The Way I Heard It with Mike Rowe - 231: A Cornhole Christmas!

Episode Date: December 21, 2021

Mike's mom is back with another heartfelt, yet wildly inappropriate catch-up with her oldest son. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll dream of cornhole. Enjoy, and Merry Christmas.

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That's netsuite.com. NetSuite. Hey, guys, it's the way I heard it. Episode number 231. This one's called A Cornhole Christmas. A Cornhole Christmas. We've had some great guests on the podcast this year, and I have read some really wonderful reviews,

but no guest has generated more feedback and more five-star reviews than Peggy Row. From the day she delivered me nearly six decades ago onto this earth, my mom has continued to deliver in every way imaginable. And today is no exception, from an unexpected rumination on children's poetry, to the mysteries of blurred, vomit, and pixelated penises, and the naughtier parts of the Old Testament.

We cover a lot of ground, including some tips on shooting pool and sending chickens through the years. U.S. mail, along with the usual slings and arrows of outrageous technology. Here, then, without any further ado, is an unfiltered and sometimes inappropriate catch-up with America's grandmother, my mom, Peggy Row. There's really nothing else to say except to sit back, relax, and just let the art wash over you. And if you're wondering what to give your pals here the way I heard it for Christmas, well, we don't need a thing beyond your continued support of this, our modest

endeavor, although a five-star review and a few kind words about my mom would be much obliged. Anyway, here's Mom with episode number 231. It's a cornhole Christmas. Father, how are you? I'm good. I got sidetracked. I just got back. Dad taught me into shooting a couple of games of pool. Oh, how'd that go? Did he take you for a couple dollars? Are there stakes involved anymore? You know what? It gets personal enough even without States. Yesterday, pool is such a funny game. Yesterday I was terrible. Today I was unbeatable. It really is amazing. You're both terrible pool players by any measure, but the first time, Chuck, that I went over there to visit them in their new facility, they took me down to the pool hall.

And my mother, with her incredibly arthritic pals, I broke, right? Right. She sank eight balls in a row. She hit every low ball in. Really? Seven. It was unbelievable. Like when you see her approach the table, they're like, she's not even going to hit the cue ball. There's no way holding it like that. Like she's stabbing at it, like she's holding a spear. Not that bad. Mom, you have no technique at all. But, well, I was really good. I just kept going in. I know. Yesterday, I can't tell you how bad I was. I,

chase those balls around that table forever. Today, in the first game, I didn't have more than 10 shots and I won. And the second game, I won. And then I had to leave. But you never know. It's a game of so many possibilities. You were about to say it's a game of luck. And that's not true. It's a game of skill. But when you have two people that are equally unskilled playing against each other, then yeah, there's a certain amount of luck. I've seen Dad make some incredible shots too, and I've seen him miss the cue ball with the cue. You just don't know. Peggy, I got a suggestion for you. This happened to me a long time ago in Burbank. I was playing at a bar that had a pool table, and I was playing against this elderly gentleman, and I was wiping him up. I only

had one ball left playing eight ball, and all of his balls, all seven of them were on the table. but I missed the last shot. And he said, I'll bet you, you don't get another shot this game. And I said, really? And I looked and he was kind of snookered behind a ball. And I thought, I don't even see a clear shot how he could sink any of his balls. And so I said, well, what do you want to bet? He said, I'll bet you a drink.

I said, you're on. And he very casually hit the eight ball in, thereby losing the game. But I didn't get another shot because the game was over. I give this as a gift to you to try at the home. It'll only work once on everybody you put it on. I don't know if I'd have nerve to do that, but I'd probably miss the eight ball. I happily bought that guy the drink just for the lesson. That is a life lesson, actually.

Never mind, pool. That sort of head fake, that kind of reverse commute. That applies to everything. Mom, I don't know if I ever told you this, but Chuck and I, when I was living in L.A. Or at least visiting a lot more, we used to go to this place. We called it the trumpet palace.

Was it like North Hollywood billiards or something? North Hollywood billiards, yeah. It's now gone. And so you would have been so proud of me. This was a place filled with pool tables, obviously, and Corona and Corona Light. And they also had Dosecis. So three Mexican beers.

Medello, too. And Madelo, Negro Madelo, right. And it was filled mostly with Mexican laborers. and they would come in and they would shoot pool and they were really great. We'd like being there with them. But Chuck and I were, you know, two of these things are not like the others. We were strangers in a strange land. The jukebox was full of these like Mexican marching songs.

And so we'd go in there for two hours at a time, drink our beer, shoot our pool, and listen to trumpets and trombones. And it was just the craziest, funnest thing to do. I kind of missed the old trumpet palace. It was great. What you're forgetting is that the jukebox was very eclectic. It had all this Mexican music, but it also had stuff like Prince. And so we would always try to get into the jukebox and drop in, you know, a couple of dollars.

And we would play Prince really loud and a song that I don't know this, mom, but Prince had a big, big hit. And the title of the song, which is also the chorus, is you second. sexy motherfucker, right? And he really, I mean, it's a real jam. And so you've got to imagine Chuck and I are, we're shooting pool, we're making friends, we're drinking beer with all these Mexican laborers, and we've been listening to the trumpet music for hours on end.

And then all of a sudden Prince comes with a, you sexy motherfucker-sexy motherfucker-s, shaking that ass. Shaking that ass. It's a ridiculous song. And these guys, they drop their pool cues and look at us. Like, who in the hell let them in? Those were good times.

Anyway, mom, you're the guest. What do you want to talk about? Have we started? Oh, yeah. We're deep in it. Oh, and you can say that word? No, I mean, I argue that we should. Chuck says we shouldn't.

So what we do is Chuck bleeps it because he's in charge of this and I'm letting him make those kinds of decisions. It's kind of like, Do you remember that time on Dirty Jobs? I was on that shark research vessel and I threw up in the middle of a stand-up. Oh, and they blurred it out. Right.

It was one of the first times I really felt I was losing my mind with the network. I was so proud of the fact that I finished my stand-up. It was amazing. Granted, I vomited in the middle of it, but nobody had ever vomited on the Discovery Channel before. And they didn't know what to do. They went all the way to standards and practices. And they're like, we can't cut around it. And it's a pivotal standard.

up so we can't cut it out. So how do we handle this? So they pixelated my vomit, which just made it look worse. I remember, but everybody knew what it was. What else comes out of your mouth? With that force. Fair point. They did the same thing with all of the penises on all of the artificial insemination shows. It literally went to the top of the Standards and Practices Department, and they decided, okay, we're not going to pixelate the vulvas or the vaginas on any of the animals, but the penises are just too much. I remember that show, but they weren't human, so they should really have shown them. Everybody knows what a horse looks like.

Well, not everybody. I'll tell you, it's very, as you wrote somewhat famously in your book, it's a very humbling. experience for man. I just want to say this is a heck of a Christmas episode so far. I just want to say we're really knocking the holiday spirit out of the park. And I compared them to the mushrooms that sprout in the manure pile overnight in damp weather. How are you, Mom? I'm good.

I'm good, yeah. I've gotten my little Christmas cooking out of the way. I made some snack. Oh, they look nice. What are they? Well, I don't know what it's called, but it's a combination of crackers and nuts and seasoning, and you cook it and you eat it while you're watching television, and so I've made some of your friends. I think you mean while you're watching Dirty Jobs coming back on January 2nd Sunday at 8 p.m. Is that what you meant? That's what this is for, for Dirty Jules.

How many do you think will be left by January 2nd? Oh, well, I have quite a few containers for some friends who I know will give us stuff, so, you know, you've got to reciprocate. Is that what you do? Like, do you keep it in reserve and only hand it to people who give you something first? Yeah. If they don't hand me anything, they're not getting one of mine. You know, I'm not that mercenary. But I know that you don't hate the holiday. You love the holiday. You love family.

You love the music of the holiday. But it is true, I think, that you've grown to, well, look at the whole business of gift giving with something like contempt. Well, shopping for gifts, I find contemptible. I do not enjoy shopping. Don't expect anything at your door this week. Oh, I don't. Because... Well, then you won't be disappointed because...

I'm not a shopper. I'll write you a nice story. I'll write you a poem. Honestly, I can't imagine a better gift. Will it be the rhyming kind? Is that what you like? You know, I appreciate some rhyming in a poem. When there's no rhyming at all,

it just starts to feel like something anybody could do. I like the rhymes. I like the early stuff you did. I'm working on my third book now, and I'm just about finished. And it's the story. of my journey in writing from the first thing I wrote to the last thing. And early on, I did write a lot of poetry. When I was teaching third grade, I wrote poems to

introduce units, to introduce vocabulary. And it was just a perfect way to get the children's attention. And they loved it. They loved humorous poetry. right. And now you're working on poems about shooting pool and pixelated penises and vomit and whatnot. No, I'm not. You should. You know what? That's what I want for Christmas. Could you possibly find some verse to sum up the first five minutes of this podcast so far? I'm looking for one of my earlier poems that the children really loved. And I'll tell you what really turned me on to writing. They say that nothing succeeds like success. But I had written these poems for the kids.

And to introduce concepts, there's nothing better than a poem that gets their attention. And then you weave your way into the real meat of the teaching. We were doing a unit on animals. And this little thing is in my book. And so I wrote this poem, very simple. Turtles are pokey wherever they go. They carry their houses. That's why they're so slow.

When playing on grass or crossing the street, they're dragging their shelter on four tiny feet. And when they get tired, wherever they roam, they're lucky to have their own mobile home. If rain drops should fall when they've gone to, and it goes on like that. And so I had used this to introduce a unit on animals. What do you mean?

It goes on like that. Keep going. I want to see where the turtle goes. I want to see how you land the plane. When they've gone to town, they don't have to wonder if windows are down. When leaving for school or shopping at stores, they don't have to bother to lock their front doors. Some turtles are slow, but you would be too if you had to carry your whole house with you. And so I did lots of stories about different animals.

Well, what really got my attention was one afternoon, I went out onto the playground after lunch where the girls were playing jump rope. They had memorized my poems, and they were jumping rope to that rhythmic rhyme. And I just stood there. I was flabbergasted. I felt like such a celebrity. They were reciting my poems. I was famous. And so it really encouraged me to keep going.

And then I discovered that boys, you know, I didn't have children at this time. I was right out of college, that boys like somewhat disgusting poetry. They do. Yeah, they do. They like something that... Hang on a second there. You're rubbing the papers on the microphone. Don't put your disgusting poetry on the microphone.

Sorry. It's okay. Okay. I call this one. I can't help it. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, dear. Where has she gone? Oh, no. Do we lose her?

Yes. Oh, for the love of all that's holy. More technology. God, we lost her right where she was about to confess to farting. I wonder if it was an Internet thing or if, let me just call her real fast. Yeah, call her. Put her on speaker. Yeah. Keep the party going. You're pretty fuzzy on this one too.

Yeah. I can see you. Yeah, you're a little fuzzy. But again, that's just the connection that we're getting. Chuck? Yes, hi, Peggy. Are we disconnected? Well, you are.

We're still here, but you were like halfway through the poem, and we were laughing, and then all of a sudden you were gone. I think you need to log in again. Oh, no, that was such a pain. It says disconnect from. session. Should I say okay? Because it looks like I'm still connected. You want to make sure that is uploaded. You want to stay connected. Okay. So I don't want to disconnect. I don't want to hang up. I wonder what happened. Did you touch anything on the computer? I don't think so.

Okay. Well, it's a mystery. So just go click the link again. Oh, okay. Let's see where that is. you have to copy and then paste the link from the email it's already copied let me make sure I have this okay so paste it into an empty address bar on Chrome okay now I gotta go get Chrome you can put a man on the moon right I mean depending on who you ask

there's some people out there right now who are doubting that happened no I've got to go get Chrome again wait a minute We had all the time in the world, Mom. She can't hear you. Yeah, but the folks at home can. Is he making disparaging comments about the... Can you see you yet? No, we can't see you yet.

You've got to click join the studio. You've got to answer those questions again, sadly. I mean, everything should be defaulted because you're not using any unusual strange microphone or whatever. The only thing you need to click is I am not wearing headphones. Okay, now how do I get to that? Oh, here it is. I am not using headphones.

It's right there. Okay, and now I join studio. Yes, here you are. I don't know what I did. I don't think I did anything. It may not have been you. It could be the universe. It's really just our karma.

We're dealing with lots of... We've been beset, mom. Beset with adversity, challenges, obstacles, bedeviled with technology and to some extent our own willful incompetence. But yeah, typically every episode starts with Mike complaining about how long it's taken to get us to be able to start. And it's a fair complaint because sometimes it takes up to 40 minutes because we're just- Bitterly.

Just a couple of them. Bitter complaining. In fact, I was saying to Chuck, Mom, I'm trying to come up with a, you're good at this, speaking of poetry and acronyms and things. I need some sort of pronounceable maxim, some sort of thing that describes the, phenomenon whereby the more famous the guest, the more likely we are to have crappy audio. This really became obvious when Tim Allen came on, and the audio was so bad we didn't think we'd use it because he was on his computer at an airport, basically, in a flight path. And his microphone was no good and everything else. And then we get Jay Leno who comes on and, oh, boy, that's the worst.

So it's like the bigger the name, the more frustrated I get because the more disappointing the experience. Well, you can't be frustrated today at all because I'm not a big name. You're not. And yet you are, according to our own internal surveys, the most beloved guest on the podcast. I'm bringing on some of the biggest names in the world and people are still clamoring for more of you, more, more, more. Go on. You know you're full of it. I am full of it, but in this case, it happens to be the truth. I can back them up on that. Yeah, that's absolutely true. Yeah, people always say they love the podcast and they especially love it when you're on. So.

Well, isn't that nice to hear? I'll try not to disappoint. Good. I can think of anything clever to say. Well, you were right in the midst of something clever. Let's go back to your fart poem and take that from the top. From the top, yeah. I'll try not to make noise with the papers. You know, I'm kind of new at this. The paper noise is good. Just don't, you know, roll them up like you didn't bash the microphone on your computer. Oh, okay, so I shouldn't do that. I'll try not.

Yeah, people don't mind the sound of papers in the distance, but, you know, they're going to be annoyed with that crashing sound you make with them. Is it weird to love people but despise human resources? If so, well, color me weird. It's not to say I don't respect the millions of people who work in HR departments and companies all over the country. I do. It's just that I don't envy him. That's why MicroWorks doesn't have an HR department for better or worse. And it's also why I use ZipRecruiter whenever we need to expand. ZipRecruiter has proven themselves a million times over by helping countless employers get through the hiring process faster and more effectively than ever before. And now they have a new feature that instantly shows you the most interested, the most passionate, and the most qualified candidates first.

This is a huge time saver, hours and hours of save time. And it helps people like me find the people who can function in a non-traditional work environment like MicroWorks. In other words, ZipRecruiter works for me, and they'll probably work for you too. Post a job for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash row. watch what happens. Odds are you'll find a human resource that just happens to be a great fit for your company in 24 hours or less. ZipRecruiter.com slash row. ZipRecruiter.com slash row. The smartest way to hire. This poem was called I Can't Help It. And I wrote it specifically with the little boys in mind because they like disgusting things. And when did you write this in your life?

Oh, well, this was back in 1960, 61, before I had children. Before Chuck, yeah. I graduated from college, and I graduated mid-year, and so I went into a third grade class and began teaching. Their teacher had left on maternity leave. Interesting. So you wrote this before I was born. Before the dirty jobs guy was the dirty jobs guy. I guess somehow I knew about little boys and they're proposing.

Lay it on me from the top. This is called I Can't Help It. Control yourself. Don't be so rude, mom tells me all the time. Like passing gas or burping loud is some horrific crime. I yawned so loud in church one day, the preacher stopped his prayer. The noise I made next shook the pew and people fanned the air. I'm scared to take you out, Mom says. You bring the family's shame. But kids all like my body sounds. They bring me instant fame. Friends laugh at me when hiccups rage. In class, they turn and stare. Today I sneezed with so much force, it blew me off my chair. I'm quite the school celebrity. My sounds bring me attention. Right now I'm sitting quietly. There's no noise in detention. That's great. It is great. You know what? I can seriously see that by itself in a book. But what about an illustrated book?

Yeah. I have dozens of poems. I've got a whole, really, I do have a whole book of poetry. For elementary school children, actual teaching kind of poems. And then I do have a whole section of funny. Well, what are we doing? Why are you making yourself crazy trying to write a book on writing? I think it sounds great. I'll make sure we get it out there when you're done, but I think we should find an illustrator, Chuck. Yeah. Like stat.

Yeah. And bring that poem to life. I mean, there are so many talented artists out there. In fact, we should reach out to some of the people who have done the fan art for me. Have you seen this stuff, Mom? You've seen like Freddie? I have the picture of Freddie. Yeah, that's a good one.

Yeah. Yeah, I have seen some of the day. Here, look at this one. Hold on a minute. You remember this is an audio podcast, right? Yes, I'm just to remind him. Look at that. That's wonderful.

And Michael, I have three receptacle covers that someone made and sent to you, and they have pictures of you painted on them. When you saw it when I was visiting last time, Chuck, this is so weird. Mom, go get one. What's a receptacle cover? I don't understand. So you'll see in a second, but it basically, you just plug it in to a socket. It's like a piece of glass or plastic or something, and it has an image of me superimposed on it. So it's like a night light, right?

But the light is behind an image of me doing something. I mean, doing something. Okay. Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah. Receptical cover. I've never heard that term before, but yeah. Oh, you never heard of a receptacle?

No. Is that an outlet? Yeah. That's the same thing. A receptacle is an outlet. That's right. And I think an outlet is a socket. A socket. Well, this is an outlet that has a night light in it. Now, without the night light, you won't see the picture. Oh, you still can't see it. Shine the light on the front of it once, just for fun. Well, it's just... No, you can't see it. Too bad. can pick up one of my lamps here. What could possibly go wrong? Without destroying everything. Can you see? Oh, there it is. Just barely. Yeah. You had it. There it is. It's from six degrees, Chuck. I'm standing next to the tent. Oh, right. Out in the reenactment of...

Yes, I see it now. I see the flag. Yeah. It's a Civil War. No, it's really cool. I know that picture. I wish I knew who sent that. All right, Mom, put the lamp down. Honey, Jade knows. Jade knows. Let me show you the second one, which you can't see it all. Yeah, a little bit, yeah. That's the flag again as well.

Look at this, Mom. Somebody painted this with coffee grounds. Oh, my goodness. Right? The whole thing's done with coffee grounds. Isn't that cool? Anyway, I think our work is cut out for us. Let's find an illustration.

and let's start bringing some of these poems to life. Yeah. All right. Right after my third book comes out, because right, my head is in my third book. But anyway, the point was that I started my writing career, really, by writing poetry. And as my book progresses, I tell the story of how I gradually had some success. and my first big success was with Random House in a poetry contest. And I was one of the winners in a humorous poetry contest.

That was a big deal. But since then I haven't done too much with poetry. I think you should. I really do. Well, you see, a lot of people like the other kind of poetry with a lot of angst. in it. Who likes that? Well, it seems to be popular at workshops and conferences.

I mean, the poetry classes are filled with people who use terms like tremulous souls, you know, that kind of stuff. I know it's not particularly appealing to me, but some people do like it. Well, I mean, the entire canon of English poets starts with. Emily Dickinson and Sylvia Plath. Women could depress a hyena. I could not stop for death, so he kindly stopped for me. In our coach, we're just ourselves and immortality. Oh, but that's good.

I mean, that's beautiful. That is good. Yeah, I actually wrote that one a couple years back. No, that's Emily Dickinson. I taught you. I mean, who writes a poem called I could not stop for death, So he kindly stopped for me. Oh my gosh, that's just such a nice little analogy there.

Yeah, well, you should share it with your friends at the old folks home. I'm sure they'd dig it. No, we try to avoid that topic here at the home. I know. I was walking down the hall. Your brother was here one day with Scott Margie. It was on a Sunday afternoon and things are. And I said to Scott, Scott, the halls are empty.

Things are deadly quiet here on Sundays. He said, Mom, you shouldn't use that term in the home. Anyway, so I wrote a poem about a boy who eats a cherry bomb and takes off like a rocket cheese. I'm not quite Sylvia Platt. Well, do you have that one? I want to hear that, too. You never know what you're going to talk about when you get your mom on the line. But today we're checking all the boxes.

What's this poem called? This is called nutrition, and it was for a science unit that I wrote it. And the boys especially loved it, but so the girls. My neighbor Tom eats bugs and worms and bark from apple trees. You'd think he'd get a stomach ache or catch some bad disease. One day he chased a little frog that hopped into our yard. He caught it, stuffed it in his mouth, blink twice, and swallowed hard. My sister said she saw him eat a tiny, shiny rock.

One morning he took off his shoe and ate his smelly sock. Last summer on July 4th, he ate a cherry bomb, then took off like a rocket ship and now we can't find Tom. It's a little on the dark side. Yeah, but I'm telling you, they're great. They are great, and they would be great illustrated. Oh, man. And guess what?

Most of them are done, right? You've got dozens of them. Oh, I've got a book of them. I haven't written poetry in quite a while. All right. Well, let me get my hands on those old ones. Let's see if we can find an illustrator. And I'll go back to the publisher at Simon.

Well, Jonathan. Let's see what we can do. You know what, Mike? I already mentioned it to Jonathan, and he said, well, I've never really done a children's book of poetry. And it kind of died there. You know how you had a calendar one year? Mm-hmm.

And you had multiple artists contributing to those 12 months. So there could be multiple artists contributing to this. And one could be my cousin, Nancy. She is so good. She is so good. Nancy, for those of you who don't know what we're talking about, really kind of took the world by storm a couple years ago with a painting of my cock.

Oh, geez. You remember this one, Mom? Oh, yeah. Who's going to forget that? She entered a portrait of a chicken into a portrait contest. Remember? It was at the state. fair. Yeah. In fact, you've got it hanging on your wall upstairs. It is upstairs. Yeah. It used to be

down here. She called it chairman of the board. That's right. Once it became my property, it became my cock. Because it's a rooster, not a chicken, right? There's a different. That's right. Yeah. Well, technically, it's a cock roll. I think that's what you call a male chicken, a cock roll. Well, I mean, Nancy's famous for saying that she immortalized your clock. And now you're famous for saying it. Feel free to cut that from our Christmas. That's going into the promo for the Christmas episode. No doubt about it.

Pretty sure we're cutting that in the open. Oh, what's under your tree? I want Mike Rose cock. Well, let's talk to his mother and see if it's available. That just snaps my neck. But it's true, Chuck. She's right, as always. It's baby chickens, I think, were baby fowl that are male are cockerels, I think.

And the females are pullets, right? Pullets and cockerels. And I don't know if I ever told you this mom, but one of the first dirty jobs we did, by the way, coming back this season, January 2nd, Sunday at 8 p.m. Chicken sexing? No, before chick-saxing. That was a biggie. But we went to a place called Murray McMurray. Oh, you know what? It was chick's sexing. It was part of the same episode, I guess. Gosh, I can't remember. I just remember the scene. Of course, it was chick sexing. Separating the cockerels from the pullets, determining the boys from the girls, right? Squeezing the poo out of their little tiny bottoms and then looking for a tiny dot inside their hiny holes. Right? And if you find the dot, it's a boy. If you don't, it's a girl. And so you separate them, right? Because Chuck, it's true. When you ship,

a baby chicken through the mail, which many, many people do. Millions of baby chickens are shipped. UPS. It's made possible because of the white part of the yolk or the white part of the egg, which is called the albumin. That's where all the stuff is that allows these things to live for a while without eating. And so they're shipped through the mail.

So you ship the hens, the girls, the pullets, all go through the mail. We didn't cut this into the show because it was so terrible. but the cockerels, the boys, those were all thrown into a meat grinder at the end of the day, every day, tens of thousands of them and turned into fertilizer because there of no use. You only need one or two cockles for every dozen or so pullets. Aren't you? Merry Christmas, everybody. And peace on her. When your cousin, Stephen, who is sitting, who is sitting,

six years older than you. When he was two or three, I bought him six baby chicks for Easter one year. I went to the food store where I got the horse feed. And he loved them. And they grew and they grew. Well, guess what? Five of them were roosters. And there was only one hen.

So my uncle Charles took the roosters back home to Virginia with him. and I think you can guess their fate. Everybody down there loves fried chicken. Of course. And the hen I kept, and she lived in the stable with the horses, and she loved them. She would sleep on one of the horses' backs at night. Shaker would lie down, she'd get up on his withers,

and then she'd lay her eggs in the corner of the stall. Anyway, that's another story. It's a pretty good story, though, for a kid who's accustomed to seeing a chicken lay eggs to see that chicken sitting on top of a horse who's sleeping, he might conclude, that's the biggest, weirdest-looking egg I've ever seen that chicken lay. There's your next poem. Stephen was too bright for that. All right.

Well, I don't know if any of this was what you wanted to discuss, but I think we've made a huge strides forward. If everything comes together as planned, we're going to get a book of your poetry out there sometime next year, hopefully with illustrations in it. Was that what you wanted to do? dig into or did you have some other agenda? No, I had no idea we were going to do that. I just happened to have my first chapter, the editor made her little marks and gave it back to me. I just happened to

have it here that I could read it to you. No, I was going to talk about your father going out for a walk. He's out walking right now. I left him at the pool table. An expert came in after I told him I had to leave because I had to meet you guys. And an expert came in and he was giving us some pointers. I said, I have to leave. So I left Dad with him and he was going to show Dad some more pointers. So we'll see.

And then Dad was going to go out for a walk. Well, when he came home yesterday or the day before, he always has some adventure when he's out there. So he had called me while he was out there and he said, look up in the air. There's a

helicopter and it's going around and around. circling me going around around over my head. Well, a minute later, a police car came up to dad, asking who he was. And so dad told him, he said, well, we've had a silver alert, and you look a lot like the man who's missing. So dad, I guess he must have shown him his little name tag. So when he got home, he had to tell me that story. Well, that's a good story. I wonder how many people have just heard silver alert for the first time. That's a thing. Yeah. They put that out. You know, like if a child is missing, been kidnapped or whatever, or if a senior is missing, they call it a silver alert because it's just like an amber alert only for elderly people. I've seen it on the highways and stuff

here in Los Angeles. Yes, they put signs up. So they were very quick in responding to this missing man. So we stopped into the fitness center yesterday and the lady in charge, Julie, said that she had heard the story and she wanted us to know that Mr. I won't say his name was found out on the highway, not on the highway, but on the sidewalk. He was standing up walking. She was late for that alert. With a bunch of ground up roosters. Yeah. I said. Lean up in a slow lane. She said out on the highway, and then she said he was walking along the highway on the sidewalk.

When you started that story, it's comforting to know. It sounded like he was paranoid like Ray Leota and Goodfellas. You know that scene with a helicopter circling him? She doesn't know that scene, Chuck. We'll edit that part out. Never mind. What were you going to say? That knows what I was going to say.

I think I was going to say it's comforting to know that they'll scramble a helicopter. Right? Right? That all happened pretty quick. Very quickly. I don't know how long he'd been missing, but he was apparently dressed just like Dad. Well, at least he was dressed. Yeah, exactly. He was dressed. But I know one thing I wanted to talk about, your Christmas song. People here have had such fun with it. Dad played it for the guys at shuffleboard the other night, and they all knew all about it. We played it for the guys in the pool hall. We meet the same people.

every now and then in the pool hall. And they're all fans of yours, of course. And they told me, they said, did you know that your son has a song for Christmas? And it's really good. I whipped out my phone and I said, oh, this song? They said, yeah, that song. So it's been played in the pool hall. It's been played at the shuffleboard area. And it's been played at Bible study. I played it at Bible study last week. Because the theme, was, oh, we were doing songs, songs and music. Actually, we were doing Song of Solomon. Have you ever read this? Song of Solomon gets pretty racy. It does. My gosh, if you think the Bible is boring, read the song of Solomon. I'm telling you, it's right up there. Well, it keeps our attention.

I have it on pretty good authority. I can't prove it. but I think Prince was inspired to write sexy, you know. Don't say that again. I'm just saying, I can't be sure. No, the Song of Solomon, you're right. It is PG-13, maybe even R-rated stuff there. Yeah, I mean, it's good. Well, like I say, it holds our attention and not all scripture does.

But this is interesting. So am I to understand that? Your Bible study class was focused on the song of Solomon when you played, Santa's got a dirty job. Well, I'll tell you how it went down. When we first met, before the opening prayer, I played your song because I thought it might not be in keeping with, well, let's call it a prelude. It might not be in keeping with the, you know, the flavor. of the season of Bible study. Yeah.

God, I just love the fact that that song is setting the tone for a conversation in Bible study with my mom and her friends. It is getting weird, you know, on Spotify right now and the other streaming platforms, people have taken the song and re-recorded it without any vocals. In other words, they're putting like a karaoke track out there. And I didn't know this. And I was at a Christmas party the other night, and somebody put it on.

And the next thing you know, I'm up there, there was a band, and they had a microphone. I'm singing the song at a Christmas party, and it's playing. It occurred to me. I'm like, wait a minute, anybody could do that. Anybody can go to Spotify. Like, you guys could have a karaoke sing-along, as Santa's got a dirty job there at the home. Chuck, you could do it today or tomorrow at Microworks. You know, Laura can sing.

You guys should post a version of it. It'd be fun. Okay. We're going to do it. Okay. My guest today, Tom, Olbenice is an American giant, and I'll tell you why. Tom understands on a fundamental level that the business of mining is a non-negotiable prerequisite of our civilization and our economic independence, just like the business of making things. American Giant knows this, which is why they committed themselves 16 years ago to make all their excellent clothing right here in this country. It wasn't easy, but they did it.

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Get 20% off your order at American dash giant.com slash Mike. American Giant American Made. American Giant American Made. I'm feeling really proactive, man. I'm committing my mother to an illustrated book of poetry. I'm committing you to do a version of Santa's Got a Dirty Job for Microworks. I'm making sense. stuff happened today, Mom? Well, I would play it at choir rehearsal, except that our music director isn't really into that kind of music. He likes traditional classical church music, sacred music, Bach and Beethoven and Rachman and Alton. Well, then, please tell him if he's feeling creative, I'm happy to sign the rights over if he wants to take the song, Santa's got a dirty job, and

repurpose it for a church arrangement, maybe do a vocal arrangement of it, maybe just make it a little more. Like Jesus had a dirty job? No, you can't change. Well, okay. Yeah, Jesus had a dirty job. Absolutely. He really did. Okay. Well, don't hold your breath on. church music directors are not known for their sense of humor. No, they're not, but something ought to be done. Where would we be without the silliness of the poems you just read and the tabooness of the PG-13 fart nonsense? And think about dirty jobs.

Remember the scene in dirty jobs where we were in the... Chuck, you were up there when we shot this. Yeah, in Washington. Was it Winachi or... It was Winachi. It was a big... hydroelectric dam and I jammed myself into another impossibly small place with Doug Glover and Dave Barski and Troy Papp. We were all down there with these two giant guys trying to get the

nut off a bolt and it just was not going well and nobody could move and it was cramped and cold and we were lying in mud and water and we down there for about 40 minutes in real time filming the whole thing and right in the midst of it I think it was Doug who just farted you know it was a quiet moment and it was loud and it just froze everybody and then we just started laughing and we never really recovered and then everybody started farting and it was so stupid it was right up there with the pixelated vomit you couldn't cut around it so that made it into the show I don't remember it was great it's a really fun clip you can probably find it yeah but the moral of the story is people throw up people fart the misadventures in animal husbandry

are the very artificial insemination. I don't think we'd have Thanksgiving or Christmas without it anymore. 90% of the turkeys and the Christmas hams that you get are the product of artificial insemination. So if you can't laugh about it and joke about it and write the occasional poem about it, well, then where's the fun in that? Yeah.

Anyway, I'll be looking forward to your rendition of Jesus Christ had a dirty job. Thank you. Oh, well. I'm kind of busy, Mike. Maybe. Maybe another time. You get away with so much stuff.

You know, Chuck, when Mike was young, he was a practical joker. I'm sure that surprises you, doesn't? Tremendously. I can think of like 30 offhand times where he's gotten me. One night at the dinner table, he said to me, and he was sitting beside me. And he said, you know, my eyes been feeling funny today. feels like a lot of pressure Do you know where I'm going with this night?

Yes, I'm one of my favorite, I know this, yeah. And it feels like a lot of pressure and all of a sudden you leaned over your plate. You hadn't started eating yet. And all of this white fluid started pouring out of your eye. And I'm like having a nervous breakdown.

Well, you had one of those little creamer cups and you had broken the seal. Did you teach him that, Chuck? Shame on you. No, I did not teach him that. Actually, I don't know where that came from, but we used to do that in every restaurant we were at. It probably was Fred King who taught us that.

And the other one was cracking your neck, taking the empty one and just moving your head and it would just... You take an empty water bottle, you know, the crinkling sound it makes, and you just either have it hold it in your left hand, keep it under your chair, keep it out of sight, or put it under your foot. Yeah. And when you twist your neck, you go ahead and step on it.

And it really, I mean, if you time it right, It looks like you're going to unscrew your head from your body. I'm glad you didn't do that one. It's a great gag. The half and half gag, I did at the double T diner one day, where you and dad still go. I stretched this thing out for like 15 minutes with the waitress. Well, the waitress was part of it, but I think Liz Boyer was there, Chuck, sitting across from us. This is a long time ago.

And I just started with scratching my eye, itching my eye, asking people if it looked red, People get real close to say, you know what, it does look a little red. I said, I feel like there's something literally in there crawling around. It's making me crazy. And people would get in, I'd pull my lid up and they'd super close inspect it. I'm like, I don't know what it is. And about halfway through breakfast, which we were having at 2.30 in the morning, the waitress came over with more coffee, and I said, look, I can't stand it anymore.

And I lifted up my hand, and that's when I palmed the creamer. And you just get it there at the right angle. So all you have to do is make a fist. And I pushed into my thumb with my eye as I made a fist. And that thick, a thick tendril of cream shot out from my hand onto my pancakes. And that waitress screamed and backed up and nearly fell over. Oh, what an idiot. But look, it's funny.

It's just such a funny little gag. And then you came home one day from a fair or something. place and you gave me a present. It was a mug, probably for Christmas. And do you remember what was on that mug? I do. It was, I think the mug was shaped like a breast. No, oh no. This was a regular mug. No, because I definitely gave you a mug shaped like a breast with a nipple on it. Oh yeah, well, I didn't keep that long at all. But this had your picture on it. And you said, I know you'd like to have a picture of me on a mug mom, so here it is. And it's a picture of you.

And you've got noodles sticking out of your nostrils. You've got these big noodles hanging out. Noodles? I don't think I'd cut that long either. No, it looked like I had sneezed in the midst of a horrible cold and not bothered to clean anything off my lip. So, yeah, Mom wanted a picture for Christmas, and she got one. Yes. Unforgettable Christmas gift.

What's your earliest memory of Christmas, Peggy? Well, have you read my first book? Better say yes. Yes. What was my first memory of Christmas, Chuck? I don't remember. No, you don't. You know, there's so many who can tell what the first one is,

but certainly early on remembering my mother who was always in charge and always the organizer and the controller. and telling us we could help decorate the Christmas tree, but we can only put on one icicle at a time, and we had to lay it just sew over the branches. And that was a lot of icicles, and I would complain, well, why can't we just throw them on? She was like the icicle Nazi.

Can I say Nazi? You can say Nazi, yeah. I mean, given everything else we've said, yeah, I think Nazi's fine. Yeah, and the gifts, I mean, the things that my dad did with the Christmas garden, operating the trains and making them go real fast so they'd fall off the track. Yeah, a lot of memories. My mother's sugar cookies, Christmas Eve at church. How about you, Mike?

What was your earliest memory of Christmas? Well, it's not the earliest, but I think my favorite, there was a time there when we would go up to Nelson's and get the Christmas tree. And then there were times when sometimes you go back in our woods and get a Christmas tree. I don't know how old I was, but I remember going back there with Dad and we cut down a tree. I don't know what we were thinking or in terms of measurements or anything, but this tree, probably an eight-foot ceiling in our living room. And this tree must have been 10, 12 feet tall. And Dad didn't want to cut it.

It was this giant thing. We jammed it into the corner. It wasn't even cylindrical, really. It didn't even have the basic pyramid shape. It was just this sprawling thing with random branches everywhere. And the top was bent down, like it crashed into the ceiling. And then it hung. It hung down.

It just was the most jacked up top there. Well, we had to hang her from it, you know. You couldn't place her on it. Peggy, is this story true? Do you remember this? Well, let's just say that's the way he. and he remembers it. My memories are a little bit different,

but I do remember that year we trudged back in the woods and got this Christmas tree that was so inappropriate for the space that we had. But it was great. We decorated it. I was very young. We used to decorate those trees the way that mom wanted to decorate it when she was a kid.

So we would take handfuls of icicles and just throw them. I mean, it was. great. It was hideous, but it was ours. And it really, your mom would come over and look at that and just shake her head. I know. Horrifying for her. But speaking of Carl and Thelma Noble, your beloved parents, how are you feeling about the fact that their name is now on a very successful or potentially very successful bottle of Tennessee whiskey, the proceeds of which benefit the MicroWorks Foundation? My father had a good sense of humor. I think he would see some humor in that. The fact that when I was growing up, alcohol was not allowed in our house, you know. There was no language, no swearing, no, my mother was very particular about that.

And always setting a good example for the daughters, there was no alcohol until. Until there was. until we moved to the farm. And when I became a teenager in high school, then that was a different story. And that's when really I should not have been exposed to alcohol. Right. They waited until their teenage daughter was in high school

before they let booze in the house. But my dad probably appreciated a drink from time to time, but he wasn't excessive with it. He wasn't opposed to it. And your mother kind of grew into it later in life. Oh, yeah, she quite enjoyed it. In fact, one day when you and Chuck had been invited to dinner, I think that was over the Christmas holiday.

As usual, you were late, Mike. You have a habit of not getting places when you say you will. I do. That's why you couldn't hold a normal nine to five job. Correct. Probably. Probably right. Anyway, so you and Chuck,

coming to dinner and say five o'clock that dinner was ready table was set six 30 you weren't there yet every few minutes mom would go over and check on the pot of whatever and have a glass of wine well i'll tell you by seven o'clock when you got there my mother was feeling no pain she didn't even care that you were late or how the food tasted but she could tell by the way you cleaned up every dish that. Chuck is still a legend in our family for years for being the guy who cleaned every dish. The brother who eats. We actually took a pretty deep dive on that a couple of weeks ago.

You know, Chuck, I'm not sure I posted that video. I think maybe I should if I haven't. Yeah, I know you said it to me. And that hasn't changed. When he walks into an all-you-can-eat-joint, the owner just shakes his head. They don't know what's coming. locks the front door. He can still do it. It's impressive. The noble name, we have some big decisions to make, seriously, because the whiskey turned out to be incredibly delicious, just so you know, I know you haven't tried it. We had a, what we thought was probably a five, six months supply, and we sold out in three days. So now the distiller in Tennessee, in conjunction with some of the other people who are involved, we're all trying to figure out if we're going to roll this thing out in a big way. Stay tuned.

If I do this right, we can get a children's book of beautifully illustrated poetry and offer it with a bottle of whiskey, which I think would be a really unique package for next season. How inappropriate would that be? Or you could put a bottle of whiskey on the back cover. And a picture of Dirty Job Jesus. Brought to you by. Or we can make it a pop-up. And when you open it up, Peggy just.

just reaches right out and hands you a shot. Oh, my question. Vagination is running away with you. Well, you got to let it run sometimes, Mom. You got to let it run. When his dad back from his walk and... He'll be disappointed. He missed you, but I don't know.

Depending on how long he played pool with Jim down there at the pool hall, it could be, you know, another half hour before he gets back. And I know you don't have that much time. No, I'm not going to keep you. I just wanted to check in around the holidays and sorry I'm not there. I love you. I'm so sick of this stupid, masky stuff going on. It seems like there's not going to be any end to it.

Well, there will be. Show you my Christmas flowers. Aren't they pretty? Oh, that's nice. Did I send you those? Well, I don't want to destroy any illusions, but they're plastic and I cover them up and bring them out every year. But they look real, don't they? I believe the answer is no, Mike.

You did not send them, though. I did not send those. No. You did not. No, I'm not to the point where I send plastic flowers yet, but. It's coming. It's coming. Put them on my grave someday.

Oh, great, Mom. Good. Merry Christmas, everybody. Oh, ho. I'll sallow the moon for you, ma'er. Oh, God. What else? Final thoughts.

It's been over an hour. Oh, are the hearing aids working out okay for dad? Oh, Michael. you read my post? I did. Well, it's amazing. He's out there now, and I know he's listening to your latest podcast. You know, without the earplugs, what do you call those things? Airbuds, yeah. Without using those, all he has to do is take out his phone and, you know, hit the Bluetooth thing and bring up your podcast and right there in his ears. The technology, is amazing. And now we have to get another television, but I don't think our brand of television

will support this. But if we get another smart TV with a different name, he can hear the TV through these hearing aids without. You've got to do it, Mom. You've got to do it. Chuck, she's talking about hearing aids that also work on Bluetooth so you can listen to music or podcasts, and if you can tap that into the TV, that just means you don't have to play the TV at those window-shattering volumes that everybody over there plays the TV at. Your dad requires in order to hear it. You can walk down the hall and tell what every family says. So, Mike, this sounds like it would be the perfect Christmas gift to give to your parents.

They would probably be very appreciative. So you need a smart TV that you can pair with these hearing aids. Well, we have a smart TV. smart TV and it's a nice TV. But it's not smart enough. Dad is hesitant to make changes. Yeah, I know. So anyway, it's complicated, but

what wonderful technology, it really is. And he just is amazed by Karen. That's his hearing aid lady. He goes to visit her and comes away and he's just, you'll never guess what Karen did. And he took one out and he stuck at my ear and he said, what do you hear? I said, I hear my.

doing a podcast with Chuck. He said, yep, and he put it back in his ear. He said, all I have to do is bring up anything I want to listen to on my phone. You just need the app, and Karen downloaded the app. All right. The possibilities seem endless. Why can't I wear some little apparatus that goes right into his ears so he hears everything I say? Are you sure you want that, Mom?

think about it. I'll think about it. I mean, you probably can. You can pair it with anything, so you can probably pair it to a microphone if you really want to go that far, but I don't think you do. Yeah, well, I'm sure there's a downside

to whatever you do, but the reason he went back to have his aides adjusted is sometimes they are so loud, he can't stand it. So I go from shouting to him when he doesn't have the men. To needing to whisper. And then when he puts them in, I say something and he'll go, too loud. Yeah, yeah.

So now he can adjust it right on his phone. He can make it softer or louder. He really is nice. That's great. I had an extraordinary meal over there, Chuck, not long ago with my mom and dad and another couple and their friend, all of whom had different degrees of, not great hearing. And boy, it's just so hard to know how loud to talk all of the time.

And there's so much, like there's a lot of lip reading that goes on over there in general, which of course the masks complicate even more. So it's noisy in a really interesting way over there. And I know it's got to be exhausting for you, Mom, because you spend a lot of time talking a lot louder than you otherwise would. I do. And then when I come to people who don't have hearing issues, I have to remember to tone it down.

You adjust. It's life. And fortunately, we both have good vision, fairly good vision, and I can still hear real well. And we can both taste the food we eat. And chew it. And chew it. We can both.

Very important. I was calling Dad the bionic man because he has glasses. He has a plate with a couple of teeth on it. He has hearing aids. He has a brace that he wears on his foot because he has the collapsed arch and some ruptured tendons. But with this brace, he walks with no problem at all. He'll probably do three miles out there today. So I call him my bionic man because there's a lot of artificial stuff on him.

Well, I call you my mother because you are. and it's always a delight to see you and catch up here on the holiday. Any closing thoughts for the dozens of people who are going to download this? Well, Mike, a couple of years ago, we went to California and saw you over Christmas, and that was fun. And we were tempted to fly to Florida to visit your brother and our grandchildren, who are all grown up in school teachers. But the thought of getting on a plane is just not. too appealing. If we were to come to see you, that would be seven hours in a mask.

Mm-hmm. That's just daunting. Yeah, it's a drag. Here's to hope and we get through it in 2022, and you can come back out here again. I'm going to head back in early January for some stuff, and I think I'll extend a weekend, so I'll drop in and say hello. That would be great. We would love it if you would. The meaning of Christmas is still. all the meaning of Christmas, whether you have family around you at all. And we will go to the Christmas Eve service and participate in our Christmas activities at church. But we will miss family. We are spending Christmas Day with some friends who don't have family in the area accessible. So it'll be okay. We'll manage, but we'll miss you. I'm sure we'll talk to. One favor. If you do succeed in

getting Santa's got a dirty job played on Christmas Eve in the church. Oh, Michael, that's not going to happen. But if it does, please record it. Okay, I will. And I will try to get a picture of all the people whose jaws have dropped. But they'll be wearing masks so you won't be. So who knows? Who knows?

His jaw dropped, maybe. All righty. Here's to another year. Merry Christmas. Say hi to Dad. Tell him, I'll call him later. Merry Christmas, Mike. And Merry Christmas, Chuck. I hope you both have a very peaceful and spiritual Christmas.

Yeah, right. Okay. That sounds great. All right. The publisher will be in touch. The publisher? Yeah. Your poem book. I'm serious. We've got some illustrators lined up already. Oh, please. Let's just get one thing out of the way first. I mean, this third book is not quite there yet, and there's a lot of work to do on it.

Well, when it's done, we know what the fourth one is. if you can maybe tear yourself away from the pool hall long enough to apply a little discipline to the task at hand, that would be swell. Yeah, okay. I haven't gotten involved in anything else over here. I just play pool with dad in the evening. That's all. What else is there? I do swim it three times a week, and I go to the fitness center because, you know, if you're going to sit and write six hours a day, you've got to get up and move.

Otherwise, you'll stiffen up. Are they still playing botchie? ball? No, only in the spring and fall. Shuffleboard? Oh, yeah, shuffleboard every Wednesday and Saturday for dad. Darts? What about darts? Well, I don't know. You know, 90-year-old people throwing darts, that's a little scary. They do play cornhole. I haven't gotten into that yet, but they enjoy cornhole. I mean, you can't do too much damage with a beanbag gone astray. You'd be surprised. Have you? Have you? you ever seen the cornhole championships on TV? I didn't even know there were such things.

When we hang up, which we're going to do in a couple seconds, Google Cornhole Championships, and you'll see these people are super serious. And it's not uncommon to see somebody throw three or four of those things straight through that hole one after the next. I mean, those games are over no time. Golly, I'd be lucky if I could even hit the board around it. it's kind of like pitching softball isn't it? No. No, not at all. When you pitch a softball, you're throwing it toward a guy with a bat who wants to hit it back at you.

When you throw a bean bag into a cornhole, nothing happens. I believe she's referring to the hole or it doesn't. She's referring to the arch, the angle. I'm referring to the target. Yeah, the target is similar. I think you mean the arc, Chuck. Yes, the arc is exactly what I meant. Right.

The arch is the thing that neither my dad or I have on our feet, which is totally different. Totally different. Yeah. Thank you for pointing that out. Appreciate it. You got it. Yeah, you don't have it, Mike. My feet are so flat. That's what I want for Christmas. Normal feet. You know, I'm amazed that you can still do the amount of walking you do. Maybe you'll be the exception and you won't have collapsed arches when your dad's age. That'd be great.

I still remember being like eight years old and getting out of the pool at the YMCA and people making fun of me because, you know, all the other footsteps look like feet. And I looked like the creature, some black lagoon, just slabs of, didn't look like a footprint at all. Anyway, the struggle is real, mom. I know. All right. Well, that's what you want for Christmas, an arch, or maybe two. I want a cornhole Christmas. That's what I want.

Okay. A cornhole Christmas with two arches. I knew if we talked long enough, we'd find. finally get the title to this thing. A cornhole Christmas. I'm writing that. A cornhole Christmas with two arches on the side. Deal? It sort of sounds like the Christmas special in the cafeteria. Have you tried the cornhole special? You know what? Hold the arch. Yeah. All right. Good and weird, Mom. I love you. I'll call you later. Don't hang up yet. We got to upload your thing. Oh, okay. Yeah, because I don't even see how I can get out of it.

No, you can't get out of it. You're stuck here. Yes, Merry Christmas, everyone. Bye. Bye. Well, look at you, listening all the way to the end. Congratulations. And thanks so much.

My mom appreciates it. So does Chuck. So do I. I'm just kidding about the cornhole Christmas. I already have the cornhole game. Don't send me the cornhole game. I was serious about what I said before, though. If you like this nonsense, these five-star reviews really do help wherever you give five-star reviews.

I think over at Apple, anyway. That would be more than enough for a Christmas present. Ho, ho, ho. Unless, of course, you want to check out Dirty Jobs, which is back in new episodes on January 2nd, January 2nd, next Sunday, the day after New Year's at 8 p.m. But really, aside from that, and a five-star review, I don't need anything else.

Unless you want to download the Santa's Got a Dirty Job song, which you can do virtually anywhere. All the money goes to MicroWorks and John Rich's Foundation, Folds of Honor. Those three things would be great. Nothing more. Really. Just the song and watching dirty jobs and maybe a five-store review. Okay. That's it then. We will probably take next week off. You never know with us, but Chuck's headed back east.

I got stuff to do and nobody does anything anyway the week after Christmas. We'll talk at you in the new year. Adios. If you work in University Maintenance, Granger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip off. And Granger is your trust. trusted partner. Offering the products you need all in one place, from HVAC and plumbing supplies to lighting and more, and all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock, so your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-Grangeer, visit granger.com or just out by, Granger, for the ones who get it done. The ocean delights us as playful otters restore coastal kale forests. The ocean teaches us how our choices impact even the deepest places. The Ocean Connects Us. Visit Monterey Bay Aquarium.org slash connects.