The Way I Heard It with Mike Rowe - 302: Coffee with Mom—Have You Seen My Husband's Teeth?

Episode Date: February 24, 2023

Killer coyotes, cataract surgery, cheating on eye exams, pellets in Chuck's ass, the Florida wedding, John's teeth lost at the rehearsal dinner, Mike channels his QVC days, Peggy plays Vanna White, John's confusing anatomy, sapele vs oak, opening night of the Winter Follies, and the auctioning of an oversized napkin holder filled with Peggy's books.  In other words, just another Coffee with Mom!

Shameless plug. Long before she was Peggy Roe, my mom was Peggy Noble, daughter of Carl and Thelma Noble. It was her father, Carl, who inspired me to pitch a show called Dirty Jobs to the Discovery Channel and later start a foundation that honored the kind of work Carl Noble did for a living, trade work, skilled labor. That foundation is called MicroWorks, and today I'm proud to tell you that we've helped thousands of people get the training they need to begin a career in the skilled trades. In fact, we'd love to help you. You can apply for a work ethic scholarship right now at microwerworks.org. We've set aside $10 million for this year's applicants. Thanks to a number

of very effective fundraisers, including the one with my grandfather's name on the label. I refer, of course, to Noble Tennessee Whiskey, K-N-O-B-E-L, which is now available in a variety of delicious mash bills, all of which you can peruse at noblespirates.com. In fact, if you spend 100 bucks and use code Carl, C-A-R-L, you'll get one tube of orange bitter-infused sugar cubes for free. That's code Carl with a C to get nine sugar cubes, ingeniously engineered to make nine perfect old-fashions every time. It's my favorite way to support Microworks and my favorite whiskey to sip responsibly after a long day of interviewing people on this podcast. Pick up a bottle at noblespirates.com. K-N-O-B-E-L-Spirits.com.

Soon may the noble men come to bring a bottle for everyone. One day when the waitin is done, we'll take a drink and go. A cup of coffee with my wife. Hello, Mother. Hi there, Mike. Hi, Chuck. Hello. I'm sorry I'm late, but I had an encounter moments ago in my yard. It's so annoying these coyotes, mom. Oh, I thought maybe a fan jumped the fence and wanted his picture taken with you.

This coyote is a big fan. Yeah. Why is it got to be a him? Why can't it be a her jumping my fence? Oh, I don't know. I just picked your men jumping fences in a single bound. But women could do it too. Oh, yeah. No, there's some very spry women out there. I can think of a few off the top of my head. If they knew where my fence was, they might try and leap over it. But no, there are no homo sapiens entering the yard, but the coyotes are out of control. We had a meeting up here last night, like a big town meeting. Like hundreds of people showed up to talk about what's going on with the coyotes on the Tiburon Peninsula.

Oh, my goodness. You would have loved it. It was like a scene out of some sort of movie from the, I don't know why it reminded me of a, like a Gregory Peck courtroom thing or something. It was just, people are angry and scared and really freaked out because nobody's doing anything about them. You have any suggestions? Did they meet in your yard? No, no. No.

Yes, the entire town leapt over my fence for an ad hoc coyote. intervention. No, down at the city hall. A couple of hundred people showed up and then a couple hundred more zoomed in. And we just sat there listening. If folks don't know, I've written about it on Facebook over the last couple of years, but the coyotes have just come down from the hills. And the skunks are gone. The raccoons are gone. Most of the squirrel population is gone. At least 10 cats that I know of are missing. most of whom have been found, but not in their original comportment. Like a bloody tail and a stack of entrails.

Sorry to be graphic, but it's awful. People are just shattered. They're little dogs. Dogs are being scooped up and run off with. People are freaked out. I know. One came after Freddie one time, you said. I kicked one.

I literally kicked one. A glancing blow, like two weeks ago, I was walking him at dusk. And this thing shot out from the bushes, just shot right out not four feet from us. And I had him on a pretty short lead. And, you know, Freddie, he's like, rah, right, right. He goes after the thing. And the thing goes after him. And I pull the dog back.

And I kick at the creature and I pick up the dog. I'm like, what the heck is going on here? It was amazing. Like, these experts were invited and they lectured us for an hour about hazing techniques and about all these. It was like listening to a lecture on fire prevention. as your house is burning down. It was crazy. What was the bottom line?

Did you have any solutions suggested at all? Well, yeah. I mean, I can call four or five guys in, who I know, that have the seal issued 38 caliber with a suppressor on it, and we could just walk through the neighborhood with a bag of sausages over the course of a weekend and probably take them all out. But the conversation about shooting a coyote,

Like, I brought it up at the meeting, and people are just, they just clutch their pearls. They're horrified. They're so paralyzed, they don't know what to do. Dogs and cats and all the other local wildlife are being decimated, and they just can't live with the idea of, you know, doing something really proactive to make the neighborhood safe again. It's totally dysfunctional. It is. Do those people with these suggestions live in the neighborhood? Do they actually deal with this problem?

No. It's like fish in wildlife and fish and game people. Like a lot of people I really respect and admire who make their living in other parts of the states in wildlife management. But this is a different sort of situation. We're overrun. I wasn't physically at the meeting. I was zooming into it. But I'm sitting there in my kitchen listening to this craziness unfold. And I looked at my ring camera and there's a coyote sitting by the front door. It's like to the point where I should name them. They come into the yard and they just take up a position and they wait for Freddie to come out. The poor dog, I mean, he's hunted. He is on the menu from the buzzards and the hawks above to the coyotes on the ground. I mean, and it's broad daylight right now and they're in the yard. They're breaking all the rules. They're not fighting fair.

Poor Freddy. Could they climb over a real high fence? Can they like... I saw one jump and clear a six-foot fence. Oh, my goodness. I've seen them get on top of eight-foot fences, and from there, leap on top of roofs and things, they're unstoppable.

I mean, they're wild animals. They can go anywhere. There's one good solution. Move back to Maryland. We got there, crabs, hon. We got crabs. We got squirrels, and we have foxes. And we might.

have some coyotes, but not in our neighborhood. No, I guess not. But if they show up, let me know. And I'll invite you to the next meeting. Maybe you can persuade them. I don't know. Anyway, I'm sorry, I'm late. It's great to see you. It's been quite a month. Anything new to report? Oh, yeah. I had cataract surgery last week. And so if you think I'm winking at you, I'm not really, but I can only really see clearly out of one eye at a time. So I take turns. I mean, I close my right eye if I'm looking at something up close. I'm closed my left eye if I want to see the monitor. And a friend the other night has one of those tiny little screwdrivers. So he took the lens out of my right eye. So if I'm walking and looking in a distance, this is pretty good. You took the lens out of your right eye?

Well, my right glasses, the right lens out of my glimbing. Good God, Mom. You've got to be specific. Look, you can't. Well, my doctor, my surgeon took the right lens out, my eye and replaced it with a non-catteract lens, a clear lens. Yes, that all tracks. Does this look kind of strange? It looks weird now that you pointed out to see your glasses are missing a lens. There's no reflection on that one.

I know. But it's alarming to hear your mother say, I have a friend with a screwdriver who replaced the lens in my eye. Took the lens out of my eye. I took my eye, Paulie. Well, it's effective for distance when I'm out walking. But when I'm here at my computer, I just sort of close one eye and leave the other eye open. I'm having the other eye done in March, March 7th. So after then, I'll have two eyes that are working in sync, hopefully. Is it a big, significant difference at this point? Oh, my goodness, yes. The eye that was just operated on,

there's so much more light coming through that eye. Everything is brighter. The walls are brighter. I have an entirely new wardrobe colors I haven't seen in years. And it's funny if I close my right eye, they are drab and grayish, but my right eye, they really are nice. How interesting. And the wrinkles in my eyes.

face have. Nobody told me that cataract surgery would make the wrinkles in your face increase and look horrible. I can't even look in the mirror these days. And when I get my second eye done, it's going to be terrible, I know. Even dad looks older. I have a question about that. What is it like for them to operate? Aren't you like fully conscious when this happens? No. They put an IV in when you get there and they give you some happy juice like Valium and really you couldn't care less they can have their way with your eyeball they can take it completely out and you're not really aware of what they're doing and I think there's some cutting that takes place but anyway I have every confidence in my doctor and did he say why did you wait so long no but she said you know most people

have this done when they're much younger. Whoops. You don't want to hear a doctor say whoops. No, I know. I just assumed that it was a male doctor and I was completely wrong. Oh, of course. That's what I mean, whoops. I'll be hearing about that. Completely. And I have a lot of confidence in her. Well, you might be interested in this when we were... Way to sell it. Just before my surgery, she came out of the surgical suite, I mean, out of the operating room. And I was in the surgical suite and there may be six beds.

in there with people lying in there waiting for their turn because there are several doctors who use this. And she said, oh, Mrs. Rowe, I know about your books, but you didn't tell me you had a famous son. And then all the nurses, everybody started talking about, oh, where does Mike live? Oh, he's so cool. Oh, I love his message. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I want to say, hey, forget it. You're here toot my eye. concentrate on the task at hand. Well, I'll let you know if I see your celebrated surgeon leaping over my fence in the coming days or weeks. That ain't going to happen. No. Well, you should talk to Mary. I told her about your surgery because she's thinking about getting the same thing.

And she said her doctor also said the same thing, which was, this is life-changing. It's going to completely just dramatically improve. your life. And it's a shame that so many people wait until they're in their 80s to get it done. Because things start to go wrong, you know, in your 50s and 60s. Why not fix it earlier if you can? Exactly. But I think, I don't know if you can do it more than once or not. I think they like to wait until they are at a certain point in their development and they don't want to do them too soon. So mine were ready. When I could no longer read the top line of letters on the chart, then we knew they were reading. I could not, I knew there were

letters there, but I could not see those letters out of my right eye. Do you ever guess like when you're doing that? The last time I had an eye exam, I found myself going, oh, you know, I want to get this right. And so I was really working hard, and I guessed that a few. And the doctor was like, are you guessing? And I said, yeah, actually. It looked like a C or an E. I couldn't be short. And he's like, look, this is the part where you level with me. Exactly. It's not about your grade. It's about can you read? So, yes. And it was, Mike, it was transformative. I came out of the office because there are drops and then you have to wait for a while and they come back and they do another test. I went out and I sat next to dad in the waiting room

and there was a monitor across the room. And out of my right eye, because they had just taken the patch off from my surgery 24 hours earlier, opened my right eye, and I could read every word on that monitor. There was a scroll. It was so exciting.

And so I closed my good eye and looked with my bad eye, and I couldn't read a word. So my other eyes ready to be done. So look out when they're both done. You know, it's so funny. It's so transformative and game-changing, and it's impossible for me not to think about my nose. Like, the day after they did it, before all the swelling came in and made me crazy for two weeks, but the day after, like, as they were wheeling me out of that hospital,

I couldn't describe the sensation of actual oxygen going into, it was cool and, like, refreshing in ways that you don't think about air being. It's just like a cool breeze on a warm day. I just had never experienced air going through my nose and into my lungs before. And so, yeah, I mean, we're just getting to that age, Chuck. If we can find something to do to our bodies to improve them, I mean, you're still contemplating the pellet in your ass, right? Oh, yeah, I'm doing it. I'm going to do it. I'm not going to ask about that.

No, this is interesting. If he does it, this is going to be a great episode. Tell her what you're thinking. Well, people are still raving, raving, I tell you, about my mother's performance in the latest Pure Talk commercial. And if you haven't seen it, I encourage you to give it a look on my Facebook page and read the comments. They're hysterical. In this commercial, you'll not only see Peggy Row gently criticizing her oldest son for his longstanding and well-established commitment issues, you'll learn about the latest offer from Pure Talk, which includes unlimited talk, text, and data for just $34.99.

a month with no contracts and no commitments of any kind. You can see why I love these guys. If, on the other hand, you have better things to do with your time, then watch my mom and me be impossibly charming together, then allow me to remind you here, without all the cleverness and charm, that unlimited talk, text, and data on a blazing fast network for just 3499 a month really is an unmitigated bargain from an American wireless company

that keeps all their customer service in this country, supports our veterans in a meaningful way, as well as the Microwworks Foundation, and allows me to exploit my own mother in a national advertising campaign. Do what my mom did. Get yourself unlimited high-speed data for just 3499 a month at puretalk.com slash row. You can switch in as little as 10 minutes at puretalk.com slash row. Pure talk. Well, there's a thing, it's called biote, I believe, and it basically measures your testosterone and adjusts it as we age, we lose our testosterone, and they create these pellets that they put

under your skin in the fatty part of your butt, and they slowly dissolve over three to six months and it helps with energy, it helps with libido, it helps with brain fog, which is why I'm interested in it. Yeah, and people feel younger. I don't really want to talk about libido with my mom, Chuck. I mean, the brain fog is fine. Well, that's all right. I'm a mature adult. It's like progesterine with women when you reach a certain age. Your body no longer produces it. And so you get it artificially. Whatever it takes, Chuck. You don't need to tell me anymore, but I hope it works. it is. Thank you. I appreciate it. I'll let you know. Apparently, the testosterone is also important for women and has an impact on women. In fact, I think, I mean, wasn't that the story? Didn't this

originate with, you know? Yeah. Well, my sister's been on it for like a year now, and she swears by it. And so does the woman that put the pellet in her. Because she's been doing it even longer. Well, if it works, fine. Use it. Do it. Well, I'm going to look into it because this is a, I mean, it's great content for one thing. If it improves your life, Chuck, I mean, obviously that's awesome. But if you fly back east for the sole purpose of getting a pellet put in your ass, we're going to talk about it right here at great length. A great length. I can assure you.

Well, great. We'll do that then. But I want to hear about the wedding. Didn't you guys go to a great wedding? That's right. In the last podcast, Mike, we talked about the wedding, remember? I remember vividly. I'm just going to say this out loud because I don't want to forget. We also talked about that napkin holder and the stuff Dad's making in Woodshop. So don't let me forget because I only want to talk to you for another 15 minutes because we're trying to keep this thing down to a half hour.

Oh, then you might want to cut that part out about Chuck's pellet and his ass. I would recommend that. Are you kidding? That's the title. That's going to be the title of this thing. Coffee with Mom and a Pellet in Chuck's ass. Oh, whoopee. Yeah, the wedding was great, Chuck.

We all descended into South Florida. It was fun. I mean, it was weird like it always is with family, but it was fun. It was, and it was great being with the family, with all of our children and grandchildren. It was exciting. Oh, but there was one thing that went wrong, and, oh, your father lost his teeth in the restaurant. Oh, my God, I forgot Right where you need them the most.

It was hard to get over that. Well, he had already used them. Oh, okay. Well, that's good. And it was at the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. Uh-huh. And so, oh, God, I can remember it like it was this morning. We went back to Scott's house where there was a large gathering of family, and it was

party time. And we were sitting around having it. having something to eat and drink, and your father came to me. Oh, Lord, he looked like death warmed over. He was white as his sheet. He said, something's happened. I did something awful. Oh, my God.

I said, oh, John, whatever it is, it'll be all right, hon. We'll get past it. We'll deal with it. What happened? He said, I've lost my teeth. I've lost my dentures. I think I might have left him in a napkin. at the restaurant.

I said, and how did that happen? So he said, well, I had the steak, and it was good, but it collected under my plate. So I held my napkin up and pulled my plate out to dislodge the,

and he said, I forgot to put it back in. I folded up the napkin, put it back on the table. So he didn't really lose his teeth. He took them out and just decided. Misplace them. He misplaced them, yes, as one does.

Mid-meal. It happens all the time. Well, the next day was the wedding. And you know, a wedding is all about pictures. Lots of pictures. Lots of smiles. Photographs. Well, I mean, he would have had to smile with his mouth completely closed because his upper

plate has three teeth on it and one or two are visible on the front. Oh, dear. Oh, anyway, he was just sick. So I called the restaurant right away. And the woman I spoke to said, oh, you know, they've probably been thrown out. I hate to tell you this, but give me your name and telephone number, and we will look for them after the restaurant closes, but probably they've gone out with the garbage. And how much does this thing cost, by the way?

Probably thousands of dollars to replace it, I would think. Terrible. It's hard to say though, Chuck, which would really chap him worse, you know, not being able to smile at his granddaughter's wedding worth, you know, a couple thousand bucks. We're paying the money. Oh, I got a pretty good idea which one's going to chap him more. Well, there would be no incentive to smile anyway if he didn't, if he had lost his teeth. So the next morning I got up and there was no call, so I called the restaurant. And the young lady who answered, he was. to the phone said, I have good news. We found them on the floor last night as we were cleaning. And I said, oh, thank God. I said, oh, you're a messenger sent from heaven. I said, my husband will

be there soon. Well, it was a half hour drive. So Phil, your brother Phil, drove him. Yeah, I know who he is. In case you didn't know who Phil was. Well, but there might be some people, the dozen or so people who listen to this podcast. You know what? Fair point. Fair point. So he drove dad back to the restaurant. And it was so funny. Dad called me on his cell phone as he is wont to do many times whenever we're separated. And he said, oh, hon, what was the girl's name I'm supposed to look for? And I said, oh, I think, I don't remember, Allison. He said, oh, okay. And then this woman came. He said, Allison, she said yes. And she said, here it is.

Oh, I wonder if I still have that. It was a little brown. Oh, here it is. Look, it was a little manila envelope that says dentures with a smiley face. She was very happy, but dad was very reserved.

He said, well, wait a minute, let me open this and make sure these are mine. I mean, like, doesn't of people leave their dentures on the floor in a restaurant at any given time. It's Florida. It's Florida. There's probably a shoebox full of missing teeth somewhere in a safe. Well, like when I lost my purse and my wallet at Walmart, I went to the loss and found. And there were a dozen canes back there. And I'm thinking, what kind of a person forgets their cane when they're out? If you need a cane. The kind of person that doesn't really need one. Yeah. Exactly. So dad came home and all was well. And it was time for the wedding. He didn't run them through the dishwasher, but he cleaned them very well. We didn't have a dishwasher at the motel where we were staying. But he did wash them. So that ended happily. But I'll tell you, those teeth have been the source of more material for me. One night, last week, the week before, Dad went in, had to go to the bathroom. But before he went to the bathroom, he has to take his hearing aids out and his teeth out.

Not to go to the bathroom, but he was like, I'm not sure I understand his anatomy anymore. He was going to shower while he was in there. Okay. Wait, but he's going to the bathroom in the shower? There's a shower in the bathroom. So anyway, all of a sudden I hear him laughing from the bedroom, and I said, What's funny, he said, I just tried to plug my teeth into my hearing aid charger. He had taken out his teeth and put him in the hearing aid charger.

But they didn't fit, of course. So then he took his hearing aids out and put them. But honestly, those teeth have been the subject of really good material through the years. Wow. Do you remember, this is a few months back, probably six months ago, but somebody left their retainer on the water fountain on the bike path where I walk. I read about that on your Facebook page. And now they have their own Instagram account.

They have an Instagram. So I found an expensive-looking retainer that somebody had taken out of their mouth and left on top of a water fountain. I don't know why, but they did it. And I know those things cost money, so I took a picture of it. And I wrote something kind of funny about it from the point of view of the retainer, because why not? Creative Writing 101. That post kind of blew up, but the next day they were still there.

And the day after that, they were still there. So I just started writing from the point of view of a retainer who is stuck on a water fountain watching the world go by. And then on the fourth day, somebody picked it up and left me a note in an envelope. Because at this point, 2 million people are engaged in a conversation on Facebook about this missing retainer somewhere on the Tiburon Peninsula. And that person assumed the identity of something called Tibby's teeth. I don't know what that means, but they have an Instagram page now with over 20,000 followers.

And the retainer is dispensing advice to people with questions about their life. So the person who lost the retainer never did get it back? No, no. The retainer was abandoned. And somebody who was reading this crazy conversation on Facebook. took it upon themselves to drive over into this basic area and start walking on the bike path until they found the water fountain with the retainer on it. And then they left me an envelope. You can't make it up. I'm actually not sure who's living a weirder life. You or me.

It's you, hon. My life is very stayed. I love stories like this. Seven years ago, a guy named. Ben Still was a musician. He had zero interest in running a food company, but he was annoyed that so much imported meat was being deceptively marketed and labeled as domestic and decided to fix the problem. The result was a company called Good Ranchers. It's a completely honest, totally transparent meat company that deals directly with American farms and ranches and promises to deliver high-quality American-grown meat for a fair price. Today, that promise. And Ben's absolute determination to keep it has not only propelled good ranchers into the top tier of meat delivery

companies, it's fueled enormous awareness among meat eaters like me that we have all been affirmatively deceived by policies that allow imported meat to be marketed as domestic. That's the reason I switch to good ranchers. If I'm being honest, though, I doubt that I would have stayed this long had the quality not been so exceptional. Every single cut I have devoured from good Ranchers has been straight up delicious and every morsel was raised on a small American farm or ranch. Give them a try. Subscriptions are affordable and flexible. In fact, if you start your plan today, you'll get free meat for life and $40 off your first order. Just use code mic at good ranchers.com. Free meat for life, 40 bucks off your first order. Good Ranchers.com. American meat delivered.

If you could eat a cow, don't take a chance on a foreign ranch, get good ranchers now. Hey-haw! Look, I still have it. Oh, good, good, good, good, good. Okay, so, so Chuck, I want to get this right. The, like, the order of things,

we're going to auction off the napkin holder. Giant napkin holder, right? A giant napkin holder that my father made in wood shop over there. Right, that. I feel like I've won't. QVC. That's just what I was thinking. Yeah, you are.

Has he signed it, Mom? Not yet, but he's going to. Okay. So we're talking about a signed napkin holder made by John Rowe, one of a kind, in the wood shop over there at Oak Crest, and you are going to

not put napkins in the napkin holder, but three books, coincidentally, all written by you, all New York Times, sellers, all autographed by you? Yes. I shall autograph them before we send them off to you. Excellent.

So by the time the folks in home are listening to this, we will have posted an auction over on eBay. And I will, when I share this video that you're probably watching right now, indicate something in the post above it where people can click and bid. on this one-of-a-kind, what kind of wood is it, mom? I think it's called Sapelle, S-A-P-E-L-E, or Sapelli. I'm not sure how you pronounce it. Hold it up for me again so I can see it.

Folks, what you're looking at is a one-of-a-kind. Stay there, mom. Stay there. You're being a model now. Oh, that's right. Van of White for me. I need to practice. There you go. Folks, what you're looking at right now is a one-of-a-kind napkin holder made of Sepel or Sepeli wood. The craftsman in question.

is the one and only John Rowe, my dad, my mother's husband. He labored over this down in the wood shop where they live extensively. It's being modeled right now, as you can see, by a very, very, very proud wife to get this one-of-a-kind napkin holder that will come with not one, not two, but three autographed books by Peggy Rowe. Show him the books, mom. Show him the books. This is a hard job. We're talking about her first bestseller about my mother, her second bestseller, about your father, try and keep up. And of course, her third bestseller, vacuuming in the nude. I see why Vanna makes so much money now. It is a cosmic coincidence, friends, that these three books fit perfectly into this napkin holder made of Sepel or Sepeli wood. and if you've been on it, and I hope you will, and if you have the high bid, we will ship these to you with our love and affection. 100% of the money that we raised from this will go into our work ethic scholarship program, which we will be launching again in March.

We'll be giving away over a million dollars in work ethic scholarships once again because that's just the kind of people we are. Mike, can I say something in true transparency? Yes. That particular napkin holder looks like it might be. But dad has a nice piece of sepelle wood still in the wood shop, and he's going to make another napkin holder with these exact dimensions out of that sepel wood. In fact, yesterday he brought a treat up for me. Look, he made this beautiful little pencil holder.

Isn't this nice? I love it. Fantastic. And it has a nice broad base so it doesn't turn over like this first one that he's. made, it turns over. With a narrow face, that's no good. You live and learn. And this is a little oddly shaped.

I think it's fair to say that pretty soon everything in your apartment will be made of wood. I think it's pretty safe to say pretty soon there will not be room for me in my apartment. And this, he made this too. Isn't this pretty? That's very nice. I think it's pretty safe to say that

pretty soon we're all going to have nice broad bases. And guess what's for Christmas next year. Can't imagine. Okay, look, that's terrific, mom. Anything else you want to share with the gang? It's been a half hour.

No, we're in a hurry. You know, Dad's play opens tonight. The winter follies here at the home are tonight, tomorrow night and Sunday. And your father, I'll take pictures, of course. Your father

is playing George. Washington. Is that him in that photo? No. No, this came with the costume. This is his uniform. George Washington. A picture of some actor modeling the George Washington uniform, correct?

Obviously, your father is not the man George Washington was because it took quite a bit of alteration to get it down to his size. But... But from what I've read, they each were dealing with teeth. that were less than satisfying. I wonder if George ever left his in a restaurant. I don't know. But anyway, the follies will be cute.

There are dozens of residents in it. There's lots of music. The only thing is dad tends to lapse into a German accent every once in a while. And I say, John, George wasn't really German. He says, oh, I know, I know. So we'll see what happens tonight. Maybe he's doing like a Hesian thing. You know, the Hesians were a big part of winning the American Revolution and dad taught American history.

I know he's familiar with the Hesians, so I wonder if the reptilian part of his brain is channeling a Hesian. I'm pretty sure the Hesians fought on the other side, Mike. Well, I just said that we're important part of the revolution. I didn't say they were our friends. Okay. Are you sure? Who did the Hesians fight for? The English.

And we got the French. involved? Google it. Oh, John. No, no, no, don't do that. No, I'm not. He's in the shower. With his teeth, his, his ear, his hearing aids. Without his ears and his teeth. Oh, my goodness. You know, we really did span the, we went from coyotes to eyes, to noses, to teeth to a pellet in Chuck's ass all the way back around to a fundraiser for MicroWorks and now a little bit of history vis-a-vis the Hesha. This is an action-packed half hour.

And George Washington, this is a fundraiser too because every Sunday we have concerts here and you have to pay the performers. So this is a fundraiser for our concert series. So it will be well attended. That's terrific. I didn't realize that. So there's a concert series

that goes on year-round at Oak Crest, and this is one of the things they do to raise money for that, and somehow Dad has agreed to dress up like George Washington. Does he have lines? Oh, yes. He does. And he is prone to Ad-lib, but I told him he really shouldn't add-lib. I am the Faza of the country.

Something like that. No, Dad. By the way, the Hessians fought for the British. Yes, I was correct about that. 30,000 German troops. Sorry. Of course. In this, you know, every now and that blind squirrel finds a nut.

What can I say? I'm just trying to give you a little something to cling on to. I'm just telling you, Chuck, look out for the coyotes, hon. They're everywhere. You're Mr. Blind Squirrel. Yeah. They'll jump over the fence along with my fans. Well, this is fun because Dad never played George Washington, but he did play Thompson in 1776,

where he read the dispatches of George Washington. Yes. And the costumes are very similar. and he has a white wig, which he wore to bed the other night. He didn't leave it on very long, but really. I mean, what turns, you know, on more than a wig, right? A white wig. I just let me process it for a minute.

He's come out of the shower. We don't know where the teeth are. We're not sure about the hearing aids. You can only see out of one eye. You got glasses with only one lens. He's wearing a powdered wig. You're both naked as the day. were born, you're really taking the activity level over there at Oak Crest to a whole new level.

Wow. Are you dressed? Are you dressed? What in your shirt? Hey, Mr. Clean. Put some pants on. Do we have pants on? Yes, he's got pants on.

Oh, okay, good. Of course. How are you, Dad? Tuck them in. Tuck them in. Good. you're doing. Hey, good luck tonight. I hear it's the opening night of the follies. Break a leg, John. Do you have your hearing aids in? No. Oh, he doesn't have his hearing aids in.

I'll tell him. I'll tell him to break a leg. All right. All right, we got to go, but I love you, Mom. And thank you for signing those books. And dad, thank you for making that napkin holder. We're going to auction that thing off for big money for microworks. I can't hear you. Okay. I'll tell you, huh? I don't even know what that is. I'll tell you. Yes, sometimes I can't distinguish if it's a German or... It could be anything. L'a-do. Fortunately, you know, he's supposed to sing tonight.

Dad doesn't sing. He has a really good voice and no ear. He hears no pitch. He has no sense of pitch at all. I know. I know. Will he be singing Aidal Weiss? Yeah, it goes like this.

Aidal vice. Aidal vice. Every morning you greet me. Soft and white, clean and bright, you look at me to see me. That's how he's saying. That's my earliest memory of dad singing happy birthday to me. I was like eight or nine. And I remember everybody's singing.

And dad was just like, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Interesting. Well, anyway, it's a big night. I'll take pictures. You take pictures. and the next time we circle back with one of these things, we'll share those photos and celebrate what I hope will be quite a hall

for the napkin made of the napkin holder made of Sepel. Yes, okay. Absolutely, honey. All right. All right, this was fun. Yeah, and I'll keep you posted on the whole pellet and Chuck's ass and how all that works out. No, well, don't bother.

She doesn't want to know about it, Mike. Yeah, but you know what? I don't pick it up on that. I guarantee you, in the comments below, you're going to be fielding questions about this procedure. People are going to want to know. Anyway, don't hang up, Mom. We've got to upload this.

As for all the rest of you, thanks for listening. And bid big on the one-of-a-kind napkin holder. It's for a good cause. Thanks, everybody. And watch out for coyotes. They're real. They're everywhere, and they're annoying. A cup of coffee with my mom.

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