The Weekly Planet - Aquaman's Dumbest Enemy - Caravan Of Garbage

Episode Date: January 6, 2019

Aquaman has some iconic DC comics villains, Orm, Ocean Master and most famously...I won't spoiler it here. But he is an absolutely cracker. Thanks for listening!Video Version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCJxoWhWKxsBuy Aquaman on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2AQorZF Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

FX's The Veil explores the surprising and fraught relationship between two women who play a deadly game of truth and lies on the road from Istanbul to Paris and London. One woman has a secret, the other a mission to reveal it before thousands of lives are lost. FX's The Veil, starring Elizabeth Moss, is now streaming on Disney+. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks.

Visit heartandstroke.ca. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Hey everybody, it's Caravan of Garbage. It's good to be back, always. Were we gone? Yeah, I don't know, sometimes. Sometimes, you know, things happen on certain weeks.

Who knows? Maybe one of us is dead by the time this goes out. Let's hope so. If it's you, this video will go up. If it's me, this video will disappear forever. That's right. I don't know how to email any of your editors. I don't even know their names.

It's Matt and Ben. Matt and Ben, yeah. And Mitch. And Eric does the animations. That's right. We figured because Aquaman's out, we should find a terrible Aquaman comic book story. But is there one?

Well, in order to do that, in order to find a terrible Aquaman comic book story, I bought a random issue of Aquaman on Comixology and i figured there won't be a good one this is guaranteed to be bad i mean there definitely are good ones there are good ones yeah but i think and i also like i think before we get emails uh aquaman gets a bad rap yeah and i think maybe it's kind of a fantastic character yeah well i think maybe it's due to super friends right which we recently learned went for 13 years yeah the comic book series the cartoon series rather went for 13 years nine seasons and i think for a long time that was people's only exposure to aquaman right and people like and then it was robot chicken yes and it was like oh my god aquaman's a dumb

character he just talks to fish but like every character in super friends was the dumbest worst version of them it's characters that all regularly get into trouble because they forget what powers they have it's one of those things but like wonder woman had the linda carter series and batman had the the 60s series that people love yeah and there's been you know there was a the flash series in the 90s so like to this point most people only know aquaman from Super Friends and being made fun of on Entourage, pretty much. Exactly. Anyway, look, but again, you're right. But, you know, comic book readers know there are great Aquaman stories.

But, I mean... The New 52 run. The bit where he's got the water hand. The bit where he's got the hook hand. Yeah, all those ones. Yeah, for sure. All those ones. But we decided, no, let's go back to the 70s.

Yeah, when things were... A little different. When they were making things. Yeah, for sure. So what's. But we decided, no, let's go back to the 70s. Yeah. When things were... A little different. When they were making things. Yeah, for sure. So what's this comic we're looking at? This is Adventure Comics starring Aquaman. So this Adventure Comics had a whole bunch of different stars over the years. Supergirl, others.

Aquaman. Aquaman. They're just two examples. This is Adventure Comics starring Aquaman 443. It's from 1976. 25 cents. That was probably a lot then. The story is called The Dolphin Connection,

which I feel is maybe an homage to The French Connection, the Jane Aquaman movie. I thought it was like a sex thing. Like, that's to me what that sounds like. I didn't think that's what this was, but that's the first thing that I thought of. That's the first thing your brain went to. That's very interesting.

And look, again, I picked this issue at random. Like, it didn't even look, because, you you know you get a tiny thumbnail and all these issues yeah i'm like i'm not even gonna look i'm gonna click and i think if again if you don't know much about aquaman you'd be like hey aquaman you're gonna talk to some fish hey aquaman here's a villain for you how about a bloody fisherman gonna catch you in his net and then the issue the front cover says adventure comic starring aquaman watch out for the fisherman that's the villain in this issue the fisherman is he just a fisherman or sensational super villain out to hook aquaman look i looked him

up for you okay good look i'll find i'll find you his wiki page if you'd like to know about the fisherman look i'll describe him a little bit i'll describe him when he appears in the comic book but please do if you'd like to know some facts about him. Real name, unknown. Current alias, Fisherman. Affiliation of the society, villains. Alignment, bad. Identity, secret identity as we've established.

Marital status, single. Okay. We don't know that for sure because it's just... It's all this information about this character. Does it stem from this one and only comic because he's killed? No. No, he's a recurring villain. Okay, right.

So again, this is not doing Aquaman any favours in terms of showing how much of a badass he is. No. Because he's villain. Let's see, the fisherman is male. He's six foot nothing. He's 196 pounds. He's got blue eyes and black hair.

Bit of a dreamboat if you ask me. Sounds like it. That's some Cary Grant situation. I mean got blue eyes and black hair. Bit of a dreamboat, if you ask me. Sounds like it. That's some Cary Grant. I mean, his hands smell like fish. Yeah, most of him smells like fish. Yeah. So let's get back into this story. Please do.

Okay, so we open on Aquaman. He's in the water. Great. Yeah. He's in a, my mistake, he's in a helicopter. Rare change of form for Aquaman. He's off to visit General Horgan. I don't know who that is.

No idea. I've never encountered him. Look him up! Marital status, single, alias, none. He's probably six foot nothing, 196 pounds. Black hair, blue eyes. They were all the same back in the day. He's off to visit him.

They're off the coast of France. And his pilot notices that the French police, the water police, they're in a boat, they're shooting at a dolphin. And so Aquaman's like, if you think you're going to get away with this, you're wrong, buddy. And so he leaps into the water as his deal. His signature move, he leaps into the water

and he's like, these guys are going to be wrong. Dead wrong, right? And then he uses his incredible swim powers to leap up onto the boat and he uses his incredible strength due to, you know, being born off the ocean depths to crush their rifles. And he's like... God, he's good.

Hey, you dumbasses, what are you doing? Also, this is in the era when French people, you could tell somebody was French in a comic book because they speak in a French accent. Well, I can also see a French flag. Oh, yeah, sure. They've got the French uniform, the French hat. These aren't water French police.

These are just police. Yeah.'t think they're baguettes i don't think they're aquatic in nature they've just been given a boat they're just tooling around in a boat they're not experts but aquaman's the expert anyway they're like the aquaman you fool the dolphin is escaping right and aquaman's like okay next time you'll think twice before using an innocent animal for target practice. Here's the twist. Innocent? Mon dieu, monsieur. That innocent animal has just entered our country with five million francs worth of heroin.

It's a heroin smuggling dolphin. That's why they're shooting at this dolphin. In the stomach? No, it's sort of had a... If you look at the cover yeah he's got a little baggie tied to him okay cool yeah they've got a little that is not 500 pounds of heroin no it's five million francs worth i don't know what that is in in in today's money i'm really not sure but basically there's a mysterious person we don't know who it is yeah but it's the fisherman

yeah and he's trained some dolphins up to smuggle heroin into France. From where to where? Well, into France. Yeah, but from where? Well, we'll find out when we... I hope so. Yeah, absolutely. I love how the guy's like, Aquaman, the dolphin's escaping.

And Aquaman's just like, are you fucking serious? Do you know who I am? Right. Also, you don't need to shoot a dolphin to get... It's a dolphin. Well, they're going to tranq it. Oh, they were tranqing it, were they? Yeah. Okay, I apologize. But I mean... But also, this is the 70s. it's a dolphin well they're gonna trank it oh they were tranking it were they okay i apologize but i mean but also this is the 70s that's a machine gun they're absolutely

gonna shoot it off that's what i'm saying anyway he apologizes yeah he's like i'm gonna get some answers what i love about this comic book is that he's gonna track down the drug dealing masterminds obviously and then it says and so short hours later on a filthy waterfront sidewalk. So not minutes, but Superman, it'd be seconds later. Batman, it'd probably be minutes later,

gets in the Batmobile or the bat, the bat helicopter or whatever, and gets in there short hours later. Does this mean he had to get the bus? I'm not sure. He's back in the helicopter. But I, yeah,

but he can swim fast. This was also the days of thought bubbles still, which I think is great. So if you need some long exposition, we've got to cover it. I don't. I don't need that. No, but, okay. The police said this was the likeliest place to pick up a lead. And with these clothes they loaned me, I should be able to snoop around without attracting undue attention.

We don't need to know that. We pick it up from context. Do you think people are writing letters in to DC Comics and being like, excuse me, I'm just not sure. Because I think it's still the same character. I mean, he was, but before he was wearing his scaly pants with the underpants over the top and the red, the orange shirt, but now he's, he's in a dirty French trench coat. Is that still the same character?

I'm not sure. So they, do they knock him out with a karate kick to the back of the head? They knock him out with a kosh. Oh, one of those things. One of those knockout things. What's the American version of, what do you call it? A kosh? I don't know.

They're in The Simpsons a lot. A sap. A sap. Is that what they're called? They're in The Simpsons a lot. What is it? Just like a leather strap filled with quarters or something?

I think it's, yeah, or like lead shot or something like that. Yeah, right, okay. Well, they think they knock him out. It's a bit of a bait and switch situation. That's good, Mason. Thank you.

Just thought of that now. But basically, they whack him on the back of the head and in, do you remember that Tintin comic? Where young teenage Belgian boy they whack him on the back of the head and do you remember that tin tin comic where young teenage belgian boy tin tin runs afoul of the chicago mob and they throw him in the ocean they use the wrong gas they use they use they think they nerve gassed him but they use knockout gas which wakes him up yeah just he's just a boy that survives for sheer

coincidence every time i'm sick of it i love him though but they they caught they they sap him in the back of the head and they throw him in the water but it's actually all part of his plan because that's like a little tap to him because he's strong from the ocean depth

he's got ocean strength right and then he's like okay but now I know who they are I'm gonna follow them just follow them in the first place

just don't wait for the crack in the back of the head he's also following them in the water maybe they have a little boat yeah because that's the thing what if they didn't go back in the water what if they were on land and they the crack in the back of the head. He's also following them in the water. Maybe they have a little boat. Yeah, because that's the thing.

What if they didn't go back in the water? What if they were on land and they just got in the cars and they drove? They drove away. In land. He's powerless. What if they drove to a strip club? He'd be too embarrassed to go in there. Oh, wait, he's wearing his dirty trench coat.

I guess he could. He'd be fine. He'd be fine. Yeah. Dirty French coat. Thank you. Oh, very good. Anyway, it's okay because they do, in fact, they're very predictable and they follow. He follows them to this weird giant oceanfront marina.

Yeah. Somebody's built this unbelievably obvious. This monolith in the sea. This monolith in the ocean. Okay, French, you're already out in the ocean. How did you not see this? It's so obvious. It's the 70s, man.

I guess that's true. If you're not looking directly at something. Who's you not see this? It's so obvious. It's the 70s, man. I guess that's true. If you're not looking directly at something, who's to know? Who's to know where anything is? You're not looking at anything in particular and you're high on quaaludes. It's those two things. Anyway, Aquaman summons all his fishy friends. They repeatedly call him his finny friends. I read multiple issues.

Well, there's a squid here, so they're not all finny friends, are they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, he sneaks up on him, and one of the Frenchmen, he exclaims, Nom de chien, Aquaman. And I wasn't sure what that was, but in the benefit of hindsight and Google Translate, that literally translates to dog's name. What do you think? As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors,

like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy, which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. FX's The Veil explores the surprising and fraught relationship between two women who play a deadly game of truth and lies on the road from Istanbul to Paris and London. One woman has a secret, the other a mission to reveal it

before thousands of lives are lost. FX's The Veil, starring Elizabeth Moss, is now streaming on Disney+. That means... Is he calling them a dog's name? Like, you dog's name? I'm Aquaman. This villain's like, dog's name? Aquaman.

Like, that's an expression of surprise. Oh, the villain says that too. Yeah, yeah. One of these thugs is like, dog's name? Aquaman? It's just not like, you dog. Maybe. You dog Aquaman.

Maybe it's a... You French dog. Maybe it's a saying in. Maybe it's a... You French dog. Maybe it's a saying in the 70s. I'm really not sure. But he makes pretty short work of them. Well, he doesn't, but he's squid. Yeah. Okay, here's another thing about Aquaman.

I think another one of the reasons people don't like Aquaman. Look, he can telepathically communicate with fish and water-going mammals and whatever. But it's all so vaguely defined yeah like batman's always got his utility belt he can pull any gadget out of his utility belt but at least he's got the utility belt you know he's got it right kind of thing at least superman you know he's got heat vision and x-ray vision and he's consistent well they're kind of they've fixed this with aquaman because in the newer versions and they talk about this in the new 52 he's like well i don't really talk to fish i just kind of can make suggestions to them because they got primitive

minds and all that kind of thing but yeah but here it's just like i don't know exactly i guess i could they can i could make an octopus strangler man to death well in this one he gets he gets an octopus to fling seaweed in the face of the two thugs and then he beats them up see i want like an octopus like eight arms just laying in your guy. You know what I mean? Put some boxing gloves on him. Yeah. And then he summons some flying fish to like jump out of the water and then hammer some more bad guys. Love it.

Does that work? Yeah. Okay, let's say hypothetically speaking you got hit in the head with a flying fish. You, James, from the Sunday movies. Yeah. You'd get over it pretty quick. Yeah, it's just a sloppy wet fish. Yeah.

And also they're not being hit in the head. They're just being hit in like the body. Yeah, for sure. And they're not big fish. No, that's what I'm saying. movies yep you get over it pretty quick yeah it's just a it's just a sloppy wet fish yeah and also they're not being hit in the head they're just being hit in like the body yeah and they're not big fish no that's what i'm saying reasonably sized but yeah and then it turns out a bunch of these guys are just they're like they've been imported from jersey they're not french guys they're like it's like fred and charlie from jersey right they're just a couple of jersey boys mate yeah i guess they would be if you if you're gonna fight aquaman they're probably from the docks yeah that sounds right yeah they've maybe that's where the drugs are they've punched on with some barnacles from time to time you know

he beats them all up aquaman with some help from his friends yes and he's like okay guys you got three seconds to tell me where your leader is or i'm gonna he says i turn your face faces into something and he's cut off we don don't know. Probably fish food. Yeah, fish food. A nice marinara. I'll turn you into marinara, boys. But then he is strung up. Entwined.

Entwined by the villain of the piece. Surprise, surprise, it's the fisherman. And look, here's a little pic of the fisherman. He's wearing waders. Good. He's wearing blue waders, and he's wearing like an angler's vest. Yeah. With a very phallic fishing rod.

Yes. Coming out of his groin area. What's the hat? Oh, yeah. It's embarrassing, isn't it? It looks like a leopard skin hat, but it must be some kind of aquatic. Looks like he's got maybe like a jellyfish on his head. Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, right? Anyway, it's like I'm flattered that after all this time you remember the head. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, right? Anyways, like I'm flattered that after all this time you remember the fisherman. It's his big entry. Oh, so he's an old... This is his second appearance, yeah. Does Aquaman say who?

She really should. So you're a fisherman? No, I'm the fisherman. Oh, you're a fisherman. Like the best fisherman? Are we biting today? Are we fish biting today? Filling up your bag?

Filling up your bucket? Anyway. With crime and heroin. Yeah. But it turns out the fisherman, even though he's gone to France, way away from where Aquaman hangs out, generally speaking, he's prepared for Aquaman. He's got a fish-proof glass dome over his marina.

Right, okay. That Aquaman's finny friends can't get through. That's pretty good, right? That's a great idea. He's got some poison gas ready to right that Aquaman's finny friends can't get through that's pretty good right that's a great idea yeah he's got some poison gas ready to knock out

Aquaman that's also really good that's pretty good I mean Aquaman can breathe water he can breathe air can't breathe poison gas think about it

unless it's a different kind of gas like Tintin yeah exactly then he'd be fine but anyway he locks he locks Aquaman

he does the classic super villain locks him in a thing locks him in a thing and leaves him to die oh in a vacuum in a vacuum again he can he can breathe water he can breathe. Locks him in a thing. Locks him in a thing and leaves him to die. Oh, in a vacuum. In a vacuum. Again, he can breathe water.

He can breathe air. Can't breathe in a vacuum, obviously. And he's like, okay, well, I'm going to suck all the oxygen out. I'll be back later. It's atmosphere depletion controlled. It's a big red button. Yeah, exactly. I'm just reading along for the first time.

This is riveting stuff. It's riveting stuff, isn't it? Feels good. And he's just like, okay, well, I'll be off to smuggle some more heroin heroin you're definitely going to be dead after i get it i mean there's no way i feel pretty confident about this there's no way you're gonna live through this at all but fortunately the dome isn't telepathy proof and he's got his fish telepathy and that's extra you're gonna pay extra for that don't you exactly that's right like double glazed windows yeah he summons a couple of his friends but he look he summons

this is why people hate Aquaman he summons like a swordfish yep he summons a swordfish and the swordfish uses his nose to cut through the floor that's good

no it's bad no that makes sense like a swordfish can't do that they should have got a chainsaw fish is that what you're saying yeah that's what I'm saying what if it was a swordfish

wielding an actual sword or a chainsaw that would be great that would be great but it wouldn't work underwater so that's dumb I'm saying. What if it was a swordfish wielding an actual sword? Or a chainsaw? That would be great. That would be great. But it wouldn't work underwater, so that's dumb, Mason. Again, just the octopus. Get the octopus to wield the chainsaw. Get him to punch him in with his big boxing glove hands.

That's what I'm talking about. That's why people hate it. You see what I'm saying? It's not oceanic accurate, is what you're saying. I'm saying it's not oceanic accurate. I can respect that. But if he was like, I'm summoning a mythical monster from the deep, like a Cthulhu-style monster, and it's going to kill everybody

and then blast a hole through the floor, I'd be like, cool. There's mysterious creatures you don't even know about, but he's like, hey, a swordfish. Yeah, but you know he rides seahorses and all that kind of stuff. So dumb. You don't think there's going to be riding seahorses in the new Aquaman movie? Of course there is. There's going to be so much of that, yeah.

And there's going to be fencing with swordes in the new aquaman movie of course there is it's going to be so much of that yeah and there's going to be there's going to be sword they're going to be fencing with swordfishes all those kind of things probably gonna be insane yeah no you're probably right but anyway he summons up his old mate he's going to be playing a clam like a bongo drum and this guy's going to be like and you thought your job was bad, you know? Oh, I know. Yeah. I guess I'll just clam up and deal with it, you know? God, embarrassing. Then he summons the sawfish, and the sawfish gets all over the floor. And then Topo, who is his octopus friend.

Yep. He gets in there, and he bloody tears the bloody wall off the chamber. He just destroys the whole bloody thing, and then it's going to be mano a mano, Aquaman versus the fisherman. The fisherman has incredible strength, it seems, as well. he's able to lift up a man using a fishing rod yeah that's pretty cool right yeah it makes him the coolest villain ever name a cooler villain think of anyone

in batman's rogue gallery that's cooler than the fisherman i wish i could mason can't they it's exactly right yeah but i'm having a stroke otherwise i definitely would be he's got so many great villains i could say Clock King and that would be that's still better yeah yeah yeah you could say Kite Man still still

yep Crazy Quilt Crazy Quilt these are all good examples exactly yeah anyway blast his way out thinks it's gonna be mano a mano

but no the fisherman escapes on yet another helicopter this is a helicopter heavy episode for an Aquaman story it's quite quite heavy on the

well you know it was the era of mash helicopters were big that's very true yeah you know what i mean you know yeah there's no other explanation no i think you probably might yeah helicopter in this oh there was and they're green too they'd be very fashion very fashionable colors definitely yeah yeah look he's he's got to he's got to solve this problem in an aquatic way so aquaman grabs an anchor on a chain hurls it up at the helicopter brings the bloody thing down uh kills the fisherman it seems that way doesn't it let's

go that's a flat helicopter yeah that's no wait no he's being led away by the french police great yeah and he's fine wow that's that's a miracle isn't it though yeah and that and therefore we can still get a heroin so it's a christmas miracle james boy is it yeah but anyway look the french uh instead of calling him monsieur hero now they're calling him by name they're calling him monsieur aquaman they're like the country of france owes you a great debt and he's like don't worry about it i'm just happy to beat up a fisherman and he's like it's okay it's fine it's time to get back to atlantis where there's going to be some peace and quiet and i'm the king yeah but little do we know a little bit of a

cliffhanger the council of fish have decided to convene and vote aquaman out as the king of atlantis and in place of the king of atlantis the new king of atlantis this guy who's that guy it's some guy some guy you've never heard of him i'd never heard of him before this his who's that guy it's some guy some guy you've never heard of him I'd never heard of him before this his name's Korshan or something he's not in the movie

it's not Ocean Master I thought it might be a bit of a bit of a fun if he was Ocean Master because Ocean Master is in the movie maybe Black Manta

it's not Black Manta it's some random dude maybe with some clever editing we could make it be somebody from the movie yeah maybe Lee Whannell yeah let's make it Lee Whan from the movie. Yeah. Maybe Lee Whannell.

Yeah, let's make it Lee Whannell. Maybe it's the plane pilot. Lee Whannell or Nicole Kidman. Yeah, nice. Just to tie it in. Just tie it back together, you know? Man, thanks for that, Mason. Absolutely.

What a pleasure. This has been Caravan of Garbage. It's good to get back to a comic. I know I appreciate it. We do these videos every Tuesday. Sometimes it's a comic or a video game or a movie or a TV show. We also have videos here

on other days including Thursday and Sunday. We've got an Aquaman episode which you'd be of our podcast The Weekly Planet which comes out every Monday morning

where we talk movies and comics and TV shows. And we're going to look we're going to look a lot of people are going to review Aquaman. We've got a lot of social media reactions.

We've got a lot of podcasts talking about a lot of little videos on YouTube reviewing it. We're going to review of social media reactions. We've got a lot of podcasts talking about a lot of videos on YouTube reviewing it. We're going to review it exclusively through the lens of that comic book we just read. So we're going to rate it on number of helicopters. We're going to rate it on

height of your waders on your legs. Yes. We're going to rate it on marital status of your villains. That's right. All of these things. Do they have a good marriage? Do they have a broken marriage, You know? Will and Octopus have boxing gloves. Yeah, that's right.

These are all things that we will judge appropriately. What's going to get sawed through by a swordfish? So many things, I hope. So many things, you know? All right, thanks for watching this, though. If you've got a suggestion for a Caravan of Garbage, leave it below. And if you want to leave a bloody like or subscribe... We would appreciate it.

You can, but you don't have to. Goodbye, everyone. Grab that gem, you guys. We'll see you next week. It's my new side off. Oh, but you don't have to. Goodbye, everyone. Grab that gym, you guys. We'll see you next week. It's my new side off. Oh, well, mine's going to be... Oh, James, James, we're drowning. Come on.

Meet me halfway. Okay, bye, everyone. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want. It's up to you. FX's The Veil explores the surprising and fraught relationship between two women who play a deadly game of truth and lies

on the road from Istanbul to Paris and London. One woman has a secret. The other, a mission to reveal it before thousands of lives are lost. FX's The Veil, starring Elizabeth Moss, is now streaming on Disney+.