The Worst Idea Of All Time - 02: Therapy In A Car

Episode Date: December 30, 2022

Tim and Guy are trying to map the family trees and plotlines of F9 in this second watch of the movie. Ludacris gets heat for phoning it in, the crew DEFINTELY shouldn't be throwing around the device like that and Helen Mirren's accent is absolutely taking this piss out of her own compatriots.Artwork by Tomas CottleTheme song by Luke Rowellworstideaofalltime.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

🎵 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Hello! Welcome to episode 2 of season 5 6 6 of the worst idea of all time How many times do you think you'll make that mistake? Only time will tell, to be honest. It's great to be here in the basement. In the basement.

We're under Tim's house. Not my house for long. No, that's right. Moving soon. Bought a house, everyone. Big news. Big boy. Timbo's moving out.

He's moving on up. It only took me till the age of 35 to own a home, but soon you're going to all be realized. You're going to own several. You won't stop until you're known as Tim Zillow Bat. Oh, no. It started. It's begun.

We have just enjoyed the cinematic offerings of Justin Lin and the Fast and the Furious family. We're talking your Vin Diesels. We're talking your Michelle Rodriguez. We're talking whoever plays Han. We're talking Ludacris. Keep going. Who else you got?

We are discussing Charlize Theron. We are enjoying the talents of john cena we're talking bow wow we're talking little one not big well he's oh no sorry he's he's bow wow he dropped the little he actually uh he's credited on imdb as shad moss shad yeah it's like a shitty version of Chad. Don't say that. Why? Is he listening? Who knows, man?

No, it's... Look, it's fun to be kind. We're talking... Dang it. I had it and I lost it. Oh, no. The guy plays Roman. Yeah, Tyrese Gibson. And we're talking Vinnie Bennett.

Vinnie Bennett. Do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do. Uh-huh. Vinnie Bennett.nie Bennett Uh huh Vinnie Bennett We're also talking plot points We're talking action We're talking baseball New York to San Diego

It's um I only know that song from the Simpsons episode Do you know what they're parodying on that ep? That song But is it like from a movie? Because usually the Simpsons are riffing on it. Oh, possibly. I would guess Field of Dreams is a famous baseball movie.

But when did that come out? Is that old enough? Yeah, it came out at a little known time called Mind Your Own Beeswax. Oh, he's got me. Listen to you. We've seen this movie for the second time and you are circling it. You're doing everything you can to talk about literally anything else that has been created in pop culture shut the hell up we've been we've been on for like two minutes yeah let me circle around a little bit no let me fly with one broken wing

no let's rip the scab off it and talk a little about f9 okay seven screenings remain yes two in the can yes how. How are you feeling? I feel okay at the moment, but I do feel very grim about the prospect of having to watch this another seven times. Seven's a lot. That's another 14 plus hours of just this movie. When you strip it back to raw data, it is a lot. But, you know, it's interesting because it gives and takes. It's a movie that has put everything it can into itself. The action sequences are jam-packed blockbuster spectaculars.

The emotional gravitas is sorely lacking throughout the entirety of the film. The clarity of relationships between characters, who's dating who, who's related to who, whose kid is that? I mean, they probably should have made i don't know seven eight movies to help provide context for what the fuck we're watching yeah let's get into this i don't think we've got anyone to blame but ourselves but guy and i are furiously spending a lot of the movie at the moment trying to figure out the family trees so we've got little brian which just call him brian jr right well no oh no because he's not okay so i've got it in my

head and i know this is wrong but i just i the seed got planted early and has taken sprout that the kid that vin diesel was looking after is paul walker's son but that is not correct that's just a connotation that i got early and has taken root there's a few little breadcrumbs for us to follow here not only is it suggested that i mean it's it's it's delightfully ambiguous yeah and it's almost like and i mean in a way it is because lest we forget that universal pictures are hiring us for this project yes they've left the perfect amount of information to sort of tantalize and titillate those who have joined the franchise late in the piece. To try and, you know, it's like a pick a path detective adventure working simultaneously.

Pick a path. Big pop shield really earning its keep. That's right. A big budget action film for all the diehard furries. Which I understand is what Fast and the Furious fans refer to themselves as. is what Fast and the Furious fans refer to themselves as. So imagine going to a furries convention just with like a tight white singlet and a little crucifix on your neck.

And you're like, can't wait to hang out with all my fellow Vinheads. Turning everyone on. Being dressed up like a bloody furry exhaust pipe. I just think, so basically, all the constituent pieces of the puzzle put together, we are led to believe that, A, Paul Walker's character is called Brian in this franchise.

I believe that's true. B, Brian is still alive in the world of Fast and the Furious. I also think that's true. C, Vin Diesel's character, Dom Toretto, has a child not with Michelle Rodriguez, who he is either romantically involved with or potentially related to. Could be both.

No, they kiss. We know this now. But for such a long amount of the movie, it's quite a sisterly kiss. Is this like Zuccoli and Emilyily radichkowski you're not convinced that they fucked is this this again i don't know that they did i felt an attraction between them when they were hooking up and we are your friends i thought here's two two lead lead actors with a chemistry that sells the desire for them to make physical contact with each other. Two hot young actors. When I watch Michelle Rodriguez and Vin Diesel kiss in F9,

I feel like I'm watching a cut, part of the behind-the-scenes documentary, which got buried by Universal to disguise the animosity felt between some of the lead actors during production of this movie. The sexual chemistry is below zero. A vacuum of sexual chemistry. A void. But Michelle Rodriguez or Letty?

Lottie? Lottie and Vin Diesel, Dom, are raising Dom's son, Brian, as their own in a farmyard. Yeah, they've gone off the grid. That's kind of the picture that gets painted for us right at the start of the film. They're off the grid because they've constantly been endangering their lives for so long now, and they're so known to the global criminal underbelly, I guess, that they've got targets on their backs. And now they've got this kid, so they've got to do their best job at protecting him.

So they're in the middle of nowhere. I'm guessing Montana montana feels like a great place to hide could be um a lot of land not a lot of people it's hard to say it actually there's shades of new zealand i always enjoy that is to say twice now the establishing shot so we start and flash back 35 mil beautiful gorgeous old round whirly burly round and round race what do you call that what are the car races where they just go in a circle? Is it stock cars or is stock cars the kind of car? I don't know.

Because NASCAR is like the event, I think, but that's like a brand name. How many different ways can you race a car? Because if it was me, I'd straight line, which is, I think, quite big in the Fast and Furious world of drag racing. Yeah, that's on the street. When they're talking about their 10 their 10 second cars in this movie that's what they're talking about covering a mile right maybe it is a mile a mile in 10 seconds yeah i think that's that's so fast and that's zero to that's starting from zero yeah so it's the big deal there and then you got track racing whatever that's, and that's what we see a lot of. We don't see a lot of – rally cars don't even exist in this.

Rally cars are for pussies, according to the Fast and the Furious. I think rally cars are the coolest. Oh, definitely. I agree. I agree. Let's get Colin McRae on the pod. But we – who's that? He's a rally driver.

Yeah, I know my rally drivers. I only know that because it's a PlayStation driver. Yeah, I know my rally drivers. I only know that because it's a PlayStation game. Ah, yes. So we start in flashback and then all of a sudden we're at this barn and there's a beautiful sort of establishing shot where we see a barn, we see a tree, we see a lot of greenery, we see a sort of dirt road leading to the house. Yeah. And I get shades of New Zealand.

I feel like I'm, I don't know, I'm driving through the countryside and I'm off to- Where, where, where are we going? I might be in Martinborough. What part of the Mutu are we? Martinborough. Ooh. And I feel like... We're in the Wairarapa.

I feel like I know someone or someone knows someone... Yeah. ...who's got a house down a long drive. Yeah. And that's where we're going. That's the feeling I get. Vineyard country, everybody. Yeah.

Where some of our most beautiful drops are grown and fermented and bottled and sold. And drunk. And consumed. And then pissed into a toilet. And then that piss travels through a sewerage system to be funneled into... More grapes? The ocean?

Who's to say? Could be either. But I really like that. You know, I like that word. And anyway anyway basically immediately they're tantalized also there's a great there's there is some really great and by great i mean absolute first pass dialogue peppered throughout this film the dialogue really lets the movie down it's got to be said what this is the opening dialogue between michelle rodriguez and vin

diesel you have enough slack by the way it's stressing me out do you feel constricted no i feel like i've got freedom of movement. Okay, that's good. Michelle Rodriguez says, Water heater's out again. And Vin Diesel says, This is a price we pay for peace. And quiet. And quiet.

Damn it. That's pretty good. On to, well, we have watched it previously, which we mentioned in episode one, but that was a long time ago when it was on at the movies. It's like, man. I really, I don't know if it's an issue I have with Vin Diesel or the character of Dom Toretto, but I was having a hard time with him today. Fair. Fair enough.

His insistence on not conveying any emotional response. Like, how do they build an entire blockbuster franchise around the least emotive and physically engaging performer? It's sort of what James Bond is, but then I feel like they learned that with the... James Bond made jokes. That's true. That's very true. Dom does not make a single joke in this movie. Fuck, you were so right. He is utterly humorless.

And he's perpetually unsurprised. Shit, that is really big. That's insightful. i hadn't thought of that not a single piece of i think i think generated by that character that in addition to the run like a golem in so many ways what he looks yeah he looks like a rock person like he's built from rock and he walks around he's got his he's got his little fucking platforms in he keeps wearing these big chunky heels he He's got his platforms in.

He's got his fists clenched up real tight. He's one of those dudes who between takes has got one of those exercise things. And he carries all of his surprise

and emotional response in his fingers. And if he opens up his hands, then the emotions come out of his face and his mouth and he accidentally shows vulnerability

and then he gets thrown out of the Farz and the Furious crew of his face and his mouth, and he accidentally shows vulnerability, and then he gets thrown out of the Farz and the Furious crew for being a massive pussy, and so he carries all of his emotions in his little fists, and he can't be surprised. Can't be surprised when Han comes back. Can't be surprised when he sees his long-lost brother, who he drove out of town during a drag race, after he got released from prison for, I'm assuming, manslaughter.

Yeah. He can't, like, he's just, there's nothing to him. And he's the guy who all of this anchors around. It's a lot of time to spend with someone I don't like. Yeah. I tell you what, though. Who do you like? Young Vin.

Yeah, Vinny. Before he's had it all beaten out of him. Yeah. You know, I get it. I get it a little bit. It is crazy. And he smiles at a joke. It is.

It's like, oh, he's got a sense of humor. It is crazy that they found a young guy who looks passably enough like Vin Diesel, but sounds like the voice is really good, which is so distinctive on that actor. And his name's Vinny. Yeah. It's crazy. What are the odds? Vin and Vinny.

Pretty slim. But yeah, Guy mentioned in passing, and I don don't know if we i don't think we brought this up last year but like i talked last episode about how much i love the flashback sequences and there's a lot of reasons why but one of them which i'm kind of i think cracked onto today is that it's all of those are shot on film and all the rest of the movie is digital is that like hyper sharp clean yeah um emotionless uh sort of image sort of drenched could you say drenched drenched in what way just the colors are all yeah it's kind of very saturated yeah yeah whereas uh really drenched is good thesaurus it's great i love where your brain went trying to find saturation it's great really sopping it's like yeah it's sodden it's sodden with color um but all the stuff on film

is so kind of beautiful and and grainy and uh just like you know like it does it comes to life yeah i mean this is what this is again this is something that we covered in the first episode, is it would be a fascinating world to explore if the movie franchise was brave enough to sort of venture away from sending cars into space and having magnets come out the bottom of airplanes. And, you know, it was all set in reality again. I also just want to say,

because I sort of was trying to build not a case, I don't need to persuade anyone to like or not like Don, but just some of the other things that were annoying me. And it's the stoicism. Not that there's anything wrong with the tenets of stoicism, but he sort of, you know. For all our stoic listeners. That's right. Stay with us, guys. Don't leave.

Don't leave. I mean, surely, you know, it's in your best interest. What, you can't stick out one podcast, you un-stoic. Isn't your whole thing sticking it out? But, you know, so after he gets drawn back into the Fast and the Furious world of problem solving

these large-scale issues that, you know. Planet girth. Planet girth. That's what I'm calling the Fast and Furious. Project Ares. Ares is the god of war, right? If Jacobs gets his hands on this, he'll be the god of damn everything. Thank you, Leader Chris. Or Tej.

Tej? But after he gets drawn, he goes to Monte Quinto, the Count of Monte Quinto. Yeah. And they're hounded by the military. He hooks a car onto a steel rope and swings it across a canyon. Yeah. Okay, keep going. Lands it. He's sort of like, he's pulled everyone into his orbit.

Everyone's doing this around him. They can't do it without him. And then after being in Monte Quinto, they somehow wind up on the Caspian Sea. And they're walking through this sort of subterranean series of tunnels that seem like ex-sewerage or drainage systems to the secret hideout that Mr. Nobody used to run. Yes. So he's dragged everyone or,

you know, everyone's dragged him to Monte Quinto and now he's dragged everyone to these sewers and they've walked into this old secret hideout. Yep. They all get there and everyone's there. Yeah. And he's like, Hey, by the way,

you don't need to be, you don't need to be here. This is all on me. It's like, if I don't need to be here, fucking tell, you should tell them in the plane you're always you were always gonna lean on tell them on the tarmac then it's he's just an he's an irritating guy yeah there's um it's the humorless thing man because it's such a humanizing characteristic both for villains and heroes to

just see a little bit of this is probably why I love Otto so much he's always joking he's fun, he's funny, he's having a good time he's cracking jokes who's funny in this? not necessarily funny but who makes jokes? Otto, Roman Roman and Tej, Ramsey

Ramsey is the hacker the young hacker woman who's part of the crew she jokes around, Cypher although Ramsey, ohsey is the hacker. The young hacker woman who's part of the crew. She jokes around. Cypher. Although Ramsey, oh yeah, she jokes around a little. Yeah, I'll give you that. Cypher's got, yeah, Cypher's kind of funny in a very, very dark, sardonic kind of way.

Cypher's funny in a way where she's making jokes, but everyone she makes them to, they're also about. She's bullying people. They take them deeply personally. So she's imprisoned. She lives in a glass box. She's in a perspex prison that Otto has put her in. So Otto is the financier and is working with John Cena, whose name I don't know.

Jacob. Thank you, Jacob. And so, yeah, they've I don't know. Jacob. Thank you, Jacob. And so, yeah, they've imprisoned Cypher. And, and, and so Cypher's just in there and she's like the world's greatest hacker. And her whole thing is she can like,

not just hack technology, but she can hack your brain and your psyche. So she gets these tiny tidbits of people's personalities and then just comes out with these zingers. And all the men who walk up to the box and have these tiny conversations with them walk away absolutely devastated by the roasts that she delivers she also it's so i'm so glad that they respond because she'd be i mean she's already vulnerable she's living in a box living in a box mind you we spend enough time to see that there's nowhere for her to do her ablutions oh yeah guy and i spend a lot of time thinking about how she pees and poos yeah because she's just in a little box you suggested some sort of i'm assuming security i'm assuming there's a guard that maybe like handcuffs himself to her

but she's so high risk i know that would you allow even that they give her a specific pre-internet pre-internet computer that she can do her hacking on so she can't get online to do too much hacking and let herself out. Yeah, but so she's very vulnerable. And before she makes all of these cutting remarks that are sort of comedy remarks, but also to put down the people around her, she often will have to get their attention because they're walking away. And so she'll be in the box and she'll go like, ha, ha, ha, like laugh to herself.

What was that? Yeah, if anyone chose to ignore her, then you're just laughing in a box. But they always turn. And folks, this is the thing about bullies. You just can't give them any power. You've got to ignore them. She's a bully.

She's bullying everyone. You've put her in a box. You only need to listen to what you need from her yeah you don't need to take this or when uh jacob john c and his characters finish talking to her and she's giving him shit because he's vindy's his brother she's like i can't remember the name someone can't he's like walking away oh yeah someone can't and he turns around and he's like what he's like yeah gingus khan's little brother no one's ever heard of him either yeah it's like come either And he looks fucking shook Yeah he's devastated

He's a vulnerable guy in this movie Let me say this about John Cena Watching him in this movie Reminds me every second he's on screen Of precisely how difficult Acting is Because You can see the gears in motion

And I know that he is not a lifelong and born and classically trained actor. He's a wrestler for a long time. It's a type of acting. It's performance art, but it's different from acting, I would say. Like, you know, film acting is such a subtle art. Even in a franchise this big. I'm not even being facetious. I mean, like, acting to me just looks so impossibly difficult.

And with a lot of people you forget because they do it so effortlessly. And a lot of the crew, I think, are pretty good actors. And I think Otto is a pretty fantastic. Otto is a good actor. I think every time John Cena's on, I'm like, man, you're working really hard, bro. And I can see it. And I respect that.

But do you think, what about Helen Mirren has a turn as, what's her name? I don't know. Do we get her name? Yeah, it's something cool. It's like mummy or auntie or kitty or. Mimi or something like that. Yeah. Yeah, we'll get it next time, fella.

Don't worry. We've got a few to go. She's acting hard. She is. And it is interesting because Dame Helen Mirren, who got a damehood for acting, you know, she's bloody good. But she's not bloody good in this.

Queenie. Queenie, that's it. Yeah. Great name. Feels good. She's not great in this Like her The first It is her first line on screen

Which I'm sure we mentioned already Dominic Toreo And it's like She is British So for her to have gotten The dialect direction on there And just be like You know what

Fucking whatevs guys I know you want a cartoon version of this I'll do it She treats it with the exact amount of reverence and respect. Oh, her delivery of Edinburgh is insane. Edinburgh. It sounds like when- Edinburgh.

Trying to say London, England. Yeah. It's crazy. It's crazy. You're from the UK, lady. Charlize Theron, again, does her best, but the dialogue that she's given is so... Yeah.

It's so rote. But this is what... I mean, this conversation originated because I want to talk about the characters who have a sense of humor because I would argue a lot of the comedic relief in this film and potentially in the franchise tracking backwards

falls on the shoulders of... Roman? Roman and Tej. Yeah. And they're back and forth. They're always bickering. Yeah, yeah always bickering and they're always making jokes they're like the old married couple of the film and they are given some of the worst lines of dialogue they're all you know i feel in this movie in this fine piece of cinema fast and the furious nine in fact it's just fast and furious nine eh is that what the title of this one is f9 is it called f9 first we should know that we should know that by now i think it's fast and furious nine there's no thus in this one i think but it will check um i think

ludacris is phoning it in do you yeah man or he's playing it really subtly but i i feel like he's like he just doesn't really he doesn't put a lot into it one thing i will one thing i will say for him bow wow sucks i'm telling you that you're always you're always shitting on bow wow's performance and he's not given much and i think he's fine what have you what have you got against it he juts out he's like noticeable in the scenes because he's got he's part. What have you got against him? He juts out. He's like noticeable. In the scenes, because he's got, he's part of a three-man crew. And in the three-man crew, we've got Mechanic Boy, who's funny. He's from like Texas.

Rocket Scientist. And Rocket Scientist, who is this Asian-American guy who acts so cartoonishly big. Yeah. And it fucking works. He's got like a Jimim carrey style rubbery command of his face he's a bit of a scene stealer it's fucking awesome to watch we're gonna need to go higher way higher it's really nice it's a lovely read he's just like he's got this there's something i don't know it's just the ability of him to like misshape his or i don't know like

widen his mouth is superhuman and then wow to bow wow he's just he doesn't got it man he can't keep up with these guys and the guy with the southern american accent he's not incredible but he keeps the ball in the air and i feel like bow out doesn't yeah so there i've said it yeah no you i mean you're you're welcome to your opinion and you're welcome to say your piece i just want you to approach him with an open mind going forward. I will. I don't want you to go on some death spiral.

I'm not going to dig myself into a hole that I can't get out of writing Bow Wow's performance. I live in hope of next week. I think the lines that Ludacris and Tyrese get as Tej and Roman are just... Because they're so pointedly comedic relief. There's a big riff where Roman talks about

how he's invincible and they're set in a movie and Ludacris' character leads him on a little bit. So he's like, oh yeah, maybe. And then the punchline is, or you could be a dumbass. Yeah. And then there's like oh yeah maybe and then the punchline is or you could be a dumbass yeah and then there's like it's it's almost like a seinfeld slap bass riff that plays to be like it's a one and a half minute insert for nothing i suppose purely to draw attention to the fact that the people who make the movies are aware the movies are ridiculous and then the pullback

and reveal is like I just think you're already holding me hostage for two hours and 19 minutes it's a brave thing to put in the film for so many reasons A. it feels like a waste of time B. you're kind of openly

poking holes in your own plot and C. well it's an attempt at humour but I don't think it works but there you have it. Ramsey's a good actor, whoever that woman is. She's brilliant, yeah. She rules.

I'm sort of interested to see, well, obviously, how we got into this situation in the first place, but just. Well, the year is 2014. It's February. No, no, no, not you and I. How the Fast crew, you know, how the Fast family have gone from just going up and down a road in East Los Angeles to being responsible for the livelihood of the entire planet and having to drive cars into space. Can you tell me what you think Dom Toretto and Jacob Toretto's's rollers in the world of fast and furious at this point

so like how they fit into the global order yeah dom and jacob yeah dom is a former sort of uh gun for hire i think he must have graduated from being one of the best street racers to perhaps the cia or some adjacent shadow operation run by kurt russell's mr nobody uh recruited him for a mission that i assume specifically involved driving and so it made sense that that was the role in which he was uh cast so it's like this guy you know we're aware of all the straight laced guys who are the best drivers in the world because they're in the competitions like this guy you know we're aware of all the straight laced guys who are the best drivers in the world because they're in the competitions but this guy's actually the best driver on earth he's what we need and so he succeeded in that and then um i suppose started

being sort of you know drip fed more and more responsibility and would need to fill out you know roles inside of his missions with people he could trust and rely on. And so he started filling it out with people who he knew from the street racing scene in Los Angeles. And eventually, I guess it all sort of got out of hand, and they started bending the laws of physics. And I'll tell you what I think, Jacob or John Cena's character,

I get the feeling he's just been introduced, and the script writers know as much as we do. dom toredo is all about family what if he had a family member working for the other side yeah that's your elevator pitch or i guess your elevator pitch is probably a screenshot of the budget and box office line from fast eight yeah and then like the last um you know three movies that John Cena's been in is a percentage of profit of their books. I'm quite excited to work our way backwards to The Rock and also to watch in real time the dissolution of The Rock

and Vin Diesel's professional relationship as told on screen. Yeah, and I think you and I won't be able to help ourselves but do a little Googling on the history of that as well. Because I still remain remarkably ill-informed about all of the... Goings on? The prequels. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, same. And the behind the scenes. I mean...

But before we go on, can you tell me a bit about how you think Jacob fits into the global picture? To the global order? Picture. So he got driven out of town as a young man, probably late teens, early 20s, because he lost a drag race to his brother who'd just got out of prison after committing manslaughter, I'm assuming is what they called it. They are brothers.

They're all about family. They promise to talk to each other and support each other, but they don't talk at all while he's in prison. And then he comes out the next time he sees him. It's not like, hey, how was prison? I missed you. I found out some information about you in prison we should talk about. Yeah, because on the inside, what's his name? Dom finds, he sort of befriends these guys who are working on cars.

As part of their yard labor, I guess. friends these guys who are working on cars who are as part of their yard labor i guess and they talk about a they talk about something called a a lynn condition a lean condition lean condition about an engine getting a lean condition from like a hairline fracture in some sort of in the gas pipe yeah and the tube the little tube and then you know turns a car into a firebomb yeah dom is left to believe that his brother Jacob Cracked Cracked the fuel line To deliberately kill their dad Well I think

Here's what I think happened I think that Jacob Got So what we also know is that the dad Dorito Senior Is in a lot of debt He's in a huge amount of debt Yeah

And that's that phone call That we get in the flashback Of Dom looking at his dad And his dad shutting the door While he's on the phone And there's like And I think Fucking

Jacob even says that That like They're in a lot of debt And so I think Jacob has been paid By someone To crack the fuel line To slow his dad's car down to throw the

race yes but what he inadvertently did is turn the car into a bomb and so when the other car smash it into the fence it just exploded instead of slowing down there's a lot of things that traditionally family members or friends or people who know each other might like to talk through to get to the bottom of and maybe they could resolve any feelings of conflict. But in this world, it's important that everything is settled via car race. It's fucking crazy that you could really map the conversation that could happen. Because Jacob hasn't come from a terrible place. He is trying to do right by the family.

And he's unreasonably, I think, Doritos. Yeah, Doritos senior has told jacob um look you know your brother's a bit of a goody two-shoes he's uh he's a he's a little pussy he won't he won't go for this information so he won't go for this kind of plan you that's right because the dad was involved right the dad kind of put him up he's like you need to do this don't tell don because he can't hack it yeah he does so we kind of sit him up to it. He's like, you need to do this. Don't tell Dom because he can't hack it. Yeah. He does. So we actually see it happen, but we don't realize until it's sort of referred to later. So Jacob is around working on the car while it's in the pit, and Dom is talking to his dad. And for a movie that's about cars, you observe very, very poor pit.

The pit crew are shocking. Yeah. Shocking. A lot of shooting the breeze. Every fucking microsecond counts in the pit. You yeah shocking a lot of shooting the breeze every fucking micro second counts in the pit you're in the middle of a race for goodness sake and dorito seniors imparting life lessons it's insane um so that so what we kind of figure out afterwards is that jacob must have gotten a wrench and just bashed a little hole in the in the fuel that's right but they don't talk about that instead no which they should because what this all boils down to is like i i'm jacob i've let's do the convo hey man dad told me to

do this because we were so hard up for cash i didn't mean to kill him i feel terrible i'm so sorry i killed our dad i can't imagine what it's's been like for you to carry that around. I've just spent a lot of time in prison and I could really use a family member right now. While obviously it's tragic what happened, it's not your responsibility to carry that alone. And, you know, I'm looking forward to spending some time with you and hopefully we can recover from this together. I'm unbelievably happy to hear you say that because if there's one thing I need right now, it's family. Because our mother, who we never refer to, isn't in the picture. And obviously our dad is now gone. So I think you and I really need to stick together.

Now, that's what could have happened. And I'm talking to the men listening mainly what happens instead is two fucking emotionally defunct physical super beings ascend to the highest ranks of the cia underground and the criminal underground and then meet each other on the top of mount olympus and kill so many innocent people instead of having a conversation. The fucking scenes that unfold in Georgia when they are pursuing each other,

the amount of civilian damage that is left in their wake, the cars that are destroyed, the buildings that are wrecked, the innocent bystanders that are torn asunder. It is absolutely demonic the loss of life that happened instead of the conversation which guy and i just modeled men would literally rather murder 30 000 civilians in tiboli georgia than see a therapist it's not that hard guys and that's kind of fucked up that's kind of fucked up. That's kind of fucked up, everyone.

Come on, therapists. So to circle back to your... That should be the hashtag of Fast and Furious 10. I hope they all get the help they need. That's when they run out of ideas. Just put them all in a... What about this? What about this? Make it the Sopranos.

What about this? Therapy in a car. Then does it fit? That's comedians in cars getting coffee. Oh, I don't know if it is. I don't know if it is. But so basically to circle back, Dom comes out of prison. He challenges Jacob with all this information swirling around his head

without having a conversation. Challenges him to a race. He drives away from Los Angeles. He drives away from everyone he knows. And then to Buddy And then I guess Buddy is their surrogate father figure Out of spite and frustration

I suppose He simultaneously and secretly Rises through the ranks of his own There's a lot of criminal underworlds There's a lot of space In the underworld for everyone And you don't need to know of each other. It's quite nice in a way.

Everyone can find their place. You know, it's just not cameras pointing at him for nine movies, but he's basically following a similar trajectory to Dom, to the point that they're both rising through their respective ranks simultaneously and with such phenomenal speed that they're going to come across each other. I think, I mean, I've put as much detail into that as the script writers have. And it's unreasonable of you or anyone to expect me to do more. So we're trying to figure out a couple of questions while we watch Fast and Furious 9?

One of them is, is the seat that is left unoccupied in the final frames of the movie when they're all getting together for a barbecue to release the tension and pressure of the past two hours and ten minutes, is that seat for Paul Walker's character, who we think is called Brian? Or, I think, is it for John Cena's character, who's back in the family and not yet at the meal and i think there's a way that we can figure out the correct answer because we see the car but not the driver car don't make the driver so that is dead on the delivery that's really good vinnie says that

one of the flashback parts um so if we pay close attention and i kind of forgot to do it it's a blue blue it's like an electric blue like charger or something so if we can figure out if that is jacob's car then i guess we can um knock that off mystery solved funny there was a way is the franchise it that now it feels fucking irresponsible but i get the feeling just with the way that they've put it all together i feel like they're keeping the character of paul walker alive in the franchise which is insane because you would only do that if you had payoff of him coming back in so like are they gonna fucking cgi a person who's passed away back into the movies i was so tired when we recorded the last episode.

I can't tell if I'm patching together a half memory or not. But I do feel like there was speculation from us on behalf of Universal Pictures that the franchise must remain alive long enough for the CGI technology to allow for the reintroduction and integration of Paul Walker's Brian into the Fast and the Furious franchise. In saying that. Yes. The seat's for John Cena. Okay. But what do I know? walkers brian into the fast and furious franchise in saying that yes the seats for john cena okay but what do i know well you know the movie somewhat well because we've watched it twice now

um yeah what were the other questions that we had there's a there's just a lot of questions around here's a little family trees relationships who's fucking who's, who's fucking, who's sucking, who's sharing DNA with who. And by sharing DNA, I don't mean inserting DNA. I mean siblings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Genes. Shared genes.

Here's a question that, well, rather a problem I have with the movie. So they are, okay. So first of all, probably my favorite, okay, Shining Light Time. Okay. Pretty close to the start of the movie we're in monte quinto right so we've reassembled the crew um the boys are back in town we're in a made-up country and we have to go recover something and what we recover the path

we've been set on is from my favorite bit of the movie which is the metal gear solid style introduction of kurt russell coming through in a staticky yeah um monochrome video image saying matey matey we're going down and he's sending out this sos message snake snake i need you and so they have to go chase down um whatever the fuck it is that he was like looking after So they're chasing this Basically location beacon To the point in Monte Quinto And they find a plane crash Which they have deduced

That there is a 10 minute window between The guards, there's a changing of the guards Like patrolling the area If you have a fucking full on Plane crash in your country, you usually keep a guy there at least. You need to leave 10 minutes open in case a movie needs to find an event or place to move to advance its plot.

It's fucking nuts. So they find the 10-minute window, they get to the plane crash, and then they go in and they discover effectively a safe that is very hard to crack, but luckily they've got the best hacker in the they go in and they discover effectively a safe that is very hard to crack but luckily they've got the best hacker in the world ramsey on the case using a sony i think cell phone um cracks it instantly and gets it out and i gotta say everything would lead me to believe that this thing which they don't know what it is at all would be uranium it's in a very heavy metal container it has the look and glow of radioactive material nothing about it says i'm

half of a supercomputer a lot of it says to me the reason why this was like detectable and traceable on you know uh tracking equipment and why people were giving their lives to protect this or steal it is because I am the nuclear material to make up a dirty bomb. I am uranium. And so for them to just grab it out of the box, manhandle it, throw it around, pass it between each other. Call it the device. They're all going to get dead quick.

Oh, yeah. We're talking Chernobyl levels of radiation just on their fingers instantly dead dead dead it's it's this yeah it's such a challenge with a movie like this the balance between um making some parts of it feel real or realistic and sort of explaining away you know just by brushing over certain details to be like and this is important for this reason don't think about it too long because we have to keep going it's such a delicate dance that it doesn't always execute but i wish they would make the computer look something like a you know digital device but instead it looks like a gemstone it's like half a big it looks to me like

a um sort of green paper machete ball with a lacquered sort of finish and put some lights inside black webbing put over it that's hacked into yeah it's just a bizarre contraption uh my shining light tim yeah far from speculating that they're dealing with nuclear waste well that my shining light was the kurt Russell entry, just so we're clear. It was Mr. Nobody's message. We're in Edinburgh. Edinburgh! And Vin Diesel and John Cena jumping from car to car constantly,

just from car roof to car roof. They're sort of chasing each other around. And, you know, it's remarkable to watch. It's really enjoyable sort of high stakes action. And then eventually they stop jumping from the roofs of cars to the roofs of cars. And they both fall off the roof of a car and they're on the ground. And John Cena has to carjack someone.

So he runs up to a red car and he pulls a guy. It's like old school sort of Grand Theft Auto. It's like San Andreas maybe. And he pulls him out.'s like old school sort of grand theft it's like san andreas maybe and he pulls him out he goes hey that's my car and it's you know they they read the line you can tell the guy on set was having a big day he was like you know he told his family at breakfast he's like i'm i'm a featured extra on this new movie today i really want to get it and he you know there's a lot of nerves he got a line he's going to get car jack but he's sharing a scene with john cena his face might be in focus and um the mix you know because he leaves as he's being yelled the mix comes down

but uh the performance the comedy the nostalgia and just the idea of that guy's day at work um for me really you know it brought a lot of components together and i really enjoyed it that's my shining light you you felt joy on his behalf it feels like like you're excited for him to be in that role yeah and on my own he might be a really good um professional actor very like in work we don't know i feel like you've painted a picture of a man who's just sort of like you know this is his big back on yeah i i've i've gone to the trouble of even imagining i can see the house and i can see the breakfast it's beans on toast is it yeah he's got three kids all under 10 wow yeah so that's it that's he's got he's got an office job does he he does what does he do he's taking a day off He helps design garages for like functional garages for middle class people.

Some attached, some detached. So like a kind of architecturally, like a bespoke kind of a garage scenario. Yeah, he's been there for a year. He's not great at it. He's not bad at it. He's like living. He's a journeyman a year. He's not great at it. He's not bad at it. Okay. He's like living. He's a journeyman, garage man. Yeah.

And he had a day on set with John Cena. How's his marriage? Is he married? He is married. How's his marriage? Look, they don't have everything, but they're happy. Yeah. She's a kindergarten teacher.

They make it work, which is what i respect yeah and like you know everyone went to the cinema they got a babysitter because the kids are too young maybe when you're older we can watch it at home on the telly and um so you know what everyone was everyone was back slapping him and i was like how much acting does this guy do uh he was a star in high school yeah he was really good at football too and he sort of had to choose and football soccer or football football soccer right and um you know he sort of pursued it it was his major at university initially and then it became his minor and he sort of pursued graphic design instead and it was he's always been interested he's done a few amateur he actually got

cast through an amateur theater production of West Side Story. Did he? Yeah. And they were like, this guy would be great at being carjacked. And he wasn't even a main role in that either. He was like a chorus line member. In an Amdream production. Yeah.

And, you know, while his wife is really supportive of him pursuing his dreams, it takes a lot of time out of the day. And you're not even the lead. You know, he's going to all these rehearsals and the kids miss him. But it's so important. But it's so important. Especially if his qualification was in graphic design

and now he's making garages. It's sort of ballpark, but it's... It's just, there's not enough hours in the day. We'd all love to do whatever we want. That's right. But he's got his passion, I feel like, by doing his amateur productions. This role has actually um taken a huge

strain on the relationship is it because he was kind of thinking about throwing it all away and his wife was kind of like that would actually probably be really good but this has just rekindled the flames in a big way he's gonna leave his job he keeps he keeps threatening but the thing is is that i feel like with the payday that he got Out of Having a line In a Fast and Furious movie No mean feat He took the family on holiday To kind of buy

A little bit of Favourite time To keep himself in the game You just can't I mean you know Where did they go on holiday though Do you think? Brighton

Nice During the summer? You'd want to hope so Wouldn't you? Shoulder season Prices are more expensive In the summer It's too want to hope so, wouldn't you? Shoulder season Right Plus it's more expensive in the summer It's too busy

That's smart That's fucking smart, actually Plus you don't get as sunburned if you're in You know, the shoulders You don't get that sunburned in England In Brighton, you might At the beach Wow

They've got a full ozone layer Hit a good, clean, clear run of sun Anyway, that guy That performance Not his whole story. His parents around? His folks about? Oh, his mum's alone. Widowed. Oh, that's always sad. Widowed for 20 years. 20 years.

So his dad died somewhat young. What, his sort of 50s or something? Yeah, middle-aged. Middle-aged. And so his mum... He was a fit guy too. Healthy. Heart attack. No one saw it coming. That sucks, man. What was it? Like a viral thing. A heart attack. attack, no one saw it coming. That sucks, man. What was it, like a viral thing? The heart attack.

Yeah, but what caused it? Oh, just undiagnosed heart murmur, no one knew. Jesus, you've got to get checked up. As soon as you hit sort of like 45, 50, you've really got to go get your woof. Yeah. Go get your personal warrant of fitness. That's the real lesson I think with his performance is that you've got to

keep yourself tiptoed and checked out and of the whole movie kind of and so does he have a lot of involvement with the three kids does he

grow down granddad oh well granddad's gone poppa granddad you mean nan the nan

oh sorry yeah nan nan I beg your pardon yeah yeah she's on the scene more than the mum

would like actually oh is that right yeah yeah but she doesn't have a lot of I know, but you know They're not her kids It's true But they're her grandkids

Yeah, but it's complex Yeah, there's meant to be one sort of semi-layer of distance Oh, she's there a lot Yeah She basically lives there Well, no, but she's just down the road Oh, that's tough You want to have a little bit of friction

Not enough space Yeah Well, look Life's she's just down the road. Oh, that's tough. You want to have a little bit of friction. Not enough space. Yeah. Well, look, life's tricky, isn't it? And we're all just trying to navigate it as best we can. It doesn't matter if you're Dominic Toretto and you've just found out that your brother has ascended to an equal but opposing position to you in life. or if you are a semi-professional actor who gets a big break in a Hollywood blockbuster once in a while, who is on somewhat tenuous ground with that profession with his wife, we're all doing the best we can.

We are. And the important thing is to remember that the key is family. Yeah. Family is what it's all about. At the end of the day, it is. And also, rating and reviewing podcasts. family yeah family's what it's all about at the end of the day it is and also um rating and reviewing podcasts yeah a hundred percent a hundred percent um we never ask for this but you gotta you you you have to write and review is that what you're is that where we're going with this i guess you simply yeah you simply must whatever app you're listening on it's probably got a system um give us a rate and review and uh if you'd like don't

be too honest yeah we'd be kind unless you don't like be honest if you love us yeah yeah yeah be nice to us we're not taking like if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all it's it's an easy rule it's a simple rule. It's a rule I live by. And if you would like to see sort of more stuff from us, all these episodes live in video form so you can have a televisual experience. And Tim did do a little bit of performance work, a little bit of acting. The thing he finds so challenging.

Earlier in this episode. Did I? Yeah, you did. I remember that. You turned on a small bit of performance. You go to twioat.substack.com to get that. We'll see. With a princely sum of five US dollars a month.

Exciting opportunity to see what underneath Tim's current house looks like. Yeah. It's quite good as far as under houses go. It's quite a busy shot. It's kind of interesting. But we're losing it soon. What else should we tell the world just follow us follow us and we'll tell you online i just want to say if you're in australia

i have a special streaming right now on paramount plus you can get a free subscription right now if you sign up and check it out you can watch some other fantastic specials and some other great things but it's very easy to find because Guy in his infinite wisdom has done it again and called it Guy Montgomery by name, Guy Montgomery by nature. Why risk it? A pattern of show naming that continues to baffle and annoy producers that he is involved with,

but he never relents. Thanks for listening everybody and we will see you upon our third of night watches see you in a week of Fast and Furious 9 bye bye