The Viall Files - E89 Heather McDonald on Country Clubs, Comedy and Catholicism

Episode Date: February 5, 2020

Heather McDonald from the Juicy Scoop Podcast and Chelsea Lately comes into the studio to demand a place on Nick’s Instagram page. They talk about The Toddler Jump on The Bachelor, how Chris Harrison is now at her Country Club, and her experience being a late bloomer. “You don’t have herpes, you have virginity.” Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: MANSCAPED: manscaped.com CODE: VIALL NOOM: noom.com/viall ATHLETIC GREENS: athleticgreens.com/viall OPENFIT: Text VIALL to 505050 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

what is going on all y'all listeners have we developed a name for the wi-fi's like wi-fi but wi-fi it's it's wife it's really it's not Filers? Oh, you like Filers better? I don't give a shit what I like. What can't we decide? Whatever you like. Whatever I like? No, the audience. The audience.

What's up, guys? I don't know. It doesn't matter. I am a little envious. I think our name of the show is fine, but it doesn't have an obvious... Yeah. Fan name obvious fan name. Even Help I Suck at Dating, Jerry was telling me,

they call them like the something suckers. I forgot what it was, but it's pretty clever. It's clever. Darn it. Yeah. What are you going to do? What are you gonna do valentine's day right around the corner looming so excited uh big plans no what are you gonna do i don't know last year okay i got pizza last year it was the saddest thing because i went to this pizza place next to my house and

the lobby of this pizza place was full of just sad looking people they were really behind on the pizzas they weren't expecting a huge rush and we were all just like we just want to go home and eat pizza that makes a lot of sense like the pizza the pizza industry might pop. Yeah. Also, maybe the ice cream industry might have a surge. Yeah. But you don't really want to go out and get it by yourself on Valentine's Day. That's not- Order in. Yeah.

Chinese food. Postmates. Postmates really through the roof, I'm guessing. Yeah. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? I have no immediate plans oh i doubt anything is anyone going to be upset that there are no immediate plans i don't believe so okay you got

such a politician about this subject i don't believe so to keep people guessing this is where you gotta you know if you got a side chick and a main chick is where you really have to figure it out yeah because the side chick's gonna know do you think that's what it is or or maybe more realistically this is where if you have been hanging out with someone and you just kind of been casually dating yeah you either have to shitter get off the well Well, it's a potential... It's like when you're driving down the street and you see something down the road and it's just like, I have to do something.

I either have to like swerve around it, hit it head on, jump. It's something you can't just keep going at the same pace or something bad's gonna happen. You're comparing Valentine's Day to roadkill. Yeah, I am. So yeah, if you have been dating someone, it's an opportunity for that someone to check in.

Just check in. So you might have to come up with something. It's a dumb holiday, right? Or do we like it? Yeah, it's fine. I'm going to try to look at it as a way I'm going to spread love to people around me. You know what? Yeah.

I like, you know, wish everyone a happy Valentine's Day. Yeah. Single people should wish everyone they see happy Valentine's Day. Be like the Cupid. Yeah, happy Valentine's Day. Oh, why are you so excited? Well, because I'm alone. Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day. Are you having a happy Valentine's Day? Yeah, just shout out some positive energy and then go home and eat pizza. Yeah. Yeah, what are you going to do? You can get some essential oils. Ooh.

Treat yourself. You could treat yourself because yeah i don't think uh guys don't want essential oils for valentine's day i don't think why not i mean i hope they do i'm just being you don't have to get a guy anything for valentine's day do? How does that work? Just yourself, you know. Do men expect... Why am I asking you this question? In a relationship, did I ever want... I know. I guess I got to say, I always felt like the bird was pretty much on me.

Yeah. Like, take her out for dinner. Right. Do something nice. Right. If she got me something, I guessed fine. But I don't... Alone. I don't remember being frustrated if I wasn't thought of. Right.

I don't think that. It was like a way to make sure I show you I still love you. Yeah, exactly. It's that check-in holiday. Anyways, great episode. Heather McDonald joins us. She's fabulous host of juicy scoop and uh funny comedian used to be on chelsea lately used to be on chelsea lately used to write for chelsea um has a couple books out there uh she's always fun to talk to about life and pop culture uh she is a loving mother and wife and and very

open about her life both uh as a comedian and as a mother yeah you don't see that many female comedians that are also like really big into family so it's kind of cool to see yeah and she you know she's obviously very progressive and very open but also has a very conservative side to her and she you know she grew up very religious and talks about being Catholic and Catholic guilt. And she still- I liked that. She still has that life.

She still has a very traditional kind of family core. And so it's always fun to hear that balance from someone. So I hope you guys enjoyed this conversation with Heather. I know I did. And anything else, Rochelle? No. hear that balance from someone so uh i hope you guys enjoyed this conversation with heather i know i did and um anything else rochelle no you got it uh oh by the way i always forget to mention rochelle's my producer on this show i'm so sincere um don't forget to get us send us five stars guys obviously send in your questions at asknigatcastmedia.com. Don't forget to subscribe. People are loving some of our merch out there.

So if you want to check it out, vilefiles.com. And without further ado, Heather MacDonald. Speaking of Valentine's Day, if you do decide to give your guy a gift. Yep, this is the perfect one. Give him the gift of smooth balls. Manscaped. Give him the gift of not bloody balls. Okay.

I'm just saying sometimes you're down there and you're trying to groom and you want him to make sure that it's not so foresty looking and he goes and he tries to do it and he comes back and it looks like a massacre. Blood? Has that happened to you? Yeah course oh my gosh i mean listen it's it's the thinnest part uh i must i mean not

i don't know much about women's anatomy but as a guy it's the thinnest skin that you have yeah literally and then when you put like metal objects that are moving at incredible speeds down there. Yeah. And it's awkwardly shaped. Let's, okay. The Manscaped Perfect Package 3.0. It's the perfect gift. It comes with a lot of stuff. Perfect package for his perfect package, if you know what I mean. He will really appreciate it.

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We know this. Obviously, everyone's trying to lead healthier lifestyles. People are trying to get in shape. And your diet is such a big part of that. Yeah. So we use Noom. What's your goal for the year? Do you have one, a health goal?

My goal, especially as I get older, is to really just maintain. Yeah. I mean, for you. It's harder to do in life. Our schedules get busier. Our responsibilities accumulate. We find less and less in time for ourselves. And with that, not only do we find less time to work out,

but it's easier to cheat on your diet. And by diet, I mean just what you eat. That's why they call it fast food, because it's convenient, it's there, and it's hard to stay away from. But Noom does a great job of giving you ideas and suggestions on how to stay the course. My goal I want to stop eating so bad like when I'm stressed or when I'm busy so because I'm going on to my Noom app I'm logging what I'm eating then I can be cognizant about it and then make different choices next time. It's all psychological.

Yeah. Well, they're great and they make it very easy for you to get assistance with some dietary habits. Super easy. Yeah. You don't have to change at all one day. As we know, small steps make big progress. Sign up for your trial today at Noom, N-O-O-M dot com slash V-I-A-L-L. What do you have to lose? Well, visit Noom dot com slash V-I-A-L-L to start your trial today. That's N-O-O-M dot com slash V-I-A-L-L. How are you doing, Heather? I'm doing great. Thanks for coming. You're welcome. Heather McDonald, everybody.

You better, like, you know, share. Give me some Instagram love. I drove an hour in traffic for you. What do you mean? I mean, when I do a show with someone of your Instagram caliber, I would like to be tagged. I don't want just a swipe up. I'd like an actual square. Is that something that you're willing to do? So wait, I have- Like on the real page. I have to post a picture with you for coming on my podcast. I think that's a fair thing to do for someone of my caliber. I feel like it's the other way around. Oh, I'll definitely post. Okay. I will definitely post. Remember why you're here.

No, I mean, I like you. And I know you have a good podcast. But you know, and I'm like, oh, that'll be fun. I'm free. I'm not going out of town this weekend. So I wanted to come and I love this view. And then you wanted dedicated. I would like some Instagram love from the experience. And I'm just going to start saying it up front, not be shy about it. Not be shy about it.

No. You will definitely get some Instagram love. Okay, thank you. I can't promise you you'll get all the love that you want. All right. I don't know. I don't know yet. See how the day's going.

Depends on the content we put together. Or if you don't have a great outfit, you don't have a peacoat you want to show off, and you just are like, I got to throw up something. You look very nice today. Thank you. I kind of like I just decided to put on what I wore yesterday, which is partly true. No.

It's a clean T-shirt. It's a clean T-shirt. Tennis shoes are cute. Yeah. You look good. It's fine. Yeah. When I went on your podcast, you made me, well.

We did the toddler jump. The toddler jump. Which I have trademarked. No, I haven't. Have you? But I've been calling it the toddler jump, which is when a bachelor stands still and then the camera goes across the park

and then the girl has to run, jump, and jump on her man like a toddler would jump on a parent. And it's of funny. And why does it happen, Nick? Why do they do that? Kelly did it in this episode. Yeah.

Yeah. It's an episode. It happens every season numerous times with numerous people. I don't know why. It's weird. And then it's almost weird. And then you'll see a girl that doesn't like she runs up and they just like embrace. And then they zoom on.

Oh, she just tilted her toes a little. And then then twitter's just like who's this ungrateful bitch why you know like why is she excited to be here jesus but so i made him do it i made him stand and at first it was very scary because i hadn't done it and fortune was that we're having fortune on um soon oh good But she was there. I had never met Fortune before. And she's just like watching Heather jump into my arms. And Heather made me do it. It was amazing.

Three or four times. Did Fortune jump into your arms? I asked her, but she did not. She did not want to. We were trying to debate who should jump into whose arms. Yes. And. But it's amazing.

And a lot of people now use it. They're like, they did the toddler jump and i just feel special i love it yeah have you written to bachelor abc about possibly you know getting cred um well chris harrison your best friend is um at my country club now so i did talk to him about this season a little bit before it started. And? Because it's in Westlake Village where Peter the pilot lives or is from. I mean, he seems to enjoy me, but whatever. I think I mentioned the toddler gem to him. He's like, oh, you're right. I have a couple of fantasies that I've been secreting that I would like to see happen in the. One, I think I've already talked to you about before. This is my favorite one. This is that a bachelorette will find she's pregnant. And because she'd have

three guys within five days, she won't know whose baby she's carrying. Yeah, we've- We've talked about it. And then I've told you this, I've been putting it out in the universe, so it will happen if you believe in it. And then it won't be the baby when they finally come out and test it. It will not be the dude she chose. It'll be like second runner up. Yeah, that is the ultimate dream.

You want like a Jerry Springer. Yes. And my other fantasy is that two girls will get in the house, you know, and they will have had a former lesbian relationship like a year back. And they are like, whoa, what are you doing here? And then they're trapped with nothing to do

and a little horny. So that's, they don't fall in love there. They were former, like just a tryst, maybe a threesome. Maybe they're both a little bi. And then they get to the house and they're like,

wow, well, you look great. So do you. And then they like start to... They fall in love? They... I don't know. That could happen.

Yes. And then... Also, they also don't like i mean a lot of other people go on the show aren't actually you know there's a lot of people who aren't attracted to each other and they just pretend right exactly you know so that you might not even know right but i mean that's kind of good with the two girls though because it happened in vietnam where two girls fell in love while they were there in the vietnam bachelor but i'm saying they have a history that's that's my other and then my third fantasy is that on the bachelorette two guys that come like and they've shown hints of this really do like fall in love or or get together and they like but they hate each other they're like fuck

you man and then they're like fighting and then the fighting turns into like a hot makeout yeah so i'm putting it out there we can i think we need it for the new decade honestly to keep this show going the show is doing very well it's they haven't really had to they haven't had to jump the shark yet but uh that's not jumping the shark. That's making it fucking great. I think it would be fantastic, but to have that situation happen would be a challenge in the casting space, don't you think?

I'm not saying to cast it. I'm just saying I want it to occur. You want it to occur. Yes. Well, yeah, I guess you'd have to have two guys who are bisexual or gay. I think everyone now pretty much. You know, who knows? I don't know. I don't speak to people's sexual orientation. It just only gets you in trouble. Yeah. Good, good. Stay safe. At least white guys, straight white guys. Yeah. It's a hard time for your kind.

At least white guys, straight white guys. Yeah, it's a hard time for your kind. Yeah. I know, I'm really feeling it. How have you been otherwise? Everything's been great. You got your hit podcast, Juicy Scoop. Thank you.

It's been doing really great. I do it every Tuesday and Thursday. And then special episodes Friday if you're Patreon. And just doing a lot of stand up and doing great. All my shows sold out in January so I hope that that'll be a trend throughout the 2020 and I have a special that I shot

that we're shopping around right now and hopefully someone will want it. If not, I'll be a Christian and share it with the world for free. Are you putting your Patreon? That's not free. True. You are shopping it around.

I'll shop it around, but I'm just saying, we'll see what happens. It's too good to keep from the eyes of the world. Okay. Yes. Then someone will buy it. I think so.

Yeah. There's interest enough enough so we'll see what happens so on your juicy scoop podcast you're always hoping for the juicy scoop right or do we have any juice for me to give to you yeah i mean well this this may determine how you if you end up on the how much you end up on the Instagram. If I get just a sad Insta story for 24 hours or if I get full-blown coverage. I don't know. I mean, what subjects are you looking at?

I don't really have... Do you have an interesting life? I don't know. You're well-connected in the Hollywood scene. Am I? Your whole podcast is to get yeah i'm going out i'm going out tonight um with my girlfriends what are you guys doing we're going to wally's have you been there in santa monica uh what is it no i don't i don't

think it's like a really cool wine bar and you know what i think i guess it's kind of cool i have been there and i think it's a pretty good scene. It is a nice little scene. I'm like, you know, a few years older than the average girl that's hitting the Santa Monica scene. So I think it's like a little bit classier, like a little bit older. So I'm ready to have some fun. I mean, I'm married.

I'm not looking to like find someone, but I'd like a scene that's like appeasing to my eye. As a happily married woman i don't know if it's happily each day is different it's a roller coaster that's what makes it so fun isn't it yeah i met him he's a nice guy you know he's he's very charming and a delight yes uh everybody that eats him you have you are married yes maybe. Maybe happy. Possibly not. You have your children. Yes, I do.

When you go out with your lady friends. Yes. Now, like you said, you're not necessarily looking to do anything inappropriate. But would you like to get hit on? Yes, absolutely. Do you want to get to the point where I could take them home? How far do you go with the flirt before it's wrong oh not too far not too far you know i mean i always wear my ring okay which apparently that's like now that's what people look for now yeah well i look like don't don't take it off ladies women say it's like women say they find it to be an aphrodisiac for other men I guess and I also think like younger guys like know like hey you know this

chick if she's ready to cheat or whatever she is not gonna want to have my baby or she's too old to have my baby or she's not gonna want to get married is that so i think it's like a nice down to fuck situation for some people not me i'm a good catholic girl we we know that heather is again well maybe not happily married committed married but you look good i mean you could get it if you wanted absolutely so guy comes up to you and it's, hey, hi, you look, what a great green dress. And can I buy you a drink? Do you say yes? Buy me a drink is, that makes me, see, the other thing is I have that weird like Catholic guilt where like, I don't really want to waste this guy's time.

You know what I mean? Like there's other cute girls. What if you like flash the ring? you know what I mean like there's other cute girls what if you like flash the ring you know if it's like a guy that seems wealthy and he's like I got it or like I was out with my sister one night and we ordered the drinks

and across the bar then the guy brought the drinks and the guys like those guys got the drinks and they were fine looking so we went over and like talked to them for a while and they were married too and it was just one of those things like they just wanted to have fun you know like to talk it was just one of those things like they just want to have fun, you know, like to talk. It was innocent enough. But like the other night when I was at this Wall-E's, which I haven't been in a few months, not like I go there every night,

like I'm just like bar fly, but I do kind of like it. It's this guy, not my type, not attractive. I was waiting for my friend. So I was a few minutes early and i was sitting at the bar and uh he was very aggressive like what do you do and you know can i get your number and i finally was like i'm married i'm not who you should be wasting your time with at all so you know i'm just saying but nice meeting you and he's like okay great thanks and he just moved on but if he was if he was nick vial i may have talked yeah what if he was brad pitt you know brad pitt oh my god still looking amazing really he really is do you think brad pitt and jennifer are gonna ever no no no well i feel i feel we've talked about i feel bad for him

what do you well because of because he's got the six kids of the mean x-way no i don't i well big picture wise i don't feel you should feel bad i don't feel bad for jennifer or or brad they're both have charmed lives but i do feel bad in the sense of like the pressure i like that he's finally joking about it but yes you know this whole idea it's just like he can't even look at jennifer aniston without the world freaking out. And like imagine if he's like just started to get into a relationship and he's trying to like move on from his, you know, all his past relationships. And, you know, he meets this girl and she's, I don't know, maybe she's not Jennifer Aniston, right?

Like she's not an A-list superstar. Maybe she's a young, who knows who the fuck she is. And she's nervous that she's already dating Brad Pitt. Or she's a comedian who's at Wally's, who's married anyway, but Brad sweeps her off her feet and she's like,

hey, I'm no Jen Aniston, but I can do a Jen Aniston. So you and Brad are in the early stages of your relationship. You're a little insecure. You think of your relationship. You're a little insecure. You think he likes you. You're not sure. But he's really nice.

And then he goes to some award show. And he just kind of looks at Jennifer Aniston. And the world freaks out and be like, oh, my God, I need you to date. You might feel a little insecure. Yeah, definitely. It just might get exhausting after a while. I don't think what is fun about brad and jen is that they were we were so in love with their love when it began and it's like many many many years ago there was liz taylor and somebody else but she married they got married twice like they got divorced and got remarried

she was also married eight times but and i kind of feel like people are like could this happen um i don't think she would ever want to marry him again i don't think she wants to try to ever be a step mom to those kids while they're under 18 so what i'm secreting and predicting is that they will get together eventually in a boyfriend girlfriend situation it'll never involve actual marriage um because I even I don't even think that she was actually legally married here's some juicy scoop from my head I don't think she was actually married to Justin Theroux I think it was like a, I think there's, I think there are people that are doing kind of like

fake marriages where it's not totally legal. Like, hey, let's commit our love together. Let's have this. But if it doesn't work out, like we don't have this big fricking lawyer mess,

you know, who cares? And I don't know because it seemed to end so easily and cleanly and they're still friendly yet she wanted that that somehow like stronger commitment with friends and celebrating their love with her and Justin so I think so maybe I think like in about five years five years in five about five years he'll really start hanging out together and you know once his

kids are all like, almost all grown. No, 20 years. They're going to grow. They'll like, when they're like. 80? Yeah, they'll like be the old friends. They'll be old friends. No, I think, I think still like,

she'll be in her mid 50s. He'll be a little over 60. His kids will all be like teenagers or older. And that's when they'll start like, it'll happen subtly it'll be like i know this is crazy but we're collaborating on a movie together remember they had the b um plan b production company which he got in the divorce something comes and they're like actually really passionate about it it was someone that they knew story from when they were together like

maybe someone's child had a weird disease that someone cured. And she's like, Brad, it's Jennifer. Do you remember my friend, Melissa? Her son suffered from this rare disease and I cannot believe he fought it and he won. And there was a doctor in South Africa who made it happen. And I think there's a story there. I think you could play the doctor. Good impression. I think and then all of a sudden they start producing and they're like, wait Jennifer no one knows Melissa the mother of this child better than you.

How about you play Melissa? So now they're working together on this film. What a creative mind. And it is a it is an Oscarcar winner it is a feel good it is based on a true story they both win and then they end up they kind of end up together they keep it on the deal they're like oh stop stop but they end up just really having a nice time together and then because it's second time around she she's like, hey, I'm not going to be the same

chick when we were married during Friends. I'm not going to let you pick uncomfortable furniture. Okay? I don't like this fucking ugly chair. You're not an architect. Shut up. And he's like, all right. And she changes the dynamic because now she's in her 50s and doesn't give a fuck and then

and he's like i'm good with that let's just have a dry margarita smoke a joint and enjoy your 20 million dollar mansion in bel-air would you rather have that yes entire storyline happen yes or the bachelorette get knocked up by one of her guys god it's got to be the bachelorette get knocked up by one of her guys. Oh, God. It's got to be the bachelorette being knocked up by one of her guys. Just because I put it out there. I've talked about it. There's evidence that I've predicted it. That's another thing that I love about the podcast

because sometimes I would say things. Like, I predicted what Meghan Markle would wear, what her wedding dress would look like. How? Like white? No. Boatneck. Plain material. No lace. Sleeves. You predicted that? Yes, boat neck, plain material, no lace, sleeves.

You predicted that? Yes, I did. Wow. And I was doing press for my shows in Chicago the day before the wedding. And thank God I was on a televised local Chicago show. And I said, this is her second marriage, and she's not going to want anything that looks like Kate's. So no lace. It's not going to be strapless.

She's got to be conservative, but it's going to be classy and cool. And it's going to be a boat neck. And plain white. The only thing I was wrong about is I said she will wear a significant piece of jewelry from Princess Diana. And she didn't at the wedding, but she did for the after party where she had the high neck outfit. she didn't at the wedding, but she did for the after party where she had the high neck outfit. So I woke up that morning and saw her photo and just was shook. Like I was shaking and I was like, and I was trying to find the clip of me on the whatever it was, Chicago show. And sure enough,

so people know that occasionally I have a gift. in a while once in a blue while isn't that just guessing a bunch of guesses and eventually one of them landing kind of crazy you should write romance novels yeah very creative thank you all right so and then you you know you we talk of relationships or two on this podcast you uh you were i read your heather's got a couple books i do and i love that you read my book i read your first one which is that one's all about dating and everything like from like 20 years ago when i was in high school and college and before i met my husband so it takes me until i'm about 30 it It's a really good book. Thank you.

Lots of funny stories. Yeah. And you were before the Ashley eyes of the world. You were a late bloomer when it comes to having sex. You were a virgin until how long? 27. 27. Wasn't she 27?

Were we both the same age? I don't. I don't know. But I love my Ashleyley i around that time yes and it was and very similar stories we have um of it not being a religious thing not being that nobody liked us we were both cute knew how to put an outfit together like to have a cocktail like to dry hump like to have a good time but to dry hump, like to have a good time. But it was the same thing like, oh, I just want to make sure this person's like my boyfriend and I want to

be really comfortable with them. But then you get older and older and it gets weirder and weirder. And then people are like, oh, were you molested? Like, what's your fucking weird problem? You know, were you like in a Mormon cult or something? No. And so then you start to keep it like a secret. And that's kind of what I shared in the book is that then, like when I was doing theater classes and groundlings and things like that, I never said I was a virgin, but I would like, never admit that, you know what I mean? Like I would just kind of keep the conference so no one really knew. I wasn't like, I'm not, you'm not shouting it from the rooftops or anything because I realized, oh, this is strange.

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It's full of probiotics and prebiotics because I'll tell you what, it's not something we talk about enough is our digestive system. Yeah. And we need those things, especially if you ever have, if you get sick and you take an antibiotic, like you get strep throat or something. Yeah. Maybe you're, unfortunately, you got the clap and you had to go in there and, you know, no big deal, no judgment.

Sometimes you just take an antibiotic, but that can fuck up your stomach and you need to build up the antibiotics, the healthy, natural ones that fight diseases and probiotics are why we do that. So Athletic Greens, not only it tastes amazing, they have that stuff in there too. Yeah, I'm traveling. I'm going to my friend's wedding this weekend, so I'm taking my travel packs so I don't have to skip a day. It's amazing.

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I don't know. Is that chlamydia? I don't know. Or is that like, what is the one they would call, like back in the day they'd call it? Black plague? No, you don't hear about it, but like you watch older movies and they...

Elephantitis? No, nothing crazy like that. It was just... I don't know what you're talking about. They talk about STDs in old movies? Yeah. It was like a more vague term. I think it was just like getting lice or something.

Oh, crabs? Crabs. Thank you. When you hear people say you got- That's not an old thing. I had a friend who had it. Crabs crawling around in his pubes. He got around. He got around.

Manscaped. Never with me. I tried. You know, unanswered prayers. Anyways, open fit open fit chances are you probably wanted to commit to working out more in the new year very popular but you didn't want to go to the gym well you don't have to you have open fit you have a phone you have a tablet you have a computer yeah have these things that you can just access open

fit right there they have all these different types of classes trainers professionals yep they have yoga bar classes the list goes on yeah i always do extend bar with andrea rogers because it just like sculpts your body it's's really targeted. So, you know, you're getting your bang for your buck. And if you travel like Rochelle's going to a wedding, she can go get that little bar class in right before she slips into that very beautiful gown. Oh, yeah. OpenFit has changed the way we work out. And with my code V-I-A-L-L, you can join me on a fitness journey personalized just for you. Right now, my listeners get a 14-day free trial.

Membership to OpenFit when you text VIALL to 505050. Try it for free or your money back. It's entirely risk-free. So what do you have to lose besides the weight? Not much. You will get full access to OpenFit, all the workouts, and a nutrition guide totally free for 14 days. Again, just text VIALL to 505050, and that's all you got to do. My advice to anyone is no, get laid.

Like, don't let it go so long. Yeah. Protect yourself, you know know use the pill or definitely a condom but if you also want to get on the pill just to be extra safe um and just knock it out knock it out before like 22 if you can if you're if you're attracted you're in that situation and just go you know what if i never hear from this dude again who gives a fuck let's just rip this band-aid off and not be heather mcdonald told me like it's just gets weird did you did you find when you were like in your early 20s you didn't have sex and you felt like you were like did you feel inexperienced and feel the pressure about that feel inexperienced

and when you felt in a we we learned something recently on our other podcast yes this uh and i'm just like coming up with this this term called grooming rare uh that sounds like a pedophile yeah yeah it's it's this uncomfortable thing where it sounds like uh certain guys will like uh they'll target if you will i didn't want any of that that grosses me out out. Just talking about it now. But like, no, I know, but there was one boyfriend when I was 19 that knew I was a virgin and was like too excited about it,

about de-virginizing and I broke up with him. It grossed me out. Good for you. And like, it's apparently like these guys, like there's this power dynamic because I was wondering

if she ever experienced something because of, did you ever notice certain guys with your i think kind of after that is when i started to keep it a secret job yeah and then the few people that they were like what's the deal like i've taken you on a bunch of times bought you some you know decent shellfish meals what's your deal and then i um and then i'd be like well the reason is they would be so freaked out that they'd immediately

like, I'm out. And I was like, well, that's either A, they didn't really like me enough. But also it's like they are like so freaked out. They're like, oh my God, you know, the minute I have sex with this girl, like the kind of conceited, like I'm going to be so in love with you. I'm going to be such a weirdo. I'm going to lose my mind or God forbid I get pregnant. I would definitely have the

baby because I'm Catholic. All that kind of shit. So then after a couple times like that, then I really was like, all right. And then the person that I did lose it with was a guy I had dated briefly in college. Met him at a bar one night randomly a couple years post-college in Santa Monica. Dated, took me out on dates he was cool he was fun and one night I'm like yeah let's just do it nice and then the next day I call my sister and I go you've been waiting for this call for 27 years but I never told him and then we graded like oh but we probably like went out like maybe like a few weeks longer than that and then and then I kind of did that what am I to you and he's

like i don't want a girlfriend and i was like all right and i was like oh my god i thought this would be so much more traumatic you know that the guy i lost my virginity to doesn't want to like hang out with me anymore but i was like no but maybe that's because i was older you know so i don't know yeah i mean it's it's interesting we get it We will from time to time. We'll, you know, get a question or a girl who either she or her friend hasn't and that hasn't hasn't had sex. And it becomes very and it just becomes this very confusing time for them. Do I tell him? Do I let people know?

Should I tell him? Is it my responsibility? People have all these other and then their friends have opinions whether they should or not. And I remember like reading your book and you had you had a strong opinion about like whatever you want to do don't don't feel like you have it's not it isn't a burden it's not something you have to share and i thought that was really yeah it made a lot of sense and something that i thought people in that position might find very helpful yeah why do you

have to really judgy and everything yeah you don't have like, why do you have to tell them? People are really judgy and everything. Yeah, you don't have to. And you don't have to tell the person that you're losing it to either. You don't have herpes, you have virginity. Like there's no like disclosure that you have to have them sign. So it's like, they don't have to know. And they don't have to have that walk around

with that gift or that burden for themselves either that they de-virginize you, you know? So it's like. Yeah, and if you want them to find you want and I assume there's guys too that are like shit I'm kind of old now and I worry about guys in this day and age because you know they more and more like I've talked to Dr. Drew

about this like you know guys they do so much just by themselves playing on video games talking to people on video games and they have you know so much porn right at their access I mean you could also just buy a sex doll if you have i mean like you know and you need them to go out and be social you know like come on dudes like i'm i'm raising two sons and i'm like no drake you are going my son who's i'm like you are going to he's 17 and i'm just like i don't care where you get in but you're going to college. He's 17. And I'm just like, I don't care where you get in, but you're going to college as an 18-year-old living in the dorms.

Like you have to go and experience that, I think, at that age for our family. I'm not saying it's for everybody. He doesn't want to? No, he will. He's fine. But I'm saying I actually am like very insistent on it and was with my stepdaughter too. And a lot of people are doing the JC thing now because it's so expensive. And I think that's fine for your family. I'm just saying my family

is late bloomers and they need to get out and be social before I think it could be awkward. Yeah. I mean, I was just alone all the time and then college being in the dorm, it forced me, you know, and it was really hard, it was good yes my stepdaughter was really shy and now she's like the life of the party and it was great and she loved it and you know and so i think for but like i said everybody's difference you know some people are like no my kid needs to be home for two more years it's an interesting point how young everybody was they're all so oh everybody's taller than me now except for my stepdaughter she's still smaller than me people people too people you know are more accustomed to getting awkward because of yeah

we live on our phones or yes and yeah whether it's you're sending your kids to college or or other things it's it's good that you're getting them out there and like forcing them to be more social because it's so easy to isolate ourselves these days. I kind of think I wouldn't be surprised if like in the next four or five years, we see like a whole nother shift of like having to go out and be social and having like more things where people are forced to see, you know, more companies and things where you're actually meeting people without getting their whole story before. Like, I think that's really hard that not just the apps, but anything like, even if I wanted to set you up with somebody, you're telling me you wouldn't look up that

person, know what their ex-boyfriend looked like, know everything that they did. But if I just said, I have a friend, her name is Jennifer. She's 26. She's a junior associate attorney. She went to LMU. She is, you know, very attractive, blonde, great body. It loves to hike, you know, doesn't have any pets. Would you like to meet her? And trust me, she's like an LA nine. Okay.

So you'd be like, well, you'd still want to see her probably it's funny because that will happen because i you know i'm old enough to to lived in a world where everything wasn't accessible right so there for like a few seconds in that scenario i'll be like interesting and then i'll be like wait just show me her goddamn picture let Let me just thought of like, it's so like, why am I wondering what she looks like? Just show me what she looks like. But I think that's so hard. Cause I mean, think about when you, when you meet people in person, like at a bar or a party or a Superbowl party and they come up to you and at

first, you know, maybe your eyes didn't lock and you weren't immediately attracted when you walked in the room. But after he makes you chuckle, after you've had two drinks, now you realize you have so much in common, so you give him your number. That's the way it used to work. But now it's like,

if you're not attracted to that photo within two seconds, you're passing. No, I've hung out with some of my lady friends who are on dating apps and for fun. And I'll be like, just show me what you're working with here. You know,

it's so fun to look at someone. And she'll go on and, you know, I'm like, can you mind? And like, I won't do anything without your permission. And,

and I'm going through and I'm like, you know, handsome guy, you know? And she's like, eh, you know? And like,

I go and I'm like, what? Ew guy you know and she's like yeah you know and like I go and I'm like what ew what what is going on and just the way I've heard some of my women friends break down these guys photos I'm like I'm never going on one of these things ever because it's just so so you know well it's so hyper critical yes and it's also like who you like and who you don't you know like um I just remember I was like in the jacuzzi with my sons we're just talking like in her backyard about stuff and somehow my my best friend comes up who's single and and she was going dating this like single guy at the country club it wasn't Chris Harrison it was a different one and my sons play golf and everything and they're like what happened with that and I go um he picked her up

for a date and he like brought her flowers and she was just like that's it and my boys were like what what like he goes I'm just so confused like what what is how is that that's what I'm like you know what you're right like I don't know how a guy would even know how to, what to do. I don't know if it, but it wasn't the kind of flowers. It was just that she wasn't into him. She just doesn't like him. She wasn't that into him.

And then that made her realize he's really into her, which then freaks you out. Yeah. Yes. You know what? This is my tip to guys. If you really like a girl, but it's not completely mutual, hold back a little.

Right. Because you might scare them off. You might scare them off. How do you know that at first? You know? I don't know. Right? You know?

I guess the girl would be the only one that knows. Yeah. So is your country club like a really happening place? No. It sounds fun. It's not that happening. Do you see Lauren Zima there? She's dating Chris Harrison.

Oh, no, I haven't yet. No. The both times I saw Chris, he was just by himself. Oh, nice. I know it's fun. But it's out in Westlake. I mean, it's very suburban, you know, very like mostly couples. You know, some divorced people, I guess. But it's not suburban, you know, very like mostly couples, you know, some

divorced people, I guess, but it's not like, you know, it's not the city. So. Do you spend a lot of time talking about dating and women with your sons, specifically your 17 year old? You're very open. You literally have a book about your virginity and losing it. I've seen your Instagram. You've dressed up your sons in like wigs. My younger one. He won't do it anymore. And make them reenact the housewife stuff. It's pretty hilarious.

Well, I had to cast some people and no one else was available. You're very open. So what's that mother-son conversation? I mean, he's 17. He is ready to get out in the world. I mean, my son is very cool and has good friends and everything. He does not have a girlfriend.

He's social enough. You know what I mean? But he's also like – he's like kind of like an old – he's like an old soul. I mean, he likes to golf. He's in this poker group with all these other kids from that area. They started meeting at like some of the half burned down houses out there.

It was like- Oh my gosh. And there was this poker thing. Yeah, like it was like, they would just go to, this kid was like, let's go to my house because it's like, you know,

under construction, we can meet there. Oh my God. And so, you know under construction we can meet there and um so you know and then he like loves his investment class so he's actually like buying and selling stocks like he'll go to some business school he's not like a super nerd though he doesn't he doesn't like he's not overly he's not he could be a little more ambitious with his grades but he likes what he likes and uh so no i mean of course i talk about

all we talk about all that stuff we watch shows like that where i'd be like what do you think of this girl and you know and he he doesn't say anything to mom oh no he wouldn't know he'd be like she's annoying or oh she's the best looking one or oh my god she's not attractive so like i know like their type you know which is a very typical cute blonde i remember early on i knew their type because you know they liked emily remember emily the single mom that was blonde yeah so sweet gorgeous yes yes perfect i'm like really like your mom's a hot brunette not someone that looks like me no no they're that's the thing. They're probably too young to really know their type. Sounds like a Barbie doll.

Yeah. His first girlfriend will end up being his type, probably. Probably, yeah. She'll like fuck him up emotionally and break his heart

and then he'll just try and like replace her for the next 10 years. Yeah. Probably. Yeah. I mean, you know, don't you think?

Probably. I mean, it's probably what happened. Hopefully. Are they, so you still go to church? We go to church, yeah. Not all the time. I mean you know don't you think probably I mean it's probably what happened hopefully are they so you still go to church we go to church yeah not all the time

yeah but no we go to Catholic school the younger one is still in Catholic school he wants to go to the Catholic high school the all boys school

which I'm happy about my other son goes to the public school and yeah I mean it's still a big part of my life, but I travel some weekends.

So if I come home, like, I'm not like, oh, I gotta go to the 5.30 mass. I'm not, we were the family that like my dad would find the church on vacation. And we're like, we have to go to church on vacation? Oh, that's definitely my family. Yeah. Like, really?

And I'm like, I will never be that person. So I mean, you know, I go in, it goes kind of in waves sometimes. We have like a will never be that person so i mean you know i go and it goes kind of in waves sometimes we have like a cool priest now that's like young and more hip so that makes a difference too when you like kind of like your priest but joke a lot about obviously catholic guilt yes is a real thing like how does that affect like your parenting style now that you are still like a part of the church and you go, but do you? I mean,

really my parenting style is, I just was like, my goal was always just, I'm going to introduce them to it. And I just want them to have a relationship with God that in times of, you know, trauma or sadness that they have a higher person to turn to. And I think they have that,

have that, you know, and, and I think that's all I wanted. Because I just remember one time my friend in college that had no religion background at all. She's just like, would hear us talk. And she's like, I don't know the stories. I don't know what you're talking about. And I was like, Oh, you know, I want them to know the stories, like the Bible stories, whatever the typical ones. And so with them, I mostly am like, look, and I say this to anyone, like, you know, everybody's good at certain things. You know you are excelling. Like if you're really good at math or you're really a great artist or you're a comedian

or whatever, you know, pursue those things that are your gifts, because God gave you those gifts. And if you don't pursue them, because you think they're going to be too difficult to attain, I think that's a F you to God. So like, know what you're good at and be grateful for it. A little Catholic guilt right there. Yeah, but know what you're like, figure out what you're good at. And like, and know that not everybody can do that. Like, so those are the things that you should pursue, whether it's like you're really good athlete or you,

you know, or whatever that is. But. So follow your passions. Yeah. And also, but also kind of discover like what comes easy to you is, is a gift.

Like I'm could never be a mechanic. I never wanted to be a stockbroker. I never understood that. Like I, you know, it doesn't, it didn't occur, you know, but for a while there, I was like, Oh no, I to be a stockbroker. I never understood that. But for a while there,

I was like, oh no, I need like a good corporate job when I get out of USC so that I can pay for myself. Oh, I'm not going to pursue standup or acting because it's too hard. And I'm from LA and I'm not going to be a waitress at 27. And then when I got out in the real world, I was like, wait a minute, everything is hard. Everything everything is hard. So you should only pursue, you know, something that's going to get you excited to wake up every day. And there's no guarantees, especially now. I mean, people switch businesses so many times. And in this world, I think you have to just, you know, I think the most important thing is that you're willing to learn new things and adapt and, you know, and accept the changes in whatever industry you're in because your industry is going to change

and all of a sudden it could just be gone. So what else are you going to do now? Yeah. You know, like, okay. And so I think that's kind of what, you know, young people have to realize that like there's no guarantee. I think that's great because we do, we get a ton of people for,

whether it's a relationship that ends or a job they've pursued or something they thought they were going to do when they were 17. I always kind of joke that in our 20s, we try to live up to the expectations we set for ourselves when we're 15. Yeah. It's like we don't know anything about life, but we've decided to plan our life. And then when we're in our 20s, we try to accomplish those goals based off of you know nothing but people feel like once they hit a certain age like mid-20s that they can't take new on new risks or new adventures or if things didn't work out in their early 20s and they almost never do right you know right they they feel like they have to just accept that that world that they've made for themselves yeah and it is it seems almost

insane when we say it like that but it is very scary and a lot of people don't you know take the next step or take that risk or well i also think a smart way to do it is if you're at a job that's like has insurance and is paying your bills but it's really not creatively fulfilling to you um i would say stay in that job do not let the people know that you're not happy okay but there's so much that you could do on the side you could take you know yeah you could take a class if you really want to be a bar method instructor so take that at night and get that certification certificate whatever you call it certificate what you know while you're keeping your steady job like don't just chuck it all one day and like move home to your parents house like be smart because you are not 18 anymore yeah but

know that there are so many other options but kind of have a plan and be smart about it you know um and protect yourself and know that having that regular paycheck is really wonderful too yeah you don't have to keep it forever but like be smart about your move and um yeah and if you are unhappy in a job and you're not ready to leave it keep your mouth shut have you say this from personal experience from personal experience but from all their If you are unhappy in a job and you're not ready to leave it, keep your mouth shut. Have you said this from personal experience? From personal experience, but from all their friends experiences and everything, you know, like don't start walking around with another miserable person to get coffee with and start feeding off of each other.

Don't do that. Come in with a smile. If they bring you in and go, you don't seem happy, go, oh my gosh, that's completely not true because they're getting you to try to quit. So it'd like no that's not true oh my god i was just gonna come in and say that i wanted to take on this new challenge or whatever like know that human resources is not your friend yeah also not your friend campus police okay not your friend um so if something bad happens oh god you don't go to the campus police, you go to real police. Yeah. Okay.

Um, so also police and detectives are not your friends either. So I've watched an update line to know that. You don't have to talk to anybody. Yourself. Yourself and a good lawyer. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I think those are the things, but when you're thinking like about a relationship breaking up too, I think people also have to,

if the relationship breaks up and it was bad and it was a harmful relationship, you got to be grateful that that toxic relationship is gone. But if you're sad and it was a good relationship, it just didn't last, you got to be grateful for that too. Because you're like, well, now I know what a relationship is like with a partner who actually like respects me makes plans was fun you know was sweet you know so now like I can build from that like I don't only have shitty ones because I mean only one if that if you die with that person is considered successful like right that's what Nick always and I think there's met

but I think there's many other successful ones. Like, and I think even marriages that end, you could go, yeah, it didn't last forever, but it was successful for these reasons. The kids, the business we built, this, that, whatever. You know, so, and same thing when you're just dating someone for like a few months, like what did you learn from that person?

Or you went outside your comfort zone or you did date someone that wasn't your typical dude or girl so now you could go okay like i'm i can kind of open my horizons a little change is scary but yeah you the maximum number of relationships you'll ever have that won't fail is yeah it's the most are you dating anyone now what no no oh keeping a keeping a tight uh yeah lid on that one he is you know i wanted to ask you heather because you're so like outspoken and you're so funny and a lot of times men are like weird around that and but you found such a great partner for you who lets you shine and lets you be successful in what you do best you have any advice for how to find that if you're not you know well you're definitely the matriarch of your family would you say yes but i mean peter is

very um he's very like macho in a lot of ways too, which is hard. And, um, but no, what was great about when I met my husband is that when I was growing up and I saw female comedians, I knew I wanted to do that, but I thought to myself, who, what man would ever want to marry a female comic?

Is that a fear? That was a fear of mine. I don't think it exists as much as it does now thank god but i really did like i'd watch like evening any you know any evening at the improv type of thing and i'd see who the female comics were and it was like they were so sharing so much about their life which is like the opposite of what you're supposed to do when you attract a man you know you know like all of that and so and I knew I always wanted to be a wife and mother, like, you know, a lot. That was something I always wanted, like as a little kid and everything.

I knew that. And so I was like, oh, that'll be. But then once I got out of school and I finally, you know, after pushing down my dreams was like, no, this is a nephew to God. I got to pursue it. And then I got so fulfilled, like pursuing my dreams and I could still date people and, and all that.

But I was also like, well, you know, I'll have a baby on my own. And then like, I'll just kind of like, whatever. I,

I just gave it up. I was sort of just like, what, you know, Hey, what happens? And I either get like a guy that was either super excited about the fact that i was a stand-up like too into it or maybe wanted to do it himself right every guy wants to do it or can i get some

notes or i'd get the guy that was like um well wait a minute how long are you gonna do this for like what you're just you're just going to these clubs and you're waiting in line and you're not making any money and how many commercial auditions have you gone on since I've known you and you haven't booked one? So anybody like that, I was like, see ya, you know? And so Peter wasn't in the business and he just was like, oh, this is cool and this is fine. And then, you know, throughout our years together before I started writing Producer Chelsea

lately, like there are lots of highs and lows. One year I'd get, we'd have health insurance. One year I wouldn't, you know, like, and you know, he had his career and I'd go out on all these auditions that I have to drive in the, you know, 10 at night, all the way to Hollywood to pick up the script.

Cause you know, they wouldn't like, couldn't send it on a PDF file and read the script and get all cute and pay for a coach and go out for these things, which I never got. And he never was like, well, really?

Wow. You know, you didn't get that, you know? So, um, it's great. So it was,

it was good, you know? And now it's like, now there's a different dynamic in that we've, you know, I started doing this podcast and then it really took off. Thanks to him, like really helping to like management and learn it and

understand it more than, because at the time when I started agents were like, do whatever you want. What are you going to do? Like they didn't even want, they weren't even trying to be part of the contract, you know? Now, of course they're like, well, let me know when your thing is up and we can help you. I'm like, oh, you can help me so that you can get this amount for the next year and a half. So he was good at negotiating and reading contracts when nobody else desired to do so. So then

we came together. But it's a challenge to work with your spouse. It's something I promised I would never do because my parents were realtors together. That's right. And they began working together when I was about eight. So that was like 18 years into the marriage, very similar to my situation. I mean, that part is freaking me out because I bought the house next door to my parents.

My husband is turning very – he has like a full head of hair, but it's turning very gray, which my dad had a full head of gray hair till the day he died at 88 and um i have like my mom's personality and is more creative and disorganized and he's like the one that's like you know got all the ducks in a row and you know i i have to go this is is getting weird. Like this is, we have to, so it's a lot of ups and downs of like, okay, wait, you know. And what's kind of cool is that now my son, my older son, especially Drake, is becoming such his own person that he lightens it up. You know, like he sees what we're doing and then he'll make fun of it. And then he'll just be like, how's that sound quality? Act like my husband or whatever. And so we just try to keep it going.

But it's a challenge. There are definitely moments as I get older where I'll do something, even if it's a subtle action by myself, scratch my head or just say something. And I'll have this like, oh my God, I remind me of my dad. And like those commercials, I don't know, like it's an insurance commercial.

Or you say little sayings or whatever. Like I will be like, remember the squeaky wheel gets the oil, which is a great saying. And that means like speak up and ask for what you want. Nobody else is going to give you the oil unless they hear from you. And that's like such an old expression that my mom said, which I will tell my kids all the time.

It's a weird feeling when you do something and you so much remind you, like you see your parents through you. And there's a point in your life where you start doing that. Because when you're a kid, you see your parents so differently. They're aliens. They're like king and queens. They're just so different. And then you get older and you're just like,

you look in the mirror and you see your parents. It's a weird feeling. It's super weird. So when you were telling that story, it's just like, yeah, I know what you're know you're that's awesome you found someone to be like your cheerleader you know what i mean and now it's really that's probably part of the reason you're so successful but it's got to be a challenge always being around them it is so you know like well next week i'll be gone so thank god next week i'll be in dc everybody., everybody, at the City Winery. I think I still have a couple tickets left.

Oh, that's fine. Friday, February 7th and 8th at the City Winery in D.C. And my sorority sister is from S.C. One's coming from South Carolina. The other one lives there. One's coming from Manhattan Beach. And one is coming from Phoenix. How fun.

And we're all hanging out all weekend. I'm getting like a late flight on Sunday so we can like have a boozy brunch in Georgetown. Amazing. So like I do, you know, I do have this great fun outlet that, you know, a lot of mothers my age don't have and reasons for friends to meet me or my sister to join me

or even when I just go alone, it's so fun to do stand up and meet my juicy scoopers and you know and just be alone in a hotel room watching Bravo all day I mean like sometimes I walk around the city and shop if there's like a good better sales tax in California but that's like the first thing I ask like hey do you have Bravo yes we do and then I'm like what's the sales tax and they're like five percent I'm like all right let me plan on shopping a little. But if it's like nine and nine, I'm like, nah, all right. I'll just lay around in my room all day.

I don't need to give you guys the business. That's great. I mean, it sounds like you're doing everything right. Well, the highlight is coming to do your show, Nick, really, truly. Well, you got a loving husband who supports you and you have the life to take a break. Yeah. And then in the meantime, you can try to get on my Instagram. Exactly. That's another goal in life. I'm sure. life to take a break yeah and then in the meantime you can try to get on my instagram exactly that's

another goal in life yeah i'm sure well before i let you go we play uh this game called do you know me okay uh are you familiar with this game no probably not uh it's a wonderful game uh we try to get to know our guests by asking random questions that rochelle picks um all right and don't answer right away like think to your head okay i'll ask the question okay well Rochelle picks. All right. And don't answer right away. Like, think to your head. Okay. I'll ask the question. Okay. Rochelle and I are going to debate.

Who knows? And then we'll guess which one it is. And then you let us know who knows you better at the end. Oh, okay. So you guys are competing against one another. Yeah. Got it. I always lose.

Okay. Our audience, you know, they'll play along. It's a great, you should get it for your family. I think I should. Okay your family i think i should okay you should be great there's so many questions about sex it'd be great for your sons no yes no it'd be great yes you could take these sex questions out like they're all sex uh these are great questions for like how to get to know someone okay you know your son's dating in college you bust out the game and, you know. I love it. Anyways, I think it would be great for anyone over 18. Got it. Yeah.

For question number one. You ready? Would Heather rather give up social media over giving up television? Great first question, Michelle. I know, because she loves television. Great first question. But social media. I think she would give up social media over television i think

she loves it so much i think she is other than a mother and a loving wife she's a businesswoman that's a good point and while she loves tv social media is part of her business and i think she would reluctantly give up tv what's's the answer? Nick is correct. Oh, darn it. Also because with social media and everything it is so entertaining because people post articles so you end up reading things and basically I mean just

like playing on, you know, and seeing comments and stuff like that. So you will get some things about the TV that you're missing on social media. That's a good point. Yeah. Good call.

Television's dying anyways. Question number two. Yeah. And feel free to, you know, explain your answers. Okay. Well,

I think I did, but you did. Or if there's an anecdotal story. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You did. You did. Okay.

Has Heather ever been walked in on while having sex? No. Yes. If you have three kids around, yes. My parents have 11 kids. And to my knowledge, none of us have walked in on them. So what's the answer? I'm going to say no.

Yes. The answer is no. Because we have a lock on the door oh and we would lock the door uh when they were younger and um and i do remember my younger son no i'm like trying to get in the in the room like in like a morning type of situation like get fed and i remember him begging at the door he's like open, open this door, woman. And it just was so funny. He said this? Yes. And then I remember another time it was like right after,

and I was just like in my bed, so I just pulled up my stuff, and my clothes was like to the left, you know, on the ground. Right. And my stepdaughter walked in, and she looked at the clothes on the ground and like saw that like, she's like, why don't you have your pajamas on? And I was just, I mean, just the whore shame. And I was like,

oh, I just got really hot last night. And she's like, sure you did. Jesus. How old was she? She was probably like 12 or 11. How old was your son when he did? Oh, he was like four.

He was hilarious. So he probably won't remember. No, he wouldn't know what was going on. He just was like, why is this door locked woman? No, it'd be kind of funny if he was old enough to remember saying that. And then later in life, be like, yeah, weird. Yeah, yeah.

You never remember that time? But my parents, again, the same way. They'd lock the door. And I would always just walk right in there. And I'd have to walk in there in the morning and be like, I need to check for this cheerleading uniform or whatever. And then there'd be times when it was locked and i was like i remember i said to my mom i'm like mom you still get your period you're pushing 50. are you what are you doing to protect yourself because i am not taking care of like you said you know

a child that's not right that you didn't yeah i was, I was literally like, get your shit together, woman. And she'd be like, leave me alone. Stop it, stop it. And then finally she was like, okay, your dad had a vasectomy after you. I'm like, well, thank God. I've been worried for six months. The virgin speaking.

I can't wait to your son's lecture you and Peter on your sex life. Mom, I know you still get your period. What are you guys doing? How old was your stepdaughter when you guys got married? Oh, she was, it's the juiciest story ever. You gotta read the book. No, he impregnated her mom like the weekend before we met

and wasn't aware that she was pregnant. Oh, damn. Right out of a Lifetime movie. Oh, damn. Yeah, I gotta read the book. It's pretty good. So she's been in our lives since the beginning. And she's a delight.

She is a delight. Oh, you met her. No. Yeah. No, she's a good girl. Question number three. Is Heather wearing shoes that cost more than $200? No.

And I won't be hurt by either answer. I mean, I have no idea idea i'm going to simply say no you seem like a fancy woman but also like a thrifty you'd pride yourself i'm looking good i'm gonna say yes if you can't see them she's wearing leopard pumps they're very gorgeous the bottoms okay but i'm gonna say you're right because they're michael kors oh which is not this michael kors like there's the fancy michael kors yes michael kors it i mean i want to say these are they're not 50 but they're like maybe like 127 or one so i don't remember what they were when i bought them but they're very cute and comfortable i have ones that are more expensive and stuff,

but you know, I kind of stopped doing that. Like those really like expensive high yield ones. Cause they're so, but I will spend a lot like on the Stuart Weitzman boots because I have the skinny legs and only Stuart Weitzman has the skinny leg. All the other like cheaper boots have bigger leg and it looks like two little sticks.

Yeah. So it doesn't, I have to, that's where I have to spend the money. But regular pumps and stuff, I think there's so many brands that are like so cute that you don't have to spend that much on.

You gotta, everyone has to look on YouTube at our shoes. Yeah. They look wonderful. Thank you. Did you get that one right too? Did you say? No, she got everyone wrong. I got everyone wrong and I'm okay with Yeah. They look wonderful. Thank you. Did you get that one right too? Did you say?

No, she got everyone wrong. I got everyone wrong and I'm okay with it. That's wonderful. Had Heather eaten SpaghettiOs as an adult? No. Yes, because two boys,

you know she's cooking them SpaghettiOs and then just scooping it into a bowl. So you're saying, so she has been 18 or older, I guess. Yeah. No. No. Ah. That is just, I guess. Yeah. No. No. Ah.

That is just, I'm not like a health freak, but that was gross. And I think I got up for them once thinking they would like it. And they were like, ew. And I didn't really, I never got in the habit of like eating the kid crap food. Oh, that's good. Which a lot of people do because they're making their kid a sandwich or whatever. I just never got into it. Yeah.

So... Yeah. Good for you. Does Heather... Yes. ...weigh within five pounds of their driver's license photo? I'll have to check. Hold on.

I just... I'm almost like due for a new photo. Oh, doesn't everyone get a new one? Yeah, we have to get new ones. California ID. Yeah. I'm going to say yes, just because you look great and whatever that yeah i think yes you are toit wait where is the weight on this why can't i find it oh here we go

within five pounds and five pounds okay what was the answer we said we both said yes yes oh nice nice I'm just like say the nicest thing possible but also yeah but who knows but I mean who knows when it was off I mean there was a time when it was like I mean right now I don't care I'll say you know right here it's like

133 but I remember the year the time before this, it was 127. Uh-huh. And I've not seen under 130 for many years. Right. I don't really have any desire to. Yeah, she's small. You're teeny.

I'm like, I'm five. I just went to join the gym. So they had to measure me and everything. I'm 5'8". Wow. Dang. Yeah. So. Yeah. So, yeah. one joined a gym so they had to measure me everything i'm five eight in like wow yeah so yeah so yeah that but i mean there was you know there was time i don't know like that i said that right and you may not have been true when i said it smallest yeah yeah the the takeaway is heather's looking great yeah sure total great shape uh was heather ever suspended from school absolutely not

she was a virgin in the school she was a rule follower yeah i'm gonna say no too no never ever before i did get in trouble the most trouble i ever got was like half of my senior class at my all-girl Catholic high school planned a teeping of the boys' school, which was Crespi. And it was really like the really smart, like nerd girls that put it together. And I was like in, I was, you know, I was like in the more like not super smart honor classes, but like fun group. And so when it happened, our school was so pissed about it because we really did damage, you know, and they brought us in, but none of the girls that organized it, they brought the ones that they thought had must've put it together, which was my group of friends. And I remember the, um, the, the principal was like, what am I supposed to do

tonight? I have to go to elementary schools and say, become Louisville, become a woman. Put tampons on your brother's school because we put like tampons, we hung them all over the trees, like Christmas ornaments. And we took the pads that had the wings and we slapped them all over the vending machines and all this shit.

And so I got in trouble for that. Didn't even do it. But not like a suspension, never a suspension. Wow. Last question. Yes. Does Heather have any hidden piercings? No.

How many are on your ear, one? I can't imagine there would be more. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely not. I have a clitoris. No, just kidding. No, I have no piercing other than the two of my ears and I have no tattoos.

Wow. It's funny. You're a rule breaker in standup. You know what I mean? But then very conservative the rest of your life. Yeah. There was a time I thought about getting a tattoo. Oh.

For like a minute, which I'm so glad I did, which was going to be like a crescent moon for my sorority. And a lot of girls were doing that. And I was like, and then- Way to stick that one out. Like when people have just those small writing ones, like on their inner arm, guys and girls. I've thought. That mean something. Like, I think those are pretty. I think they look good with outfits. I might someday just get like 15 tattoos at once.

At once? Well, cause it's like. Oh, you would look good with tattoos. I like tattoos on other people. I just have never had a reason to put one on me. Well,

that's the same thing. I've thought about it. And it's just like, I don one on me. Well, that's the same thing. I've thought about it and it's just like I don't have any like. Significant thing that you want to keep. And then I didn't want to do it just because. And so, you know, there's a couple of times I thought about it, mostly because I just want to look a little more dangerous. Yeah, you would look cool. But, you know, with my large family,

I want to have tattoos that remind me of each right family members yeah so and it's it would be like for example I have one I would get a bumblebee and because my one brother when I was in the sixth grade was attacked by a beehive and at the time it was kind of a scary day where my girl he was yeah and he was fine but like it reminds me of my brother jacob and so it's just like a it's just a small story that reminds you know and it was kind of like anytime something scary happens with a sibling it's always kind of like you appreciate them that much more just stuff that right yeah i mean there's some people that do just like in like are really into tattoos and it's like actually really beautiful like art and spaces

and it's people and then there's other people that do the simple things that really do mean something like oh it's their dad's handwriting and he's passed you know and it was you know and they got that done things like that i think are really cool and it would be and they would all be kind of small it wouldn't be like big work it wouldn't get like this giant bumblebee it would just be like you're not gonna be sleeved in bumblebees no it's you know and so they're they would a bunch of yeah a bunch of little things that random that wouldn't necessary wouldn't necessarily you wouldn't think that it means something about a certain thing yeah but then you ask and then there's a story there i'm only judgmental when someone doesn't have good artwork.

Or it's just like some tribal thing that they don't really know what it is. I don't know. Sometimes you see them and they're like, they're just not good tattoos. And you're like, really? Yeah. Like, come on.

What did you say? $5? Like, I mean, come on. Like, if you're going to do it, like, yeah, make sure you just like a plastic surgeon. If you're going to do it, go to make sure you just like a plastic surgeon if you're gonna do it go to someone who's good and specializes in that yeah well on that note heather thanks so much for uh coming on it's always fun to see you i know that we've talked

about your podcast and you are on tour uh and obviously everything is very important to you so how can we how can people find you? Everything at heathermcdoll.net. I have lots of dates coming up. This weekend will be DC and then I'm gonna be in San Antonio February 14th and 15th. I've got Palm Beach March 6th, 7th and 8th

and I've got Cobbs in San Francisco March 20th and 21st. But everything is still on sale. And then I add to it. So follow me on Instagram. I do wonderful videos, creative, funny stuff. I'm worth your time at Heather McDonald. Great. What a pitch.

She's a pro. No, really appreciate it. It's been a lot of fun. And thanks, guys, as always, for listening. Don't forget to give us five stars if you have the time. What else? Send in your questions at asknickatcastmedia.com, cast with a K.

And we will see you on Monday.