The Viall Files - E756 Ask Nick Update Special Episode - Part 20

Episode Date: May 31, 2024

Welcome back to The Viall Files! Today we have another special “where are they now” update show where we give you updates from our past callers to see what’s happened in their situations and rel...ationships since appearing on the show. But wait… first we introduce Nick to some viral dating theories! Our first caller originally called in because she broke off her engagement, but wasn't prepared to be at mutual events with him. She calls in to update us, as she was recently in a wedding party with him. Our second caller originally called in because some of her bridesmaids didn’t want to attend nor pay for her bachelorette party. She expressed how important it was for her friends to be there, and calls in to update us her the airbnb situation. Our third caller originally called in because her ex-maid of honor was bashing her fiance. She no longer speaks to her due to further confrontations, however another friend happily replaced her. To catch up on all of these callers original questions please see the show numbers:   Original Episode numbers for callers: Episode Number: 685 Update Special - Part 15 (Originally on Episode 669 Ask Nick - I Need to Stop a Wedding in 2 Weeks) Episode Number: 728 Ask Nick - Roommates Banging, Doors Open Episode Number: 726 Going Deeper with Joey and Kelsey  “A big rite of passage for adulthood is losing friends.”  Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://www.viallfiles.supportingcast.fm  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes.  To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com  To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://www.advertisecast.com/TheViallFiles  Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @justinkaphillips @leahgsilberstein @dereklanerussell

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 What's going on everybody. Welcome back to another exciting episode of Update Classic. All your favorite updates that we love bringing to you but not at all actually most of them behind biofiles plus so I know you guys love these updates I know we love bringing them to you and if you are thirsting for more which I know you are just go to biofiles plus it's free to sign up biofiles.com just click that button it's a free free seven day trial. Anyway, I digress. Where does digress come from? Is that Latin?
Starting point is 00:00:48 The opposite of progress? Like I sometimes say things like context clues, like I think I know what it means, but I don't really know what digress means. So according to dictionary.com the word digress has been around since the 16th century. It comes from a Latin root that literally means to step away. So related to words like aggressive, gradient, and progress, but we digress.
Starting point is 00:01:11 So when you're progressing, you're stepping away forward. When you digress, you're digressing. So I'm stepping away from the conversation basically when people say, but I digress. Yeah. Yeah, I guess. I'm gonna stop., but I digress. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. I'm gonna stop.
Starting point is 00:01:26 So obviously, like digress. Like when I kept telling the audience who disagreed with me last week that they're wrong about Joe and the gaslighting. Right. Yeah. And eventually, if I would have said, and I digress,
Starting point is 00:01:40 instead of progress, I guess, would have been what I did, which is me continuing to tell people they were wrong, and then probably them telling me that I was... I will say, though, when people use digress, they don't really use it to digress. Like, digress is just another way to, like, put a trump card, like, I'm gonna stop talking. So, I digress. So, like, the conversation's over,
Starting point is 00:01:57 because I said what I had to say. Right, like, you have the whole conversation, you digress, and then you say, I digress. Yeah, but a lot of people use it as a, like't ask more like end of conversation right that's it period yeah I digress equals period okay all right we got some great updates for you but before we get to those updates what I wanted to get into something yeah I was just down a rabbit hole on tick-tock in relationship theories and some these are kind of old, but there are a lot of different theories that people are posting on TikTok. So we thought it could be fun to discuss with you and get your opinion on them.
Starting point is 00:02:34 Let's do it. All right. So the first one is the invisible string theory. No idea. Okay. So basically what it is, it's the idea that you and your soulmate are connected through an invisible string or thread. Oh my god, this is like twin flames. Yes, exactly. And it's written in the universe that you'll be together one day.
Starting point is 00:02:52 So essentially like we're connected to a person so innately that the bond can't be broken and that you would find this person in any lifetime, no matter what. And a lot of people also think that Taylor Swift's song has something to do with this as well. Wait, wait, where does Taylor Swift come into this? Well, cause she has that song invisible string. Gotcha. So this is a Taylor Swift theory or people on TikTok took a lyric from Taylor and made it into something else.
Starting point is 00:03:19 And what are the origins of this theory other than TikTok? Is it like in 15th century? I don't know the origins. Some of them I know the origins for that we'll get into later. Is this another, well what I've learned about TikTok, it's just like people are so bored with their lives that they will just try to come up with new meanings
Starting point is 00:03:36 and new definitions and new phrases. Like ick, you know we talked a lot about icks. But it's not like icks were invented. There was just a new way of describing a turnoff. Right, so essentially this is a new way, in my opinion, of describing a soulmate. Soulmate. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:53 I will say it says that it's an ancient Celtic ceremony of a couple's hands literally being tied together with a braided cord or ribbon in the presence of a priest. So it's like a Celtic wedding tradition. Yeah, of people being bound together. Yeah. It's invisible because you don't know who they are. So but according to the invisible string theory, Nali and I have been bounded by an invisible string or what, how does the theory work for all the people who have like multiple divorces, broken relationships.
Starting point is 00:04:21 That eventually the person who they're destined to be with is out there, but they just haven't met them yet. Okay, gotcha. So, and I guess, is there a world where you can never meet your invisible string person? I mean, yeah, because a lot of people die single. Yeah, there is that too. So that's a flaw in the theory. Where does free will come in and all that?
Starting point is 00:04:46 Do you believe in like twin flames? No. Okay, because invisible string is a more like, it's spiritual I feel like more. Like as a twin flames, you don't have to be romantically connected. The most spiritual I get when it comes to like what I believe in relationships is free will.
Starting point is 00:04:59 So you don't believe in soulmates? I believe that God gave us the choice to make choices for ourselves. Any, and he And He was done after that. They always say, not to get it religious here, but the greatest gift that God gave us was in fact free will. And yet we downplay, we never talk about, I never hear Christians or Catholics, I'm a Catholic, so that's the Christian. Depends on who you ask, I suppose. But they never talk about free will, you know? It's always, do you have a free will? It's
Starting point is 00:05:32 like, that's kind of an important thing. Anyway. But I believe in that. I believe that we make choices and sometimes those choices are wrong and sometimes those choices are right and life is all about learning from choices. That's it. That's what I believe in. I kind of believe that we think that we have free will and we really have like a destiny. Like they can exist at the same time. So you believe free will was a myth? No, I think that they- Like something God pretended to give us?
Starting point is 00:05:57 I think that they exist at the same time. Like we have, I believe in the invisible string theory. You do, oh my God. I do, I do. I believe that- You married a high school sweetheart. Well, I- You have to.
Starting point is 00:06:09 No, but I believe that maybe there are multiple soulmates, but I do believe that there's like a person out there that's like for you and that yes, you have free will that could lead you to them sooner or, you know, in a longer time. Like, for example, I had free will to decide which high school I was going to go to because I went to private school. And so there were two schools that I was really deciding between. And at the last, last second, I chose the one that I ended up going to.
Starting point is 00:06:40 If I hadn't chosen that school, I never would have met Danny. So it's like, yeah, I had free will but I could have decided either way and I ended up where I was meant to be. Also some sectors of Catholicism believe in predestination, right? So I'm not the person to ask. Also not me, but from my Catholic class, I believe that like some people believe in predestination It's like you can have free will but also like be predetermined to like yeah I mean, I know like, you know, I feel like mostly like Christian religion It's like God has you know God's plan, right? And so and within that plan would be like God knows how you're gonna die You know, that's how I was raised is knowing that God knows how it's all gonna play out even though he gives
Starting point is 00:07:21 Hi, I just believe in so you don't believe in the invisible string theory. I don't, what else we got? Okay, so the other one is orange peel theory. Oh my God. Have you heard of this one? Okay, so apparently this one, so it's basically, it revolves around your partner's reaction to being asked to do something.
Starting point is 00:07:41 So the theory hinges on acts of service and the idea that while you may be perfectly capable of completing the task, for example, peeling an orange on your own, that your partner is willing to do it for you anyway without hesitation. So it's like, Hey, can you open this water bottle for me? And it's like, you didn't even and it's their, their reaction to that question more so than like, whether or not they actually do it. So it's like, Oh, yeah, sure. Of course. Or it's like, what do you mean? Like you didn't their reaction to that question more so than whether or not they actually do it. So it's like, oh yeah, sure, of course. Or it's like, what do you mean?
Starting point is 00:08:08 You didn't even try. Well, I guess there's nuance to that. I love love. I'm an access service guy. That's how I give love, easily, without trying. I love to take care of the people I love. Love, it's like I'm obsessed with it. Literally what wakes me up in the morning is to take care of the people I love. It's like I'm obsessed with it. It's literally what wakes me up in the morning
Starting point is 00:08:25 is to like take care of the people I care about. And so with that, all those things, I love doing those things. But everyone wants to feel appreciated. And so, and every relationship's had that. All of a sudden, it's like, you're so used to someone doing something for you over and over and over that you stop asking
Starting point is 00:08:49 and then just like hold out your hand type of thing. Where before it was like, hey, can you fill me up a cup of water? Hey, can you fill me up a cup of water? Hey, can you get my water for me? And then all of a sudden, one day you just stick out your hand with an empty cup. You know, expecting them to do the thing
Starting point is 00:09:02 because you got so used to them doing it. When that happens, then you're kind of like, why you can't do that on your own? So you're saying it also has a lot to do with how the question is asked? Because the TikTok trend that people were doing for a while with this orange peel theory was they would just take an orange and give it to their partner
Starting point is 00:09:20 or significant other and just be like, hey, can you peel this for me? And it was always like, how quick were they to just be like, yeah, can you peel this for me? And it was always like, how quick were they to just be like, yeah, sure. Or like, were they like. When sometimes you don't ask, you just hand it out, right? So it's like, it's the intuition of the behavior. Yeah, so some people, you're right,
Starting point is 00:09:33 were just giving the orange. So I'd be, I'm curious how that orange peel theory, I'm curious how that orange peel theory test was conducted. Because if they said, can you do this or do this even like it was there an ask be like hey open the peel this orange for me or can you peel this orange for me or third option which I bet was like hey can you help me I need you to help I can you help me peel this orange like including the word help immediate like it's an absolute game changer yeah that that
Starting point is 00:10:04 would be interesting to now go back at all those videos and see how the question was asked. Oh my God, it matters so much, the context, yeah. I didn't think about that. Yeah, because if you're just like, hey, can I, oh my God, babe, can you help me? I can't get this open. I mean, you know.
Starting point is 00:10:20 Like if now I can't open a jar, I'm like, oh, put some more elbow grease in it. I'm never like, sure, put some more like elbow grease in it. You know, like I'm never like, I'm like sure, no problem, you know. Right. Anytime I feel like I can help, I'm there. I love doing that, you know. If I feel like I'm being asked to do my job
Starting point is 00:10:37 and not even ask, but like told, then it no longer feels like an act of service. It feels like a job. So it all comes down to the delivery. Anyways, what else we got? No, I guess that's interesting. It goes two ways. Okay, this is, we'll save a few for Ask Nick on Monday,
Starting point is 00:10:53 but the last one for today is the February March theory. Oh my God. So, the February March theory. Who comes up with this shit? The ones that we're gonna discuss on Monday's Ask Nick are wild. I'm excited to hear your thoughts on those. So this one is, there are two months out of the year, so I assume February and March,
Starting point is 00:11:14 where couples notoriously either get together or call it quits. So TikTok creators claim that during this time, new relationships blossom while more long-term relationships will come to an end. Is there a reason why? I mean, there must be stats on this. I feel like this is a provable theory.
Starting point is 00:11:31 Right, I don't know, but I do know that a lot of people break up on Valentine's Day, right? Wasn't that a thing that we talked about this year? I think holidays in general, I think it's like a surprising stat that's probably accurate that a lot of breakups happen around Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day or holidays.
Starting point is 00:11:47 And I think that's more, that's based off the idea that whether it's Valentine's Day specifically, because Valentine's Day is a day to celebrate your relationship. And so what happens as a Valentine's Day approaches is you start like evaluating your relationship. Instead of thinking about what kind of gift you give to your partner, I think some people are thinking,
Starting point is 00:12:08 why do I want to give this person a gift? You know what I'm saying? It makes you think and evaluate and consider the strength of your relationship. Same thing with any holiday. It's like, do I want to bring this person home to meet my family again? Do I want to spend another,
Starting point is 00:12:21 do I want to go to my partner's family who I barely even like? I don't even like them, let's break up. You know what I'm saying? So I think, you know what they, in deal making, there's a very famous saying, which is deadlines spur action. Most deals get done right before the deadline,
Starting point is 00:12:39 and that's not a coincidence, because they just, they have to get, people procrastinate, they're like, until you're forced to make a decision you generally don't make a decision breaking up is hard to do in general and You know, it's these type of day these these months these moments in a year or whatever that you know Force people to make a tough choice. They would normally just procrastinate on which is why I think holidays are notorious for breakups Now as far as February and June and March March normally just procrastinate on, which is why I think holidays are notorious for breakups.
Starting point is 00:13:05 Now, as far as February and June and- March, February and March. March, February and March. Wait, when did you and Natalie get together? We met in September and then we decided to be in a relationship like in July. Okay. Ish.
Starting point is 00:13:18 Okay, how about you, Justin? November. All right, so I will say Danny and I got together in March, at the end of March. There you go. There you go, so it's true. I mean, psychology, psychology today says according to social media status
Starting point is 00:13:32 updates, the first seasonal breakup peak coined the spring clean goes down in March, but the biggest love purge falls about two weeks before the winter holidays. So both of these, both of your theories. So people are getting in relationships before the winter holidays. Biggest love purge. Purge, love purge. Getting rid of., both of your theories. So people are getting in relationships before the winter holidays. Biggest love purge.
Starting point is 00:13:46 Purge, love purge. Getting rid of. Getting rid of. So like there is a big peak within March, but then like the biggest peak is gonna be for the holidays, like what you say, kind of. Interesting. So yeah, people break up right before summer.
Starting point is 00:13:58 And right before they realize they don't wanna spend another day with someone else's in-laws or family. Yeah, interesting about spring cleaning though, because that does happen in the spring, like February, March time. So I guess they're doing like a spring cleaning of not just their house. I think we're trained as kids,
Starting point is 00:14:14 like when we have summer break of like, summer's about fun and freedom and adventure. And independent- Who are you, Kyle? Summer is fun, Amanda, not fun. But that's what I'm saying. I think some of us grow out of it and grow more mature. But I think it meant, in our brains, we think summer is approaching and it's just like,
Starting point is 00:14:36 if you have something that's been weighing you down, you wanna spring, you know. I think there's elements to like, as kids and the mentality we have around certain parts of the year. But yeah, I think these are explainable. I just, yeah. Like the theory on TikTok, what is their theory behind why? Because I could sit there and explain it,
Starting point is 00:14:58 like I just did, but. I'll look into it. All I know is that it's a theory out there that people are. Like a commonality. Well, I'm excited to hear about the these other theories they're very fun I'm really on Monday yeah what happens when 20 extremely athletic Canadians who thrive on competition and won't settle for less than number one
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Starting point is 00:16:40 All right, well we got some great updates for you. Excited to bring them to you. Don't forget to send in your questions or updates at asknickoftheviophiles.com. And just remember if you are looking for more updates check out Viophiles Plus. In addition to our update specials we have like almost 30 some update episodes available for you. Plus we have end of public recap, we got our pop extra episodes as well. More to come. Let's get to our first caller. Was your dog with me? Let's ask Nick your sexy questions. Welcome back, Morgan.
Starting point is 00:17:11 Hi, how's it going? It's going very well. How are you doing? Better. A lot better. That's good. Well, for the audience, this is Morgan's second update. She originally called in, what was the first episode? 669. 669. And you're basically being ghosted by your then fiance.
Starting point is 00:17:33 Right. Let's play a quick clip from that. I broke off my engagement with my fiance and I wanna try to work things out. After he proposed, after I said yes, he started talking about like, I really wanna get married a year from now. And I just said, I wanted to know that this was where you were, not necessarily that we had to get married right away. But I also wanted to be able to have time
Starting point is 00:17:53 to work through things. And I also wanted us to make sure that like personally and together that we were in a good place because we had just had a big blow up like the week before. After I said, let's take some steps back, make sure we're good communication that was typical, like the regular phone calls, text messages, whatever we do just stopped. And that went on for about three weeks. After that, he kind of came back around
Starting point is 00:18:14 and I brought that up to him and I said, hey, like when you do this, I feel like you're just leaving the relationship and you don't want to address it when you do. After that, he did the same thing for another month. After a while, I just asked, do you feel like you even have time for a relationship? Because I feel like I'm just in it myself.
Starting point is 00:18:30 And then he took a second, thought about it, and said, I don't think I have time for a relationship right now. And then I said, then I can't be here in this capacity. And why do you wanna get back together? The sad part is, is I don't even know if I can answer that question anymore. Your desire to get back together is a reactive decision. And big picture is you've been dating this guy
Starting point is 00:18:47 for six years, you get engaged via stress. I think it's alarming to hear you say that over the course of six years, you feel like you've put in way more than he's put in. Then maybe this is just, it's time to move on. When was the last time you spoke with him? A little over a month ago at this point. And are we done?
Starting point is 00:19:04 Yeah, yeah, we're done. Nothing was really different. We have lots of mutual friends. One of those sets of mutual friends is getting married and we are both in the wedding party for one person. I'm with the bride, he's with the groom. When is that wedding? And I agreed to this before we split.
Starting point is 00:19:20 When's the wedding? April. I think in the meantime, you could block him. And then when you do and he gets inevitably annoyed or mad about it, you can just say, listen, it's no offense, literally. I needed to move on. It's that simple.
Starting point is 00:19:31 Spend the next few months really investing in yourself and show up drop dead gorgeous. Yeah, these are hard. It's so hard to move on from someone, especially when you had a very serious relationship and you took some major steps and engagement obviously, you expected to have a life with this person so it can be really tough. But it seems like you're doing a good job
Starting point is 00:19:49 not making it any tougher than it already is or needs to be. And then you called in with an update that you were no longer engaged. You set some healthy boundaries, but you had a bit of a dilemma that you were both going to the same wedding. Yeah. Yeah. So that dilemma actually was tripled. So it was three weddings within six months. Okay. It was a combination. Did we know that when you first called or?
Starting point is 00:20:17 I don't think so. I don't think so. I think I was more concerned about the one we were both in than those other ones. But the first one was we were both just guests. The second one, which was the one that we kind of focused in on was the one where we were both in the wedding party. The third one, which is this upcoming weekend is actually he's in it, I'm not, I'm just a guest. So that's kind of like the flow of things for the last, at this point, almost six months.
Starting point is 00:20:46 So how has it been going? And do you have any reluctance about this wedding this week or now are you kind of a seasoned vet when it comes to dealing or like encountering him? I would say I was a lot more uneasy going into this wedding before going to the one that we were both in. So like I had a lot of like uneasy feelings and anxieties about it because like I just didn't really know what to expect because with the first one that happened where we were both just guests that was two months
Starting point is 00:21:18 before the one that we were both in and that one like nothing happened like he it was like my presence wasn't really acknowledged and neither was his on my end so like nothing happened. Like he, it was like my presence wasn't really acknowledged and neither was his on my end. So like nothing really happened, but of course like still not knowing what to expect when we're both gonna be essentially running in the same circles for the whole weekend on different sides of the wedding party.
Starting point is 00:21:41 That kind of made me uneasy cause I was wondering how involved are we all going to be in lots of different processes or how often are both groups going to be spending time together in the same spaces because that was really concerning for me. Because there wasn't really like a way that I could just like leave and walk away because I made a commitment to somebody else. And so I didn't want to make it all about me. But I would say at this point with the wedding that's coming up, I don't know if I haven't felt differently over the past few days or weeks,
Starting point is 00:22:11 but I would like to think at this point, it's just kind of like, you know, it is what it is. He's gonna be there, I'm gonna be there. I'm supporting my friend, he's supporting his friend, which are two different people that we both know, but we're still supporting whoever they are, and I'm really just trying to put myself in the best head space to remember,
Starting point is 00:22:31 I'm there for my friends, for their day. Have you felt after the two weddings that you went to, I guess, how did you feel? Was there the emotional hangover of having to run into an ex? Or do you feel like that's getting better? The first one, not really, only because we literally did not speak.
Starting point is 00:22:54 It was like we did not exist to each other. So the first one didn't really feel much of anything. The second one from last month, it was a little bit more heavy, just because like, again, not really knowing the dynamics of like, how much time are we truly going to be spending together as groups in one big setting? Of course, I don't necessarily have to be next to him. But like, how often and for how long would I be sharing the same space with him?
Starting point is 00:23:29 So, of course, even though the bride like put me at ease of like what that all would be because I had never been in a wedding before I didn't really know what that was gonna look like so that's kind of what made me nervous and anxious. At the wedding itself on the day held it together I was good up until up until the reception. And I think like, we didn't really we didn't really speak at all. And then like, we were just outside. And then I was by a door and he was walking outside. He was just kind of looking at me and I was just like, Can I help you? Can I help you more or less? I know we say like, don't indulge or like entertain like a whole bunch of
Starting point is 00:24:04 stuff. But I just kind of was like, I pulled into the side and I was just like, I honestly like just don't understand how you could look me and my family and your family in the face. And I mean, to me, it just felt like he lied about like wanting to be with me and then like in the same breath, like ditching me after asking me so that like that's it's not like he said he wanted to be with me and then like in the same breath like ditching me after asking me so that like that's it's not like he said he wanted to be with me and didn't ask me to marry me did and I feel like at that moment my brain just kind of like glazed over because I felt like I was
Starting point is 00:24:34 just being fed like bullshit so I'm gonna be honest I kind of just like blacked out and just didn't really listen because I felt like it was just excuse after excuse to just justify whatever behavior he did, which was inexcusable to me. And then after a while, I just kind of was like, it's more of the same. It's still a lot more of the same. It's the same person standing in front of me. To me, it looked like nothing was learned.
Starting point is 00:25:02 So. Oh, I doubt it. But what we need to get from you though, is some, some emotional progress. How long ago did you guys break up? This was back in December, not December, September of last year. Okay. So it's still relatively new and you were together for how long? Too long, six years.
Starting point is 00:25:29 So it's been less than six months, you were together for six years, you were engaged. It would make sense that you're not indifferent about this breakup. But we just want to, we want, you know, we want to see progress for you, you know, and I guess it's like right now, and I'm only saying this just hopefully so that you can see it and visualize it, but like when you're talking, you're still in the trying to understand phase, the why or how could you do this? Like, you know, and it makes sense.
Starting point is 00:25:55 He didn't give you a lot of answers. He gave you more things to be confused about. I said this to someone earlier for a different reason, but like we do this thing, especially during breakups, you know, where we have a lot of questions, obviously, and we assume or expect those questions to be answered by the people that we're breaking up with or frustrated with, which is logical, in a sense. But the truth is, is we all, you know, like, I'm sure you've heard from a lot of people, or you've heard on the show that like, you don't get closure from other people, you get
Starting point is 00:26:27 closure from yourself. And so like, truly, the answer to all your questions, like you have those answers and you're not going to get it from him. To be honest, it would probably almost be frustrating in a different way if you actually, if you saw a lot of growth in him. If you saw, you know, where was this growth when we were dating? You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:26:52 It's frustrating that you're not getting the answers you want, but I think you're looking for the answers in the wrong place, I guess is what I'm saying. And I'm probably sounding annoying when I say this, but his lack of change, his lack of ability to articulate why he did what he did or why he did the 180, that is your answer.
Starting point is 00:27:14 And that is, and you trying to get to a place, like he lied, you've mentioned it felt like all lies. Maybe, I doubt, I mean, let me ask you this. Do you really, when you say lie, do you feel like he, when he proposed to you or the tail end of the relationship, when he expressed feelings, do you think he was saying things he didn't mean?
Starting point is 00:27:41 Or do you think he was just not really thinking about what he was saying and what it meant? You know what I'm saying type of thing? Or he was too scared to communicate with you about how his feelings were changing in real time? I think it could have been a little bit of both. I think it could have been that he was like, both of the things that you said, but I also feel like that there was, while we were together, that he just wasn't really communicating at all, like, where he was at, like, fully. And then it was just like, we're having issues and problems, and I'm giving, I'm reacting the way that I am, because I'm not understanding what you're doing
Starting point is 00:28:26 and you can't explain it to me. Or like you can't explain to me what's happening or you don't wanna share it or you wanna avoid the conversation, whatever it is. So then that's making me, that was making me frustrated. Yeah, I remember you telling me the first time you talked, like incredibly of a mom, but like incredibly stubborn, set in his ways. Selfish to a fault. Selfish to a fault, that was set in his ways selfish to a fault selfish
Starting point is 00:28:46 to that was it was selfish to a fault that's what it was yeah so i again stubborn is right yeah but i think you have to remember that you said that you know and i think what i want for you is to seek out less answers from him and keep reminding yourself that, the truth is, you should be thankful you're no longer with someone that you described was selfish to a fault. And someone who you described as selfish to a fault, like, you know, again, imagine,
Starting point is 00:29:18 like, again, you think about it. Imagine if you ran into him and you saw someone who wasn't selfish to a fault. Then you'd really feel it felt cheated. Like where did all this growth come from in five months without me? You know, so it's, I think it's just, there's obviously still a lot of sadness about the relationship ending, which is justifiable. And I think it's, you know, getting over the situation in him is reminding yourself that you're not gonna get your answers from him.
Starting point is 00:29:50 And it's that acceptance of, and trying to see it for what it is. But to do that, you kinda have to stop having him be the bad guy in your head. And instead of anger, you start feeling pity. guy in your head. And instead of anger, you start feeling pity. You know? Pity that like, he isn't gonna figure his shit out.
Starting point is 00:30:11 Like, if he doesn't change, he's gonna get into another relationship with another person who will first see all his good qualities and he will find a way to mask his bad qualities and a really unlucky person will date that person for six years like you did. But maybe over some period of time, and assuming he doesn't change,
Starting point is 00:30:35 that selfishness will reveal itself after the next person invests a lot in him. And so that's the pity you have for them or pity for him realizing whatever he's wanting, he doesn't even know what he wants and when he does, he's not gonna be able to get it because he's not willing to see how he acts or how selfish he is and things like that.
Starting point is 00:30:58 And then being grateful that you're not with that person anymore. It sucks for you, you have all these weddings coming up, it just kind of brings you back. This is the last one as far as I'm aware of, so thankfully that's the last hurdle. But no, you're definitely right. I think I find myself kind of teetering
Starting point is 00:31:17 between feeling pity and then just kind of the sadness of it. But I think for the most part, like I am grateful that I'm not farther along in that situation than I did get. Like I could be married to that person or I could have kids with them. And it'd be a much harder not to untie or it could cost me more than just-
Starting point is 00:31:42 So much more. Cause it's so harder to deal with a selfish person when you're married and especially when you have kids. And then because you're married and you have kids, then it's like you're that much more susceptible to convincing yourself that you're part of the problem and that they're not as selfish because like you're kind of stuck in this situation,
Starting point is 00:32:01 you have to make it work. So, you know, which you're not actually stuck, but you get what I'm saying, you know, but. Yeah, it's just harder to separate. Yeah, do you think it's possible, knowing that you have a wedding this weekend, do you think it's possible to, and correct me if I'm wrong,
Starting point is 00:32:17 because like it seems like the first time you just tried to avoid them, which is a totally acceptable type of, or did it just, or already you not even have to try the first one honestly, I really didn't even have to try I say that because Like we physically just weren't in close proximity to each other for whatever reason And then the only time where I actually was close to him was to tell our friends that we have together That I was leaving and he just happened to be there.
Starting point is 00:32:45 That was the closest I ever got to him on that first wedding. And then even for the second one, where we were both in, I told my friends, I said, hey, this is the situation, this is what happened. I don't mean to inconvenience you, but more or less keep him away from me. Like, I don't wanna be near him.
Starting point is 00:33:03 I don't wanna walk with him. Pictures, like I want your pictures and everything about your wedding day more or less keep him away from me. Like I don't wanna be near him, I don't wanna walk with him, pictures. Like I want your pictures and everything about your wedding day to be as simple and as easy and as drama free as possible. So I'm letting you know like, please don't put me near him. I don't know what this weekend is gonna look like, but I mean it's a lot easier considering like,
Starting point is 00:33:23 he's stuck wherever he's gotta be for that wedding and I can leave whenever I want, so. So my question to you, and it's okay if you're not there yet, but is there a world where you could go to this wedding and treat him like someone you went to high school with that you barely remember? And so, and that would look like this, you run into him, like, you know,
Starting point is 00:33:44 you don't try to avoid them, you don't try to seek them out. You just try to have fun. Your goal is to have fun. If you do run into them, if you do encounter them, this is what you, if you kind of read it on something you went to high school with, you barely remember, you would just be pleasant.
Starting point is 00:33:59 Oh, hey, hi, it's good to see you. Like, oh, it's going well, whatever. And then you would like try to end the conversation because you're not that interested in catching up with the person you barely knew in high school, but you're just like really nice. You're just like, you're nice, but you're not like interested.
Starting point is 00:34:16 You're just kind of like pleasant. You're courteous. You're like the word a stranger. Because like, I tell you what, if you're not ready yet, that's totally understandable. But if you're able to do it, it's a great feeling. It's a powerful feeling. It catches them off guard.
Starting point is 00:34:33 Because he's used, right now, he's expecting you to still be mad or still be frustrated, to give him a look, to give him some attitude, maybe corner him again and ask him more questions that he doesn't want to answer or yada, maybe corner him again and ask him more questions that he doesn't wanna answer or yada, yada, yada. And if he were to see you and run into you and you're just like, hey Mike, good to see you man.
Starting point is 00:34:52 Everything good? Great, yeah, awesome. And like a total benign, just kind of nothing, exchange pleasantries with like they're just a somebody like they're just, they're just a somebody. You would leave that conversation feeling really good about yourself. Yeah, no, you're right. My therapist told me the same thing, so.
Starting point is 00:35:15 I think there's a world where I probably could. I don't know what that would look like at this wedding. I would like to- Even if you faked it. I mean, you know, you might not feel it inside. You might not actually be indifferent, but if you were able to fake it to the point, and you fake it it, I mean, you know, you might not feel it inside, you might not actually be indifferent, but if you were able to fake it to the point, and you fake it because, I promise you, it would fuck him up.
Starting point is 00:35:30 Like, your therapist wouldn't tell you that. But if you want motivation, it will annoy him. Because people are weird, it's like, I don't think he is getting off on having power over you, but the fact that you still hold any type of negative feelings towards him is some version of power he has over you. And you caring is power.
Starting point is 00:35:56 And so the moment you're just like over it or you don't care, he's probably gonna tell people, I wish you'd get over it, I wish you wouldn't care, but once, it is power. And people don't like to You know, he's probably gonna tell people, like, oh, I wish you'd get over it, I wish you wouldn't care, but like, once, it is power, and people don't like to lose power of any kind, and people don't like, you know, there's a lot of people who, like, don't wanna be with someone, but don't like it
Starting point is 00:36:14 when people are over them, and so, if you were to just, if you were to show him that he can't get a reaction out of you, or you're just like, yeah, that's the thing. It's basically just not reacting to him. It's not making it look like you're avoiding him or that people need to be aware of the situation. There's no situation.
Starting point is 00:36:33 He's just some guy. And if you were to then need a break, I wouldn't, just don't make it a, maybe you have one friend who does, kind of comes out with you, but the less you can make it a thing, the more it is a thing. And it's just good practice. Cause that's, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:36:50 That's I used to, I remember, I remember certain breakups I had and I would just, oh my God, the idea of running into her, I would, I would be like, I would die. You know, I don't think I could handle it. I would crumble. I would just destroy me and I would commit, you know't think I could handle it. I would crumble, it would just destroy me. And I manifested that reality. I thought it was true and therefore I made it true. I told myself I wasn't gonna be okay, so I wasn't okay. And I just kinda, I got so tired of feeling that way. Eventually I got better at it.
Starting point is 00:37:19 And I had to fake it at first. I had to like, inside I was fucking hurting a little bit, but outwardly I was like, I was chill, I was cool. But seeing how it affected that person made me feel less bothered by it. And then I, you know, and I realized I can kind of, I can change how I see the situation. So just, just a thought, you know, and if you're not ready, that's totally fine, but you're losing out on the opportunities to have this happen. No, I know. I was going to say if I'm going to take advantage of the opportunity, like this is probably one of the last times where I can do that. Now, the trick is, is to not go there to show them up.
Starting point is 00:37:56 The trick here is to go there and have fun. Focus on why you're there. You're there to support your friend. Have fun with your girls or other friends that you're there. You're there to support your friend have fun with your girls or other friends that you're there but but just be prepared that you might run into them and you don't try to avoid them and if you have a chance if he's there and and within 10 feet of you you walk up and be like hey It's good to see you. You've been well cool. Yeah, right. Yeah, you look nice. Yeah, cool And you're just like you're just bizarrely Chill it'll it'll it'll drive them nuts. They promise You look nice. Yeah, cool. And you're just like, you're just bizarrely chill.
Starting point is 00:38:25 It'll drive him nuts. I promise. No matter how he acts, I promise you it'll drive him nuts. And it'll be a good step for you. And then between now and then, when you're, you know, a lot of it is, you have to stop asking yourself why and how could this happen. Yeah, I'm not asking myself that question.
Starting point is 00:38:48 Okay, that's good. I remember from other episodes that you would do with other people that call in that you would say, what is your gut telling you? What puts your mind at ease? And all the things that I tell myself are what puts my mind at ease. There's no reason to ask why anymore. That's good, that's good. Well, now we just have to stop giving him the satisfaction
Starting point is 00:39:12 that you remotely care. Yeah. And then the big thing is like, part of it is just like, it's telling yourself it's gonna be okay, not psyching yourself out. It was understandable at first why you had your concerns about this,
Starting point is 00:39:30 but literally now you have experience in this. So being like, you know what? I'm totally fine the first few times, I'm gonna be fine here, this is a nothing thing. I might run into him, I might not, he's in the wedding party, but if I do, it's just not a thing. I'm not gonna give him a look.
Starting point is 00:39:45 I'm gonna say hi. Don't, yeah, don't, don't, don't, don't do the whole like you guys are 20 feet away from each other, but you're both pretending you're not there. Just go ahead and say hi. Pat him on the back. Hey, good to see you pal. You're like, you know.
Starting point is 00:40:01 But yeah, the more you can treat him like, like he's a bro or a friend, the better. Yeah. I got to get past the mental block for that, but I know you're right. I know that. Well, that's a good. And again, if you can't do it, it's okay. Don't go like, you know, if it's Monday and you didn't do it or you, you know, you had like, you gave in to whatever it is
Starting point is 00:40:27 you were feeling in the moment and maybe you even made it, you know, maybe you even acted like you cared more than you actually cared on Monday. Don't be like, don't beat yourself up over it because what I am suggesting is still like, kind of a waste of your energy. Like you shouldn't really care about pissing him off. It is still kind of fun.
Starting point is 00:40:50 But yeah, I still remember running into my exes after relationships ended and they made it very clear that they cared deeply about me being indifferent and it was a good feeling. Like they reacted to my being over it in a way that was very validating, but either way you're going to be fine. So go and have fun. If it doesn't go the way you want, who gives a shit, whatever.
Starting point is 00:41:16 But if you can make this work, if you can go in and focus on your friends, focus on your weekend and just be prepared to run into them. And if you do, just be pleasant and treat them like a bro. Thanks guys for the advice. Nick, as most times you're pretty much right, pretty spot on, so. Well, I'm glad I could help. Let us know how this weekend goes.
Starting point is 00:41:42 Write us in, especially if you're able to do it. Because it's such a good feeling. I know from personal experience that when you, you know, and very few of us have an opportunity to do that. To like run into an ex that used to fuck us up and we pined over or we avoided or we were afraid to run into. only to eventually run into them and show them with our actions that we're kind of just over it and fine and moved on. It's a great feeling. So I hope that you are able to experience it. I'm going to build up the courage to do it.
Starting point is 00:42:20 All right. Well, it's a fine line. Like don't psych yourself out though. The trick is, is to like, when you're thinking about this wedding, you're thinking about you and your friends. And if he pops in your head, you just tell yourself, this isn't a big deal.
Starting point is 00:42:33 There's nothing to worry about. I'm not gonna worry about it. I'm just gonna say hi, move on. This is not a big deal. See, I know it like, he has nothing over me. You know. And whatever the most annoying memory you have of him. My memories of him being gross or giving you the egg or whatever it is, that's how you visualize him.
Starting point is 00:42:58 You know, it's honestly not hard to do that. So there you go. So that's it. Those little it sounds corny, but that shit works. It really does work. All right. Well, good luck. I appreciate the update.
Starting point is 00:43:10 Thanks, guys. Enjoy the rest of your day. I'll write in with an update. You as well. Have fun this weekend. Have a blast. Thank you. Bye-bye.
Starting point is 00:43:20 Bye-bye. What happens when 20 extremely athletic Canadians who thrive on competition and won't settle for less than number one find themselves on a team? Taking on jaw, dropping obstacles all across Canada is one thing, working together on a team with some pretty big personalities is another. It's a new season of Canada's ultimate challenge and sparks are gonna fly. New episode Sundays watch free on Pretty Big Personalities is another. It's a new season of Canada's Ultimate Challenge, and sparks are gonna fly. New episode Sundays, watch free on CBC Gem.
Starting point is 00:43:52 There's a lot of decisions you have to make when you have a baby, and the one that I feel the most comfortable and safe making is using huggies for our daughter River. I always tell Nick that when River's crying, she's trying to tell us something, and that's the case with most babies. They express it through cries, and so we've turned to
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Starting point is 00:44:39 running mess from baby skin. Pull Up Skin Essentials has your big kid covered too with a training pant that is ultra soft and breathable to help protect sensitive skin through potty training. Learn more at huggies.com. Once again, head to huggies.com to learn more. Welcome back, Jessie. Hi, thank you for having me back. This is Jessie 24. My previous call-in was about my friends who couldn't make it to my full bachelorette party because they just had like a slew of excuses. So I was only able to have my maid of honor, my mom and my stepmom come. Yeah, and like you weren't sure how to handle it
Starting point is 00:45:13 or like whether it was you or your maid of honor who was also pregnant and you were worried about putting that on her, right? Yes, that's correct. She actually had a baby now. And so an update now is she did send out that message that you had originally asked or kind of suggested that I asked for her to send out. Just so we remind people what that message was, let's play a quick
Starting point is 00:45:36 flashback from your original call to remind our audience. I have a bachelorette trip coming up and actually over half of my bridesmaids are only committing to one night instead of the whole weekend. I had originally gave them the date almost a year in advance, and they had all agreed to it. And now that it's three months away, most of them are now backing out and staying only one night instead of the whole night.
Starting point is 00:45:56 So I'm just a little frustrated, and I don't know if I should bring it up with them. What conversations about this have you had with the maid of honor, if any? She had planned most of this before, and so now we're just kind of at a standstill trying to figure out. I would suggest that she sends a group text
Starting point is 00:46:12 to the group without you in it, and gilts them into stepping up. Because not everyone's gonna be able to do it, but some of them should be able to be like, you know what, I can do two nights, see where that goes. All right, in your words, what was the message? Yeah, she basically just sent out pretty much close to verbatim of what you had suggested of just asking them like we should really come together for a bride and, you know, be
Starting point is 00:46:34 present at least for Friday and Saturday night. And she'd really appreciate you guys coming since she, you know, is very supportive of all of you guys. So she did send out that message and it was received decently well. Two of the girls committed to Friday and Saturday and the other three are still coming Friday. But we changed the whole trip to just Friday, Saturday, no longer Sunday.
Starting point is 00:46:52 Great. Sounds like a good compromise. Yeah, it was a good compromise. I think it helped too that my mother-in-law ended up just booking the Airbnb and paying for it so that we didn't have to worry about scheduling, changing and everything. Yeah, that was very generous of her.
Starting point is 00:47:05 Yeah. Because I know there was an argument of like, you know, like their pricing, it's like them, you out of your own Bachelorette. That's like every time they cancel, they made it more expensive for you. Yeah, it definitely did. But so far everything seems to be going pretty well and it's going to be in a couple of weeks. So I'm happy with where things are at now, even though three of my other friends
Starting point is 00:47:28 couldn't make it for the full weekend. And that's okay, and that happens, but at least it seems like a drastic change from what you thought it was going to be. So that's good. Just some great communication. Amazing, love that. What are you guys gonna do?
Starting point is 00:47:46 We're just going to Bend, Oregon. We're doing a night out on Friday, and then Saturday we're just doing some winery stuff and kind of chilling at the Airbnb. Great, yeah. Which honestly might be more fun, you know, a smaller group, a little bit more intimate in the second day.
Starting point is 00:48:00 You guys can blow it out the first night with everyone there. It'll be fun. Yeah, definitely, yeah. Amazing, well, yeah, it sounds fun. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Amazing. Well, yeah, it sounds like I was somewhat helpful. Great.
Starting point is 00:48:08 Yeah, you were. Thank you. I would have really bummed if it was like, yeah, honestly, they were just like, I know I didn't hit your message. Yeah. I was a little worried that they might have been, but it sounds like it was received well. Great. And like the good, the best part is, is like no one made you feel bad about it.
Starting point is 00:48:25 Yeah and I wasn't included in any other conversation of it so I think that was good that it was a third party sending it versus from me. Yeah well that's awesome. Well I'm glad it could work out you know. It's amazing how much drama there is with weddings and bachelorette parties. I never could hear any drama with bachelor parties. I wonder what that is. Why is that? Why is there so much more drama with bachelorette parties? Yeah, I don't know if my fiance, he had a couple friends that couldn't go, but it just seemed very like most people were able to come. So it was, yeah. All right. Well, we appreciate the update. I hope the party goes great. Okay, thank you. All right, amazing. Take care.
Starting point is 00:49:06 Okay, you too. All right, bye-bye. Welcome back, Amy. How's it going? Doing very well. How about you? I'm making it. It's going good.
Starting point is 00:49:18 Okay, well, the first time you called in was, I think episode 726, is that correct? Bachelor Joey and his beautiful fiance, Kelsey episode. For those of you who don't know. You called in with some Bachelorette wedding party drama. Your maid of honor was being the maid of dishonor. Maid of dishonor. There you go. Just made that up on my own
Starting point is 00:49:47 Let's just play a quick flashback from the original call to bring our audience up to speed of of that first call My ex maid of honor is bashing my fiance. They are just at war with each other Why is she your ex maid of honor? Yeah, was she your maid of honor at your wedding or did you fire her to be your mate of honor? She fired herself. I get married in October. She decided after I asked her if she would be it a couple months later that she no longer wanted to. She saw something on TikTok that she hated and it just kind of spiraled from there. What did she see on TikTok? Well, we went out for like my end of the year work thing. It was good.
Starting point is 00:50:30 We were having a good time. And then after the work thing, we just like went out for drinks and I got a little too drunk. He like made a funny video of me, like in the car eating this rice, crispy treat. She hated it. And she called me the next day. And she was like, he just like completely disrespect you. He was like making crude jokes. I don't know why you're not mad about this. Like if that's the way he talks to you like that, then I can only imagine. And then he posted it and then she saw it and that's what upset her?
Starting point is 00:50:58 Yeah. Were you upset that it was up there? Did you even care? No, I really did not even care. So when she called me to hate on this, I was just kind of like, what? I don't know what you want me to say. I don't care. It doesn't bother me. Yeah. When I was ranting to him about it, he was not happy with the things that she had said. And he had sent her a message on Instagram. You need to stay out of our relationship.
Starting point is 00:51:21 I don't know why you would even be calling me things like that. I don't appreciate you saying that when you're not in a relationship at all, let alone have been for the past couple of years. That was my next question. Or a serious one. Yeah. What's her relationship status? Single as fuck. And how close were you two before you guys started dating? Super. I mean, I've been friends with her for about 15 years.
Starting point is 00:51:42 Do you start spending less time with her and more time with him once you and your boyfriend got together? No, not really. She does not think she's in the wrong whatsoever. Does she think, does she? Well, I mean, it would be possible if she actually thinks he is those things. Does she still think that?
Starting point is 00:51:56 Yeah, her opinion has not changed. She thinks he is potentially an abusive boyfriend, fiance? Yeah, she had called me out one point. All from a joke? I don't know. They've only hung out like twice. You know, she's definitely somebody being like my close friend that I go to and I can fight in when we're arguing or when he annoys me, you know, just like you do with your friends. And I think she's held on to just like all these negative things. He did for my sake message her and say like, hey, I just want to let things mull over.
Starting point is 00:52:25 Like I just want to move forward. Not going to apologize because I don't think I'm wrong, but want to just let this blow. Like I just want to continue on. We can move forward from here. I thought, you know, that was as nice as he was going to get. I appreciated the fact that he even took the stance too. And then when I tried to call her yesterday, she blew up on me. Like how could you let him send me that kind of message? That was
Starting point is 00:52:46 total bullshit, essentially. Like, why didn't you read it before he sent that to me? Like, that is- Why would it have mattered? It sounds like she's going through something personally, and she's taking it out on all of the wrong people. And I think maybe it's time to just take a step back from the friendship, let her figure out her stuff and if you just need to say, like, I'm here if you wanna talk, but like right now I'm gonna focus on my marriage and you need me, I'm here,
Starting point is 00:53:14 but like I need to step away from this friendship. Totally agree with Natalie. You're trying too hard to save this friendship and she's giving you nothing to work with and her behavior doesn't make sense. So like Natalie pointed out, the only thing that does make sense is she's just projecting her own unhappiness onto you.
Starting point is 00:53:31 Also you can point out that my fiance has never spoken to me or you in the way you just spoke to both of us. So for all of your accusations about what you think he is, I think you need to take a long look in the mirror and until you then, as sad as it makes me feel, I don't think it would be appropriate for us to continue our relationship. All right, and now we're back.
Starting point is 00:53:51 So anyway, in your words, give us a brief summary of why you originally called, the advice we gave you. What do you do with that advice and where are we now? Yeah, so pretty much my maid of honor and my fiance at the time were just completely flashing. Definitely not seeing eye to eye and exchanging some choice words. I actually really appreciated your guys advice,
Starting point is 00:54:15 which was essentially cut her loose. She's not your friend. She doesn't wanna be your friend. And she really just didn't have my interest that part, I guess you could say. Yeah, because she just kind of had a problem with you and your fiance kind of at any turn. Yeah. Just didn't really like him at all. And so honestly, I actually took that advice really to heart. I loved it. Getting it from a third party perspective
Starting point is 00:54:45 and not just hearing it from my friends and my family really kind of set at home with me and it gave me a lot of peace, to be honest. I needed the brutal honesty of it. Since then, we still have not talked. She has not reached out to me. I have not reached out to her. So you just, from the time you called, you didn't really do anything.
Starting point is 00:55:08 You just stopped expecting. Yeah, you just you stopped having expectations of her. Really? Yeah. And that was really like a lot of what you said. Which I also really enjoyed was that you said, you know, you put in so much more effort into this than it deserves. And you've done everything you can do and that's what it is. And I was like, damn, you know, he's right. I have tried a lot and I'm not going to be the first to reach out again and I'm not always going to be the first to apologize again. And so I stuck with that. So she's officially no longer your maid of honor. No, and actually I don't even think we're friends anymore. I really can't tell. So what was the last conversation you had with her?
Starting point is 00:55:50 The last conversation I had was when he had tried to apologize. I had called her to just check in with her on a regular phone call kind of thing. And she just lost it on me. And I just was like, yeah, no, I'm not doing this right now and I just hung up and that was our last conversation. How long ago was that? The day before I was on, so March, like two months, March 25th-ish, end of March. So have you asked someone else to be your maid of honor yet? Oh yeah, my second long-term best friend,
Starting point is 00:56:26 which in hindsight, I wanted to choose her at first, but I wanted to give this person a special place immediately. Like I texted her and I was like, hey, so-and-so like backed out. And she was like, oh, it's okay, I'll do it. And she has just took it and ran with it. She's been planning all my things. She's been just the best support,
Starting point is 00:56:43 a great shoulder to kind of cry on through it, but also the one to be like, yeah, no, you've got nothing to worry about. Like you've got better people here. Which is also nice if she didn't take that opportunity to make it about her, where she almost, even if she joked about being like second choice, you know?
Starting point is 00:57:04 I know, yeah. No, she didn't at all. Yeah, right? And I think that says a lot, right? being like second choice, you know? Yeah. No, she didn't at all. Yeah, right? And I think that says a lot, right? Because even if the joke comes up, that means that's something that they're thinking about or prioritizing or, you know, putting your showing signs that they like your initial made of honor almost certainly would have. Yeah. Oh, a honor almost certainly would have. Yeah. Oh, 100 percent she would have. Yeah. I'm like, I don't know. I'm going to have to think about it because it's really important.
Starting point is 00:57:29 Knowing that I was your second child. No. This chick I texted her, she was like, don't worry, I'll do it. I was like, I know you were just waiting for something to happen, to be like, yes, I'll slide in. I got it. I can do this.
Starting point is 00:57:46 Well, that's great. Are you at peace? And it sounds like you're at peace with the decision. I am. Can't change it. I'm not gonna go back. I'm not gonna, like I said, continue to keep apologizing over and over for things
Starting point is 00:58:02 that there's no need for me to apologize for. And I'm not just gonna suck up for no reason. So I feel good about it. What do you think you would do if she reached back out at some point? Like, what's her MO? Like, what's her MO? Like, is there MO to like follow, like send you a text like a month acting like nothing happened? I probably won't hear from her again, unless I reach out. Really? OK. For better or for worse, she stands very firm
Starting point is 00:58:29 in her opinions and her actions. Sometimes very respectful. That's one of the things I loved about her and really admired about her. She's somebody who sticks to what she thinks she knows is best. And I think that's great. I wish I did that more sometimes,
Starting point is 00:58:45 but in this instance, I am. So I know I won't hear from her unless I reach out first. And even if we were to have a conversation, I honestly, I don't even know what I would say. I have no idea. I've thought about it multiple times. I just, there'd be nothing left for me to say because some of the things that she said back to him
Starting point is 00:59:06 hurt me and ultimately if you're not willing to come into the conversation with empathy of My feelings were hurt his feelings were hurt your feelings were hurt We've all kind of maybe hurt each other then there's just no room for us to have a conversation if you can't Well, that's kind of the point, you, we always wanna be friends to our friends. And I think the hardest part of being a friend in an adult situation to another friend is when you don't like their choice of partner.
Starting point is 00:59:35 But how you go about that matters. And then this situation where it almost felt like, well, what do you actually have a problem with? And then, what are you basing this off? Like I know the original, like she just had her opinion and like, it didn't matter, you know, anything he could have said or done, you know, and then when you sit down and be like, all right, you know, not that you have even have to explain yourself, but like, let's say you have a friend who care deeply about, and you have your partner who you care deeply
Starting point is 01:00:04 about and for whatever reason, your friend is like, I don't know, red flags, I just don't like them. If it really mattered to you, you could sit down and be like, all right, your partner was willing to have a conversation with him. You tried, like you said, so much effort to just be like, well, what is it that you have a problem with? And they like, usually most friends when they have a problem with a friend's partner, they wish they had the opportunity to sit down and have a civil conversation to say, well, these are the things that concern me, you know, I really care about my friend. You were willing to do that. Like she just wanted
Starting point is 01:00:39 to be right. Yes, I think she did. And it's, it's unfortunate for her to want to feel that so strongly that you're going to miss out on life events as life continues on, but it's your choice, not mine. All right. Well, yeah, the growing up. A big rite of passage of adulthood is losing friends. Yeah, it's bittersweet. Yeah, you don't think you're gonna outgrow people, but you do.
Starting point is 01:01:11 And sometimes you outgrow people by simply just having less, like if you're lucky, your adult friendships will just outgrow each other by seeing them every once in a while, sending the Christmas cards with the family. When you go into town or whatever, you say hi, you catch up, but you kind of both know
Starting point is 01:01:31 you're just not as close as you used to be, but you maintain the friendship through like, just checking in now and then, because you both have busy lives and, you know, you got a family, they got a family or whatever. And like, your busy lives allow you guys never to like have to break up Because you can just kind of turn that intense friendship into more a casual friendship and then kind of blame it on Your lives so to speak but sometimes in these situations
Starting point is 01:01:57 Some friends won't let you won't want that happen and they almost want up Like a big breakup in a way. Maybe this was her projecting to have a breakup with you, you know, she just can't handle, you know, like, you are growing. Yeah, some people can't, you know, so it's a challenge, you know, how we navigate our interpersonal friendships is I think it often not talked about difficult challenge of adulthood, you know, because it is sad. And you know, you you're, you never imagined you have to break up with friends. But you just outgrow people. And sometimes they outgrow you. And it's often for the best. Yeah, it's Yeah, 100% you nailed it. It's sad. There's moments I look back and
Starting point is 01:02:44 I'm like, Oh, and then there I look back and I'm like, oh. And then there's other moments where I'm like, mm-hmm. Yeah. Was I just blind to some other things in our friendship? Probably, yeah. Very much like a breakup. Yeah. I mean, blind or it just, it didn't,
Starting point is 01:02:57 wasn't relevant at the time or you just kind of accept, you know, like certain friendships you can accept. You can accept people's bad habits because they don't really get in the accept, you know, like certain friendships you can accept. You can accept people's bad habits because they don't really get in the way, you know, but, you know, what you saw was her being, you know, the friend that could really stand her ground. Like you said, there are probably aspects of you appreciate it.
Starting point is 01:03:16 You just never went up against it. And so here you are. All right. Well, appreciate the update. How are things going in the relationship? Great. Things have been going great. Wedding planning, we're wrapping it up.
Starting point is 01:03:30 Thank God. When's the big day? I'm over it. It's in October. Okay. Yeah. So, super excited about that. Ready to just get it out of the way.
Starting point is 01:03:40 Well, have fun. Actually. Don't be afraid. Make sure you still have fun. Yeah, I will. Yours look gorgeous. I loved all the way. Well, have fun. Don't be afraid. Make sure you still have fun. Yeah, I will. Yours looked gorgeous. I loved all the pictures.
Starting point is 01:03:48 Oh, thank you. Yeah, we had a good time. Oh, looked like it. It was a lot of fun. I was, yes, ready for it. Got me excited. And I stole Natalie's playlist, so. Love that.
Starting point is 01:03:59 I definitely appreciate the share of that. We love that. All right, great to hear. All right, well, congratulations again. Excited to hear about the wedding and thanks for the update. Yeah, thanks for reaching back out. All right. Take care. Bye. Bye. Thanks for listening, guys. Hope you enjoy these updates. Once again, there are more update specials behind VyloFiles Plus, so go check them out. Otherwise, we'll see you back on Monday. Bye.

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