The Viall Files - E8 Nikki Glaser

Episode Date: February 20, 2019

This week I’m joined by comedian Nikki Glaser to discuss the fine line between being funny and mean. We also debate the best way to slide into DMs, talk about that brutal Hannah B breakup, and answer some vulnerable fan questions.Caution: this tea is served hot.  Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're crazy hi guys hi hi hi i i'm really working on i have this uh habit of saying what what's up, guys? Hey, guys. Yeah. Classic podcast intro. Or Instagram ad. Oh, yeah. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. How are you doing? Just want to talk to you

about my teeth and how white they need to be. Your teeth are very white. I need to whiten them. And I have never promoted a teeth whitener. Okay.

Something about it I've tried not to do. I think I've never promoted a teeth whitener. Okay. Something about it I've tried not to do. I think I've never promoted a teeth whitener because it allows me to make fun of it still. Yes. That's the one you can still go to. I've done a bunch. What about detox tea? Maybe throw that.

Okay. So that can be your new make fun of. I haven't done that. I haven't done either. So if I go teeth whitener. Okay. Then you can do detox tea until you do that. Yeah.

And then we're out. Then we're out. Well, welcome to episode eight. We made it. We made it to episode eight. It's an important milestone. I was a little worried. I didn't get you anything.

Sorry. It's okay. This is our last episode. It's our farewell tour. Yeah. So, we're going to have some fun today.

Thanks for all your feedback again. Quick call to action, as they like to say. We need some more questions. I think the question pool has dwindled, people. So email us your interesting stories at, what is it? Questions or stories? AskNick at CastMedia.com. Well, questions and stories.

Oh, I got so many questions. You need questions, I got questions. Not like one-off questions, but I want to hear people's dark, weird stories. Oh, I got that too. And then I have some questions, and then we'll get weird advice from us. Oh, right, right, right.

Oh, it's like an advice thing, okay. I'm also working on not interrupting my guest co-host, Nikki. Was that a passive-aggressive attempt to tell me to stop interrupting you? Oh, no, not at all. Because I felt the same. I was like, oh shit, I'm interrupting you too much.

No, I do that a lot in life. And then I noticed when I listened back to my podcast, I actually pre-recorded an apology before my last one that Sam and Rochelle were like, eh, I don't think you need it. Because sometimes you bring, like you apologize preemptively. And then the only thing people are focusing on is the thing you're about to apologize for. Yes. No one will have noticed it. Everyone interrupts each other. Isn't that part of a conversation? It is. We're all just waiting for our chance to talk. That's my thing. We really are. How long until I can speak? Yeah.

Yeah. Can I speak now? No, I can speak. Okay. But even right now, I was like, I have like, my brain's like,

I have a thought. Get it out. Get it out. Get out. It's really hard as a host because I host a radio show and so often I'll just be, I'll ask a question

and try to listen. But what I'm really doing is thinking of the next question. So I try to stay present enough. It's hard. It's hard. Do you work on your listening face? Oh, you guys are both so good at it. That's for the YouTube really more than anything else. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, I go, Oh yeah. But I don't understand the thing about interrupting though. I really have to be honest. I know you've gotten a lot of feedback on that or some feedback, but that is truly part of a conversation. If you're listening and you're paying attention,

you tend to step on the other person a little bit. It would be really weird to have a conversation where you just end a sentence and now you can speak. It's like we're constantly, I want you to please interrupt me as much as you want because I'll do the same to you. Well, you asked for it. For those of you who don't already know, this is Nikki Glazer.

Yeah. I'm very excited to have Nikki on. Really? Yeah. Oh, sorry, I didn't... You'll know if I'm being condescending. That wasn't threatening. I really am like, oh, really? Thanks. Nikki is a

very talented comedian, entertainer, actor. She's doing it all. She has, she's working on a, can I say? Yeah, yeah. She's filming a Netflix special. Yeah, pretty soon. Which I feel like is kind of the rite of passage in life. I have a half hour one on there.

I really want one. I'm not even a comedian. I know. I just want to like say I have a Netflix special. It really is like such a, um, like, Oh wow. How do you do that? A summit of, uh, doing standup is like getting that hour special. Cause I have a half hour on Netflix currently. And, um, and then they, yeah, they wanted me to do an hour. So I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm on the road constantly every single weekend gearing up for it and it's gonna be it's gonna be fire it's gonna be fire I said fire before yeah that was recorded this podcast

that wasn't how I talk you guys and and Nikki Roussel and Sam all looked at me like and I fire I jokingly said I've been hanging around with too many Instagram models to be fair in his head he spelled it with a Y, like the festival, right? I think that's the only way to spell it, right? When you say it, you can't imply it. That's how it ages me, because I'm like, did you see that Fry documentary? I know, I keep wanting to say Fry too.

I said it all the time. Why? Anyways, I got this idea. I thought we'd talk what would be really interesting, Nikki being me, a fantastic comedian that she is. The difference between being funny and being mean. I think when it comes to humor is like a, it's, I think we, something, whether you're a comedian or not, we all strive for, right? Especially even in the dating world.

Like everyone's like, oh, I just, especially if you're a guy, man, if, if, if we have to hear how many times, I just want a guy who makes me laugh and I can travel with. Yeah. And like, you know. Let me just. And then he'll pay me to dinner. But I just want to laugh.

It's like, fuck, I got to be funny. Yeah. It's a lot of pressure. You got to be hot mostly. Then, like,

I have to be attracted to you. I have to want to bang you. And then you have to be funny on top of that. But it's not that important. I'm funny. I don't really need a guy. That's coming from guy funny girl honestly is that the insincere thing and i i actually am serious when i say i like intelligent women but

if guys say like oh i just want a smart chick but he just really wants a hot chick and like is that the same the fun it is it is it is the same thing because yeah of course we want a funny guy we want a guy that's gonna make us laugh and of course laugh. And of course, there have been guys where I've said I'm not attracted to him, but then he's so funny that I become attracted to him. We see this happen all the time when stand-up comics get laid so much, you guys, so much. I bring a guy on the road with me to open for me. He's not famous. Only male, though.

Male. You have to be male. Okay, exactly. And so he goes on stage and for just 20 minutes and girls are DMing him afterwards, having seen him perform and want to bang him and come to his hotel later the next day and bang him. And he is super funny and he's cute and all those things. But like, he would not be getting the ass he's getting

if he wasn't on stage killing it. And it's happened. Listen, I know the game i watch stand-up comedians and i'm like okay i know that trick i know that they're magicians to me i'm watching a magician and i know all the tricks but even i can watch a guy on stage and it happened to me early on a lot where i would like watch comedians and i was so obsessed with comedy that i would just be like he's so funny like i need I need him. I want him. I shall get him. And I would, I, I would have the same, I would be tricked into it too. There's a guy on stage. Everyone's laughing. He has control. There's something almost animalistic about it

that goes back to us being in tribes. I think it's almost like evolutionary in the sense that we, we are attracted to a guy who is holding court and saying we will harvest in the spring and we will you know like he's he's he's telling you he's telling the whole tribe what we're gonna do we're gonna hunt tomorrow and it's like that's our leader and that's what and we're like i want that leader to impregnate me so i can make there's something hot about a guy holding court women not so much guys are just like um i don't know so that goes down to the divide right like i feel like women and men there are the funny ones and there are the hot ones right like they've always been divided into two segments right stereotype or can i just pat myself

in the back for a second i want to interject so many times i know you did and i just fucking listen a lot it was like i was like you're doing a great job, Nick. You're really doing good. I'm going to start giving you accolades at the end of my day. Are you about to jump over at me because I got in first? But like, if you watch a few more episodes.

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I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, Before you go, I wanted to ask, is this regardless if they're funny or not? What do you mean? These guys, comedians. No, they have to be funny. No, they have to be funny. What if they bomb? When you see, yeah, if they bomb, then it's like awful. Or if they're not that funny. But if they're funny, oh man, I have fallen for so many dudes that should not be trusted or fallen for because they're funny. And so I don't, and I'm a comedian.

I know the tricks. So I don't expect women who don't know the tricks to not be able to not fall for it. It is, if you want to get laid as a guy and you're not that hot, become a standup comedian. It is a great way to get laid. And it is a reason that many men do it. And that's why women and men in comedy are quite different

because women don't get into it to get laid. I think that's talent in general, though. Like we fall for talented people. Like in any field, like people who are magnetic and at the top of their field, CEOs and singers and all that thing. But I do want to go back to the point that there have always been two types of people, the funny and the pretty.

Galifianakis and Bradley Cooper. Do you say that from a stereotype it's from a stereotype stereotype of course like sarah silverman and margot robbie yeah but but yeah yeah you're right i mean that's the thing is when you're pretty and funny hysterical or is it just that i'm mesmerized by her beauty but immediately you go for Margot Robbie because she's Margot Robbie. She's so funny. She's hilarious. That's the thing. Girls get such a hall pass if they are stunning, which actually, dude, she's really,

that's what you were, she's smart and interesting, and I listen to everything she says. How funny is Margot Robbie? She's an old soul. She's 22, but I swear to God, Nikki, you wouldn't even know. She has this old soul, and it's like, what about, is her pussy an old, Nikki, you wouldn't even know. She's like, has this, like this old soul.

And it's like, what about, is her pussy? She's so mature for age. Like, oh, she says, I would love a guy to be like,

she's, she's 22, but she's got like this old pussy. It's like, it's always an old soul. What, where's the young girl with an old puss? And saggy test.

I probably have. I probably have said, I've definitely, I've definitely gone out with a girl who is like truly stunning. And I'm just like. Like dumb as a box of hair. Well, not necessarily, but I'm just, I'm giving her every benefit of the doubt where it's just like, she's anything interesting. I'm thinking, wow, you are so mature for your, like, and if I'm going with a younger woman, like she's like 24 and I'm just like thinking, say something that shows maturity so I can think.

Yes. And then my friends can be like, yeah, no, she's set very mature for her age. Yes. But that just means that she's been through a lot of trauma. That's like actually not a good thing when a girl is an old soul. She's lived a full life. Yeah, she's been in and out of rehab since 13. Exactly.

If a girl has an old soul at 23, she's been through some shit and maybe you don't even want to get it. It's, yeah. That's always the one where she quit drinking at 13. It's like, why? What happened before that? She's before Drew Barrymore. Yes, yes, exactly. Old soul.

But what do you think? I mean, do you think that we sort of have to, like, because then when guys are like the guy on stage. Yes. Do you think that we sort of have to, like, because then when guys are like the guy on stage, we then, I mean, if he's not an asshole and he shouldn't be someone we shouldn't love, we then learn to love them more and more because they're funny and we learn to think they're hot. Do you think we fall into those two sort of categories? Well, I do think that there is a lot of pushback when someone is hot doing stand-up. As a group of comedians, we all go, get off stage. You don't deserve, because there's some comedians that are so hot, like model hot, where you go, why are you funny?

And then they are funny, and it's always this. It's because they weren't hot until later. Like, I'm an okay, I'm a comedy nine, okay? What do you mean by they weren't hot until later. Like I'm a, I'm an okay. I'm a comment. I'm a comedy nine. Okay. What do you mean by they weren't hot until later? They weren't like, I didn't learn how to look attractive to men until I was 24 or something like that. So I had a whole life of being ugly to develop a personality. That's the thing. So ugly people. Yeah. If you're hot from a young age and told you're attractive and all these things, you can't develop a sense of humor. You won't.

Because a sense of humor is a survival technique to get people to like you. And people don't like you when you're not attractive. So you have to be like, look, here's a joke. I'm worth loving. If you're already hot, you have no reason to develop a personality. I don't know how to respond to this. I have so many thoughts. How long have you been hot? When did you get it together? When, when was the first time

you were like, whoa, girls like me? Here's an interesting, when I was six. No way. It's what's interesting is like my time having been on the show and my whole, and I grew up in Wisconsin. So I, again, I, my, I feel, feel nervous, but yes, my whole whole life all i remember is being complimented about my looks wow my entire life like there has no that's nothing wrong with that if that's what just happened to you okay um so i was never insecure about that until i went on tv and then it was like i'm ugly really well i mean so fast and that was like well the couple things one and like I I really didn't think there's it's like this this is a thing with bachelor fans like my glow up between my time and I really I I must have just really my first season it was a really an

ugly picture and I think I really maybe just the ugly point in my life I don't know I just kind of no you don't you don't have it put together as much. You're not as like polished as you are now, but you are nowhere near unattractive. Like you are a, anyways, so like, so you're a solid nine. Well, I always say you're a Wisconsin 10. I used to always say, I used to think I was a 10, moved to LA, realized I was like, thought I was like a six, landed on like an eight, you know? Yeah, I get it. It probably wasn't until going on the show that I really, that the key of like being

funny, I really learned to lean on my insecurities and learn to lean. Make fun of yourself. Self-deprecating and just kind of call out. But you have to be comfortable with yourself first. Yeah. Because otherwise, it's kind of weird if you're like really insecure

about something and it's not a joke and it's just like sad. Yes. It can get really sad. Really dark. Yes. When someone says too much

or it's, you know, but though, if I heard you making fun of something about, like what's your go-to about your looks if you're like going to making fun of something about like what, what's your go-to about your, your looks,

if you're like going to self deprecate. Well, I, cause I would, I don't see, there's nothing that you could say that I'd be like, well, I mean,

I don't lead with my looks when I'm trying to be self deprecating. Okay. Yes. Okay. Gotcha. I, you know, and I'm not,

well, that's why I also like, I find the, the, the, nothing is nothing less, that's why I also like, I find the, the nothing is nothing less funny or more annoying than a false humility or insincere self-deprecation. Yes. That's, that's truly the worst. Yeah.

Have you always watched The Bachelor? Yeah. I mean, like for a long time. So you're familiar with Josh Murray? Josh Murray. He was the guy who won Andy's season. Yes. Yes. Yes. Josh Murray. He was the guy who won Andy's season. Yes, yes, yes. Of course.

I mean, listen, Josh is a lot of things, right? That I'm not a huge, like he has things to work on. Certainly plenty of things that he could probably

make fun of himself and be funny for. But he would never. He's notorious for constantly like talking about how overweight he thinks he is.

Oof. Or he's, but he's objectively a beautiful man. Yeah, he's just, yeah, he is. He's, but he's objectively a beautiful man. Yeah. He's just a, yeah, he is. He's truly hot. Like that's the worst is when people are like, I'm fat. He would always, and like his, his thing now is like, you know, on paradise,

he ate a lot of pizza. So when he's trying to be funny, when he's trying to be funny, he does, that's his wheelhouse. Like to think about. Oh yeah. He was with Amanda. How much pizza he eats, which is like, that's, that's your big like self-deprecation is that you're hungry. Yeah.

Yeah. But he's a beautiful guy, but like, that's a kind of reminder to me, like just how, and it's not funny. It's never funny. He's always trying to be funny

when he makes fun of himself, but he always makes fun of himself. When a hot guy. It's like, you're hot. Yeah. You're super hot, Josh.

It's so true. Just like when like, yeah, hot Instagram models are like, I look sleepy today. And you're like, come off it. I'm so goofy. Oh my gosh. Oh yeah, that's, but you know,

they just want to, they want to be, I don't know what they're trying to do. It's, you can't help how you look. And if, and I, I'm trying not to resent just people who were born beautiful. Because it's hard not to resent them. Because they're just, they were given a gift. I remember my dance partner on Dancing with the Stars, Gleb Shevchenko,

is the hottest guy I've ever seen in my life. He is definitely the hottest person I've ever seen. Wouldn't he top your list? Easy. Every time I see him, like, you're just not even guy or woman. He's fucking beautiful. Thank you, Nick Vile. Thank you.

He's so beautiful. Because I would be in practice with him and he would be like, being like, well, you need to do this. And I'd be like, Gleb, you're so hot. Because his skin would be like glowing and dewy.

Like he is one of the, and I couldn't. Just as a person, he's stunning. Gleb, G-L-E-B. It's ridiculous. He is as hot as his name is disgusting. So those are correlated.

His name is Gleb Savchenko. Did you do that foreshadowing by his parents? I was turned on the whole time with him. Oh, he's perfect looking. He's so hot. But that's like nothing. Oh, that's nothing. That is like, that's a bad picture of him.

Yeah, it's a bad picture. Like a truly terrible picture of him. And he looks hot. He's so nice. He's so looks hot. He's so nice. He's so dewy. He's so beautiful. And it was really hard for me to learn how to dance from him because I was like, you're so hot.

I was distracted by his hotness. I wasn't like trying to get him or anything. I was just like, Glab, you're so hot. Do you know that? And he's like, I don't know what to say to that, Mickey. I just never know what to say. He's a buddy of mine. And like, I joke with him. Look at that guy. Oh my God. He's just, you know what I've noticed? He's confused. And he's just like, ah, I was, I mean, it was,

it was the best. I've noticed. So I was a casting director before I was an acting coach. And I used to read these actors all day, these beautiful actors. And I started to notice that the more beautiful the person that came in, the less burdened they were. And I used to think it must be so wonderful to walk through the world with this wildly unburdened sense of self. When you say burdened, what do you mean? Like, you know, if you're this beautiful man walking, like there was this one actor I can think of who was shockingly beautiful. And he had this perfect little husky puppy and he would walk down the street and women would just look at him and he had no sense of like trouble. Yeah.

Like he would just walk down the street with no burden. And Nick, you kind of have that feeling to you sometimes where it's like, no burden. Hot guy burdenlessness. Yeah. I find things to worry about. No, I know you do, Nick. You do. And sometimes we worry together.

I used to say when I was looking to date that I would never date someone who didn't go through an awkward phase. And then my husband never went through an awkward phase. Yeah, you can't do it. That's kind of like saying I feel very uncomfortable dating someone who's never had their heart broken oh interesting it's just like it's a scary thing to have say

hey I have like have you ever like had your heart broken or got something you didn't want and someone's like nah I'm like

oh wow okay so if you ask a girl that the next time and she's like no and you're like stay tuned that's what you should say to her

I'll bring a load of pain and set you up for a great life the next time? And she's like, no. And you're like, stay tuned. That's what you should say to her. I'll bring a load of pain and set you up for a great life with whatever comes next. I got you, babe. You know? I got you. Had you had your heart broken

before Caitlin? Yeah. Yeah? I've had, before I went on the show, I had two, my first relationship was, I fell in love when I was 18.

We dated off and on for seven years. Yeah. And that really had a big impact. And she, I broke up with her in the middle.

I broke up with her. I ended the relationship and she broke up with me every other time. And every other time I was a mess. It sucks, dude. It sucks.

I don't even understand why we- And then I got cheated on and then that was the best thing that ever happened to me. Why? Because- You got cheated on? And then that was the best thing that ever happened to me. Why? Because – You got cheated on?

Yeah. That was easily – my life changed when that happened. I really – I felt like after I got over that breakup, I really felt like I grew up. And I felt like I am the person I am today for the most part after that. In a sense that because it was a very humbling experience and it was, I think kind of growing up, you know, being the person complimented and kind of having no worry in the world. It was, and I have said this before, when you get cheated on, the first thought is always, how could I, you cheated on me? It's like, it's such a blow to the ego. And I always,

that's a really good point. And you get cheated on it. That's where he got humility. That's where he became funny and developed a personality was he realized my looks aren't going to get me everything in this world. I, I, someone chose someone else over me. Yeah.

Well, when you get cheated on and people are always like, so like what happened with the relationship? And you're just like, Oh, you know, it's just things end, you know,

you don't want to say it. No one's like, well, she fucked another dude and now they're together and she doesn't want to be with me. And it's because you're embarrassed to say that in public, you know, like,

because that's what everyone should say. Oh, I mean, objectively. Yeah. I was, he glad he was a five. That was what made it hurt.

He was like, he was a club owner, you know, like he was. Let me tell you what I've realized when you, when a guy or a girl. It was such a blow to the ego, but it truly like, it made me realize like, who am I? Like anything can happen to anyone. Like, it's just like, who are the, I'm nobody. Like, and this, like, it was such a freeing experience to just be like, fuck it. Like, I just got learned. I got experience to just be like fuck it like I just

got learned I got better at just saying when people were like what happened I'd be like yeah she cheated on me good yeah it was such a freeing experience incredibly truthful Nick like I would say you're very good at being forthcoming and I think that's probably a very difficult that was a significant aspect of my life that made me feel comfortable with letting people in that people often go through. And then my, my ex-girlfriend at the time, her, she was the type of person who you would ask her. She was so good at being perfect. She was, especially in Wisconsin, she was the 10, she was the valedictorian. She like on paper had everything. i remember i'll never forget asking her a question well like what are some things that like you would like to change

about yourself she just sat there and she's like well nothing burdenlessness but but that's not true she was riddled with insecurities right and so the? And so the point, it's just like, it's, I think sometimes the people who, the burdenless people, everyone has insecurities. Of course they do. Right? And so I think

they sometimes get used to people calling them perfect or calling, people who get complimented all the time, it like fills this monster and then sometimes people try to live up

to that expectation. Meanwhile, they have insecurities like everyone else. Nikki, rather have that monster here's the thing I'm just saying actually and they try and I'm not talking about myself I'm just saying and like and to live up this ability to like they don't want to admit they have of course their own and so like she of course she had insecurities she just didn't want to answer them it was just like I try too hard hot people actually are more insecure than not hot people. Yeah.

They really are. And they actually have a tougher life. I remember being in therapy years ago, and I had a really mean therapist who would just kind of shoot it to me straight. But she actually helped me with one of the meanest things that's ever been said to me. I remember I was getting ready for some kind of shoot, and I was like, I don't know what to wear, And I'm going to, I have to go get a dress, but then I'm thinking about, I got to get hair extensions. I'm thinking spray tan. And she goes,

it doesn't matter. She goes, you're not a beauty. You never will be. You're not beautiful. You're average. And that's fine. And I was like, you can't say this to me. I was like, I'm all right. And she was like, you're not, you're average. And I go, and she goes, you're funny. That's what people are seeing you for. And I was devastated by it. Years later, and it hurts so bad. I got called a seven on the show.

It hurts. But here's the thing. She goes, you don't, she goes, you're not a model and you're never going to be a model, Nikki. Let it go. And I think that I, for so long, I was so resentful of people that were just, because I have a sister who was born like with model looks. She just looks like a model.

She was the child who would, it was me and my sister and we would go to restaurants and hostesses would stop my mom and say, this child needs to be a model. And I would be like, hi, and what should I be? And they're like a model train enthusiast. Her assistant. Learn, yeah, exactly. Learn a skill because you're gross. And so I always, I was so resentful that I wasn't born just with model looks. And when my therapist said that,

she said, I have models in here all the time. You don't want to be that because all they, their whole self-worth is wrapped up in how good they look. And they haven't developed any, they don't know how to be that because all they, their whole self-worth is wrapped up in how good they look and they haven't developed any, they don't know how to be anything else. And it sucks for them because we all are going to age. We all age and lose our looks. Even if you're the hottest person in the world, you're gonna age and lose it.

And models have a really hard time because when that goes away, you have nothing else. You don't have any other self-worth. So hopefully they like young Instagram models are trying to develop some kind of other worth. Like Alexis Ren, I'm friends with her, the Instagram model, Alexis Ren, one of the most beautiful people on the planet. And I'm always just like, what's it like being so hot? And she's like, well, I just, I try to like be a kind person and have other forms of like self-worth. And she's working on it because, and good, I try to like be a kind person and have other forms of like self-worth and she's working on it because, and good because she will be hot forever, but not as hot as

she is as a 24 year old girl. And it's, and it sucked. You're going to age. You're going to not be as hot as you are now someday. And are you ready for that? I age gracefully. No, I'm true. I admit to say that I, this is embarrassing.

You say that I am, I'm embarrassed to say this, but I'll never forget a conversation I had with my parents I was 24 and I was going through one of my heartbreaks and I was when I turned 25 I freaked out like you know you again you have no perspective like when you're 24 you've never been 24 so it feels old you know yeah 25 is the age where I'm old I'm old. I'm like, you can rent a car. I freaked out at 25, right? Okay. And I'll never forget, I said this to, I was like panicking and I like said this to my parents

and I was feeling like I was like getting older or whatever. Yeah, what's going on? And I said to my parents, I feel like I've only been complimented for being good looking. I don't know what else to be. I admit, I've only, I've only been complimented for being good looking. I don't know what else to be. I admit, I feel dumb, but I've never, I was in the car. I was dry. I will never forget that. I always go back to that thinking like, like how embarrassing it was to even admit that.

I love that you just admitted that because you're self-aware and that probably was a turning point for you. What did, what did probably was a turning point for you. What did they say and what did you get out of that conversation? My parents just thought I was being ridiculous. What do you feel now about it? Like when I, you will be like an old man and you will feel,

girls look at you all the time now. You're tall, you're handsome, you're famous, okay? They do. That you get checked out all the time. Whether or not you're perceiving it, you walk around and girls are treating you a certain way because you're hot, right? It's, my dad is like a, was a hot guy too. And I recently, he told me, he was like, Nikki, it's really weird. Like I'm invisible to women. And it's just, it's different now. I'm invisible.

I feel invisible as a 65 year old man. He is, even if he's a hot 65-year-old man, 30-year-old girls aren't looking at you. 40-year-old girls aren't even taking you in. And are you ready to be invisible someday? Am I ready? No. Not yet. But like, do you know what I mean? I mean, I guess I don't think, now that I'm, the rest of my day, I'm going to be pondering this reality.

No, I mean, listen, I'll never forget that statement I said to my parents. I'm reminded about it at times when I have my neuroses and my insecurities. Like I said, I'm single. I want to settle down. Also, I sometimes make life choices

that make it difficult to settle down, but whatever. Sure, Instagram models, fire. Fire would be the real one. Googling how old is she. That is so funny. Instagram model age. Like name and then age is such a funny thing to remember.

I just want to make sure. Okay, fine. She slid into my DM. Yeah, you wanted to make sure she's legal. Right? You don't want a Ryan Adams. What's that? It's topical.

Topical. Ryan Adams, musician, kind of just got busted texting with a 15 year old girl. She wasn't the right age. Yeah. Right.

But wait, I will say to you, Nick Vile, that I remember one post you put on Instagram, which you don't follow me and that's kind of weird. Oh my gosh.

Yeah. Well, don't worry about it. No. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, you'll get to it. You'll get around to it it i'm gonna do it right now i'm gonna slide yeah sure um been waiting for that for ages so nick i remember one post you i forget when it was but it was like a couple months it was months and months ago and um and i've never commented on

anything you've done before, but you like posted something where you were like at a party and you just looked like hot up against a wall. And you're like, when you see a girl that you can't approach, so you just hang by yourself. It was some kind of like post. And it was- I was really proud of that caption.

You were really, it was a real moment for you. And you were feeling that insecurity and you were kind of just being this guy that was like, you know, like I'm scared to approach the hot girl. So I'm just going to hang out by myself. And I go, you're hot, tall and famous. I don't believe this narrative for a second. I just commented that.

Do you remember that comment? I don't, I don't. But I can, here's the thing. That wasn't an insincere comment. Oh, I know it wasn't. But it happens all the time. I can't tell you how many times I see a girl I want to say hi to at a coffee shop.

That one go up in the plaid, the one where he's hanging in the plaid. I think that was it. See, he's attractive woman awkwardly leans against wall to put out the vibe reviews, 50 versions of hello and head. See his girl walk away, goes home, eats frozen pizza, pizza life. That happens to me all the time. I bet. But, um, yeah, I commented, I guess no one liked it enough for it to be.

I really wanted you to see it because I thought it was funny. But I was just like, I'm not buying this. So here, I have a friend. I have a friend who like, she's, her name, well, actually my friend Charlene. Some of you may know her. She's married now. Charlene Joint. Awesome.

Opera singer, right? Yes. She's awesome. She's cool. Great eyebrows. She's awesome. And we, I love having great conversations with her. And she is the old soul, old fashioned.

And then we're having coffee once. And she was giving me, you know, she was asking me, you know, like, you know, how are you meeting girls? And she'll ask me, do you, do you like just walk up to women and say hello? And I said, to be honest, I, it's a shame to say like, I need, like, I don't do it as much, you know? And I think we've all gotten worse at it with things like social media. You can see someone at the party,

I'll just slide under a DM later. Saw you at a party, saw you at the grocery store. That happens all the time. Like, hey, I saw you at Whole Foods, you know? I wanted to say hi, I was going to say hi, but I didn't. You know, it happens all the time, but I'm just like that. And I get nervous too.

So anyway, Charlene goes like, I want you to like make an effort. I want you to like, an effort I want you like they're like she was very complimentary like women will be flattered if you go and say hi so oh and then uh I left a grocery store once a week later and some lady who's maybe in her 40s or 50s stops me and she goes I don't mean to sound weird but um she was very compliment she's like you're beautiful and I want you to like start saying hi to women and she was very calm. She's like, you're beautiful. And I want you to like start saying hi to women. And she was like, just say hi. Like, you know, even touch them.

Cause like you make their day. And I was like, I don't know if I should touch them, but I'll like work on saying hi. But anyway, so I'm in New York. This is like four or five months ago. And I was meeting up a buddy. We were going to go to events. We met at a bar.

So I'm sitting by myself. And this pretty attractive girl sits next to me. And I'm like, you know what? I'm literally thinking to myself, I'm going to say hi. I'm going to say hi to this girl. I'm by myself, you know, having a drink and waiting for my buddy. So I just was like, Hey, Hey, how's it? I don't know what I said. I don't know. I said something. She looks at me, turns her head. No way. That was a loud bar. And I'm thinking, you know what?

She probably didn't. I mumble sometimes. She probably didn't hear me. She was maybe just awkward and nervous. Sure. Get louder. I try again. Oh, boy.

Looks me dead in the eye. Turns her head. I'm just like, see, this is why I fucking don't do it, man. And again, like this,

she was cute, but I wasn't like thinking there's, you know, oh my God, unobtainable. It was just like a cute girl at the bar just stared me down and just wanted nothing to do with me. And she was by herself. She wasn't like with friends.

She like, she knew she, she must have known. Sorry, that was your experience. She like, she knew, she must have known. that was your experience. No, it's fine. Take it back out. We gotta get more highs

out of you. It's just funny that how like the one time, I've said hi before and it's gone fine. It's hard, right? It's hard to approach people, right?

Do you approach people when you do? No, because I want guys to come after me. I'm done going after guys. Interesting. That's the hard part

because I- You walk up, you're just like, um, ugh. But then that puts all the pressure on him. High that right yeah but he if they like me enough they'll come after me like i've i realize now uh because i used to just be like i like this guy i'm gonna start hanging out with him and then eventually i'm gonna be like it'll get to a point where i go i like you why do you think i'm hanging out with you like why haven't we kissed yet why are you making a move i'd be the aggressor. And then eventually we would hook

up or whatever, but it would never go anywhere after that because the guy, you took some of the power away from the guy in that moment. And even though I approached him, yeah. If like, uh, you know, guy friends that I'm like, there's a, certainly a vibe here and they're just too nervous to make a move. I'll do this. This is the coolest move ever. Guys should take this move. If you're hanging out with a girl and you haven't kissed yet, that's like the most awkward moment of like, you haven't, maybe you haven't even touched yet. You're already talking though.

You're hanging out. Like, yeah, there's a vibe, right? Like you, but maybe it's a friend, someone you, you're not on a date, but it's like, you guys are vibing each other, right? But you haven't touched yet. There's no real window for, to lean in for a kiss. Or maybe there is, but you just don't know how to do it.

My favorite thing that I've done, and I wish guys did this, is, so you'll be, one time we were just walking on the street. And it was just getting to that point where I was like, when is this guy going to fucking, like, just do it, you know? And I was really getting frustrated. So I was just, we were talking about something and I go, oh, you know what I wanted to tell you? And I made it seem super, I was like, you know what I want to tell you?

He's like, what? I was like, you should kiss me. And he was just like, what? And he was like, I go, you should kiss me. And it just cuts the tension. It's funny. And then they have no choice but to do it. Totally.

I, I've used, have you used that? Something like I, to cut the ice. I mean, Sam, Sam knows I'm a pretty honest, blunt guy. And I've sometimes often just to like, whatever, cut what sensual tension, I'll just call it out and be like, I don't know. I was thinking maybe we should make out or that's great. That's it. Like, you know, like, yeah. So what do you want to do next? Well, I mean, other than like maybe throwing up you against the wall and making out with you, we could get ice cream or something. I have to change. Can we take a break? I do that.

I've done that all the time. Another really good move for the guys out there. If you are taller and she's any bit shorter and you're walking down the street use the street curb so you like walk a little bit ahead her into the street no no like this throw her into the street and then rescue her no no she's still on the sidewalk when she's been hit by her no she's on the sidewalk and before like if you're at like say you're at a crosswalk right she's up says no walk makes more sense right and you find like a way to like step down on the street and then turn around and all of a sudden your faces are right next to each other. And you're just kind of like, you get really close.

Dude. And you go to that 90 and she goes to that. There's a reason that you were on this Bachelor. These are good moves. That works. These are great moves. That works out well. But let me ask you guys a question.

If you guys are both really direct people, and I love where all this conversation is going, what is the advice for people who aren't direct, who aren't as ballsy as you are, Nikki? You just have to be. Just change your DNA. Not change your DNA, but it's like jumping in a pool. You know when a pool is going to be cold AF and you don't want to get in it and so you either just jump in. Just take a risk. Rip the bandaid off.

If it feels a little brisk, then it's fine. It's fine. It'll be, everything's going to be fine because it's already always been fine. And nothing's going to ruin your life by asking a girl if you can kiss her. Think about it this way. Here's why it works is because like everyone's the same and you just have to try to be different. And when you surprise people, it turns people on, right? It's so good.

It catches people off guard. Yeah. And it doesn't, like, for example, I just told that story. It doesn't always work. It's not that I, I've said hi to the girl at a bar who literally looked at me and turned around. So like, you just have to, there will be times where you get rejected in these moments, but when it works, it's good. Well, that's a good point, right? Like I always think about like play out the worst case scenario and the worst case scenario is she says no. Yes. He says no. And that's it. And it's a's a little awkward and then you go on going back to like our conversations last week the thing i don't understand sometimes with guys and i think people

in general but especially guys is you are sometimes if you're going to take risks you're going to get rejected don't be an asshole afterwards it's fine yeah don't let your humility like overtake you i wasn't even into you anyway. I was taking a- Well, fuck you. I don't know. I was doing you a favor. But like, oh, all right, bro. That's always great because then you go,

oh, good, I read him right. And I'm right to reject him because he's an asshole. You know, it was fine. I was- But the sliding into DMs, what's your move there? Because that's the new way. I mean, you really don't need to approach people in public if you can find out who they are.

And then I'm always waiting for a slide. If I have a vibe with a guy, I love it. I've been off the market for 10 years. I mean, you really don't need to approach people in public if you can find out who they are. And then I'm always waiting for a slide. If I have a vibe with a guy, I love it. I've been off the market for 10 years. Sometimes I say hi. Dating apps are obsolete. I slid into a DM this morning. Your morning slide. This is my morning routine. I wake up, have a vegetable

smoothie, slide into a DM. Meditate. Do some boxing. She, I came across a really quite feshing person. And I was like, because I'm going to be in New York next week. She lives in. Lining some stuff up. Just lining up the schedule, you know.

Sure. I got my days busy, my life's free. Yeah. And I went to go slide under DM, noticed that she had written me two years ago. Great. Oh, so do you only slide

if they're already following you? No. Okay. I almost will never slide. Yeah. Really? I mean, listen, if I see- Because at least that means

that they know who you are and they're probably into you. Sure. If they're following you. I take- But you least that means that they know who you are and they're probably into you. Sure. If they're following you. I take- But you'll take risks. Okay, got it. Guys, can you humor someone who has no idea

what all this stuff is about? So it's a move now. You slide into someone's DMs and it's not creepy. It's not just a form of communication. It's just like saying, hey. People are very critical. It has this taboo thing. No, it's a taboo.

And people are like, why doesn't anyone write notes or love letters anymore? because that's what dms was yes you just couldn't do it you had to like write a note that was sliding into a dm leaving a note oh no i just didn't know if it was and there's no way to do it the thing is if the guy is hot and you're into him he could say whatever and you're gonna be into it like there's no like, right. Cause guys are always like, how do I get in your DMs? What should I say? I'm like, if I want to bang you, you could say whatever you want and it will work out.

Yeah, but I try sometimes to have him. So she, I had noticed that she wrote me, she was referencing, she had basically said, I've never seen the show, but this is hysterical. It was two years ago. Yeah. I had never seen it. So I was, I just went really, I was just like,

Hey, I'm going to be in New York. If you let's grab a drink, if you're around. Great. Really cut to the, you know, hi, you know, don't just say hi. Like I'll get that. Just the hand wave. Oh, the highest terrible actually. I mean, just say, Hey, I'll call you. I will call myself outside, like sliding over here with a high hand. I love that. That's funny. Just over here. That's funny. Shooting my shot. You know, something like that. That's funny. Just over here. That's funny. Shooting my shot, you know, something like that. That's good.

I have a date tonight with a comedian. Really? If she doesn't cancel. Oh my God, I'm dying to know who. Off air. This is where I got clever,

but I was looking at her, I slid into her DM, I came across this profile and she had like one of her routines up there and she had this like sound button and her basically routine was, it was poor guys are really good at sex and rich guys are bad. And because poor guys like don't have, can't afford to take you to dinner.

So they're like, they'll take the time to have set long, really long sex with you because they're trying to like outlast until like only McDonald's is open or something like that. And rich guys, like they don't have the time to like fuck you a really long time. Because they're working. Because they're just like working, making money. That's good. So my DM to her was, I'm not so rich that I'm terrible.

Great. I can still like pay for the meal, but it won't be so great that I don't get like, that I'm not giving maximum effort. You're somewhere in between. Yeah. I like that. I like the reference. That means you've watched her. I'm not giving maximum effort. You're somewhere in between. Yeah. I like that. I like the reference. That means you've,

you've watched her. Your expectations are like not so high that you're going to be let down. It's like your meal will be totally fine, but I still like, I won't be so confident that I won't like want to, you know, give it my all. Bring it.

Yeah. That's great. I mean, she wrote back right away. Love it. Yeah. That's good. What are you guys going to do?

I don't know. She probably will. Like, you know, I'm dying to know who right away. Love it. Yeah, that's good. What are you guys going to do? I don't know. She probably will, like, you know. I'm dying to know who it is. It's probably someone pretty young, though. How old is she? Old soul? I think she's 27. Okay, so I might know her.

Okay, we'll talk about it afterwards. I would bet you know her. 20 is really exciting. Oh, I know who this is. Don't say it. Okay. This is really exciting. Oh, I know who this is.

Is it? Don't say it. Okay. You know, I'm trying on this podcast to open myself and share my stories without becoming a dating liability. Yeah, I get it. I get it. You know? I know. I know.

I am that. You're a dating liability? I just think that. Because you use your life as. Yeah, I talk. I have a radio show every morning. I talk about my sex life. I talk about stuff on stage.

I'll never say anything disparaging about a guy I date unless you really do something terrible. But I will also never call you out by name because I just think that's tacky. I get sensitive because more than anything, if people give a shit about me, they give a shit about who I'm dating and who I'm not. So I'm also extra cautious to call out who I'm hanging out with or going out with because

I haven't run that by them. Yeah. That's nice. That's kind of. Aren't those lines a little fuzzy though? I mean, we've talked about this before, but, but because you are famous and have become famous from a reality show, how do you then draw those lines? And, and you're putting yourself back out there on a podcast and promoting things you want people to buy. Like, aren't the lines really, really fuzzy? Sure, but I guess what I'm saying is, I don't know the person who I may have an interest in

and what they're, like, it's all just a matter of opinion. It's Nikki. So what I'm saying is, I don't want to ruin my chances of getting to know someone I'm saying is I don't want to, I don't want to ruin my chances of getting to know someone I'm interested in getting to know by them, like, um, not by assuming I'm a liability and they don't know. And so I, I, you know, I don't want to, I want to be respectful of that. And, um, that's nice. No, I like that a lot. One more thing before we move on to the bachelor, since we didn't cover it last week, I do want to talk about the difference between funny and mean.

Yeah. And especially when it comes to the internet. And the whole reason I got this idea for this, having Nikki on and talking about humor and comedy and we use humor on dates. And sometimes I think often when people are trying to be funny, they fail by A, not being funny, but also just ended up being mean. Because they think they're supposed to lean in insecurities or whatever instead of their own. And this happened to me when I was on Twitter and I saw a girl I follow.

She's a writer. And we've had a contentious friend. Never mind, we're acquaintances, whatever. And she posted on her Twitter, a screenshot of her dating app. I think it was Bumble or Hinge or whatever. I don't know. And it was a conversation between her and this guy. She crossed off the guy's name and it was, her caption was dating in LA. And it was basically the conversation. The guy, the guy said, Hey, I have a part-time job at a movie theater, but I'm also a screenwriter and a director. And I'm pretty sure that my movie

is going to win many awards and you're going to want to date me. It was a very cliche kind of LA thing to do. So for fun, just kind of like play off her line with thought I'd be self-deprecating and I kind of leaned into my own you know uh insecurities of you're making a joke and I wrote uh was it my job at the movie theater that was the deal breaker I thought it was kind of funny you know playful giving an opportunity to some yes and and kind of playful she just simply writes back no it was your four times on reality tv and I'm just I read it and just like, well,

I'll just go fuck myself. Like, the point is like, that's a legit insecurity I have of being interested in, not that I was interested in her or anything, but being interested in somebody. And if I'm, if I get a chance to meet someone or if it's a slide into someone's DM or whatever,

and it's someone as say of note or what, or it's someone say of note or, or it's someone that I'm just impressed by my first insecurity is always, do they know who I am? And not because I want them to know who I am. Cause like, Oh, it was the bachelor is do they know who I am and how do they feel about that? Because it, who, I don't know. Right. And so I'm reading this thinking, wait, wait, is she deliberately trying to be I think it's pretty odd I don't I also when I say that I don't think this is groundbreaking news that um I that might be an insecurity of mine because it's like something that it's like if you want to like google like how to make fun of Nick that's up there right um memes of like you know oh always

going back on The Bachelor sure and so it's it's like, clearly it's like, wait, did she think that was funny? Was she trying to be mean or was it both? But meanwhile, like the joke just ended. Can I ask a question before you guys talk about this? Yeah. I often worry about tone being misread over text. Like email, text. Like I'm always the one who's like putting in four exclamation points and five emojis,

especially in my work emails, because I don't want my tone to be misread. But if you're going to try to be funny, especially via text, don't maybe point out, make fun of something you think possibly they could like struggle with. Point something about yourself. So what's your take on that, Nikki? I think that this girl probably isn't that funny. So I think that's girl probably isn't that funny. So, I think that's probably part of the issue. She was trying to be... I can tell you she definitely likes to think

she's funny. Well, then she was trying to be funny, failed at it, went too mean. Because you're right, it's like when you're teasing someone and being flirty, it can be mean sometimes. And then she went overboard. I think that you're approaching it with,

this is my biggest insecurity. How did she nail it so much? And it hurt you. I don't think she knows maybe that that is your biggest. Maybe she does. I would be shocked if she doesn't think that. If she doesn't, then it's just mean and she doesn't like you.

That's also possible. So I think that maybe she really just doesn't like you. Well, no, I definitely. And that's okay. Like she has a, she certainly comes across that she thinks she's better than everyone who's ever been on the show, even though she's obsessed with the show.

But that's how she cuts it down. Okay. But anyways, it's a. It is, it's hard because I have a lot of guys that want to be funny because I'm so funny. Like they feel the added pressure to be funny with me DMing or even going out on dates with guys. Like I just, if you're trying too hard and then they'll say something mean and it just shows me a lack of understanding of what is funny. And then I'm just kind of like, we're not talking the same language.

Yeah. And if you're going to try to be funny, fine. Fail at being funny by making fun of yourself. Like the easiest way to be funny is sincere self-deprecation. Find something that you might be insecure with that might be out there and obvious, right? But Nick, that's for people who know how to be funny.

This person didn't know how to be funny. We're coaching them up. We're out here coaching people up. Go make fun of yourself. Aren't you like a big part of the roast battle scene? Yes. That's slightly different, is it not? Yeah, what's the difference?

Because you sign up to be roasted. You sign up to do that. But like any guy who has ever would say something mean to me, done. Like especially initially, like or even that is mean spirited that is trying to like she was poke at something that she knows that you're insecure about cut off not a good friend not a

good acquaintance not a good no could you imagine going on a date right a guy listens to this podcast and on the first date he's on with nikki he makes some like snarky joke about her sister and their relationship if a guy ever because iarky joke about her sister and their relationship. Oh, if a guy ever, cause I'm very vocal about my sister's hot. And some, if someone was to ever say something about my looks, even though I'm fine with my looks, I would be like, you're mean. I could picture. And you don't like me and I don't like you now. I could picture a guy trying to be funny and trying to do that. And it's just like,

when you're trying to be funny, just pick, point out something that you are like, be like, listen, people, sometimes we project our insecurities all the time. Right. And people are aware of them, aware of them all the time. So find something you're comfortable talking about and point it out. And then you can both have a laughing moment. And that will way it'll make the person, especially if you're on a date, feel more comfortable with being like, Hey, it's like, ah, and trust me, it definitely works. That's how you break the ice on a first date is kind of like point out something that like you're not good at or they might already be thinking or whatever. And immediately they can be like, well, yeah, actually me too.

And you're like, oh my God, we're like perfect for each other. So fascinating that that is your insecurity. I wouldn't have thought that about you, but of course it is. I mean, of course you're getting a lot of judgment from that, from women. But,

We also judge ourselves though too. Yeah. And I also know that like, I would, I totally judge the fuck out of me for it. Yeah, like you wouldn't

want a girl who's, like you maybe would judge a girl who's been on as many reality shows as you. Yeah. My first thought would be like, I wonder, I, listen, I, we all have judgmental thoughts and the difference between judge a girl who's been on as many reality shows as you yeah my first thought would be like i wonder i listen i we all have judgmental thoughts and the difference between having a judgmental thought

right because we can't help but have a thought that's thoughts grow through our head what we do with those thoughts so i could sit there and see a girl whatever she does and judge her that happens but do i still like go out of my way to get to know that person? There's a difference there. Like, do you judge and cut them off or do you judge and go, well, that's a judgment, but I'm actually curious. I want to sit down and like learn, is she the stereotype that I think I'm judging? I think she is because I also love to be surprised. Yeah. And I, and how often are we surprised all the time when we give her an opportunity to be surprised? We are often surprised. Yeah. That's a good point. I think the smarter you are, the faster you can read people and hit people

where it hurts immediately, but you don't do that, right? Like you hold back what will hit people. I think mean is unacceptable in any circumstance and it's getting more and more acceptable. Especially on the internet where you can just tweet something or comment something. No, anytime. We're not allowed to be mean to each other. We're taught from a young age, don't be mean. So that's why it's not funny. That's why it's not, like, it's just not cool. It really isn't.

It's just not okay. It shuts us down as people. And guys do it a lot because they read the, and girls do it too. The game. The game. You know, negging a girl, making her feel insecure about, oh, there's something in your hair. Well, you're a little dirty.

Sure. You're like, I want to fuck you because you just pointed out that I'm less than you. Yeah. And I want to be more than you now and so be inside me. Like, it psychologically fucking works.

Yeah. Like, when someone puts you down, you're like, well, I want to prove to you that I'm great and fuckable. And it makes you like them. It does work and it sucks that it works. Yeah. But when you get older, right? Like, if a girl's mean to you that I'm great and fuckable. And, um, and it makes you like them. It does work in its short term. But when you get older, right? Like if a girl's mean to you, you're like,

and if a guy's mean to me, I'm like, well, it happens so much better. And you want to protect yourself and the people around you. All you want to do is say, go away. Go away. Like, I used to always be into guys that like, weren't me. Like I think that's a classic thing that most women and men go through. Now I'm 34 and I'm like, if you're not into me, Listen, I've always had a strong personality. I've always been opinionated, and I've always sometimes, if you don't know me at a distance, can come across as a cocky dick. Yeah. And I've had girls. Because you're handsome and tall.

I've had girls come up to me. You have no reason to be nice, so you go, he's a dick. And come up to me and be like, I don't, you're not that great. You're not. And I, in my head,

I'm thinking all I care about is you falling in love with me. I know it works. And I, you know, and, and, and then going on TV and being the villain at first. And like,

I mean, I can't tell how many times like my past four years of my life have been a constant like barrage of, you know, I used to not like you, but wow, you're, and it's like in a, it's like kind of a drug. It's an unhealthy one. If you want to get Nick vile, tell him that you're not that into him is what I'm hearing. It works.

Yeah. It shouldn't work. You need to work on yourself. I'm not, I'm being honest. I'm not bragging. Don't do that. You're great. I'm just being vulnerable here. Actually, you're such a piece of shit. Like, I don't even see it. I don't get it. I think Nikki used to be into you, but she's kind. I like have changed my way.

It almost happened within like 30 seconds ago, I just realized that you're like not even that cute. It's like, whatever, dude. Yeah, that is, you need to work on yourself clearly because no i do you because there are so many things that this is not always but i admit that no i like that you admit it because everyone listening relates to this and i even still relate to it when a guy isn't into me i'm still there's a part of me that's like win him over get away to

get him to like you and then once he does i'm bye. Like I I've done that so many times to guys where they don't like me. And I'm like, they'll, they'll go, I don't date female comics. Cause I date, I've dated a lot of comics that make that rule that go, I don't date female comics. And I go, what was that for? I don't want to interrupt you. Yes, please raise your hand. Yes, Nick Vile. But that's kind of the point because that's just a dick thing to say. I'm not, I don't date. It's also, it's a cheap joke. It's not funny. I don't date female comics.

But they're serious. They are. They go, I don't like to date in the business. And I go, all right. How many guys I've gotten who have said that to me? And I go, challenge accepted. Yeah, but I don't think they're as serious as you think they are. It's the same person who comes up to me and like does the whole reality.

It's like, I mean. They can always be convinced is the thing. Well, yeah, like, and that's the thing. It's like, well, I do like the girl who doesn't like me, sure. But the girl who comes up and just is kind of a bitch and just like not funny. And like, it like the cheap joke, trying to hurt you.

Like, you know, I was, or like, I mean, you're not even that good of a dresser. It's like, this is so fucked up.

No girls say this all the girls. I'm like, okay. Um, or like, you know, I've said this before, like randomly people have this thing where they don't want to admit they

watch the bachelor. And it's always the people who are obsessed with the show the most. I mean, like I don't watch the show, but like, why is everyone here? Like wanted a picture with you. I don't get it.

Like, I don't, I don't know. Who are you? That girl wants you more than anyone. And I'm just thinking like, I'm immediately annoyed. Like I don't,

yeah, it's like that. That doesn't work because it's just like, it's not funny. It's not funny. If, if a girl thinks I'm invisible and I or she sincerely thinks that I'm an asshole because I know I can be a dick, but I'm not a dick. And so I want her to to get to know me. Right.

It's just more of a when I feel like people are judging me for not knowing me. I have this like insecurity or whatever it is. This fuck. I get it. There's a there insecurity or whatever it is, this fucked up thing. There's a, there's a difference between, cause people say that too. They're like, literally I went to the show tonight and I did not like you.

I like, I walking into the show tonight. I was like, my boyfriend brought me like girls say that a lot. Even guys are like social media. I hate you. But like, you were amazing on Rogan's podcast. And I'm like,

you didn't need to say the first part. That's crazy. Just say the next part. They say, girls, if you're listening right now and you plan on meeting a celebrity someday, or men, you plan on, don't insult them and then give the compliment. Just give the compliment.

It happens all the time. And because I was the villain and then the, like, Oh, I bet it happens to you constantly. I mean, everyone thinks they're doing me the consideration of being the first person. I hated you at first. Or the person who's, or the person who's or the person who's like just so you know i've always been a fan it's just like it wasn't just you and

my mom there were like you're acknowledged even that because there's no insult in that but even that is acknowledging that most people don't like you but i like you it's not nice they're doing me the favor of being like listen i was i was there for you when other people weren't. I get so many every day. Everyone wants to tell me they're the first person to ever like me. Of course. I can see that so much. I want to like put it like my insecurity wants to put it in my Instagram.

See, no, there's, there's so many of you. Like you, like I was always like, yeah. And like, yeah, I'm sorry. Girls can pretend like, cause I, I've've been I've been on a bunch of Bachelor podcasts I'm like very aware of the scene and um Arden Mirren

do you know her she's will you accept this rose oh yeah but not when you say Bachelor I mean like the Bachelor people

like fans like talking about Bachelor like I'm pretty Arden's great Arden is great and I remember doing some event and I was going over who the hottest dudes were.

And I mentioned your name. Yes. And there were some in the crowd like, no. And I go, girls, like I get that maybe he was villainized. And I know that I'm doing exactly what I just said don't do, which is like tell someone

that someone might've said something mean about you. But I'm just saying this, any girl who goes, Nick, isn't that great? They're like dying to fuck you. Like they would do it because I, I was at a live show. This really happened. And I was like, cause they go, who are the hottest bachelors? And I'm listening and I go, Nick vile, like dude, so hot. And, um, and some girls go not like boo or whatever. And I go, are you so hot. And some girls go, no, like, boo, or whatever. And I go, are you? I stood up and I go, listen to me right now. If any of you in this room,

if Nick even gave you the slightest chance to blow him, you would do anything to do it. You right there that's acting like you're too good, you would pay money to blow Nick Vile. You would do anything. And I don't believe any of you. None of you are as attractive as him. You would kill for him.

I really appreciate this. I like stood up and got so mad because I go, you're lying to yourselves to think that you wouldn't go after him because, first of all, you don't know him, and he's way hotter than any of you in this bar in Austin, wherever the hell we were. Here's what I have noticed, but I get a lot of, thank you. I get a lot of, I love that I just did the same thing that I told people not to do. Like most people didn't like you in that room,

but I like saw you for you. So that is not what happened. No, you had a lot of support in that room. Here's what I noticed though. When I meet people in person, I know if someone without, if they don't say that, I know if they liked me before they met me or not, because if they liked me in the show, they'll just talk to me and they might compliment me. And then anyone who goes, I mean, I be like, look at me and be like, wow. Like you're like way hotter in person. I immediately know that they didn't like me right because the little project whatever they saw that they watched the music and be like his fate he's gross oh yeah and if they tell me that they think i'm better looking in person i

know they didn't like me i get that a lot too and i'm always like that hurt like i'm trying my best on tv and like wouldn't you rather be hotter in person like nine million people didn't see me but like on tv i'll never meet you so yes i would prefer to you just that's actually a good point yeah i would prefer to like be hotter on tv when you say because people do think they go isn't that a nice thing to say though and i'm like not really there are people you thought i was ugly there are people on the bad side who are definitely hotter on tv and i'm like it is kind of jealous i'm just like oh you've you've tricked them all because they're all are telegenic some people on there there is one girl from um from the bachelor that i watched and in person she's beautiful but on camera i'm like so she shapeshifts like you wouldn't recognize her in person but she

doesn't even get recognized because she looks so much different I'm not going to say Rochelle's trying to segue let's get into the episode a little bit oh my god

I had notes in my phone but my phone's gone but I have so much to talk about about this one you talk okay so what'd you think

about this episode I am like this drama in the house these girls did he not jump the wall yet what the fuck oh yeah I'm dying for him to the house. These girls. Did he not jump the wall yet? What the fuck? Oh yeah, I'm dying for him to jump the wall. They were leading for us to jump the wall

and then he didn't. The show is, they are just banking on that episode. That's the new jump the shark. They do that a lot though, by the way. That show jumped the wall. Colton jumped the wall on that show. Here's the thing.

These girls that are conniving to say that they're not there for the right reasons, everything, they're jealous because those girls are prettier and he's more into them and they can sense it. What was the Galen thing now? Who do you believe? I believe, well, I really hated, who was the girl that said, that had the glasses on and

wait, can you go up or go down? I forget. No, no, no, no, no. It was the one that was ratting out and she goes i just want to say that so someone on their exit interview i forget the name kirpa but someone on their exit was like they're not here for the right reasons right and then another girl told him that but in between the first girl said he's not here for the right reasons they're not ready to get married or whatever which why is that and colton keeps going that's the worst thing i could ever hear of course

she's not ready is that they're not ready. It's like, you're not ready, dude. You're projecting. You're not ready. And that's the worst thing you could realize about yourself is that you're not ready and he's not ready. And why is that the worst thing? The worst thing would be like, none of them are into you. The worst thing would be like-

Not being ready, it makes sense. They all are like drowning puppies in the backyard. Like he is treating this like it is- But that's the bachelor. He's shocked by this every day. Like it's- But you're right, he is yes exactly like it is the bachelor he's shocked by this every day like it's he is projecting he is he's not ready and um these girls are such bitches to those girls i don't like those two girls anyway i think they're not there for the right reasons but like i think they do want to be bachelorettes casting kaylin i do think they want to either win or they

want to be a bachelorette like i, I get it. And all these girls do. I would be there for probably the same reasons. But for Sherpa, what's her name? Kerpa. Kerpa. For Kerpa to say to him,

you know what? The only evidence I have for them not being here for the right reasons is that their reactions is not evidence. That would be thrown out in court. Especially in that world because all you are is tense and nervous for them not being here for the right reasons is that their reactions is not evidence. That would be thrown out in court.

Especially in that world because all you are is tense and nervous. They got really defensive. I will say when- So? I will say when in that world, so if someone were to ask me, who would you believe? Who do you believe?

I believe everyone. Everyone's kind of telling the truth. They're all telling their version. And part of it is because I'll'll never forget on caitlin season um they didn't i don't think they really aired this but it was the weekend in ireland after we hooked up right yeah i was nervous about that because you know i didn't tell any like any of the producers i know kind of edited it seemed like i implied but i was just like certainly after andy i was like i'm not fucking saying shit the producers i knew the producers knew but i'm like'm not, I'm not saying anything.

And, and then Sean, I didn't know this, but that week Sean had snuck over. I didn't know he was sneaking over. Sean and I, the two guys who clearly are confident, all the other guys are kind of figuring out, but Sean and I, we didn't know what was going on, but we both thought we were the one. Yeah. And Caitlin comes in and starts that, starts a cocktail party and I think it was probably a little bit rehearsed

and maybe like producers might have asked her to like scare the shit out of us and she fucking did. And they, what they aired is Sean being,

Sean was like in the background being like, I know what she's talking about and blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, I had just, I'm thinking like

she's about to send me home. Right. Like I was terrified. So the point is the people in the world who have the most to lose are the usually ones who react the most about the leads reactions and comments because they truly don't know the fuck's going on. No matter how confident you are in that world, they're going on other fucking dates. So like, you're just always freaking out. So the fact that they got nervous or defensive is meaningless. Doesn it mean anything? They all should be that way. Yes. I also believe that I believe that the, the women who are calling them out in the sense that, because especially early

on, there's all these conversations and there's always talk about like, what is it like going to be? What is this going to be like when we're done filming? Like comments about The Bachelorette or The Bachelor. It does like, that happens all the fucking time. Hannah B. What happened to Hannah B? I really did not see that coming. She didn't see it coming.

Oh, I saw that coming from a mile away. Why? Just because I was The Bachelor. Yeah, tell us why. Tell us how. We don't know what happened. That was the only exciting thing that happened last night. I thought, I was like, this girl's going to win.

When he brought her in to meet his family. Oh, that's the classic setup. Really? Tell us. Last night felt like a filler episode to me. It felt like they needed two hours before we jumped making that lion roar. It was a classic setup of like building something up for the epic disappointment. Right, but it felt like. Again, I always like, listen, the only person who didn't get a group date something up for the epic disappointment. Right. But it felt like.

Again, I always like, listen, the only person who didn't get a group date rose on my season was Vanessa. Right. And my point is just because you get these like signs of like the rose is meant to like valid. Everything is supposed to mean something in that world. And sometimes it does. And sometimes it doesn't mean shit.

Right. And so I'm watching it, especially that week. That week is always the week before hometowns. Right. And so I'm watching it, especially that week. That week is always the week before hometowns is like, there's always, there's what, there's three, two or three one-on-ones in the group date. And so every year everyone's just like, I have to be one who's getting the one-on-one. I have to be, I have to, I have to, I'll tell you what, every year, someone who gets a one-on-one is going home. Yeah. That's a good point. So like, it's not a sure thing. Everyone thinks it is. Everyone's like, oh, if I get a one-on-one, he likes me the most.

Especially if he brings me to his family. Oh my God. Is that like a formula? Does he usually send someone home? It's not always a formula, but it's. You're right. You're right, dude. But it's, if objectively and truthfully, it is an opportunity. if a lead at going into hometown is certain by like, say, someone like Hannah B and Hannah G, I'm sorry, or Cassie. It's like I know I'm taking him to hometown. Yeah. I'm not sure about, say, Hannah B or someone else. So I'm going to I'm going to like, you know, get to know who they are and see if there's something there that I'm missing. He probably went into that date thinking he's probably going send her home but wondered if maybe more time with her

she would win him over or they would have some yeah that's like i as soon as i'm like i'm i'm watching i'm like oh she's definitely going home oh boy it was the classic side god just seeing her face when she's in that romantic she had the best day of her life. She looked like she wanted to unload on him, but it was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, like her pageant side was like starting to take over and then her other side started to take over. She handled it really well. And then I think she was like,

this is fucked up. I know, it's been a while. She was like, she's cussing. It was coming, but her pageant coach wasn't there to help. Hannah B really grew on me. I loved her. She's cool. She's probably a fun hang.

She got a lot of shit with the whole, like, because, like, she obviously is a goofball, and she will have these facial expressions, but she's probably a totally fun, cool hang. Yeah, I sense. I was like, I love this girl. I liked her. Did she get knocked off too soon

to be considered for The Bachelorette, you think? Probably. Oh, damn it. I think she's got it. But they stopped following the formula for pulling people it used to be like there's not a there used to be there's no you can do ari there are no rules on the bachelor have you realized this there's no rules you can break all the rules you can do whatever the hell you want like you started that high a little bit but

not everyone you're so right you were the first one to just be like, I'm just going to go. Like that, there are no rules. You know what it is? It's what Twilight did to vampires, right? So now they can sparkle. It's like, yes. Here's what it is a little bit too, is that, you know, the leads,

especially the Bachelor, are always very nervous about, like they want to fall in love, but every lead is aware of the fact that they're being criticized, even when they try not to think about it. So the lead, especially the men, are judged by who they carry along, right?

Your taste in women is a reflection of yourself as like that's how women are judging you often. That happens, right? Yes, yes, that's a good point. Typically, if there's an obvious villain uh the leads are less reluctant to like bring them along uh i like on my season of the on andy no one never thought while filming i was going to maybe be a villain until later on there wasn't like a an obvious villain we were all kind of like thinking who's it gonna be and the producers were like well he's

assertive and so like fuck it we'll just make roses seem fucked up. You know, like we'll seem, we'll make poems seem really weird and creepy. But at the time, you know, they didn't really know. Yeah, there wasn't one yet. They didn't really know, right? And so like, for me, I was like, fuck it.

I want to meet the nanny. So like I brought Corinne and I kind of like had a connection with Rachel Raven and Vanessa that was different than the rest. So like, let's bring Corinne. Fine, it's fun, right? And so that allowed the producers.

You with Corinne on that shopping excursion. Was that you? It was wild. Yeah. That was so funny. What were you thinking? I was thinking like. Like I'm going to get a new blazer.

Like what were you? I was thinking like this is going to be a fun send off and let's have. But what I was actually thinking is like, this is going to be fun. Like again. Did you let her go after that? Yeah. And I knew like it was, I was always, my top three were distinctly, like I had real connections with them and while Corinne's cool, yes. Like whatever it could have been anyone, but not everyone had a nanny. Right. I always thought it was fun. It would be fun to like bring Corinne along. And I knew also I was going to get fucking criticism for it.

Do you think she knew? Honestly, I couldn't tell sometimes with Corinne. I really couldn't tell. Sometimes I thought like because she'd do this crazy shit. And I thought to myself, she's in on the joke. Like she knows what she's doing. She just wants to get the attention. And there would be times where I was like, oh, I feel bad.

Like I'm an asshole. I'm beating her on. Are you done? Would you ever do it again? like, oh, I feel bad. Like, I'm an asshole. I'm eating her on. Are you done? Would you ever do it again? No. No, you're done. God, I hope there's more for me in this world. I mean, there definitely is.

But like, is there something about it that you miss? I miss the people sometimes. Yeah, the production. Yeah, I mean, you know, like there's aspects of filming. Paradise is a ton of fun. Yeah. If I could do Paradise without it being on TV, that's just a fun time.

Live on a beach for three weeks, get amazing food, and hang out with your friends and have a good time. It was chill as fuck. Ah, it sounds so fun. It was a lot. It was fire.

I had a lot of fun filming Paradise but yeah who did you end up with there like you kind like you were in a thing but it didn't really take off I was dating Jen

Jen that's right yes yes yes she was like so sweet we knew you guys weren't gonna make it it was just kind of an island romance

but you guys were both respectful of each other yeah it was good it was good you had a good showing on that you like you you were absolutely de-villain Yeah. It was good. It was good. You had a good showing on that. You like you,

you were absolutely de-villainized at that point. That was my really coming out party because. Because that was before you became the bachelor, right? That was why I became the bachelor. That is why. Well, it was also because Sam asked me like,

why, why is no one funny on the bachelor or bachelorette? Yeah. And that's because they keep the playbook. It's like, no one's interested in your humor. They're interested in did your like brother

die of polio and are you able to overcome that and still find love? Yeah, you're right. That is what it's all about. Yeah, we only see the sense of humor

which is so frustrating in the last little after clip, the last 22 seconds or on Paradise. And I'm like, wait, where was this the whole episode? I really liked her.

Nick can tell a joke because they're more willing. Because on Paradise, I was basically waiting for Jen to come. And also, like, you're there to observe everyone else. It's not about, like, stealing dates. Yeah, people really shine on Bachelor in Paradise. So I could just sit there and I was just commentating about, like, everyone's ridiculousness. Oh, yeah, that's so fun.

And just kind of having fun and doing impressions. And they're willing to show it because Paradise is a comedy. You're right. It is a comedy. You're right. It is a comedy. And that is where we all were like, oh, there's something about this guy that is more than what we saw in the past season. That was good. Did you know? Did you know that you were setting yourself up to become The Bachelor?

Oh, my God, no. You didn't? Oh, my God. It was a swan song. I mean, the truth is I was hoping there would be an outside chance to get done dancing with the stars. And they really wanted me on Paradise. And they kind of like teased the possibility. I was like, I really didn't think that would happen anyways. But it was like, my friends were like, go, it's fine.

Fuck it. And so I was like, you know what? Whatever. I'll do it. There was no way I was going to be, you know, afterwards. It was just kind of a fun thing. And even Paradise gets done filming. I mean, I had coffee with some of the producers

just to talk about life. And they were filming, like wrapping up Judges, thinking about the next season of The Bachelor. There was no conversations. And then like one day they got pissed off by Luke. Meanwhile, I'm this overwhelming fan favorite on Paradise with an incredible story arc of like,

I can't find love. Yeah. And I was kind of like, fuck it, we'll make Nick the Bachelor. Oh, that's so good. And then back to The Bachelor Bachelor like there were some moments but like again it was me asking the women like you know tell me about your life and there's they don't like to play the they don't they stick to the playbook yeah it's very it's hard to be funny because there were some moments that it would there would have been moments that I could have been funny but also a dick

uh yeah and then you I won't say the girl like there was one girl who was But there would have been moments that I could have been funny, but also a dick. Yeah. I won't say the girl. There was one girl who was, I'll never forget it. It was in Wisconsin, and I knew I was sending her home. She's just a sweet girl, but really intense. And every time she was trying to talk to me, she'd be trying to talk about serious shit, really hardcore. I'd be like, I just want to get to know you. Yeah. It's just, you know, like really hardcore. I'd be like, I don't, I just want to get to know you.

Like, yeah, it's just, you know, and at this point I'm like sending her home. So she comes and she's just a mess every time she's talking to me. And I feel, I'm feeling bad. And like, and at this point it's the cocktail party. I know I'm sending her home. Oh boy. This is so sad. And she sits down and this is where I'm trying to like try to like you know let's just make it easy you know let's just this is an easy conversation

she's like you know Nick I just maybe I haven't really connected with you let's and I don't remember what it was

but she tried to talk about some like real like oh god like I just want to tell you about the time my leg was sawed off well that actually

happened too on my season yeah well they just get they get deep really quick because they want to get a connection with you. One girl, I knew,

this was a week later, I knew I was sending her home and she was like, I've never told anyone this. I haven't even told my parents. And I literally said, this is not the time. Good.

Don't do it. Job. She did it anyways. Thankfully, they didn't air it. It was a fucked up story. Yeah. And I know she got mad at me. I was just like,

you haven't told your parents? This is not the fucking time. No, I'm not the person. Good for you. But okay, tell got mad at me. I was just like, you haven't told your parents? This is not the fucking time. No, I'm not good for you. But okay, tell me about that intensity. She's talking to me and she wanted to talk about something. And I'm just like, oh God. And again, I know I'm sending her home, right? Yeah.

And I know she went to one of the producers right before. And producers are just looking for moments. If you're willing to put yourself out there, they'll let you do it. i kind of joke or if you ask a producer is this a good idea should i do this no matter what it is they're like yeah totally yeah um so apparently they went and found the producer like i just want to talk to nick one more time and i'm like rapid it's like 2 30 in the morning it's like cold out and she comes and finds me and i knew the producers let her find me and i'm sitting in the park bed and she just like nick I just I just want to like lie here with you and she she wasn't southern I don't know why I'm talking okay I was like I gotta find a southern one and she and she like buries her head into my

armpit just like cuddling with me and I break the fourth wall and like the no way they're they're the everyone's there's like all the producers there's a whole like crew they're no they're everyone there's like all the producers there's a whole like crew no they're in a van watching it like a movie and I look at the producers and I'm like knowing it's not knowing it's not gonna air

oh no well I mean it would've been but I also would've looked like an asshole and I'm just like that's so funny I did a similar thing

I was so mad I was like why on Dancing with the Stars the first episode I got kind of torn i was voted off first but i got torn to shreds in the first episode and i thought i did i was like i made it through the dance i didn't care the judges were just so mean because they knew i was gonna go home because they didn't want me on the show anymore that's what i think so the the judges were really mean and everyone afterwards was just like kind of like this with me like are you okay

and i'm like i'm fine i didn't slip and fall so i'm like okay but everyone's kind of like this with me, like, are you okay? And I'm like, I'm fine. I didn't slip and fall. So I'm like, okay. But everyone's kind of like, you know, like it's weird. Suddenly the cast and even Gleb, like everyone just took so much pity on me because the judges were so mean that no one wanted to talk to me because you don't want to talk to the person

that's just looked like a loser, you know? So backstage, I'm alone texting my ex-boyfriend for any kind of comfort in this scenario because literally all my friends at the show wouldn't talk to me because they were just like- Will you sleep with me tonight? Honestly, I was so sad. And I was in my fucking leotard in the corner,

just having gotten off stage. No one's looking me in the eyes because they're so embarrassed that I just got, I did so bad, which I didn't, whatever. So I remember at the end of the first episode, I got voted off the next night, you know, a two night premiere. But at the end of the first episode,

we're all on the dance floor at the end, just kind of like hugging and like done. And this, one of the dancers who is much better than me knew that I, you know, I wasn't competition, whatever. Not that I thought I was. She walked up and she goes, she was like, all that matters is that you did your best. And I didn't competition, whatever. Not that I thought I was. She walked up and she goes, she was like, all that matters is that you did your best. And I didn't ask for that.

I was just, and I remember like it was live and she walked away. And I remember looking at the camera and going, what the fuck? Like, and being like, I hope they zoom in on me because I couldn't help it. I was like, what the, I was so upset about that comment. But it was moments like that where you break the fourth wall and you're like, I hope they don't help it. I was like, what? I was so upset about that comment, but it was moments like that

where you break the fourth wall and you're like, I hope they don't air that. But I also am like, I got one to do. I was like, just maybe I'm going to be an asshole, but it's funny. You know? Speaking of producers on The Bachelor, didn't you, they're pretty funny, right? They're like comedians. A lot of them. Some, some of them are. Didn't you read one of their books on Audible? My good friend, Elon, what a very good book. I will say his book is something I do model my thoughts around a lot. It's called You're Not That Great, but no one else is. It's true. There's a lot of truth to it. it's kind of the whole like about being cheated on. Yeah. And when you stop thinking you're incapable of being cheated on, life's a little sweeter.

You know? I love that. That is exactly the point of his book. No one can cheat on you. You're not that great. Who the fuck are you? Yeah. That's literally, life's a lot sweeter when you stop propping yourself up and like thinking that you are the hundred heart emoji eyes that people comment on you. That's really, you know, believe the one nasty comment and like life's just fucking easy. And then you can kind of coast. Anyways, if you don't have time to read his book, think, you know, it's fine.

You have Audible. Shall we get to some fan questions? I feel like, Nikki, you're probably good at, well, I don't know. You're single. I'm single. I feel like single people are good at advice because we've fucked up a lot. And hopefully we've learned from our own mistakes. And so we're just going to, you know.

Oh, great. We're going to help out some people. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I've got great advice to give. It is always, I did this once. Yeah. Don't do it. What is your name? My name is Courtney. Hi Courtney. How are you? I'm Nick. This is Nikki. Hi. Courtney, how can we help you?

So for full context, I moved out here from Minneapolis six months ago. I'm out to LA. Okay. So a couple of months after I moved out here, I met a guy and I'm really excited about him. But of course there is one thing. We don't see each other very often. And the main reason for that is because he spends most of his time during the week hanging out with a couple of his ex-girlfriends. He's still really good friends with them.

So a week or two will go by and we really haven't seen each other because he just doesn't have time in his schedule. And I really don't know if I'm just being insecure about it or if I'm just being a fool. Okay. Like, I'm really not sure how I'm supposed to feel about it. Couple follow-up questions. How long have you been hanging out with this guy? Almost three months now. Three months. Okay. How old are you?

29. How old is he? 37. Okay. Have you expressed anything to him about this or are you like trying to play it cool? Like it doesn't bother you. Great question. Well, right now I'm playing it cool. I have mentioned, you know, when a week goes by and we haven't seen each other that's really not what i'm looking for in a relationship okay and he's acknowledged that he's a bit of a bachelor still and he needs to change that okay that's you should listen to him that's him being honest um so that's that's one point um and then a couple more follow-up questions of these ex-girlfriends uh how long did you date them? One of them, I think it was for a year. The other ones, I really don't know very much about them.

Okay. And was there ever a gap in time where he stopped hanging out with them and then like reconnected? No, I think he's kind of, a lot of them morphed in from them dating into just being friends and being more amicable okay all right well all right thank you this is all very helpful i have your answer now that i have all this okay i'm ready um listen there's exceptions to every rule right you can like you when people ask can you be friends with your ex i say no we talked about this when rachel was on i i I have two girls in my life who are some of my best friends that we've, we dated very briefly. We have hooked up and it didn't work out,

but then like time had stopped. Like we stopped hanging out like a year in both cases went past and we reconnected as friends. And those are unique situations where then it was like, we were buddies and like, there was no, and again, we didn't date for a year by any means. Like we dated for a few weeks and in those unique situations, you can be, I think it's possible to be friends. But I think that that gap in time and not talking is important. Otherwise there's like this weird, like, why'd you stop dating if you just kept hanging out? Right. I think there's a thing there. The fact that he's hanging out with girls he's dated for a year is like, I don't know.

That's weird and not normal. There's something there that you're just not privy to. But most importantly, the guy is 37 and he has told you that he acknowledges that he's still a bachelor and he's not necessarily ready to settle down. And that's him being honest. You should, you know, like I don't, he just shouldn't deserve a medal, but he is being

honest. So you should listen to him. And what I'm saying is like, he, I think at this point, three months, it's definitely enough a time that it's now on you to be honest with your expectations and don't beat around the bush. Don't try to play it cool. Cause you don't want to like, you've hung out for three months. It's not like the first day you're like, Hey, do you want to get married? And you're not saying, yeah,

I want to get married, but you can say, Hey, listen, I do like you. And I'd like to see where this is going. So if you're into making me a priority, I would like that. And by all means, I want to be a cool chick. And so like, I'm not saying you can't be friends with your friends, but I need to like, kind of, if you're into this. And so if you say yes to that first part, if you're into this. And so if you say yes to that first part, I do like, would love to like, be okay with this and a good, a really great sign. If that friendships are truly platonic. And I think on both sides is how much they, they include you into this group. If they're really friends, then their, their friends will want to be your friends. Those girls will want to be your friends. They will want to get to know you.

It won't be this kind of separation of things. They will include you. If there is truly just a platonic friendship, they will want to get to know you. There will be no jealousy. They will invite you out. They will even try to be your friends without him being involved. And that's something you should look for. And if he's not doing that, he's not doing it for a reason.

Okay. I like that. I feel very carpenter mentalized right now. So I not doing it for a reason. Okay. I like that. I feel very Carpenters mentalized right now. So I'm kind of feeling that way. Yeah. And you will have all the power if you go, you know what? I get what you're into. And if that's what, if you want to spend more time with these girls and you can't hang out with me with them and you don't, you can't make time for me.

That's totally fine. I accept that. I just need someone that like is going to, I know where I'm at with this. So in a way you end up rejecting him if he can't meet your needs. And that's always really attractive to guys. If you go, okay, well, if you want to keep doing this, I can't do it anymore. So I wish you a lot of luck, like phrase it like that. Like, I don't like the way it is right now. So if that's going to continue, you have every right to do that. And also like good, and maybe we'll be friends someday,

but I'm going to step away. Totally. It's such a power move. Use his words against him. Again, he is being honest, but it's also kind of a line too. And he's saying that to you up front to like eliminate any of your ability

to call him out in the future. So to Nikki's point, just be like, okay, thank you for being honest, but this is what I need. But what you're, because what he's used to doing, he's saying it because what he wants to do is be the honest guy. And he is being honest, right? But he's also setting you up to what he's used to women doing what you're doing, enjoying his company, going along with it,

because he's on, he set an expectation of like, this is where I am. And if you want to hang out with me, then you need to do this. And he's used to women doing exactly what you're doing is not saying anything and hanging out with him on his convenience. And to Nikki's point, to use it against him. Great. Thank you for being honest. Not what I want.

Bye. Can I tell you something, though? I want to give you a piece of good news. I want you to value yourself a little bit more because when people are interested in you, I've been married for a decade or I've been with my husband for a decade rather, they make time for you.

Yeah, I know. That's the thing. If he's not making time. That's the positive thing. Like this may be a little bit upsetting in the present that this guy is kind of being a dick about it. Or he's not. He's being really honest about it.

But he's being honest. He's not being a dick, but he's hanging out with his exes so whatever yeah fuck him but the right guy is gonna want to hang out with you and only you so this may be an upsetting situation since you have your hopes on this guy right now but the next guy won't totally also and there is a possibility too, is, and we said this before, like he just maybe doesn't realize. I mean, I would totally agree with Sam. And if the most cases, people who even busy people make time for the people they want to spend time with, but sometimes certainly I'm guessing this guy sounds like a guy who's used to saying this,

but whatever, like busy is relative. It's like whatever we allocate our time to. But he may just, to Nikki's point, not, again, you don't realize until he's gone. He's not used, he's definitely not used to women saying to him what Nikki told you. He's not used to it. Just being like, that's the way it is? He might realize that you are, like it's possible,

but be prepared for to not get the answer that you want. I think we talk about that a lot every episode. It's like, you know, a lot of times people don't put themselves out there, say what they're thinking because they're afraid of getting the answer they don't want. Right. Like you're afraid to be okay with walking away. Yes. Yes. And if you walk away, I'm guessing he'll come, he'll feel rejected and fight to get you back.

But make sure it's not, he's not doing it. Like give him one chance to do that, but don't give him two. Yes, exactly. Because if he does it and then gives you a lot of attention and then it dwindles down

for a small period of time, then he just reacted to the rejection. Right. So, well said. So yeah, hopefully that was helpful.

Good luck. Thank you very much. All right. Have a great day. You too. Hi. Yeah, we can hear you. Hi hear you hi oh hi are you okay being shown on camera yeah i'm on camera right yes you look great yes um okay so my question is basically surrounding mental health and mental illness so i've struggled with mental illness basically all

my life. But it's not so much a stigma thing because I do work in the industry and like I'm lucky enough to have friends and family who are very supportive. But it does play like a pretty important role in a lot of relationships, particularly romantic relationships. So I guess I'm wondering more just like how you would suggest letting that like accepting that that's part of your life and part of it's going to influence the dynamics um without letting it kind of drive uh the relationship itself and a lot of the insecurities that come with being in a romantic relationship are you able to and it's fine if you're not comfortable are you able to give us any more insight into,

is it like anxiety? Is it more than that? You know, what are we? No, my gosh, no, for sure. That's a good question, especially because it is so diverse. So I don't suffer from like psychosis necessarily, but I do have pretty bad depression

and I function in anxiety. Okay. Well, thank you for asking this question. I know it's not easy. I struggle with anxiety a ton. I don't, I certainly get down a lot, but I, thankfully, I don't think I'm clinically depressed. I mean, sometimes I'm just bored and lonely. And then like anxious about like everything I'm worried about my life isn't being. and anxious about everything I'm worried about my life isn't being. I don't know if Nikki has some thoughts on this, but I think when it comes to any insecurity, is trying to own, we talked about this in the earlier part of the episode,

is I think there's a lot of confidence and understanding and being open about your insecurities without letting it define you. So with dating, listen, I have fine comfort that you're probably not the only one out there with anxiety and various forms of their own struggles. And just be patient with yourself and maybe look for someone who's also a patient person. I wouldn't, I always say when it comes to dating and when you're early on, just try not to dump all your shit on them, regardless of whatever that shit is, you know, whether it's mental health or anxiety or your parents got divorced last week or you have a kid or you got cheated on, just use the first couple of dates to get to know that person. And then slowly kind of see if,

you know, because at first couple of dates, it's hopefully that person. And then slowly kind of see if, if, you know, because at first couple of dates, it's hopefully maybe test them out to see if there's someone who's interested in getting to know you and sharing little insecurities and you'll get a comfort level of a guide of like, how safe do I feel around this person? And people always ask me, what am I looking for in a partner? And minus the physical attraction and someone who makes me laugh and all that stuff. But I really want to find someone who makes me feel safe. I really, I mean, honestly, and that safe is like, I can just be myself. I can have all my bad habits and my good habits and I, they don't cut me down after like the six months of getting to know me when whatever

was charming is now annoying to them. Instead, they're giving me opportunities or feedback to be a better version of myself. They don't make me a better person, but they help me be that person. And they're open to that. And so I think you're no different than at least me and everyone else there is like, find someone who's willing to help you through it. And be patient that it's like, hey, I've struggled and I'm not dealing with what you're dealing with. And I've struggled to find it. So don't beat yourself up that it's hard for you too. So be patient with yourself. And I, but, but don't run from it, you know, um, because the person you really want to be with is going to be okay with who you are is probably the best answer I can give. You just nailed it. Like, I have nothing to add. I mean, I, I suffer with

depression, so I can relate to you on that level of being like, can this guy handle me when I want to like lock myself away? And I get really so super sad that it's almost like kind of scary how sad I can get and how mean I can be to myself. And that's not something you need to figure out early on. Like Nick said, it's not something that you need, you need to let them know early on or be like, because the truth is you have handled it by yourself before. So you don't really need anyone to handle it for you. You're not, you don't need to look for a man to help you through it because you've done

it yourself all along. So you just in those early stages need a guy that at least acknowledges that you're looking for someone who he, he doesn't need to suffer with depression too, or have had experience with it. He just needs to acknowledge maybe that it's, you'll figure out if he's cool enough to handle you at your worst early on, like Nick said,

but don't, don't go into it early. I think we've all made that mistake before, but don't, you don't need to drop that the first three days. Like you said, that is such a good, good point. But you already have every, you don't need a drop that the first three days. Like you said, that is such a good, good point. But you already have every, you don't need a man to like fix you, which I,

you know that you sound like a very intelligent woman. But I always am like, was someone going to be able to handle my depression? It's like, bitch, I've been handling it myself the whole time. I don't need a guy to have to like nurture me through it. Like I just need him to understand that depression is a thing that happens to people like a flu that I'm going to get the flu a couple of times a year. And if you want to hang out for it, cool. If you don't, I've done it on my own before too. What makes you get down? It's sometimes it's just chemical. Sometimes it's just one rejection. Sometimes it's a physical thing that I see. And I it's, it's generally my, if I haven't been meditating, I get depressed. So I don't get depressed anymore because I meditate every day and it's my

antidepressants. It's yeah, it's the best. It's really, well, everyone walks around with some version of something. I think that's important to remember. Like some are physical, some are emotional, some are psychological. I think every single person carries around some version of something. So you will find someone who has their own thing too. Or you won't. Or you won't. Because sometimes you don't find someone. And that's fine too. Not everyone can find their soul.

This whole idea of like he's out there somewhere. He might not have been. It's not a soulmate. I mean. It's not a soulmate. Not a soulmate. But like sometimes you don't meet the person that you're meant to be with, even if there's a thousand.

There's no meant to be with. But I probably have 20,000 guys who if I met them in the world, I'd be like, we are like meant to be. I can't believe we met. This is, but I might, they all might live in Zaire, you know, and I'm not going there anytime soon.

So I might not meet them, but like to your point, you're right there, but there are so many people out there that have their own stuff that think no one's going to accept them for their thing. We're all riddled with insecurities and anxieties and that should give you some kind of comfort. But to that point, we're having a therapist come on next week. That's our guest. I'm doing a therapy session. Let's do a therapy session with Nick. I've never done one. I'm just going to dump. Really? We believe. You seem like you have. In therapy? Well, I have

one in my own head all the time. I talk to myself constantly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have any other follow-up questions? We talked a lot while after we answered your question. I don't want to make sure you're good. Oh, God. She's frozen. She's frozen. Please reconnect. She's been staring and I'm like, she is really like holding her gaze. I was like, she's frozen. She's frozen. Please reconnect. She's been staring and I'm like,

she is really like holding her gaze. I was like, she's stunning. And it froze on a really great image of her. I always freeze like this. I know, I freeze like this. I'm skyping with my clients. Underneath the chin. Can we call her back and say goodbye?

Well, thank you, Faith. Hopefully that was helpful. Yeah, it was. Well, you're going to be great. I mean, you're obviously very beautiful so just go out there and just find a patient guy we're all this well we're always trying to find people um who we can feel safe around so anyways and i like that i think that's a nice place putting it oh well good oh thank you have a great week Thanks for calling. Really appreciate it. You take care. All right.

Take care. Bye. Bye-bye. Nikki, I had so much fun with you. Thank you for coming on. It was awesome. Where can people find you? Nikki Glazer on Instagram. That's where you can slide. Twitter. I'm not accepting slides as much in Twitter, but Instagram definitely. I'm checking my DMs all the time. That's a joke. Professionally and personally.

Yeah. And I'm on tour right now, NikkiGlazer.com for tickets. I'm really, really, really funny. And my show is killer from top to bottom. She has a Netflix special coming on. I have a Netflix special that's going to come out. I have a serious radio show that Nick is going to be on.

If you're listening to this when it comes out, he's going to be on later this week on my Sirius XM show on channel 95, every morning from 10 to 12. So if you have Sirius XM or a rental car, check it out. I had so much fun. I had so much fun. Thank you. Let's do this again.

I would love to. Until next time. Also sending your questions, people. We want to hear your dark stories. Have a good, have a good, have a good week. Rate Until next time. Yay. Also, send in your questions, people. We want to hear your dark stories. Have a good week. Rate us. Five stars. Peace.

You're crazy.