The Way I Heard It with Mike Rowe - 272: Coffee with Mom—"You Must be that Dirty Mother" with Peggy Rowe

Episode Date: October 11, 2022

It's a classic catch-up with mom that starts with a dramatic reading of her viral short story Old Blue, becomes an announcement that her third New York Times bestseller Vacuuming in the Nude will be available as an audiobook on this podcast, and then somehow devolves into a scatological story-swap evoking the Thomas Crapper episode.

When was the last time you felt in control of your business finances? Expenses tracked, invoices sent, taxes ready. That's where Found comes in. Found brings your banking, bookkeeping, invoicing, and taxes together in one simple app. Manage expenses, invoice clients, send payments and prep for tax time right where you bank. Join the hundreds of thousands who have already streamlined their finances with Found. Open a found account for free at found.com. That's F-O-U-N-D dot com.

Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services provided by lead bank member FDIC. Do do do do do do. Dumb. Well, people are still raving, raving, I tell you, about my mother's performance in the latest Pure Talk commercial. And if you haven't seen it,

I encourage you to give it a look on my Facebook page and read the comments. They're hysterical. In this commercial, you'll not only see Peggy Rowe gently criticizing her oldest son for his longstanding and well-established commitment issues, you'll learn about the latest offer from Pure Talk, which includes unlimited talk,

text and data for just 3499 a month with no contracts and no commitments of any kind. You can see why I love these guys. If, on the other hand, you have better things to do with your time than watch my mom and me be impossibly charming together, then allow me to remind you here, without all the cleverness and charm, that unlimited talk, text, and data on a blazing fast network for just 3499 a month really is an unmitigated bargain from an American wireless company. keeps all their customer service in this country, supports our veterans in a meaningful way, as well as the Microwworks Foundation, and allows me to exploit my own mother in a national

advertising campaign. Do what my mom did. Get yourself unlimited high-speed data for just 3499 a month at puretalk.com slash row. You can switch in as little as 10 minutes at puretalk.com slash row folks I hope you're sitting down Chuck are you sitting down I am sitting yes thank goodness because we have news big news here on episode number 272 of the way

I heard it which incidentally is called you must be that dirty mother with Peggy Row yes my mom is joining us for another one of those chats and that's always big news in and of itself but Chuck and I have decided to make a decision. I guess once you decide, a decision has been made, right? Yeah.

Yes, right. It's not just redundant, Chuck. It's repetitive, I feel. And it's almost like repeating the same thing again. Again and again and again. That happens a lot on this podcast, but no more. Now I cut straight to the announcement. I don't even know if it's that big of an announcement, to be honest with you, but... You really are selling it. I feel like I may have oversold it now, and now I have to step back a little bit. I mean, it's not like we're... Manage expectations. Right, right. Okay, folks, there's no big deal. You know what? In fact, just go ahead and skip past this. It doesn't matter. I have decided, with approval from my team and hopefully permission from my mother, to make available to you a gift of the audio version of her latest book, vacuuming in the nude and other ways to get attention. This was originally slated to pop up on Audible and, you know, the usual other places.

but I thought, you know, the holidays are coming, and my mom, against some very long odds, talking about managing expectations, has become the most popular returning guest on this podcast. True. So two things. I'm not telling you that I'm going to put my mom's book up as a replacement for the episodes that you've become accustomed to. No, no, no. Everything goes on exactly as it's been going on. except every Friday for the next eight weeks, if we can pull this off.

I'm going to post a couple chapters of my mom's book here on my podcast platform for free. Now, wow. Yeah, right? I mean, it's not like, oh my gosh, catch me. I'm going to swoon. But it is a thing that people don't normally do. And I think that if you're a fan of my mom, then obviously you're going to love this. If you're not a fan of my mom, then I'm a little nervous, actually.

If you're not a fan of my mom, you. I mean, she's my mom. You know, how are you not a fan of Peggy Roe? She's America's grandmother. Well, that's fair. She's America's grandmother, right? And she's... How did she become America's grandmother?

Like, well, you know what? She just kept showing up. I mean, she just kept writing. The woman's been writing every day for 60 years. She's got three New York Times best-selling books. And now she's living in this retirement community with my dad. And she's not really a resident, right? And she said this to me the other day.

I don't look at myself as a resident here, Michael. I look at myself as an embedded reporter, a friendly, embedded reporter, writing missives about life here in the home. And so these stories, they've been popping up every week or so on her Facebook page. And now she's got hundreds of thousands of people who are following her, this 84-year-old correspondent writing a column from their retirement community. And so she's basically into her fourth book now. She's got ideas. She's begun the writing process, I think. But we've got her third book, which has been a huge hit, New York Times bestseller vacuuming in the nude.

And I just thought, let's just make the audio available here for free. I think the point I was trying to make was, if you're not as crazy about my mom as I am and all other sane people are, then just skip it. right? We'll just, we'll label it super clear. It's going to pop up. It's going to be like eight episodes. And when the dust settles, her entire book will be made available for free, just for you. Chuck, you're making a face. Did I say something wrong? Well, I feel like now you have gone the other way and you're so, so underselling it entirely. And I think really what people are hearing is there are going to be two the way I heard it episodes in a week. One of them is going to be the normal episode that has a guest and we talk.

talk to him. Today is going to be the favorite guest, your mom. And then every Friday, there are going to be a couple of chapters from her book that'll be in there with you introducing each of this, I believe, chatting a little bit. Of course. Yeah. So that's it. That's a good thing. It is a good thing. I mean, I came out so hot. I came out with a big announcement. I realized there's no, I can't. I'm writing checks. I can't cash. You did say the quack word. Big deal. You'll bleep me out as you see fit. As you may have to do with my mother, because she's getting She gets a little salty. In her old age.

So funny. So funny. We use the same word. Jinks, y'am me a Coke. Anyhow, my guest here on episode number 272 is my mom. The title is, you must be that dirty mother with Peggy Row. And that will all be made clear forthwith. But I want to do one other thing.

Oh, yeah. Before we ring her up. And again, apologies. Some of you are familiar with the story that started at all. some of you know about old blue my mom wrote a story years ago to me she was frustrated because she was trying to get me on the phone i wasn't around actually i was around but i was busy so i didn't take her call and so i sent her a text i'm like look i can't talk to you what is it she goes well i want to tell you a funny story i'm like screw that don't tell me a funny story write me a funny story so she did an hour later

I get this email. And I thought it was peter pants funny. So I recorded myself reading it. I put it on Facebook. And as many of you know, that reading of a story called Old Blue, the true story of her losing her big blue purse at the Walmart has been viewed over 72 million times. Crazy. That's really what all this is about.

My mom is a bestselling author because she wrote me a story and I read it. And then the publishers took notice. And now the world's upside down. The old lady's out of control. She's writing every day. I want to share her stuff with you. I want to make sure it's available to you for free. So starting next Friday, first couple chapters go up.

But right now, strap in and listen to the story that started it all. Old Blue, as read by Peggy Rose Old His Son. Michael, it's your mother. You seem very busy here of late, writing stories and sharing them with your little friends on Facebook. Perhaps that's why I've heard nothing from you after leaving several messages over the weekend. If you'd prefer that we communicate publicly, I'm happy to do so through a series of short stories posted on our respective Facebook pages. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to post a video, but if I did, I'd record and post this. account of my adventure over the weekend. It needs a title, and I'm stuck between Old Blue

and Walmart people. I'll let you decide. You know that I'm a responsible person. Not once did I forget to pick you or your brothers up after ball practice or boy scouts. Not once did I leave your elderly grandparents at the mall or forget to give them their medication. I've never run out of the house and left the stove on, or forgotten to turn off the iron, or even locked my keys in the car. And yet, somehow, I managed to leave my big blue purse dangling from the handle of a shopping cart in the Walmart parking lot. And frankly, I'm not sure I'll ever be the same. I realized it was gone when I pulled into our parking spot at the condo yesterday and reached over into the passenger seat.

nothing. There are only so many places a big blue purse can hide in a cyan X-B, and I checked them all. I also lifted the floor mats and opened the tiny glove compartment. Had there been an ashtray, I probably would have searched there as well. I don't think I felt this degree of anguish since that day in Kansas City while listening to you speak to a few hundred cancer survivors. Suddenly, out of the blue, you said to the crowd, and now my mother, Peggy Rowe, would like to say a few words. I had considered passing out to teach you a lesson,

but by the time I reached the podium, I had resumed breathing, and the nausea had passed, mostly. Anyway, I was sick with panic, but thankfully your father had just returned from his Meals-on-Wills' obligations and was there with his soothing brand of logic and unflappable calm. John, I lost my big blue purse at Walmart. I blurted near tears. What? You lost your figs in a hearse that won't start?

I handed him his hearing aids and repeated, Oh, no, he said, this is terrible. Where did you have it last? When did you last see it? What exactly was in it? A dozen questions later, Perry Mason whipped out his flip phone and began canceling credit cards as I wept on a landline with Walmart customer service.

There were no purses and lost and found, but security promised to check around and call me back. Ten minutes later, they did. No purses to be found. Big, blue, or otherwise. Meanwhile, your father began a written inventory of missing items, a $400 smartphone, my new prescription glasses, my favorite Timex watch, now with a brand new Walmart battery,

my driver's license, medical cards, gift cards, cash. Then he suddenly threw down the pen and jumped up. Come on, Peg, we're going back to that parking lot. Maybe somebody just took the cash and threw everything else away. Crooks do that, you know? Do they, John? Do crooks linger in the Walmart parking lot, inspecting the contents of stolen? in purses, deciding what to keep and what to discard at a civilized and leisurely pace.

Your father, immune to sarcasm, was already out the door and halfway down the stairs, hell bent on retrieving what was rightfully ours. You can't go out dressed in those ratty old clothes, I called after him, but of course he could, and he did. And 15 minutes later, after a white knuckle ride through five miles of rush shower traffic, we were parked in the same spot I had vacated an hour earlier. Dad jumped from the car and ran to the cart corral where he conducted a quick but fruitless inspection of every cart. Then he proceeded to a nearby trash can, removed the lid,

and peered inside. Dressed in his dirty jobs t-shirt and a pair of Bermuda shorts from 1979. He appeared ready to scrounge for his next meal. But food was the last thing on your father's mind as he cranked his hearing aids to the stethoscope setting, pulled out his flip phone, dialed my smartphone, and plunged his head into the garbage can. Call me snooty, Mike, but it's hard to stand by while your husband dumpster dives at the local Walmart. I'm going inside to check with security, I yelled, above the din of passing cars. Don't be surprised if people stop and offer you change. But he didn't hear me. As I crossed the vast blacktop toward the sprawling super center, I passed a number of Walmart shoppers heading for their cars. Which of these fine

citizens, I wondered, might have stumbled across my big blue purse and returned it to Lost and Found? The pale girl, dressed in black, with the metal dog collar around her neck? The shirtless gentleman with a leather vest and a mohawk. Maybe the young couple with matching nose rings and tattoos on their foreheads. My shoulders were slumped as I reached the store. But on the positive side,

I could see Dad was, in fact, far from underdressed. Before entering, I glanced back to monitor your father's progress. He had made it halfway across the parking lot, one can at a time, tap, tapping his little flip phone and cocking his head to the side like an Irish setter, listening for signs of life in the garbage. No luck, obviously. Inside I located the Lost and Found, which consisted of an assortment of mismatched mittens, scarves, baby bottles, and pacifiers. but no purses. Excuse me, I said, is there a manager I can speak with?

Try Register 20, the harried worker said with a shrug. Sometimes the manager hangs out there. There was no manager at Register 20, but as I spoke with the cashier, I heard in the near distance a familiar sound, the classic ring of an ancient telephone unrecognizable to anyone born in this century. My custom ringtone.

Heart racing, I followed the sound to a shelf off to the side of the register. And there, surrounded by a mishmash of odds and ends, was my big blue purse peering out at me like E.T. from a cluttered closet. I pounced on it, kissed it, and took out my phone, which was still ringing. It was John. John, I said, projecting my voice as I usually do and speaking to your father. Guess what? Gee, stop shouting, he said.

I know. You found it. Come out front. I want you to meet somebody. I left the store, clutching my purse to my heart. By that time, I had affectionately named it Old Blue. A woman sitting behind the wheel of a car was laughing with Dad or possibly at her. him. Hey, Peg, this lady found your purse and took it to security. I thought you might want to thank her.

Her name was Beverly, and she had been intrigued by the sight of an elderly man in the parking lot, running from trash can to trash can, dialing his phone, then sticking his head inside the receptacle. Instead of calling 911 to report a silver alert or taking his picture to submit to people of Walmart, Bart, Beverly called out to him from her car. Are you looking for something, sir? Yes, I'm looking for a big blue purse. Ah, I turned it in an hour ago. I found it hanging from the handle of a shopping cart right over there.

I wanted to kiss the woman, but some people are funny about being kissed by strangers. So we chatted for a moment, and I told her how foolish I felt and how careless I had been. Oh, that's nothing, said Beverly. One day, I came home from shopping, opened my trunk, and it was empty. I had left all my groceries in the cart at the store. We all had a good laugh, and when your father offered her a gift, she said, No, no, I won't take a thing. Just seeing the look on your faces is reward enough.

Anyway, Mike, I'm not sure there's a moral to this story beyond the fact that you really never know who you're going to meet at Walmart. Your father might have another interpretation, but I'll let you ask him about that this evening, when you call us after dinner. In the meantime, if you share this story with your little friends on Facebook, don't mention Beverly's name. I'd hate to embarrass her. In fact, don't mention mine either, or our phone numbers, which I've attached, for your convenience. Talk soon. Mom. P.S. What kind of person forgets to put their groceries into the trunk? I mean, really. Do do do do do do do do. Dumb!

I love stories like this. Seven years ago, a guy named Ben Still was a musician. He had zero interest in running a food company. But he was annoyed that so much imported meat was being deceptively marketed and labeled as domestic. and decided to fix the problem. The result was a company called Good Ranchers. It's a completely honest, totally transparent meat company that deals directly with American farms and ranches and promises to deliver high-quality American-grown meat for a fair price.

Today, that promise, and Ben's absolute determination to keep it, has not only propelled good ranchers into the top tier of meat delivery companies, it's fueled enormous awareness among meat eaters, like me, that we have all been affirmed. permanently deceived by policies that allow imported me to be marketed as domestic. That's the reason I switched to good ranchers. If I'm being honest, though, I doubt that I would have stayed this long had the quality not been so exceptional.

Every single cut I've devoured from good ranchers has been straight up delicious, and every morsel was raised on a small American farm or ranch. Give them a try. Subscriptions are affordable and flexible. In fact, if you start your plan today, you'll get free meat for life and $40 off your first order. Just use code mic at good ranchers.com. Free meat for life, $40 off your first order. Good ranchers.com.

American meat delivered. If you could eat a steer, if you could eat a cow, don't take a chance on a foreign ranch. Get good ranchers now. There she is. There she is, Chuck, three times. New York Times bestselling authors sitting right there in her, what is that, a track suit? Go on. I guess this is an exercise top.

I've had it for many years, but they just don't wear out when you don't wear them often. That's the key to any effective exercise regimen. Don't wear out your clothes by not exercising. Perfect. I've got to get one of those. How are you? I'm good. Good. I'm using my new cup.

What's it say? Well, one of your fans sent this to me. Can you read that? What's better than being Mike Rowe? I know this. Now you turn it around and it says being Mike Rowe's mother. Mother. Oh, dear. There you go.

Which fan? Did you get a name? Or can you be bothered with that kind of detail? because they sent it to your office and Jade forwarded it or someone forwarded it onto me. So I'm not sure. I don't believe I got any paperwork with it. Well, that's weird. If it came from Jade, it normally accompanies four or five pages of fine print. Whereas Y4's air goes.

Well, I'm sure they have the information in the office. I'm sure. Well, how do you know it was one of my fans and not one of your fans? And how do we tell one from apart in these uncertain times? I don't know, Mike. Maybe they are one in the same, you know, because they probably met me through you. No. But you don't know anymore.

This is the everything's starting to tip. Everything is upside down. As I wrote in my opening remarks to your most recent public appearance, I'm now being stopped by strangers on the street who wonder, aren't you Peggy Rose son? And you poor thing, really, how have you survived it? And my opening remark following your introduction was that guy has a lot of nerve. He's the same guy who, thanks to him for the last 15 years, I've been known as the Dirty Mother. Turnabout's fair play, though. The Dirty Mother.

My mom is referring to, she just gave a talk in Ocean City, Maryland, Chuck, which is just so bittersweet for me because I wasn't there in Ocean City, of course, was the place where any self-respecting Baltimore on went for vacation in the summer months back in the 60s, 70s and 80s. So mom goes there to address. It's an organization called Lifespan who represents a couple hundred senior living facilities throughout the Mid-Atlantic, I think. Yes. And so they invited me to go and I would have loved to have gone, but you know, the schedule is such a hot mess. So I sent them an introductory video. And I just heard from the guy, Mom, Kevin, who, you know, set the thing up. And he's just, it's embarrassing the way they rave about you.

I mean, it's really, I mean, for a long time, don't take it the wrong way, but look, I'm sure you went through the same thing. As a mother, people say nice things about your sons. You have to wonder for a time, well, are they just being nice, or do they really believe it? Yeah. I went through a similar period with you. I'm like, oh, well, it's my mom. Of course they're going to say nice things. I wonder if they really believe it.

But those days are long, long gone. These people are slobbering over you. It's weird and it makes me very uncomfortable. Oh, golly. I wonder if they really feel that way. You know, the bar must have been very low. Their expectations must have been down in the basement somewhere. Well, I mean, who else did they have there?

No, actually. I was there last year. And after I spoke for about, it was too long, I know, like 45 minutes. I looked over at Kevin and I said, Kevin, when should I? I stopped. He took his head, yeah. Two minutes, he said. So I went on for two more minutes. And then I signed books and I met a lot of people. And more than one person said to me, oh, Kevin might not like to hear this. Mrs. Roe, you're the reason I came back this year. I read where you were going to be here. And I so enjoyed you last year, I decided to come back. So that was very flattering. Maybe you hear that. Yeah. I have a feeling your rate's going to go up for next year, paying.

Uh-huh. Yeah. We're going to have to come to some kind of accommodation. I shudder at the thought of you with an actual agent or manager, but I do love the idea of you going around. And I mean, you've literally now, this is your third book. Everybody knows it. We did make an announcement in the preamble. And I know I told you we were going to work on this, but it's now official.

We're going to put your book up here on the podcast. platform starting next week, a couple chapters at a time, with your permission. Oh, you mean this book? That's the one, vacuuming in the nude. Okay, I wondered. Not to be confused with this book. Oh, right. No, not that book.

That's so pandemic two years ago. About your father. Yeah. In fact, this is the copy that I did. Do you remember that video I did to promote your book where I made the chili and ran to the bathroom? Do you see these stains here? Those are from the shoot that I did.

Well, one doesn't like to remember. that. Weird video. Where can one see that video, Chuck? I think on your Facebook page, I guess. Is that on YouTube? It should be if it's not. I'll find it and post it for anybody listening because it's a very funny video about,

I mean, basically it was you running for the bathroom last minute after a giant bowl of chili brought on by what fits of laughter or something? I made some chili and I was reading the book. The whole video basically is me running to the bathroom in slow motion to. the flight of the bumblebee or something? What was the Lone Ranger song? Oh, William Tell Overture. The William Tell Overture, yeah.

The fourth movement, actually. Speaking of movements. Chuck, did you take the book with you? Yes, I did. And remember I ran out of toilet paper, and I had to rip a page out of here. Oh, get out of here. Don't you remember that from the video? That's insulting.

You should have used to sock, not the book. If only I had been wearing some, See here, there's a little tiny ripped out page. Yeah. It was comedy genius. Don't worry, Mom. It was the forward. Oh, okay. All right.

Chuck, literally, wiped his ass with my forward. Relax. It wasn't any of your, you know, pull a surprise. Let the record show I didn't start with a potty mouth. Okay. Well, speaking of books and bathrooms, after your book came out, Mike, remember you wrote a book? Yes. Yes.

I remember a book. A friend of ours. called, his name is Marvin, and he said Peggy, I was just in Walmart. I was looking at Mike's book, and I had to go to the head. He's an old Navy man. And he said, and so I took Mike's book with me. And he said, I want you to know. You tell Michael this. I stayed in there way too long. Well, that evening, I saw Dad heading for the bathroom after dinner, and he had your book in his hand. And I said, I don't know. I'm afraid your book's going to get a reputation.

And I think nobody's going to buy that book from Walmart. Oh, man. See, Chuck, this is the difference, the fundamental difference between my mom and my dad. When my dad goes into the bathroom, he could be in there 15, 20 minutes. Oh, are you kidding? Or 25? He could be in their half hour. Yeah.

Yeah, easy. And he goes in with, you know, not just a newspaper, but like a book and like a backup book. I mean, he can really. hunker down. My mother can go in for roughly the same period, but she goes in with a blank legal pad and a number two pencil because you never know where inspiration is going to strike. She'll come out with a sonnet. Wow. That's not bad. Well, look, this is probably a pretty good jumping off point. I mean, the podcast that preceded this one, Mom, last week's episode, was one of the most listened to in the history of the way I heard it.

I assume you listened to it. Chuck was saying you might have some thoughts on the subject matter, but it was unapologetically scatological in nature. It was a heartfelt homage to Thomas Crapper, who did not invent the toilet as many people think, but did in fact improve upon it. So I'd like to get your thoughts on that episode, if in fact you still listen to anything I,

I do. I did listen to it, as a matter of fact. And my take was that it was a little bit over the line. What line? The line of propriety. Some people might have found it a little objectionable because, well, if you don't mind bathroom talk, I guess, you know, it's okay. I mean, it was thoroughly enjoyable.

I did listen to the whole thing. Well, there you go. Now it's impossible to know what to think. So it was a guilty pleasure, I guess. And I love the David Sedaris piece. That's one of my favorite of his. That is funny stuff. Yeah, it really is funny.

And, you know, coincidentally, I wrote a blog this week that was similar in nature, and it had some, I was afraid that it would be objectionable that some people might be turned off a little bit. And then I listened to your, oh, my goodness, I listened to your podcast. And I thought, oh, my, mine is mild indeed. Remind me. What did you write? What did you post? I just happen to have a copy of it right here. Being a humorist is exhausting. Take today, for example. As is my routine, I awakened early and checked my messages. One never knows. There could be something from one of my adoring sons, an expression of love, perhaps, appreciation for an idyllic childhood, or well-wishes for a good day. This morning, there were two. moving messages that had me in stitches. The first was an offer from peak bio boost. The catchy subject line informed me that I should, quote, eat this and poop daily, unquote. Really? Who could ignore a tease

like this? I read on and saw that the offer for nature's draino to help you rid your body of five to 20 pounds of backup and so forth. The second message was an invitation to do something good for the environment. Did you know that by peeing in the shower, you can save approximately 1,157 gallons of water a year? Who knew? I assume this means to pee during your regular shower as opposed to randomly hopping in and out of the shower stall throughout the day. I was hesitant to post the above, worried that it might be in poor taste, then I listen to Mike's current podcast. I can only hope you don't get the wrong impression of the Roe family. Have a productive day. Now, the only thing that was missing was a link to the podcast episode. You should have asked me. I'm going to give it

a link. And a, like you need to tag, what are they called, bio boost? Bio boost. Yeah, that's what it's called. Bio Boost. It's called Peak, P-E-A-K, Bio Boost. Chuck, make a note, get Audio Boom to reach out to those guys. We'll just reach out directly. Peak Bio Boost.

They should be sponsoring this episode. Absolutely. Otherwise, you can cut out the name. Yeah, we'll just bleep them out. There you go. You know what? We'll get the number. You call them.

You shake them down. And if they don't come across with a little Geltafreichen, tell them we're just going to beep them out. You know what? Maybe we'll do the same thing with Kevin. You know, if LifeSman doesn't sponsor this thing, no Peggy Row next year. Or I could come with a really surprise message. That's what you do. You talk about peeing in the shower. Oh, geez.

I apologize, but obviously my podcast inspired you, and you're obviously intrigued by this topic, even though it's taboo. How many people like that post? I think 22,000 have liked it. I think a couple of hundred thousand might have read it. And like a thousand comments. Everybody poops. There's no getting around.

That's so funny about the peeing in the shower. I assume they mean, you know, during the regular shower. And not just hopping in there during the day. Well, when I came home to visit, Chuck, like it was like a month ago, the first thing my dad says, says, how you doing? He says, great. Everything is good. The botchy ball tournaments coming up. I'm doing the wood shop now.

and best of all every morning. I'm getting up, and I'm just a great, great constitutional at 7.30 every morning. You could set your watch by it, and I said, that's fantastic. He said, yeah, problem is, I sleep till late. No. Thank you. Wah, wah, wah, wah. Hey, Mike, here's a welcome to my world.

I'm always informed when this happens throughout today, no matter when it is. I'm the first person to learn of it. How lucky are you? I don't know. I guess I'm pretty lucky. Shameless plug. Long before she was Peggy Roe, my mom was Peggy Noble, daughter of Carl and Thelma Noble. It was her father, Carl, who inspired me to pitch a show called Dirty Jobs to the Discovery Channel, and later start a foundation that honored the kind of work Carl Noble did for a living, trade work, skilled labor.

That foundation is called micro-work, since. Today, I'm proud to tell you that we've helped thousands of people get the training they need to begin a career in the skilled trades. In fact, we'd love to help you. You can apply for a work ethic scholarship right now at microwerks.org. We've set aside $10 million for this year's applicants, thanks to a number of very effective fundraisers, including the one with my grandfather's name on the label. I refer, of course, to Noble Tennessee Whiskey, K-N-O-B-E-L, which is now available. in a variety of delicious mash bills, all of which you can peruse at noblespirates.com. In fact, if you spend 100 bucks and use code Carl, C-A-R-L, you'll get one tube of orange, bitter-infused sugar cubes for free.

That's code Carl with a C to get nine sugar cubes, ingeniously engineered to make nine perfect old-fashions every time. It's my favorite way to support Microworks and my favorite whiskey to sit. responsibly after a long day of interviewing people on this podcast. Pick up a bottle at noblespirits.com. K-N-O-B-E-L-Spirates.com. Soon may the nobleman come to bring a bottle for everyone. One day when the waitin is done, we'll take a drink and go. Well, look, as long as we're talking about this, this is super weird. Your relationship with that is very different than my relationship with Chuck.

We're just friends, right? We're just friends, regardless of what you read on the Internet. But it doesn't matter when I call him. If I'm out from my walk in the morning, anywhere between 6 a.m. and 11 a.m. It doesn't matter. He's on the toilet. And it's never his first trip. It's amazing.

You just don't call early enough. I got your dad beat by an hour and a half at least. I mean, 5.30, 6 a.m. I'm doing it. Yeah, for sure. Chuck, you called me this morning. I think you were out for a walk, and it was pretty early your time. I had already done, had my morning constitutional.

All right. Hey, what do you say we changed the topic, Mike? Sure. Well, look, I wanted you on mostly just to say, congratulations. It's official. You've been on the list now. I think you were on it for four weeks, three or four weeks. Obviously, we want to get your thoughts on that, but it's so self-serving.

It's almost embarrassing at this point. And just kind of see how you were. were feeling, take your temperature on the whole bestseller thing. I don't know how many people here on the podcast realized what happened, but she was officially number 11 on the New York Times list. But when you add up, when you go to BookScan and look at the real numbers, you outsold everybody. You were truly number one. You sold 40% more books than the number one book that week, and you were still 11. She was literally the best seller. Yes. Two words. The best seller.

Somebody sent me, you can't see it, but it has all of the numbers on it. And apparently what you say is true. Well, of course it's true. And I'm the one who sent that to you. Hold that up again. I want people to see it in case they're watching this. Let me see it, Mom. Hold it up. Well, you're going to see a reflection because it's in a frame. That's okay. Just tilt it forward. There you go. That's better. So what you're looking at here is all of the bestsellers, the top 15 on the New York Times list. And they print, you know, the name of the book and the author.

And then they rank them, one through 15. That's how they tell them apart, by the way, is the name of the book and the author. This is stuff you learn. Yeah, they do print that. Yeah, you probably read up that this morning on your fourth crap. Maybe. Language. So what I did was I went to BookScan, which is sort of like the Nielsen ratings, right?

They're completely agnostic. They don't care. It's not a curated list. It's not their picks or anything like that. They just tell you how many books were sold. And as you can see, right there, my mom's book is number 11, but it actually sold. I can't read it from here, but almost twice as much as I'm wrong. 14,000, right?

14,000 something? Almost 15,000. In the first week. And number one sold 8,900. Yeah. So what a blacker. I mean, look, I don't need trouble. I mean, obviously, I'll never be on their list again.

but you've cared your whole life about this a lot. It was part of the dream to be a New York Times bestseller. And it was really awesome when it happened the first time. And it was really great when it happened the second time. And the third time, I knew you were going to crush the competition. And I was really looking forward to calling you and saying, Mom, you did it. You're a number one New York Times bestselling author.

And you were, and yet you weren't. Your thoughts. Well, it was number one in Publishers, weekly. Did you know that? Yes. Yes. And it was number two on the Wall Street Journal. You know, it's funny. In the past, you've always called to tell me the good news. You didn't call this year, and I assumed we didn't make it. Chuck called. And not for that express purpose, but he called and he said, wow, you did it again. How's it feel? And I said, did what? You made the New York Times? I said, Chuck, I don't think I did. I did. I said, Chuck, I don't think I did.

didn't see anything about it. And you said, I'm looking right at it. You made it. So thank you, Chuck. Yeah, really, I could have cried because I thought, well, you know what, I had two. That was a great run. And I am so fortunate. But the third one just, just made me feel special. I felt a little bad that I was the one who told you because it was completely by accident. I assumed you already knew. I was like, well, congratulations. on what? Oh, you know. Not me, not dad, not the publisher. The guy I went to high school with really thought he should break the news to mom. It's awesome. It was early in the morning. It was probably before your constitutional. I guarantee you, there is no before his constitution.

It's simply a question of which two were you in between. And we had moved on. Sorry about that. But you know, Mike, it has opened so many doors to me. I have had so many. invitations to speak at events. And I have done quite a bit of speaking. And let me tell you, the last two years with COVID, all of my events were virtual. There were no live events. And what a difference. I love a live audience. Live people. They really do it for me. They sure do beat the dead ones, don't they? They really do. They really do. more unpredictable. The things they tell me are so moving, really.

I was telling Chuck this before, because we did a run through earlier today to make sure I knew how to work the microphone and the, you know, the earbook. And I was telling them that one of my appearances a woman came up to me and she was an older woman. And she said, Peggy,

you're responsible. for my being alive. And I said, I didn't get it. And she said, my husband died about a year and a half ago. And she said, I wanted to join him. I saw no reason to go on. She said, about that time, a friend of mine shared one of your posts from social media. And she said, I'm telling you, it just lifted my.

spirits and it made me want to get up the next morning and it helped me to look forward I'll probably cry now but she was so moved and she had tears in her eyes and she said you know there are a lot of reasons to go on and you helped me to see those and she said I wouldn't miss I wouldn't miss your posts I won't tell you her name but boy when you hear stories like that it makes you realize how fortunate you are, you know, to be in a position to be able to make somebody feel like that. How privileged. It's not a small thing. I'm just joking, you know. I mean, look, critics say what they say, and ratings are what they are. All my life, like,

Dirty Jobs is on Tuesday night. So for 20 years, you know, Wednesday morning, the calls start and the emails start. Did you get the numbers? Did you get the overnights? Did you get the demo? You the entire thing is just held together by a series of reporting agencies who can then tell the network whether or not they should order more so the ad sales department can go sell more peak bio flush or whatever the health kit is. And it's so easy to get caught up in the minutiae of those numbers. And it's also so easy to get caught up in what the critics say or don't say. And then out of the blue. And I agree with you. This is the best thing that ever happened with social media. Out of the blue can come from a stranger, a paragraph like that

will literally take your breath away. We're singing out of the same hymn book. When somebody tells me, I read something you wrote or I saw something your foundation did or just an old episode of dirty jobs. And as a result, I got my welding certificate and now eight years later, I got a mechanical contracting business. Who cares what the critics think? Who cares what number you are on the list. None of that matters. Exactly. And I know what you mean. And also, a lot of people come up to me, and this happened at the convention at Ocean City last week. I have to tell you, I absolutely love your son. I hear that like every 15 minutes or every 10 minutes or every five minutes. I absolutely love your son. He is the best. And then they go on to tell me why you're so wonderful.

I just listen and nod. Well, our secret's safe with each other, I suppose. I guess. Yes. So back to the book regarding the story you just told and just the great good fortune of being 84 and now you're working on your fourth book. We thought it'd be fun to give this one away.

I want everybody to either read your book or listen to it. And if they want to pay for it over, audible somewhere down the line, awesome. If they want to pick it up now, better still. we'll take the money. But if you want to listen to it, you're going to be able to do that on the podcast starting next week. And I think we're going to do, what, Chuck, two chapters at a time? Yeah, two chapters at a time. I believe the first episode is going to be the forward and two chapters, your forward, which is the length of the Bible itself. New Testament. So it's going to be the longest,

yeah, definitely the gospel, yeah, or the Torah, either one, you know. But that'll be a longer episode, but it's about two chapters, each eight episodes, 16 total chapters, yeah. Cool. So tell me something. If someone doesn't have the time to listen, or maybe they're going on a cruise or something and they have no access, can they pick it up later and listen to it? We've arranged for you to come out in person and act out each story for them. Okay. So you're going to be incredibly busy. I haven't seen anybody else do this. I'm sure I'm sure somebody must have somewhere, but most of the deals are structured in a way that the author just doesn't have the option. But we're able, you know, we've got this podcast platform, and you are officially the most requested guest.

I think people will welcome the opportunity to listen to your book if they want. So we'll make it available and we'll keep it on the platform forever. It'll just be here. And each episode will be labeled vacuuming in the nude chapters one and two. three and four, five and six, or something like that. Yeah, something like that, yeah. Isn't it funny how all this spun out? I mean, I know we've talked about it before,

but I wanted to read Old Blue at the top of this episode, just so people understand just the craziness. I mean, you just can't script this sort of thing. And I just listened to your second chapter in vacuuming in the nude, the cancer story and the rejection story. And man, I don't know. It's really good, and it's so unique and it's so specific. And when I heard you talking about, I forget who it was, somebody asked you, maybe it was Al Roker.

But it really is one writer's journey. And it was such a, I like the idea for it at the beginning, but as I'm listening to it, it really works. Sharing old examples of stuff that you wrote years ago in the context of what feels like a memoir. It's pretty clever, actually. It is very memoirish, and I have included a lot of stories that I wrote along that path. And let me tell you this, so many people, I keep referring to all the people, but I love the book signings afterwards because that's when people come up to me and they tell me their story. I mean, there can be a long line waiting, everybody's so patient,

but they will go into detail and tell me their story. and I have heard people say so many times that my book has inspired them. And one woman at the library last week I spoke to about 100 people at the local library. She said, you have really inspired me. She said, I have got this story in me. I have always wanted to write it, but I don't know much about writing. And I reminded the people in my talk that if you want to write, of course, sit down and write and read. But you'll also have to do your homework. Take a writing course or two or three

at the community college. I did, and it really did help me. As much as you love to write, you may as well learn how to do from really knowledgeable people how to do it correctly and make it good. But so many people have come to me and said that this book has inspired them to do what they want to do. I've a friend who is in his 70s and he has just begun to learn photography and he does some wonderful work. He won blue ribbons at the fair this year and he's in his 70s and people like that, they realize, you know, they look at this old woman who didn't really do it until she was in her 80s and they realize maybe there's hope for me, you know. I'm in my 70s and maybe it's not too late. Well, that's a great part of the message, but I wrote something last week. I don't know if you

saw this, but a couple years ago, this woman, an artist named Lynn Simone, working down in Florida, saw a picture of Freddie, my dog on the internet. But that's for me, I can't talk. I understand you've got a lot going on, but I'm right in the middle of it. Mine. God. Is this a sale in hosiery? What's happening over there? I've got to add that to the pre-recording instructions.

Turn off your phone. Well, there's some things you figure you might not have to tell it, you know. Look at all the things I remembered. Don't record from the bathroom. Turn off the phone. Maybe it's a sign from God that you don't need to tell that story. Did you ever think of that? I think it was the Lord saying, nice work.

Nice work. Lean into this one. It's just a story of the odds. That's what I was trying to get at before. You wrote every day for 60 years, and my sense of your journey was you, at some point, just said, you know what? I'm no longer dreaming of becoming a New York Times bestselling author. But that doesn't mean I'm going to quit. I'm going to keep doing the work. So this woman, this artist, one of, God knows how many thousands of starving artists are out there. She paints Freddie. she sends it to me. And I think it's really good. I think it's great. So I give her a shout out on Facebook and I hang the picture up and they just did this article or this news report down there in Florida somewhere. She's backed up like two, three hundred people, you know, waiting. They've sent her money and pictures of their dogs and cats and they're waiting. And so it made me think about just how much talent is out there. It's overwhelming. And, And our friend Rick Biotto came on the podcast. Same thing with music.

He does this thing called a digital dust, where he'll take a song that he produced years ago that he thinks could have been great, but no one's ever heard. And he dust it off and he plays it and son of a gun, it is great. And it makes you go, my God, how many great musicians? And the thing you told me at the Irma conference, seeing all those authors who did manage to get their books published, sitting there with their life's work, signing them and selling them to people, except they weren't selling them. It was just giving them away. Because there's so much to read and so much to listen to and so much art to look at and so many talented people doing so much

good work. That's what's miraculous about your story. That's what's miraculous about almost every success story. Somehow you broke through. Yeah, I am very fortunate. Do do do do do do do do dumb. The federal government is not going to close America's skills gap. They have an important role to play for sure, but if we're serious about reinvigorating the skilled trades on a national level, we need more organizations like Skills USA making a real difference on a local level. These guys have been around since 1965. And today, they are relevant. like never before, with hundreds of chapters in schools all over the country and hundreds of thousands of students participating and competing every year. Nobody is doing more to train the next generation

of skilled workers than Skills USA. And I'm encouraging you to at least consider being a part of this movement. Skills USA advisors and volunteers aren't just teaching trades. They're launching careers and strengthening the backbone of our country by mentoring the next generation of industry leaders. In high school, you could be among the people who are making this movement explode, join the skilled trades movement, support career and technical education programs

through Skills USA. There's no better way to do it. You can volunteer at a local chapter. You can start a chapter in your own town. Or you can just go to their website and see the impact for yourself and see, too, how easy it is. to get involved. Thousands of kids are being introduced to the trades in a way that's absolutely

positively moving the needle. The goal is a million members by 2030. I think it's doable. I'm doing what I can to help them. Learn more at skillsusa.org slash mic. That's skills usa. dot org slash mic i'm talking skills us skills us skills usa i'm fortunate in having a son who was in a position to at least get my work out there now we're getting somewhere now we're getting there i mean what do i have to do to get a compliment i wasn't fishing for a compliment that was harpooning for one right there i was long lining with nets okay but what you said to me made me feel so good because I was thinking to myself, without your promotion, without you're getting my book to a publisher, my stories, all of them, would still just be on my computer. They wouldn't

have been out there. And I was telling you that I feel kind of guilty. You know, there's so many other people who've written stories and can't get them out there. And you said something that made me feel so good. Do you remember what that was? I'll tell you. No, no, no, no. I'm keen to guess. Yes, I do. I think what I said was a lot of people that you've never, ever heard of actually get a break. But the thing is, a lot of those people don't have the goods. Like, maybe once, maybe once you can creep on to a bestseller list, maybe once you can get cast in a sitcom or something. But if you're, if you're not good, you're not coming back for the exact reason that there are so many people out there who are good.

So, yeah, I helped as I could. But geez, mom, that's why I read your first story at the top of this thing. It's a great story. Great story. It's just a great, simple, funny, real, warm, relatable tale. I mean, I knew it. I knew it when I came back. I didn't know it when I read it because I've been reading your crap my whole life.

You had me and hello decades ago. But when I went through the comments after reading that story you called Old Blue, it was crystal clear what was going to happen. You were going to write bestseller after bestseller. I knew it because for all Facebook's flaws, the comments don't lie. Yeah, I have some wonderful followers on Facebook. But that's what you said. You said, Mom, yeah, I get it out there for you. but if it wasn't any good, it wouldn't stay.

There wouldn't be a second one. And that made me feel good. I am very fortunate. Let's talk about your fourth one. When can we expect that? Well, I just have a page of notes so far, but there's a lot in my head, and I know where I'm going with it already. And every day, Michael, I live in a material factory.

Every day it descends from the clouds and lands in my lap. It couldn't be better. Could not be better. Like the old guy who stopped me in the hall the other day, his name's Ed. And he said, Peggy, I read your book and I loved it. And boy, do I have a story for you. And Ed's not alone. You want to hear his story?

It's a short one. I want to hear that story. Yeah, yeah. Sure. He said, I was a repair man in my real life. Now, this man's probably 90. I went to people's homes and I, you know, I repaired things. And he said this one day I knocked on the door and a woman came to the door.

She was in the nude except she had a pair of men's shorts that she was holding up in front of her. And he said to me, and they weren't doing the job. all. And he said, she apologized. She said, oh, I'm so sorry, I don't have any clothes on. I've been ironing and I always iron in the nude. And he said, Peggy, this is the funny part. She was wearing high heels. And she said to me, I always wear high heels when I work around the house because I'm only 4 foot 11 and I can't reach anything without high heels. Well, I have to tell you, This happened like two or three weeks ago. Every time I meet Ed in the hall, that's the image I get.

I see him standing there at the door with this woman in high heels. And that's all. I thought you were going to say I see him standing there in high heels with nothing on. If that happened, he didn't tell me that part of the story. See, this is why we encourage people to get into the trades. The perks. I noticed something the last time I was over there, and you pointed out the other day, too. There's a very weird dynamic that happens in these senior living facilities when you have a couple thousand people together, and they're all on a similar meal plan.

Right? Because, like, it's built into the cost. And so you get, what is it, like 20 meals a month? Well, you have an option. You can either get 20 meals a month. which is one meal a day for 20 days, or you can get 30 meals, a meal every day. So dad and I have opted for the 20 meals because we're still out and about. We run errands, we go out to dinner with friends.

We like to stop by McDonald's for a quarter pounder or whatever. So we don't want the pressure of having to eat here every day. And it makes your monthly fee less if you only get 20 meals a month. but when you get to the end of the month and there are two days left in the month and for whatever reason you realize oh we got five meals left or one day left with four meals it's like the whole thing turns into this just ancient gluttonous feeding frenzy it's unbelievable what people do honestly one day we had to eat like four meals because we had left over and god forbid you should and the month with them owing you meals because they don't roll over.

I have seen people, I mean, I have seen people like eat multiple, multiple meals a day. And sometimes they just get carry out and they'll put it in a bag and take it home and refrigerate it for another meal. It's really funny and it speaks to our sense of, oh, what's that word I want? like being very cautious with money, thrifty. Frugality. With our thrift. Frugality.

Yeah. Frugality. Exactly. And your father, who was raised during the Depression a little more so than I, since he's like six years older than I am, he has this sense more than I do that we don't waste. God forbid we should waste anything. So if there's a meal left to the end of the month,

you better believe we're going to be down there. eating it? Well, it's just because my dad is so he's disciplined, very regimented, and very much a creature of habit and routine. And so if he tells himself, he's going to walk X number of miles a day or he's going to eat a certain thing, he really sticks with it, but he's also got this other thing. He can't leave it on the table. So the look on his face when he realizes there's food that he's going to lose if he's

doesn't eat. At the same time, he realizes he doesn't want to eat this food. Well, it's just, I mean, it's the stuff you have to write about. That's the way you put on some weight. My grandmother used to say, oh, Chuckie, don't make me wrap these last two pork chops, you know. Oh, is that how that happened? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Blame sunny. Husky. And then suddenly you're shopping in the Husky section. I do remember that when you would come to our house to eat or to my mother's house to eat. There were never leftovers. Oh, Chuck was here. I do like to eat and I like to do the other thing too. Please. Yeah, well, see it all. Just how we land the plane. Folks, you want to go to the bathroom four, five, six times a day? Just eat all those pork chops. Eat them all. Two more pork chops for the

road. Yeah, it's funny. Everything about that place, every time I go, I see something new. And I I can understand. I mean, the whole wood shop thing is amazing that's going on. And the botchy ball tournament. I mean, it's, you're right. You're literally living in a sitcom. It's like golden girls with 2,000 people. I know.

Let me tell you something funny. We have a musician here named Keith Derrickson. He's a former music teacher in Baltimore County School System. But he's very accomplished on the piano. and he's so generous with his time and his talent that he gives concerts, free concerts. He doesn't expect anything in return. And he puts on his tuxedo. He might put on a wig from Beethoven and dress up like Beethoven or Mozart.

He does these wonderful concerts. Well, I was talking to him the other day. He's been here longer than we have. He said, Peggy, I divide these people here at the home into three camps. categories. The first category are the younger people like me. He's only 64. He said these people are in maybe they're 60s or 70s. They're involved in everything. They just very energetic. And the good thing about these people is that they start programs for everybody, for the older people, like they've started water volleyball program, a chair volleyball. Chair volleyball? Yeah, you have to stay in your chair

and hit that volleyball. It's not a real volleyball. It's like a beach ball. I was picturing like trying to serve a chair. Oh, hit a chair. That would just be. No, we're going to replace a ball with a chair. These are people in their 80s. I don't think that's the smartest thing to do it, but an 80-year-old. 80s and 90s. And then we're going to do it in water. And shuffleboard, they start programs. They are wonderful. Bringing those young people into the home is like introducing a puppy to an elderly dog who's arthritic doesn't move around a lot. It does good things for the older. people. All right, so that's the first group. Keith said, I call these people the hipsters, and they eat their dinner at 6 o'clock. The next group are people like dad and me. We're old,

but we're still active, kind of energetic, and we still participate in things. He calls us hip. This is the hip group. The third group are the people in their 90s and the centenarians of which we have quite a few. He said, those people eat their dinner. Oh, well, our group eats our dinner at five o'clock. Okay, this third group, the centenarians and the people in their 90s, they eat their dinner at four o'clock. And Keith said, I call these people the broken hip group. So we've got the hipsters, the hip group, and the broken hip group. And the broken hip group. Good. Well, it was fun to see the Bachi ball tournament that I saw seemed to have representatives from all three groups.

Absolutely. Listen, we have people who can hardly walk to where you have to stand to throw the ball. They're feeble. They're in their 90s. Or they have mobility issues and they use their walker. And I always pray that they're not going to fall over when they roll the ball. And then we have younger people who are really good. at it. But even these older people, you think, oh boy, he's not going to do much. And I'll tell you,

that throw is right on. The polina is the little chase ball. It'll go right up to that polina. So really, all three of the groups here can participate in Batchie Ball and do a good job. And that's another chapter. Have you played Chuck Batchie much? Oh, yeah. You know, my Uncle Walt had a botchy ball court in his backyard. We played all the time at all the, you know, Fourth of July stuff and everything. It was great. It's a great game. It's a great game.

Yeah. I loved it too. It was fun to watch. And Dad won. His team is like, are they still winning? Oh, I think they're tied for first now. They've had a couple of setbacks. But it's a good team.

They won last year. A broken hip or two. A broken hip or two. Yeah. Choked on a poor chop. Yeah, that's cool. The second one. Poor taste.

Yeah. So, yeah, there's so many things to do here. And they have cornhole. And let me tell you, Dad even participated in the axe throwing. They had an axe throwing content. What? Yeah. Are you kidding me? I mean, like, what could possibly go?

You're given an 89-year-old man and hatchet? Well, actually, they're not real axes. They're like plastic, and you throw them at something that, what's that? Velcro, and it sticks on them. But when I first heard it was axe throwing, I thought, are these people out of their minds? I still can't believe he's down there in woodshop with lathes and bandsaws and table saws. Yeah, that's dangerous too. Well, there is a rule that you can't be there alone, that you have to have other people there to call 911.

To call security. But no, listen, these people are very accomplished and they know. They teach you the rules, the safety rules first before you're allowed to do it. And they wear these big safety masks. And, yeah, I don't worry, you know, about his safety down there. Very careful. All right. Well, I think the axe throwing thing is something I'm going to want to participate in when I get back there.

Oh, and they have, what's it, frisbee golf? They do frisbee golf. That's what I'm playing these days. There's a putting green. There are gardens for people who love to go. garden. There's so many activities. Chuck, make a note. We've got to send these guys a bill too. Somebody's got to pay for this. This is crazy. We're just unbelievable. That's an awful lot of love. We've got to build a botchy ball company, an ax throwing company, the facility itself, the lifespan

people, everybody, and the peak colon, what is it, colon blow? Peak bio boost. Peak bio boost. All right, well, but we're bleeping that unless they pony up. No, just kidding. No, you're not. What's up tonight? What are you guys doing? Where's Dad right now? I think we'll go down and shoot a couple of games of pool.

Great. Dad's in watching the evening news. Oh, boy. Is that a good idea? Oh, we watches at least two hours of it. Does it still make him crazy? Sometimes he falls asleep. You know, Dad's going to turn 90 in November.

I know. But he'll still be in. the hip group. That's good. Not to be confused with the hipsters or the broken hips. Well, we're a little beyond the hipsters, but we hang out with them. He doesn't want a party. He doesn't want an event.

He doesn't want any of that stuff. No, he doesn't want a big party. He just, I mean, the children will come, of course, and we'll get together and enjoy each other's company, but he doesn't want a big party. A monogrammed botchy ball. Oh, there you go. Wow. That's good. I figured we'd all get together to throw some axes, see how it goes.

A memorable 90th birthday. All right. Speaking of memorable, don't forget this Friday to listen to the first episode of Peggy Rose book vacuuming in the nude right here on the way I heard it. How's that? Oh, I will tell you this when I was reading it at the sound studio, had to stop every now and then because the guys, the technicians, got to laughing. That's a good sign. That's a good sign.

So that was good. And there are two words in the book that might be considered a little naughty. And when I just spouted out those words, they just kind of got really shocked and laughed again. Yeah. Well, I've had that same reaction many times over the years. Well, more and more. I mean, you were, your evolution from aggressively G-rated to PG-13 to wherever you are now has really been a delight to watch, you know. I'm glad I've made you happy.

Yeah. No, I mean, you still got a governor, which is good. But, yeah, people always enjoy that level of unapologetic candor. You don't overdo it, but every now and then when you slip in a zinger, yeah, it leaves an impression. Oh, okay. Well, this has been fun. So maybe I'll tune in and listen to the podcast. Would you? It's not too much of trouble. I haven't heard me reading it.

And if you like what you hear, leave a five-star review, Becky. Oh, okay. I don't know how to do that. If you can figure out how. Yeah, no one can quite figure out. So many people want to, but no one quite knows how to do it. They should make it simple. Right? Yeah. But it's not. I think you've got to, how do you do it, Chuck? What do you do? You go to Apple? Oh, I can't explain. Yeah. Well, Apple is where you could do it.

Supposedly you could do it on Spotify, too, but I haven't figured it out. Did you say supposedly? Did I? It sounded like you said supposedly. I meant to say supposedly, but maybe the D turned to a book. It sounded like supposedly. Yeah. Supposedly.

Well, let me just put an explanation mark on that. And supposedly, explanation mark. Do you know your son says explanation instead of exclamation? Exclamation. It is a mistake. It's difficult. Yeah. I didn't know you made mistakes. Do you know what the mark is that combines the exclamation point with the question mark?

That's a thing. I knew this at a time. Yeah. This is a thing. I don't understand the question. Okay. Chuck, Google it while I explain to my mother what I'm talking about. This thing has a name. I'm drawing a blank on it.

I always thought that from a punctuation mark standpoint, what the language was missing was a combination of the surprise that comes with an explanation, exclamation point. Yeah. And the curiosity that accompanies. In terra bang. And in terra bang. That's what it's called. But there is not one symbol for that, right? There is.

And so often I want to include both. No, I believe there is. There is a symbol. And it looks like a question mark, but with a straight line under it. And I think you put a dot under the line. Is that right, Chuck? Is that what it looks like? Yeah, I'm looking it up right now.

Yeah, it's like a question mark with a straight line down in the question mark and there's just one dot. One dot. So the straight line is like perpendicular to the bottom of the question mark. I'm going to draw it and show you. I think they should include it on the question. computer because so often I want to use one of them. And it's an interrobang. It's an intara bang. I like that. I wrote a little story on the interrobang, mom. Really?

When somebody suggested... Oddly, it looks like that. Can you see that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it extends up. Oh, it's almost like a P. Almost. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't really do it justice. No, that's terrible. Yeah. I can't draw. I can't draw anything. I can't even write my name. It's terrible. Well, folks, look, we'll just conclude on an educational note. But go ahead and enlighten yourself. Google in TerraBang, it's really a thing.

It combines the best elements of curiosity with surprise. And to my way of thinking, it's always been a missing combination in our, what's the word? Our lexicon, our grammatical quiver, our call it what you will, an intara bang. Okay, I like that. What did I? Oh, it was Jeopardy. There was talk that I was going to host Jeopardy, and I responded with an Intera Bang. Oh, right. And I explained. That's what it was, yeah.

As it turns out, Mom, I won't be hosting Jeopardy. Oh, well, that's too bad. I was looking forward to seeing there. Now, there was some talk for a while, but per our earlier point, there are a lot of awfully talented people out there. I think one or two, right? Do you want to do Celebrity Jeopardy, Mike? because I can get you on that. I would host it, but no, I don't see the upside in being a contest. Humiliated?

Humiliated. Or winning. Both are embarrassing. Well, you play for your charity. Oh, great. So you lose for microworks. You lose for your charity. Turn that frown upside down.

Let's keep a positive attitude here, sport. You know, your neighbor is still booking stuff for them? Is that the deal? Well, he works for jeopardy, yeah. He works for jeopardy. Yeah. I don't know how I feel about jeopardy. anymore. The whole thing, it was just so weird. There was so much odd press surrounding all of the,

you know, what you call that politically correct, woke stuff going on there. I wasn't sure how to feel about it, you know? And now, Mom, do you remember I went on who wants to be a millionaire? Do you see that one? I saw that, yeah. Yeah, 100 grand for Microworks on that one. But that was a good thing. But I was nervous, man. I was very, very nervous about losing all that money. I know, because people, could deduce that you're stupid, you know, if you do badly. And you're not. And let me tell you, seniors do not want to go on jeopardy because recall is very difficult when you get older. It can be there in your brain, but you're not going to think of it.

That is the worst feeling. And I know we're all getting more. What did you tell me the other day? You were giving a talk somewhere. And your mind went totally blank on a specific word. and the whole thing turned to some jacked-up charades. Oh, yeah, it was funny. It was funny.

It was last year I was at the library, and they had asked me a question. I wanted to use the word podcast in my response. Couldn't think of the word. And finally, I just fessed up, and I said, I can't think of the word. Old brains, I said, and somebody called out from the back. Well, what does it mean? And I said, well, it's when somebody records a conversation or an interview or a story. and then when you're out walking, you can put your earphones on and listen to it.

And somebody yelled, podcast. And I said, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yes, podcasts. So a little bit later, I pretended not to be able to remember another word and somebody yelled it down. It was interactive charades. It's kind of, you know. You did the old Kevin Neal and joke. Oh, really?

I didn't know that. You get away with a lot when you're old. I didn't mean to interrupt your story. That's all right. No, it's over. Well, Kevin Nealyn used to do that. He would say, he says, yeah, the other day, you know, I went to the mall and I was, I parked my, my, what do you call it? Yes, my car.

Parked my car in the parking lot. And then I noticed there was this doorway. When I walked through, I saw this giant, you know, they had one of those giant things in the middle of the mall. It's a, it's a thing, you know, where, water comes out of it. Yes, a fountain, right. And there was a guy standing in it. And the guy was surfing on. It wasn't a surfboard, but it was like a smaller thing.

And he just would get, and then people would catch on. First, they think he's, you know, he needs the help. And then suddenly they're just saying, you know, cumquot. And, you know, they're just saying funny things to see where he'll take the story. That's funny. No, I'm not quite like that. You don't know who Kevin Nealyn is, do you mind? No, I don't.

Although the name is a little bit familiar. He used to be on Saturday Night Live. Oh, okay. I hope I'm getting his name right. Let me just go go. I know Saturday that's a very, very, yeah. Oh, yeah, it's definitely Kevin Neely. He was a very funny.

He was on weeds. Right. Oh, what do you call those people who stand there and tell jokes in front of? Yes, right, a comedian. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Isn't that funny, you know?

Well, now, Dad and I have to go downstairs now and shoot some. I know. What do you call that? Shoot some other residents. Geese, seniors. Yeah, that's. Hipsters. Broken hippers.

We got to go put a few of the older ones down. Oh, yeah, yay. Oh, Michael, Michael, you have to cut that on. All right, well, to sum up, if you hire my mom for an appearance, you know, it could turn into a game of charades. It could turn into a game show. It could be a talk show. It'll be great, though, because she always comes prepared.

Well, let's just say it could be a crapshoot. It could be a crapshoot. She likes to gamble. Yeah, so. Well, so if you like to gamble, hire my mom. She's available. If you want to set your watch by something you can count on, call Chuck. Any time between 6 and 11 a.m., I guarantee you.

I know what he's doing. I beg you, say goodbye. All right, mom, thanks. I love you. Congratulations. You're a very big deal. We're going to dedicate Fridays for the next eight weeks to your book where people can listen to it for free right here. What time does it come up on Friday?

Oh, I don't know. Not between 8 and 11, I hope. Not between 6 and 11 for Chuck, no. So, you know, we'll see if we can squeeze it in between. I believe we'll put it up around 8 a.m. Eastern Standard Time. Okay. You know, yeah. All right.

I'll be sure to listen. And it'll stay there. That's the beauty of this. It'll stay there for time in memoriam. So people will be able to find this many, many, many, many, many, many decades from now. All right. And then the second part comes up on the following Friday at like 8 a.m. Eastern? Well, we'll see how the first part does.

Let's see how people respond. Now, it'll be every Friday for eight weeks. No matter how much they hate it, Mom, for eight weeks. We're going to file off the jagged little edges of this pill and shove it down our audience's well-muscled throat. Okay. All right. Or right up the other way. way we're going to get it in them you'll see all right mike i look forward to it all right mom tell dad hello oh i will good luck down there at the pool hall thanks honey bye now all right bye when you leave a review

which we hope that you'll do tell us who you are tell us who you are and before you go won't you leave