The Way I Heard It with Mike Rowe - 335: Coffee with Mom—Poetry Gets a Bad Rap with Peggy Rowe

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

From Shakespeare to Frost and Madras to Nantucket, the three-time bestselling author and her son trade raps and reminisce about recitations. There's also talk of sushi and rainwater, ancient mariners, nicking butter and cream, room-service cart ethics, barnacles on the sea of life, hot-tub lifeguarding, and Chuck's Hitlerian youth. Yup, it's coffee with mom.    

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Pick up a bottle at noblespirits.com, k-n-o-b-E-L-spirits.com. Soon may the noble man come to bring a bottle for everyone. One day when the waitin is done, we'll take a drink and go. A cup of coffee with my wife. Michael, what is that you've got in your hand, ton? drinking metamusal or is it ensure? Well, she's coming in hot. You are of a certain age. It's not coffee, which is, I guess, in some sort of violation of this segment. Instead of a cup of coffee with my mom, this is a cup of lemon, apple cider vinegar, turmeric, ginger, cinnamon, cayenne pepper, collagen,

honey, and water. Wow, it sounds really good. And it looks an awful lot like a urine sample. But it's awful. It's awful. But I've been drinking them now for a couple of weeks. A cup of lemon, apple, cider, vinegar, turmeric, ginger, simmering, cayenne, cayenne, pepric, and honey. And water with my mom. Not quite as catchy, but I like it.

It's not as catchy. It's water here, hunt. I mean, it's coffee. Is it real coffee? You want to know the truth? Yeah. It's water. Same here.

Here. Seriously? But I like a cup of water. Seriously, it is. I only drink coffee at breakfast and dinner. And this is neither. I try to stay hydrated. Good. I try and stay cogent.

I went for my normal walk, but I've got this back thing that's been bugging me for a week. So my normal four miles an hour was knocked down to maybe two and a half to three, which I did the math about halfway through and realized that if I kept my current pace, I'd be 15 minutes late. And if I pushed it, I'd probably hurt myself. And then I went up slowing down. So not I'm a half hour late. I'm drinking this urine sample while you're enjoying a cup of water. Nothing wrong with water. Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink.

Chuck, do you remember the name of that poem? Oh, it's from a poem. I was going to ask what it's from. No, I do not. It's from a very famous poem. I think it's the rhyme of the ancient mariner. Hmm. My goodness.

Is there a rhyme for the new mariner? The modern-day mariner? Well, there's the woke mariner, which is, you know, why does it have to be an ocean? Did you see on the news this week where this man was out in a boat? Yes, with a dog. With a dog for how long? My goodness. Months.

Yeah. Three months, yeah. And he survived. And he didn't eat the dog. He didn't eat the dog. And the dog didn't need him. Yeah, but you know what? I bet they were looking at each other out of one fishy eye there at the end of three months.

I read they lived on raw fish for three months. Sushi and rainwater. Yeah. Wow. Good for what ails you. I swear. I can't imagine. I mean, so I'm on a raft with Freddie for three hours.

And I'm thinking, well, somebody's bound to come along. and three hours later and then three hours after that. So nine hours, you'd start to think, well, this is the end. And then nine hours, and then another nine hours, and then another nine hours. And now you're still, you still didn't even have two days behind you. And you've got another 88 days in front of you. But you don't know it, right? You have no idea how much time you have in front of you.

That's the time. And it's summer. And there's sunshine above. There's heat. He was on a, like a fishing boat, so there was shade. So he had some shade, good. Oh, so it wasn't so bad. He wasn't in a raft.

I don't know what he was complaining about. You didn't say he had a roof. No, you know, now it's just, now he's like he's on a love boat with his best friend, big deal. And didn't he have his cell phone on? I guess not. Can you hear me now? Probably not many towers out in the ocean. But, I mean, I just wonder, how's his mental health?

I mean, honestly, thank God he had the dog. But still, there's no other person. It's just your thoughts and you're talking to the dog. I'm sure you'd be talking to Freddie in a heartbeat. Oh, like Tom Hanks talking to that volleyball. You talk to anything. Talk to your feet. Oh, it'll take him a long time to recover.

And, boy, is there a book in that? Sure. Don't you think publishers are calling it right now. I don't know. Every chapter is going to be the same. Today, we are all the same thing. raw fish and drank some rainwater. What's for dinner, Dad?

Well, I'll give you a hint. Tomorrow, more of the same. God, Mom, did you ever read, it's one of my favorite books. It's called In the Heart of the Sea. No. It's the true story of the sinking of the whale ship, Essex,

which ultimately it led Herman Melville to write Moby Dick. It's a true story. of a whale that attacked the whale boat, right, the main ship after virtually the entire crew did what they always did. They got into two smaller boats and rode out harpooned the whale, right? And then its mate shows up and rams the big ship and sinks it. So you got mom's computer just slid off the desk. It was pretty exciting.

if you're not watching this on YouTube. Just like that, she was gone and now she's back. It's the ice. The ice is slowly melting. The ice is not level. Yeah. It happened to me yesterday. He was talking to Chad Bagraki and suddenly there goes the computer.

Yeah, our ice melts under. Anyway, this book, Chuck, you should get the author. Reach out to him. I think he's still around. Yeah, I have. I reached out to him already and I've heard nothing, unfortunately. I think Dad read that book and might have read some excerpts to me. He likes to read out loud.

He sure does. Nathaniel Philbrick wrote it. Anyhow, I'm not giving anything away because, you know, they already wrote Moby Dick. Everybody kind of knows the story. But the opening scene. We know how it ends. Yeah, the opening scene and the preface, one of the whale boats, like the small one that had like 18 guys in it. It comes up.

I think it's in Venezuela somewhere. It finally makes it to some port or some other ship comes up next to it. and toes them in, whatever. But in the boat are two survivors, and one is in the stern, and one is in the bow. And they're both kind of huddled under the area where there's a little shade. And in between them are the bones of all of their shipmates, which they had eaten. Hey, John, wait a minute. Oh, geez, what to kill a story?

I'm just landing the plane. I'm sorry, but he was leaving. He won't hear me if he gets any farther. I wanted to ask him if he had read this book. What is it called again? It's called In the Heart of the Sea by Nathaniel Filbre. Have you read? Oh, you had your ears out?

In the Heart of the Sea by Nathaniel Milbrick. It's a precursor to Milbrick. Philbrick. I think I read that. Nathaniel Philbrick. Precurser to Moby Dick. Yeah. Which was Herman Melville.

It was so. You just conflated Melville and Philbrick. Melbrick. By Hilbert. Was it Hilderbrand? No, Hylumbrand wrote, that was Sea Biscuit, which even though it has C and it was not about the ocean at all. That was about a horse. But also wrote the one about the Japanese, the American Prisoner of War with the Japanese.

So what was that called? Unbroken. Unbroken. Yeah. Hillebran. Bram. That was a great book. I forgot. That's why they have rubber thrown pencils to erase.

that's why they have rubbers on pencils I think it's an erasure it's an eraser alright hon I think he can't be saying that's why they have dad put a rubber on his pencil is that what he did

he just got back from swimming he comes back from swimming puts a rubber on his pencil and starts answering questions no honey no it was all related to this in the heart of the sea all right are we ready to begin

our podcast oh I'm fairly sure we're into it mom Oh, okay. All right, well, look, we can just pretend nothing happened. It's kind of dark to talk about the opening scene of a great book that you may or may not have had read to you where the survivors are found in a long boat, one on either end with the bones of their shipmates in between them,

which they had eaten. Are you with me? That's how it opens, right? These guys spend months and months at sea. And out of that book, actually not out of that book, but prior to that, there had been really a whole protocol for how to decide who gets eaten and when in situations like this at sea, right? There's like, I mean, it's so morbid, but they're actually, they're actually recipes, their rules on how to draw lots on how to, you know, because you don't want to eat your relative that's frowned on. but you will if you have to. But then there are actual, it's like recipe books on the best, where to start, what to prepare first, how to prepare it, what not to eat under any circumstances and so forth.

Anyhow. The two survivors said about the mates that they had eaten, tastes like chicken. That's not right. No? Too soon? Anyhow, but that story had a happy ending. The dog lived, the guy lived. maybe he will get a book deal, Mom.

Maybe you're right. Yes, and he's going to have a lot of nightmares, I'm sure. How have you been sleeping lately? Are you resting easy? Are you untroubled? Is your heart untroubled or are you carrying the way to the world? We're both sleeping fairly well. I mean, old people, you know.

It's historic that old people don't sleep all that well. But we're doing okay. How about you? Do you sleep? I've had a horrible time. Honestly, the last week, I've got this nagging lower back pain, and I think it's getting a little better. So I got this now, here.

Look, I'll show you it. It's just an ice pack. And it really, it really helps. Heat, somebody told me heat, heat's no good. Heat did not work. Heat made it worse. But the ice helps. Well, you know, Scott's mother-in-law just had knee surgery and ice really saved her life.

She has an ice machine. You have to put ice in it and it circulates in it. And it keeps the bad part cold and really helps. So maybe this is the same principle. I always confuse, you know, like what's the right thing to do after an injury? I think you ice it first and then heat and then you go back and forth, they say. But I just can't seem to find a consensus on it. Yeah.

For me, ice is the only thing that helps. I mean, I've got tennis elbow right now. I threw it out, you know, playing disc golf, of course. And why isn't it disc golf elbow? You know, I guess tennis got there first. So. Some say the world will end in fire. Some say in ice.

From what I've tasted of desire, I hold with those who favor fire. But if I had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate to say that for destruction, ice is also. great and would suffice. What's that from? That's the rhyme of the ancient sea mariner. Wait a minute. Now that's a great poem by Robert Frost called Fire and Ice, which contemplates the end of the world in these two extremes,

which he very cleverly juxtaposes with the red hot passion in a relationship and the cold indifference that can kill it. Hmm. He was good, wasn't he? Robert Frost. He was the best. He is my favorite. He is my absolute favorite poet of all time. He had something. Remember when you were growing up and we would sit around the table after meals, after dinner, and recite poetry? I miss those days. I do, too. That was fun. I do, too. You had a good one that time. There once was a man from Nantucket.

Oh, Michael. I forget how the rest went. but we laughed. There was a man from Kill Bride who fell in the, and I've cleaned it up a little bit, there was a man from Kilbride who fell in the outhouse and died. His grief-stricken brother fell into another, and now they're interred side by side.

Interred? I see what you did there. Now that is anonymous, so I don't feel like I'm violating any rights, any copyrights. To be clear, these were not these were not the kind of poems that we shared around the dinner table

growing up on Trump's Mill Road in that oh so idyllic setting. It was more, it was one of those big, long narratives. Dad liked the cremation of Sam McGee, of course, dangerous Dan McGrew. I was into Shakespeare at the time. And even Scott and Phil contributed. I mean, what a shame

that that's kind of not a thing. more. I mean, not just with us, but I mean, with the world, you know, I mean, people used to memorize huge, huge stretches of great literature. I mean, did they do that your mom and dad growing up? Was that ever a thing when you were a kid? Never, ever. But you know, when my father was old and had lost his sight, I went to be with him one day. It was during his birthday. And my mother went out to do some errands or whatever. She was 89 and he was 90 or 91 or 2. And I stayed with him and I read him poetry and don't you know he chimed right in.

I had never heard him recite poetry. The village Smithy. I read a line and he chimed right in and he finished a verse or so. and Hawaatha. My golly. Who knew? And I said, Dad,

because he only went to the seventh grade. And I never saw him read a book. He never read a book. Isn't that amazing? I said, where in the world? Did you learn that poetry? He said, I guess I remembered it from school. And was so moving that it had meant enough to him

that he memorized it at the time. It touched him in such a way that he thought it was important enough to learn. He wanted to be able to recite it. I found it very moving. I'm looking for it right now. It's the poem about Hiawatha and Mini Haha. Is that the one? Yeah, by the shores of Gitchie Gumi, by the shining deep seawater.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that was Longfellow, right? I think so. And remember, another one that's funny, there was a young maid from Madras who had a magnificent ass, not rounded in pink, as you probably think. It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass. That's a good one. That's good. That's another anonymous. I wish I'd written it. That's funny. Well, people are still raving, raving, I tell you, about my mother's performance in the latest Pure Talk commercial. And if you haven't seen it, I encourage you to give it a look on my Facebook page and read the comments.

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never know when poetry is going to come in handy. And I say that in kind of a show-offy way, but people are always surprised when they hear something, you know, from memory that stuck. It's interesting, too. You talk about pop. You never saw him read a book. But the things that stick, you know, like I remember passage, fairly long passages to things. And I think the ones that stick do so when you're in a, like a highly emotional state, right? I mean, Chuck, you've had to memorize long passages of things for plays. Do you find that some of them were easier than others? And if so, how come?

Well, memorizing was always, it came a lot easier early on in high school and whatnot. The funny thing about it is that there are still things that I can remember. like I could do the entire song Trouble from Music Man, you know, the patter song. I could do that right now. Start to finish. No problem. Go ahead. Do it.

Well, I don't think we have the rights to do it, but. It's my podcast. I give you the right. Well, you got trouble, my friend. Right here, I say trouble right here in River City. Why, sure, I'm a billi your player. Certainly my, I'm always mighty proud to say it. I consider that the hours I spend with a cue in my hand are golden.

Help you cultivate horse sense and a cool head and a keen eye. Do you ever take and try and give an ironclad leaf to yourself? from a three rail billiard shot. But just as I say, it takes whatever, you know. Judgment brains of maturity. There you go, yeah. I love that. To put a ball in a pocket, yeah.

John played Charlie Cowell, the anvil salesman on the in the show. But it was fun. He had fun with it. Oh, I bet. Because, you know, he doesn't sing. So there are a limited number of roles for non-singing parts in the play. So he found those. But they worked with him.

He did that Rex Harrison thing sometimes, sort of kind of singing, kind of talking. Kind of talked it. Yeah. Yeah. He did, he played Charles Thompson in 1776. And it's really the only role in the whole musical that doesn't have a, you know, there's no singing. There's no song. There's one line, though.

Remember, Mom? There's one line. Yes. And he walks in in the midst. of a debate and he has in his hands a dispatch from George Washington. And the line is, I have a new dispatch. I have a new dispatch. But you just never knew what the line was going to be on any given night.

It could be, I have a new dispatch. Or I have a new dispatch was my favorite one. Yeah, it was like a crapshoot. You didn't know what you were going to get. We're not sure what it is. It's new. It was definitely a dispatch, but beyond that. You know, the other thing that I remember,

I did tomorrow the world down at the vagabond players in Fell's Point when I was 12 years old. And I had to memorize a bit of German. And I can still recite that. I'm not sure that fatherland abettest, which I never say to German people because it means we must work together for the fear in the fatherland. so because I played a 12-year-old Nazi youth. True story. Yeah, I didn't know you then, but I saw pictures.

Yeah. You had all kinds of pictures hanging around. It was curious, man. I met you when you were, what, 16, 17 years old. Yeah. We were hanging out and I went over to the apartment. It was this picture of Chuck on the wall wearing a swastika, dressed like a little German.

I'm like, okay. I mean, my childhood was, you know, That picture was in the Baltimore Sun. They did a story on me. I literally put that uniform on, that costume, and my mom drove me to the Pratt library where I walked in and they took a picture of me standing in front of a globe because it was called Tomorrow the World, you know. True story. And I mean, if you're going to see the looks of the people peering over their books, you know, what is holy hell is going on. That was 40 years ago.

Today, that's not going to play today, brother. I mean, it didn't play so well then, honestly. Too soon. Chuck, you were so good with accents, and you still are, I'm sure, but everything you were in in high school, it seemed, required some kind of an accent. And you were so convincing. Did I want to marry her? Sure, I wanted to marry her.

I wanted to marry her when I saw the moonlight gleaming off the battle of her father's shotgun. Allie Hackham. What was that? Allie Hackham, yes. Oklahoma. Oklahoma, yeah. That was Mike's big breakout. What about don't drink the water?

Oh, yeah, Father Draghamie, same accent. I think I used the same accent for that. Yes. You were so funny that I remember you in that suit. What did they call that suit where the arms tied? A straight jacket. A straight jacket. It's not really a suit, Mom.

It's a form of. restraint that would take any claustrophobic person right into a new realm of absolutely. Only Udini could get out of that. I remember you falling behind the sofa. That was so funny. That was at the college, wasn't it? Essex Community College.

That was Essex Community College. Because I've seen that play so many times. And Dad's been in it at least twice. Dad's been in it twice. Oh, I'm sure he was great at that. My brother Scott was in it. Phil was in it. And I was in it.

Really? Everybody and our family except mom. And I was in the audience every time. You were in the audience every single time. Oh, my God. The crap you've had to sit through, all that barbershop, all that opera. Oh, I give and I give and I give. Michael, do you know a group called The Vocal Majority?

Very well. You know, I had never heard of them. And Phil sent me something the other day that they had done, and I listened to it. It was so good. And it made me go on to YouTube and bring up some more pieces by them. You're very good. They're shockingly good. They were directed for years by a guy named Jim Clancy.

They're out of Texas. They won all the big barbershop quarrel contests for years. They kind of dominated for a couple decades. They might still be. I don't follow it that much anymore. They're incredible. And I saw them. I forget where I saw them. They kind of reminded me of the, not the Mormon Tabernacle. Oh, the Norman Luboff men's chorus. That's the thing you want to Google. When we're done, don't do it now. But when we're done. I'm just going to write it. Yeah. Google Songs of the South. And let's see. songs of the sea. Songs of the South and songs. I found these albums.

I was house sitting for Fred King many years ago. And he had, it was just albums from another time. And I put them on. And I mean, if you like singing men, like, I mean, full on men. Well, I like men singing. Well, there you go. Then you'll love singing men. Also good is a group called 16 singing men, which you should check out.

I have a dispatch. I have a new dispatch. Sixteen sort of singing, mostly chanting, improvising men, starring genre. Yeah, non-singer singing men. Hey, Mike, we just said goodbye to our company. Margie and Scott came and spent three days, two and a half days with us. I realized last night at like 10.30 it was his birthday.

Oh, and I sent you a text. Yeah, I don't. Every time one of you has a birthday, I send the other two a text reminding Mike's birthday, Scott's birthday, Phil's birthday. Except, and I won't name any names specifically, but except for the text I got from you saying, can you remind me which day is the birthday of blank, blank, blank, blank. Remember? You know, it's terrible. I know.

So we've got June 10th, July 20th. But Dad's is the 21st. And my mother's, there are a lot of birthdays and they get all mixed up. And I couldn't remember if it was the 20th or the 21st. And I felt so guilty. And one of my granddaughters has a birthday, I think, on the 21st. Then sometimes I think it's the 20th. But anyway, that's all I'm old.

But these are all different months too, right? Yeah, you're old. It doesn't matter. Nobody cares. Yeah. Every day's birthday. I have an excuse. I have an excuse.

But anyway, we had a really nice visit with them. And we played shuffleboard and we played pool. And it's a good thing they left this morning because they were getting really good at shuffleboard. Yeah, you've got to get them out of there before they master it for sure. I know. Margie was really good. She was knocking my pucks off right and left. Rude.

She was good. But, you know, they opened my eyes to the fact that life is really different here at the home than on the outside. You get used to doing things and you don't even realize. You don't even realize you're doing them. Like we were walking down the hall from dinner last night, coming back here because we wanted to play some games. and outside of everyone's door, alongside of everyone's door along the hallways, and there's like 1,500 to 2,000 residents,

people have decorations on their shelves. They have flowers, they have family pictures, they have crafts that they've done. Well, we walked past this one shelf, and there was a box of opened polydent. It's a denture adhesive. Sure. And so I picked it up.

said, oh, dad uses this brand and I stuck it in my pocketbook. And Margie said, mom, you can't take a shelf decoration, can you? I said, well, it's not really a decoration, Margie. This is something that somebody doesn't need anymore. And I've seen like Meta Musil sitting out on the shelf. I've seen bottles of ensure that people don't need anymore and somebody, people are welcome to take them. I hope I've always taken stuff. Cands of soda. Are you sure? Yeah.

I mean, if I wanted to give somebody something, I put it in a bag, put their name on it and hang it on their doorknob. I wouldn't take anything like that. But, you know. But who takes a half drunk soda or, you know, an open box, unopened, unopened. New cans of soda. I'm like, you don't. Although the box of Pollydent was opened and partially used, but most of them were there.

But they're individually wrapped. Right. It's not like they've been used. Wait a minute. So the working assumption at the home is if you're walking down the hall and you see a half open bottle of polydent or box of it. Oh, it's not a bottle. It's a box and they're individually wrapped. Fine, whatever. But the assumption is first come, first serve, help yourself. It's just out there to be taken. That's the default. Like a food pantry or something like that or one of those libraries. I don't. know if they have them in your neighborhood, but they have them in my neighborhood where people put out, you know, like a, it looks like a mailbox, but it's a little mini library. They put out a whole bunch of books.

Yeah, they no longer need. Sometimes they will say take one or help yourself. This didn't really have a sign on it, but I'm sure they wouldn't put it out there if they didn't want somebody to take it. So what's your thought on this? I was just in a hotel last week, came back late from a kind of a disappointing dinner. It's just, the food just didn't taste right. I was still hungry, and I was walking down the hallway, and there was a room service cart that had been left outside somebody's door.

And on the cart was three-quarters of a whole chicken. Okay? Three-quarters of a whole chicken. Somebody had eaten the leg and part of the thigh, but everything else was there. And next to it was a hamburger with one bite out of it and a giant plate of French fries. And it was still warm and I could smell all of it.

So somebody had ordered, you know, dinner for two, and they'd barely touched it and they put it out there. Now it's about... You didn't. It's about what... This from the woman who takes a half open box of Palladent. individually wrapped individually wrapped okay so that's okay if that's the line so be it but there i stood in the hallway and the smell was great and i looked around and i you know there's nobody there

and now of course i'm on camera because every square inch of the hotel is filmed but you know what do you think what do you think i did mom what do you think i did in that moment you went back to your room and ordered room service You ordered yourself a chicken because you wouldn't eat chicken that somebody else had obviously held and yanked off the leg from. Chuck, what do you think I did? I think you ate that chicken, bro. I don't think you ate the hamburger, but I think you ate that chicken. No, he didn't do that.

No. So, Mom, we've entered a stage in our relationship, I guess, and a point in our life where Chuck knows me better than you. Or you so badly want to believe that. even though you're a woman who would help herself to somebody else's teeth glue. Individually wrapped. Very key point. I got to go with your mom on that. What happened to me in that moment, and I stood there probably for five minutes.

If I had to do it again, I would have simply picked up the plate and taken it to my room. But I didn't because for me, that's where the line was. It's like, I don't want to be a guy who takes somebody's, partially eaten meal off the tray, surreptitiously spirits it back to my room. But I didn't mind being a guy who stood there and went, you know, that French fry was still warm and satisfying. And the second French fry, there was ketchup that was out.

So I dipped and I had it, and that was good too. So I ate about eight fries. And then I just said, screw it. I ripped the leg and the thigh off the other side of the chicken. and I stood there and I ate it in the hallway and honestly the way I justified it was

my first thought when I saw all this uneaten food was what a bunch of just selfish detached weirdos I mean who would spend that kind of money and have so little respect for the chicken

and the cow right it's like you owe it to the animal I mean what a horrible thing you grow up you get slaughtered You get drawn, quartered, and then you get frozen and shipped, and they don't even bother to eat you. So, you know, I mean, to really bring this back where we started, the dog, the castaway, the survivors in the whale boat who ate their friends. That's how it ended for me that night. I just stood in the hallway, and I ate the chicken, and I literally, I just, I ate until I was full, and then I went to bed.

I felt good for you. Yeah. So I'm picturing this. You know, I'm picturing you ripping off the thigh and just eating it. You know, I'm, you know, holding it in your hand. Dipping a fry and ketchup and eating it. And so then the guy's got, you know, plans later, he and his wife. And so they opened the door to leave and they see you fry in hand, you know, chicken leg in hand.

What would you say at that moment? I would have said what I said seven years ago when something very similar. happened in the same moment, I would have said, Dirty Jobs, Tuesdays at 9, only on Discovery, and then just walked away. So they would be left with a story. Like, yep, we met the Dirty Jobs guy. He was eating our food in the hallway that we couldn't finish. Honey, come quick. The Dirty Jobs guy is eating our leftovers. He's really hungry. In the hallway. Poor guy can't afford a meal. I honestly, Mom. Was it good? It was delicious.

Was it fully cooked? Yes. There wasn't a hint of pink. Like the ass you referenced in the prior limerick, which I thought was pretty edgy for you? That's a callback. How did it go? Like round and pink? Pink like you think.

Yeah, right? It wasn't that? Not rounded in pink, as you probably think. It was gray, had long ears and a grass. So, Michael, so then you went home and developed this bad back. Do you think maybe there's? a connection? Oh, of course there is. There's a huge body of work linking sciatica to poultry, bad chicken. Badly cooked chicken. You know, I heard a story one time about a woman who had anorexia,

and she was bulimic. Wow. And she came home from somewhere, and her parents had put the Leftover, I think it was chicken in the dog's dish on the floor, and the dog had not eaten it. She went over, binged, ate all of that chicken out of the dog's dish, and then I guess she went and did her thing in the bathroom. I love stories like this. Seven years ago, a guy named Ben Still was a musician. He had zero interest in running a food company. but he was annoyed that so much imported meat was being deceptively marketed and labeled as domestic, and decided to fix the problem.

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this long had the quality not been so exceptional. Every single cut I've devoured from good ranchers has been straight up delicious and every morsel was raised on a small American farm or ranch. Give them a try. Subscriptions are affordable and flexible. In fact, if you start your plan today, you'll get free meat for life and $40 off your first order. Just use code mic at good ranchers.com. Free meat for life, 40 bucks off your first order. Good ranchers.com. American meat delivered. If you could eat a steer, if you could eat a cow, don't take a chance on a foreign ranch. Get good ranch. now. It kind of reminds me of that. You didn't throw it up, did you? I mean, you kept it down. As usual, Mom, your story is disturbing, but you don't take it far enough. The way I heard it was

the woman came home, ate the chicken in the dog bowl, threw it back up in the dog bowl, at which point the dog finally ate it, thrilled at long last to have a hot meal. Do you? See, that's the difference. You take us to the edge. I push you over. It's almost time for dinner here, so let's change the subject. I don't have a bit. You know, it's funny.

Like I say, life here is really different. And you just take it for granted until outsiders come in and look at you. Like Margie and Scott were here for a couple of days and joined us at meal time. Well, when there's stuff left on the table, we bring it home. It's leftovers. And this morning we had breakfast at the acorn, which is a pub here, and they have a really nice breakfast. And as we're leaving, Margie says to me, Mom, you didn't take the creamers and the butter. And so I went back and got the cream.

I mean, I figure, you know, they brought it to us. We're entitled to it. We just didn't use it. So I'll take it home and then I won't have to go shopping. Or you could just leave it out on the community chest along with whatever uneaten food and partially consumed medications you might have. I could bring it home and put it on the shelf and it would disappear. It's funny.

Life here is different. And then I had to go to CVS pharmacy, which is down on the terrace level. And I'm looking around and I'm thinking, you know, this really isn't like every other pharmacy. And so I took a couple of pictures. there's a huge display of adult diapers. I mean, depends and poise and all different kinds of diapers. It's huge. It's one whole aisle.

And across from it are all of these nutritious drinks like boost and insure. And you know, and then there's the MetaMuse or the... It's funny. And so I decided, I was going to go up to the desk, to the window. And I said to the woman, I looked around to see if anybody was listening. And I said to the woman, I have kind of a personal question. And then I said, I'm a writer and this is material.

I didn't want her to think. Anyway, I said, do you sell birth control? And she said, no, we don't really sell birth control here, but I can get it for you. You let me know what kind you want and I'll get it for you. I said, no, no, this is, I'm asking for somebody else. So she just was totally serious and, you know, went to help somebody else. So, okay, in a drugstore for seniors, you know, in a senior living setting, they don't sell any birth control.

But they got diapers galore and senior drinks and any aid for going to the band. You know, it's a unique setting. It really is. Do you know, I mean, in practical terms, mom, what an adult diaper is? I know what it does. It's birth control. Oh, yes. I guess that's really a turnoff, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, speaking as just a guy, you know, I mean, things are going well, the first date's progressing, you're rounding second, you're headed for third. There's a diaper. Okay. Everything shifts right there.

That should change. That's a, you know. Yeah, I mean, a good pickup line would not be. Are my depends showing through my slacks? That's not a good pickup line. No, those aren't panty lines. You know, it's that question where the woman asked the guy, boxers are briefs, and he says, depends.

It reminds me. Do you remember all that stuff? stuff I did for Epic Pharmacy back in the day. I do. Yeah. Yeah. That was a big deal. It was a big deal. This was a commercial campaign for a bunch of like family-owned Monpaa local pharmacies who were getting run out of business by CVS and Walgreens and Duane Reed and all the big corporate chains. So they all got together and they formed this union of pharmacies called Epic. So they could all buy products like together.

and get bigger discounts and so forth. Anyhow, they hired me to be the spokesperson for these mon pa chains, these epic pharmacies. And what I sold them on was the idea of a completely unscripted series of commercials where I would go in and just chat with customers, real customers enjoying the service that you can only really expect in these small mon pa pharmacies. Well, it was a leap of faith because, right, no actors, no scripts. You never know how these things are going to go. My belief is that eventually you're going to get really great stuff, but it's a process. And, you know, the client was nervous and the crew was there. And I got two camera guys rolling. And I walk up to this sweet little old lady, like an aisle four, and she's got a shopping cart full of stuff. And she's looking around for something.

And we start to chat. And she's just delightful, you know, and we're in that aisle. And I say, well, did you come in for anything in particular as she's reaching up to grab a handful of these adult diapers. And she says, just the usual stuff, this, this, and that. And of course, a little something for my husband who can't seem to go four hours without shitting his pants. She said that in those terms? Yeah, exactly like that on camera. And I looked over to Klein and they were like, yeah, we just don't think we can use that.

We, you know, epic pharmacy. Well, at least it wasn't live. No, it wasn't, which is a shame because that thing would have really made. That would have killed on TikTok today, Chuck. Oh, my gosh, yes. That was funny. I remember that dad and I went a couple of times when you said, oh, I'm going to be filming out at four corners today or, you know, in Jarrett'sville.

Well, dad and I would just happen to go in so that we could watch you work. We'd like to watch you work. Oh, God. What a time that was. Anyway, so Scott and Marge have left and dad swimming. They left this morning and then dad went swimming and I got some writing done. Good. It's always. I mean, I'll tell you, the favorite thing in the lives of people here who live at the home

is when their children come to visit or any family comes to visit. I get it. I get it, Mom. It's the most important. You don't have to turn the screws every time we talk. I get it. I get it. I'm 3,000 miles away. This has got to count for something, though. Honey, you were just here last week. You do very well. I'm not criticizing. That was last month, by the way. It was a couple of weeks ago. Can I just say that the last time we spoke, you said, you said something that stuck with me where you said,

it's really nice to go and eat at the dining area because it's like, you know, it's like a five, course meal that's laid out for you. You don't have to prepare anything. But it's like, you don't have to think about it. You don't have to shop or whatever. It's like, I just remember when you said that to me, I thought, that's what I need. Because what usually happens is I find myself going like, man, I am really hungry. What should I eat? And by then it's too late to like go shopping and stuff like that. I just don't prepare in advance at all. Well, you are 60 now, Chuck. You're old enough to move into a facility if you were so disposed. It's more and more looking great.

That part I would really like. I'll tell you that. Before you do that, Chuck, might I suggest, that you just wander up and down the hallways of the Ritz or the Four Seasons. You'll be surprised what you find around dinner time. You know, avoid things that have a film on it. But, you know, there's some pretty good fresh offerings out there. Yeah.

All right. Fair point, fair point. Did you post today, Mom? Do it. Did you write something? I did, but I haven't posted it yet, because I need to make it a little bit better. Writing is rewriting.

It's all about the revision. It really is. I'm just looking at one of your most recent. How do you pronounce S-E-B-O-R-H-E-I-C? Seborraic. Come on, right. Carotosis. So you have to put, I'm going to ask,

the listener to put themselves in my place. Your mother's 3,000 miles away, right? You check in when you can, but mostly you hop on to Facebook to see what's new, and you read this. Lucky me, it's party time again when I get to do my favorite thing. Like all fun parties, the first thing I do is take off all my clothes. Then I lie on a narrow table. Sorry for the visual. If you are experiencing nausea, let me add that I'm covered with a flimsy piece of gauzy paper,

which slides off from time to time. The bright light makes me feel. like I'm on stage doing a presentation, which is somewhat accurate as I am presenting my body, which the host examines thoroughly through a magnifying glass, the kind of jeweler might use. Only instead of saying, this is 24-carat gold, she says, this is a, say the word again, seborraic carotosis. Carotosis. I bet you hate coming to work, I say.

She laughs. Believe me, I've seen much worse. I call these barnacles on the ship of life. 45 minutes later, the party's over. No burns or band-aids, this time. I go home, greet my plants, and make my way to the bubbling hot tub where I can relax and watch my cellulite float to the surface. Getting old is one big party.

So says Peggy Roe. Nice. Every word of it is true. I do talk to my plants. they're outside on our shelf has plants on it. And fortunately, no one has taken them yet. They will. As long as they don't answer, it's okay.

And I talk to them. I tell them where I've been. And, you know, what it was like and that I'm home again, and I'm going to give you a drink pretty soon. Oh, wow. Well, you kind of buried the lead. I didn't know you were talking to your plants. Oh.

I didn't know you had a hot tub either. You get in a bubbling hot tub where you can relax and watch your cellulite float to the surface? Well, it's down there next to the swimming pool. There's a big hot tub, spa, whatever you call it. I don't know that I'd want to get in that tub, mom. No offense. And you push a button and the water bubbles up all around you.

But you're only allowed to stay in 10 minutes because it can really play havoc with your blood pressure, especially if you're old. It's funny, we have young lifeguards here. Yeah. And you know your brother was a lifeguard. And sometimes I talk with the lifeguards because it's kind of a boring job.

So, you know, I weighed over and I talk to them and I'll say things like, so have you had to break up any fights today? Well, you know, everybody's here like in their 70s and 80s and 90s. And they'll say, no, I haven't had to break up any fights. And I'll say, have you had to yell, stop running on the deck? And they'll say, no, I never have to yell.

Stop running on the deck. And then this guy said, I'll tell you what I do have to do. I have to go over and pull people out of the hot tub from time to time. They stay in too long and their blood pressure will plummet. And I have to go pull them out. So that's his biggest job when he's a lifeguard. That's exciting. Well, it is saving lives, you know.

He doesn't have to dive in and pull them off the bottom, but... It's a heck of a thing to save a life, you know? I never did it as a lifeguard, but Scott did. He did. Your son who just left you. I think I told that story at the... I told it somewhere. You were around.

You know, you received the Distinguished Eagle Award, I think, from the Boy Scouts down in Florida. And we all went, and there were thousands of people there. And Scott was there. And you went up and you had this big medal because you were the distinguished Eagle Scout. And you held it up and you had just introduced everybody at our table, our family. And you said, see this, Scott? I'm distinguished. Scott doesn't have one of these, you said, holding up your distinguished medal.

but he saved somebody's life. It was very moving when you said it, you know, and oh, everybody, they stood up and applauded Scott, and Scott wanted to go under the table, I know. Scott does not like people looking at him, and it was a great opportunity to, yeah. But what I remember most about it was just how casual. I mean, we were all eating.

We were all sitting around the table, and Scott had been lifeguarding at an apartment pool complex. No, this was at an outside community pool in the summer. Oh, I thought it was a pool at an apartment. I know it was an outside pool. Oh, there could have been apartments. Yeah, I don't even know. Yeah, people just don't build pools in the outdoors, Mom,

and just welcome anybody to come in and die in a man. It could very well have been an apartment. Yeah. Well, whatever it was, he was just, we were halfway through dinner, you know, and I was talking and Phil was talking, and we were talking and somebody said, well, how was your day? And he was like, ah, it's okay. And he just went on to describe sitting there in the chair and looking into the pool

and seeing a little kid on the bottom swimming, but going slower and slower across the very bottom of the pool in the deep end and then just stopped and then just lay there. And he said, oh, yeah, that kid's drowning right there. And so he dove in and dragged him out and did, I guess, I don't know. I don't know if he did CPR or pumped his, he did all that. Yeah. So it's like, pass the potatoes. Yeah, I saved a kid's life today.

Would you do, Mike? No, I got an award. I asked the lady what she bought it to Epic. And she told me. Yeah, you got that man on the street stuff when you're doing commercials doesn't always work, does it? No, it doesn't. But when it does work, there's nothing. You can't, you know, you can't script it.

It's about as real as it gets. Like this conversation, Mom, which has now gone on for 55 minutes. Anything else you want to add before I hang up on you? You think there was anything of any value in this podcast? No. No. No. No, I don't think so.

Probably not. I mean. But a good time. Chuck embracing his Hitler youth. You hitting us with some limericks. I was only following orders. Your limerick was a highlight for me. That's a good one.

That's a good one. Yeah. Me eating chicken, 12 o'clock and a ritz. That's something. Yeah, that's something to forget. Hey, I got a poem. It's not a poem, but it does illustrate, I think, the value of, you know, memorizing something. When I was living in New York, I don't think I ever told you this.

I was at my friend Dan Kramer's recording studio, GLC, Giant Lizard Company that was called. And he had the weirdest bunch of clients. They'd come in at all hours. There's some rock and roll guys and some really interesting people. Well, somebody came in, kind of a famous guy, I better not use his name, or the son of a very, very famous politician. And he had this idea. He was doing something called Japanese anime, which is like very violent animated scenes. And these scenes were called Vampires in New York or of New York.

And it was these beautiful pieces of orchestral music juxtaposed with these very grim encounters, super bloody. And this guy, he wanted classic poetry being read while this super scary music played and these animated vampires who were actually good guys killed muggers and other criminals who were terrorizing New York City. And I happened to be in the studio. And I happened to be there when he said, does anybody know any like creepy passages from Po or Camus or anything?

And I walked into the booth and I was thinking of Macbeth. I think it's act three. Come sealing night, scarf up the tender eye of pitiful day. And with thy bloody and invisible hand cast off this wretched bond that keeps me pale. light thickens and the crow makes way to the rookie wood good things of day do droop and drowls while night's black agents to their prey do rouse this guy hired me on the spot and I narrated vampires of New York for a whole season never saw the show don't know if it actually ever aired anywhere but anyway that's why you should memorize stuff folks get right on that

you never know when it's going to come in handy when I taught I would recite oh god I can't remember the title T'was Brillig and the Slythe Toves to Jiren Gimble on the way Oh the Jabberwocky from

Alice And the Murrow Groves And the Mumrats Out Great Yes Alice in Wonderland Beware the Jabberwock my friends The jaws that bite

The something that snatch The claws that's snatch. Beware the jump job bird and shun the frummiest bandersnatch. Shun the frummiest banders. Yes. Yes. And the kids, the kids loved it, you know. Whether you're reciting it from memory or reading it, really, poetry's the best. If you're trying to get somebody's attention, you know, or motivate children to do something, yeah, poetry's, yeah, that's where it's at, really. Yeah. shame it's gotten such a bad rap all right mom i love you i gotta go was that a joke it's gotten such a bad rap of course it was a joke you know but look if you have to explain the punchline right well i guess

okay i thought maybe i was very clever picking that up and nobody else would i missed it he missed yeah yeah he totally missed it maybe that's the title why does poetry have such a bad rap then again i'm Thinking of finding three quarters of a chicken. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know about you, Chuck, but it really is. Picked my appetite. I'm going to dinner soon. I think they always have chicken on the menu in some way.

If they don't have it on the menu, somebody's bound to have it out on one of those shelves. Next is some individually wrapped metamusals. All right, this is it. This is it. I really got to go. I got a lot going on. I do too. This time, it's for real.

All right. It's for real. Bye, Peggy. Goodbye, Mother. Goodbye, Chuck. Bye, Mike. Love you guys. Love you, too.

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