The Way I Heard It with Mike Rowe - 249: Coffee with Mom—Sometimes When He Goes Stinky He Forgets to Hold Mr. Beeper Down and Winkles on the Wall with Peggy Rowe

Episode Date: May 3, 2022

Two-time NYT bestselling author, Peggy Rowe stops by to discuss her upcoming third book, how not to tape your students to a chair, and what it's like to give your best friend's eulogy.  

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seventeen, seven, words, grouped up in such a way that, uh, only peggy noble could have said this, today's guest. Sometimes when he goes stinky, he forgets to hold Mr. Beeper down and winkles on the wall from my mother's mouth to your ears. Best title ever? It's got to be the best title ever. As soon as she said it, we both just went, what? was that? Say it again. Yeah. My mom, who I know many of you adore, just like I do, has written a new book. It's called Vacuuming in the Nude. And because it's Mother's Day week, we thought it would be grand to have her back on the podcast to shamelessly flogged the aforementioned tome. And in the midst of said flogging, she was relating a story to us. I think basically the setup was she was teaching

and she wanted to know from the parent if there was any special words that their kid used with regard to his more private functions. And she said no. No. No, it's all very standard stuff, you know. Although sometimes when he goes stinky, he forgets to hold Mr. Beeper down and winkles on the wall.

My mom has a way with words, and you will hear many words. grouped up together in a unique way in today's conversation. I swear, I just think she gets more and interesting, Chuck. I mean, I'm biased, obviously, but with every passing day. No, you're 100% accurate. And the thing that I love about this episode is that she kind of goes deep. I know. Peggy goes deep not only on her own personal experience in writing, but her own personal experience with rejection. She actually gets emotional at one point. I'd never seen your mom. mom tear up before? Well, this book that she's written is different from her other two in that

it's a memoir. I obviously know my mom pretty well, but even I having a front row seat to her love affair with writing over the decades, even I didn't really appreciate the level of rejection that she dealt with with optimism and human. and she writes because there is simply no other choice. Because she has to. She writes because she must. Yeah. My mom wrote every day for 60 years. That's amazing. And as a boy, I saw her periodic successes, you know, I saw her get published in the local newspaper. And I saw like a horse magazine here and there would pick up her horse riding stories. And you would think she won the Pulitzer in our house. Because we were so excited for. Basically, what my mom did was she wrote poems

every day for her school kids. And she wrote short stories about me and my brothers. And they were great stories inspired by real life events. And she would write them down on her legal pad. And my dad would then take these stories and he would read them out loud to us, but also out loud to poor people stuck in elevators and in restaurants. It was just the strangest thing, man. My mom constantly writing and my dad walking through

the world, reading her stories. Performing. Yes. Yes. And through it all, unbeknownst to me, she was sending these stories off to publishing houses and trying to get somebody to put them in some sort of

order so she could have a book. And all those years, she nourished, this dream of becoming a best-selling author. And she never really articulated it to any of us. All she did instead was right. Day in and day out for 60 years. So what you're about to hear is Chuck and me talking to my mom about this and realizing in the course of our conversation,

our own relationship with rejection, my dad's relationship with rejection. And I think maybe anybody anywhere who's ever dreamed of doing a thing, and struggled to get there, and having to decide, do I quit now? Do I ever quit? And if I don't, how do I go on? And my mom has somehow written a book that addresses that exact question, without hitting it too hard on the head or becoming some weird self-help book. It's the story she's been writing all her life put together in a really interesting order with her observations along the way. And it's a hell of a book. It's called Vacuuming in the news.

and that's really what we talk about and other ways to get attention. That's right. I was going to say there's a subtitle to that as well. Yeah, the book comes out August 16th, but you can pre-order it now. Wouldn't it be great if enough people did pre-order it that your mom, when she debuts, will debut with this book on the New York Times bestseller list for a third time? Look, I don't want to lean on this audience. They've already been very generous with their time and money, but yes, it would be a remarkable Mother's Day president. My mom is 84 years old now. And you know what else you're going to like, if I can pat myself on the back for a moment?

You're going to like the foreword. The foreword. I knew exactly what you were going to say. In the forward, I tell the true story of every single time my mother has called me and ask me to write the forward for her next book. When an 80-year-old woman asks you to write the forward for her first book, you have to assume it could be the forward for her last book. And so you don't hold back, man.

You write the best forward you can possibly write, which is what I did four years ago. But she keeps coming back with new books and she needs new forwards. And you're the only celebrity she knows. I mean, the only celebrity she knows. I do think my mother is eclipsing me in that category. Peggy Noble is how I introduced her

because that's her maiden name and at the risk of more shameless pluggery. There's a song called The Nobleman that many of you have been asking about. It's on YouTube. It's really like a supply chain lament, but it tells the story of my difficulties delivering the Tennessee whiskey named after my mom's dad, Carl Noble. So yeah, this is a bit self-indulgent this conversation, but it's my mom for crying out loud. And in my defense, Chuck, correct me if I'm wrong, but in my defense of the many guests on this podcast, who's the most requested? Peggy Row.

or noble. Call her what you will. She is the object of my affection and today's guest in episode number 249. Say it with me, if you haven't already memorized it. Sometimes when he goes stinky,

he forgets to hold Mr. Beeper down and winkles on the wall. Here we go. Right after this commercial. Ah! Do do do do do do do do do do. Dumb. My guest today, Tom Albanyse, is an American Giant, and I'll tell you why.

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com slash Mike. American giant, American made. American giant American made. Hey, Mike, I haven't seen you in ages. Have you missed me? Immensely. But I know where to see you if I, you know, get really desperate. Where?

Well, you have a Facebook page and, you know, you have a presence there most times. And also, I have your phone number. I know. And you're not afraid. to use it. I am not afraid at all. And you know that if you don't answer, I'm very persistent. You really are. And I text. I love that about you. And full disclosure, you're not only the guest on the podcast today because recent polls have indicated you are far in a way the crowd favorite. I don't know what that says. It says good things about you or maybe not so great things about.

Maybe you have an old crowd, huh? Maybe. Old people seem to like me. But I was going to call you anyway this morning when I get a break because I've been feeling very sorry for myself and complaining to Chuck relentlessly about the trials and tribulations of poor me. Oh, what's wrong? Oh, God. Don't you like 60? All right.

Chuck, we can't edit all around this when. Oh, yeah. You know, I love to edit everything out. All the good stuff goes away. Oh, people don't know you're 60? Okay, easy. They do now. Well, talk to me in 24 years.

I know. See how that feels. You'll always be ahead of me. Under you. Don't make it weird. Well, I mean, really took it to a dark place. Both dark and inappropriate. Sad and illegal.

I was going to call you after my dismal appearance this morning on Fox and Friends. Were you watching? Gosh, Mike, I chose to go swimming instead. I hope you'll forgive me. The pool was wonderful. Listen, the pool was just the right temperature. It wasn't crowded. There were some friends there. It was friendly. There was no controversy there. There was nothing negative happening in the pool. It was all good stuff.

Well, in a facility like the one in which you're ensconced, I suppose the negativity in a pool could include a wide variety of disappointments. What did you tell me last week? There was some hubbub because, what, somebody didn't stay in their lane? You got people wandering through swimming lanes? Well, when people do laps, they are very possessive of their lane. They don't want anybody to get in front of them. and this elderly man came to the pool for the first time for physical therapy. It had been recommended to him by his therapist. He came in to the center of the pool and he started walking towards me because I know him.

We play pool with him. And this wonderful swimmer was coming toward him and she yelled, You're in my lane, mister. And he just raised his eyebrows and kept walking. And then she got closer and she said, this is my lane. You need to leave my lane. And he said, turned his head to the side and said, go around me. I don't think he was real flexible.

But there was no bloodshed and it ended well. Well, it's funny because not a day goes by where either Chuck or Mary or Jade or somebody who works with me doesn't express some concern that I have wandered outside of my lane, whatever that metaphorical space might be. And it just seems like with every passing day, it's become increasingly difficult for me to stay in whatever my lane is. So my first question, mom, is what is my lane? Can you explain it to me? Because I feel like I'm in need of some advice. I'll take a crack if you can't. Chuck, you go ahead.

No, I don't want to go first. He asked you the question. I don't need to hear from Chuck at all on this topic since I have. You know what your purpose is. You know what your goal is. And if you just follow that. I thought I did. I'm not sure anymore.

What is it? First and foremost, you are an entertainer. Is that correct? I mean, I try. I do think that whatever else I hope to accomplish, if I can't be at least marginally entertaining along the way, then nobody's going to pay any attention. You have no audience at all if you're not entertaining, right? Right. And you know pretty much who your audience is, don't you?

I thought I did. I can't decide if they're getting older with me at the same rate, or if they're frozen in dirty jobs time 20 years ago, or if they're frozen. they're the kind of folks that might watch TBN instead of discovery, or the kind of folks who might watch Fox instead of TBN, or the kind of folks who might gravitate towards podcasts instead of broadcasting cable television, or the kind of people who would prefer to read a book, or the kind of people who support a foundation. I feel like there are many lanes, Mom. And while all of them have some things in common, they're all distinct at the same time. That's the interesting thing about your appeal, Mike, it seems to range over the generations. I know people approach me here

frequently and ask me if I'm Mike Rose mother. I say, yes, I am. I say I'm the dirty mother. They always laugh at that. That's my reputation for years. But old people, I speak collectively of the residents here. They are all between. 60 and 105. And the ones in their 60s are in the minority. There are not too many of them. But men seem to like you and women seem to like you. Children.

Children come to visit. They seem to like you. You just have a wide appeal. So you think I'm pretty solid in 105 demographic? Is that what you're telling me? I got the 100 plus wrapped up. I haven't really heard from those people. They can't talk.

I have met a couple of women, 103 and 104. There was a 103-year-old woman shooting pool one night. Yeah, how'd that go? And a friend pointed to a woman at another table the other night and said, see her, that lady in the yellow sweater, she's 104. I play bridge with her. And I said, really, what kind of a bridge player is she? and Anne said, she holds her own.

So I can't speak to your popularity among that demographic, but the people who approach me here all the time just think you're wonderful. And you know what they always mentioned? They love how you feel about the trades. That seems to be the most popular, you know. Well, that's nice. I mean, that's the foundation. And there was a time when that was the smallest thing,

but now that's the thing that's been going on for 14 years. years. This is what Chuck and I argue about all of the time. How am I supposed to be out there in a consistent way talking about the trades and at the same time trying to entertain people who enjoyed seeing toilets explode in my face on dirty jobs? And how do you do both of those things at the same time? And by the way, it's great that kids and old people like me, but my lack of appeal also cuts across all demographies in a fairly consistent way. So there's some kids who despise me, mom, and I know for a fact some old people who think I'm full of it. Well, that's all right.

We'll never please everybody. But they also like the fact that your message is that not everybody has to go to college. College is not for everybody. They love that message. And they love the fact that you are so critical of college debt and the fact that people seem to willingly jump into knowingly that they are going to have all this college debt. And they think that that degree is more important than saddling themselves with a lifetime of debt. And they like your approach.

Well, that's to you and dad. I mean, I grew up with an absolute conscious fear of that four-letter word. I know how badly it still freaks dad out. I know that it freaks me out, and I don't know why it doesn't freak other people out. Oh, you're talking about debt, that four-letter word? Which four-letter word were you thinking, Peggy? I like the debt, four-letter word. Yes.

Okay. Well, you know, your father was on his own at a very young age. You know, he left the house when he was a boy, practically, in his teens. did not have an extremely happy home life. It was a dysfunctional home life. So he learned how to take care of money, how to manage money at a young age. He bought a car, arranged for housing,

bought his own clothes, just took care of himself. He was the one in our relationship, who was responsible for our economical. the way that we spent money, the way that we saved money. Your parsimony. Exactly, exactly. And we have never, ever been in debt.

Your father, like you say, debt is a four-letter word. We had a mortgage on our first house, which we paid $14,000 for. And that mortgage was paid off rather quickly. So you're right. You got it from your father. My dad is the subject of one of my mom's books. Actually, he's in every book. He's in everything my mother does.

He's all over this new book, which we'll talk about in a minute. He was one of those guys. Look at you shamelessly plugging that, mom. It just happened to be here. Yeah, about your father. Book number two. He was one of those guys who squeezed out the paper towels, you know, and let him dry and used them again.

And put his handkerchief. over the heater so that it could dry so that he could use it more. That really grossed me out. He would put a snotty handkerchief over the heater to dry it out so he could use it more. I don't even, I mean, what possessed people to carry handkerchiefs in the first place? And how come no one does anymore? Did we just come to our senses and realize it's just straight up disgusting? It was the invention of the disposable.

You know, the tissue made it possible before there were tissues. The same way that there are disposable diapers now. There used to be just cloth diapers. Isn't that right, Peggy? Exactly. And you wore cloth diapers, not to make it personal, but... I don't mind. But Chuck, I mean, are you walking around right now with Kleenex in your pocket?

No, but I know that there's a box of Kleenex somewhere. I think I have like four open boxes of Kleenex in my house. Well, I mean, I know you've got a box handy. I got a box handy too, but I don't leave the house with Kleenex in my pocket. But there was a time when any man would leave the house with a handkerchief. They were always armed with a handkerchief. And most people today are not armed with Kleenex. And so our noses are either running a lot less than they used to where we've just decided

handkerchiefs are by definition disgusting. Dad still uses hangarchiefs. I was going to say I have a friend Mark. He still carries a handkerchief and it's disgusting. Yeah, he doesn't have any friends anymore. You barely see him. That's not true. I mean, maybe a little bit, but not true.

No, no. So, Mom, can we just bring it back to me for a minute? I was saying, going to call you today regardless of your presence on the podcast, to see if you watched Fox News this morning because I screwed up horribly. Oh, you did? No, but I bet I can bring it up online. What did you do? Well, first of all, my alarm didn't go off

when it should have gone off. People should know this is Monday the 25th we're having this conversation, and tonight is the premiere of How America Works, which is an episode on law enforcement. And it looks great. You're going to want to watch it. It's a good one.

And where can somebody find that show? Anybody could find that show on Fox Business Prime at 8 o'clock on Monday nights. So for the purpose of sharing that exact bit of information, I went on Fox and Friends this morning. I was supposed to be on there at 550, which is horribly early. They moved it up to 540. And those last 10 minutes make all the difference, right, when you're trying to wake up and get the coffee in you. And so the alarm didn't go off as planned. I woke up in a rush. I ran down here. I was. I was I spilled my coffee. I turned on my lights.

I'm sitting right where I'm sitting now, except it's pitch dark. The Skype connection isn't working. Chuck's on the line with me. I can't get the light right. And the studio is desperate to make the connection. And they're calling a TikTok, closer, closer, closer, closer.

There's six million people watching this show. And I'm sitting here. I've barely spoken. I'm trying to organize my thoughts. And I got an email from the producer at Fox saying, the first thing we want to talk to you about is the minimum wage, which some Congresswoman has just proposed to be raised to $30. Now, I don't want to talk about the minimum wage. I want to talk about the show. But that's the

way it works. You have to talk about whatever's in the news first. So I'm trying to organize my thoughts on the minimum wage. And poor Steve Ducey, who's interviewing me, he doesn't know what hell I'm going through, so he's just plowing forward. But he also doesn't know that my show's on tonight. I don't even think he knows what it's called. And he thinks it's a show about cleaning up after parades because there's a clip of a parade and a canine unit with a cop is there. So he doesn't know what the show is about. So I'm trying to explain it, but I've wasted most of my time talking about the damn minimum wage. So I wind up telling him that it's a show, how America works. It's the hit show. It's the number one show on Fox Business. And it's back. And tonight's episode is about law enforcement. And I tell him it takes

place in Wilmington, Delaware. But it doesn't. It takes place in Wilmington, North Carolina. So I feel terrible. I know all those cops down there are watching, and they probably think, you know, my head's completely up my butt. I don't know what I'm talking about. On my own show, which I'm the executive producer of, you'd think I'd know better. Anyway, that's how my day started, mom. It was complete chaos. It was a terrible interview. I'm frustrated with Skype. I'm frustrated with my own incompetence and inability to wake up on time. And I just wanted to talk to my mom. Gosh, Mike, I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. You were swimming.

I was swimming. Sadly, I was there for him. And that just gave him more to complain about. So you have to get up at that ungodly hour also when Mike has an interview. Mike, I'm sorry it went badly, but and this won't come out in time for people to see it tonight. Oh, no, it was live. It's out. It's over. No, I mean to see your show that you said is on tonight. No, they saw it this morning and the show is on tonight.

It's all happened. But this conversation will come out a week later. So we're talking about a show that aired about eight days ago. Maybe in time for next week's show. Or the week after it. It's on for the next 10 weeks. It doesn't matter. The purpose of this is not to promote that.

It's just to tell you that while I was promoting that in the dark this morning, I had a bad time and I wanted to talk to my. mom. And then I thought, well, since the schedule is such a mess, rather than call you like a son to complain, I would just have you on the podcast and complain to you here. So I've done it. Okay. I've noted your complaint. I've taken it to heart. And I'm so sorry you had a bad morning, Mike. I've noted your complaint and forwarded it to the appropriate people. You know, it's funny, Mike, I was in the fitness center this morning, and the staff there that run the fitness center are young people, meaning they're under 50. And on the way out, Julie, the woman who is in charge, came up to me and she laughed.

She said, Mrs. Rowe, I saw your book cover. I love it. and then she was describing it to the other two people there. And then the young man there, who was also on the staff, said, well, if she looked so good on that book cover, and Julie said, and your legs are beautiful. And Andrew said, well, could you tell your fans that your legs are beautiful because you swim in our pool and you work out in our fitness center?

So I said, okay. It's an illustration, you know. They're not really my legs. My mother, for those of you who don't know, has just completed her third book. It's called Vacuuming in the Nude. The illustration she's referring to was created by a guy named Jamie Buckley, who really came to our attention as the result of your last appearance on this podcast when you read a few poems,

spontaneously, and I suggested serendipitously that somebody put a children's book together filled with illustrations because your poems were so well suited for them. And within 24 hours, some guy named Jamie Buckley sent in a picture of a turtle with a house on its back. Is it weird to love people but despise human resources? If so, well, color me weird. It's not to say I don't respect the millions of people who work in HR departments and companies all over the country. I do.

It's just that I don't envy him. That's why MicroWorks doesn't have an HR department for better or worse. And it's also why I use ZipRecruiter whenever we need to expand. ZipRecruiter has proven themselves a million times over by helping countless employers get through the hiring process faster and more effectively than ever before. And now they have a new feature that instantly shows you the most interested, the most passionate, and the most qualified candidates first. This is a huge time saver, hours and hours of save time. And it helps people like me find the people who can function in a non-traditional work environment like MicroWorks. In other words, ZipRecruiter works for me, and they'll probably work for you too.

Post a job for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash row. watch what happens. Odds are you'll find a human resource that just happens to be a great fit for your company in 24 hours or less. ZipRecruiter.com slash row. ZipRecruiter.com slash row. The smartest way to hire. Inspired by a poem you wrote called turtles. Turtles are pokey. Wherever they go, they carry their houses. That's why they're so slow. and he drew that picture. He drew an amazing picture of a turtle with an actual house on its back.

And I just thought it was clever and we reached out. And flash forward, he has done the illustration for your book called vacuuming in the nude where you are naked on the front cover, covered by a tasteful barrel. But naked underneath, as far as we know,

looking very shapely, pushing a vacuum cleaner around your husband's feet. Why'd you go with that? that title. Why did I go with that title? The rest of the title is and other ways to get attention. And that certainly would be one way to get attention. You know, Mike, I've been writing all of my adult life for 60 years. From the time I got out of college and started teaching, I started writing. but I wasn't able to interest publishers in what I was writing until I was in my 60s. So all of those years I was writing.

I was writing humorous stories and just saving them. And then I began writing for newspapers and magazines, articles and essays and stories. and they were actually published in 1965. If that's for me, Mom, I can't talk. Very busy. Got a lot going on, Mom. You need to take that? Honey, I just lost everything.

I just lost everything that was on my screen. It's a call from Dad, and he knew I was having a podcast. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. So that's all right. I can still talk. I don't need to see you. What do you mean?

The call came in? the screen went blank on your computer? It came in through my computer. And a little message came up that I had a call and everything just disappeared. Let me help you. Take your cursor and put it down to the bottom of the screen and look for Google Chrome, the little four-colored circle, blue dot with a red, green, and yellow twist around. You're right.

There you go. You're so smart. Yeah. Tell your son that. He's a shining light. And that fast I forgot what we were talking about. I know it was very interesting, but it's gone. It was weird because you were telling me about your writing career,

almost as though I didn't have a front row seat for all of it. Almost as if we had just met and I wasn't there for the last 60 years, watching you write every day, watching you. send your little stories off to horse magazines and the local paper and sometimes finding some interest, but more often than not, just writing day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, submitting manuscripts to publishing houses and accumulating a stack of rejection letters, not for a year or two or five or ten, but for 60. Look, this is really the thing, like if we're actually going to talk about it.

about something. We're going to put some sides on this. We should talk about rejection, because Chuck here and me and everybody I know in my industry, that's our default. Most people don't realize the level of rejection that you have to endure to be a writer or a voiceover actor or a host. But you take the cake, Mom. It's so interesting that of all of my friends in this industry, I never really thought about the rejection that you endured on a daily basis for 60 years. I mean, it's unbelievable. It's true. Every writer I know, there's little joke.

Writers are always saying, oh, I could paper my wall with my rejection notices. And I truly could. I had folders bulging. And when we moved into the condo in 2000, your father convinced me to get rid of those rejection notices. Who wants to be reminded of their failures every day? So I got rid of them. You know, I think it made me stronger all of those. It was depressing.

But it also, it helped me to appreciate the success that I did have. I wrote things for my parents that they loved. You know, before I was a successful writer, before I started being published, I wrote letters to people. They cherished my letters. I wrote eulogies for funerals. I wrote poetry for friends' birthday celebrations.

I mean, I was writing all the time. And really, my writing made a lot of people happy. after I was published, I looked back at my little minor successes with friends and family, and I realized that, you know, that was really what I wanted. That was my dream. I wanted to be out there. I wanted to be noticed. I wanted people to enjoy my writing, and that's why I submitted my manuscripts to publishers.

my real success was in making the people I love happy. I wrote a letter for your grandmother. Your grandmother was crazy nuts about the Baltimore Orioles. This is the book about her. When she was 90, I wrote a letter to the Baltimore Orioles, and I made it good. I know they were teary by the time they read my letter. And I told about your grandmothers how much she loved the Orioles,

her devotion to the Orioles through the years. It was a couple of pages. I know they say make your letters short. But there was such history. And darn if they didn't call her right up and invite her to throw out an opening pitch, as soon as they read my letter, I thought, wow, that's success, you know, when your efforts can result in making someone else so happy. There's a pretty famous play, a Broadway play.

called Pippin. You've seen it, haven't you? No, I never did see Pippin. I've heard some of the music and I've liked it, but I didn't actually see it. Chuck, you were in it, weren't you? Yeah, I played Pippin, a Towson. I didn't go to Towson, but I, yeah, that was, I forget what year it was, but. It was 82 or something like that. Spoiler alert. But Pippin, son of Charlemagne, learns at the end of the play that his desire to go out into the world, his wonder his need to experience all of these different things.

Everything he wanted had been at home all of the time. There's a beautiful song that sums it all up. I can't remember what it is. But that's what you're talking about. After 60 years of rejection, all of a sudden you become a best-selling author. And by the way, that's why Dad was wrong about your rejection notices. It's hard to know what to do with that amount of negativity when you're not successful because you don't want to look at it, you don't want to wallow in it.

But once you are successful, those things really matter. And I'm so glad you talk about Facebook. All I have to do is go on Facebook, and there are plenty of people who want to tell me or happy to tell me why I stink at this or suck at that or whatever. And it doesn't bother me the way it would bother me years ago. You know, I had realized my dream long before my name was on two New York Times bestsellers. I had realized my dream long before that.

I didn't realize that I had realized it until I was noticed on a larger scale, you know, on a broader platform. Life is funny, isn't it? Yeah, it's annoying, too. Mike, I can remember saying to your grandfather, I had won a poetry contest and this little stories in the book, but I had a pamphlet with my poem in it that was a winner. And I took it to your grandfather. Well, he was blind.

He couldn't see it. But he held the book. He was caressing the book. And I read him my poem. And he said, did you really write that, hon? That is so good. Maybe you'll have a whole book. someday of your writing. And just thinking back to that praise, that was success, you know.

Sure. Yeah. Well, you come by it honestly. I remember after you saw me in Oklahoma, 50 years ago, 45 years ago, whatever it was, you said, Michael, Michael, you can do this. Whatever that was, we didn't know that you could do that. And now we've seen you do it. So what else can you do? Whatever it is, do it. The encouragement your dad gave you and the encouragement you gave me. That's what I'm taking from your most recent book. And that's what I tried to write about in the forward, which I assume your publisher has received. It really is a book about encouragement, for me anyway, more than anything else. Michael, I'll tell you how I feel.

The price of my book, I don't know what it will be, but your forward really is worth the price of it. Oh, it's good? You like it? Oh, it's excellent. Listen, it made me laugh. I'm a tough audience. I very rarely laugh out loud. I'm not much fun in an audience.

But I laughed out loud at that, and then I teared up. So it has everything. You're forward. It's really great. Aside from the excellent forward, there are some things about your book that are worth owning. Oh, thank you. You're welcome. I think so.

I hope so. But talk about encouragement, because what you just said about Pop, I forget how important it is to hear an encouraging word from somebody you admire versus lots of encouraging words from somebody that you barely know. in this stupid business, Chuck, you see it all the time. I hear lots of nice things from lots of people I've never met, and that's nice. It's nice. But there's a short list of people who you really want to get the nod from. That's what comes through in this book. You've written a lot of stories that I think are going to make people think about the audience that's most important to them.

And that's pretty great. Yeah. if there are people in your life that you admire and you look up to. There was a neighbor across the hall when we lived in the condo for 20 years. His name was Chick Serio. And Chick had won the silver star for bravery under action on Iwo Jima. Wow. And when I found that out, of course, your father was so excited.

He came running in the door the day he found out. And he said, we're living across the hall from a genuine hero. And so, of course, I had to interview him. He didn't want to do it at first. And then he said, okay, I'll talk about it. And I took my yellow legal pad and my pen over across the hall, and I sat with Chick for a couple of hours while his wife sat at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and reading the morning paper.

Well, after I did that interview, Chick walked me to the door, and so did his wife, Marguerite. And in the hallway, she gave me a hug and she said, Peggy, I have never heard those stories before. Wow. The stories that Chick just told you, he has never talked about.

And he was in his 90s. And then she hugged me and she said, thank you so much. Well, I made a difference. My writing made a difference to somebody, whether anybody ever read that story or not. But as it turned out, I sold it to the Baltimore Sun. They make you give your email address when you submit an article.

Right. So when that article ran, it ran on Memorial Day or Veterans Day, I can't remember. I think Memorial Day. I had a mailbox filled with emails from people I didn't know. They were for chick. could probably cry when I talk about this, but they were old colleagues of chicks. They were his friends. They were people that he worked with.

They were old neighbors. They were relatives. And they were writing to Chick and perfect strangers to tell him how much they appreciated his service. And they would talk about the stories that Chick had told me. Well, the story came out on a Sunday. And the next day was Memorial Day. Well, the serios are not technological at all because they were aged. They were as old as I am and your father.

And so we invited them over for lunch. And we gave them lunch, and then we brought out the computer. And Dad proceeded to read Chick and Marguerite all of those emails. Well, Chick had worn his uniform. his Marine uniform. Wow. And it still fit him. And he said he could button almost, most of the buttons he could button.

And he had his hat. And he sat in that chair and he listened, he listened as your father read those emails to him. And on the way out, he said, this has been the best day of my life. Certainly the best Memorial Day in my life, but the best, I can't remember a better day. Well, you know what?

It did not have the New York Times seal of approval, that article that I wrote. But it meant so much to me because I made a difference in a couple's lives. And there are other stories in the book like that where my writing made a difference, but it wasn't in a book. And now it is. I remember all of that. happening. I think the Baltimore Sun paid you, what, $35 or something? Not much. And I was very fortunate at that point because I did have a Facebook page with some people on it. And I shared a link

to the sun and to that story. And the same thing happened on my Facebook page. People don't know what to do when they hear a story like that, but they have to do something. What can they do? but reach out to whatever email address they have. I think it was great that the sun puts your address out there, even though you got flooded with stuff. But on a public Facebook page, it's that times 50. And so this is the lesson that I think we learn in different ways a thousand times over. It was the lesson from Dirty Jobs, episode one.

People saw that. They didn't write to say, hey, great show, or that was funny. they wrote to say, you should meet my uncle, my brother, my cousin, my sister, my mom, my dad, wait till you see what they do. That, I think, is what you were doing long before I realized you were doing it. You were this avatar for people around you. I write in the forward that you don't really talk to your sons, who you love. You interview them.

You interview everybody. You're like, Mrs. Marple out there in the world with a yellow legal pad, trying to get a story. But you never had an audience. You just had us. You had dad. Chuck, this is how it would go. Mom would go out into the world. She'd meet somebody.

She'd write a story about them. And then my father would read it out loud to me and to my brothers. And then sometimes to people, you know, at Bob's Big Boy or in the friendlies, wherever. You just walk around with my mother's stories and start reading them. Those are my earliest memories of my mom writing. My dad was like a town crier, and my mom was like a self-proclaimed observer of the times, and neither of them had this audience. But then the craziest thing happens.

I get this TV show. My dad, meanwhile, has embarked upon an acting career. Mom, how many? 70, 80 local productions, maybe more. Well, over 50. you know, I have programs for 50, and I'm not sure I had them all. But here's the thing that I don't think you and I have really talked about. I don't even know if it's in your book, but after I read the first draft, I remember I called you and I said,

how could you have felt so lonesome in your rejection? How could you not know that your son was being rejected virtually three times a week? on, you know, 90% of the auditions I went on and that your husband. I mean, how many plays did he audition for that he didn't get? Oh, my, many. Yeah. Chuck, how many auditions have you been on? What's your hit rate?

I didn't keep track of it. I remember adding up how many jobs I had done at one point. Every year I would sort of just do a tally, and I remember getting to over a thousand jobs. Oh, my goodness. And thinking how amazing that was. But it's like every one of those jobs, there had to have been at least 25 to 150 others that I didn't get. Chuck, did you go home and cry? Did you ever go home and cry?

No, I cried outside in front of everyone. I didn't do it at home. I did it on demand in restaurants, Bob's Big Boy, et cetera, like John reading your letters. I did my crying in private and I did it. And you know, it's funny, John reads everything that I write so that I can hear it. He reads it out loud and I can make it better. And when he read that chapter about my reaction to all of my rejections and how I did my crying in private, he turned to me and he said, I didn't know that.

Why didn't you tell me? Well, you know, there's a certain amount of shame in rejection. It's a shame about that. But there is. You don't want people to know that you have failed, that you weren't good enough, that you didn't measure up. Michael didn't talk about his rejections to us.

In fact, when he was living at home, you didn't even tell us. You didn't even tell us that you were going on. What are they called? Auditions. Auditions. That you were going on auditions. No, I couldn't bear it.

I couldn't bear it. Because then you would only have to tell us about the rejection. And so many people. It's not you. That's the thing that's so heartbreaking about rejection. It's not your own disappointment. It's the fact that you don't want to share your disappointment with the people you love. And I remember, Chuck and I had this 1,000 versions of this conversation.

We still joke about it today. like his mom, he just got to the point where I got to you, where eventually it's like, you just don't tell anybody you're up for a role because they love you. And they're going to hound you every time you talk. Did you hear back from them? Did you hear back? Yeah, exactly.

Did you get it? Like, no. No, I didn't get it. I never get it. I'm never going to get it. There were two things with my mom. One was it was like, no matter what I said, what would you do today?

we're talking. She said, what would you do today? Well, I had an audition for McDonald's and and Jack in the Box, blah, blah, blah. And then the next time I talked to her, she's like, well, did you hear from McDonald's or Jack in the Box? No, no, I did not. The other thing she would do is say, you know, I was watching TV last night and I saw the show Friends. It looks like so much fun. You should get a part on that. So why didn't you, Chuck? I said, you know what, Mom? You know, I did try. I tried. But Chuck, you were on Broadway. Yeah. How in the world did your mother react to that? Did she go and see you?

No, I wouldn't let her go and see me because I had to appear naked. So, oh, he was in OCalcutta. Hey, Mom, finally on Broadway. But no, I'd prefer it. She's the one who convinced me to do it. I had seen it when I was going to school because I got free tickets to all the Broadway shows when I was going to the American Academy Dramatic Arts. First day, I had just graduated. It was my very first day. sort of like as an actor now, okay, I'm now going to look for work. And I open up backstage and turn the page and I look for auditions and they were having an open call. Equity shows can have just an equity call. So it's just equity actress, but it's like equity and open, meaning you don't have to be

inequity to audition for it. I said, well, I'm going to do that. They wanted two monologues and two songs. And I thought, what a great opportunity to audition and practice. And they called me back. And then they called me back a second time. And then I started getting scared. And I was like, I called my mom. And I said, mom, I got second callback for this Broadway show. And she's like, well, that's wonderful. And I'm like, yeah, but I have to appear naked in the show if I do it.

And she said, well, will you get your equity card? If so, hold it up in front of you, please. Yeah. Do do do do do do do do. The federal government is not going to close America's skills gap. They have an important role to play for sure, but if we're serious about reinvigorating the skilled trades on a national level, we need more organizations like Skills USA making a real difference on a local level. These guys have been around since 1965, and today they are relevant like never before with hundreds of chapters in schools all over the country and hundreds of thousands of students participating and competing. every year. Nobody is doing more to train the next generation of skilled workers than Skills

USA. And I'm encouraging you to at least consider being a part of this movement. Skills USA advisors and volunteers aren't just teaching trades. They're launching careers and strengthening the backbone of our country by mentoring the next generation of industry leaders. In high school, you could be among the people who are making this movement explode. Join the skill trades movement, support career and technical education programs through Skills USA. There's no better way to do it. You can volunteer at a local chapter. You can start a chapter in your own town. Or you can just go to their website and see the impact for yourself and see too how easy it is to get involved. Thousands of kids are being introduced to the trades in a way that's absolutely positively moving

the needle. The goal is a million members by 2030. I think it's doable. I'm doing what I can to help them. Learn more at skillsusa.org slash mic. That's skillsusa.org slash mic. I'm talking skills, U.S. Skills, U.S.S. Skills USA. So, yeah, she was like, you got to do it if they give it to you. And they did. Your mother was special. Chuck, but you were on a soap opera.

How did your mom handle that? Oh, she loved that. That was great. Oh, I bet. My dad, too. When you talk about the people being. proud of you and stuff. Because my dad was a machinist. He was not in the arts at all, but to see me doing something that he thought was a little odd. I heard that whenever he went to work, people would

say, you know, your dad, every time I see him, he just tells me what you're doing and how great it is. Listen, and your friend Mike's mother and father were just as interested as your mother and father. I believe it. I would not miss those shows that you were on. Yeah, well, that's so sweet. And this is why it's so difficult to tell people you didn't get it. Back to your rejection, Mom. If somebody's going to take anything from this conversation, it's got to be the idea that you're not alone in your rejection. I think most people feel rejected, not all of the time, but way, way, way more than they admit. Whether they didn't get their promotion at work, or maybe they got outright fired.

from their job or maybe somebody broke up with them. Just all of those life rejections that most people deal with, they're not so different than the McDonald's thing didn't work out. And why don't you just get on friends? Why don't you date her? Heidi Klum is pretty. Why don't you just settle down with her? Right.

When a stranger says something, that hairbrained, you just forget it. But when somebody you love says, why don't you get a role on friends, it's very difficult to know what to say to them. Because from their perspective, it makes perfect sense. You're the most talented person your mother knows, Chuck, you're it. Friends, I mean, come on. Why aren't you on friends? And it's harder to explain why you can't get on friends than it is not to tell her that you're going on an audition.

And that's where my mom was for 60 years. for 60 years. I want to speak to that because when I went to acting school, we had a very smart theater history teacher who asked us a question once. He said, listen, he goes, are you willing to work hard every day? If I have a crystal ball, right, and I can see into the future, and you're going to have to work hard every day. You never know when it's going to happen, but you're going to be successful. You're going to get the success you want, but it's going to take you working hard every day. You're going to But every single day, now if I said it's going to take you doing this for 10 years every single day, would you do it?

And everybody goes, yeah, of course, to get the success I want? Great, I would do that. Okay, great. Now, you've got to work just as hard every single day, but it's going to take 20 years. Would you do it? And he went all the way up to 40 years. And finally, he said, I have no crystal ball. I can't guarantee it.

He basically said, if you're not. willing to do this every single day and not get there at the end of your 40, 60 years or whatever, then you have no business doing it to begin with. Yeah, that's it. Nobody ever told my mom that because she never joined a union. She didn't get in a writer's group until many years after she had been writing. She never had a support group. She never had an eight. She never had an She never had a manager. She never had a collaborator, a co-writer. She never had a confidant. She just went out into the world every day with a legal pad to observe and write. And then she had my dad, the town crier, who would read it. And that was it. It was right under my nose for decades. And I didn't appreciate the rejection that she endured. I thought I was alone in my own. own sort of spiraling, ever circling the drain. I mean, you just lose hope. I don't know where my dad was, but he's so stubborn. I don't even know if he's capable of that kind of feeling.

He's practicing his Russian accent. My dad's walking around talking in accents. My mom's writing books. Nobody's reading. I'm going on auditions I'm afraid to tell them about. And none of us were able to help each other really consciously through that. And yet, of course, we were encouraging each other in other ways every day. So all of that is just to say, if I were to bring it back to staying in your lane, I don't know what the lane is really. I just know that if you're put on the earth to write, you're going to write. Is that dad again?

In the middle of my point? I swear to God, if you want to be on the podcast, just send him a text and tell him to come home. Put him on speaker. Yeah, why don't you answer the phone and put him on speaker? Oh. I can't believe it. Right in the middle of the one sentient point. I was really trying to land the plane really good.

It sounded like you were going to land the plane really, really good. It was going to be a good one too. Go ahead. On land it. That'll be home soon. Oh, God. I guess I was saying that your remarkable new book, vacuuming in the nude, which does feature you naked on the cover behind a barrel.

An illustration. Illustration, yeah, is full of really warm and funny laugh-out loud stories, many of which I had heard over the years. But to see them put together into a larger tale of what really, I think, writing is, Stephen King wrote a book about how to write called On Writing, and it's great. And honestly, Mom, I cringed when you first pitched this idea because I didn't think you should write a book about how to write. And this is not a book about how to write. It's not a book about grammar.

It's not a book about how to get published. It's one writer's journey who, to Chuck's point, would have written every day for her entire career without an audience to speak of. And with no hope of getting one simply because it's what you did. And so the encouragement that I think people are going to take from this book, never mind writing. I think firemen will be encouraged. I think accountants will be encouraged. Singers and actors, obviously, but tradespeople will be encouraged. Anyone who ever felt like they were doing something and not getting the gratitude or the attention that it deserved is going to be encouraged by this.

I think it's your best work ever. Oh, golly. Thank you, Mike. I hope so. It would be nice to think that I keep getting better and better instead of older and older. You might get both. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's a good thing. There was an article in the New York Times yesterday, the day before, about ageism and how people are so prejudiced toward older people. and I personally, either I have, I'm immune to that or I just haven't noticed it. Maybe people just expect less of you, I don't know. Maybe that's part of it. But I have had only positive responses from people who say, you're 84 and you work every day. If you write every day, why would you want to do that? You're 84.

It just occurred to me now. My whole scholarship program, my whole foundation, dirty jobs, all of that is wrapped up into a celebration of work ethic. And whenever I talk about it, I always talk about your dad, Carl Noble, always talk about pop. And the truth is, there you were the whole time, writing every day without an audience. It's vacuuming in the nude metaphorically, trying to get some attention. I think you got your work ethic from your dad, and I think you got your stubbornness from your husband. And what an honor.

What an honor to write the third forward. By the way, is anybody ever going to write another forward for any of your books other than me? I don't know any other celebrities, Mike. You're the only one I know. So you got it by default. God. Well, it's an honor. Chuck, I was laughing before when you were talking about, did Agnes really say that?

Why don't you get a job on friends? Yes. Oh, yes. 100%. Yeah. True story. It's so funny because my Nana, my mom's mom, she would pull me aside all the time and say, Michael, I was watching the television the other night.

And, you know, Tom Brokaw said an interesting thing. And it made me wonder. Blah, blah, blah. When you see him, would you ask him? And that Jerry Seinfeld, I watched it with your grandfather the other night. And Elaine is so sassy. When you see her, do me a favor. I think she thought, Mom, that we all lived on some sort of celebrity island. And we all just saw each other all of the time. Tom Brokhal, Julia Louis Dreyfus, all of them. Peter Falk, they're all there. They're in TV land. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. That's funny. You know, one thing I wanted to say to you, Peggy, about rejection and sticking with it and whatnot. I think the people who are successful in any business are people who can take that rejection and who can compartmentalize and put forth the effort without regard to the outcome. It took me a long time as an actor auditioning to get to a

point where I looked at every audition as my one and only chance to perform this particular thing. So let's say it were McDonald's commercial. This is my one shot at it, and I'm going to give it the best that I can, and then I'm going to walk away and never think of it again. And if I get called by my agent to say, hey, you booked that, I will be delighted and surprised, and I will get to go do it again. But that was the way that I kept sane. And I knew that this was confirmed by my last voiceover agent who called me one day and said,

hey, you know, hold Wednesday for McDonald's. And I said, McDonald's. And he goes, do you remember reading on it? And I said, no. And he said, good. Because that meant that I wasn't making it precious. It's like, oh, every day I wake up and think, oh, did I get McDonald's that I audition for? No.

Yeah. You do it and forget it. And you wrote every day. It's like you're selling yourself every day. aren't you? You're promoting yourself. You're putting yourself out there. And if nobody wants you, wow, what kind of failure must that be? Right. And you have to get to a point where you say it isn't. The success is in the audition. That's it. I'm doing it here and maybe I'll get a call to do it again later. But I can't think about that. I can only think about what's in front of me.

Right. Shoot to kill. If I miss, oh well, then I'm just looking for the next target. It's a weird metaphor. Forget that one. Well, you throw the mud. The more mud sticks. It's just a function of how much you throw. The thing I struggled with writing the forward for this book is the advice thing that we've talked about. What do you tell people? Because now you are kind of famous. You did it. And you're still doing it. Like the list of 84-year-old bestselling New York Times authors out there is really, really, really, really short. I think you're the oldest first time New York Times bestselling author. People must ask you this. Where do you draw the line between encouragement and enabling?

Like, I'm so scared to tell people I don't really know to stay the course because I have no idea if they're going in the right direction. How do you decide if an encouraging word is truly going to be helpful? Well, if a 75-year-old woman comes up to me and says, I have all. craved a career in ballet dancing, what advice would you give me, I would say? How could you encourage that? Maybe the thing that you crave, you will never do. If she's 75 and she wants to be a ballet dancer, sorry, but that ship has sailed a long time ago. I wouldn't tell her that, but it depends on what you want to do. And I don't know people who come up to me and say, I would like to be an actor. Are you telling me I should never give up? I should still. Well, I don't know. Maybe that person isn't very good

at what they really want to do. Who am I to say, don't give up. Pursue your dreams. Because I don't know if they're suited to those dreams. It's really difficult to give anybody else advice. And my book doesn't do it. I simply tell people about my path, you know, how I, How I became a writer. And I talk about my successes and my failures. And there were a lot of failures. But in retrospect, there were a lot of successes, too. I spoke at a friend's funeral.

And she was my best friend. And she died. She had a brain tumor. But she lived for three years. And on her deathbed, she said to me, Peggy, would you do me a favor? Well, of course I said anything. She said, I've put my family through hell the last three years.

Would you speak at my funeral and make them laugh? Well, of course I said, if that's what you want me to do, of course I will try. So I went home and I didn't sleep that night. And the next day, I started writing. the best eulogy I could write. And I told about the humor that we shared, and we shared so much of it. And when that audience laughed,

I was never more pleased with anything that I had written in my life. I had written a story that made them relive the humorous times in their lives with their mother, his wife. that's success years before I became a successful book writer, author. A published author. And I'm never forgotten that.

That was a success. My life is so full of successes like that that I didn't really appreciate at the time. Do you remember the story you told at the funeral? Oh, yes. Yes. I do tell this in my book, but I changed her name, of course. and I didn't have to because everything I said was true. But we shared a job. I was ready to stop teaching in this preschool in a church because I wanted to go back to public school. So she took my job.

We spoke every night. I knew the stress of this job, you know, a minister who comes in and puts his feet up and talks to you for hours when you've got a lot to do. And one of the stories I did tell was She called me one day and she said, Peggy, I don't know what to do. I just went over in the three-year-old room. I will change this name. And Betty, one of the teachers, had used masking tape and tape a child to a chair. The top of the kid and the bottom was all taped to the chair with masking tape. And another kid had masking tape across his mouth.

Well, as a teacher, I understood this teacher's frustration and the temptation involved. But as a professional and as a parent, I saw that, you know, you can't do this. So I helped my friend arrange for some workshops and some classes on how to, you know. Not go to jail? Exactly, not go to jail, but yeah. So we worked it out together. And so I would share stories with her when she was ready to quit. I told her about the time a woman came in with her little three-year-old.

She told me all about the three-year-old. I gave her the tour. We came back in the room, and I said, now she had decided she was coming. She was enrolling her child. And I said, are there any words that your child uses for the bathroom that we should know that would make his transition easier from home. And, you know, any terminology. She said, no, no, no, no unusual words.

But sometimes when he's going stinky, he forgets to hold Mr. Beeper down and he winkles on the wall. And she said, but no, nothing unusual. Nothing unusual. Well, the audience just laughed hysterically at that. And it was funny. Can you say that one more time?

What was that punch? Well, he doesn't have any unusual words from using the bathroom, but sometimes when he goes stinky, he forgets to hold Mr. Beeper down and he wrinkles on the wall. Thank you for providing the title to episode number 200 and I think 49. Chuck, if you would write that down. One more time, Mom, so Chuck can get it right, starting with sometimes. Sometimes when he goes stinky, he forgets to hold Mr. Beeper down and he wins. on the wall. Wait a minute.

He forgets to hold Mr. He forgets to hold Mr. Beeper down and he winkles on the wall. Mr. Beeper? Well, in her home, I guess that was just normal talk, you know. No, it's a kid, Chuck. It's a boy sitting on the toilet

because he's going to stinking. I understand what's going on. You got to hold Mr. Beeper down. Otherwise, that thing will stand up, right? And you'll pee on the wall. No, you'll winkle on the wall. Well, I'm putting it in terms, I think. Chuck understands.

But what did he call it? Mr. Beeper? Mr. Beeper? Yeah. Beeper. Where would you get that? Well, apparently every family has another name for it. Interesting. Yeah.

That'll be the longest title ever. Maybe we'll just, yeah, we'll see. Well, anyway, I shared that. That's one of the stories I shared. I shared several. And believe me, they were laughing through their tears. And my friend lay on a blanket of satin behind me, and I just knew, you know, that she was smiling on the inside. Jeez, Mom.

Yep. You're a writer. You're a writer, all right. Damn it. And you're a forward writer, really good forward writer. Thrice. What choice did I have three times. So, you know, they tell you, one of the messages you get when you go to writers' conferences is, when you have finished a book, do not, under any circumstances, begin another book until you have thoroughly marketed your book, your current book, because your mind will immediately go to that new book in your head and you will forget all about your message for your current book. So I'm trying not to think about my next book. Think about what you're doing, not how.

Otherwise, you're liable to promote a show called How America Works in the Wilmington, Delaware Police Department, when you mean North Carolina. Nobody cares about your excuses. Nobody cares that it's 5.30 in the morning, and you haven't had coffee. Nobody cares about any of that. You're so right.

That's the thing about the whole book cycle. You know you've done it right when you're so sick of what you've written that now it's time to promote it. Exactly. Oh, no. Do I have to read this one more time? I've practically memorized it. Your book is out officially in August.

Pre-orders are available over an Amazon now, for the love of God, folks, if you want one. Go sign up now. Who knows what the state of the world will be? lockdowns, pandemics. Who knows, Mom. But God willing, we'll get you out there on a book tour, and I'll tag along if you'll have me. And we'll hit all the hotspots and see if we can't sell a few of these things. All right. And in the meantime, try not to winkle on the wall, Chuck. I'm going to give it my best shot, you know, but Mr. Beeper's a wild one. You never know.

You never know. Wow. On that note, I think we should say goodbye. I think so too, before Dad gets. gets back and who knows what he calls that thing. Oh, by the way, is the whole scrotum story revisited in this one or that was in the last one? No, Mike, it's in this one. And, well, there's a sister story to that. And I gave them both. Sisters and scrotums. I don't know. I gave them both to my GYN to read. And I'm telling you, she had, well, such praise. I can't tell you. She just You can tell me. She said she read it before she went to sleep and she kept waking up laughing.

So I took that as a compliment. From my perspective, it was one of the weirder weeks to come home and see dad all swollen up and to read your whole eggplant story and then taking you to the doctor because you had something going up in your hoo-ha and suddenly everybody's being incredibly candid with me about things that we never discussed growing up. But now you're writing about. And now it's in a book. I mean, for God's sakes, it's pretty amazing. Well, both stories are in the book.

And my lead in is that had it not been for my social media friends, my hundreds of thousands of Facebook people who follow me faithfully, had it not been for their faithfulness and their willingness to accept just about anything, as long as it makes them laugh, I would never have had the nerve to include those stories in my book. but thanks to them. It's amazing. When I think of how shy your dad was. Oh, my goodness.

And how reserved you were and how careful things were growing up. I remember sitting around over at Pops. I don't know what we were watching, maybe Wild Kingdom or Wonderful World of Disney or something. But a Cotex commercial came on, like out of nowhere. And you would have thought that we had stumbled across the German porno channel or something. I mean, he didn't know where to look. He didn't know what to say. Everybody was suddenly terribly interested in their shoes looking down, except my brothers

and I, which, you know, we got our hands in the air. What's that? What's a Cotex? What's that thing do? You should have been there the Sunday afternoon. Our dog Topper came into the kitchen with a used paper product in his mouth and dropped it on the floor while we were eating vegetable soup. that was something to behold. I love that you remember what was on the menu that day. That's amazing. It's the writer in me. What can I say?

The details. Is Shim in here, our dog? Oh, she is in all of her glory. Oh, my God. Yes, she is, honey. Well, anyway, Mike, I'm afraid I have to go because here at the home, they only serve dinner at a certain time. And if we don't leave soon.

No, no. Go. do you think. I'll have to open a can of beans. Yeah, some tomato soup and some paper products. And, oh, all right. Thank you. I feel much better having chatted with you. We checked a lot of boxes this last hour, Mom. Yes, that's good. And we got together again. That was nice. And I got to see Chuck. And I got to see you. Win, win, win, win, win, win. All right, guys, my stomach is growling, and it's time to go and eat. You go get some grub. And Mr. Beeper is calling. There's much work to do here.

Honey, not in my world, but... Say hi to dead. Goodbye, everybody. This has been fun. I hope you didn't turn us off a long time ago. Don't worry. I think we turned them off some time ago. Vacuuming in the nude over at Amazon.

Pre-order it now. See you. Bye. This episode is over now. I hope it was worthwhile. Sorry it went on so long. But if it made you smile, then share your satisfaction in the way that people do.

Take some time to go on life and leave us a review. I hate to ask, I hate to beg, I hate to be a nudge, but in this world the advertisers really like to judge. You don't need to write to write a judge. You don't need to write a judge. a bunch just a liner two. All you've got to do is leave a quick five-star review. Not four. All you've got to do is leave a quick five-star review.

And not three. All you've got to do is leave a quick five-star review. Definitely not too. All you got to do is leave a quick five-star review. Even if you hate it. Especially if you hate it. Thank you. Thank you.

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