The Weekly Planet - Noah - Caravan Of Garbage

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

In 2014 Darren Aronofsky hit us with the Russell Crowe lead biblical epic Noah. A bold and accurate(?) retelling of the classic Old Testament tale of one man and his family in a quest to help God kill everyone on earth but not all the animals, just most of them. This concludes our Rusty Crowe His-Trilogy for 2024, but don't worry we'll definitely return to more down the line. Probably like Robin Hood or whatever I dunno. Thanks for listening!SUBSCRIBE HERE ►► http://goo.gl/pQ39jNHelp support the show and get early episodes ► https://bigsandwich.co/Patreon ► https://patreon.com/mrsundaymoviesJames' Twitter ► http://twitter.com/mrsundaymoviesMaso's Twitter ► http://twitter.com/wikipediabrownPatreon ► https://patreon.com/mrsundaymoviesT-Shirts/Merch ► https://www.teepublic.com/stores/mr-sunday-movies The Weekly Planet iTunes ► https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-weekly-planet/id718158767?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4 The Weekly Planet Direct Download ► https://play.acast.com/s/theweeklyplanetAmazon Affiliate Link ► https://amzn.to/2nc12P4 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back everybody to another episode of Caravan of Garbage where we're wrapping up the Rusty Crow Hizz trilogy. For now. Yeah! He's done other stuff, he's changed the world in many other ways. Well, he's also made other historical epics. LA Confidential. Sure. American Gangster.

Virtuosity. Virtuosity. Remember that? Remember when that happened? I remember when it happened. That was nuts that year, that time, remember? It's crazy. It's... that really happened in Melbourne. Hahaha. It happened on Lygon Street.

Crazy stuff. Yeah, pretty ordinary. It was after a grand final. You know? Things get loose. Things get very loose. Yeah, yeah. So this week of course, please leave a like because we're talking about 2014's Noah.

Had you seen this before this? I think so, yeah. Because I'd not. And look, here's the thing about this It's the perfect prequel to Evan Almighty, you know in a way it is Yeah, well, I mean no one told me about this movie. I know it told me Oh ho ho hock Noah prey on that thing and then I've written Why then I've written no then I've written a timeless comedy question mark

So we'll see what happens in two years six months in the comments But here's the thing You know how Hollywood does a kind of retelling of a story based around like a Judeo Christian God and it's often a very Sort of mundane take they leave out all the explicitly fantastical stuff. You know, it's voices its shadows It's a dream its lights from the skies at God or is it, you know, man's hope and faith kind of together? I just assumed that this movie was one of those movies that had gone down that path. Noah was going to be a man and he's living with his family in a time of strife and struggle. He believes in God and everybody's like, you know, are

you old fool? God sucks. Exactly. And then, you know, he has this dream about the flood and he and he's like, God told me this and they're like, God, no, you old fool. You just you've lost your mind. And then you're a stupid idiot. Exactly. And then they build the builds, you know, he struggles with his family and he struggles with his faith and he builds their losing faith in his family.

They're like, is this what they build the ark and there's the human drama. And then, you know, and then and then at the end You know they get on the they they all you know They've they've struggled so much and then they get up they were all standing on the arc and the clouds fall And then there's some drops of rain and it sort of cuts to black and you're like, oh was it was it was it ever gonna? Flood who knows, you know, yeah, but but but he's certainly learned everybody's learned in this sick boat though Exactly, but this movie's got sick boat bro, but this movie's got the Rock Lords in it The Rock Lords hell yeah, I'm a go-bots which were a cheap ripoff of the transform

Oh, yeah, and then go-bots introduced Rock Lords which are robots turned into rocks well. They're in this movie Yeah, this movie's just like this this movie's got Rock Lords. It's got flaming swords It's got foxes with scales for some reason it's got Rock Lords, it's got flaming swords, it's got foxes with scales for some reason. Oh it's got magic snake skins. And this is just straight up at the start. There's no there's no you know there's no. It's not Game of Thrones building into dragons or whatever.

No there's no first act where we're like oh you know this how how's this gonna turn out you know is where does where does faith land in this in this universe or whatever? It's just like nah there's... the angels fell out of the sky and they turned into rock men. And they're just wandering around, there they are. There's several of them actually. You can talk to them, they won't like it but you can approach them. They speak English. They speak British English like we do in this period. You know what I mean? Anyway this movie's nuts. It's insane. Well it is of course a Darren Aronofsky project and Russell Crowe after we looked at Master

and Commander, he's back on his nautical bullshit mason. That's exactly right. In a big way. His wet nonsense. Russell, this should have been called Russell Crowe's wet nonsense. Russell Crowe's outback wet nonsense. Well this is set on the Prometheus planet it would say, not the outback. The Prometheus planet, it could be set on Arrakis.

There's a little bit of Hunger Games, Apocalyptic Teen romance. Oh yeah. This could be, yeah, everybody dresses like it's Game of Thrones. It's kind of like, this could be set on an alien world. What, did Darren Aronofsky have some sort of just weird alien sci-fi fantasy idea that he just was like, I can get funding easier for this if it's Jesusy. Great question.

First of all, Emma Watson who's in this said that it can kind of be said in any time period because it could be post-apocalyptic. Could be happening on Ligon Street right now. That's right. After they sweep up all that virtuosity glass. That's right. So it is actually an adaptation

of the French graphic novel, Noah for the Cruelty of Men. This is a comic book movie. Whoa! That's what's going on here. Whoa! Obviously based on biblical stories and etc. Well, I mean, I see I did a little digging as well, so it's based obviously on, you know,

some of the Old Testament, but also on the Book of Enoch, which is non-canonical. What? That's right. Who said it's non-canonical. What? That's right. Who said it's non-canonical? God? Yes. Oh God. Yeah. So I'm in Ligon street the other day. I asked him about it. Oh yeah. Bailed him up.

It's like I'm busy, but it's not canonical. I mean, I don't remember. Might maybe it happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd imagine there's a lot of Alan Morrison's to approaching God. Just like, yeah, look, thank you. I appreciate you.

But it's not really something I'm into anymore. I don't wanna talk about Watchmen. I mean, the Book of Enoch or whatever the fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This was also- Yeah, it might've been five loaves or two fishes or two loaves and five fishes. I don't, I mean, it's more about the five.

You know what I mean? It's not really, the numbers aren't really that important. No, no, no, man. But everybody had a nice time. They did. So they initially went to Christian Bale and Michael Fassbender for this, but they declined. As Noah and his wife? Yeah, Noah and Noah's wife. That's right. Interesting. Okay. This is also, I mean, it's a very Darren

Aaron movie, is it? I mean, there's a montage of creation. Again, it's just, there's a lot of- It's that moment where the water sort of crawls through the landscape. Oh yeah. The river forms and it's like blip blip blip. And it does a kind of, you know, rapid flurry through all the different landscapes, you know, that forest grows. Yep. And I'll just throw that in there. Magic seeds. Magic beans. Magic beans. It's also got Darren Aron's weird and complicated relationship with motherhood and women and the earth. The thing that look, he's certainly saying something, isn't he? About all those things. And you've got to respect it because a big part, you got to respect it Mason.

You've got to respect it Mason. Oh good, he's standing up and saluting and now he's doing a dab. But yeah, big part of this- I was not standing up and saluting. I was only doing the dab, how dare you? A seated dab, which indicates minor respect. A big part of this movie is that, yeah, if humanity is going to continue, most of these

people don't have wives. And so Emma Watson turns up, which is good because you want to kind of flesh out the bloodline a little bit. Sure, they can't all be related. They can't all be three blokes, you know? That's true. They can't be working like that. And there's the brother Ham, who he can't catch a break

He just wants a girlfriend and his wife that he bought. It's me brother ham Give me a girlfriend. Will ya and he does for a minute, but then she gets trampled. It's true. Yeah So it's just that there's a lot of that going on here and there is also this there's a cruelty to Noah So the the the lore of this, this comic book movie is- I didn't notice any of the cruelty of Noah. It's probably because I was too busy watching him try to kill those kids. Yeah, he was, wasn't he?

Yeah. So Noah is a descendant of Seth, who is on the side- From the OC? Yeah, from the OC, yeah, Seth Cohen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And his dad's- Sandy Cohen, yeah. Yeah, that's right, there we go.

So he's on the side of the Lord who was abandoned earth because every other person there is a descendant of Cain. Mmm. And because Cain's a bad bloke... Sure. Everybody... Allegedly. Allegedly.

Everybody ten generations down... Mmm. ...can just eat shit and die in a flood, apparently. Yep. Yeah, there's a moment where after the flood... You should do sermons, I think. Hahaha. I think that would do well for you.

I could do it. Mmm. So the god in this, he's the... He's the vengeful god. He's... Yeah, it's Old Testament it. Mm-hmm. So the God in this he's the he's the vengeful God He's yes, I'm a good book of Enoch God. Absolutely So he doesn't give us stuff. Oh god, he doesn't give a flip does he know? So yeah, he wants to kill everybody but he so it he and he lets no one know by giving him bad dreams But you can't figure it out immediately So as to walk and see Anthony Hopkins who's presumably taking a break from filming

Transformers the last night another biblical epic Mason. Oh, yeah of 2014 or whenever that movie came out optimus prime gave me this flaming sword But yeah, they got a couple of goes in it but boy go and it goes yeah, it's gonna go on you're gonna notice then yeah, and of course the story of Noah's Ark, he has to build a boat. And it's also like... You know what? This episode is one of the few where we actually explain the plot. And it's like, I'm pretty sure everybody knows the plot of this. The plot. Well, I'm building this up the hours. Okay, right. I just think it's insane that... Are you about to critique the Bible? Yeah, yeah, because like, if you're God, and you- First, first, Bill Hicks over here. Bloody, um, bloody, um, bloody, the other guy.

Dennis Leary? No! The other guy, can't say more than you can't say on television. Oh, George Carlin. George Carlin, there he is. Okay, yeah, yeah, alright. I don't mind. I'm controversial.

So it's crazy to go to a guy and be like, listen, I got to kill a lot of people, but I need you to build an enormous boat. You're God. Can't you just be like, fucking heart attack. He is a boat. Oh, okay, sure.

Well, he is a boat, yeah. Wow. Well, mine was, mine I think was much cooler than yours actually. Yeah? Just dropping a boat from the sky. Yeah, I mean, he can build it. You know, he's got those nuts that make a forest

He doesn't have a nut that'll make a boat. Yeah. Well, I guess technically he did that It's just a bit of a roundabout way. I don't know. It just feels like he's fucking with Noah That's what it feels like what God does just testing and pushing and as we've established on our podcast the weekly planet Yeah, God is real and he hates us Hashtag the weekly planet. I think we made a t he hates us. Hashtag the weekly planet. I think we made a t shirt or somebody did. We probably did or somebody did. And I love that the boat it's just a brick. Like there's not there's no you don't add anything to it because it doesn't need to steer because where are you going? Just floating about floating

about. Yeah, this is a far cry from that that ship. They were so wowed by in Master and Command certainly is yeah God That was a beautiful ship. It certainly is Mason. Yeah, there's a lot of baby stuff going on here So Anthony Hopkins, he's fixing wombs. Yep, so he fixes Emma Watson's womb So there can be other babies, but no he's not having it Mason. He's Furious that he's not gonna be the last person alive for some reason, I guess. So I want to be the one who wins the Post Malone look-alike contest. You could. Yeah, I know.

You definitely could. Yeah. I mean, you know, look, I hate to get political, but I think you should kill babies after they're born. You're saying you should kill them. You shouldn't kill them. It sounded like there's no gray area here. You were trying to please everybody there. You're like, I think people should kill them. It sounded- There was a, no, no. It sounded like you were trying to- There's no gray area here. You were trying to please everybody there. You were like, I think people should kill babies.

You're just confused, cause I was doing a dab while I said that. A seated dab. That's so true actually. Which means respect, of course, yeah. But just absolute madness. Also Noah, like he's not a good guy. And it kind of starts that way where like,

he's this reluctant, maybe not reluctant, but he is this, he has faith and belief any and he feels like things are going to turn out But there's a moment where it's just he's like I'm a tool of God. I'll do literally anything I do not care. I'll kill all of my family and then it's it's always that isn't it? Yeah, what's the other one Abraham? He's like chop that baby in half You know which way? It's a great point actually mm-hmm Diagonally diagonally yeah Because if you cut a baby down the middle it doesn't

Doesn't grow doesn't fit. I mean I think before before you I mean you got two options obviously Yeah, you get you get one you get one person to draw the line And then you cut like the other person because then you, or you could like gerrymander it a bit. You could be like, I'll take the head and like... The heart probably. Yeah, the heart and then like the legs for running and you can have the rest, whatever. The legs for running.

Yes. If you cut Wolverine directly down the middle, would he die or would he grow into two Wolverines? He'd die. What about Deadpool? That's a great question. I think you could push Wolverine back together though. Oh yeah, no, I'd buy, yeah, I'd buy that.

Yeah, okay. For sure. Something to think about. Anyways, terrific wig work in this. I agree. On Rusty Crow in particular. Jennifer Connolly, she's aging beautifully through this whole ordeal.

Rusty Crow on the other hand, he's having a hell of a time basically. He's got beautiful long ponytail. He's got a shaved head for a businessman workman attitude. He's got crazy guy boat hair. And then he's got a beautiful longer, but not too long sweeping gray locks at the end when he figures out that he shouldn't kill any kids.

He wanted to speed run the Ethan Hunt mission of possible looks, all of them at once. Tom Cruise thinks he can have all the good hair, well we'll see about that. Here we go. Exactly. At least they finally got to work together in The Mummy. So true. God that's a good movie.

I agree. He's got that padded butt. Remember that? Yeah of course I do. Yeah you remember. Mr Hyde. When are we going to look at that one Mason? Probably never.

No that's certainly not true. Alright well when this new Monsterverse, when are we gonna look at that one, Mason? Probably never. No, that's certainly not true. All right, well when this new monster verse, when the new universal monsters gets to another the mummy probably. Okay, we'll get back to it. When it's the mummy, but it's also about motherhood. Yes. Let's get Darren Aron on the phone.

Mummyhood. Here's a question for you before we do Novia, which is our trivia section of the show. Do you like this? No, I Didn't think was very interesting Really? It was like it was like like you said, it's just sort of a mishmash of it's like after earth It's like, you know, it's like after earth, you know, it's it's some Vague it's vaguely fantasy ish. Yeah and sci-fi-ish, but it's not, it's not, you know,

it's all right. It was all right. I mean, I think there was initial thrill, when I'm like, this is gonna do crazy Bible stuff. Like all the stuff you don't normally see in, you know, in a God movie. Yeah. But then that kind of wore off and it was just like,

okay, well it's mostly gonna be the rock guys. Yeah. Okay. For a bit. Yeah. And then they shoot off into space. It was cool how they did that. All right, it is time for Novia, we're back here. Also, there should have been more weird animals. What happened to the weird animals, by the way?

I have a- They're dead. Yeah, I guess, but like, wasn't he supposed to save all the animals? Okay, we're in Novia now, tell you what's going on. There's no actual animals in this, by the way, like real animals. Yeah, I know, I can tell. But they're all slightly tweaked from real ones

So the idea is that they're They're animals slightly one was a fox with scales. Well, yeah, so some of them Ray Winston ate I assume Okay, right. There's a hit yet all the rare Eagles and so exactly. Okay, but you know Russell Crowe in this Russell Crows Noah He's a big he's a big vegan fella or whatever is isn't he's not eating animals. He's very woke and I don't like that for him. What is his personality even? He's all over the shop. Just do what God tells you. Fucking be independent man.

Have an original thought. James, I wish you were there in Bible times. Yeah? Yeah, you could have been the real wise man. I would have done a running kick. On God? Yes. Alright. Two foot. Oh, that'll get him. I would have done a running kick on God

To foot oh that'll get him I reckon one foot wouldn't have budged him from from the celestial throne But two feet definitely would knock him on his godly ass and he'd be like I deserve that actually It finally knocked some sense into me God absolutely a kissing scene was shot We're kissing see you saw it with Emma Watson and Douglas booth knocked some sense into me, God. Absolutely. A kissing scene was shot. Ooh, a kissing scene? You saw it with Emma Watson and Douglas Booth. Apparently, Darren Aron made them do so many takes that they were both nursing swollen mouths and bleeding lips. Wow.

That's passion. That sure is. And that actually sounds awful. Yeah. Were you kissed to the point where you're in incredible pain? I'm not for that. Sounds like something God would make you do. It well in a way Mason Darren Aronofsky It's really scarves and the bullhorn he yells. Yeah, that's right. Is he not God in a way?

Controlling his little world in a way. I wish you were on set that day. You could have given him the big double flying kick And he's scabs would have flung off him and he would have knocked out of his throat. He would have said, ooh. Yeah, his little folding chair that says director on it. He would have gone, ooh, like he said. And he would have been like, I deserve that actually. Liam, Neeson, Liev Schreiber and Val Kilmer were considered for the role of Tubal Kane.

But Darren Aronofsky wanted an actor with grit and size and someone who would be convincing as they go head to head against Rusty Crow. A big Ray Winston fella makes sense. Yeah, I mean I guess you could probably get all three of those guys and like put them on in a big robe. Yeah, sure. Make him one big guy. I mean Liam's tall.

He is tall. But is he broad? He's pretty broad. He's pretty broad. Yeah. And he can climb a fence. We certainly know that. He's pretty broad. Yeah. And he can climb a fence. We certainly know that. That's very true. Yeah. And the last bit is Darren Aronofsky stated that he really wanted to kill off Noah at the end, because he often intends for his protagonist to die. He loves that. But he

couldn't. Because all the Noah stands out there. Yeah. All the you know. It's not what happened. All those Bible thumpers would be like, like no What happened to Noah is he probably lived another 400 years or whatever? Yeah, you know I probably killed a bunch of other people. Yeah, probably build a second boat and God was like it's done, man You know you try to recapture the magic and the spirit of that thing you once did. Yeah, but you don't have to do that anymore Yeah, that's right. Yeah, and then God gives him the big double-foot kick Yeah, that's right. Yeah, and then God gives him the big double foot kick Anyway, you're not gonna believe this in terms of box office on a budget of between 125 to 160 million. Okay, which is too much, but I guess they did go to the Prometheus planet Yeah, and they did, you know get God on set for a few days. That is true. That's not cheap. Yeah

It made three hundred and fifty nine point two. So, you know, it on set for a few days. That is true. That's not cheap. Yeah it made 359.2 so you know it was it did okay. I don't know if this would do as well now. I feel like it would sink like a stone, like a rock lord in a flood. I think you're absolutely right. I don't know that for a fact of course. What I find really interesting about a lot of biblical stories, the Bible is a historical document. What you believe within it to be true is you know is interesting in itself but the idea is that it is a text written over you know many thousands of years. And you're saying all of it's literally true. That's what I'm saying but what I'm also saying is it is a reflection of the time and previous thinking. So what got me thinking

is this boat reel? Did this happen? Oh I, I saw I did some research Mason. Okay Basically my question is biblical scholars and historians and all those all you types listen up Get you're gonna get real here. Get your stupid fucking fancy fountain pen ready. All right, exactly right take note Yeah, take notes, Indiana Jones So this section is called was there really a big boat and God made a big flood and everyone died but all the animals were safe in the boat? Here we go. We could do this every week.

With your ongoing research. So the current school of thought, it's quite interesting because obviously over the years there are many scholars who have differing, obviously over the years there's been different scholars who have differing opinions. It the years, there's been different scholars who have differing opinions. It's been a hotly debated topic for like centuries, right? Indiana Jones, that guy in the librarians. Yes, that's right.

Lara Croft. These are all true, yeah. Modern, less sexy Lara Croft probably has an opinion also. Romancing the Stone. Yep, John Stone from Romancing the Stone. These are all true, yeah. So- Deborah Romance from Romancing the Stone. They had the romance over the stone.

Yeah. So this story, like it's existed across multiple religions for thousands of years. It's referenced in different religious writings from Christianity to Islam, among others, indicating that like, yeah, there are probably elements of truth to this story, right? Like why is this being retold again and again? Why are there different perspectives and stories relating to this? But Mason, there's no scientific evidence that this arc ever existed, nor has there been any evidence of a global flood ever.

So it's not a true story. But that being said, do your own research. I suggest you get out there and you see if you can find a big boat. Oh yeah, the big... It's probably around. It's probably just around the corner. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. It's probably a vape shop now. A floating vape shop to get around all those vape bans around the world now. You know, it's at the three mile limit. Yeah. You can buy all the vapes you want out at the three mile limit. Also like, unless God has evolved as a being, as an entity, I feel like this can't be real because if, you know, let's call him he, but who's to say, you know, what is God's pronouns? Let's get mad about it in the comments.

But I think he wouldn't be happy with the result of this. And if this really happened, he would have just kept doing it. Yeah. Until it like worked out. Because it's not, obviously. Like something is awry here. Yeah. Until it like worked out. Cause it's not obviously. Like something is awry here. Yeah. Something is wrong.

Do you feel that? Yeah, I reckon maybe if I were God, Sure. You know, and Noah had defied my wishes to, to flood the entire world and destroy all the wicked. And he'd, you know, gone out of his own and done that. Probably what I would do is like, teleport like a B2 stealth bomber from the future

into ancient times and just... Just flatten that boat, you know what I mean? He had a surface missile, blammo! You've taken this from Dial of Destiny, Mason, that's what you've done here. It's just a good idea, alright? A good idea is always a good idea, alright? God damn. Anyways, this has been the rusty crow his trilogy. That's right now Oh my god, an incredible look into a incredible filmography of the greatest actor in the world

We respect you Russell Crowe and we salute you and you are Australian Yes for now for now. Yeah Now of course if you do want to see these videos early you can actually head head over to bigsandwich.co where not only are there early Caravan of Garbage's, there's also video game let's plays. There's bonus podcasts. We do movie commentaries. We have a podcast called The Weekly Planet where we talk movies and comics and TV shows.

Of course we're going to be talking Gladiator 2. That's on its own YouTube channels on Spotify, it's on Apple. But I'm sure people are dying to know what's the hint for next week? And by hint, I mean like a very obvious kind of- Maybe the most memorable part of that movie. Just the-

Yeah, just that part. Yeah. Yeah. What is it? Lord of the Rings. Oh. What's the most memorable part? Probably, you know, that Hobbit and he's like, something, Eleven's is whatever, you know? Something Eleven says. Yeah, B.M. The bit's like something 11 says or whatever, you know something 11 says

Yeah, the bit where he kicks the helmet or whatever. Maybe. Oh, yeah. This is all good stuff. Nice. It's all good stuff I can't wait to I've been holding off watching those movies. What about second? Eleven's it what do you know? What about second breakfast? Yeah. Yeah. I know I know I've been holding off watching these movies for years because I've been afraid afraid and I've been wanting to do it for this show So I'm just I'm so excited to come back to that and talk about that next week Nice, and I was wanted to say the regular editions. Oh, yeah, we're doing regular editions We'll explain why next week because the other ones are longer. Well, yes, but other reasons We'll get into reasons. Uh, anyway, thank you so much to Ben for the edits

Thank you, Ben, and we'll see you on the next one. Grab that jammy guys, we'll see you next week. Goodbye. What's your best second video? What's your best second video? There's other videos, there's second videos on this channel. That's what I mean, they're probably linked. Yeah, you can, they're clear they are.

What's your best new video? Yeah, they're all there. You shall not pass unless you look at another video. You know? That Ian McCallum cameo was worth it, wasn't it? Right?