The Way I Heard It with Mike Rowe - 100: How Not To Ruin Your Most Expensive Suit

Episode Date: May 8, 2018

It was opening night on the world's largest stage, but when you gotta go - you gotta go.

The ocean delights us. Some marvel at the colorful world below the surface. The ocean feeds us. Others find nourishment in its bounty. The ocean teaches us how our everyday choices impact even the deepest places. The ocean moves us, whether we're riding a wave or soaking in its breathtaking beauty. The ocean connects us. Find your connection at Monterey Bay Aquarium.org slash connects.

This is the way I heard it. The third glass of orange juice had been a mistake. So too had the second. Waiting in the wings, Ed squirmed with discomfort and tried not to envy the man sitting next to him. The lead, the man sitting where he should be sitting. Are you sure you won't join me? Ed asked. I have enough for two.

No thanks, said the lead. I've already made my peace. Ed nodded. He ate the wafer. He drank the wafers. line. Then he turned to the lead and said, well, I guess this is it. Good luck out there. Good luck to you, too, said the lead. The men shook hands. Then the lead rose from his seat, walked out onto the stage, and delivered a line that stunned the audience, a line that should have been delivered by Ed.

As Ed squirmed in the wings, it occurred to him that Shakespeare had been right. All the world was indeed a stage, and a man in one life was truly destined to play many parts. And so for nearly 20 minutes, Ed watched as someone else played the part in which he'd been originally cast. Then, when his cue finally came, Ed did the only thing a man in his condition could do. He strolled onto the enormous stage, looked out upon the largest audience of his illustrious career, and peed into his most expensive suit. It was by any standard an epic elimination. The average pee is 8 to 16 ounces and usually takes no more than 30 seconds to complete.

Ed's unscheduled potty break voided no less than 20 ounces of urine and lasted over a minute, plenty of time to ponder the ups and downs of his chosen profession, or if you prefer, the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. A month ago, the director had cast Ed in the lead role, and Ed had rejoiced at the opportunity. It was the moment he'd always dreamed of, a consummation devoutly to be wished. But then, just days before opening night, the director had changed his mind. It was a devastating blow in a heartbeat. It was decided the lead would go to a man whose temperament was better suited for the task at hand.

In other words, a man less likely to pee himself in front of a packed house. As the warm urine blasted out of his bladder and into the UCD of his most expensive suit, Ed recalled the depth of his disappointment when the director had changed his mind. He recalled the feelings of envy that followed, the jealousy, the covetousness. Ed did not want to feel these things. He wanted to accept the director's decision with grace. and play the part he was given to the best of his ability. But it was also unfair.

So Ed visited his minister who offered him a portable communion kit, which Ed slid into the side pocket of his most expensive suit. The Holy Sacrament was still in his suit pocket that morning when he drank those three large glasses of orange juice. It was still there when he chauffured the lead to the venue. And, of course, it was still there when Ed turned to the lead on that fateful night and said, Are you sure you won't join me? I have enough for two.

No thanks, said the lead. I've already made my peace. Ed nodded. He ate the wafer. He drank the wine. Then he turned to the lead and said, well, I guess this is it. Good luck out there. Good luck to you, too, said the lead.

The men shook hands. Then the lead rose from his seat and walked on to the stage and delivered that line that stunned the audience, a line that should have been delivered by Ed, a line that Shakespeare himself would have been honored to pen. That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. Years later, when NASA allowed him to talk about it, the pilot of the lunar module would become known as the first. first man to take Holy Communion on the moon. And then, years after that, Ed would make headlines again for punching out a skeptic who dared to suggest that he was nothing more than an actor, and the moon landing, nothing but a performance filmed on a Hollywood soundstage. But all that would come much, much later. On that particular day, July 20, 1969, as 530 million Earthlings

watched Neil Armstrong take one small step for man, no one imagined his pilot was taking one giant leak for all mankind, filling his UCD, the urine containment device that prevented him from ruining his most expensive suit, a space suit worn by the second astronaut to walk on the moon and the first man to pee there. A pilot named Edwin Buzz Aldrin. Anyway, that's the way I heard it.

If you work in university maintenance, Granger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip-off. And Granger is your trusted partner. Offering the products you need all in one place, from HVAC and plumbing supplies to lighting and more, and all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock, so your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-Grangeer, visit granger.com or just stop.

by Granger, for the ones who get it done.