The Worst Idea Of All Time - 01: Where is Ms Toretto?

Episode Date: December 23, 2022

Welcome to season six of The Worst Idea of All Time. Guy Montgomery and Tim Batt will be watching the entire Fast and Furious franchise, in reverse order, for about a year. Each movie will be watched the number of times according to where it comes in the series. First up; F9 nine times. Tim and Guy dive headfirst into the series' latest outing and try to make sense of the world around them. A world where family is everything but mothers are seemingly too unimportant to mention. A world where magnets can repel metal. A world where the film's protagonists can have so little onscreen chemistry that it's hard to figure out whether they're romantically entangled, or siblings.Artwork by Tomas CottleTheme song by Luke Rowellworstideaofalltime.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A question a lot of you will be asking right now is, does Fast 9 make sense if I haven't watched Fast 1 through Fast 8? And the answer is, kind of. 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Well, well, well Come back to the worst idea of all time Episode 1, Season 5 Fast and Furious 6 It's Season 6 Thanks a lot, Tim.

My name, as you well know, is Guy. And we're sitting in a green room, not backstage, but in a room that is green. And this is the room where we've just watched a new film for the first time on a new quest. And it's a different kind of quest, but it's an exciting mountain to climb and there's no one with whom I would rather do it and there's no, I suppose, franchise with whom I would rather be spending the time.

Yeah, these two fuckos. Is that us? We're known for our podcast where we watch predominantly the same movie every week for a year over and over again we've done it so many times now so many times i literally lost count moments ago this time though uh we've been hired by Universal have you heard of them? they're a huge they're a powerhouse a distributor, a studio

they make the movies they make the flicks they make the things you see on the silver screen they make your heart go boom boom yeah and they've got one of the most iconic sort of introductory stings, if you could call it that, where when you hear that,

when you sit down to watch a movie and the Universal logo starts, the globe starts rolling around the screen, and the horns start saying... It starts quiet. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, You know you're dealing with a movie at that point. You know that you've got quality. That's the sign of quality. I've never seen a TV show that starts like that. Never. And I guess they've seen what we do. They're big fans. sign of quality yeah i've never seen a tv show that starts like that never and uh they have

they've seen i guess they've seen what we do and big fans it's not you know what it's been a minute i felt like we got hot and then we got cold and it's nice to be back and especially deep in the pocket of universal it's nice to be sponsored for a change what universal have decided to do with us is they've got a movie to promote. It's very important to them that's coming up. I am pretty sure it's called Fast X. That's right. And it's a new movie in the franchise called The Fast and the Furious. And that brings us to our new little journey, which we've been hired to do,

which is this season we will be watching all of the Fast and Furious movies that have been released in the franchise thus far in reverse order, each the number of times according to where it appears in the series. That means that we'll be watching f9 nine times eight eight times seven seven times and so on and so forth all the way down to i suppose a treat that we will earn and a

the final piece of the backstory puzzle that will help make sense of this sprawling sort of cornucopia of ideas and action sequences. I've done the maths. Okay. So I've got to sniff. Yeah. Can I do one sniff off microphone? Yeah, man. You can.

I believe in you. Thank you, yeah. So, yeah, we're going to watch nine, nine times, eight, eight times, so on and so forth. We got it. 45 times. Oh, that's the number, is it? It's a 45-week season all building up to, I suppose,

the magnum opus of the Universal Pictures franchise, a mountain at which we will stand at the foot of and gaze upon admiringly. Fast X. And the X is actually a number, which I'm sure that will confuse any of our listeners who aren't Roman, or to use the local and common and modern parlance, Italian.

The X stands for 10. Stands for 10, everybody. What we have done, though, is we've just watched The Fast and the Furious 9. And here's the thing. I want to say for the first time, but that's not fucking true. No, that's not strictly true. This podcast has been in the pipes.

A funny thing happened on the way to season six, everybody. About, man, like a year ago? Yeah, even longer, I think. Probably a year and a half. Between a year and a year like a year ago? Yeah, even longer, I think. Probably a year and a half, between a year and a year and a half ago. So Guy and I intended to do this season quite a, sorry, Guy and I got hired to do this season by Universal Studios quite a while ago. In the build up to the release of F9, they knew that they had another one coming up and they knew there were only two guys to contact. We started watching Fast 9 when it was out at the cinema and we saw it four or five times.

We paid a lot of money. We paid a lot of money. Well, you know, on the other hand, we were paid a lot of money as well. Yes, of course, of course, of course. By Universal Studios, you see. And we took some fine-feathered friends as well to the Flicks and recorded a bunch of episodes. And then there's a lot of people at the time where we did our own research. In what way?

Oh, yes, by going to the Flick. Yeah. Indeed. And what happened next will shock you. We got locked down again, I think. That's what did it, eh? Because we were, I think, in between lockdowns here. We were on a hot streak.

We'd watched it five times. To go back in our hovels. It was like a three to four month stay in the hovel. Yeah. And the movie, the way the distribution worked, even with our inside track at Universal, was not accessible at home. And obviously there were other things to attend to, like our lives.

Yeah. And basically the whole thing got put on a shelf. And when we decided to rekindle the flames of this commercial relationship with Universal, we didn't know what to do. Do we dig up the remains of five episodes out of a 45-episode season of a podcast? No. And sort of try and insert ourselves into a previous idea

of what the movie was? Absolutely not. Yuck. We started at the beginning. Yeah. And so tonight we have watched Fast 9 for the first in the world of, I guess, our lives, time in our lives. What are you talking about?

I'm saying we watched the movie for the first time. It's the first episode of the new season, everybody. That's what I want to say to you. Tim, take everything you know about Fast 9. Yes. Forget it. Oh, no. Except for the most recent screaming. Okay, I got it.

Yeah. I'm there. I didn't hold on to a whole lot of it despite the fact that this was the sixth time I'd seen it. It felt like the first time for a lot of these scenes. It's a lot to hold on to. There's so much in this movie. You would need to have seven to eight arms

to just keep hold of the action sequences in this movie alone. It's a very difficult thing to keep tabs across all of. And with a two-hour and 16-minute runtime, it is not a film to be meddled with. No, it's quite long. It is a film to be sat down and taken seriously.

I feel like, did you fall asleep in the cinema at all towards one of those last ones? I feel like, did you fall asleep in the cinema at all towards one of those last ones? I feel like you did. Yeah, but it's a hollow and easy accusation to make. Yeah, it's true. And it doesn't even hold water in the world of this podcast. Okay, okay. Fair enough.

But I mean, I'll tell you- You almost fell asleep during this watch as well, though. Your eyes were looking pretty, pretty closey. What do you want me to say? I saw the whole movie. You ask me a single question about it, I'll tell you in detail. Yeah, fair enough. All right, mate.

All right. You know, we're friends, man. You and I, we've decided to do this together. We've come to have some fun. And like, you're calling me out historically. Yes. You know You're calling me out Historically Yes You're trying to call me out In the present day

Yes This is our first time Watching this movie together Let's not talk about How each other were behaving Listen Here's the thing People forget about bullying

It's kind of fun Yeah And it kind of works But I I I watched the whole thing Yeah

We both did Just now And on a laptop with a Bluetooth speaker. Yeah, we made it as cinematic as you can. We did. On a laptop. It wasn't a bad laptop to watch it on. It's a nice screen, nice 4K bright screen. And it's a pretty chunky laptop connected to a pretty decent Bluetooth speaker. For cinematic-ish, we turned all of the lights off,

so it was pitch black save for the incandescent glow of Vin Diesel's glistening, weird-ass, 5'11 body throwing men twice his size off of cliffs, driving cars too fast over bridges, and other feats of superhuman strength. I suppose a good question to ask, you know, for my knowledge, is how familiar are you with the Fast and the Furious franchise outside of what we've seen tonight?

I feel like I've seen a couple of them once at some point. Incidentally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've not pursued them all as a fan? No, certainly not. You sort of just have engaged peripherally with the franchise. at some point incidentally yeah yeah yeah you've not you've not pursued them all as a fan no certainly not you sort of just have engaged

peripherally with the franchise I reckon I might have seen one with Joseph Moore at some point perhaps it sounds believable

Joseph Moore because I used to live with him friend of the podcast huge Fast and the Furious big fan big fan you know

the thing about this franchise is it might not be in the zeitgeist right now because we're in between films, but you'll remember. That's exactly why we're talking about it, by the way. Exactly, and they'll lead up to Fast 10. Once FX is, like, you know, hot on our heels,

I think that works, we will remember that this is a franchise that rivals James Bond in terms of, you know, raw cinematic power of getting people to the fucking well big old centerplex i'm glad and grabbing a popcorn you know yeah cutting the whole out of the bottom yeah putting their hand in there when someone reaches in for the popcorn you shake their hand it's freaky they don't know what's happening it's a famous gag um i think you know it's an interesting space that this franchise occupies.

I'm not very familiar with it either. I think I watched the first one at the movies. You like cars as a concept? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I love Owen Wilson, so I'll watch basically anything he's in. Nice. I hope I got the right Wilson proper. Wow.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, there it proper. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, there it is. So I don't really care about cars that much, but watch the first one. Haven't really seen anything in the intervening years. And then see the ninth one. And it's interesting.

We're talking about Disney's cars or are we back to Fast and the Furious? We're back to Fast and the Furious. Thank you. Because I remember the first movie being set on planet Earth. Okay. And it's a crazy thing because in between, I don't know when it came out, late 90s, early 2000s, at a guess, maybe mid-naughties.

I think we all needed some, yeah, I think it was maybe 2002, 2003. Yeah, that's right, because they weren't allowed to put planes in the movie. Exactly. All tall buildings. Everything was like, keep it on the ground. But in between then and now, cinema has embraced the world of the superhero and the supernatural with such vermin vigor. It's fascinating that this movie, it still exists technically in reality,

but it very much feels like you know uh people as superheroes without saying they're competing with marvel movies yeah all senses so they've turned into some muscled up demigod freak but still technically trying to use all the rules of like space time and physics yeah, except for one thing. Everything is stretched to within an inch of believability, and then one thing in particular they just wholesale make up, and that is... Did that irritate you?

Yeah, it did, because there are these fucking magnets that they've got in the movie, right? Yeah. There's a lot of magnet stuff in this flick. Actually, when we first watched it a long time ago, I reviewed it on letterboxd and i believe the review was um the fast and the furious crew learn about magnets well they do and they don't because in this movie they're using these magnets these electromagnets which just means it's

a magnet that gets powered by an electrical current to work. But with these ones, you can flick them with one little dial, and they work like a magnet. But then you flick them, the dial, the other way, and it repels metal. And that's not a thing that exists. The dial, by the way, it's like an old sort of... Like a microwave oven from the 70s. Or a volume knob on a stereo is how I imagine it.

Yeah, that's good. So you can turn it all the way up. But I guess, and this is where the analogy annoys you you can also turn it beyond all the way down to the inverse where somehow the speakers send audio waves in the opposite direction essentially well i guess to follow this analogy it'd be like if the speaker turned into a black hole and just started attracting particulate matter into the tweeter. You're such a stickler. Anything that sort of- No, because I'm willing to go with it for anything else.

And a lot of shit happens in this movie, man. A lot of shit. Spoiler alert, they go to space in a Pontiac. That is a spoiler. It's a damn shame you did that. I'm with them for that. That's fine. Go with God, you know

All good There's no magnet Because God lives in space There's no magnet that repels metal I'm going to be I'm really going to be embarrassed if there is And I just don't know about them But anyway, okay, listen

Listen Fast and Furious 9 An interesting flick It's over two hours there's so many people in that and a lot of stuff happens we open on a beautiful family scene of a duskily colored dimly lit farm yard with a beautiful little house before that there's a there's all you know this is what really shits me about you. You spend so much time getting your knickers in a twist about whether or not magnets can send metal in the opposite direction.

You forget this movie starts in the past. Does that come first? Yes. Is that what it opens on? I mean, Universal, we went over this because they used the old logo. It's like hearing a vinyl crackle at the start of a record it really puts people in a frame of mind it sets the scene and you know when i heard you say dusk i thought well it isn't golden hour they're on an old racetrack in east los angeles the family toredo young dom and his brother. John Cena. Jacob. Yeah.

They're the pit crew for their cool racing dad. And he's going around and around. And he pulls in and he's got his last lap. He's won whatever the competition he's in for the season. There's no need for him to go this hard in the race. It's like NASCAR but local. Yeah. It's like club sport NASCAR. NAS the race it's like nazcar but local yeah it's like club sport nazcar like laz car because it's in la if it was in new york would be nice car and if it was in um new mexico

it'd be namiska you know it the system works and he's got he's pulled in and he's he's got a he's got to go around again and he's like just take it easy man you've already won and he's got to go around again. And he's like, just take it easy, man. You've already won. And he goes, no, I've got to race. And Jacob, young John Cena, does something under the hood of the car. The car goes out, and there's sort of an evil, villainous opposing driver who basically shunts Mr. Toretto, I don't know his first name, from the back. Please.

My father is Mr. Toretto. I guess it works. Their father is Mr. Toretto, I don't know his first name, from the back. Please. My father is Mr. Toretto. I guess it works. Their father is Mr. Toretto. And then something happens to his engine, and he gets basically the bully car from behind him, has him up against the wall, and then drives up underneath him. And I guess that's the pace that they're moving at, and maybe his brakes have been cut, but the car flips.

And not just... Not your normal flipping car. It's a real statement piece stunt. They say, we spent a fucking lot of money on this movie and not a lot on the script, so you better enjoy this car being on fire. This sequence is the cinematic equivalent

of when you were 16 and someone's just figured out that they can set uh aerosol deodorant on fire with a lighter and they tap you on the shoulder and say hey man do you want to see something cool yeah this car gets fucking obliterated bro i find i found out about that in a um in a supermarket the g when i would have been about 11 or 12 after school me and some other uh i suppose young ne'er-do-wells someone had figured it out and they did it in the aisle of a i think it was a new world fuck that's high stakes we got kicked out in a supermarket yeah my god that's no good in christchurch yeah no good all. And I'm assuming in somewhere like Islam.

Yeah, yeah. It was in one of the suburbs. It was in Merivale. Oh, even worse. What? Merivale was a pretty affluent suburb and also filled with old people. Those old biddies wouldn't know what fucking hit them. You guys are making $2 flamethrowers in the aisles of Miraval New World?

You know, even now it's important to me to say, I never made the flamethrower myself, but I was excited by it. That's the worst. You're the worst kind. And I remain so to this day. So the car gets fucked up to the max. Mr. Toretto dies. It's crazy, guys.

It gets thrown skyward. It hits a chain link fence and then explodes 17 times. It's almost like one of those memes where someone falls over and then it's been mixed with shooting stars. That's what it's like. And they just keep falling over through space and time and all these different sort of wormholes yeah it's like that but it's all on the one track the car basically does another eight laps while exploding it's too much everyone they've gone it's gotten away on them but it looks fucking sick and they don't want to risk anyone thinking that the teredo brothers still have a dad

yeah they could have cut it after 30 seconds. You would have been like, the driver's dead. Here's the issue I have. Where's Ms. Toretto? Their mum never mentioned whatsoever. We spend so much time on the concept of family. Family is everything. Family is so central.

Nothing but family in Fast and Furious. I'm afraid I'm going to have to pull you over, sir, for being too much of an ally. Where's the mum? This isn't allyship. This is a mystery to be solved. Because I think maybe that's what we're going to get in Fast X. Oh, wow.

And Universal have told us to speculate about it. Yeah, as best we can, because naturally we also have to speculate about- The dad's dead, and that's the origin story of both of these dastardly boys. But not the original origin story that we hear about them in Fast

One or in Fast and the Furious. In fact No but this is called retconning Well sort of retconning The knowledge that Dom has a brother is treated as a reveal in this movie. Yeah that's a retcon And what is a retcon? Retroactive continuity, I think is what it stands for.

It's like when you've got an existing story and then you're suddenly like, and there's a brother. But the franchise has been going for ages. So you kind of change the continuity by just adding some plot to shit. I mean, I'm so excited for the start of our journey because we're, I mean, essentially,

we are time-travelling backwards to discover, you know, the series of seemingly normal decisions that a few family members made that led them to this, you know, unbelievable circumstance in which Fast 9 is set. I've got nothing but admiration for the grandiose way in which you're framing this.

We're just watching the Fast and Furious movies the wrong way around. That's what we're really doing. You know, I want to know, how do you wind up living in a barn out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere with a boy called Brian, married or related to Michelle Rodriguez?

This is tricky, because I remember this from the cinema and it came back to me in this watch. They hook up in the movie. But this is like 40 minutes in. So for a long time you're like. It's way longer than 40. Huh? It's so far in.

Yeah, you're right. And they share no sexual chemistry. None. Not an iota. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's nuts. It's like the magnets. They are repelled by each other.

But like a couple of Barbie dolls, the director's like, now you have to kiss. If director Justin Lin turns the volume dial, all of a sudden Michelle Rodriguez and Vin Diesel's mouths are sucked towards each other. There's no chemistry to the point where you're like we yeah just assumed i remember on first watch and it came back to me this time it's just like okay so so they're brother and sister and they're having to raise this kid and we're pretty sure it's paul

walker's kid because he died no no no it's it's named after i fucking know that now but i'm just saying like that's the vibe that this movie's put if you want if you don't know any context and you just come in yeah fresh to fast nine you're like okay got it vin's in charge that's his sister um i'm assuming that because of the emotional gravitas afforded to this kid that's got to be paul walker's kid who's dead in this movie confusingly paul walker's character is alive in this franchise despite Paul Walker. RIP. RIP, Paul Walker.

He has passed away in real life. I feel like the good folks at Universal knew that they had a franchise that would span decades. And so if they could just hold on to the character long enough, the technology would catch up to the point at which they could reinsert him into the movie. I'm fearful of that.

They've been working hard for 10 for nine films you know and as always you know we can show you the emails open invitation to speculate it's incredible basically the size of the check and the length of the leash that universal have put us on but um i get the sense that they've been waiting for a long time for the technology to exist to reintroduce and reintroduce reintegrate paul walker's brian on screen to the fast and furious universe usually uh on this podcast guy we sort of explain what the plot of the movie is i have no desire to do that no no no it's not important no one's got a desire to listen to it here's my top five dudes i'd fuck from this movie in order yeah number one kurt russell yeah god damn he's still got it man and he's got a he's got a great role he you see only the best of kurt russell i would say

he probably he spent less than 20 minutes on set. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And he is playing the role of high-ranking politician-ish figure. No, no, he's not a politician. He's a nefarious secret agent. Yeah, he's a CIA guy. He's Mr. Nobody. That's right. So he's basically like a Metal Gear Solid character,

replete with the right visual treatment whenever he's on screen doing a transmission. It like yeah snake i'm pretty sure i'm in trouble the plane's going down i'm pretty sure his opening line is meaty meaty it's so good it's so good and then he pops up in the film it's like you've just turned on fast and furious on nintendo 64 it's real sick. So look, he's the guy I most want to have sex with. Fair enough. Young Han, who we have a flashback to. Now, is that actually Young Han, or is that current Han? I think it's Young Han

from, I'm guessing, Tokyo Drift. I think that's probably footage from Tokyo Drift. There's stuff with Gal Gadot in it. She's in Tokyo Drift. I don't know. Haven't seen it. Yeah, yeah. i don't know i haven't seen it yeah yeah but i don't know like there's it's it's interesting so okay guys so there's a guy called han in this movie and it's a big deal because guy and i have been led to believe by the first hour of this movie that han

is dead well and maybe movie six or so we've not even been led to believe it. It's just that Han is not a feature because he's not spoken of because he's assumed. We've got a big crew. There's a crew of like, we've met about seven or eight people by now. They're opening curtains. They're opening cupboards. They're pulling all the old stars of the franchise out into this.

And they're saying, here's something we can get around. Dom Toretto, Vin Diesel, has a secret brother who is hell bent on global destruction. out into this and they're saying you know here's something we can get around dom teredo vin diesel has a secret brother who is hell-bent on global destruction so we're going to need to run into everyone we've ever met yeah and using our collective knowledge expertise and um i suppose familial ties we can overcome the obstacle that is john cena and han he is behind sort of you know he's deep he's his character presumed dead is hidden deep behind one of these curtains or cupboards and pulled out and said look han is alive in this movie and guy and i go okay cool you can tell it's a big deal

but it's it i didn't feel it it's because we haven't seen the other movies mate but your big takeaway is that you want to fuck Han. He's number two after Kurt Russell, and specifically flashback Han. Because old Han, spoiler alert, is in position number five on my list. Oh, wow. So young Han's number two, old Han's number five.

I think number two and number five are the same fella. Well... At the same time, in different makeup and and costuming i guess we'll find out at some point and i'll probably have forgotten by then but um you know listeners take an account is it a um cgi generated sequence in this movie or is it just some foot that because this way they didn't have to pay for gal gadot twice they just go into the vault grab a little videotape now that she's huge and famous And be like

Gal Gadot's in this movie I mean look man But no She's in the other movie Before she was Wonder Woman They weren't saving money On casting in this movie

And singing Very good songs To help us through The pandemic Yeah Gal Gadot Single handedly Got me through

That second lockdown And I don't know If I can thank her enough Guy number three It's the baddie Otto and I don't know if I can thank her enough. Guy number three. It's the baddie, Otto. Oh, yeah, he's great. He's sexy.

See, I don't know that I want to... I think I want to spend time with him. You want to hang out. For what a bad guy he is in the world of the film, he also seems like a doting partner. Oh, that's sweet. I think he might be a little insecure well sure he's the son of a dictator a rich dictator from a country that i'm pretty sure isn't mentioned that's right but he sounds scandinavian yeah and he looks pretty scandy too yeah i know what you mean he's the kind of guy you could take home to

mother he seems like a real charmer. Yeah, yeah. He'd be great at the dinner table. Cuts both ways, though. People-pleasing tendencies. It must be hard to be Otto. For sure. Number four, there's a French villain.

Oh, he's like a henchman almost. Yeah, who gets like a landmine strapped to him and then Han actually does that, kills him, opens a latch which lets him out of a truck and he's caught by his own parachute, catches the wind and he explodes in mid-air. He's in the movie a little bit. He's in a few scenes. It's a pretty cool sequence.

This takes place in Tiberly, the capital of Georgia. I thought they'd made that place up. Because there's a few, this is wild, but they have a patchwork of invented and real locations and they title all of them. But some of them don't exist. What's the first one called? Monte Quinto.

Monte Quinto doesn't exist. But that one can't exist because it's this, you know, their government is, you know, like. It totally could. Movies do it all the time you know, their government is, you know, like. It totally could. Movies do it all the time. No. Just be like, blah, blah, blah, the Russians did this. Not in this climate, Tim, on account of our political correctness

having gone absolutely mad. I don't know if I could accuse the Fast and the Furious 9 of tiptoeing around cancellation. What would happen to the Fast and the Furious franchise if Vin Diesel was cancelled? Man, there's too much money wrapped up in it. He can't go down. He's too big to fail.

He's Citibank. He's the Hindenburg of cars. The Hindenburg famously wasn't too big to fail. No, no, the Hindenburg's doing fine. People walked out of the Hindenburg, though, and I'd like to think that people would walk out of the fast and the furious Unscathed If Vin Diesel got taken down

Who would you give the torch to though? If he did Probably Because I feel like Paul Walker was sort of set up to be in that position Rest in peace my man Vinnie Bennett New Zealand's own Young Vin.

Love that. The actor who plays young Dominic Toretto. So half of the movie is told in real time as they try and solve this issue that they're facing. They don't even have the fucking guts in this movie to label the weapon that threatens the extinction of humanity. For the first half of the movie, everyone keeps referring to it as the device, and it looks like the props department. It looks like total shit.

I suppose because they assumed that it was called the device, it wasn't a significant plot point, and so they just sourced some kid's toy from a Kmart. It's like a black mirror ball. It's like half of an orb with some plastic netting, black netting traced across the top of it. I can't remember the original point I was making. Yeah, you're a sleepy boy.

No, no. I'm a fucking alert, man. I want to stand for these baseless accusations. I'm trying to make a podcast with you. The device is called Project Ares because Ares was the god of war. And what this thing is is it's two halves of a supercomputer that when you put it together

and combine it with the DNA of Han's daughter which is like the key the password to activate the thing then it becomes a weapon that can take over all technology and weapon systems the world over become at your disposal

I remember what I was saying. I was saying half of the movie is set in a world where they're trying to prevent John Cena from getting his hands on that and changing the course of humanity. And not half, but a lot of it is set in the past as we sort of get all of this backstory, you know, all this light shed on Dom and Jacob's relationship.

And the young Dom, who I thought was outstanding, without even knowing that the guy was a New Zealander, I remember this at the cinema, is a New Zealander. It's an actor called Vinnie Bennett. He rips. He absolutely rips. All the stuff in the past is the best bits of the film. You reckon? Hands down.

It looks cooler. It's got better actors in it. The writing, weirdly, is way better. It's got better actors in it. Like the writing, weirdly, is way better. It's just all better. Well, do you know, the writing's easier because there's less qualifying, there's less like, you know, technical jargon to qualify why things are happening. It's set in the part,

it's basically set in the world of the first Fast and the Furious movie. Like there's a big set piece inside of the flashback, which is just a street race. And it's one of the most thrilling parts of the whole movie. It rules. And if I'm not mistaken, that's what you and I will be tracing our way back towards. That is the fruit.

What, in Fast 1? At the top of the tallest tree. It's just a movie about street racing. Oh, right, yes. But, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you meant the brother relationship. No, no, that's new to Fast 9. Yeah, they grafted that on just for this film.

That's not in the first one, as I understand. If Vin Diesel goes down, basically they keep Dominic Toretto alive. And, you know, they can go back to the beginning of the franchise again. They don't have to keep fucking creating cars that are submarines or cars that are rockets. They can can go back to the beginning of the franchise again. They don't have to keep fucking creating cars that are submarines or cars that are rockets. They can just go back to the beginning and have cars be cars again.

That's cool. As young Dominic Toretto catches up to Dominic Toretto in the first Fast and the Furious movie. How many movies can you squeeze out of that? Five easy, right? I think it's a prestige TV series. Oh, that's nice. It feels like it's a prestige tv series oh that's nice it feels like it you've got to do something different with it because the you know the franchise has become

such a big movie thing yeah yeah yeah hbo universal i don't think they've got a platform yeah no they released the tv as cinema it's a world first sick as um i'd watch. I'd watch it because I loved all of those bits. Not least of which because they've got a Prodigy sample and the track that plays when the two brothers are racing. How badly did you want the song to just keep being the Prodigy though? Oh yeah, quite a lot. Men of a certain age will hear that sample and go, yeah, but play the actual fucking Prodigy track.

Yeah, play something we all know, Fast Nine. This song must be close to, it must be 25 years old. Breathed by Prodigy? It's old, but not as old as us. Grim. Yeah. Favorite line from the movie, Guy? I wrote it down.

Glad to hear that so sort of a call to action Dom or Vin Diesel and Michelle Rodriguez and their boy Brian live in this barn and all the old gang come out Tyrese Gibson the model

turned actor through the Fast and the Furious franchise Ludacris rapper turned actor through the Fast and the Furious franchise. Ludacris, rapper turned actor through the Fast and the Furious franchise. Both of those guys looking pretty ageless, by the way. And Ramsey, who's a young British woman, there's a call to action. They're saying, this crazy thing's happened and you need to help out. And Dom's like, no, I live in the bush. He's like, I live in the bush. What? You know, he's like, I live in a barn now,

and I hide my son in the basement when people show up. And then he's like, you don't understand. Cypher, who we find is Charlize Theron, obviously a historic villain in the Fast and the Furious franchise, says, this is, I think, Tyrese or Ludacris, to beckon Vin to say, you've got to come with this. He says, this is Cy think Tyrese or Ludacris to beckon you know Vin to say you've got to come with this is this is Cypher the woman who killed the mother of your child and this is a vital piece of exposition this is a reason for Vin Diesel to leave this life that he's sworn to himself and go and you know

follow the gang and they've used two sort of pronouns, I guess, for women. It's such a confusing sentence. I spent a minute afterwards trying to understand. Say it again. This is Cypher, the woman who killed the mother of your child. I don't necessarily think it's that complicated. No, it's not. But the phrasing.

It's a really easy piece of information. But I really like that they put it in there for us to be like, excuse me, Guy and Tim, you've got to know what Charlize Theron was up to in the other movies to be able to understand what's going on right now. And for that, I thank them. A question a lot of you will be asking right now is, does Fast 9 make sense if i haven't watched

fast one through fast eight and the answer is kind of i would agree with that if you're willing to accept a world where there's a particular kind of magnet that can repel metal i think you're going to enjoy this movie and if you can't accept that you're going to be as frustrated as i am you're going to be in for a long nine episodes my favorite line thanks for asking it was definitely your chin it's distinctive the true i know the toreados have quite a mixed bloodline but i never detected a nordic strain charlize they're on just working with what she's got really trying her best so this is a tough line what you call retcon Yes Which is like Charlize Theron's character Basically you're left to believe

She lives in a box She doesn't live in a box, she's in prison She's in prison in a box by Otto The Scandi sort of son of a dictator Number three on Tim's most fuckable list Yeah And she spends all of her time in the box Thinking of quips, things to say

To her antagonizers or captors, I suppose. And one of them is she's really hoeing into the reason that John Cena's character exists and how they're related and why they had a falling out. And she just goes absolutely mental on it. And then the writers, I don't know who was in charge, still weren't confident that it would be clear enough like the people used to be like nah but john cena and vin diesel don't even look

alike how could they be brothers and so they write a line of dialogue which is so clunky which is like so good you're not so good you're nordic it's such a great thing to do in a movie to be like fuck we've really painted ourselves into a corner I know a line and a half will solve this there's a lot especially in the current day scenes

there's a lot of really good labelling like anytime that because you know we represent the audience of the Fast franchise and we are idiots

and so they treat us accordingly and I love them for it anytime they enter a new environment anytime an annoying person you go to the movies with would lean across to you and say,

where are they? How do they know him? They just tell you. They're in front of that. They say it out loud. They've split the workload across nine core characters and basically written one chunk of dialogue that they just randomly serve up to each different character

like one sentence at a time it's like we spent so much money blowing up cars that we had to keep doing test screenings and just adding dialogue until every like the dumbest asshole who came and screen tested this film knew exactly who everyone was what their motivation was and where they were located it takes nine people nine actors playing characters to walk into a room and say wow this is a room in the embassy yeah i hope that the ambassador to sweden doesn't find out we're here well you know he's got history with dom it is like it's just a movie filled with that kind of exposition parading around as if it's believable dialogue. And frankly, I want to start living my life this way.

People always say in movies and TV that they perceive as being badly written. No one ever talks like that. Well, guess what? I'm going to work backwards. I'm going to start talking like they do in Fast and Furious 9 because I want everyone to understand what's happening in my life

explicitly. Why leave anything to chance? These people probably live in healthy relationships. They have clear lines of communication and connection with their children. Life is simpler. Life is better, except for the fact every three months, year, five years, they get called out to work on some top secret mission mission set in a city or a country we've not heard of called monte quinto it does to track down a piece of plastic called the device that when fused with the presence of han's daughter who is the key will give john cena access to a satellite yeah there's an orbit of the earth that will then it gives them power of all of

everything, but mainly like weapon systems around the world. It'll give them the power of the weapon systems. Shouldn't let that satellite get up in the first place. Yeah. I mean, it's gonna be fun. No, I wouldn't say that. I think it's gonna be

a real slog, actually. No, it's nice to... It's nice to know we're not gonna watch it 52 times. Yeah, it's going to be a real slog, actually. No, it's nice to... It's nice to know we're not going to watch it 52 times. Yeah, it's nice to have eight to look forward to. Yeah. It's nice to be sort of... I described us as climbing the mountain, but it feels like going down steps that get smaller and smaller.

Falling down a mountain. I suppose. And, you know, I'm excited. I'm excited for, you excited for getting some friends along. It is good to be back in the saddle. To tell us what they know about. Can I tell you something that absolutely shits me, though? I have really not seen a movie in ages.

Yeah. And I know that I won't now. And this is going to be my sole cinematic diet while we do this. I more or less started screening movies I haven't seen before at a cinema in response to this podcast because I feel like- Is that really? Explain what this is because this is a great thing that you're doing. I screen once a month a movie.

It's called You'd Love It with Guy Montgomery, and they're classic movies I've never seen, but people have always told me- We're talking Terminator would love gremlins terminator one actually oh was it gremlins wizard of oz priscilla queen of the desert but i mean i haven't seen anything i haven't seen any star wars i haven't seen the godfather i haven't seen you know all manner of films and people because of this podcast assume that i know about movies or i've seen movies and it's the opposite it's just not because of this podcast it's just it's all concentrated down to sort of four franchises essentially and um this is a continuation of that and i haven't

you know i haven't seen a movie since gremlins which which was fantastic, by the way. Have you not? Because for a while there, you were getting to the cinema and you were seeing stuff. I was making a real effort. Yeah, you did a good job. That's not the case at the moment because I've replaced it with this.

It's fucking funny is what it is because the original premise of watching the same movie 52 times, that's pretty absurd. The fact that we are now old men. We're in our mid-30s. Some of us more mid than others. We've both got kids.

And now this is going to comprise probably our entire cinematic diet for the year. And that math you did before of getting to 45, I'll bet you didn't even include Hobbs and Shaw in there, did you? It's not canon. Isn't it? It's not canon. Isn't it? It's not canon. Isn't it? I don't actually know the answer to that question.

I think it's a side project. I saw that at the cinema. Did you? Yeah. You saw that one? Yeah. Did it give you any clues about what's going on? No, because it's a side mission.

Right. So who's in it? Jason Statham and The Rock. Oh, who fucking hate each other? Or Vin Diesel hates... The Rock. The Rock. And I suppose we can look forward to finding out why.

Yeah. Well, it's probably because The Rock is doing everything Vin Diesel... I imagine Vin Diesel had a dream, and that is to be The Rock. But then The Rock was The Rock, and Vin Diesel did a dream and that is to be The Rock. But then The Rock was The Rock and Vin Diesel did this one franchise. And Pitch Black and that other thing you reminded me of while we were watching. Here's what you need to know. What was it called?

The other movies. Moana. No, no. Vin Diesel. Oh. Triple X. Thank you. Fast X is coming to a cinema near you at an undisclosed time. Get ready

for the movie-going experience of a lifetime. I don't have a lot of juice. I just need you to know that the movie is coming and we are deep in the pocket of Universal to tell you about it. Do you think Universal would have made a subpar movie if they were spending the kind of money that they would need to spend to get Worst Idea to do a whole season just in the lead up to it?

You thought that that was going to be a bad film? Guess what? You're wrong. Guess what? Universal doesn't miss. Name me one bad Universal movie. And what I'll show you Is a person who's bad At critiquing films Because you're fucking wrong Who's bad at watching movies

Yeah you're a fucking idiot Dumb idiot Get out of here Stupid head So look with that It's our first watch I think we accidentally did cover a lot of the plot We've got a lovely top five of the dudes

I would have sex with in the movie There's a lot of the plot. We've got a lovely top five of the dudes I would have sex with in the movie. There's a lot of tricks and treats to look forward to as well. Stones that remain unturned. And this movie is a gift in that it does leave a lot of stones for turning. There's a lot of sequences. There's a lot of different moments. And I look forward to uncovering them after watching this same movie another eight times and hoping to glean more info well the

same movie in a week and then again and again and again and again and again and again and again and then never again well then we get the next one to look forward to Fast 8 whatever that's called I don't even know fully what this one's called but I look forward to being more confident next week

it's got to be the Fate of the Furious is it? what the next one is this F9 F8 Fate yeah man

that's really good yeah is that the name of one of them do you know or are you just you're spitballing it's

I don't know. We'll find out. We'll find out. If you would like to support us and or see the video episodes of these, God willing, I've got it on there and we've recorded it correctly. twiowat.substack.com

I'm pretty sure is the website address you can just like look us up we're on substack that's where the premium content lives there's more bonus stuff for you on there

facebook dot com slash twioat is that right no worst idea of all time thank you

see it's been a minute since we've done twitter and instagram at twioat pod there we go there we go we um we refuse to use t at twio at pod. Here we go. Here we go. We refuse to use TikTok. Like and subscribe or else we will die.

Yeah. No, I'm going to start a TikTok for us. Tim is starting a TikTok. Let's get on TikTok. No. Why not? I don't want any part of it. I'm getting us on TikTok.

Yeah. We're going to be huge on TikTok. Well, I enjoyed the movie. I enjoyed being with you. Can you rate both of those out of five real quick? Both of the movie and hanging out with me. And your company? Because I did bully

you quite a lot. The movie probably three out of five. And that number I imagine will go down incrementally. The company probably three out of five.

But I've got higher hopes. I've been pretty antagonistic and needlessly mean. I think, you know, I'm excited to chart these on a graph. Yeah. Do you want to rate me or are you cool? No, I'd absolutely love to. The movie is pretty dog shit. I'm giving it a two and a half.

Because there's some cool sequences and I like all the flashback stuff. I'm giving you a three and a half. You're a cool guy. But you've got to get a little more pep in your step, brother, if you want to break the four. Shut the F up. All right, everybody. We'll catch you in the next episode of season six of the worst idea of all time.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.