The Viall Files - E996 Ask Nick - Two Hot Best Friends Are Fighting Over Me

Episode Date: September 8, 2025

Our first caller is wondering if she needs to leave the country to find a boyfriend? Our second caller is debating asking out her doctor. And, our third caller wants to know if it’s wrong to date a guy if she’s more interested in his friend?  “Do you know any other good doctors?" Listen to Humble Brag with Cynthia Bailey and Crystal Kung Minkoff every Monday. Available wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@humblebragpod https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/humble-brag-with-crystal-and-cynthia/id1774286896 https://open.spotify.com/show/4NWA8LBk15l2u5tNQqDcOO?si=c03a23d537f94735 Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [e-mail] to be a part of our Monday episodes.  We’ve partnered with Mint Mobile to open a hot takes hotline to hear your scorching hot opinions! Give us your hot takes, thoughts and theories and we’ll read and react to the best ones on an upcoming Reality Recap episode! All you have to do is call 1-855-MINT-TLK or, if you prefer the numbers, that’s 855-646-8855 and leave us a message. To Order Nick’s Book Go To: https://www.viallfiles.com  If you would like to get some texting advice, send an email to [e-mail] with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line!  To advertise on this podcast please email: [e-mail] or go to: https://advertising.libsyn.com/theviallfiles  THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Helix Sleep - For their Labor Day Sale Best of Web Offer, go to https://helixsleep.com/viall for 27% Off Sitewide Exclusive for listeners of The Viall Files.  SKIMS - Shop Natalie’s favorite bras and underwear at https://SKIMS.com  BetterHelp - Talk it out, with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/viall  Article - Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit https://article.com/viall and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout goPure - Right now, goPure has a crazy deal. For a limited time, you can get 57% off the Tighten & Lift Neck Cream and Sculpt & Tone Arm Cream Bundle. You can also get 25% off all other products by using code VIALL at https://goPure.com  Timestamps: (00:00) - Intro (02:22) - Caller One (36:49) - Caller Two (50:11) - Caller Three Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @justinkaphillips @the_mare_bare @dereklanerussell  

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Good. How's it going? Good. How are you? Good. What's your name? I am Taylor and I am 36 years old. How can I help Taylor? I am wondering if I need to leave the country to find a boyfriend. Did you come into crime? Are you running from the law? Not yet.

Okay. Why do you feel like you might need to leave? the country to find a boyfriend. I've had the same dating stories that a lot of your callers have, just trouble finding good guys who I think offer some of the qualities I'm looking for. And I was recently in Europe and the men were just different. I think I don't know if dating culture is there, if they're just more forward, if they're more willing to approach you, or if I just had rose-colored glasses on.

But I think my experience there just made me question whether my man might live somewhere in Europe. Okay. Yeah, well, it's probably a little bit of everything. I'm curious, like, let's break down. What are you experiencing here, stateside? And what were some of the, that you alluded to them a little bit, but what were some of the things that really made you ask this question about, you know, men abroad? Yeah. I mean, I live in a relatively large city. And before that, I lived in L.A., so I have been in large cities. And I just find that men either don't approach you or if, you they do. They don't really take initiative. And I think even if you go out, sometimes I just don't even see men that I'm all that attracted to or, you know, have kind of the complete package and are what I'm looking for. And so when I was in Europe, like, we would be out to dinner and the men at the next table would say, like, when you're done, come over and join us, like, have some wine with us or they would just be much more open to having a conversation. And it was never

creepy or awkward, which I think sometimes in the U.S., if someone is going to come up to you, maybe they're too aggressive or they're too forward. It just seemed like culturally they were just more interested in talking to you, getting to know you, and it just made things a little bit more fun and exciting. And so like stateside, is it really just more like just dating culture in terms of the initial stages of dating where it's not necessarily about the men you're dating, but like just it's you're not even getting that far. It's the men you're not meeting. I mean, I would say there hasn't been a guy who I've been like really interested probably in three years. And I moved to my current city a year and a half ago and just haven't had the best luck here either. You hate to be

the woman who says like dating is hard. Where are the good men? But I have so many single girlfriends who have like awesome qualities in their experiences the same. So what are the men that you're going for here? I mean, I will take blame. I probably am interested in the wrong types of guys sometimes. I think, and I'm definitely a fixer and a bit of a people pleaser. So you get down the road with someone and then once you're a bit invested in them, it's easy to say, like, I can change them when they're clearly not ready for a relationship or are not looking for the same things you are or not ready to settle down. But, you know, there just aren't even that many options. I wouldn't say, like, I've even had a crush on someone. in a while.

And so are you like not even getting into the second or third date? I mean, the last date I went on, the guy I showed up at the coffee place, which was his idea. He was sitting down. He already had his coffee. And I walked in, said hi, and he's like, okay, you can go get yours. So I went in line, stood by myself for 10 minutes. So immediately you were like, ick. And then I told him that I had to go pick up my dog from the groomer after about 15 minutes,

which was not true. But I just needed to get out of there. What was his energy, like, in those 15 minutes? Just lazy. Just, like, lazy energy didn't feel like he needed to. I don't need someone to, like, sweep me off my feet, but, like, act, like, excited to be there, excited to have a conversation. Act interested, I think. I'm curious, because I'm fascinated by this call because, you know, obviously, like, the way you presented it, obviously sounds a little silly.

But maybe there is truth in just, like, how men in different cultures are parts of the world. are acting differently. You said you're 36? Yeah. So obviously still very young, but you are old enough. You were dating 15, 16 years ago, right? And I'm curious, from your perspective,

have things gotten worse? You know, how have things changed? Is this something you're noticing recently? Has it always been like this from your perspective? Yeah. I mean, I think the pool feels like it's a lot smaller, Or like when I was a little bit younger, there were at least guys were like, oh, that guy's hot or that guy has, you know, a great career, great family, is kind, it's funny, all the things. So there was at least a pool of people.

And then granted, you know, there's a lot of bad behavior and people do bad things or it's not a good fit. But now it just feels like there's not even a pool of great guys to choose from. And it's like you don't know where to look. And like I said, you don't want to be the girl who's saying like they don't know. exist because I know there's lots of great men out there guys I know who are my friends but it's hard to find them and part of Europe could be that like you have rose colored glasses on and you're on vacation and it's like a sexier vibe and it's fun and you're more open to it um but I think just anecdotally a lot of my friends have the same experience here

yeah I mean you're probably right with the rose color glasses and you come in you're coming in vacation mode with a different energy but the picture you painted yeah that doesn't sound like your typical group of American men to have that kind of bravado to invite a group of women over to their table for some wine. Yeah, we were like getting up about to leave and they were behind us. And they were like, hey, like, why don't you come over and have some, we have a drink with us hang out. And we just ended up chatting with them. We stayed out for a little while. Did you find them attractive? Yeah, I love an accent. What about their face or their heart? One yes, too, no. Okay. Did anyone hook up with anyone?

I did the next night with a different person that I met. Oh, wow, okay. All right. So you were really on fire. You were feeling, you were like, you were like thinking, I'm like, I'm on a heater here, you know. Yeah, I'm the queen of Europe. Like, Taylor's back, you know. Listen, I don't know if you have this experience because I know you like obviously talk to a lot of women and probably have female friends.

But like if they're asking, do you know like more women who are a catch? I will say, then your pool of male friends. Objectively, no, I don't think that's the case. I'm saying that objectively. Yeah. Obviously, the girlies are always going to prop each other up and things like that. I think all people have their flaws and have their toxicity. This idea that women have remained is eligible and as wonderful as they have ever been

while men societally over time in America have just gotten worse and worse and worse. I don't think that's the case. think, you know, I think there's a lot of reasons why our dating culture has, has nose dive to what it is today. I think it's affecting both of the genders. You talked about how men like Europe approach, right? I mean, this has been talked about. I think we referenced it on this show a few times before, but like there is, there's a lot of women online telling men and young men do not approach me. Do not talk to me. I don't, you know, do not come up to me in a parking lot. There are there, I saw this one video online. There is this like very attractive young, blonde woman who

was like coaching other women online of a man approaches in your parking lot you scream at him and say do not approach me as if he's like a psycho you know and it's like if you're a guy you see that you're like okay no i don't fuck and i'm sure this woman was well-intentioned and listen like we know you know i don't know me explain it to me but like there's enough of bad actors of men out there who have done some terrible things horrendous things that sadly all women have a story about fucking a creepy guy. And creepy men are more dangerous and more scary than creepy women, you know, and that's just a reality, right? But yeah. And so, you know, I think there's just a lot of bad advice in general going on online. And I think you're seeing the results of that a lot.

That being said, like, what's the age range in which you're dating? Ideally, it would probably be like 32 to 45, but my preference would probably be somewhere closer to my age 36. Okay. Why? It's a great question. I mean, older maybe a little bit better. I want kids. I want someone who wants kids. I don't mind if they already have their own. I think I just want someone with like a young energy regardless of what their actual age is. Well, I would argue there's a handful of a man who might be older than you and say they're mid to mid-forties who live younger than their age suggests and yada, yada, yada, I just, you know, you might have to age up a little bit. Listen, be open to anything, but, like, because men are developing slower and are even more immature than they were in years, like the chances you're going to find a 32-year-old that you want more than just a good time with is probably unlikely.

But, yeah, you know, 40-50s, low. But that five number, fucking closer than I want. Anyway. It's just even, like, where do you, I mean, yes, if I could. Are you on the apps, I'm assuming? I'm on Raya. but I deleted Hinge because it was actively depressing me. And Raya's most is awful also.

It's just like a good ego boost and fun to see like what single guy is in Copenhagen. Yeah, but I do think that's probably warping your perspective. There is a reality out there of how social media in dating apps has affected. I honestly think a lot of the perspectives of women. I mean, there's a lot of data out there. I don't think it's bullshit. It's real. and we all know you all love a tall guy right and the reality is it's like 2% of the men out there

are over six foot whatever but it doesn't seem like that online right right um and the algorithm knows what you all like so you guys are being like so when you're on raya right and for the people who don't know raya is like a celebrity app that only has hot people on it it's just going to warp your perspective you know it's going to warp your perspective what a what an eligible bachelor bachelor bachelor might actually look like in your perspective you're gonna it's how do you not compare the the DJ in Copenhagen versus you know Chad down the street who's like maybe a pretty solid guy which to be fair I don't want the DJ in Copenhagen either but no I know but I think I do think there is um I think there's this listen I haven't being real I think there's a sentiment that a lot

of the ladies have out there that they that they're non-negotiables include a guy who's over six foot and makes a certain type of living I think 85% of the women are going after 10% of the men out there. I think that's the reality. There's literally data out there that suggests that's what's going on. Certainly on the apps, right? But I think that's also happening just in general, which isn't like, I don't know what you're supposed to do about that because I do think it's a deeper issue in general. I mean, as silly as it sounds, I mean, I'm not saying you should move, right? But like, I don't know, maybe there's something to be said about like our American culture over the past several years has almost become too sensitive and too self-aware

and too, like, everyone's online sharing their opinion about what you should or shouldn't do. And as a result, you now have a bunch of men out there who don't even know how to talk to women, let along, like, even think they're supposed to approach people in public. It just lack the general confidence. There's a select group of men out there just with too many options and they're just leaning into the fact that, like,

they're getting all the matches online and uh and things like that but this sounds like i'm just painting an even worse picture for you um yeah i'm going back to europe at the end of september into october and i might just like be more open to what that looks like i mean ideally i would love to meet someone in person and not online and yeah um and this like what you're yeah what is that you in the u s in the city that you live what is your week look like Between, like, work and your personal life, where, where are you spending your time? Yeah. I mean, I spend a decent amount of time at work, but I work in an interesting industry.

So I meet interesting people. I go to the gym. It's a small gym. I should probably go to a bigger gym. I try to go out with my girlfriends and friends. I don't know. And when the girlies are going out, three times a week. Are you guys, it's just like to the bars or restaurants and shit?

Yeah. And then even when you do go out, like. not getting approached much or I'm looking around and saying like have you ever do you ever approach oh yeah totally you do okay but I just don't see that many guys lately who I would want to approach but I'm not shy about that I wouldn't say all right I'm curious all right so when you were you looking at the guys at the table in Europe did you even notice their existence no okay that that is a data point so to speak in the sense right the fact that like here you are you're like you're you're painting this picture of you in America.

You're going out. You're not really noticing the men that you're not, you're just not even like, I don't even notice guys. You didn't even notice these men. The difference between those men and these men is they approached you. They had the bravado, whatever,

this is something they do. They made it safe, organic and fun. The big question is, would you women have said yes, stateside? We're like in Europe, you're like,

fuck it, we're here. Why not? We don't know where else to go. Like, Yolo. Would you have done that here? I don't know.

I think it depends on the vibes of, the guys who were approaching. Yeah. But sure. When you go out to bars, what bar, what kind of bars are you going to? Like cocktail bars or like more not like crazy party scene. Sports bars? Sports bars.

I do like sports. A good sports bars is, you know, listen, you might get hit on for all the wrong reasons, so to speak, or it might be a bunch of obnoxious men, but it'd be interesting if the girls got together NFL season's about to come up a lot of Sunday fun day afternoons football games girlies get together get a table at a place that like has the games on I feel like you all would get approached and have a good time okay we're gonna we're gonna put it to the test so I mean I guess you know I'm just brainstorming off the top of my head I'm like what the fuck can she do I don't fucking know like I you know because I can't the truth is without knowing and having been to

Europe is like yeah there's probably a little bit of truth right I would be it wouldn't be shocked to realize that like maybe men in Europe yeah are just like I don't know I think American men for a lot of reasons don't know what the fuck they're doing when it comes to dating anymore most of them and again the good ones are just being fuck boys because they have so many options when you're on the apps and 80% of the women on the apps are going after you and like 10% of the other men you will never run out options I really think the greatest privilege in modern history is men men who are over six foot because the way women treat them. Yeah, if you're over six foot and you have hair, you are killing life.

You can honestly, in some cases, could have murdered someone and you'll still probably get a second chance, literally. I mean, it's crazy. And then again, I think there's also an element of, yeah, would you have said yes to these guys stateside? I do think whether you all like it or not, culturally, the message to men overwhelmingly over the past few years has been don't be a creep uh we're tired of your shit we're tired of way you've been treating us and again there's so much truth to that right but when you blast out

a message to everyone when that message really should be directed to a smaller percentage of bad actors and then you have those bad actors honestly not listening or giving a fuck in meanwhile this message is going out to all these people being like just don't be a fucking creep that i think you're dealing with that situation. I do think in general, in the short term, I think women, whether they like it or not, are going to just have to get better at approaching men. I mean, really, I just, you just got to find the places where the good men are to approach. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I mean, listen, I was always a generally confident guy, and I always, you know, I'm six to, good looking enough, have the hair, so to speak. When I felt confident,

one-on-one, I had all the, I had more, you know, a lot of people would argue have too much confidence of my own good. But I was never like that swaggy to walk up to some girl at a par and throw a line. I was, I was okay, but I wasn't great. More often than not would chicken out, right? Yeah. So I can't imagine for, and I'm a guy would generally have a lot of confidence, right? So it's, it's, it's never easy and I think it's even more impossible today. Honestly, it's, I do think it's a bit of a crisis. I do think, like, not to sound. No, it is. I mean, it really is a challenge. I don't know. Right. Yeah, but it's, there's not an easy solution. I think culture. I think culturally, like, not to like going on tangent, but like my audience is mostly women. As a male

host, I'm proud of that fact that like whatever, you know, I, I, whatever I, I, whatever I'm doing, right, empathize with women and do it, you know, understand. And I've learned a lot from y'all. I wish I had a larger male audience because I think, I wish more men would be interested in this type of stuff. I think we need better role models. And I don't know, like this, the discourse needs to change around men in general or men and women or whatever, but there needs to be kind of a dating revolution that's not in digital. I hope I'm lucky enough to have a son because I hope that I can, at least with my kids, raise my son to be everything the modern man isn't today, you know, because it feels like we've talked a little bit about this with some of the recent shows. We've

covered a perfect match in Bachelor in Paradise where it's just like, I think young men have learned to be more sensitive, so to speak. They're, like, in touch with their feelings, but, like, not necessarily in a mature sort of way. They almost feel, like, entitled. It's like, now they know how to communicate their feelings, but now their feelings are more valid than anyone else's. Now that is...

They're being weaponized. Yeah. And it's just like, okay, that's not what I meant by being more vulnerable, but, like, sure. They're more vulnerable, but not empathetic. Well, because a lot of it is they just don't know how to be around women. They don't have experience. They haven't heard from women. All they hear from women is what they're hearing.

online and that is that they suck and then so women become the enemy of the mess it's just a it's a fucking mess but whatever that's neither here nor there and that's you know things aren't going to get better anytime soon so as someone who's your age at the time in life let's not let's not focus on what's wrong let's fuck i yeah i think you literally like you got to challenge yourself to mix it up and honestly with football season coming around sports bars during the day it's more of a hang vibey thing i think a group of young attractive women at a table will stand out at a sports bar you're going to get approached and you're listen you're going to have to deal with the douchebags and you know which i'm sure you used to you know

what it's like to deal with the riffraft in the pursuit of something nice i think the big takeaway is you all have to you're going to have to be willing and that's something i think in general none of us are good at is you're going to have to be willing get to get to know men that your initial instincts wouldn't be to swipe right so to speak right you're just going to have to you know because I think feel lucky and surprised if you happen to run into the hot 6-2-6-1 guy who's single and available out at the bars. And doesn't know that he's hot. That's what you need there.

That doesn't exist anymore. I mean, if that is honestly part of your criteria, I think you do need to adjust your criteria. If you're looking for the like, oh my God, he doesn't even know how hot he is. Come on. He knows. I think social media has warped the perspective of women more than it's warped. the perspective of men. Well, I think, yeah, because it's so easy to compare yourselves.

And then you think, look at all these, I think it skews your view of like the women that exist in the world and it's used your view of the men that exist in the world. Yeah. Because like you said, you didn't even notice these guys in Europe. The difference is they approached you. And because you were on vacation, you were just like, fuck it. Where if that happened here, you'd been like, I don't know, it's getting late. I have to work tomorrow.

My dog's waiting for me. I'm just going to fucking go home. I don't know, whatever. And I don't even. there's three of us and there's only one hot guy and whatever they don't have accents and i think you have to like yeah be surprised i think because there's less and less men with the bravado and the confidence to approach women whether we like it or not i think that is the reality we live in and i think we have to adjust that our new reality and i think the reality is is that if you're

sitting around waiting like i think people could 15 years ago i mean 15 years ago dating apps weren't what they were. Most people weren't even on them. And if they were, they weren't even talking about it. It was like, yeah, I know. Yeah, I'm not. Embarrassing. It was embarrassing. And you thought you could lie about it because, like, no one cool was on it. And so, yeah, people were just had to be more social in public. They had to go out. They had to make moves. That's not the reality anymore. And, and then within that, like, we've confused people how they're supposed to act. The good news is, is a lot of the other people that's really affected are in their 20s and mostly, I'm guessing you're not really fucking with most of them. I do think you guys, I think you and your friend should maybe age up a bit.

Like, so what? Like 50? No, I mean, like, 40s. I think there's a handful of guys like me who were unlucky in love in their 20s, had all the confidence in the world, had success with women, knew how to talk to and about women, didn't work out for them, were comfortably single for a while, and then pursued, you know, got their shit together, so to speak, and, and they might be available. but yeah I mean who knows I mean who knows but I really it's I think there's something there with the sports bar kind of thing I don't know okay a European sports far it's where I'm headed European spars far yeah I do yeah and I just think extra curricular activities like what are you guys doing outside of work in the bars or like in dinners like run clubs and that kind of thing yeah I don't super into that but what about beach volleyball or something I don't fucking know I just there has to be kickball leaves the one the one good thing you have in all the single and anyone listening who's relating to you on even the men out there is that everyone feels this way like this is a problem you know what i'm saying in my optimistic hope is that like as a society we're going to be like

there's a problem going on there is an epidemic that people want to meet each other i mean i we haven't talked too much about it it was announced not too long ago but nally and i are hosting a new show for Netflix. And I don't want to give too much away. But I was encouraged because part of the show was essentially a big mixer. And we, through casting a bunch of people from different walks of life and different ages and things like that, it was really encouraging how excited the people were and grateful that we got together a large group of people who all were just like excited about meeting people and everyone was fairly eligible well everyone was eligible and the result was great right and what i what it told me is that like yeah people just don't know how to meet

there's just so many roadblocks and barriers and obstacles to meet but when you get human beings who are single and available together connections will happen and yeah if you could like curate a room of yeah people who might have similar interests be at a similar stage or a single That's awesome. It's just hard to find those rooms. Maybe there's a business idea out there for you and your friends in your city. Go to the sports bar, find out, then talk to the sports owner, right, and be like, hang, I have the crazy idea.

Can I host some kind of fucking mixer, blah, blah, blah. I don't fucking know. I don't know. Maybe that's silly or stupid. I don't know. And yeah, when you listen, start small and any business idea is going to have its growing pains, you know, the wrong people are going to show up and whatever. But like, the demand for love hasn't changed.

In the supply chain of how people are meeting, it's all fucked up. The desire for people to meet their person, start a family if that's in what they want to do, hasn't gone away. And that's the one silver lining we all have. You're going to have to look in the mirror because complaining about your options, regardless if that's true or not, it just doesn't accomplish anything. And there's definitely changes you and your friends can make or at least try different things out because whatever you're all doing right now isn't working. I don't have a problem with getting off hinge because you find it frustrating. The fact that you're on Raya and not on any other app, I think is a problem. You know, it's no, I think it's more like entertainment value and you.

I know, but so is porn for some men and you could argue that porn's, you know, all jokes aside, is like ruining dating and ruining sex and ruining relationships. And we have to be careful about how we are entertained because it might be fun, but it is, I think, affecting a perspective. How can you possibly go on Raya and then go on any other apps and be excited? No, I don't feel great. You lived in L.A. You lived in L.A.

You know what it's like to hang in on L.A. And then go to any other city in the world and just go out in public. Like every hot person in every county ever moved to L.A. The sixes in L.A. are tens everywhere else type of thing, men and women. And so it's what it's like to be on an app where it's only hot people. It's dangerous. true. I'm getting rid of it. But to your point, it's just like a validation thing where everyone out, everyone out

there just wants to know how many hot, how many hot people they can match with, you know. As much as you like self-love and inner confidence, we all like external validation. And you're right, it is fun because every once in a while, you're like, oh, my God, Ben Affleck, damn. Okay. Swipe right. I know this was a hard question to say, like, yeah, should I just pick up and move to another country and we'll dating it better, but I think it's just like, overall.

indicative of where we are. But when you go to Europe, though, like, I mean, have fun with, like, and be almost scientific where you are, you know, last time you went, you had this experience and it made you go back, huh, is it different here? But now when you go, pay attention to how you move. Not only pay attention to how they move and ask yourself, what am I doing differently than I would here? Try to replicate that same energy when you're here.

Because there is something about traveling or moving to a new city where you free yourself up from the self-judgment, and you just, you move differently. If you're always going home early or not, you know, then like the best times on vacation is when you do things differently and say, well, I'm on vacation. So, and then you're like, we just had one of those nights. When was the last time you gave yourself permission to have a night like that here? Yeah, never. So, you know, before moving your life, I would try that out. Yeah. I think a big part of it is like your own energy when you're in a new place and like how you present yourself and how you feel and how open you are or as we get into our routines at home and like you're around the same people

and you're kind of like okay it's the same thing and and clearly those men realize that you are a bunch of American women and they probably gave themselves permission to like do something maybe they wouldn't do with women in their community right I could picture some American men seeing a group of women and you know and realizing they were you're not from here Then they're like, yeah, fuck it, I don't give a shit. She lives in fucking Australia. Yeah, so there's a little bit of truth to all that,

but it's like try to replicate the things that are working for you when you're traveling. I think you have to be more aware of like the energy you're putting out and how people are perceiving you in your home and you're just nothing's new or exciting. Apps will always be somewhat useful as long as they exist and that is how people are meeting people. So it's hard for me to say don't go on the apps.

but I do think culturally we need to change how people are meeting because yeah the desire is still there and I do think there's great there are there are great men out there there are I agree they're just hard to find yeah and but I think they're hard to find because I don't think they present as super sexy eligible you might not have an immediate crush on them I mean the reality is the guy that you see across the restaurant or the bar that you're just like oh my god he's fucking a lot of good chicks you know what I'm saying you know like I mean, most of the guys who I've, like, grown to have an attraction to are people that I worked with. And then, like, over time, you saw them for the first time. You're like, oh, like, Bob's cool. But then, like, you get to know them and you're around them and you, there's, like, no pressure. And then attraction grows. I absolutely believe in that. Yeah.

Yeah, you're just going to have to try things out, probably before you move to Europe. I'll stick around a little longer. All right. All right. Well, hopefully this is helpful. This is what, yeah, it's hard because it's such a general. like solve dating Nick um i wanted to challenge you thanks well keep us posted we'd certainly always love an update if if you find uh any data or feedback i will send it in but yeah i think like a group

if you're going out to dinner with the girls you're just not going to get a pro you know like we've been told not to approach you especially at dinner oh my god like what what kind of psycho man would do that you know in america his friends would be like do like do you want to get shot? I should start sending drinks to the tables of men. Honestly, there's definitely an element of like, we're just going to have to fuck around and find out and try things out and not take ourselves so seriously and mix it up.

And in the meantime, maybe you can create a small business, a mixer in your community or, you know, because people, yeah, there are people out there. There is a lot of lonely men in your city. Wherever you are, I promise you, there are lonely men. Okay, I'll send you a cut if that business takes off. No, I don't need it. I'm good.

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of $100 or more to claim. Visit article.com slash V-I-A-L and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. That's article.com slash V-I-A-L for $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. How's it going? Hi, Nick, going well. My name is Allison. I'm 33 years old, and I want to know if I should ask out my doctor. Okay. Yes.

He's not your gynecologist, is he? No, no, no. Good. That'd be weird. All right, well, tell us about it. Yeah, so I've been seeing the same GP for the past, like, three years. Got a note recently that he was leaving. the practice and that I'd be seeing a new doctor the next time. I came in, kind of thought

nothing of it. So I showed up for my annual appointment a few months ago thinking like it would be another middle-aged doctor, no one really of interest. And in walked a complete smoke show, like really, really attractive, young guy about my age, it seemed, wasn't wearing a redding ring, Just like complete charisma, and it really caught me off guard. Get charisma in the office? Charisma in the office. Yeah, is that allowed? Is that allowed?

Is that allowed for a doctor? What do you know? I'm assuming you try to stalk this guy. Yeah, yeah. I got all the girls on the case. What did we find out? Yeah, so he's relatively around my age, a few years older, from the city I live in now, originally left for,

Med school came back into fitness, music, all the same things that I am seems like a pretty interesting guy. Is he single? Do we know? That we don't know. But I did not see a wedding ring. Is his Instagram public or private? Private.

It's tough. Makes it harder. How many followers does he have? I don't remember, but I don't, it wasn't like a crazy amount. Honestly, follow them. What are the rules for like patient? is he's still your doctor instagram following in the modern age we had a call like this years back i think he was a chiropractor and i think i told her to jokingly i mean of course like of course

you should shoot your shot for sure right i don't know yeah especially nowadays it seems like there are more doctors than eligible men so you know it's like yeah and that's the thing normally i'm really not one to be forward or even to like contemplate something like this at all but I've been single for the past five years, moved to a new city three years ago, and the dating scene here is just horrible. And like, not for lack of trying. I go on dates, but the guys I'm meeting are just so far off the mark that it's a quick no, you know. And why are they off?

Why are they off the mark? I'm living in the South now from the Northeast originally. So I think there are a lot of like life values that are to miss a lot. line here is part of it. I also think dating in your 30s is interesting because it seems to me the guys I'm meeting or fall into one of two camps of the like Peter Pan's never growing up type of guy or I don't know what. I guess only one camp. That's what you tend to see out there. Okay. Oh, we'll table out for a second. Let's get back to the doctor. Yeah, actually, I think I think you send that follow request through. I think that's, I think you send that, right? Let's, let's, let's,

let's, um, let's break down like what the possible scenarios are. Scenario number one, he's not on very often. He's too busy being a doctor and saving the world that he just doesn't, he's not on Instagram. He's not active. He never accepts your request because it's just, he's just not on it, right? And so you send that request. He doesn't accept it. You get nothing from it. So know that scenario one of you sending that request. He could definitely not accept it. But it. But it. really doesn't tell you anything. When's the next time you're supposed to go to the doctor? In about a month.

In about a month. All right. So you could do that. And then let's assume he doesn't respond. You know, you're still, you just like that request is pending. Back up, you said he has the Riz, so to speak. And I found it to be interesting, you know, given that it's a doctor's office. Do you think he was flirtatious at all?

No, not unprofessional. And it's hard because, like, it's, It's the first doctor's appointment, right, so his whole job is, like, make the patient feel comfortable, get to know each other, et cetera. So then what was so charming about him? He looked like he had just stepped off of a boat, not like he was working in a doctor's office. So just, like, perfectly dishevelled in a way? Yeah. Like that, he had like an Oxford shirt, kind of unbuttoned a little bit and a little just messy and kind of half rolled up sleeves.

Yeah, a whole bit. I get it but like what was this vibe like I don't know very chatty very friendly very engaging and you couldn't read whether it was like

you were getting a little extra attention because I was so thrown off guard and honestly the whole time I was just thinking like oh God he's seen my chart you know what's in that chart

you know it's never It's never, you never write into your doctor with your exciting news. Yeah. Hmm. You can't find out if he has a girl, yeah. He probably has a girlfriend. Is he tall?

Average height. Yeah. He could. It could. I think you send that friend request. All right? Because then if he accepts it, interesting, right? Then you could, A, stalk a little bit more.

Yeah. There's that. And then let's say there's no evidence of a girlfriend. If he's single, then he's, is also frustrated with the dating world out there, right? It's a good chance he has been just deep in the books, so to speak. The fact that

he doesn't have a wedding ring, I think is a good sign. Because I think, like, from a doctor's standpoint, it's very similar to like being a professional athlete, right? There's, it comes with a lot of intensity and hard work. And I think athletes go one or two

directions. And I think it's similar to doctors. They're either marrying their college sweetheart, so to speak, and they're like, locked in they know they know they know that they're professional athletes or they know they're going through med school and so they just settle down and they just lock it down and be like this is the girl I'm going to be with and I'm going to start having kids she's going to be on my side when I'm going through med school and blah blah blah and she wants to lock it down early because she wants to make sure that she's going to benefit from this investment yeah so to speak right and so typically

I think men and that and these very attractive careers you know either get married quickly or remain bachelors for a while because they're just focused you know then the other scenario is the athlete or doctor who's just you know it's like listen I'm gonna focus on my job I'm too young to settle down

I don't have the high school sweetheart in the meantime I'm gonna have a good time and I'm taking advantage I'm the good looking guy who's going to med school or a doctor and I'm gonna get a lot of sex and yada yada yada so the fact that he's not married

good chance he's single maybe I don't know the big question is is that whether he's single or not what are you going to do about the fact that you are a patient of his. And regardless of what he thinks about you, it's just like he, there are probably,

there are definitely rules, so to speak. Bold move of him to ask you out. That's for sure. That's not going to happen. Right? I mean, I've only seen him for two appointments.

So it's not like, I'd be plenty of fine to find a new doctor. Yeah, for sure. But we, I think we're already, we're already assuming that if you get a date with this guy, you're just like, you're moving on.

Yeah, I'm going to have to fire you. And that's kind of your first joke, right? You're just like, I think with the woman years ago who called in, she had the hots for her chiropractor. He ended up having a girlfriend, by the way. It sounds like. But it was kind of like good news, bad news.

Like, bad news, I'm actually, do you know any good doctors because I'm actually looking for a new one? And honestly, that's the line. You know, if you DM them, you're like, two questions. One, do you know any other good doctors? because I'm looking for a new one. Second question, do you want to go on and talk to dinner? All right.

You can't send them a message, even if you're not friends with them? Is that how that works? You know, I don't even know. I've never tried that. I think you can. They just don't, they might not see it. It goes into like a special request folder. Your second option is to go crazy.

And by crazy, I mean, just do something that would be pretty bold, fairly brave. And that is at that next doctor visit, you know, just be like all right i know like whatever listen if i have to switch doctors i'll switch doctors because i don't want to make this uncomfortable but are you single and so do you want to grab a coffee and you're just going to have to get through whatever you know if he says yes great if he's like hey i got a girlfriend or i don't think so i don't know i'm not really you get any other answer other than yes you're just going to have to like grit your teeth and get through the fucking awkwardness and then call up the girlies and have a laugh and just laugh at the situation and but what do you have to lose other than a little

pride you know yeah that's true and like it's it's so i don't mean to sound like you know like i'm exaggerating but it's really as slim pickings out there i think follow them step one if you can send a message send that message it's a all right and it's what do i have to lose nothing you know you don't even know if he's a good doctor honestly he's probably average he's young he doesn't he's lacking experience he hasn't seen it all can't be that good he's got a better her face than he does a you know doctor experience yeah he can maybe you might be too young to be my doctor but you're perfect for my boyfriend okay and almost certainly if he is single this is not the first time he's at a deal with this so he probably knows how to deal with this um probably

true i'm gonna have to get an update one way or the other yes definitely um and if you get any doctors calling in asking if they should ask out their patient you know where to find me. All right. Well, yeah, there's probably some hippolars against that. I don't know. But there's another good line. Is there a hippo law against us being a thing?

I don't know. Do you think you have what it takes to ask him out in the doctor's office? I'd have to gear up really hard for that. That would be hard. Do you think it's realistic that he would say yes? If you guys were both saying, like if you met him at a bar. I feel like he's more likely to say yes on Instagram than in his place of work. If I met him in a bar, yeah, maybe.

It would just be weird to give him a note. I think a lot of people do that. Give him a note in person. Right. Well, I'm just saying if, because if. Write it into the patient portal. If he doesn't accept your friend request, you can't assume he saw it. Yeah, he probably did.

You think so? You think he's pretty online? Does it say how many followers he has? I think it was like 2,000. It was really not a lot. 2,000 is kind of a lot for most people. He doesn't have 2,000 friends. I know that much.

1,300. For a private account? Mm-hmm. Okay, he's probably, he's pretty online. His Instagram is probably popping. He'll probably see it. He'll probably see it. Yeah, send him that request.

Okay. And then send him that note. Okay. I'm going to do it. All right. Well, I'm invested. I will keep you all posted. All right.

Well, good luck. Can't wait to find out. Thank you. All right. Take care. Thank you. I'm rooting for you. Bye.

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Tell him it was from our show. How's it going? Hi, my name is Taylor. I'm 27 and I'm wondering if it is wrong to date this guy when I am more interested in his friend. All right. Well, I'm assuming there's a backstory. There is. So tell us about it.

Okay. So last November, I went to a... wedding and I met these two guys at this wedding and mind you at that time I I was in like a serious relationship and they were both aware of that so nothing like inappropriate went down but one of these guys definitely kind of made it pretty obvious that he was interested or was just kind of like trying to talk to me just like being friendly and so we like talked a little bit throughout the night and it just seemed like we had like a good amount of things in common and He seemed, you know, just like a really good, genuine guy, very attractive to all, all great things.

And he was, like, drinking throughout the night. So, you know, it could have been a little bit of a liquid, like, liquid courage. But at the end of the night, he literally said to me, he's like, okay, if you ever find yourself not in a relationship, come find me. And I was kind of like, okay, that's very forward. But just kind of like went about my life, didn't really think anything of it. Fast forward, you know, maybe six months. I am not in that relationship anymore. And I'm fairly certain.

And I mean, now I am very certain that he is in a relationship, seemingly very serious and seemingly, you know, happy with this person. The guy who made the bold move is the one who's now in a relationship that you're, I guess, more interested in? Correct. So nothing I can really do there. But the other guy at the wedding that didn't talk to me as much, but I, you know, still noticed him. He's a very good-looking guy. He has since reached out to me and asked me out. And I kind of friend zoned him at first because of this whole situation where I was like, I really like his friend, but his friend is taken. But if, you know, by chance, maybe they don't work out. then I want to like have a chance to like to date him and you know see what that could be but

if I go out with his friend and they're pretty good friends I feel like that would like kind of ruin any chance how did the guy number two call him the guy who who you're considering going out with did he just randomly reach out to you um so we have like a pretty good mutual friend and I guess he asked our mutual friend about me and like found out I was single and then our mutual friend told me like hey he's probably going to reach out to you at some point like do what you want and so he did he like messaged me on Instagram did you ask the mutual friend about the other guy um I did um and they just said like he's in a like a serious relationship I want to say at this point they've probably been together

for like nine months, but I feel like there was like just this timing overlap of like a few months where like we missed each other. To be clear, you don't know much about either these men, correct? True, yes. However, so I guess another part of it is like, so guy number one, we'll call him Jack. Okay. That's the guy that I'm like more interested in fake name. And then we'll call other guy Austin fake names. But I guess like the impression that I got from Jack and from the people like the mutual people that we know is like he's very much like you know was looking for was looking for something serious um and just like seems way more my type as far as like really nice guy like very genuine was just like looking for looking for relationship obviously

he is in one now um and then Austin this his friend um he kind of like it's hard to tell because he definitely doesn't give that same energy that he's looking for a serious commitment because ultimately I want to get married and like have a family and I date very intentionally and very seriously. And so I'm kind of like, I don't know if he's looking for something serious. I don't know if he's just kind of in it for fun, like trying to hook up, which I'm not going to hook up with him and I think he knows that. He knows that I have pretty clear boundaries. How would he know that? So I did go out with him. I did go on a day with him and I basically like just kind of set it straight up because he said something about like it seems like I'm pretty

serious about like what I want. Like I know what I will want and like I don't mess around when it comes to dating. And I was like yeah, that's that's very true. I don't. So it's kind of like I don't know exactly why he's pursuing me if he knows that I'm very serious about dating like maybe he is I don't know so yeah I'm like not a couple things uh yeah I'm just curious how long you've been single for uh since March okay not that long have you not hooked up with anyone since no okay and I as much as I would love to have sex because I'm definitely a very physical person but I know myself where like emotions and you know emotional intimacy and physical into me are very much connected and I can get attached yeah easily and I like am very much

a hopeless romantic so when I fall like I fall hard yeah it's great self-awareness right I mean yeah like I said you know I've said this multiple times but like hookup culture has fucked up a lot of things and I think it's fucked up a lot of because I think like you know the women empowerment and sex positivity, while all are great things, like it doesn't change the reality of how sex impacts all of us and how it changes the landscape of any dating situation.

And the fact that you are self-aware about what you need emotionally and how sex impacts that and the fact that you are able to enforce that boundary for yourself because that's what boundaries are is just, that's great. And you definitely save yourself

probably a lot of emotional distress and frustration by being able to hold that line. I appreciate that. I think I've done a lot of work to together. That's amazing. Second part is it doesn't really, you know, listen, I've said this before. I've written it in my book.

Every fuck boy is someone's future partner, so to speak. Yeah. You know, Jack, as you called it, he's a fuck boy too. Was a fuck boy, you know. Yeah, probably. Probably. Because he could, right? And like, because he's a guy and probably detaches from sex like most other guys do in a way

that they could fuck around without, you know. And so I've never, I have never in my life as a guy. When a girl says to a guy who has confidence in himself, just so you know, this is how I move, whatever, if he likes you, that's not going to stop him from liking you. And it's not because he is thinking maliciously, I'm going to get her to have sex with me so I can like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. It's just like, he's just more like, I don't know,

I like you, sure. And that's kind of why I think this is going to be hard because I am trying so hard to keep him out at an arm's length that he's just going to want it more. Yeah. And he's just going to try harder because he's definitely that kind of guy where... Yeah, he'll convince himself he's in love, probably, you know?

Yeah, yeah, maybe. Let's forget about the guy number one, Jack, for a set aside. He doesn't exist as far as you're concerned in this moment. Yeah. How did date number one go? And are you interested in seeing awesome? in again date number one was good i guess technically we've like hung out a few times but the first the first time was like in a group setting um and he we like went out he tried to kiss me a few

times and both times i like rejected him um and then therefore afterwards i kind of like friend zoned him and anyways eventually he reached back out and i agreed to like go on a date and it was it was good i mean it was a lot of fun and he very much like whined and dined me and took me to like a really nice restaurant and we had drinks and all this stuff and yeah we did make out a little bit and I yeah I mean I'm probably

going to see him again like if I'm being honest well yeah I mean I don't care you know what I'm saying like yeah so it sounds like there's some interest there you like them yeah I would say so yeah I just I don't want to get too invested and like attached if he's not serious and I guess he's got he's got like everything going for him except i the only thing i don't know is there it's like the emotional availability part which to me is very important i'm curious your last boyfriend how long did you make

him wait before you hooked up not long so that's going to be the tricky part for you right okay because like what you've gotten good at right is knowing yourself right setting that boundary by like i'm not gonna i'm not hooking up in the first second or third date i'm not you know like it may be in the past you were just like yolo I want to have fun too I like sex I should be allowed to do that you did it you didn't like how you felt afterwards yada yada yada so now you made those adjustments and yeah you are dating to find a husband you're not dating to like fuck right have sex the hard part for you is going to be when you like this guy right you're attracted to him you've had some good times you like where it's going what are you what are you going to do on date

14 and you've been hanging out consistently for six weeks because I can tell you that I don't care how many if you I don't care if you hung out every day for those six weeks the fact that he is a guy who is used to not waiting long to have sex and the fact that you are in 2025 one of the few people out there who has that self-awareness and confidence in herself and can hold that boundary and say, no, I'm not going to do that. It just makes you insanely attractive to him and every other guy, right? So to your point, he's just going to be like, it's going to be like a challenge. A challenge, right? And so, and with that, he will convince himself, it's not a challenge. You just won't really know the difference. And all I'm saying is six weeks is, is this not enough time

to build a bond with someone where you can really make sure that like sex won't change the equation and you're almost going to have to get past a point where it really isn't about the challenge anymore he really enjoys spending time with you yeah it's you know you're going to almost have to remind him just like hey you know it's going to almost sound radical to him where you're going to be like i don't like if if a woman and when i was single if a woman i was attracted to was like like i don't know we're dating for three months like i don't even know, you know, because no one does that anymore, you know? Yeah, yeah. But listen, also, I want, I want you to give yourself grace in a sense that, like, that, to that point, there's a challenge.

Is, like, all right, as far as the other, like, just, like, let's just consider Jack for a second, right? The reality is, you don't know Jack, right? And you had a great meet meet, meet with Jack, and he gave you a sexy, confident line at the end that felt was like, oh, my God. And then you were, like you want you whatever was going on with your boyfriend at the time you uh he you know there you told yourself if i was single i would have absolutely said yes to this guy and as things went bad with your old relationship he was a reminder for you jack about what what was what was available to you as a single woman and so jack represents this idea of this person and you've definitely built him up in your head so there is that right sure for sure without question let's assume that all things being

equal you are more compatible with jack than you are austin and this is a this is a sad story of just like wrong timing and pat it's just things not lining up it's just not your fucking time yet yeah and this idea that you're afraid of saying yes to austin because what if what if jack breaks up with his girlfriend you know and yeah uh if you don't have this might help you up but because if you don't have sex with austin yeah almost certainly that will it'll be okay it'll be okay it'll be okay um and i and and and uh even if you do i don't know like listen it takes a more mature man uh to to not have that bother him yeah i don't know how close these guys are if they're more casual friends or besties i think they're pretty dang

close like if i if i do start like seeing austin there's a good chance like i would hang out around Jack and his girlfriend at some point. Yeah. Yeah. And she's going to want to be your friend. Maybe, which would be so much worse. I can hold out on sex, but it's like, I guess for how long to hope that maybe they break up in the next,

I don't know, three to six months when maybe they won't. And maybe they are like supposed to get married. And if so, like, that's great. I'm happy for them. But it's like there's always like, like, what if? but I also can't wait around. Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Yeah. Actually, yes, he 100% does. All right. Then I think that's a data point that you need to acknowledge. What do you mean? Yeah, it means he's probably pretty into his girlfriend and it's going pretty well.

Yeah, it seems like it is from an outside perspective. From his mind. So I'm like, I'm not going to get in the way of them if they're in love. That's great, you know. I think you need to get out of your head about Jack. and you got to let it go.

I really, yeah. I think I agree. He probably knows his buddy is going out with you. Yeah. And he doesn't care. And it's fine. Maybe he does, but he's,

I mean, yeah, he doesn't care. He doesn't care. He doesn't care. He doesn't care. It doesn't care. I mean,

yeah, if you took your clothes off in front of him, he'd look, but he doesn't care. You know what I'm saying? Right. Yeah. A guy who has the confidence

to do what he did with you at a wedding is a guy, like the difference between what you experienced with him, and what he experienced with you is, especially in 2025, you're just not, I mean,

the last two callers I talked to made it very clear and I know how hard it is out there of just like they, how hard it is to have a moment like you had at a wedding with a guy who can have a good conversation, seems like he wants once you want and that hits you with that like, well, you know, that like sexy line

where you're just like, fuck. And that left a mark on you. You know what I'm saying? And for him, he's pulling that fucking he was pulling that yeah whether he's looking dating to get married or not this is a guy who knows how to do that and he's confident in doing that and he didn't leave he might have left being like oh what a great girl but like i mean to be fair like a few weeks after the wedding he made an instagram account like he didn't have it in one before and he made one

and I was like one of the first few people that he followed. And he did end up like DMing me at one point. Just like responding to a random story. Like just in a friendly way. Like it wasn't even flirty or anything. And I was still in a relationship at that point. But I definitely took a note because I was like, okay, obviously he wasn't that drunk at the wedding. And he was still thinking about it like weeks later, which I was kind of like, fuck.

I mean, I guess that doesn't really matter in the scheme of things. but there's no yeah there's no perfect path forward right if you and he doesn't have an Instagram anymore he since then has deleted it again otherwise I honestly would have just DM'd him and said the same shit like if you ever find yourself single again let me know and like that's it but I can't even do that because he doesn't have an Instagram anymore he's completely offline yeah that's kind of crazy yeah which is like okay kind of a green flag to be honest.

You know, I think there's not being that online and there's offline. I don't know. I don't know. He like seems like very much like husband material kind of guy, which is why it's kind of hard because. I think you keep seeing Austin, as long as you like them. You take it real slow. Yeah.

And very friendly. Okay. Yeah. And definitely very slow physically. And maybe you'll see Jack sometime soon. The question is if you see Jack, probably. Do you question is if you see Jack, you're going to have to read the room and you're going to have to see if there's like a grin or an awkwardness.

I just feel like there wouldn't be because he just. Well, let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. All right. Do you think the little bit you know about Jack, do you think he's the type of guy to give his now girlfriend a heads up? About me? Yeah. I don't know.

I don't really know like what kind of heads up he would give. If I were Jack. Yeah. And I met you at a wedding. and we had a talk and I was single and I thought you were attractive and where I was flirty with you and I found a good boyfriend

and I fed you that line and I moved on and even if I left and was like, damn, fuck man, you know, like I really was feeling her and then I even created an Instagram account and kind of like followed up on you and gave a little peek and only to confirm that yep, yep, she's in fact, has a boyfriend and then I was like, you know, whatever, she's got a girlfriend.

And then I, you know, Matt Natalie, my now wife, right? and then my buddy who was at the same wedding was like I'm turns out she's Taylor single I'm gonna ask her out and he's like yeah well good for you man go and then I found out that and then he was like well let's all get together I'm gonna bring Taylor I would 100% have told Natalie right off the jump I would have been like just just so you know like I definitely like flirted with this girl at a wedding I even asked her out now he's going out with her nothing happened but like

I would 100%. Yeah. And again, if he is a, if he's the guy you think he is, he would, that's the only right thing to do. Yeah. I don't, I don't know, honestly. I mean, I could see him doing that for sure. Wouldn't you, if you were her? Yeah, I would want to know.

You'd want to know. You'd want to know if you were like, you know, you know, there's nothing worse, right, than being in a group of people and someone knows something that, that's juicy about you directly or indirectly that you probably should know or that you might feel a certain way but they're not telling you because they've decided

maybe you don't need to know or they don't want to upset you and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah I mean those are the things you want to know more than anything so I mean there's a good chance that like because we have mutual friends and I've like asked our mutual friends

about him Jack like there's a good chance that like they all know that I've like asked about him and like awesome might even know that I like asked about his friend and I mean if he asked me I'd be like yeah I'm not gonna lie because he seemed more serious about dating and he like kind of doesn't you know so so he still seems like he's unsurious about dating it's it's it's kind of like I can't I can't tell how old is Austin he's almost 29 how old's Jack same age and like

you've talked about this before but they're both very much like in the kind of top 1% of men because they're also tall yeah attractive like very successful like he owns a home like like over six foot and I'm like fuck I don't even need over six foot man like I'm five four I don't need them to be that tall but he just happens to be and so I'm like he he like knows he's hot like and he's got good you know he's got game so I'm sure he takes up women very easily so sure he's like why why would he want a serious relationship right now I don't I don't know if I believe it not that he's said that that's what he's looking for but but you could just listen like you're you're confident person and that's a great thing and the difference between what

I assume is you and a lot of other women out there is like one it's just tough to be confident out there because of dating climate but like it's just tough to have the discipline to like set and enforce your boundaries and the more you are just more like I know what I want and I'm just not gonna fuck around anymore the more attract again

like whether it's because it makes him or you will be more like that is an attractive quality period right and Austin is going to have to decide whether you're worth it or not you know most guys are full of shit because they'll say like, I know I want to have a family. Pause, pause, pause, haze, dot, dot, dot, someday, you know.

And you're just not sure about when that part is. Right. You're assuming that Jack is like, you know, listen, when I find the right one, I'm ready. These guys in their late 20s. So they're still, in my mind, they're still really young, but in their mind they're about to hit 30. And mentally, you know, most guys, even the tall, confident ones are not, if they've had a decade of dating and having fun. and they're not necessarily like, it may end up that way,

but I don't think they're planning and having another decade of just meaningless sex and casual dating. They may end up that way because they can, and dating culture is what it is, but you're just going to have to fit, I think the more confident you are

about what you want and showing more than telling, you'll find out pretty quickly where Austin stands about even the potential of dating. Yeah, and I think you focus on that. And I think the fantasy of Jack is just that. I have to be forget about that right now.

For now. And then like, listen, if you end up, I'll be really curious when you guys end up getting together as a four-some, so to speak. And I'd be really curious if she already knows and says something to you because he said something to her. I would honestly see it as a, you know, what the crazy part is, and this is the kind of fucked up part,

is that let's assume two weeks from now, this scenario happens, right? And in two weeks, you're not going to be in love with Austin. You're not going to have had sex with them yet. You're still going to be very exploring things. It's going to be, you know, very casual, very friendly, very chill. And there's going to be a part of you that's going to want Jack to give you a look or something or make a comment or something, some kind of validation that lets you know that. while he is single and happy and content that like he didn't forget that time he meant and if

nothing else kind of give you the yeah you know just not in the cards for us right like it's it's going to be a bit of a red flag if he does that yeah yeah i honestly don't think he would like i think he's pretty like very respectful yeah um i guess we'll see but but i honestly don't I don't want to get to that situation where I'm around them with Austin at the same time, but I could definitely see it happening. So do you think you could tell if another woman wanted to was into your guy? Probably. Yeah.

But I don't think I have you stalked her would be that obvious. Do you know what she looks like? Oh, I for sure stalked her. Yeah. And do you think? And she's like perfect. Like honestly. she's seems like incredible so I she's like

don't know yeah she's not like you she's your equal so to speak or you're you get it yeah yeah I feel like I don't even know if I could compete with her so I'm kind of like okay I get why he's like very much seemingly in love so maybe she's an emotion maybe she's a nightmare personally I don't know yeah maybe because all you know is like what you're judging this baby mostly off a looks I mean, no, I would say, like, what other people have said or, like, just, I mean. They have nicest things to say about it. Lots of stocking, too.

Yeah, she just seems like a very nice person. And, like, he seems very healthy, I guess. So it's like, I don't think there's, like, toxicity. I have no idea. I think, I think you pursue Austin. Yeah. Just be very self-aware about your boundaries, take it slow. listen if you end up hooking

like if it like listen I think you do got to let Jack go and let's like let's take Jack out of the picture again um I don't know how realistic it is assuming you keep liking more and more about Austin and things just are going in the right direction that like two months from now and you're feeling you know it's you're you love

you realize that you love spending time with this guy and he's seeming you're you're gonna hook up with them probably um and that might change things a little bit. And you might regret it, so to speak. I mean, at that point, I just think it's, I don't think, I guess what I'm saying is like, don't, like, listen, at some point, you can't protect yourself from frustration, pain, disappointment, and all you can do is what you're doing now, which is be more intentional, hold that line a little bit more, make sure there at least is some rapport, right?

Yeah. I mean, I don't, I don't think I would have sex with him at all unless we get to a point where there's like like a deep level of trust and like emotional connection. Yeah, I know, but that's hard to really figure out, right? And even the whole like, if you were, I thought you were about to say, I wouldn't have sex with them until there was some level of commitment. But even then. Well, yeah. I mean, I would, I would say, I would say that. Yeah, too. Sure, but I'd be careful saying that to him because fine. All right, cool. Let's commit. And then the next week, it's like, just kidding. Yeah, or more likely he just slow bleeds it for like a month so he doesn't seem like an asshole and then like, you know, it's, you know, but you just notice emotionally he's a little different afterwards.

Yeah. Yeah. How do you feel, I mean, this is kind of a weird question, but how do you feel about like going to third base or second base with him? I feel like I could not. Like I think if my clothes came off at all, I'd be like, we're let's just have sex. I don't think personally I could do anything more than like kiss yeah without just giving in fully all right well this is not scientific this is just in my opinion of being a guy but I think when it comes to men are very physical visually right and I think when men meet women there's like

quite honestly there's like there's a question men ask themselves and that is do I want to see her naked or do I not give a fuck what she looks like naked you know um and naked you know and I really think it's more than that than like oh I just want to have sex with her so to speak you know because like sex is not as there's I don't know like and and but but letting a like making out with a guy and going to second base and and doing some stuff um I'm guessing you tell me I'm not a woman like it doesn't have the same emotional impact on you is actually going all the way. Yeah, I wouldn't say it's the same. Yeah.

I would say it still like creates a level of like attachment though. No doubt. But I think all men want to, men want to know if there's like physical chemistry because I think, I mean, men and women care about that too. All I'm saying is it's like to kind of split the difference and maybe you could extend the time. if you can show that willpower by like rounding some bases but not going all the way home

I think that will I think you might be able to get a sample of how he might be with you post sex yeah type of thing and that way it feels like there's less pressure on actually having the sex but like he feel like I'm giving him a little bit

but not everything yeah right and then he can decide whether like did I really enjoy you know that You know, do it, you know, because the act of sex for men is, it's not, it's not a physical. It's like, it's mostly physical, yeah. You know, yeah, it is.

And men are, men are, have emotional needs, but like, yeah, how do you, men are going to fall in love with you when they, when they miss you and they, yeah, when they think about you and, and, and, and, um, I think there. is a level of emotional intimacy that combines with physical intimacy with men, it's weird because I don't think men are very good at foreplay, like they're obviously notorious for like not being good at that. But I think the men who are able to do that, I do think men emotionally connect with that part of sex

if that makes any sense whatsoever. One, if they're willing to do that with a woman, it shows a level of caring. and vulnerability for men. And if men are vulnerable with you, you know, and open up to you in a way or any way, that's, that they fall for you in that way. And the sex has not,

sex is not vulnerable for men. It's exercise for them. Yeah. Honestly. And so I honestly think that there, if you're able to hold off from that, but like, yeah,

have some physical intimacy. without the sex, I think it'll help you understand how you guys feel each other better, because you know, again, yeah, I really think there's something there. Let me know if I'm right if you try it out, but. Okay. I mean, I'm definitely going to hold off on that for like a while, but I think I could do that. If he earns it, that's the thing. Yeah, well, don't take yourself that seriously a little bit.

I mean. What do you mean? Just be careful. Well, because when you say things like the mentality, if he earns it, We kind of agreed earlier that you don't want a guy to pursue you just because he's competitive. Yeah, that's true. So the mentality, if he earns it, is you're instigating a competitive side to whatever guy you're dating when you have that mindset. I think it's more so if, I mean, I've even told myself like it's not, yeah, like it's not happening.

And unless he were to like show me that he really truly is interested in me and likes me and cares about me. like can emotionally open up to me and like be vulnerable with me totally just don't make physical intimacy a dangle a carrot you're dangling because then it just becomes something he wants to chase okay you know don't give him uh like measurables to meet or goal like if you want this then do that just be like listen i just yeah i take things really slow physically that's all i'm going to say but if if if you want to kiss the guy kiss the guy you know that's all i'm saying is like don't hold out to be difficult or because you're not, you know, if you're feeling it, just fucking make out, right?

If you want to do it, but that's when you have to know yourself about, hey, I like this. I like where it's going. I'm not ready to go to this part of the relationship. So no matter what I say yes to, I got to enforce that boundary because you know that like when things get hot and heavy, it's harder to enforce those boundaries. So that's what you got to know. It's it, but don't play that game of cat and mouse and dangling the carrot and being like, I don't, you know. Yeah.

I don't think, I don't think I'll do that. Cool. Yeah. Because yeah, you, you, if you're, to really get to know this guy, it has to feel organic and natural and normal and like as things progress. Everything has to progress, you know, type of thing. If that makes any sense. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, it does. Okay. Is this helpful at all? I don't know. I think so. Yeah. Yeah.

I think so. I mean, I honestly needed to hear from, like, someone else to, like, put Jack in the past. Because I just can't, I can't hold out for that when I have no idea what could happen. And ultimately, I don't know him at all, really, as a person. I know very little. So, yeah, I guess I just got to see how this goes. See how this plays out. Yeah. And if Austin's really as much of a fuckboy as you're worried he might be, you should be able to figure that out pretty quickly. Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

Yeah. And if what Austin is is a guy who like, yeah, I don't know, wasn't that serious about finding his person in his 20s, but like if he meets the right girl, he can be serious and can be just pay attention to certain things, right? Like, for example, so many people are very, like, always have excuses for why the right thing is hard to do you know the right thing for jack if is to tell is to give his new girlfriend a heads up that this girl that he's about she's about to interact with is someone that he asked out in the

past and who had a boyfriend at the time and now she's like that's and he's a good chance he won't right um and my and forgetting about jack but austin pay attention to you know how how people should move and what and who have high character when in the face of like you know high character is when people are just like that's that would be a that would be a hard and he does the hard thing because not because it's popular or right but just because he has conviction about it you know because it sounds like that's the type of person you're looking for right who like wants to like yeah I don't know yeah he's not he's not 22 and I think any 29 year old guy who has who wants to get married someday would be happy

to settle. And if he is that much of a fuck boy where he's still very much and he's a very unserious guy about dating, you should be able to figure that out pretty quickly. Yeah, I think so. Especially if I'm not going to have sex with him. Well, I do think you're going to have, you will

have to be a little vulnerable. Like, you know, you're going to have to like, that's fine. I can definitely, like, I have no problem being vulnerable. Sometimes I'm a little too vulnerable. Sure. Well, let me ask you this. Like, let's say you guys, you and you, you and Austin hang out for like a month wherever you are you're not going

you're not having sex no home base and he's like let's take a long weekend together wherever it's like a trip and you share a hotel room and things like stuff like that you might you know you're going to have to you're going to have to do the honeymoon phase a little bit even while you're playing while you're taking things slow

yeah in a weird you know way and like just give Austin an opportunity to to step up as a and give you boyfriend material vibes yeah i have no problem with that cool awesome all right well i'm i'm invested i'd love to know where this lands oh man well thank you i appreciate it uh no no problem um i uh i also have to say like this is just like a really cool moment right now i've like watched you literally since bachelor

days and so and like listened to the show for many years so this is just kind of cool like full circle I don't know well I appreciate you to finally have like some juicy question to ask you oh I appreciate you saying that and thanks for calling thanks for listening and following along and yeah it's um I I said this before that like you know the show this ethnic is the most rewarding part of this show the other stuff is fun a little toxic and a little messy but this is I learned I learn a lot too um and this is fun for me so thanks thanks for being a part of the show yeah thank you all right well please follow up because I am dying to know one way or the other

what happens, especially if the four of you get together. Especially if we sleep together? No, sure, that too, but if the four of you get together. I really want to know if Jack gives her the heads up. But how would I know that? You think she would say something to me? Yeah. I doubt it.

I don't know. What would you do? Wouldn't you just break the ice? I don't know, probably not. Really? I don't know. Yeah, you might not know. Well, also if he, because if he tells her, again, if I were to tell Natalie, right,

in early in our dating situation, just, you know, I just organically would know that she is going to, like, not, like, I'm going to, I would be so, I just wouldn't give you anything. You know what I'm saying? Right. So if he doesn't give you anything and just says, hey, it's good to see you again, you know? Yeah. And just very much, this is my girlfriend, nice to meet you. And like almost pretends that that little meet cute you guys had never happened,

but acknowledges that he's met you before. Then there's a good chance, he told her. Yeah. Okay. And I guess I'm really just more curious about how he handled himself. Yeah. Because, yeah, I'd be curious. All right.

Well, I'll let you know. All right. All right. Well, good luck out there. Thank you. I appreciate it. All right. Take care.

Bye. Bye. Up.