The Weekly Planet - GI Joe: Retaliation - Caravan of Garbage

Episode Date: July 29, 2021

GI: Retaliation acts as both a sequel and soft reboot to The Rise Of Cobra. And it's out with the old, Channing Tatum and the like and in with the new with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson plus friends. We get into what works with the sequel including more Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow in addition to the origin of the one million dollar Bruce Willis payday. Thanks for watching our Caravan Of Garbage review!SUBSCRIBE HERE ►► http://goo.gl/pQ39jNVideo Edition ► https://youtu.be/9IXXyCOSIM0Help support the show and get early episodes ► https://bigsandwich.co/Patreon ► https://patreon.com/mrsundaymoviesJames' Twitter ► http://twitter.com/mrsundaymoviesMaso's Twitter ► http://twitter.com/wikipediabrownT-Shirts/Merch ► https://www.teepublic.com/stores/mr-s...The Weekly Planet iTunes ► https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/t...The Weekly Planet Direct Download ►

FX's The Veil explores the surprising and fraught relationship between two women who play a deadly game of truth and lies on the road from Istanbul to Paris and London. One woman has a secret, the other a mission to reveal it before thousands of lives are lost. FX's The Veil, starring Elizabeth Moss, is now streaming on Disney+. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of Caravan of Garbage where we are wrapping up the G.I. Joe duology. Pork chop sandwiches, folks. You know it!

Remember that? No. Remember those videos? I don't remember anything. Those videos? They got the re-dubbed G.I. Joe videos? I haven't seen those. He goes like, pork chop sandwiches. And he's running into a burning house or whatever.

I don't know your 2007 memes, Mason. All right, all right. I'll show you later. You're going to love it. I bet there's one in the video. I bet Ben put it in. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

If you know this meme that Mason's talking about, let us know below. Also, we're not doing the animated movie. We might come back to it. If Snake Eyes gets another prequel, we'll come back. Yeah, okay, great. Anyways, leave a like if you want, because time around stephen summers is out john m chu director is in terrific i feel like for this one they were hoping for a fast five style reboot by adding the rock by the way another the mummy franchise alumni yeah that's right if you don't

mind me saying the scorpion king himself exactly what's interesting about this movie is that the last one had a cast of colourful characters. And in this one, they're like, okay, what we're going to do is we're going to kill some of the Joes off camera. We're going to kill some of them on camera. Are you talking about Marlon Wayans? Yeah, off camera. Definitely off camera. Channing Tatum on camera.

And so they're going to replace all of them with a new core group, which is obviously Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Adrian Pilecki, a very common alumni in this particular series of videos, someone who I think does a great job with some very bad material sometimes, and the third member, which is a cardboard cutout of a Target model. Isn't it from a Target catalogue, maybe? Is that the guy? Yeah, that guy. You know that guy? He was nearly Superman.

Huh. He was in George Miller's Justice League. He was Superman. He's also in Shazam. Huh. Yeah, he's in the Super Family. Well, I'm glad he's been in other things because in this, the fascinating thing to me is not only did they replace Channing Tatum,

the very charismatic Channing Tatum, with whoever this guy's name is, I'm not going to look it up and I will never learn it. I think it's DJ Controna. Huh. The actor. Yeah, right. But not only did they replace Channing's, Mr. Tatum's,

they decided to put a scene at the start of the movie to show how charismatic he is and how well he integrates with the rest of the cast and then knock him off and then just replace him with this silhouette of a man. I have a theory. Go on. I think the studio thought that Channing Tatum was running out of juice. Please, Channing's Tatum's.

Channing's Tatum's, right? And so they thought. Tatum's has three S's at the end. And they thought, we'll slip him a couple mil. We'll get him in for a day. He'll be the bridge between this movie and the last. But here's the thing. Physically the bridge.

They wanted him to hold two pieces of suspension. While the rock collided over him. Runs over the thing. Physically the bridge. They wanted him to hold two pieces of suspension. While the rock collided over him. Runs over the top. Just big heavy boots. But there seems to be little to no information on this. He didn't initially even want to do the first one really. So my theory is that they needed something from the previous movie and they thought, why not?

We'll get him cheap. But here's the thing. In 2012, a year before this movie came out. And they paid him a million dollars. And then they're like, oh, wait, we had this gun. This inanimate gun. We could have used that to bridge the two movies. Exactly.

We paid a million dollars for this man. Go on. So in 2012, the year before this movie came out, he was the second highest paid actor behind Robert Downey Jr. He made $60 million with movies like The Vow, the rom-com or whatever it is. His wife loses his memory. And then Channing Tatum has to be like, you're married to me. Nice.

Channing Tatum. Is that what you want? Yeah, that's cool, man. Then he did Magic Mike and 21 Jump Street and then they went, shit. We've only had him in for a day and he was quite charismatic and it works really well with The Rock, but I guess we have to kill him off. Speaking of, we've talked privately, Mason, about how we don't often talk about what the story is we've never talked privately james that's true it's all on air content so i figured for these videos we should

talk a little bit about the story and i'm going to give you a prompt okay so at the start of this movie they give you a bit of a kind of a catch-up from the previous movie it's been four years and apparently four years of stuff has been happening. They said at the end of the nanomite wars. Yeah, right? It wasn't really a war. It was like half a day maybe. Well, that's what I'm thinking. Somebody ran through a shopping complex with a big green glowing bazooka

or whatever happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a rocket launcher. Apologies. They should have called it the one green bazooka incident. It's like the name of an offspring album or something so other things they're doing i think what happened is because the thing about the last one is the last one ended yep with uh as you mentioned previously uh rex says hey i'm the cobra commander now and then he immediately gets arrested him and destro they get thrown into prison

yeah but the start of this one the thing you said about the nanomite wars, and clearly there were some casualties including Marlon Wayans. Yes. But when Storm Shadow and Firefly in this movie break Cobra Commander out of prison, it's a different prison. Yes. And then Cobra Commander's like, ah, Firefly, my old buddy. We've been war buddies for ages. But he was like, Cobra Commander was just a

scientist in the last one so what I'm thinking happened is that was that was I think you've hit on something because I'm like why does everybody know this guy yeah also when and then Cobra Commander's like well off to my off to my secret headquarters and he goes there and it's got all the Cobra logos and all that sort of stuff which weren't in the last one and like all new tech and stuff so what I think happened is Cobra Commander and Destro got broken out of the prison at the end of the first one. They got new outfits and like new logos and they participated in the nanomine wars. They did a rebrand.

Yeah, yeah, they did a little rebrand. Much like the movie G.I. Joe Retaliation. They got a new typeface for their logo and then Cobra Commander and Destro got thrown back into a different prison. This one, warden by Wally Goggs, Mr. Walton Goggins. I put him in my segment at the end where I'm like, here's some things I didn't talk about.

It just says Walton Goggins is in this one. Pretty much. But then, okay, so then Cobra Commander is broken out of prison by Storm Shadow and Firefly, and then they're like, what we're going to do is we're going to, the plot is what they're going to do is they're going to frame G.I. Joe for blowing up a bunch of stuff that they were probably going to blow up anyway, and then they're going to install Cobra as the United States government's premier security force.

Because the president. Is the guy from The Mummy, from the first Mummy movie. There's your bridge. Yeah. Right there. That's right. They should have just said that at the start. Hey, new viewers, the guy from The Mummy is the president now,

but he's also the guy from that James Bond movie. Agreed. Here's something I like about this movie. I think the Snake Eyes costume is much better. Oh, my God, it's so much better. All the costumes are better. It's lips-free. Yeah.

Cobra Commander's a great costume. Yeah, yeah. They've gone with it. There's a few Cobra Commander looks, obviously. They've gone with the silver mask one. But there's also like the sort of the, you know, your jar of jam. You put a jar of jam and you put like a cloth covering over the top. The cloth covering like, you know.

I know the one, yeah. It's got a Cobra logo on it instead of being Gingham. They didn't use that one because it looks like a KKK mask. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then there's like the robot battle suit version, which, I mean, maybe we would have gotten G.I. Joe 3, but who knows. Here's the thing, though. Aside from like those distinct characters, this feels like two movies

because everybody else is a boring generic army person. It's just camos and a weird tank and just kind of rolling. The hiss tank, please. Shut up. Just rolling over a field. Like the last battle is just like, we're in this field. Yeah, yeah. Like the last one I think went too far because it was like,

it's an underwater submarine and everybody's got a ship and a laser and there's a nanomite. And this one's just like, it's just on a lawn. Just on someone's lawn. Just some SUVs on a lawn, really. Just a couple of Humvees on a lawn. See, I think there's a lot of stuff that is better. I think the Storm Shadow Snake Eyes stuff is all pretty solid.

Yeah, yeah. And everything else is total generic army shit. Interesting. I thought this struck a better balance, honestly. I think overall this is a way, I think this is indisputably a better movie. Disagree. Whoa.

Yeah, I think the snake- Well, I agree to disagree. I think the snake eye's storm shadow stuff is better. But speaking of, let's talk about that because there's some genuinely good action sequences between those two. Yeah. Like the fighting alone, but then there's a moment where it's just like we're doing ninja stuff on the side

of a mountain and it's fucking amazing it's really good it's really good i mean that that is certainly i don't know if that was directly out of a comic book but that's certainly like it felt like some like some uh like frank miller era daredevil, like he's fighting the hand or whatever, which is interesting because the lady who played Electra in the Netflix series is also in this as Jinx. Exactly. She probably has a name. It's on the screen maybe? Yeah, here it is.

Wow. That's the alarm when that lady's name comes up. That we forgot a name that we could very easily look up. Exactly. Alarm. Yeah, but I think that was really cool. Like ninjas swinging across. They're cutting them into the ravine.

There's an avalanche. It's just good stunt work all around. Also, Storm Shadow's in a bag and they're just smashing him against a rock. Yeah, that's right. That's really good. Should we put a helmet on him first? Nah, the bag will protect him. It's probably fine.

This canvas bag will protect him. And they're like, Cobra thinks they're going to win, but we've got an ace up our sleeve. A big bag of Storm Shadow soup. Just pour it out. And then we get some Storm Shadow origin. Now, he's not really a guy in the comics or the show. I looked this up. That normally switches sides.

But he has. I disagree. Oh, really? Yes. Because I looked it up and they were like, this is highly unusual. Really? Was that not the case? No, he was a a cobra guy for ages and then he then he's uh then i mean you know if you look at

the action figures alone yeah starts out cobra later later editions joe all around yeah well there you go now i feel like a right fool we'll blame you know that thing i briefly joe universe dot com or whatever it was there's the alarm for a thing that i forgot it's that alarm again yeah it's flashing up that he that he I forgot. It's that alarm again. Yeah, right. It's flashing up that he did change. He changed sides. That's right. FX is the Veil explores the surprising and fraught relationship

between two women who play a deadly game of truth and lies on the road from Istanbul to Paris and London. One woman has a secret. The other, a mission to reveal it before thousands of lives are lost. FX's The Veil, starring Elizabeth Moss, is now streaming on Disney+. But I also enjoyed the flashback of Storm Shadow didn't really kill their master. I knew it was Sartan.

You said it last week. I had a great guess. You said him and another guy. I said it maybe it was Firefly also, but week. I had a great guess. You said him and another guy. I said it. Maybe it was Firefly also, but I don't know. They teamed up. They teamed up, yeah. They held hands and they fired the gun together.

I don't know. But what I thought was hilarious is that he was then trained by Zatan who wore very unconvincing Asian prosthetics for... Decades. Potentially. Yeah. And what's amazing is they got Arnold Vosloo back for minutes. Not, no, seconds.

Because, like, technically he's the president, but he's not the actor doing that. Very briefly you see him sort of... That's what I mean. Fiddling with his nanomite camouflage. Or Destro also. I'm not going to get you out of this cage, Destro, because you weren't very nice in the G.I. Joe press conferences

from the previous movie, Christopher. I mean, Destro. Nice. You said you hated that movie. I mean, situation. It's interesting they didn't just recast Destro. Yeah, because he's just a metal face man. Just a metal face guy.

Doesn't matter, does it? Yeah. You know what else I thought was interesting is the rock in this, and you don't see that, and you don't see this as much anymore, he gets bested hand to hand right never happens anymore it's in his contract so he's gonna win we've talked about it we've done videos on it and it's probably more in relation to the fast and furious movies but

if you don't know essentially in that franchise specifically everybody has a handler and they add up the numbers of punches and kicks and also the amount of times that you fall over and also if you fall over you have to be sitting up so you're not seen as a coward when you fall over so that everybody on screen hits each other an equal amount of times. It's fucking lunacy. It is. And they would have to do it both on set and then later in the edit.

Exactly. So it's so much work. I think there's exceptions to that because, for example, when he loses to Brixton in – what's that one? Hobbs and Shaw. But I think also they're like, no, he's got super mutant nanite technology, so that's why he lost that particular fight. But in the end he won because he threw him off a cliff

or whatever happened in that really good movie. I want to talk about the ending also. I want to swing back around to it, if you don't mind, Mason, because they're on that lawn. Yeah, for the big lawn fight. Yeah, there's a fan boat and that's G.I. Joe-esque and people are walking around in their funny costumes or camos, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, he gets the best of Ray Stevenson and he explodes him. That's pretty good. It's weird that Ray Stevenson and he explodes him. That's pretty good. It's weird that Ray Stevenson got on that fan boat. He's like, there's another fan boat the Rock could easily chase me with. I've got all these explosives on me. Should I blow up that fan boat? No, there's no time. I'll just let him get the fan boat.

I didn't get it. Well, you already bested him once. I guess that's true, yeah. Yeah. But what I love is they defeat everybody and they get medals from the real president or whatever happens and they've all got little berets, which signifies the end of a G.I. Joe situation generally. That's right.

The dress uniform, sure. Yeah, but then... You don't want to see a G.I. Joe movie where they're all prancing about in their dress uniforms for 90 minutes? Well, I want to see a movie where at the end Snake Eyes is in his costume but he's wearing a little beret at the end as he gets a medal from the president. Was he not at the medal ceremony? He was, but I think he's just in costume i think right okay i don't remember

but they're like we did it well done you saved the world london exploded remember that yeah that was pretty significant there's like how many millions of people live in that city just fucking it rises and falls into the earth how many many chip shops were lost, James? How many chippies? God, it's devastating. Right? And the other thing is, they weren't even close to stopping that from happening. No, no.

Like, it happened. They weren't even probably on the same continent at that point. It's fascinating that a lot of these movies, especially if they're targeted towards kids, they'll go out of their way to not. The bad guy will threaten to do something bad and nothing will eventually eventuate from it. But in this, they're just like, yeah.

I thought about that. There must have been in the production office a whiteboard of like, let's brainstorm some cities we could destroy and nobody would complain about it. I think the problem is as well, you need a significant city. You're not going to do the US, right?

And you can't do France because they did Paris briefly in the last movie. So they went, what's that big clock that everybody knows? What's that big wheel that everybody knows? Ah, the Melbourne Star. They should have blown up the Melbourne Star in Docklands. The Melbourne Star is slowly destroying itself, Mason. It's true.

Through lack of maintenance and poor planning. G.I. Joe production team, if you're making a sequel and you want to You know, some significant Just block Come on, block somebody in Australia. We love it. We're like, there's the thing. There's the thing. We love pointing at a thing. There's Melbourne's

Royal Botanic Gardens being destroyed by a satellite weapon. So that's fun. Speaking of fun, and by fun I mean a man who's potentially never cared.

Bruce Willis shows up in this as the original G.I. Joe. And we know that because somebody says it to him. Or he says it. I don't know. It seems as if they filmed it

in his house. Yeah, he's in three locations. It's in his house. Oh, is he? Well, it's in his house. And then there's the bit where he rescues the President, so he's there for that. And then there's a bit outside his house. Outside

a house. I think that's green screen, and also there's a bit where he's... There's definitely some green screen. When he's in the back of a truck firing a big gun, that's definitely green screen. He was lying on his couch. Yeah. They took him. They green screened in the gun, they green screened in the truck, they green screened in the location. Yeah, right. They took him. They green screened in the gun. They green screened in the truck.

They green screened in the location. Yeah, but you, though, had a fascinated, well, we both are, about the evolution of Bruce Willis. Yeah, Long has been the Hollywood scuttlebutt. I've not seen a lot of documented evidence but a lot of people have a theory that Bruce Willis generally speaking the modern era Bruce Willis generally speaking

will only work on any given movie for a day. And for? A million dollars. Yes. Now I looked into this. Did a lot of research. I watched interviews for him for this and he's like I love G.I. Joe and I love action movies and I'm like i love gi joe and i love action movies and i'm like you've stopped saying those things haven't you right so but no no in every

interview james he still says i love gi joe so i i uh i i looked around i had a bit of a poke around the internet yeah gave you a bit of an internet poke around i I did. It's time for James's internet poke around. Boing, boing, boing. Boing, boing. Bloop, bloop. So this is an article from The Mirror in 2013. The Daily Mirror? It just says The Mirror. Okay, right.

Might be Bruce Willis talking into a mirror. Do you think it might be an enchanted mirror? Could be. Yeah, maybe. Who's the... Who's the most disillusioned actor of them all? Oh, it's me still. Still Bruce Willis.

So he says, I'm very clear with who I am. I work on all sorts of films, but the action movies are the ones that generate the most revenue. I like to earn lots of money from those, but I do all types, small productions, mega projects, medium-sized, even science fiction. That's right, yeah. But the idea behind his payday, though, is,

I don't know if you remember this, but he actually turned down $3 million for four days' work on Expendables 3 because he wanted $4 million. Because he was in the previous two? He was in one of them at least. I think they go into a church and Bruce Willis is like, I'm also in action movies. And the three of them.

And I love G.I. Joe. But I won't get off this couch. Okay, but so Stallone was like, hey, man, you want $3 million for four days work? And he's like, well, that's not $4 million for four days work. I shan't do it. So that's kind of, there was some bad blood there. Stallone's talked about how he's like unprofessional and not cool and all those kinds of things. There was a bit of hoo-ha at the time.

A bit of a hullabaloo, if you don't mind me saying so. And so I think that's where that idea of the payday comes from. But I also think that $1 million a day thing is fairly accurate. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Anyways, Mason, let's have a little chat. In this segment, I like to call everybody.

Am I getting fired? Is that what the segment is called? Am I being fired from this? I don't want to have a little chat with anyone. It just a casual it's more of an assessment oh i don't like this i don't like where this is going oh okay here's something i liked i like that little hot hands tool they used at the start to melt the fence yeah the fence melting hot hands sure i mean i guess it's better than set a set of tips, that don't require any battery source or anything. Whatever.

That's great too. I like Firefly's little Fireflies and I also like that he has a bike that breaks up into lots of rockets. Great, right? Good stuff. How do you get that built? Was it a...

It's a custom job, right? I guess so, yeah. I mean, it would have to be. I don't think you can get them off the shelf. It was a very limited run after the release of the movie. Harley-Davidson was like, you want a bike that'll turn into rockets? Well, you get one.

One out of a limited edition, only 100 made. All 100 owners died. Yeah, no doubt. Here's something I found fascinating. Roadblock was actually supposed to be in the first movie, played by Common. Huh. Yeah.

But in this movie, James, the Blind Master is played by the RZA of the Wu-Tang Clan. Bobby Digital. Prince Rakeem. Prince Delight. Oh, my God. Bobby Dynamite. The RZA Rector. Bobby Balders.

Bob the Builder. He's got a lot of nicknames. He does. He certainly does. And he's a fan of martial arts, isn't he? Yeah, he directed a movie called The Man with the Iron Fist. I never saw that. Is that good? It's pretty fun. It's got some good of nicknames he does he certainly does and he's a fan of like martial arts isn't he he's done a bunch of stuff called the man with the iron fists i never saw that is that good it's got some good action yeah yeah good stuff and i also just wanted to mention uh just in passing it's not a minigun no it's a heavy machine gun it's a 50 caliber heavy machine gun that

roadblock is using that is correct everybody who watches these videos knows that you love a minigun minute that's correct but you will not for a second assess a gun that is not a minigun. One barrel, for sure, James. Why even bother? Rather no barrels. Right? Just a zero-barrel gun, you pull the trigger, it blows your hands off.

I'd rather be using one of those, quite frankly. I also think this movie goes for more of a Transformers kind of ending because it has like a knockoff lincoln park kind of track it does as things are wrapping up and i think the idea was we can still get this going this can still be transformers-esque yeah but this is too generic to kind of take off as i said there's good stuff but it's in two separate movies yeah you're absolutely right you need to lean into the silliness and the costumes, you know? I don't mean like make it silly and wacky.

I mean just do like the MCU, I guess. That's easier to say. Just do what Marvel did. Just do what Marvel did. That thing that every other studio was attempting to do, not only one succeeded at ultimately. Yeah, just do that, I reckon, yeah. No, you're right.

Because, you know, ultimately, while the main three were Roadblock, Lady J, and Third Guy, I didn't really feel like they were the comic book equivalents of Roadblock, Lady J, and Third Guy. Give them more colorful characters. Give them some more hot hands gadgets. Give them a little bit more. But overall, I did think this was an improvement. And maybe Snake Eyes will be too.

I think there's a balance that can be struck between the two yeah and we'll know by the time gi joe uh snake eyes snake snake eyes is just a boy he's just a boy who can still talk yes yeah uh speaking of guess what we've covered that movie haven't we mason which one the snake snake guys podcast the weekly planet unless we went into another lockdown and we didn't do it. That's correct, yes. But we very much plan to do it. And if we didn't go into a lockdown, that is out by now and linked below. And maybe you're like, you have a podcast,

but do you have like a private subscription service? It's like a Patreon tier, except you control it more. And Patreon doesn't take a big chunk of that. Yeah, we do actually. And it's very shady. Thank you very much. We're quite proud of how shady and not transparent it is it's very opaque it's the most it's the most opaque payment processor on the internet quite

frankly it's like the mask of a cobra commander but not in the first movie in the second second movie it's highly reflective and definitely not the third option the ku klux klan version we said it's not that one i want to emphasize strictly that it is definitely not that uh but it's called big sandwich.co. We do bonus podcasts. We do movie commentaries. Videos go up there early, including Caravan of Garbage. Ben edits them.

They go up early, don't they? That's right. They're terrific. Anyways, if you've got a suggestion, great. We want to hear it. But here's a hint towards next week. No idea. Can't remember.

Whoa. Incredible. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. Maybe it's another G.I. Joe live action movie that we missed. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, we'll be back next. We'll figure it out. Maybe it's another G.I. Joe live action movie that we missed. Terrific, yeah. Yeah. Anyways, we'll be back next week.

Subscribe if you want. Please do. Even subscribe if you don't want to. Right. Just push through that urge. Yeah, that's right. So just close your browser and do something, anything else. No, no.

Just subscribe instead. Even if you hated this, hit the bell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd really be showing us up if you did that. Yeah. We'd really feel bad about it. Teach us a lesson. Yeah.

All right. I'm at MrSundayMovies on Twitter. I'm at WikipediaBrand on Twitter. See you on the next one. Grab that jammy, guys. We'll see you next week. Pork chop sandwiches, you should look it up. You fucking look it up. I did, and I loved it.

I will also look it up. Yeah, nice. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit PlanetBroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca.

know your risks visit heartandstroke.ca fx is the veil explores the surprising and fraught relationship between two women who play a deadly game of truth and lies on the road from istanbul to paris and london one woman has a secret the other a mission to reveal it before thousands of lives are lost fx is the veil starring elizabeth moss is now streaming on disney plus