The Way I Heard It with Mike Rowe - 315: Coffee with Mom—What, No Apple Pie?! with Peggy Rowe

Episode Date: April 28, 2023

On this edition of coffee with mom, bestselling author and Mike's mom Peggy Rowe says goodbye to hatchet throwing season and hello to bocce ball season.  Along the way is a play called Moses, an Amish smorgasbord, mulligatawny soup, and a gelding "expressing himself."

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demystifying AI. It's filled with sorts of, super useful information, and again, it's free at netseweet.com slash mike. That's net sweet.com. A cup of coffee with my mom. Mom, you look like a spring flower. Oh, do I? Good. Well, I do have a scarf on that has flowers. And I'll tell you, the weather here in Baltimore couldn't be nicer.

I went outside this morning for dad's botchy ball game, and I wore a light jacket, and I had to take it off. It was wonderful. I guess in the 70s probably. Nice. And full sun. Yeah. Yeah? Well, who cares about the weather?

Tell me about the botchy ball game. Where are we in the tournament of champions at this point? Is it just bocce ball season? And sorry, but are we officially out of axe throwing season at this point? I don't know when axe-throwing season was. I think that was back in the winter, but we just finished shuffleboard season, and we've gone right into Batchie ball season,

and it began just this Monday. So this is the first week. Dad played two games early on in the week, and his team is called the Wrecking Crew, and they won both games, and they played two more games today. Are you familiar with the wrecking crew, not as a botchy ball team, but as the entity that preceded your husband's botchy ball team? No, no, I'm not.

Oh, you're going to have to Google it. Chuck, do you know the wrecking crew? No. It's a, now here I'm embarrassing myself. I don't remember exactly who it is, but it's like Chris Christopherson and Johnny Cash and it's like famous musicians, maybe not that old. It was like a band? Yeah, they played as a band, but I think mostly it was just a bunch of notable musicians who got together and said we should jam the wrecking crew, I'm sure. Yes.

2008 film called The Recing Crew was a loose collective of Los Angeles-based session musicians whose services were employed for a great number of studio recordings in the 60s and 70s, including hundreds of top 40 hits according to the Wikipedia. Yeah. Well, four of the members of Dad's team, four of the eight, are younger. And they're in their 60s and possibly early 70s. What a relative term that's become, right? Yeah, yeah. Well, I didn't tell you the best news about this morning. Are you interested in the results of today's games?

I sure have. Well, yeah, settle down, Chuck. Settled down. Sorry. Well, Dad's team was yellow. And, you know, the object is to get your yellow ball close to the polina, which is the little white chase ball. So I took a picture of the last ball of the game, which was Dad's. So here's Dad's Yellow Ball.

Wow. Next to the Chase Ball. Look at that. gotten any closer. Wow. They're like kissing. He just rolled it right there, huh? I know.

He did. It was amazing. He played well today. So they won two more games. So they've played four and they've won four. So they're batting a thousand or they're rolling a thousand. In no way am I going to drag this conversation into the gutter. In no way am I going to say anything that anybody could object to?

We got some feedback, Chuck, from our last conversation where if you, you'll recall, I was super frustrated because I knocked my coffee over and it went on to my keyboard. And that led to a string of profanities. And people told me that my choice of language, especially with my mother on the line, was somewhat inappropriate. So I just want to preface this by saying, we're not going to, that'll never happen again. I apologize anybody who was offended. But mom, the last time you said, I took a picture of your father's ball. You remember, you remember what that was a photo of. An eggplant, as I recall.

Oh, Michael. I thought you were not going to go there today. I'm not going... I'm not going anywhere that you haven't already dragged me and several million other people. You're the one who wrote an elaborate story about dad's hydrasil, about the resulting swelling, about the gigantic scrotum. You're the one who took the pictures. You shared all of that.

So if I bring it up, it's merely because as your son and erstwhile host of this fake podcast, it's my job to do that kind of thing. Well, I did it in a very tasteful way. I mean, I didn't use any untoward language. You know, mine was nothing but tasteful. But it was also humorous. And I think after getting some feedback at speaking events, that was probably, me the favorite story of the book or certainly one of the favorite stories of the book.

People ask me about it to this day. I mean, I've told you this. I'm not going to blow any more sunshine, but everywhere I go now, you know, what was your dirtiest job? Used to be how's Freddie. Now it's how's your mother. When's the next book coming out? And has your dad recovered from that horrible thing that happened to him a couple years ago vis-a-vis scrotum? And so these are the conversations I'm happy. I just had this conversation in an elevator in Oklahoma with a total stranger. So. Sorry about that. Your work has an enormous reach. As does dad's equipment, apparently. And as does your work, I mean, strangers stop me because they recognize me. And I'm not Peggy Roe author. I'm the dirty mother. I'm Mike Rose mom.

Yeah, well, I'm Peggy Rose Sun. And they have good things to say about you, so that's always nice. Sorry to derail your point. Did the wrecking crew prevail today? And where are they in the overall standings at this point? They're rolling 1,000. They're 4 for 4. Where were you?

Five minutes ago, Mike. I was formulating my thoughts, Chuck. Apparently so. You know, Celeste Headley would say, you need to listen more. Two ears, one mouth. I've got my coffee here, which I'm trying not to spill. And I have this new thing. This is like apple cider vinegar and ginger.

And I think there's cinnamon and some. It's just a bunch of stuff that I'm trying now. Wow. I know. And so what will the result be, hopefully, of this stuff? Better judgment, cleaner mouth, shorter podcast. And projectile diarrhea, probably. And better short-term memory, hopefully.

Complete and total failure. Oh, ring failure. I'll let you know. I'll let you know. Great, so Bachi ball season is underway. The Wrecking crew is 4 for 4. How many games will they play in the season? Do you know? I don't know. The season goes on for months, so a lot. Do they do a cornhole tournament there yet? They played cornhole, and we've tried it. I don't think it's as popular. as bachi ball and shuffleboard. Well, I love it. But people do enjoy it.

And Dad and I even played table tennis not long ago. That was fun. But it's pretty demanding physically. You wouldn't think so because you don't go very far from you. You have a spot where you pretty much stay. But I found it very exhausting. You're talking about ping pong. Ping pong.

Yes. Yes, I found it exhausting. Oh, ping pong can be incredibly exhausting. I mean, I know that Chuck and I, back at Essex Community College, we used to have violent, protracted ping pong tournaments, you know, whether you're just standing there in your shorts, you take your shirt off, you're drenched, you're sweat all over the place. And if you've ever seen ping pong, like the real champion,

like you should Google that, Mom. You wouldn't believe it. These guys are... I did. They stand far from the table. Yeah, yeah, and they hit it as hard as they can. And you just can't believe some of the volleys doesn't seem possible. Well, I didn't take my shirt off or perspire,

but it was still kind of demanding, reaching, you know. And dad was pretty good. What about him? Did he remain fully closed? John? He did. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Very good. Jesus.

For a change. I don't know what my drinking, but it must not be so good. It was just, I was coughing on behalf of all of the listeners now grappling with the image seared into their retina of you and dad playing naked table tennis. Well, it is the home. You just never know what's going to happen. Can we talk about your latest post? I'm looking at this picture, and I've seen this before, of you and Janet.

What was it, National Siblings Day or something? Oh, okay, that's not my most recent one. Two posts ago, yeah. Oh, yeah. What do I know? Yeah. What about it? She's my only sibling.

I know. So I did write about Janet. Yeah. Yeah, and it's a funny story, but the picture of you two. Let's see if I can find this thing. Oh, which one? Yeah, I'm looking for it. Yeah, hang on.

It's, I mean, Mom, this picture is really something. It's you and Janet. How old was she? Let me see. I'm trying to remember. Oh, that one. Oh, my golly. Don't we look demonic? If you look at our eyes. One of you does. And that would be me. Yeah. Is that me? I know. I was very shy as a child, believe it or not. And my head was always down when my eyes were up. Why can't I find it? Is it in a text or is it in a... I got it right here. Amen. I got it here. If I can turn this thing around, yeah, it's a little bigger.

No, it's terrible. Mom, show them. Chuck can't do it. Okay. Oh, there it is. Oh, his is better. You look absolutely demonic the way you're looking up. Janet looks kind of evil, too, don't you think?

She looks conniving. You look straight up like the girl. Did you ever see The Ring? The movie called The Ring, where the girl, like, lives at the bottom of the well, and she crawls out of the well, and then eventually out of the TV. I'm going to take, no, she did not for a hundred. It's just a weird, weird mix of things, but, I mean, you're just the sweetest. You're America's grandmother, and you've posted a picture of you looking very much. Like one of the little girls in the Shining.

But here we are now. Yes, that's it. totally normal. Yes, that photo you looked very normal. Yeah. Yeah. You can fool some of the people some of the time. Well, Janet is 89.

She just had a birthday. My only sibling turned 89. And she lives in an Erickson facility also down in Virginia. It's called Avery Point. It just opened this year. She was one of the first residents. And she really loves it. I hope she can live many.

many years to enjoy it because she likes everything about it. Good. I'm just glad you both outgrew your satanic countenance. The demonic phase. Because it is, it is chilling to see. And that's a funny story too. So she had an appendicitis and everybody was scared to death. She had a terrible pain in her side, excruciating pain.

And the school nurse sent her to the hospital. And of course, that rumor spread through the school and the neighborhood that my sister's appendix had burst and she was at death's door. So that evening, my mother sent me around to Baker's store for something, a short list she had. And when I went into the store, there were neighbors standing around and they were all anxious to know how Janet was doing. And I said, oh, she's fine. she's back home, the doctor said she just has a lot of gas. Well, the neighbors were nice, and one of them might even have said, well, yes, that can be really painful.

So when I got home, naturally, I told my sister the story. Big mistake. She ran upstairs crying, and she said, I'm never going to leave this house again. And I said, well, but Mr. Baker wanted me to tell you, don't hold it in. That's even more painful. And that's when her door slammed and really, she didn't speak to me for a couple of days. We haven't spoken since. She got over it.

Like the funny part of the story is you guys were sort of opposites. You know, most women, not most, but like in my mind, they're really two different categories of females. They're the kind who you assume break wind, and then they're the kind you just assume can't or just never would or just don't have the... Just not wired that way. You know, Janet, I didn't know her as a child, but from everything you've written,

she was one of those people who simply wouldn't... She doesn't perspire, you know, none of that. Well, right, she didn't have normal bodily functions like I did, and then that's how I saw her growing up. But I'm pretty sure she does. in private. Well, so much for that. Now her younger sister is writing about her bodily functions.

She's never going to leave the home now. With all the indoor plumbing. She claims to really enjoy my writing. And her friends follow me. And so I think that she's impressed that her friends find me follow. You are followable. What else is new?

Totally. What have you guys been up to? What did you do this week? Well, Michael, yesterday was so exciting. We went off the reservation, as a dad likes to say. We took a trip up to Pennsylvania, and we went to this huge theater up there that's called sight and sound. And we saw the most amazing production. There were thousands of people in the audience.

The stage is probably at least an acre. And it continues around the sides of the theater. It's everywhere. It surrounds you. Is it outside? 365. It's indoors. But on the other side of the stage, I'm sure there's an outside because in this production

of Moses, well, what I mean is, I mean the theater. I'm pretty sure. out, yeah, once you get outside of the structure, it's outside. And there's a lot of it. And it's everywhere. I have to watch my phraseology. Beyond, in back of the stage, there are acres of, like, barns and corrals because in the show, there are horses and camels, goats and sheep.

Wait a minute. What is this show? You said Moses? What are we talking about? It's the story of Moses. You know, the book of Exodus is pretty much the story of Moses. I'm familiar. How he leads his people out of Egypt and into the promised land. And it's a good story, and it's very dramatic.

And so this was the story of Moses. From the time he was a baby and put into a basket. And the bull rushes. Exactly. and then he propelled down river and um what do you mean propelled well the currents took him down river and he was found by the daughter of the who was that chuck he was the pharaoh he was the pharaoh that's right the big honcho but not to not to be pedantic about it but i don't think he he propelled down the river i mean it this is not like a motor boat he's on he's just he just

Floating down on a current. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. And she pulled him out of the river and declared him hers. And of course his mother hated to see him go. She loved him dearly. And he had a sister and a brother.

Aaron. Aaron was a brother, right? Aaron was his brother, yes. So anyway, oh, well, you don't need to know the story. If you want to read the story, it's a brother. a Bible in the book of Exodus. It's the second book. Chapter 2, as I recall. Hey, no fair plugging books, you know, just willy-nilly here. Yeah, you know what? If you've read about my mother and about your father, you might want to try the Holy Bible before you get to vacuuming in the

nude. Join us next week for Leviticus. Well, people are still raving, raving, I tell you, about my mother's performance in the latest Pure Talk commercial, and if you haven't seen it, I encourage you to give it a look on my Facebook page and read the comments. They're hysterical. In this commercial, you'll not only see Peggy Roe gently criticizing her oldest son for his longstanding and well-established commitment issues. You'll learn about the latest offer from Pure Talk, which includes unlimited talk, text, and data for just $3499 a month with no contracts and no commitments of any kind. You can see why I love these guys. If on the other hand you have better things to do with your time, then watch my mom and me

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Well, anyway, it was an exciting day. But before we went to the theater, we went to a smorgas board. You know what that is. I do, but I'm sorry. Back up. I'm trying to see this thing. So it's an acre stage. You've got giant aisles. They're camels.

They're goats. Is there actually water on the stage? Is there actually a river that they're dealing? No, but Mike, the special effects, you wouldn't believe them. You would think it was water. I guess they have a lot of hot ice. but, you know, it looks like steam. It looks like the mist coming off the river.

I think that's dry ice, right? Yeah, it's quite cold, actually. What did I say? Hot ice. That's called water. Dry ice is very hot. Yeah, dry ice can burn you. It's true.

It's true. It is very hot. And they had some kind of netty, filmy stuff that looked like waves. Anyway, it was so convincing. I loved it. Yeah. It was fun. And what's it called again?

I mean, if we're going to talk about it, this thing must be going on all spring or all summer or how long is it run? It's called Moses. Oh, well, you remember that. I think I might have mentioned that. I guess the Ten Commandments was taken. He was thinking about what he was going to say. He went up onto the mountain and he got those Ten Commandments. Yeah, I think you're quoting directly now, right?

Exodus 4-2. he went up on the mountain and he got them Ten Commandments. That's the way I remember it in Baltimore as a kid. Yeah. Oh, look at that graphic. You are very close to being sacrilegious. That bush is burning. It was very convincing.

They had smoke coming off of it and I guess it was done with red lights, but it sure did look like fire. And some of that hot ice probably. Dry ice. The most convincing part of all, was the Passover scene, you know, where they, God tells them to sacrifice lambs. We're talking about his people of the Hebrews,

to sacrifice lambs and to use that blood to put a red mark over their house. And then they will be spared from, you know, horrible stuff happening. Anyway, it was such a, it was an amazing scene. If you have a chance, go see Moses. All right. We had been to that theater previously some years ago, and we saw Noah, which was, of course, the story of Noah's Ark. I'm sensing a theme. Yeah, yeah.

That's a heck of a title. There were elephants coming down the aisle. Get out of here. And I kid you not. It was like a circus that. Anyway, you just have to be sure to go to the bathroom before you go in there because you can't use the aisles. to get to the bathroom. Otherwise, you could be trampled.

I'll bet the elephants do. I was going to say. You know, there were none, there were no accidents. You can't pee in the aisles in this theater. This theater's super fancy, Chuck. No peeing in the aisles. Careful where you stepped leaving, right? Yep, there was nothing happened.

They have a system. Well, to bring this back to Janet for a minute, was there a lot of pooping on the stage? You've got all those different animals, camels, goats, everything. listening to this, Mike. Let's retract that. How does that relate to Janet? She had the gas, Chuck. She had the gas and she couldn't let it out. Right? You don't want to hold it in. Oh, my God. Sorry about this, Janet. I'm not going to tell her about this one. This is my actual job on these things. It's to try and find connections between these seemingly disparate things you show us. A botchy ball with your husband's crotum. Janet's inability to break wind with animals on stage in the middle of a performance based on Exodus, potentially voiding their bows, which is something you don't see in the Ten Commandments. And you don't see it in Westerns either,

mom. As a horse lover, surely it's dawned on you and bothered you to never see a horse in a film or even a TV show doing what they do eight times a day on average in real life. It's just, at least. Well, there was something that was not planned. that happened. There was this gorgeous gray, white horse actually. He was so quiet. I wondered if he was maybe drugged a little bit. I don't know. But he was just so sweet and docile. He pulled a cart, so he hitched, and he carried a man so he could be ridden. He was just so quiet. But the last time he left the stage, he was a male. And he was gilded. He was. wasn't a stallion, but it's as though something had really piqued his interest, and he was ready.

He expressed himself. He expressed himself going across the stage. The stallion did. No, he was gelded, you could tell. Oh, gilded, but of course, you still have the... But he still has all the equipment. He still got his twig. He just doesn't have his berries. And he was just showing it off to everybody as he left the...

stage the last time, which is totally normal for Gellings to do. Now, this is important to do that every night in O'Calcutta. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Just so our listeners have one more, you know, visual nightmare to wrestle with. Decades ago, Chuck starred in the revival of O'Calcutta, a Broadway musical. It's kind of like Love American style, you know, skits, but there's a lot of

nudity in it. And Chuck was, you know, quite naked on stages from New York to Tel Aviv, right? Norway, all over the place. Norway, Tel Aviv, yeah. Did they have cell phones back then? They did not. Thank God. But that didn't stop the Japanese businessman from taking pictures, right? In the Broadway theater, you know, it was like they would just stand there and it was really. And then so we'd have to come out and go, I mean, I wouldn't. Someone else would, you know, and say, hey, can you, uh, give me that film. It's a little awkward. The Gelding is walking across the stage on full display, all of his horsehood dangling there,

right? So my question is, as an audience member, your choice is really, like, you either acknowledge it or you don't, you laugh or you don't, you look away or you don't, or you applaud. Did anyone applaud for the animal? There were so many other things to look at. I'm not sure a lot of people saw it. But as I was on the second row, lucky me. Well, once you see it, where else are you going to look?

Yeah, you can't unsee it. But he was a lovely horse. Sounds like it. Sounds like a real catch. So I had a nice day. But just before we went to lunch at a smorgasbord. called Shady Maple. And the food was delicious.

And there were thousands of people there too. It's very hot. Thousands of people at the Shady Maple? Yes. I don't know about that maple. Seems shady. Plus trips. Very shady.

I mean, the parking lots were filled with buses. And they were just, I bet there were thousands of people there. The food was delicious. I can't even remember what I ate. I ate a little bit of everything. So I like to try a lot of stuff. It's Amish cooking. Oh, they can cook.

And everything was just fresh and wonderful. There used to be a place up there called Good and Plenty. Do you remember that? Family style. I don't know if that's still there or not. I think of Good and Plenty. So delicious. The whole thing sounds like an alternative universe.

It sounds like you stumbled into the land of the giants, you know. You got a stage that's an acre big. There's livestock and a production of Moses. And I'm quoting you, several thousand of us got on buses and went to shady maple. To eat so much food, we can't really remember what we had. It just seems grand. It's because I try everything. I have a normal size plate and I might have 15 different, a spoon of everything.

But the food was delicious. And I didn't overdo it. Okay. And that was yesterday? That was yesterday. What else do I need to know? I feel like I haven't talked to you at length in a while. Well, tonight is dinner.

We eat with friends on Fridays. We only go to the dining room on Fridays. The other nights, we eat in the cafeteria. It's a cafeteria buffet. They call it a cafe. But we like that. But this is more formal. It's fun to see our friends once a week, and then we play games.

The men go off and shoot pool when the women play Rummy Cube or Phase 10 or King. Five crowns. Five crowns. Yeah. Five crowns. That's fun. Did we decide if it was Rummy Cube or Rummy Cub? I guess it depends on where you are.

Here in the States, we call it Rummy Cube. You said you have a friend in Australia. Yeah, he was like, what are you talking about? It's Rummy Cub. Cub. And phonetically, it is, it is Romney Club. Yeah. Cub, not club. I have a cough drop in my mouth. I'm going to take it out. Would that be, Icky? No, it's an audio experience for people. If we said yes, now that you've already taken it out, what would you do? Would you put it back in? I'll put it back in again, yeah. Oh, but Michael, there is something happening here on the third that you might be interested in, which reminds me, how did your scholarship thing go? Is it still? We've ended the application process.

We've got, I think, more than we've ever had before. So we did a lot of press this year. Lots of people applied. We're going to take the next month or six weeks. It'll be kind of a nightmare for Chuck and Jade. And everybody's going to be going through all these applications. And I'll get a look at them as well. And we'll ultimately, we'll look down to, I don't know, probably 250, maybe 300.

I don't think that makes it. Honestly. Maybe not that many. I'm not sure, but we raised a bunch of money. We're doing two scholarships this year, so we'll give away a million dollars sometime over the next couple of months or at least assign it and award it. And then we'll do the same thing again, probably in September and August. So it's been going great. All those PSAs you saw that I posted, they worked really well. So people have been super generous and people have applied a lot. So I really hope your dad would be proud of this, you know. I'm sure he would.

Mike, approximately how many people will benefit from this? Just two. Chuck and I, we're hanging on to most of them. We're planning Moses 2, and we're really saving all the money for a big livestock expenditure. So far, maybe 1,500 people. Since its inception. Yeah. We'll be 17, 1800 in a couple months from now. Oh, that's wonderful.

Yeah, yeah, it's good. You know, people always ask me about the breakdown. I don't care about that stuff. I know I'm supposed to, but it's a really diverse group of people. Lots of women. A lot of women apply for these, and we've awarded a fair amount of money. It was nice to see just so many different people from so many different walks of life who are really doing great.

You know, these are people who got a scholarship four or five years ago. And so you can check in with them and you can hear their stories. And, you know, a welder who's doing what he always wanted to do. In this case, she, you know, making $140, $150,000 a year. A kid working on cars, always wanted to be a mechanic. He finally got to do it. Now he's running the BMW service department in Beverly Hills. Just great stories.

Oh, that's so nice to hear. I can't tell you how many people stop me in the hallway or wherever I am. and tell me how much they respect you and how wonderful your program is and how they agree with what you're saying. And you just made a video for Oak Crest because this is the time of the year where they have their scholars' celebration.

The wait staff here, and I don't know how many hundreds are on the wait staff, because, you know, we have 2,200, people live here in independent living and they're fed every day. Well, sure. They get hungry. Yeah. There are eight different eating venues. Three big lovely dining rooms and then restaurants. So it takes a lot of weight staff.

And these servers that we have are by and large students. They're high school students, and I guess some of them are college students. And I guess they don't make fabulous salaries, I don't know, but they are given scholarships at the end of their service here, or during their service, I don't know. So you made a really nice video that will be shown on the third, and then I will be introducing you to the audience. Oh, good.

Yeah, so I look forward to it. You know, Mike, I am surrounded by seniors, older people. A lot of the people here are older than I am. There are a lot who are younger. And it's so much fun to go to the restaurants and the dining rooms. I kid that I'm getting my kid fixed because the kids that wait on us, they're so much fun. They really are.

I just makes me nostalgic for my grandchildren. It's a good experience. You know, it brings to my mind what you're doing in your program. Well, look, I mean, it's a lot of kids, and they're trying to figure out, you know, what to do with their life. And it is, I mean, if you think about it, it's pretty great training to deal with senior citizens every day, three times a day, right? you're going to learn a certain level of patience. You're going to learn a lot, right, especially if you pay attention. Do you, have you befriended any of them specifically?

I mean... Oh, yes. Yeah. Uh-huh. I have. And you get to know them by name. You know, not to get modeling or anything, but you do feel like you're almost related to them, like they're your kids.

And you want them to do well. And you want to be nice to them. And I know they want to be. nice to us, but there must be times. Like when we go on Fridays, there are six of us at the table. And they take our order. They get our name first, and they take our order, and then they bring our soup and our salad, whatever. Well, and then they bring our entree. Well, by the time the entrees get to us, five of the six of us have forgotten what we ordered. We're old people. You know, and they are so patient and they'll smile.

And inside they must be thinking, God, how do these people, how do they live from day to day? What you do is you take the order, you go away for 10 minutes, then you come back and say, how was everything? No, they haven't done that yet. I will tell you one funny thing that happened. a young server came to our table and I said, what is the soup du jour? That means soup of the day in case you didn't know. And she said, it's that one I can't pronounce.

And I said, might it be Moligatani soup? And she said, that's it. And I said, well, how does it look? And she said, well, I wouldn't eat it. She really knew how to sell it. Honestly, I thought that was the funniest thing. Well, I wouldn't need it. But I did get it.

I got it, and it was delicious. I can't tell you what was in it. This was a couple months ago. Do you remember what it tastes? Malacotani. It was good. Are you sure you had it? That's all I remember, and it might have been a little on the creamy side, but it's hard to tell.

We have so many different soups. The soups are always really good. What's the meatball soup, Chuck, that you always order? in that Mexican joint? Albondigas. Albundigus. Albundigus. Which is Mexican, which is Mexican, which is Spanish for meatballs.

Oh, I thought it was Spanish for a lot of meatballs. I believe it is. Abundigas. Abundigas. But you know what? I mean, whenever you have a couple of thousand people, you're going to have some people who are not always pleasant, who are not always appreciative.

And every once in a while I will see someone who could be a little bit nicer to the servers. And they are without exception gracious. And they listen and they receive some good training here, you know. But like you say, it's great life experience because they learn to deal with the public. And they learn that not everybody's as nice as grandmom. but for the most part people are. Yeah, there's probably not a better metric if you're dating, right? If you're trying to figure out who's who and, you know, to be out on a date and to have your date be disrespectful to a waiter or a waitress.

I mean, really, it's kind of horrifying to watch, but it's also a relief in a way because that's it. You know, whatever else you think you like about this person, whatever. no matter how beautiful, no matter how much money, whatever it is, you know, for me anyway, you see that and it's like, that's it. That's a deal breaker, you know. That's a good point. I can forgive a lot of stuff, but that kind of dismissive, rude ordering around, flicking your finger.

I saw a guy flicking his fingers the other day in a restaurant. Hey, hey, hey, boy, like, wow. for the wife to sit there, you know, and be okay with it. That's a heck of a thing. But you know what? You're right. If you're the waiter, that's your moment to be gracious. That's your moment to absolutely be unflappable.

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In a situation like that. Exactly. I'll tell you another funny thing that happened one night. We were eating in a restaurant called Quarry Grill, and things are less formal there. And a young waitress came over, and she said, well, I hate to have to tell you, but we're out of apple pie.

Well, that's dad's favorite. He always gets apple pie al-a-moat. He jumped out of his seat, and he said, and he sounded like the wolf in the three pigs. he jumped up and he said, what? No apple pie? That's a pretty good invitation. And she jumped back and then she laughed and she laughed. Well, 20 minutes later when we left the restaurant, she came over to dad as he was leaving.

And she said, Mr. John, that was so much fun. Would you do that again one day when I'm not expecting it? I've really got her adrenaline going, I guess. Not everybody can pull that off, and I don't suggest that everybody to it, but Dad did it well. Yeah, you know, what would you say as percentages in moments like that where he deliberately will go way, way beyond the line? You know, whether it's chatting people up in an elevator, you know, who's the guy? Yeah. And give me a nervous breakdown.

Yes. cringe versus payoff. What's his batting percentage these days? Well, he's pretty good at it. I mean, I might turn around and run the other way before the climax comes, you know, before I see how it's going to end because I get nervous about things like that.

I'll tell you who knows about percentage, but one night we were somewhere, and he said to somebody, I won't tell you who it is, he said to somebody. boy, you look really beat. You look really tired. And then she happened to have an empty bottle in front of her,

a bottle of wine or whiskey or something. And Dad said, or maybe it's the gym beam. Well, she didn't find that funny at all. And she slammed something down and she stood up. She said, I'm tired because I've had a long day. I got up early. blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And dad said, oh, sorry, sorry.

He met it as a joke, you know, but not everybody gets a joke. So, yeah, he doesn't hit a home run every time. You look really tired. He's always swinging. He's still swinging. Exactly. You got to love that. Anybody who knows him well, you know, sees the humor.

Well, the classic moments, though, Chuck, are, well, they're in public, but, you know, the more confined the space, the more awkward, potentially the moment. So when the elevator doors close and my poor mom is standing there and my father's standing there. And I'm a prisoner. Right. There's nowhere for her to go.

No one's talking because, you know, all sane people know. You're in the elevator. You just kind of look straight ahead and keep your mouth shut. But dad looks over at, you know, an old guy with a big white beard and long flowing white hair

and says, what's he say, Mom? Oh, let's see. Oh, that was an actual story in one of my books. And that actually happened. Yeah. Something like, so how's the weather at the North Pole? No, he said, where'd you park? Where'd you park?

Where'd you park? Where did you park? The reindeer. That's what it was, yeah. Right. With a wink and a smile. And it's like in that moment, the guy's either going to roll his eyes and say, oh, God, this again, trapped in an elevator with a jokester.

But he was gracious and laughed. He was. In fact, he had a good comeback. He said, oh, I only used them on Christmas Eve because it wasn't quite Christmas yet. It was like the week before Christmas. Oh, no, they don't come out until Christmas Eve. Oh, so everything was fine, you know, and I could exhale. He may very well have been Santa Claus then. You know, it could be. But sometimes he'll just look at the people and he'll say, don't anybody talk. We're in an elevator. You're not allowed to do it. And sometimes people respond well. And sometimes they just keep looking at the floor. Well, the older he gets, the more charming it becomes and the less awkward it is, I think. You know.

And the thinner his filter. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Oh, well. But that's pretty funny. What? No apple pie? What?

I can really hear him saying it the way you do it. So what's up for today? I'm pulling on his pants. I'm pulling on his pants. Sit down, John. Sit down, John. Well, let's see. Our time, it's almost 2 o'clock, and we eat dinner early here.

You have a choice. You can eat at 3 o'clock or 4 o'clock or 5 o'clock or 6 o'clock. So there's a joke There's a joke That the really cool Hip people Don't eat until 6 o'clock The slightly hip people

Eat at 5 And the broken hip people eat at 4 So We're neither of those things We're eating at 415 today So we won't have a lot of time I just might take a little nap because yesterday was a very demanding day, and I got up early from Batchie Ball. All right. Well, rest up, take a nap, but don't shirk on the book thing. People keep asking me how it's coming. Are you getting close?

Oh, it's coming. Yeah, it is coming. Michael, there is just so much wonderful material here. So many people who are storyworthy. every place I look, there's a story. I just have to be very careful not to invade anyone's privacy or, you know, get too specific. I won't use names, real names, unless they want me to. No, no, stick with horses. Stick with horses, fallacies, moments like that. Give me a story about that horse. That'll be great.

People will love that. Maybe. We'll see. Oh, trust me. Trust me. Everybody in that audience is seeing the same thing, and I just think it's interesting how it's processed, or not processed. You know?

Yeah. I think a lot of these people are very religious people. At the end of the show, they have professionals up at the stage, and if you would like to come and talk about your religion, or maybe sign up for something. I don't know if you feel the need to talk to someone on a personal basis. They have people there. Yeah.

And I looked back as we were going up the aisle and there were maybe a dozen or so people out of a couple of thousand who were taking advantage of that. Interesting. Sounds like an altar call, you know. Churches will do that. That's what it was. Actually, I sat next to Carrie our minister during the show. So you were covered.

I was covered, yeah. And she kept saying, didn't happen like that. They're taking license here. That did not happen in the Bible. That's not the way it goes in the Bible. He didn't say that. They stick with the story pretty closely,

but it's theater, and you have to make it interesting. So it wasn't word for word from the scripture, but the story was pretty, Look, Exodus is a pretty good story. I mean, pretty old testament, but, you know, it still holds up. People love it. Yeah.

Indeed. Indeed, they do. All right. Well, if you got nothing else, Chuck, you got anything? No. We've whipped him into a frenzy, Mom. I know, I know. I hope people will find our conversation mildly entertaining.

I think, yeah. It's all true, you know, everything we talk about. It is. True. It's true. It gets truer and truer with every passing day. Exactly. All right, hon, this has been fun.

It's a treat to be able to see you once a month. Well, I'm sorry. I'm going to be there in person, hopefully in May. Oh, wow. May 18th. I got to go to New York. So maybe I'll come down for the weekend. Oh, that would be great.

If you'll have me. All right. Of course we'll have you. Where's dad? Is he in the apartment or is he still celebrating his favorite? You had to go to the library. and, you know, he always gets stuck at the library. He loves the library.

He loves books. That's a good thing. Well, that's great. So I said, while you're there, look for my books. He said, okay. Do they have your books in the library? They do, but last time they were out, they were out on loan. Well, it's good that they have your books.

It'd be weird if they didn't, I guess, right? Oh, no, they do. They have them all. Yep. You should sign them. Oh, then they won't come back. Exactly. They'd have to order more.

Oh, okay. See, that's how you sell some books. I see. Well, I do have a speaking gig in May, and I just had one a couple of weeks ago, and a bookstore comes at that time and sells books and people buy them. Where's your speaking gig?

It's in a church, actually, over in Cockiesville. Mm-hmm. It's a Catholic church, and they have a very active senior group, and so they've asked if I would come and talk to them. Oh, you're putting a cough drop back in your mouth now? Because I might cough if I don't. Why don't you treat yourself to a fresh one? Well, this has my DNA all over it.

I posted something yesterday that's been read by, oh, I don't know, close to a half million people. What? I called it date night. It's about date night. Dad and I had a date night the other night. They show a movie here three nights a week on their TV station, but they have a theater or loving movie theater. It's called the auditorium. And at least once a month, they show a movie in the auditorium, maybe twice a month. And this month it was the client, which I think dad and I both had read. Grisham. Yeah, sure.

So I thought it would be nice to have a date night. So dad and I went to dinner together. We couldn't sit across the table from each other because Dad can't hear me across the table. So we had to sit shoulder to shoulder. And we couldn't look in each other's eyes because our necks don't turn that far. Our heads don't turn that far.

And we couldn't have candlelight. because no open flames are allowed here. So I turned the flashlight on my phone and put a tissue over it, and it had to sort of look like the glow from the candlelight. And then we went to the movie. I mean, what gets you in a romantic mood more than a movie? This one, not so much, I say in my post, we came out, and sure enough, we were breathless.

We'd been running from the FBI and the police. and the mob for the last two hours in the Grisham movie. But it was fun. It was day night. All right. That sounds great. Kleenex over top of the light on your phone, followed by a John Grisham movie. Yeah. And then what happened? Then you came back to the apartment. Then things get spicy.

It's funny. After dinner, Dad said, we were walking down the hall and dad said, hey, hon, looks like we have time for a quickie before the movie. What do you say? And I said, well, be still my heart. And then he hauls me into the pool room, starts racking the balls. So we had to play a game of pool before the movie. That's part of date night. Dinner, a pool game, and a movie. And balls. So we end where we begin, from Bachi balls to billiard balls to... all the balls in between. Mom, it's always a treat.

It's great to see you. I love your scarf. I love your stories. I love Moses. I love Exodus. I love Noah. I love horses. Just a lot of love.

Yeah. Just walking across the stage and the altogether. It's another great catch-up. Well, I enjoyed every minute. I look forward to these monthly gatherings. Well, don't get too used to it. We'll see how they go. Oh, okay.

All right. Thanks, thank you. later for real. See you later, Chuck. Bye. Bye, hon. Okay. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. But do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. To the guys who advertise and subsidize the podcast that I do. They spend their dough and you should know before you go. That's why it's free for you because it's free. I hope you see and then agree. Their bottoms should be kissed without the guys who advertised a show a not exist. There's no podcast without a sponsor. Thank them for pay in the fray. Please don't fast forward through their commercials, even ones that you hate. There's no podcast without a sponsor. Thank them for pay in the fray.

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