The Viall Files - E793 Going Deeper with Our New Bachelor - Grant Ellis

Episode Date: August 15, 2024

Welcome back to The Viall Files: Going Deeper, with Grant Ellis! ABC’s next bachelor! Join us for our second bonus episode of the week! Grant Ellis is fresh off Jenn Tran’s season of The Bachelorette and he’s ready to find love. Who is he outside of the process? What is he looking for in a partner? And why does he want to find love? “It's his first time living too.” Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes. Listen To Disrespectfully now! Listen on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/disrespectfully/id1516710301 Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0J6DW1KeDX6SpoVEuQpl7z?si=c35995a56b8d4038 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCh8MqSsiGkfJcWhkan0D0w To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com  If you would like to get some texting advice on Office Hours send an email to [e-mail] with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! To advertise on the show, contact [e-mail] or visit https://www.advertisecast.com/TheViallFiles  Thank You to Our Sponsors: goodr - If you want to support the show and try a pair, goodr is giving The Viall Files listeners Free Shipping! You can go to https://www.goodr.com/VIALL and use code VIALL for free shipping. Huggies - Learn More At https://www.Huggies.com  OUAI - Wash your OUAI to healthier hair with shampoos and conditioners made just for you. Go to https://www.theouai.com and enter promo code VIALLFILES for 15% off any product. Sundays For Dogs - Get 40% off your first order of Sundays. Go to https://www.sundaysfordogs.com/VIALL or use code VIALL at checkout. OneSkin - OneSkin is more than skin care. It’s about skin longevity, targeting the root causes of aging to help you look and feel your best at every age. Get started today with 15% off using code VIALL at https://www.oneskin.co  Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @nnataliejjoy @grantellis__ @ciararobinson @justinkaphillips @dereklanerussell Timestamps: 00:00 - Intro 02:40 - Leaving The Show 03:36 - What Did You Learn 05:53 - Past Relationship 07:56 - Emotional Intelligence 11:40 - Parents 13:46 - Work 15:33 - Fan Of The Show 17:58 - Dating 20:59 - Insecurities 25:41 - Fatherhood 32:30 - Other castmates 37:15 - Hidden Talents 40:22 - Day In The Life 43:03 - Red Flags 44:03 - Being The Bachelor 49:21 - Quick Questions 54:46 - Texting Office Hour 01:08:37 - More Questions 01:11:16 - Advice 01:15:03 - Outro  

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and 100% satisfaction. Again, that's Gooder.com slash V-I-A-L-L and use code V-I-A-L-L for free shipping. Grant. Yes, sir. Welcome to the Vilephiles. Thank you, man. It's a pleasure to be here.

First of all, we just want to say congratulations. Yeah. Thank you. Grant Ellis is our new bachelor. How does it feel? It feels great. Thank you, thank you. Grant Ellis is our new bachelor. How does it feel? It feels great. It's a surreal experience.

Something that I didn't really expect. You know, I know a lot of people probably say that, but I'm taking it head on and I'm just going in here with an open heart and an open mind. And I just, I can't wait. You know, I'm excited. Obviously this whole conversation is we just want to get to know you,

who you are, who you were before the show. But let's get to the obvious questions that a lot of people want to know in terms of like, how did you find out? Like how long have you known that you were going to be the Bachelor? Obviously we are still in Gen season, so this is a bit different than how they normally announce it. So yeah, when did you first find out? Oh, so I found out a couple of weeks ago. It was a couple of weeks ago, you know, the producers called me and they asked me would I be interested and I jumped on it.

I was like, yeah, of course. I was still recovering from the season, what happened with Jen and they called me and I was just, I'm super interested. I was excited for it and yeah, that's how I found out. That's when I found out a couple weeks ago. Very cool. And then, so yeah, immediately you were interested.

Yeah, so I was interested, you know Unfortunately things didn't work out with Jen and you know, I have a chance to write my own story So yeah, we don't want to spend too much time on your relationship with Jen because obviously She is still moving forward with her love journey and you have your own now But could you give us a little bit of context where you Stan why things didn't work out because it seemed like you guys had a Really strong connection. I mean, I think early in the season context where you stand, why things didn't work out. Because it seemed like you guys had a really strong connection, I mean, I think early in the season, I think for a lot of us, we're like, Grant, definitely top four, you seemed like you really

opened up, there seemed like a connection there, and it just kind of seemed to fade a little bit. Like, how did you see it from your POV? Yeah, so from my point of view, you know, cause you don't really see anybody else's connection when you're going on the dates and talking to Jen, but looking at it back, I definitely saw that she had some stronger connections with some of the guys.

I thought I was going to make it to hometown, you know, so I was surprised when I didn't. But it's just all about perspective and what she wants and you know, ultimately she chose to go a different way. So you know, I'm super happy for her in her journey. But yeah, I just think that she was looking for something different than what I could offer and you know, I wasn't her cup of tea ultimately and that's okay. What did you learn from your time on The Bachelorette? You know, obviously it's a crazy world.

There is a TV show being made while at the same time, you know, you are looking for love. I mean, as someone who's been in your shoes before, it's a very crazy experience to know, like, you know, I want people to enjoy the season. I know there's a TV show, but like, this is my life, you know? And like, I, you know, it's, it's a very serious process. So what did you learn from that experience that you want to make sure that you're mindful of as you go into filming your season? So this is crazy.

I'm going to sound so crazy saying this, but I learned that, you know, you could fall in love after one date, Like I literally it was our date. And I guess being in that environment or the way that Jen was, I was really attracted to that. So going into the next my own journey, it's like you don't think that you could develop feelings after spending so little time with somebody. But I'm taking that forward and to really protect my heart and protect these women's hearts because it's definitely plausible to fall in love

and to develop those feelings in this environment and in any environment after one day, after getting to know somebody like that. Have you ever had experience? This is a weird loaded question. You ever had experience dating multiple women? No, so I was in a long-term seven-year relationship. Okay.

And then I got out of that. I was out of that for about a year and a half. And I was just really focusing on myself, focusing on work. And then all my mom's friends and their daughters like, Oh, but just so I was like, no, I'm just, I'm good right now. And then, you know, ultimately she ended up signing me.

She's all the golden bachelor and she ended up signing me up. So I just embarked on this journey. But your mom, my mom, yeah, she signed me up. I love that. Oh, I didn't love it at the moment. I'm like- I haven't heard a lot of stories

about like their mom signing up. It's all like a friend or something like that. Or, you know, that's a first I feel like. And then look at where it landed. So- Did she tell you that she signed you up? Yeah, she told me. I remember I was, she literally called me.

I'm in, you know, I'm in the middle of my trading routine in the morning and she called me and she's like, oh, by the way, I signed you up? Yeah, she told me. I remember she literally called me. I'm in the middle of my trading routine in the morning and she called me and she's like, oh, by the way, I signed you up for the Bachelorette, so if you get a call, make sure you answer. And I'm like, are you serious? You know what I'm saying? And then, yeah, so I ended up, they ended up calling me and then things just progressed

and here we are on the vol files. That's crazy, wow. So you had a relationship for seven years. Yeah. Like was it seven years off and on? Was it seven years all the way through? No breakups or anything like that? No, we were pretty strong,

and then people ultimately grow apart, and the trajectory of what I was trying to do and where I was trying to go with my life and my goals and visions, it just ended up creating a rift in a relationship and then we just agreed to separate. I mean, that's my first girlfriend, seven years. We broke up multiple times, but it was like, your first love is a challenge.

The person you fall in love for the first time and they become such a big part of your life, especially when you meet them when you're younger. It sounds like you guys started dating in your early 20s. If I'm my math's mathin'. But that person plays a very pivotal role in your life. A lot of promises are often made early on. You don't date someone that long without thinking

you might spend the rest of your life with them. How did you work through that process? I know you mentioned that you kind of just grew apart, but that still must have been a challenge to move on with your life and realize that maybe this person who was such an important person at one point in my life, despite still having a great opinion of them and et cetera, et cetera, there may not be my person.

And how did you work through that kind of emotional journey? Yeah, just realizing and understanding that it was a lesson. You know, it was a lesson in my life. And although it was painful, a lot of times the most painful experience is you grow from it. So that's something that I kind of brought forward.

And now I look at it like, you know, when I do go through something painful, or you know, in that moment, you think the world is ending, or you know, you're like, oh man, how could I get over this? And then, you know, looking in the future, like, wow, like I really grew from that experience

and I really learned. I learned emotional intelligence. I learned how to really treat somebody, how to put somebody's needs first and how not to be selfish in a relationship because when you're single, it's a learning experience. So going through that, I learned so much

and it made me, it's part of the reason why I am the man I am today. Do you feel like, you mentioned emotional intelligence. I look back, for example, I feel like I've matured and I've become more emotional intelligent. And when I look back on my life, being a new dad, I've always wanted to be a dad. So I always feel like if I were a father earlier in life,

let's say I was a father 10 years ago, I felt like I would have been like, oh, I want to be the best dad ever. You know, like my intentions would have been just as pure. But I look back now and I feel like maybe my execution wouldn't be where it needed to be. Like, you know, I feel like now I'm more empathetic. I feel like now I can slow down a little bit and put myself in other people's shoes and not be, I'll be like, you know, more willing to listen first rather than just to tell this is how you should do it and things like that. How have you grown emotionally over the years as you reflect back on who Grant was as like

a 22 year old man versus who Grant is now as a 29 year old man? You know, growing up, everybody goes through their own trauma and their own things that puts them in a shell and you go through certain experiences that kind of you learn from and they shape you to who you are. So just learning from my experience and like you said, really learning to put people's feelings first, you know, it's not always about how you feel. Try to sit back and understand where the other person's coming from and listen to listen, not to react.

Yeah, that's something I learned, man. And I was actually going to ask you, like being a father is like it's one of the ultimate goals that a lot of people have. And like, you know, you learn from your relationship with your woman and then you learn from your relationship with your kids. Yeah. And like, how has that affected you and changed you as a man? Like it changes your perception of the world. Yeah I mean it's been a very rewarding experience for one. It's as rewarding as I might imagine but it

really it does it it really puts things in perspective. I think you go from you know thinking about what things you know in the outside world that are going on, the world's crazy at times, and it's very easy to worry about how's this affect me or how's this going to affect my family. And I think once you become a father, you really start worrying about what's going on today that I have to make sure I take care of my daughter. It's more like what's really showing up at my front door. It really puts things into perspective. I think before being a dad, it was easy to ruminate and let

my mind go and worry about things where it's just like, do I need to worry about this? Or am I just on social media and it's doom scrolling and there's so many things that can make us anxious about the world or about life. And I think having a daughter really slows things down for me. And as long as she's okay and my wife's okay. And then I guess it just makes the world a little bit more, it can be scary at times raising a daughter, but at the same time, you just think about like, why am I worrying about some of this other shit

that never really shows up at my front door? And it just really puts things into perspective. And it gives you like a sense of purpose. You know why never really shows up at my front door. And it just really puts things in a perspective. And it gives you like a sense of purpose, you know, you know why you're waking up and going to work. And you know why you're doing things as opposed to before. It's like, you make money, you make me go on some trips and things like that.

But it's just like, where's the meaning there? And for me, it's just given me a lot of meaning. Like a deeper sense of purpose. Yeah, yeah. So it's been very rewarding that way. I'm taking mental notes, man. So yeah, it's just given me a lot of meaning. Like a deeper sense of purpose. Yeah, yeah. So it's been very rewarding that way. I'm taking mental notes, man. So yeah, it's definitely. And being a father for you is always something

that you wanted to do? Oh, for sure. For sure. It's something that I long for. And just to better myself and raise my child, if I'm fortunate enough to have one, and the way that I feel is right. And teaching them how to navigate through life,

and then letting them make their own choices, it's something that is, it's a unique experience. You've very been open about both your relationship with your mom and your relationship with your dad. You're very close with your mom, it sounds like. Yeah, I'm close with my mom. She's a trooper, man. My mom is, woof.

Is it fair to say that your relationship with your mom and your mom specifically kind of shaped you into the man that you are today? Yeah, that and my, is woof. Is it fair to say that your relationship with your mom and your mom specifically kind of shaped you into the man that you are today? Yeah, that and my relationship with my dad. Like I'm close with my dad too. And I'm close with my mom, but I saw, you know how she carried herself and how she's always willing to go out of her way for other people.

And she's always helping and she's always, she's doing this and doing that. And it's like, you know, I draw strength from that, you know women have so much to offer. They're so strong and they have their own unique aspects that help build and help, you know, provide and help, you know, so it's, it's, it's inspirational for me and it just makes me want to be a better man. What about your mom makes you the most proud?

Just how resilient she is and how she's always going out of her way to help everybody around her. To me, that's something that I of her way to help everybody around her. To me, that's something that I look at and I wanna be like, you know. What characteristics do you think you get from your mom the most? Probably my stubbornness, honestly, you know what I'm saying? And that's literally why I got into the field I'm in

when everybody's saying like, oh, you might not wanna do that. I'm like, you know what, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna show these people what that is possible. So I definitely got that from her. And it's a blessing and a curse because sometimes I'll run into a wall 10 times before I realize, okay, I can't do this.

I may not be able to do this. What I hear from that is you're someone who wants to bet on themselves. And I love that about people who are willing to take a chance. Yeah, for sure, man, for sure. I definitely am. Yeah, I mean, sometimes stubbornness can hurt us a little bit. And, you know, sometimes it's nice

if we learn the first couple of times, but like, you know, I'm guessing any time that you try to do something and it didn't work out or you failed, you might've looked back and thought, you know, maybe I could have realized that a little sooner. But like once you've moved on, I think it sounds like you probably have the peace of mind knowing that I gave it my best effort. Maybe this isn't for me, but I tried and, uh, you're not a quitter. No, not, not by any means. And, you know, I definitely, yeah, I definitely take that approach for sure. What were you doing?

Like in your day trading, obviously, how did you get into day trading? So when I was overseas, man, like I was close with a lot of guys, a couple guys that played in the league and you know, Josh Selby and, and like, they would come back and they just didn't know what to do with their finances. And, you know, they, they resorted to some things that weren't the best. And I was like, you know, I don't want that to be, it wouldn't be me, but I don't want to, I don't want that to be. So I started really diving into, you know, futures and, you know, the S and P

500, that's the S&P 500. That's the only instrument I trade. And yeah, I just studied and I went all in. And the first three years, I just lost everything that I had in the market. And then I ended up, but I stuck at it. And it's a process that tests who you are as a person. It tests your resilience

and your ability to weather the storm. And it's one of the best things that I ever decided to get into. It really tested what I was made of. What was that like when you lost everything? I mean, it must have been terrifying. Yeah, it was literally terrifying.

It was so terrifying, but I just, I didn't really, like I saw that everything was, I was losing everything, but I didn't think about it. Like as much as I said, I was like, I'm just, I didn't really, like I saw, you know, that everything was, I was losing everything, but I didn't think about it, like as much as I said, I was like, I'm just, I'm gonna get this, you know, I'm gonna get it. And yeah, so I just always looked at it like, okay, I'm just paying for my education, basically, which I don't know if that's the best way to do it,

but yeah. But it seemed to have worked out for you. Yeah, man. We haven't lost anything anymore. Yeah, yeah, no, I still lose. I still lose, yeah. Yeah, but that's kind of part of the process, but it seems like you're living life. Yeah, I'm doing great,

and I would go through that process over again if I could rewind time. Hell yeah, that's great. And we have a bachelor who has a really impressive job. Not always the case with bachelors. Yeah, I mean, I don't know anybody else's career, but it's rewarding. How familiar were you with the show before you came on?

Were you a fan of the show? Did you watch? Did you just know it existed? What was your familiarity? Yeah, I knew it existed. I watched Clayton's season. I watched your season. I watched Joey's season.

Would you watch it in real time, or did you go back and do your homework as you? Yeah, I was on Amazon That's what I did when I first went on I was like, what am I getting myself into man? Yeah, you know just learning and yeah, it's it's something that I but now a fan like now I'm telling you I'm gonna be watching all the seasons to come and yes It's definitely something I'm a part of this now and I'm embracing it with open arms. I gotta assume when you were watching Clayton's Joey's My Season that you took some notes maybe a little bit mentally or

actually literally and I gotta assume maybe there were things that you thought oh that would seem like a good idea or like why was he doing that you know or like I'll definitely won't do that were there any things that you learned from watching us old vets back that you want to replicate or thought to yourself, maybe I'll do things a little bit differently? I took a lot of positives out of everybody's. And the main thing is just for me to approach this process

with an open heart. And, you know, cause either way it goes, it's gonna make me a better person. So, you know, I know that, you know, I'm very confident that my person is going to be there. Whichever way it goes, I just want to come out of the process a better person. Ultimately, the ultimate goal is to come out with my wife and to come out of the experience to have learned new things about myself and about the woman ultimately that I'm going to be with. What kind of man do you want Bachelor Nation to see and what kind of person do you want

to showcase as the Bachelor? As people watch your season, what do you hope are the things that people will think about who is Grant Ellis the person in your character? What do you hope to show people? Somebody who's genuine, who's kind, somebody who's a leader, somebody who is honest, and somebody who's not afraid to have fun, but also who is serious about this process. And I just want to be an inspiration.

I want to be a good role model in a society today that everything's going crazy, and there's a lot of chaos going around. I just want to be a good role model, whatever that looks like, you know? And that's just basically what I aim to do. Have you done much dating prior to going on the Bachelorette? You were kind of single for a year and a half.

Obviously a long relationship can take some time to get over, but you know, dating culture nowadays is chaos, right? It's situationships, online. It can be very confusing even for the six. How tall are you? Six four. Six four. On a good day. But I mean you're a handsome guy. You are tall. You got a great job. You know on paper again like you're the bachelor you know. But everyone seems to struggle these days making connections. Like what was was dating for you in your single days before going on Gen Season?

Yeah, it's crazy because I really wasn't dating. I had been in such a spot where I didn't want to go through heartbreak again. So, not that I was, and I think that's what really made me on this season on Gen Season, what made me develop those feelings because I was so opened and ready for the experience because I wasn't dating.

You know what I'm saying? I was kind of like waiting and being in that position when it presented itself, I was like, it wasn't hard for me to be all in. You know what I'm saying? As to where if I would have went through several bad experiences dating, then I probably would have been a little hesitant because, you know, it would have kind of formed calluses on my thoughts and my opinions. Sure.

So did you kind of actively take yourself like off the market? Cause I gotta assume you got asked out, you know? Yeah, you live in New York? No, I'm in Houston right now. You're in Houston, okay. Yeah, and it just wasn't, you know, not to say I didn't talk to people,

but when I got the vibe that things weren't serious, I just kind of, you know, kind of backed up a little bit, you know, cause I'm trying to be intentional with my movements and who I am. So it's like when I realized that out here, it's a lot of crazy stuff going on. I just kind of took my time and I was like, okay, the next thing I'm going to be in, I want it to be serious and I want it to be intentional and, hey, look where we are now. So I think it worked out, you know, hopefully it works out, you know,

so that was kind of my intentions going in it. And yeah, I just waited and you know, I prayed on it and you know, and this is, this is where I am. Well, now you're gonna date 20 plus women. No, I might, I might be a little stressed, you know. What are you looking for in a woman? Like what catches your eye characteristics-wise? Beauty is a big thing, but ultimately,

I want somebody who is motivated, somebody who's humble, somebody who is caring, giving. And yeah, that's something that really attracts me. So that's something I'm looking for in a partner. And you lead first with how you look, but then when you get to know somebody deeper, that becomes the most attractive thing to me. Are you ready to date 20 plus women?

When you say it like that, no. It's hard, I'm not gonna lie, it's hard. I know, I know. But I think I'm ready to step up to the plate and you know, I'm ready to step up to the plate and just be honest with how I'm feeling and what I'm going through and my emotions and my thoughts and yeah, I think I'm ready.

I think I can handle it. I think it's easy to look at someone like you and think what does this person have to be insecure about or what does this person worry about? They seem like they have everything going for them but we all know that everyone deals with their own crap and their internal thoughts. What are some things that you struggle with in terms of anything that might be an

insecurity of yours and things that you have to work to overcome? Yeah of course man I have a lot of insecurities you know as a man you want to be the best provider you want to be able to handle somebody's heart and and be emotionally responsible so I feel like that's something that I, you know, I want to I want to do the right way. So not to say I'm insecure about it, but I definitely am self-conscious about it. And, yeah, just just being being the best leader that I can be, you know, so that's something that for me, like I said, I wouldn't I wouldn't say I'm insecure, but I'm self-aware of what that would look like. And ultimately in terms of, you know,

when I do have a family, God willing, or you know, how I am around my wife, that's something that I wanna look internally and try to do better. Do you have any bad habits? Like I can't close cupboard doors to save my life. I'm a pretty forgetful, fuck-for-guy aloof at times. I could go on and on,

but what are some of Grant Ellis's like little pet peeves or bad habits that you have? Like I'm assuming, you know, your ex-girlfriend, you know, and I'm sure she has wonderful things to say about you, but it's just like, oh, every time he would, you know, whatever this or whatever that, what are some things that like once they get to know you, it's like,

yeah, Grant's a good guy, but every once in a while. Yeah, every once they get to know you, it's like, yeah, Grant's a good guy, but every once in a while. Yeah, every once in a while, he'll, okay, so yeah, I do snore sometimes. I do snore. And yeah, sometimes like when, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, when somebody's like, somebody be telling me a problem and I'm like,

oh, we could do this when sometimes, you know, they just want you to listen instead of trying to like, you know. A little bit of a fixer. Yeah, try to do that. And you know, I'm clumsy sometimes, you know, and yeah, so I definitely, I definitely have some bad habits that I need to correct. Yeah, but I would say, yeah, I'm a bit of a snorer.

So I definitely be in the sleep like, yeah, so I don't want to. Well, yeah, I've learned what you've talked about. Like sometimes you, there's things that we can always work on as people. And then there's sometimes I think part of the joy of getting older and having that self-awareness

and just kind of getting more comfortable with yourself. And people talk about self-love, is that acceptance of like, there's just some things I'm just not good at. I've tried my whole life to be like a good note taker. I can't do that. I've tried my whole life to close covered door, put things away.

I don't know how to, it's like, it's a part of my brain. That's like, we don't know how to do this. You know? And I was honestly, when Nellie and I, my wife, when we started dating, I was just like, she moved in with me and then, like the first two weeks I was like, listen, I'm not good at some things

and I will try my best, but like, I need you to know who I am and accept me for who I am. So there are some things that I just like, I'm going to try, but I can't do other than snoring. Are there some things? No, yeah. I'm going to tell you one, the biggest thing that I need to work on, and I will say this openly is like, I always had to rely on, okay, it's my way. I'm going to, because if I'm going to die, I'm going to die on my sword's my way. I'm gonna, because if I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die on my sword. You know what I'm saying? So when I'm in a relationship

and somebody's trying to say to me, maybe this is the way we should do it. And I'm like, I don't know about that. I think it should be done this way. Taking other people's perspective and opinions and going by that and trusting their judgment is something that I need to really work on because for a lot of my life, it was like, OK, like people may have told me things

and they let me down. So I'm going to go based off of what I think. And, you know, so that's definitely something that I need to to work on. Yeah, that's that's a part of my journey that I'm currently trying to work on is not being so stubborn. Well, I appreciate you sharing that. Yeah. And you know, snoring is just the first layer. You know, it's it's really I know it's like one of those things.

It's hard to answer those questions because it's like, what is it okay for me to say, you know? Or it's like we ask people to be vulnerable and then we sometimes like to criticize them for their vulnerability once they open up. So it's not always easy to talk about those things. Yeah, grant stubborn, just note that. That's something that I am.

But it makes a lot of sense. You know, you mentioned just like feeling like people have let you down before. And so it's like, like you said, it's just like last time I've followed someone else's lead, you know, I feel like I got burned for it, you know, and so that kind of abandonment part of things can can creep up. People like to talk about our childhood traumas a lot and things like that and how it projects it in our adult lives. So I appreciate you sharing that. Yeah man, yeah, that's a big thing too, yeah. You talked about your relationship with your father on the show and you really opened up about that. How has that shaped you as a man

and what have you learned about yourself and your resiliency as you've reconnected with your father and grown that relationship? Yeah, I love my father to death, man. And he did, everybody has their own demons, so to say. So it's like, he did the best that he could. And I say, it's his first time living too and he has his trauma and he just took a certain route.

And I don't want him to ever think that I'm like bashing him or putting him out there, but this is, this is, it's my life story. And if I was, you know, on a date with somebody who I think is going to be my potential wife, like I'm definitely, that's something that I'm going to, they're going to know about me. So my, my relationship with my father is great. And I'm super proud of him for the, for the progress he's made, where he's came from, come from and what he's doing now. And I just wanted to know that he did a good job. He did a great job and I don't hold anything against him. Like I said, it's his first time living too, so he's trying and I just forgive and let go and you only live once.

Yolo, I know it's so cliche, but you only live once, so you can't harbor resentment. That awareness of he did the best he could, where did that come from? And I only ask that is because we talk to a lot of people all the time, we get a lot of questions about parents and broken families or just adversity with parents. And I often have to remind sometimes people, it's just like, what if your parents,

despite all their flaws, are doing the best they can? And I think that can be a really eye-opening thought. Did someone suggest that to you? Did you come up with that on your own? It shows a lot of emotional maturity on your part to have that because I think it's sometimes very easy to say, but hard to believe, you know? Because I think a lot of times we can look at our parents and feel like, well, why didn't you give me that?

Or why didn't you do that and feel cheated by them? Or you would grow up and sometimes we look around us and we see people getting other things from their parents that we might not be getting from us, whether that's affection or love or connectedness or just whatever it is. But that peace of mind to say, you know what, you did the best you can and thank you, is a very freeing feeling. And it will allow people who have any time a disconnect with family to make that connection.

And yeah, I'm just curious where that came from. Have you always felt that way? No, I haven't always felt that way. Growing up, sometimes you may harbor resentment, but then when you're in the position where you're letting somebody down and you're trying and you're failing but you're doing your best, then you realize that you could be trying your hardest and sometimes you're going to you're going to make mistakes.

So, yeah, that's what that came from. I've been in a position where I've let friends down and I've let people down that I cared about. And looking back at it, I can't hold myself to a different standard than somebody that's let me down. So it's like, that's where that comes from. And then ultimately, my relationship with God, and I just try to take that into the same account. And yeah, that's where that comes from.

But I know that I'm definitely, I'm far from perfect and I've let people down in my life. So it's like, I can't really be mad at my pops for that. I got to just just kinda let that go and just roll with the punches and just try to help him along his journey. That's awesome, man. I really appreciate you talking about that because like I said, it just shows,

there's little things where people say and I can see that emotional maturity and even though people go through stuff, it's very hard to do. So I'm really happy that you were able to see that. Thanks, man. I'm not trying to be too boring. I'm not trying to be like, yeah. No, I mean, that's like I said, I mean, it's not easy to,

again, we talk with our audience a lot and hear their stories and we all have different upbringings and I have a lot of close friends who have complicated relationships with their parents and sometimes they can be resistant to that forgiveness or just the acceptance of who they were, you know, knowing that like, maybe this comes from something they couldn't control or something that happened to them. And it's like, yeah, we can have that anger, we can have that frustration, and we can wish things

to be different, but there's still love to be had. And there's still that, like, again, the best that they could do, whatever that was, is a very freeing feeling that allows people to reconnect with people they might have disconnected from. I really appreciate that. Did you have a question? No, I'm just, I'm really excited. I'm like, you're so self-aware and emotionally mature

that I'm just like, I feel like it's gonna be such a great season watching you connect with these women. There's a lot of decisions you have to make when you have a baby. And the one that I feel the most comfortable and safe making is using huggies for our daughter River. I always tell Nick that when River's crying, she's trying to tell us something. And that's the case with most babies. They express it through cries. And so we've turned to huggies.

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that's T-H-E-O-U-A-I.com. Promo code VILEFILES. It was this week where you said something where it really stood out to me that showed your emotional maturity and it was when Jen pulled Sam and all the other guys were just like, oh, he's an idiot or he did this and blah, blah, blah. And you pointed out, you were just like, or she cares, you know, like, and Jen ended up sending Sam home. But we saw that she did care. We saw that this was a guy that Jen had a connection with early on, he got the first impression rose.

There obviously was a physical connection there. We've all been in these relationships where we're just like, I want this person to be cool. Like I want them to have a good personality. Because we're physically, we've all been in Jen's shoes before. It's very easy in the atmosphere of Bachelor World to kind of just agree with our peers. Everyone's saying this, yeah, for sure.

But your willingness to speak up and say, hey guys, there's a chance that maybe she cares more than we even want to believe because you referenced positions you've been in. To me that you really stood out as someone who thinks outside of the box emotionally and is aware. To me that in that one line showed me that you've been through it, that you understand that it's harder to be honest with ourselves about a situation, but it makes handling the outcome a little easier,

if that makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. Where did that come from? And I guess that kind of self-awareness about knowing that, hey, she's talking to him or she's doing this, maybe that means that she feels a different way. Yeah, I saw it from the jump that she cared about Sam, you know, and I saw that.

I recognize that and, you know, and ultimately it's her journey and whatever. You know, I did want her to be happy. Obviously, you know, I was a little jealous, but, you know, but I wanted to be happy, you know. So, yeah, I just recognized that and I just spoke my mind on that matter. And yeah, I definitely been through the ringer. So it's definitely some things that I've learned and I'm just looking to improve

as I go along in this thing called life. And you mentioned earlier that you've had your heart broken. Yeah, is that seven year relationship the one that really kind of broke your heart? Yeah, it's just being you know, being with somebody and then, you know, realizing that it's not there, but you know, I've moved on from that. And like, I'm so ready to, you know,

take the things that I did right and the things that I did wrong and improve on both. You know, so I'm ready for that. And I'm ready for the next chapter of my life. What do you feel like you did right in your past relationships that you definitely want to carry forward into your next one?

My ability to fight for, not like verbally, or you know what I'm saying? Yeah, my ability to yell, no. My ability to fight for the relationship and something that I care in, and to, you know, because it's so cliche, but love is a choice. At first it's a feeling, and then it becomes a choice.

You know what I'm saying? So it's to choose that person and to be able to give them their space, but to choose them when there's eight billion people out here and to look at that person and be like, you know what, I choose you. And that commitment is something that I feel like I did right.

And there's things that I did wrong also. So learning from that and just growing as a man and yeah, that's what this thing called life is about. When you're filming The Bachelor, you'll probably do some scary things, some heights. If one of the ladies doesn't wanna jump, will you let it slide? I'll let it slide.

If she doesn't wanna jump, we don't have to jump. We're like, oh, you lost. Yeah, if she doesn't want to jump, I'm not going to make her jump. You're not going to Sam Emmett? I'm not going to Sam Emmett. For sure, for sure. If she doesn't want to jump, we don't have to jump. Do you feel like, not that I want to go back and talk about Sam Emmett too much, but obviously, I think a lot of his behavior

was alarming or caught people off guard. What are some of the things that he displayed that you found to be the most surprising, some of the characteristics? It's so crazy because I saw Sam M. off camera, and there's times when like, there was one time where I'm like, I was playing a piano and he came in there

and he just started sitting down and writing in his notepad. You know, so there's things there that I'm like, OK, this guy, he's a good guy. But I think that he was just trying to be somebody on TV that he's not. You know what I'm saying? And things that he said or or maybe somebody he used to be and he was just trying to, you know, be somebody that that that he's not. So I feel like, yeah, that's something that he has to deal with internally.

And he realizes that. And I know he realizes that. I know he's getting beat up, but I saw certain sides of him and I saw certain sides of everybody. I'm like, okay, everybody has good in them. He just trying to be somebody he's not. And I hope he learns from that

and he doesn't make that decision again. It just happened to be public. One of your biggest strengths seems to be like your ability to be yourself and be your truest self and show who you really are. Right. Right. Yeah, for sure. You know, so that's something that I try to do. You play the piano. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not great, but a little bit.

I could play a little tune here and there. Like, what do you can, what can you play? I can't, let's say that I can't read music and I don't play songs that are, I know a couple notes and I just kind of just make up my own thing. Okay. I feel like you're being humble here. No, no, I'm not that good.

Do you have any hidden talents? I'm just good at sports and I could- That's not hidden. I could do poetry, a little bit of poetry. Okay, we got a poet in the house. I'm a beatboxer. Yeah, beatboxer, poetry a little bit, you know. I could make a poem, I could rhyme a little bit.

Can you give us a verse right now about Nick? Yeah, give me a topic. Heartbreak. Heartbreak. Okay, I'll tie in Nick and heartbreak. Okay. So Nick, wow, he's a family man. He comes together, he shows you that a family can. Family can be great, a family could be loving, but above all, a family is fulfilling. As a father with his daughter, he's showing her things and he's instilling things in her that she'll never forget,

things in her that she'll never forget. Things in her that she'll never regret. At the end of the day, he's been on this podcast. I'm the rookie, he's the vet. Okay, so you could not do that. Could not do that. Nick is crying. That little beatbox in there. Your turn, Nick. No.

I can't follow that. That was really good, man. Yeah, man. Where is that? Have you always been good at that? I can't follow that. Have you always been good at that? Where like that kind of, you know, it takes a lot to kind of to be that witty one. What am I saying? Have you always had that skill? I used to be at the lunch table and we would like,

we would do make songs like, and I would just like rap or do certain stuff. And I think that just carried over to like what I do now. I just joke around. I still joke around with my friends like that, you know, here and there. So that's something I just do, you know, I can just kind of make up stuff.

I don't know, I'm weird like that. And you're, you can beatbox too. Little bit. Yeah. Here and there, here and there. I do a little bit of beatboxing. Can we get a little bit of... I literally do the same, the same thing, but like, yeah. So I do

you know what's what song do you like? I feel like I'm on the spot. What song do I like? If I know it maybe I could... Britney Spears toxic. So good. I'm a weirdo, man. I'm telling you. We love that. We love that. We love weird, you know, weird in a like a charming way, which you very are. You're not.

You're definitely not a weirdo. Britney Spears toxic. That's a good one. I was going to do Kylie Rae Jepsen, call me maybe, but then I thought maybe it wouldn't know. Do you know that song? If I would have to hear it, and then, you know, I probably didn't know it. I'm sorry.

I think everyone's gonna love the toxic. Not that you're toxic, but the Britney Spears. So what's a normal day in the life of Grant Ellis? A normal day, wake up, drink a shake, hop on the charts about- Chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry? Oh man, that's a good one. I'll mix chocolate and vanilla, so.

Okay. I'll mix the two.. So, I'll mix it too. But yeah, wake up, drink a shake, hop on the charts, trade, then finish my morning, go for a run, hit the gym, maybe go shop a little bit, and then hang out with family and friends. And just, if I'm not, and on weekends, I'll travel with some, you know. So.

What, you like to travel? I like to travel, yeah, I love Vegas. I want to, one of my bucket lists is I like to travel, yeah. I love Vegas. One of my bucket lists is to try to visit every country. I'm nowhere near that yet, but hopefully that gets fulfilled someday. What countries have you been to? So I've been to Spain.

Most of the Latin, I've been to most of the Latin places. I've been to Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Mexico. I've been to St. Thomas. So there's a couple of places I've been to, but it's nothing compared to. I see the producers travel everywhere, and I, Mexico, I've been to St. Thomas, so there's a couple of places I've been to, but it's nothing compared to, I see the producers travel everywhere, and I'm like, yeah, I wanna do that.

Going to the casting was my first time in LA. I didn't have much travel experience before I went on the show. Okay, yeah. I had been to Mexico once, I think Dominican Republic, I think that was it. Yeah, hey, Dominican Republic could be scary, you gotta know the right places, you know?

But if you're out of resort, it's super nice. Do you speak any other languages? Do you speak Spanish? Umpliquito, umpliquito, a little bit. That's like all I know. Maybe some food and stuff like that, yeah. I mean, it sounds like from the locations you go to, you like to have fun.

Are you dancing? Are you drinking? Do you like to, what do you like to do for fun? Yeah, I like to dance and drink a little bit, a little bit of salsa. But when I was there, I mainly to do for fun? Yeah, I like to dance and drink a little bit, a little bit of salsa, but when I was there, I mainly was there for basketball. Oh really?

Yeah, I was playing basketball and just, yeah. How many years you play pro? Four and a half years. Yeah. How close do you, do you ever hope to be laying the NBA, or is that something you were just like, I don't want that business?

Like, how? Yeah, no, it was a dream of mine, you know, like it was a dream of mine, but then I started realizing no, it was it was a dream of mine, you know, like it was a dream of mine. But then I started realizing that, yeah, it's a lot harder than, you know, like I'm talented. But there's guys that are like this levels to it, you know, it's it's levels, you know, there's guys that are like waking out of bed with like a 50 inch vertical. And I'm like, like I could shoot and I could jump. But you know what I'm saying? I'm not that athletic.

So, yeah, I just you know, I was always a guy like, you know, that just was like, you know, on the team and, you know, I was always the guy like, you know, that just was like, you know, on the team and, you know, I was, I was playing and getting minutes, but then the bus ride home, like I'm, you know, rapping on the bus or beatboxing and everybody, you know, just keeping the mood and I love doing that. So like, that's something that I did. And you know, when I, when I was in the game, I just,

you know, I contributed and did my best. You a guard? Yeah, yeah, I was a guard. Yeah, I was a guard, you're a guard, man. We might have to play some time. I mean, sure, we'll play, but don't take it. Like, where'd he go? I'm kind of going in a different direction,

but going back to like the house, because you had so many guys and different personalities being in the house, you're going to be on the opposite side of that now. Do you have any like non-negotiables or things in relationships or characteristics in people that you're like be on the opposite side of that now. Do you have any like non-negotiables or things in relationships or characteristics in people that you're like immediately know or like things that would turn you off essentially?

Yeah, 100%. Yeah, if I see somebody that's not treating other people nice or kind or somebody that's like super full of himself, like I don't like that. A big thing that happens sometimes is like, you'll have one person come up to you and be like this person is a bully or not. Like, how do you feel like you're gonna deal in a situation like that. A big thing that happens sometimes is like, you'll have one person come up to you and be like, this person is a bully or not. Like, how do you feel like you're gonna deal

in a situation like that? So I would like to hear both sides, you know, I'm not just gonna jump the gun. And I think that I'm a good judge of character. I like to think so. You know, if I hear that, then I'm gonna sit back, observe the scene. I'm not gonna make any rash decisions

and I'm gonna keep an eye on that person and give them time to show me if they're a bully or if they're not. And if I see that what they're accused of is true, then they're gonna be on the first ride home. Natalie had a request, she wanted me to pass this along, but we watch The Bachelor often, The Bachelorette. You are going to hear a lot of people's sad stories.

Bit of a trope of The Bachelor. Obviously it endears us to these people from time to time, but often the lead doesn't know what to say, or it's a lot of like, thank you for sharing. Yeah, that's- Kind of very service level. Now he would love for you to try to get through the whole season without saying thank you for sharing,

which is hard to do. Do you, have you thought about how you are gonna handle this? Because in all seriousness, it can range from like, sorry that happened to you, you thought about how you are gonna handle this because it in all seriousness It can range from like sorry that happened to you know versus like oh, man It must have been very difficult You know because of the bachelor being what it is like everyone has a story and sometimes it's kind of like sure You had a bad day Versus like someone who's like really been through it. Are you nervous about that part? You know cuz a big part of being the bachelor

is that ability to listen, to empathize, to use it as a way to connect or to learn more about that person. How do you think you're gonna handle that part? I'm gonna try to show empathy, not that it's hard for me. I'm gonna try to show empathy and try to just relate to where the person is coming from

and try not to say like, thank you for sharing. I'm definitely gonna say more than that. So that's something that I don't- Thank you for sharing say like, thank you for sharing. I'm definitely gonna say more than that. So that's something that I don't, thank you for sharing. Anyways, we have a rose here. Yeah, I don't wanna go that route. Yeah, I'm definitely gonna empathize and try to find a common ground

and just meet them in the middle. Comfort them, but not be too like over the subject. So the middle ground is where I'm gonna stay. What do you want the theme of your season to be in terms of like the vibe with you and the women? Falling in love is fun. It's fun finding your person and you could be serious but you could also have a good time.

So that's something that, I don't know if that's gonna be a theme but I think that's something that is very important. As far as a theme, I definitely have to think about that more. I think fun is a pretty good theme. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I guess that's something that is very important. As far as a theme, I definitely have to think about that more, you know? I think fun is a pretty good theme. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I guess that's a theme, right? Yeah, some people can take it very seriously.

Some people are just like, we're falling in love. This is no time to have fun. This is happening right now. It's very serious. I mean, I'm being serious. I sometimes, that's a bad habit I have sometimes where I can learn to loosen up in sometimes situations that have high stakes,

because this is a very high stakes situation for you. Of all the people who are gonna show up for your season, the only one that the audience kind of has this expectation of someone getting engaged is you. There's an expectation of being sincere, there's an expectation of being their honest self. If any other women kind of go home as a single person, no one's gonna say anything.

But with you, everyone's kind of expecting you to fall in love, whether that's fair or unfair, and that can feel heavy, and that can feel very serious. And then like me sometimes, in those situations, I can make that mistake of forgetting to still have fun. And forgetting to loosen up, knowing that like, oh, there's a lot on the line here. Are you able to do that pretty easily?

Or are you that person who will always bring out the fun even in serious situations? Yeah, I think so. Like, again, if somebody's telling me a sad story, I'm not gonna be like, you know what I'm saying? I'm not gonna do that. But, you know, I'm gonna try to have fun in the times that we need to have fun.

And the times when things need to be serious, I'm gonna try to be serious. the times that it's we need to have fun and the times when things are need to be serious I'm gonna try to be serious. So try to find a mix of both and just Find my lane and just stay in that lane. How settled are you in Houston? The reason I ask is you're gonna meet women from all over America, maybe even the world who knows they've casted people who are currently residing in Europe I think at times. Are you willing and open to maybe relocating depending on who you might end up with or are you pretty settled with where you're at hoping that that person will move for you? No, I'm willing and open to relocate. Okay. I'm pretty flexible in that

aspect in that regard so I'm open to relocating. Have you reached out or have any of the past bachelor alumni reached out with some advice for you going into this? Joey reached out. I thought that was really cool and I definitely was like, yeah, I'm going to hit you up and ask for some advice. And I definitely would ask for your advice and guys that have been through it in the past, because it's an experience that only we could attest to. So it's something that I definitely would look to learn from, instead of me being a stubborn, I'm gonna do this all my way, you know what I'm saying?

There's some bachelors before you that definitely have the I wanna do it my way attitude. What was the advice that Joey offered you? No, he just reached out and gave me his number. It was literally this morning. Okay, so you haven't had a chance to speak to him. Yeah, I haven't had a chance to speak to him in depth. What are you most excited for going into The Bachelor?

And then what are you also a little nervous about? I'm excited to meet these lovely women and to see what each one of them brings to the table and has to offer and to see how we can connect and if we're compatible. And I'm nervous about jumping out of a plane, if that's something that I have to do. Are you afraid of heights?

A little bit, but I'll do it, you know? If the lady wants to do it and... So it'll be the other way around. She'll be like, jump. He's crying. Yeah. What about the jumping out of the plane scary to the most?

I think jumping out of a plane would be easier than standing on top of a needle, in fact. And looking down and being like, is this where I'm gonna die today? It is literally easier because jumping out of a plane, your stomach doesn't drop. It doesn't drop. And jumping off of a building, it does.

It drops. Gravity. What was your favorite subject in school? Probably English, writing. Yeah, I'm terrible at math. Science was not really a big thing for me. Yeah, but like. I love that.

I love that, yeah. Do you have a favorite book? That's a great question. My favorite book is probably, this is gonna sound so, but this is so boring, but it's actually The Psychology of Money, which is a trading book. It's such a nerd thing to say,

but yeah, that like helped me with my process. Do you think you have a little nerd in you? Yeah, I'm a little nerdy. I watch Naruto. I watched that like 20 times. You watched what? Naruto, it's the anime watch Naruto. I've watched that like 20 times. You watch what? Naruto, it's the anime. Yeah, I've watched that like 20 times.

It's like my inner child. You know what I'm saying? You love that. Yeah, Dragon Ball Z I've watched. I used to be a kid. My mom used to be like, dinner's ready and I'm in the room trying to charge it up. Like, ah, you know what I'm saying?

Oh, go through, yeah. Gonna get some mac and cheese. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? So that's the nerd in me. The things you won't eat at all, or maybe you're just not a picky eater. I don't eat mushrooms. The texture is just like slimy and I just don't like it.

I'm with you on that. It's giving me nightmares. The flavor's not bad. The flavor's not, like if I have some cream and mushroom soup, if it's like cooked in some chicken and I can't, I don't know, I'll eat it. Okay. No mushrooms.

No mushrooms, yeah. I'm not a mushroom guy, man. Is that it? Snail. Have you tried them? No, I haven't know, I'll eat it. Okay. No mushrooms, I'm saying. No mushrooms, yeah. I'm not a mushroom guy, man. Is that it? Snail. Have you tried them? No, I haven't tried them. They're so good. Oh my gosh.

Escargot. Escargot, yeah. It's just chewy. It's garlic, lemon, butter sauce. He's a texture guy, he's gonna hate it. Yeah, I'm a texture guy. It's like, just mushrooms, but like salt and butter. It's not true.

Just chewy, and if you don't like a texture, you ain't gonna like a texture. Well listen, I had some kangaroo testicles, so. Oh yeah. I never thought that would come out of my mouth. They told you after you put it in your mouth though, right? Yeah, they told me after. I was like, yo, you dead ass.

I was like, yes, I'm chewing on that. And then, yeah, I probably won't eat Vegemite ever again. It's gross. Yeah, forgot about that. Are there placesmite ever again. So. Oh. It's gross. Yeah, forgot about that. Are there places you hope to travel to this season? Asia. Asia.

Yeah, love Asian food. I love dumplings and yeah, I just, I love different cultures, but that's somewhere that I want to go. You need to go to Din Tai Fung here in LA. Make sure they take you. Yeah. All right.

Okay. I'll take you if they won't take you. We are out. It's soup dumplings, pork shonglong, am I saying that right? Shumai. Shumai is like the dumplings. That sounds amazing.

It's delicious. Definitely go check it out. The absolute best. I got you, got you. Is it a good note? All right, well this is the time where we're gonna offer some relationship advice for someone, are you down?

I'm down. And we love to hear our guests offer their kind of emotional intelligence. And we offer this advice as friends. None of us are experts. We just offer advice to our lived experience, mistakes we've made or just, you know, learn through our life. Let's do it. All right. Let's do it.

It's time for texting office hours with our new bachelor, Grant Ellis. And then when we come back, we'll wrap up. We'll learn a little bit more about Grant and then we'll send you on your way. All right, let's do it. All right. Sundays! Well, if you love your dog, make sure you're feeding him high quality foods and that's exactly what Sundays for Dogs is. Sundays is fresh dog food made from a short list of human-grade ingredients. Sundays was

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Get started today with 15% off using code VIALL at oneskin.co. That's 15% off at oneskin.co with code VIALL. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. It's time to expect more from your skincare routine. Invest in the health of your skin with Oneskin. How's it going? Hey, I'm Jessica. I'm 25 years old and I'm here to ask if my biological father is worth pursuing.

Okay. All right. Tell us more. So when I was born, my mom was married to an abusive and controlling husband. He also couldn't have any more biological kids, but they did want more kids. So they discussed doing artificial insemination. He was in the army. So when he was deployed, my mom, I think, was seeking comfort elsewhere.

So she did cheat on him a couple times and ended up getting pregnant. So when he got back from the army, she told him she went to a sperm bank and that I was the result of that. They remained married for two to three years. And then when they divorced, he signed his rights away from me. I think he knew that she had cheated on him. And then at that point, my mom didn't come forward until my biological father, she remarried maybe a year or so later, allowed that husband to adopt me. I grew up with him. And then when I was older and started asking questions about who my biological father is, it wasn't until I was 21 years old that my mom told me who he was,

told him about me, and he has had no interest in meeting me. He has acknowledged me. I have a relationship with my older biological sister from him, but because of the lack of a relationship with him, I'll probably never meet my younger sister from him. So it's not his fault. I mean, it's not my mom's fault either. She was young and didn't know what to do. But now as an adult and me, I get married in a couple of weeks. I'm pregnant with my first child. I don't know whether or not I should reach out to him one last time, even though he rejected

my mother and I in the past reaching out. When you say he rejected you, did you just not get a response or did he outwardly say he's not interested in a relationship? Yeah, he outwardly stated he's not interested in a relationship. He blocked me on Facebook and then called my mom and did not have nice words for her

and basically told my older sister, who I have a relationship with, that he doesn't see the need to have a relationship with me since he didn't have a connection with my mother. I don't know how that correlates, but he has a relationship with my older sister because he did date her mother for a long time and they were in love and have a connection.

But with my mother, it was just like a fling. They were coworkers. He knew she was married. So I guess in his eyes, he doesn't need to have a relationship with me since they didn't have a connection. It sounds to me like you are a great person. So it's like, it's his loss, you know, so not to be cliche, but yeah, that's, you know, if he doesn't want to pursue that, that's his loss, you know, and you move on with your life and you just be the most genuine person you could be and he's gonna end up regretting that in the long run and that's gonna be something that he's missing out on.

What is the part of you that is even considering, I guess, accepting his initial response? What do you want out of a relationship with him? You haven't really had a relationship with him. You don't really know much about him, you know? Yeah, I think at this age, I don't want a personal relationship with him. You don't really know much about him, you know? Yeah, I think at this age, I don't want a personal relationship with him, but I guess what brought it back up is the fact that I'm pregnant

and my fiance's father has passed away, so my child's not gonna have a grandfather. So for me, should this be the last time I reach out to him and not really for me, but for my child, you're going to be a grandfather Or should I drop it all together? I mean I found closer the past few years because my mom told me about him when I was 21 I'm about to be 26. I am done with wanting a personal relationship with him from what my older sister has told me

He's a very cold person. They don't have a good relationship her sister has told me. He's a very cold person. They don't have a good relationship. She describes him as distant. He was always just would send money when she was younger, but never actually call or write emails or say happy birthday. So I guess in my heart, I would hope he would change and not be so cold all the time. For the sake of my sister as well, I mean, she doesn't have a good relationship with him either. But I guess now that I'm pregnant, it just brings up a lot of emotions and then planning a wedding.

And it just has made me feel like should I reach out one last time? What would you say? I really don't know what I could say that wouldn't immediately trigger him to respond super negatively based off conversations in the past with him. So it's hard to know what to say. I think if I were to reach out I would have to do

it in a letter and just hope he's actually receptive to that and would read it. Yeah. I mean I guess you can let it wait for a little bit. I too don't know like how a relationship with my biological father either and like what I would say just even from what I'm hearing about his personality and even how he's responded to you with all due respect, I don't know that he is gonna provide anything for your child that's gonna be positive to begin with. You know what I mean?

It's better off in my opinion, that you give that baby all of the love and have the baby surrounded by people that want to be there and not feeling like you need to force somebody to care. I think there's no harm in reaching out, but protecting yourself, being okay with the idea that it might not turn out the way that you were hoping in the most positive light. If you were to say something, like I agree, like a letter seems to work and you can kind

of keep it just open-ended. Like I guess you'd want to articulate like why you are in fact insistent, not even insistent, but like that you desire the relationship and it would have to just be like kind of open-ended where it's just like if you you know if you ever want to I would like to have some kind of relationship whatever that is you know very kind of casual. I can't imagine being in his shoes and I can't imagine not wanting to be a part of someone's life. So it's hard for me to relate that to there, but who knows what he's going

through? Who knows why he is the person that he is and how he was raised or what trauma he has? Or maybe there's some fear about what's this person going to expect of me? You never really know. So in these situations, it's probably just best, again, that lead with love type of thing. It's like you almost don't wanna ask for anything while simultaneously you're almost asking for a relationship. You're just like, I'm here. It's almost like I understand that you don't want to

have a relationship right now. If you ever change your mind, just know, I have no expectations other than I just wanted to connect with my father and I'm getting married and I'm having a baby and if that's something that you're ever interested in any capacity whatsoever, even if it's just through letters,

I would be okay with that. You're almost kind of like... Taking the pressure off? Yeah, he might be thinking, oh, well, she's expecting for me to show up 24-7 and to, you know, who knows what she's asking me? And he's maybe not prepared for the type of relationship he thinks you're expecting, you know? So it could be just something like that. Yeah. And remember, you're the one with the blessing.

You have the child. So it's like with him, you shouldn't have to beg anybody to be in your life. You know, if he chooses that, you gotta see the situation for what it is and keep your head high. And you know, you have a child to raise, you know, write the letter and you know, if he chooses not to, I know it's a tough pill to swallow, but you have a whole life ahead of you.

And you know, it's something that I think you're gonna do a great job. And don't beg him to be in your life if he doesn't want to, because you deserve more than that. I hold a lot of empathy for him because I can only imagine what it's like to be a grown man finding out you have a 21 year old daughter. So when we first reached out when I was 21,

I've already graduated college, I have a stable job, I don't need anything from you, we don't even have to meet on a regular basis, I just would like to talk once. This was just me kind of seeking closure for this chapter because growing up not knowing who your father is, the guy just wanted one conversation. And the reason more so now why I feel the need to reach out, even though I've already stated I'm pregnant, but he really puts a damper on my relationship with my older sister. So he will ridicule my older sister

and tell her he'll cut her off and that he's not gonna see her anymore. And it has really made it hard for our relationship to develop and grow. We initially got very close. And then now this year she's chosen not to attend my wedding because she doesn't wanna create more problems with him. She feel like she's pulled in two different directions. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's to the point where I'm really not reaching out for me. Maybe I'm reaching out to tell him he has a grandchild, but I'm also reaching out to tell him, like, can you just leave us alone? Because it's ridiculous. He'll call her and tell her that if she doesn't leave right now, he'll never help her again. And my sister's an immigrant, she just came to the US in 2022. So she does need his support. I support her the best I can, but I would be naive to think that I could support her myself, like she does need his support.

So it's hard for her to have both things. Yeah, that definitely complicates the situation, but to kind of Grant's point, like it's still a blessing you have a relationship with your sister, you know? And I think I would just focus your energy on her, which I know is challenging because he is a variable in this, but you can't really control how he is acting

and how he is behaving. Obviously the financial part is complicated, but I would just always let her know that no matter what, you still love her. Like have the empathy for her as opposed to him. I love that you have such a healthy approach about this and you're not really holding onto any anger or anything like that, which you could be doing. But if I were in your position, I would focus on the positive relationships that you do

have and maybe your sister feels torn that she can't go to your wedding. I would kind of let her off the hook emotionally, just be like, I obviously would love you there, but if you can't, you'll always be my sister, we'll get through this. I don't have all the answers, but if your biological father's making her feel like she has to choose, then you can do the opposite.

We don't have to choose. And maybe there's a bit of a distance there, but like you can still have a relationship via phone or things like that. And I would just focus your energy on building that relationship. And over time, you're still really young, you know, like this relationship with your sister can really flourish

and you never know, like your dad could come around, you know. That's great advice. Was this in any way helpful? It was helpful. Naturally, I wanted to be mad at my sister for not coming to my wedding. I remember the first thing I said was, this is a decision I'm going to carry with me forever that you didn't choose to be at my wedding.

But then after some time, I told her I understood. It's still hard and maybe it's the pregnancy hormones making me emotional about it. But I have told her that I understand that she wants to stay in his good graces for when she needs his support. I guess it's just hard to see how what the future is gonna hold once my baby's here. And my sister claims she wants to be part of the baby's life. But it's hard to see how that's gonna come to fruition knowing the amount of times that she has to like leave or see me in secret because of our father. Yeah and that will be challenging.

It almost certainly won't go to your expectations. Whatever your expectations are of that relationship, it will be different, right? So I think going into that, knowing that will be a headstart. And like, who knows what your relationship with your sister will be and how it will manifest itself. But like all you really care about

is like having a connection with her, having some kind of closeness and a closeness that can grow over time. You know what I'm saying? You don't have to be best friends overnight. I can only imagine there's a sense of urgency to make up for lost time and things like that, having her nodding your life before,

but I would focus less on what you've missed and focus more on all the opportunities ahead of both of you. And even if she can't make it to your wedding, know that this is not because she just doesn't want to. Yeah, she's gonna be pulled in different directions. And even if it feels like she has to hide the relationship with you, that still something's better than nothing.

And again, over time as your relationship grows and you guys become closer and maybe she finds more independence and things like that, she can kind of break away from those kind of chains that she feels like she has, trying to make that relationship going forward with your dad. So I would definitely just play the long game with your sister and really focus on that.

And just in the short term, there's moments of that disappointment. Try to empathize with the position that she's in and not make it about like, like that comment, you wanna stop making those comments, like I'll remember this day, you know, and things like that because it's, she's,

she probably feels like she can't make a right decision. Right. Yeah, that's great. That's man. Okay. Yeah, he hit the nail on the head, foster your relationship with her and then whether third party wants to come in

and contribute, but as long as you foster your relationship with her and then whether third party wants to come in and contribute but as long as you foster your relationship with her and things go go well it'll work out okay okay I think with all that I'm probably not going to reach out to him you feel like you have your answer I mean if anything I would reach out to your sister today and say I love you and I hope you're doing okay and you know can't wait to see you again, whenever that is. Just know I'm always gonna be your sister and I'm always gonna be here for you.

And just kind of set that precedent with her. That consistency that she doesn't have in her life, be that consistent person that no matter what happens, and no matter what she's going through, you can be that person that she hasn't had in her life up until this point, you know, certainly with her father, you know, and I think that's where you want to focus your energy

because again, you guys hopefully have a long life ahead of you and a relationship that can really flourish. And I wouldn't try to make up for lost time. Gotcha. All right, well take care. We appreciate your calling in. Appreciate you. lost time. Gotcha. All right, well take care. We appreciate your calling in. Appreciate you. Thank you.

Damn, that was. No, that was great advice, man. You hit the nail on the head, yeah. Well, I appreciate you saying that. Yeah, no, that was good. It had me like, man, maybe I should call my. You know what I'm saying? I feel like you're the friend people go to for advice.

Is that accurate? Yeah, people do. Like some of my close friends, they come to me and we talk about it and just try to be like a sounding board or like a voice of reason. Let them say what they say and just try to give some good advice and I get the same thing from you too. So that's like, yeah, that definitely is something

that happens. You said that maybe there's some person you should reach out to and do you feel like sometimes that, have you related to her in the past where it's just like you get frustrated with how people act, but only then you realize that maybe there's a different approach or you're able to empathize with them and understand their position

a little bit differently? Yeah, for a long time, like me and my sister weren't super tight. But, you know, like just reaching out and being like, hey, like I love you or like, hey, like I'm thinking about you and then, cause everybody has their own reasons why they may be distant. So that definitely is something that's big, you know,

like a text letting somebody know how you feel before it's too late, you know? So that's something that, yeah, that's definitely good advice. And that's actually great advice. And that's something that I feel like we should all aspire to do. Like people in our life just be like,

hey, I was thinking about you. Or cause it really doesn't take that much effort. What have your family and friends said about you being the bachelor? What's the excitement and the reactions been from your inner circle? Oh man, they're super excited. They're like, you're going to do great,

and they're just encouraging me. I'm getting a lot of love from my support system, so I'm grateful for that. And they're just excited to see what happens. What is one way that you think you might be the most misunderstood, if at all? A lot of times when people see me or like, you know, they think I'm at surface level.

You know, I got tattoos and you know, I may, you know, wear earrings or I may dress a certain way. And people think that I'm like surface level. And then they get to know me and they're like, okay, like he's not at surface level, you know, he has a deeper level to him. So we just, people tend to judge a book by the cover, but you know, there's, you ever seen Shrek? Where he's like, you know, I'm onion.

The first one, the first two. He's like, I'm an onion. I'm in a mall. Yeah, he's like, I'm an onion, I have layers. Like I got layers, I don't stink, but I got layers too, you know. You have a kindness to you. I don't know if people ever said that to you,

but you, you, your presence is a very, you have a very kind energy. Thanks, man, I appreciate that. Easily likable. Yeah. Sometimes, sometimes. All right. Secret on a bad day.

Cause I suppose, I mean, like, you know, from afar, you're tall, you're a big guy, you can be intimidating perhaps, but I think, you know, when people get in your orbit, you probably get off a different vibe than they might otherwise assume. Yeah, just trying, you know, we all gotta help each other out.

Life is tough, man, so gotta help, help when you can. What advice, if any, could I offer you before you embark on this journey? How do you deal with having to tell somebody that this isn't working? Or doing it in a way where it's like, being politically correct or, you know, I feel like that's gonna be the hardest thing

for me to do. That is the toughest part. Well, if you watched my season, you noticed that I sent a lot of the ladies home on dates. My intention at the time, I thought it would be the easiest way to just not give people roses. Cause that's how it typically is. You know, you have a rose ceremony, especially early on,

and you hand out a bunch of roses, and then the people who don't get roses, you're like, you know, it's kind of awkward. You were concise and straight to the point, you know what I'm saying? And like it wasn't- They got some criticism. I think that's Nick to a T.

But that's good though. Like every day, regardless what you do, what you don't do, somebody out there is not gonna like it. Somebody is gonna like it. As long as you did what you felt was right in the moment, it's like, that's what matters. Yeah, my intention was I thought, well, I remember, you know,

because I was a two time runner up, right? So I got my heart broken twice on the other end of things. And so I just remember I left with a lot of unanswered questions. The bachelor is not a world where it's just like, can we talk about it? You know, like maybe if one of the last couple people, you'll have that opportunity.

But like when you went home, it wasn't like you and Jen got to sit down for an hour and been like, all right, well, I was under a different impression. You just kind of have to leave. And so as I built connections with these ladies, I thought it would be harder for me, but the right thing to do to just like give them their time,

which it also was received at times as harsh, you know, where it was like, you know, I was not giving people a chance and things like that. So I don't know if that's the way you should do it, I guess, but that was my intention of doing it. And listen, there's no good way to break up with someone. I am a big believer that the best thing you can do is you wanna be kind, but honest.

But honest. And even at the risk of knowing that their feelings might hurt because there's nothing worse, I feel like leaving any relationship, even in Bachelor World, is feeling like there's things left unsaid. Or what if I would have said this? Or what if I would have done this?

Or I thought I had a different impression and then people leave with that, just like second guessing themselves. And I really didn't want anyone to feel like if they went home, they could have done something differently or anything like that. So that was my intention.

If I could have done anything differently or more of, I think, and that'd probably be the one advice I would give you, is the more you can remind yourself that this isn't just your journey, but all of these women's journey, you'll get more out of that experience. And I feel like I went into that thinking that and realizing that. I think even in my speech I mentioned that it's like this is your journey too and yada, yada. But I think it's very easy when you're in that atmosphere because again, all the pressure is on you.

Like it is a very challenging thing. You will feel that pressure and it will be scary. Night one, you're like, oh, I hope I meet my person. And then it's gonna be a whirlwind. It's just very easy to get in your head and worry about, is this working for me? Is this gonna be okay for me? How am I gonna get through this? Do I really wanna find love?

And when you're in that moment, the more you can just remind yourself that these ladies are going through it too. It is their journey. They're all looking for love as well and make each one of those ladies, even if it's early on in the process or you don't know them well, to make them feel like this is their moment. I think you will get more of that situation. And I wish I would have done a better job of that when I was the bachelor. Noted, noted.

Yeah, that's great advice, that's great advice. I'm definitely gonna take that and build upon that. Any final thoughts before we let you go? Anything, last impressions? Last impressions, first of all again, I just wanna say I had a great time. Like I really admire what you do in the whole podcast space and you guys are great at what you do. And yeah, I just want to say I had a great time like I really admire what you do in the whole podcast space and you guys are

Great at what you do and yeah I just want everybody to know that you know, I'm going in there with an open heart and open mind and I'm ready To be to be vulnerable, you know, so that's something that I'm anticipating and I can't wait for the the journey to unfold Well, we are very excited for you. We're very excited to see your journey unfold and have you find love. I think it's gonna be great. Just getting to know you, you seem like a really high character guy, standup guy.

Thank you. Easy to root for. We're all definitely rooting for you and we certainly hope you find love, man. Thank you guys. Thank you guys for having me. Well, we really appreciate you. We appreciate Grant. Make sure, what's your Instagram guys. Thank you guys for having me. Well, we really appreciate you. We appreciate Grant.

Make sure, what's your Instagram, by the way? Grant Ellis, underscore. Give Grant a follow, your new bachelor. Give me a follow, guys. Woo! Yeah. We thank Grant for coming on. Send in those questions at asknickofthevilefiles.com

for all things texting office hours. And asknick, you know the drill. Good luck to Grant. Thank you guys. All right, take care, buddy. All right. All right, bye bye.