The Way I Heard It with Mike Rowe - 222: Enrico Colantoni—I Don't Want to Recover From This

Episode Date: October 19, 2021

A show about nothing, a guy named Jerry, and the audition that changed television. Followed by a very funny conversation with Enrico Colantoni, one of the few actors to be a series regular every week for the last 20 years.

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I heard it. This one's called, I don't want to recover from this. That's a direct quote, by the way, from William Shatner, better known by Billions, is James T. Kirk, the man who famously captained the Starship Enterprise on a show called Star Trek. Well, William Shatner recently took a trip to space on an actual spaceship owned by Jeff Bezos called the Blue Origin New Shepard. Shatner was so overcome with emotion upon his return to earth that he couldn't find the words to describe what he was feeling. So he summed it up by saying, whatever this feeling is, I don't want to recover from it, which I thought was kind of clever. Well, my guest today is another clever guy, RICO Colin Tony, who, like William Shatter, is a very serious actor of great depth and great feeling. Unlike William Shatner, though, who journeyed to actual space on an actual rocket, Rico has yet to slip the surly bonds of Earth to touch the face of God.

But, like William Shatner, Rico has pretended to boldly go where no man has gone before on a ship called The Protector, where he portrayed a Thermian called Mathesar in a film called Galaxy Quest, a film that many people believe to be one of the most underrated movies of all time. Now, I discussed Galaxy Quest last week with my friend and guest Tim Allen, who played the captain of the protector, Peter Quincy Taggart. Well, Rico Colentone was also on board the Protector, and he had multiple scenes with Tim Allen, giving what many people believe to be the finest portrayal of an alien in cinematic history. It's true. You can Google it. However, in my conversation with Tim Allen, it seemed as if Tim was not quite sure who Rico Colin Tony was. Now, this might have been because Rico was in heavy makeup. Thermians are, after all, an alien race of squids, cephalods, to be precise. Or maybe Tim was just talking

so fast, I misunderstood what he said. Either way, I thought it might be fun to invite my old friend Rico onto the podcast for a long overdue catch-up, and I'm glad I did. Our conversation is funny and weird and smart and silly and surprisingly emotional, but I think you're really going to enjoy being a fly on the wall for this one, because along with his thoughts on going to space with Tim Allen, who may or may not remember him, and his ability to weep on command and his skill as an actor, his baffling decision to paint the walls and ceiling of his bedroom black, I wanted to talk to Rico today about the importance of not recovering from certain things, like for instance, the business of auditioning for the role of a lifetime. Specifically, I wanted to get Rico's thoughts on a show

about nothing, starring a guy named Jerry, who you're about to meet. We start with the true story of the remarkable audition, the change TV. And we conclude with a conversation that I dare say you will not wish to recover from. This is the way I heard it. Madeline picked up her client on a Wednesday afternoon, a little after 3 p.m. His audition was at 4, but his meeting was at 6. I can't be late for another meeting, said Jerry. I need to be inside that church before 6 p.m.

I get it, said Madeline. your meetings are important, but this audition could change your life. I'm telling you, Jerry, this part was written for you. Jerry snorted. Where had he heard that before? Every casting agent, every producer, every bottom feeder in this whole crummy business had told him the same thing a dozen times over. Now, after a career that included the stage, the silver screen,

and God only knew how many commercials, he was still hearing it, this time from his manager. What's the project? asked Jerry. It's a juicy role in a new sitcom, said Madeline. What's a show about? The producers told me it's a show about the everyday occurrences of everyday living. Hmm, sounds like a show about nothing, said Jerry. Sounds like a steady paycheck, said Madeline.

Jerry sighed. Well, how far is the church from the studio? 15 minutes, said Madeline. And how long is this audition? It's really just a meeting with the producers and a quick read-through of a single scene. You'll be in and out in no time. All right, said Jerry, I'll do it. Let's meet the producers on the way to the church.

But let's do it quick. I really can't be late. Madeline could see that Jerry was in no condition to drive. But that didn't mean he couldn't audition. She got him to the studio at five minutes to four, where nine other actors waited to audition. The receptionist asked them to sign in and hand to Jerry the sides, two pages of dialogue to be performed for the producers. Would it be possible, ask Madeline for my client to go first? He has another meeting at 6 p.m. A very important meeting, said Jerry. I'm sorry, said the receptionist,

but there are nine actors before you. Jerry gave his manager a worried glance and quickly did the math. If the producers took 10 minutes with each actor, that would be 90 minutes. That meant he'd be called around 5.30. That would get him on the road by 545, and that would get him to the church right at 6 p.m. Tight, but doable. Are you nervous? Ask the manager. You look nervous. I'm fine, said Jerry. I just can't be late for my meeting. For crying out loud, Jerry, would you please stop worrying about your meeting? You need to focus. Come on, let's run the lines. Jerry sighed. Madeline really was a fine manager, and he had done well by her over the years, but she didn't understand the importance of what happened every week in that church basement. She didn't understand the fellowship and what that fellowship meant

to guys like Jerry. For the next 90 minutes, Madeline tried to get her client to focus. She ran lines, she offered encouragement, she made suggestions as the other actors were called in one at a time. Happily, the first three hopefuls were in and out in less than five minutes each. That's good, whispered Madeline. If they don't keep you for at least ten minutes, you haven't got a shot. Jerry was also encouraged. At this rate, he'd make his meeting with time to spare. But then the pace began to slow.

The producers kept the next time. three actors for 10 minutes each. The two after that for 15 minutes, and the one after that, for nearly 20 minutes. What the hell were they doing in there? Jerry grew increasingly alarmed, as the big hand on his watch seemed to pick up speed. It was 540 by the time his name was finally called. Good luck, said Madeline, and remember, this part was written for you. Jerry took a deep breath and strode quickly onto the soundstage. There, two producers sat in director chairs behind a television camera. There were bright lights everywhere and a white X on the floor made of masking tape. Jerry stood on the X and tried not to look anxious. Hello, Jerry. My name is Bob. This is my

partner, John. We're the producers of this project, and we really appreciate you coming by. "'My pleasure,' said Jerry, "'though his expression,' said something else. "'You know,' said Bob, "'John and I have auditioned over 5,000 actors for this part. "'That seems like an awful lot,' said Jerry. "'What kind of actor are you guys looking for?' "'Well,' said John, to be perfectly honest,

"'we don't know.' "'No,' said Bob, we don't, "'but we'll know it when we see it.' Jerry nodded. "'Well, Mr. "'What do you see over here?' here. Bob considered the actor standing before them, fidgeting, antsy, and clearly distracted. He considered the blue trousers, two sizes too big, the starched blue shirt, and the tie that

appeared to be choking him. Then, Bob asked a question. Tell me something, Jerry, and be honest. Do you even want to be here right now? Jerry glanced at the clock on the wall. No, sir. I'm sorry, your show sounds swell, but I've really got to get to a meeting. Bob recognized the signs. He'd been through the same program himself many years ago. He'd sat in a church basement, and he had taken that same solemn pledge. I understand, said Bob. Thank you for being honest.

Go to your meeting. Good luck with your show, Mr. I hope you find what you're looking for. During the car ride over to the church, Madeline made no attempt to high. hide her disappointment. You were in there less than a minute, she said. What did they say to you? Jerry shrugged. They said they didn't know what they were looking for, but that they would know it when they saw it. I guess I wasn't it. Jerry's manager got her client to the church at exactly two minutes before six, as promised. Don't be discouraged, Jerry. I still believe in you. Then Madeline did something most managers never do.

she licked her hand and rubbed it over her client's calic, smoothing down his unruly hair. Then she tried to straighten his tie, but that was no use. I'll pick you up at 7.30, she said, Thanks, Mom. I'm sorry, I blew it. Tuck in your shirt, she called. But Jerry didn't hear her. He was already scampering down the stairs at the back of the church, just as the meeting in the basement was coming to order,

just as all the other young men, in uniform, were raising their right hands and repeating the pledge. On my honor, I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country and to obey the law of the pack. That night at home, Jerry couldn't stop talking about the Cub Scouts and how much fun he'd had at the meeting. He'd already forgotten about his disastrous audition just a few hours before. But then the phone rang, and Madeline picked it up.

It was Bob Mosher, the producer, offering her son the role of a lifetime. Madeline couldn't speak for a moment, several moments, in fact. But I thought he blew it, she said. He was only in there for less than a minute. What happened? Well, said Bob, we're making a show about an all-American boy. I'd rather hire a boy who wants to be a Cub Scout than a boy who wants to be an actor.

And that is how Jerry wound up starring in a show about nothing. Nothing but the everyday events that befall the youngest member of an All-American family. A family brought to life by Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow, and Madeline Mathers' only client. Her nine-year-old son, the reluctant actor in no condition to drive, who landed the role of a lifetime by walking out of the most important audition of his career in order to be on time for his weekly Cub Scout meeting, precisely what you'd expect from an all-American kid like Jerry Mathers, the unlikely star of an unlikely hit called Leave It to Beaver. Anyway, that's the way I heard it. Well, are you sick of it yet?

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And again, it's free at netsuite.com slash mike. That's net suite.com. He was calling you a cow looking at. And so thanks for joining us, everybody, today. We're not going to. We should have anything done, are we? That's before I press record. We should just go to a bar like we usually do.

I kind of feel like we are, really. I mean, this looks like a coffee mug, but it's actually filled with rum. Mine's gin. Kirkland gin. Yeah, mine's just coffee with Irish coffee, actually. None of that is true, folks. It's in real time, it's like six minutes after 10 in the morning. And I don't know if you can see what I see.

It'll depend on how Chuck Edd. it's this, but I'm looking at my old friend Rico, Colantone, where Chuck is normally sitting. In fact, I don't even know whose bed that is, Chuck's bed or your bed or my bed. I wanted to come out of the bathroom after 18 months and say, oh, God, that was a good one. I just told you reference his room as Rico's room, but Rico's been in the bathroom the whole time. I think that would have had legs. That's got legs. Well, you know, we'll go ahead and run it up with my phone and see your salutes.

Do not go in there. For the uninitiated, Shuck lives in... Is it Valley Village technically? Let's just give my address. Why not? You're still on the same street you've been for like 30 years. Yes. That's right.

And you're talking to two guys who you've known collectively for something like 70 years. And it's a fact when I'm in that part of L.A. And Rico's not there. I crash in the guest bedroom. But when Rico is there, he gets first dibs on the guest. bedroom. But now, I think RICO is actually in the master bedroom of Chuck's home. And Chuck, where are you exactly? Are you in the bathroom? Yes, I'm in the bathroom. No, I'm in the massive bedroom. You're in the master. Okay. If you can see the master, see the dwarf door.

Oh, yeah. Doesn't it look like it's a dwarf door, but watch this. It's normal size. That door always makes me uncomfortable, Rico. I just... Because it goes, I mean, it leads to God knows where. if you open. I mean, he's got clothes in there dating back to the 80s, easy. And they'll probably come back in style eventually. Yeah, eventually. But he doesn't throw anything out. What will come back in Chuck? Is it a closet? That's a closet. Close you have in there. Yeah, that's a closet. Yeah. Yeah. It's a closet. It's a closet. It's a closet studio. Exactly. I've done many jobs in that closet right there. You might want to elaborate on that, Chuck. What? Many jobs? What do you talk. Oh, voiceover jobs. Oh, that's terrible. Oh, I see. Oh, yes, yes. When Chuck is serious about

his jobs. Chuck was doing jobs in the closet. He goes in the closet. Now, let's just get Chuck out of the closet to talk about the real task at hand. Hey, how's the lighting in here? Did you turn the thing on? I did, I did. Yeah, I did. Then it's fine. The thing that takes 8D batteries and they'll have to replace them in it. It's a podcast, Rico. I wouldn't sweat the lighting too much. You mean nobody's seeing us? This is just for us. Nobody will know what we look like that. Who knows what we do.

Say the nice thing you said about the story Chuck just made you listen to before he figured out how to hit the record button. Look, you know what? Every time I come back, Chuck and I will text on occasion just to check in. But when I come back, he catches me up on everything. And that includes every podcast you guys do. You listen to that. I go, no, Charlie, I haven't. So he'll kidnap me and he'll force me to listen to specific episodes because he knows me so well. He knows what will make me, what will get a reaction out of me. And the last one, the one he sent me today was they'll see it when they'll know it when they see it.

They knew it when they saw it is, I believe. They knew. Yeah. Syntax. I was, I couldn't read it because of the tears in my eyes. Did you cry seriously? Mike, I'm telling you. I don't know if it's a sound of your voice or because I know you. like, but every time he makes me listen to one, I cry inconsolably and think, I've got to listen to this all the time, but then I can't bear crying that much. It would just take, it would just send me back to bed. In fairness. I've known you for 30 years and you cry at hard tricks, right? I mean, but I mean, it's like Rico, welcome back. But it's not insincere. It's not insincere. It's just like The story of Jerry Mathers, do I, oh, did I give it away? No, we've already heard it.

Everybody just listen to it. We are in a world of chronology in this situation. Yes, like you, millions of people. You mean I'm late to the party? Is that what you're saying? Maybe billions of people have just listened to the story. They knew it when they saw it. And now they're listening to you, explain to two of your oldest friends on the planet

what it was about that story that made you weep like a 10-pound baby girl. Yeah, because I too, like Jerry Mathers, am an actor. One wishes that they could be that indifferent about what they do and find more importance than something else that really to be a Cub Scout and to have that thing waiting for you. And you know that it gives you excitement and I guess the serendipity of that moment of like, that's exactly what we need. I am still looking for the role of a lifetime. I feel like I've been grunting my way through 30 years of doing this,

still waiting for that role of a lifetime where I can finally go and just say, you know what, maybe this is it. It's more important to go home and be with my kids than this audition and then, oh, the phone rings and no, you're coming and this is going to change your life. And it's just like, wow, I'm just still waiting for that to happen. And at a time when 5,000 people were auditioning for one role and this little kid in his little Cub Scout uniform just would rather go to that important meeting, the fellowship and how you set it up is just like, is he an alcoholic? Is he going to AA? Is he sober? Is he committed to a life of sobriety? And he just forgot all about it. And to achieve that sort of state of being. Yeah. It's just beautiful. Well, I think anybody who's ever been in this Godforsaken business, you know, including the three of us, have had moments where we've wondered, how could anything possibly be more important than this next audition or this next call or, as you would call it, the role of a lifetime, or the role that will eventually define me?

You know, it always feels like it's just around the corner. And so is there ever a word or a world? Actually, no, word. That's the thing. It's perspective. You're talking about an actor's perspective and how do they find it in an industry where there is none. And I'm asking you directly because of the many actors I know, you actually did find it. I don't know if you found a role of a lifetime, but you've always had perspective.

You've always cared deeply about your friends and your family. And I'm looking at your filmography right now. And it's just dozens of movies and dozens more TV. shows and not just appearances. You've been a full-on working actor, I think, longer than anybody I know. Has that not given you some perspective? No, it has. I realized I became my father. And I think that was the role model I had, right? I knew I could make it in this business, in this industry, because that's what I set my sights on. I'm going to be a working actor. And I got it. I got it because I knew what a working class woman and man did and do.

But at 58 years old, and I'm still doing it, I go, you know what? The role of a lifetime would be nice now at the end of my career, as opposed to the beginning of my career. Because if I was 12 years old with the role of a lifetime, I think I'd be a drug addict by now. But that wasn't very funny, was it? Well, I mean, too many times that's happened. But at 58, it's like having a career. and then the role of a lifetime at 58 is like, whoa, and then I can die.

And I can go. I can retire and be happy because you'll never, ever live that role of a lifetime down. It'll be your curse. No, everyone will associate you with the role of a lifetime. Poor Jerry Mathers is like, poor guy. Well, if we ever remember him for all the work he had done before Leave it to Beaver? No, I don't think so. Did you watch much of Leave It to Beaver as a kid growing up in Canada?

I watched it all the time. I love them. I love them. Of course, we got it all. We got Little Rascals, Leave It to Beaver, Gilligan's Island, all those shows, good shows. That's fantastic. Do you remember the theme song to Leave It to Beaver?

That's it, but that's it? No, he's right, but there were two. Yep. Jerry Mother. But Rico, what happened five, six years into the run, they changed the theme song. And do you remember what they changed it to? Yes. No.

So it's very subtle. The show became a runaway hit. And then we got later into the 70s. And somebody was like, you know what? We need to jazz it up. So they went back into the booth and da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de. game. That's right.

And it was so subtle. But it even affected the voiceover. So the new announcer was like he had a new spring in his step. And Jerry Mathers as the beaver. I mean, they really leaned into it. Did they not do the same thing with my three sons? Did they not change something? my three sons. I bet they did. My three sons went,

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. But I don't know if they changed it. You know what they changed, for real, was Gilling's Island. Yeah, they changed Darren too. Dick York. Dick Sargent. That was a big one. But do you remember the original? How did they find an actor with the same first name? I'm wondering. They looked everywhere. He changed it for the role. Dick, Dick and Dick. I miss that name, actually. Dick is a great man's name. Solid.

And I hate what happened to that word. It became Richard. Is that what you're saying? I just, I mean, the same ring to it. I remember, I think it was a John Wayne movie called Big Dick Brannigan. No. I swear, Google Big Dick Brannigan, Chuck. I'm looking it up right now.

But I used the name Dick Brannigan when I was reading. I used to do this thing called the Weekly World News, where we would just read blurbs from this ridiculous tabloid and make these little four or five minute radio things people listen to. And I would read these ridiculous story, you know, baby born clutching mothers IUD, you know, stories like this. And I would always sign off with, for the Weekly World News, I'm Dick Brannigan. I just thought it was a great name. And I miss it. That is a great name. Anyway, we're free associating.

The question was... No one has the balls to use Dick anymore. Oh, really? Oh, can I say that? You can say it. I don't know what I'm allowed to say. Well, this was one of the most awkward edits on dirty jobs when I was working. This guy's name was Richard Palfrey.

And he was kind of uptight, and he was a construction guy on this episode running a concrete truck. And he introduces himself as Richard. And I say, Richard's good. So Richard, or do you prefer Dick? and he just looked at me and we just let it sit there, right, for about five seconds and nobody says anything. And I just walk out of the scene.

And I told the editor, make sure you let the whole, cut the whole thing in there. And he did. And it was childish, but it aired. That's so funny. I felt really proud of it. Yeah, Richard or do you prefer to? Chuck, was that right?

Big Dick Branigan? Look, it's filled with all sorts of things I just don't want to discuss searching that. There's some radio personality who goes by that name, the greaseman. Oh, no. It doesn't look like you. No, that's a, what was his name, Treck? Douglas Treck was the Greasman back where we grew up.

Anyway, who cares? The issue here is the change to the theme song on Gilligan's Island. Do you remember that one? Oh, yeah, but they just added. A professor. And the rest. That has agent written all over it. And that's like, no, no, no, no.

My client will not be referred to as the rest. And the rest. And the rest. And the rest. And the rest are here on Gilligan's. And then they change it to the professor and Marianne. Here on Gilligan's Island. Yeah, sure.

We should start from the beginning. And who's the only actor on Gilligan's Island who got residuals? Well, according to the rumors, it was Don Wells. Are those rumors? Who played Marianne, who was. It wouldn't have been. Jim Backus? I mean, he was no, he was an agent thing. She was married to a lawyer who I mean, but then again, man, Google it, snoops it, whatever. There's so much stuff. You know, I was going to

write a story. In fact, we do a story about Gilligan's Island and it started with my desire to tell a story about the only player to get residuals, which I had always heard was Don Wells. But then I read something where Dawn herself said, no, that was all just a big lie. I don't know. Did they not have residuals back then? No, they didn't. Did they? Barely. It certainly wasn't common. And where's an agent when you need them? Do you still have the same agent, Rico? Are you still doing the same manager? Yeah, he was my agent from 1993 and became a manager and I'm still with him, yeah. Well, that's perspective. Loyalty. Yeah, man. That's loyalty and perspective and all of that stuff. What are you working on right now?

I just back in L.A. to work on a thing that I can't disclose because they'll sue me, I say what it is. But I just finished a lifetime Christmas movie, which I'm very excited about. Wait a minute. What do you mean you can't discuss why? Like NDAs? Isn't that what NDAs are all about? Yeah, a non-disclosure agreement that I signed that I can't talk about this thing that I'm working on because they'll, I'm assuming people listen to this podcast. I mean, dozens. This is what I mean. Big movers and shakers in Hollywood. All right.

Well, I don't want to get you. It was just you and me at a bar. I could probably whisper it. Can you tell the genre of what it is? The genre. Well, it's a, can I say that it's a, no, I can't even say it. Can't even say anything.

Can't even say anything. I can't. I can't. Because then people will know. This is the opposite of Hollywood. This is the opposite of promotion. This is, look, I'd really like, I'm throwing you a bone, right? Yeah, but I'm, but I'm,

You can't talk about it. You can't talk about the price. Yeah, I can't talk about. So let's talk about the Christmas movie, which I was not a fan of until Rosanna, my wife, loved him. Just like December 1st to December 25th, she is locked and loaded inside in front of the TV watching these lifetime hallmark Christmas movies. Yeah. And so this year, I said, I'm going to do one for you, honey. I, you know, I want to be in one.

And I ended up doing two of them. So what happens in those movies? Because I'm fascinated by Snowbride. and, you know, I watch them too. They're on. They're always on in the background. And somebody gets a flat tire and they go to a house and then there's a wedding. Yeah.

Yeah. But this one, I think for Lifetime, I think they're promoting it as their first LGBTQ plus storyline. Oh. On Lifetime, which is very interesting. And two young women falling in love is, I mean, basically the same premise. It's Christmas, of course. Of course. Happens Christmas.

It's called. under a Christmas tree. And it's lovely. It's absolutely lovely. And the people were fantastic. And I can't wait to see it because I think I've done my best work. Your best one of ever? I think that must have been the role of a lifetime.

Yeah, because, you know, you get to a point where you read something, you go, I think I'm just going to play myself. It's like the way it's written as like this everyday guy, I'm going to bring Rico, 100% Rico all the time. And I got to do that. And they embraced the stupidity that I refer to myself as. And just the clown and just that guy that I get to wear my hat. And I got to be, I got to be silly and real. And just it was the most fun I've had working on any set on a long, long time. So which one of the women do you play?

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You owe me. You owe me. Put yourself in my place. I get the plate. I'm in a world where we can talk about a lovely, two beautiful women getting married under a Christmas tree, but we can't promote the program you're actually working on right now because it's what, too edgy? Is it just too edgy, right?

Right. No, because it's like a big secret this thing that I'm doing. I'm so lucky to be a part of it, too. Look, I'm glad you're part of it too. If you knew it's in my head, it's a shame no one will know about it. No one. Well, they'll know when it comes out or when it's ready to come out, have me back on and I'll talk all about it. But I can't right now, Mike. Come on, man. Okay. Come on. Don't do this to me. All right. All right. Don't, Mike. All right. So if you simply refuse to discuss your most recent project, then Journey with me back to the beginning because you were talking earlier about your perspective. I'm sorry, but I'm looking at Chuck and I'm looking at myself and now I'm looking at you. And the biggest

difference between you and the two of us is that you actually had standards for a long time. I imagine you still do. But Chuck and I spent a lot of years saying yes to whatever the offer was. We didn't care. I did more infomercials. I did all. awful shows. He's done some stuff he doesn't want to talk about. But I remember talking to you years ago about the projects you had passed on. Like if it didn't speak to you, if as an actor, it didn't resonate with you, you'd be like, ah, maybe not. Maybe not right now. Maybe something else. Um, and... That was later, though. Was it? When Chuck and I went to the academy together, the first job out of the academy was I reenacted the last days of John Belushi on a current affair.

I was like that. And they only got me from a certain angle because, you know, any other angle, I looked nothing like John Belushi. But they kept shooting me right from there and I could pull it off. And they paid me 200 bucks. Like a week's work. 200 bucks. I was living in a story at the time with like two other guys. We were sleeping on the floor.

It was like $200. It was just like, wow, I've made it. And so I didn't say no to most things until, I guess it was like right around just shoot me. I started to say no to things. But that's because I believed, oh, this is my life. This is never going to change. I'm just going to be a regular on a TV show for the rest of my life. You damn near work.

Well, you kind of were, dude. It was a good run. Hope and Gloria. Just shoot me. How many years on Hope and Gloria? Veronica Mars. Two seasons. That was...

Two seasons, Hope and Gloria. Seven seasons of Just Shoot Me. Okay, we're nine. Three seasons of Veronica Mars. We're up to 12. Did the movie and then the movie and then four seasons. Flashpoint was five seasons up in Canada. 17 consecutive years.

Go on. Yeah, recurring on person of interest. That was worth... That was a lot of fun. Person of interest was a lot of fun. But there was another series regular. I got to work with Tim Allen on Galaxy Crest. That felt like five years, just working with him.

Well, all right, this is worth a brief pause. He was on last week. We had a great chat. Yeah. Did you actually listen to that or did Chuck give you the cliff notes? I listened to the part where he didn't remember who I was. Funny stuff, man. Funny stuff.

But then again, I knew he did. I go, Chuck, he didn't remember who I was. He goes, I don't think so. We had to remind him about Mathis. Oh, yeah, yeah, Mathisar. It's like, if he would just stop talking for like five minutes, he might actually recognize me. But every time he sees me, he just goes off and he's ranting and raised me.

And then he walks off. And I never get to actually say, hi, Tim. I played with you. It's like, it doesn't ever happen. He's just like, keep him out. He talks and he's off. It's like Jay Leno. He's so excited to see me.

That's what I was thinking. Tim Allen was talking about how Jay Leno is in his garage. Oh, yeah, come out of me. And then he's gone. He does the same thing. Then he's gone. He does the same thing. Well, Tim actually said, I didn't know.

I wasn't quite sure what was happening during our conversation either until he just said parenthetically and offhandedly, which is how he says almost everything. He says, you know, if I'm not telling jokes, I don't feel like I'm doing my job. And he's one of those guys who keeps talking until he gets to a joke and then he tells the joke. And then he keeps talking some more so he can think of the next joke and tell that because that is his job. And that's what a stand-up would do, right? You just, dead air is the enemy. Well, it's funny because I know that and he knows that. So you get two guys together who know that dead air is the enemy

and you're not going to have any dead air at all. Mike, I listened to part of it. I didn't even know you were on that podcast. I know. All I heard was Tim. I go, is Mike leading this? I don't think he's there. I hear Chuck laughing, but a little bit.

But Mike doesn't exist. He's gone. He nodded off. No, Tim was great. And you know what I love the most stuff? He calls it a process. Oh, it's a process. I see.

This is my process, man. It's like, ah, you studied that. You've nurtured the process. You've discovered your process. In fairness, Alan Rickman referred to it as a process, and Tim latched on to that. And he stole it, and he latched on to it. Yeah, this is my process. I believe that.

That was my favorite part. I studied the text. And, you know, a nose is my process. I build a nose around my character, maybe a wig or a hair. But he just keeps talking until something actually sticks. That's funny. Anyway, I love you, Tim. I know you don't remember me, but I think of you fondly.

We had a great time on that film. He was a joy. He gave you or one of the Thurmeans credit for the, you know, for that thing. You know, who actually did that? It's been 20 years, right, Mike? It's been 20 years. And I just received this wonderful book, the inside story that talked about the making of it and the thermians and all the characters and behind the scenes and the special effects. And it's like, I always remember it.

it a certain way. And when I have breakfast with Dean Parasso, who directed it, he remembers it a certain way. And then reading these stories, I go, but I thought I came in with that in the audition, and then I'm reading things that it was based on the thunderbirds. And I go, I don't remember that part where it's based on the thunderbirds. I thought we discovered that in Thurmean school, because there are squids and they sort of walk like that. But, you know, this was, I thought we discovered this in Thurmean school, but I brought most of it into the audition. I don't remember how it happened, but... But your point is that everybody has a different version of what happened.

Everybody had a different version of how it happened. Which is like what this podcast is, why it's called the way I heard it. Because it's Mike's why. But for years, I'm going, yes, I invented the cadence and the walk, and I took all the credit. And then you really, no, I wasn't the only one in the room. Other people had participated. And Dean was there and Patrick Breen was part. of it, and we all sort of had Thurmean school. They were under the gun, but they actually had the time to work with us and rehearse it, and we had the first table read. It was clear that there were questions. Alan would ask questions because that was his process. And Dean would just say,

let's not open that can of worms. There were a lot of worms. There were a lot of cans that needed to be open. But they just said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But magic happened, man. I'm telling You know, when you have more fun making a film, and people actually, we were worried that we were having too much fun making that film. So you think you knew it when it was happening that you were onto something good or something big or maybe something else?

It was a superstition, right? When you're having more fun making something, chances are it's going to be a piece of shit. But we were worried that we're having too much fun, it's not going to translate. The fun we're having is not going to translate into the final product. But Dean made it so, man.

He really, really did. He cut it in a beautiful way, and he kept all the good stuff and cut the shit out. Has it ever gone the other way for you when you felt fairly certain that you were working on something that was hopelessly doomed? But then it came out and made you say, wow, I am proud of that now, in spite of the crucible that making it was. Yeah, I think everything I've done. It's like, wow, I'm never as bad as I think. think I am. Huh.

Look at that. I mean, there are moments you pick up. It's like, I couldn't watch Just Shoot Me for years because you were just too close to it. Yeah. Or a Flashpoint. And it's like, you remove yourself from it and you're looking at it objectively. And you go, wow, that was a really funny show. I get why people liked it.

Yeah. I was too close to it. It was too close to it. I'm watching Flashpoint reruns in Canada. They run that thing like every day. And I got to watch it after we had stopped filming. it for five or six years and was like, wow, I get it. I get it. It's good. I couldn't watch it. I can't watch anything. Isn't that funny? Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever turned on the TV or gone

online and seen yourself in a scene that you clearly did once upon a time, but have no recollection of doing? Has that ever happened to you? Wow. No. No, all right. What about an interview? Because I'm so in my friggin' head, Mike. I remember every little gig that I've ever done, except 1-800 missing. I don't want to see that episode. What about Agent Number 3, an albino alligator? Do you remember that one? Kevin Spacey had us waiting.

He had waited to do our coverage until like 5 o'clock in the morning. He had just kept us up all night thinking that that would somehow give us what we needed on camera. but the way he filmed it was in complete darkness. You couldn't even see her faces. I go, what's the point of keeping us up all night? You're not even lighting us. It's like, I don't even want to talk about albino alligator. That just pisses me off.

Too soon? Sorry. Yeah, that was 1995. It's way too soon. According to your filmography, that was 96, right after Money Train and right before the wrong guy where you played the creepy guy and the wrong guy. I don't know if you remember that. That's a greatest movie never seen.

No one's ever seen that film. But it got, I guess, a pirated version of it was sent out in the comics underworld. Like every comedian, every funny person in Hollywood ended up watching a bootleg copy of the wrong guy. And it became this, I don't know what's smaller than a cult film, but it's just like a secret cult film. And we just did a reunion with Dave Foley to raise a little. money, but surprisingly how many people, funny people in this industry still love that film and no one's ever seen it. It's one of the funniest film. You ever seen it? I haven't. I haven't seen it. I know, I know you haven't. It's not out there. It never got distributed or distributed. Distributed.

You know what? You are so Canadian. Distributed. It's because the film was fill of aluminum. It never got distributed, distributed. I never got it. We never got it. We never know. And it's still in some sort of legal sort of vortex that won't release it. It's a weirdest thing. I have a copy of it.

I would like to, you know what? Let's do that. Get it to Chuck, because next time I'm drawing a short straw and get the back bedroom, we'll sit down and watch the wrong guy. I got the comfy bed, though, Mike. He doesn't have, this bed doesn't, it's just a comfy bed. And we got art. We've got artwork.

Is that what that is? It's like, what is that? Five trees, none of which occur in nature in those particular hues. It's while we're talking about perspective. God, it's like you're sleeping in suicide forest. I mean, that is just a... No, no, no, no, no. Suicide forest was in Astoria.

Rico, tell them the story about what you guys did in Astoria Queens. Yeah. That's funny. Astoria, Astoria, Astoria, Istoria. So for no other reason, other than I guess it was boredom, me and my roommate had extra black paint that you covered the, you know, theaters. It's like a flat black paint. And we decided, yeah, we took some home and we painted our bedroom black, the ceiling, the walls. And we started with this mural wallpaper of the moonscape.

So we figured it would be cool if we slept on the moon. And so we plastered one wall with the moonscape and all three walls and the ceiling was in this flat, mat, black. Oh, my God. Why would you do? So going to bed felt like just sitting on a moon. Within a day, we couldn't get out of bed. We did everything, everything was a reflection of the, everything was black. We were depressed.

We couldn't crawl out of that bedroom fast enough. It was just, it was the most depressing. I never realized that. really has an effect on your mood. It was horrible. It's horrible. It's horrible. I don't know.

We were idiots. We were in a theater. We love the theater. Anything can happen in a black box. Your imagination comes to life. It's a black box. It's neutral. It's like you can be anything you want to be in a black room.

As long as you're dead or killing someone. You're in a black box. Chuck, I don't want to drag anybody's name into this, but you had a girl. friend once upon a time, lovely woman. And anyway, is that talking about black boxes? Well, you'll remember, Rico. Because if you didn't see this, you will have heard about it. But Chuck came home one night and his entire kitchen was painted red.

Red. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Chuck didn't like that at all. No, I was playing hockey. We were playing hockey, Rico, when that happened. And I came back. And I thought she'd asked me a dozen times.

It's like, I think the kitchen would be good red. I'm like, no. She's like, I think the kid would be good red. No, no. I come back from hockey. What do you think? I'm like, what do I think? What do you think I think?

I told you this like 30 times. But what did the color red do to you? Did it like elicit some sexual response? Red fire or something? I did throw a cup into the sink once and it broke. Wow, that's firing. So, yeah, all that pent up rage came flying out. I just want to say about the black box because you were so proud of it when you did it.

I remember going over there and you were like, take a look at this man look what we did and you went and you were like look at it I walked in and immediately felt like I wanted to cry and I thought really I mean I guess this is cool but it seems odd you know and then a couple days later you were just you were like sad sack dragging your knuckles

like it's true I'm the same guy who shaved my head the first time to do a play at the academy it was like I felt like Kurtz and Apocalypse now just like Are you truly bald now? I was the shit that I would do. I am truly bald now, yeah. I mean, like if you're male pattern baldness, right?

Chuck, show Mike, that picture of you and me back in circa 1984, 85. Look at here. Wow. So you guys had just graduated from the American Academy. Yep. Yep. Yep. A lot of hair there.

Chuck, you must have weighed, Jesus, you must have weighed 145 pounds. Well, that's just. It's a weird picture. Look, that is very 21 Jump Street right there. That was popular at the time. See, that's Kyle on the end and that's Scott. You know, the three of us painted that room black and we had a great time doing it. You know, we sat in it for like maybe eight months.

We couldn't connect the dots. We couldn't realize why we were so miserable. You couldn't do anything. It's like you might as well slip into an altered states tank and have a party. floating insanely. So finally, Kyle moves out, and it was just me and Scott, and I decided to paint it a light baby blue. It took me 12 coats to get the black out of it.

But it was like it was a revelation to wake up to a baby blue room. It was just like, oh, my God, life is good again. How is it that color? Color has such an effect on one psyche. Well, okay, I'll go there. Like, I've always wondered, how can you discuss blue or green or red with someone who is blind? If you're born blind, you know, we think about the way color impacts us. Even when you're color blind, you see many, many, many shades of gray.

There's still a ton of distinction. But to be an optimistic blind person who, for all intents and purposes, has lived in the black box you just described from the jump. Wow. Right? So if that's all you know, I suppose it's not as depressing as all of a sudden finding yourself with no color. No, I'm assuming that other senses become heightened, you know, sound becomes beautiful. Touch becomes immediate.

You know, we underestimate all these things. I mean, I'm sure we gravitate toward one of our senses, but to be in touch with other senses, I mean, you're going to cry again, aren't you? Well, you have to develop that. Don't cry. Don't cry. There's no crying on the way I heard it. We just don't do it.

But it does make me want to ask you like an actory question, if you don't mind, before we circle back to auditions, which is kind of the whole point I want to get to. But what is the sense that you rely on? Because you, unlike me, you do have a process. I spend a lot of time in front of the camera, but I don't do much because I'm always, only ever playing me. But what are the senses that matter most when you're doing something like, oh, like that role in stigmata when you played the priest? The Italian priest.

Yeah. Yeah. Is there a process or is this just a stupid question? Well, it depends on how much time you have. There's a shorthand that you apply making TV show when you get hired two days before you go to camera. it's different than having a month and a half to work on a film script or six weeks to work in a play to rehearse a theater or even just shoot me was wonderful because we had the process was we rehearse it for five days and then we perform it so it has time to sink in from your brain to your heart to your gut and that's what's so wonderful about doing a play it has time to drop in to your ball And by the end, you're just, you're in it.

There's no separation between you and what's going on on stage. But too many times on TV, it never gets out of your head. So you really have to just live in the visuals of it and have fun with the visuals of it. But for me, when we talked about what makes me really want to do something is if it does make me weep, if I do fall in love with it, if there's something good about it. And Sigmaata specifically was I got to be the priest that my parents always want to. wanted me to be. You know what I mean? I got to be an Italian. Father Dario was an Italian priest, and my parents were living in Italy, and they got in the car, and they hadn't been to a movie theater in 50 years, but they got in the car and they went to see Stigmata and their local

theater in Italy. And it was dubbed and they heard me speak in Italian. It was completely dubbed in Italian. And I got to give them what they wanted on a cosmic level. I became the priest they wanted me to be. So I tapped into that. Yeah. And, certainly my love for the priesthood at that time as a kid. I was a good Catholic boy. That's why painting my room black was so exciting to me because I got to piss on all of that. Just like, I'm going to paint it black. I was a good fucking kid being a priest. And I knew my Bible and I knew what, you know, God meant to me. And there was a part of me that did want to be a priest. And I get to live it. That's the ultimate gift of any actor. We get to time travel, man.

We get to become and live in these alternate realities and just it's like time travel. Well, that's for sure. But to do that and at the same time be able to check the box that you just described, which is pleasing your parents, right? That's something that I think all decent humans aspire to do in some way, shape, or form. But many of them, what did they think when the little boy who knew his catechisms and knew his Bible, and they wanted to be a priest decided to become an actor instead who lived in a black box. What was your relationship with your folks like at that point?

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we'll take a drink and go. That's a hard one to answer, Mike, because Because I feel now that they're gone, I'm having a whole new perspective of what my relationship was with them and why I do what I do and why I went into doing what I – I'm more confused now about my relationship with my parents than I ever was. It's actually – I don't even know how to answer that and try to make it funny. But boy, I hate that question, Mike. Well, look, you're sitting there in front of – I hate you for asking it.

I hate you too, buddy. It's like, why are we going there? Why do we have to bring my parents? Because there's a bed behind you and above the bed. And we haven't seen you cry yet. Trees that don't occur in nature. Oh, God. Well, you know what, then?

I retract the question. Let me ask it this way because there's a theme in your life that is obvious to me. You got an older brother who's a cop. Yeah. At least it was, right? Like 30 years. You're tired. So what did he think when you did Flashpoint?

Fack you, Mike. We got him. You got him, Mike. I know I could. I knew I could. I did that show for my brother. No. I didn't know that, Rico.

I swear, I didn't know that. I had him read it, and he loved it. And it gave me, brought me back to Toronto where he was a police officer for 30 years. And anybody who knows the show, Greg Parker has his police number on his appellets. And it's 213, and that was my brother's police number. So everything I did on that show is an homage to not only the police force that I grew up with and admired through my brother. I'll never forget when I was a young kid. He's 11 years older than I am.

And he became a police officer when he was 21 years old, and he came home in that uniform. And it was a proudest day of my life to see him representing something so noble. At that time, it was noble. There wasn't any confusion about what a police force did back then. And this show was very much like that because we talked about, you know, that show, to me, had an integrity that represented police officers as emotionally intelligent. And talk first, shoot. That show really had consequences. When we actually shot somebody, there were consequences.

And I thought that's what that show was. And that show helped me understand PTSD on a different level. It introduced me to the charity that I worked with. And it all stemmed from wanting to be proud of my brother and say, I want to bring this back. And it did. I swear, dude, I'm not trying to put you on the couch. But earlier, when I was joking about standards, I wasn't really joking.

There are a lot of reasons to do or not do what we do. and to look at something purely through the lens of, well, does it speak to me, does it make me weep? Do I love it artistically and so forth? But the thing to me that has always made you so interesting as an actor and just as a homo sapien is that you do things for other reasons too. And so much of your career, it seems, is, you know, it's been informed by your family and by your friends. And I think it's a really smart way to approach your work. whether you're doing it consciously or not.

I love that story about Flashpoint. And I wonder, playing a cop today must be super interesting. I got a buddy called Tim Cotton, who was on the podcast a couple of weeks ago. He's a cop up in Bangor, Maine. And we talked about this a lot. He's been on the job 33 years. Gosh, I guess even more than your brother was. But for the fans, what kind of reaction does Flashpoint have up in Canada with fans of police

in general and fans of the show specifically. I think, well, Canadians primarily love it because it, you know, we never hid Toronto as the backdrop where it took place. We had little Canadian flags on our appellates and it was very much Toronto as in the story. It wasn't doubling for or making believe that it was New York or Chicago. It was Toronto. And how we did paint police officers with integrity and love. for what they do and the need to communicate and really reach out to people and understand

emotionally disturbed people that we still have trouble understanding. But who was it? A friend of mine who is now a writer in Hollywood was a New York City police officer. He loved the show because to him, all police shows were science fiction. There isn't a police show except maybe Barney Miller that he referred to as a real show that encapsulated what it was like to be a police officer. But he kept flashpoint on a very specific shelf because it was the closest thing at the time that really talked about the emotional strain that happens on the job, the emotional effects

of being in that position. And nobody wants to talk about that. Very few police officers want to talk about it. They don't want to deal with the fact that they're looking at something that is unnatural over the course of 33 years and how that affects them emotionally, how it affects their children, how it affects their family. I produced this and narrated this documentary called The Other Side of the Hero that we spoke to firefighters and police officers and really, really just talk about what the job, the toll of that job on any of them has. Now, you can muscle through it and think

that there's nothing wrong, but it does. It affects all of them. And when we start, as a society start vilifying them for what they do, how they've been trained to do when they do it, and still criticize them for doing what they've been trained to do, that weighs on them too. And so that was the effect of real first responders on that show. And it wasn't just police officers. It was firefighters, paramedics. They all would come up to me and say, thank you for at least trying to show that side of it, trying to show that we do care.

There are characters that do care. They're not cowboys. They really want to preserve something, and that's why we all went into it. What happens in the course of a career is individual, but they all go into it wanting to do good and to preserve something and to preserve peace and uphold law and order. And it's just like simple. You know, we're in the same business in very different ways, but what you just said is kind of the point. You took your time getting there, and I appreciate that. but having somebody thank you for a portrayal is not so different than having somebody thank you for paying attention.

And that's what I do. I try and pay attention to the first responders, to the sanitation workers, to the lumberjacks, the roughnecks, the rousedabouts. You do. I don't portray them, but I do pay attention. You portray them. And I don't know if there's some sort of hierarchy of appreciation. I know when a garbage man hops off the back of the truck walks over and hugs me, hugs me. That's got nothing to do with the contract.

That's got nothing to do with money. It's weird. And I'm used to it now. The first time somebody came up to me with tears in their eyes and thanked me for paying attention to their vocation, I got hooked on the business of nonfiction and. reality TV. You're sitting here with tears running down your round, bald head right now, I think, for the same reason. I mean, is there anything more gratifying than a stranger walking up with tears in their eyes and thanking you for doing something that they can see themselves

in a dignified way? Nothing. But I've always called you the patron saint of the working man. Like, you do beautiful work, man. Well, sometimes I get uncomfortable being in your very presence because you found something that is so bigger than you and bigger than all of us. It really does. It's like, you, every time a garbage man hugs you, my dad is hugging you. That's sweet. Because that's where I come from, right?

You are a hugger. It's true. You're a hugger and a weeper. It's true. I am a hugger and a weeper. But yeah, I mean, I've underestimated the power of what I do. I've underestimated it for many years because it was always about me when shows like Flashpoint, you know, because it is. It represents something real.

It's not science fiction. It's not a comedy. And then, yeah, entertain. Then it becomes about entertainment. But when you're representing real people and you're painting them in a light that honors them, then yeah, there's something beautiful about. And then I take what I do much more seriously. Well, then... Although entertainment is cool too.

Yeah, but the line is crooked, right? First and foremost, we must entertain. The minute we're boring or irrelevant, it doesn't matter what we're trying to do. That's when we lose them. But if we do something entertaining to get people to watch, let's just end at where we started it. Leave it to Beaver. An audition. A flashpoint, right, for Jerry Mathers, whether he knew it or not.

There he is in his car. He wants to go to a Cub Scout meeting his mom. mom slash agent has other ideas. And Way leads on to Way and this kid does the only thing he can do. Bob Mosher had seen over 5,000 kids. And this is the only one who walks in who has someplace more important to be. He gets the role as a result. And now a Canadian like you and a couple of guys like me and Chuck, we suddenly have this giant cultural reference point. We all know Jerry Mather. We all know Barbara Billingsley and Hugh Beaumont and Tony Dow and whoever the hell played Eddie Haskell, right? All of them live in our minds because somebody somewhere thought, okay, this sounds good, but I'd rather be at a PAC meeting.

That's the crap that makes me tear up when I just think about the incredible randomness of the universe and wrestle to decide, was that all inevitable? Or was that all, as you described it earlier, serendipitous, or something in between. I'll leave it to you to say something prescient to get us out of this. I don't know. I just remind myself that anything that happens beyond this moment hasn't happened yet. So maybe we're all involved in something. And this podcast is going to lead to something bigger. It's always going to expand.

It's always going to grow. Everything does. I mean, that's what the Cosmilus does, and we're a part of that. We're a part of it. And anything that happens from now on is just hasn't happened yet. And that still blows my mind. So when you talk about looking at it from the past, it's like, yeah, it makes perfect sense. It makes perfect sense that everything is just, everything is important.

Once it's happened, it's all important. It's all beautiful. And then to be aware of that and to be good humans and, put good stuff out there, the process is the same. Good things will come. It makes me sad that people undervalue how they think, how they feel, how they act. They undervalue it. They don't know how powerful they are. We don't understand collectively how powerful we are and how we can change things. And a simple show like that that gives me fond memories that makes me imagine what that was like in that moment. And somehow, after 50 years, reliving that moment,

and wanting to experience that moment. I don't know. That's all fucking beautiful, man. That's so beyond like the here and now. That's like... Put yourself for a second in the place of another Canadian, William Shatner, who yesterday came down from a ride on a rocket ship.

He's 90 years old. Tears are streaming down his face. As for probably one of the first times in his life, he struggles to find the words, struggles to find the words. He's standing there with Jeff Bezos, say what you will about the guy, but he put Captain Kirk in orbit. And so for an actor whose entire bona fides were cast in the portrayal of that one role, right? Plenty of stuff happened before that, but it didn't really matter until he did that. And all the stuff that happened next, right? It's all there.

lifetime of work, 90 years. And the man's reduced to tears because somebody actually put him up there into that black box, right? His black box. Space, the final frontier. Jesus, it just boggles the mind. He was so transformed. And do you remember what he said about how he felt? He said, I hope I never recovered. Yeah. Yeah. I hope I never recover. I thought that was beautiful. With tears going down, he was so moved by the moment. He's like, I hope I never recover from this feeling that I have right now.

Because it's the ultimate singularity. The most famous captain of space in the history of the medium is suddenly in space 50 years later. What that did to his brain, I can't even imagine what that. First of all, I can't imagine what that. First of all, I can't imagine what it feels like to be 90. Secondly, I can't imagine what it feels like to be as famous as William Shatner. And thirdly, to be shot through the troposphere on a rocket for Captain Kirk. I don't know, man, for an actor to experience something like that toward the end of his life, it's a hell of a coda.

I don't know, Mike. I don't think it's reserved to just an actor. You just reminded me of your story. Now, I'm bastardizing it, but there was a time where you skirted death when you were going to the theater and how you avoided a car accident or something. It was almost like you were alive. Suddenly you were alive. And the next couple of days, you were euphoric. But then inevitably, it would come back down.

He recovered. And you recovered from it. But your life since then probably has become that, a lot. liveness. You know what I mean? Because I think that's all we're all seeking. That's why I want to be an actor. That's why we're doing this. It's like somehow we want to feel that alive. It's sad that William Shatner hasn't felt that alive and he needed to go to space to feel that alive. That's great. You know what I mean? It's like, what are you waiting for, dude? What are you waiting for? Well, because his life is like there are other things. His life was so big on the planet.

it's so big you so but that's the beautiful part it got bigger it got bigger but he had to get something all those years ago he had to get out of his own black box rico how is this for a process but that's what dying is but that's what dying is you know what I mean it's like whoa it's like I mean literally there's no coming back but imagine that I've heard story feeling I mean I know people coming back and stuff and but that's the all the size that's yes you would experience something that was what alive is. And we're all trying to recreate that in some way, and some without hurting ourselves, without pushing ourselves into that black box. But we all want to feel that. He needed to go to space. I feel it. I'm sorry. And you know what you needed?

You needed a cop to come up and thank you for an honest portrayal. I needed a garbage man to hop off the back of his rig and give me a hug. Exactly. You didn't need to put yourself in a position where you almost died to feel alive. You found a different way. And so did you. You're doing it now. And it's, yeah, yes, of course. You painted your room black, dude. You painted your room black. And then to know, to know what that's like. And then you painted it blue. And then life got a little better. You're so right, man. Exactly. I hadn't thought of it that way, but what a true tragedy. Like if the only way you can have that feeling from which you hope you never recover, that mix of gratitude and wonder, if the only way you can get that is to go into space,

then, wow, William Shatner is damned lucky. He got it. For the rest of us, he got it, yeah. We'll just play the cards we get, and we'll find our happiness and our gratitude and far simpler things. Rico, you wise man, you landed the plane better than I could, and that's really my only job on this thing. No one saw that coming, Rico, honestly. No, I Believe me, I didn't see it coming either. I knew who I was talking to. Hey, if you want to... I had a little victory moment with Chuck yesterday.

You know what? Whenever I got a victory moment with Chuck, because he's the smartest guy I know. You got to get out there. And then there's Mike who's just like, I don't even know what that means. But I go, you know, adios. You know what adios means? He goes, ah, man.

He goes, with God. With God. Because I didn't know that. I go, woo! And I did a little victory dance that he didn't know something I knew. And he goes, can't you just take the W, buddy? Can't you just take the W? No, I need to dance too.

And I go, no, I need to dance. I need to dance. I need to dance my victory dance. I love you guys, man. If people want to get more wisdom from Rico Colentoni, you can follow him on Twitter at Rico Colentoni. That's R-I-C-O-C-L-A-N-T-O-N-I. If you want to follow him on the IG, it's at Enrico-N-R-N-R-N-R-E-R-E.

That's how you know it's really him. at Enrico Colantoni and Escobarillo. And if you want to sit down and have a drink with him, what you do is you go by Valley Village, somewhere off the back. He's in a back bedroom over in my mouth. What is happening? Look, it's a long street.

They're never going to find you, but I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Enrico help change more lives like San. No, that's not. I thought maybe I was getting emails already. There are a lot of things I... Just spam. Look, I'm going to make you cry one last time,

but from the heart. There are a lot of things I love. and admire about you, your life and your career. But mostly it's the fact that when you come back to town, a man with your resume could check right into the Chateau Marmont and live the Vita Loca. But nope, there you are in the same bed that I sleep in when I come crashing to Charlie's neighborhood.

There you are with all of your stories and all of your wisdom hunkered down like an animal in the back bedroom. I love that. And I hope you hunkered down there for many more years. underneath unnatural trees I've been in that bedroom I know what it's like to sleep

on that mattress like 40 pounds in dead skin I can hear myself crying weeping it's like what is that I'm lying on oh it's Rico's tears it's the tears of Colin

Tony you know what Mike you should come over anyway whether I'm here or not I mean the bed is big enough It's a big king-sized bed. It's really comfortable, too.

I'm sure it is. I'm sure it's great. So you're welcome. One more thing I want to mention is that you're on an upcoming episode of ghosts on CBS. That is one funny show. It's on Thursday nights at 9 o'clock. I think I'm in episode 11. But the guys who, it's based on a BBC show by the same title, same premise.

But these two writers that I'd worked with on Just Shoot Me invited me to come play one episode. Rose McGiver, who's an eye zombie. She's like, she is Elizabeth Montgomery. She's so cute and so funny and talented. But it's just, it's an old-fashioned comedy with jokes and characters and just, it doesn't want to be anything else except funny. And it doesn't remind us how to live our lives and comment on what the world is. It's just good old-fashioned comedy.

You're going to cry again, aren't? You're going to cry again. I really am because it was so much fun and so much love. associated with that show. But it's called Ghost? So Thursday nights at 9 o'clock on CBS, it's called Ghosts. I'll tell you what I love about that show. You can promote it.

Unlike why you're in town right now. It's got a title and everything. It's got a network. It's got a time. It's got a day. It's got actors you can talk about. It has a plot. It's a thing you're doing that people can watch.

Not the great mystery. Why can't we just say? What is it with the whole NDA thing? What is that really does that? Everything's precious nowadays. It's the same way with commercials, man. Everybody wants to sign an NDA before auditioning for a commercial. It's like, really?

Is it that? Yeah. You're reinventing the wheel that much. We have a whole new way to get people to want ice cream. And we think it's going to blow the doors off. So, shh. Yeah. It's IP, man.

It's IP. Got to protect my IP. Speaking of IP, I got it. Sometimes I get sides for shows for shows like Homeland. used to do this. They would just... I thought you were having a seizure right there. I thought he was stroking out myself.

No, I was trying to remember it. Wonderful show. But, you know, auditioning for that show is like, here's the paragraph that we want you to look at and sign this four-page NDA. It's like a paragraph of work for four pages of like non-disclosure. Yeah. It was like, okay. Did you work with Damien when you were on that?

No, I was never on it. Oh, you weren't on a homeland. You just auditioned. I just danced. I just danced for it. I was up for the lead. They have me on tape. What happened?

And what happened? I didn't get it. Oh, no. Well, how perfect that we end with an audition? One of the few that Rico didn't get. Perfect. From Jerry Mathers to Rico, Colin Tony. You never know where the flashpoint is.

All right. I got to go. Don't hang up. Chuck needs to upload this. What a tragedy to lose this conversation when you guys are literally 20 feet apart, right? We are? Chuck, are you here?

Yeah, I'm in the other room. I've been here the whole time. Oh, my God. I'm going to come in. Yeah, I'm here. Are you here? That's all the time. Yes.

Talk about perspective. Wow, look at that. Hi, everybody. Did we blow it for you, Mike? No, no, no, no. You blew the end. No, no, it's perfect. It's perfect.

All right, I'm going to go back. So much realism and verisimilitude. Thanks, everybody. for listening. So ends episode number of which one was this, Chuck, 222. 222. 222 with our dear friend Rico, Colin Tony. I'll never forget it. Another great show called Room 22. Sorry, Mike, I can't stop now. You got me going. Now I know what Tim Allen goes through. Eventually, eventually, I'm going to hit something. Eventually, even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while, Mike. I just keep going. You're going to hit something funny. Here we go. I know. Busted clocks, right,

twice a day. All right. Good night, everybody. See you all next week. Thanks. Adios. Or adios, which I believe. Adios. Go with God. Go with God. Go with God friends. And if you really are feeling God like, why not leave us a five-star review? Not us really. But really, leave Rico a five-star review. If you like this. We don't deserve it, but Rico does. Yes. Maybe you'd like to lead us in a parting prayer regarding the likelihood of getting a five-star review for the way I heard it. Five-star review. How many five-star reviews have you got? Six.

So far. Almost. No, we've got nearly 30,000, but I'm hoping this podcast pushes us over. Yeah. I hope so. I hope I can do it for you guys. So in the style of Father, was it Daria from Stigmata? Father Dario, yeah.

Father Dario, can you offer up a brief prayer for five-star reviews, or is that just simply beyond your standards? I'm just trying to find out where standards actually end, Chuck. You just found out. All right. Hey, look, you have to ask. Right. That's my job to ask.

I knew it had standards. This is the longest goodbye ever. I'm sorry. Honestly, this is really the most ragged goodbye. So, Chuck, what happens if you just hit stop record and we just get out that way? Where is that button? I suppose I'm good. I beg you.

I beg you. Hit it. Please do. Five stars over an apple. Please, if I had it, I would do it right now. Bye, Mike. Bye, bye. I love you, buddy.

I love you. I love you. I love you so Mike, Mike. You inspire me. Thank you. Every fucking time I hear your voice. Don't make it weird. Let's just say goodbye. When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters.

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