The Weekly Planet - The Lost Star Wars Sequel - Caravan Of Garbage

Episode Date: September 15, 2016

Welcome to the first episode of Caravan of Garbage, the show where we delve into the past to uncover some of the hidden forgotten gems. A comic! A movie! A game! Who knows? Not even us. This week, Star Wars: Splinter Of The Mind's Eye. The follow up to the original Star Wars that nearly was. Probably for the best it wasn't. Thanks for listening!Find an animated version of this episode at youtube.com/mrsundaymovies this Sunday. It's amazing. Because I didn't make it.Amazon affiliate link: https://amzn.to/2nc12P4Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/mrsundaymoviesMr Sunday Movies YouTube Channel: https://goo.gl/lB90W2The Weekly Planet YouTube Channel: https://goo.gl/1ZQFGHFind our T-Shirts here: https://goo.gl/q6gE9C Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This series of Caravan of Garbage is sponsored by Loot Crate, the monthly subscription service where you get epic, geek, and gamer items. I'm just going to quickly recommend one for you, Mason. I'm ready. It's the limited edition Star Wars Loot Crate box. I've got to get it now. It's limited edition. It's limited, edition-wise. It's $150 worth of value. So you guys, if you're listening, do not get this box because I want to get this box.

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welcome to the weekly planets car Caravan of Garbage, the show where we discuss comic books or movies or other things that might not be so great, but maybe they are great, but generally they're probably not so great. We're going to sift through the bargain bin, basically, and read and watch some stuff so you don't have to. Exactly. Maybe we'll find some hidden gems along the way, but probably not.

Unlikely. Today, Mason, I'm going to tell you the story of Star Wars Splinter of the Mind's Eye. You familiar with that? This is a tweener. Yes, it is a tweener. Because it's set between a couple of the Star Wars movies, but I can't remember which ones. It's set after A New Hope, before Empire Strikes Back. But here's the thing.

It was a novelization from, I think, 1978, written by Alan Dean Foster. Oh, the great Alan Dean Foster. Exactly. And he, like, ghost wrote. Fosso. Fosso. He ghost wrote the first Star Wars novel. It says George Lucas on the cover, but it's actually Alan Dean Foster.

And a bunch of other, like, adaptations. He also did The Force Awakens, actually. And, you know, he's been around that bloke. He's great at looking at a script taking words from the script putting it in a different slightly different format correct and sometimes there's a scene in there that they took out of the movie it's still in there for some reason that's a movie novelization that's a movie novelization the purpose of this one though it's got an interesting backstory because it was written as a follow-up

to the original star wars if star wars tanked interesting so george lucas was like well look this probably isn't going to do well and everybody keeps yelling at me and telling me it's not going to do well and i just don't understand people i can't talk i don't understand their facial expressions what are they saying and mean i don't know exactly so i hope i'm a billionaire one day that's all i can hope for he went to uh so he went to old fosso and he's like listen i need a story What are they saying and mean? I don't know. Exactly. I hope I'm a billionaire one day. That's right. It's all I can hope for. He went to Old Fosso and he's like, listen, I need a story, but I need it so if we do adapt it, it's low budget. So we can't have all the space battles and all the crazy stuff that happened in the first one.

We can't have all the big stars. Exactly. Well, that's exactly right. So it was written with that in mind. So at the beginning, he made him take out an aerial dogfight or a space dogfight. Sorry. A spog fight. A spog fight.

That sounds dirty. I'm going to use it forever now. That's right. It was set on like a jungle planet with a lot of fog, so it hides the limitation of sets and whatnot. And also they were like, there's no way we'll get Harrison Ford back. Right.

So ride him out. Yeah. So Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, that's what's kind of centered around. And the two droids who we all know and love. Droido and Droide. Yeah, Droido and Droide. Exactly.

Those guys. Now, were elements of this taken out and put into other? Yeah, there's little bits along the way that you kind of recognize, like it is a swamp planet like Dagobah. Like Dagobah, yeah. But there's elements of the Force which are no longer canon, which they've removed the power of... Crystals? Yeah, the power of crystals, exactly.

Like the Kyber crystal, which is spelled different to the Kyber crystals they use now. It can harness the power of the Force and all that kind of stuff. So it's like a MacGuffin. You put it up the Kyber. You put it right up the Kyber, and that increases your Force powers a hundredfold. Correct. That's exactly right.

So basically, it's this novelization of a movie that was never made. But I didn't read the book, basically. Okay, good. Why would you? I've heard it's not great, but there's a... I think I read it when I was like eight. You probably did. So I cannot help you.

All I remember is there's crystals in your bum. That's right. That's all I know. Well, it's got the distinction of being the first ever expanded universe Star Wars novel. That's right, yeah. So it's pretty interesting from that perspective. But there was a comic that was commissioned in,

that was released in 1995, 1996. It's four issues. And because it's got pictures and the like, I thought that's easier for me to follow. So much easier. And I could just kind of vaguely skim it and then just recount it to you. Great.

Ready to go? No. Wait, wait. Now I am. Good. Okay, so it starts with Luke and Leia. They're in a Y-wing and an X-wing. Question?

Yes. Can I ask questions throughout this? Of course you can. Okay, great. You can ask as many questions as you want. Just don't expect accurate or coherent answers. Love it. Okay, so they crash land on this planet on the way to this system

that they want to convert to the Rebel Alliance cause. Oh, yes. And it's a very pressing issue because Leia's like, listen, we need all the help we can get. And holy crap, I'm crashed on this bloody swamp planet. I can't believe it. What did they crash in, X-Wing? Luke in his X-Wing, Leia in a Y-Wing.

So they both crashed. They both crashed. Oh, actually, her ship's damaged and crashes. Then Luke's ship gets hit with lightning and crashes. And it's very similar to when he crashes at Dagobah, except his ship is completely busted. So they're like, wow, we're shipless, mate. So they kind of reconvene on the planet,

and they find this signal, and they're like, oh, it's a beacon. Maybe it's some kind of scientific oute on the planet and they find this signal and they're like, oh, it's a beacon. Maybe it's some kind of scientific outpost and the like and we'll be able to get transportation off here. You don't see that many scientific outposts, I feel, in the Star Wars universe. It's mostly just... Well, they're not basing their stories.

They're adventures around them, are they? No. I'm sure they're out there. I mean, it's mostly just, oh, we've landed on an asteroid. Oh, monsters sticking on your face. Oh, God. That's right. No time for science. No, monsters sticking on your face. Oh, God. That's right. No time for science.

No time for science. Well, look, there's no time for science here either. If you like science, go to bloody Star Trek, nerds. Get out of here. Yeah. But yeah, look, it's not a scientific outpost, luckily, because thank God. How boring, I know.

God. Yeah. So it turns out to be this imperial mining facility, this illegal mining facility, where they're, I don't know, harnessing, I don't know, power for whatever. You know what they're up to. Yeah, I love it.

I love it. So what they do, they come across this like, it's like a town. It's like a kind of a western-ish kind of town, you know. It's all cowboy-y filled with miners. So they steal some mining outfits. Kind of similar to how they steal the Stormtrooper outfits, I guess, in the first Star Wars. But they're like these sleek black miners outfit look we don't have enough money for space for space battles and

spog fights but we know what people want and they want a quick outfit change exactly and that's what we get so and they're pretty they're pretty form-fitting you can see luke's abs which i appreciate he looks great you can't see his dick but as they're walking in luke's just takes a shot at layer he's like you walk like a princess buddy get it together we're supposed to be mine it just takes a shot for no reason it's very han solo it is isn't it they just gave some of han solo's mannerisms to luke skywalker well that's the thing the idea of this story was to make him more kind of make him more brash and brave and more han Solo. And also... And less Luke Skywalker. And less Luke Skywalker because, you know,

he's obviously had some growth since he blew up the Death Star and killed all those people. So he's feeling pretty good about himself. And also, this isn't so much in the comic, but there's a lot of sexual tension between them. Because they hadn't yet established it. That's right, that they're very much related. As related to somebody as you can pretty much guess.

Absolutely. So they go into this bar and it's very reminiscent of all the Star Wars bars. Like it's filled with aliens or whatever. And they're like, oh, we've been walking for days or whatever. We need some foods. They order some Star Wars stuff, probably some blue milk and weird steaks or whatever. I don't know.

Yeah, those things, yeah. And as they're eating, Leia just freaks out. She like gets up and she's like, we're going to be found out. They're going to find us. And Luke winds up. Well, that's with that attitude. Exactly. Luke winds up and she's like we're gonna be found out they're gonna find us and Luke well that's with that attitude exactly Luke winds up

and just clips her across the face huh I don't remember reading that as a kid yeah I know right and but he passes it off as

because some Imperials come over and go you know what you kind of look like a miner Luke Skywalker or whoever you are because your hands are calloused because you know

because he's a farmer oh yeah that's pretty sweet but he's like what's with this one her hands are all dainty and whatever and he's like oh no she's my slave or whatever that that's that's what that is and they're like okay you're all right you're all right luke i mean whoever you are we're okay with luckily we're okay with slavery on this planet you got away with it exactly so this this old woman rocks up to them

called halla or holla iala or Hala so many characters in this upwards of three characters and some cowboys well the droids are in it oh yeah there you go

well they done nah they're outside the city just waiting in the muck I guess I don't know if I'm honest with you so she comes up

I think it's high time for some sort of spin off where we find out because we've already got this let's find out what the droids were up to somebody's got a spinoff of this spinoff yes absolutely that is no longer canon that is no longer canon so what about this is no longer canon yeah droid spinoff still in just convolute the law lucasfilm come out and say listen we're making nothing canon except this biter story what we're doing is we're

spinning off all the old spin-offs that aren't canon anymore but all the new spin-offs will be canon I would love that and then you guys have to fill in the dot you guys have to join the dots yourselves we don't care anymore you'll still watch them you know what if anything people would watch them more if

you were like we're just gonna lay all this out you have to join the dots. Yeah, yeah. People would be like, well, now we have to see them 10 times each. You're probably right, actually. Oh, man. I think you're onto something. Something terrible.

I think what we should do is we should create some sort of decades-long award-winning movie franchise. And then once we've already made it successful, we do that. Okay. And then we'll rake it in. I love it. So this old woman rocks up and she's like, listen, hey, you've got the force, don't you, Luke? What? And he's like, hey, come on.

None of that. Steady on. Yeah. We've all had a drink in here. We've all slapped a slave in here. All right, mate. Just steady. Be cool.

And she's like, listen, relax. I'm also with the force. Don't worry about it. And she moves. Wait, does she know his name? No the Force. Don't worry about it. And she moves. Wait, does she know his name? No. Okay. I'm assuming he tells her at some point.

And she moves the salt shaker on the table just slightly. He's like, oh my God, that's amazing. It's not amazing. It's not amazing. But I guess it is amazing at that point in Star Wars because when have you seen somebody move something? That's true. So I guess maybe it is amazing.

But she's like, listen, what I got for you. I can get you off this planet, I can get you a ship, and we'll get out of here, right? But I need you to help me steal this thing called the Kyber crystal. It's a thing that focuses the Force, and you'll love it, and whatever, but I need it because I'm all about that. And they don't believe her, and she hands them a shard, and he touches it and is like, ah, the Force, it runs through me!

Like he has this weird freak out. And he's like ah the force it runs through me like there's this weird freak out and he's like right listen if the empire gets this we're gonna be in some serious trouble because of all the vague powers that it has yeah so listen we'll steal the crystal there's outputs of one person in the empire who can use the force that's right exactly so they go to leave. Leia pushes Luke in the mud. Yep. And says, that's for slapping me. Yeah, nice. Not the time.

But hey, I mean, you can push him in the mud, but maybe wait for a bit. Maybe until you get out of the town. Maybe wait until you've finished doing this. You've escaped the planet. You've gone to this other planet. Yeah. You get him to join the rebellion. You go back to like the rebel base

then you have like a pit of mud built and then you push then you have a medal ceremony for loot so he's all dressed up he's all dressed up in his whitest whites and then he puts the medal on and then you push him in that's right but because she pushes him in these like these mining kind of enforcers come up. They're like, you know, the bullies, the tough miners. And they come up and they're like, hey, listen, slaves shouldn't be pushing around miners or whatever. That's not on. And one of them grabs Leia around the throat.

And Luke gives him the old bloody judo chop. Oh, yes. Because it's the 70s. It's the 70s, yeah. And then from that, we get this kind of brawl. And this is where we see that Luke... How effective do you think a karate chop is? I think you'd break your hand before you broke someone's arm

Look, a little bit later I'm going to go to YouTube and look up karate chops Just maybe most extreme karate chops and see what happens Everybody should look up the video of a guy attempting to break the world record For breaking as many coconuts as he can in a row with his bare hands And you'll see that he breaks a grand total of zero great it's about 20 but he breaks oh he's lined them all up okay sure so he hits one nothing and then he's like well i'll move on to the next one that'll be a lighter one and then maybe i'll return to the first one because i've softened it up right

it's the it's the opening a jar theory. That's right. Of breaking a coconut. Of breaking a coconut. So this fight breaks out. The woman's like, I'm out. She leaves. Yeah. So, you know, that part is like quickly broken up.

And this is when we see that Luke's kind of, he's grown more kind of effective than what he was because the guy kind of grapples him from behind. And this is actually pretty awesome. He turns on his lightsaber in his belt and it goes straight through the guy's leg. And then he's just classic old school Luke Skywalker, just chopping wood.

Very good. Like he takes off a dude's hand and it's amazing. As long as people are being dismembered. Yeah, exactly. Look, people love space battles and spog fights. They love them. We don't have the budget, but we do have the budget for what people love,

which is people being dismembered. All out. All out, yes. So it's pretty bloody fantastic. So then the Imperials rock up, the Stormtroopers, and they're like, you're all under arrest for bloody fighting. That's not on. So they take them back to their facility. And there's a guy there called, what's his name?

Captain Supervisor Grammel. Captain Supervisor. Now, is he a man who supervises captains? I don't know. That's just what they call him. is he a man who supervises captains? I don't know. That's just what they call it. Is he a captain and supervisor? Maybe he's both. It's like Grand Moff.

Captain, supervisor. No, it's not. It's not like that. Because a moff isn't a verb. I guess you're right. I'm going to do some moffing. Listen, hold the fort while I moff up, yeah? So that guy is kind of crazy,

and he takes out one of the other miners' eyes for starting a fight in the street. Wow. Which is kind of... So there's... Okay, sure. So the mining enforcers themselves have broken the rules. Yeah, because they're like, this is miners' code. And the Imperials are like, that's not a real thing.

I'm going to take one of your eyes. So then they go to Luke, what's going on? And then these other guys show up, and they're like, that's not a real thing. I'm going to take one of your eyes. So then they go to Luke, what's going on? Who are you? And these other guys show up and they're like, that's not the optician's code. We're going to overrule you. So he goes to Luke, listen, you and your friend here, you don't have any ID.

You're in fights in the street. Who are you? And he's like, listen, I'm going to level with you. We're not miners. We're actually criminals and blackmailers from another planet. We're just jumping planet to planet to kind of get out of here. And he's like, listen, that's not better. That's the dumbest thing you could have possibly said.

So, listen, I'm going to take that crystal shard off you and I'm going to bloody lock you up. How would he know? They saw him in the bar. They saw him pass it off in the bar. Oh, sure. They saw him pass it off in the bar. You sure I'm going... They saw Luke Skywalker go, this is full of force powers and Darth Vader certainly shouldn't have it.

So Grammel goes and calls Vader. Yes. And he's like, listen, I have a woman that looks exactly like Princess Leia. And Vader's like, right. Hold on to them. I'm on my way. Do not fuck this up. Yes.

Right? So they throw Luke and Leia in this cell and there's two Yazm in there. They're kind of like just big monkey. I know what, I don't know about that. They're just two big like monkey Wookiees, but they befriend them. Oh yes.

And Luke uses the force with the old lady who comes back to the window to move like a food tray to press a button on a wall to open the door. What do they team up with the Force? I mean, he could have just pressed it with his mind, I assume. But look, what do I know? I don't know anything about the Force or kyber crystals. So they fight their way out. The Yasmin are just bloody throwing stormtroopers about their love and life.

And Luke throws a series of grenades and they blow up. Wait, where did he get the bloody grenades? He grabbed them off the wall. Where all grenades are held, all right. And they explode right near Grammel and just mess him up. We see a bit later what happens. And they steal this all-terrain vehicle. Spoiler alert, does he survive to be a very low-budget villain?

Yes, absolutely he does. For later be a very low budget villain yes absolutely i'll let you know so they steal this all-terrain vehicle so it's the old woman the the yasm c3po r2d2 looking like and they're like listen we're gonna go to the temple to get the kyber crystal it's seven to ten days that's what they say. That's very specific. But also very vague. What's that in parsecs? That's a good question. Isn't it though? Yeah. As this is happening,

what's his name, gets repaired. The commander, Moff, supervisor general. He gets a new arm and the woman who repairs him, like,

listen, I got some bad news. You'll never sweat through this arm again. So I think that's okay though, isn't it? That's important. Yeah.

That's your regulation. What if you're on a Tatooine? You need to sweat, don't you? You need to kind of, yeah. It's either sweat again so i think that's okay though isn't it that's that's important yeah texture regulation what if you're on a tatooine you need to sweat don't you need to kind of yeah it's either sweat or just hang out in a moisture farm all day and who wants to do that yeah awful and he's got this big kind of skin graft over his head but yeah like you said he's a pretty like on a low budget rebuild yeah i mean there's no robot hands or anything going on going on there so that luke and luke and all that they're traveling for a bit and then a giant kind of, I don't know, swamp worm attacks them

and they kind of run through the forest and Luke and Leia die. How, look, here's my question. How does it look in the comic book? It looks spectacular. How would it have looked in a movie in 1979? Real bad.

You ever seen Ewok Adventure? Yeah. Just like that. Nice. So think of the best thing in that oh yeah and about that good oh great yeah yeah so they jump down books are like little movies budget you know exactly so they jump into this pit and luke and leia and the creature comes after them but it's because it's like front heavy it just topples in but it also knocks down nice

work evolution exactly and but it knocks down the rope ladder. Nice work, Evolution. Exactly. But it knocks down the rope ladder so they're stuck down there and the old woman calls down and she's like, listen, we'll meet you on the other side. Just make your way through the caverns. It's, I don't know, days. Just walk through it, yeah? Seems a bit Princess Bride. Yeah, that's right. And she's like, by the way, you might come across some natives along the way but don't

worry, they're friendly. But then she turns to C-3PO and she's like, they're they're gonna be killed they're in trouble there's no need for that aside lady why would you tell anyone i don't feel the need is it guilt why wouldn't you word them up though and be like listen you you're clearly like a couple of people who can look after themselves be aware that this may that's a really good good point....will happen. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's no benefit... There's no benefit to her lying to them. No. Because if they die, they're no help.

Exactly. Boba Fett style. Boba Fett style. So, you know, a whole bunch of stuff happens, nothing of note in the cabins. They see some glow worms. They use like a giant lily pad to float across an underwater thing or whatever. And then, but in the meantime vader vader lands i was gonna say that seems that seems like a big budget but they could probably

choose stop-motion miniatures yeah absolutely they could use a real lily pad yeah paint a frog put a little put a little karate robe on a frog turn it into luke skywalker all right exactly so vader lands and he goes to grandma and he he's like, hey, where are they? And Grammel's like, full disclosure, this did not go well. I lost them. Look at this arm. I'll never sweat again. You can't relate. And Vader's like, you're an idiot.

I'm in charge, right? So the natives do end up attacking Luke and Leia. And Luke does what Luke does best. And he's chopping wood. Oh, okay. He's back. Mope. No, chopping wood. Oh, okay. His back. Mope. No, chopping wood.

Oh, sure. That's what he's about in this one. He doesn't mope. He chops wood. That's right. He chops one like clean in half. He skewers one like through the torso. One, he severs both of his hands.

Yeah. And you see the one who gets his hands severed, you see like his face and he's like, ah, like you see all of this. I want to say at this point that if they had made this a new movie, the dismembered limb budget would have run out like two scenes ago and this would not have happened. Like, you can chop all the limbs you want in a comic book. Sure.

But by this point, he would have just been hitting them. Like, with a whiffle bat. Like a glowing club and they would have just gone down. Exactly. Also, Leia does some killing as well hits one with an axe she's pretty handy herself anyway so they get taken to like where all the these underground dwelling monsters are don't worry there's not that much left so many so many underground dwelling i know you'd think miniatures would be cheaper i'd imagine you do this like a

ray harryhausen kind of thing you know what i mean stop motion stop motion whatever i think or maybe like even existing footage sure yeah like even get some ray harryhausen films that they don't use anymore and just go look skeletons no one will notice yeah yeah right so then when they get there they realize the old woman and the droids and the yasm have been captured uh-huh and they're like listen luke uh we will let you go, but you have to fight our greatest warrior. And Luke's like, no problem. And they're like...

I'm brash in this one. And they're like, no lightsaber. And he's like, that is a problem. Yeah. And he gets the... Because that can kill... Lightsaber can kill anything, if I'm honest with you. I don't have to do nothing.

I'm terrible at it. That's right. I just chop them. Because when you're the only one with one right exactly that's it yeah so luke just gets absolutely clocked by this bloke and he gets nearly drowned just a regular guy no well he's like a native malian whatever you know and as the guy's drowning him yeah and everyone's like looking on in horror luke lifts a rock with a force and hits the guy in the head nice so he cheats and he wins yeah good as it as it as that goes and then he becomes their king they're like

well you're the king now i guess huh we just kind of return to the jedi with c-3po when he becomes the king of the bloody ewoks or whatever and then he has another freak out where he's like oh my god vader's here like he senses it uh-huh so what they do they they mount an attack on vader who's coming their way yeah and again it's like return to the do, they mount an attack on Vader who's coming their way. And again, it's like Return of the Jedi. They use all the natives and they're dropping nets and tipping boulders and pillars onto them or whatever. They're home alone and he's the wet bandits. Exactly.

And Luke's there chopping wood, as he does. He's just like, I'm not going to chop you, Darth Vader, but I'm just going to stand here and chop. And if you walk into it, then you're going to get chopped. That's on you. Yeah. So Vader and Grandma have to retreat because they're losing. And as Vader turns around, Leia shoots him in the back.

And Grandma's like, oh, my God, you just got shot in the back. And Vader's like, I'm fine. But he's not really fine. Also, it doesn't really come into play. But it's weird. He just gets shot and he runs away. But he's not really fine. Also, it doesn't really come into play. But it's weird. He just gets shot and he runs away. But I don't know what to make of that. They hadn't fully developed Vader's character yet.

No, they really haven't. Ultimately, he's kind of a scaredy cat. If he doesn't have his army behind him, he's just like, oh, run away. That's right. So they make their way to the Kyber Crystal. And when they get there- Imagine James Earl Jones going, oh, run away. So they make their way. the Kyber crystal. And when they get there, imagine James Earl Jones going, Oh, run away.

So they, they make their way, they get to the Kyber crystal temple and they get there just before Vader. And when they go in, Luke has to fight a giant iguana. Cause that's how that goes. You know, if you wanted the crystal,

you got to fight the giant iguana, which also turns up in revenge of the Sith. There's a giant iguana in that. Is there? Yeah, Obi-Wan rides it. Oh, all right. You remember that classic moment. I don't remember it. Could have been riding anything.

So Luke cuts down this pillar and it falls on the iguana, but it also pins his leg just as Vader comes in. And Luke has to chop off one of his own legs. Not quite. So Vader's like, I know all the command codes to shut down your droids. They've been shut down. They're outside shut down

and I killed your bloody mates, your yazzum or whatever. Yeah. Well, this isn't interesting, but people have like- I'll be the judge of that. People have theorized that he was able to shut down C-3PO because he built him,

but that's very retroactive. You're right. That's not interesting. No, it is interesting. No But that's very retroactive. You're right. That's not interesting. No, it is interesting. No, it's good. Okay, I like it. Yeah, but... That's what I'm saying.

Get everybody to join their own dots. Link it up. Yeah. But the thing is as well, C-3PO has like a switch on his back. Yeah, you can just flick it and he flick it and he shuts down. But anyway,

this is where Princess Leia steps up. She grabs Luke's lightsaber and they start fighting. Oh. So again, kind of hinting that she's got the force, but not really, I guess, or whatever. And Vader's just toying with her. He's just like singeing her with his lightsaber and they start fighting oh so again kind of hinting that she's got the force but not really i guess or whatever and vade is just toying with her he's just like singeing her with with his lightsaber it's like this is your shit this is easy or whatever love love killing somebody i'm not related to love it just so easy just toying with him feels great oh you can do this to anyone

i'm not related to by blood but he got you again again. So while this is happening, one of the Yasms... Wait, is he aware that Leia's his daughter? No, not until like the third one. Okay, cool. Oh, sorry. The sixth one. But while this is... Wait, no.

The 6.5th one. Rogue One. No, and also this. Oh, so this. Well, I guess that makes it seventh. Oh, yeah. Because you've got to add them up, don't you? Yeah, seventh one.

Luke gets freed because one of the Yasim crawls in and is like, I'm not dead. And he lifts the boulder off him or whatever. Yeah. And then presumably dies. I don't know. One can only hope. Yeah.

And then it's Luke and Vader. It's their first battle ever. But it's not like Empire Strikes Back where he just gets hammered. Like, they're quite evenly matched. Because he's brash. He's brash, man. And also, he's like, I've got the spirit of Obi-Wan Kenobi working through me. And Vader's like, listen, you're pretty good, but what do you think about this big rock?

And he throws a big rock. Luke then deflects it with like a smaller rock. Oh, yeah. And Vader's like. Seems implausible. Yeah. Well, Vader's like, that's pretty good. But my rock was slightly bigger.

And he actually says something to that effect, which I find kind of really petty. But hey, he's not a great bloke, is he? And this is when shit gets real interesting. was slightly bigger and he actually says something to that effect which I find kind of really petty but hey he's not a great bloke is he and this is when shit gets real interesting Luke winds up takes off

one of Vader's arms like from the shoulder and then he goes down like Luke's in trouble now is that additional meat off I guess it would be additional meat has come off

I guess when did he lose his arms initially like elbow yeah I think it's his right arm and yeah he has that down, yeah, about the elbow. Okay, yeah.

So, oof. Wow. I'd be like, oh, barely had any bloody meat on that one. You're taking it right off. Mean. Yeah, but just before that, Vader's like shooting lightning and Luke's deflecting it and whatever.

So it's pretty intense. Lightning? Vader can't do that. Well, that's been like, it's been theorized that his suit can shoot lightning or whatever because Vader can't actually shoot lightning with a force because he has no hands now that's but that's retroactive that is very it's retroactive because they didn't think of lightning bolts until return of the jedi that's right exactly so vader's miss we're joining our own dark correct that's

what you gotta do in the star wars universe so buddy vader rears up he's got one arm like a horse like a horse like a frightened horse no he's like this towering frightened horse but it's this towering terrifying monster and luke's like i'm done uh-huh and vader lumbers forward to kill luke but in doing so he trips over his severed arm and falls into a pit great and as he goes down, he does the, no. That's great stuff. As he kind of falls, not to his death, because I think Luke's like, yeah, I think he's still down there.

But they leave. That is incredible. Yeah. And Luke was whatever is the old lady's like, listen, I've been no help, clearly, because whatever things happen, I'm not around. You can keep the crystal. And Luke heals himself and he heals Leia. And then they bugger off.

Wait, with force magic? Yeah, it shoots lightning and stuff. I don't know. But they're fine. Okay, great. Everybody's fine. Yeah. Except for the two alien Yuzm who are not fine.

Yeah. Who died. And Vader. Because he fell in that pit. Yeah. I mean, he will be fine. Yeah, sure. Eventually.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's the story of bloody, what is it? Splinter of the Mind's Eye minds i feel that's a good that's a good yardstick i feel for this particular pod this this bonus podcast if by the end you're like and that's the story of oh i can't even remember what it's called oh geez but look the thing is it's kind of naff right yes agreed but and look an empire strikes back is all is clearly the bet like would have made a better movie if this had have been been done but at the same time i really enjoyed

this comic because it's like this it's like this weird throwback to like before a lot of the stuff has been established in star wars i like the versions of the version of luke anyway that's in this so look i don't think it's without redeeming qualities mason which is why you know you don't have to read it because I just told you, didn't I? That's everything. I'll give it a little... You can give it a look, mate. I'll give it a little browse.

You know what? I don't mind it. Tune in next time, everybody. We'll do another thing. I'm MrSundayMovies. You can find me at MrSundayMovies. Wait, did we introduce

ourselves at the start? We don't need to. People... Oh, people are already on the bus. I'll put a... If it's on the YouTube, I'll put a thing. Nice.

If it's on the podcast, people know. Nice. We'll do it next time. Great. I'm Nick Mason. I it's on the YouTube, I'll put a thing. Nice. And if it's on the podcast, people know. Nice. Presumably. We'll do it next time. Great. I'm Nick Mason. I'm at Wikipedia Brown on Twitter.

Exciting times. Yeah. Thanks everybody. All right, grab that jam. We'll see you guys next week. Bye. Or whenever this comes out.

It's going to be weekly. Who knows? We'll figure it out. Yeah.