The Viall Files - E80 Faith, Love and Handjobs with Tanya Rad

Episode Date: January 15, 2020

Today we have Tanya Rad from the Scrubbing In podcast to defend single people! She shares how her faith plays a role in her search for love, how she used to be too picky, and why she takes detailed notes after dates. Then, she shares a hilarious story involving “Body Blur.” Man’s rejection is God’s protection! Never underestimate the power of a handjob! Bring sexy back to single! Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: BETTERHELP: https://www.betterhelp.com/viall BOMBAS: https://bombas.com/viall WANTABLE: https://www.wantable.com/viall ZOLA: http://zola.com/viall See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're crazy welcome everybody happy wednesday to you all thank you for listening i'm your host nick joined by my trusty psychic and producer rochelle. How's it going Rochelle? Man, it's just rough. I just don't like the start of the year. Can I say that? It's been particularly harder on me. I don't know why. I feel like I,

we took a few weeks off. I went home. It was nice to see the family. It's like zero to 60 here. Really? Like, yeah. For like,

you know, we, you know, know for us we record some episodes in advance so we didn't have to come into the studio and then with natural habits after our year end there we had some nice days off as well and then i left town it's just like it has really taken me a while to just get the gears in motion it's like getting hit by a train yeah i mean really it's just like this mentality of like which is literally the opposite of like new year new me i know it's not how you want to start i'll do it tomorrow i mean the past three nights i've let's see last night i had shredded mini wheats for dessert in half a box for dessert that's okay the night the night before i had some ice cream

uh then i had this whole time i'm like you know i really want to like step it up i know well your sister was in town does that like get you off your groove interestingly you know you would think maria would help with being her holistic nutritionist but i i feel like i was her excuse to cheat who am i to say no when Maria wants to indulge? Anyways, I hope for those of you listening, maybe if you are feeling the same thing, you feel less guilty.

You haven't really used that new gibbering membership that you'll never be able to cancel. There is that. Yeah, my email, my unread email list is always high. Yeah, especially high. Exponentially high. It really has affected my mental health. So thank God for BetterHelp. Yep, BetterHelp.

But in all seriousness, people, BetterHelp is one of our favorites, friend of show. They're doing some great things with BetterHelp. friend of show. They're doing some great things with BetterHelp. Mental health has obviously become more of a trigger button or something that we are more aware of and hopefully feel more comfortable talking about it. But there's so much stress that goes into finding the right healthcare provider and really just thinking or considering you may want to talk to a professional and then maybe going about actually doing it. Driving there, scheduling it.

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Simply fill out a questionnaire to help them assess your needs and get matched with a counselor you'll love. That's betterhelp.com slash V-I-A-L-L. How are your socks going? I'm wearing them today. I love wearing these with these yellow shoes because they have stripes on them, colored stripes. If it's one thing that hasn't really suffered

with you being, or with you struggling getting in the new year, it's your sock game, I gotta say. I was feeling a little, yeah, lethargic this morning. I was like, I'm gonna put on my Bombas. Did you get holiday socks for the holidays? You know, I got, yeah, I got these really cozy merino wool ones that I wore around the house.

And they're comfortable. They wick away moisture. Super cushiony. Always wick away the moisture. Why are you trying to make that sexual? I'm not. Was I? I guess I'm wrong.

Was it just like a thing that just comes so naturally for me? Like Peter plopping up a girl on the counter. Don't say plop. Plop. No. Go to bombas.com slash V-I-A-L-L today and get 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S

dot com slash V-I-A-L for 20% off. Bombas.com slash V-I-A-L-L. So yeah, I don't know what I'm going to do about this whole New Year's thing. I was planning on getting in much better shape. Not that I'm out of shape. How is that even possible i've been slacking a little bit

i feel like i you know when uh i made you take that a very uncomfortable photo i did have to he did ask me to take a shirtless photo of him the other day it sucked for you and for me we neither of us liked it but you were a team player i really appreciate it but i just got to say i i you know usually when i'm in my best shape, I just throw off the shirt. I'm ready to go. And that, you know, I not quite where I want to be. I mean, it's just absurd to hear someone with a six pack say that,

but I guess if that's how you feel, it's just how it's, it's for me. I'm not trying to be like, you know, I'm just saying, I don't feel like I'm in my best shape. And I've, I've been, you know, I've been having a little bit more ice cream three or four days a week i've been eating a lot of lucky charms what's your favorite ice cream flavor uh chocolate chocolate chip chocolate chocolate yeah where do you get that from i like a good haagen-dazs you know i mean that's i'm not married to haagen-dazs but you're not married to anything i get it yeah uh especially my ice cream i'm uh i'm available

any ice cream sponsors out there oh no um so yeah let's talk about tanya we have a great episode for you coming up uh tanya rad uh uh is with us she is for those of you a lot of you probably already know tanya rad you probably listen to her podcast, Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly. But we had Tanya on. And I got to tell you what, what a great episode we have. Tanya, her and I have a lot of similarities. We have a lot of differences. It's a fun conversation.

Ying and yang. Standing up for all the single people out there. You know, we've talked a lot about relationships, obviously, on this show. And we never really address how single people sometimes get a bad rap. There's a stigma going around that if you are single and you're of age, that somehow there must be something wrong with you, especially if you happen to be single for an extended period of time. Tanya and I, you know, talk a lot about our history in dating. Tanya, obviously, you know, since she's the guest on the show, shares more about her personal life. And I find it to be really enlightening and honest.

And it was a lot of fun talking with Tanya. And I think you guys will enjoy that. So, without further ado, Tanya Radd. But before we jump right to her, don't forget we have some fun little merch out there. Check us out at vile files dot com sweatshirts t-shirts phone cases mugs you might find it fun i don't know we thought we got some requests yeah we thought we'd make it available check it out anything else to add rochelle my favorites the pillow with your face on it uh rochelle insisted that we have this pillow i made it not my idea for those of you oh i a girl

i know uh actually today uh dm me a picture of it and said can i have this for free i'm certain she was mocking me who is it doesn't matter i can take it down if you want i'm here if we get a sale, I'll be shocked. I'm quite... It's not that... Where would you put this? I just love putting your face on stuff. I don't know why. I think it's funny. It's not my idea. Check it out for a good laugh.

But also, some of our... I think some of our slogans and sayings that we've talked about on the show, you'll find on our store. So check it out. And if not, it doesn't matter tanya red everybody tanya red how are you i'm good how are you thanks for coming thanks for having me nervous am i do it i don't know yeah like not nervous at all it's weird though this is like, it's an interesting setup. Like it's cozy. Oh good. Our setup here?

Yeah. Yeah. People seem to like it. Like I'm lounging on a chair. Like I'm like relaxed. I want you to feel comfortable. I want you to feel like Chris. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Well you're, you're, you're kind of propped up on chairs. Which one do you like better? I think I like this, but like now I feel like I might be too chill. No. You don't even like,

I need the sitting up straight to like, but this seems chiller. I'm glad you like it. Yeah. I thought, Tanya, I've been thinking about having you on for a while now. We had your co-host, Becca, a couple months ago. Becca and Tanya are co-hosts of a hit podcast called Scrubbing In. Thank you very much.

You're welcome. And we talked, I don't and um what we talked i don't even remember what we talked about also brad brought her up brad well we we do share brad i feel like tanya and i i mean brad tanya's had brad first yeah i would just like to say i feel as though i'm actually we're not sharing as much as i'm stealing yeah you have stolen him from me because i do feel like i was partial into introducing you guys you you absolutely did yeah i met brad on her podcast oh yeah i'm like i'm the like what's the word matchmaker the matchmaker of the bromance i uh well i i rushed a shirt i will never do a choreography dance video with brad that that

tanya and brad do every so often yeah no we would and that's the thing we neither one of us would ever do it with somebody else yeah and i won't try unless you came into it like we would we were down like if you want a special guest yeah like if you want to pop in we're down probably not we would never like do a dance with someone separate i am comfortable with my sexuality and i like me and brad joke around a lot and flirt on instagram that might be really going for it in terms of if i pop up in a video dancing with the stars come on there's a certain flair that brad and tanya have in their videos that i think would be required for me to go on it that i don't know if i could really i don't know if i could hold to their standards i think i would only bring

it down wow well maybe someday maybe you should check it out but tanya we we've gotten to know each other a little bit over the years and i think one thing we we kind of there's some similarities between our dating lives and the fact are you still single are you single i am single same uh and you are i feel like you're a little, correct me if I'm wrong, a bit of a helpless romantic. For sure. You definitely want to, like, you don't need to, but like the desire to be in a relationship, it's there. For sure.

Same with me. And yet we have remained single. How long have you been single for? And I mean like public boyfriend. Her face. Yeah, public boyfriend. I feel comfortable asking her this. No, you can totally ask me. Because we're on the same boat. Yeah, public boyfriend. I feel comfortable asking her this. No, you can totally ask me.

Because we're on the same boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd say like officially single. Oh my God. When did we break up? I was 25. So maybe like six years. Six years.

See? Longer for me. Well, no, I'm sorry. Vanessa. I dated Vanessa. But other than that and that you know we dated obviously it was real but it was a result of being on the show right and i've dated like i've dated people for like a couple months here and there but i wouldn't say

and i had a boyfriend but yes that was for the exact same boat yeah certainly a couple people here and there there have been uh relationships that lasted a few months um but it never was it didn't turn into like a relationship like we probably were used to having in uh you know in your early 20s you meet you date you meet introduce your parents right right yeah yeah the introducing of the parents has not happened have you ever been instagram official with anyone? Yeah. You have? Well, somebody that I've posted on my Instagram. Yeah.

Yeah. But was that a boyfriend or was that part of the date, someone you kind of dated? No, my boyfriend. But this was the one six years ago. Okay. How long has Instagram been around?

I guess longer than six years. Yeah, I had Instagram in college. I don't know. I've probably literally been on it for six years. Oh. For the first... I'm just so hip, you you are doing it trendy um so why why do you think we're single why do you think you're single um honestly i think that um when i was in my serious relationship and that ended and i was such a different person then and i thought that

that relationship was going to be like marriage kids like move like the whole nine yards I have grown and I have accomplished so much on my own that I never in a million years thought was possible and I honestly think that like God has kept me single because he wanted to show me what I was capable of that I never thought I was capable of myself and I know know that sounds so crazy, but I really, really do. Because I never in a million years thought that I'd be doing the things that I'm doing now, like in terms of even just like living alone. Like I never wanted to or thought I could live alone.

Like I always wanted to have a roommate and then move in with my fiance. That was kind of your expectation. That was my expectation. Yeah. And now I like live alone. And so it's, I've never been like financially independent. And I don't know. Yeah, and now I live alone. And so I've never been financially independent. And I don't know.

It's just a lot of things that I've done, and in my career, too, that I never thought I would accomplish. And I think that God's purposefully, because when I'm in a relationship, I give 150% of myself. So there's no in between, Tanya. There's just all in or all out. And so I've just been all out. And I've just been focusing on me you don't think you could have done both i personally don't think i could have known interesting yeah why do you think you're single still because i'm just a mess i don't know you think you're no um i don't think it's God for me. Okay.

I don't. I always say man's rejection is God's protection. Man's rejection is God's protection. He's looking out from the clouds. Because there was a couple of guys that I really genuinely like, oh, that's the one. I was like, oh, he's the one. This is what you've been saving for me. He's it.

And then when it didn't work out there was these big reasons why and i was like oh okay i was sad in the moment and now i realized like that guy was so not for me i would have lived a life of like paranoia and terror my whole life so like it was god protecting me by that man rejecting me are you pretty a pretty religious person? Yeah. What? That would have been wild. She's like, not really. But when it comes to that. I know, but like, is it just like a personal? You're like, nah.

But when it comes to dating, it's pretty much all him. I really lean into my faith. I give it to God. Yeah. Yeah. Like, do you go to church every week? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. I'm at church and I read my devotional. I listen to worship music every day. Wow. Yeah. You're all in. I'm all in. You are read my devotional. I listen to worship music every day. Wow. Yeah. You're all in. I'm all in.

You are all in. What church do you go to? Zoe. Oh, that's the cool church. Is that the Wednesday one? No, it's on Sundays. Okay. My pastor's pretty cool.

I'm obsessed with him. Could you date him? He's married with a lot of children. But amazing. Somebody like him, for sure. Okay, so when you say someone like him uh you're i feel like you're a bit of a vision board person for sure yes do you have you do you feel like that sometimes can get in your own way i do say if there's criticism about

me is sometimes my strengths like a lot of us are sometimes my weaknesses for sure like you have too much of an opinion of what you want yeah because. Cause I was like one thing I actually wanted to talk to you about our standards. Sometimes I feel like I know you well enough that you have high standards for yourself, which are great. And we actually have a lot of listeners. Why sometimes try to emphasize, have more expectations about the things that you want for yourself. Yeah.

Right. I feel like I have a lot of high standards myself, but sometimes people have a lot of high standards myself, but sometimes people have a hard time living up to our standards. For sure. Do you think that's true with you or totally not? You just haven't, God hasn't introduced him yet. Funny that you say that.

I do think he's been introduced into my world. I just don't think it's been the right time. Interesting. I do think that. I do think he's like in my yeah do you say that because you have a couple of people on that vision board no but i read this stat and i like really thought it to be true it was like you're going to meet the person that you're gonna spend the rest of your life with by the time you're like 25 or something

i've heard something i've i've never heard that yeah i've heard something there's i've heard something similar i remember it being like, there's some sort of stat. I remember it's slightly different, but same topic where like 60% of the people have been introduced to their spouse by the time they're like 21 or something ridiculous. And it's actually been panned out

because I've like asked a lot of people that are married. And like they say, yeah, in like really random situations, they've been in the same summer camp or something like that like in some weird way they did yeah there's a lot prior yeah there's there's definitely stats i bet that's i bet that's changing yeah i think you know obviously historically people got married younger and the you'd go to college or high school and you would just kind of get married to the last person you were in love with when you graduated high school or college so that's changing probably a little bit, but I think there's that.

But I do think that I'm a person that I, like you did say, I have high standards for myself and I hold myself accountable and I'm constantly working on being the best version of myself. And so I do want a partner that's going to be a partner, a teammate that's going to push me and challenge me and somebody that I admire. So it's like, why would I? I don't want to lower my i don't want to lower i would never lower my standards for myself so i'm not going to lower my standards for my future partner but i think what i do that is like self-sabotaging that i'm starting to that i realize i'm not doing anymore is i would fall for guys that weren't either like physically or emotionally able.

I would fall for guys that lived in New York. And so I couldn't really be in a relationship with them, but they would give me what I kind of needed, but they could never hurt me. So I think I've been really scared to let anybody in because I've been so hurt in the past. Why are you pointing at me, Michelle? Same for you.

I think there's some similarities where if I were to evaluate my dating life i especially the past few years it's just like i never really bothered going there so to speak yeah like everyone's like can you just date someone that lives in los angeles because it was like texas and new york and like all these random san francisco and i was like why am i i literally can't date you i like a good out-of-town relationship relationship but even no that's not sustainable but what I'm saying is more than that it's not just that for me it's like even if I were to meet someone here I don't even like bother considering

them being an option that's does that make sense what what I'm saying is I have a hard time like if I meet someone I'm going to date but like i have a hard i don't honestly know sometimes as i get older i become more i'm almost become uh like you prefer your alone time no it's it's not that it's just like i always go back to uh you know as you get older you have more perspective you become less naive there's but ignorance truly is bliss sometimes especially when it comes to love you meet someone you have the butterflies when you're young, and you're just like, fuck it, I love you. And when you get older, you have relationships that fail. And I'm sure you've had, I've had relationships fail. You have relationships fail.

Then you meet another person. You're just like, okay. But now, you go on reality TV, you meet some people. Now when I meet someone, I'm just like, you're nice. You're great. I don't know. It's harder for me to get the butterflies, so to speak. So now it's just like, now I'm just just kind of like dating and it's just like,

yeah, you're nice and pretty. And you see, like, I don't know. Should I, you know, should I like you?

Should we keep hanging out? And I guess in my mind, I'm never really consider really opening up. If that makes sense. Yeah. Zola. Get your free wedding website. I, as a, as a non-married man,

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And then people pick out your clothes and send them to you. I love it. Normally, I don't like it when people pick out my clothes. Really? Unless it's Brad. But I got to say. They did a good job. Loved all my stuff.

I kept it all. I was a little surprised. Yeah, you kept all of it kept all of it can i tell you something so i got my subscription box i wore it on the podcast i've never gotten any compliments on how i looked i got like 15 saying i looked amazing it was the wantable stuff it's because i didn't pick it out isn't that sad a little if i'm being honest and as much as i want to like prop up our sponsors of the show and now i'm like really no one's ever complimented i think your outfit looks great today oh thanks

i know i haven't no these jeans are from wantable oh there you go gosh you know just when i want to give rachelle credit it's all the wantable so yeah if you are looking uh if you struggle with fashion uh just a little bit confused or you just think there's too many choices out there, let them take the work out of it for you. Just tell them your wants, your desires, your preferences. They'll handle the rest. Wannable has taken the challenge out of finding the right clothes for me to wear every day. They can help you too. Go to Wannable.com slash V-I-A-L-L for $25 off your first edit.

That's W-A-N-T-A-B-L-E dot com slash V-I-A-L-L for $25 off your first edit. Wantable.com slash V-I-A-L-L. Interesting. Are you letting your penis do the picking? Can you say that on here? Yeah. You can say penis. This is not an iHeart production.

This is not an Amy Sugarman production. You can't say penis on iHeart uh amy likes a friendly show yeah oh uh fuck shit balls what a shame uh do i let my penis do the picking uh yes and what yes and you're i don't feel like that's the question for you to answer i know a little bit yeah and the women that you're choosing. No. Okay. Why? Ask me a question.

But isn't that okay? Don't you think that's okay? I think so. What do you mean by that question? I guess what he's saying is he's not getting the butterfly. It's like maybe he's just, you're going for maybe not the right girls. Well, again, it depends. Like, I don't, I, we, I think where we are different is I try not to be so structured. I mean, I want there to be an initial attraction.

Obviously, I'm going to be physically attracted to them. We have obviously joked around about sometimes if I, the age of a woman I might go out with, she might be young. So let's say I meet someone, let's say I find them and I realize like, oh, you're too young for me. Would I still go on a date? Sure, right? Right, right, right. I don't sit there and go, and it might say we connect,

but I very much have my, specifically in that scenario, I'd have my guard up saying, this is just not, like we're not gonna match. I don't lie to myself about the reality of situations. Right. But in other times, I don't know know it's just kind of stuff happens i don't think it's i don't think what i'm saying is uh there are plenty of women i might say find attractive that if there are enough of red flags i don't go out with right because i see past the penis so to speak am i

going out with people i find attractive of course course. I don't, like this whole, do you let your penis do the picking? To a certain degree. Right, right, right. I mean, as a woman, do you, what, I like setups. I enjoy.

You like setups. Yeah, I do. Let's dive into this. I like setups, but I do have to say the last. What do you like about setups? Why wouldn't you like a setup? I hate setups. If it's somebody that I trust, it's like anxiety if they like this person then that's

already like okay cool if you if somebody can vouch for you that's a major plus for me what do you mean by vouch vouch like if my friend is saying i want to set you up with somebody and that's a friend that i consider a friend hell yeah i'm gonna trust your judgment and be like okay cool if anything what are they vouching that you're a match or that they're like generally a good guy like i went out with somebody that my friend set me up but this was like maybe two years ago and um he was not like we didn't have any chemistry like there was no physical attraction there was no like he could have been and we had completely different lifestyles like the guy went guy went out to downtown raves every weekend and I'm in bed by like 9 p.m.

But he was such a great guy, like truly, truly like family man and great quality guy. And I never saw him again, but I respected the setup because I was like, okay, like this is a good dude. Not my dude, but a great dude. Do you, so, and when you go in a setup, you don't feel pressure? Not at i i feel pressure well you have to get rid of that i have

to get rid of that yeah because i just i wish i i wish more people set me up really because i i just like oh i have a cute friend you should go out with and i'm just like well because again not to let the penis do the picking but i I want to have the initial physical attraction. That's just one very small aspect, but it's there. And there's other variables. So immediately I'm just like, I'm not interested in your friend. I feel like I don't want to have to say that

if I'm not interested. Because physical is number one? No, even in general. So let's say then I go out with a friend and there's not a vibe there. I just, I get a, it gives me anxiety. I just, the setup in terms of, I feel bad of like, if it doesn't,

if I don't like your friend, I don't want to be a dick. I just would say like, he's a great guy. I see why you wanted to set me up with him. He's just not my guy. And that's it, I drop him, we move on. How many setups have you gone on where it led to multiple dates?

I don't think any. None? None. Any second dates? No. Wow. But not enough people are setting me up. How many setups do you think you've been on?

Probably three or four. Has your audience tried to set you up? I feel like people are going to be listening and be like, I know the perfect guy yeah i feel like um we tried to do i feel like we did a setup on the morning show once and uh it was like somebody that i met i met him at a bar and then like i for like i never got his name and he just like was like we're going to this bar and come there after so i went to the bar after and like couldn't find him so they're like oh it's a misconnection we have to find the guy yeah we ended up finding the guy okay and we then we went out and i was like oh and it wasn't good

not good but it's fine you know it's like i tried about it um everything everything like a story anecdote uh i we don't we're not naming names no it was just like sloppy the kissing yeah oh yeah like just wet no yeah wet kisser yeah it was a lot kiss is really a deal breaker huh yeah yeah what are your non-starters what are your superficial non-starters you know what's funny is I used to have like this laundry list, and now I'm just like, I don't think it's there. Like I used to hate when guys drank out of a straw. That's specific.

So the fact that she's not a list person now, like keep in mind the starting point was I wouldn't look at a guy with a straw. Or sandals. I can't handle a guy in a sandal. Oh, boy. Like a rainbow flip-flop? No, it's not for me. Yeah.

Again, I'm with you on both these things. So I'm giving you a hard time. But wow, if you would. No, it used to be. I'm telling you, I think Tanya, six years ago, was like, I have my list. And I was so picky and whatever. Now it's really not about any of that. You know?

Like, if I'm dating a guy, like the last guy I dated, we were like on our fifth or sixth date. So I was like so picky and whatever. Now it's really not about any of that. You know, like if I'm dating a guy, like the last guy I dated, we were like on our fifth or sixth date. So I was like in it. And he was like, yeah, I just, we went to the beach. We had like a picnic on the beach and he was wearing shoes and I was like, oh, you didn't wear, you know, we're at the beach.

And he's like, I can't wear flip flops. And I was just like, thank you, Jesus. Really? At the beach? At the beach, he was wearing like, what are those shoes? See, that's a deal breaker for me, wearing shoes at the beach. No, it was like Toms the beach. He was wearing like, what are those shoes? Not Toms. See, that's a deal breaker for me, wearing shoes at the beach. No, it was like Toms or like, you know, like little slides. Yeah, I'm familiar with Toms.

And I was like, yeah, okay, I like that. Do you think the lists were another way of you protecting yourself? For sure. Yeah. Do you think that's protecting the list or just being too picky? No, because then you can't get hurt because no one will ever get in. I think that was, I had like a big revelation

where I was like, oh, this is literally what I'm doing. Like I am, every guy that I was going for did not live in Los Angeles. And it was because I was protecting myself because like I am a hopeless romantic and I'm like relationships really,

if like I let people in. And that's why I think I hold my friendships so close. Like my best friends are my like they're my family that they are my I almost feel like my best friends are my soulmates because I give everything to them. They have every piece of my heart and like they're not going to go anywhere where for me all the men in my life have been not that way. Have you had your heart broken? Yes. How many broken? Yes. How many times? Twice.

Twice, how long ago? One was like before the one, the big one was the six years ago one. That was like the traumatic one and then. How much do you think those heartbreaks have defined your life? Massively. Do you feel the same?

Yeah. Yeah. In what way? In the way that like, I feel like I used to love jumping out of, like, my love was me jumping out of an airplane. Okay. And I used to just jump out of the plane with no parachute. I would just dive in and like, that's it. jump out of the plane with no parachute i would just dive in and like that's it now from now on for the rest of my life i will always dive out of the plane with a parachute i'm not i'm not that

girl anymore i think what do you mean by that like i will always have some sort of safety net whether it's like what defines a parachute like a wall of some sort or like maybe not a wall but like like i will always have like i have every i have one hour a day that's just tanya that's just tanya time and i will never give that up even when i'm in a relationship and like i have these things that are like just for me like my friendships and my career and like these things that i always used to kind of when i was in a relationship i used to bend a lot like i used to just never think about myself i was always the other person and now i'm always gonna have like but i think that's great i feel like the parachute metaphor isn't accurate

inaccurate yeah because of the parachute metaphor it's almost like it almost sounds at first when you just give the metaphor it's just like i'll always have this guard or wall up and i won't like i'll have this like safety net and i don't feel like that's what you're describing you're like okay i've had this relationship which a lot of people you know i've done and a lot of people do relate to it's like you get you pour yourself in you kind of lose yourself a little bit you feel like you have to like give a hundred percent or 150 and i love how you use that like 150 because a lot of people do even though technically you can only give a hundred percent but people literally do because often especially in younger relationships you date someone who's only giving 50%. You're like, you know what?

I'll take on the other half. I got this. Literally. So true. So they do that and you do that and then you literally lose your identity. And what you've done and what you're describing is I've learned not to do that. I can be very in love. I can give 100% of this relationship and I can still take time for myself and have boundaries.

It's more about boundaries rather than like, I'm always gonna have my guard up or hedge my back. Cause I don't feel like that's what you're doing. You're just aware of that. Like it's that kind of awareness of that doesn't define love. And I think what a lot we do when you're younger, the harder you love, that means the more in love you are.

And it's like, yeah, to a certain extent, now it's just crazy. It's actually funny cause I feel like i'm getting a lot better like i truly feel like this past year i have allowed myself to date people that live in los angeles that i can see multiple times a week and like really develop you know these short-term relationships that have failed for really not any of like me wanting them to like and i think my perspective has changed on it too because like this last guy that i dated i was like so convinced that this was it like i was like wow like this is really it

and then we gave him this wasn't the the six-year guy this was some guy yeah this was dated you were optimistic yeah this was like six i think i was dating him at ashley and jared's wedding he didn't come did he no no no but i was like that was around that time that's right you told me yeah and that you were excited and optimistic you know super super not so much no i think he was great he was like everything i wanted um he just didn't he just didn't want me back so you know there's that little okay how long did you date a few months and you thought it was the one well i didn't think he was the one but i think he had the potential you were optimistic yes i think he had the potential more hopeful than say other dates you'd been on yes and i think

what's so funny is like now so we gave him this nickname on the show we called him senor butterfly cinderella butterfly senor something brad talked about he said he didn't think you should talk about your relationships on the show i know and. And that's the thing. Everybody says that. But like, I, I spend my life in front of, I literally spend my life in front of a microphone. And I, it's not that I intentionally talk about my relationships. It's, it just, it comes out of my mouth. Like I get excited, you know, like the other day, Ryan, we were talking about something and Ryan was like, oh, do you sleep with the thing on or whatever? I was like, oh, well, I had this guy spend the night the other night in the law. And was like wait what like somebody's in your bed and you're not so things

just come out of my mouth and then i'm like here it is you know um i don't really think that matters do you find have it has it gotten in the way uh well with this one in particular i feel like he couldn't really handle my i don't think it was necessarily talking about it but it was more my career in what way i'm still trying to kind of figure that out um trying to figure out we're gonna trying to figure things out on this he basically said that it was just like a different world like he just wasn't he thinks i'm in a different world and i'm in a different space so i think i took it as like i don't know that it worked much, but it was just like too much of a different world for him. He likes more of a low pro. No.

Are you still betting effort trying to figure it out? No. Okay. But from him, I look at it more as like he was a symbol of hope, you know, because it was like I can find that. Like that was a good. I totally relate to that yeah like does it you know he worked didn't work out but for me sometimes my and maybe you can relate to that

is sometimes like i don't even know if i'll ever like someone again right you know yeah or have those feelings no it's so true and again it's a me problem it's not because i'm not meeting great women it's just like i'm sometimes i joked's just like, I haven't actually gotten excited about someone. I don't remember the last time I've acted like a, like a falling in love, like a young adult. If it's not like, well, I'm the fucking bachelor, you know, because when you're on the show, you kind of just like you, you really immerse yourself. And even though I'm able to do that on the show, cause it's like, Hey, I'm here. So I'll just go for it. I'm too damn objective in real life.

And again, this is not because I haven't met great women. There is definitely women I've like really like you. And I've been processing that, but to get the butterflies that you describe, it's something that even then I get envious of to say. And so I totally get this idea of like, you know,

I didn't work out, but that in itself is an exciting thing. And it reminds me to just stay the course, so to speak. Yeah. And so now I feel like butterflies are a symbol of hope. I see them everywhere. I used to see them everywhere. And I was like, oh my gosh, this is a sign.

This is my dude. My dude, he's everywhere. And now I'm like, oh, it's hope. Hope is everywhere. It's just going to happen. Where I carry butterflies. Butterflies. It's hope. Hope is everything. It's just going to happen. We're at Gary. Butterflies. Butterflies.

Are you still taking rigorous notes from dates? For sure. This is wild. Wait, what? Yeah, I learned this when I met Brad. It was heavy. I could pull up every date. What?

She has play-by-play notes of a date. No, not play-by-play, but like, okay, so if it's a significant person, like not on a first date, but if I go, it's pretty much if it's a second or third date and I know like, oh, I want to date you, I start taking notes. So like their name and like members of their family and like their birthday and their zodiac signs and like little things that they mentioned that they like and then I can bring those in like later in the game what about that's so weird i think it's so smart it's smart it's fine it's

do you are is that is that is it those are basic bio or are there how you felt or what you liked or what you didn't like is it or is it no it's it's basic information so then i'll also write like date one went to like the restaurant that we went to and then like whatever if we saw a movie or like whatever we did on our date so like everything's mapped out so like if let's say you know we have our first wedding anniversary i feel like this is all for like for sure if we want to go back to our first date like i have it all here no it's so good come on it's very practical i mean i can't deny that uh i don't know it's so good it's so good like this one guy that i was dating mentioned that he liked um he had like this his favorite drink or whatever and so we like cooked dinner at my place and i made sure

to get the ingredients that we could make his drink. It's very thoughtful. And he really enjoyed that. You'll make a great partner. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. You will. Would you ever be frustrated if a guy didn't share the same enthusiasm about something like that that you have? No, and I don't think I've dated any guy that does share the same enthusiasm.

However, I have dated guys. I feel like there's a risk there because guys will be like, oh, cool, thanks. Were we here? I don't remember. You're like, yes! No, but I think there's a risk there because guys be like, oh, cool. Thanks. Were we here? I don't remember. You're like, yes. No, but I think like there's other ways to like this one guy was at my house and he noticed

that I had this particular like flower in my living room, like a lot of hydrangeas I have. And he's like, oh, is that your favorite flower? And I was like, I just love the way they like they make my home feel really cozy. And so the next time he came over, he brought me hydrangeas. That's the normal version of what you're doing. Exactly. So you just like remembered but now i just have i just have a lot going on that if i don't write it down like

forget it i'm not an expert but we did take the test and talked about a little bit have you heard the enneagram yeah have you done it i feel like you've done this obviously i'm a one wing two i don't one wing two what's that what that? What is that? Tell us about it. The perfectionist. Okay. That makes sense. What else can you just tell us about a one wing two? We're perfectionists. You know, I haven't done a ton of, I haven't like looked at it recently, but it is like describes me to a fricking T. And even the things that it says like you're bad at, blah, blah, blah.

It was like, I was bad at that. I mean, mine was. What's yours? Three, four. Three, four. Three wing four? Yeah. Yours is the activist.

That's what this, I mean, they all say different ones. No, Tanya. I don't remember an activist. Oh, one is an activist? Your fear is being, making impure choices. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So. yeah yeah so oh god no so ones are very like moral they're very like moral and like they have like a really big moral compass and they don't ever want to veer off of that and like that's why yeah a lot of it comes from that not wanting to make mistakes yeah uh do you think uh what if you met someone?

There's no checklist, but they were really, they were on point. But on that list was not necessarily atheist, but agnostic. Not necessarily against anything, just not really into it. That's what agnostic means?

Is it? Agnostic means you still believe in God, right? I'm not a pro here, but my understanding of agnostic is kind of like, you know, though I'm kind of generally spiritual, but they don't practice. I could be way off base here, so don't hate me. So I- Like an atheist is my understanding is they just believe in nothing, anything whatsoever. Agnostic, a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God.

So actually it's funny when I see agnostic or atheists pop up on any dating app, I just immediately X them out. Okay, see, you're letting go of a lot of people there. That's half the population. But what's interesting- No, it's actually more like 20%. So I used to think that I only would want to date a Christian.

Like I was very much like, it just, they have to be a Christian and that's like, that's what it's going to be. And I have come to realize that I don't like, that's not such a big thing for me. They have just faith. Like if they have a faith, that's what matters to me.

But not, you're not, you're not going to bother with the not spiritual person. I find that interesting because there's an argument to be made about opposing viewpoints. But, you know, two believers, believers who have opposing viewpoints can be more challenging than say, there's a lot of stories, especially when it's more like women, the religious woman meets the not so religious guy and she kind of brings them over to the light side, so to speak.

There's a lot of feel, like there's a lot of feel like there are a lot of stories like that so i'm almost kind of surprised because you're so passionate about your faith and so willing and open to talk about it that like if a guy was you know not into it but slightly open-minded that you wouldn't know if he was open-minded like so i uh recently dated somebody that was jewish and uh. And if this was Tanya two or three years ago, I would have been like, no, I need a Christian. And I was like, you know what? As long as he has a faith and he

was down to come to church with me, sure. What if he's not necessarily, what if he's going to his synagogue? Would you flip-flop? Yeah. You would? Yeah. But not the person who, he's so great. He's so great. You get set up and they're the person who, he's so great. He's so great.

You get set up and they're like, I forgot to ask if he was religious and you love everything about him. And he's just like, I'll be honest, I just had a bad experience and I haven't really gone. I'm not really that interested. But if you want me to go, I'll tag along. I don't know.

I mean, it's like you take it for what it's worth. And if I was obsessed with a guy, maybe I would think differently. But probably not. Huh. Interesting. Has that come up a lot? No.

Especially in LA. I feel like there's more people who are, you know. Not Christian? I mean, you certainly have more of a melting pot of religious people in LA. And then you have people who aren't i guess very religious yeah i think it's just hard for me because like i lean on it for a lot of things so like you know like if work's going if work's you know stressing me out or even if i'm having a fight with somebody like i pray about like everything in my life you know yeah what

what if they what if they uh were supportive, they just didn't pray? I mean, I could totally get like if someone was mocking you for it, because there's nothing more than that person who's like, oh, you're going to pray again? Yeah. Like, okay, buddy, that can't work. But they were like super supportive of you and just... I mean, maybe. You're so good at talking about your faith to just completely chuck out guys who are like,

I feel like you'd be good at bringing someone on board. Yeah, but I feel like I need a partner, you know? They could become a partner. You know, it's only a first couple of days. I'm not ruling it out. That's what I'm saying. Two years ago, Tanya would have been like, no, now I'm more open.

Yeah, I'm feeling, you know, there we go. I guess I will say. But also on dating apps, like I put X on like 90% of the time. If you're going to put it on your bio on a dating app, then you probably want, you want them to know for that reason. You know what I'm saying? I think a lot of people might like have that point of view, but they don't put on their dating app.

Right, also like, do you have a strong faith? I grew up very religious. So would you put anything on your date or would you say a blank? No. I don't know what I am at this point. I mean, I went to church every Sunday till I was 33, 34. I served communion. I was a lector. I grew up around Peterson nuns. I'm very comfortable with faith. I'm fascinated by religion. I have some questions about certain things. I question my faith. And I'm definitely, as someone who grew up very Catholic and very devout and very proud of being Catholic, and to some degree, I still identify with that. I'm very interested in other religions and points of view.

And I personally am not – I don't think my God's better than your God, so to speak. And so, yeah, I'm less devout than you are. I think that's safe to say. And I question things more than I did before. I don't necessarily think God is the reason I'm... It's like I've made my choices. And so the point of view I take is, I think God's probably looking out for me,

but he's just gonna let me figure it out. But I feel like what she's saying is more like everything is for a reason. It's just a positive outlook where you see the good. Yeah, there's just a bigger picture. And I think that's a lot of the choices and things that happen to me in my life.

I feel like you can look at something that happens to you in a positive way and a negative way. why is this happening to me or what is this trying to teach me and i feel like i try to always take the positive route because i just feel like it's i think that's great i mean it's it's just how you look at it differently like you know it's sometimes how you define it i mean i think it's easy to sit there and just be like, oh, like I'm, this sucks.

Like I don't want to be single. I'm like, blah, it's been so long and this path has been so rough. And it's like, I have some freaking hilarious stories. And like, I've met some weird ass people.

And like, I've said yes to a guy that asked me out in my car on Wilshire Boulevard. You know what I mean? And like, it's like, I don't know. It's just, it all adds to,

they all taught me something, you know? I told, I'm totally on my way with that. Again, it's just how you pack, you know what i mean and like it's like i don't know it's just it all adds to they all taught me something you know i told i'm totally on my way with that again it's just how you pack you know like how you process it differently and i relate to what you said i think maybe like i had codependent tendencies yeah and like would just abandon any kind of like career if if i was really in love and so it probably similar where you kind of have to separate yourself. But ideally, you can have both. I think so, too. I think so, too.

But I was the exact same way. I was traveling every single weekend to see him. He would never travel to see me. And it was always like me having to give up work things. And I never saw it that way because I just was happy to do it. Yeah. I mean, dating is always challenging. I enjoy talking to you about it because we do have a lot of similarities and yet you

and I are in a lot of ways have our differences in terms of our personalities. And it's always interesting to have that discussion on our own choices and why we are the way we are. We do have, it's funny because a lot of of similarity is that way in terms of you had serious relationships when you were younger and in some ways kind of codependent and define yourself with these relationships. And I was kind of the same way.

You were, and romantic. Very, yeah. And then I just kind of took a time out. And like you, my life has drastically changed since my last relationship that wasn't bachelor related. And I don't know if it was a result, but sometimes I like to have, and maybe you are the way you are too. And the question is, do you sometimes, sometimes being single has this weird negative connotation in our culture? Oh, for sure.

Why are you single? What's wrong with you the number one question i get asked is how are you so okay being single and i'm like that is so sad fuck you no but not even like fuck you like i'm sad for you because i'm like thriving being single right now you know is that are you on a journey like myself to try to bring out the positives of being single and what they can bring you? Because there's so many people listen and talk about their relationships.

And if they are single, oh, it's the holidays. I'm alone. What should I do? It's like they can't function. No. It's so interesting because I also think that there's like a, I think that we have seasons of life. And it's like, I'm in this season of being single. And it's like, there's so much to appreciate that we have seasons of life and it's like i'm in this season of being

single and it's like i there's so much to appreciate you know i mean like i can sleep until whenever i want like on a sunday i can do whatever i want like i don't have you know what i mean like i'm in this phase where i don't have like a ton of commitments to p i don't have a family like you don't have my own family you know what i mean and like that's not those days are numbered because i do know it's such a desire of my heart. So I know I'll get married and I know I'm gonna have a family one day. And I know that when that day comes,

I'm gonna be like, oh my gosh, remember when I used to just like complain about being single and like all I would love to do is get a good night's sleep tonight. When you meet young women, I'm sure you have your young women fans or people come up to you and the people who ask you those questions about single,

what are some bits of advice you give to them about like their perspective on relationships or being single i just think that i think the thing that's so that's i see a lot of monkey branchers and monkey branches going from one boyfriend to another yes and it's like i think that there's something so scary in that because if you, I think it's really important to be able to be alone, to be single and to figure things out on your own, because I think you just make a better partner. You never want, I never want someone to complete me. I'm a complete package, but I want someone that's going to add to my life. And I think that once I find that it's going to be like game over, you know what I mean? Like, I really genuinely think I'm going to be like game over. You know what I mean? Like I really genuinely

think I'm going to have such a beautiful marriage because I know what I can bring to the table and I know what I'm going to get in return. You know what I mean? So it's like why settle for something that's not bringing you a lot of joy? And I know there's a compromise and I know relationships are hard and I know it's not all rainbows and butterflies but I think when you have a better sense of self everything's just better I see you in a Chrissy Teigen John Legend type relationship for sure for sure right me too like so does Tanya I will take a John Legend type for sure I mean listen I love that but that's like going to someone and saying, I see you being a billionaire. No, but it's like, I see that. You do?

Because I do too. No, I'm kidding. I see that for myself. Someone who lets you shine. It's like America's couple. You're like. I know, but that's what I see for you. Yeah.

Way to keep it real level-headed over here. You know me. I am not level. I'm the farthest from level-headed. I know. This is great. High in the sky. I'm really inspired by your positive attitude right now. I am not. I'm the farthest from level headed. I know. This is great. High in the sky. I'm really inspired by your positive attitude right now.

I like it. But it's like. I'm curious. People will write me and they'll be like, oh, this guy, he just did this and like all these things. And she's like, but I just don't want to like, I just don't want to lose him. I've been dating him for a year. And I'm like, that's one year.

Who do you get to spend the rest of your life with this loser that's treating you like garbage? Like, no, I think it's so weird because people fear being single so much that they're just going to stick with being treated like not great. It's like, why? I'm guessing you maybe got this perspective after your heartbreaks. For sure. When you realize it didn't actually kill you. Yeah.

Close to it, though. I'll tell you that much. No, but that's what I'm saying. When it happens, you literally feel like you're actually kill you. Yeah. Close to it though, I'll tell you that much. No, but that's what I'm saying. When it happens, you literally feel like you're going to die. You can't imagine living without this person. Yeah. Then you do. I've never not eaten.

I love, I like to eat. And I was to the point where I just wasn't eating for days. I'm like, I've never experienced that. When I'm stressed, I eat. I don't have the opposite effect until heartbreak. I'm like, I literally can't put anything in my body. So you are obviously a very positive person. Have you ever had, even now, where you aren't so positive?

Of course, I'm human. And I can get really sad like when that guy the butterfly guy ended things like i was really sad for like a week so what happens like how do you how does tanya now compare to tanya like 10 years ago when i get sad yeah because you're right like i always like it's how you process information that changes it's like you can't help how you feel like yeah something like you get your heart broken you just you process it differently so like how is it different you know for the people who like you know 10 years ago you're like i'm i may not work it wake up tomorrow as opposed to like just because you're sad doesn't mean yeah so like i kind of let myself

be sad for that weekend and i just like cried a lot i actually went to an event with brad um just to kind of like get out of the house. And then I really was intentional about it and I wrote in my journal and I wrote things that were great about him and like the relationship that we had. And I kind of just like mourned it and just like wrote it down

and then that was the end of it, you know? Very healthy. Yeah. Did you write down things you didn't like about him? There wasn't much. Oh. Yeah. Did you write down things you didn't like about him? There wasn't much. Oh. None. I mean,

I would have liked him to be a little more mature. I think at the end of the day, that's kind of the straw that broke the camel's back. Yeah, he was younger. And I'm like, I think I need 30s plus

and he was in his 20s. Yeah. Did he know how much you liked him? I don't know. Okay. Rochelle was like, can I just hug you for liked him? I don't know. Okay. I thought Rochelle was like, can I just hug you for the breakup?

I know, I don't know if he knew and I don't know if he ever will know, but I really cared about him a lot. He never listened to your podcast or radio show? I always like kind of make a deal. I'm like, it's probably best you don't listen to these things. Yeah, same with my family.

I'm like, just don't. Was that ever, I wonder if i would actually listen to that advice but hey i talk about you don't listen like okay sure it's also like what's someone gonna listen to two hours of a podcast and four hours of a radio show every day like no i don't know i think he would tune in punch in here and there but like you, you know. I mean, I guess. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, they could totally be lying to me. It's also self-preservation.

Like, if this isn't going to make me feel good, I'm not going to listen to it. You know what I mean? Right. Some people have that. I don't know if you do. I'm trying to honestly think how loud it was. I probably, I would say 98% of the time, I would be like, you know what? Don't need it.

Don't want to want like, but it's always like, that's a moment of weakness. And so, you know what usually is? It's like the friend or the family member is like, Hey, did you hear?

I saw this thing. And they just send you this thing. It was like, Oh God, now I have to look. And then it's just like, thanks for ruining my day. But you would never talk bad.

No, no, no, no, no. I never talked bad. I talk real for sure. What's the difference between those two?

What if the real is bad? No. So like one time I went out with this guy and he was like, he was wearing, oh no. He was wearing like light jeans. Like it was summer. So he was wearing like cream colored pants. And I was wearing this cream colored pants and i was wearing this like dress and i put like body blur on my legs because my legs i'm so pale so it's

like body blur is kind of like tanner okay um for our date and like we um we were like making out on my couch so i like i had got my body blur like all over his pain but it was like our third it was like really early on and i could like see it and he looks like over my pant and i literally like i couldn't say anything because i was so embarrassed you didn't tell him he sat and like but he went home and noticed i'm sure he probably like sat in something you didn't tell him so like stuff like that I would share. But it's not bad. That's totally fine. Yeah.

That's totally fine. Making it on the couch. How long before you were making it on the couch? Do you have? No. I feel like as a type A person, you have a defined set of rules on the stages of a dating process. No, it's funny.

I don't. You don't? No, but I'm a big like kiss on the first date advocate. Oh, okay. Yeah, because I just feel like if there's gonna be chemistry, you need to like just like, let's see it. Let's see if it's there.

Do you have a strong point of view on going past first base on the first or second date? No, but I do have a strong point on sleeping with somebody. You do, for yourself or everyone? Just for myself. And is that faith-based or is that principle for myself and is that faith-based or is that principle like is that is that faith-based or you think that's that's not it's tanya-based i've done unattached sex and i can't do it like it makes me it has to be a committed relationship but that's

for you because of like how you it's how you feel about it so it's been six years no no but i mean technically yes you can see rochelle's face right now um no because i didn't realize that until recently like oh it's a recent yeah yeah yeah i like that that's a good rule it's hard but it's hard well because i like that because it actually is about how you personally feel about the situation. It's not, what I don't like is, I mean, listen, if it's of a religious reason, then it's your religion, you're following your faith. So good for you. But if it's like this over, I'm a big believer on, it has nothing to do with whether he's going to end up liking you or not.

Right. So if you're holding out as some sort of tactic. Right. It's a waste of time. But if you're holding out because personally you just don't like how you feel. I just need to know that you're not dating anybody else. Yeah. You know what I mean?

It's like a safety thing. Yeah. Or just a comfort level. It's a comfort level. And I just, it's for me. That's the way to go. Yeah. Like I just, I just don't want you sleeping with me and I don't want you sleeping with

other people. Like I just, and that takes, you know, time to get there for guys. So given that, do you include that or in the define the relationship or you're willing to have that discussion saying, hey, listen, I'm not trying to define a relationship, but physically attracted to you, but I just need not trying to define a relationship, but physically attracted to you, but I just need to know that, were you checking in there? Because I think sometimes people have a hard time defining relationships or having the conversation about sex. So as someone who's outspoken and as you are and knows what you want, how would you go about that for the

people listening who can relate to like wanting to set these expectations? But how do you bring that up with the guy? Yeah. I mean, I think it's funny because I think a lot of people think it is like an insecurity of like, I always feel like I need to have sex sooner than I want to because that's what the guy wants. And I think that's the majority of the women that reach out to me. That's what they say. But I've come to find that like guys are really respectful when you say like look like this is just something that i've figured out for myself and like i don't want to rush anything like we

don't need to i don't need you to be my boyfriend tomorrow but just for myself um i can't have sex outside of a committed relationship and i'm really attracted to you and like i'm gonna need you you know to respect that and just know, like, we'll see where this goes. But I think like being really open and upfront about it, especially even early on has honestly proven to be like, it hasn't been a negative. It's not, hasn't had a negative impact on my dating life at all. That's great.

And it's been hard at times for sure. I like hearing that perspective. Now, do you, are you doing, you're doing this in a setting that's not necessarily sexually driven? Yeah, I mean, I'm not like, I'm not in the middle

of like a hardcore makeout session. Not that that would be wrong if you do. No. But like, it's interesting because I think

that's great to hear and I would agree that a lot of guys out there, we've had conversations in the past that sometimes other women have had not so great experiences with guys.

Oh, really? Well, yeah. I mean, there's a lot of different guys out there great experiences with guys. Oh, really? Well, yeah. I mean, there's a lot of different guys out there. Whiny guys. Whiny. I mean, don't underestimate the power of a handjob. I mean. So, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Put that on her tombstone. So, this is the pity. It's not pity. It's just like, you know, there's. The pity tuggie. Yeah, there's stuff. Keep the wolves at bay. Yeah, you know.'s the pity tuggie there's yeah there's stuff keep the wolves at bay yeah you know so how does that go about like listen if you're really if you're really

wanting to do this i'll because if this i gotta say i would just be like i would be the guy the first just like you know what that's cool and maybe that is an opportunity for me to really assess how i feel about you i feel i think most guys and we can't speak for like i like to generalize but i do i'm a big advocate in open communication and being up front because i do think the majority of guys they don't want that burden that really makes them reassess how they feel about you if you if a woman says i really want to be in a relationship and i this is important to me i think most not all there's a lot of shitty guys out there will just be like you know what yeah i don't know we definitely shouldn't do this but they also think you get the answer you want right and then you're like bye i don't wouldn't would

i would not boundaries again i would not want the tuggy hand job if she's just like if it makes me feel like listen i'm not gonna sleep with you and you're fine but if you're that horny i could jerk you off no that's not i know i know you're not saying to sleep with you. You're fine. But if you're that horny, I could jerk you off. No, that's not how you say it. I know you're not saying that. Like sometimes you get heated and like the moment gets heated and there's other things that you can do to, that's all I'm saying. I'd be like, no, I'm good. Really? You would turn down a handjob?

I'm not a huge fan. That's the word. That's what it's about. I'm not a huge fan either i can't figure it out i really it's uh it's too complicated it's yeah if i had a clear understand i mean again there's exceptions to every rule but if it's just like i i if a girl if a woman's like hey listen this is important to me i want to set some boundaries. I wouldn't feel comfortable getting a handshake right after that.

I just, I'd be let's make out, depending on how I feel. Again, also like. I also don't approach it as like a boundary. I just say like, this is just something that I've learned about myself that. Yeah, no, I think that's great. I'm just trying to think it was like, well, you know yeah i don't the the are you are you making out is there other things going on or is this just the hand job no it's not just like a drive no it's not like after the conversation like i'm like but i'll do this it's not my favorite foreplay i I'll be honest. It's, yeah.

Anyways, but I like the open communication. I think that's great. And I'm glad that you have had a positive. Yeah, actually, honestly, I've had a really, really positive, what's the word, response. I only say that because there's so many variables and so many people have different experiences. I don't want to be desensitive to someone who didn't have that experience but sometimes people hear stories and then all of a sudden bad yeah and that's great to point out but it's also nice to hear the nice stories because sometimes you say well my friend

had a bad experience so i don't want to say something again everyone has a different situation but if you can try to have you know it's nice to hear yeah i'd say like the last over communicated and it's been positive the last four guys that i dated in the past like year year and a half i've communicated this too and they've been like really receptive have you had not receptive experiences with guys who haven't handled it well um i had one guy that like kind of tried to challenge me on it you know what i mean like he was like oh well we'll see you know what i mean like kind of tried to challenge me on it. You know what I mean? Like he was like, oh, well, we'll see. You know what I mean? Like kind of like that.

And I didn't love that. We'll see. Yeah. Like we'll see how good you can hold out. You know what I mean? When I'm like, yeah, I didn't love that. But I was like, guess what? I did.

Yeah. And I'm not dating him anymore. Never slept with him. So bye. Good. Guys. Yep. I know. It was like, I'm going to turn gonna turn you on you're not gonna be able to and i was like it's not quite the response but all right buddy uh

yeah so you were like i won't i won't do i really want to sleep with the guy i really like and he was like um he was like that's so good like he was like that's great like i respect that and he's like but i don't know how you're gonna be able to hold out when i'm around so attractive yeah yeah i was like was he that not that smart because again that's there's a difference between because what you're saying i love because you're setting it up is this is how i feel about the situation i just don't want to emotionally go there and he's kind of indirectly saying well i don't plan on dating you but i'm going to convince you to have sex with me anyways which is of indirectly saying well i don't plan on dating you but i'm going to convince you to have sex with me anyways which is like he's saying i don't respect your

boundaries well that too but like or like i don't believe you like i'm gonna test you but he's also kind of because he could say well i really like you too so this is great to hear so we'll probably end up having sex because i really want to date you he's like laughing at the possibility i see what you're saying which is such a turnoff. And you're a smart person. You would pick up on that. How could that ever work? That's different. Some guy is saying, if a girl says to a guy, well, you know, I just, I want to wait because

it's the first date. And, you know, I just don't want you to think of me this way. Like guys might be like, well, I won't. And then there's some negotiating there. But you're setting this boundary of like, I don't feel comfortable to like, I don't know. Anyways, I'm glad you've had a positive response. Thank you so much.

That's good to hear. Well, thank you for being so open about this. I thought you'd be the perfect person to talk about relationships and single. We've had similar pals and obviously you have a lot of perspective and experience. I think it's always fun to hear, especially for all the people

who feel judged about being single, about going out there and their friends are like, why aren't you single? You're so nice. What's wrong with you? It's refreshing to just be like, hey, we're two people, mostly thriving, but haven't found the one. For sure thriving. Also 2020, I feel like it's going to be the year.

I'm just saying. Yes. For you? It's going to be your year. What if it's not? I just feel like something big's gonna happen in your in your love life for me or you both yes i agree i see it really excited about that tanya thanks so much for coming thank you so much it was a blast i always appreciate you uh

being so vulnerable and honest about your personal life you know i appreciate that because also i think too it like kind of helps people feel less alone you know yeah you're a bright shining light people you are people really like to shit on people who are single and i for one i'm not having it not having it man you know so it's just nice to have an ally yeah bring the sexy back to single yes um so thank you for coming i really appreciate it and thank you guys for listening as always. We do appreciate you tuning in. Don't forget to send your questions at asknickatcastmedia.com. Cast with a K.

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