The Way I Heard It with Mike Rowe - 332: NEW STORY—His Final Destination

Episode Date: July 13, 2023

1 invalid + 8 assassins = the train ride of a lifetime.

Do do do do do do do do dumb. Well, are you sick of it yet? Are you sick of AI hogging up all the headlines and sucking up all the bandwidth? You find yourself wishing we lived in a simpler time? Do you miss the rotary phone? Well, get over it. The genie is out of the bottle. The poop is out of the goose, I'm afraid.

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demystifying AI. It's filled with sort of, super useful information, and again, it's free at netseweet.com slash mic. That's netseweet.com. I got a story to tell every word of it true, except for the parts I made up for you, just some history that has been reworded into a mystery called the way I heard it. Yep, there it is again, more unsolicitated barbershop harmony. introducing another bonus episode of the way I heard it. This is episode 332, and it's called

His Final Destination. You can't see what I see, but I'm sitting here in my office right now looking at Chuck, who was looking at me with the level of confusion that makes me wonder why you look so confused, my friend. Unsolicited? Oh, is that what I said? It sounded like it. That's too bad. Full disclosure, I've had some wine. It's late in the evening where I am right now. What I meant to say was unsolicited. That's what I thought. But look, there are a couple things I can tell you about singing Barbershop. The first thing is, it's a lot more fun to do after you've had a couple glasses of wine.

And the second thing is, it's a lot more enjoyable to hear after you've had a couple glasses of wine. I thought you were going to say it's a lot more fun to do than it is to listen to. I certainly hope it's not true of the stories that I enjoy writing so much. I really love writing these stories and people tell me they like hearing them. So this is another brief mystery for the curious mind with a short attention span. And as I may have mentioned in a completely unsolicited way, it's called his final destination. Chuck, who's my favorite detective of all time? Oh, it's got to be, oh, geez, wow.

Come on. Travis McGee. Correct. Although, to be fair, he's not really a detective. He was just a guy that lived on a houseboat and solved crimes. Solved crimes. Yes. Well, every few years, I reread all those mysteries.

And earlier this week, our guest, Stu Siegel, who has directed many, many TV shows, directed Hunter back in the 80s with Fred Dreyer, another fine detective who wasn't really a detective, but also solved crimes, right? So I've been thinking about detectives, and I wanted to write a short story about one of my favorites, neither of the aforementioned. The detective in this story is the subject, the heart of the mystery that I invite you to unravel as you listen to his final destination. It'll be over in mere moments, and I promise you there won't be any more singing. This is the way I heard it. Cypriano Ferendini would have happily pulled the trigger himself. but that would have been selfish, for he was not the only patriot in the room. He was merely their leader.

And as their leader, Cypriano Ferrandini knew that every man present deserved a chance to kill the man who had united them in their contempt. Question was, who would be given the honor? To settle the matter, Ferrandini invited those assembled to remove a single ballot from a wooden box. one ballot was marked inside with a red X. The man who drew that ballot would have the honor of pulling the trigger. Everyone in the room was pledged to secrecy as to the color of the ballot he drew. In this manner, Ferrandini told his followers the identity of the honored patriot will be protected until the last possible instant. But Cypriano Ferrandini was taking no chances.

He had actually marked eight ballots with a red X, not one, and therefore took great comfort in knowing that eight loyalists would be waiting with him in the crowd to greet the private rail car scheduled to arrive the following day at Calvert Station. Eight patriots all committed to eliminating one man. The odds of success were all but guaranteed. A hundred miles to the north at approximately 11 p.m., a young nurse escorted her elderly patient through the Philadelphia station, where the last train of the day was about to depart. The nurse explained to the conductor that the man in her care was an invalid and requested a private car toward the end of the train. Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, but this is a public train with open seating.

afraid there's not much in the way of privacy. I understand, sir, but our journey will be long, and my patient is very ill. It's important that he get as much rest as possible. The nurse slipped a few bills into the conductor's hand. Whatever you can do, sir, would be much appreciated. The conductor pocketed the bills and led the two across a crowded platform. No one paid them any attention. The sickly man hunched over with a shawl wrapped around his neck,

clinging to the arm of his nurse. Inside, the conductor found them two seats together. The nurse thanked him again for his kindness. She then helped her patient settle into a window seat and pulled the shade down. Keep your face hidden, she whispered. Look at no one. Talk to no one. Well, your joy to travel with, the patient mumbled from behind is you.

Shaw. You should have been a tour guide. The young nurse gave her patient a grim smile. When we get to Baltimore, she said, things are going to happen quickly. We must not linger. I've arranged for a horse and carriage to get us from Calvert Station to Camden Station as soon as possible. From there, we'll transfer back to a private train and head to our final destination. I have every confidence in you, young lady. up when we get to Baltimore. With that, the invalid fell asleep. But the nurse did not.

The nurse stayed awake for the entire trip. For nearly five hours, she remained vigilant, her right hand resting on the pistol she kept concealed at her side. She did, however, allow her mind to wander a bit as they lumbered through the Pennsylvania countryside and recalled her interview in Chicago with the man who had hired her five years ago. It had not been a traditional interview. I'm sorry, ma'am, but we're not looking for secretaries at this time. Good, she said.

I don't care to be a secretary. I wish to apply for the position of detective. The man behind the desk blinked in surprise. Oh, well, I'm very sorry, miss, but we don't hire women for that kind of work. It's too dangerous. Well, Alan, that makes me wonder if you're half as smart as I thought you were. The man behind the desk blinked some more. No woman had ever talked to him like this, much less addressed him with such familiarity. What is your name, young lady? My name is Kate, she said. Do you have... Any experience in law enforcement? Kate?

Not at all, she said, but I'm a pretty good actress. And really, when it comes right down to it, isn't that what you're looking for? Alan didn't have a snappy answer, which was just as well because Kate was not done talking. Think about it, Alan. Women can go places men cannot. Women can elicit information in ways that men cannot. women can blend into the world in ways that men cannot. Give me a chance, Alan, and I'll prove it.

And so she did. Kate began working for Alan immediately and quickly solved a major embezzlement case by befriending the wife of the suspect and learning enough about the thief to get him convicted. Alan was impressed. She then posed as a fortune-tale. in order to extract a confession from another suspect and solve another case.

Kate really was a very good actress, and she perfected the art of blending in. She went undercover many times and always got results, and now, five years after her interview with Alan, she was impersonating a nurse on the last train to Baltimore, escorting an invalid to his final destination, in order to save the United States of America. Am I overstating it? I don't think so. You see, Kate's boss was a pretty good actor himself. It was Alan who had infiltrated the gang of insurrectionists in Baltimore

and learned about the plot to murder his client. And it was Alan who convinced his client to abandon the security of his private train and take a public train instead. A public train that would arrive in Baltimore a few hours before eight would be assassins would be waiting to kill him. But on the downside, this particular public train was filled with a hornet's nest of political enemies, informants, and God knows how many other firebrands, like Cypriano Ferrandini, self-described patriots who would love to stop.

the man in Kate's care from reaching his final destination. And so, Alan had called on Kate to get the most hated man in America and the most recognizable in and out of Baltimore without being noticed. And she did. It was Kate who instructed the man in her care to impersonate an invalid as she pretended to be his nurse. and it was Kate's sleepless night aboard that train, as she jealously guarded the man in her care

that inspired Alan to adopt the motto that still defines his detective agency. We never sleep. Today, it's hard to say what America would look like if Alan's most famous client had been assassinated in Baltimore, as he very nearly was. But, thanks to America's first female detective, and the man who had the good sense to hire her, we'll never know.

Because together, Kate Warren and Alan Pinkerton got their client in and out of Baltimore unscathed and on to his final destination in Washington, where he took the oath of office on March 4, 1861, and became the president our country so desperately needed. A president who would ultimately, die from an assassin's bullet, but not before he ended slavery, won the Civil War, and kept the United States.

Not a bad legacy for the president who pretended to be an invalid, a president named Abraham Lincoln. Anyway, that's the way I heard it. When you leave a review, which we hope that you'll do, tell us who you are. And before you go, won't you leave five stars? The ocean delights us. Some marvel at the colorful world below the surface. The ocean feeds us. Others find nourishment in its bounty.

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