The Way I Heard It with Mike Rowe - 322: Coffee with Mom—We're Gonna Need Both Bibles with Peggy Rowe

Episode Date: May 26, 2023

King James vs. NIV, Pentateuch vs. Septuagint, nonagenarian vs. ear-hair poetry, beaned vs. bean-less chili, Schmigadoon vs. Cockeysville, sponsors vs. sphincters, a centenarian luncheon, some loud nail-filing, and a gruesome story over lunch... Otherwise known as coffee with mom.

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demystifying AI. It's filled with sorts of, super useful information, and again, it's free at netseweet.com slash mic. That's netsuite.com. A cup of coffee with my wife. You'd miss all the super interesting content. Okay, so I've got my microphone on top of two bibles. Is that good?

As long as one of them is the King James and the other is the NIV. Then I think you're good. Ask me in 20 minutes. Revised standard version and the King James. Well, you know what? Let's just call it a test. We'll see how the conversation goes. And, you know, maybe next week we'll try the Torah or the Quran or something just to see if that enhances it or diminishes the witty reporte.

Okay. I mean, technically, the Torah is in both of those as well because it's the Old Testament, right? The first five books of the Old Testament is the Torah. Is that true, Mom? You have Jewish friends. Well, we call it the Pentateuch. I beg your pardon? What's that? Pent for five.

Pentatook? The Pentatook? Yeah. And there's also, I think, isn't there the Septuagint? Oh, my goodness. You know, this is above my pay grade. I write humor. Well, you brought it up.

You're the one with two Bibles underneath your microphone. Well, they were the right thickness. Well, I'm certain that the, shoot, what was it? What did we just talk about? I don't know, but you're certain. That's all we know for sure. I am certain of it. Totally.

You're certain of what? Oh, yeah, I'm certain that the first five books of the Bible are the Torah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. That sounds good. Sounds logical. And I'm certain that Septuagint is a Greek word that refers to something in the book.

Seven, something or other. Seven. Maybe it's the first seven or the last seven or maybe it's the New Testament. I don't know. I'm surprised Chuck doesn't know that. He's filled with trivia. Yeah, it's a real shock that Chuck's not up to speed on what the Septuagin is. Chuck's full of trivia. Full of something.

Folks, if you're still listening and you have access to Google, go ahead and look for the Septuagint and let me know. Or my mom on Facebook, what it is we think we're talking about. Anyway, enough with all that. The Bibles are in place. Your microphone is working. Chuck, how much time did we actually spend? trying to get ready for this conversation. I'm just curious now that we're years into doing this if it's working out slower or faster. From a tech standpoint.

I would say that we spent approximately 12 minutes getting the AirPods working with the computer. Well, the AirPods are relatively new. I mean, I've used them the last couple of times, but if I don't do it every day, I don't learn it. Doing it once a month just doesn't, you know, doesn't cut it for me. We've got to increase the schedule and get more coffees with my. I don't think so.

Mathematically, Chuck, I'm very discouraged because I haven't seen any improvement in years. I mean, from the moment we sat down to try and start recording these, I haven't seen one ounce of improvement in the time it takes to get ready. And just, I mean, folks, I can't even describe it anymore. the level of bafflement and wonder that everybody, including me, it's like every week, there we are again, cows looking at a new gate, baffled, baffled by the strangeness of the tech. I don't think there's any way out of it, or forward for that matter. Did you just call me a cow? No, no.

I was likening your expression of bovine wonder, the same one that we all have, right? When you're trying to figure out what to click on, it's that expression right there. You're doing it right now. It's a mix of confusion, skepticism, and world weariness. I know how you feel. I'm just wondering how you're going to talk yourself out of this. Well, I'm going to go right back to the beginning and say, it's a cup of coffee, which we have right here with my mom, who is right there.

And right here. And Chuck, who's everywhere you want to be. I did not make it into the song, but that's okay. A cup of coffee with my mom and Chuck. We could redo it. What's up, Mom? How are you? People want to know, including me. I think Chuck needs a haircut. Chuck, do you need a haircut, honey?

Thank you. It's a little long in the front. It is a little long. It's in the front. And getting there on the sides. Let me explain to you why my hair looks like this is because I'm so tired. You're in a play. Yes, yes. I'm in a play called Life. And every time your son loses, you know, his hair thins a little more.

He says, to me, you know, if I had hair like yours, I'd grow it down to my ass. So that's what I'm doing. I'm finally taking him up on that. And I'm saying, okay, I'm going to let it grow and see how far I can get before it really irritates me. It sounds like it's already reached that level with you. Is that correct? Well, no, it doesn't irritate me. I would think it would irritate you, though, falling down in front of your eye.

But that's none of my business. You're still lovely. Oh, that's very kind of you to say. Well, that's great. Good. But tell the truth, man. I mean, you have amazing hair. You just have amazing hair.

I don't say that really with anything other than just normal envy from one dude to another. If I had hair like that, I'd go full Sam Elliott. I wouldn't do the man bun, but I would have it, I'd have it long. I'd do stuff with it, for sure. Your hair actually looks a lot like my mom's at this point. Hmm. Except hers is darker. I think yours might be a little cray.

Chuck. Yes. Yes, it is. Mm-hmm. Yes, it is. What a miracle that is, Mom. How could we possibly explain your hair being slightly darker than the chock? I don't do anything to it on. I wash it once a week. That's something. It needs it or not. I don't put any color

on it. That would be oh, that would be such a nuisance. Is that true? That is your natural color? Yeah. But it's really very gray. I don't know why it looks dark here. It does look dark, yeah. Well, look at Chucks and then look at yours and let's discuss what gray is. I mean... Let me tell you something. I have a friend here.

She's a lovely woman and she has her hair colored. I don't know how often, but at least once a month, I think. And it costs a lot of money. It's like a couple of hundred dollars. And And then another friend, these are my card playing friends, another friend just got a permanent, and it cost her $189. I was shocked. And then my other friend who plays card has her nails done every three weeks. People spend a lot of money on themselves. On stuff that grows.

Yeah. Yeah. And I don't do that stuff because I don't have the patience to sit there while somebody takes one strand of hair at a time and puts color on it. I do not have patience to sit there while somebody messes with my fingernails. Who is the girl that used to cut your hair over at the place in the strip mall? Do you still go there? I do. Dad would like for me to go right closer by.

But you know, when you find somebody who cuts your hair the way that you like it, you tend to want to keep going. Her name is Cherie, and she's been cutting my hair for, I don't know, 20 years. And she's a real sweet girl, and she cuts it. It always looks pretty good after she cuts it. Well, that's, by all means, that'll keep you coming back. If you're shooting for pretty good, yeah. Yeah, I'm shooting for pretty good. Listen, during COVID, that.

I cut it myself. And, for it, was it awful? Oh, like a fright wig. It was terrible. I mean, the sides in the top were one thing, but the back was just impossible. But that was then, and this is now. Were you cutting dad's hair, too? Oh, sure.

Yeah, he doesn't care. No, he really doesn't. And I have to encourage him to get it cut, but he's been pretty good the last year or so. He says himself, It's time for a haircut. I mean, all these 60 years, he's never said that. I always have to say, it's time for a haircut. So, okay, so.

When you cut his hair, do you trim the ears as well? Oh, I wouldn't cut his ears because... No, the ear hair. He's on a blood thinner. The hair, not the ears themselves. I know what you mean. I'm just putting you on. I do, but that's why I like him to have it done professionally,

because it's hard to trim the hair on the top of his ears. And it's funny, I wrote a poem one time about Grandpa and how it has hair growing out of his ears, but I don't have it right here, so I shouldn't even mention it. So you haven't committed it to memory? It's in my poetry folder. Where is your poetry folder? On your computer? Yeah.

Go ahead and find it. Oh, I might lose you. Why would you lose this? minutes with the AirPods was a long time. No, we can do stuff in the edit. I'm curious. I want to hear the poem about granddad's hairy ears. I didn't know you had.

It sounds vaguely familiar to me. Didn't you give us a verse of this before in a previous? I'm not sure I gave you this one. Let me see. I think I would have remembered, Chuck. Pigs. Pigs, I remember. Yeah, pigs is a good one.

Fun poems for children. I can't help it. The Banshee. That's a good one, too. Banshee's a good one. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. Too Real Nutrition, the Backwards Boy, the Farmer. Okay, it must be in this one, poem, poems for the early reader. I love to read Thunder coming home. Oh, my grandpa, here it is.

All right, my grandpa by Peggy Row. Okay, I don't know how to make it bigger without losing you guys. My grandpa's funny looking. He has a shiny head. The hairs that used to grow up there grow in his ears instead. His skin is loose and wrinkly. Sometimes his teeth aren't there. When grandpa goes to sleep, he sounds just like a grizzly bear.

He doesn't skip or run fast. I don't think he can bend. But I don't care how grandpa looks. He's still. my favorite friend. Aw. Oh. I know.

That's sweet. Yeah. Sentimental. Yeah. Well, you are given to sentiment, Mom. I am. You know what? I just had the nicest experience just two hours ago.

I ran into our administrative director yesterday. He came out on the Batchie ball court, and he was telling me that. they were having a centenarian luncheon today. They're eating centenarians? Yes. Oh, my God. Roasted. There have been some cutbacks.

On a spit. A little priest. No. A month or so ago, they had a centenarian dinner here in independent living. And there were like 20. people over 100 years old. I know it was 105. And so today they had one over in assisted living and they have eight centenarians there in assisted living and six came to the luncheon. What an inspiration they are. And I had a really nice conversation with a 103 year old woman.

And there was a woman there 106. Good grief. Were there yours very hairy? No, not at all. But they were. were perky. They all had little corsages on. They were dressed really in a festive way. They just, it was moving. I found it strangely moving. Some of them had a relative to come and join them, and they had the most beautiful cake. So I met a woman whose name is also Margaret. You know, my name is Margaret. Yeah. In case you didn't remember that. My nickname is Peggy, but her name is Margaret also. How do they get Peggy out of Margaret, by the way?

That's what I was wondering. Go figure. I don't know. Nowadays, they don't do that. A nickname for Margaret nowadays is like Marge or Maggie. Or Maggie, or Margot. But back then, in the 30s, it was Peggy. So weird.

Yeah. So anyway, her name was Margaret also. And her grandson was there with her. And her grandson is the sous chef. over there in assisted living. And he started here at Oak Crest years ago as a waiter, a server in the dining rooms. Our servers are high school kids. And so, isn't it nice?

They have so many employees here who began as servers. I just thought that was an interesting point. Something about my home. I mean, I think it's interesting to be having lunch with half a dozen people. people who are all over 100. I've never done that. What's their level of engagement? Exactly. By and large. I could only have a conversation with two of them because the other ones were engaged and I didn't want to interfere. They had a speaker, a presenter today. The two people I spoke with were as sharp as attack and fun to talk with. I can't vouch for the other ones,

but they looked like they knew what was going on and they were enjoying a lunch. So... Good. Yeah. You never know. I might have assisted living to look forward to someday, but... Well, not today.

I mean, it's hard to know what to hope for, really, you know. You want me to go straight to the memory unit. Well, I want... No, I want you to live for many, many, many years. but yeah, I want you to live your absolute best life. You know what? As long as you're observing, I was thinking about you the other day in terms of who people are fundamentally at their core.

And you, I've always just kind of assumed you would be a writer in terms of how you would identify yourself at your core. But I don't think so. I think you're an observer. I think you've always been a watcher of things, whether it's botchy ball or all these things. That's not to say you don't participate, but you're such a good audience member.

Chuck, your mom was the same way. Agnes was such a great hang in the audience and so appreciative of the things that she saw, whether it was us screwing around in a barbershop quartet or a Broadway show. That level of appreciation and enthusiasm you know, as an audience member. I just think there's something interesting about that.

She was a great audience member. It laughed really, one of those laughs that you hear from backstage, you know. Yeah. It's like, you know, oh, Agnes is in the house, you know. Yeah, it's good. She had a great voice. Speaking voice. Did she also sing?

I didn't. Oh, she did. She sang beautifully. And, you know, my grandfather played in a band. And they had a couple of numbers worked out. daddy's little girl or whatever. And, you know, I think they both would sing the bejesus out of Begin the Begin.

Cold border. You know. There was a story of where she won a singing contest when she was a kid. She came home with $20 and my grandmother beat the hell out of her. Because she hit her with a shoe. Yeah, because she thought, nobody gave you $20 because you were singing. She's like, I swear to God, you know. But, yeah.

So your grandma thought you're under $20 bucks the hard way. The old-fashioned way, yeah. What does that say about what she thought of my daughter? Not much. Not much. Once your mom starts beating you with his shoe, you've got to start thinking about all kinds of choices. Sunny was, you know, she was an interesting gal. So.

Yeah. Well, and on that note, I was thinking about it. Why are you holding your ears, mom? What do you hear? Because everything went dead for a second. So whenever I get a phone call. Oh, your phone's on. My ear pods don't work anymore.

So I think I'll turn off my phone. Well, there you go. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to turn it off, really. Yeah. Oh, I forgot how to do that. Let's see.

You put on airplane mode, you can turn it off. Okay, it's all. Yeah. Okay. Well, I was thinking about this because last week or last month or whatever it was we were talking about that play, that you saw up in Pennsylvania. Moses.

With all the animals in it. Yeah, Moses, right? And the way you just mentioned, you know, like when you talk about botchy ball and it's all of it, you're an observer. How is the botchy ball, by the way? How's the record? Oh, it's good.

Well, I'll tell you what their record is, 18 and 4. That's excellent. And they are in first place. But I'll go back to what you said about being an observer. Last week, I mentioned that, that our servers in the dining rooms are by and large high school students.

And they earn these wonderful scholarships at the end of their three years here or maybe four years here. And they can use them for any kind of further education, whether it be a trade school or a four-year school or whatever. So at the end of their term here, they have a ceremony. It's called a scholarship. Oh, I had a really nice folder I was going to show you

and it's gone. You're a father. He'll have gone. Yeah, yeah, he'll do that. You can't leave things lying around there, Mom. He'll just make folders. I know, but anyway, so they asked me if I would speak, and I did, and I spoke for maybe, I don't know, 15 minutes.

And the first thing I said was, you know, living here with all these old people, I so look forward to dinner time because that's when I get my kid fix. And it's true. Having these young people come to your table and wait on you is just precious. They're so funny, and they're so,

some of them are scared at first, you know, it's nice to see them evolve. But I said to them, my favorite place to sit in the dining room is with my back to the wall. so that I can see the action. I love to just look out and watch them, engage people,

take beverage orders and appetizer orders and bring the food. And I complimented them on being so patient when they bring the food to our table and none of us can remember what we ordered. They just are so patient for young people. Who had the linguine? I don't know.

No one knows. That's a great, Mr. Nobody can't remember. Put it anywhere. Because that was 10 minutes ago. We ordered that. Yeah, that was before we had our appetizer and our soup and our salad. We can remember.

But anyway, yeah. Well, people are still raving, raving, I tell you, about my mother's performance in the latest Pure Talk commercial. And if you haven't seen it, I encourage you to give it a look on my Facebook page and read comments. They're hysterical. In this commercial, you'll not only see Peggy Roe gently criticizing her oldest son for his longstanding and well-established commitment issues, you'll learn about the latest offer from Pure Talk, which includes unlimited talk, text, and data for just $3499 a month, with no contracts and no commitments of any kind. You can see why I love these guys. If, on the other hand, you have better things to do with your time, then watch my mom and me be impossibly charming

together, then allow me to remind you, here, without all the cleverness and charm, that unlimited talk, text, and data on a blazing fast network for just 3499 a month really is an unmitigated bargain from an American wireless company that keeps all their customer service in this country, supports our veterans in a meaningful way, as well as the MicroWorks Foundation, and allows me to exploit my own mother in a national advertising campaign. Do what my mom did. Get yourself unlimited high-speed data for just 3499 a month at puretalk.com slash row. You can switch in as little as 10 minutes at puretalk.com slash row. Pure Talk. So that was an interesting evening. I thoroughly enjoyed it. We had 33 scholars this year. 33.

That's great. Kids who got scholarships. Yeah. Did they play my video? again this year for Microwworks? They played your video. You made the nicest video for them. So my purpose in speaking was to introduce you and your video. I finally got around to that in the last minute.

I said to Dad, I'm going to make those kids laugh because they look so serious. They just were so serious. And into the moment, I said, I'm going to make them laugh. And I did. They laughed. Would you do?

How'd you do it? How did an 85-year-old woman make a bunch of nervous scholars laugh at a ceremony? I just talked to them about what I observed, about how I saw them learn life lessons. And one of those lessons happened like two weeks before when a man called them over to his table and said, take this back, I can't eat this chili. It doesn't have enough beans in it. Who ever heard of chili with just a few? beans. And the server just smiled and took it back to the kitchen. And minutes later, a woman at

another table nearby called a waiter over a server. And she said, come here, hon. I can't eat this chili. It has beans in it. And I play bridge tonight. And just watching their reaction, you know, It is just really neat. Their patience, I mean, it's amazing. I don't know what they say about us when they leave. I'm sure they have a lot to say that we probably wouldn't want to hear. Well, you were saying things that they're probably not allowed to say or discouraged from, you know, they can't tell those stories, but you can.

And things they can relate to one night after they were off duty and waiting for their parents to pick them up, dad taught a couple of them how to play shuffleboard. they had never played before. And then they beat him. Well, they thought that was hysterical. And I thanked them for beating him because I can't do it. He's really good. I've seen them in the fitness center working out before they go home.

And they looked at each other and they said, oh, that's you. Yeah. That's you. You know, things that they can relate to. And Mike, do you remember, I'm sure you do last November when dad turned 90? I do. And our immediate family came, and there were a dozen of us. And we reserved a small dining room.

And that evening we had, our waiter was so attentive to us. This was part of my talk. I said, you were amazing. You did everything but chew our food for us and play the violin. Oh, they thought that was great. And then I said, but when you came back later and burped us, really? that said every well they thought that was funny

so anyway yeah I was able to make them laugh and then I mentioned my 61 year old son I said 61 years ago we had our first of three sons and I like to remind him that he's old enough to move here into Oakrest

they all know who you are and they thought that was hysterical that Mike Roe was going to move here into Oakrest yeah that's pretty funny all right yeah well I also say said that you weren't interested at this point. At this point.

At this point. Now, I'm just looking now on my computer for the poem I wrote for dad that night. Since we're reading poems to each other and you're writing about hair that doesn't stop growing in ears, I wrote. Oh, that was so good. Some of these people listening might know this if there's anybody listening at all. Oh, nothing rhymes with 90. That was so good. Want to hear it?

Sure. Go ahead. If you were turning 91, my job would be a lot more fun. Already would this poem be done, but nothing rhymes with 90. If you were turning 92, I'd write some limericks just for you, filled with thoughts on which to chew, but nothing rhymes with 90. If you were turning 93, I'd write a long soliloquy. For much I'd thank you, cleverly. But nothing rhymes with 90.

Let me tell you this. When you got to that point by the third verse, everybody was reciting with you. But nothing rhymes with 90, all 12 of us. Go ahead. That's what I was shooting for. If you were turning 94, I'd write some lines to underscore my gratitude and so much more. But nothing rhymes with 90. There you go.

If you were turning 95, a ballad I would soon contrive. song, my words would come alive, but nothing rhymes with 90. So mom, when I say but, you don't have to repeat but, okay, I say but and you just hit me with nothing rhymes with 90. All right, it's not complicated. If you were turning 96, my words would come along with picks. With every line you'd be transfixed, but nothing rhymes with 90. Oh, for God's sakes. All right, close. We're going to get the last one. If you were turning 97 and not yet singing songs in heaven, to 86, I'd add 11, because nothing rhymes with 90. What does that sound, Chuck? It sounds like a hamster crawling over. Is someone scratching something? Oh, I'm smiling my fingernails that. For God's sake,

would you mind just a little, just focus? I'm almost done the poem. Sounds like a hamster's chewing its way through a wall of Velcro. Sorry, Mike, but I just noticed it was a... This is what it sounded like. I'll tell you what it's... It sounded like this, right? Okay, I'm done. Folks, that's how you know you have the audience

in the palm of your hand, right? When you're three-quarters the way through a personal tribute and they start filing their nails, picking their toes, or trimming their ear hair. That's when you know you've got them. I'm like going...

Is a rat eating through a wire somewhere? I mean, it's like, Yes. These mics are so sensitive, aren't they? Yes. It's funny how you put an emery board on one and start rocking it back and forth. People hear it. Can you hear me swallow this coffee?

Yes. Yeah. Yeah, it's a bit much. Where was I? If you were turning 96, no, my words would come along with picks. with every line you'd be transfixed, but nothing rhymes with 90. If you were turning 97 and not yet singing songs in heaven, to 86, I'd add 11, because nothing rhymes with 90. If you were turning 98, I'd write an ode to consecrate the character you demonstrate, but nothing rhymes with 90.

If you were turning 99, I'd spell it out in words that rhymed. On a wall, they'd hang enshrined. But nothing rhymes with 90. You guys are awful. And so I guess we'll have to wait another year or two plus eight to circle back and celebrate with poetry and birthday cake because even though I cogitate and ruminate and vacillate and rack my brain to animate the feelings that I wish to state,

I can't deny or obfuscate the simple fact that here of late. I've come to get a bit irate. Because I can't articulate of that there can be no debate. And so I'll wrap this up post-haste. Let's live a life that's unencumbered. Even though our days are numbered, we'll reconvene when you're 100.

Because nothing rhymes with 90. So. That was lovely. I thought the slurping and the filing really helped bring it to life in hindsight. The filing was key. I can do it more if you'd like. I've got nine more finger nests.

Hey, speaking of watching things that you can file while you watch, I want to make a recommendation to you. Have you heard of Brigadoon, obviously? Oh, yes. Have you heard of smigadoon? No. Boy, are you in for a treat, Mom? You're going to love smigadoon.

Do you have Apple TV? Oh, you mean it's a really? real thing. I thought you were making it up. It's a real thing. Well, no, it's not a real place, but neither was Brigadune. This is a real TV show. This is a TV program on Apple TV. I don't know if we have Apple. All right, we'll get it because you're going to love it. Can you get that on any TV? Yes, no, but you have a smart TV so you can get it. It's just cost a couple of bucks. You've got it. It's not going to. Okay, I'll write that. Apple TV. TV. Okay. And the show's called Shmigadoon, and it's a parody of sorts. It lampoons not only

Brigadune, but half a dozen other... The music man. Yes. All musicals of that time, of that, what do they call that, that made you. Oklahoma. Yes, and Carousel. Right. All those classic standard musicals, right? It's really, this couple is caught in a mythical place called Shmigadoon, and they have to figure their way out, and in their attempts to get out, this giant musical unfolds that makes fun of all these musicals that you know and love, and you'll be enchanted by it. And you liked it? I loved it. I recommended it to Chuck, and he watched the whole thing, what, last weekend? No, just, I think it was two nights ago. I watched the whole season one in one sitting and two episodes of season two, and then I fell asleep on my couch, but not because it

wasn't great. Yeah, it's called Schmico. And it's the same thing. It's the same couple, but they're trapped in another universe where everything is a musical, theatrical production based on shows like Chicago and Cabaret and Moulin Rouge and Three Penny Opera and Sweeney Todd, right, and shows that were more popular in the 60s and 70s and maybe even 80s. Hair, Jesus Christ Superstar, they're all in there. Yeah. Yeah. It's really, really clever and really, really fun.

And I don't know if it's as riveting as, say, botchy ball or filing your nails or reading poems, but I think you'll like it. Well, that's an awfully high bar. So does it have stars in it that we would recognize, or are they people that? Kristen Chenoweth? Oh, I love Kristen Chenoweth. She's so good. Isn't she so good? Who else is in it?

Well, the leads are Sicily Strong, who is pretty famous from Saturday Night Live, and she can sing, and she's very funny. And is it Michael Keyes or Michael Keenan? Key and Peel. So I think it's... Yeah, the guy from Key and Peel. Key, I forget the name. I think it's Michael Key.

That could be wrong. they're the leads, right? And they're constantly trying to figure their way through these crazy scenarios. Oh, and Pippin. Pippin is a big influence in... Keegan Michael Key. Keegan, Michael Key. He's got three...

Jane Krakowski. Jane Krakowski is terrific. Alan Cummings is great. Alan Cummings amazing. Martin Short plays a lepricon. Funny. Funny. Funny.

Funny. Funny. to look for that. That sounds interesting. It's so much fun. But you know what else is great? Chuck, you pointed this out. I noticed it, but I didn't properly appreciate it. It's the performances of the people in the chorus that by and large kind of mail things in. I mean, not on Broadway, but you know, it's, you're in the chorus, probably because you're not lead material, right? The people in these choruses are all incredible. They're world-class dancers, singers, and funny. And it's just really good.

I mean, if anybody enjoys musical theater. Actually, and even if you don't, you'll enjoy this. Because one of the lead characters, you know, King and Michael Key, his character hates musicals. And he finds himself in the middle of one, and it's very funny. Yeah, he's trapped in Shmigadoon. For him, it's a total nightmare. Yeah. It's funny.

Okay. I'll give you a review. Yeah, next time we have a podcast, I'll review it. So to test you, where do you watch it? On Apple TV, and it's called Shmigadoon. Okay, good, good. Just making sure. I listen.

I listen. Yeah, and you file your nails while you're listening, which is just, you know. And you know what? They turned out pretty darn good. Okay. So where's dad right now? Well, he was shooting pool with Pete over at Village Square before. So that usually takes a while. So I don't know. When do you expect him back?

I don't know. Because I got to go. I got a thing to do. Oh, well, you can call him this evening. I prefer not to talk to him unless we're recording it. Really? No. Well, tomorrow he's taking me to a thing. I'm doing a speaking engagement tomorrow,

so Dad's going to take me. Oh, where? Don't worry, it'll be over by the time this airs. Oh, okay. It's in Cocky'sville. If you're worried about people showing up and mobbing you, don't worry, it's after the fact. Oh, yeah.

They'll be lined up at the door. It's in Cocky'sville. No, well, you never know. we have a far, far reach. Every place I go. Just so people know, Cockysville is a real place. It's not like a joke name. Oh, dear.

Like Schmigadoon. Like Schmigadoon. Right. That's what we should do, Chuck. We should write some sort of homage to Cockysville. Just people understand. I mean, I'm not even sure where the name came from. Everybody talks like this.

Well, there's a man named Cockey, and it was named for Mr. Cocky. No, seriously, Dad taught his son in school. You're kidding. Guys, name was Mr. Cocky? Uh-huh. C-O-C-C-W-Y. Oddly enough. Very shy guy.

It couldn't get Mr. Cocky out of his shell. What was his first name? Please say Richard. Should I really say that, Mike? I don't know if I should say the man's first name. I don't know. I just like the idea of, you know, I just like thinking,

There's somebody walking around called Dick Cocky. Hey, John. I thought I heard him. Well, wait a minute. When was Cockysville, you know, formed or started? Let me see. It must have been a long time ago. Yeah, if only we had access to a small handheld device.

I know. I'm afraid I'll lose you. I had to turn mine off because it was interfering with my... Cockysville was named after the cocky family who helped establish the town. Thomas Cocky, 1676 to 1737, settled in Limestone Valley in 1725 at Taylor's Hall in an area now just north of Padonia Road and east of Interstate 83. That's it. That is Cocky's good for Tom Cocky. That's where I'm going tomorrow.

All right. Anyway. Just speak. Oh, did you know, did I tell you that my first book about my mother, just went into the third printing. Wow. That is amazing. That is great.

Isn't that, you know, I've been told that when you come out with a new book, it sparks renewed interest in your other books. Yeah, Mike. I'm working on it. I know. So that's a good thing. That's awesome. Yeah.

Good. And also, by the time we next speak on this podcast, you will have recorded your second book, which was never recorded, right? Because it came out at the height of the lockdown about your father. Yeah. It's such a good book. So I'm going to do that in June. Okay.

All right. Well, you do that. We'll get it arranged and see if we can't get it up on the platform again because the last one you did, people loved it. And it would be fun to do that. And then I'm going to need you to go ahead and finish your fourth book, because to your point, you get the fourth one out there, the third one's going to sell even more.

We record the second one, the first one is going to sell even more. The more the first one sells, then, of course, the more the third one, people are going to be interested, and so it goes. That was so interesting what you just said. Could you repeat it for me? Because I fell asleep halfway through. Have we done anything vaguely interesting?

entertaining, you think, in this podcast? It's hard to know, Mom. I mean, you know, there's been poetry. There's been hair growing out of old men's ears. You told us a riveting tale about lunch with seven centenarians. We recommended Shmigadoon and Schmigago, and we know now that you have not one but two Bibles in your modest condominium over there at Oak Crest,

and they work really great as microphone stands. So I think, you know, if you look broadly at all of it, there is a certain entertainment value in it, but if you come to terms with the inescapable fact that it took us 41 minutes to get there, then one might want to consider the cost-benefit and the return. You're really a good talker, man. You talk a lot.

Thanks, ma'am. Did you read my current post? I didn't, honestly. Michael Rowe. I read all your stuff. Is it long? Do you want to read it? Are you proud of it?

No. It's short. Well, it's just doing very well. And, oh, I don't know if I can do it because it's sort of visual. I'll have to show you something. Okay. Halfway through, I have to show you something. It's one of those arthritis days.

So my husband went off to church alone while I lay around feeling sorry for myself. A couple of hours later, when he returned, my spirits were suddenly lifted, and I gave him a warm hug. I assured him it was as much about his presence as it was the paper shopping bag he set on the table. So here's a picture of this paper shopping bag. It's a mission barbecue bag. Mission barbecue. Yeah, mission barbecue. Got it, good.

Okay. As we sat enjoying our pulled pork barbecue and cornbread and green beans with ham, John pulled out his cell phone and read me a news story about a man who killed his grandmother with a hammer. husbands can be a mixed blessing. This is so your father, isn't it? Oh, my. You never know. That is so funny.

You know, your mother had that same weird tick where they could, things could go from just sweet and just lovely to so dark, so fast. I remember one day, Nana came over. We were in the kitchen, you and me, just chatting. And Scott, and I think maybe Phil, had gone down to the bridge, and they had wandered down the stream, you know, through the culverts and under the highways and so forth. And you had told them to be back, like, around four,

and it was like 4, 10, and they weren't back. And do you remember any of this? Keep going. it's coming back. Your mother says, where's Scott and Phil? And you said, oh, they're down there by the bridge, you know,

so they like to walk through the culvert and explore back there. And she says, Peggy, aren't you worried strangers will grab them and kill them and cut them to pieces and stack them up like cordwood?

And I just remember sitting there going, what the, where did that come from? Yeah. And then she just went on to talk about the way, you know, all the different

forms of horrible abuse that could be foisted upon a child. She would go to such extremes. I mean, she wouldn't just say, Michael, don't run down those steps. You might fall. She would say, Michael, if you run down those steps, you're going to break both of your legs and be in the hospital for the next four months and you won't see any of your friends. And she just kept going. You'll be pooping in a bag for the rest of your life, Michael. Then you don't run down the stairs. and then there was usually a story about somebody, you know, she knew from the old days. No, she went right to the worst case scenario of every hypothetical. That's why we love her.

My mother was the best material, hon. Next to your dad. My mother was... That's your first book. I mean, it's no coincidence, Chuck. You know, about my mother is her first book. About your father is the second book. Vacuuming in the nude, God knows where she went with that one.

and I have no idea what to expect with the fourth one, but it's all in the works. So yes, Mom, this was entertaining. You landed the plane pretty nice there at the end. Oh, good. Good. All right, then. Anything else?

I really do have to go. I'm terribly late. I've got an important work to do. I wouldn't want to hold you up, honey. And Peggy, you have dinner in four, five minutes. Oh, well, you know, we're eating in this evening. Oh. Yeah.

We have a lot of left. over stuff that will be good. Didn't you tell Chuck you had a hard out? Didn't you say I have a hard out and I need to be finished? I did. And I said make sure Michael's not late like he usually is. I might not have put it in quite those words, but that's what I meant. He was right on time.

And as it turned out, it took me, what, 10 or 15 minutes? 10 minutes to figure out that you had your earpad, your, 12 is that. Yeah, I forgot. I forgot about that Bluetooth. tooth chock. Next time, I'll remember that. You know what? We'll get on a little extra early next time.

It'll be fine. Okay, and I'll do my nails ahead of time. Yes, maybe so. That would be good. Does Dad still have access to the story of the person who killed the grandmother with a hammer? It was on his phone. I don't know. Okay. I mean, you could probably look it up. A man kills grandmother. I mean, the comments were hysterical.

One woman said to me, oh, I'm feeling glad now my grandson is only five years old and very short. So she's not to worry about him killing her with a hammer. But the comments, honestly, my readers are so clever, they just entertain me with their comments. As a keen observer of the human condition, I'm surprised you didn't ask me about my shirt. Well, what does it say? Tough to see. K-U-L-P-S? No, S-K-K-U-L.

It says Skulls. Skulls Unlimited. Oh, I remember that show. Yeah, that was an early, dirty job. I found this shirt. I was out of clean things to wear, and it had been laundered, and it was in a bag down in L.A.

Of random stuff, we were going to auction off once upon a time. I wore it home. My Skull's Unlimited shirt. I'm glad to have it back. I like it. It's a great story. It's a nice brown shirt. Well, it just reminds me, you know, the grandmother who was bludging to death with the hammer

was probably hitting the skull, and it made me think, oh, look, I have a shirt with skull on it. So I'm just trying to, I'm looking for connections, guys, always looking for connections. I can't tell you the story because tell you the truth, I'm very good at just shutting down. I don't listen to everything that's read to me. Well, I really hadn't noticed, you know. Like when you were reading your story, I was struck by the conspicuous, lack of nail filing going on from me and Chuck by way of like a good audience. I guess I have to take that back as well. You're not really a great audience. So do we have to land the plane again?

No, God, we're done. We're done. It's 48 minutes. Oh my goodness. It's so nice to be with you guys. I look forward to this. It's nice to be with you. I look forward to it too. I just wish we had more sponsors. Oh, no. You mean nobody likes us? No, no, no, we're good. We're good.

People like us. A couple more sponsors wouldn't be the worst thing. You know, it's not-sponsorable content? The last two minutes of this right here. That is not sponsorable. It's not good. Why is it the second things get real and honest? Your little sphincter slammed shut so hard.

Oh, remember, I've got the Bible right here under my microphone. You have two Bible. Let's leave my sphincter out of this for a change. You know what? That's a very old testament of you. You guys can continue this, and I'll go start supper. And that's how you get rid of mom. Bring up sponsors and sphinxers.

All right, Mom, I love you. I'll call you later. Love you guys too. Assuming I can find a sponsor, I'll give that a ring to it. All right, hon. All right, hon. All that's only. Okay, bye.

Bye. If you leave some stars, could you make it five? And before you go, could you please subscribe? If you leave some stars, could you make it five? And before you go, could you please subscribe? If you leave some stars, could you make it five? And before you go, could you please? Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile,

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