The Viall Files - E836 - Going Deeper with Love Is Blind’s Ashley

Episode Date: November 6, 2024

Welcome back to The Viall Files: Going Deeper, with Love Is Blind’s Ashley Adionser-Francis! Season 7 of Netflix’s Love Is Blind just wrapped, and there’s so much more to address! How are Tyler and Ashley doing? How was the reunion? And what's the real truth regarding the kids? Ashley addresses it all.  “For the fake TikTok journalist… While they chase trends, I hold the truth.” Listen to Humble Brag with Cynthia Bailey and Crystal Kung Minkoff every Monday starting October 21st! Available wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@humblebragpod https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/humble-brag-with-crystal-and-cynthia/id1774286896 Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes. Listen To Disrespectfully now! Listen on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/disrespectfully/id1516710301 Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0J6DW1KeDX6SpoVEuQpl7z?si=c35995a56b8d4038 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCh8MqSsiGkfJcWhkan0D0w To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com  If you would like to get some texting advice on Office Hours send an email to [e-mail] with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! To advertise on the show, contact [e-mail] or visit https://www.advertisecast.com/TheViallFiles  Thank You to Our Sponsors: BranchBasics - For a limited time only, our listeners get 15% off and Free Shipping on their premium starter pack when you use code VIALL at https://www.BranchBasics.com/VIALL  ZipRecruiter - Go to their exclusive web address right now to try ZipRecruiter FOR FREE. That’s https://www.ZipRecruiter.com/VIALL  Uncommon Goods - To get 15% off your next gift, go to https://www.UncommonGoods.com/viall Mint Mobile - To get this new customer offer and your new 3-month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to https://www.mintmobile.com/VIALL Vionic - Use new code VIALL at checkout for 15% off your entire order at https://www.vionicshoes.com when you log into your account. True Classic - So, if you’re ready to upgrade your closet, shop now and unlock big savings during their HUGE holiday sale. Just go to my exclusive link at https://www.TrueClassic.com/VIALL  Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @nnataliejjoy @ashleyadion @justinkaphillips @leahgsilberstein @dereklanerussell

Ashley, welcome. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having us. Thank you for coming. We're so excited. Huge fans are obsessed with you. How's your heart my heart? Yeah, we yeah, it's heavy we we do that That is great. Okay, it's doing very well. Okay. Love great for asking. We are so glad to hear. Yeah Congratulations. Thank you on being a happily married woman Yeah, we are very excited to get into everything. Are we wearing a ring? No, because I was walking around town and I was just like, anyway.

Yeah, she's like, this is a big old rock. Let me take a photo. Someone will take a picture on the internet. We are recording this prior to the finale being released. We are very excited to have you here. Well, one, we just obviously, like many fans, fell in love with you and your relationship watching you on your journey. Thank you. How did you end up on the show? My friend from high school who

I don't even talk to that often sent it to me on Instagram. I was like, oh you'd be perfect for this. And I was like, I don't know. So I called my godbrother and I was like, do you know about this show? Because I wanted to make sure it wasn't something like a little ratchet or something that would affect my career. So he was like, oh no, this would be the perfect one for you to do because it's solely based on love and friendships and things like that.

So I was like, okay. So I literally got out of bed and recorded my intro video in front of my closet door, no makeup, no anything. Very bold of me. Yes. And yes, I just kind of like dove in. I was like abstinent that year and I was really focusing on myself.

So I was like, this could be a next step to that. And it most certainly was. Who had you been a fan before? No, I am now. Have you gone back and watched any old seasons? So I did watch season six, obviously, because I knew by that point that I had just filmed. And then before I went I did watch season six, obviously, because, you know, I knew by that point that I was... I had just filmed.

And then before I went, I watched season four, mainly to see what they wore, because we had to make sure we didn't have, like, logos and things. Like, that's how I was like, oh, let's see what they wore. And just to kind of get a gist of, like, the conversations that, you know, people have in the pods and just, like, what the dynamic was with the women, like, in the lounge and things like that. Cause I was like, oh, like worst come to worst.

I'll just leave with a bunch of girlfriends, which I love. Yeah. Total girls, girls. So you mentioned you were, you were abstinent for a year before. What drove you to that decision? Dating in DC. What? Yeah.

Dating in DC. Stupid question. Yeah. Literally. Well, she implied that it was a choice. Yeah. So like, you know, it was actually December 22nd. I remember the exact date of 2022. Four o'clock in the afternoon.

And I just was like, I left like a date with this guy and I was just called my god sister and I remember like tearing up and being like, I just feel so like not connected to anyone. And I feel like I'm wasting my time and my soul, my body, all of it. And I just, I'm not a casual girl. I tried to be. I wanted to see like what sex in the city was like. You know?

And I was just like, I can't do that. I just, it's cool if you want to do that. If that's your thing, I love that for you. But I just am not her. You're not a Samantha. I'm not, I love her though, she's my favorite. But not Carrie really, but you know, Samantha's a close second.

Just cause like I live vicariously through her, I guess. And just like the boldness of her. So I tried to be that girl and it just wasn't fulfilling for me, so that year I was like, okay, I'm gonna focus on myself, I'm gonna focus on my career, I'm gonna focus on my relationship with God, and I just wanna kind of cancel all ties to anyone. So that meant not even going out on dates,

because that could lead to anything, you know? And a little look, you never know. So I was just like, I'm gonna totally cut off everything, and then what's meant to buy me will. Easier not to buy the cookies at the grocery store than not eat the cookies. Yeah, and then like see them sitting there and like, ah, maybe.

Yeah. Yeah. Next struggle's with that. Yeah. The cookies part. Which is why I think Nellie's trying to kill me because yesterday she bought Oreos. Well, I do buy things like for myself sometimes.

Double stuff for regular. I like thins. She likes the thins. Oh wow. I like thins because I don't really love the cream. I like the double stuff, but turns out any Oreo's pretty good. I freeze them. Smart She likes the thins. Oh wow. I like thins, because I don't really love the cream. I like the double stuff, but it turns out any Oreo is pretty good. I freeze them.

Oh, smart, something you would do. You love a freezer. I like a frozen chocolate. Mm-hmm. Okay, interesting. Anyway, sorry. Yeah, sorry. Back to you not having sex.

Yeah. Yeah. But that's a very interesting choice you made, and did you find that it worked for you? Well yeah, apparently. it did work for me, but it was hard, you know, it was boring as hell. What did you learn about yourself during that period? I learned so much.

Along that journey, while I was abstinent, I also was like reading self-help books, like this book called Welcome Home by Najwa Zebian. And I just learned that when you're centered within yourself, when people come and when people go, you still remain, and so you don't have to feel lonely because you have you, and no one has you better than you. And so for me, it was the greatest thing I could have done

because I've always been confident, but I am a people person, and I really began to love just my alone time and not consider it as lonely, but consider it as me time and just feeling whole as me. Enjoying your own time. I feel like that is peak happiness when you can not talk to anyone. I think most people would consider it like,

oh, I'm lonely or oh, I feel alone. It's like, no, I'm enjoying myself so much. Yeah, like a bowl of pasta and a glass of red wine on Friday. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Is this a bad day or what? My favorite night out is a night in now. Yes.

I like that. So it sounds like you were pretty, you were almost perfectly trained to go on this experiment that is Love is Blind. Yeah, for sure. Going into it, once you had decided to do it and you got the green light and they had casted you,

what conversations did you have with yourself about your approach, how you were gonna go about finding love, and then I guess, how nervous were you about whether like, not to use the show's slogan, that love is actually blind. Having seen the show and the pressure that the show can put on its castmates and it just the, it kind of, it just comes with it.

I don't know if I could do it. Like I just, I don't know if love is blind for me. You know, and I recognize there's so many other aspects to love and relationships outside of physical attraction, but I don't know. I don't know if I could do it. I guess for you going into that experiment, what did you prepare yourself for?

What conversations did you have? So for me, I've never been a reality TV kind of girl. I've always been more of a series kind of person. So I was a skeptic from day one, which I think they welcomed because you don't have to believe in it fully, you just have to be open to it. So I was open to the idea of it, but I didn't know if that person really came out

and wasn't someone I was attracted to, how that would really make me feel. I've always been a soul-searcher. I've always been someone that tried to look at people's heart, because I feel like even with me, people in dating, they always view me for my outer appearance. I'm like, do you know who I am? I'm so much more than that.

You don't even know. You're missing out so bad on just like the other qualities that I have. So I really wanted to find that in a guy because dating, I've always gone for looks and those relationships clearly haven't worked. So although I was a skeptic, I was open to it and I just knew that in order for me to really fall

for someone that came through those doors and they weren't my type, that connection would have to translate into the in-person. It would have to be something about their aura, their energy that would really make me still feel that love that I felt across the wall and the connection was so heavy. So I reached a point when Tyler and I were dating behind the wall that I was just like, I don't care. Like, what do you look like? I swear I don't. Like, it's like I could break this wall down right now and just like, you know.

So when we finally see each other, I was like, whew, OK, this is great. You know, like, oh, yeah, like, you know, like, you know, looks don't hurt, you know. Let's be real, you know, it doesn't. But I don't think that it would have been a determining factor if he wasn't my ideal type. You know, if it was too far off, it would have been different. It would have been a struggle.

I think my mom and my friends would have been like, girl. Yeah. But again, attraction, like, you ever see like a guy that's like not that cute and everyone wonders why you think he's cute because of something? It would have to be that.

And so the conversations that I had before I went or just even while I was in there is just show up as who you are and what's meant to find you will. Did you have any connections with anyone else prior to really landing on another? Yeah, I did. I've had, and by connections I'll say Did you have any connections with anyone else prior to really landing on another? Yeah, I did.

I've had, and by connections, I'll say I've had great conversations when I was in there. I would say, okay, Tim. Tim was my second. Oh, Tim, okay. That would have never worked. Very serious man. Very serious. And in there, he wasn't though.

In the pods, he wasn't. He was more kind of like fun, and we're like all having fun by the wall, drinking and playing games, it was cool. And then I just think for me being such a progressive kind of woman and like, I wanna work and I wanna do these things, I think he has a very Southern mentality

about certain things. And so I began to shy away from that, but I thought he was a cool person for sure. But they're just conversations and not connections. It's interesting thinking about the psychology of that atmosphere and having never done it. But like hearing you speak about what your life is like leading up to it.

You know, you had this year of kind of enlightenment, upstanding from sex, very centered around getting to know yourself, a very deliberate year. And it sounds like you really got out of that experience, what you hoped in that. And it sounds like you really got out of that experience what you hoped in that. And it sounds like you felt like you could truly be yourself. And it's interesting to hear you speak on Tim,

how the person you got to know outside of the pods is not who he represented inside of the pods. And I'm curious, I would be willing to bet there's probably a fairly even mix from not just Tim or yourself, but there's a lot I think, what is that true? There's a lot of people who you got to know and you're like, yep, that's who I got to know or even some of the ladies you got to know versus other people are just like, wait, what? And I can't help but wonder, it seems like that type of environment

would be very good at allowing people to kind of not be themselves in a way, to kind of like play a character in this very weird world if they weren't truly comfortable with who they were. Like it seemed like you were, especially given the year leading up. Is that making sense? Yeah, that makes sense. I think another part of it is when we're in there, we don't have any outside influence. So we have, you know, no phones, no mom, no best friend. And so you're able to be, yeah,

maybe a different version of yourself. It almost seems like you have, a lot of people go there claiming to want to find love, but in reality what they're doing is going there to find themselves. And you had spent the year prior to that finding yourself so that you were actually ready to find love. And maybe Tim was just there to find himself.

Yeah, and I mean, I hope if that's what he got out of that experiment, then that's good for him. I think there are a lot of people like that, that went there not only just to find themselves, but just to, I guess, see, just to see if this was something they were able to do. And I think that once real life hit, and we're all in each other's presence again,

you see the physical, you see people become, they're passals before they enter the pause. And that can cause a disconnect from the person that you met in there, because it's like, wait, now we're shifting. And that goes for both parties, whoever. I think the ones that work are the ones who stay consistent. What were your past relationships like

prior to coming on the show? So I dated an athlete. Ooh, sorry, don't wanna judge all of you. Yeah, I was- Was he a kicker? No. Nikki Deet. Yeah, like a real athlete.

Oh. Sorry, Nikki. And so I knew him since I was 13. We dated since I was 19, almost a decade. And then from there, I thought that was leading to the altar. And there was some infidelity there, of course. Who, like, come up with a new step. It's old.

Routine. Yeah. So after that, though, it took that one time for me to realize too that like, I not only deserve better than this, I started to see other things too that, it's like, oh, this isn't my person, damn. Like, did I waste all of this time?

You know, so I think I got comfortable and didn't wanna move on for a while. And then I was like, no, this isn't a choice. You know, like, this is what you, you have to do this. So from there, I just casually dated for four years. Like, I never found, I'm very, very, very picky. I don't even choose dinner easily. Like, I know that about myself.

I am an over-thinker as well, which people deem as a bad thing, but it can be a great thing. And so, yeah, my dating, besides that when I was in long-term relationships, like, you know, with him, and then whenever we would break up, again, it'd be flings, but nothing more. So this is my next really big one since that.

Well, I guess going from all of that, how did it feel to have someone like Tyler express his love to you the way that he did. I mean, I feel like one of his lines that America fell in love with was like, I will protect you, I will make you feel safe, you make me feel safe, like I love the fuck out of you. Like just the way he expressed that to you,

how did that make you feel? It was an overwhelming feeling, honestly, because it's funny, I know a lot of the times in there, I say, mm-hmm. It was like, that's what I usually, you know, heard it all before kind of thing, like will you really be this person? And it was refreshing also to hear

because I believed him when he said it. It was, it didn't seem like BS and it was something I always wanted someone to make me feel and I didn't feel like an option with him. I felt like the only option, like the only choice. Like, you know, and that was a gratifying feeling, especially because I am like one of the most loyal people you'll ever find in your life.

Like, for my friendships, I've had friendships for 25 years. So I liked that the person I ended up falling for wasn't the same that I have dated in that aspect and crying and stuff. Like, I was like, what? Like, and the thing is, I cry so much in like the pods. My friends are like texting me like, that's the most I've seen you cry since I've ever

seen like, since I've known you. And I'm not a big crier. I cry of like movies or like someone else's life, you know, but not about my own. I'm more like a let's focus kind of person. So he brought that side out of me and it was a very vulnerable state for me to be in and very scary at the same time, especially when you've been hurt before.

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The bomb of him having children. There she is. Well, we're watching it, and then all of a sudden there's a serious tone, and it's you and Tyler, and you're very distraught, and he's apologizing, and you're kind of speaking in this like, I can't believe you didn't tell me type of energy. And I don't know if it was a coincidence or not, but right before it seemed like those

episodes dropped, there was chatter online about Tyler allegedly having children. We're like, holy shit, what's going on? How does he not bring this up in the pods? You know, especially all the conversation that you and Tyler had about kids. I think right after that, we had seen a conversation with your father and Tyler and you all about having kids. It was just like, this is not something you just leave out. So let's maybe start there in terms of,

can you bring us into the room where I think a lot of people were wishing I wasn't in this caught on camera. How did this even get brought up? And I guess how did the conversation go from there in terms of what you found out about Tyler's past? And then can you start shedding some light on what the truth is?

Cause there seems to be a lot of speculation and accusations and rumors that are flying all over the internet about the man that you married. And if you could set the record straight, that would be super helpful. Yeah, so the reason it seems awkward in that scene when everyone's like, what is happening? She's in this beanie and she's sitting here, you know, very serious.

And I've been so giddy the entire time, right? So the night before, ironically, me, Tyler, and Nick D went out to like a bar down the street from the complex we all were staying in for like the reality part of it. And we had like a few drinks and then we came back and then he was like sitting on the couch and his tone was kind of weird and I just was like, okay. Like I drink red wine too, so I'm like kind of sleepy. And he's like, I need to talk to you and I'm like, okay, about what? And so I sit down, he's like kind of sleepy. And he's like, I need to talk to you. And I'm like, okay, about what?

And so I sit down, he's like, sit down. Well, no, he sits down. I'm like, when someone says that, it immediately makes me anxious. Yeah, please don't get mad. I don't need to tell you something. Yeah, and so I'm like, and this is worse when they text you it.

Just say it. We need to talk. We need to talk in 10 hours. Yeah, so. But not right now. Yeah. Later, later. Just pause and don't say it, you know?

So I sit down and I'm like, what? And so he's just like sitting there staring in the weirdest way. And I go, please tell me you don't have an STD. Oh my. You know, because that would be, I'm sorry, not against anyone who does, but like that's something I should know again prior to getting married and being sexually active, right? It's also something that if you did find out would be difficult potentially to deal with.

Yeah, yeah. It's something you would have to learn to accept. 100%. So there's no. Yeah, and so he's like, no. And I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, what you got some kids or something? Oh, no.

You guessed it. He doesn't laugh. No. He doesn't laugh. He doesn't laugh. And my heart sank to the ground. I feel like I'm put back there right now as I'm telling you the story. And I'm like, what do you mean? And so he begins to deep dive into the conversation a little, not fully.

I won't say deep dive. He begins to allude to the fact that he was a sperm donor for, not fully, I won't say deep enough, he begins to allude to the fact that he was a sperm donor for a lesbian couple who was married and he was afraid to tell me because he didn't wanna lose me. And I was like, that's robbery. You robbed me of my choice because in the pods,

all factors are at play. I was so caught off guard. We talked from like 11 until 4 a.m. about the situation, but I didn't really ask the questions I really wanted to in that moment because of shock and because I was just trying to get around the fact of how we had all of these kids' conversations and this is happening to me.

And I also was kind of like, oh no, you know? And so- Do you remember like when you asked him, like, oh no, you know? And so- Do you remember like when you asked him like, what do you have kids? And he just stood there. What were the first words out of his mouth in terms of, well, how did he actually describe his situation? He was like, well, yes. And I was like, how many? And he was like three. And he said, I was a sperm donor for, you know, a lesbian couple.

And at that conversation, we didn't deep dive into like, to what capacity, right? And so I again wasn't asking the right questions in that moment, I mainly was just trying to figure out how he, a mission is a lie. Let's be clear about that. And I remember just being hurt by all of it because I just didn't know.

Because even if it was just a mere sperm donor situation at the time, that's still something I should have known. So from there, he was saying he doesn't want to talk about it on camera or he doesn't want to hurt that family or have people searching for them, these kids have to go to school, like whatever, whatever. So I'm like, there's no way I can continue in this experiment if we don't talk about this

in some capacity, because I've been giddy the entire time and my energy is this low right now. The viewers are gonna see it. When you meet my friends, they're gonna see it. They know me. We have to talk about it in some capacity. So the next day I leave, I get my stuff, I move back home to my own apartment.

They are like, you know, come back and just have the conversation to whatever way you guys feel comfortable on camera. Did you like reach out to production and be like, hey, just, you know, this happened? Tyler did. Tyler did. Tyler did. Yeah, he reached out to our producer.

Did they have any clue at all or did he, like what do you know about? They didn't say if they did or didn't. They didn't say if they did or didn't. He, Morissa, was like, this is what I told her and this is what's happening and she's like leaving me, is what, to his knowledge. And so we come back and we have a second conversation

about it, kind of like on camera, and we hit the first one to where I'm shocked. And everyone's like, oh, she's so calm. She's so gracious. I'm like, yeah, because the night before was a little different, right? And now I have time to- How angry were you?

I was pissed. I was pissed. I was pissed. Cause everyone, like honestly, there was another guy, which sounds so shallow of me, but there's another guy in the pause, I had a kid and I knew that wasn't what I wanted for my life, so I didn't even consider him.

Granted, I didn't have a connection with him, but I didn't, even if I did, I don't know if I would've done it. Yeah, and his answer, at least at the beginning, I assume you'd agree, was a bit of a cop-out to like say, well, I don't wanna talk about this on camera because I don't want people searching from them. It's just like, why don't you think about that

before you showed up? Yeah, and it's like, well, even if we don't mention it on camera, they're gonna find it. There's three of them, you can't hide. You cannot hide, they're gonna find it. So. I was about to say, I just remember, I think it was the reveal when he was like,

people are gonna start coming out of the woodworks and saying stuff about us. Did that, so, so ironically, that's funny because people are like, you know, he, he tried to warn her. He tried to warn her, you know, he, he alluded to that. That was my question, actually. I asked him, if I were to sit down with your ex right now, or flings or people you dated,

how, what would they say about you? Because for two reasons. One, I like to, yeah, I wanna see if I can see remnants of that behavior and begin to look for it. Not that I'm searching for it, but just to begin to pay attention. And two, I wanna see how you're gonna answer because it's a red flag when men blame everything

on a woman. So for me, it was refreshing for him to say like, yeah they probably would say I wasn't the best. And he's been vocal about that. Like I wasn't the best dating at all. You know, and so for me that wasn't a red flag. It's a great question and any healthy person who has a past who gets asked that question

should be able to point out a couple of annoying things they do that every ex they've ever had has brought up. 100%. You know, and it's more of a like, hey, these are my annoying habits. They aren't necessarily things that you need to,

well, you can be insecure about them because they're probably bad habits you haven't figured out yet, but they shouldn't be like non-negotiables that people leave you for, but that's a great question to see how self-aware someone is and how much they've learned about who they were in relationships, and if they don't have an answer,

even if they're not even talking shit, that's a red flag. Yeah, like 100%, like I feel like in past relationships I've been top tier, but on reflection, I know there are things that I did that didn't help, right? And so if you can't even say that, like if you can't even say like, yeah, it takes two to tango, then that's a problem. So whereas other people seen it as a red flag,

I seen it as a green flag in that moment. Well, that does give context because I'm glad to know that you were the one, because it came very random of him being like, just so you know, people are gonna start coming up to Woodwork saying crazy shit about me. And it was like, whoa, what's going on? My question wasn't in there.

I'm glad that. Yeah, and so then fast forward, we have that minor conversation to where I'm truly hurt and just wanna give the viewers a little glimpse at what I know to some capacity, and then they show us again when it's dark and we're having another conversation, and I ask him, do they know what you look like?

And he says, oh my God, I don't think so. Not that I know of. He pauses, looks to his left. And looks to the, tell, that's a tell. You know people have tells, it's a tell. Immediately I knew, immediately. I don't think so. I don't think so, I don't think.

Immediately, what does the hell does think mean? So immediately from there when he says that, I knew. So that evening we had another conversation and that's the conversation that I learned it all. So at this point, are you trying to juggle between what you need and want to know while simultaneously trying to respect his privacy? Yeah, and even my mom was just like,

this is a very sticky situation, Ashley, so how you guys approach it needs to be, you know, right? Because she's like, they will taunt these kids in this family if they want more, you know, more information Cause she's like, they will taunt these kids in this family if they want more, you know, more information. And I'm like, yeah, but at the same time, if it does come out and I don't talk about it, they'll think I'm shocked, which they end up thinking,

I don't know, like why they think I wouldn't know this, but regardless, I felt it had to be said in a way. So it was hard for me to navigate. I'm just so used to being very transparent that it was hard for me to navigate that conversation too, so used to being very transparent that it was hard for me to navigate that conversation too, to try to make sure I didn't divulge anything. Like he said, you know, there are three of them as a lesbian couple,

like, you know, whatever. Offline, you know, he shows me pictures. That was more questions for me. And as I began to talk to him, his friends, his mom, and his family is when I began to get a fuller picture of what was actually going on. And that's when I found out that, you know, the ex-wife had left and Tyler stepped in.

The ex-wife's name is on the son's birth certificate. I've never seen the twins birth certificate. And when the ex-wife left, she was pregnant with the twins. And Tyler grew up without a father. His father's like dying of bone cancer. He wasn't even invited to our wedding. And Tyler's like, when I gave my sperm, I gave it to a family, not for you to be a single mom.

And that's when he jumped in. And for me, I guess the reason that it was easier for me to understand what's talking to friends and him and going deeper is, going deeper, is my godbrother's gay. He was in my wedding, he was a bridesman, and at one point when I didn't know how my life was going, we'd laugh and joke about it, I could never do that.

I could never donate my eggs to a close person, because if it comes out looking like me or something, I couldn't be around. Whereas Tyler did, he was around for holidays, and for me, that's how my godbrother is, he's at every holiday, everything with me. So he was around, you know. He let them call it, they knew him as their bio dad.

And it's very taboo and very odd to think about, but I don't think there's any rule book to how adoption, sperm donning or egg donation should go. I do think that it was a mistake on his behalf to blur those lines so heavily because of the kids, not even just the woman, but the kids, and I know she wanted him to mainly be a part for the boy, not even the girl.

You very rarely see him with the girls here and there, it's mainly the boy, and Tyler stepped up, and he was like, sure, I'll be their dad. He's like picking up from daycare sometimes. They're friends, they live in the same building. They lived in the same building on top of that. When you tell this story, I mean, the only thing that I think is probably surprised

or hard for people to grasp, even me, it's just more like, kind of like what a beautiful story. And as opposed to like being afraid to share it, why not be proud of what he stepped up and what he's doing, especially like Love is Blind. What a great story. Like, you mean, you would think that, you know, even producers would love that about him

if they knew about it. But yeah, why was he so insecure about that getting out? So 100%. And for me, like when I specifically seen the boy, it like kind of broke my heart a little bit because he looks a lot like him. And I just like loved him immediately through a picture because I love Tyler so much so it was

very awkward for me to navigate as well but this is the reason why it came a point where Tyler so a lot of the pictures they're younger like whatever he was never ever ever around on a daily basis weekly basis monthly basis there were times he wouldn't see them at all like he lived in Arlington they've never been to his apartment like like, things like that. He tried to back back and, like, back off at certain points, and I know that she wanted him present, and he was trying to navigate, like, how to be there for him, for them, and also be her friend as well. And, like, they were in the Army together, like I said, like,

this is not just a stranger. And so I think it would be, it's hard for people to digest too because in a normal sperm donor situation, I mean, you can pick and choose your involvement, but most of the time you aren't that involved unless it is like a sister or like a friend or whoever. So he came to a point where he, whenever she would be in a new relationship, you know, with the new woman,

she wants to have a family with a woman. And he would always be on the outside looking in, he has no rights, he can't say where they go to school, he can't woman. And he would always be on the outside looking in. He has no rights. He can't say where they go to school. He can't say anything. He can't discipline. He can't do anything. So to him, he's like, I pop up and I'm an uncle

and I play with them and I kiki. I wear these dad t-shirts that your grandma, your grandma, her mom is giving me, you know, and put on this face, but this is not my family. I'm on the outside looking in. And originally I did this to help someone else. And then I put myself in this very uncomfortable situation. And that's why I tell people I think he was a good guy

that got too deep and didn't know what to do next. So when he finally decided to cut the situation off, of course, it's awkward and it hurts him as well to know about the kids, but he felt like it was better to do it now than to wait any longer. And he's like, I want my own family. I want my own things. Whereas she's probably like, well damn, you were around.

Why do this now? They just have two different perspectives, I would say. And I think that even Tyler's friends and parents, and again, it's kind of a little difficult for me to talk about this because I wasn't there. I'm only going off of the things that I know and the things I'm trusting. And if anything ever comes out differently, I'll do like a Reese Tiesa and give you guys a spiel. But I'm just going...

That's you, Tyler. Yeah. Watch yourself. And so they basically said the same thing. Like, you know, yeah, he was around. He let him calm down. But like they were thing, like, you know, yeah, he was around, he let him calm down, but like, they were young, like, whatever. And he just didn't feel like that was his family. And again, it looks bad, but if you realize

it's always holidays, it's always an event, it's always something, like, he's around on the floor playing with them, it's never like an intimate moment with these kids. It is, he was always supposed to be an uncle, and even the ex-wife said it, you know? And then this is the thing about, oh, he was sleeping with her.

It's like, what are you trying, what is going on? There's so many false narratives. I mean, that makes a lot of sense, the context you provided. I mean, just thinking about it as a new dad, I couldn't imagine what it'd be, like here he is, he probably made a decision,

again, out of the goodness of his heart, maybe didn't even think it through. I don't think any guy who gives away their sperm, they're probably not even thinking about what's going on. Yeah, well, like what's going on? They don't have women in that way either. Yeah, I think it's like, I remember when I was in college, like I never did, but I remember being like,

I need a few bucks, let's do that. And then I remember being, wait, like, but if I did that, like, but you know, you kind of get close to thinking, what's the big deal? And then all of a sudden he becomes this like, but you know, you kind of get close to thinking, what's the big deal? And then all of a sudden he becomes this father. The situation happens. He's asked to be a part of it. But like you said, he has no rights, no rights, no rights for to really put his input in.

So what a weird, what a weird situation to try to even navigate. I can imagine the challenge of like, what is my role here? I will say she wrote me on Instagram and apologized to me and Tyler and said she's praying for us and she never meant for it to go this way and she won't say too much on this forum. Did she make a public statement? Yeah, she made a public statement and then deleted everything.

It was at the public statement that was like saying how she doesn't know why Tyler is talking about it. And then posted a bunch of photos of him with the kids. Yep, that's that one. Yep, but she also wrote me and apologized and said that it's completely understandable if I never wanna respond. And she's sure my world is crazy right now.

She never intentionally meant to cause me any pain. She won't say too much in this message, but yeah. And so I'm like, well, you're kind of causing it too because you came out there and did that, but I did welcome the message. I told her, I'm surprised, but I welcome this. Because regardless if we never talk to you or the kids again, like it's still a thing.

And so I wouldn't mind having a sit down with you. Like I wanna know what the motive is here. Like even his mom, like when I talked to her, she's like, it is exactly what he's saying and it used to be so uncomfortable for her. You know, because she posts all her grandkids. And so it's like, what do I do? She's seen them maybe twice.

You know, they don't know her in the way that people are trying, she's reposting pictures and things like that. I think that, again, if you have met Tyler for five minutes, this is the thing that really gets me is the assassination of his character. And I'm not here to defend him. I just have to say this.

If you meet him for five minutes, you will see how genuine he is. He's a people pleaser and I hate that about him. And we had him on Zoom. He really is. He's a people pleaser and I hate that about him. And we had him on Zoom. He really is. I could tell through the Zoom. And it's not a good trait to me

because you will sacrifice yourself for other people and that's why he's hurt and shocked by what the mom is doing. Did he have any conversations with her post-filming? No, so when he decided to cut ties, she was upset. So before he went in films, Love is Blind, he had cut ties with her. 100%.

I didn't realize that. 100%. And he had a conversation with her, I don't know the exact time for it, let's say a year or two before, when he started slowing down and coming around and basically said something along the lines of, I just don't have a connection with these kids.

And she's hurt, because she's like, well why? Why don't you? Because they're still kind of your kids, I just don't have a connection with these kids. And she's hurt because she's like, well, why? Why don't you? Because they're still kind of your kids. Like, why don't you have a connection? He's like, you know, this is your family, and this is what I originally signed up for. I know I stepped in to try to help. I know I said I'd be there for the twins. You were by yourself, you know.

It, the twins made it worse, you know? And so, biologically, these are still his kids. So he feels a certain way. But he's like, I can't do this. And she's like, why? She was disappointed. And I can see why she was disappointed as well. But he's like, I just don't wanna have any connection with you or them because if I talk to you, although you've been my long-term friend,

there's no way I wouldn't be able to not talk to the kids. And I think it's best if I remove myself. Did she only want him involved once her ex-wife left? I think he was involved around, like even the ex-wife kind of said, like he was around, but kind of in like an uncle capacity. And I don't think that, you know, she wanted him around as much.

Like even when she got divorced, she tried to fight for custody. And that's when Tyler went for the sperm donor mom's, like side and basically was was against her to make sure that that woman could keep all of her kids and that the ex-wife couldn't take the kids. I think she wanted him in a bigger capacity once she left, I'll say that.

It's not that he wasn't around before that, he was. But she wanted him around in a bigger capacity because now she's by herself, which sucks. And now she's engaged with a whole nother woman. So it's time. So there's that. They scrubbed that Instagram too. So they're not the only one scrubbing.

So right now, I mean, before we got into his ex, well not even his ex, his ex-friend, I can now understand why Tyler did what he did, how you responded, and even why the show, the way it's aired didn't do you guys any favors because it looks like he is not being forthcoming. We're still watching it now, kind of like what is the truth?

On that aspect, I could appreciate why even her is also confused by how it's aired, but what I am confused about is that seems like you guys have had some interactions and she knows, does she know why? If she got the heads up in terms of what she might expect, once you guys talked about it, how much did Tyler anticipate this being a topic that's aired?

So, a topic that's aired on the show? Yeah, yeah. Because once it was aired, you would think that she would respond to it. So ironically, we knew it would be mentioned, but I always knew this would be a big thing once it aired. Even if he was just a regular sperm donor, like I knew, and it wasn't like blurred lines,

I knew it would be a big thing because humanity has trouble comprehending and understanding anything taboo or out of their norm. So I was the one saying, she's coming. I guarantee you when he was like, she would never do that. She would never do that. So there was no conversation with her or anything like he, because I was like, maybe reach out. I know that y'all are in the best terms and maybe reach out and just say, Hey, this is coming out. So like, we couldn't even do that. Who do you think put it out for the world to see? Because it came from somewhere.

You think it was? No it did. She came up with the whole TikTok of all the pictures of Tyler. And I again am repeating what I know. The grandma is like, you'll never see pictures of, I'll say it this way. You'll never see pictures of her daughter with her wife

or with her LGBTQIA partner ever. So that's where the dad t-shirts and dad's son come at play. And this is what I've seen my firsthand and this is what I've heard from people who know both parties. Because they were in army, so they have mutual army friends. She never liked that about.

She didn't accept that about her daughter. Doesn't seem like. So now there are videos like, that's your dad? You know who that is? You know who you're playing with? That's your dad, right? Oh. So grandma's projecting a narrative

that she wants to learn. And I genuinely feel like, and if Bri ever sees this, I think that that's why the sperm donor mom reached out to me and apologized, because I think she's in an uncomfortable situation of feeling like people are adding pressure on her to be this person that I don't think she is. If Tyler's a bad guy, why would you want to do it again? You know, why? That'd be a mistake. It's like you sleep with the guy

once and it's a mistake. You don't, I mean maybe sometimes you go back. But a kid is a whole different thing. You try not to make that same mistake. What else is she saying about him? Who? The sperm donor mom? Yeah, what's... Sperm donor mom. I don't know, it was just that one thing, and then she reached out and she apologized, and Tyler was, honestly, that was the hardest part, is just seeing Tyler struggle during a time that should have been just about our love story.

So I think once she apologized, she kind of felt bad, and she seemed to, you know, and I said, yes, getting beat up on social media is never fun, is what I told her. So they've both apologized, the grandma and Bry? No, just her. She apologized to me only, not even Tyler. Grandma's not apologized.

No, grandma's not gonna apologize. Is grandma still posting? No, she apparently made her page private and Tyler, because Tyler had a really, really bad day and it was a really, really hard time. And I know that Tyler reached out to Bry in that second from the dog's page because he's blocked. Wait, who's this again?

Our dogs page. So our dog, Kobe, has an Instagram page. Tyler reached out to the sperm donor mom on the dog page and basically was like, look, what are you doing? Like, stop this. And I guess she was concerned with him being attacked. And then she deleted everything, which was appreciative,

but at the same time everyone already has it. It's already out there, yeah. Yeah, it's already, social media, like it's five seconds and you know. Grandma unintentionally, intentionally did exactly what Tyler was trying to prevent from happening, which is like you're exposing your kids, you're exposing your daughter,

you're making this entire thing about yourself, and you're not gonna have to deal with any of the repercussions of it. Nope, none, and it's cloudy. The thing about Tyler, too, that he kept saying that I kind of was like, okay, Ashley, show a little sympathy, even though I was pissed, is like, he's like, I've done enough.

Like, I've already, like, eventually, the kids will probably forget me, but like, I don't wanna do anything else to this family. So like, I don't wanna really talk about this, Ashley, but I will, because I want you, but like, and I don't want you to quit this experiment, but at the same time, I don't want to go into deep. So that's why I also kind of am sitting there

and contemplate and thinking as I'm talking in those scenes that you see, because I don't know what I'm allowed to say. And the very thing that we tried to avoid happened. And the kids birth certificate is online, it's sick. So the very people who are creating TikToks with their false journalism, TikTok, I just got a TikTok for the first time and I online, it's sick. So the very people who are creating TikToks with their false journalism, TikTok, I just got a TikTok for the first time

and I wish I never had it. No, it's people who spread rumors and they're like, it's called journalism. It's law now because someone sent you a screenshot with the contact name Tyler. I can do that right now. I can do it, I can tell my god sister. And it's Toby.

Text me some stuff right now so I can make it look like, you know, da da da da, and put their contact name in it. Show me the number, blur it out, right? So that's that. And people take the TikTok journalism and run with it. Now people are writing to me like, girl, have you seen, da da da da. Who do you think has a better view

on what the hell is going on, you or me? This is a year later. This is a year later. And frankly, no matter what he came with, when I said I do, I said I do to all of it. That's what marriage is. And we're in a generation where unconditional love is not a thing.

And there are conditions with people. And to me, they haven't found their person in the shows. Yeah. I get it. I think people wanna paint him to be this stereotypical man who's like a piece of shit. And it's like, sorry, that's just not who he is today. And she knows it, they know it.

And unfortunately, a lot of the people who watch this show aren't watching from a lens of rooting for love. Absolutely not. They're watching through the lens of every fucking person's like my ex, and they're all pieces of shit, whoever these people are. And so yes, it's a little bit of that. Even when they loved us, remember that moment?

When they loved us. Like, you may still have like 50% that love us, but like, you know, when they loved us, and they were like, oh, Ashley and Tyler for like OG 90s love in early 2000, kicking my feet on the wall, all of that, they still were like, something's wrong with them. We're gonna find it.

It's too good to be true, you know? And that, I mean, I'm a little bit like that. I mean, the too good to be true stuff, the praying every night, you know, when I see stuff like that, I'm like. And also, that was me. Tyler is the kind of person, I also wanna say that, I am the one, not that Tyler doesn't have his own faith,

but I am the one with. You led that. I led it, and we talked about it in the pause, it wasn't shown, but like about how important my faith is with me. He was like, he doesn't know how to pray sometimes and I was like, there's no right way to pray. You just have to start.

And so that's why it looks like we're doing it so much because I was trying to get him to feel comfortable around me to be intimate in that way. That was him doing something that he knew was important to you. 100%. And then he was taking the initiative as a, okay. Which makes so much more sense.

100%. and then he was taking the initiative as a, okay. That makes so much more sense. 100%. Because it kind of comes across potentially as performative. Because you never really know early on, when you see something early on that may be too good to be true, we just wonder if it is. Yeah, one of his friends, Oliver,

after the wedding came up to me and said, something along the lines of, I really also, I wanted to say thank you, this was a beautiful wedding, beautiful reception. He was like, I just wanted to say also thank you for helping lead Tyler back to God. And that was always important to me as a friend. He was in the army as well.

And he was like, me and Tyler would have conversations about that, but he, you know, I don't know if he was comfortable enough to speak in the way he does now. And so I was like, oh, that was a compliment to me. And I loved that he said that. So yeah. With big wireless providers, what you see is never.

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Please support our show and tell them we sent you. End the year with holiday cheer thanks to True Classic. I want to jump a little bit to your relationship with your father. Mm. I'm so happy to talk about this. You kind of open up on wedding day when you're talking to your grandma and you're talking to your mom, and you're saying, like, I took certain things

from your relationships, and then there's certain things that I was like, I absolutely don't want this for my relationship. What was your relationship like with your dad growing up? Was he around? So my father was married to my mom from age one, baby until 10, they got divorced when I was 10. And my father, as he's gone viral for his suave-ness,

yes he has, it's all, hey daddy, usher song, it's going viral for his suave-ness. Yes, he has. It's all the Hey Daddy Usher song is going viral with it and it makes you wanna throw up. Yes, yes, yes. So I can see it, he's a charming guy. Yeah, yeah, definitely charming. He was a womanizer guy, yeah. So ironically, in 2021, I found out I had two brothers that I didn't know about that he had

during the time period that he was married to my mom. And we already knew about one of them, but we didn't know about these two. Ironically, one of them went to high school with me. The same one that went to high school with me lived in my neighborhood, and his brother was one of my really good friends. So he wrote me on Instagram in 2021 and was telling me,

and I was like, oh, this guy's trying to talk to me from high school. And then I opened it and it's a voice note of like, I did my ancestry and your dad's my dad. And I'm like, I'm so sorry that to hear that, I have enough loved ones in my life, I don't need anymore. Like, you know, and I felt bad, but I just didn't, I'm 30, like I don't need this.

So then he wrote me again and then his brother called me who I knew from high school and he was like, you mind if we'll give him a chance because he's never gonna stop. And boy am I glad that I did because I met them and we hit it off immediately and I told them one day, I think the second time we hung out, I was like, fuck, I wish you guys weren't cool

because I really didn't want to do this, but we ended up, we're super close now. Ironically, I've only known them since 2021. So my dad, where everyone's like, oh, your dad, I can't wait till her dad gets on Tyler. My dad don't have no room to talk about anything. So my dad and I's relationship was strained for years and years and years,

and it took probably the last five years for us to get close, and I'll tell you why. I've learned along my growth journey that you just have to meet people where they're at. Some people will die that way. My grandpa died that way. When you meet people where they're at and you accept people for that way. My grandpa died that way. When you meet people where they're at and you accept people for who they are,

you have a better relationship with them because you're not trying to change them into the image that you want them to be. And I used to always want the dad on the TV. It's like, I used to want that so bad. And then I realized that's just not my story. And so my dad is the guy who owns yachts and restaurants and we drink for free and I bring my friends and we party.

Yeah. And it sounds like your mom's awesome. My mom's great. My mom's my confident. My mom's my best friend. My mom is my reason. You know, she is, wow, I get emotional about my mom, but she is everything to me.

And whenever I say like, I have a role model, it's my mom. So yeah. Why is it your mom? She was just really, really strong. My brother, she had my brother at 18, and his dad wanted nothing to do with him. So she raised me and my brother, but she raised me to be very bougie.

And I'm like, how did you do that? I can barely, take care of myself, but you had me in everything. You never missed a beat. Like, anything I ever wanted, I had, and I don't know how she did it. She always Like, you know, anything I ever wanted, I had, and I don't know how she did it. She always says, Lord, but I don't know how she did it.

And she is like superwoman to me. I, my brother has like five degrees. He has a doctorate, like, we beat the stereotype, right? Of being raised by a single mom. And so that's why I sympathize with Tyler and why he handled that the way as well. Cause I know what that's like. And my mom never let us really see her cry.

She always says I was her motivation. I was really wise at a young age to call me an old young lady. And my mom, that's why I wanted to make sure at my wedding that she was honored and she was the one to give me away to Tyler because she did the heavy lifting. While my dad and I have a great relationship now and we have fun, she's my person,

and she is the one who did it all. That was a great moment when you walked down the aisle, your mom was definitely like, I got it from here. Yeah, thank you so much, yeah. It was pretty iconic. And I felt bad when I was kinda like, my dad's lucky to be here, it was a bitchy moment, but it also was kinda like for real though.

Yeah, for real though. I mean, it makes a lot of sense given the context. I don't even know if you remember, because we just watched the wedding, but right before you walked down the aisle, but also it's kind of like for real though. But for real though. It makes a lot of sense given the context. I don't even know if you remember, because we just watched the wedding, but right before you walked down the aisle, your dad was rifting a little bit. About the sun and the moon and the.

You seemed a little annoyed. I was. Okay. I was, sorry dad. I was, I was so confused on what, I'm about to walk out here. Like are you performing or something? Yeah, he's talking about rain and clouds.

The cameras got to him. And then I think he was just overwhelmed by seeing me too. Are you performing? He's talking about rain and clouds. The camera's got to him. And then I think he was just overwhelmed by seeing me too. You know what I really think? I don't think he ever thought he would be there. And so he was overwhelmed by seeing me in that moment and seeing that I was an adult and he probably still views me as a kid. Your story resonates so much with the way that I grew up.

I had a very absent father who now it's me who puts in the effort to have him a part of my life. And it's very much like me and my siblings have all agreed, he's not the dad role. He doesn't know how to play the dad role. But once you accept that he just doesn't have the dad in him, then like, he's good, he's great. Like it's, when you expect him to not do dad things.

Some people just shouldn't be parents. That's just what it is. Some people just aren't be parents. That's just what it is. Some people just aren't, they don't have that gene. You know what I'm saying? And that doesn't make him a bad person. He is so good to friends. He is so good to family. He is so personable.

You'll like him as soon as you meet him. The production team, they were like, oh my God, your dad's so great. And he is for who he is. He just isn't a good dad. He's my father, you know? Yeah, absolutely. That makes a lot of sense.

I really appreciate you adding context to Tyler's situation. I'm sure a lot of people listening are wondering, especially that Tyler kind of cracked that seal, has entered into these kids' lives. They seem still pretty young? Mm-hmm, yeah, I think they're like seven and five or something. But time goes fast and they'll be 18 at some point.

Have you guys had, have you, you and Tyler have had conversations about almost kind of similar to finding out, you know, a brother, when that day happens, if these children decide that they want to have a relationship with their biological father, have you guys talked about what conversations or what you guys will do about that?

Yeah, so even during filming, I think I say something along the lines of like, I had to figure out what, when I chose to say, I'll give this another try, you know, with Tyler, I had to also think about what happens if they do come. Right now, they're removed because you removed yourself. But what happens if they do turn 18 and there's no rules to this and they say,

I am gonna contact you, you know, or even 16, 15, whatever. They have social media, they have iPads, these kids work on better than us. So I'm like, what does that look like? I could not in good faith say yes to a marriage unless I was okay with that coming. And I asked him what that's like for him

and he's like, he's willing to have that tough conversation with them on why. You were supposed to have two moms. That is always what the plan was. And things got blurry and things got too deep. And I'm sorry if you were ever hurt in that process when you were young, he says. And I was like, do you think you're really going to be able to say that to him? He's very confident in that way because he just doesn't see

what he did as a negative thing. He does see the misfortune and how it went about in the end. He's like, that lady loves some kids. Like, you know, they're taking care of it. Like, he doesn't feel like they're in an uncomfortable or, you know, bad home or anything. So for me, I would welcome it. Like, that means I will only have to have one, you know?

I don't have to like go through that. But like, that happened before me. He didn't have kids on me. This is all before me. So I have to kind of take his lead on where he wants to go with that and I don't want to ever put him in an uncomfortable situation because of things that I want.

So, or not saying I want that, but I'm just saying are things I'm okay with or have looked into. I know you said like one of your biggest fears is giving birth and as someone who gave birth eight months ago, it was the most magical, amazing thing ever. Yes, and I know a lot of women like to like, it's scary, it's scary, don't do it of women like to like it's scary. It's scary

Don't do it. It's awful. It's scary. It's not it's truly like epidural Of course, but like it was magical my mom always says once you once you get the kid your hands is all worth it Truly you like black out and you forget everything but it's like the rush of feelings that you will never experience in any other Part of life or doing anything else. It's it's truly magical And this was after there were a couple moments of like, I'm never fucking doing this anymore. Yeah, I was very sick at the beginning. She told me to seriously look into surrogacy

if I wanted to have kids. Yeah, well, we don't need to talk about that. Yeah, I did just wanna throw that out there. That's really not good. That's good to know. Skydiving, how was that? So you know he had to go skydiving after all this. So I was like, this is not even a choice.

And I feel like we got this out there, but I want to be very clear to our audience. Prior to even skydiving or saying yes to him at the altar, you had a very honest conversation. It sounds like your mom was even involved. The show doesn't really show that at all. And it's very unclear how much you know about Tyler's situation, but you knew all of this

prior to saying yes. 100%, and at this point we should have just filmed it. Unfortunately. Because now it feels like it's more damage has been done because of what the internet is spewing than what you could have just said. Yeah. And Tyler didn't know what he should or shouldn't say.

We can debate whether, yes, we all agree, you should have said it, but we understand why. And then at that point, once it came out, he was still trying to protect the kids and his friend, not realizing what she was going to do. And that's why we were spewing it. Yeah, yeah. And I think that, again, we did try to do it and that's why we were here. Yeah, yeah, and I think that, again,

we did try to do it to protect the kids, and I don't really feel bad for making us talk about it, because again, I think it would have been worse, but for some reason, viewers think that when we go into this experiment that like, well, you put your lives up here, we get to judge everything. Well, yeah, it took a capacity, like to an extent, yes, because we also still have personalized and families

that didn't sign up for this stuff. So there are things about my mom or about other things that I, or my dad or grandma that I wouldn't share on camera, even about myself. There are things that production always tells us, like, share what you're comfortable sharing, right? And so I think that they're very, the viewers are very entitled,

but I get it. You have to just remember, there's millions of them, and most of which are normal, but 1% of millions is still a lot of annoying fucking people. Yeah, exactly. And the 1% is the loudest. Yeah, and so it's like, okay guys, like yeah, maybe we should have talked about it,

but aren't you glad you got a glimpse? No, you want more. So yes, we had so many, so many conversations on camera. And also, it's a sentence I say that wasn't shown, where I say something along the lines of during our, like, my beanie moment, where I'm like, look. She's the emo.

Yeah. That was a mood. Um, I'm like, look, I'm not saying that I'm gonna, like, go through with this all the way. I'm saying that along my way of trying, we don't have that long for these, you know, days, our days for like weeks at a time in this scenario. I'm like, all I know is, I don't want to argue every day. I don't want to be malicious every day.

And that's a big testament to my growth because I was, I can hold a grudge, you know, but I didn't want to be malicious every day. And that's a big testament to my growth, because I was, I could hold a grudge, you know? But I didn't want to do that. I wanted to make sure that the little bit of time we had, I needed to use all of it. So we were doing this like one hour a day thing, where we would talk about it one hour a day. And after that hour, that's it. Like, we'll table it, let's go do this date.

You know, let's go hang with friends. Because I didn't want to live in that moment. Our love story was so much more than that blip and not saying that the children are blip because they'll attack me for that. But like I'm saying then that blip of dishonesty and that blip of omission and I'm a big person of trust. And so it was, that was hard for me

because omission is a lie. And I wanted to make sure that this was just a mistake and not a character flaw. Did you feel like the trust between you and Tyler was broken at that moment? It wasn't broken, but it was tainted. OK. Well, that was my question. And I thank you for bringing this up because we all go into relationships and we all say trust is paramount.

I need trust. You know, if you break that trust, I'm gone. And that all sounds great until you like live a situation that's a lot more nuanced and unsure. And even in relationships, people omit things, people lie to your face. How did you two work through this violation of trust at such an early stage of your relationship?

That's a great question. I think just continuing the conversation, I will say that the pods or just the whole experiment taught us a lot. I've never had this creative communication with any guy in my entire existence. I think that in the pods, they encourage you to have the tough conversations

because you have such a short time to get to learn someone. So you know their traumas before you know their likes and their fun things. So every day that's what we were doing is literally just continuing the conversation. And I also told them, I was like, there are gonna be days I'm not in the best moods either. How are you gonna navigate that? Maybe I just like am having a day where I'm trying to figure out like like, there are gonna be days I'm not in the best moods either. How are you gonna navigate that?

Maybe I just like am having a day where I'm trying to figure out like, what is this gonna be like? Like, what is it gonna be like when it airs? I considered that he didn't really, I don't think he was very naive to what this was gonna be when it aired. As far as the trust and like how to rebuild,

there's no rule book for that either. Or a blueprint, I wish there was. I just had to like deep dive, or take a leap of faith and just say like, okay, I see this man and I know him and the people who ever meet him, it could be at Target and the way he treats people. There's no way this is the guy you guys

are mischaracterizing online. People are good, but they ain't that good and damn sure not for a year. Nope. Not like. What have you done to work with Tyler about his people pleasing? Cause it's crazy.

I mean, you tell this story and what's crazy about the story is that like, he almost lost you. I'm gonna safely assume one of the best parts of his life, his now wife, for people pleasing. Yeah. I mean, what he did for his friend is a noble thing. It was a great thing.

And then for him to also enter into this family when her partner left, another noble thing, but should he have done it? You could argue maybe not. Like his reasoning for doing it is because he wanted to do the right thing and it almost completely blew up in his face. And then he told you, but he wanted to do the right thing.

But it's like, this is a him problem. And an adult man, like it's crazy how even trying to do the right thing could have a great cost to it. And it almost did. Like how are you guys working through that as a couple? Cause you have seen firsthand just how dangerous people pleasing can be. Yeah, this is a conversation I have with him a lot.

Like even in like in work or wherever, like there are boundaries. There are boundaries. You can be a good person. I hate when he, like, oh, he's like, I'm just friendly, no. Like you can be a good person and still have boundaries. You can say no to your friends,

like when they need something some days. There are also times where you're not mentally available or emotionally available and you still pour into people and now you're drained at the end of the day and I'm taking care of you. You know, like, no. Tell people I'll check in with you the next day So I'm teaching him how to be mean not mean but yeah set boundaries and to

Stick to them and to be okay with that and notice that setting boundaries does not mean you're not a good person Or that you're not there for someone it just means that you have to prioritize yourself. Yeah Put yourself first. Yeah, you seem very Emotion emotionally brilliant. I mean, like, does that, do you think that comes from your mom? I mean, how do you, how are you like this? People used to say when I was younger,

it's like a wise young lady. I don't know. I think that my intuition and like my discernment is good. And I think that I'm someone who always strives to, not be a good person, that's so cliche, but like I'm someone, I have good intentions. And I want people to treat me how I treat them, and I have a big heart, and I'm very loyal,

and I've been burned by that a lot, but it never stops me from being that way. And I also just try to understand people, even for my friends, and then also hear what my friends say about me. Like I've had friends say like, oh, you're too blunt. I'm like, well, that's just who I am, but no, you need to treat. I'm like, well, that's just who I am.

But no, you need to treat that friend in a different way. Whereas another friend, you can be blunt. And it sounds like you're not afraid to have people frustrated with you or disappointed with you because that's how you set a boundary because setting a boundary is removing access. I would decline calls. I would, sorry girl.

Love you so much, I'm not emotionally available, I can't. Well, thank you for being so transparent about this whole backstory and providing the much, much needed context. I have a few more questions for you about your cast mates. But before we do, we have our texting office hours. And I think our audience would love to hear you give relationship advice to a caller.

So it's time to put on headphones. The headphones. And then we'll get to see what's next for Tyler and Ashley. And then we'll send her on her way. When you really care about someone, you shout it from the mountain tops. So on behalf of Desjardins Insurance, I'm standing 20,000 feet above sea level to tell our clients that we really care about you. Home and auto insurance personalized to your needs.

Weird, I don't remember saying that part. Visit Desjardins.com slash care and get insurance that's really big on care. Did I mention that we care? How's it going? Good. I'm Sierra and I'm 38 and my boyfriend tells me I talk too much. Do you think he's right? I think at times, yes.

Okay, fair. What don't you think is fair about that statement? That it's because it's something that, it usually has to involve feelings or something I'm trying to share about how I feel about a situation or something I'm passionate about. And then I end up going more and more into information

and maybe run on in my words. And what do you think of, do you think your boyfriend doesn't listen enough? He listens, but I know he's like, for lack of better words, ADD. And after the first couple of sentences, he's stopped listening. Especially if I say how I feel,

and he's like, okay, she feels that way. And like his brain has moved on to the next thing. So he's gone and you're still explaining your way. And like his brain has moved on to the next thing. He's gone and you're still explaining your feelings. How long you been in this guy? 14 months. Okay. And it is a really, I mean, I know there's always room

for improvement for everybody, but it is a really healthy relationship, I will say. And it's good, it's just, I know that there's things that I have to work on. I've been working on myself for, I don't know, 20, I've been in and out of therapy for 20 years. So I've always worked on myself and I know that I have to work on. I've been working on myself for, I don't know, 20, I've been in and out of therapy for 20 years, so I've always worked on myself and I know that I always have more to work on.

But I also don't know if he, like, passed stuff like he doesn't want. Like, something about feelings, conversations, triggers him, I don't know. So what do you love about your relationship? Let's start there. He loves me in a way that I've always wanted to be loved and didn't think that it existed. He accepts the love I have to give and the way that I've always wanted to be loved and didn't think that it existed.

He accepts the love I have to give and the way that I give love. He accepts that and takes my love and we do have good communication just sometimes when I get on the topics he's not comfortable with or my feelings, gets a little rocky but. The only thing I'm confused about your statement

is that like that all sounds nice but your feelings are kind of a big deal in a relationship And then you say that like anytime you express your feelings. He shuts down So how are you able to feel? Loved in the way you want to be loved if you can't ever express how you feel. Yeah, I mean He makes me on a daily basis. I mean, we do life together. We, I don't know how to go into detail, but really, you know, just your everyday life. Like we don't have regular issues on a daily. Well, I will say we have a 19 year age gap. So that's something

else I wanted to talk to you and Natalie about because I know you guys have an age gap. Is he older? Yeah. He's 57 and I'm 38. Okay. So he was married for 30 years and so, and I've never been married. So obviously it comes from two different backgrounds. So I don't know, I feel like maybe past issues, like he just, when that conversation's gonna come up, it triggers him to want to because of the marriage. She, I don't know how detailed I'm supposed to go, but she was an alcoholic.

And so she couldn't have conversations with him without having a liquid courage. Well, I guess the only thing I would say of not knowing anything about your situation, so not to compare ours with yours, but one thing I've had to learn, I guess we both had to learn is that like our age gap wasn't an excuse to avoid, I guess, certain conversations

or I couldn't just be like, well, I'm, this is who I am and I need you to accept where I'm at in life. I like, I was like, I'm gonna choose to be in a relationship with someone who might have a different background or a different point of view on life. And I couldn't always expect Natalie to meet me where I was at and vice versa. You know, we had to lean on more of what we had in common

and then address our differences and then be willing to not use those differences as ways to be disconnected. The way you describe it, it's kind of like, hey, old dog, no new tricks, and I'm 57, and so this is who I am, and therapy, ew, whatever. I don't know if he's in therapy or anything like that, but it just seems very, he seems very set in his ways.

He is in a lot of ways he is. And it is funny you said that. It is like harder with some generations, like they are the way they are. And I'm trying to integrate into like, because I'm really big into, I've been in therapy. I read, read your book on top of tons of other books that have to do with emotion, reaction,

how the mind and emotions work, how we are affected by those around us, how we take things, how we react to things. Really big on psychology stuff. So mental health is huge to me, and I'm way different than I was 10 years ago, 15 years ago. Sarah, sorry to cut you off.

Did you say that his ex-wife was an alcoholic? So just listening to you, it could be, just maybe something to explore, it could be that now he correlates women expressing themselves and their feelings to the trauma of his ex being an alcoholic and that being the only time that she would feel comfortable to express herself. So it's a little bit of trauma there

and I used to date an alcoholic, so I can definitely be a testimony to that. You don't wanna talk to them when they're in that state. And so now with you being a new woman, he's taking his past experiences and unfortunately putting it into his new relationship and maybe that's something that you guys could explore when he's Emotionally and mentally available to do so is he in therapy is he even open to the idea? Yes

He is in therapy. So what brought him to therapy? so between the wife and that wife and me was a relationship and of about six years and she passed in a very unfortunate accident and then well shortly after he's messaging me and I was very open and I was like you are in a very very traumatic time and it's very soon and we talked about everything and I voiced all my concerns and that hasn't posed any issues. He's followed through with all of his words, everything he's ever said to me, he's shown me.

Like he didn't, like I said, I don't wanna be a band-aid, basically, to this trauma that he experienced. And I have not felt like one. Have you tried couples therapy? You know, I really want to. Well, the only reason I suggest that is just because your problem,

and I think Ashley makes a great point, is like, you know, now that want to. I want to. Well, the only reason I suggest that is just because your problem, and I think Ashley makes a great point, is like, you know, now that I do couples therapy, and then like, I know a lot of people go in there and try to have the people fix their partners and shit like that, but for us, it's really just like, anytime there's a disconnect, or sometimes, now that we're in an argument, and we realize, like, we could either argue for half a day about this,

or we could call in therapists and have them play mediator almost. And given your issue with your partner, he's having a hard time articulating his feelings, or having a hard time letting you articulate yours and hearing you out. And a good couple of therapists will allow you the space to share while he'll be watching your partner.

And he'll hopefully see the trigger, and maybe at that point, look at your partner and he'll hopefully see the trigger and maybe at that point, look at your partner and go, wait, what's going on here? And that way, hopefully that could be the space where you start expressing your feelings. Now that's not sustainable. You have to get to a place where you can do this by the therapist.

But a good couple of therapists will do exactly what your partner's having a hard time doing, will allow them and find a way for you guys to find that common ground. And the fact that he's open to therapy might be a good suggestion, but it might be a lot easier than you at 38 trying to change your 57 year old boyfriend on your own

and get him to open up. It might just be a lot easier if you have the means to bring in the old professional. Yeah. So that was what took him to therapy was that trauma of losing his mate. And so that's why he's in it. But of course he talks about his parents and his children and other things, but he is in it. I do want to try a couple of therapies because he does have a little bit of a block just when it comes to like things, topics on feelings and it's not that he's against my feelings or doesn't care, but it does something that's triggered and he does shut down a little bit

and he just doesn't like, he only wants to hear it once. Sometimes I get a little bit like, in my past I've not expressed myself, I've just shut up and do what you're told and wasn't healthy mentally and allowed relationships to just be unhealthy. I feel like, again, without trying to, we could sit here and guess all different approaches

you could take, but like you said, it seems like a daunting task to try to do this on your own. And his individual therapy isn't gonna necessarily address this because like you said, who knows what he could be addressing. Shit, he might be talking about things he experienced as a 10 year old boy and and they're so you know

he's got his his ex-wife and his ex-girlfriend who passed so you have specific requests and specific needs as it pertains to your relationship with him and that's where a couples therapist can come in because you need to be able to get your feelings out he needs to hear them he needs to acknowledge them and he needs to do it in a safe environment, and hopefully that couple's therapist will create that. At least it's a good place to start. Yeah, but I think it's something that we should really look into,

because I think it really helps calm back. Yeah. And then on the age gap thing, is there any, I guess, advice or? My advice would be just to not accept the age gap as an excuse for disconnection. I guess is the simplest way. Like at no point is, well, I'm just 18 years older than you

like is an acceptable answer. You guys are in a committed relationship. Like what, you know, and I think a lot of people would. So it's never an excuse to use your age gap as a reason to stay disconnected from your partner. And if that is the case, then you guys need to find different ways to connect. Yeah, I think that my insecurities being younger,

being like, oh, like, you know, I don't know how to put it, but you know, I'm just younger. And I was like, you're just like, no, I don't know. I've been around longer. You know, not that he says that, but like that's- Well, that's my point. It's just like, Natalie might be a lot younger than me, but she's my equal.

And the moment I didn't think she is, then we shouldn't be together, you know? And so if you start seeing yourself as not as his eagle, then you won't be his equal. So. It's also, I feel like focusing on what you have in common and then the stuff that you don't have in common, it's more of like an excitement to show each other

what you don't have in common. You know, like Nick loves showing me these older movies that came out when he was a kid, and it's like I wasn't even a thought in my mother's head. And it's like something that we enjoy rather than him being like, oh God, you weren't even, you weren't even a thought when this movie came out.

You know, it's more of like, oh, I really wanna show you something. So I feel like it's like focusing on the stuff that you have in common and enjoying the things that you don't have in common. Yeah, don't overthink it. Yeah, we do that pretty good. It's just the feeling part.

It is a big deal. It's not sustainable to have them ignored. And honestly, I think if you have the means, I would say couples therapy would be the easiest way to tackle this problem. All right? All right. Well, thank you for the call.

Thank you so much. All right, take care. Great to see you. Bye. Bye-bye. Woo! That was intense. Yeah. so much. Great to see you. All right, take care. Bye. Bye-bye. That was intense. Yeah. I know you have to get going.

Yeah. I have two questions. Okay. What's next for you and Tyler? Let's start there. Wow, so now that the show is out and we're just kind of able to finally soon, well not yet, but soon able to post each other.

We just wanna like be public. We just wanna be public. We wanna travel and post our travel. I've been on so many sneaky links this year with my husband, but no one knows. So yeah, we're just ready to kind of like continue building. Can I ask how hard is that whole day like concealing your relationship for over a year?

So it's a dual thing, it's a dual effect. Like, the plus side is like, we're in this little bubble, no one knows about us, no one can harm us, right? But then there's the, damn, like, I do wanna show you off and I do wanna, like, be happy to be married and it's something I've always wanted and only very few people know. And so yeah, I'm ready for just the simple things.

Like, I wanna just post out to E. I just wanna, you know, just travel and enjoy being newlywed. Probably. Yeah. So originally he was saying like in a year, which we quickly found out was not a thing. Like no way. A year it goes fast.

Like let's be clear. Yeah, it went so fast. I'd say in two years, we'll try. You know, we'll start to begin the process. I do want a kid before 35, I'm 32. Yeah. I want a kid before 35. I'm still working on my patience also

to make sure that I am. You seem very patient. Wow, thank you. I've been really working on it. I've been reading a lot. It's working. I really have. Whatever you're doing is working.

Yeah, usually when I'm with my friends, all my friends have kids. Now, most of them have kids. And I have a godson who's born on my birthday, he's 14 now, so he doesn't want anything to do with me right now, but it's fine. But when I'm around my friends' kids, it's just like, okay, this was fun.

And then my best friend Casey, she's used to all the loudness, they always know when I come over, like Auntie Ash or whatever, and I'm like, okay, all that ruckus in there. Like, you know. She ignores it. She's got inside voices.

She blocks it out, she doesn't even hear it, I do. I get annoyed, I'm like, okay. This was ruckus in there. She ignores it. She blocks it out, she doesn't even hear it, I do. I get annoyed, I'm like, okay, this was fun, girl, thanks for the wine. Yeah, listen, I don't even like kids, I don't even like dogs, but I'm obsessed with my dogs and my child is mine. That's what they say, yeah. Final question, which guy from your cast

was the biggest surprise once you got to know him? Well, there was Ramzes and then Steven with the kinks and the lying and then Tim with the, like you took a nap, I never wanna see your face again. My biggest shock was Stephen. Okay, and do you wanna elaborate? Stephen was, you don't even show, they don't even show how many times I've talked to Stephen

while filming and just like trying to encourage him and cause you know, he was having doubts at one point and also just like, Stephen was this great guy that everyone knew Monica and Stephen were getting married. And so to find out we get back to Arlington and he does this thing, I unfollowed him. I was, he was despicable to me. And the only reason I followed him again

is because Monica gave him grace. And she was like, don't hold a grudge against him. I was like, are you calling dogs off? Not Tim's dogs, but my own. But my own, yeah. But we got to talk to her. I'm worried that she doesn't wanna see who Steven really is in order to protect herself.

Yeah. Nick's hard against Steven. Yeah. And me too. That was a big lie. Yeah. Talk about stealing an opportunity from someone. Wait, what?

Just the whole how Steven thing went about and the sleep test and the text messages. Oh, it's a huge lie. Yeah. It was just like. I don't even know if he was there. I don't know. He keeps saying he was.

I don't know if he was at the sleep test. All I do know is when it comes to this experience, similar to my own, any sort of betrayal and trust is huge. And it's even worse when it's with another woman in that way because it's like dang, you know, and it almost makes women afraid to share that they've been hurt before in that way because it's almost like men are like,

oh, you're used to this, I'll do it to you, you'll stay. And then he was very emotional when he left. He's like, well, sorry I wasted your time. Yeah, I'm gone. Remember when he looked in the camera? Yeah, like what the hell? And was like, I'll probably never, what did he say? I'll never live this down.

I'll never live this down. He's apologized to me so many times. But then he went online and the first thing he posted was trying to paint himself as a victim by basically saying, oh, people are gonna like, I don't know, it was very big. Being disappointed by the idea that they made of me. It started in Kaba.

You're a fucking liar. With that conversation with women are gonna give me oral sex when they find out about me. They're gonna be offering it. Sliding in the DMs a year later. I was like, oh, okay, this is not the Steven that I knew that was talking about Ryan Gosling in movies with me in the pause.

Yeah, no. But they're not also. No, no, I was trying to give you. Hey. Oh. Ashley, we really, really appreciate you taking the time. We know you have to go. Thank you so much.

We can stay. We can stay. One more for the road, one more for the road, one more for the road. We know you have to go. We can stay. Thanks, Katie. One more for the road. One more for the road. One more for the road. Well, I want to hear about Tim. And we didn't get to Tim and Alex.

Yeah, what do you know about that? What's your take? I do know that there was no extra fight that everyone thinks there was. I mean, there was a fight off of camera. And also people think that we have cameras in our rooms when we go to sleep. So they should. They should have cameras all over the house. You guys need we have cameras in our rooms when we go to sleep so.

They should. They should have cameras all over the house. You guys need to put cameras in the apartments. Like 11 p.m., like 11 p.m. Pub island style. 7 to 8 a.m. or so. Well, because similar to your situation, I felt like we were kind of just dropped

in the middle of a conversation with them. Yeah. My big question with Alex is why didn't she pick up her place like at all? I asked her that and she was like, I didn't want to even film place like at all? Like. I asked her that and she was like, I didn't want to even film there. I'm like, girl, you tripping because I cleaned my place

before I left. Oh yeah. And then had my mom come dust. Cause you know when the sun comes in through the blinds, you get dust everywhere. Oh in the closet. Yeah, yeah. Just whatever.

She was, I think we all were in a hectic panic cause we found out very soon that we're casted before we leave. They keep you in suspense. And so I think that maybe she, Alex, love you girl, you know I do. But she's late to everything. It is a character flaw.

And I told her do better in 2025. And if you don't do it in 2025, do better in 2026. I told her that last time. How does someone like Tim and Alex end up together? Because they look like they could not be more opposite. I think it's the family bond. It's 100% the family bond. They both really, really, really, really love their families

and they both have had different experiences with resilience for their parents. And I think that's where they bonded. And I think when we got to the real world, there was a disconnect. I also just wanna say you looked absolutely stunning on your wedding day. Thank you, thank you.

And I hope that it just looked really beautiful and I'm so happy for you. It was the best day, it was 68 degrees. Yeah, Taylor's was 50. I love you, love you too. But yeah, I had a sunny day, it was like, oh, it was perfect, yeah. Well, thank you for coming.

Thank you guys. This was so much fun. We wish you guys the best of luck. Hopefully we'll get a chance to meet Taylor in person. Yeah. Yeah, thank you. All right. Bye-bye.