The Weekly Planet - The Worst Robin Hood Movie - Caravan Of Garbage

Episode Date: November 27, 2018

Robin Hood 2018 adds to the long history of unsuccessful adaptions of the property. But the version we look at this week, Robin and the 7 Hoods is by far the worst one in almost every conceivable way. Thanks for watching!Video Edition ►https://t.co/ePX5PTb7mETwitter ► http://twitter.com/mrsundaymoviesFacebook ► http://facebook.com/mrsundaymoviesAmazon affiliate link: https://amzn.to/33ceS3jPatreon ► https://patreon.com/mrsundaymoviesT-Shirts/Merch ► https://www.teepublic.com/stores/mr-sunday-moviesThe Weekly Planet iTunes ► https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-weekly-planet/id718158767?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4The Weekly Planet YouTube ► https://goo.gl/1ZQFGH Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

FX's The Veil explores the surprising and fraught relationship between two women who play a deadly game of truth and lies on the road from Istanbul to Paris and London. One woman has a secret. The other, a mission to reveal it before thousands of lives are lost. FX's The Veil, starring Elizabeth Moss, is now streaming on Disney+. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care.

From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. This was a depressing week for me. Oh, yes. Because a while back you lost your house i lost my house now a while back we did a video on the original oceans 11 starring the rack pack and it was just awful like it's an awful experience to watch it i didn't enjoy talking about it people really enjoyed i love talking about it but it's an excruciating watch

and again we're not we're not people who are like oh movies all old movies are bad like there are movies from that era that are great that one is no good no good and the one we're talking about

this week is also no good now are we doing this because there's a Robin Hood movie coming out correct so in the vaguest of links possible and in an attempt

to just watch another terrible Rat Pack based movie we're watching Robin we watched Robin and the Seven Hoods. 1964. It came off the back of Ocean's Eleven. They were churning these out back in the day. And it's basically like Ocean's Eleven. It's just about a bunch of drunk men just kind of ambling through a plot

that's barely there. Yes, exactly. It dispersed with songs. More songs than Ocean's Eleven. And I quite like a lot of the songs in this. But this is... It's worse in a lot of ways. I think it's better initially.

I'm like, I'm pleasantly surprised by this for about an hour. And then I was like, oh, this keeps going, doesn't it? It really does. Again, I don't know how these were written or how they were pitched to the Rat Pack or how much that was involved. None of that happened. There was no writing or pitching.

Because it also, and we'll get to it, but it's also one of those movies, it just ends a bunch of times. Yeah. It should end at the hour mark. What I think is they had one idea for a thing to happen. Like they had this one big event that happens, this one big set piece, and it happens right in the middle.

And I think they were like, now let's just wander around until the plot has us do that thing. And then afterwards we'll just wander around for a bit more. And I'm like, just end it there. Yeah, it's a great place to end. That's how it should have ended, at the one hour mark. Make it a breezy hour 20, you know what I mean? I agree.

Two hours this movie was It's really long And I watched it in bursts Because I couldn't sit through it So to me it felt like it went for nine hours Yeah right Because that's how long it took me to get through it I felt it

You know how they say If you stand ten feet from a wall And then you walk half the distance And then you walk half the distance again And then you walk half the distance again You'll never get to the wall That's how I felt with this movie I got to the halfway point And I'm like oh i'm halfway there and then like 10 minutes passed

and i'm like i'm still at the halfway mark and then another 20 minutes passed i'm like i'm still at the halfway mark what happened but at the very start the start mark it's it's a mob film sort of i mean it is but it's a really terrible mob film. It's a terrible mob film, and it's also a terrible... As an adaptation of the Robin Hood mythos, it's also very vague and bad. Yeah. Like, they've incorporated, like, two of the elements of Robin Hood. Yes.

And nothing else. We'll get to that, though. Because there's a moment where I'm thinking, what has this got to do with Robin Hood? And then they do it. Yeah. And then it's like, oh, I guess. And they've named some of the characters

after Robin Hood characters but most of them aren't. Most of them aren't, yeah. But anyway, it starts with a mob birthday or boithday for the lead mob guy and he blows out his candles

and they're clearly assisted in doing so. I don't know if you noticed that. I did, yeah. But somebody's blowing them from off screen. I mean, that's a 60-ish year old man

in the 60s who, again, smokes five packs a day. Yeah. He's not blowing out a whole bunch of candles by himself. He's absolutely not. And he does a speech where he's like, look, I'm a good boss and I don't make you guys work on holidays and I'm a great guy. And they all toast him.

And then everybody from every table gets up and shoots him at once. You don't see any bullet holes. You don't see any squibs at all. No, he just kind of goes, wait, what? This must maybe was the days before squibs. It might have been, yeah. I think the big squib moment maybe was like, remember Bonnie and Clyde? Okay, yeah.

That was from the 80s, yeah. Yeah, but they were doing like Good and Bad and the Ugly in those films around then. So there was something. But I think also back in the day, somebody would just get shot, like one bullet, and they'd grab their chest and they'd go, and it wouldn't really be a thing. But if you're being shot like 40 times,

surely there should be a noticeable bullet wound. Maybe just one big one. Because everybody's such a good shot, they all get it in the one hole. So the mob wants to reunite and bring everybody in together and they want Robbo in as well. Robbo is the Frank Sinatra character. Also, what I enjoyed about this movie is that Robbo is the quintessential Australian bloke name.

It is. Robbo, Macca and Buff are probably the most common Australian names. So the idea that there's a guy called Robbo in an American movie and they're constantly calling him Robbo was quite funny. It's pretty great. But also, what's interesting about this, I feel the most charming character in this is probably Peter Falk's character. Yeah, Columbo.

Guy Gisborne. Yeah. Again, one of the names they use from the Robin Hood, but most of the others they don't. Also, this scene is where we get the first musical number. Yes. And it's not good. It's all for one and one for all.

Look, it's not all for one, all for love. No, that's true. But also, if I didn't know this was a musical, it would have taken me maybe a minute and a half to figure out they were doing a song. They were doing that, yeah. Because Peter Falk is not a great singer. No.

And there's not really any music to open it. And all of those guys, I think some of them are real mob guys. So they're not singers. I only feel comfortable saying that because they're probably all dead now. They're definitely all dead. But it's just a whole bunch of guys who can't sing, singing in a chorus. Like 20 guys being like... So his plan is to take over the mob and take 50% from everybody.

So he's robbing from gangsters. And we're supposed to care, I guess? This gangster who's robbing from other gangsters, that's unfair. I don't give a fuck. All these people should be dead. Yeah. But also, here's the thing. Why'd they all kill the guy they liked?

I don't know. Because he seemed to be fair, and he never made him work on holidays. And this new guy's like, and I'm going to take 50% of your business. And they're like, oh, boo. But you all shot the first guy. What were you thinking?

How did he convince you? Just shoot him as well shoot him as well there's only one of him and there's like 20 of you uh maybe maybe the hierarchy is determined by how well you can sing it could very well be and he's peter fork is not the best singer yeah but he's better than them but he's not as good as frank sinatra that's right who rolls more charming than plank of wood frank sinatra that'sank Sinatra, as I call him. So he comes in, he's like, why'd you kill the old boss? He was the best boss and you're not a good boss.

And Columbo's like, I'm just going to call him Columbo. Is that fine? Yep. He's like, listen, Robbo, we've got more guys than you. You've only got like a small band of merry men on your side. Maybe half a dozen guys, but we've got 80 mobsters or whatever. And he's like, I'm not going to join your bloody crew. I'm Plank Sinatra.

Plank Sinatra. I won't do it. So then they all go to the mob boss's funeral, they all shot, and threats are made. They'll fire their guns in the air. They'll fire their guns in the air. There's a family singing over a grave not far from them that keeps interrupting the speech. Which is a joke, I think.

I think it's a joke. There's a lot of things there's no punchline there's a lot of things in this in this movie and maybe the sense of humor and it was different in the 60s but there's a lot of stuff in this where i only know it's a joke after the fact like they'll do it and i'll be like there'll be maybe a two second beat and i'm like oh that was a joke i thought they were gonna go over and shoot them or somebody would be pushed into an open grave. I don't know, but there's nothing. So anyway, we see Dean Martin. He's at a club, as everybody always is in these films.

And he's playing pool and he's poking a girl in the butt with the pool cue. He's so smooth. Just the smoothest manoeuvre. So what are you getting out of that? As a man, what are you getting out of by poking a girl in a butt with a pool cue nothing it's just weird it's just a weird power play so leave it alone d-mon has that ever worked mate for him probably just be like hey it's me d-mon good enough yeah yeah so then robbo bumps into him and there's like there's like threats but

then there's a mutual respect because clearly they just know each other from real life. That's very evident in this movie. And they play a game of pool for $1,000 a ball and $25,000 for the winner. If you've ever wanted to see a real slow-moving pool game operating in real time. But it's also, they do trick shots, but they're not that impressive.

And for a lot of the trick shots, they'll just cut away to Sammy Davis Jr. going, look at my shitless shot for surprise. None of the trick shots are particularly good. Every one of them, I'm like, I'm not good at pool, but I think I could do that. But see, back in the day. But also, what I think I'm going with there is like,

again, you can tell it's a movie from the 60s because they play out the whole thing. A scene where one dude gets hustled by another dude in a game of pool should be 20 seconds yeah right it's a montage and a couple of trick shots and the guy getting hustled going and then sammy davis jr going right but you don't want i don't want to see it for five minutes no but also while he's doing this he's singing a song and i had to write this down because i couldn't believe it but it's about a man who loves his mother being good enough for me so that's what Dean Martin's saying basically I don't know what that what is what does that mean though is it Sinatra is the man good enough I don't I don't

I don't know I don't know it's just a song that he was famous for at the time okay right yeah anyway fine so Dean Martin wins and then uh instead of killing him and getting the money back yeah Frank Sinatra Plank Sinatra gets him on his crew and he's little John yeah

Dean Martin is little John but we're just going to call him Dean Martin but where's everybody else where's Friar Tuck there's no Friar Tuck there's no Friar Tuck

yeah so anyway they decide to go after Columbo Columbo Gisborne Columbo Columbo

yeah Columborn yeah so but at the same time Columbo decides Gisborne. Columbo. Columbo, yeah. Columborn. Yeah, so, but at the same time, Columbo decides to go after Frank Sinatra. And what we get, this is the idea of a mob hit from, it's set in the 30s, the 20s or the 30s, but it's made in the 60s, obviously. They just run into each other's clubs with axes.

And smash it up. And just smash it up. It's pretty funny. And they do it at the same time. Exactly the same time. At each other, yeah. Uh time yeah and then uh after the clubs are all smashed up sammy davis jr sings a song about how he loves shooting his gun yep he's got a six shooter he's got two six shooters but he shoots i don't know 40 bullets maybe without

reloading but it's insane and it's also a song sung by a man who's clearly lost his mind who's gonna accidentally shoot himself oh absolutely that's where that's going anyway it's insane. And it's also a song sung by a man who's clearly lost his mind who's going to accidentally shoot himself. Oh, absolutely. That's where that's going. Anyway, it's kind of fun though. Sure. Yeah.

Some of the Rat Pack are quite talented. Yes. So they decide to make Robbo, Plank Sinatra, decides to make a 100%

knock-proof club which I assumed would be something like tables that you'd hit with an axe and it wouldn't work. As is tradition. Yeah.

You know, like that Bond movie where his car's indestructible and they're trying to break into it. It's not that. We'll get to what it is. But it's going to cost $400,000, which is a lot of money back then. And now, some would even say. So then Marion shows up, who's the son of the gangster who was shot at the start.

And Frank Sinatra, sorry, is like, I've never seen you before. Where you been, sweetheart? I should know because I knew, I knew bloody. I never met some beautiful broad with a great set of pins. Hey. And she's like, I've just been away at private school or whatever. And I'm like, private school? How old?

So I looked it up. She's 37. She was 37 at the time of this film. Sure. I mean, everybody here, I guess, is supposed to be 32, but they all look 55. That's what we've established in these films. Everyone is 55 and then they die.

That's the rule. So she's a real youthful name in this if she's only 37. 37, yeah. So anyway, she wants her father's death avenged and she offers Plank Sinatra 50K to kill the sheriff who's in lead with Columbo. And he's like, I don't do that. I may be a mobster, but I'm not a murderer.

Okay. What kind of mobster are you? I'm not really sure. Is he a good guy? Not really. No. But what kind of mobster is he? Yeah.

He just runs. Like a place where you can gamble. He could just run a legitimate business. He could just do that. Yeah. Probably get in a business. Open a shop. Maybe.

So the way she invites him to dinner and she's like, if you kill that guy, I'll bloody have sex with you. And he's like, not bloody, not likely, sweetheart. I bloody love a girl. You know that better than anybody else. But let me tell you,

I'm not bloody a student. Rest in a gamze. Gamze all the way up to your armpits. I tell you what. No, no thanks, sister. So Columbo decides to put the sheriff in a... Headlock. In a cornerstone for the new police station so because it's the

30s or the 20s or whenever this is set whenever a big stone gets put in front of a building the whole town shows up because that was television that was something to do that was entertainment back then yeah uh the police chief is like thanks everybody for coming out uh listen the sheriff couldn't be here because he was called out of town. I'm assuming there was no foul play involved with his disappearance. And the gangsters were like,

foul play? I reckon there was some. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ah. The mayor's like, you might say he was the cornerstone of this city. And they're like,

ha, ha, ha, cornerstone. Literally. That's where we put him. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Sure hope he wasn't murdered. He was murdered. We did it. Ha, ha, ha, ha ha ha, cornerstone. Literally. That's where we put him. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Sure hope he wasn't murdered. He was murdered. We did it.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. You'd think there'd be somebody in the crowd who's like, wait a minute, these guys, I think they, somebody look in there. Somebody look in there. Look at that stone. So anyway, there's no repercussions for murdering the sheriff. It never really comes up again.

He threatens to murder Robbo. He's like, Robbo, you better pay because you've got to give me that 50%, baby. I got 50% gams up to my bloody whatever. It's the 30s or it's the 20s. I don't know. Whatever it is, give me that goddamn money, you son of a bitch. And Robbo's like... FX's The Veil

explores the surprising and fraught relationship between two women who play a deadly game of truth and lies on the road from Istanbul to Paris and London. One woman has a secret. The other, a mission to reveal it before thousands of lives are lost. FX's The Veil, starring Elizabeth Moss, is now streaming on Disney+. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever?

Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca.

That's sunrisechallenge.ca. I won't do it. So anyway, this is where it starts to drag. It turns out that Marion thinks that Robbo, sorry, Plank Sinatra, did murder the sheriff, but he didn't. So she gives Robbo the 50k. And he's like, I don't take money from no broad, I'll tell you that much. Gams are no gams, I ain't taking that money. that Robbo, sorry, Plank Sinatra, did murder the sheriff, but he didn't. So she gives Robbo the 50K. And he's like, I don't take money from no broad, I'll tell you that much, this is what I am. Gams are no gams, I ain't taking that money.

Don't take that sweet dough from that sweet gams. So he gives it to the poor. He's like, give it to charity. Give it to literally any charity. Throw it in a bin, I don't give a shit. I don't want it. So they give it to charity. And then a man, a very small man,

with a newspaper, is shouting out the headline that Robbo's given to the rich is the new Robin Hood. He's given to the poor. If you thought Robin Hood was good, Robbo's the new Robin Hood. And it's confusing because that means that in this universe, prior to these events, hundreds of years in the past, there wasn't the very least the legend of Robin Hood, who was a real guy, right? Or at least a folklore. Like in our world.

Like in our world. And all his men existed. But yet, in this universe also, there's a guy called Robbo, and there's also a Little John, and a Marion, and a Guy Gizmon, and a Will Scarlet. What is happening? And nobody notices. Nobody's like, oh yeah,

Little John, like Robin Hood. Isn't that a weird coincidence? Yeah, these movies are not self-aware. Nobody says... But I mean, you can't blame them, really.

I can blame them. Okay, good. So anyway, he just starts sending money to anybody who asks. Again, what kind of gangster is this guy?

What kind of gangster is he? So Alan Dale comes in. It's Bing Crosby. It's Bing Crosby. Who, by the way, is great in this movie. He's really good. Here's a fun fact about this. I don't know if you're aware of this.

So this movie features most of the Rat Pack. The previous one also featured Peter Lawford, who you might remember as one of those guys. It doesn't matter. You might remember him as one of those guys with a weird haircut and an ill-fitting suit in the previous Ocean's Eleven. He's not in this one

because him and Sinatra had a falling out. He was going to be this role, but apparently Peter Lawford's brother-in-law was President Kennedy. Peter Lawford's brother-in-law is John F. Kennedy. And wasn't Kennedy shot during when they were making this film? No, he was shot in... Oh, he might have been. No, he was shot in 63. Yeah, but have been... No, he was shot in 63.

Yeah, but this came out in 64. Okay, right. I think he was. I think there was a bit of a... I remember reading about like a black cloud over this whole production. Interesting. Because they were all mates.

Well, that's the thing. That's not why it happened. That's not why there was a falling out. So apparently, Peter Lawford arranged for John F. Kennedy to make a visit to Frank Sinatra's house. And Frank Sinatra built a helipad at his house so John F. Kennedy to make a visit to Frank Sinatra's house. And Frank Sinatra built a helipad at his house so John F. Kennedy could visit.

And then John F. Kennedy's advisors were like, you shouldn't go visit Frank Sinatra because he's connected to the mob and it'll look weird. Yeah. So Kennedy didn't go visit. And so Sinatra blamed Peter Lawford for not convincing John F. Kennedy to come and land on the helipad. And then Lawford and Sinatra never Peter Lawford for not convincing John F. Kennedy to come and land on the helipad.

And then Lawford and Sinatra never spoke again. So Bing Crosby was given that role instead. But here's the thing. John F. Kennedy, instead of visiting Frank Sinatra on that day, visited Bing Crosby. So why didn't he blame Bing Crosby? Good questions. Sinatra's a real

weirdo. They were all drunk. Yeah they were all I guess that's probably true yeah. So anyway Bing Crosby decides to

be he's going to be he's an account man who's going to he's going to give all the money to charity and sort out where it goes because he's

from an orphanage. They're like what do you want to and he's like I was an orphan for 26 years and I was hoping to get adopted for 26 years. So he's from an orphanage. They're like, what do you want to... And he's like, I was an orphan for 26 years and I was hoping to get adopted for 26 years. So he's supposed to be 40 in this?

I guess. He's not though. They're all 55. We've talked about this. That's true, yeah. So I guess that's a joke that he wanted to be adopted for 26 years.

That's one of those jokes. That's one of those famous jokes, yeah. And then... I feel like a lot of these jokes could have been salvageable if they were sold as jokes or if they were edited as if they were jokes. Or if the people telling them knew that they were jokes and weren't just reading lines.

I think maybe in the 60s, these guys, Sinatra and those guys especially, were very accustomed to just saying anything and then cocking their arm with a cigarette and then everybody would laugh because it was sinatra and people like ha ha ha you're so funny for it well you're not i feel comfortable saying that now he's dead he wasn't funny there's a bit in the film which i thought you would enjoy they sing a song about how bad big crosby is at dressing and then there's a montage of him coming out in different outfits yeah as a man who man who loves a finer cloth, Mason,

what did you think? What I enjoyed about that sequence is that he comes in and out trying on all these bizarre outfits. First of all, what are they all doing in the closet if they're all so bad? Secondly, he comes out at the end just wearing exactly the same things they're wearing.

Just do that first. Yeah. Just find the tuxedo. No, because that's the joke, Mason. You've only just realised there was a joke there. Just do that first. Yeah. Just find the tuxedo. No, because that's the joke, Mason. You've only just realised there was a joke there. Oh, that was the joke. I love it. So anyway, Robbo's got his new club, his knock-proof club, and he's killing it.

Columbo's club's on the other side of the town, not killing it. Columbo's like, what I'm going to do, I'm going to round up the police, I'm going to head down there, and I'm going to bloody smash up their club with axes, which is what we do. As is tradition, yes. So he's heading on down there. The club, Plank Sinatra's club, gets a call that the cops are coming and the mob is coming. So there's an amazing...

See, because Columbo didn't count on the one thing that he could never possibly consider, that there's a lookout. That's right. There's a guy on the roof who's like, oh, cops are coming. Cops are coming. Better prepare for this so basically uh they just fold up the club yeah and it's pretty spectacular and probably really expensive for the time yeah right and it folds into a little church pretty good looking expensive at the time and a real oh h and s nightmare because some of those people sometimes they're just folding people into a wall and they're ducking their heads but like the folding bit of

wall is like smooshing the top of their head. I'm like, some people came out of this with bad backs at the very least. Yeah. And there's people on call who are just like old drunks. Yeah. They've just got some old drunks hidden in the walls for when they need to pretend this is like a church. And then

the old drunks come out of the walls. They pile on out. So basically when everybody busts in, they're singing a song about how booze is bad or whatever. It's called Mr. Booze. It's kind of a great song, but it goes for a hundred years. It goes for a hundred years. And it goes even after Columbo and the cops leave.

They're just like, well, may as well not knock the rest of this. I mean, we could be making some more money on illegal gambling, but I guess we'll just knock the rest of the song out. We're mid-song, yeah? Yeah, we're not going to cancel mid-song. The thing about the folding up club is that that would only work one time because surely somebody who was there that night, who's normally at Columbo's club, would be like,

yeah, we all just got folded into the walls when the police came and then they left and then we were out of it. And then Columbo would go... We had to wait till the song ended. It was kind of... I mean, it was not a a bad song but it was kind of muffled because i was in the wall so just the next time they came yeah they'd just be like we know there's a club in the wall yeah we spent four hundred thousand dollars on this look there's a really obvious switch with a red light on i'll just flick it oh it's a club again you're all under arrest and we're gonna

smash this place as is tradition. You're right. And again, that's where the movie should end. Yeah. That's the ending. You got one over on Columbo. There's the end. But it's not the end.

We'd love it to be. We could wrap up this video. We could all go about our day. So anyway, then Columbo decides to use the sheriff's wallet and badge and gun or whatever, which they've kept. That's a bad idea. Because, you know. Evidence. Evidence. Evidence.

And they frame Robbo for his murder. So Robbo, sorry, Plank Sinatra, goes to court and Columbo testifies against Robbo and all the orphans who were friends with, who live under Bing Crosby, who were, well, they were all on his side because they all had Robin Hood hats and bow and arrows and were like, Robbo bloody sucks now. We thought he was cool, but he's not cool.

He's bloody putting bloody mobsters and the cops in the ground or whatever. And then Bing Crosby sings a song. He's like, hey, come on. He's all right. And they're like, yeah, I guess he's all right. And then at the trial, they're like, why should we believe this guy? He's a mass murderer or whatever. And the judge is like, nah, give him a shot.

I'm sure this convicted murderer is is believable but he's not he's not you're talking about colombo right colombo so while this is all happening marion uh tries to convince dean martin to help her take over the robber's business marion is is is wildly mischaracterized yes in this in this movie and he agrees so john's in charge and john and what's more marion is in charge of robbo's operation while he's going through this trial so anyway that you think he's going to go to jail but for no reason the jury's like look everybody who testified is a liar we just think that's the case everybody holds up signs that like robbo's the best robbo's innocent and free even the jury

have signs they've made them to come out what the main the head juror gives it this impassioned speech. Yeah. It's like, a whole bunch of, I don't believe all these low-life scumbags. And it's like, sit down, mate. Just say not guilty. But he says innocent, very specific. Just say not guilty and get out of there. I feel that the judge would call for a mistrial.

Yeah. Anyway, so you think the movie's going to end there, but it doesn't. It doesn't end, it just keeps going. Plank Sinatra goes out and sings a song about probably being innocent. And then he goes home to his club and he checks the registers,

but John's bloody changed the locks. He can't believe his good friend, Dean Martin, John, whoever, has done this to him. And he finds out also that at the soup kitchens, which they also opened, they're printing money out the back and he's either for or against that.

I'm not really sure where he stands. Because what kind of mobster is he? He's fine with making money off illegal gambling, but he won't print his own money. Yeah, I don't know. So he goes to see Marion and she's like, you work for me. And he's like, not on your bloody Gam's doll face. And he slaps her with some paper.

And then John's like, I didn't sign up for this. I'm out of here also. And Robbo's fine with that. But clearly you did. Yeah, you signed up for all of it. I'm out of here also. And Robbo's fine with that. But clearly you did. Yeah, you signed up for all of it. You were very willing to step into this guy's shoes and take over. But you know, rose before dames, as they say. Yeah.

I just thought you were going to go to jail. So I figured I'd take over your business before we determined whether that was true or not. So then she goes to Columbo and she's like, listen, I want you to bloody kill Robbo. And he's like, yeah, I'll do it. I'll put him in a cornerstone or whatever. As is tradition. That's what I do. I smash up casinos and I put people in cornerstones

and everybody watches. I love it. That's my fetish. I love it. So we cut to another building opening. It's for a pretzel building. There's a long speech by, I think, a German guy. I think it's supposed to be funny. It probably for a pretzel building. There's a long speech by, I think, a German guy. I think it's supposed to be funny. It probably is supposed to be funny.

I think it's probably supposed to be funny, yeah. It's funny to laugh at other nationalities. It certainly is. So then you think that Robbo's in the cornerstone, but it turns out Columbo's in there. So I guess Robbo Plank Sinatra is the kind of guy that does murder other people. Yeah, in the end he does. He could have done that earlier. Yeah. He could have done that way earlier. Could have done that way earlier.

But so Marion is told by him, you need to get out of town, dollface, because I'm the bloody big shot gangster in this town. I'll tell you this much. I'll put you in a cornerstone. I'll put anyone in a cornerstone. I'm a murderer. Or am I? I'm printing money.

Or am I? What kind of mobster am I? You don't know. I don't know. Anyway, get out of here. Anyway, so she just goes to the uh newspapers and like yeah robbo's like printing money in the soup kitchen so everyone's like he's a bad bloke again or whatever so they have to so the police run in and as is tradition they

smash everything with an axe you know what he should have done got into the axe making business absolutely clean up would have cleaned up so then robbo's Robbo is run out of business. So at the end, he's so down on his luck somehow that he's collecting money with his mates in a Santa Claus outfit. The Rat Pack have become charity, Christmas time charity Santas. Yeah. They're standing there and then Eleanor Dale, Bing Crosby, walks past with Marion and she's taken over the business in the end. One of them's like, oh, bloody get at him or whatever. But they don't get at him and then they sing a song and it's taken over the business in the end. One of them's like, oh, bloody get at him or whatever,

but they don't get at him and then they sing a song and it's finished. So kind of like the way that Oceans of Lever just peters out and they don't win. What's the point of anything? It's just over. I feel like the last at least third of the movie, the premise is don't trust a dame.

Yeah. Because she'll cast you aside for the new guy. A few people have said in the comments of the movie, the premise is don't trust a dame. Yeah. Because she'll cast you aside for the new guy. A few people have said in the comments of the last one we had to do on this that it might have been something to do with the time of filmmaking and law where you couldn't have a gangster win in the end. Yeah, right. You're just going to be like

well, I'm down on my luck or whatever. Yeah. Even though Frank Sinatra had real life mobster ties. And he was way off on his luck, let me tell you. So there you go. It's a movie. It's bad. Oh, it's bad.

It's really bad and long. I think it is worse than the other one, but it's worse in different ways. But the music is better. Yeah, it is better. That's true. There's more charm to this one. Yeah. If I turn around in three months and I find out they did like a 1960s version of Aquaman

and we have to come back to these fucking idiots, I'm going to lose my mind. I didn't know this existed and I'm very upset about it. It turned out Sammy Davis Jr. was a huge fan of DC Comics, so they did an adaptation of every single DC property. Here we go. Anyway, there's actually a video version of this if you're listening to the extended audio version if you've got a

recommendation for Caravan of Garbage please leave it below it could be a movie a comic a TV show it could be literally anything

and we'll probably get round to it at some point yeah also we have a podcast called The Weekly Planet where we talk movies and comics and TV shows

please feel free to check that out yeah that comes out every Monday morning but thanks for checking this out and we'll see you next time when we look at feel free to check that out. Yeah. That comes out every Monday morning. But thanks for checking this out, and we'll see you next time when we look at a shit thing.

Now, as I always say, get out of here, dollface. Take your gams and take a hike. But also, grab that jam, you guys. We'll see you next week. Yeah. Yeah. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want.

It's up to you. FX's The Veil explores the surprising and fraught relationship between two women who play a deadly game of truth and lies on the road from Istanbul to Paris and London. One woman has a secret, the other a mission to reveal it before thousands of lives are lost. FX's The Veil, starring Elizabeth Moss, is now streaming on Disney+.