The Way I Heard It with Mike Rowe - 235: The Reports of Our Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

Episode Date: January 25, 2022

Mike's parents drop by to give him an update on their recent bout with COVID.  Spoiler Alert: They're fine. 

Do do do do do do do. Dumb. Is it weird to love people but despise human resources? If so, well, color me weird. It's not to say I don't respect the millions of people who work in HR departments and companies all over the country. I do. It's just that I don't envy him.

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It's episode number 235 of the way. I heard it. This one is called, the reports of our demise have been greatly exaggerated. And I say this with the extreme hope and optimism that my dear friend Chuck is actually recording this time, Chuck, confirmed, and I? It seems as though we are recording. I'm seeing a voice print for you and a voice print for me. And since we're the only ones here at this moment, I would say, yeah, we're good. Thank God. The conversation you're about to hear was recorded a little bit earlier between my parents and I, and of course, Chuck, who lurked ever creepily in the background injecting from time to time as he does.

That's what I do. It's not exactly a secret. I got the COVID, then my mom and dad got COVID, and this has been a topic that typically I really didn't want to spend a lot of time talking about, but clearly it's headline news. And a lot of people were concerned when I shared the fact that my folks had some succumbed to the Omicron. I think it was Omicron. That's part of the problem, right, Chuck? There's no way to know what exactly you've tested for. I don't think so. I mean, I hear people say, oh, I got the Delta, I got the alpha. I'm like, how do you know? I think the only way to really

guess about it is when you got it. I mean, I'm sure there must be some sort of medical test, but I'm unaware of it. I don't know anybody who's told me about a specific one. Yeah. You can fill a book with what we don't know about this thing. When I say we, I'm just talking about me and Chuck. But I also think it's fair to say the same thing. Globally, you know, one of the things I felt comfortable sort of doubling down on early on was saying, I don't know how this ends and I don't know when this ends, but I bet big that as it ends, there's going to be extreme confusion and the wailing and gnashing of teeth as people struggle to get comfortable with whatever feels like some kind of re-entry.

You know, my mom and dad are no exception. Like us, they're older than they've ever been, and they were scared, and I was scared, and everybody in their retirement community was nervous, and I just thought it would be useful to have them on and chat a little bit to get a sense of how this impacted them. And Chuck, you laughed through most of it, so I'm guessing it was a good choice. Yeah, I thought it was very good. I mean, well, I don't want to spoil the episode. Go ahead, spoil it.

They're doing well. they're doing just fine. Yeah. That's why the episode is titled what it's titled. Well, yes. And you really think I'd have him on the episode if things didn't go well? Join us next for a very special episode.

Oh, man. Why are you got to make it dark? No, no. No, that's not good. You know why? Because if you can't find a way to somehow laugh through the miasma of the last couple of years, not because it's funny.

Just because if you can't find a way to laugh, then the joke's on you somehow. And, you know, my mom and dad have been incredibly forthcoming through all of this, and I've been worried, and it's just great to hang out with them. And look, let's be honest. Somewhere, I'm right on the verge of exploitation here, and I hope I'm not exploiting my parents. You're an elder abuser. But I swear to God, it's true. You know, if you read through the comments of the audience that we're so lucky to have, it's incredibly consistent. I mean, honestly, I think if my mom and dad

we're on here every week. Without us, the audience would probably increase. Yes, that's true. And, you know, really, it's been said that it's kind of a reality show, the conversations that are had on this podcast with your parents. I'll tell you what was a reality show. Last night on my Facebook page, if those of you who may have tuned in for this goat rodeo, we attempted to go live while I was watching a couple hours of dirty jobs. We had a premiere last night. my IT department, aka Chuck. Long story short, for a half hour, I was just out there, hung out to dry alone in front of six million people.

I blame you for that. That's fair. You can blame me for it. I promise you I went through everything that I could trying to figure out how to make it work. I followed all the instructions to a T, and it led me nowhere. And I'm still working on it. So maybe next week we'll get it fixed. Maybe we won't. Maybe we'll do it anyway.

It's really no big deal because it's just Facebook. And even though it is millions of people watching, it was really funny for me because I haven't felt that way since QVC, honestly. Like when things go off the rails at QVC and you're just sitting there in a medium shot and some caller calls in and just starts cursing and you're stuck, you know, you just have to sit there and wait for somebody to hit the kill switch for five, sometimes. six seconds. It takes an eternity, those five or six seconds. I sat here at the kitchen table for a half hour, just talking to myself essentially waiting for you. No, no, you were talking to me. Yeah, but nobody could see you. That's right. Like a crazy person. You're on camera by yourself, which is so weird because you do that all the time. But I was telling Sherry in a meeting earlier about this that you were pissed, man. I could tell. You were pissed at me. You were like, I just,

don't. Why is this? What is going to? My anger toward you is almost always a reflection of my own frustration toward me. My own inability to figure this crap out, whether it's this Riverside

program or the Zencaster that we used to use or Instagram or Facebook or Google or Chrome. I'm just always a click or two behind the smart kids and I'm reliant on somebody else and that person right now happens to be you. And while you're somewhat smarter, you're not that smarter. No, I'm the one-eyed man

in the land of the blind. That's it. That's best-case scenario. Well, in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. And King Klausmeyer continues to produce the way I heard it. It's episode number 235. Mom and Dad are up. I find them delightful. I hope you'll agree. We call this when the reports of our demise have been greatly exaggerated. with a nod toward the one and only Sam Clemens. All right, here we go. Tech support. It's here to save the day.

He is tech support? Yeah, I was just joking with you before about us having somebody really competent. Chuck appreciates the irony, the irony of putting tech anywhere near my name. That's what she did last night. Whoa, what she did last night? She ironed.

Oh, yes. Iron. Oh, okay. Yeah. The root word of irony, I suppose, is iron. But, Dad, I don't know that they have anything to do with each other. But irony was agony for her. That was almost a song, Ebony and Ivory.

Ironing is agony. I like that, Chuck. That's so true. I don't do it very often. No, she doesn't. Usually, I wear wrinkles. You do not. Well, on my face.

Oh, yeah. Is that a haircut, Dad? Do I notice a haircut? Oh, nice haircut, yes. And I just got one through this morning. Oh, nice. You should close the door. It's so much more attractive in here with the door closed.

Close the door. All right. What is that hanging from the doorknob, Mom? Is that a towel? No, and it's not underwear either. How's that, Margaret? That's much better, huh? There you go.

I think we're about ready to start. You want to hear something funny. Dad just made a phone call to a friend. And he got the wrong number. I got Florida. Instead of getting Bob, he got somebody named George. Two minutes later, they're chatting like their old friends. Anyway, George lives in Florida, and Bob used to live in Florida.

And apparently, I had Bob's old Florida telephone. number and my contacts. So when I called Bob, I ended up talking to George, and George told me it was in Florida. And of course, I told him that Scott was in Jupiter. And we had a nice little conversation. You just never know when you're going to meet a new friend. That's one of the things that happened today. And the day's just getting started. Chuck, if there were a video that had been rolling in my parents' apartment for the last 20 years. And you had the footage of telemarketers who had the misfortune of calling my parents and getting my father on the phone. If we had access to that footage and we could edit it together, we would have something that Netflix would pay dearly

to have. Because it's comedy unlike anything I've seen in a long time. I can tell you that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree because I've actually been at your house. when you've gotten unsolicited calls. And it's an absolute showstopper. Basically, for the next 15 minutes, you're engaged in a conversation that is just mystifying the person on the other line. They can't hang up,

and they won't not answer your questions. Yeah. It's a time suck, I think. Well, I come by it honestly, because I worked at Dial America Marketing in college, and I did my time making phone calls that nobody wanted to pick up. My dad, he never did that for a living.

He's just a guy who's keen to talk to anyone who's calling. And man, he will suck the life out of it. People call from India half hour later. They don't know what happened to their lives. Oh, but Dad knows everything about their lives. He knows what their name is. He knows where they live. He knows what the weather's like.

He knows about their education. He knows about their family. And when they hang up, they haven't sold us anything, but this is your life. Well, I met Andre. yesterday. Don't tell him because we don't want this. Oh yeah, we can't tell them that.

But I told them, I said, Andre, we've been talking for so long together. You're like a brother to me. And he said, am I really? I said, yes, Andre. I said, the next time I have to call this number, I hope I get connected with you. And he said, hey, I can arrange that. He said, when you call, just ask for Andre. and they'll connect you to me.

I said, okay, brother. Who's Andre? I mean, what was he selling? Was he a telemarketer? No, no, no. Was it a financial institution? No, no, no, no. You told me not to mention it.

I know, we can't tell you. It's just destroying the story. I need to know who's he worked for. What's the... Whisper in my ear. Andre worked for Cigna. Oh, no. I don't even know what Cigna is by an insurance company.

Health care, isn't it? Now you've given his name and his company. Oh, so what? Andre doesn't mind the publicity. There must be 30,000 Andres at Cigna. It's a huge company. It was a positive call, right? It was. So it's not like we're slamming Cigna or people named Andre. Dad has a new friend who works for a big health care provider. Who called him the other day? That's just the way friendships happen.

Ask your father where he was this morning. He did something. Where were you this morning, Dad? Really exciting while I was getting my hair. Where was I this morning? I was down in what they call the the, wak, wak, shush on that. Don't worry, we'll peep you.

Say whatever you want. Well, I was in a wood shop. And I have a plan to make a coffee table. You've never made anything out of wood in your life. Mother has been wanting a coffee table for the past 10 months. So I decided they have a beautiful wood shop here. I would love to learn how to do some woodworking. So I signed up for the

wood shop. And today I spent with a couple of the wood shop members, and they're going to guide me as I build a coffee table. This is extraordinary, Mom. Are you going to film any of this? I hope to stop by there and take some pictures when nobody's looking. It should be great material because, like you said, Dad's never worked with wood. Except when he closes a door or opens a door. You remember the sconce I brought home from Woodshop in the eighth grade? Michael, I do remember that it was a little lopsided.

Look like a paramecium. Yeah. Well, anyway, it's a great wood shop. It's loaded with all kinds of equipment, and I will learn to use a router, and I'm going to learn to use a radio saw. Oh, don't cut your fingers on. I possibly go wrong. You're like 89 years old, and you're going to learn to use a radial saw?

Exactly. I used this morning already. You did? Let me see your hands. And I got all five fingers. Ten fingers are still here. He's got five fingers. Did I meet the guy who runs the wood shop last time I visited you?

You went one of them. I think he's vice president. Was he the one that made those beautiful pieces of... Rafferty. Ron Rafferty is the one you met. Very good. Ron, he's a former fireman, as I recall. Was he a fireman?

I don't know what he was. One of him was a teacher. See how you got into his life? Oh, is that teacher? I didn't have any choice, Chuck. So here's what happens. into an elevator with my dad, we're going down to pick up the meals, right? Because at that point, they still weren't allowed out of the apartment. And you couldn't go to the dining room. So we're just

picking up the food and bringing it back. And I walk in an elevator. You know, my dad's got his mask on and he doesn't have his hearing aids in. And his other guys in there, he's got his mask on, right? They start yelling at each other. I'm standing there in the middle of these two men who are having a conversation. I'm not kidding you for 20 minutes these two guys talk. In not one instance, did anyone say anything that the other person heard the first time? So I'm trapped in an elevator with two men screaming at each other, trying to interpret it, screaming back at his... So all I got from it was the guy used to be a fireman. He's a nice guy named Ron, and he runs a wood shop there at the home.

And now Dad has joined up in the wood shop to take a class to make a coffee table, apparently. Well, it's actually one-on-one, I believe. it's not really a class. It'll be good instruction, and maybe you'll really take to it. Oh, I will. I plan on doing more than just a coffee table. I want to spend some time down there making other little things.

You can make Mike a Christmas gift for next year, and something for his birthday. Yeah, I'm like a sconce. A non-lopsided sconce. One of the people I work with this morning is his specialty is bowl-making. on a lathe he makes bowls beautiful bowls apple wood

walnut pine whatever there's one in the display case it's beautiful so professional so do you need bowls mom no I don't need anything

and things don't send me a Christmas gift or a birthday gift or dad a gift really our walls are full our cabinet are full, our tabletops are full. We need nothing. Just a lovely card with a nice sentiment would be appreciating. And a couple of Benjamin's. Yeah. What are they? Those are a hundred-dollar bills, Mom. Yes, Benjamin Franklin. Oh, no, I don't need Benjamins. Where do we go? Well, look, that's the thing I want to get to, really, you came on

here a month ago. We had a nice visit before Christmas and then you got COVID. And then we did a podcast where we talked about that. And now I've been flooded with people who want to get an update. They want to know how you're doing and how you're feeling and how the last couple of weeks have been for you. That's why you're on. Okay. Well, Dad only has 10 more minutes because he has to go and play pool with the guys down in the pool. So you must be feeling better. Go ahead. time. One thing about your commentary between you and Chuck regarding mom and I and COVID, the way you presented it, it sounded as if we had one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. When both of us were actually very, very much alive and very, very far away from COVID,

that you can be and still have it. So your symptoms were mild then? Very mild. Mine were obscure. And moms were a little worse. She had more symptoms and longer lasting than I did. I don't think I ever actually had it. Well, the funny thing is dad tested positive and I tested negative. I was the one with the symptoms.

dad had a minor coughing for a day or two, and then it just disappeared. He was totally asymptomatic except for the first two days, and he tested positive, and I tested so they did a slow test on me. I think it's called a PCR, and that came back positive. So we both actually did have it and quarantined for 10 days. At least. But anyway, we're... We are very safe, sound, healthy, two individuals that are ready to continue into what?

Your 90s. Into adultery, mother. No, adulthood. There's a slight difference. I'd say they've had a full recovery, Chuck. They're now moving into the adultery phase of their lives. Wow. That's great.

But anyway, so they came in and tested us again. Do do do do do do do do dumb Well are you sick of it yet Are you sick of AI hogging up all the headlines And sucking up all the bandwidth You find yourself wishing we lived in a simpler time Do you miss the rotary phone? Well get over it

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It's filled with super useful information. Again, it's free at netseweet.com slash mike. That's netsuite.com. The 14th day. And again, that tested positive. So we had to hang around the apartment for another week. I mean, we are as pure as pure can be where COVID's concerned. If I actually had it and mother I knew had it,

Thank goodness we had both shots and the booster. Because without them, the circumstances for us could have been rather dire. Let me ask you something, Dad. What do you think I should do? I've been fully vaxed. I didn't get the booster, but I did get COVID. So now am I supposed to get the booster? Some people say I should.

I'm not so sure. It doesn't make sense. Well, if you think you've got enough antibodies in your body now, maybe it doesn't, but I'm inclined to lean toward having the booster. But in mother's case, she had the booster and she had some side effects from it, didn't you? I react very strongly to medications, and after the second vaccine, I had three days in bed where I had every symptom. I had like a mini COVID. And then after I got my booster, I had the same thing, three days of mini COVID. It was like a parody of full-blown COVID, but just for three days.

This time, I had a couple of bad days in the beginning when I really had COVID. So I'll tell you, I'm a little reluctant to get another booster if they decide that's what's needed. Because I know I can see the writing on the wall. I'd get really sick. Was the reaction to the booster better or worse than your symptoms from having COVID? You know, I think the booster was worse. That lasted three full days. I had two days of COVID symptoms in the beginning, and they were fairly minor.

So really, the booster was worse. I don't know. I think everybody's just kind of feeling their way. I don't think anybody really knows for certain. I mean, I think the tests, although well-intentioned, are not very reliable, unfortunately. I think the rapid test is suspect as far as efficiency is or effects. Yeah, anyway.

Effectiveness. Effectivity is the fancy word, I think. Oh, that's good. As far as being effective, I question that because I really think I really had a false positive reading. But mom, regardless of the kind of shot, she gets a flu shot, she gets a sore arm, she has reaction to the flu shot. Whatever kind of shot she gets. Me, I get the flu shots and don't even know I've had them. did either of you have the shingles shot?

Yeah, we had shingle shots. But years ago we did. We haven't gotten the two-part shot. Oh, okay. And I had shingles. I had a pretty bad case of shingles. But they only lasted about a month. Some people go on for months or even years with their symptoms.

Yeah, I got the shingles shots and my reaction to it was really bad. You know, I got both of them. Yeah, and both of them were exactly the same. It was like having the flu. Well, not really like having a flu. Like having a fever. I had a fever for sure. Like 101 fever for a day and a half.

Knocked me out. Felt like I was beat with a bag of nickels, both times. But that's better than the shingles is what I've heard. Exactly. When it's over, it's over. But the shingles can have lingering effects. Dad, I'm sorry to overstate our concern. But, you know, for two years, everybody,

in the country has had a steady diet of people get it and that's it. They're gone. They're dead. And it's just over and over and over and over and over again. And you know, you're older than you've ever been. And it did freak me out a little bit, you know, because I got my opinions and I'm pretty vocal on Facebook. And I'm, as you know, pro vaccine, but a bit suspicious of mandates. I've tried to articulate that point. And people are so screwed up. They're like, well, we'll see how you feel when your parents get it. And I'm like, oh, God. Now I've jinxed everything, right?

And then all of a sudden you guys get it. So it was an alarming day, that first day, when mom called to say, hey, well, your father and I have it. You know. Yeah. Because there you are in a retirement home. How many people? Right now, how many? Seventy-five people out of 2,500 in independent living have COVID.

60 people are quarantined. They just brought out the new numbers yesterday. So that is minimal. And staff, you had a figure for staff. Oh, yeah. About staff, yeah. 20, 20 on the staff. Have there been any hospitalizations?

Well, I don't know that. But, I mean, I haven't heard of any serious cases or any deaths. And really, their record was pristine when the original came out. They just shut down. People were not allowed to leave their apartments for a year. All of their food was delivered, and they really took care of them. Well, right now, we're shut down. We have to either pick up our meals or have them delivered.

There's no eating in the restaurants. No, but some of the activities are still going. Like, Dad played shuffleboard last night, and he's getting ready to go play pool now. And I see people playing cards. around the, oh yeah, around the community. But I'd go back to what I said before.

If mom and I hadn't had the shots and the booster, we could have been in dire circumstances. Yeah. And then you would have been embarrassed, Mike. Then I would have really got what I had coming. You really would have. How do you feel now, Mr. Dirty Jobs guy? Put your parents in an early grave.

Oh, you're mouth off. Speaking of Dirty Jobs. job, son. I don't like you up in that water tower. Once you get in the tower, it's not so bad, but it's getting to the tower I didn't like. Yeah, it's a long climb, long climb. Big old ladder that was. I'm with you, John. I didn't like looking at that at all either. It scares the, it gives me a tickle in my. Yeah, I know. I have to say this son, because it's a reflection on me, you're not getting any younger.

I realize that, Dad, but I'm still out there. I'm still hanging on, you know? I'll tell you what, I am a little worried. The first episode, the premiere did really well. And then the second episode did even better. And now the third episode, this Water Tower thing that you're speaking and the tugboat making did even better. So I'm afraid, I don't know, you never.

know with the network, but I'm afraid they might want more of these things. Oh, and we just had one suggestion for you. You know, Mike, I like to take notes while you're performing. Great. Okay. We're uncomfortable when you say words like crap. Why are you kidding me? It's been 20 years. I've been saying crap on dirty jobs for 20 years. Oh, no, but when you say something like cracked your pants, that's really on the nose. You know, that is just too. I was not only nose. We would like if you didn't say that anymore.

You're referring to a post, I think, that I put up where my crew and I are all photographed in diapers. And we were comparing. Well, yeah. It was cute then, but I don't have to keep looking at it. So you're okay with me standing there, a grown man wearing a diaper, but you'd rather me not say what the diaper is designed to help prevent. I.e. crapping my pants. I remember when you did it and why you did it. That was cute at the time, but I don't need to look at it anymore, really.

I think you were hitchhiking in your diapers, weren't you? No, that was after a mud bath. I was just wrapped in a tasteful towel and covered with mud. Okay. That was up in Kalistoga. But, yeah. When you took the original picture of your crew and diapers, had you just finished at a daycare center where you changed

diapers all day. No, that was just a regular Thursday, Mom. That's how we rolled during those days. You have a bottle of beer in your diaper. We had filmed at a diaper service facility, and we wound up at their dedicated laundry, where they had half a dozen of these industrial strength washing machines, It's like 12 feet tall these things were. And the job was it's a diaper service. So you drop off clean diapers and you pick up these nasty crap-filled pieces of cloth. And you go back to this place and you dump all the baby crap out of them. And then you wash all of the diapers again.

And then they go back out into the service. So, yeah, at the end of that day, it just seemed like a natural thing to do to ask everybody to take their clothes off, put on a dime. and posed for a photo. Well, don't you know, son, when you were in diapers, mom used to send them out to a diaper service to be laundered. So what you experienced was something that you had actually lived through, your own diapers being sent to a laundry service.

Well, you know, before you were born, they gave me a shower, and one of the gifts at the shower was a year diaper service. which was wonderful because the apartment we lived in did not have a washing machine and dryer. And dad had to take the clothes down to the laundromat every Saturday. Well, he didn't have to, but he did. So that laundry service really came in handy. But I always cleaned the diaper first into the toilet, you know, sometimes even rinsed it. Apparently, some people don't do that because I would get notices in the bag of cleaning.

diapers every once in a while reminding that that's how you're supposed to clean them. But some people just take them off and put them in the content. You got to shoot pool, Dad? I'm going to cry. I'm playing with four guys who are really good. As opposed to me. Two or three of them are very, very patient. And they suggest the shot that, you know, how I should shoot it, where you want that

Q Balda ends up as far as position is concerned. They're really very, very nice to do this. So I don't want to miss out on that. Well, give them my regards. Good luck with the coffee table, the lathe, the router, the bandsaw. Please be careful. And I'm glad you're still up and at them. Good for you.

Yes, indeed. Pale and Hardy. Are you still walking? As much as I can. It's so cold out today. Is it in the teens or is it up to 20? I don't know. It's quite cold.

It's cold. All right, son, Chuck. All right, dad. Bye-bye. I love you. Take care. Love you, both. Here's to you.

Keep your eye on the object ball, not the cue ball. That's right. The object ball. Yeah. Good luck. Do good. Close the door and lock the front door. Don't lose any money.

Don't bet money on. No, don't lock that door. Oh, man. He really is kind of an inspiration, Mom. I mean, I know you get to live with Prince Charming there 24-7, but both of you. I wonder if part of the reason the recovery was so easy for dad is that he really has been active. His whole life, he's still walking three miles a day. Pool isn't exactly a rigorous exercise, but there's bending and there's moving and there's, you know, he's thinking. He's just engaged with everything. Yes, and it's a 10-minute walk to get there. It's in the other side of the community. No, he really is active. His idea of a terrible day is one where we have nothing scheduled, and they are very rare. But then he reads, so that's a good thing, too. Yeah, your father's never bored, and that's a good thing. And really, neither are you. By the way, I sent your poems out. Several illustrators responded to our last conversation. He's looking over your stuff as we speak. Good. Yeah.

That'll be fun to see. So what is he going to do? Is he going to actually do some illustrations and send them back? You know, I don't know what he's going to do. That's what I would do if I were him. Either that or he's just going to think about it for a bit and then tell us what he would do. Yeah. As long as he doesn't sell my poems to another publication.

Or he'll sell your poems to another publication. He'll just publish it in itself. That'd be terrible. Back to the diapers for a minute. Yeah, you were the exception. If you were dumping my little baby turds out of those things before you sent it back to the service, I can tell you, at least up in Sacramento,

90% of those things were filled with just a horrible, disappointing surprise. 90%. That's too bad. Yeah. Sorry about that. If you lived through that, then you might be more predisposed use expressions like,

crap your pants. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal at this point in my life anyway. Well, I guess it's okay for you, but I'm not going to say it. What bothers you about it? I don't know. It just seems kind of crude. Soiled your diapers, one thing, but crapped your pants. I'm not sure which is worse, honestly. Soil.

Soiled your diaper. Isn't night soil an expression? Night so, oh, I believe there is. Years ago, the network had the same problem you had. I would say the word crap during an episode, usually when I was either dealing with crap or crawling through crap or any number of other things, and they would bleep it. And of course, I got a lot of angry letters from people who thought I was saying shit. And they were like, why would you say a word like that on a family-friendly show? and I would say, well, of course, I didn't.

I didn't say that. I said, crap. And they said, well, that's ridiculous. They wouldn't bleep you for saying crap. You must have said shit. And this whole conversation with the network about how, no, I wasn't saying the S word. I was saying the C word. But then even in that conversation, the C word means something else altogether, which I would never say.

Right? You know that word. The big bad word, mom. The big bad C word. Conservative? Oh, that's not right. That's not the C-word. Oh, it's the other big bit. I'm just yanking your chain, hon. But while we're on the topic, I saw that picture of your toilet downstairs that you put on your page. That was awful.

It was awful. What did you do about it? I called the plumber. I was literally walking into the office where I am right now to do some recording like I'm doing right. now, but I didn't get this far. The whole basement, the whole lower level was flooded with water. And I didn't know where it was coming from. I thought it might have been coming from the shower, because that backed up once before. But then I got closer and I saw there was stuff in the water. And then I got closer still. And I said, oh, God, that toilet had exploded. It looked like thousands of brown paper towels had come back through the pipes somehow and dissolved. and then just washed out because the water just kept pumping out now and out. So the good news is it wasn't night soil or crap or dung or scat or feces or any of the other words that might put you off.

It was just paper towels and stuff and toilet paper. We still don't know exactly what happened. Something happened in some lateral pipe outside of the house and it sent a lot of pressure the wrong way and all of it exploded out of the toilet. Did any of the neighbors have a? No. Just me. It's always just me.

You drew the lucky straw. Yeah. And the funny thing is you're kind of on a hill. Your home is elevated somewhat. Yeah. But there's a flat part in the pipe somewhere. And in that flat part stuff accumulates or accumulates. The guy said every six or seven years in a setup like this, you could have this sort of

problem. I don't know what I'm going to do. Probably reworked. We're going to move out of there in the next five years, probably. Yeah, I figure I've got another five years to find a place where the toilets don't explode. But the toilets always explode. That's really the moral of the story. I mean, that was season one, Dirty Jobs, Mrs. Frazier. And I remember we had a septic tank in the old house, and there were problems from time to time with the septic tank, as I recall. Well, Mike, do you recall if Mrs. Frazier's toilet was on ground? level or was it in a basement? It's basement.

It seems like basement toilets are more prone to react like that. Well, I think if the sludge is coming back toward the house, it's going to hit that area first rather than go up to the second or third floor. Mrs. Fraser's toilet, for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, season one of Dirty Jobs, there was a woman, I think she was in Staten Island. we were doing a story with a disaster cleanup organization, and we were going to go in and clean up after a fire. But the night before, the guy who runs Omega, that was the name of the company, he called and said, look, we can still do the fire thing if you want, but we got a real nightmare going on over here. Some explosion in a pipe had sent all the neighbor's sewage flying backwards, and it all came out of one toilet in the base.

of a woman's home named Mrs. Frazier. It covered the walls. It was a foot thick on the floor. When you see your neighbor's night soil on your wedding photo, that's when you know you've got a real cleanup on your hands. Anyway, she became kind of famous, and that was in the first season of Dirty Jobs.

And I remember she was upstairs while we were down there cleaning that mess up, and she made chili for everybody. My guest today, Tom Albanyce is an American Giant, and I'll tell you why. Tom understands on a fundamental level that the business of mining is a non-negotiable prerequisite of our civilization and our economic independence, just like the business of making things. American Giant knows this, which is why they committed themselves 16 years ago to make all. their excellent clothing right here in this country. It wasn't easy, but they did it.

They sourced locally grown cotton, and they built factories in towns across the nation where they could hire hardworking locals who cared about making a quality product. And then they went about the business of gently reminding people that when you buy a piece of clothing from American Giant, you're not just buying a high-quality sweatshirt

or T-shirt or another pair of jeans, you're investing in a local supply chain. You're supporting communities from the Carolinas to California. And you're getting a piece of clothing that won't just survive the wash. You're getting a garment that'll get better with age. Check out their high-quality staples, hoodies, teas, denim, built to be worn year after year at American-giant.com slash Mike. It's quality you can feel and a true American success story

that you can be proud to support. Use code Mike. Get 20% off your order at American-giant.com slash Mike. American Giant, American Made. American Giant, American Made. I remember that. And did you actually eat it? Oh, yeah.

We were starving. But just sitting there eating a bowl of chili standing up to your knees in night soil. Oh, you won't still doing the job while you were eating it, were you? We broke for lunch and there was really nowhere to go. I mean, you're literally covered with crap and you can't go upstairs. You're not going to sit down at a dining room table. What are you going to do? It made no sense to clean up.

So we all just kind of sat down where we were. Oh, but there must have been odor. That must have been off-putting. Unspeakable. Unspeakable odor. Chili. No, thank you. Do you believe Dirty Jobs has been on the air 20 years?

You mean, actually? active? It actually went on the air as dirty jobs in 2003, but it started as somebody's got to do it in 2001. That's 20 years. That's right. And they have continued to run. The sprockets off it. Yeah. And dad is still nervous when I climb ladders and you're still put off a little bit when I refer to poop as crap or crap as poop. You know, it's fine. It's Honey, you came to visit us once when we were in the condo, and we were sitting on the sofa, all together, the three of us, and I turned on dirty jobs. And there you were. I think you were jumping into a tank of thrashing sharks. And you were sitting right next to us, and I knew you were okay. And I still couldn't watch it. I still did one of these covering my eyes.

and you said, mom, I'm sitting right here. I'm okay. You can look. And then you said, oh, and by the way, here's where one of the sharks met me on the leg. And you had a nice little scar there on your leg. You're right. I have no experience being a mother sitting next to her son while she's watching him do this, whatever he's doing on the TV.

But when you think about COVID and you put yourself in my place, I'm 3,000. miles away and I get this phone call, my parents who have just moved into a retirement community, and I can see you right now, you're fine, you know, and I talked to you and you sounded fine, right? There's just this disconnect between what you see on your TV and the fear that you feel, and there's a disconnect between the headlines that you read and the confusion that you feel. And, you know, you form your opinions and then all of a sudden things become personal. and everything changes. Yep, I get it.

And it won't change. No. I'll still react that way if you're climbing high on something. Yeah, and I'll still react that way when you get the flu here in your dotage. Yeah.

Here my dotage. What was it? When you were home, was it last week A week before last you were here. Week before. You said to me, we were playing a game. We were playing cards.

And you said, do you ever play Yotsie? Yatsi's fun. So I was down in the secondhand shop yesterday, just looking around. And there was a Yatzi box. So I bought it. We haven't played it yet. It's one die short of five dice. It only has four dice.

so I have to find another dye somewhere. That's key, Mom. That's like playing Pinochle with 50 cards. No clubs. Yeah. You need five dye. Well, I would stop in the dollar store this morning after I got my haircut to see if they had any dice and they don't. We had some great big rubber ones for little kids to play with them.

I figured that wouldn't work. So four regular size dice and one giant rubber one, that'd be fun. It's the bonus die. Could I roll one of them twice? No. No. No, the way it works is you get five dice, you roll them once, and then you get another roll, and you can take as many dice away as you want because you're looking for different hands.

You're looking for a straight, a small straight, a yachtsy is five of a kind. you get 13 rolls per game, and each roll you have to assign to a line. There's some strategy in it. Mostly it's luck. It's just rolling dice, but you need five dice. I'll go and a little bit of luck. All right. I'll have to get another one.

Yeah, you definitely need another dice or dye. Well, this one is really fancy. Look at it. It's big. It's the deluxe. Oh. But only four dice. Oh, I've never seen a deluxe edition.

I can't imagine what that entails. Oh, well, when you come back home, come back home soon. All right. It's got all kinds of good stuff in there. Oh, lots of nice pads, score pads, which I imagine are really important. They're critical. You need those because you don't want to make your own score pad. It's involved.

Right. All right. I wonder where I can buy another dice, another dye. I bet you have a game somewhere in the apartment that has a dye in it. Why can't I get the plural straight? It feels weird. I know. It's backwards.

Die should be plural, but it's not. No, I don't have any games I used to when we downsized. You got rid of so much crap. Sorry, night sauce, sorry, poop. What do I call it? All the stuff you got rid of. Efluvium. Extrania.

Efluvia. Waste. Waste. How difficult was it to part with your crap? You know, it's funny. When I looked around and thought, oh, no, we can't take this. We can't take that. Oh, I can't bear to get rid of this.

Well, guess what? I don't even remember what I got rid of now. And I love what you said when you walked into our apartment for the first time and looked around. you said, isn't this nice? Everything you need and nothing you don't. And that really said it all. We have everything we need and nothing we don't. Well, everything except for one die.

You're a die short. You're a die short of a YATC. We try not to say that word too much here at the home. Yeah, dice is better no matter what. Well, you know, you could probably get a whole new set of five online for next to nothing. Probably so. But see, Chuck, that's the exact thing that my dad will recoil against. We don't need five.

We need one. So he'll spend a day scouring the internet looking for a single die. Does anyone sell die one at a time? Probably not. You know, I could probably make one. I've probably got some six-sided thing. I could use a mic cube. Yeah.

Or you know what? You could call Ron down there at the wood shop. Maybe before they dive into the coffee table, they can make you a set of dice. I'm going to call dad right now. No, don't call him now. He's shooting pool. Oh, that's right.

Yes. We were talking before. This is another funny thing. I forgot, the way dad will become friends with anyone, or at least try. There's no overstating and it doesn't matter if you're an elevator, if you're a telemarketer, if you're in his proximity. He's going to chat you up, even if he can't hear you, right? It's hysterical. My favorite moment was years ago, remember the Viva paper towel commercials? Well, I do.

You came out here, I think probably for the first time to L.A. put you up in a pretty good hotel, pretty good. And one morning, dad started talking to either the bellman or the doorman. And Chuck, of course, you know what this guy really is, is a screenwriter. Everybody's the screenwriter. So they're waiting for the car to pick him up

and dad starts talking to him. But he says, oh, you know, I've got a script I'm working on and they talk about the script. And I don't see any of this happening. I just know we come back after shooting these commercials. Mom, do you remember this? There were so many. Dad talked all the time.

So I get out of my car. You guys get out of your car. We're walking back into, I think it was the four seasons. And dad looks at the dorm and it goes, Hey, Frank, how are you? He goes, good, John, good, good. How'd your day go? Not so bad.

And then my father stops and says, so look, I've been thinking about your screenplay. You know, the third act, you know, it's got some problems in it. He's like, yeah, yeah, the third act is always a problem. And I'm just watching them talk. At some point during that day, they must have had a massive conversation. And my dad remembered the title of the movie, the characters in the movie, the format and so forth and so on. And I just, he hasn't always been that way, though, has he?

No. When I first met your father, he was not a happy person. He was very quiet, very sullen, seldom smiled. He just was not a happy person. But I think I made him happy through the years. You know what? He's a people person. Dad likes people.

He enjoys talking to people. I went down to the gym the other night, and Dad was playing shuffleboard with the guys. There are four or five of them. They get together twice a week. week and now he's in a league and it's going to be really serious. So the guys had finished playing but dad didn't come home so I went on down and the gym is right next to the chapel board. And their dad's playing with the women. I mean he's so friendly with all the women. They just

think he's wonderful. He's one of the girls. I probably shouldn't say that. But he is. Oh, I mean there's Tony, there's Marge, there's Pat. And they all just, you know, he just fits in. It's amazing, Chuck. I mean, my mom's right. He was not, you know, an outwardly happy guy when he was, what, 25, 26 years old, a difficult childhood and so forth. But today it's not just that he likes people inherently.

I don't know if that's true or not. I think the bigger thing about him is that he's curious. He is curious. That's a wonderful word. About everything, everything. And people are a part of everything. And so whether it's a coffee table at Woodshop or learning how to play pool at 89 or shuffleboard or hanging out with the boys or hanging out with the girls, what difference does it make? He's still curious.

Isn't he a counter as well? Doesn't he count things? Oh, God. He counts everything. Everything. Like what? He can't not count. you know he should have been like an actuarial actuarium

really because everything with content everything with amounts is fascinating to him and he can't let it go which drives me kind of crazy sometimes but back to the phone people he was on the phone the other day with some woman In fact, I wrote a blog about it. I was looking for it, but I can't remember which one it is.

And he was on the phone with this woman. And I'm trying not to listen because I'm writing. And then I hear him say to her, what color is your hair, Raven? Because with a name like Raven, you should have black hair. And I jump up and I say, John, you cannot ask this woman what color her hair is. It's too personal. It's like asking her, what are you wearing? Well, a minute later, those two are laughing and joking.

He was on the phone with her, I bet an hour. Her name is Raven. She lives in Arizona. She works for her blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she just loved it. Go figure. Yeah. There's a very, very fine and thin line between curious and creepy.

Back to two other sea words, right? Dad's crossed it before, but not with both feet. he'll get right there to the edge. Remember that story you wrote about? You got it in an elevator one time, and there was a big guy with a big bushy white beard, and he just gets right into it. And red suspenders.

And red suspenders. What did he say? Well, it was December, and he said, something about your visa. Is your visa up to date? aren't you a little early? It was just before Christmas.

And anyway, the guy pretended to be Santa Claus and just fell right into the role. And he and dad talked back and forth. And it was very entertaining because people on elevators usually don't talk. But I'll tell you, I have many an anxious moment before I know what the reaction of people is going to be. I don't want to see dad hurt. And some people don't appreciate being chatted up by a stranger. Like the girl, the young girl who got on the elevator, we were in a hotel. And Dad was practicing his accents for a play he was in.

And he said something to this girl like, well, it's a fine morning, lass, and where be you headed? Or something like that. And she just looked at him. She was on her phone and she looked up. And I thought, oh, no, this is not going to be pretty. and then the door opened and she went out and she said oh i'm off to the fitness center have a good day and it takes so little to make him happy oh man elevator etiquette that's a good one well i don't want to keep you all day but i did just want to check in mostly on behalf of the people who keep nagging me

and wanting to make sure that you're okay you should know there are like hundreds of thousands of people that are affirmatively worried about you and dad. That's nice. It is nice, and I do appreciate it, but we are fine, and I've tried to tell them that if they follow me on my page, they would know that we're okay. And your page is the real Peggy Row on Facebook. I believe it is. What do you mean you believe it is? Well, I don't know. I never go to it that way, but people tell me they just Google Peggy row Facebook posts. Yeah. I'd looked it up earlier today just to be certain that I had it right. The Real Peggy Row on Facebook, yes. You got a blue check mark and everything. I do. Is that good? Yeah. It means you're verified.

Oh, I'm terrified. What's that word they use in that movie, oh, brother, where art thou? I'm not verified. Righteous? No, I'm something fide. Centrified? Oh, it means you're official. You are not certified, but... Verified. No. Rectified. No. Circumcised? That's just not even close, Mike. I don't even know.

Conservative. Hey, watch your language. I know. Oh, George Clooney says it. I can't remember what it is. All I remember is the dapper Dan from that. We need to look this up. There's no way we can end it. We're in a tight spot, boys. He was funny in that movie. He was hysterical.

I don't know her name, and I seed her first. I'd love that line. I seed him first. Well, you'll think I'm crazy unless you've seen that. Oh, brother, where art thou? Verified, rectified. Movie directed by Ethan Cohen, star of George Clooney, Tim Blake Nelson, and John Turturo.

I don't know what this is. I don't know how to find it, Mom. I looked up the, Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou quotes. Damn, we're in a tight spot. Where are there says, not rectified. There's no way Siri's going to understand that. Well, besides, I didn't push in the microphone. Oh.

I said it all for naught. Oh, boy. Well, what's on the agenda for today? Anything else I should know? Let's see. Today is Friday. Oh, yeah, I think we're playing Pinochle this evening. Excellent.

Yeah, that'll be fun. That's always fun. And you have a birthday. Well, not for a while. No, it's pretty close. No, not for a while. You're going to try and stay under the radar this year with your birthday. You've got 200,000 people clamoring to wish you a happy one.

I'll be 84. That's a nothing birthday. Next year they can wish me happy 85th because that ends in a 5. Five and zero are the big ones. They're the only ones that matter? This is a non-event. Chuck, have you found it? Do we have this obscure George Clooney reference?

yet. There's like seven pages of quotes from this thing. Certified? That's what I thought. Certified or sanctified? Because they did get baptized. Oh, sanctified, certified, rectified. They all kind of mean the same thing. I just don't know what else it could be. Well, it's not purified. The preacher says all my sins is washed away, including that piggly wiggly I knocked over in Yazoo. We have to watch that again. I thought you said you was innocent of those charges. Well, I was lying. And the preacher says that sin's been washed away too. Neither God nor man's got nothing on me.

Come on in, boys, the water's fine. Yeah, that ain't the one. No. I'll know it when I hear it. Yeah. I'm sure your listeners are all screaming it. I seriously doubt there are a lot of listeners left at this point. Oh, it has been an hour, hasn't it?

Golly, time really flies. I guess it's all a matter of perspective. I guess. We had a nice lunch today. I stopped by subway and bought a tuna sub. Boy, was it good? Haven't had one in well over a year. Was it a tuna salad?

Or was it like strips of tuna? It was tuna fish salad on a long, a foot long white roll with lettuce and tomato. No. You ate a foot long? Oh, no. Oh, no. We split it. But I did eat a half a foot long. It's still pretty good. I ate a half a foot long. But it was good with chips and soda. All right. Well, if we can't find what George Clooney said,

then maybe we'll just call this one, I ate half a foot long. Well, what I wrote down was it's a thin line between curious and creepy. That's pretty good. I don't know. That was good. Yeah. Let's hope we stay on the curious end. Let's hope. Let's hope.

All right. Well, this has been fun. Thank you for inviting me. You're welcome any time, Mom. Especially when we can't get any other guests. Oh, and by the way, I did finish my book. Oh, you're kidding. You buried the lead.

Are you happy? I am happy. But you know how writers are? Every once in a while, I get to thinking, oh, it's no good. And then I go back and I read it and I think it really is good. Nice. It really is. And my editor likes it.

So she's giving it a final pass. And then there's still a lot of work to do. But hopefully before summer. That would be great. Maybe by Mother's Day. Terrific. That would be a great, great time to have it out. All right.

Well, get me a draft when you can. All right, huh? And in the meantime, I'm still. writing poetry in my head. Well, get it out of your head and put it on the page. I think there's something there, too. Did you know that Billy Fister had a blister under his shirt and it hurt? Tell me more.

You'll have to read the book. Billy Fister had a blister? And it hurt under his shirt. Under his shirt and it hurt. Under his shirt and it hurt. Oh, I can see where this is going. Does the blister pop? His little sister popped his blister.

What a mess all over her dress. And then? Well, I'm not sure where I'm going with it, but there is a Dr. Lister in it who gets caught in a twister. And his mouth fills with dust and he can only whisper. But I haven't quite resolved it yet. That's the stuff that I think can work. I love the poetry for the young kids because that's your background. and all that stuff's terrific.

But if you can come up with more poems that have that dirty jobs component that kids will love, but parents will also love, I think this illustrator will have a field day bringing that stuff to life. I really do. Well, did I tell you that Billy Fister

took a swing at his sister? No. He missed her. Well, I would hope so. but on the downside, after he lanced that boil, she's covered with pus. It's not a good day for Fister's sister, even though he missed her. It's a work in progress on. Yeah, I understand.

I'll get to you when it's finished. The question is, is it a pop-up? It's a pop-out. All right, go join your husband, shoot a little pool. Yeah, I'll be a rooting section for him. Excellent. All right. You guys have a nice day. You too.

We will. We might talk about you after you're gone. I mean, what could you say, but good, right? We'll see. Through that. Should I stay on to record or something? I have to hit stop. Oh, wait a minute. Don't hit stop yet, Chuck. You know what?

While you're still here, why don't you in your best motherly tone and the sweetest demeanor you can conjure invite what's left. of our listeners to give us a five-star review over on Apple. Well, I'm not sure what it means, but apparently it would be a good thing if you were to go over to Apple and give us a five-star review. That is, if you liked what you've heard. And even if you didn't. And even if you didn't. There you go.

You got to ask for the sale, Mom. All right. I love you. Love you too. Love both of you guys. Take care. Always great to see you. Be well.

Thank you. You too.