she's doing something good um sarah or hannah ann i guess I don't know we'll see I think maybe Hannah Ann might have more of a personality than I think she might

but 23 years old I think that's a little too young for you I'm just saying your limit is 24 because that's how old I am well Demi thank you so much. Let's wish Peter the best of luck tonight and finding

love. I really think it's going to be great for him. I'm really excited about it. And stay tuned for a great episode of Ask Nick. You're going to love it. We have some great callers, some fun answers. Hopefully we didn't ruin their lives too much. Oh, gosh. Stick around.

As always, thanks for listening. Don't forget to send your questions at asknick at castmedia.com Cast with a K. Sending your five-star reviews. And this has been the very rough, very new Bachelor Recap segment, top of show,

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They have a fun quiz that you can get the right bra size? Yeah, I mean, you're welcome to check it out, Nick. I mean, I like fun quizzes. Could have. But the cool thing is, so they have a perfect fit promise, so you can wear it for 60 days, you can wash it, and if you don't like how it fits, you can just send it back. Oh, this is cool.

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Thirdlove.com slash V-I-A-L-L for 15% off today. Knowledge is power. Knowledge is power. That's what they say. Yeah. It's true.

Yeah, it's 2020. You might as well get to know what's happening down there, what your eggs are doing. Yeah, well, I'm glad you were more specific. I was like, what are you trying to suggest I need to do here, Rochelle? Yeah, I mean, listen, people, whether you are in a relationship, married, dating, wanting to have kids, thinking about someday having kids, I feel like this is a great way to just get more insight into your ability as a woman, I guess, if you want to find out if it's possible. Yeah, and I took the quiz. It's only $159.

They send it right to your house. You prick your finger, put a little blood on this thing, send it send it in and then within 10 days they let me know everything's normal and I was like oh phew glad I know that and congratulations thank you I mean it's fine either way you know if it didn't come back as normal then they can offer you some insight into things you can do because just because it's not normal doesn't mean you can't have kids. Is that correct? Sometimes? I mean, 100%. And it's all very complicated, but they give you a one-on-one with a fertility nurse

to just kind of help you walk. That sounds great. And it's far less expensive, right? Than normal? Oh, are you kidding me? It's way less expensive. Yeah. It's just $159,

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That's $20 off fertility tests when you go to modernfertility.com slash V-I-A-L-L. modernfertility.com slash V-I-A-L-L. What's your time with me? V-I-A-L. All right, how's it going? Pretty good. My name's Hannah.

I'm 28. Nice to meet you, Hannah28. Gorgeous. Yeah, what's a good-looking gal like you calling in with dating problems? Yeah. How can we help? Well, in my email, which was really long, and I feel bad that Rochelle had to read through it. I've seen worse.

That's fine. We need details. Let's go ahead. I'll minimize it a little bit better. But basically, my brother-in-law has been dating this girl for about three years. Basically, my brother-in-law has been dating this girl for about three years. When they first started talking, it was someone that he worked with, and they still actually work together. But all the stuff that he had said about her was not the best.

So at the time, I was a paralegal. And me and my sister, because my sister kind of knew who she was but didn't really know, we decided to look her up because i have access to public records i mean like the public has access yeah sure great so use the resources you have uh sorry what was that i said use the resources you have but you know yeah yeah basically and well i thought they were friends and once uh i told him like the stuff that i found out that was not that great he was just like oh okay and never heard anything about it after that and then a little while later we find out oh okay they're actually dating and i had never met her in her like i'd seen her like from afar when I'd go visit my sister at work. But whenever it was time for me to actually meet her because he was graduating college, she was like, I'm not going to meet her because she admitted my privacy.

And basically, I'm never going to forgive her. Oh, your brother. Your brother narked on you. Your brother told her that you looked her up okay and i thought that it was just some girl that i didn't really know about and i don't regularly like look people up i just had this really weird vibe and the stuff he was telling me about her i felt like maybe it wasn't true she's older so right if i remember in this email how and how old is she? Yeah.

I'm not even 100% sure her exact age because I think she might be lying about it. But she tells us that she's 30. But whenever I looked her up, according to her birthday, which is on her driver's license, she would be like 32 now. Okay. So she's in her 30s. Yeah. And your brother's what, 24, 23? Yeah, he's 24 now. He uh 21 when they met okay that's unique all right so you you you got a bad vibe you looked her up right or

wrong you told your brother out of concern he instead of heeding your advice he decided to and my guess is what he probably did is what we usually do when friends come to us friends or siblings with like whether it's actually concrete information or just like concerns of like hey i got a bad feeling they they go to this person and they kind of narc on you but my my my gut tells me he probably came from a place of trying to figure out whether what you told him is accurate or not and the only way to like do this well i mean my sister kind of looked you up so like yeah what do you have to say about that uh is this true yeah is this true he couldn't say he got an anonymous tip yeah so like i only said that because i don't think your your brother was trying to

to to call you out but that's that's kind of what usually what happens in those scenarios yeah and he kind of just has written off like all of us like i i mean he's my brother-in-law so he's obviously not like my blood relative but like she had blocked all of us on social media like she didn't want to talk to his mom she didn't talk to his dad she blocked like my sister who like had never had any interaction with her so this is your brother-in-law not your brother yeah and how do you how are you and how what's the connection like he's married to who my husband's only brother it's your husband's only brother and you're i'm assuming your husband really close and your husband's a little bummed out about so he's kind of cut off his brother yeah um no they've actually kind of like reconciled it

my husband is very easygoing so it wasn't really on his part we approached him together with this information because i wasn't gonna be like hey here's all this stuff i found out about her like i kind of was like so you know that stuff you told me well i was bored at work and this is what i found okay so where are we now um present day she really does not talk to us and the information i get is mainly from my mother-in-law about her because she like won't speak to me i've given her rides because she didn't have a driver's license. And anytime I'm giving her rides, she's super nice to me.

But then whenever we don't have contact, she is like, I'm terrible. I'm the worst. What does mom have to say about this relationship? What does his mom, like my mother-in-law, we're kind of both like, I don't want to say we gang up against her. I feel like I'm nice to people.

I would never confront her or fight her or anything crazy. But my mother-in-law is literally wringing her hands waiting for it to be over. Because he's told her a lot of stuff that he doesn't know that we know. That their relationship is really toxic. And I guess that's another overarching overarching question I have is like, how do you support people in your family that are in toxic relationships without them being like, without pushing them away? Because basically if we say stuff to him, it just pushes him closer to her. Do you think there are drugs involved? Like stuff like that?

Why do you want to go there? No, not that i mean i'm honest about like that's kind of what i felt like in the beginning i don't think so now just because his personality had changed so much but i'd never seen him in a relationship like i knew him what are some of the things that you looked up and found um like i can look up her like traffic record so like i knew she had a suspended license i knew that she'd had a suspended license for a while and she'd been driving on it she had some like animal citations like animals it's not like now it's different but like at the

time like animal cruelty is like if you leave your pet outside and it's like you're to leave outside the police come and they're like get your pet inside so weird and also she said she lied about her house getting broken into to the police, which to me seems like something. It was multiple cases. Something might be happening. You can maybe explain one of these things. Yeah.

Yeah, whenever I looked it up, normally for people it's just a traffic ticket, like when I'm looking at people for work. But this was like pages i had to go through and what was the weird vibe you were getting that made you want to look her up anyways um when he just was telling us all this stuff about her but it was never like her fault like oh she has all these financial problems but it's because of her parents because they didn't pay bills they should have stuff like that everyone but i'm like people like this are really good at justifying there are all the all they and they have probably very convincing stories is it say am i wrong by saying like you know you know i get enough shit about

dating younger women but like it's not as normal for like a woman in her early 30s to date a guy who's just fresh out of college. And I feel like the mature, you know, we always joke and there's some truth to it. Like women mature faster than men. And I feel like a woman in her early 30s should ideally be in a very different stage than a man in his early 20s.

And you see guys in their early 30s dating women who are 22, 23, but it's definitely different, right? And there's a reason why you see more men dating younger women than women dating men. And, you know, I don't know what causes that, but that's, it is an outlier, right? So even that is kind of like a, you know, what does he like? Do we know what he likes about her? Like what?

No, he doesn't. He won't like, he tells us that he doesn't love her that he doesn't plan on being with her but there's like no end in sight like a couple days ago like i can't see it but like what is it i heard through the grapevine that they had posted like engagement style photos and i was like oh my gosh does this mean that they're engaged or it's not telling us like is it is it safe to like i just feel like a woman in her late 30s would be better at manipulating a young man than an older guy manipulating a young woman.

I don't know about that. I don't know. I just feel like women are smarter and better than that. I don't think 31 and 24 is that crazy. It's a little weird. It's like a red flag, but it's not insane. It's not insane. Yeah.

No, it happens. And if you are a woman who's dating a younger guy, great for you. Yeah. I'm just saying, I'm not just talking about the age difference, but there's some red flags here. She might be shady. Yes. And if she were a manipulative person who's good at like explaining all these like things i think she would be better at manipulating a younger guy i just feel like women are smarter about that men can

be very when a young guy's in love we're stupid we'll believe like you know we just we will we will like kind of believe anyone we like and and, and we, I think we're more easily manipulated. I think maybe, I don't know, maybe is it, do women have more of their signals up because guys are always kind of trying to pull shit. So like, maybe they're just smart. I don't know. Like I think guys, when they really fall hard, when they're young, we, we, we, we are kind of, I think we, we, I think young men fall harder than, than women. Sometimes the younger men, uh, I do, I, I, you know, I, I imagine being 22 and like, what if I had feelings for a woman who, uh, had more years of experience in life experience in

dating? And, and if she's a shady manipulative person, that would be a concern of mine as a family member. Uh, where do you go from here? I mean, here's my question about him. Before he met her, what was his dating life like? He hadn't dated. Whenever I started dating my husband, he was in high school. So, like, I never saw him with anyone. I'd never seen him in a relationship. I knew he was in a really bad relationship in high school, like another toxic relationship.

What about college, though? Where, again, sorry toxic relationship about college where again sorry what about college he didn't date anyone no one like he didn't date anyone in college he girls pay attention to him and he just like does not notice like if we go out and do stuff like girls are trying to talk to him he just like he won't look at him or anything like decent looking guy i'm not saying he's not like it's not like he's has a hard time to your point talking they come to him and now like she wrote him a letter one time that he showed me and she was like if any girls talk to you you know how i'll deal with them because they

were going to be apart and she wrote him like a note or whatever and i just think he's like terrified to talk to her now saying i just think he. I just think she's enough older than him that if she wanted to, again, be very controlling and dominating, it would be easy for her to do. And yeah, he's young. I mean, he hasn't had a ton of dating experience. And here he's hanging out with this woman who, I mean, someone like that who's had all these situations in the story, she's probably dated all these types of men. Like, she's dated all, I bet her rap sheet of guys she's dated is probably super long, which is fine, you know? But she's got a lot of experience is what I'm saying. Yeah, and she's dated guys and girls. Like, she She like. Yeah. And she's dated guys and girls.

Like she's not just dated guys. She's dated guys and girls. Fine. But I'm just saying she's been in different fights and dated different personalities. And she's just used to how to fight. If your brother-in-law is barely dated at all, how does he know how to fight or disagree or what's right or wrong? Yeah, he thinks it's normal. He thinks it's normal.

He thinks she says that's fucked up. But he's like, I don't know, maybe it is. Maybe it is fucked up that I'm doing this. You know, it's very easy to manipulate someone with less experience because like, if you're in a relationship and you're dating them and they're kind of telling you, well, you know, I've been in the situation

and you know, like that'll happen. If you are dating someone who's older, it's, I mean, maybe it's a healthy relationship and you can like that that'll happen if you are dating someone who's older it's i mean maybe maybe it's a healthy relationship and you can learn from them and you know hopefully a relationship that's the thing it's like the hard part of dating someone of any age gap is that ultimately you want the you want to be able to mutually learn from each other you know regardless i mean eventually it's like you can't always be the only older person be like well you know when i was your age um but it's going to be easier for her to manipulate him and so that's something you're gonna have to deal with how you can be

supportive of him is in these situations like sometimes all you can really do is just let them know you'll be there for him i mean short of him i mean it's unless you're really afraid that he's harming himself uh he's putting himself and and you know the the engagement part you know that's maybe when you want to put your your foot down but there's only so much you can do then just state your peace and then support you just kind of have to remind them that they are young and have a lot of life to live and that he has got a lot of in front of them you do want to be careful like it's good that you i don't think there's anything wrong with what you did to be honest like i know i read your email you were questioning like oh i'm gonna buy a bad person for looking him up listen there's a big difference between being in a relationship

and being like you know once you send check the email or check the text you should break up you're not dating this chick so like by all means like you know and she trusted her gut which is something you say there's nothing yeah i'm saying like i'm not i'm not saying it's ideal for her but like you're not in the relationship with this person so it's not one of those things like well you yeah you didn't trust her and so that's why you looked it up and so like uh and you found something i mean listen if i were dating someone and like someone's sister like you know looked me up would i i mean there's nothing really to find so i'm like oh what'd you find you know like i would it would bother me if i thought if i thought like they didn't had a bad

vibe about me but to your point this relationship started with him suggesting that maybe she wasn't the best person right yeah and that's kind of where it started so it's a tough situation because and i guess what i'm saying you don't you got to stop talking shit about her unfortunately yeah through the grapevine thing let's cut the grapevine down I just kind of like I just don't say anything and then when after like I'm not around anymore I'll talk to my husband be like oh my gosh like we'll just kind of be like, yeah, oh wow. Like at the beginning, I would say like, are you sure that's okay? But now when that like pushed him away, I haven't really, I don't like nitpick because I don't want to be that type of person.

Yeah. It's one of those things where it's less about nitpicking on her and more reminding him of what he's worth in a sense of like, let's say something comes up where you observe something. If he is complaining about her, don't say, oh, yeah, that's wrong and that's fucked up and she sucks. Just change your wording and saying, you're right. You deserve something. You deserve better than that. And you definitely should expect that.

That is okay for you to expect that. That is okay for you to expect that. Because again, we talked about manipulation. So she might be like saying how this is how one, we should do it this way. And this is how our relationship should be. And he might not know better, but he might, his gut might tell him, I don't know, that feels fucked up. So if he does express to your brother, brother your husband or you something that he thinks is okay i don't know i don't have an example you can remind them you know what that is healthy you can expect it we have that in our relationship or one of our favorite things about our relationship is this you know it's so like be an example of what he can have and what he can expect

just don't and don't don't do it don't do it by ridiculing her because by ridiculing her you're indirectly uh ridiculing his choices and decisions to be with her so good so there's kind of an attachment there because he that's that's the hard part people have is when you when you rip on someone's girlfriend or boyfriend they've invested in this person they've chosen to be with them and so it they they indirectly feel reflection on them and they have to kind of come to grips with realizing they maybe made a made a bad bet or made a bad investment in this person and so you kind of have to make them feel safe about getting out of it it's like a slow process it's a slow burn

but i don't think there's anything wrong with like a really slow burn yeah i don't think there's anything wrong with looking him up I mean her up you know what can you do you know use those resources I'm surprised you didn't

yeah who right now well I get it I wouldn't if she was like if this was like hey I am dating this guy and I had a bad vibe and I'm a paralegal

so I looked him up I'd be like wait you're looking him up you need to like you know trust your gut but I mean, listen,

I'm not saying it's the best, but like. Well, you hear about stories like Dirty John. Did you listen to that podcast? I have not, but I'm familiar with it. Yeah.

And the mom basically got scammed by this guy who like, you know, was so loving to her and just basically separated her from her family. But so I think you kind of do have to have your antennas up

like you're saying and be aware because there are crazy people out there. Listen, like like i said if i were dating someone and they had if you were if i were dating if you had a sister and i was dating her sister and you had a bad vibe about me that would bother me but if you paralegaled me i don't think there'd be much you would find that would create some red flags you know what i'm saying yeah i'm just saying so like my friends ask me to do it all the time like they're like oh this guy and like i found some crazy stuff for them so i guess i just was like thinking i was like protecting him in a weird way because i do it for my friends protecting them so i'd be like oh nick forgot

to pay his parking ticket once like okay that shit happens kind of thing you know but like there wouldn't be this thing like i don't know this thing's kind of fucked up and then yeah would it bother me that you did that sure but i'd kind of almost be like i'm all see i'm not a bad guy you know you get over those things but she knows it's like she doesn't like you because and she won't talk to you because she knows you're a threat you know and she's literally said those exact words like to him. And then he's told us it's like a two way street. Like everything we say to him gets back to her because she's never around. And then we're,

and then all the stuff that like she says about us, he tells us, listen, I, you got it. You just got to say things like diffuse the situation to him. You got to be like, listen,

we love you no matter what. We want you in our life. We care about you. If you're happy, we're happy. But we just want you to know that we want the best for you. So anything we might have said that came from a place of love, you were an adult. We can't tell you who to be with what you want. But I hope that you don't want to be with anyone who's pushing you away from us.

Say it like that. Because then he should know, he should feel that. Please don't fault me for just looking out for the best of you. You're right, maybe we overstepped our boundaries, but at this point, we just want you in our life, but we just hope that you're with whoever you decide to be with. We just don't want you to be with someone who's pushing you away from us. Because to that point, again, if I were dating your sister and you looked me up, would I be upset about it and bothered? Sure. But I should be able to get over the fact

because I should understand, okay, well, why did you have your concerns? You didn't find anything. Hey, remember that time you just thought I was a creep? It turns out I'm not kind of thing, right? If you either suck or you don't and if you know that you don't suck sometimes people get a bad read on you right but you should be able to get over that and that person should understand that they're just looking out for um if i were dating someone younger than me i immediately like the first time i ever dated someone younger than me i was 28 and my girlfriend was 21 and i was so nervous about meeting her dad and like she was fine with it and her dad was super cool but i was just and i was so nervous about meeting her dad and like she was fine with

it and her dad was super cool but i was just like i hope sir i hope like if you have any like have any problems with this like uh let me know and i was i was aware of any type of red flags you know it's weird that she's not that is a red flag but again you have you can't keep pointing that out so it's it's only seven years though i'm not talking about that red flag i'm talking about the the fact that she her vibe i'm not i'm not just addressing i mean just addressing it with the family i'm just saying being aware if you date someone whatever it is like you should be self-aware about who the things you bring to the table yeah you know whether it's an age difference whether it's uh've had, maybe you're unemployed, maybe you have a, maybe if you were married and divorced and had kids, it might be questions that, not that it's a bad thing, you go in a new relationship and friends and family are going to ask questions about you.

And everyone comes in with baggage, and you have to be able to address whatever that baggage is. And if you get defensive about it and you're not aware of what people might think, it will come across as shady. So she's giving you a vibe for a reason. Do you think it's good that she's looking up all these people's information? Sounds like she does it a lot. Do you do this a lot? I mean, whatever.

No, I haven't done it for like, well, really she was like the last person I looked up because one, I don't, that's not my job anymore. So I'm not bored sitting at my desk and people aren't texting me being like, can check into this person I mean the reality is like well Hannah might be a paralegal she might have a little bit more access than anyone fucking google man like you know the average person if they really wanted to can do enough research yeah so like people do that and I you know what? To a certain extent, like listen, at some point, don't be a nosy, busybody.

But you know, if people have siblings and friends and they, when they hear about their sibling or friend's new boo and they have a habit of looking them up, so be it. Fine. Okay. I don't know. Like, again, there's a line. Like if you're just kind of doing it and be like, you know, Googled your friend for you. It seems like he's an okay guy.

Or, wow, I Googled your friend, and there's a lot of, I, four pages, you know? Like, that's fine. I mean, that's the world we live in now. Yeah. So, yeah, you're gonna have to shower him with love. It's a slow burn.

Not much you can do. It's, sometimes it's as subtle, it's as subtle as the wording you choose. Yeah.'t make it about her make it about him and just uh and hopefully he will sense that that feeling of like i'm with this person who's pulling me away from my family you know and just give her less of a reasons to you want to you want to not give her just she's going to point things out about you guys and you want those to sound insane. Right?

So like the thing she has against you is it sounds sane to be like, well, that's fucked up. She looked me up. Like, I'm not saying you did anything wrong, but she can kind of use that against you. So if you just shower him with love and support. She definitely has. Yeah. Right.

So now just shower him with love and support. And she definitely has. Yeah, right? So now just shower him with love and support. And so no matter what, it's going to be fucked up. It's like, well, you can't get mad at my sister-in-law, my brother, for loving me. You can't, you know, they want me to be happy. They've made that clear. And so, you know, we have to get over that. So hopefully he learned. Let mom be the bad guy moms can mom he had moms

have more rope oh yeah you know like you you have less rope being the sister-in-law um yeah i'm just a sidekick i'm just like yeah yeah yeah let mom be the bad guy well best of luck thank you so much yeah thanks for calling in so keep us. I'm curious about this one. All right, thanks. All right, take care. Bye. Bye-bye. How's it going?

Good, how are you? Good, what's your name? I'm Casey and 32. Hi, Casey, 32. How can we help, Casey, 32? Okay, so this is very long. But, okay, so I'm 32, but I met this guy back when we were in middle school high school

we were best friends um and then even through high school into college we would hang out all the time and i always had boyfriends and or guys i did stuff with so that wasn't like an issue. Like, I don't think he ever liked me. Okay. Um, and then even when I started dating my now husband, he would come hang out with us and we would go to lunch, happy hour, whatever, all the time. Okay. Text daily, call daily. And then all of a sudden one day I have just never heard from him again. Uh, we live in the same city, Minneapolis, so it's obviously kind of big, but not that big.

It's big enough. Yeah. But I've never run into him. I have tried to reach out to him five bazillion times saying I have no idea what. I said, why? Oh, why? Well, honestly, like he was like such a dear friend but um I've reached out to him so many times and then I've never heard back from him nothing and then we do have mutual friends from high school and I have heard within the last couple years that he is now well now, but he came out gay and he is engaged.

And so when I heard that he was engaged, I messaged him saying congratulations. And I've just never heard back. So I just don't have any idea. Did you think that he might be gay when you knew that was a total shock? Wait, what? Was that a total shock to find out he was gay or not um yes and no like he never did hooked up with girls when we were friends he never had a girlfriend but i mean he never i never thought it but no uh and so i guess your question is like why what why do you because all my friends are just like i have no idea my husband's like well he just doesn't want to be your friend which i feel like you're going to probably say but i don't know why he just all

of a sudden would go from being best friends to like literally never answering anything i've ever said and i kind of resonated with this because I've had friends in the past just ghost, like a friend ghost is hard to deal with. Oh, like we talked about. Oh, because people are like best friends. Yeah, like we talked about when Gary was on, friends, like sometimes people we date, come and go out of our lives, you know?

Not all friendships are forever. Often friendships change especially with people of the opposite sex i mean the fact that your your former friend is gay i mean you know i guess you would think hey that shouldn't matter because obviously there's certainly no sexual tension he's into men and i'm you know married but regardless, yeah, not all friendships are meant forever. And so it sounded like he broke up with you. You broke up with your friend. And yeah, listen, I totally get like, I totally empathize with the fact that regardless if

it's a dating situation or a friendship, you want some closure and you haven't been able to get closure on this friendship. And then maybe there was even some confusion and you're part of like, well, I didn't think there was any, like maybe is it safe to say that you didn't know he was gay or not gay. And so you were just simply confused about why you haven't heard from them. So maybe you questioned whether he had romantic feelings for you or not.

And only to find out. No, I never thought he had romantic feelings. No, no, no. I get that. But if someone just kind of

ghosts you as a friend you start you know you you consider all options right and so yeah you know then you realize oh well you find out he's gay so that that definitely wasn't it so almost kind of like brings back to like no but really then what is it you know because you never really thought that but you know but the end of the day kind of to your husband's point, you just kind of have to accept it and move on. And again, like, this is no different than a dating situation where you got ghosted. I mean, would it be nice if you got closure? Would it be nice if he responded and gave you a reason why? Of course it would be nice.

And I'm sorry you don't have that. And I'm sorry you don't have that. But at some point, you just need to accept it and accept that for whatever reason, right or wrong, he doesn't want you in his life. You know, and that probably hurts a little bit. Maybe even he hurts your ego. And it doesn't mean you did something wrong. And you want to probably, you're probably wondering, what did I do? Could I have done something different?

Did I push him away? And I quite, again, I get why you would wonder that and i get that would make you feel uncomfortable and i get why you would want to make it right if that were the case but he you have to respect boundaries and you know he doesn't want you in his life and that's that's fine He doesn't want you in his life, and that's fine. Oh, yeah. Hard to accept. I just wasn't raised like that. Like, we never cut people out of our lives. I get it, but you're not him.

You know what I'm saying? Right. Not to sound, I get why you have these feelings, but this is not about you in that sense. Like, you can't, you know, if a goes, I'm not justifying the ghosting. I'm not saying that's okay. He definitely, it's like, it seems like normal, but we do, it's safe to assume they don't want you in their life.

And I'm not, and so that, that part you should at least get right. And do you have any idea why, or is it not even worth asking, trying to figure out? Well, so also is, like, we have mutual friends from high school, and he still does talk to some of those guys and girls, which we were much closer than he was with them, so it's just also confusing that he still keeps in touch with some of them when they weren't like nearly as good friends as we were i get why that might hurt and again i am sorry for that and i'm again i'm not justifying his behavior but at this point the important thing to accept is that for whatever reason he's decided not to want you to have his life right now. And your life and day-to-day mental health and well-being will be better off for simply just accepting that and not trying to figure out why.

Because the truth is you can't figure out why. And the worst thing we can do in these situations is to kind of ruminate and guess why without very little information. And you'll create this false reality, you know, you're going to guess. Yeah. And there's, it's just such wasted effort. You're going to just invest a bunch of energy in literally just guessing what it might be. Some of those guesses might make you feel bad or guilty or whatever, but they're all literally just going to be made up. Right.

Because you don't know. So you just have to. Is this, right? Because you don't know. So you just have to... Is this something... What? Like, do you think I should not reach out anymore? Correct. Yes. Yeah. Because you have, all right? It's one thing you have tried, right? So we're, is it safe to say we're past the point of you made it clear that ideally you would like to like find out or talk and you've made it, you've made yourself available to him if he ever wants to talk. So you've done that. So you can't keep doing that because now it's kind of like harassment, you know, like you've made it clear.

So now you have to accept it. You're not getting what you want. You know, do you deserve like a conversation? Maybe, but you know, he was raised differently, obviously, you know do you just deserve like a conversation maybe but you know he was raised differently obviously you know and i i literally don't know what it's like and probably you're not gay either in a sense of like what that might be like for him to come out i have no idea right that's not still not easy for people who are gay to come out in various situations. And for whatever reason, maybe there's something there, but you don't, you know, you just have to

accept it. You know, you are married, you have your own life. It's you as a friend, you, people stop being friends. And sometimes you don't, it's not, and even that's not often mutual, you know? Yeah. Sometimes friends lose touch and it's just like oh we just kind of stopped hanging out you know but sometimes friends decide i don't really you know want this person in my life anymore and i guess and that certainly that feels i know it's hard it's hard but but you have to at this point you have you have to accept it, you know, because now you're, now it's getting in the way of affecting the life that you do have, you know. Yeah. You know, and it's not a reflection on you.

You just, you literally, you do have to stop wondering what it is. And that's so hard to do because you can literally do it at any point. You can, anytime you have free time to get in your head, you're gonna, but you have to just stop. If you're a people pleaser too, it like breaks your heart to think that anyone's mad at you. Oh yeah. So I bet that's playing a role too.

I totally, again, empathize with how you feel, but at this point you have to make the choice to decide to move on and not make it worse. And you have to accept and be okay with the fact that some people, not everyone, wants to be your friend. That's okay. And you welcome to everyone else. Yeah, it's okay.

Everyone, it's true of all of us. Yes. Even the people pleasers, they may, you know, for all the people pleasers out there who need everyone to like them. So they, you know, they're out there just pleasing people, people pick up on that. And then even people talk shit about them and, you know, not everyone wants to hang out with them either. Not everyone, people don't love everyone. You know, they may, oh, everyone loves so-and-so and there's someone who doesn't, you know, it's okay. It's okay. And I know it sucks, but your husband's right.

You have to let it go. I know. I literally knew you were going to say exactly what he said. Yeah. And it is a little harder that you have a little bit of access to him with friends, I understand. My gut tells me someday you'll figure out why. Yeah, that's true.

I hope so. Yeah, but stop. Right now, you're going to let it go. Let it go. Yeah, but stop right now. You're going to let it go. Let it go. This is kind of like one of those, like, if this is a dating situation, I'm not telling you that to give you hope, right? I'm just being honest with you. That's probably what will happen.

But I'm not saying that so you wait around for this answer. You've got to let it go. You've got to let him go the same way you would let go of a ex-boyfriend. Pictures, memories, things that remind you of this friendship. You got to let go. Delete the contacts so you can keep reaching out. You got to find ways to get this out of your life because there is a grieving period of which you haven't allowed yourself to have to this someone who is a friend. And you're a little butth that they've dumped you you know and uh and you gotta get you gotta get over that you you're not you're not necessarily

entitled to a reason it would be nice but it's not something you're necessarily owed okay oh seems like a really sweet person. You seem lovely. Yes. Still doesn't mean it's owed to you. Okay. It's going to be fun. Well, thank you for your advice. But stop thinking maybe you did something wrong. Yeah.

Yeah. This is really about them. Yeah. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. This is really about them. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Not about you. I don't know. That's okay.

You're going to be fine. That's what we said to everyone. Well, thank you guys. This is so weird being on here because I obviously listen to every episode. Well, we appreciate that.

Thanks for listening. You sound exactly like you do on the podcast. It's So weird. That would make sense. All right. Well, take care. Stop dwelling on it.

Yeah. Let it go. Get it out of your head. Thank you, guys. Stop talking about it. Stop asking. I won't. I won't.

I won't. No more. This is it. You're not allowed to ask anyone about it anymore. i won't yeah no more this is it you're not allowed to ask anyone about it anymore buried in the ground all right he just doesn't like me that's what you gotta say oh all right bye-bye bye all right i never know like if i if a friend if i like want to break up with a friend if i should ghost or say something. They do have a tendency of organically fading away more than like romantic relationships do. Yeah. But sometimes there is a friend who's like not ready to end that friendship.

Right. And I think sometimes it's just kind of like, yeah, I don't know. I just don't see so and so. And then they kind of get the hint and they go away. Right. And I do think, you you know sometimes like usually what happened like when gary was saying you know they get married or they get a relationship and they just have you just have less time yeah you know like i i see less of jared and ashley and it's

just like i'm not gonna go i'm sure like why don't we hang out like he's married he's got different priorities life happens yeah um yeah i mean i don't know. I mean, is it certainly weird that he's cut her off? Yeah. And I get why she wants to find out why. Yeah. But she's made it clear. She wants to know. That's all you can do.

That's all you can do. And now it's just like, it's only going to get weirder on her behalf. How's it going? Good. How are you? Good. What's your name?

I'm Megan. I'm 27. Megan, 27. How can we help you, you? Good. What's your name? I'm Megan. I'm 27. Megan, 27. How can we help you, Megan, 27? Okay. So I have something called PCOS, and it just basically means that my hormones are all over the place. And it affects a lot of things for women's health and particularly fertility. And so it's just something I always knew was going to be a struggle for me. And I happened to get married very young at 24.

And my husband and I just both knew we wanted kids and we knew that it was going to be really hard for us to have kids. So we decided to start trying right away. We did actually end up getting pregnant within a month of marriage, which was totally unexpected. And unfortunately, we miscarried. And it was just such a difficult and trying thing to go through, especially so early on in the marriage. So we just decided to not try for a year and just take time, you know, to be newlyweds and to enjoy that. So that's what we did. And then we decided to start trying again. And we've been trying for the last two years and we've had multiple losses and failed, you know, fertility treatments. And so at this point, we're just at this crossroads where we're trying to decide, like, do we continue to move forward with fertility treatments and continue to pour you know all of our money into it and just our emotional well-being like

is so impacted by it you just don't know how it's going to go and it's so uncertain um and if we choose that route do like how how do you possibly prepare yourself for that kind of like constant disappointment and constant you know loss essentially um or do for that kind of like constant disappointment and constant, you know, loss essentially? Um, or do we just kind of like let go of this idea that life was going to turn out a certain way and just kind of enjoy what we have? Cause we do have a very, you know, beautiful life, just the two of us. So do we just like pick up and move somewhere we've always wanted to and just enjoy that and just, you know, have an adventure. And then if we choose that, though, you know, I know you always talk about Nick, like letting go of how you planned life to be and just living life. And but if we do that, like how do you actually truly do that? Because I find that that's the hard part.

Like, it's easy to say, we're just going to let it go. We're just going to not have kids and we're just going to like enjoy that. But it's so much, there's still so many nights where my heart just like aches for that. And it's hard to actually, it's hard to actually like accept that. It's easy to say, but it's hard to really live out, I guess. So I guess my question is kind of like, how how do you how do you actually deal with that like i feel like you do such a good job of just like letting your life be what it is and enjoying what you have like how did you get to that point and how do you accept when you're you know disappointed that life's not turning out how you wanted it to

uh yeah i mean thanks for calling and sharing obviously this is a very personal story so we do appreciate you you do sharing that with with us um it's like you kind of have the idea right but you don't know how to like like implement it into your life which is hard to do right like you're starting to realize uh i'm at the point, you're 27. So you're kind of at that point in your life where you're not, you're an adult, you know, you're in your later 20s, you're really an adult, you know, where nowadays, you know, like 30 years ago, it was different, but like 21, 20 year old, 22 year olds, like they're younger than they were in the 50s. You know, we took on more responsibility as humans in the fifties and sixties.

And now we give ourselves a little more freedom and a good way to just kind of be young, immature. So 27, you're, you're, you're there now you got married young. And so the answer to your question is yes.

In a sense of like, listen, you are still only 27. Right. And to, to, and again, don't know what it's like to be in your shoes, but it sounds like you were aware of this condition that you had early on. And so, okay, I know this condition. I know I have to do this. So, hey, let's try to have kids right away because let's try to get ahead of it. Maybe we'll be lucky enough to have a child and

then we won't stress about it anymore because we'll at least have one and you know you can plan our lives and yeah and it hasn't worked out right but like you were you've been trying to be so proactive and now you know you've had this disappointment and you've tried to maintain a level of perspective of hey i'm still happy and still in love and maybe we can consider alternatives but this is not a black and white thing you know it's not like you and your husband have to decide to like live or die so to speak you're not deciding whether you want to have kids or not right you know you can you're just deciding to live am i quite you made you you talked about picking up and traveling i don't know what you and your husband talk about or things that you might want to do that you're not doing now. I can tell you that all sorts of people have kids.

All sorts of people with different lifestyles have children. Lots of times people with very unconventional lifestyles who aren't planning on having kids have kids. And I know that's probably like irritating for you to hear because it's like, oh, I want the kid. And they're like, they didn't want the kid and, you know, or they weren't planning on getting pregnant. But the point is, is you can travel, you can be adventurous, you can live this kind of quote unquote selfish lifestyle because you're maybe thinking, well, if we can't have kids, maybe we can live life for ourselves. And it's not the life that you and your husband maybe planned on like we were gonna get married at 24

and then at 27, we're gonna have kids and settle down with this house in Virginia or whatever it is, but live your life, whatever it is. And as long as you and your husband are each other's main priority, you might be surprised. Again, I don't know the situation and the money you're spending on fertility, but you can maybe pause that for a time being. Is it possible? I mean, I'm asking, so tell me, is it possible to not do fertility? And even though

it might be harder for you, it's still possible for you and your husband to get pregnant by just simply having sex and getting lucky. Is that true? Or are we past that point for you? It is, it's still possible. Um, it's just hard because I'm so irregular. Like most people can like track their cycle every month and know when fertility, um, for us, it's just a total gamble. You know, I might ovulate like three times a year. So it's just like, do we happen to get lucky and, you know, have sex on the day that I ovulated? It's just like,

it's, it's a very, it's certainly possible for me, but it's just very hard to plan. Yeah. So I guess with losing, you know, with the miscarriages,

that takes a big toll. I'm sure. Yeah. I know emotionally. I can't relate, but I've certainly have hurt. I mean, shit, my mom, my mom's lucky enough to have 11 children i know she's miscarried twice in between those 11 and those were both very difficult on my mom and that was someone who

had a lot of kids so uh i can only try to empathize but i know that can be emotional i guess what i'm saying is yeah go live life. Give yourself the freedom to live your life. You're only 27. You know, don't focus what you're doing now. Like your whole life right now is focused on getting pregnant and all the resources you have available and you're like putting off everything you're doing,

travel, vacation, whatever, just so you can try to stop doing that. Yeah. That doesn't mean you're not having, it doesn't mean you you're that does not mean you guys decide you're not having kids pull the goalie you know live your life you might be surprised you know i mean certainly stress can be a reason why people can't get pregnant and things like that there are a lot of cases so maybe give your guys your permission to just take a step back, call a timeout. You're not giving up on anything.

You're just going to chill out. My mom had her last kid at 47. You just never really know, you know? And so I know, you know, science out there tells you you're supposed to, you know, your clock's ticking and then you're more at risk if you get pregnant earlier. But like, listen, those, just go live your life. You'll never really know, right? You are really young.

I mean, even let's say the next two years you guys kind of took off and let's say you're not lucky enough to get pregnant. You're still only 30. I understand that my doctor might say, well, you're slightly more at risk, but like, you know? I mean, there are plenty of women having babies and healthy babies in their 30s.

And correct me if I'm wrong, at this point, you and your husband will just feel like it's a great blessing to hopefully have one. My aunt had multiple miscarriages before they had their first child and now they had they end up having five kids you just never know i know i do know i remember i remember being a very young child and i remember that she her my uncle and her they it was a thing where she kept getting

pregnant and she kept having miscarriages i have no idea if she had any health conditions i don't know if there was something that was going on that was causing this i just as a young kid i just remember that was a thing and then once she had the first she was they have you just never really know but right now you are fixated on so much so there's a difference between knowing that you can live your life and just giving yourself the freedom and right though even the way you were talking stop doing that like because you're talking it's just like, well, do we just decide not to have kids? It doesn't have to be so just go fucking live. You know? I know. It's just like, I, I hate uncertainty. I know that's a bad quality,

but I just hate it. Like not knowing I'd rather just like decide, okay, it's not happening. And then just live that way. I don't know. It's just so hard for me. And then like, I know, like you said, like 27 is still relatively young, especially to start a family. It's just like, you know, it's taken me three years and have, I've had no successful pregnancy. So part of it's like, you know, it could take me another three and then another five, you know, it's just like, you know know and then i don't i hate i hate

thinking about that i think well don't except that it could and then with you if that day comes one thing i will assure you you will feel in that moment it was all worth the wait you will yeah right what you don't want to do is just stress yourself out. Like trying to force certainty only creates more uncertainty, you know? The only certain thing is death and taxes. Yeah, truly. Like you're just, you're forcing certainty and that just creates more confusion and distraction. And, you know, like you don't really know what's going to happen tomorrow or in a year. Just, you know, you, like be thankful that you and your husband after this stressful time still love each other and want to be together because that's not always the case.

I've seen people not be able to have kids and it tears them apart. You guys have a lot of life in front of you. And be thankful you haven't been told you can't conceive. It's just much harder for you. And you might get really surprised. But stressing about it's certainly not going to help that's that's for sure if there are things that you guys have talked about doing go fucking do it yeah bucket list yeah you can have sex on vacation you know you can yeah um

if there's things you even want to do for yourself if if those things those if those bucket list things um were you know you doing you doing something on your own that your husband's not there to like have sex with you, oh, well, we can't do that. We always have to be next to each other because we have to go do, just go live your life. Time out on getting pregnant with leaving the door open for getting pregnant, you know, like yeah my um my parents had four kids and they have their best friends with this couple with no kids and they'll just make these comments every once in a while like they really have it good they're having so much fun and like wow they get to do all these cool things and they i think that you know they have a lot of

expendable income so i mean the grass is always the grass is always greener. Grass is always greener, but you're fortunate that right now, like your story hasn't been told or hasn't been written and stopped acting like you have to decide the rest of your life today. You don't have to decide anything. You can decide to chill out,

which I know is easy for me to say and harder to do for something I know that has been so personal for you and something that's always been a dream of yours. And it's like anything else. If someone tells you that you're like, you're at risk or you're going to have a hard time, it's like, I'm an obsessive person. So listen, I get it. If I were in your position, I would probably obsess over it like you are, but obsessing over it only makes it worse and makes it more stress out and when it comes like i don't know i'm not a doctor i don't very little about getting pregnant but i do know

being stressed doesn't help um and freaking out and and you know uh i mean there's a litany of stories out there of people trying to get pregnant kind of give up and then all of a sudden boom it happens you know and there's a reason why you hear those stories um because you, kind of give up. And then all of a sudden, boom, it happens. You know, and I think there's a reason why you hear those stories. Because you just kind of have to let life happen a little bit. And I just want to say thank you so much for sharing your story because, and being so open about what you've been through because it's happening all the time.

And women, a lot of times don't talk about it. Maybe like look into non-traditional things. I mean, shameless plug for my sister, but she does work with a lot of women who have a hard time conceiving and your diet. You go see a doctor, they're going to do all the traditional and obviously good things that are helping women get pregnant. But sometimes it might be just changing up routines and diets. And one of those things, every little bit helps, right? And again, you do it with the mindset of being healthy overall,

not just like, it's like getting a diet to lose weight. You don't go on a diet to lose weight, you go on a diet or change your diet to be healthier. And so maybe there's things you can look at it that way. And so, but you just got to try to just take a time out from this, this obsession and, and, and of, of getting pregnant. Uh, and hopefully that will help. You got a lot of life. You never know. My mom, again, had a kid at 47. I know you don't want to wait till you're 47. That's 20 years from now. I know you don't want to wait that long, but Hey, you never know.

I know. No, that, that episode with your sister though i actually uh i actually love that episode and i've been looking into that a lot because um i have a friend who was trying for seven years to get pregnant and then it just happened for her naturally she never did fertility testing um and it was all just due to like diet change and um the biggest thing she cut out was coffee and i've been trying so hard to cut it out because that's just so hard for me. But don't fall in that trap of like, that's what worked for her. So now I need to cut this out and cut that out. Everyone's different, right?

And my sister certainly has those stories. You can try different things. But stop obsessing over every story of every girl getting pregnant. But it is okay for you to look into it and have a general overall healthy well-being and being open to things. But don't become so obsessive that you're doing all these drastic things. Because, you know, I mean, again, I'm not the holistic nutritionist, but drastic changes in your lifestyle and diet isn't necessarily healthy.

But like certain cutting out certain things, your body not be responding positively to could could be a thing but more importantly i think you guys you and your husband need to like appreciate each other reset not necessarily change your priorities but just appreciate the fact that you do have a disposable income take advantage of that you know and definitely take a little bit of break you know and still pull the goalie you know doors always open yeah you're gonna be fine hopefully i mean you're gonna be fine hopefully hopefully you're gonna be no i don't want to be like i'm not i don't want to be like i'm prom i promise you you're gonna get pregnant i don't i don't know that yeah uh right uh you do have time and uh you have gotten pregnant, right?

So there's a plus. I know very hard to have a miscarriage. But, you know, things are trending in the right direction. Have some fun along the way. Yeah. All right? All right. Well, thank you so much.

Thanks for calling. Best of luck. Yeah, I know. We really appreciate you calling. I know it's a hard topic to talk about. And I'm sure there's a lot of people listening who can oh yeah relate in some sort of way of of the difficulties of of getting pregnant it's i hear it's hard to do yeah yeah it really is um and i just try to talk about it i know you know it's hard for certain people because it is so emotional but i do just want to like kind of open that door for people because I find like the more I talk

about it, the more other people start to open up to me. And I find out so many people are going through the same thing. And I just like, want, I want people to know that like, it's okay to talk about and it's, it's hard and you might cry when you talk about it and but like it's not a shameful thing and you know it's it's okay to talk about i totally agree but and like i said and we've talked about before not related to having kids is that you know you've wanted this your whole life and ever since you've been told that it's going to be more challenge for it for you you probably wanted even more than but you still have so much of your life left right so like again if you are ever lucky enough to have a kid in that moment you will definitely

think it was all worth it that i that i am certain of that so yeah let yourself let it happen if you can you know yeah all right bye all right thanks for calling all right. Thanks for calling. Bye. All right. Bye-bye. How's it going? Hi, how's it going? I'm Carly. I'm 22. Hi, Carly, 22. How can we help? So basically, I was in and out of relationships for a while. And then I met this guy on Hinge.

And I don't really use apps like that or anything. And we started talking. I was kind of like reluctant to meet him. And then I met him actually with a bunch of my friends and a bunch of his friends. We met out at a bar and we really hit it off. Um, we started talking, everything kind of moved super fast and we really just like liked each other. Then I met his sister, like maybe a week after he and I met, um, which was kind of like a lot, especially for him because he was like, it's his best friend. And I was like, okay, like, sure. I'll meet her. You really want me to. So like,

it wasn't like you bumped into each other. It was like a setup. Like I want you to meet my sister. Yeah. Like we went to Epcot for the day. Oh, okay. Three of us. Okay. Okay. That's definitely. Okay. All right. set up like i want you to meet my sister yeah like we went to epcot for the day oh okay three of us okay okay that's definitely okay all right yeah like it was like a whole she older or younger what she's older yeah she's 27 um and then we started like dating i officially, however you want to call it now after that. Um, and then we, Thanksgiving happened. We both went to our respective homes. Um, I'm from New York, but we both live in Florida. Um, and he told his mom all these things about me, about how

he could really see a future with me and how he was starting to fall in love with me and i was kind of like whoa but like i was kind of like how old is he i just he's 22 also okay um and i was what no yeah well go ahead i'll tell you what i mean in a second go ahead okay and so like and he's been in relationships before we both had like maybe like a couple months before we met we both got out of relationships where we had both been cheated on so we were kind of like trying to take things slow and then he told me drunkenly on facetime all of the things that he told his mom um about how he was starting to fall in love with me and how he wanted to like move to my city because he's like an hour away which really is

nothing um and all of this after like his like because he's currently like in an intern position and i was like i mean if you want to move that's on you, like don't move because of me. Like, I'm not going to ask you to do that. Um, and then we got, we came, both came back to Florida after, um, like the Thanksgiving week ended, the holiday ended and I went back to work. Everything was fine. He went back to work and then he started acting weird and basically like told me that his mom called him and was like, I want to have a serious conversation. And then I don't know what the extent of the conversation was. And all of a sudden it was like, he needed to think. And he

said he had something going on that was personal, but didn't really say anything. And then said he needed to think about us us even though he's still applying for jobs in Tampa and like will randomly text me like hey I got an interview with this company and it was like now we like don't talk at all and it was like after that conversation with his mom like we do not talk at all and it was just like a complete 180 in the span of like three days how long ago was this two weeks ago uh okay so here's what's going on uh you're fine like he's not your guy and i get why it's all very confusing but my guess is you know it's not uncommon for younger men to be more extreme you know and you know one day they love you one day they don't right in a sense that they i think we were talking about this

earlier that's what i mean i think uh men are just dumber when they're younger than women um and i think you know for all the criticism or stereotypes out there about women just wanting to be in love and just want the tradition like guys are saps especially when they're younger and then they get you know they just get extreme right and then he's talking to his mom my guess is he probably scared the shit out of his mom with all the shit she said to you about him and somehow it became you became the bad guy and somehow like she thinks it's all you, right? Feeding into her son who's, like, saying all these crazy things about this girl he barely met. And, you know, it's great that he's close with his mom. I'm close with my mom.

But it wouldn't shock me if somehow, like, you became the bad guy in this scenario for the crazy that he was saying. Also taking him away from the mom. Yeah, it could be that. But, like, listen, I mean, he, even like he was the one like over,

like I think the day before Thanksgiving, he was like, buy a train ticket to come see me like in December, like a month in advance to like meet all of his friends. Like, and so I booked the ticket and then like, it was like three days later and he was like, Oh,

nevermind. Here's the thing. Like, this is just a, this is an opportunity for you to learn and that younger guys like this is a red flag like next day next guy you meet who might do this that's it's a red flag because like yeah you know like you're great and there's not shocking that a guy might fall for you quickly but you know you can still say hey listen i'm glad we're excited about each other i'm excited too and it's fun to think about crazy things and it's fun to think about

how crazy we are for each other right now but we're not like let's just chill out right and if a guy's not okay with hearing that that's a red flag like you know you don't need to be rushed to meet family there's nothing wrong with meeting someone's family in a week but it's like it like there's always going to be time for's family in a week but it's like it like there's always going to be time for that like setting a date at epcot like we don't need to take family like a whole day at a theme park with a sister i mean that's i feel like that's kind of personal you know why don't you like that and that's how it felt and like the whole day like like a dessert or dinner or whatever why does it have to be so formal but again we do that

when you know we do that sometimes so um this guy's just a mess that's fine and i don't mean like he's i'm sure he's a fine guy he's just a young guy figuring out his life and just figuring things out and you're you're kind of in a weird way collateral damage and you're just confused because it's not dealing insanity in terms of like it doesn't make sense for a guy to be so in love one day. And then all of a sudden be the one who's like, I need to take a break. And you're like, literally, I don't, it's been three days. I don't feel any differently. What the fuck is wrong with you? It, you know? Yeah. But that, that does happen sometimes. And sometimes it happens, especially more with men. When I think when they're younger, I do think, I do think that the men are a little bit more immature and i think it's not uncommon for a guy to feel like in love for the first time

and be excited about and say a bunch of crazy shit and then all of a sudden be like oh wow that's a little aggressive nick i don't know why i said that yeah like and then pull away a little bit you're doing nothing wrong like the good news is is like you seem to have like a good head on your shoulders about love and relationships and it's you can be excited about one person and you can, you can think crazy things, but it doesn't mean you have to act on them. And it doesn't mean you have to force it. Um, and if a guy gets excited about you, that's not a red flag, but it's a red flag. If you say, Hey, listen, I'm glad we're excited, but we can just, we can chill, you know, and you're saying all the right things.

And if they do respond this way, you need to be thankful that they responded this way because it was telling, you know? It was telling that, okay, this is probably a guy I don't want to really invest in at this point because he's all over the map and he's not, the reality is you guys are two, you're at a very different parts of your life, even though you're the same age in terms of your emotional maturity level you know you're able to like really like a guy be excited about the potential see some future and and go with it and he yeah somehow needs to just go way too fast and needs to force all these things and say all these crazy things and

sometimes we like tell why is he telling your sister and telling his mom it's like geez it's like i mean sometimes we do that because we're seeking validation from people it's like why can't he just like like you for a minute and chill out this is probably not the first time he's done this it won't be the last time he does this with someone and i wouldn't be shocked if he doesn't really settle down until he's like 30 which is also fine um but uh yeah this is this happens don't be so confused by guys who are confusing that i mean it's easier said than done no i know but like trust your gut right and when he when he did all those things you said it it felt weird. Yeah. It felt weird. Cause it's weird. You know, it was, it wasn't expected. And I was like, I mean, you don't need to do that, but like, if that's how you feel, I'm not going to stop you from, I'm not going to force

myself to be in your life. So here's what you can learn from that, right? Because what you did this time is he did these things. Oh, let's go to Epcot with my sister let's you know talk about me moving what you can do differently next time is not say well i mean i'm just putting it out there like this seems weird but like you ended up going to epcot next time be like listen i really like you but that feels a little fast yeah you know like i don't like i want to meet your sister someday but we just met i want to get to know you you know i like yeah you can only know so much about someone in a couple weeks even if we even when you're like oh my god i feel like you've known you forever well you you haven't and so that means you don't know that much and you know so there's nothing wrong with

you trusting your gut and saying no. You know, saying you can say no to meeting someone's sister. There's nothing wrong with that. And you're not saying no forever. You're saying, let's just meet right now. I want to get to know you. I'm not ready for that, you know? And a guy who is as emotionally mature as you will say, oh, yeah, that makes total sense.

I understand. You know, thanks for sharing if he gets defensive and makes you feel weird about that that's a red flag you know so you can you can find out someone's red flags by by trusting your gut and saying no to certain behaviors because like you shouldn't be made feel wrong to say no about that stuff um things that traditionally are supposed to be good things meeting someone's family or or things like that it's just you're not ready for it and if you're not ready for it you should don't just go along with it it's it's one thing don't say oh well you know i don't

really want to but i guess if you really want to i'll go you know no rom-com messed us up because you know it all moves so fast see the bachelor the bachelor messes us up sure let's not blame it on tv no but i'm saying if we aren't trusting our gut sometimes it can be like oh but i've seen this happen no but i feel like more of the overall the theme here is like you know we talked about other shows we've talked about with sex too is like the idea of coercion i'm not trying to get in the weeds about like but like sometimes i feel and it's more with women. They're like, well, you know, I didn't want, I felt bad. So I didn't want to say anything. You know, he seemed like he really wanted to do this. So I just went along with it. Right. Even though something in your gut is

telling you this doesn't seem normal or I don't really want to do this, but I'm just going to go along with it. I think the lesson is don't be afraid to speak up. So yeah, don't be afraid to just trust your gut and not only trust your gut, but don't be afraid to speak up. And if something feels wrong, you should be able to say that and be thankful if you don't get the response

that you hope for. And I only say that is if a guy gets mad or defensive, that's a red flag, you know? Yeah. Because sometimes you're afraid to say it because you're afraid to be like, well, I don't,

I don't want him to get mad. I don't want him to feel. But if he does that way, that means he's not emotionally where you are. It means he has some growing up to do. It means that he doesn't truly understand what it is to like take some time and respect your feelings you know because an adult an adult a mature person who's ready to have this relationship would understand that while you may want to meet

his family you're not ready to meet him them now but sometimes we can get defensive what do you mean you don't want to meet my family why you don't like family i want to meet you introduce you i like you why are you so against this you know sometimes people will do that so you know sometimes you're getting those answers while it doesn't feel good in the moment are great barometers of of people who are worth our time yeah so i'm sure he's i'm sure he's a i'm sure he's a fine guy he's just at a totally different level from an emotional maturity standpoint than you are. So next,

next time say no to the things that don't feel okay. Don't just go along with it. Okay. If, if a guy's talking about moving and it seemed, and it feels weird, say, you know,

I want to make it very, and it sounds like you did. I want like, yeah, she's got it. She's got it. Look at her. She understands.

All right. Thank you so much for calling. You're going to be great. Sorry. Sorry for guys being confusing. Yeah. Thank you. All right.

Take care. Bye. Bye. Yeah. That's definitely way more a guy thing than girl thing. I mean, there's plenty of women have changed their mind drastically and leave guys confused don't get me wrong but that definitely happens more yeah probably yeah i feel like we fall head over heels and then we hold on forever well guys fall head

over heels too don't get me wrong but they can be more but yeah again i i like i really like this call because it's more it's it, you hear it all the time. Well, I mean, it felt wrong, but I just did it anyways. You know? And I get why we do that, but we can say no. And again, they get away with it because it's like they're suggesting what should be normal. Oh, meeting your family.

Right. Sure. Someday. Right. It's okay to say no to those things. Yeah. Anyways,

great, great fun episode. Yeah, good advice, Nick. I'm serious. What, did that sound sarcastic? No,

that was fine. No, no, it was fun. It was. Final thoughts? Just thank you guys so much for calling in

and being vulnerable and sharing you know such personal stories yeah um no really sometimes i'm just like okay i'll do my best uh but it is fun it is always fun to you know like kind of rochelle said it people being vulnerable of all all the people who call it i'm sure the people listening, the idea is, you know, everyone's, people can relate. Like, you know, everyone's going through this stuff. We had the caller about the mom issue. I got like five emails with people being like, yeah, I have the same thing. It was so great to hear that.

And I related to it. Some of those things we don't like talking about. Yeah. Our parents are great. Yeah, sure. You know, no, I mean and your parents can be great and still you know yep not be uh always awesome right anyways guys thanks so much for listening as always don't forget to send your questions to ask nick at castmedia.com that's cast with a k

uh we'll take your five star reviews if you want to send them you know know. Other than that, we will see you Wednesday. Until then, thanks for listening. Have a great day.