The Way I Heard It with Mike Rowe - 329: Coffee with Mom—You Can Give Them Your Underpants with Peggy Rowe

Episode Date: June 30, 2023

Socks and windsocks, support hose and ho' ho's, humble brags and no-so-humble brags, owl pellets and horse semen, dancing in circles, a forgotten stool sample, a chair-volleyball update, a manscaping demo, and lots of shameless pluggery.  Pour yourself a tall iced one and join coffee with mom!  

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It's filled with super useful information. And again, it's free at netseweet.com slash mike. That's netsuite.com. A cup of coffee with my mom. Did you see my windsock, mom? My very professional windsock from my microphone? No, I didn't. Let's see.

Here, let me show you what's going on. It's been making Chuck great. because my peas pop sometimes. They're very plosive. This is typically what comes with the mic, right? So you put this on the mic to avoid those problematic peas. Right, come on. Right.

But that still wasn't enough. Proposterously, it still pops. And Chuck, being a pedant, points it out predictably. So what I did was I took my actual sock like this. He literally took it off his foot, Peggy. Not kidding. Poor boy. He's good. got one sock on. I've seen those. I was on CNN the other night, or maybe it was Fox. What's

a difference anymore, right? And somebody in the booth was doing like this mic check and they're like, is that a, is that a, is that a sock on your microphone? It's a damn skippy it is. No, pee's popping here. Should I get a sock? No, no. No, you're good. Put some panty hose on it. I don't wear panty hose anymore. When did you stop? I don't know. When I stopped wearing dresses and skirts, because when you're wearing slacks, you can just wear the half hose that come up to your knees. Oh, you wouldn't know about that. Do they give support those hose?

I mean, is that why you wear them like the knee ice? No, not the short ones, but you can get panty hose that are a support hose. And they're very difficult to pull on because there's a lot of resistance. You know, you have to really pull. And I have these arthritic hands, so it's difficult for me. I would have to have help. That's why Dad's there standing by. I had to bite my tongue through that whole thing about the hose and what they're giving and blah, blah, blah.

Oh, really? Okay. Yeah. Well, he's thinking hose like those dirty hose, H-O, apostrophe S, slang for prostitutes. No, not shock. Yes, not me. I'm not saying he uses them. I'm just saying that's what he was thinking of. Thank you, Michael.

I can't believe we got not even two minutes in, and we're talking about my mother pulling up her panty hose with her arthritic fingers. Yes. Well, I mean, there are support hose that you buy as support hose, and they really are compression stockings, but I'm not sure you just use half ones. Although I have, I've seen men here at the home wearing white compression stockings. They're so attractive. Men love the hose. They love to use the hose. No, look, you'll laugh.

I actually have some. Some sock company called like Thorax, I think. I really think they're called Thorax, which sounds like a character in a Dr. Seuss book. Now, that's a laurels. But I think they're called Thorax, right? They just out of the blue sent me socks. And they're like hiking socks and there's some short ankle, like, you know, running socks, I guess. But they also have these very comfortable socks that come up.

right to the top of my knee, and they're thick and they're tight. And I put them on the other day. And, you know, I'm walking around the neighborhood here, taking my normal walk, but now I got a ruck, a ruck sack that I put 30 pounds in. And it's really changed my whole workout, mom. And it makes my feet hurt because like dads, they're flat, right? So I put on these socks. And, man, they really did change everything. But on the downside, you really look like a goober walking around. with white socks. Did you have short pants on? I did. I did. Oh, Michael, I hope nobody took your picture. But you are in your 60s and you are old enough to live here at the home. That line got a really funny laugh when I was speaking at the award ceremony. Oh, they called out a humble

brag mom, but nice the way you just shoveled that in there ever so effortlessly. When I was speaking to my people recently. When I won this award, the people were very good. No, I was. I wasn't winning at a word. I casually mentioned, you know. Can you see my Emmy okay, mom, from where you're doing? Oh, Michael. Why don't you put a sock over it, hon? You should tie a ribbon around it or something because it really blends in with the background.

Well, it is gross, but I put a MicroWorks trailer hitch on top of it. Oh, okay. That kind of takes the piss out of it a little bit, right? You know. Now, you'd be proud of that, huh? All right. I will be. Thank you.

One day I will be proud of Miami. Right now I'm simply proud of my mommy. Oh, isn't that nice? I've never won any awards ever. You're a three-time best-selling author. Look, it's up there on my wall where I can see your first book. New York Times best-selling author. Yes, what are you talking about?

Oh, and that's wonderful, and that's enough. But I don't have a statue, you know. All right, well, hold on. I'll make a note. Mom needs a statue. Yeah, we'll get you one. I don't need a statue. So go ahead.

There you were. Speaking to the beloved masses and you've got to laugh, would you say? Well, it was just a few hundred people at the scholarship ceremony. You know, our waiter, we might have talked about this in the last podcast. Our wait staff are students, high school students. And they get a very nice scholarship at the end of three or four years here. So they have a ceremony. at the end of the year and people speak.

And I was one of the speakers. And my goal was to make them laugh. There were 33 of them. And they were just sitting very quietly and seriously. So I did. I made him laugh. But one of the things I said was that 61 years ago, my husband and I had our first son.

And I like to remind him from time to time now that he is old enough to move here into the home. And everybody laughed. And then I said, but he's not really interested yet. That's true. I mean, I love coming for a visit, but no, I'm not right up. I'm just not ready for hatchet throwing season, perpetual botchy ball, pool tournaments, round the clock and pickle ball and whatever else you're doing over there. Chair volleyball, yeah.

Oh, Jeanette, how's she doing? You know, I think I'll go back and play with them again. I only played with them that one time. Somebody invited me just yesterday. And they play on Monday evening. So I might go back on Monday and see how they're doing. They were fun people. I got so many notes after you told that story months ago.

Did you? Yeah, for those of you who don't know what we're talking about, at the home where my folks live, there's a sweet old lady named Jeanette who was playing chair volleyball, except she wasn't really playing because she's very old and she just sat in the chair. And, you know, every now and then, beach ball would ricochet off of her and go over the net and she would laugh and people would

clap and I think the visual just filled people with delight and you know they love those stories well I think some people might have felt that it was elder abuse but it wasn't because the alternative would be that Jeanette is sitting in her room maybe looking out the window or just just sitting in her room doing her with a giant ball that's That's right. No, elder abuse is like it's a soccer ball or a basketball. Right. Or a softball.

Or softball. That's rough. There's a beach ball. Yeah. It isn't even a beach ball. It's between a beach ball and a balloon. It's that light, really. Wow.

You could, with one finger, you could punch it back. So when it hit her in the back of the head, it was like somebody just tapping her, you know, in the head. Really, the smile on her face said it all. She might not have known the rule. or exactly what she was playing, but she knew that everybody was looking at her with appreciation and applauding her efforts, and it was fun. Oh, God. All right, well, let's just forge boldly into what we like to call new content.

What is new? How was your week? I actually haven't talked to you in real life at length in a few days. Sorry about that. Well, something pleasant happened this morning. for Dad's 90th birthday back in November, you might recall that you presented him with, I don't even know what it's called. It's a picture frame and it's electronic and you plug it in and your family sends you

pictures and they come up on the screen. Well, Dad and I put it on the shelf back in November and we never did set it up because I did pick up the directions one day and I said, ugh, and I put it back on the shelf. Well, one of our nice employees here today came up today, and you must have mentioned it in a previous podcast that you had given us one of those things. Well, I just got one finally and hooked it up. Well, I mean, shameless plug,

but they're sponsoring the podcast now. So I got one and I hooked it up. we're basically talking about a digital picture frame, which is not a new thing, but this, I think, is like the state of the art one. So I took hundreds of photos off of my phone, and, you know, they just cycle through. You can do it like every 15 or 30 or 45 or 60 seconds or whatever. So, I mean, they really look like prints, you know, so it's nice. You got this frame and it just changes every couple seconds or whenever you want to. Well, nobody has sent me any pictures yet, so I'm waiting.

I sent an invite. Like a minute ago. Give it a, you know, you can take the pictures off your phone, off dad's phone, right? Anybody can interact with. I sent an invite to everybody in our immediate family. Well, I'm sure somebody will get back to you. I hope so, because there's only one picture on there. It's a pretty flower on there right now.

That's the saddest thing in the world, to have a digital picture frame that can accommodate literally thousands of photos and you only have one. I know. But like you say, it's just, well, it actually has been a couple of hours. I think it's unlimited. I'm still getting used to mine, but I think it, like, it uses the cloud, right? So it's just... It does. And I...

As many pictures you want to put in it. And I think I have the option I can delete pictures, you know, that I'm tired of looking at that I've seen a lot, can delete them. Oh, I'm anxious to see what happens. If we're going to do shameless plugs, I want to get your opinion on something. We have another sponsor that just signed on called Manscaped. Have you heard of them before? Manscaped, yes. Yeah.

No? Here, let me show you this thing. This is what I see, right? I opened the box. I just got this the other day. That's what they hit you with right out of the gate. Can you read that? No, I can't.

Oh. Here, let me get a little closer. Can you read it now? Your... Well, thank you. Your balls will thank you. Your balls will thank you. Your balls will thank you.

So what do you put in there, like botchy balls or? No, Mom. No. Good guess, though. Very good guess. It's a whole. It's a series of trimmers designed for men who wish to improve the landscape of their topiary reality. Like you got a nose. Oh, for goodness.

Oh, my. For your nose hair, for your ear hair. Yeah. You got this thing, they call it a lawnmower. And they've got... Which is for unwanted body hair. Unwanted body hair. That's the way to say it.

Gotcha. You got something called a crop preserver and ball deodorant. I'm not making it up. This is like these are special clippers designed specifically for men who want shave their testicles, which apparently is like a thing now. How did we get here? I hadn't heard, hon. It's coffee with mom. They don't talk about it here at the home. I haven't heard about it. Well, let's change it. Let's change it right now because honestly, I don't know what to do. I know you listen to this podcast. Hell, you're on this podcast. And if you listen to other podcasts,

Like there are hundreds of hosts out there right now talking with remarkable candor and in a lot of detail about the various benefits of shaving their scrotums. And this entire package here comes with all sorts of different things to make that experience more efficacious, I suppose, right? Less likely to nick yourself. So it's a much safer way to get the hair. off of your testicles. My question is, how can I talk about this in a way that would, I don't want to offend you or anybody else who's listening, but the basic product is designed. Too late. Yeah, it's a little late. Okay. I say your audience is elsewhere. If somebody likes to have me on the podcast, then they're not going to enjoy hearing about that. That's just my opinion. I don't know.

I mean, I think people trust you. I think people trust dad. We actually, hang on a second. You know, as you age, unwanted hair on the face does become a problem. And you do have hair growing out of your ears and on the top of your ears and out of your nose and around your eyebrows. Well, that's what I'm telling you. I've used the nose trimmer in both the nose and the ear, and it works great. Oh, well, that's nice.

This other thing is Juanmower 4.0. I'm going to try it, but I don't know to what extent, you know, like it's an awkward thing to endorse when you know your mother is listening. Exactly. And you know what? You don't have to tell me the results. You can keep it to yourself. Can I send you one of these?

I thought you were going to send me a picture on my new frame. No, thank you, hon. Can you imagine if that just showed up? Mike is manscaping. A video maybe. Oh, God. A before and after. Recognize these, Mom?

Well, 60 years ago, they looked a lot more like these. Oh, shame on you, shame on you. And I was going to talk about the Memorial Day concert, but. Well, we can get to that. I lost my incentive. Look, they got a light on it, right? So you really get. You can do it in the dark?

Well, no, but we. You wake up in the middle of the night and say, oh, I forgot to. I'm thinking, but when you're down there, says, look, I mean, guys are making, like, designs on their abdomen and all through their air. You mean like body sculpture? Yes, they're using body sculpture with this thing. They're making all sorts of interesting designs below the belt. Some are going full on and, like, really trimming everything, just gone.

and others are using some sort of artistic. First of all, turn it off and get it away from the microphone. Because you've already heard it. But you know what? No peas are popping. Thanks to my handy dandy. Anyway, what if I just... What if you just put that...

Dad, offer a testimonial if I send it? What if you just put that away and we moved on to some... That's what I was going to say. Just put that over to the side. No, don't send it to your father. Just for grins, Chuck. What's the offer? Where did people go to get one of these things?

Let's just turn this into a commercial. It will come with a manual. It does come with a manual. It actually comes with like all sorts of stuff. Look at this, Mom. You get a case that says manscaped that you can put all these things in. It's like an awesome traveling thing. Oh, yeah.

They send. They have a whole newspaper. I got to send this to dad. He's going to love this. Michael. Look at the end. His priorities are elsewhere, honey. Nowadays, we're talking about billiard balls.

That's the only kind of balls your dad's interested in seeing clearly. And the botchy, right? The botchy balls and billi balls. Yeah, the botchy balls and the billi balls. Yeah, this is it. I'm going to send you this mom here. I'm going to make my screen bigger. I can see what I'm looking at here.

It'll be bigger when it's made into a video. Well, good. I can't see it now. Yeah, this is all, I mean, what will dad do? If I send him this whole kit along with these instructions, along with this newspaper, A, will he appreciate it? B, will he use it? And C, if he uses it, will he come on the podcast to talk?

talk about the impact of a freshly shaved area? No, no, no, and no. Honey, he's 90 years old. His priorities lie elsewhere. But what about the ear and nose thing? Well, yeah, you could send that little one, that little apparatus for the ears, the tops of the ears, and the clippers for the eyebrows?

Sure. Sure. It's all in one box. It's no big deal. I'll just send the whole works. You get the weed whacker. You get the lawnmower. You get everything.

By all means, send it. It's a delivery guy. Enjoy bringing it, I'm sure. And then the word. The word will be out. Oh, God, that did get a little weird. Duh, do, do, do, do. Well, people are still raving, raving, I tell you, about my mother's performance in the latest Pure Talk commercial.

And if you haven't seen it, I encourage you to give it a look on my Facebook page and read the comments. They're hysterical. In this commercial, you'll not only see Peggy Row gently criticizing her oldest son for his longstanding and well-established commitment issues. You'll learn about the latest offer from Pure Talk, which includes unlimited talk, text, and data for just $3499 a month. with no contracts and no commitments of any kind. You can see why I love these guys. If, on the other hand, you have better things to do with your time, then watch my mom and me be impossibly charming together,

then allow me to remind you, here, without all the cleverness and charm, that unlimited talk, text, and data on a blazing fast network for just 3499 a month really is an unmitigated bargain from an American wireless company that keeps all their customer service in this country, supports our veterans in a meaningful way, as well as the MicroWorks Foundation,

and allows me to exploit my own mother in a national advertising campaign. Do what my mom did. Get yourself unlimited high-speed data for just $3499 a month. At puretalk.com slash row. You can switch in as little as 10 minutes at puretalk.com slash row. What else you got? I say. It's funny.

I'm so careful. I have to be so careful about what I say. I don't want to offend anybody when I do my twice weekly post on social media. I am so super careful not to offend anybody. And living where I live, you know, I have to be careful. People are starting to approach me and ask me about my new book because the word is out that I'm doing another book about life at the home, tales from the home. Yeah.

And they're interested in, you know, are they going to be in it? And will I need their picture or will I use their name? And I say, oh, no, I'm going to be, everybody's going to be very anonymous. I'm not going to take pictures of people or use their real names because you can so easily offend people, you know. For instance, on Wednesday nights and Friday nights, there's music in the lounges that now there are lounges outside of each dining room. So we girls are playing rummy cube or five crowns or phase 10. We're playing games in the library, which is right next to the place where they dance.

And so I can look out the door and watch them dance. And there's a man who has a limp and he dances in circles. Well, would that be offensive? Because of the limp? Oh, yeah. He has a bad limp. It's hard for him to walk and he dances around in circles because of his limp. Now, would you find that offensive, Mike, if that were you?

And you walked with a limp? Is he manscaped? I don't know. I will never know. I will never know. I mean, look, no, you can't use his real name. And, you know, I don't think you can photograph these people. I mean, if you could, I mean, the cover would be Jeanette playing chair volleyball with that beach ball thing just ricocheting off her head and everybody clapping.

Right. But you can't do that. So you're going to have to, I don't know where the line is, but a man dancing in circles because. he has a limp. Yeah. He hears the music and he hears the beat, you know, but he's not fully mobile, but he can dance, but he dances in little circles. I don't think I'll include that because that could be, it could sound like I'm making

fun of him. But look, you've got, I mean, so he's probably what, mid, late 80s, early 90s, something like that? Yeah, something like that. So he's out there. He's still doing it. Yeah, and he's enjoying himself. Right.

Who cares if you're going in circles? Well, maybe the lady he's dancing with. But I guess she doesn't mind. Oh, my God, I heard something the other day that was so funny. And I was down at the medical center. And there was a great start. I know. I can't remember why I was there.

I had an appointment with a podiatrist. And there was a couple there. And somebody asked him, one of the texts asked, the guy, did you bring a stool sample and a urine sample? And his wife looked at him. She said, you didn't tell me. He said, oh, I forgot. And they said, well, you'll have to come back, you know, tomorrow because we really do need that.

And on the way out, I heard his wife say to him, you could just give them your underpants. And they both laughed. So, you know, they thought it was funny. So that's going in the book. That's definitely going in the book. I kind of thought it was funny. That could be a good chapter title. Certainly a good title for this episode, Chuck.

Write that down. You could give them your underpants with Peggy Row. You know, I narrated a show once for, I guess, was Discovery. It might have been Nat Geo about the Wildebeest and the great migrations and stuff. And there's this thing called a turning sick. It reminded me your... Oh, yes, I've seen that. I know what you mean.

Oh, yeah, now this is not a happy story, but some bug gets into the nose of the wildebeest and crawls all the way up through the nasal cavity behind the eye and ultimately into the brain. And as it burrows into the brain, the animal just starts turning in circles. And it just turns in circles until it either drops

or something eats it. eats it. It's very hard to, you know, as a prey animal, the inability to run in a straight line will almost certainly, you know, impact your total days on earth. I wonder if the animal who eats him will suffer from that disease also. No, they just get dizzy. They just get dizzy. I did see that. I guess I watched it. I usually watch what you do. Hmm? Yeah. Have you been watching this, oh God, what a tragedy, this whole this summary thing. Oh, my golly.

It was, I mean, people here are talking about it all the time. And, you know, oh, it's just, yeah, it really is sad. There's no other word for it. Well, I don't know if I told you, but, you know, I was supposed to go down to the Titanic in 2000, it would have been

2004 or five with James Cameron. not in that crazy submersible. He had a better one, a bigger. He's been down there. 33 times. You know who James Cameron is? I don't.

James Cameron directed the Titanic, the film. He's also directed Avatar and a thousand other things, Terminator. He's a big deal in Hollywood. And when I was trying to get, when I was trying to figure out what my life was going to be like with Discovery, we had done Deadliest Catch and we had done dirty jobs and we had done some other things. I'd gone. Remember I went to

Africa to do that thing with the mummies. Remember? Oh, yes. Right. With Dr. Hawass? Yes, Zahi Hawass. Yeah, we were basically tomb raiding outside of Cairo in a place called Bawiti in the Sands of the Dead. Anyway, nobody knew quite what to do with me

because Dirty Jobs was off-brand and we didn't know if Deadliest Catch was going to have a host or narrator. So I was just doing these adventures. And the next one on the books was this dive to the Titanic with James Cameron and a small group of people to basically do this thing, you know, to explore it, to visit it. And I was all in. It was a go. We were going to fly to, I guess, Nova Scotia.

And then we were going to take a boat out to the site. And then there would be this submersible. And it was going to be me and Jim Cameron and three or four other people. and we were going to the Titanic. And I mean, it's not much of a story because they went without me, obviously. They decided dirty jobs was going to be a thing after all. And suddenly I was living on the road doing that. And some other guy went in my place.

Anyway, James Cameron has been down there like 33 times. And he's been all over the press saying that this, you know, this is just a hell of a thing. You know, Josh Gates, I just saw Chuck. I don't know if you noticed this, but Josh has a show called, what the heck is it called? I forget what it's called. But he's out there going on adventures every week. He's been doing it forever. And he turned down a ride in this very submersible for safety issues.

He was invited to go and said, no thanks. But there are a lot of other submersibles out there that are worthy, seaworthy enough to go down there. and they can withstand all that pressure. Wonder why this one couldn't. You know, I think we're going to learn a lot of stuff in the next week or two. In fact, by the time this airs, we'll probably have answers to all of that.

But right now, it's kind of sickening, you know, the way people are just so, I don't know. I mean, the lack of sympathy because these people were wealthy, you know. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Well, you got Stockton.

I haven't seen that. Well, I mean, yeah, it costs $250,000 to get a seat on this thing. And I think virtually everybody aboard was a billionaire. So, you know, it's easy to hate a billionaire. One of the guys, the guy who ran the company, I believe, was called Stockton Rush. And he was very famous right here outside of San Francisco. Stockton Street was named for him. Benjamin Rush, of course, signed the Declaration of Independence.

He comes from that family. And so, no, there's just very little, like, sympathy or kindness in social media right now. It's like, they had it coming. What in the world would they go there for? And that's a shame, I think, because, you know, the spirit of adventure is really something that is wonderful. Personally, I wouldn't go, but I'm glad other people do. I'm glad other people are curious enough to assume that level of risk. Would you go?

Would I go? Oh, Chuck. Oh, I'm very cautious. I'm your son, Mike. That's Chuck over there in the glasses. I know, but I thought Chuck said to me, would you go? I thought he was talking to me. No, that was me, Mike Rowe, your first. Your son. Your son? That's me. Michael. Would I get in that little vessel and go down 12,000 feet? I go out on the balcony and I hyperventilate when I look down and I'm only three stories up. No, I'm not a risk taker.

Oh, bull crap. You know what? How many times have you hopped on a horse that could run 28, 32 miles an hour and just ridden like a demon through Gardens of Faith Cemetery or through the woods? How many? You were a tomboy. You were up to your neck in risk pulling on your support panty hose before your fingers were all arthritic and whatnot.

No, I was never, I never was a. risk taker. I mean, I didn't, yeah, I got on horses and I rode and, but I was younger and no, I would never do. You know, the only not, and it was not a good thing, but the only thing that could make you feel sort of good is that they decided they probably died quickly. They didn't, you know, it wasn't many hours of suffering. It imploded and they probably, but you can only hope. I mean, I can't imagine being in that little. They said it was the size of a minivan and spending a couple of days in there knowing your end. No.

The last thing I read, they said that according to the Navy, and again, this will probably be obsolete by the time people listen to this. But it was an implosion. It happened days before, right? So when they were talking about, oh, they're running out of air, according to the Navy. It's like, no, there was no way it was on over. Yeah, it was over. And it would have been over fast. But I got to tell you, you know, it's just Chuck and I have talked a lot about this in various settings before.

But this whole notion, like the premature burial to me is the single most terrifying thing that there is. And when I started reading about this, I immediately, I had a little freak out years ago in Southern Australia. Remember the going into the opal mines. Oh, yeah. when you're lowered down that shaft and you're 60 feet down in a tube the size of a basically a manhole and you're looking up and the earth is touching your shoulders and you're just the sky is just the tiniest little blue dot that feeling yeah that's off the list for me yeah you said you didn't enjoy that and i was hoping you'd bring me a souvenir from the opal mine but no no i get

owl pellets. Yeah. Well, the only souvenir I got horse semen. In my underpants to bring it back to that. I did send you owl pellets. And I did send you horse semen.

You're right. You sent me some nice stuff. And you sent me something from Egypt, too. Uh-huh. Yeah. A nice sculptor. You know, Mike is talking about, but what was that term you used about dying,

prematurely or premature. Premature burials. Yeah. Oh, my. I came across a couple the other day, and they were talking about this. And then they're always holding hands. They're younger than we are. And they obviously love each other a lot.

And they said that they were so happy here. I asked them how they felt about being here. And they came in just a couple of years ago, I think. And they said they're very happy here. and they really feel sorry for the people who are alone here, the widows and the widowers who are alone. And she said, I just can't imagine what it would be like to come in and make that adjustment alone, you know, by yourself.

And I said, well, I agree. My husband and I agree. And I said, but you do realize that one of us is going to outlive the other. And he said, really? We don't have to. And then they told me about this story that they had just previously read about a couple who took a cruise. And they jumped off the back of the ship. Come on.

Off the back of the boat. Yeah, they jumped off of the back and killed them, you know, committed suicide together. I hope they did it on the last day of the cruise. That's what I said. I said, do you know. When during the cruise, they did that? Did they eat all their meals first? Did they see some good shows before they went?

I hope so. I hope so, too. That's a terrible story. It is a terrible story. It's not a happy... I love stories like this. Seven years ago, a guy named Ben Still was a musician. He had zero interest in running a food company,

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I mean, isn't it odd how often one will die and the other will follow shortly? I know so many cases. I know three cases. Yeah. My friend Anne, her dad died, and two weeks later, her mother died. And they were in their 90s. It happens. I think, well, you can speculate as to the reason.

But, I mean, one reason might be that you're just heartbroken and don't want to go on alone. And the other reason is you're so exhausted from caring for the one who's been sick for so long that, you know, you're spent, you know, there's nothing left. Let me ask you something. It's kind of a serious question, since we're talking about death and suicide and premature burials. You, and people actually ask me this question about you a lot. And the only time I think we've ever really talked about it was when I read a story you wrote years ago about your command performances at funerals, which have been coming. fast and furious now for for years. You've attended so many. You're constantly asked to speak at these

funerals and to make to help people, to make them laugh at a funeral. And I just remember you saying the first time it happened, it seemed like an absolutely doomed, impossible task. But you did it. And it not only worked, it worked in a big way. And now you've been to is so many funerals and you always find a way to find something humorous, something warm and real, you know, some way to help people through it. What's the secret? I only speak at funerals of people that I knew well and the family will ask me, you were such a good friend, would you say a few words? And then I do that. Well, because I'm a lighthearted person. and in my life there's a lot of laughter, a lot of pleasure.

And that person experienced some of those good experiences with me, the laughter. So I would usually tell a story about something that happened to us together, you know, that brought us joy or laughter. It's not hard. At first I thought it would be, but it really isn't. And people there want to be uplifted, you know, they're not. They haven't come to cry. They would like to remember something good about this, you know, about this person.

And I even spoke at a funeral for somebody that I didn't have a lot of respect for because he had been unfaithful and he wasn't a great husband and his wife was a good friend. Anyway, he had been a good friend to us, though. And he had visited us in the hospital whenever we had had surgeries and so forth. He always came to see us. If one of us was sick at the house, he brought a pot of soup. His wife made it, of course. He would bring us a pot of soup.

When my parents died, he came to the funeral home and he cried with us. So he was a good friend to us. And so I was able to draw those good experiences from his life because his children were there and his children loved him. Well, that's your special gift. They knew he was less than perfect, but they still loved him. And I could never say anything negative about, you know, somebody. Well, look, I know exactly who you're talking about. And I do remember that funeral as well.

That was a different challenge. You know, challenge A is how do you make heartbroken, grief-stricken people laugh and smile through their pain? Challenge B is really, to me, the more interesting thing. How do you eulogize a schmuck, right? How can you find something good and decent to say about somebody who you don't really respect? And that's you. That's actually the A column. That's your gift.

We had neighbors growing up. I won't mention any names. And I remember very vividly you working so hard to show my brothers and me what was good about them when there was really nothing obvious to say that was good at all. It's weird that you're like that, but it's nice. Well, I think I got that from your grandfather, from my father. Yeah, that's just how he was. Carl Noble? He always saw...

He saw the good... I am. He always saw the good in people. He sure did. He sure did, Mom. Noble Spirits.com. You know, but we have shamelessly hawked damn near everything. That's terrible.

We've got Diggs, our official sponsor. They're awesome. Where are you? What are you doing? You know, you have to speak into the microphone, right? Yeah, I know. I was saying we got Diggs, our official sponsor. We have Aura picture frames,

which mom now has, which she's using. Oh, okay. So yours is an aura, too. I know there are other brands, but this is supposed to be a really good one. Yeah. Oh, put that thing away, Michael Row. This is coming to you and dad, and I fully expect an honest review. If I had only had that when I had horses, I think it would be a good horse clipper or even a dog. You should clip Freddy in the hot summer time.

Oh, you mean just like all over? No, no. This is specifically designed. No, it will clip any here. For the most sensitive parts on a man. I'm just saying. I mean, you're right. You could use it anywhere.

But I just wanted to. Are you pouring some Noble right now? I'm just going to have a very... We've just had a nice conversation. My mom, unscripted, invoked the name of her dad, Carl Noble, whose name is now on a bottle of amazingly good Tennessee whiskey, the proceeds of which, when purchased online, benefit the MicroWorks Foundation. I don't think it's rude or out of character to raise a glass, a glass with a K on it, no less, to my pop.

I know it's coffee with Mom, and that's probably, what do you have there, Chuck? Gin? Chuck. No, it's water. It's water. Whose fan is going right now? Mine just started. The ice must have melted. Well, that's our cue to wrap things up.

Mom, for those of you who don't know, has taken two Bibles, which is what she does now to get the computer elevated and then puts a block of ice under it. And that ice keeps the fan from kicking on, but now it's not working. So the fan is moving, and I'm drinking Noble Tennessee whiskey and I'm about to send a manscape package to my dad, John Rowe, for his honest review. Let us pray. I'm pretty sure we're going to have something to talk about next time we do this. I'll have my new orthotics when we talk the next time. I'll let you know how they work. I have arthritis in my feet.

And some days, walking normally is difficult. I kind of hobble along. I would dance in circles probably. I walk on one heel and one foot. So hopefully, You know, it comes and goes. Today I'm fine. But after I get those orthotics with arch supports.

You know what? I should look into them too. My feet have never been flatter. I mean, they've always been flat. Well, don't just buy them off the shelf. Go to a real foot doctor and get a mold of your foot so that it's made especially for you, custom made. All right. I'll do it. Well, let me know how yours work. You don't have to wait until we record a conversation.

Call me when she got them. Okay. I picked them up on the 29th. All right. Great. All right. Anything else you want to share before we sign off? No, things are good here. I'd love to chat, but I have some pictures I need to stare at. All right. Yeah. We'll keep an eye out for it. Oh, we did get new windows. Did I tell you we got new windows? No. Unbelievable. In our apartment, we got three big windows, brand new, white on the windows.

inside, beautiful. Stained glass? No, it's clear glass so we can see out and the sun can come in. And I'll tell you, those men who installed these windows, they are amazing. They are all business. Boy, it's a science. They did it. They came in at 8 o'clock.

And at 2 o'clock, they were finished, took out the old windows, put in the new windows, washed everything down and two doors, a screen door and a regular door. They're really nice. What do they call those guys? There are the glaciers? They're the window guys.

Yeah, the window guys. We call them the window guys, but I'm sure they have a different name. Yeah, I mean, they could be glazers too. There are a lot of people around here. Yeah. They're window installers. Who are skilled workers.

A lot of skilled workers here at the home. They're everywhere. They're in the hallways, pushing carts and making repairs. You know, this is a big place. I know. You know, I'm kind of into the whole skilled labor thing, Mom. There's a whole foundation dedicated to your dad around this exact thing. I have heard such.

And people here have heard about it, too. And I'm used to being stopped in the hallway. And, you know, people say, I love your son. I love your son. I love his message. I watch everything he does. And I say, yeah, yeah.

Did you know I'm a writer? Somebody asked me the other day if you still have rolls of Viva paper towels in the trunk that you autographed from time to time. And I didn't know what to tell them. No. No, but I mean if Viva wants to talk, you can give him my number.

You know what? We should call them. them people should know this too and we're still trying to figure out what to do but you just finished recording your second book about your father right and other celebrities i have known and that hasn't been made available anywhere yet so i think we're going to put it up on the on the podcast platform again and the forward to that one which i really like if i don't say so myself is all about it's a good one It's about you guys on that Viva shoot. Viva paper towels should sponsor the damn book.

Chuck, make a call, would you? Yeah, I'll get the picture frames. We got the manscaped. We got Diggs right now. And, of course, we got Noble Tennessee Whiskey. That's enough to more than sponsor the audio version of your book. But I'd love to get Viva on there. Well, because Dad and I are available to do another commercial.

They were fun to do. As long as they come to Baltimore. And just think about... How clean. No, no, we're not thinking about it. Please, please, please take it away. Yes, leave that image in my mind. Your mom was very clear about this.

Say goodbye. And let's get on with our day. Your balls will thank you, everyone. And so will my mother. I love you, mom. I'll call you later. All right. Have a good day, guys.

All right. Bye, Peggy. But do, do, do, do do do do. To the guys who advertise and subsidize. that I do. They spend their dough and you should know before you go. That's why it's free for you Because it's free I hope you see and then agree their bottoms should be kissed without the guys who advertised The show would not exist There's no podcast without a sponsor

Thank them for pay in the fray Please don't fast forward through their commercials that you hate. There's no podcast without a sponsor. Thank them for paying the fray. Please don't fast forward through their commercials. Even the ones you hate. That's right, gentle listener.

Trueer words were never spoken. There would be no podcast without our amazing sponsors. And this month we had Butcher Box, Field of Greens, O' Frames, ZipRecruiter, American Giant, NetSuite, Article, Hillsdale College, manscaped, and digs,

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