The Way I Heard It with Mike Rowe - 333: Chuck Klausmeyer—The Lady Who Puts Them in Me Will Be Thrilled

Episode Date: July 18, 2023

For Chuck's milestone birthday, Mike questions him about the Pageant of the Masters, his frequent hobbies, and the reason he has pellets in his ass.   

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It's filled with super useful information. And again, it's free at netsuite.com slash mic. That's net sweet.com. My God, you look like you mugged Don Ho coming back from a drunken luau. All this missing is the ukulele. Oh, friends, if you're not watching the video, let me just paint a picture for you. It's Chuck sitting here in a button-down shirt. He's got some sort of collar on it, but it appears to be covered with a floral design.

There's fuchsia. There's yellow. There's white. It's just an explosion of color on this, the occasion of your birth. Yes, Mike, that is true. It actually is, it's less floral and more fruity, if you'll forgive me. But what color did you call this? I said, I went with fuchsia.

Yeah. Fuchsia, yeah. I would say that's pink. If you'd notice, it's in the shape of a grapefruit, and this is an orange, this is a lemon, and that's a lime. So it's really just a citrus shirt in the Hawaiian sort of motif. Isn't it interesting? You know, we have a lot in common, but we don't have everything in common. Yes. And by way of comparison, I'm wearing what I like to call a black pullover. And that's all there is to it. really. It's black. Yeah, yeah, you nailed it. I think you've really described it. Yeah, I would say maybe you could have said long sleeve pull over, black long sleeve pullover. And then you know everything. I could have been, but I've pushed the sleeves up. Sure. Right? See the, okay, you're right.

I'm wearing a long sleeve black crew neck pullover, but I've pushed the sleeves up. Ask me why I'm wearing black. Why you're wearing black? Because I'm mourning. Ask me why I'm mourning. Are you mourning for your life like Sasha in the play The Seagull by Anton Chekhov? It's my favorite line. Why do you always wear black? I'm in mourning for my life. They say it was a comedy. Anyway, why are you mourning?

Two reasons. First of all, you are 60 years old. And I realize, as anyone who has ever been 60 that you know, you're technically not middle-aged. You're closer to death than ever. you're older than you've ever been. What? I'm not going to live to be 120? You know, I hope you do. I really do. And I hope I'm around to give you a reasonable amount of grief if in fact you make it that far.

Because I'll still be a year and a half ahead of you, no matter how you slice it. I'll still be wearing black. You'll still be wrapped in something citrusy. But the second reason I'm wearing black is because, full disclosure, I'm not wearing any pants. I'm sitting here in my underwear. What do we need to know that? No, well, actually, I think you do. I'm trying to paint a picture.

I realize we're in an audio medium or media, you know, for a lot of people. And I'm not going pantless to celebrate the anniversary of your birth. I'm pantless because I threw my back out a couple of weeks ago. And it's gone in and out of alignment. And it's currently out. I'm new to this. I haven't had this kind of pain in my lower back. the whole thing down there feels like just a bag of broken glass.

So I'm sitting here on a heating pad turned up to high. And it's in the small of my back and my butt, basically. And it feels pretty good. I've also taken a handful of Advil. And by Advil, I mean two. I think you mean by handful, I mean two. What did I say? Two does not equal.

You said, and by Advil, I mean two. I've taken a handful of Advil, and by Advil, I mean two. No. Good Lord. So it's your birthday. What do you want to talk about? This is your gift, by the way. It's a podcast dedicated to you.

I'll talk about anything you want. We'll do whatever it is you want to do. And it's convenient, too, because we don't have an actual guest lined up. So maybe, you know, the stars have truly aligned. So if you want to give me a gift, stop telling people that we don't have a guest lined up. Because as a producer, it would be able to. your job to line up a guest? We did have a guest lined up. It just happened to be me. Okay. Happy birthday. Thank you very much, Mike. What will you do to celebrate? Pray tell.

Well, I am in Laguna Beach at Mary's little place, and I will be going tonight to see Pagent of the Masters, which I first saw you do on somebody's got to do it. And I oversaw. Oversy. saw the editing of the cut down of that piece so that it could go on TBN as an episode if somebody's got to do it. And eventually, I don't think it's gone up yet on YouTube, but eventually it will. And the pageant of the masters, I found incredibly fascinating. I saw it on Arrested Development. They had an episode where the cast of Arrested Development did the pageant of the Masters. And I thought that was a joke. It can't be a real thing. But it turns out it is a real thing that people dress up. It's called tableau vivant, I think.

Tablo vivantes. Yep. Yes. Which is... It's French. French for something, pictures. Tableau, frozen... Living pictures, that's what it is.

No, living. Living pictures. Right. Yes, because if anybody's not familiar with this, basically they recreate famous works of art using human beings. And these people hold the pose for 90 seconds so that it looks like you're looking at the actual painting. And this is the third year in a row.

come to see it because I find it really, really fascinating. It's like a magic trick. And I brought binoculars this year so I can see it. Is it because you truly love it or is it just another one of the many things over the last 60 years that you've noticed glommed onto and then formed an obsession around? Is there a difference? I mean, yeah. Some of your obsessions are actually rooted in genuine art and something that I think speaking as, albeit somewhat subjectively, are understandable to a lot of people. But many of your other affectations, it seems, you get very passionate about things, in other words.

You see a thing, you dive in, you get all into it. That's true. And then, you know, right? I played hockey for a long time. Right? Yes. That was a big obsession. All hockey, you got into it.

Like, there was nothing in your life that was hockey related. And then you went to a game. And then you started buying equipment. And then you started strapping on rollerblades. And then you just started risking your life every weekend. And then I started losing teeth and getting cuts over my eye and stuff. Yeah. Right.

You're just one of those guys that can go from blank slate, don't care, never thought about it, to where do I sign up? Where's my face mask? I'm all the way in. You know, you currently still have, you know, a dozen pellets in your ass that you've decided to insert there for reasons I'm sure we'll discuss. And I've got questions about how that worked and whether you're going to spend the rest of your life having pellets put into your ass. You know, people want to know, we've discussed it here and so forth.

But sticking with pageant for a moment. All right. Let me just say that I personally, I get it. In fact, I didn't see it on arrested development. I just heard about it randomly from a couple of different people. And as a guy who did his time in the opera, the idea that 500 volunteers down in Southern California come together every year to bring dozens and dozens

of famous works of art to life by holding still, by freezing on the stage for 90 seconds while an orchestra plays and a narrator connects that tableau vivant to the next in the service of a larger story. It's beautiful. Yes. It's beautiful. But it's also a little crazy. And it was that juxtaposition of beauty and craziness.

Weird. Weird and passionate. And that really formed the pitch for the show that I did after Dirty Jobs, which, of course, was somebody's got to do it. Yeah. And it was the first thing I wanted to do. very first idea that we wanted to dive into. And I got to play Bartholomew, right? Well, that's the interesting thing. The Last Supper. That's the only piece of art that has appeared. This festival has been

going on. I think it was like 75 years or whatever when you did it, but it's over 80 years now that it's been going on in every single year, the only painting that has been in every single adaptation because it's a new story every year is the The Last Supper, Da Vinci's Last Supper. And you did, you played Bartholomew, and it looks just like Da Vinci's painting. It's amazing to look at. It's the show closer every year and it's fantastic. I'll tell you what is amazing that you wouldn't know unless you get a chance to actually get on stage and actually become one of the players in this thing. From the audience, at least for me anyway,

watching it that first time seven or eight or nine years ago, whenever it was, I thought there must be an extraordinary light display going on. I thought there must have been a super complicated and detailed way to create that hyper-realistic experience of looking at a painting as opposed to just looking at people. I thought too, for instance, that the makeup must have been incredibly subtle and expertly applied. I'm not saying it's not expertly applied. I'm just saying that

it seemed like the pre-production to get this frozen tableau to look so real would be extraordinarily convoluted. But when you're on stage looking out at the audience, the only lights they use are light bulbs. And it's like the light bulbs you see around the perimeter of a makeup mirror, except there are a lot of them, right? So the stage is actually bathed in that kind of incadescent light you get from just a regular 60 watt bulb. It's as simple as it could be. And the makeup is not some state of the art. It's grease paint. It's grease paint. You're just literally slathered in the, you know, like this time honored basic concealer. So when you're up close, it looks so fake and so impossibly amateurish, you worry.

But when you're in the audience and you have just enough distance between you and the stage with the orchestra in between playing the hell out of some beautiful piece by Vivaldi or Rachmaninoff and you're looking at it. It looks so realistic. It's just, it's stunning. Yeah, it really is. And it fools people. A lot of people, like, look at it and don't really believe it.

And so usually every year, one of the paintings, they'll break character. Or, like, the first time I saw it, they showed you how they did it. Like, four people came out and they got it, you know, this was a painting of a very famous painting of a boat and everybody's leaning back, you know, a sailboat. And so they, you know, these people get on. And, like, they use kids as adults. You know, you'll see kids walking around backstage as you did with mustaches because they're put in the background of the photo, but they're really just standing next to an adult. But it looks like with the perspective, it looks like they're further away. Forced perspective. Yeah.

But the crazy thing about, what was I going to say? This is what happens when I'm 60. I need more pellets. You need more pellets in your ass. Yeah. Well, you were saying how incredibly real and how from the audience people don't believe. People don't believe it. Like you took Alex, right? Alex Epstein. That's what I was going to say. You got me right back on track. Alex Epstein, the guy who wrote fossil fuels. He came with me. Fossil fuel future. Fossil future. Fossil future. And he was sitting there and he was sitting next to, I believe, his fiancee at the time. And he kept turning to her and going, you know, I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get it. And she's like, why are we looking at paintings? Right. And she's like, and she's like, like, those are people. And he's like, no, no. I could hear them having this conversation,

you know. And then there was a picture of a, someone on, what do you call it, when you're behind the boat, she's skiing. Jet. No, this water skiing, not jet skiing, water skiing, right? Yes. So you see this woman and she's holding the bar jet skiing and it's a painting and she's got her arms out in front of her and they've been as still as can be for this whole time. And then all of a sudden she just waves, takes their hand off and just waves to the audience. And he jumped out of the seat. Yeah, it just totally shook him. And then he was like, oh, I get it. It's a magic trick. And I was like, that's exactly what it is. That's what appeals to me about it, is that it's fooling your eyes. Well, it's a magic trick, but you know how they do it. But nevertheless, you watch with your mouth open.

because it's not about the reveal or what are the magicians call it, the prestige, right? It's not about that, yeah, it's not like how did they do that. You know how they do it. They walk out and they hold perfectly still for 90 seconds. It's so basic. And yet, you're right, this has been going on for 80 years. It's down in Orange County, in Laguna, a little really started as an art festival, and it still is that. But they sell out every night.

Hundreds of people come from all over to watch this. So call it a public service announcement. But if you're in California, check it out. I mean, it's not Broadway. It's not community theater. It's not a concert. But it's all of that. And you won't be able to go backstage.

But I did with our cameras. And, man, it is a city. It's hundreds of people, hundreds of costume changes going on. in real time. It's like a duck, right? You look at a duck just cruising across the lake and it's almost like a statue, stationary, so casual. But under the water, yes, it's all going on. battling like hell. Yeah. Amazing. Do do do do do do do do do do. Dumb. Well, people are still raving, raving, I tell you, about my mother's performance in the latest Pure Talk commercial. and if you haven't seen it, I encourage you to give it a look on my Facebook page

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for just 3499 a month at puretalk.com slash row. You can switch in as little as 10 minutes at puretalk.com slash row. Pure Talk. So I'm looking forward to that tonight. And then I'm down here with some of my disc golf buddies and they're out disgolfing today while we're doing this and I'll do that again tomorrow. Yeah, that's kind of turned into one. It's a weekly obsession. I do it once a week,

twice if I'm lucky, but usually once a week and just love it. Too much fun. You really are interesting, man. You know, there's so many things in your life that burns so hot. I guess I'm the same way to a certain degree, but you're a hobbyist at heart. I think more than I am, right? Yeah, I would say. We're different that way, but when you latch on to something, it is fun to watch because I'm never sure how far you're going to take it. What's something that I latched on to that went away?

Barbershop. That's so true. Although it didn't go away entirely. Some things are sublime. Some things are ridiculous. Some things come and go. I mean, the thing I like about you most is that you have strongly held beliefs about a lot of things, but you've changed your mind over the years in some pretty fundamental ways.

You know? Your relationship with church, for instance, your relationship with politics. You've actually changed your mind and you do it because, at least it sure looks like it, because you think about it and because you kick the tires. And because you try ideas on in much the same way, you must have tried on that hideous shirt and looked in the mirror and suddenly said, yeah, you know what? I'm going to wear that.

Oh, yeah. I'm going to wear a fruity shirt, man. Yeah. Curloined from a luau. So, and look, you're very young at heart. It's so funny to see you in the office interacting with interns. And really, I mean, I only hire women. People should know that.

Very, very few men in my organization. Surrounded in a sea of estrogen every day. Yeah. I like women. I like women better than men by and large. You know, I like to be around them. I like the old ones. I like the young ones.

We got some old ones in the office. We got some young interns. You can't, don't. No, man. You can't say that. But we've also got you. And you're right? come in there and, you know, full disclosure, I don't know if I ever told you this, but there

was a time when Mary and I were like, well, what, what's he do exactly? Like, what are the list of duties for Chuck to do? Right. Right. And honestly, I think Mary said, he's like, you know what? He's entertaining. What do you mean he's entertaining? He's just, he's just good to have a round, you know, the interns call him Uncle Chuck and, you know, it gives Jade somebody to boss around. You know, and then every now and then he'll come up with like a really great idea. But mostly, you know, he's entertaining. The phrase they use is the captain of culture around the office. Captain of culture.

And let me just say this, Mike, that every day that I walk into the office for the days that I'm, you know, fortunate enough to go in, I open the door and raise my arms triumphantly and go, all right, I'm here. And everybody turns and looks and that's it. And they giggle and, you know, we go about our day. Well, let me ask you something. Do you think we've talked for years about, you know, bringing in more interns, especially on the foundation side. There's just so much to do.

Yeah. Are they keeping you young or are you helping them grow up? I don't know. That's a very good question. I can tell you that I think it's really important. As a person who was around older people when I was younger, I think it's important. I think it's the most important thing you can do.

for children. Like the idea of like, oh, the kids are in the other room and it's like, no, you know, bring the kids in here and let them be around adults. Sure, you may hear a naughty word every now and then, but you're also going to understand so much more about life. By me hanging out with my grandparents a lot who were way older than me, it helped me in so many ways. It helped me mature, but also stay young because my grandfather was like this. This is a shirt my grandfather would like to wear. And, you know, every Christmas he was. would take the bows off the gifts and just stick them on his bald head, you know, until he had like a, it's like he was wearing a wig of ribbon by the end, you know.

You know, he was a pip, you know, he was the life of the party. And I just think, for instance, on this trip right now, one of the guys I'm down here with, you know, and who I play disc golf with every week, he brought his 12-year-old son. Now, his 12-year-old son is going to go watch the pageant of the masters and he's going to be freaked out by it. It's going to be really weird and fun. I brought binoculars so we can see, you know, how the sausage is made with the binoculars. But this kid is, like, I've seen a difference in this kid in terms of maturity, but also sense of humor. Like, he laughs at all my jokes, which I know is not a sign of great intelligence, but.

Respect anyway. Absolutely respect. And I always like, thanks for the laugh, Jonah. Good one. Yeah. Okay. I think it's a little bit of both. I get the youth from them. They get the, I don't know what, the goofiness and the good ideas from time to time from me. Well, yeah, I mean selfishly, it's like I'm glad you're there because I'm not a lot. And there's so much I need to learn.

And I'm very aware that old dogs new tricks, you know, that's really a thing. You know, and not having any kids myself. how do I get a look into whatever is new and exciting in the world of, like in the digital world, in social media, in pop culture, in music? Mary's got three kids and I can see how they keep her forever young. I mean, she just knows, like there's a whole other compendium of knowledge and information that she has a pick line straight in, too. And I don't know what she's talking about half the time, you know, but she and her girls are...

Well, let me just say, Mike, that's totes adorbs, as the interns would say. Just because an intern says a thing, and just because you're aware of it... Doesn't mean I should use it? You know, that doesn't mean that you want to use it in public. Right. It's like the shirt. Having it in your closet is one thing. Breaking it out on a special occasion like this, fine. But, you know, you should know, obviously.

it's in your DNA. You're one click away from sticking ribbons on Christmas all over your head just like your pop. Now, would that be a bad thing? No, but it's a choice, right? It's a constant choice. Because the next thing you know,

you might be on stage in Laguna, holding perfectly still for 90 seconds with hundreds of other people who have learned that doing that, that holding still while somebody slathers you in grease paint, and while you sit there bathed in the incadescent glow of regular old light bulbs, that there's meaning and purpose and community and connection and history and art. It's such an interesting thing. And I don't want people to think I'm giving you crap because I think your obsession with hobbies. Darts. Remember we went through

the dart phase. Yeah, big on darts for a long time. And now gone. And then haven't thrown one in years. And then you weren't. Decades. So the reason if we could put a bow on this, as it were, in much the same way your grandfather put a bow on himself, it's like pageant is a good thing to talk about on the occasion of your 60th anniversary of your birth, because it will keep you young, just like horseshoes or botchy ball right now is keeping my nine. 90-year-old dad younger than he really is. Like writing is keeping my mom axe-throwing. Whatever it is, you know, it's wise, I think, to find something in your life that makes it

okay to put on a silly-looking shirt or hold perfectly still. Well, I just want to say one thing about that, that is good, I think, and you know this from experience, the disc golf thing. I mean, pretty much this job is a seven-day-a-week job, right? there's something to do every single day. There just is. On Saturdays, though, I get up extra early and I'm at the park at 715, 7.30. Did your ice just melt? My ice melted underneath this. My computer just slipped off its perch. Now I'm leaning forward. Which is killing your back. My ass hurts so bad. My back is killing me. I'm sitting on a heating. I got heat. I got heat.

Under my ass, I got ice under my computer. Everything is either melting or sweating as I'm listening to you try and make a point. I was saying that I get to the park 715, 730, and I silence my phone. As you know, you've called me many times during the day. And it's like just a time that I've carved out early Saturday morning where I'm just not going to think about work. I'm just going to think about the next shot. And I'm telling you, it is therapeutic. Like you wouldn't believe because it's very simple.

Of course I'd believe. There's a community because I'm there with other people. We talk about whatever. We rarely talk about work. We talk about what's going on. And we talk about disc golf. And it's a walk in a beautiful park. And it's therapeutic.

Yeah, that's it. Then let's leave it at that. No, I can't tell me what to do, Chuck. Yes. Yes, and. Yes. And, right? Number one rule of improv, for God's sakes.

You know, let's leave it at that is not a way to keep the conversation going. You know what I heard the other day that I thought was great advice, apropos of nothing. I'm going to pass this on as a gift to you on your birthday. I heard Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of South Park. I think they went back to their alma mater. and they were doing like a guest lecture for a room full of writers. I just told this to my mom a couple hours ago when I was lying on my sofa with my feet up in the air on a different heating pad in abject misery.

It's a great time to talk to your folks, by the way, when you're otherwise immobilized. And we were talking about writing. And I said, these two guys who personally, I don't know what you think about South Park, folks, I think it's maybe the greatest satire of the 21st century. I really do. I mean, I think the Babylon B is doing great stuff too, but nobody. Those two guys, Trey, I think in particular probably, is going to be remembered as just truly great satirists.

Anyhow, the advice was this. They said, every script we've ever botched up, every story we've ever tried to tell that fell flat or that didn't feel right, always came down to one fundamental mistake. when you're telling a story, said Trey, you don't want to say, and then that happened. Because on the heels of telling somebody or showing somebody, which of course is a better way to do it, what's happening in the plot or the narrative, the most tempting thing in the world is to say, and then, and then you tell them the next thing that happened. But he said, that's a great way to make sense of the chronology in your mind.

But it's a terrible way to tell a story. What you want to do after you tell somebody what happened is use one of two words. The first is therefore. The second is but. And so it forces you, it forces you to think about why you just told your audience, whatever it is you told them, as opposed to simply telling them the next thing and creating some kind of list. or some sort of chronology. And they went on to say that all bad writing and all bad storytelling comes down to the writer

or the storyteller's inclination to just keep telling you things that happened without telling you what it led to, a therefore or a but where you can learn something maybe about yourself. And then what did they say? Just throwing it out there. Therefore, you're fired. Okay, now we got to agree. But I'm, but I'm going to hire you back. Oh, wow.

Nice. Excellent. And then you decided to put on a sensible shirt. But as a result, the ratings for the podcast dipped. Because as it turns out, people enjoyed seeing your suspects' artorial choices. Therefore. Therefore, your closet is now full of disappointing garments. Right?

You've got this thing that forces you to keep adding to the story, but not in a linear way. Those guys are very smart and ahead of their times, you know. Like the Simpsons used to do that as well. You know, every now and then, you know, something happens today and they go back 15 years and show you an episode of The Simpsons where they nailed it. I wish I could think of an example. but the South Park did a whole show called Simpsons did it. Right. Right. So everything, it was very, very meta, but everything that happened to the kids in the show happened to Bart or Lisa or the scenario had already been done by Matt Cronick. So it's like Simpsons did it.

Right. Damn it. So you have to move on to the next thing. But here's the big difference between the Simpsons and South Park. There's probably a way to tie this back into Pagent of the Masters too. I'll work on that. You think, about it as I'm talking. But the average episode on The Simpsons, which I think we can all agree was brilliant, took over a year to storyboard and ultimately get it from the script to the screen. Sometimes 18 months. They shot that cartoon just like you would basically shoot a movie. And it took an extraordinary amount of time. South Park? Six days. And they made a movie about it. Yeah. That's the difference. It's a huge difference. Yeah. That's right. And it's a great thing to watch, by the way. It's called six days to produce. Six days to air, isn't it?

I call it six days to air because I wanted to rip off that documentary and show the making of dirty jobs or somebody's got to do it and start from nothing and get it on the air in six days. But Google it if you got that technology. It's six days to something, but I think it's six days to produce. Maybe it is six days to air. I don't know. It's coming up. Oh, then that's probably what it is. Yeah, six days to air. The Making of South Park, 2011 American Documentary, television film directed by Arthur Bradford, details the production process of the American Adults.

It's great. It's wonderful. Those guys are super creative. And honest, right? So without giving anything away, because there's nothing to give away, you're basically in the writer's room for six days watching these guys start with a blank board and winding up with one of the most controversial

you'll half hours to ever air on Comedy Central. Part of the thing is, how do we get this notion of the human centipede past standards and practices and on the air? And they do it. It's great. What I love most is they're coming back from New York. They've been up all night. They've been partying their brains out.

They just won the Tony for the Book of Mormon. Which is great. I mean, unbelievable. Which is also great, equally great. maybe superior to the series itself. And the most fascinating thing about that is that Mormons come from all over the world to see that show. Mormons. Mormons love it.

Right. And that to me is really great. I mean, first of all, that says something really great about Mormons is that they can laugh at themselves. If you cannot laugh at yourself, then you're doing life wrong, in my opinion, with as little judgment as I like. Well, spoken like a guy with a shirt like that. Yeah, that's easy to say. But look, I agree. You can really find the scolds in any vertical.

Like, I think Jesus Christ Superstar was an amazing musical. Yes. That ultimately lifted up the scriptures. Definitely. I'd say the same about God's spell. Yep. I would even go so far as to say the same about the life of Brian. Yes.

Also, amazing satire. Yes. Right? So you've got this giant. Christian community who was riven with debate about whether or not those three ideas, those three stories were either appropriate, inappropriate, sacrilegious, blasphemous, or worthy of great veneration and praise. So I think that debate is great. I think the book of Mormon broke some eggs, but to your point, I think it's wonderful that Mormons who are in on the

joke, right, who are willing to do a little navel gazing, a little self-reflection, come from all over the world, which, you know, means Salt Lake City. Oh, there are other parts of Utah and Arizona, Mike, let's not be. So specific. Under the banner of heaven, where there's a book for you, as opposed, dare I say, to other giant religions in the world. What is wrong with a faith that simply can't look at and digest artistic criticism of itself?

What is that? Charlie Hebdo, that nightmare, that disaster. So, you know, that's the world we're in, right? There are people who are open to speaking the truth to their own tribe, there are people who are open to, if not lampooning, at least coming at what they believe in a different way. And that's how I want to land the plane with Pagina of the Masters. What a fascinating way. There are a lot of people involved with the musical Jesus Christ Superstar who really and truly did want to elevate the gospel by being involved, including the leads. I've heard them all

interviewed. I believe them. I think they believe they were doing God's work in bringing that production to life. So maybe it's a bit of a stretch. But if you're a real fan of art or history or music and you want to take your passion for those things and share them with the masses, what do you do? Do you lecture them on why they should be more interested than they? they are in the master works? Do you force them to eat their peas? Or do you create something like the pageant of the masters? Where through the simple act of holding still for 90 seconds, you celebrate all three of those things.

That's what's cool about art and history and maybe even religion. Because to really land the plane on that topic, what is the last supper? for quite possibly the greatest work of art by Leonardo da Vinci that celebrates the very thing we're talking about right now in a way that once upon a time a lot of people would have found blasphemous. Do do do do do do do do do do do do dumb. I love stories like this. Seven years ago, a guy named Ben Still was a musician.

He had zero interest in running a food company, but he was annoyed that so much important meat was being deceptively marketed and labeled as domestic and decided to fix the problem. The result was a company called Good Ranchers. It's a completely honest, totally transparent meat company that deals directly with American farms and ranches and promises to deliver high-quality American-grown meat for a fair price. Today, that promise. And Ben's absolute determination to keep it has not only propelled Good Ranchers into the top tier of meat delivery companies, it's fueled enormous awareness among meat eaters like me, that we have all been affirmatively deceived by policies that allow imported me to be marketed as domestic. That's the reason I switch

to good ranchers. If I'm being honest, though, I doubt that I would have stayed this long had the quality not been so exceptional. Every single cut I've devoured from good ranchers has been straight up delicious and every morsel was raised on a small American farm or ranch. Give them a try. Subscriptions are affordable and flexible. In fact, if you start your plan today, you'll get free meat for life and $40 off your first order. Just use code mic at good ranchers.com. Free meat for life, 40 bucks off your first order. Good ranchers.com. American meat delivered. If you could eat a steer, if you could eat a cow, don't take a chance on a foreign ranch. Get good ranchers now. Yeah, and it's still controversial that work of art. You know, if you read the Da Vinci Code, you know, a lot of people look at that and say, that's Mary sitting next to Jesus.

That's not whoever they say it is. And, you know, you look at it and you go, well, it could be. Could be. I don't know. You can take a deep dive and all of that stuff. And by the way, you know, I've got people in my own family going back a generation anyway who would say, what? You impersonated?

Bartholomew in a sacred painting? No, Mike, not cool. So where do you draw the line? How do you know what shirt to put on? How do you know how far to go? Sometimes you don't know you cross the line until you put a foot over it, right? Indeed. Turning a corner, you know, you asked me on an episode with your mom, a coffee with your mom,

about the pellets that I got. And if people don't know, it's basically called a hormone replacement. treatment therapy. As it turns out, my testosterone level was a little low and wearing the shirt, right? No, literally, it was like below, it was way below normal. I think it was like under 300. My sister, Terry, said, Chuck, you're practically a girl. And I was like, well, thanks, Ter, you know. I'm sure you met that in the nicest way. But anyway, I read this book by a guy named Gary Donvitz. and it was called testosterone matters more. It was about, you know, just that as we get older,

we lose our testosterone and replacing it can be extremely beneficial. It can have all sorts of positive effects. The one that I had heard about that attracted me the most was it could clear up brain fog so that I'm going, oh, what was that? What was that? So anyway, I got the thing. I got it done.

And my testosterone went from under 300 to, to over 1,400. So, but I didn't have any of the negative, you know, no negative side effects in that like maybe losing hair or being really angry. None of that happened. You have been a, you've been a little more impatient, I've noticed. Shut up. Come on, no.

A little more argumentative. I have not. Oh, I see what you did. Anyway, I don't know. I think I'm always argumentative with you, aren't I? Haven't I always been? Always, dude. Always, but yes, but never as much now.

So I'm doing it more now than ever before. Never as much as now. I would say that in your sincere efforts not to become a yes man and simply rubber stamp your enthusiastic approval on whatever hairbrained idea I might have, you've taken the position that your default position with me should be no. No, I haven't. You are the devil's advocate. No, I'm not.

If you haven't heard the argument clinic from Monty Python, jot it down, folks. And if you're keeping track, look, you need to see Pagina of the Masters. You need to rewatch Life of Brian. You ought to listen to Jesus Christ Superstar as a result of listening to this podcast. You should put on a silly shirt, and you should absolutely positively imagine the difference between Chuck Klausmeier with a low-tee, under 300 result juxtaposed with 1400 plus. And to be clear, this is not a commercial. In no way are we in business with the people that shove pellets up your ass, okay?

It's not that. But I'm just saying, as long as we're talking about it, has the obvious thing reared its ugly head, if you know what I'm saying? Stand back, ladies. I don't know how big this thing gets, that kind of thing. Hang a wet towel every morning. You mean like a washcloth or a beach towel? People want to know. Let's just leave it.

Let's just leave it there. You go from 300 to 1400. Yeah, some's got to give. Okay. Well, ladies, you heard it here. He's a snappy dresser. He likes to watch people hold perfectly still for 90 seconds at a time. And if you've got a wet beach towel lying around,

well, he's got just the place to hang it. Oh, geez. But what do you think? I mean, like with the brain fog, with the ability to focus with, you know. If you recall, when we went to Oklahoma to work on the story behind the story, I asked you after that. It was two days of intense storytelling, obviously.

I think we did, you know, when I say we, I mean, really, you read like 40 stories back to back to back. And I was rewriting too. I don't remember being that exhausted after an activity a long time, not professional. And after that was over with, I asked you, because that was about 30 days after I had the pellets inserted. And I asked you, I said, you know me and how I have brain fog. And do you think that when we were in Oklahoma, it was more, less, or about the same? And you said, I think it was less.

And I took that as an encouraging sign because I felt it was too. Did you mean that or were you just being nice? Yeah. No, I do because, no, I was being honest. I mean, look, I'm a little skeptical of just the sentence. You know, I'm having some pellets inserted into my ass. You know, my antenna go up and right. I don't want to immediately rubber stamp this kind of thing because I think there's a lot of snake oil out there.

And I think people need to be very, very skeptical about all sorts of medical claims. But look, I got a year and a half on you. And don't think for a minute. I haven't had my testosterone tested. And partly because I don't really want to know. But, you know, a lot of people, it's inevitable. And you can either fight back or you can go gentle into that good night. And I say fight back.

So I was glad that you did it. We should make the point, too, when we talk about pellets being inserted in your butt, it's injected under the skin. Thank you. Yes. It's not up the poop shoot. Yeah. People should know.

Subcutaneous. Subcutaneous insertion. And do the pellets like slowly dissolve over time and do you need to reintroduce them later? And what's the protocol? Yes. It's for men, it's about every four to six months. And for women, it's every three months. Because women get this too.

That's how it started. My sister's boss and dear friend, Margie, when I first mentioned this, I said, well, you know, the lady who put them in me. And she said, Margie called me up and said, you referred to me as the lady who put them in me. I just thought that was, you should know. So I've got that, you know, I can put that on my business card now. But she had taken them and she was doing great. It helped her tremendously.

So my sister started taking them. My sister had incredibly positive results from it. I read the book. I, you know, it took, I knew about it for like two years before I actually did it. So I saw enough evidence. that I said, you know what, I'm going to give this a shot, because it all made sense to me. It made more sense than the creams. It made more sense than the injections.

And I thought, well, this is good because I hate taking pills. I hate like just every day doing something. I always forget. And so this was great. It's like you put it in and then you don't have to worry about it for four months. I always forget. I always forget to take my memory pills. How much of it is, I mean, between brain falls.

and say libido. Why do most people do it? And is there a libido thing involved with the women who take this? Tremendously. Yes. Yes. Really? I just, I know more about my sister now than I really care to.

Yes. Let's just, you know, John is, I shouldn't even say anything. Yeah, he's busy. He's busy. Very busy. Yeah. Yeah. He's busy.

Good. Good. He's busy. No time for disc golf for John. You know what? John is playing. disc golf. He's making time. I'm going to see him next month and we're going to play. But I introduced him to it and he just glommed on to it. Bought discs and a bag and everything. He's watching

videos. He's 74. Interesting. So are you going to do it again? What's the bottom line? I'm definitely going to do it again. I'm looking forward to it. I feel like I'm due at the end of this month. So I'm going to do it again at the end of this month and hopefully I'll be good again for another four months. I definitely feel a difference. Just to have the energy to go and play disc golf the way I have been. And you know, I joined that Orange Theory fitness because Mary loved it so much. And she was like, you got to try this. I went and did it with Mary.

And I'm like, you know what? This is really cool. And I feel like it makes me stronger. And I know it's good for my health. And so I feel like I'm doing more stuff now. I'm sleeping well and I'm exercising more. here's the other thing that I really noticed that wasn't like a proposed benefit. No one said, oh, this is what you'll get out of this. But I just noticed a difference in it. And that was

that I handled stress a lot better. And you know I have a nervous energy about me, right? I'm kind of like who has nervous energy. The guy on the Bob Newhart show, his buddy, you know, he was always like this. I can't remember his name. Let me make it simpler. Imagine a room with a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Now, imagine a moth is in the room. And the moth is attracted to the light, but not in a way that it's just simply going to sit there and look at the light. It's going to flitter around it and around it and around it.

And when you get jacked up, dude. Am I the light bulb or the moth? When you get, you are not the light bulb. You are the moth. Like when we used to get a whiteboard and we'd be. be brainstorming. Maybe it was story ideas for the way I heard it. Maybe it was, you know, I've been in a writer's room type situation with you countless times. You can't sit still. You pace back and forth. You pace and you pace and you always have something in your hands.

Sometimes you'll have some Nicorette in your mouth. You're chewing. You're fondling, whatever it is in your hand. Over at the office, back in the area where I kind of live when I go down there, we have these exposed iron beams in the ceiling. And on each beam, there's this little ridge, right? So if you jumped up, you could grab onto the ridge and just kind of dangle there if you were so inclined. Or if you're Chuck, what you would do is you'd take one of these little yellow hard hats that are made out of a squishy foam like a stress reliever. And you would just in the shape of a hard hat. and you would toss it up trying to get it landed perfectly on that little tiny outcropping.

And so the combination of obsessive-compulsive behavior with the nervous energy of trying to come up with a creative solution to a writing problem, which, as we've established, does not involve saying, and then, but rather, therefore or but you become a study in perpetual motion. I've learned just to accept that. That's just kind of how you process the world that you're in. If these pellets in your ass have made that less of a thing, then I would like to pay for the next five rounds and get whatever extra surplus supply of pellets might be lying around shoved up there with all due speed.

All right. Great. Yeah. I definitely feel that that it's, it doesn't feel like nervous energy. to me it feels like getting your creative juices flowing is to stay in motion. A body in motion stays in motion, that kind of thing. But I'm saying that what's it cost, by the way? What's it cost to do this? I don't know exactly. Give me a rough idea because I have an idea. Maybe $3 to $400 every injection time. And then there's also a supplement that you take to help. It's called Dim, D-I-M, which stands for something I can't pronounce. I can't remember how do you pronounce it? But they recommend that you take that supplement with it.

I have to talk to their marketing people because who's ever in charge of acronyms over there. I might suggest that a breakthrough, a medical breakthrough designed to eliminate brainfall might not be called dim. That is a fair point. Can't you come up with something? I mean, surely bright. You could probably find something that's, yeah. Anyway, because it's your 60th.

birthday because I love the idea of you being a bit more focused and maybe not pacing around so much or arguing with me about every little damn thing or maybe even just choosing a shirt like that, you know, for all those reasons. I'd please accept a gift from me. Let me get your next round of pellets to be shoved up your ass over the next couple of weeks with my compliments. That's very kind of you, Mike. Thank you. Please. Thank you. Thank you so much. Yes. The lady who puts you them in me will be thrilled do me a favor and jot that down i think it might be our title for this episode the lady who puts them in me will be thrilled episode number what is this three folks what you've just listened to might not be the best episode of the way i heard it ever but it's certainly one of my favorites

It's called The Lady Who Puts Them In Me Will Be Thrilled. And it's a tribute to your friend and mine, my best pal, Chuck Klaus Meyer, former producer of the way I heard it, who I miss terribly. Hey, what are you doing later this week by any chance? Just working, I reckon. I wonder if it makes sense for you to come up here for a visit. You haven't been up here in a while. Now, I got to leave on Friday. I'm going up to Portland.

I got a speech in Portland. And then I've got another one in Milwaukee. And then I've got another one in Scottsdale. It's going to be another crazy week. And I've got to, if my back isn't better, never mind. You can't come. You can't be ruckin, man. You can't be ruckin with a bad back.

No, I can't ruck. Right now I can't walk. I got to tell you, the heat feels pretty good. The Aleve seems to be kicking in. I am going to tape some ginger root to the area just to see if that works. I read read that it does, but what a time, man. Here we are older than we've ever been. I'm strapping ginger root to a bad back and you've got pellets gone up.

The pellets in my ass. Going up the ass. I can't help, but I'm sorry I'm not down there with you, buddy. Say hey to the gang. Have a ball at Pagint of the Masters. Set aside 90 seconds for yourself and hold absolutely still. I'm going to do that as soon as I hit stop. Thank you, brother.

I really appreciate it. You're welcome. These orange lights. on my microphone. Yeah. They're normally yellowed. You know what it means when they're orange?

By any chance? That's the setting for your headphones, which would be plugged in. So if you just push the thing that looks like a headphone and a microphone, they'll turn back to green. Full disclosure, that was a test. I knew the answer.

I just wanted to see if those pellets in the butt were working. It sure seems like they are. I passed. Many happy returns. All right, friends. We'll catch you on the next one. Adios.

If you leave some. If you leave some stars, could you make it five? And before you go, could you please subscribe? If you leave some stars, could you make it five? And before you go, could you please subscribe? If you leave some stars, could you make it five? And before you go, could you please subscribe? The ocean moves us.

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