The Way I Heard It with Mike Rowe - 334: Greg GUTFELD!—Coffee Runs the World

Episode Date: July 25, 2023

The host of the #1 rated late night TV show and five-time NYT bestselling author joins TWIHI to discuss what he hates and loves, why he originally didn't want Mike on his show, how our culture has flipped, and his new book, The King of Late Night.

And here we go again with another episode of the way I heard it. This is episode number 334, and it's called Coffee Runs the World with the one and only Greg Gutfeld. I added with the one and only Chuck as you're sure. Do I need to put that in the title as well? No, don't put that into the title. That's just me editorializing as I am want to do. I can't disagree, man. Coffee runs my world.

I know it plays a big part in yours, but Greg Gutfeld drinks a lot of coffee. and a fair amount of wine. And it's fun to watch the two of those liquids vie for dominance in the conversation you're about to hear. Yeah, he was like a wound up top. You know, I mean, first of all, you know, we did it after hours for him back east. But he apparently drives an hour and a half each way,

or is driven an hour and a half each way, to New York City, to Manhattan, to do his shows. And we got him after coming back kind of late, you know, 8.30-ish Eastern time. And he's, you know, he was. two glasses of wine in on the road back, which was pretty good. And he's a lot of fun, man. It's a really fun conversation. If you don't know this guy, then you've probably never watched Fox News. He's been a staple there for years. The show that put him on the map was called

Red Eye. It was on like three in the morning. And it's such a fun story, yeah, about how that show got greenlit. And I was a guest on there 10 years ago. I wasn't a very good guest because I didn't know what I was going on. I didn't realize. what was happening, and I kind of explained that to him in our conversation. But since then, God, the guys has been all over the place. He's a regular on the five, which I think is the number one show in cable news now. And of course, he is the titular figure of the number one late night talk show called Gutfeld with an exclamation point. Good. Yeah, thank you. I didn't. I don't know why. It's a fatal flaw.

What do I normally call it? Explanation point. An explanation point. It's like people who say picture instead of picture. It's one of those things. Or ambulance. Ambulance. I want to ask Baltimore, hon.

Or the worst, supposedly. Oh, that is a good one. That is a good one. But I didn't mention this in the conversation, but I actually met Greg back in 2007 when Red Eye was brand new. And I was watching it because it came on at midnight here on the West Coast. There was a big gathering. It was outdoors.

He was there with his wife, and a bunch of people were sort of gathered around him. He was smoking a cigarette and telling a story about how in like week two he had on a musician who set his guitar on fire in the studio and almost burned down the studio. And, you know, this is all, you know, live to tape. But everybody in the cast went to a bar afterwards and he was saying that, you know, we said, well, it was nice while it lasted two weeks, whatever. But we burned down the studio. going to get fired, obviously, because we set the studio on fire. And the next day, they went into work, you know, kind of looking around and nobody said anything. And that's when he realized that no one was watching and he could do whatever he wanted. It really gave him the freedom to make that show as crazy

as it was, which has bled into Gutfeld as well. Well, and look, that's how you learn who you are in front of a camera. That's how you learn who your audience is, when you have enough room and time and not, you know, when you're not under a microscope. But look, for me, it was QVC. Three years on in the middle of the night. Yeah, I never set a guitar on fire, but I nearly burned the kitchen set down with an omelet that got out of control

on some non-stick cookware that turned out to be weirdly flammable. So, you know, we all make mistakes. We all have our stories. But the story here is this. Great Gutfeld is the king of late night. He did it. Somehow he has the number one show.

on television in late night, he's beating and has been beating consistently Jimmy Kimmel and who's the other guy? Colbert. Stephen Colbert. Fallon. Jimmy Fallon and James Gordon. And so look, here's why I wanted him on, full disclosure. He's written a great book.

It's called The King of Late Night and it's available right now. In fact, it just dropped on the day this podcast drops and I read it and I love it. But no one is talking about this. And I just find it so incredible because I was paying a lot of attention during the late-night wars between Letterman and Leno. And of course, oh, the disaster when Conan Bryan came on, Conan O'Brien and all the back and forth. And going back before that, Tom Snyder and Johnny Carson and even back back back with, you know, Jack Parr and Steve Allen. and everybody has always been hyper-focused on who has the number one show in late night at any given time. But now?

Not anymore. Not anymore. They won't even write about it. And this isn't political. Although heads up, you're going to hear some, you're going to hear the kind of political talk that happens when a couple of guys have a couple glasses of wine on the ride home and then have a conversation. But the point is never in my career in this crazy industry have I seen a story that is this historically significant be so completely unreported upon. It's fascinating. And so how this guy wound up on top of this mountain is pretty interesting.

His book is a great read. It's called The King of Late Night. And if for no other reason, just go on Amazon so you can. can look at the cover. It's actually unlike anything I've ever seen before. It's part romance novel, part pumping iron. It is pretty funny. It's worth a look. And it's very good. And he is a, I imagine that his brain just never shuts down. He can't. Because he is. Well, and because until very recently, you know, he was writing his own monologues. His life is a monologue. He's constantly writing in the back of the car.

And so sometimes it's wine, sometimes it's caffeine. But it's always writing and it's always what's next. And it's always Greg Gutfeld on a great gutfeld with an exclamation point by God. Yeah. Episode 334, coffee runs the world right after this. Shameless plug. Long before she was Peggy Rowe, my mom. was Peggy Noble, daughter of Carl and Thelma Noble. It was her father, Carl, who

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One day when the waitin is done, we'll take a drink and go. You never call. You know, I have called you. In fact, just masquerading his research, I went into my text earlier and saw that the last two texts came from me to you, and there was no response, which... You know, why? Because you were never in my address book, so it probably came, and I didn't know. It was you.

Hmm. I probably didn't know it was you because I would always respond to you. Would you? Well, yes, I would. Of course. Are you kidding? Look, I, how dare you? How dare you?

Let me start. First of all, thank you for doing this, man. I, what is it? Like 838 in your world, which means you just did what, like 30 shows today at Fox and then sat through a bunch of traffic and now you're. It's, you know what it is? This is, are we on right now? Yes, we're on. Oh, okay, cool.

So here's a really interesting thing about when we talk about people working from home versus not working. Like, I trash people who want to work from home, but I have noticed how excited I am about work after I shower and get ready. And then by the time I get to work, it's all gone. It's like it's something about the commute. And we have to address this at some point. the commute changes your mentality. So like, I love what I do. But when I, by the time I get to work from where I am,

which took me an hour and 45 minutes today to get into Manhattan, I hate everybody. I snapped on one of Jesse's producers. I mean, literally snapped because they had booked me to do a segment where all the stories that we were going to talk about were on my show. So it's like, I can't. Like, you know what I mean? Because Fox has this problem where in the summertime, everybody does the same stories.

So if you turn on one show on Fox, you get the three stories that are going to be on my show. But that's fine. But I shouldn't be the guest because then I have to repeat. Anyway, long story short, as I snapped. And then I apologize because I don't want that reputation of like getting really angry and getting people fired. I hate that reputation. Well, look, buried deep in the wisdom. and the unassailable truth of everything you just said

was a little parenthetical at the beginning that I want to circle back on. Have we started, oh, good, because this is interesting. Meaning you weren't about to do or say anything remotely interesting until or unless you were sure that it was being preserved for posterity. And I get it, dude. I absolutely understand. Yes.

It's funny because I don't think people understand that. And by the way, this sounds like moaning. but it's like I try to turn off my brain until I have to use it, but it's impossible. But I mean, I just babble and you turn on the mic and I continue babbling. And you know what? You know what turns me on? What? Mike.

Mike Roe. This is a micro aggression. And you are a macro talent. And together we have ourselves a micro and a macro and a chuck. We got a macro and a micro. I got to show you something. very funny. Oh my God, you've got to do that as a segment. What's that? This is what I was looking at right before you hopped on. Oh. So it's me on the set of Red Eye 10 years ago, almost to the day.

And I just have to apologize, brother. I didn't know who you were. I didn't know what the show was. I was at Fox. So funny. Making the rounds, right? And of course, you're not reporting it. As we do. As you do, right? Just trying to figure out. Yeah. you know, which hoop to jump through and not quite knowing if I was in Ernestville or irony town, not quite knowing, right, and just realizing about halfway through this interview, that you were doing the exact same crazy thing I was doing at QVC 10 years before that, trying to stay sane in a myasma of stuff, trying to be different, right?

And by the time I figured out really what you were doing on Red Eye, I was such a fan, and I just have felt sad ever since that I didn't do the best interview of my life because you deserved it. Oh, so this is funny because, so I have this problem of mixing, I have a lot of problems. This one is mixing people up. So when you were pitched to me,

I said immediately, I don't like that guy. I thought you were somebody else. And I go, I don't like, why do I want him on? That guy's just going to trash Fox, blah, blah, blah. I thought that you were somebody else that began with Mike. And I do this a lot. And then the person shows up and I go, that's not the guy that I, and I go, it's me. It's me.

I get so many people wrong. You know, there were people I wouldn't have on the show because I had them, I had completely screwed up who they were. And then you show up and I go, oh, wait a minute. I don't hate him at all. I know this guy. This guy's great. This guy's great.

And he's got a great voice. He's like this the whole time. I mean, my God, you probably picked up so many women just by opening your mouth micro. It's like you're like, you're like, you're like Xanax, your voice. It's just like so restful.

And it's like, I can just listen to, why don't you just do a podcast where you read bedtime stories? Just lie in bed and listen to Micro, read. Dude. You can read the phone book. Actually, you should read the phone book. read the phone book because we need...

He's done it. I could read your book. He's done it. I did read the phone book, actually. A short one. But yeah, I read it like, I don't know, maybe eight years ago, and somebody put some very soothing, like, massage, new age, music under it with a cello in the background.

They put a glass eye to sleep. I'm not the only one. This is a phenomenon that other people... But, you know, you... I mean, it's a gift. You know you have it. You're just, like, kind of like, you know what? You don't even have to say anything intelligent. My voice, however, is horrifying, so I have to, like, punctuate it with ridiculous, absurd comments. Well, I hate you. I hate what you stand for.

You didn't, but on the positive side, you didn't know it was me. I didn't know it was you. But you showed up, and I go, oh, my God, I know this guy. I'm trying to figure out who I thought you were, but I've done this with comedians a lot. Because everybody, I mean, somebody's name is Mike with an R. It could be anybody. And it was so funny because I pictured you differently, completely. And I was so absolutely wrong.

So you didn't even know who I was. And I had you pegged for the wrong person. And then you and I end up running off to Vegas for a quick wedding. They'll never take that away from us. I know, I know. I mean, we had it annulled, but it was the best three hours of my life. And we didn't even take off our calls. close. And this was before

gay marriage was allowed. I know. We were ahead of the curve. Totally. And I don't mean that literally, if you know what I mean. But anyway, it was quite a moment. And you've been on our show a lot. You've been on the five. Fox should have hired you. I kind of felt like they did for a while there. It was like stepping in dumb. I went in...

Oh, you know what? You were too expensive. I bet you were too expensive. Right? I am expensive, and I do sound like this. You should be expensive. You should be expensive. I am, but I'm not expansive. and what happened was every time with Fox, right? Yeah. So they call you. It's like the classic, just the tip, all right?

Somebody named Jennings will call me and say, hey, I understand you're going to be in New York. Could you just come by and do a quick hit maybe on, you know, on the five? And I say, sure. And the next thing I know, I'm, you know, I'm outnumbered for an hour. And then it's just back and forth. And they will take you. your day and they will... They will just squeeze you dry.

And it's like, because all of them are going like, he's in town. We can save on travel. That's it. It's like, they go like, oh my God. They go again. So all of a sudden, I have a guest book for my show. And then I look...

By the way, you know who does drive me crazy? Who I absolutely love is Vivek. This is like a year, two years ago. I get Vivek on my show. And I go, this is great. And then I look on the roster. And then I look on the TV. And he's on...

Every single show, and I go, by the time it gets to 11 o'clock, people are going to be so sick to him. That'll probably end up having to run for president. Which is why the producers over there, I mean, everything is a knife fight in a phone booth with a guest. Like you're everybody's friend, but the minute you go on, right, back in the old days, Tucker, God forbid, you pop up on Hannity, right? God forbid, God, I mean, it's... You're not supposed to. No, you're not. I mean, it depends on what's going on, like summer.

Summer means every story that you see is made up, right? Because, like, it's funny how news is manufactured, and the people that manufacture the news, when they're on vacation, you know, you're stuck doing, should men be wearing shorts at work? We discussed this in the C block. You know, and then all of a sudden, it's in every show. Should men be wearing shorts or hats at work? That's a summer story because there's nothing going on.

And even, like, big stories when they come, they're like, they still feel like, oh, we're just doing this because everybody's at their house. Yeah. They're at their house. Right. Right. Because they don't want to have their soul completely rung out of them by the aforementioned commute. And everybody's navigating this whole new thing. And it's still, it's hard to sum up. But I had dinner with Vivek last week in Memphis, actually, at Freedom Fest, where I have expected to see you pop up. Were you tempted? Have you been to that? thing before? Yeah. In fact, I think I've done Freedom Fest. Eric, I did Freedom Fest a couple times, right? I spoke there. Was that the one where they said they couldn't pay me? It sounds like Freedom Fest. No, I won't say it's Freedom Fest, but it was Libertarian. And I got to tell you this story. Can I tell this? I can tell this story. It's a couple years old. Libertarian. Latin for there'll be no money. Yeah. So the guy who was promoting it said, it was in Vegas. And he said, oh, you know,

it's going to be great. You're going to meet. many great people and we're going to go out to dinner and it's going to be so much fun. And I said, I have friends. I mean, I'm not flying to Vegas just to meet some people. And it's like, I don't think, I mean, and you know this. At a certain point in your life, if they can't improve upon the life that you're currently living, you're not going to fly to it. Like, I would rather stay home in my house by this man-made lake and relax, then, like, I'm going to have a steak dinner on the house at some, like, casino. It's like, that's not for me.

20 years ago, I would have loved it. I would have been like, wow, they're going to pay for my ticket. Maybe it might be business class. But at this point in my life, it's like, no, dude, you can't just try to charm me and say, no money. And then I just said, I'm not doing it. And then all of a sudden, all of a sudden, the wallet opened up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But when did that happen, Greg? And, like, how does it change? Is it really all of a sudden? Or is it like a slow burn frog in the boiling water where you suddenly realized that a long list of stuff that you used to fantasize about having suddenly became some sort of awful consolation prize?

The weird thing about it is, I guess, like, years ago, I probably would have envisioned. these things as being marvelous. But once they happen, you don't feel that way anymore because you have other things going on in your life. So it's like in my 20s, if I was told that this was my life, I would just want to snap my fingers and just erase the next two decades and just get there. But the thing is, you lose things while you're gaining things. And so it's, well, obviously time. I get these things, but I'm also older. I'm still good looking. And I, I'm charming, but I lost a lot. You know, I'm not the Greg that I was in my 20s or 30s.

So you lose age, but you're getting compensated by status. Right. The status increases. But when you have status, you don't know like anymore. Well, if you're insecure, if you have status, you want to get up here. And I think that's unhealthy. I'm pretty much happy with what I am. But I get more.

Okay, this is where I've become a prima donna. And I think you might feel the same way. It's about time because, okay, let's say this. I'm closer to death than I was 20 years ago. Sure. So are you. So time becomes this thing that you can actually feel. So you want, you don't wanna wait in lines because you can hear it ticking.

You can hear I'm just like, what could I be doing? Even if you were doing nothing instead, you're still hearing the ticking noise. And I think that that's the driving thing on status, for status, is eliminating delimating, delays, airports. I mean, like, okay, flying first class or business is preferable, not because it's more comfortable, but because of time and just being,

and also I can't let the population see me and coach. That would destroy them because they look up to me, Mike. They look up to me, Mike. And if they see me and coach, they're going like, what is it, what's going to happen for me if Greg's a lot of cognitive dissonance? Yes. It's a lot of process. I knew you were going to say that because

the amount of time I've spent, like, I think you could do a pretty thick, thoughtful book on what happens in the average brainstem around a boarding gate for, say, an American Airlines flight. And it's poorly marked. Their lanes kind of, right? Yeah. And of course, you've got boarding groups one, two, and three, but then you've got before that the halt and the lame and the very old and the infirmed and so forth and so on, and those in military, and those with two-year-old kids. And then you're in that status for that group one, but even that is gold and silver and platinum

and concierge key and global service and Premier Select. It's become so incredibly codified. Slivered. It's so slivered. Well, people are still raving, raving, I tell you, about my mother's performance in the latest Pure Talk. commercial, and if you haven't seen it, I encourage you to give it a look on my Facebook page and read the comments. They're hysterical. In this commercial, you'll not only see Peggy Roe gently criticizing

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I want, when is it going to be? And now for the non-binary? the non-binary with learning disabilities. You know what I mean? It's like, right. People are going to be waiting and not knowing where to look. There's going to be one person left, and it's the guy that has like one A,

but he just doesn't have any other attribute. No box. He's got no box. But he worked like 40 years, you know, in insurance, and now he's got first class. And it's like, no, no, no, no. Sir, sir, sir, unless you're a they, you have to stay over there.

How crazy that Southwest figured it out. Southwest figured it out. Yes. Bananas. It's like everybody, it's like you have a very specific number. So now you got the, like the mob comes together and they're like, I'm A7. Are you an A? Yeah, I'm A4, right?

So you stand there and everybody works it out, you know? Southwest. Have you ever seen, I don't know if you're a movie guy, but there was a movie that came out about 10 years ago called Snowpiercer. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So at the end of the world, it's from. and the surviving population is on a train that just circles.

It naturally evolves into a class system. But the message being that this is what happens, I guess. So you have this class of like the rulers and then you got like it's just, and so this guy is trying to make it through every class. And it's like it's weird how we need some reason to create these divisions because maybe I don't know, I don't know, but you feel, so the divisions, you feel this thing in your body that something's not right. And I do think that there's an evolutionary biological revulsion to line cutting.

I think that there's a reason why people can't explain why the border, why the border is important because you have an aunt that lives in Eastern Europe who's been waiting patiently and yet somebody can just come over. Or somebody is a smash and grabber. You work hard, you save your money, you go to Dwayne Reed or Walgreens, but somebody just walks in. So I think that what happens is all of the injustices have to do with people sensing line cutting, which is, I guess, another word for unfairness. But line cutting.

For example, you want to get angry. You're in line anywhere. Getting into a concert, right? You're in line and you see somebody in front of you holding a spot for their friends. And their five or six friends show up and there's this like, it's like, I have to say something. I have to go, no, you have to go to the end of the line. But then you're getting into fight. But I think that among humans there is a desire.

Also, it's like another good one is when you're in line at an off ramp. And this is so perfect because there's two things going on. If you are in line on the off ramp and the other car comes in, you don't want to let them in. That's right. They didn't wait like you did. You've been in that line to get off exit A. Doing my job. Being a good citizen.

Yeah. And this person goes, but then flip it, you're that guy and you feel really good. Like, you've made it. It's like this. This. I'm not waiting this. These people are suckers. These people are suckers for waiting in this long line.

I'm just going to drive all the way. up to the point where it shifts and you can cross that painted barrier that's not really there and you can just go, wah! And then it's like, people are angry, but what are they going to do? It's so funny because humans can switch their rage. I would be the guy that would like bump that dude, but in this case, I'm the dude, so I'm like, hey, what's going on, dude? It's cool. I have been both of those guys in the same half hour, in the same half hour. Yes. So, right? I will break the same rule that I screamed at within, it happens in elevators,

it happens everywhere, because humans only live with their own perceived identity of the world. And then they can't identify when somebody does it to them. And it's all this line-cutting feeling. It's there for a reason. I think it's

a good, I think it has to be there. It's order. But it's also fungible, right? My theory is the thing you're talking about is I call it petty justice. And I'm suspicious really of any word that appears in front of the word justice,

including... Yes, social justice. But it's a kind of like, because I believe in petty tyranny as well, I don't endorse it, but its existence is a real enough thing. It's local. Correct.

It's like politics. All tyranny is local. Yeah. All justice is local. All justice, let's bring it back to micro, macro. All justice is. micro, but when the macro system of justice is out of whack, and we start to see things on a very

large level. You mentioned the border. We're told it's secure, but that sure looks like 10,000 people coming over. Afghanistan. We were told it successful, but that sure looks like a lot of people falling out of a plane, and so forth, and so forth, right? So when the world feels upside down, and there doesn't appear to be rhyme, reason, or justice on the macro, that line.

line cutting thing becomes hyper important. And when the doors close on the elevator and I'm running toward it and I say, oh, could you hold that? And some super silliest prick just steps back and watches them close in my face. Yes. Right? That all of a sudden can wreck your day. And you could be on either side. An example is like you may not pay attention to what's going on the border. But if your neighbor's tree, like the branch is slightly over. This is going to bother you all day, but you're okay with the larger issues. But this thing is like,

it's a local thing and it snaps something. Kind of a related concept of this. I was going to write a book called The Unbending Mind, and it's like how, like a meter maid. And when you go to a meter maid and you try to talk her out of it, she is an unbending mind. It's almost like there is no,

she looks down, She's got her thing. She's instructed to just completely ignore you. And that is another thing that drives people crazy is that why is it that I face an unbending mind? But other people don't. It's part of the idea of line cutting, except it's from the other side.

Why are you not letting me? And I think this is why I think AI is scary to people, is that AI will be an unlawful. bending mind. It's like no matter what you do, you can't turn it off. You can't try it. And unbending minds drive me crazy. They're everywhere. But anyway, it's a tangential thing. I had a glass of wine. You know, I'm glad I didn't smoke pot because I would go even to be into a further realm of nonsense. Barrel strength, Tennessee whiskey. I'm one and a half in. So it'll be interesting to see where this goes. My third glass of wine. I was in a car for an hour and a half, not driving, sitting in the back.

Picking out stories for tomorrow and having, the only way to get through my commute on the way home is to have a glass of wine and to vape. The most underrated vice. Nicotine or THC? Oh, this is just nicotine. Oh, if I did THC right now, you would, it'd be like down. I mean, this is you at 9 o'clock at night. What time did you get up? Like, when did your day start and how do you regulate whatever chemicals are going through your body to keep you functioning at the expected?

level of freneticism. Sleep is never enough for me, and this is a thing that drives me crazy, is that why is it that it's hard, this is so stupid, why is it so hard to fall asleep at night, but you can't get out of bed in the morning? It's like, wouldn't it be great if you could reverse that?

Like, I'm in bed, oh, this is the best, this is the best, and then when you wake up, I hate sleep. I hate sleep, I'm getting up, but we have it reversed, whereas, like, you lie in bed, you have all these thoughts in your head that are percolating and stuff and you try to figure out ways to do it, melatonin, whatever.

And in bed, you're in bed, you're going like, this is the greatest feeling ever, ever, ever. And the alarm goes off and you can't get out of bed. I'm at war with myself every morning. I sent my alarm for 8.15, I have a little dog now

and he's like, has to pee. Gus, he's amazing. That kind of like adds to the stress but it gets me out of bed. In terms of drugs, coffee is the best thing to, I mean, it runs the world. I have a cup of coffee. Immediately you've got to run to the bathroom.

And then that going to the bathroom, then just turns on all the positive switches. I don't know what it is. I can't remember the system that there's like two systems in the human body that are affected by behavior. You refer here to the GI tract, I believe. Maybe it's a GI, well, first GI tract, then the central nervous system,

And then all of a sudden it's like, holy crap, I'm alive. And so that's what I do. And then I'll write, pick stories between 9 and 930. I used to write all my monologues. I can't do that anymore. So now it's just I let that slide. And then it 11. How hard was that to let go?

Because I'm a freak. It's still hard. It's still hard. No one does it as good as you. That's in your brain. And it's funny because they're trying to do you. And you need them. You need them, but you can't, you're so unforgiving because you're going like, no, that's two on the nose.

I don't need another Biden joke. And because I make poop jokes, it's like everything's a poop joke, everything's a view joke. And it's like, but I can't blame them because that's, if I had done the view joke, I'd be going, oh, this is really good. Terribly. But then the writer, Joe does it. And I go, oh, my God, that's so hacky. I'm going to change that to Nancy Pelosi because that's more original.

So back to the sleep thing, what you need to do is you need to flip it as I... Yes, exactly. Sleep needs a flip. And if you haven't read the book, and look, I'll fillate it properly before the dust settles here. I like how you use that as a verb. You know what? When in doubt, we're short on verbs these days. We're long on nouns.

We're very, very long on adjectives. Except for the verb weaponize and normalize. I hate both of them. We're normalizing Trump and we're warm. weaponizing democracy. I hate those verbs. Hate them. So flip them. Yes. The light motif in this excellent book called The King of Late Night by Greg Gutfeld, aside from the unbelievable cover art, which we'll discuss. Isn't that the best? Honestly, it's worth lingering. I mean, that's you with some very generous, well, whatever it is. But by... They had to dial it back, Mike. They had a dial it

fact, I'm too muscular. And I told them to soften it a bit because that's not my, my, I mean, look at this. I mean, come on. Look at your heart and your Chinese map. Yeah, yeah. Yes, exactly. That's racist. It might be.

Sorry. Should have said Asian math. Whose ideal was it? I mean, look, I get the shredded King of the Hill thing. It's all great. But to have Kim, is that Kimmel or who's grasping at your innermost thigh? There's Fallon. There's Kimmel.

There's Brian Williams. There was one person on there I had to take off, but I don't think I can say who it is. But if you're watching CNN Plus, you might be able to guess who it is. Did anyone watch CNN Plus? Oh, yes. No, I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, Fox alumni. Yes.

Originally, I'm trying to think of what they were. I had the original concept of the, you know, the comedy tragedy mask? Sure. That you always see. I was going to be in the middle of it. Yeah, I was going to be in the middle of it. And it was called The Flip. And then I go, like, the flip is the concept of the book,

which is how left is right, right is left, and now we're the cool kids, they're not cool kids. I'm sure it's going to flip back at some point. But right now we got it. It took us 20 years to get there, and it's great. But then I thought, like, I kept hearing King of Late Night, and I thought, oh, just push it, push it to its limit. Just, like, embrace it.

I took that idea from watching Jesse's book, how I save the world or something. Jesse Water saves the world. And it was so audacious. And I go like, you know what? That's what I'm going to do. I basically, if anybody could learn from Jesse, no one has. I have.

Like learning from Jesse is impossible. It's like getting blood from a rock. Here we go. I got the book right here. They just gave me the book. But yeah. So it's like, and then I got Gus, Gus. And I got a unicorn.

Like James Corden, remember him? Oh, sure. Oh, you got Little Brian Stelter. You got, what's his name from The Daily Show? Trevor Noah. Oh, yeah, look at him. You got him hanging on for dear life. He's way down there at the bottom.

Yeah, and Brian Williams in the back there. So a lot of these people were like, I vanquished, I should say I, but yes. No, you did it. Look, hold on, hold on. What's the significance of the goldfish? Oh. Oh, you had a pet goldfish, right? Excellent point.

They needed to do a segment on pets, and I didn't have any. so everybody has a pet so we went and got a goldfish and it's not really goldfish it's something else it's like tyrus knows the name of it it's a special kind of fish but anyway i named it um abe and nobody gets it because it's a vagoda fish barney miller very good right nobody gets it so that fish is now in my office he's got the best big eyes and just swims around and around and around and nobody Nobody pays attention to him, and I loved him, loved him until I got Gus. And now I don't even look at him. We'll talk about your dog.

We have these different levels of consciousness. We reward the ones that are closer to our consciousness than a way. And so we, you know, we don't like rocks. Yeah, yeah. But we like, you know, that's how we work. Well, look, I don't want to bury the lead. This is, I mean, here's a difference between you and Jesse. Jesse Waters didn't really save the world, right?

Yeah, but he didn't really write the book probably, right? He made the world worse. Whatever he did, it's a big swing, and it might be just a touch hyperbolic. But you actually, I mean, you actually did it. You beat these guys, right? And, you know, it was funny. I mean, we'll kind of agree in the sense that 20 years ago I wrote this piece called the Dean Wormer Effect.

And I was saying, and I'd probably talk about this with you. Yeah, it was the fact that in every movie, in every movie, in every, any pop culture reference, the Republican is the bad guy and the fun people, the liberals, are going to be Animal House. And that's the way it always is in every movie. And I wrote this piece for the Huffington Post of all places. And I thought, like, if we can switch that, we win. It's the only way we're going to win, because as Breitbart said, politics is downstream from culture. And you're seeing that now. My show was the flip. It started with Red Eye and then the five, and this show was like, because the thing is, left-wing humor and comedy,

is kind of like where I came from, except I'm not a left winger. And I understand I'm naturally kind of that way. It's time that I like make the Republicans like me, be more like me. Like I say in my book, I say that I didn't become a Republican to become more like a Republican. I did it so they would become more like me.

They needed me more than I needed them. And I always felt that way, you know, with Fox, they needed somebody to pull them out of the Dean Wormer effect. and get them over here. Don't be the people that are always outraged. Like, it's funny. It's amazing how somebody can find a new outrage every day and say, I've never been more outraged in my life.

And then the next day, they do it again. It's like when William Devane says, now has never been a better time to buy gold. But then he says it a week later. Yeah. It's like, when is it? So with outrage, it's always been like, you know, I'm now more outraged than ever.

It's like, no, there's not enough outrage. It's like, here's your outrage. Now go over that and see what's funny. And that's what you do. And now the left is in that seat where they're always outraged and they forgot their funny bone. It's why I beat all the late night shows was because they stopped being funny.

They were more like looking at people like me or I would say more, not me, but more like Trump, because Trump's having a good time, that he's bad. And Fox News is bad and that you have to get the shot. Colbert did an entire musical thing based on getting the... injection. Yeah. Yeah. Insane. Oh, the Q-tip. The Cuomo Q-tip. That does not age well.

No. Much like him. No, it didn't. No, it didn't. Do you know that Chris Cuomo called me a little troll the other day? I was like very touched by that. Little person. Yeah, he called me a little person. He wanted to say midget, but he knew the M-word wouldn't stand with the woke. You did? Yeah, yeah. It was, I don't know. O'Reilly was. O'Reilly was. O'Reilly, yeah. And O'Reilly said, well, Gutfeld, he's moderately entertaining. And then, Cuombo goes, no, he's just a vile, I think, no, what do he say? A vile little person. I remember he said little person.

Yes. That was the last bit of it. But yeah, he's just rancid or just, it was something pejorative. The look on his face was that he meant it. Like, he really did mean it. It was like I had upset him. But all I did was quote him. You know, he was the guy during the explosion in crime just was like, right.

there's no crime. And him and Don Lemon talking about going to dinner. Hey, we went out to dinner and we had a nice dinner. And it's all these right wing people talking about crime. But we had a nice dinner. People said, thank you. And it was like, that's bullshit. That never happened. And if they had actually admitted, we'd be in a different place. But the narratives were being shaped for our minds, not to believe it. You know, you're talking about the flip. It's so interesting. I had a show on CNN for two years. I got a show on Fox Business now. I think I'm one of of the few people who gets invited on both channels sometime in the same week. It's your voice. Well, it's your voice. And your rugged, and your rugged good looks. Right. Let's get. And by.

And your amazing ability to boil down the problems of society. To distill them in a way that the every man could actually not only comprehend, but share later over something other than a bud light. You know what you are? you are today's Thomas Jefferson. I hope that's not overstating it. Maybe understating it. Maybe George Jefferson.

There you go. You're today's George Jefferson. Yes. We're moving on up. You moved on up. You're moving on up. What a great message. I don't think you could do that show now

because you can't talk about success. Like that what he's doing is he's playing he's playing within the system. You can't do that. Achievement success is still part of this systemically racist system. Aside from CNN and Fox, supposedly being opposite ends of the spectrum, what I saw in both places and what I still see is a version of the flip that you're talking about. There was a time when each thought that they were more firmly established, more credible, more trusting,

whatever it was. But more to the point, each network really seemed to understand its audience. right? Yeah. And I don't know what's really happening now, and I don't want to go in a place that's uncomfortable for you to talk about, but I talked about this at Freedom Fest when they coughed up literally hundreds of dollars

for me to address the crowd. And it's like, this whole Bud Light thing is pretty interesting, but fundamentally it's a story about a company and a CEO that kind of lost touch with its core customer. And recently I've talked to a, a lot of Fox viewers who are like, I'm not sure I understand what's going on at that network right now.

And CNN viewers are saying the same thing. You know, why did we fill a room full of Trump supporters and give him a microphone they want to know? Right. So like, everything is flipping, but not just macro, but micro and internally. Yes. Mm-hmm. Nice plug. Say something smart.

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don't take a chance on a foreign ranch, get good ranchers now. A-ha! A large part of the flip is due to Tucker. Yeah. Tucker started having people on his show that I never would have had. And then I had to revisit my own beliefs. Say, when I was on the Huffington Post 20 years ago, I would sit there and I would just rip on God.

Glenn Greenwald. Yeah. Like, I could not stand him. Was I wrong? Maybe. Was he wrong back then? He might have been. But the thing is, we are now in the same place.

And I think, like, when Tucker started having Glenn Greenwald on the show, I think that was, like, for me anyway, it forced me to look at myself and go, like, okay, have I been, like, did I write people off who I just didn't understand? or I was as simplistic because of the team sport. Oh, like, ah, he's not on my team. He's not on my team. So what happened was what Tucker did, which was like, I don't think any other talk show host did, was invite people that previously were not on your team and find out where you could meet.

And that's what we all should be doing. And it's like, so then you end up seeing Glenn Greenwald, Matt Taibi. I used to make fun of Matt Taibi. I don't anymore because I realized, you know what, maybe I was being simplistic about what I was making fun of. Bill Maher. Bill Maher.

I did Bill Maher's show, and I know for a fact he didn't want me on because of things that I've said about him, and that's fair enough. And so I sent a nice note beforehand saying, hey, look, you know, that's just bullshit, blah, blah, blah. And we had a great time. A lot of it is on their side in the sense that where they were, whatever their team was, has moved all the way over here. So they're kind of alone.

And then I'm like, come over here. I'll talk to you. Bill Maher still has intense animus towards Trump. But we didn't even talk about that because, you know, whatever. Like a good example is RFK Jr. You know, I was strongly critical of the anti-vax movement in the early 2000s simply because I didn't see the science there. And I still think that the science isn't there on.

but I understand they're coming from a correlation. They're like looking at a multiple of vaccines and the rise of autism. I mean, I came from a health magazine background. It wasn't that simple. It wasn't that simple. These are when those illnesses develop happen to be at the same time that you get these vaccines. However, I don't know, but I was very like, I basically said they had blood on their hands. and I think there is evidence in terms of the anti-vax movement in the rise of measles.

So I think that there is a reason to be critical of them. However, COVID taught us that the science isn't clear on any of this stuff, and they may not have had all the science ready when they were doing a lot of these vaccines. So then I'm like starting to listen to RFK Jr. And I'm going, okay, he has some nutty ideas. bad ideas. But then I'm listening to him and I go, no, he's putting them out. He's going like, he's a reader.

He's like a latchkey kid. He just spent all of his time reading stuff, which is weird because he was very good looking as a kid. What were you doing reading books? But he had like all this. He's just like he'll talk about anything. In a weird way, RFK is a Democrat parallel to Trump. Trump will posit anything that comes in and said,

hey, you know, light could be used. maybe like to be used in the lungs or whatever. People said, oh my God, shooting, what did they say? Like shooting bleach in the veins. It turned into something else. So that's what happens. If you are open and curious and you say something, that will always end up being twisted into something else.

But there's a difference. RFK Jr., his deeds are different than his word. I mean, it's like he's talking about ideas, but he's not doing bad things. And it was the same thing with Trump. Like Trump was a good president. I think he was. You know?

Here's what got flipped. Did you listen to RFK on Rogan by any chance? Or are at least passingly familiar with that three-hour thing? Yes. Okay. Yeah. So I think I listened to half of it. Do you notice this when you go on Spotify?

All of your Rogan stuff, you can see where it stopped. It's like I never get to the end, but I still get to it where I finally fall asleep. Double speed. Double speed. With RFK, you need doubles. God, what does that sound like a double speed? I tell you what, man. It's part Muppet.

Pepe the frog. It's very, very hard to. Yes, yes. But I was really interested in what I heard, and I knew there'd be some pushback, and I was glad the pushback came. Nick Gillespie over at Reason did a great interview with him as well. Yes. And then I heard Sam Harris. Oh, my God. Okay. Oh. So Sam. Oh, God. This is so, by the way, Dave Rubin on your earlier point, too, you know, guys who really took chances, guys who spoke truth at an inconvenient time for them. All that stuff is all kind of coming in together. I think right now in a way that informs all of this stuff. But, you know, Sam Harris has made a lot of sense over the years with a podcast called Making Sense, but I loved it. I loved it. He was the guy that got me into listening to podcasts because I read his book. It was a book that, where he talked to him at meditation, maybe it was called Making Sense. I think it was. Or it's the name of, it's the name of, it's the name of the new podcast. Waking up. The book was called Waking Up. And I started listening to Making Sense early on. And it was tremendous. But then the Trump thing broke him. It broke it. It got too

invested in what was going on in the world of social media. And he was like that. He kept saying, I'm not, I'm not going to look at Twitter anymore. I'm off Twitter. But then he would come back and it would just, it would just fill him. But by the way, I was like that in 2015. I was like completely subsumed by this like, what? going on out there and how am I losing my audience because I'm saying this. And then you realize it's nothing. He had to let go, but he can't let go. You know what he said? I listened to his last making sense, I don't know, maybe it was like three weeks ago or something. And he was saying that he, how depressed he got listening to something. And maybe it was RFK Jr. And I'm going

like, why are you depressed? Exactly. It's like, I'm just depressed. And it's like, dude. Here's why he's depressed, I think. And I'm just taking him at his word. He did a quick update about 20 minutes explaining why he was not going to have Robert Kennedy on his podcast. And it basically had to do with platforming. And it had to do with the fact that he is of mind that the real issue was between Kennedy and that other doctor, Peter, Hostel. Hassan? Not quite Hazel. It's like Hatzel.

Hassan or something. Let me look it up. Yeah, Chuck, do that. We'll just call him Peter for the purposes of this. Peter is a doctor who said some very certain sounding things during the lockdowns and was proven incorrect vis-a-vis many of those things that he said. And Kennedy was quick to point it out. Rogan comes back and says, look, let's have them both on here. Here's a hundred grand to your favorite charity.

Just debate. Just have an honest debate in front of seven million people. Sam Harris basically said, look, I don't want that to happen because Robert Kennedy is not an expert or a scientist. He's just an advocate and a lawyer. And I don't want to platform that kind of thinking. And my feeling, and this is really what I want to get your take on, Greg, because it was a big theme at Freedom Fest. And it was a thing that it's just been sitting with me lately. He doesn't seem to realize that it's flipped, right?

Atlas has shrugged in the medical and the science world. And it's no longer enough, I'm afraid. And sincerely, I'm afraid. It's sad. But you can't point to the initials behind a professor's name or a doctor's title. You just can't do that and expect people to immediately fall in line and give them the benefit of the doubt anymore. What's his name, Chuck? Yeah.

Peter Hotez. Hotez, California. Yes. I find that guy to be Hote. That's very funny. Thank you. You can get there, but you can never leave unless you get a shot. And a booster.

That's right. One dark. I don't know the rest of the words. That whole song is basically just a shitty Yelp review with a sick guitar solo. Yes. Yes. God, that's the 70s for me. Listening to that song come out of my sister's bedroom.

That whole album, that cover. My God, I guess it's a great record. Sure. But, you know, when you say that he's unaware, it's really, he's like the poster child for what is happening. and that is he can't see what he has become as an expert. Like he doesn't know, he doesn't know what's happening around him. And you kind of want to say, Sam, you're really smart. You like help me in like I got into meditation, but this is not you.

Like I feel like he personalized this kind of opposition to a point where everybody, now it's like everybody that's on the other side is just ignorant and stupid and I can't listen to them. And so like I think what he was said was he was depressed over, oh my God, You know what he was depressed about? He goes, it was just on the news, and I saw that Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk are agreeing to have some kind of exhibition bout inside a cage, a cage. I don't know how depressed. I can tell you how I am. I'm so depressed.

And it's like, no, you should be laughing and you should be going, this is hilarious. This is funny. Two billionaires doing this. and we can all see it. This is like a breakthrough, but he was like, oh, it's like, so what are they supposed to do? Are they supposed to have a symposium that only you are invited to in Aspen, you know, or in Switzerland, and like all you guys can sit together and talk about the future of the world? Or you can have two guys who are phenomenally wealthy.

One of them, you know, is unmistakably genius, Elon Musk. And another one who's not bad, but he's kind of, I don't know, he's a dork. But like, you know what? It's like, this is actual progress. He lost the ability to laugh at the absurdity of things. And instead, now he's just depressed. It's the point you made before. He lost his funny bone.

He's no longer in on the joke, right? And I get it. The stakes are very, very high. And people might not like to joke about death. It's life or death. It's life or death. And we've got these big issues. I think he's depressed because he's faced with his own cognitive.

Dissidence. I think so. Yeah. And you can see it. Do you know what was really funny? He had, I can't remember what year this was. He had Andrew Sullivan on and what they were going to talk about is why you have to vote for Trump and not Hillary. So it was like probably 2015 or whatever. I was not going to vote for Trump. There was no way in hell. And I had not made up my mind whether I was going to vote for Hillary or not because I can't stand her. And so they did this thing where like Andrew Sullivan, conservative, and they were going to talk. about why you have to vote for Hillary. And so Andrew Sullivan comes on. He goes, before I talk about why you can't vote for Trump and vote for Hillary, I got to tell you how much I hate Hillary. And he spends 20 minutes. And when he was done, I was done. He like, dude, you convinced me, I will never vote for Hillary. It was like the opposite. Like, he wasn't even aware that he had just convinced everybody that Hillary was worse. But they were trapped in this world. And they didn't know they didn't even see it.

And the thing is, I agree with everybody who says that Trump's personality is obnoxious and arrogant. I don't care. I don't have to love the guy. I'm not going on a vacation with him, right? The fact is, I wouldn't want to work for Trump. I feel like he might be the worst boss ever. But at the same time, that's why he would be your great lawyer.

So I look at Trump always as America's lawyer. So it's like he has all this energy, right? All this energy that was out for himself, and then he turned 70-something, and he decides, it's still for me, but now I'm an agent for this country. So all of this obnoxiousness and arrogance and all this, like, I'm not going to quit. I'm going to wear you down.

Trump's whole strategy negotiation is simply wearing people down. That's a great president to have on your side. So I always looked at him as like, he's my agent. He's America's agent. You don't want to hang out with your agent. You don't want to hang out with your lawyer. But God, if you, okay, let me put it this way. If you love hanging out with your lawyer, he's not a good lawyer.

He's not a good lawyer. Right. But if he drives you crazy, he drives them crazy. And that's important. So that's why I always looked at his flaws as being the thing that makes him the best president you could have. He drives everybody crazy. So like when you read pieces in National Review, for instance, which is oftentimes the source of great wisdom, we've had some of those guys. on the podcast. I think Charlie Cook is amazing.

Great. I mean, excellent on guns. Amazing. And he's British. He's British and he's got his head screwed on straight with the skilled trades. And so the point is, there's a lot of good stuff over there. But sometimes I feel like it's the Sam Harris effect where maybe some of the prevailing orthodoxy and the inertia that has always driven that organ has kept them from seeing that something really fundamental and almost primal has changed. We have a new set of rules. It's like we just went from base 10 to base 8 with numbers. And nothing adds up quite the same way. So when Sam basically makes the argument that, look, this is not a time for skepticism, we have to trust our experts. It makes me go, that's weird because I'm thinking this is the time for heightened skepticism

at a whole new level. And what we really have, Greg, is an operative. for our experts, for guys like Sam, you know, for social scientists and mathematicians and doctors of every stripe, real experts to step back and make a persuasive case for whatever the case is. I don't care if we're talking about vaccines, and they won't do it. They won't do it. They will just, they will, what they will do is that they'll remind you of their CV. Yeah, their CV. I'm wondering, I'm going to ask. you this question and see if you come up with the same name. Who is the worst, most pretentious and pompous expert on Twitter? I'm going to give you his initials. TN. Does that ring any bells?

Well, see, I don't go on Twitter much. That's why you're so healthy and vigorous. You look like you walked out of a Viagra ad from your like 66 Impala. You just parked on the side of the road in Vegas. There's like a Voltra over there. I had to walk sideways out of that thing. And there's like a, you're with the blonde who's 30 years younger and you're like there's a saloon. You got to, you have a guitar. You have a guitar in the back seat. You can check out any time you want. Yes.

Tom Nichols. Does that ring a bell? Yeah, it does. Tom Nichols. Yeah, so he's always on there. He will always take the side of the expert. And then when you question him on it, he will always throw back like, well, I'm just, you know, I'm just an expert. What do I know?

I mean, like, and you're just some. He will like look at whatever somebody does for living. Oh, well, you're just a comedian. I was just about to say, have you ever done that? I mean, I've done that. All shucks. I'm just a host. All shucks.

You know, John Stewart did that for a long time until finally, you know, me and some other people just kind of publicly said, dude, face it. You might not like it, but you woke up one day and now a lot of people are listening to you. So you can call yourself a comedian. You can call yourself, you know, an advocate. or a cipher or some avuncular uncle, but whatever it is, you've got people listening to you. Right. Right?

So, I mean, do you feel that now? Well, the thing is, I think my critics will agree with me when I say I'm not a comedian. I'm not. I mean, like, you've got to look at my experience. I was an editor. I edited prevention. I write about it in my book. I did my entire career span.

I was fitness editor of Prevention magazine. Their first fitness editor. Then I went to Men's Health. I was a creative director, and then their editor went to stuff, and then I went to Maxim, and then I got onto the Huffington Post. I never was on stage. I never told jokes. I don't have that skill set.

So when people go, you're just a comedian, I go, like, or I go, I'm not even that. But you get pulled. You know what the thing is, I think, and what was interesting about the five versus red eye, red eye at 3 a.m., I was just this person. But on the five, I was, like, forced to like, okay, I have to say, And when the five first started, the reason why I did really well on it was because I would sit there and go, what are these people, what have they not said? And so I pretended when I would sit on the table that I was at home and I was frustrated.

And I go like, okay, this person's outraged, this person's doubly outraged, this person's giving the other side, this person's being diplomat. I have to say what people are saying at home. Or predict what they are thinking or what they might think. and it's usually what I'm thinking and so what happened is I became kind of like a I don't know

a fool I always feel that I am the the traditional fool which is like ha ha ha but this is actually truth and I think that works I think on social media there's a lot of people out there that are doing this now

Scott Adams has this phrase called internet dads I don't have you ever heard of it but there are people that are actually who aren't comedians or aren't experts who are persuading people. And there's so many interesting people out there that I find, like, we've given him a platform and they're actually helping people. Some of them people hate, some, you know, whatever. But it's like, whatever you did before matters less than the ideas that you have now, I guess. I don't know. Oh, sure. Look, man, it's that movie

that I couldn't watch but won a bunch of words. Everything all at once at the same time. Oh, my God. It's that thing. I watched that. I pretended that I loved that movie because I was so interested. Because I'm into simulations. I'm into multiple universes. But I'm going, okay, this is three hours long. And it's giving me a headache because so much shit's flying at me.

It's a lot. I think it should have been 90 minutes. And it would have been amazing. It's probably like this podcast. By the way, when you have to go or if you get bored, say something subtle. Like, I've got to go. and I'm very bored. I'm not bored, but I do have to go

because I have my family here. I have my family and my dog. And also, I'm beginning to get a little slurry. I'm trying to help you, brother. I'm trying to help you. Yes, yes. And I'll tell you another thing about Trump and Tom Nichols, the son of a bitch.

I got to, wait, wait till you hear my ideas on race. Here's... How about these women drivers? So look, no, I'm kidding. They're great. women drivers are the best. That's why they have lower insurance rates. Huh?

You sexists. They have lower insurance rates. Sexist, if you thought what I was going to say, sexist. I heard you, to your point on Carolla. Not too long ago. And you write about it in your excellent book, too, which I'm about to fillet, standby. And he was kind of pushing back on you a little bit in the opposite way.

Like when John Stewart was all about, oh, look, no, I'm just a comedian. They're just jokes. Right. He was saying to you, hey, man, you really are the king of late night. You actually did it. Now, some people, like your friend, what's his name? Is it Ben Long? The writer.

Rob. Rob. Rob. So he's like, is Greg so big? Or did everybody else get so small? Like, right? What's really happening, you know, which was kind of partially, you know, It's a backhanded compliment, but he loves you.

So, you know, it was said in... Now that you said that, he's dead to me. Sorry, I'm sorry, Rob. But Adam's point was, you were doing the opposite thing. You're like, oh, shucks, you know, I'm just an old editor who's a writer, and I did some stuff. But now you're actually on top of Crap Mountain. You did it. You're there.

And so, are you a comedian? Are you going to start thinking different? of yourself in that way? I thought Adam was really persuasive on that point, because we were talking about how I was doing my live shows. So I sit and Tom Shaloo interviews me a crutch. I have slides. Yeah.

A crutch. A comedian doesn't have crutches. And he told me, he goes, when he started out, he did the same thing. And then I guess the slide projector broke down, and he was forced to do it himself, and it was the best thing for him. So I have actively like shrunk the slide stuff and made just me out there standing.

The idea of standing in front of an audience was terrifying to me. My leg would shake. But then I got used to it because the slides are in my head. And I don't see myself as a comedian simply because what I'm doing every night is I'm running a meeting. And what these shows are are me sitting in an editorial meeting going over stories. And this is what I've been doing for only. almost 30 years, I guess, was sitting with people that I like and going, what do you think of this story about AI sex bots?

And everybody's talking and blah, blah, blah, and I say funny things. I guess the point is there's no difference between my life and what I'm doing. So I'm not a comedian because a comedian would shut that off. I'm like, I am literally doing this all the time. I drive my friends crazy. I drive my family crazy. I drive my dog crazy. You're a gadfly with an audience.

A gadfly. with an audience. Sorry, I have to interrupt and say that you are a comedian because on October 17th, I was watching your show, 2022, and I texted this to Mike, this joke that you said. You said, rent, gas prices, child care, those are the issues that matter most to the average voter. Meanwhile, Dems are busy insisting your school needs a safe space for female athletes to shave their balls. Now, that's very funny. Yes. That's funny. That's funny. But if I may, and visual. But this book, and I just want to make this quick point, because people who love you, and there are literally dozens of them, I know, they do want your voice. They are used to your cadence, your patter, and the self-referential, constantly letting the air out of your own tire.

And this book does that. The crazy thing is, Greg, I mean, I'm just not blowing smoke. There's so many great points in it, but in almost every paragraph, you just take a little air out of the tire, except for this one. page 221. To summarize the after party, which is a conversation for another time, it's a place for red-pilled grown-ups to be honest about the world without worrying about being ruined for it. We are outside this duopoly and the media industrial complex. We see the world for what it is. We don't play team sport politics. We play for the bigger reward, enlightenment. And that is the most earnest thing I've ever heard you say or write.

And I know that like me and Travis McGee, you are wary of all earnestness. That's where we land the plane. I can't wait to see how you're going to balance these seemingly dichotomous forces in your life to be self-referential and funny and subversive and at the same time grapple with stuff that really and truly, you know, impacts you and your wife and your dog and your goldfish. And even these other knuckleheads on the front of your book who are grabbing onto your well-muscled thigh, wondering what's going to happen next. Yes.

Well, I appreciate that. I think that message is about really sharing the risk, right? Like, aren't we all supposed to share the risk? So if you get in trouble, I back you up. If I get in trouble, you back me up. And I think that like that was the pushback on all of this woke stuff is that when you saw somebody getting canceled, it ain't right. So I was doing. I was watching people get canceled left and right.

And I think, I got to step out of this. And we all have to like, it was another book I was going to write called Share the Risk. But I just made that into a chapter because I'm lazy. Congratulations on the book. Honestly, it's been so fun to watch, even though I crapped the bet on that interview on Red Eye, all those years ago. I'll make it up to you next time I'm in town. If you want me.

Please do. If you want me. Oh, of course. Of course. Are you kidding? Just dress like you're dressed now. You're little marlborough man. I'm not wearing any pants.

You'll have to do every other show on Fox. Yes. If they find out you're here, you're going to be doing outnumbered one, out number two, everything. Just don't do Jesse. Don't do Jesse. I won't. I won't. What?

Amazon, pre-orders, wherever books are sold, the normal stuff? Yeah. It'll be live. This episode drops the day that book. Holy crap. Yeah, it'll be out. The 25th. Yeah.

You know what? It's a great Father's Day gift for next year. If you want to plan ahead, like all the hot Christmas, Arbor Day. You know, it's a great gift for Arbor Day. Also, Labor Day, I always get confused between Labor and Memorial. Labor, this is the best Labor Day gift for all the laborers. There you go. If you are someone you know has labored.

Get this book. Lamas instructors will love this book. one day somebody's going to get that brain out of your head and do some sort of biopsy or whatever they do and we're going to learn all sorts of things about Guttfeld with an explanation point, exclamation point. That's a big deal too, isn't it? That's a whole chapter in your thing.

I love that. I wrote about that because it was like, people gave me so much shit for that. And I go like, I don't care. It was originally going to be called the World Screams Gutfeld. I love that, man. And then I thought, I'll shorten it. And I shortened it to Gutfeld.

Thanks, great Gutfeld. You're awesome. Thank you. I'll see you soon. You will. Don't hang up yet. We have to upload this thing by some sort of magical crap.

But anyway... All right. Could I get up and eat my dinner? Scratch Gus and say hello to the wife and thank them both for their patience. You got it, buddy. Adios. My friend.

Thank you. See you. All right. Take care. This episode is over now. I hope it was worthwhile. Sorry it went on so long. But if it made you smile,

then share your satisfaction in the way that people do. Take some time to go on Lassa review. I hate to ask, I hate to beg, I hate to be a nudge. But in this world, the advertisers really like to judge. You don't need to write a bunch, just a line or two. All you've got to do is leave a quick five-star review. None four. All you've got to do is leave a quick five-star review.

And not three. All you've got to do is leave a quick five-star review. Definitely not, too. All you've got to do is leave a quick five-star review. We need five. Even if you hate it. Especially if you hate it. Thank you.

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