The Weekly Planet - The Forgotten Aquaman - Caravan Of Garbage

Episode Date: August 7, 2018

Imagine an Aquaman cancelled TV Pilot so bad that it felt like it was made in 2006. Well imagine no more.Video Version ► https://goo.gl/w3PcJATwitter ► http://twitter.com/mrsundaymoviesFacebook ► http://facebook.com/mrsundaymoviesAmazon affiliate link: https://amzn.to/2AQorZFPatreon ► https://patreon.com/mrsundaymoviesT-Shirts/Merch ► https://www.teepublic.com/stores/mr-sunday-moviesThe Weekly Planet iTunes ► https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-weekly-planet/id718158767?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4The Weekly Planet YouTube ► https://goo.gl/1ZQFGH Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I'd like it if everybody cast their mind back to before Jason Momoa's Aquaman, but after Vinny Chase's Aquaman. I want you to sit yourself in that time period. I'm just seeing a void though, you know what I mean? There's nothing. I consider the two time periods A, V, C.

Yeah, right. And B, J, M. Yeah, right. And B, JM. Yeah. You know, they're the two eons of humanity. I know how it works. Yeah. Well, Mason, there's a little known era of humanity that slots right in there.

Oh. If you can cast your mind back to 2007, they released a pilot shot in 2006 for the Aquaman TV series that they were very sure was going to get picked up. And it's kind of surprising that it wasn't. This was from the creator of Smallville. Smallville was riding high.

Gow and Miller, is that them? Probably. Great. Aquaman made an appearance on Smallville. It was the highest rating episode of that show ever. Wow. So they went, well, this is a gold mine. We've hit black gold.

We've hit blue gold. Give me a metaphor we've found a lot of water we've found fish food we've struck fish food yeah does that mean there's a lot of

Closet Aquaman fans out there I guess there is I believe that the reason that Aquaman continues to exist is throughout the history of DC Comics

often the editor like the publisher of DC or the editor-in-chief has always loved Aquaman yeah right it's often their favourite character so they're like don't cancel him another series keep it going that's it the editor, like the publisher of DC or the editor-in-chief has always loved Aquaman. Yeah, right. It's often their favorite character. And so they're like, no, don't cancel him.

Another series. Keep it going. That's it. And that's why the reason he was able to be used in Entourage is because he was considered a joke and they went, well, no one's actually going to use this. We can just, you know, we can just make Vinny chase the star of Aquaman. Yeah, right. Remember that trailer from that movie or that clip that they showed? Yeah, he's about to, there's a big wave coming.

He lives in the ocean. Yeah, I remember that. It's amazing. Anyway, this pilot is not much better than that if at all so it's not the small world universe they've recast yep it's a new aquaman it's a and let me tell you he is so smooth he's so smooth i don't mean i don't mean with with women or anything like that but he's kind of but he's smooth like a dolphin he's smooth in the way that everybody in 2006 was smooth. This dude could not be cast today looking like that. He'd have to have long hair and a beard or a bun or shave the sides of his head or something.

Tattoos. This guy looks like somebody Ryan from the OC would punch in the head. He's from that era of being popular. Oh, yeah, absolutely, yeah. Just smug and smooth. Yeah. So it kicks off. His mother's telling the story of his origin.

We see him swimming like the Nirvana baby. Did you see a bit of that happening at the start? Yeah, that smug and smooth. Yeah. So it kicks off, his mother's telling the story of his origin. We see him swimming like the Nirvana baby. Did you see a bit of that happening at the start? Yeah, that's true. That's a homage, right? I think it's a coincidence. Okay. I don't think it is. Wow.

This guy in this universe is so far out of the wheelhouse of Nirvana and grunge. It's just everything's... That's true. Everybody's so smooth and tropical. Yeah. Imagine Kurt Cobain hanging out at the dive shop or the tropical restaurant, whatever it's called. Everybody's so smooth and tropical. Imagine Kurt Cobain hanging out at the dive shop or the tropical restaurant, whatever it's called. Anyway, they've changed his origin a bit

and his mother's talking about how he was born in the sea and is destined to be something. I can't really remember. And she's like, whatever, mum. He doesn't say that. He's on board. They're flying in a plane together. They're coming back from some kind of...

Also, you'd never cast this kid again. I feel bad about kids who look like this now because I don't think they get any roles because they're just weird mop-headed, just annoying mop-headed kids.

No, there's plenty of annoying mop-headed kids. What about Iron Man 3? That kid's great. Yeah, okay, it was annoying and mop-headed. So anyway, the mother's... She's on the radio

and she's on the radio to Lou Diamond Phillips who plays Aquaman's not real father because his father's Atlantean, I suspect. His adopted father. Is that right? Adoptive father. Adoptive father, that's the one.

He didn't adopt his father. No. Lou Diamond Phillips adopted him. And he's talking about how he held his breath for five minutes, hinting at his Aquarian origins, Mason. That's a bit of foreshadowing there. But then in a very... Plus I told all these piranhas to kill a guy.

And they did it. What's it mean? Probably nothing, son. But then in a very early rendition of a blue light in the sky, there's a blue light. Could it have been the first one? I mean, Independence Day was more of a turquoise, and that was a light going down.

This might be the first blue light into the sky, you're right. Signifying trouble and drama and super villainy. No doubt. But this is in the, do we say it's in the Bermuda Triangle? Yes, it's in the Bermuda Triangle. That's where Atlantis is located. And the plane is shot out of the air. Because the mother's wearing a seahorse necklace, and it might be attracting some bad news.

Is that how it works? I think so. We figure that out eventually yeah yeah sure anyway uh they crap they crash land they crap themselves correct themselves big time there's poo everywhere wow but they're in the ocean so it doesn't matter it doesn't matter you want the ocean it's fine it's called the aqua bog everybody familiar with it have you not heard of that no don't do it in your local pool but if you're in the ocean go nuts

so anyway wait oh but I do that's Aquaman's archnemesis though aquabog he's from the depths of the ocean

and he's a demon he's called he's Chernabog's cousin aquabog so the mother says you need to escape because there's a monster. There is a monster.

There's a big old fish monster. He escapes. And the last we see of her, she's fighting a big old fish monster. And then he gets rescued by some whales, which is good for him, I feel. Cut. Smash cut. It's 10 years later. Yep.

Can you believe it? He's a grown man. He's a cool dolphin-looking surfer dude. So smooth. Frosted tips. Never saw a shirt he didn't want to take the sleeves off can you believe it he's a grown man he's a cool dolphin looking surfer dude so smooth frosted tips never saw a shirt he didn't want to take the sleeves off

and wear a sleeveless shirt never saw a never saw a combination of green or orange shirts and green and orange pants he didn't want to put together

it does the Smallville thing of he'll never put on the costume but he'll wear any number of clothing items bearing those colors in conjunction with each what a cop out what a bloody cop out so look he's not called arthur curry he's called ac which is infuriating because at a number of times he

introduces himself as ac and at no point does anybody go yeah actually it'd be more useful if you gave me a full name so what is your full full name? Yeah, exactly. Please tell me. But no, he calls himself AC. He's an activist of some sort. Well, because he gets busted for rescuing dolphins. He comes out of the ocean. He goes back on his houseboat where I think he lives. Yes.

It's just a boat where he lives. And he's immediately arrested. And he says, what are you talking about? It couldn't have been me. Because he released some dolphins from the aquarium And they immediately show him photos of him doing so Establishing that he's a smug idiot Yep

And then he's immediately bailed out And it's never referred to again But look, that is That's got to be some sort of grand larceny, surely I mean, dolphins are not easy to capture No And raise Or even get out of a thing yeah but like that's got to be he's ruined that business they're gonna sue him but no it's fine so you're saying

they should capture the dolphins mason is that what you're saying i'm not saying they should you anti-ac yeah a little bit maybe his attitude surely and the you know what the only reason he gets away with this because he's so smooth and good looking. That's true. And I mean, again, physically smooth. Physically smooth, yes. He's not smooth as a man. No, definitely not. So he gets out and he goes back to the bar where he works.

By the way, he's also called Orn? Orin. Orin. Some conversions of continuity. Because his brother's Orn. Yes. In the comics, right? And Orin is brother of Orn.

Okay, gotcha Fine fine Anyway Ving Rhames shows up at the bar And he's like I remember you A character played by Ving Rhames It's not the actor Ving Rhames No no it's the actor Ving Rhames

Just wanders on a set He's just drinking in between Mission Impossible movies Very good But he's like I remember when your mother died AC But don't worry about that I'll see you later So what's up with that guy

Spoiler alert He's a fish man also He's up with that guy? Spoiler alert, he's a fish man also. He's a smooth fish man. It's a good, because he's not, he doesn't display any fishy characteristics. He has a crossbow like a fish. That's true. Yeah. He doesn't swim. He doesn't put food at the top of the surface of water and then kind of

bob up and down. Nibble at it. Yeah, that's true. There's none of that. Nobody, we see a number of Atlanteans in this show the mother him but ac my favorite character i say he's the only one who seems to exhibit even any slight amount of powers or not the mother's in the water she's got some strength she breaks him out of the seat remember i guess so yeah you guess so mason don't you also he works at a bar with his friend uh he's also a dive shop instructor, owner or something. And she's like, I'm going to sail your boat because you got locked up. And he's like, oh, come on.

And she's like, all right. Leading up to some banter, which will no doubt pay off in a romantic subplot in subsequent episodes. No doubt. Anyway, then it cuts to a fighter pilot who I thought was the same woman with her hair tied up. It's not the same woman. It's a different woman who looks remarkably similar it's also we're saying we're watching

this on standard definition that's true and some sort of grainy thing we've we've stolen off the internet for a while apparently was the most downloaded show on itunes or something when they released for one week that's right for one two bucks that's a big deal anyway so the fighter pilots out uh over the bermudaangle and everything's going great. And then AC decides to race the fighter pilot. We see a bit of his speed again. He's faster than you'd expect because he's as fast as a jet, which is faster than you'd expect.

Very much faster, yes. Yeah, that's it. And there's a, I guess for 2006, 2007, it's okay TV CGI. But nowadays it's a very tough watch. Also, do you know what the budget of this episode was? A million dollars. Seven million dollars. Oh my God.

I know. Wow. And that's how they announced it. Seven million dollars. And then someone said, oh my God. But he's wearing his mum's necklace, and then that sets off the blue lights into the sky Knocks the plane out of the sky So is that how you get to Atlantis?

It's some sort of, it's a seahorse necklace I don't know Because what I think ends up happening is Atlantis is being taken over by a weird demon fish cult or something Aquabog The Aquabog They're looking for the Atlanteans And if they get a bead on any of these

Oh, they open the gates. Yeah, they open the gates, and they try and shoot down whoever's wearing a bloody... Yeah, just blindly shoot it, because they'll definitely be in the sky, won't they? That's right, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, anyway, he rescues her. She wakes up in the hospital. She's like, I vaguely remember you carrying me to the shore.

And you were a real good swimmer. And he's like, you must have been bloody dreaming, baby, because I'm just a smooth criminal. I mean... I mean a criminal. I mean, I'm weirdly smooth. I mean, look at my weird hair. Look, I stole some dolphins, alright? They're the photos. I didn't get away with it. I've got

a court date. I'm definitely going to jail at a later date. Anyway, he meets another guy in the hospital, though, who's also been rescued by his dad, Lou Diamond Phillips, who's a Coast Guard rescue boy. Isn't that right? Yes. But this guy has the same necklace.

Necklace. Meaning that they're both... They're necklace bros. That's right. They're both smooth dolphin boys. Yes. He calls him Orin and says, they're coming to get you.

They know you're here. I will provide no further information. And then, because the government takes him away. The government's like, we're going to take this guy. coming to get you they know you're here and i will provide no further information and then because the government takes him away the government's like we're going to take this guy like if i was ever in the position of having important information i needed to impart on people yeah what i would do is i'd spend maybe half a day in the looking at myself in the mirror practicing yes the best most efficient way to convey the crucial information not like they're coming who specifically is coming you know i'd use a hairbrush as a microphone and it just made you know just you make a day it's my big day it's my time to shine and i'd be like okay what do they

need to know who specifically it is what they What are they going to do? When are they coming? Yeah, exactly. But no, there's none of that. He gets taken away by the government because the government's after all sorts of people because some strange things have been happening at the Bermuda Triangle. This guy not only is he from Atlantis, he's also a soldier from World War II who went missing.

So it's sort of implied that a bunch of people who live in Atlantis aren't necessarily Atlanteans, but they're people who were stuck in time and the Bermuda Triangle and then they reappear. They're Atlantean immigrants. This show, Pilot, asks a lot of questions to which we will certainly find out the answers in subsequent episodes. Well done. Correct. Back at the bar. People are fishing. Have you written that as a note. Well done. Correct. Back at the bar. People are fishing.

Have you written that as a note? Back at the bar. Back at the bar. People are fishing illegally and he won't have a bar of it until his friend says, maybe you should have a bar of it. And so he does. He lets it go. I thought there was going to be a cool bro fist fight, but there wasn't.

Oh no. You can't really do that because that works in a Superman because he's like, don't use your full strength or they'll hurt them and then they humiliate him or whatever. This guy doesn't seem that strong. He's a little bit, but he can still just take them all with no real consequences. And then Adrian Pilecki turns up, who's the champion of pilot episodes of superhero shows that never get picked up. We might be revisiting some very soon.

Some? Bloody hell. And then she's like, hey, surfer guy, do you want to go do some... She's also very smooth. And she's very smooth. She's like, do you want to do some swimming with me, some ocean swimming? But there's something suspishy about her. Couldn't think of a word, so I said suspish a word so i said suspicious suspicious that'll do it like you mean like a like a marine term yeah

that would suggest that things are not quite like a turtle yeah she's a bit sharky yeah anyway she's a weird mer monster person turns out yeah. A siren. She ensorciles him with her mind powers and says, hey, let's go swimming. Yep. And he goes, yep. And then she's like, hey, how about this? It's a bit stingray. Yeah. And she's like, it's a bit stingray, isn't it?

Yeah, it is. Yeah. It's a bit dolphin, you know? It's a bit dolphin. Like a Dolph Lundgren. Yeah. You know? Dangerous.

Dangerous, exactly. I get you. And then she's like, you remember me, don't you? Because I remember you. And he's like, oh, what? And then she's like, you remember me, don't you? Because I remember you. And he's like, what? And then she's like, I'm a siren. And she slashes him. That's right.

She's a fish monster. The makeup's okay on it, I would say. Yeah, I didn't mind it. Just when she's about to murder him, Ving Rhames shoots her with a crossbow. Good thing, too. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Classic tactic, shooting someone in the back with a crossbow.

It doesn't hurt her, though, because you can only kill the sirens by shooting them in between the eyes with something that rare weakness shooting something through the head yep that's right so that'll kill anyone come on that's right exactly yeah kill anyone anyway it turns out that he's from atlantis he gets a story from ving rames he's been exiled uh we don't get to go to here quick whip around here's all the exposition you need he's like you're the king uh johnny smooth and he's like i'm not johnny smooth or the king i'm ac and i'm just a dive shop owner or whatever i'm not the protector of the seven seas and it was at that point i realized we definitely weren't going to see atlantis in this seven million dollar pilot it's probably for the best i guess but i kind of wanted to see what it looked like yeah right yeah do you think we would have ever gotten it yeah i mean really yeah

okay i mean if subsequent episodes which we will definitely watch yeah look i think what we're gonna get is we're gonna get like maybe just some shots in an aquarium yeah pretending like it's atlantis yeah you're probably right yeah fair enough anyway he immediately tells his friend all those things he works at the surf shop and she's like well i knew you're a pretty weird guy but i guess you're very good looking so i'll go with this unbelievable but he very here's the thing you wouldn't because he looks like one of those dudes who's like good looking so people go along with him for a little bit but he's so so spacey. Yeah, exactly. You'd be like, nah, mate. Yeah.

Come on. At least show us. Yeah. Anyway, the fish monster kills the other Atlantean, and then they're going to escape because he's like, my friend, you need to get out of here because there's a fish monster coming, and then the power goes out, but it's the fish monster again, and she stabs the friend through the stomach or whatever. You think she's a goner she's not

she's fine she got there were some serious stab wounds she got really stabbed I guess it missed all her vital organs I guess it did yeah and then

cut to smash cut to I think you know what a smash cut is smash cut to okay there's a CGI wave and it's being pulled a boat's being pulled

along in the water by Adriana Padalecki yep Adriana Padalecki which is Padalecki alone. Bing Rames is in the boat. They've been tied up. He needs water for his powers so he can escape. That's not really established prior to this.

They wanted to be strong again. Then he gets a little bit of water. Which isn't really... It's not really an Aquaman thing. If he gets dried out, it's bad. It's more of Namor, the submarine thing. When he gets wet, he gets a little bit of water. Which isn't really... It's not really an Aquaman thing. If he gets dried out, it's bad. It's more a Namor, the submarine thing. When he gets wet, he gets much stronger. But he's also not super dry in this boat, in this storm.

That's correct, yes. It's very odd. You could just lean towards the window a bit more. Yeah, that's it. So they hatch this amazing plan. The diabolical plan. Oh, actually, yeah. The diabolical plan. It's actually, yeah. The diabolical plan.

It's a horrible plan. Is it? Yes. Well, because what happens is AC gets the flask out of Ving Rhames' boot. Yep. And then he smashes it. So he gets all the water. No, but I think that was just booze.

Oh, okay. Then he tips the water on himself anyway. Yeah. It's actually quite clever. He doesn't drink the water. He tips the water. It's filled with glass. Why would you drink it? No, I mean, he doesn't drink water to make himself strong again.

He just pours it on himself. You're not a plant, mate. Drink the water. Drink the water? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Anyway, so she jumps back in the boat.

She's like, where's Johnny Smooth? Where's AC? Because they've hatched this plan. And he's like where's johnny smooth where's ac because they've hatched this plan yep and he's like i'll i'll never tell and then he does this hilariously bad cgi jump onto the back of the water onto the back it's not even a really deceptive thing because she has plenty of time to assess the situation and see where he's standing he does say i'm right over here yeah he does and i'm more or less a regular human man, and you have any number of unaccounted for powers that I don't know about.

Correct. But I'll just come at you straight ahead. Yeah, but they have a bit of a shit fight. Not a shit fight, as in there's shit everywhere. Yeah, this isn't some sort of aquabog situation. No, it's not. They just throw each other around or whatever and all that. Tables turn a predictable number of times.

Et cetera, et cetera. He stabs her in the head. The one weakness. Unique to only that species. That's correct. It turns out. Anyway, it cuts back to smash cut. It's back to the hospital.

I let my guard down for a second. The friend is fine who was stabbed also. I mean, she looks sad. She looks sad, but she's fine. The pilot, who's not the friend, don't be confused. Summer.

I wasn't. You were. You were a little bit. That's okay. She's also from the 30s or something. Yeah. Okay.

And we see Lou Diamond Phillips again, but we never see him and Ving Rhames at the same time. I suspect they have a beef. I'm not saying what that could possibly be. Well, we'll definitely learn about it

in subsequent episodes, won't we? We'll know more. They've said a lot of... They've really laid a lot of Easter eggs in there, haven't they, for subsequent episodes? I kind of would have liked to have seen another episode of this. Well, too bad.

To wrap it up, Ving Rhames says, look, I'm going to train you. You're going to be the best. You're going to do the best aqua bog you could possibly imagine. And then he gives him a book. And a typical response of a man so dolphin smooth and super cool, he says, I don't write books. I'm not a nerd.

I thought we were going to be doing cool stuff, like throwing tridents and doing cool kickflips or whatever. And he's like, no, to train to be an aquaman, you've got to read Shakespeare or something. Is that right? That's the exact closing line. If you're going to be an Aquaman, you've got to read Shakespeare or something.

Yeah. What did it mean? We'll never know because it was never elaborated on on subsequent episodes. Anyway, this is not good. It's bad. But is it any worse than like no a middling episode a small definitely it's not it's uh it it's appropriate for that era it surprises me that

it wasn't made into a longer series it's a little bit self-aware which i enjoyed at one point ving rame says i know this sounds ridiculous but this and there's a couple not enough it's not you're absolutely right it's not enough yeah yeah and look right. It's not enough. Yeah. Yeah. And look, to be fair, there are some special effects that are okay. I think some of the underwater swimming stuff is okay. Yep. Some of the plane stuff for split seconds at a time is okay. Uh-huh. The fish monster costume is fine.

Uh-huh. Everybody's so smooth in this. So smooth, yeah. So smooth. Yeah. Where are they now? That's what I'd like to know. All these people who got all their body hair lasered off.

Yeah. And now they exist in a world where Hollywood celebrities are allowed to have body hair. That's right. What are they... Are they getting some sort of... Henry Cavill bought it back. Yeah. And thank God.

That's right. Yeah. Are they all getting Merkins and stuff? They're all getting Merkins, Mason. Okay, just checking. They're all getting hair transplants to their chest. All right, cool. Nice. good to know

anyway so that's Aquaman Pilot 2007 it's not worth checking out if you are listening to the audio version of this there's actually

a video version with all sorts of pictures and words that can go along with it I love pictures and words you'll find all that linked below

we also do videos here every Sunday Tuesday Thursday we're going to be doing a trilogy of Pilot DC episodes. Wow.

They're coming up real soon. Will they all be in a row? Will they be spread out over months, potentially years? Who's to say? Definitely the last one, though. But come back next time, and then you'll know what happened. Agreed. And leave a like and a comment, I guess.

What did you think of this? Yeah. I mean, it's bad, obviously. It's definitely very bad. Yeah. Do a good sign-off, Mason. Grab that gem, you guys. What did you think of this? Yeah. I mean, it's bad, obviously. It's definitely very bad. So do a good sign-off, Mason. Grab that gem, you guys. That's good.

We'll see you next week. Goodbye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want. It's up to you.