The Weekly Planet - The Only 90's Superman Movie - Caravan Of Garbage

Episode Date: September 22, 2016

Caravan Of Garbage is made possible because of by Loot Crate. Visit www.lootcrate.com/weeklyplanet for 3 dollars off any subscription.Welcome to episode two of Caravan of Garbage, the show where we delve into the past to uncover some of the hidden forgotten gems. A comic! A movie! A game! Who knows? Not even us. This week, 1997's Steel staring Shaquille O'Neal. It's real bad. Or is it real bad? Kinda. Or is it? Yes.The Lost Star Wars Sequel Video ► https://goo.gl/RG4nIjAmazon affiliate link: https://amzn.to/2nc12P4Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/mrsundaymoviesMr Sunday Movies YouTube Channel: https://goo.gl/lB90W2The Weekly Planet YouTube Channel: https://goo.gl/1ZQFGHFind our T-Shirts here: https://goo.gl/q6gE9C Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. This series of Caravan of Garbage is brought to you by Loot Crate, the monthly subscription box of geek items and things. Yeah, here's one I'm going to recommend. Loot Crate DX. Interesting. Which is the crate of premium exclusive items every month.

Four to six items for the pop culture connoisseur. That's me, a fancy man, a fancy Dan. $100 plus of retail value lifestyle gear, premium apparel, exclusive collectibles. Correct. You can go to lutcrate.com slash weekly planet. You get $3 off any box. That's a promise from me to you, from both of us to lutcrate.com slash weeklyplanet. You get $3 off any box. That's a promise from me to you, from both of us to you.

Yeah. Both of us promising things. To both of you, both of the people listening to this. That's our promise. Hey, everybody. It's the Weekly Planet's Caravan of Garbage. I'm Nick Mason. I'm James, Mr. Sunday Movies. And this is a little mini-podcast where we are going to sift through the bargain bin of entertainment media and find some not-so-entertaining media.

In a way, that's exactly what we're going to do, yeah. So this is my first this is this is my first episode this is my first go at this yeah so the last the last little while we've had some we've had some decent dc's this is this is dc's newest crack at uh the the the world of cinema it is we've had they've had a they've had some they've had some financial success maybe not so much critical success there's been some highs and lows. Highs and... I think it's safe to say.

That's, yes. It's been divisive. Correct. So what I thought I'd do for this one is go back in time to one of DC's earlier forays in the film. This movie, I guess, is not divisive. It's definitively not divisive. This is a movie that I've often derided without seeing it.

Right. I use it as a punchline. Oh, how about this movie? But now I have seen it and I can use it as a punchline. Jurassic Park? With impunity because it's pretty bad. It's not Jurassic Park? It's not, but it's of a similar era.

It's 1997 Steel. Oh my God. Featuring Shaquille O'Neal in the titular role of John Henry Iron Steel, the armored superhero. This is one of those movies that I have also never seen. I'm interested to hear what you can tell me about it without me having to do any of the actual watching.

Yeah, that's the goal here. Fantastic. So this came out in 1997, so this was the same year as Batman and Robin. Right, of course. Do you know if this was first? No. Do you know if these are connected they're not well here's the thing they're not connected missed opportunity i feel well apparent some of us i i read a while back somebody was saying well this this was intended to tie into the nicholas cage superman movie all right so this would have come after superman lives where superman dies and then other Superman appear? Well, maybe, but the actual movie itself, when you watch it,

it's clear that Superman and Batman are fictional characters in this universe. Do they appear in comic book stands? No, but somebody is referred to as Robin, and at one point we go to an arcade and there's a Batman Forever arcade game. Okay. And also Shaquille O'Neal has a Manquille O'Neal has a has a man of steel superman tattoo on his bicep like Jon Bon Jovi yeah exactly like Turk from Scrubs I assume that Shaquille O'Neal's s shield is as large as Henry Cavill's the one on his chest sure because he's a

huge man but I mean I guess you could be like well if superman exists in the universe people would get superman tattoos yeah yeah it's definitely a universe in which superman is fictional great which is I again I feel a missed opportunity oh yeah when i said great i mean that's bad but at the same time what does it matter both of these things killed their own franchises look here's the thing this has this has 16 on rotten tomatoes so so some people like some people like it look it's the thing about it is it's not good certainly that's that that's number one. Right.

Again, a movie that came out in the same year Batman and Robins. In terms of cinematography and costuming and special effects, it is light years away from that. Right, right. It feels like a pilot to one of those generic sci-fi TV shows of that era. Okay. It looks kind of washed out. It looks kind of like a Superforce or a Viper or a Mantis. Or that Justice League TV series.

Yeah, it feels a lot like that. At the same time, watching it now, I'm like, well, this is obviously a bad movie. But 1997 me, if I saw it in 1997, I might have loved it. I might have hated it too, but I don't know. Like there's no way I've known. Like I might have hated it too but I don't know like there's no way like I might have hated it because they've taken some liberties with not so much the origin

but they've taken some liberties with like the hero like the suit right and you know the costume and what have you but at the same time

like it's kind of got a good heart to it this movie okay and the special effects are fine and you know it's kind of

is it TV special effects or is it like a little bit above that? It's a little bit above that actually. Okay. If you had to compare it to something, would you say the special effects are similar to Kurt Russell's Soldier? Worse than that. Okay then.

Now we know where the benchmark is. Yeah, that's right. We found the benchmark that everybody knows. That should be what we do every week. Is it better or worse than Kurt Russell's Soldier? Yeah. Which I also haven't seen maybe. Great.

I don't remember so for anybody who doesn't know so uh johnny o'neill plays john henry irons right and he's uh he's in the army he's an engineer he's a man who designs non-lethal weapons or at least he says he is like the first weapon we see him using is like a rifle and it's got a laser that can cut through like tank treads and then it's got a secondary barrel that can like shoot fireballs so this is a lot non-lethal in the sense if you don't point it at a person that might not kill them and even if you don't point it at a person that's more lethal than most guns well anyway he's got that so anyway he's maybe maybe he didn't build it because he's part of a three-man team right so it's him the second man is a lady uh called sparky right who's played by annabeth gish who don't know no well you might know her as uh agent rays from that season of the x-files

that nobody watched or liked i know i do know her yeah so she's in there she's like she's like the the she's a she's the best friend and she's also like the will they or won't they kind of okay spoiler alert they won't but but it like there's so many moments where you're like are they gonna it's gonna they're gonna get together but they they just they just never do maybe they cut out that amazing subplot and we'll get the steel ultimate edition oh we can only hope on the blu-ray but they do this they don't high-five like whenever something good happens like they test a weapon and it works like they blow those tank treads off with their non-lethal weapon and they're like yeah we did it

and they like touch fingers ET style that's weird and it's also weird because he's a giant I was going to say because he's enormous is that because he'd

break every bone in her hand if they high five almost certainly yeah and the third man on the team yeah is

spoiler alert the villain he's going to be the villain of the piece and it's Judd Nelson yes the bad the bad boy of the breakfast club judd nelson and you can just imagine him as a villain of any kind you know

what i mean how 90s is he he's not oh he's not the most 90s person in this movie but this is a very 90s movie we'll get to some stuff like it there's there's elements that are quite they it feels quite teenage mutant ninja turtles right right like and you go where you go oh that's very 90s yeah so anyway the next so they're at a like a weapons testing is this a kids movie no maybe no i guess in the sense that like batman and robin is right yeah sure why not certainly not good enough for adults but anyway so they're at like this they're they're at this like abandoned town which they're using as like a weapons testing facility okay there's like senators and generals and stuff there right and the next weapon they're going to test is like this non-lethal i'm using air quotes

yeah sonic cannon right right and like there's this lady senator there and she's like and judd nelson comes up to her and he's like, you think you like our weapons? You think they're real impressive? You think we can crank them right up? We'll pump them right up. What do you reckon about that? And she's like, oh, yeah. You pump these weapons right up, huh?

And he gets the sonic cannon. There's like a switch on it. Right. It says right up on it. Yeah, it's like a DJ mixer, like a volume control. It's just a slider and it's got like. Sounds really loose, like he could easily knock that. It's really loose. Like it's got it's like a dj mixer like a volume control it's just a slider and it's got like sounds really loose like he could easily really loose like it's not even a clicky clicky it's one of the ones that just goes up and down and it's got like the green yellow red lights on

it so you know where it's like you can accidentally if you lent it on something and it would go right up yeah so like he's like so he's like i've got this one and he cranks it up like real high yeah and then he's he goes to and shaquille o'neal sees him he's about to fire it on you know super high and he's like no and he leaps for him but then he fires the gun and it like instead of like knocking a door down it like blows a whole building up and then the the shockwave reverberates back and it like blows out the wall of the building there and it like crushes the center to the death and it like crushes sparky's legs like it just like it crushes on her and she kills like no and he lifts this like concrete wall up here's

the thing is one of the things that that is different from the comic book yeah like in the steel comic book steel's armor is like a mechanized suit it's like it's like an iron man kind of thing but in this in this it's just it's just a suit of armor it's like a like a knight would be like a media or a dumbass in the modern day like a dumbass exactly but in this it's just implied he has superhuman strength so he's just lifting this just lifting this gigantic slab of concrete sparky's all right though yeah no she's paralyzed oh no he's dead and she's paralyzed and then judd we very quickly go to like a court marshalling scene. And the judge is like, Judd Nelson, you killed so many people. You can't be in the army anymore.

Right? And so he goes and Sparky goes to hospital. Then Shaquille O'Neal's like, I'm out of the army. I'm not doing this anymore, General. I'm quitting this. And the General's like, all right, off you go. Is he going to go and like go to the streets and teach kids how to well he bloody he goes he goes back to la right where where his grandmother lives that's nice yeah so he goes so he goes back and simultaneously

judd nelson is also going back is he angry at judd nelson he's like you son of a bitch yeah he is they killed that senator we didn't know yeah there's a scene like in the you know in the after the court-martial and the they theyial and they have some words and then like... What's the height difference like there? Oh, it's significant. Judd Nelson's standing on a box and it's still significant. Right, right. And then Judd Nelson's like, well, you're a dumb...

And then he just... Well, he stops. Yeah, because there's only one word. Right. You could conceivably use it would have the impact that he requires but you can't do that in like a pg film absolutely not uh anyway they go their separate ways but it turns out they're going the same way right and so shaquille o'neal goes back to la right where his grandmother lives and he shows he shows up back in his neighborhood here's

the thing here's the here's the point where i feel that this movie like it's still bad but here's the point where i'm like, this movie's actually kind of fun. Right. Where he shows up and there's like this kid called, oh, it's Martin. Right. This little kid called Martin, who might be his brother or his,

like his little brother or his cousin. Maybe he's just a neighborhood kid. But anyway, he's played by Ray. Is he a good kid? He's a good kid. Good. But maybe he could get into a little trouble later. Right.

Maybe he could sort of do that, but he's not really in the movie. So if I forget that he's in it and I don't mention him for the rest of this thing, it doesn't matter. Anyway, he's played by Ray J, who you might know from having sex with Kim Kardashian in that video.

Right, yeah, that is something that I do know. Anyway, Shaquille O'Neal shows up at his grandma's house and his grandmother has a delightful subplot where she keeps trying to make a souffle and it keeps collapsing on her like through the whole movie it happens multiple times in this movie and so there's this on there's this running gag where nobody can talk around the souffle right apparently if you make too much noise around a souffle it collapses is the sonic cannon coming to play later with the souffle you'd think so but it doesn't there's a lot of things

you'd think would happen but then they don't happen right does she make the perfect souffle? You'd think so, but it doesn't. There's a lot of things you'd think would happen, but then they don't happen. Right. Does she make the perfect souffle? I don't want to jump ahead. Spoiler alert, she does. Great. And everybody bloody loves it. In the denouement, which is the bit after the last bit. I know what a denouement is.

Okay, good. So anyway, so Judd Nelson also, so he's taking the bus. He's taking the bus to LA, but Judd Nelson's taking a first-class flight to LA. So Steele's not rich anymore? I don't think he was ever rich. But Judd Nelson is rich or continues to be rich?

Well, he's got some nice leather coats. Some 1990s leather car coats. Yeah, good. He's a little bit rich. So anyway, he shows up to this high-rise skyscraper, right? And he shows up to the most 90s man there is. He's got this massive double-breasted like beige suit and he's got this greasy blonde mullet and he's and he's this and he shows up and he's like

hey old friend how about we make some weapons and we sell them together and this guy's like hey man i'm just a guy that makes arcade games don't don't put that on me man and then he's like no no i i know what's up right and so they go down to the basement where this guy, he's distributing arcade games. But what he's also doing is putting like machine guns and rocket launchers and stuff. In the cabinets. In the cabinets.

And then presumably dispersing them. To smuggle them or they weaponized arcade cabinets? Oh, no, to smuggle them. Okay, right. Which is odd because like is he sending to like cuba yeah or like like north korea yeah i don't know but and also he they're just like if you watch it he's just like they're not like packing him in like straw or like bubble wrap or whatever they're just sort of hanging him loosely in there there's like he puts like an m16 he's

just hanging it by the strap and then he just closes the door. That'll do it. That'll do it, exactly. And anyway, so they're like, this is what we do, all right? And then he's like, okay, well, here's some plans for these weapons. We're going to get them out onto the streets kind of thing. Right. Right.

And so basically- Where's the money in this for Judd Nelson? Well, we'll soon find out. Okay, sure. Don't assume this- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't assume everybody in sorry I'm sorry assume everybody

in this movie's an idiot it's just most people in this movie are idiots so then Shaquille O'Neal they've got character names but I'm just gonna call not interesting I mean I know he's John Henry Irons yeah so anyway Shaq catches up with his family friend who's a lady cop and they're just going like on a ride-along right like and but then as they're doing this ride-along they see he's got his head out the top of the car like a giraffe yes he's an enormous man oh sorry continue no please but then they see this robbery happen basically what happens is this this hummer drives up to near a bank and then this is 90s yeah the sonic cannon comes out and just sort of blows out the whole

front facade of the bank and then somebody puts like a like a rifle out and then like lasers through the bank because they've already blown up the front of the bank so then just laser like a hole through the bank vault and then they all just charge in and like start robbing the bank this is all non-lethal i assume yeah except for the lasers and the blowing up of everything yeah exactly right and then so they all you know grab the money and take off except for one guy who's just just merrily just in there just stealing more money out of the bank kind of thing so they're all leaving and he's like i got time yeah i got more list of stuff to do anyway he leaves last and then shack chases after him in what i consider the slowest action sequence of all time because imagine here's the thing this is something i didn't think of until right at the end

like everybody in hollywood like every celebrity in Hollywood is like 5'6 or something. So all the stuntmen are also like 5'6. Right, right. And they're easy to cover. Yeah. Shaquille O'Neal is like 7'2. Yeah. There's no 7'2 stuntman.

So he has to do all this himself. So he's just sort of... He's a rappler, isn't he? Yeah, I guess. But he's not the fastest on foot, is he? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Oh, isn't he? Yeah, I guess. But he's not the fastest off foot, is he? Exactly, yeah. Oh, that's the thing I forgot to say. The thing that I forgot to say about earlier,

why I was on board with this movie earlier, is when he arrives in the neighborhood first, one of the kids, like he goes past a basketball court and one of the kids throws him a basketball. And he's like, hey, get in there. Throw the basketball. And he's like, sure, no problem, kid. And he throws the free throw and he misses by a lot.

And I'm like, all right, he's got a sense of humor about himself okay that's pretty well he played a rapping genie i think that's true yeah all right yeah that's true where were we i've forgotten oh yeah so he chases him through this rail yard yeah and again there's a bit of soup there's some superhuman straight at one point he just rips like the door out of the gate out of a chain link fence just like just chucks it like it's nothing yeah but anyway he's they're going through this this rail yard as all the trains i'm liking this to a much worse version of the chase from casino at the start oh it absolutely is yeah anyway so he's chasing this one guy right they're trying to build this sense of danger because all these all these trains are shunting like and it's kind of like this cat and mouse game between him and this guy

except the trains are shunning at like one mile an hour because they're like you've got to move them slow man but shack's going about one mile yeah exactly oh yeah so he chases a guy he doesn't get any info out of him he learned but but in any like but he knows he's like i recognize those weapons yeah and there's there's a brief thing happens in a bar where he confronts the gang and they're like you get out of here man we'll shoot you because you're not an indestructible man in an iron suit so we could just shoot you here and then he leaves and then what he does is he he's like well i've i've got a i gotta i gotta be on equal footing with these gangs i'm gonna be smart about this figure out what's going on and then he

calls up his general and he's like hey general there are these guys they're using our weapons or whatever and the general's like you're're crazy, Shaq. What would you? And he's like, no, no, seriously, it's these guns that I built. The copies. And he's like, no, I don't, you don't know what you're, you're on your own, mate. I don't know what to. And then Shaq just smashes the phone box,

which I feel is a very, very 90s thing to do. Oh, it's a public phone. It's a public phone. Okay, right. But like, it's not like he's a kid going like, there's ghosts in the house. He's like, you know how I'm a professional weapons designer and I built these unique weapons that you can't get anywhere else.

And you know that about me. Anyway, it's great. Great stuff. So anyway, he's like, but I've got to build these weapons. I've got to get on equal footing with these guys. So I've got to put the team back together, right? So he goes to the hospital where Sparky is. Right.

And she's in a wheelchair and she's just staring out like forlornly out the window. And she's like, oh, I can't. I can't. She's lost her spark. Yeah, I don't want to get out of there. And then Shaquille's like, what are you going to look at these dirty windows all day? You dumbass.

It's not happening. And he just smashes the windows out of this recuperation hospital. This guy's just breaking public property. And then he's like, I'm getting you out of here. We're going to do this. And so he just lifts her up via the wheelchair. She's in a wheelchair. He just lifts her up via the wheelchair and like marches her out of the hospital.

Has Shaq never seen a wheelchair? Does he think wheelchairs are regular chairs? Maybe he knows what a wheelchair is, but he doesn't know you can switch the brakes on. Right, right, right. So he's taking her out of there. And the whole crowd, like everybody else in the hospital is like, woo, yeah! Like this was meant for the final scene,

because, you know, it's kind of that. It feels like part of a romantic comedy. Right, right, yeah. The officer and a gentleman. Yeah, but it's in the wrong spot, and she's like, stop doing this, please. Anyway, so he takes her to the perfect place for her to recuperate and for them to work on their teamwork, a junkyard.

Of course. And it's a junkyard run. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not

alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. sunrisechallenge.ca by his uncle Joe, played by Richard Roundtree, Shaft. Yes! He's in here. I love it! Yeah, he's in this as well.

He's like, okay, so we're going to work on this from here. And he's like, just so you know, I've made everything comfortable for you. He opens the door and there's a bathroom and a toilet and he's put like the accessible rail on it. And he's like, huh? Huh? How about that?

He's always been very considerate, man. Richard Bountry. Then they set to work building like the web. You know, there's a montage. There's a multi-purpose montage. Because Uncle Joe's like, hey, I can, you know, everything falls off the back of a truck and, you know, I can get it in this junkyard.

He knows. And so he builds this, Shaq builds the suit. There's like a moment where she falls out of a chair. Right. But then she gets back up on her own. Good. It's very moving. Getting it together.

They're like, both Uncle Joe and Shaq are just like, no, no, we won't. Yeah, should we help? No. No, it should be. The only way she'll learn. The only way she'll learn. Yeah, exactly. And then do they touch fingers?

No, because she doesn't know. They were watching her and not helping her. Oh, yeah yeah that you'd be pretty annoyed anyway he built he builds the suit and she builds the steel hammer oh he does have the hammer he does have the hammer right so and and then they're like okay let's take this out for a test run they go out at night and there's like uh there's a very well-to-do couple that have come out of the opera presumably and there's like a like a guy with a mullet and a knife. They get a kid with him? No, they don't. So something...

No, you wouldn't... Oh, boy. That'd be good if that was in canon. Absolutely. Anyway, he's like, give me all your money or whatever. They hand over the money and then he goes around the corner

and Shaq comes out in the steel armor and he's like, that's bad manners in this town. How about this? It's bad manners in any town. And you see him in steel armor and he's like, that's bad manners in this town. How about this? It's bad manners in any town. And you see him in the armor and he looks ridiculous. I know the mask is very ill-fitting. Yeah, look, here's the thing about it is that it's not that the design is bad.

Yeah. It's that the proportions are bad. Right. And that's Shaq's fault, ultimately, for being a monster of a man. But, like, it needs, like, he's huge and he's, like, built and he's whatever. Yeah. monster of a man but like it needs like he's huge and he's like built and he's whatever yeah but it's it's kind of all legs no taught narrow compared to his legs he's got quite narrow shoulders right it needs a cape right it's the kind of thing that need it needs broader shot like built up shoulders or a cape because he looks kind of like a box like a fridge no not even like a fridge like a like a

triangle like a triangle like he narrows towards the top. So was this in the era, this was in the era where they'd taken the Superman symbol off Steel's. Yes, it was. Steel in the comics. Did he have a cape in the comics at this point? Yes, he kept the cape. Okay. He kept the red cape.

He took off the S. And I guess I kind of understand that because you want to be like, you want, you want. I'm your own man. Yeah, exactly. You want him to be your own man. You don't want him to be a spinoff. Yeah. You want to be like, well, this guy stands on his own.

Could have done with a cape. Right. Yeah. Anyway, so he gets the, you know, the guy can't knife him, whatever. So he gets the wallet. The guy tries to knife him. I can't remember. Anyway.

Irrelevant. Yeah. So, and he gets the wallet and he lumbers back to the couple that have been robbed. And he's like, here you go. And they're like, oh, that was very nice of you, kind of thing. They're not scared of Shaq. They're not like, what is this? No, they should be.

Yeah. Because he's terrifying. Yeah. Anyway, but then the cops show up and he's like, oh, I've got to get out of here, kind of thing. And he slowly lumbers away. Well, he lumbers for a while. Then he's like, okay, I've got to get away. But he's got a grappling hook gun.

Yes. He's got a grappling hook. Of course he does. Can't fly. Right. Disappointing. Yeah, he needs his buddy's jet boots doesn't he

exactly yeah could have done with jet boots but anyway grappling hooks up to the rooftops he lumbers across the rooftops he nearly falls to his death a couple of times

he gets back to the ground he pulls he gets to his steel motorcycle he's got a motorcycle in this I don't know if you remember I do not remember well he's got a motorcycle and then he

leaves the cops on a merry chase he goes back to the junkyard well he's got a motorcycle and then he leaves the cops on a merry chase he goes back to the junkyard and there's like a like a flip down doorway so he can go in real quick oh I see there's a flip up pile of junk

oh I see that he can drive into that and then it flips down and then the police helicopters can't find him it's his version of the Batcave but in a junk place it's perfecto

and Sparky helps out she's got the she can change the the traffic lights so he gets. She can change the traffic lights so he gets a good run on the traffic lights. She's his oracle, basically. She's got a range finder in the armour so she can go,

don't leap across that building because it's too far and he does it anyway. And you're incredibly slow. Yeah, yeah. That's a jump you'll never make. Exactly. He's weighing 400 pounds in the suit.

Oh my God. And that's unassisted. Yeah, right? Like it's not mechanised. It's not powered, exactly. That would encumber him, if anything. You know it, right? Yeah, I do know it.

Yeah. So the next night, this gang of robbers who have been given these weapons by Judd Nelson. Yeah, he's trouble. They're like, okay, now it's time to rob the Los Angeles Federal Reserve. And so they go in. Gold bars, right? Yeah, you don't really see it. It's just money.

It's just general money. They rob the place. Steel shows up again. They shoot down a helicopter. They blow up some see. It's just money. It's just general money. They rob the place. Steele shows up again. They shoot down a helicopter. They blow up some trucks. How's that look? Blowing up the helicopter looks pretty good. Great.

Steele saves the life of a diehard style kind of cop who's surprised at everything. You know, there's always one. You know, the guy who's the Family Matters guy. Yeah, I know. It's not the exact Family Matters guy, but it's who they could get. Right, sure. He pushes him out of the way of the do they form a friendship from that yeah maybe they do okay so anyway he pushes him out of the way exploding helicopter exploding helicopter looks pretty good like it's a solid i don't know what how they did it but it's pretty

pretty great wait for the blu-ray anyway but you know they've got they've got all the the hot guns and whatever yeah uh so they escape he's like and it turns out they videotaped the whole thing. Like the bad guys videotaped the whole thing, right? Anyway, so Steel's like, oh, you know, we'll get him next time. And then he, you know, dumps the arm or whatever. And he goes back to his grandma's house. She's still making the souffle. How's that going?

That's not the moment? It's not the moment? It's not going well. And then like somebody just crashes. Somebody in a black outfit just crashes through a window. Just smashes through. And then it turns out it's the cops who are just crashes through a window, just smashes through. And then it turns out it's the cops who are just smashing through windows now apparently.

Are they after Shaq? They're after Shaq. Because they think he did the helicopter stuff. Yeah, because they're like, look, there's all this stuff blowing up and all these weapons and there's a seven-foot tall man in an iron suit and you're literally the only seven-foot tall man in this city, so we think it's you. And then one cop shows up and is like, I found this in the city so we think it's you and then one one cop shows up

and he's like i found this in the basement and it's like one of the guns he's like oh i've been set up kind of thing well this has taken a turn i thought wolf yeah right exactly so then steel is sent to jail right yep and then they they put him in the police lineup right and they're like they bring in the couple you know he's he saved their wallets or whatever yeah and they're like who is it and they're like we don't know who it is it was very good right and then they bring in the other the cop yeah so you know he saved from the helicopter and they're like who is it he's like i'm he's wearing a mask i don't know say oh so no witnesses no witnesses so but he's still in there because you know the lineups don't count for yeah yeah that being said yeah you can see most of his face right there's a point

earlier in the film that i forgot about where there's some gangbangers and they've got machine guns shooting out of the car. And he's just like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, nothing's going to hurt me. And I'm like, your hands aren't covered, your face. Very exposed. All the joins, what are they made of? You know what I mean?

Like, that's how you can tell it's a 90s movie, as well as the guns they've put in the arcade cabinet. Also... You can't do an Iron Man style suit. In a modern day movie, like the as the guns they've put in the arcade cabinet also you can't do an iron man style suit in a modern day movie like the person in his earpiece would have gone cover your mouth idiot because you'll be killed otherwise also another sign of a of a 90s movie there is a moment where like he's lumbering around in the suit and there's a wino there just who's like what quit drinking and then he looks at the drink and he's like, no, thank you. No.

I want to know the exact movie where that went away. I'd love to know. And the movie where it started. Yeah. Might be a Bond film. No. We'll have to think about it. No, I don't know.

Maybe. So he's still in jail, but then Sparky helps out because she uses her hacking skills to forge the mayor's signature and fake the mayor's voice print in a phone call. And then she faxes over a lease on the fax i was like how is this how are they okay and then he's like i'm out of here yeah yeah yeah at this point the uh the footage of all the weapons being used like all the fireball guns and the lasers and the sonic cannon whatever that's been like that's been all all over the news and so there's a montage of all these terrorists and hate groups like watching it on the news going interesting we can do with some of those i like what so it's just the two weapons well there's three there's the laser gun

yeah there's the sonic cannon sonic cannon there's this fireball thing all right it's pretty vague might as well just be a bullet i mean it, it's the same. Good as any. So there's a scene where there's just like Nazis and they're like, oh, it's pretty good. Nazis where? Well, they speak an American accent, so I assume Los Angeles. So they're neo-Nazis.

They're Los Angeles neo-Nazis, yeah. And there's just like Arab terrorists, just like, hmm, very good. This is what we're about. Yeah, exactly. Right? And yeah, so that's the plan. Judd Nelson's like, well, you see these in action.

Yeah. This is a classic plan, I feel. You see him in action and then you just auction him off to the highest bidder kind of thing, right? That's not terrible. That's not a terrible idea. So Steel's like, how are they going to, how's this going to, he's going to sell these weapons.

We know this. We know Judd Nelson. We know he's going to sell them. How's he going to do it? And Sparky's like, he's going to do it through the internet. Yes! Because it's the 90s and nobody understood what the internet was right and so she's presumably hacked the internet and she's

i'll find it for you hang on i took a screen grab of it fantastic this is very this looks very good so this is the internet this is this is a movie featuring the internet before anybody knew what the internet could do right right so the intent was basically magic so she's she's found like that there's going to be a site that there's going to be an auction of all these weapons. And it's just like, it's not on the dark web. It's just a web page. Maybe not even a web page.

It's just like a PowerPoint or something. And it's just like sale starts in 11 hours and then just pictures of these weapons. And it says like, own the most powerful weapon on earth. Something, something, can't read it. It looks like something somebody's made in word of these weapons and it says like, own the most powerful weapon on earth. Something, something. Can't read it. It looks like something somebody's made in Word and then screenshotted and then put on the net.

Yeah, to find out how to get yours, keep watching this page, right? And she's like, they haven't said where they're going to... Where they're going to be. Where they're going to do it, right? And then, so there's a period of time something happens. I can't remember. Maybe the kid's involved or the grandma.

It doesn't matter. Who cares? Soufflation amigains. And then it's like, oh, it's going to do it, right? And then, so there's a period of time something happens. I can't remember. Maybe the kid's involved or the grandma. It doesn't matter. Who cares? Soufflation amigains. And then it's like, oh, it's going to happen at this warehouse. Like, it pops up. It's going to happen at this warehouse. And at this point, like in a modern movie, you'd be like, or if you or I found out there was a webpage saying there was going to be some sort of illegal weapon bust happening,

you'd just be like, you'd just call the cops. That's what I would do. But this is the world where nobody understands how the internet works. And the cops don't like Shaq. They don't like what he's about. Cops don't like Shaq. They don't have the internet. Because it's 1997 and two people had the internet.

So they can't call. So Shaq's like, I'll handle this, right? And so he shows up at the warehouse. I was hoping you would. Yeah, exactly. And one of the bad guys there, and he's like, Sonic Cannon Shaq. And Shaq is hit and he flies into the warehouse and he lands like on the podium where Judd Nelson

is like auctioning off these weapons. And he's like, Shaq, I've got you. So Shaq's not like, my organs are scrambled. No, no. What kind of metal is this? We didn't really get into that.

Steel. Of course. Yeah, I think it's implied. So, and then Judd Nelson grabs his hammer and he's like, I've got you. I've got all your weapons, Steel. You can't. Does he use the hammer much? Oh, I think it's implied. So, and then Judd Nelson grabs his hammer and he's like, I've got you, I've got all your weapons still, you can't. Does he use the hammer much? Oh, he uses it a little.

It's got, like, it's got some stuff in it. Like, he uses it. Does it, like, shoot shurikens or something? Well, it shoots all the weapons that the bad guys have. Oh, I see. Like, I should have mentioned that earlier. Nah. Look, no, okay, so it's got, like, the laser.

Right. Which he uses at some point to like evade the cops because he shoots like a water truck, like he cuts one open. He causes a lot of property damage. And then the cops like all slip it and slide it or whatever, and he nearly kills the guy who owns the water truck. Anyway, and it's got like, he can foil the robbers. He's got like the tear, he's got a tear gas grenade.

He's got like the fireball cannon. He's got all the stuff. He's got the sonic, the sonic's in there. That's good. Does it all come out the top? No, it all comes out the... He doesn't really use the hammer for any hammering. It all comes out like the end.

Okay. Like the bottom bit. Okay. And it's got, and I should mention this because it's going to come up. It's got like an electromagnet in it. Right. So at one point he's like fighting the gangbangers and he fires up the electromagnet and it magnets itself to his chest.

Yeah. And then it magnets all their weapons away. And then he's like, all the weapons are attached. It's kind of fun. That's quite cool. And he's like, I got you guys kind his chest. Yeah. And then it magnets all their weapons away. And then he's like, all the weapons are attached. It's kind of fun. That's quite cool. And he's like, I got you guys kind of thing, right? Anyway, so Judd Nelson's got the, he's got the thing, right? Yeah.

He's got the hammer. And he's like, I'm going to auction off all these weapons. I'm going to kill you. And also, I've got Sparky. I've got her. She's here too. Oh, no. They probably traced her through the internet.

Exactly. I've got her and that kid from earlier. Oh, no. I've got all of them. They're all here, right? Has the grandma got the grandma? No, grandma probably traced her through the internet. Exactly. I've got her and that kid from earlier. Oh, no. I've got all of them. They're all here, right? Has the grandma got the grandma? No, grandma's fine. Yeah.

Uncle Joe's out somewhere. I think he's fine too. Sure, good. Yeah. Anyway, so then Steel's like, your weapons haven't got nothing on my weapons. Right. Mine's better than yours. And Judd Nelson's like, no, it isn't.

And Shaq's like, no, it is. Crack it open and have a look. And he's like, oh isn't and Shaq's like no it is hold it crack it open and have a look and he's like oh okay and he's looking at it he's like but whatever you do don't push the red switch on there because it's too powerful even for you even and you know you like things that are too powerful that's what got us in this mess in the first place but don't do it because it's too powerful if you push that button and Judd Nelson not being an idiot does not press the button. No, he's like, I'll show you, Steel. And he pushes the thing and it activates the electromagnet. Nice.

And then Steel's got his bloody, he's got his hammer back. Yes. He's like, now I'm going to get you. And Sparky's like, now I'm bloody get you as well because she's built all sorts of guns into her wheelchair, right? She's got the fireball gun. She's got the laser. She's got the sonic.

She's got the three guns. She's got like jetball gun. She's got the laser. She's got the sonic. She's got the three guns. She's got like jet power to a wheelchair. Right. How did nobody notice when they frisked her on the way in? I'll never know. I'll also never know. Yeah, right? And then-

So then it's on for young and old? It's on for young and old. There's all sorts of blasting or whatever. Yeah. And then at one point, Steel and Ray J, they try and go to escape. And one of the henchmen like throws a hand grenade like into the

into the door and then he closes the door so they're trapped in this room right and there's a hand grenade there and Ray J picks up the grenade and goes Steel you've got to throw the grenade

you've got to you've got to free throw the grenade right and there's like a there's like some there's like some wait is this real

is this part real this part is real maybe I've made some of this up, but maybe it's all real. But anyway, there's like a basketball hoops with a hole in the chain link fence above them at the exact height a basketball ring would be. And he's like, um, I don't know. I'm not very good at this. Um, I choke up.

Whatever. Meanwhile, it's been like 30 seconds right how long how well they need that time because the audience is laughing raucously that's probably true like how how long do you think a fuse on a grenade is like like six seconds something like that right it's been like 30 seconds they're like whoa they're hot potato in this grenade and then chai tuck okay and he throws the grenade through and he nails nails it. Of course he does. He hits the rim. Like, it's not nothing but net. Oh, right.

There's some net. But it's still good. Yeah. Okay, it's like the end of Teen Wolf. Yeah, it's like Teen Wolf, yeah. Anyway, that blows up. Then they're like, okay, we got it. And then Judd Nelson comes out, and he's like,

I'm going to kill you, Steel, or whatever. And then he shoots him with a laser, and the laser bounces off him. Refraction. Refraction. Reflects off Steel, and it hits judd nelson right in his guts and he goes flying and into some oil drums and they explode and like part of the building explodes and then like a truck explodes and it all falls on him and he's super

dead and and they're like yes because it's classics. You can't have a villain be killed by the hero, but he can kill himself. So that's pretty great. Anyway, they all escape. Yeah, now this is a kid's movie. Yeah, the good guys, they all get out of here. Sparky jets her way out on a jet. Can she fly or just jet real fast?

No, she can just jet real fast. It's real wonky looking. That sounds very unsafe. Anyway, he calls up the general using his voice translator and makes himself like arnold schwarzenegger and he's like you know tells him what tells him what's happened wait like wait yes like arnold he's got a voice modulator makes him sound like arnold schwarzenegger to what end just it's just funny it's just the audience laughing raucously yeah and then he's like and you'll never see me again or whatever right and

he's like okay cool good stuff and then that's fine yeah and then we go we we smash cut yeah to uh the opening of grandma's restaurant she's opening a restaurant it's a mix of african american cooking and like cordon bleu french stuff. Together at last, I say. Together at last. And she's there and she's got the souffles and they're real good. Yes. And then they're like, what do you think of this Steele character? And she's like, he's the best.

He's my hero. If it was my grandson, I'd love him. I'd be awful proud. Yeah. And Steele's like, I'm proud of all of you as well. And I'm proud of you, Sparky. And she's like, well, what do you reckon about this? And she pushes the button

on her wheelchair and it sort of lifts her up like mounts her up so she's sort of standing up fantastic so she's sort of at

like Steel's height when you say Steel's height you obviously mean like his balls yeah like that like shoulder height or whatever but she's standing up there

and everybody's like whoa and they're like so close together and then they hug and it's not there whoa. And they're like, they're like so close together. Yep. And then they hug and it's not, there's no, they won't. Well, sometimes people can just be friends. That's okay. Yeah, I guess.

Is it what Steele wanted? Yeah, it seems that way. Yeah. Anyway, that's the end of the movie. John Nelson's dead. I guess that's the main takeaway. Isn't it though? Yeah.

So, okay. What have we learned here is the question. Well, look, nothing, obviously. Yeah, okay. What have we learned here is the question. Well, look, nothing, obviously. Yeah, obviously. And this was also in the time when after the comic continued after this, they put the Superman S back on him. They put the Superman S back. Well, here's the thing.

Like, they put the Superman S back on him, and they kind of made him much more of like an intellectual. Right. And I thought that- Is he a construction worker in the comics? Yes yes he is right so he's a weapons designer turned construction work he's also construction worker in this I forgot to mention it it doesn't matter I need to let you know that this was made on a budget of 16 million dollars yes and it made 1.7 million that's less that's significantly

less yes why do you think that is because this is this is that had all the classic 90s stuff that's a good question like honestly it's not like it's dumb but everything from this era is dumb

yeah sure and it's not it's not worse than Batman and Robin right it's just it just costs less money I reckon it's just

a marketing thing right I reckon they were like our big tentpole is Batman and Robin who cares about anything else okay yeah fair enough

but they both failed horribly and killed both of these franchises in unison. Yeah, exactly. Man, thank God DC have united and they're moving forward stronger than ever. Isn't it though? Don't you feel that way? I feel that way. Would you recommend this for anybody? Maybe.

Give it five minutes and see how you go. I'm going to give it no minutes. Okay then, great. But it's one of those things, I give it no minutes. Okay, then. Great. But I'm glad. It's one of those things. I'm glad it exists. Yeah. Yeah.

Fantastic. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. Thanks, Mason. That was a great retelling of that movie that sucks. Thank you. It's good to be here. I'm at MrSundayMovies on Twitter. I'm at WikipediaBrown on Twitter.

Okay, grab that gem, you guys. Bye. Bye.