The Way I Heard It with Mike Rowe - 426: Tim Allen Loves the Ballet

Episode Date: February 18, 2025

It's a compelling hang with the iconic comedian, actor, and renaissance man who takes a deep dive on a myriad of topics, including philosophy, physics, and fire prevention. His new sitcom, Shifting Gears, can be seen on ABC Wednesdays at 8PM.

Chuck, I could talk for hours about the conversation I just had, but what's the point since the conversation I just had went on for hours with my old friend Tim Allen. Two hours and ten minutes to be precise, but who's really counting? Well, aside from you, no one. I thought the time flew by. Tim is such a pleasure to be with. Now I owe him another one because this is the second time he's come by on the podcast. But boy, he came armed this time with a whole slew of topics that I did not anticipate. I'm not going to say, anything else because the conversation speaks for itself. It takes its time. I hope you'll strap in and enjoy it. I don't think it's too big a spoiler alert to tell you that among other things you may not have known, Tim Allen loves the ballet right after this. The federal government is not going to close America's skills gap. They have an important role to play for sure, but if we're serious about reinvents,

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Skills, USA. Like I said, cutbacks. Only the best. Because you can't afford a piece of bamboo with little stripes on it. Because that would have been a lot of money to have a clapboard. Oh, God.

Is that what they're officially called? Is it a clapper? A clapper? Yeah, I think so. I do. I'm constantly. messing with our lady. I always put a ruler when she's not looking in there

so it doesn't. Yeah. And she goes, what that? It's not funny to her, but. I do one where I lean in super close and then act like they catch my nose and really just keep going with it. I've made people cry. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, if you commit to it. Yeah. Here comes your coffee. Look at that. Lucas is the weirdest. Logan is coming in hot with the coffee. He's just kind of.

We asked Tim if he, like, would you like anything at all, anything? He's like, no, nothing. Maybe coffee, iced with a straw. Because that's what we have sitting around. Anything that's horribly hard to get in this. There we go. I hate ice coffee, but I need a little caffeine today.

Sorry we couldn't get a large. Yeah. Is this enough because I'll be pissing this out pretty soon? Oh, terrific. All right. Well, we'll keep this one short. How much time do you have, by the way? I don't have a time.

I don't want to say I don't have a time limit because it sounds like if you ask for a... Chuck, let me know it's been three hours. I don't want to be disrespectful to the man's time. You got it. Hard to deal with. We'll get you out of here in no time. What's wrong with your tooth? What happened?

Something happened to the nerve on the inside of one of these teeth, so they polished on the inside. They said, I would avoid hot beverages if you have to drink coffee, use a straw. I don't know what that is. It seems fine to know because I'm listening to. Generally, I don't listen. But I have a...

I bought a sports car. this year. That's weird. You? Well, I got big, you know, big V8s and I bought an old Porsche, but you can't drink anything in it and hear you in a car if you're ever driving to do any of my production errands. Yeah. You're in your car as an office. Right. And I can't drink in that car because it's too bouncy. So my life is over. Hey, did you see my truck? Yes, I did. Mm-hmm. Well, what do you think? Loved it. I thought about you every step of the way to... That's the whole show. I don't clearly, I totally lost what you were talking about. about half the time going, but look at that freaking Bronco.

Wow. It wasn't a Bronco, man. The one I sold at the auction. Oh, that one. I'm not when you're on your show. No, not the one on the show. The one on the show is overdone like everything else. You'll never use it.

No. No, somebody bought it at Barrett Jackson for $1.5 million. Right. Yeah. But for a show, right? No. They're anonymous. I don't even know who it was.

Right. I've been to Barrett Jackson and bought probably five cars down there. Yes, I did see that. that car. And I said, who made that for you? The company is called Sugar Creek. They're up in Ohio, Washington Courthouse. And the guy is called John Richardson. You should know him. You'd love him. He, um, that's what he does is rest of rods or whatever you call out. Well, yeah, and no. What he does for real is he sold you all the bacon you've ever eaten. He's the guy that sells the bacon. All of the bacon? It's like Oscar Meyer and Smithfield and

They're like the major bacon wholesale. But he's crazy for cars. And so... I'm stuck on the bacon thing. I know. But literally, at Sugar Creek, there's this bacon factory. And across the street is a 10,000 square foot fabrication house with a couple dozen dudes who are the best at what they do.

He's probably got 200 old junkers behind the building. And they're constantly in the process of turning these old turds into these beautiful, beautiful classes. that guys like you would buy. I just had a car dealer come by my shop in North Hollywood, and the same thing. I said, Resto rods have taught me the value of GM Ford, Chrysler, Ferrari. That's what they do for a living.

Yeah. We build hot rods at my shop. Isn't that beautiful? And then me, the functional guy, goes, has anybody driven this? Because generally it takes three to four years to make some of these really high in restore rods and takes five years to sort them out, because they don't work.

They're not functional. Yeah. That's old Porsche design, form follows function. Right. I love that. Sometimes it looks horrible, but it works. Porsche has been able to manipulate, at least in my view, they've been able to manipulate beautiful design into a functional piece.

Was that really Porsche that had that turn a phrase? I don't. I studied, that was minor in college design in forms false function. I thought that was Ba House, actually. Yeah. Yeah. I've always loved that whole thing. Well, it's designed, but it's all.

You're also philosophy adjacent. Yes. And you're an old philosophy for you. Quality is the enemy of capitalism. That's when I've turned into a Marxist, because he's right. They don't want Fisker Tools, I believe, was if I got the guy right, he said, just make me the best wrench, I'll figure how to sell it. Don't make the one that sells best, which is a bag of wrenches from overseas,

or like 11 bucks for 30 wrenches. And they're broken in the bag. They're really broken. broken and if you pick up a Fisker flat nose pliers, as soon as you hold it, you go, huh, yeah, that's, wow, that's weird. But it's also $39. Right. For one wrench. Or Wilton Weiss company. I make jokes about them all the time. I wanted to replace the vice in my house. And it's an old, it just started wobbling. I didn't notice that it was wobbling. And I said, do they make better vices? And craftsman Sears old company used to make,

In the 60s, they were pretty good. Craftsman has since turned into mass production. So I'd go online and I'd do this all the time. Search, how much could you pay for a vice? And so I get into this, Wilton, I believe. Will Turner, Wilton, I think Wilton. And it was in Ohio, I believe, again. And then I'm going, I called up and says, who pays $2,400 bucks for a vice?

And she goes, sir, you called me. And I go, okay, point taken. And she goes, you're looking at a machina's vice. You probably don't need that. It has declinations on the, so you can put a watch in there. It'll only do. And I go, all of our gears are internal. What's it called?

It's forged steel. Yeah. It's not pounded or 50,000 pounds per square inch, the anvil on top. You can actually use that anvil that's on the top of the vice. Right. I end up buying two or one for my buddy, Hank, who's got an office around here. And I said, it is like buttery smooth. No matter who comes into my shop, the big shop, they'll sit by the vice.

And go, what is that? Hanks isn't Tom? Uh-huh. He's got it. So you guys are still on a last name basis? Yeah. You're that tight? Yeah, we are.

Hanks. Well, it's Woody or Hanks, one of the two. It's either a fabric cowboy that nobody wants. So is he a geek, too? He's a geek. And Biden, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah. We got more mail.

Last time you and I chatted, I told the story of the time you and I missed our cue on Last Man. Right. Because I ask you some. question in passing backstage and you started talking about it was a blender and you were trying to take a busted blender and explain to your grand kid or something you know show them how it could be fixed but it was all like one piece of extruded plastic right dude you lost your mind yes it was just the two of us in the shadows behind the flats and you're like in my face and you're frothing well and you're like and i'll tell you something else row the way they made this thing and meanwhile the audience is like

Who cares about them? I care about this little piece of rubber that caused this entire problem of the stupid, and that caused, I did a history channel show over that. Yeah. Over that blender, April Wilkerson, who is this do-it-yourselfer that's the best in the world that we've had on that show. She got a hold of it. My shop got a hold of it. Nobody could fix it.

April did fix it eventually. First off, I don't want to give the brand away. There's no way to get the... After what you just did to Fisker? Well, Fisker was good. I love Fisker. It was great. Yeah.

What was the bag full of wrenches that showed up already busted? And I think you alluded that Craftsman went all commercial. Craftsman used to be the best. Used to be. I thought Craftsman should have. I praise. I thought they should have branched off when Sears went under. Craftsman should have been its own hardware store.

I've always thought it should have been their own hardware store. Because now I don't know who makes good ratchet anymore. Craftsons are okay. Yeah. I don't know who makes the top, the high end one. I'll tell you this, Craftsman saved QVC. When I was there in 1990, they were starting to circle the drain because they couldn't get any name brands. It was all just stuff for sale you'd went on a carnival midway, you know.

And then they made this deal with craftsmen. And all of a sudden, the viewership went crazy. And we started selling all kinds of tools thanks to craftsmen. But that was 1990. Right. When they made it, but I said the blender idea was it is not stopped. I have a technical house. I like my house technical, but my technical department in my house looks like a battleship.

The room down the basement, where all my furnaces are, even guys that come fixing, who did this? Because it's all bleached white walls. And I got it so you can get behind the air conditioning unit behind any kind. I want, where you fix it looks better than where you operate. That's my deal. My whole thing is I'm out in the brand as Questron, because you can, from a distance, I can turn on lights in certain parts of the house.

But it started going funky on me three weeks ago with some lights didn't work. Some lights went on all by themselves. It got so frustrating. And then you get IT guys. And I said, I know, what can I do before a white van with ladders on it shows up? And it's always the same thing. You unplug it. Now, I don't care how big the components are.

Eventually, a guy goes, well, try the free phenomenon, turn, then a pluff on a plug this front of it. Or hard restart. A hard restart. I go, isn't there a switch you could have that has a hard restart in it? Well, anyway, they tried that, nothing. Then he goes, he sends me a video. And he goes, I don't know what I'm even looking at. And he says, that's the back of the fluffles in the level.

There's a two module all the flannelish in it. The green area, which is a stinker function of anything. They go, do they just unplug? No, no, no, no. No, no. You know, put your elbow on your knee, look at the gods, and then blink. And there's something you got to pull. Sure.

The whole thing was based on, don't. don't even understand it. Copper is brittle. Copper wire sometimes just separates. I mean, in the middle. It's something about copper. Hot, cold, hot cold, hot cold, electric. Eventually, it just popped. And I'm talking about a wire you could barely see, barely see it between another clip that had nine wires in, but a ground wire was in there. And that ground wire was tapping. Once it stopped, all the lights went out. The whole house went out because of a little tiny wire. And I said, that is something about technology and something about how things get done is what's fascinating to me, which is why I love what you do. I love being part of this thing.

And as I told my shop, I break stuff literally before I fix it. Like this guy came through, the second guy came through, and he found that without yanking stuff out. I don't know what he used, what tool he used, but that's my weakness is plumbing and electronics, electrical stuff. Well, your strength is reductive. I've always admired that about you. Two things. First of all, you distill stuff really fast to the tiniest component part, whether it's a little filament of copper or an O ring or some little rubber

canniblin pin or something Johnson Rod or whatever it is. And then you build from that. And I think that's just interesting as a personality quirk. But what I like is that you, You work in this big machine. Like, you're in the Disney machine. You're in the network machine. You're in the scripted machine.

And you've got to be in rooms all the time with writers who don't know they're asked from a hot rock, but who want to write. I wouldn't say it that way in front of them. No, you wouldn't. But here I am. I'm not in that world. Right. But I know for a guy who's a bit of a pedant when it comes to the specificities of maybe his automobiles or electronics, you want to get it right. even in a world of fiction, you want that stuff to be right.

I don't think you can base fiction on reality, even the comedy I do. And we've had this discussion. Last Man Standing. And now when I decided to do shifting gears, I said, if you did another one, I said, well, I thought they were kidding. Because I was doing Santa Claus a series at the same time they're saying, how would have, would you do a linear TV show? Hey, look at this, by the way. There you go. We're not screwing around.

Not screwing around. Chuck is actually doing something over there. on the floor. To see it come from Caroline Cassidy and Carrie Burke from 20th century. We had a lunch and they were saying, what would you do? Caroline Cassidy, fortunately, her family lost their home in this fire. I keep thinking about all that she's done and just amazing that the amount of pain this has caused this business. And they move on.

She had seen me in Vegas and she said, I had no idea, didn't sound like a compliment. She said, I had no idea that you had this sort of an impact on people. because I've been working stand-up for years and still sell out these big venues. And she said, they just don't know it. I said, well, my publicity people push other stuff that's not about my stand-up. And so she says, there's so many people in your sense of humor. And it hasn't really been the show as partially home improvement was based on my act. The first six episodes were my first act, my first Showtime act.

Met her pigs. Yeah. Good stuff, 1990. 1990. I felt terrible about myself after watching that. I love and hate men. I grew up in a family with seven boys and two girls, so it was all about men's perspective,

but run by women, which is life and itself, sure it is. And I told these people, if I did another one, I want to be a widower, recently widowed, and they love that because they said,

then we could date in networks like that. I'm not so interested in that part of it. I love grief as it's run. My life was lost and other people's loss. I'm always admired people that have, lost something deep, and yet they still have a true north? It's true. Again, I don't understand that.

I've fought it my whole life. And so I want to do that, and then I want to be in the car restoration business, because I love construction. I did that home improvement. I love the outdoor equipment business, did that last minute. If I did it again, I want to be in restore rods in this business right now where the, I'm not finding the new generation that into it. Yeah.

And in my case, my shop is next to a dance academy. And I used to hate dance. I thought it was phony and stupid. And now I've, like ballet and like art, I said, that's the best of mankind. How did that happen? Like, that's really interesting to me. Because I got a riff on every bad thing that's ever really happened socially starts when you take the art out of it. Yes.

Like when the vocational arts became. Votech and then shop and then whatever. But like when did it occur to you that maybe maybe the art was the thing worth saving? I love stories like this. Seven years ago, a guy named Ben Still was a musician. He had zero interest in running a food company, but he was annoyed that so much imported meat was being deceptively marketed and labeled. as domestic, and decided to fix the problem. The result was a company called Good Ranchers. It's a completely honest, totally transparent meat company that deals directly with American farms and

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affordable and flexible. In fact, if you start your plan today, you'll get free meat for life and $40 off your first order. Just use code mic at good ranchers.com. Free meat for life, 40 bucks off your first order. Good ranchers.com. American meat delivered. If you could eat a steer, if you could eat a cow, don't take a chance on a foreign ranch. Get good ranchers now. because of that. When you remove that, part of it was a bad joke, perhaps, is Stalin, I was looking at the murderers in Mount C. Tse Tung. Hitler was a child compared to those two.

Mount Titoon and Stalin, there was 20 million or millions and millions of people. And I don't understand that process of a human being that gets that low. And then Stalin would go, kill, you know, I went all of them dead tomorrow and all these dead, but don't touch the ballet dancers. And somehow, it always has. It was weird to me that the Russians were so violent in their own people, and yet, oh, the dance. And what was it about dance? And then I took my family to Francis of Versailles, where I think King Louis invented the tap shoe and all that stuff. And my niece is in the Washington Ballet, and I said, the work these people do is amazing.

And I say this, and the only word I come is for nothing. They're just expressing, they're not using a tool, their body is an expression of, I don't get it. I don't get any of the opera, any of that, but my gosh, it's these people expressing the best of creation. Do you remember the scene in Shawshank when Robbins locks himself in the warden's office and he plays an aria and it's broadcast all throughout the prison? And the men have never heard this sound. They've certainly never heard opera. I think it was Maria Callas. And they just stand there and they weep.

They don't even know why they're weeping. Exactly. It happened to me a couple years ago, weirdly in Vegas. I was probably just super tired after a long day of shooting. And I wound up at Cirque de Soleil. It was a production of Ka. And I'm just sitting there in like the fourth row, watching the body bend in ways that men can't.

an incredibly synchronized, beautifully choreographed work of deliberate art. And I realized, I'm crying like a baby. Don't know why. That to me is art. Yeah. And I said, that's a blast track of why we were on the subject. I said that... Or your tooth in a straw. And that's why I get... I said, oh, getting back to my show, and I said that I want it based in this and I want the creative process, I want a contrast between the people that do Resto Rods. You get the guys deep into the process that we just had, I don't know if it's

a word's called filigree, where they etched the bumper. I'm building a really love of this project, but it's been so stressful. I'm doing a 32, 19-32 Victoria Victor, I call it, Coop. And it's, I bought it from a guy who had it. I saw it on an auction site. It'd been in the Detroit Auto Show in the 60s, but it's been through guys' garages, but the stance of it. I always buy stuff, the stance of this thing, I said, damn, that's nice looking. So I took it all apart, and then I

saw King, one of the English guys, had a XKE that he put an electric motor in. And I had it all backwards. It was the inverter I was looking at. He poked in the hood, and the inverter was in there, and said, damn, that's not bad looking. I love big V8s as I'm designing it.

I said, I'm going to make an electric hot rod. because it's really about the style of the body that I care about. So this has been about a six-year project because I don't know dittily crap about electric motors and nor the most hot rodders in North Hollywood. And the guys, the EV people in Southern California, didn't know how to speak,

nor did the hot rodgers not to speak to them without knowing them. It got into a name-calling. And I said, guys, this is not helpful. The hot rodders need the thing to then build around it, EV guys know we need the plan first. We don't want you. And they were just trying to protect. They'd start talking real slow.

You don't understand the synchronicity of the inverter to the battery. Guys love to be talked to like that, by the way. Yeah, hot riders love that. They love that. That little son. Had them on the head sometimes. Oh, and it. But the art form, the guys that actually do it,

now we've gotten synchronicity between the EV people so we can make it work. that in parentheses said, now there's a lot of batteries under my ass because it's a hot rod. They're not the gas tank I thought in my head.

You just take the gas tank out. But a battery that back there, that's for about that six miles. You have to put them under the seats and I'm going through technically. If these ever catch fire or arc or whatever they do, he goes, yeah, that'd be a problem. You'd switch them off.

He goes, no, it doesn't work like that. Once they arc and they get into that, it's kind of dangerous. I said, my voice usually goes, well, I would have my kids with me. You know, would you drive your kids in this? He goes, yeah. And it's always that Uppenheimer moment. You know, yeah.

Will it light the whole atmosphere on fire? No, there's a chance it would. Can we eliminate that chance? No, there's really a, you know, we don't really know. It was like that Higgs-Bosin thing, remember? And it's like, yeah, we're going to basically break this beat of light. a couple times over and then we're going to go ahead and collide a couple atoms and, you know, could be an event horizon, I suppose.

Could be the end of everything. Could be. Probably not. I don't think so. I used to do this bit on, and it was in the movie Oppenheimer. They did it where they had, they said, what the, I think about Daman's character, said, what did it, you said, barely any chance. Well, it's minute.

And they're arguing about it. And they have, I think, little John or little boy. fat man or whatever it was. The only two they made, they'd never really tried them. They said, so it could light the atmosphere in New Mexico on fire.

He goes, could. Probably won't. Probably could. Is there a chance that would light all the atmosphere in fire? Well, that's an outside possibility. So you could catch the

world's atmosphere on fire. And he goes, it's a very, very slight chance of that. And then you have a bunch of guys going, ah, hell, let's try it in here. And they went ahead and blew it up. And in the movie, they were a little too close to that thing. Yeah. The point I'm trying to make was that the art of putting stuff together, I admire.

Where you're pointed with it, why I love ballet and now, I say I love it. I still don't get it. And it's hard to watch, except with my niece and my daughter was in dance school. You need a docent, right? You need somebody to say, and this is why. This is what's important to it, but mostly now I'm fascinated by the workload it takes to be able to do that. I didn't even know those wood shoes, whatever they're called. I didn't know that they put their foot in a wood shoe.

Clogs? Where they dance. They're not slippers. It's a thing. I didn't know that. That's where they can spin on top. But the muscles, what it takes to do it. And why are you doing this?

I have to express a movement of my body compared to music. And I go, I find it amazing. Like that's why I said It's a you don't weeping is fun I don't cry much I'm not a crier But I think you know When I see something

Like that That is transcendent It's Shakespearean It's what a piece of work is man That's all It's like wow You know Is it I spoke as I walked in here

As I've had between my Philosophical studies It's been real intense With a bunch of my guys That we talk philosophy We're right back to her and even in college in the last

Tresti or whatever you do the four-hour session you have to give your profile in Dilworth that was my professor's name and it's the most depressing group of men in a room that's like

and I'm going Were any philosophers funny I mean was any of these guys there are currently there are some guys but not Schrodener or any of these guys or Schrodinger's cat

Nietzsche could tell a joke some of them but none of them actually I think Wiggenstein I think Hegel he eventually got out of philosophy because there's no end to this.

You're asking, just because the question exists doesn't mean there's an answer to it. And you get into this darkness and then I said, this whole occurrence, I call it, this emanation, I call it, is temporary.

You're talking about life. Life itself. And we're, I just saw in a movie, Lucy, with Scarlett Johanson, which is we're, were trapped by time. There is a concept

without time. That's where we emanated from. It doesn't exist. And then the physicist in CERN, I took my younger daughter of CERN. He says, time is a construct. There is an element in the quantum level that time is irrelevant. And I said, irrelevant.

And it was called spin dynamics. And I go, first of all, I don't, what math proves this, but that's all they're doing is slowing the spin down of a packet. That's what they call particles. They use the word particle for your head. But when you keep looking at it smaller and smaller or scale, they call it, there's nothing

there. It's a packet. But if they slow it down, whatever the hell that means, the antiparticle also will slow down. And if you turn the particle the other direction, the other one does the opposite direction. It's antiparticle. I said, well, that's not, I guess I can understand that. no matter how far away the other one is. And I said, that's exactly the noise I meant.

Ah. What does it mean? Like a couple miles? No. Sometimes the antiparticle is several billion light years from here. And I said, first off, how do you know that? Oh, and they'd show me a blackboard. Yeah, with squiggles on it.

Oh, that says that. So there's an element at the micro level. And he even said it's not even a level. We don't call it because I said how many miles small is a boson, Higgs boson? Because it's not miles. At that point, we call it scale. But we're at zero, let's say, plus 24 is event horizon minus 23 zeros as a Higgs boson, they think. And I said, so how do you know that?

And what a weird world it is at the quantum level, the time is irrelevant. It doesn't exist. So then I'm starting to think, which is conscious. as human consciousness is without time, just did it this morning. I'm conscious of a dream that a lot of things happened. I was on a motorcade. I did something and we went eight and it was 808 when the kids went to school and I was still in bed. My wife took them to school and I said it was 808 and all of a sudden it was 814.

And I had had a day trip. Yeah. So wherever that world is, I'm experiencing consciousness in a dream. It is a dream. However, time was irrelevant. It was very manipulatable. Just so I understand. We're talking about the events of this morning. Yes. And you got up and you went to some philosophy group where you sat down with friends. I work out what I'm talking about. I've got two other guys that don't like this whole thing.

I've got... What do you mean? Don't like what whole thing? Is this determined or is it free will? This is the oldest conversation ever. Shrodinger's Cats, that whole thing. Yep. At the quantum level, it appears to be both at the same time, at the same moment. The slit experiment with light, it's particles and it's a wave. And if it's a wave, it's predetermined that light knows where to go. We did it on Last Man Standing because it was in the movie arrival where the aliens didn't understand anything that that woman was saying. And she says, I got 30%. We just have no background. But they did, what did boil?

When you stick a pencil in water, it bends. No matter what water, no matter what pencil, no matter what time of day, the light immediately goes the fastest direction. Never been in that water, but it always goes the fastest direction. The formation of thought is that light has already been everywhere. It's timeless. And so the aliens in that movie said, yeah, we understand that. And that was this thing about...

That was Jody Foster, right? No, no, no. Amy Adams, I think. Oh, right. That's a good one. Yes. And so in that, in my brother and the philosophy guys, I can make a decision, I have free will. I said, it does appear that way. Why do you say it like that?

He says, because I can't, I went and edited a film once in college, and the best-looking girl in school finally responded to me. I was a geeky kid with zits and half into the weightlifting thing with the football team and half with the geeks. and I love industrial art. So I was all over the school. But this girl, I made friends with her mother, is what you do. When you want to get her mother, he is such a kind boy. I would go to their house and help clean up stuff. And at one point she got, why don't you come over tonight?

And I went, I can't believe it. I'll be over there after I edit this film. If you've ever edited a film, you're going pretty soon. I'm done. Oh, God, it's 3 a.m. And she's pissed because I never showed up. And I've always wondered what would happen and I had not edited that film

and gone to her house. Sliding doors. Sliding doors. And I said to my buddies, it's impossible metaphorically, there's no way to, I can't go back and do it. Then it would be going back and it'd be doing a different way. Sure. And I said, so there is a potential that it is both.

Now there's an old, I believe it's mystical Judaism. I think it was what a Kabbalah thing I'd read. Guy goes out of an office building. There's a homeless guy sitting on the side. The first go-around, a guy goes out, ignores him, I don't want to deal with homeless people. I've got my own life. And he walks out, and there's a pillar, a light post. And there's a doctor between him and the light post across the street. He walks out, gets hit by a car. Because the pillar was there, the doctor didn't see any of it. He walked around the corner. And he gets hit, not gravely injured.

second guy goes out and at least looks at the guy and says hello to you know it says you know i don't but he pauses a minute this time the doctor now can see all this here's the noise comes across and helps him third guy goes out and helps the guy misses all the drama and he said so those three choices could exist temporally in in different worlds that we have every decision you make free will is another world. And deja vu is when one crosses the other one. You come back and go, I've been here, I've done this before. If you go, this is a mystical religious idea, if you go by the will of the emanation, where the emanation comes from is kindness. Love conquers all. That love might be, and consciousness might be eternal. They don't have any time frame to them. And if you go with

what they try to say in religion, help somebody. Be there. extend yourself, then that will, you go by that will and the things will go better for you. Are we talking about this because of the fires, you think? Well, are you sick of it yet? Are you sick of AI hogging up all the headlines and sucking up all the bandwidth? You find yourself wishing we lived in a simpler time? Do you miss the rotary phone? Well, get over it.

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And again, it's free at netsuite.com slash mike. That's netsuite.com. No, I've been doing this as a, I've been a religious kid because I was forced to as a kid. And then I spent some time, incarcerated so I had to search you know why is this it wasn't even just me why did horrible things happen to good people what is that all about that's the essential that's the I just don't know that and then I was given a little message

and it's actually the book of Job which cut to I don't even know where that's from and I'm this has been a year almost a little over a year I read the the Aramaic French Latin and Greek versions of the old Testament, page by page, I put it down if I drift. I got all the way through the Old Testament, I'm four pages into the New Testament as of this morning. Reading it as a scientist, is one of two guys told me, a priest and a rabbi, EXE, let the words come to you. Do not look for meaning. It will come to you. And all of that, it's been life-changing. I mean, I can't believe it's not what I thought it was. The Bible is not what I thought it was. It's very little preachy stuff. You know, it's mostly

the Torah is about law. You know. Consequence. Yeah, law and consequence and all this. And the book of Job was the one that affected me most. And even in this version, they're not sure where that was even written. It might have been written way before the Old Testament. This whole story about a guy who asked the emanation, why are you so mean to me? And I said this one time in a prison, you know, I was doing a shop thing. I was cleaning up. And I said, I saw some of the meanest people that were treated well and some of the nicest people treated horribly. I just never got that. And I got this kind of wind. I said, listen, you keep asking me this question. I'm going to tell you. And I guarantee you're not going to like the answer. And that,

was Joe. It was a reminder of a short story I'd done magician when I was on the road early and doing comedy. We'd open for magicians or strippers. I actually prefer magicians because it was more fun to watch. After a while you watch strippers. It's like working in a chocolate factory. You just kind of bored with chocolate. I get it. You got the moves bouncing. I got it with the pole and all that. But a good trick. A good trick. Oh, what is that? And I asked Mark Cornhouser, it's a magician. I said, he would rip a newspaper and do all these pieces, and then he goes, and it's all back together. And I'm, oh, God, that's magic. He's really a magician. So I'd ask him, can you show me how you do that? He goes, no, but it was so direct.

Yeah, come on, I'll pay you. No, I'm not paying it to him. I'm not showing you magic trick. And it's the same line, he goes, if I showed you, so. Several things are going to happen. You're going to go, that's stupid. And then magic will no longer mean the same to you. And that story kept back with the story of Job. If you ask the emanation why this is like it is, first off, you're going to go, what?

You won't understand anything. And in that book of Job, one variation, the emanation very rarely talks to humans because it's like speaking to an aunt. You can't understand anything it says. And it said, listen, do you understand why the waves stop at the shore? Probably not. Do you understand why birds fly a certain time of day, but not others?

No. You know, part of the planet is frozen solid. Like, you know, the stars all move in the same direction? Do you know any of that? You weren't here when I started it? You weren't here when I created this. You weren't here for any of this. And this is the first question you want to know is, why did you do this?

I'm so angry. I want to blitz. you into little pieces, but my anger is mitigated by my amazement that you do. That's the thing about man. There's something about Joe, I liked, that whole story that is dumb as we are. We do ask some amazing. Stubborn son of a gun. We are stubborn son of a gun and we add, why is this and how can I help? If you add that to that. Why is this and how can I help? Why is it and how can I help? I think the magic thing is super interesting, both in the context of your career and your philosophy and in everything you're saying because I went down deep

a YouTube rabbit hole the other day. Have you seen, I think it's card tricks by Jason, Chuck, the stuff I send you? Oh yeah. Love that. This guy, if you haven't seen him, Tim, I'll send you a link. It's card tricks. It's slight of hand. Yes. But it's so good. So good. But the context, Like, you know he is a master of Ledger Domain. You know, it's just like the Cirque de Soleil. It's just like the art we're talking about. He's human and he's doing a thing that you can't do. But forget the context.

And imagine having that skill throughout the long history of time and imagine being able to show somebody a thing. Not in the context of a magician, but of a firebringer, a god, right? like, wow, what choice do we have as mere mortals when confronted with something so outside our bounds of imitation or comprehension that to accept that, yeah, this is a superior being or this is a different kind of being. They're not. They can just do a thing we can't do.

But if it's not for the magician construct, we're not capable of thinking about it in that way. make any sense yeah i call them naturals you meet people that have an ability that's it's almost a anti-constitution thing we all are created equal we are not

i've had naturals in my life where did you get that ability where did that come from why is that different from the dancers that are the best of the best i have uh my agent is a stanford uh scholarship for golf. Within three weeks of being at Stanford, he realized he's never going to be golfing,

like the guys that he's golfing with. I was a race driver for Ford on Trans Am for about six years, and I took a whole bunch of big movie producers out to Willa Springs here, to just goof around with some of my race cars, and I took some famous director. And two of them were so slow that the guy said, I think we're going to put you in a kid's car. And they weren't being joking.

And the guy was such a formidable director. He went, I would like that. He wants to go. And the other guy who's directed big films, never been a race car. He was two seconds faster than me immediately. Never been in a race car. It's so humiliating to see a guy has a natural ability. People that paint or fix or that some,

I find that formidable about in what is their vent to the source. I've often said, humbly, when I'm killing in a big audience, this is not coming from me. I'm working it. I'm riding this. I don't know what political religious persuasion I really am, because the more I look at the emanator, I tag it, I make names, and I go through these whole things. It's in a big chair and it's got a beard for some reason. It looks like Father Time. If it doesn't have a beard, you have no.

idea I keep saying to is as though it's saying to me, you have no idea how big I am. Right. And how insignificant you are and yet you have a capacity to go, yeah, I think I get it. You know, I'm bigger than big. I'm past big. I invented big. I invented everyone. You will sit there and go, all right. I think I got it. It's like, well, here's what it is. Right. It's like, okay, I got it. No, actually you don't. You don't have it. You don't have it. And then you'll step back from there, you go, oh, I get it. I don't have it.

You know, I got it once. I was talking you earlier about this show, how the universe works, which I've been narrating forever in there. Like every episode, both is a reminder that nobody's getting out of this live. And we've got to go back to that. Okay, thanks a lot. I'm going to go have a hamburger because why not? We're trapped by the language.

We only know what we think things mean based on our understanding. This is the words we think we know. If you think there's life on other planets, then you have to be prepared to accept that there is life on an infinite number of planets. Because in an infinite universe, there is infinite life by definition. And so it's really interesting when people are making an argument for, well, yeah, look, the universe is so big that there has to be life somewhere else. it'd be crazy if it was just this. So at least one other place. But it's like, no, no, no.

If your argument is it's got to be at least in one other place because it's infinite, then ipso facto, there has to be life in an infinite number of other places because that's what infinite means. Infinite can't catch up to infinite ever. Again, this is CERN, the guy, now this is my other group of physicists that are working on. I can't remember what they're doing. Now, they're all working in New York on something. I can't remember what it's.

Sidebar. my other group of physicists. Well, some of these guys... What's really happening with you? I don't understand what's... There's some guys I've met when I went to CERN, and then there's some guys that I've met because of that, that are doing stuff

that happen to have physics backgrounds. And I said, so they all will reach out at certain times, and then a lot of doctors, I know, are kind of physics heads, like, we're all thinking about, why are we not figuring out breast cancer and women? It's like there's a whole bunch of us going, I need physicists and working men to think about it. Take it outside of the people.

I can't stand that this many women are suffering from this, mothers, family friends. And then why are we not focusing on that? When what's the lack of focus on that in what I said, you've got to bring in sometimes my mechanics if they looked at the problem. And I've done this to my doctors many times. have another guy looked at what you're looking at. Would they come up with another solution? It's another version of eyes. What's today's? I think I told you. The harvest is great, but there's not enough farmers. Workers. There's sheep or there's sheep and shepherds. And I said, I'm missing that problem solvers, which is what I've been, such a fan of yours, because that's

where your head is. You know, dirty jobs. I loved how you looked at things because you got a sense to humor and you've been self-effacing, that's the character, that's wonderful, that you're the type of guy that gives credit to these people that fix stuff. And these are the people that don't need any credit. That's the weird thing. I went to a Medal of Honor dinner. It was five, I believe, surviving Medal of Honor winners and two Victoria Cross guys. My youngest daughter, my wife and I, you're speechless. The thought process of these guys, well, I'm not going to leave the guy's there to get killed. Right. But you don't know how to fly a helicopter.

Now, I figured it out. I took it back in there. And he took it back in Vietnam on a hill, if I got it right. It was compromised by a Viet Cong had gotten involved in the radio operator, and they had ratted them out. So the Viet Cong surrounded him with, I think, 14,000 or 5,000 troops. They had 1,200 on top of the hill. He said, we had position. But because they were so close, the artillery couldn't help us.

So we were getting surrounded. And so we were flying people in and out. I got shot five times, but the helicopter pilot got hurt. And I said, I'm not leaving these guys there. And I go, I would run screaming like a hyena. And you went, I wonder how these work. And so you're going to pull this. And then the Trump, and he figured it out, went back and saved numerous guys.

And I saw these different guys that fix shit, fix stuff, look. And I get, I guess, who are these? How do I become better at it? How do I motivate other people? So many mechanics in my group that I like this. An Armenian guy in North Hollywood. The car will come in and he just stands there going like this. It's not where you think.

He calls it transference. Generally where the noises isn't what the problem is. It's something on the other side of the car is doing this and it's causing it to do this. And that guy is so freaking good. It's like Dr. House. Yeah. It's like you're diagnosing a sick person. Right.

Same chip. Yeah. Look, what happened two weeks prior to this? What? What does that have to do? In my physician, who I love that. Sometimes we talk in the examination room for my physical, and I'd walk out and I go, did I get a physical?

He goes, I think we forgot. Because we're both talking about our last one that we both got off track and got into another surgeon that he got me with. Do viruses speak to each other? That was after COVID. He said, no. The virologist said, that's not possible. And I said, what's a mutation?

What motivates a mutation? Nothing, it mutates. I know, but it was moving in a direction, let's say, and then it mutated at one point. So it decided to go left instead of straight. It mutated because it had a, he said it mutates generally because the cell figures out that's not friendly

and they have this handshake some genetic handshake goes yeah it's called level of something some word but bacteria will know because they fight viruses all the time he goes yeah they don't like each other well use their human terms

but it knocks on the cell wall and the virus can figure out how to get in there and manipulate it they're not parasitic in a way they're not you know they don't like alien they don't turn it in I don't know what they actually do they're not living like bacteria they don't bacteria actually eat poop. But they get into the bacteria and within a short period of time, the bacteria before it

dies is able to send a chemical signal to all other bacteria that they've been compromised. So bacteria will change their coding. Sure. And he says, yeah. Like evolutionary biology. However, the virus then knows it's been compromised. He goes, oh God. And he started to go, yeah. So the virus then tells other viruses that we got to come up with another signal. And he goes, let me get to you. He comes back a couple days later. He goes, this is not new thought. It goes, it's new for me as a virologist. I didn't know that they're actually beginning to think, I think, what is it? It's called virus. Lynn Margolis, I hope I got the right book. It's about that. Yeah. The viruses may speak, communicate on a wavelength you don't even, we don't even

understand. Maybe it's a hive mentality, but why do they mutate? It's not chance. They're not working, so it changes its direction. That means it was aware in a weird sense that something happened. So I bring it up to these, the philosophy part of people, the problem solving thing, that's philosophy. Just wonder why this happens. The problem with philosophy with me is that you get to literally some guys like, I think it was Wiggenstein, it was a linguist philosophy, says, I don't know that you visually are understanding anything that I say. Right. There's a thing. You're I don't know the, in your head, yeah, when I say orange, if I was in your head, I go, what are you looking at? That's a monkey's ass. See, that's not an orange. It could be an orange monkey's ass. Well, Babboos definitely have that weird ass shape, whatever that's all about. But it's the, I mean, sticking with philosophers, it's Kierkegaard, right? It's the, it's the unexamined life. Yes. It's not worth living. And sitting here with you now, man, it's clear. I don't know how long you've been this curious a cat.

to bring Schrodinger back into it, but you seem to be really, really kind of centered around something other than comedy. Is it curiosity? Well, people are still raving, raving, I tell you, about my mother's performance in the latest Pure Talk commercial. And if you haven't seen it, I encourage you to give it a look on my Facebook page and read the comments. In this commercial, you'll not only see Peggy Rowe gently criticizing her oldest son for his longstanding and well-established commitment issues, you'll learn about the latest offer from Pure Talk, which includes unlimited talk, text, and data for just $3499 a month, with no contracts and no commitments of any kind. You can see why I love these guys. If, on the other hand, you have better things to do with your time, then watch my mom and me be impossibly charming together, then allow me to remind you. you here, without all the cleverness and charm, that unlimited talk, text, and data on a blazing

fast network for just 3499 a month really is an unmitigated bargain from an American wireless company that keeps all their customer service in this country, supports our veterans in a meaningful way, as well as the MicroWorks Foundation, and allows me to exploit my own mother in a national advertising campaign. Do what my mom did. Get yourself. Get yourself. unlimited high-speed data for just 3499 a month at puretalk.com slash row you can switch in as little as 10 minutes at puretalk.com slash row. Pure talk. Not even generally. My father was killed by a drunk driver when I was 11 years old.

I realized it at a neighbor's house. When University of Colorado football game, he took all my other brothers and a bunch of carload of kids. Luckily, he was the only one killed, but he died in my mother's lap. My other two brothers were thrown around the car. A lot of kids were hurt. He wasn't. And then I'm walking down to my house, knowing something terrible had happened, even though I didn't do it, I'm praying, weeping. I said, I will eat vegetables, whatever is a kid, just make whatever is going on, this is terrible.

I will do my homework or what. I was walking down. And none of that happened. I get to the house, there was police, and my uncle was there, said, man up, you know, your mom needs you right now. So no crying, none of the... How old are you at this point? 11. And I walked there, and the whole time I'm going, huh, literally as a boy for your fat, he was a great dad.

Love of my life, I said, this doesn't make any sense. I don't like this. This is... And everybody's answer was, and he was a funny guy. And everybody, as I look back, did the best they could. The priest said he's in a better place. My first reaction was, then why are we in the shithole? Why are we just start there?

And it never got answered. He was carrying a bourbon around, I don't know. But he never had the right answer. I don't think he knows. Why is this? What's this that never stopped? The pain of it never stop. The discomfort of it.

I took for many years I didn't care. This is meaningless because at any point, like the aliens in that movie arrival, Ted Chang, I think, wrote the book. I know he did. I wrote a series of books about that. If the aliens live their lives knowing the end of their life, they know that I'm going to die in this time.

Yeah. And to the humans, that's terrifying to know that... It would change everything. To the aliens' point of view, how do you live not knowing one minute to the... the next if you're going to live. They were terrified of us. How do you deal with that?

And this is what I kept thinking to. So we were terrified by the certainty of knowing when our death is. And they're terrified. And they're terrified by the uncertainty of not knowing. Yeah. And all of a sudden I said, you know what? I kind of see where you're going with that. And I said, I don't think either one's good.

It is that I asked Amy Adams at a premiere of it. Because in the story, she let her daughter, in the book, it's tremendous. They weave all these stories in where she had a 21-year-old daughter, and you're watching it. She can't have a 21-year-old daughter. She's young scientists. And he really realized that she's starting to see her future. The more she's been in time with these aliens, and her daughter dies in the book,

about 22 fall in a hiking accident in Tibet. And I asked her, so you know the future and your daughter is going to die. Would you have that daughter? And she said, it was worth the love I had for while she was here. And I said, it's inherently, my view, it's inherently selfish. Right. So I just conceived the girl two seconds later or not have, don't have sex that night with that husband. You get a different girl.

You get a different girl. So you do lose her. But you lose her in a different way. Now you don't know how she's going to die. And that whole thing of certain, of knowing that. And she never had the 20 years at all. At all. So I get where she's coming from.

So if you know the outcome, would you still do it, know that they suffered at the end? But you had the 20 years. It's a real quandary about, and again, this is a philosophical guy that said that the universe isn't expanding. The physicists I talk to said it's just getting more complex. We call it expanding because it makes sense to you people. It's easier to understand. It's not growing. It's just learning more about it.

It gets more and more complex as we learn about it. That whole process started me on asking questions, generally getting no answers. That said, shop teachers always had an answer. Right. Put your hands down. Stop asking, figure it out. That's all you can do. And I used to love that about shop teachers.

used to love that. It's a, yeah, yeah, that's great. All right, so just put, this does, it's worthless. Engaging. Well, it's worthless without this, and this is really worthless about that. Yes. It's two sides of the same coin, and that's where I reckon we're out of whack, and that's why I do what I do.

I'm just trying to get some equalibrium back in the world where the reverence that you clearly feel for people, who were capable of flying a helicopter who weren't trained to fly one. I'm gobsmacked by that as well. But that's adjacent to putting up drywall that's perfectly plumbed. Exactly.

And laying pipe that's perfectly laid, if you will. And so forth. Like, there's majesty. I mean, I talked to a Medal of Honor winner as well, not long ago. And it's the same thing, man. Like, there's a weird obviousness with which they respond to questions that we don't take,

that we don't think are obvious at all. Well, clearly I'm not going to leave the guys behind. The guy, one of the steals, they're shooting in Afghanistan in it. When they got, I love military strategy. I was a strategy guy. It was all supply lines to me. The most boring part of it is,

where are they getting the tires? Quartermasters. Where are they getting ball bearings? And that was, I opened that up, and my admiral friends in the Navy said, we learned that early in the war. We started bombing, German factories. They had no ball bearings. And they tended to use stuff that was very maintenance

heavy. Excuse me, but if you're keeping track, he's got the admiral friends, he's got the physicist friends, right? He's got the doctor friends. These people exist in small groups that are unknown to this is so interesting. You're, what are you, 71? Mm-hmm. Okay, so you're 11 and your dad dies in your mom's lap and you come face to face with the uncertainty of the yours. universe. And then meanness of it. The arbitrary. Arbitrary meanness of it. Because it says you and that literally the emanation is saying you don't want to you don't understand. You don't understand anything. You don't understand. You will understand pain but you're going to need I think it's like I love knife sharpening. I just love it. I've always been fascinated by

knives and I've gone to three different companies. I went to a butcher. They're a fishery and they were slicing up fish. I hate fish fishing, but I love, they were slicing up. I go, but to cut through fish skin and the fish that goes like butter, I go, where are you getting these knives? Stop, stop, stop. Why do you have to interrupt your story to tell me you hate fish? Well, I just, I'm not a fisherman. I don't, it's just the whole thing. I'm not, I eat him, I like him in a kind of. You don't dream of fish. No, and I have so many fisherman friends. They just love them. Your fisherman group, adjacent to the

abhors and the physicists. I love that go hunting and they fish. And I used to sell Orvis rods at this outdoor shop. I learned how to fly fish to have to demonstrate. So I know how to do it. I want to shoot guns and binoculars and all that, but I don't like this. However, the knife sharpening, you don't want to sharpen a knife, you have

to hurt the knife. Yeah. And if you keep it honed, you can extend it without if you will, causing pain. And once the knife gets dull, honing a knife, the first thing is it's a rough stone and it takes off a little bit of the, I mean, microscopically, if I got it right, the good blades just bend microscopically. Oh, yeah. You want to bring it back up. If it bends too far, you have to get a new edge.

And that's life, in a sense, is honing. There's going to be some pain. And eventually, you will cut through this thing. You'll appreciate this. A couple months ago, a guy sat right there named John. Josh Smith. Josh runs the Montana Knife Company. I don't know if a better blade smith in the country right now. He's incredible. A true artist. Everything we've been talking about, this guy personifies. His knives aren't cheap. And he started offering a lifetime guarantee on his knives. And he offered to sharpen the knife for his customers, for the lifetime of the knife, or his lifetime. And I'm like, that just seems like an awful lot of maintenance after the sale. But no one does it.

And he says, no one does it. And here's the thing, man. No one does it right. Right. And I didn't think to ask him about it in a conversation. I wish I would have. Because part of me feels like if we have the facility and the wherewithal to buy a knife, but we don't have the capacity to care for it properly, maybe we should have.

I shouldn't own it. But this guy's in the knife selling business. Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, well, no, that's not really going to work. So what I'm going to do is I'm just going to sharpen it for you. And then that makes me think about all the other ways, well-intended makers of things, right? We can't really trust the consumer to fix that blender because you're just too freaking stupid. You don't have the patience or the intellectual curiosity or bandwidth.

So we're just going to make it out of one piece of extruded plastic. And it works until somebody like, you know, you're just going to make it out of one piece of extruded plastic. And it works until somebody like, you don't know, you comes along. He's like, no, that actually offends me because you're still clinging to the uncertain universe where you get to put your hands on a thing and make it better. That's the war we're in right now. Those are the two different types of people walking around. They want their knives sharpened for them or they want to do it themselves. I just read this. If you were to go back in time, could you help them at all? And that is nothing, if I went back 100 years, I would say,

we have these things. They're, no, their phones. We have a, we have a, we have a, A machine, and that's a frickin' blender, so there's really nothing I could help them in, and end in reverse, if you've got someone from way back, 200 years ago, the only thing they'd recognize here is a fruit market and a

cobbler. And there aren't any cobbler left. I cannot find other than rare here in Los Angeles, someone that will fix a shoe because everybody wears tennis shoes down. I have some leather shoes, and I had a brand of sidewalk. It's a group

They hand-made shoes and Sherman Oaks. And you can't, even in Mexico, I've home in Mexico. And I'd think they'd look and they go, we can't fix this. You'd just buy another one. I said, I'm now stubborn about that. I don't want to buy another one. What would it take to fix this? What would it take to fix?

Boy, the blender started me on my washer dryer. I said, but the washer dryer is a motor. We used to do this as kids. They used to leave them on the sidewalk. And a buddy of mine, Mick Hursley, he'd go, the armature, it's got two, the early ones were just electric motor and it's done to tumbler, but it's like two ball bearings that go. Yeah. Then it starts wabbling and then it starts making that noise. As he pulled that out, put a bearing in, put it back in.

There's not much to go wrong with the washer. Yeah. And he said, so we do that in, so we had one in our house and it was doing that. The guy said, yeah, it's going to go. I said, you know, this isn't that old. you're in the warranty and I didn't know that I was and so I said I was and he goes yeah

it's just cheaper to replace it cheaper to replace it thing king king that this is all metal the drum is metal this is metal what is we replacing and it's that it's that digital dashboard yeah and I said so we took it

apart went to the shop it's a circuit board and it used to be the circuit boards were all in the back were little welds not welds but solder. Yeah. You solder two things together.

Now it's all, that's all internalized. They don't let you repair it. Because generally, what's wrong with that wash machine is that circuit board, one of those sodders broke and it's dead, or it won't dry or it won't do the cycle. And so this whole thing is useless. All the work, all the people that made it is worthless because of a little solder joint. And you don't want to fix it. And he goes, it's just cheaper, sir.

It just gets you another one. And then I came up with, you know, I found I do have the warranty. He goes, yeah, I don't, I'll fix it. Because if you, at that point, made lows or whoever did it, if they have to replace it, they will fix that circuit board. But I don't even know if they make the circuit boards replaceable anymore. I don't need the company it makes them. I don't think they, yeah.

I'm going to stick with my metaphor, man. We all want a knife and we don't know how to sharpen them. And we're like what you said, but I'm uncomfortable with where it's headed. I go to change my life. Richard Karnan I did for the History Channel. Break things. I don't know what we called it.

It was a great show. With the DWP, which I've always disliked. I don't know why I've disliked him because it never seems like they do their job. Department of Water and Power? Yeah, go down there completely turned me around. How hard these guys were. Yeah. the people, not the guys on the Dias telling why, well, the water system doesn't work in Los Angeles.

That guy probably has never worked on it. It's much more complex how they get the water to us. It's much more complex about the maintenance. And the vision for it is different than the guys, the men and women that were down there working. I said, we're not making a generation of people that find this admirable. Yeah. We can't live without these people. You know, they can't live with them.

They were making the trusses that were the high voltage wires. Of course, me, I'm going, why do they look so ugly? You know, because in Sweden, they make them look like dinosaurs or branches. He goes, we don't have that. That's the function. That's what it looks like functionally with the bolts standing that kind of rusted. You see the high tension. United States says we don't.

There's not a designer who goes, you could use, you could make a bend. Where's the form? Yeah. It's just function. Well, they just don't do it, but the guy was, they was on a, God, I got the name probably wrong. He used to be Heidelberg with these presses. It's a press that makes the parts that make the press that make the press that make the press. It's a turning wheel that's making the case that holds the bearing for the armature at the dam. Yeah.

It's such a huge machine. And I go, God, that's beautiful. And he goes, at 1939, they do not make them better. there's nothing wrong with that machine. You buy those big turning wheels or presses. They made them in 39 and they don't make them any better and they don't repair them. And the pieces, the guy was 68 years old, fit.

He goes, every day I finish something. Every day I advance DWP's ability to do what we do. And everybody in this place is all alert. And I used to work a turret late. I hated it. because it's repetitive. I don't know. This they fix one thing at a time. When they do those turning wheels, that has to be so precise because it goes into a sleeve and then a bearing the size of, you know, a ranch goes in there. And then the armature goes in there. This Castillo Lake dams when I saw. Who makes this stuff? Who are the people that make that armature that goes in? That has to be, it can't wobble. Is it weird to love people but despise human resources? If so, well, color me weird.

It's not to say I don't respect the millions of people who work in HR departments and companies all over the country. I do. It's just that I don't envy him. That's why MicroWorks doesn't have an HR department for better or worse. And it's also why I use ZipRecruiter whenever we need to expand. ZipRecruiter has proven themselves a million times over by helping countless employers get through the hiring process faster and more effectively than ever before. And now they have a new feature that instantly shows you the most interested, the most passionate, and the most qualified candidates first.

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ZipRecruiter.com slash row. ZipRecruiter.com slash row. The smartest way to hire. I'll tell you. I don't know about the armature, but the ball bearings that you keep mentioning. I was in business a couple years ago with Federal Mogul.

Yeah. Who owns everybody from Ancoe to Champion Spark plugs? Is it Detroit? It's federal mogul? They're out. Well, it's Carl Icon now and they're everywhere. Federal Mogul, if you look at all the brands they own, you start to understand the totality of the automotive supply chain.

Yes. And just how vast. It's its own universe. One of the many companies in that universe is called Moog, M-O-O-G. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mug, they're down in Boaz, Alabama. And they invited me down there probably six years ago to celebrate their 100th anniversary. And Tim, it's enormous.

All they make are ball bearings. Big ones, little ones, medium size, a little bigger and medium. Nothing in this country runs without ball bearings. It's all ball bearings. It's in a town. Most people can't find on a map. They've been at it 100 years, right? And the pride in this factory, it was like watching that Cirque de Soleil thing in a different way.

It was just watching people so focused on one part of their job. And the number of jobs required to get a perfectly round stainless steel ball bearing to spec. it's only everything right and nobody knows about it that's how I felt I left the DWP completely a fan of that water and power

I'm just what they do they're not the leaders and it's like the mental of honor guys you should be a leader he goes nah I don't want to do that I don't I like to be told he didn't say it like this I do what I'm told

and I do that very well and I said but I'm not because we're just missing the leadership. I don't find leadership where a guy was like you. Because I remember my uncle worked for Ford tractor when Ford used to make tractors. And he was a line foreman, but he was actually, he'd step in now and then he was hands on. Eventually got so good. They moved him and he said that was the death of him.

They moved him to a white collar upstairs. And he was away from the factory. And that transition from the people that do the stuff. If I think of in the military, think of more corporals, sergeants, lieutenants, and captains, maybe captains. Yeah. Because I don't know that the captain goes into battle. Typically, no. That's when it ends.

And they don't want your best guy in battle. You kind of want them telling the other guys. But that transition is where I find a vacancy right now, both in sometimes studio, creative. All the, I call them the guys that get shit done. in my business, it's a line producer. Yeah. In Vegas, I got to give it to pit boss. It's a pit boss all day long.

Pit bosses, I always said they should have a pit boss in D.C. So he just walks around the Congress and he taps a guy on the shoulder. Step away, step away. And then another congressman sits down. But he doesn't say anything bad about what he does. He goes, whew, come on. Stop for a minute. Got to go outside.

Get the congressman from Tennessee. Sit there. There you go. And we're going to do this. Don't you see how similar that is to when we started this conversation, like the Armenian you were describing, you know, the diagnostic guy who just walks in and just kind of looks at the, yeah, no, okay. Right. They're assessors. Assessors. But he's done the other part of it. And like, you gave me credit. And I said when I raced, I still think I'm good at it. I don't take credit for it because it isn't me. even in the race car

I'd go, I think we got brakes in a bias problem in the left rear and he goes, I don't think so. And I said, I generally write and I have a big car collection and I'll drive them and we have two mechanics that I'll,

we're using my car collection now in shifting gears, which is amazing because now it circles around too when they were writing it, they go, well have the guy come in and it'll be smoke

and I go, man, if it's smoking, it ain't going to be in the shop. It would be outside. Well, we wanted to end the shop to get the gag. I said, I get that. Not going to happen. He wouldn't drive it in if it's broken. But that's what I met before when I was trying to compliment you. It's like the writers are looking for a moment, a scene, but you're bringing something. If it doesn't make sense,

it doesn't make sense. You know, I get it. That's annoying in your industry. You're probably very annoying to a lot of people. Oh, you don't know. The point I'm trying to make is whether I go to Boas, Alabama, you know, and spend a day filming these people who nobody's ever paid any attention to before, you know, to do something nice about the business of making ball bearings, or whether you're, like, you keep doing the same kind of show. Like, you change the title every few years. And that's what I've been doing. It's a dirty job. Somebody's got to do it, returning a favor. It's all, hey man, get a load of this guy. I know. Doing this thing in real life. you're doing the same thing with scripts.

I didn't realize it until I met you, actually, and until we worked together. And since then, I've been watching you a lot. And you're tortured, you're a jagged little pill, you ask these big questions, and you're still pushing the rock up the hill making sitcoms that actually have something really at their core that's pretty great.

Well, I appreciate that, and I said, there's something authentic about having an audience. It's like doing theater, doing a movie, in a live audience. And even the older guys, this last week,

we finished our sixth episode for this first season, and the guy says, isn't this amazing? And this is the line producer. Yeah, there's live people laughing at what we're doing over here,

and we're both standing there was a scene that I wasn't in. I said, this is why I love doing this. And I said, the gravity of a studio and I love the new brass at Disney ABC and 20th which is a big business Walden. There's so many of them. There's so many involved in the decision and they don't have.

Unfortunately, I look back at some of the pioneers. We just talked about this last night. A lot of the pioneers were flawed people. Sure. And we don't want flawed people working. So we've done this thing where you take the flaws out of people. So everybody has got this checkboxes. They've got the right education, the right look, the right sensibility.

But they don't have that, like, some of the major players will not mention they, out of respect for their families, they were just decisively unattractive people. But they did the job well. These are big, big, big guys that worked in the industry and they had vision. I was looking at the, where are the job. the Ford Mustang come from? Leiaocca. I'm not sure it was Leiaocca. He was probably, and I knew him, and he was head of the department of Ford, but it was a guy in Ford. So what if he took the Ford Falcon and did this to it? I don't know because I don't know. Bill Collins was a friend of mine from

Northern Michigan, and he was involved in the GTO. Now, he didn't get the Pontiac GTO, if I'm not being clear enough. And it wasn't, Delorean took credit for that, because it was Delo. Laurean's point of you said, it'd be, it probably was, you got a guy, I hope his name is right, Tim Kaczynski, I hope I did it right, for Dodge who'd made the Dutch, all the, not the Unabomber. No, could have been. You know, he did get out of jail. What is an unfortunate moniker? Well, no, oh God, I hope I got his name right, but he was ahead of Dodge. I think he's moved on. He did the demons and all, he was the kind of guy that said, huh, I wonder what would happen if we put a 900 horsepower V8 into that car.

And there'd be most people go, why would you do that? That'd be horrible. Gas and everything else. I just wonder what would happen. I did this to years ago, I got the opportunity to build a lake home. And once I started making enough money, I went through boats, a 14-foot boat. Don't like fishing, but I like going fast on the water. 28-foot, then I got a 34-foot.

Now I wanted one that I could do it, like an hour-bed. So you have to get three cabins in it. So it was a 60-foot boat. Still have it. Went to Italy to buy it. And I'm in there going, the only reason is the Italian Uniesi-Si built it because they're this only yacht company in the world

that will make a custom-made yacht under 100 feet. Yeah. We do whatever the customer want, unless they don't like it. That's the Italian way of doing it. We do whatever you want, anything you want, but we don't do blue. That was literally three weeks of me arguing with it.

We just do whatever I want. It's like every great Italian restaurant I've ever been. You can't have anything you want, as long as it's this and this, because that's what we're cooking. And so I said, what are the engines? It's cat, I got probably of the nomenclature incorrect, was it cat 780s or something. One of my buddies, they did a whole show for Caterpillar, comedy show,

and for trade, I get one of the engines. Instead of my pay, I got one engine. I said, well, what's the 760s? And he says, what's 760 horse diesel? I said, what's the one of the bottom of the engines? that. And then the cat had a cat at that time said, Tim, no. There's a guy in the room I hear going, well, who just said, well, what is it? Oh, the eight tens. It's a, it will fit. Oh, good, great. What's above the eight ten? Tim, we're not going there. And the same dude goes, well,

who's the guy that says well, who says, what would it be like? Let's forget. And so 1160s, They have to put the turbo in the back. They had to switch some pumps, but it's basically the same block, just a different head on it. It's cut to I've got, instead of 1,400 horsepower, I've got 3,200 horsepower, the two biggest engines. I told Cat, don't do the yellow. Let's do something cool called Cat Marine. For all your boats, it would be a big bubble, like you're looking through a bubble. It says Cat Marine, and all the young people loved it.

And Cat goes, we don't need comedians rebranding Caterpillar. I said, I'm not a comedian. I'm an old designer from college. Anyway, I got those in the car, in the boat. The downside is, I didn't understand power to weight ratio of diesels. I did know the diesels don't like to be pegged. Diesel's don't like flooring them. They like 8, 9 at RPM.

They don't like, and the guy said at one point, I'd run out of fuel a lot. He goes, you ever see GPH? Do you see that gauge? That's gallons per, or GPM per minute or hour. And I go, no, because it doesn't work. No, because it's pegged. You floor these things, and it is a fast, huge boat. All the captains that have taught me, I now can captain myself.

The diesels really don't like running like this, and I've now learned that I've popped filters and stuff like that. Should you get two of these engines on a boat at your lakehouse? Well, like on Lake Michigan. On Michigan. Yeah. I just, you know, you just kind of glossed over it, but I'm stuck on this. You basically worked for an engine. Like, yeah, keep your money.

Just give me one of the engines. Yeah, I did. Well, there's a lot of money. I'm just saying it's still. The big diesels, and they said, we'll do a custom-made, work with Uni-S. And we'll send them, but one will be on us. And they'll, they blueprint on both. Yeah.

And they're white. They're only two cats that are white. And I will give nothing but kudos to that company. That company does things right. I've been working with them for 12. 12 years probably. I go to Con Expo every year in Vegas. That company takes quality correct. They take what I've heard from, they have mechanics are married to the couple machines and they have a, they've come out when we need them. They've been. It's such a history, man. That company is. Can't find

workers. They are all the time, all the time looking for machinist. Machinists. And they have, you know, it's a franchise model. And there's something like, a dozen cat franchisees that are billion-dollar companies in and of themselves. They're so big. And they're so massive. And they're so always hiring. And it's just one of those brands. You don't see them advertise much because all you have to do is drive around and

like, oh, yellow iron. I remember those guys. I don't know how they compete with, you know, that are weird competitor, China. because I don't know the details of it. I know what friends of mine have dealt with them on a large scale. And I know a comedy joke I did with some military guys. I said, so they don't want to pay for the plans to whatever they call it, their version of the 737.

Right. And they said, well, we made it better. Yeah, made it better. You didn't have an airliner until you took Boeing's designs and just made them cheaper because of the workload, right, we've made a better plane. There's a Sino or whatever they call it, the Chino, whatever they call it. He goes, I know, but you took the original drawings from Boeing and never paid for them. And this is, they've been fighting over this.

Were you saying we stole it because saving face is a very major part of their culture? And they said, whatever you want to call it, you took designs from somebody else. We didn't take that we made them better. Again, it's nomenclature here. If you would pay Boeing, what you owe them, this will all go away. So you're telling us that we have to admit that we stole the design. Yes. You can call it whatever you want, but we go to Hague or someplace over in Europe and decide.

And they did decide that they would do that, but they want the final jurisdiction back in China. They said, no, that's not going to do it. This is never going to stop, Tim. I mean, this is happening right now with this little thing called a lab leak. Like, we kind of want to know. Right. We kind of want to know before we can move on. And what about Deep Seek?

Are you reading what's going? I mean, Envidia lost $600 billion yesterday. Right. And they didn't see this coming. I think it's lazy. You know, the headlines, by the time this airs, it will both be made fools of, I'm sure. But more than.

But I mean, why would we believe anything China says, honestly? Why would we just take it at face value? Oh, you developed a better mousetrap. You wouldn't have taken any of these processors, right? You wouldn't have done it. There's no industrial espionage. There's no subterfuge. If you don't look at it that way, do you recall, and I say this at all due respect

because I'm a huge fan of Sony and many Japanese companies. The Japanese did this many, many years ago. Remember it was a mimic. Didn't come up with the idea. They'd make the idea far better. Right. And I agree. There was a point when Japanese were buying all sorts of land in the United States and all that.

a mentality that I get only because I'm a comedian. And comedians, maybe like musicians, we kind of naturally, like Carlin, it's observational comedy. And if I'm watching another comic do something funny, I'm observing it. So I can invariably steal some of his material, but make it better. And where do you start the line? Where did the idea come from? It's music, man. For me, everything redounds to music. There are only so many notes.

It's a handful of notes. You're not making new notes. You're not making new notes. Now you might group them up a little different. You might mess with the tempo. You might do something with the rhythm. But in the end, it's variations on a theme. That's what it is.

And a great comic set, a great song. But man, the minute you get too close, now you're Ed Shearin. Now you're in court for five years. Now it's copyright. If it's too close, I get it. And I said, I use this all the time. Is it Ferrari, I think it's a 63 GTO.

That's been mimicked and stolen that design. Once they did that design, and I think it was fresh. I don't think that three-quarter view, the roof, the front, the sides has been in Camaro's, 240Z, Dotsons or Nissan's. That's been stolen. They've stolen that idea.

how many times is that I that beautiful shape been stolen? And I said, it's source material. The original, I got good friends with Steve Jobs, and they said, that iPhone was a series of mistakes. One was called Newton, if anybody remembers. I got every device he did, oh, this is good. Now it's not quite work. That doesn't, that kind of works.

And it was the idea was, and if I got him right, God bless him, he's a great guy, great family. He just wanted to make it simpler to dial. That's why he put the screen on there. Literally not his words, his vibe. He said, if you want to go to the internet, you could do that, but who would want to do that? Yeah. When you could do it on the computer. Never had any idea that we would completely supplant the internet on the computer by using it on there.

But the original idea of that screen was just so you. You wouldn't have to go, dee, de, on the phone. That was the idea of it. That literally changed everything. I have not seen that same sense of design, because I'm a phone freak. I've got probably 60 phones because I love the technology. They have it changed, you know, up until they were starting to get really wild dial phones. Who is it?

Tag Hewer, the watch company was making phones. And the phones were. They're still for sale. There's some Russian ones that have Ulyssi Nardine watch winder in the phone. So the phone would wind itself while you're using it. And the phones, even back then, I don't know what year that was, 2001 maybe. There were nine grand. And they were like watches.

They were that fancy. What makes a company like Tag Howard go? Well, they thought the phones, that's going to be it. Now let's make the phone high end. Better quality, better, quality. better, everything's going to be jeweled. And then literally a month later, Jobs phone came out and they went,

well, that ain't going anywhere. People aren't going to go with that. It was like who was this, a DuPont? Yeah. Dumont. Dumont. He said, they're not going to give up horses. You know, go with this stinky Model A or Model T.

That'll be stupid. He owned all the horse trailers and all the horse things. People love horses. Who's going to go with this. Everywhere. So certain. But there's a, he'd start a GM, right?

Yeah. Yeah. He said, well, and he lost everything. And then he bought all these off-brand Buick, Chevy Cadillac and put him into one group. And I thought, that, what an amazing freaking story. That whole story, again, is quality. This is from Leno, and I don't know the truth of this, is you could bury a Model T. And it probably would start 50 years later on buried it.

There's nothing. That thing is so well built. Marine stainless steel. Have you ever driven one? Yeah. This is so weird, Tim. A week ago, up in Marin, I met a guy named Charlie,

who has a massive car collection, who has started the only automotive shop class in a Marin high school. It's a Taralinda High School, and it's called shifting gears. Not anymore, it's not. I'll tell him. Hawaii will get, hold on a second.

Yeah, Disney law. What is? He will sue him. But I'd literally wave goodbye to him as he drove one of his model T's the two miles to the school because it was the model T that he could, the kids would see it and their minds would explode. Right. And they would have nothing but questions. And this guy, Charlie, he says, once I get him asking questions, once I show them they

It could be a ball bearing, could be a medal of honor, could be a Model T. But once I get him asking questions, I got them. That's what we need to do. We need to find a way to reinvigorate that curiosity. I've told my sister's really into kind of the JFK, just to eat better. Why are we coloring, and I don't even like to, when they advertise these sugary cereals, this is poison for, it really is poison for kids. Cheerios are all cave.

There's still sugar in it, but if you could brand the industrial arts better, if you brand it, these are cool people. It's just because hopefully guys like us, I'm astounded at how impressed I'm with plumbers. I know nothing about plumbing. I just love what they do. And I have a series of plumbers that I deal with and a series of house painters. Both of them love what they do. Their van is clean.

And they, I mean, it's real tweaked out. And the guy says, there's nothing like finishing a job. Oh, that's 30 jobs 101. You finish. A beginning, a middle, and it ends. And then you start again. A guy was, when I was growing up, he had a, I think is a C5. It's the smallest bulldozer.

But it was freaking perfect. He had it on a perfect trailer and a truck. And he dug the foundation with that. You know, pull it out. So he'd make himself a ramp. and that's all that was left. He dig the whole thing by scraping the thing up, and then he hose it off, put it back up on his trailer, and I always dreamed of that.

Go home. Honey, how'd you do today? Doug a hole. What's for dinner? But he finished the job. He had great respect for the machines that do the job. You must respect, like in my business, it's all about the crew, and especially the PAs. The PAs, the people on the starting end of that do.

So much work for so little renumeration. The Teamsters get, their union covers them. The actors is a guild. I don't know what the guild does. It doesn't really protect it. The people that do all the work don't like to be Marxist about it.

I don't know how to transfer this mentally. They need to be better taking care of it. It's got to be a cool job. Shameless plug. Long before she was Peggy Rowe, my mom was Peggy Noble, daughter of Carl and Thelma Noble. It was her father, Carl, who inspired me to

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One day when the waitin is done, we'll take a drink and go. And I just... Well, think about your own deal, man. You're a comedian. You don't have a guild. No. You're material, right? And this is the thing that I find the most galling.

We're so litigious and there's so much copywritten stuff I have to worry about now, even in this little space, but like when you saw your act appear in the first couple seasons of home improvement, that material basically became the property. Yes, of Disney. Like right in front of you.

I know. How that, like, were they just making it better? I was too stupid. I didn't understand. And I still don't quite understand. That became. quite an emotional process for me because I said if anybody wrote, and this is because of mistreatment and legitimate concerns from the Writers Guild against studios that never had any

rights to their own material. So the Writers Guild came up with to protect the writers who do everything. We don't have anything without the writers. Nothing. They are the ones that do everything. They got no credit for it. They got no remuneration. That changed. And what happens is over stepped the boundaries a little bit. So that means anybody who wrote my material down, writers go protected them and not me. And they said, well, he wrote that. Yeah, but I do it on stage.

And so my... He transcribed it. He transcribed it. So you're saying at one point, it wasn't a threat, it was a mild threat. I don't know what that's called. We could actually stop you from... They wanted me to sign early.

They could stop you from doing your act. They wanted me to stop me doing my act. They said, we could come into, I said, you know what? I'd like to see it. And I did a big concert in Frisco after that argument. And I said, I want you to have guys come in with the little mouse lapels in the middle of an act. 6,000 people go, cut, we don't want him to own any of the material until he signs his country. No, we own the grunts.

And they said, we're not going to do that. I said, yeah, but you threatened that. There's comics. We're in the burlesque union, I believe, magicians, strippers, and comics. to magic again. Yeah, I don't think magicians are protected. No, but I'm just saying this whole conversation, like something magic hangs over it, whether it's the art in the vocation or the art in the comedy or the art and the writers, this desire, or all the philosophy and all of the physics, this desire to try and quantify and understand these things, man. It's what makes interesting

people interesting. Well, I appreciate that. It's also about translating it to, I, I so admire what you're doing with, I've seen it in some young men that come to my shop, and some of my friends have little boys. They are now fascinated by cars and fascinated by how it works. In this world, I know that the little girl across the street is going to be a physicist or scientist. This girl has figured out. So it's not just a male thing. I know more about males because I go up in a boy's household.

So I don't understand how the women in my life, also the friend's daughters have that same look. How does that work? I'm wondering, this girl is measured stuff visually. She goes, but if you just, if we did this, you know, she's making something to do with her dollhouse. However, she's forming math as it equates to a building process. She's figuring it out. She's figuring it out. And I said, I want that on a fundamental level, because whatever we screw up and we do screw up a lot, we can fix. That's where you're genius, and I've watched you. and that's what I so admire, but whatever we screw up, we can unscrew up.

We'll see it in the palisades, I pray that they figure out, culling the forest, it's been going on. I'm a 4-H guy from way back. Why don't, at least 20, at least 20 feet to 100 feet around houses, you call it. You don't allow that scrub to come back. And whenever the power wires go through the forest, it has to be 50 feet on either decide they don't go through the forest. You just can't have that.

Those timber roads were natural firebreaks for years. And 30 years ago, Ed Ring sat here a couple weeks ago, right after I called him, the guy runs the Policy Institute, Water and Energy for California. He's like, we were taking 6 billion board feet of timber out of the national forest for decades. Now we're taking less than a billion. There's so much fuel.

It's just everywhere. Right. We are living in a Tinderbox. We're living in one. And I know you're sensitive to this. We all just went through it. I was down here when it happened to. And I just, I keep thinking like, what would happen in New Orleans if after Katrina,

we learned that the governor had refused to put in levies? Right. Just not going to do it. It's not going to do it. Or maybe in Oklahoma, more, whatever. that was got that poor town you know they just decided well yeah it happens but we're not gonna we don't put in tornado shelters here yes we live in tornado alley but we're not just not we're just not going to do that and what is that again you get to philosophically what is the mindset in that group

that decides i'm not going to do that and i said why don't these happen in germany or spain or other countries why just here and oddly enough one of the firemen said a lot of this is natural. There's a lot of seed pods that are indigenous to California that do not pop unless they're burnt. So he said, if we were living here prehistoricly, that's exactly how this thing recircles. It gets wet, scrub comes up, it catches fire, and all the seeds pop. He said, that's how this thing goes. I said, okay, we have to manipulate. Unfortunately, we live here too now. So you'd have to at least cull it, and I was in the Serengeti with my family, and they have these, I think they're called date palms.

I hope I got those ones you see in all the pictures where the stem goes way up and there's an umbrella. Yeah. And if California at least close, they're not what do they call, Savannah, they don't need a lot of water, but they shade the grounds. The scrub can't grow. So if at least close to the humanity and you'd have pillars of that, we start growing the African trees that are, because we don't have indigenous trees. I've been planting trees in my area.

That's one of my fan. Very difficult. because California, if I want to do it for free, I mean, I'm doing it. I'll put them in and I'll take care of them, but I need permission to put it in. And sometimes the California tree people, I'm a tree per Arbor Day guy. I don't know, why are we picking the set deck people near the trees for the movie community for sets? He even asked me, why did you put date palms in here? Well, that's what the city wanted me to put in there. He goes, say it out loud and tell me why that's not going to be a good idea. I said, date palms, which is tropical and their palm trees, which is nut-bearing.

He goes, so nut-bearing means bugs and birds. Date-palm means it needs a lot of water, and it's going to droop. So I've got all these in the state, they're rich. Well, it's good-looking. And I said, we're back to that good-looking thing. They're not functional. I've got trees in my horrible area that I've updated all along behind a trees all along this bad area in North Hollywood. And they go, well, what is that thing?

It's been hit by a garbage truck. homeless people slip under it. It's but caught fire, and it's still there. And that's an indigenous California tree that somebody clipped early on, so it's a bush, actually, but they kept trimming it so it grew into a tree. It's literally indestructible. And it's indigenous to California. I said, and I wish I could remember the name of it, because now I'm planting those in a nursery

and culling them as babies so that they grow up. And then I find most shop owners don't want trees in front of those stores. Because they flower right at the sign level. Right. So I said, okay, now we've got to change it. So you've got to cull them longer so they don't flower until they get above eight feet. And then it's right at the top of their sign. Then they don't mind it, but they don't want to take care of them.

Well, these don't need taking care. I don't know what they are. It's a bush that you cull it into a tree. And it turned into a tree. But I'm not, I can't see if it hits by a car, it caught fire. Still there. These date nut palms that the city made me put in, I've got two trucks that have got to go out to take care of 25 trees that are so buggy.

They drop fruit. And the guy says, but this is working with the translation between getting stuff done, shop foreman, pit boss, line producer. I need those men and women trained with a nonpartisan. The perspective is how do we get this done? I used to love the line producer. He has to work with the studio. Studio Studios says, we're not paying this for that movie. Union, we're not working for this. He goes, okay, then we're not going to do it. Okay, stop, stop, stop. We're willing to go to this,

and we're willing to go to this. It's a thing called compromise. It's not going to look like you want it to look, and it's not going to get the money you want to get, but we're going to move it forward and we'll do the next one. It's that line producer, foreman, I don't have them. I don't see them. I don't. They're not being trained for it in school. I'd make jokes because I hope they don't say it. The kids at my kids' school, the boys, especially they're doing, oh, they don't seem to have a skill set for anything. There's no industrial arts at the school anymore. They've taken that out. They have a dance part and they have the art part and no photography fine, but still there's no, and if I've donated any more money to the school, I'm going to demand that. I can't think of a name for it.

Gifting gears. But, you know, name from industrial arts, how do you, I guess the word art has to be. It has to be branded better. Yeah. I'd probably go back to that. Industrial arts. I really would. I don't think with regard to our earlier point about borrowing material and making it better,

I don't think you can make it better. I think that's what it is. It's industrial, which is masculine and broad and universal. and it's artistic. Yeah. Which is something different, something more sensitive, but the two smashed together. Two smashed together. I used to use the term, I took painting and art most of the time and got so, I'm ADD, I get so bored with.

Where are the paint brushes? Oh, we use those for a display over there. So you go to the art department and nothing was where it was. Yeah. Industrial arts literally was set up cleanup. That was basically everything in its right place. And then you got about four minutes to do your work because it's, all right, set up. And everybody go get their tools.

They get their workspace. And then you get working on, all right, clean up. And I go, did we do anything here? And most of it was, but the tools are always where they're supposed to be. When I want anything, it's in the, because you spent most of your time out of respect for the area that you're working in first. And then finish the product. Today we're going to do hinges. That's we're working on hinges.

So that's focused on what you're doing. And then remember, you got 15 minutes at the end. I want everything put back. You don't just leave it there. The bell, oh, shoot, we were late. No, that's not how it works. And I said that I'm missing that. What I didn't like about art was that.

What I didn't like about I.E. was design. Because I did get in trouble with my industrial arts guy. Because he said, we're making, what are we doing chairs or something? I said, but I want to make a chair that you can disassemble quickly. He says, we're not doing that. And I go, well, I don't want to make a recipe box. He goes, and he even told me, he said, I appreciate what you're doing. You wanted something useful instead of a box.

You're going to fail. And I said, I'm willing to fail if you'll help me make the chair. And I made it kind of a custom-made chair, which I still have. I wanted to make a chair that you could mass produce for college kids that was $6 in wood. But it looked. And I even took it down to Tennessee to a place to they were going to buy it. But they said, you know, this is a brilliant idea. And I said, I think so.

So we'll need $500,000 up front to make it. We'll do the rest. I went, oh, yeah, well, I didn't. I have about $36. I thought, you know, I thought I'd sell the idea. And they said, here's what the problem with chairs is, Mr. Allen. How old are you at this point? It was a second year in college.

Okay. And he said, this is a chairs have already been designed. So you have to make a lot of these first because as soon as it does well, you're going to get people copying it because you can't patent a chair. Making it better. Variation on a theme. You're making it better. And I said, I called industrial arts, I called design is useful art. That's why I loved about design.

Yeah. It's the sensibility of art, but I want to use it. I don't want to put it on the wall. I have a lot of paintings. I love paintings and I'm a painter and I love all that. I love about industrial arts, the people that make. furniture, tripods.

There's an artistic view. It's like you just said. It's a balance. It can make it look good. There's people that make this whole device, forgive me, that looks better than this one. And sometimes it's the most expensive one, and sometimes it's the cheapest one.

It's just somebody had an artistic point of view, which is why I love the liberal heart, liberal politicians, I love where you're coming from. Right. You don't want people starving. There's nothing around that. How you do that is California all the time.

Affordable housing for the 62,000 that live downtown. Most decent people that I know that are on opposite sides of the aisle actually want the exact same. The exact same thing. It's just how are you going to do it? I said the shortcuts or not. Shortcuts or not is the way. It's like, well, you know, we want people to make a living wage, but should you just raise the wage to make it a living wage?

and that's going to be, that's a shortcut. You know, an elevated minimum wage is a shortcut. A rent control is a shortcut. And if you're not terribly concerned about the unintended consequences. It's an unintended consequence. What a great word. You think this through, oh God, I hate even to bring it up. I wanted a, I love utility knives.

So I built one. I designed it so that the handle, I took a piece of clay and I squeezed it like this. And then I took that and made that into my utility knife. I got a Canadian company to help me fabricate it. It comes apart, but it's got a little dial at the back, and it's got 12 blades in it, but you pull the cartridge out, turn it around, and you got 24, and we will all sharpen those blades. You send that cartridge back for us, and it got huge reviews. I can't remember we got a million dollars in sales up front from Builders Square at the time.

They've gone away, and everything was going well, and I was going to do it like Paul Newman. to sell it in my drill, which I did a drill at the time. Yeah. And I was going all the money, he was going to go to charity. And it was brilliant. We didn't do the metal one. The metal one was formidable, but it was going to be $19. And it's a lot for utility knife.

And because there's a lot of other utility knives, you know, you unscrew them and you flip the blade around. This was unbelievable. My brother-in-law is a drywaller, and he said, I sent him out to a bunch of people for, and we'd already sold the first batch. He goes, this is just unintended consequence. This is brilliant, Tim. Everybody loves it.

Drywalls especially, because they go through blades. They just let new blade, new blade. He goes, how do you clean it? And I go, what? What? Well, when we're doing drywall, we're pulling a lot of the dust, and sometimes it's wet back into the casing. I go, um, can give me a minute?

And I go take it, and there's no way you can clean it. Want to buy a chair? Holy God. It was horrifying. I had to call up all the vendors. I said, we've got unintended consequences. We worked it on every single application. We never worked it with wet drywall. And that's what it was meant for. And they pulled the drywall back in there. And you'd have to unscrew it, take this cartridge out, soak that water, but it made everything. And I just, oh, God. And I think about failure is the foundation of success. You've got to fail at this. over and over again to do any of this. And none of the designs I've worked at, whether my drill was the best. That was, I moved the handle forward. Now they're all like that.

It used to drills, the handles at the back, it was like this. I moved it forward so it's middle. All my first prototype drills, now they all do that. And I put bearings on both sides of the armature. Unfortunately, that made the drill last forever. Most drill companies don't want that. And now you got no planned obsolescence,

so you don't have a customer. I said, and my first hammer, the Tim Allen hammer, I used an axe handle instead of a hammer handle. So I had that swerve to it. What's the corollary for your shows? Are they getting better as they go? Are they getting, like, are they evolving the same way? Right now we've got, they see what I'm doing. I put the shop part of it is run by a woman named Kate Fox, who did all my history channel stuff, who's been in the shop.

arguably happens to be my older daughter. Arguably? Well, because for some reason, if you're a plumber, you want your kids in your business, but for some reason, if you're an actor, it's nepotism. I don't understand that. She did all the work on History Channel, and she's one of those line producers.

And so I said, listen, you've got to talk to the writers, and they've got to pitch a show, and you've got to go, you have the guts and the authority. That doesn't work. You can't have that happen. So you give them a foundation of why the car shop works, and now it's starting to gel. Where, number one, when you see the shop scenes in shifting gears, it's gorgeous because we're using some really cool cars that are in process. Are they your cars?

See, that's ingenious. I didn't want it that way, because these are rare cars. What we've done, and also in a real cool way, we're going backwards with wrapping. It's a 100-point restoration, 455 GTO. we've wrapped it to look like it's rusted in needs restoration. So we'll just pull the wrap off over the series. Because we can't restore a car in real time. You know, restorations as much as they show on those TV shows, you don't restore a car in a week that I don't know how that happens. Right. You know how long this stuff takes. Editing. Well, so we've going backwards in it. And now

everything has to be real. Whatever we're doing in that shop, and I'm loving it. Because in the shop, we have, upholstery gets done and all this, and the show will bleed from that. I'm able to be the actor, this Cat Dennings who that plays my daughter, same birthday as mine, obviously many years apart, is very much like the character I play. It's a little more comergyny, but I have him as a wonderful life. If you remember that wonderful life, Jimmy Stewart was getting on a train to go to college, and his dad had a heart attack had to come back. I used that.

I was going to the Road on School of Design. got in an airplane. Your dad owns a regular heavy machine shop in North Hollywood. He had a heart attack, and I have to go take care of it. I worked there all my life, but mostly did art pieces. I was an artist, so I've got to play a character who's not bumbling like Tim Taylor. Mike Baxter is poor of a businessman, outdoor guy, but he didn't ever camp. This guy is going to be a designer, so he's constantly in his house.

There's designs. He's a guy that is building stuff next to a dance. studio, he sees that I want these two worlds to mix. The young people that I hate on the show because are making a lot of noise, just like out in North Hollywood. There's so much frickin' noise in that place. But I walked in there one day and saw the work that these kids do for no, I mean, the chance of them becoming a dancer? What are you doing? My niece dancing in the Washington ballet, where does that go? It's just an expression of the best of human beings. dance in the arts and then i see the restoration business where a guy's just doing this

i was going to say in this new vic hot rod that electric hot rods on the show we will this is almost done so we're just took a few vendors off we'll get there and the guy did what's it called on shotguns where they etch the it's filigree isn't it filigree we have the bumpers are all filigreed and you'll never see it yeah when this show when this car goes to won't go to auction because i'm going to keep it it'll go to sema the detail on this hot rod The genius of these guys, Bode Stroud, he did most of the interior work, and now the filigree guy, took him six weeks that just did the tips of it. Just the tips.

But it's this. It's a guy that does this, and I can't do that. I'm more of a, I wish I can't think, Roy Lichtenstein or Lichtenstein. I met him. I'm a pop artist. I love it. And he became like a lot of these guys, his process art. They got so far away from their work, they were telling him, okay, no, no,

paint that and then they go to another painting they were and that's what I've done I've built probably 12 15 cars that I've had very little I love hands on but I'm however I've got other things I've that need my time so I just go no all green let's go matte finish Matt finish and then I but I have to give it up to the the painter he goes I'm going to just do Matt but I want to put a well all right do that and then I do it that was a good idea So I'm mentoring other creative people, but the whole process, what are we doing this for? I said, it's temporary, guys. I'm not going to live, you know, so do the best you can to add value to every situation, every single situation.

And I want these kids, as I said, this one young kid coming, he said, little boy. And now I see it, the kid across the street has got to be, I have three, no, five. and he loves my little collection of little cars. There's a couple that I won't let him touch because they're priceless, but I said he doesn't know that. You can be doing anything you want, man, at this point in your life. It's so great that you're doing this.

It's so great that you've integrated everything you give it to them about into a sitcom. I mean, that's a... Seems cheesy when you say it like that. Yeah. You integrate all this great stuff into a sitcom. Well, I mean, I just, I say the same thing about myself when I'm trying to compliment myself quietly. It's like, you know, to be able to sneak your ideas into a commercial endeavor.

There you go. That's what I mean to say. That has kept me sort of saying, and it seems to have kept you say to Jason. I appreciate what you do. That's why I'm doing this. Guys like you, I can't encourage enough men and women like you that encourage other. others to be a value. Don't dismiss it, but this is not a value. I get it. It's just I, you know, I switched phones one time because I worked with Apple so I was on Android phones and then special

custom ones I had and at one point I got on this finally I got used to the iPhone, which is years ago. And I go, the battery doesn't last on this thing. And I said, maybe because you're on the phone all day long. And I, even if it's very, videos about work, like I find, it's a mixed blessing. I can fix anything now because of that phone. Right. I am shocked. And I go, I don't know, might as well try it. How do you get those little weird batteries out of the small remotes for candles? They have now remotes for candles. I couldn't open the stupid. And I go, all right, how do you open the stupid remote from this? And there's a guy. There's nine guys. Some guys are good at it. Some guys should show you.

The blessing is Google will answer almost any question, especially for workaround guys like me, how to fix stuff. I can't believe how good they are, how much they are, how much, and these guys do the work. But now they're getting somebody like these guys that show us how they do that. And that's where I come in is I love point of view. I love shooting how we're doing stuff. And I said, that's why I love this live stuff, having a live crew, live crowd. You fortunately or unfortunately, depending on our edits, you don't see all of the live stuff because it doesn't fit.

Sometimes the laughs are too loud. Sometimes the laughs don't carry into the next scene. And we're fighting that right now. How do we make this like George Burns and Gracie Allen when this is how this all started? It was vaudeville. Crowd got in there and then we added camera. And then pretty soon they had to stop because we have to change things. And, oh, the crowd has to be sequestered a little bit.

And right now, we're, weirdly enough, I'm getting mixed. You know, the people that have a certain age go, yes, because I wanted to say, filmed in front of a live studio audience. And the new people go, oh, that's kind of old school. And I said, but it reminds the new people they're watching because our show's done so well. on linear TV. They're not used to this. I don't know that the young viewers are used to live.

They call it a laugh track. It's not a laugh track. We never show it. Those are people. That's two, three hundred people in there clapping. And we rehearse so much that we're not, we don't keep them there but two or three hours. That's great.

It's alive. Well, you've done it. Yeah. I've done it with you. When's it on? Wednesday nights at eight o'clock on ABC and Hulu the next day. Well, I'll tell you, man. I haven't seen it yet, but I watch

the promo and it's freaking funny. It is funny. It is tragically sad. He's really in pain over losing his wife, which I love playing that. And then two seconds later, it's, you know, making jokes with two grandkids and Kat Dennings. And it, yeah. I got to get you out of here. But, God damn it.

You just reminded me, too, of a, I know, sorry, dude. I know we got to go. But you told a story, you were in prison and you were about to get the absolute shit knocked out of you. Guys got you by the throat. Right. and you just start laughing. They had a thing called Toastmasters.

You were allowed to go out of the penitentiary to a church that was adjacent. And then you got a regular meal, which was great. So we had a Toastmaster meeting, and I'm a pretty good speaker. So I'd host the meeting and everybody, learn how to express yourself without hitting somebody with a brick

or whatever their problem was. So everybody's pretty cool there, and I'm starting to kind of make fun of people. And this guy, I just took a guy. Yeah, a guy like this, robs a bank and doesn't think it's robbing a bank because I didn't mean to. We get back into the prison. He comes in and it's always a bad sign when they shut the doors are open when it's open count. And he gets into my cell and he comes and shuts the door and there's a sweat. The voice goes,

hey, why did you shut the door? And he comes in and goes right to me with this and nobody's ever talked to me like that. You made a fool out of me and I'm going to make you pay for that. And he's got me up against the wall. And my face is real distorted because, he's kind of missed the shit underneath here because he said, do this. And all I could see behind him was my younger brother and my older brother who used to mess with each other all the time. If they could see my face, all distorted like this, it's going, well, I didn't, you know, everything came out of my mouth was hysterical. And I start laughing with, and he goes, this is funny to you? And now it made it even more. And now my brothers are going,

behind him and he's going this this is not funny you're going now he's starting to kind of go you are a strange strange man and he just drops me he goes just don't say stuff like that to people you don't know and he walks out and I'm on the ground going I don't know what just happened there but I wasn't scared in that thing because I deserve it I guess because I can't make fun of guys I don't know But the fact is, the comedy part of me has saved my life more than any other thing. It's also got me a lot of trouble because I said it doesn't have it. It doesn't. If ever I get arrested, the comedy guy goes away goes, I didn't.

He goes, I thought it was funny, but I'm just step over and step away. That's where we land the plane. That's great. You're about to get the crap knocked out of you. You laugh. And somehow or another, you're still standing. Right. Thanks for coming in and doing this.

bet, man. Really great. You barely touch your coffee. I don't like coffee. I just can't. No, no matter how manly, we're talking about men's stuff. This is, I don't get it with comedy. No, but I said, look, I would have killed everybody in this room.

Goes to credibility. You don't go. There's no Mafiosa movie. We're going to kill him. Two guys go in to rip him up and make sure his family pays for that. Hold on a minute. He just, there's somebody. Something about a straw that is just horrified.

Yeah. Yeah, God. But I'm going to leave you with this one about laughing at. My mother's not doing well at all. And I got, luckily, I got four siblings myself. We fly with it, and she's really 96. Everything's falling apart. And we had to move her out of a house.

I built her a house that's on one level so she could, she took care of my stepfather. She married after my father died. Great guy. Broke her. She'd have to lift him up. She's just. couldn't live in her house anymore. And if any of us haven't been through this,

you won't be able to tell me, I live in this house. And she just wouldn't, she was falling with help in the house. Moved her to a facility of just a quarter mile away from this beautiful house. And then my whole family shows up every Thanksgiving. There's a 30 of us.

And we usually use her house. And the doctor said there's a, my sister and brother, I want to take her back to her house. I'll thank you. And then we'll take her back to the home. And the doctor said, 50-50 chance she'll come out of this stupor and realize that she's back in her house and will not want to go up and you're going to go through this horrible again or she'll just forget and have dinner and then drive her back in the middle of dinner she gets up walks through a bedroom in the house my sister sees that she goes the bedroom

i hear screaming she comes out in tears she won't live so she's catatonic my brother goes in and he's going to he's swearing at her and i go hey guys guys let's get out get out This is a boy that's put my mom through hell. I was incarcerated. I've been a bad kid. Stealing cars, I'm just not a good kid. So my mom and I have a very different relationship. She's in bed like this. I'm not going anywhere.

And she's Brighamore, 105 pounds. She's just stiff. Go ahead. Try to get me in. I'm not going anywhere. She's screaming. She's screaming. Mom, everybody, Jeff, Becky out.

I'm going to take you to the car. I'm going to lift you up. We're going back there. Go ahead and try it. Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to have to use some weight so your ass bends to get you in the chair. So it's going to be uncomfortable and I'm not going to hurt your knee. You go ahead and try, go ahead and try.

So she's like this stick. I've got this stick and I had to do one of these where you go to bend her. You didn't get hurt. I didn't hurt. I just bench it. I get her in the wheelchair. And as I get down to put her foot in the stirrup, she kicks me so hard. My glasses go like this.

But it hurt really bad. I go, Jesus, oh, Jesus. I look over her shoulder, and my brother is now laughing so hard. He's just bent over. It's the prison guy, and she kicked me so. I mean, I go, oh, God, right across here, I go, Jesus, Mom. And then I get her in the stirrups, and then I get out to the SUV, and I get you out of here.

And she's, you're fired. She's back to this, and I lift her up. And she's a baby. I get her, and as soon as I get her in a vulnerable position, to get her scoop like this, she hauls off and hits me a fist. Side of my head. Now the glasses fly. Fly off.

Hit the, and I go, my brother's not there this time. I go, I don't know how to say this. If you do that again, I'm going to punch you back. Because the reaction, mom, is you don't want, no one takes a punch. I can't. Don't punch me again. We get back to the home. I'm getting her out of them, I'm doing this to get her out of the wheelchair.

And she looks at me, she goes, you got to admit that was kind of fun. I said, son of them. She did it all for a gag. And I said, God, Mom, you, I didn't pull it, though. I didn't pull the punch. But you kicked me. That first kick was, I thought she broke my nose. Well, on behalf of my mother, who's 87 today.

Oh, good. Thank you for sharing that. It'll give me something to look forward to the next nine years or so. You're the best shifting gears Wednesday, 8. ABC, 8 o'clock. Fantastic. Tim Allen, everybody. The philosopher.

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